How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man

In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, we're tackling the “checklist syndrome” that might be keeping you from finding love. Do you have a laundry list of must-haves for your perfect partner—hot, rich, smart, fit, kind, and dog-loving (but not too obsessed)? Have your “non-negotiables” become armor to keep you safe from vulnerability and rejection? Join us as we dissect how unrealistic expectations and the gay beauty standard can block genuine connection. Through humor, sharp insights, and some hard truths, we'll help you reframe your dating approach by focusing on what really matters. Stop waiting for perfection and start seeing the beauty in what's real. Because love isn't about algorithms—it's about connection. Let's rewrite your list together. Tune in, open up, and take one step closer to finding your person.

In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, the Matts dive deep into the bittersweet journey of finding and losing GOOD gay men. They explore the complex reasons behind breakups—whether initiated by us or by our partners. By identifying and discussing four internal blocks that may hinder our ability to maintain relationships (gremlins, assumptions, interpretations, and limiting beliefs) the hosts aim to help listeners gain a better understanding of their own patterns and behaviors in love...and hear ways to FIX what is broken. Tune in for an insightful conversation that could change your approach to finding and keeping love. And DO NOT miss this week's prayer time, "Catch and Release."

In this episode of How to Find and Keep a Gay Man, we're diving deep into the signs that help us navigate the dating world: red flags and green lights. Red flags are more than just personality quirks—they're indicators that someone may not share the values necessary for a long-term relationship. If you're looking for a forever partner, it's essential to recognize when someone's behavior or priorities aren't in sync with your vision for a meaningful connection. On the flip side, green lights are the qualities that draw us in, showing us that a man is relationship material. From honesty and commitment to actively working on the relationship and themselves, green lights align with the values we hold for building a lasting love. We'll explore specific examples of both red flags and green lights, and discuss why it's so important to stay true to your own relationship standards as you search for a partner. Whether you're dating now or preparing for your next relationship, this episode will help you refine your understanding of what truly matters. Tune in and learn how to spot the signs that lead to love—or signal it's time to move on. Key Highlights: What red flags really mean in dating How to identify green lights that indicate a healthy potential partner Real-world examples of both, to help guide your own relationship journey Why values alignment is key to finding long-term love Don't forget to follow up on IG: @howtofindandkeepagayman Facebook: facebook.com/findandkeepagayman/ TikTok: tiktok.com/@howtofindandkeepagayman

In this episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, we tackle the difficult and often painful topic of cheating in gay male relationships, whether they're monogamous or open. We explore the main reasons why people cheat on their spouses or boyfriends, diving into the complexities that can lead to betrayal, from unmet emotional needs to societal pressures. We'll also discuss practical ways to avoid cheating, emphasizing the importance of communication, trust, and regular check-ins to ensure both partners feel fulfilled and secure. But what happens when cheating does occur? Should you stay and work it out, or is it time to leave? We'll provide guidance on how to navigate these tough decisions, offering insights for listening to your gut when it comes time to make this decision. Join us for an honest and empathetic conversation that aims to shed light on a topic many of us struggle with, but few are willing to talk about openly. Whether you're looking to prevent cheating in your relationship or trying to figure out what to do after it happens, this episode is here to help.

On this episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, the Matts delve into the emotional journey of remaining hopeful while waiting for love. They explore the common challenges many people face in the search for a meaningful relationship, such as: 1. External obstacles 2. Internal self-doubt 3. The complexities of modern dating Listeners will learn practical strategies to nurture hope, including building self-esteem, practicing self-compassion, and finding fulfillment in new hobbies and interests. Whether you're single and searching or simply waiting for the right person to come along, this episode offers encouragement and insights to help you navigate the journey with patience, optimism, and self-love.

In this episode of "How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man," The Matts dive into the essential topic of building a supportive and healthy community. Join us as we explore the steps to finding and creating a network of friends and allies who uplift and inspire you. We discuss why having a strong, supportive community is crucial for personal growth, mental health, and maintaining healthy relationships. Discover practical tips on where to meet like-minded individuals, how to nurture meaningful connections, and the importance of mutual support in thriving as your authentic self. Whether you're looking to expand your social circle or strengthen existing bonds, this episode will provide valuable insights to help you create the community you deserve. Tune in to learn how a supportive community can enhance your journey to find (& keep) a gay man.

In this enlightening episode, The Matts delve into the research of Dr. Roger K. Allen, PhD, to explore four toxic relationship patterns commonly observed in gay male relationships. Dr. Allen, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert, has dedicated his career to understanding the dynamics that can both strengthen and undermine romantic partnerships. We will discuss: 1. escalation 2. invalidation 3. pursuing/withdrawing 4. negative interpretations ...while unpacking the harmful effects of these unhealthy and destructive patterns. We'll provide practical tips and actionable advice based on Dr. Allen's research and our own, helping listeners identify and address these toxic patterns in their own relationships. By understanding and mitigating these dynamics, gay male couples can build stronger, more resilient partnerships. Tune in to gain valuable insights and take the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Follow Us: Stay updated with our latest episodes and relationship tips by following us on instagram @howtofindandkeepagayman

In this reflective episode, we delve into the poignant concept of "bridge relationships" — those transformative bonds that may not last forever, but crucially pave the way to lasting connections. We explore how dwelling on past bitterness can obstruct our personal growth and hinder the invaluable lessons these relationships will teach us. We also discuss the power of embracing gratitude towards our former partners, shedding light on how such a perspective can elevate a deeper understanding of ourselves and lead to profound self-revelation. We'll examine how assigning blame can be counterproductive, while acknowledging the role they've played in our journeys will usher us into new levels of maturity and readiness for our forever relationships. Gain insights on moving forward with an open heart, while preparing yourself for the love that's meant to stay. This transformative discussion just change how you view your past and future relationships. Part-two of our series highlighting Matt Heincker's new queer podcast, "Through the Long Night."

In this powerful episode of How to Find (& Keep) A Gay Man, The Matts delve into the heart-wrenching journey of Matt Heincker's battle with overwhelming despair and suicidal thoughts as a closeted gay man in college. As he stands on the precipice of darkness, contemplating the end, Heincker finds himself grappling with his identity and the fear of rejection from those he holds dear. Yet, amidst the turmoil, he discovers a glimmer of hope – a love that transcends human understanding, a love that refuses to let him go. Join us as we explore the transformative power of loving ourselves, the resilience of the human spirit, and the unwavering presence of a higher power guiding us through the darkest of nights.

WE ARE BACK!!!! And we're thrilled to announce the return of "How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man" for its much-anticipated SEASON 2. Join hosts, Matt Bays and Matt Heincker, as they bring fresh perspectives and enlightening experiences to the table. Matt Bays recounts his global adventures alongside his husband, distilling the essence of what makes a thriving partnership in the LGBTQ+ community. He brings back invaluable insights into the art of what it means to be a good partner. Meanwhile, Matt Heincker has been diligently cultivating his own audio venture, "Through the Long Night: A Man's Journey Out of Darkness and into the Technicolored Light of Love and Peace,” which we tease in this episode...with the promise of MORE TO COME in the next several weeks. This is Heincker's personal story as a closeted queer boy raised in a restrictive religious culture, and promises to be a stirring exploration of personal growth and emotional resilience. We also delve into the power of curiosity and how it serves as the lifeblood of a dynamic and robust relationship. Stay tuned as we navigate these conversations with heart, humor, and authenticity.

In this thought-provoking episode, we delve into the intricate dance of maintaining autonomy while fostering deep connections in our gay relationships. Join us as we unravel the complexities of balancing independence and togetherness, exploring how codependence and attachment styles impact our romantic journeys. The Matts share insights on striking the right harmony between personal growth and shared experiences. Through candid discussions, they uncover practical strategies for nurturing a healthy partnership while respecting individual identities. From examining the role of communication in setting boundaries to understanding the impact of various attachment styles, this episode serves as a valuable guide for gay men seeking to find (& keep) their gay man. Whether you're navigating the early stages of love or looking to reignite the spark in a long-term commitment, you'll gain a deeper understanding of how to forge a lasting connection while embracing the beauty of self-discovery. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠ website.

In the episode The Aging Queen, Matt & Matt delve into the poignant topic of aging anxiety within the gay community. They candidly explore the fears, challenges, and emotional dynamics that arise as gay men confront the prospect of growing older. Listeners will hear personal stories as The Matts recount their experiences grappling with societal pressures, beauty standards, and the fear of losing their identity as they age. This episode ultimately aims to provide comfort, insight, and a sense of community for those navigating the complex emotions surrounding aging within the gay community. You'll leave with a deeper understanding of WHY gay men are obsessed with youth and beauty, and also with practical strategies for cultivating self-acceptance and resilience. Mental health struggles are also discussed. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠ website.

On parts 1 & 2, the Matts debunked biblical scriptures about “the sin”

On part 2 of “The Lord is My Shepherd, and She Knows I'm Gay,” the Matts talk about the impact of being raised in a non-affirming christian environment by sharing their personal stories. They discuss their conservative church upbringing, the pursuit of “healing” their sexual orientation as young gay men, the negative impact of conservative christian therapy, suicidal ideation, and how they finally made peace with themselves by making the decision to live as their most authentic gay selves. Surprisingly, they also speak with gratitude of the parts of their church experience that impacted them for the good. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠ website.

Combined, the Matts have over 90 years of church experiences insisting that who they are (gay) is wrong. But they have moved into full acceptance of themselves. In this first installment of a three-part series, The Lord is My Shepherd, and She Knows I'm Gay, Matt and Matt take on the one issue that has plagued queer people since gay dinosaurs roamed the gay earth… RELGION. They tell us what the bible really has to say about homosexuality, discuss how religious shame has kept gay men stuck for eons, and show us how to finally move past it. Also, they go after the religious right's conservative take on the LGBTQ+ community, and (while using the bible itself) show us how and why they adopted such a narrow way of thinking. You've heard the “clobber passages” of what God allegedly thinks of gays and what their punishment for being gay will one day be. Now it's time to hear the truth they don't want you to know. And it is beyond time to find the spiritual confidence to say without hesitation: “The Lord is My Shepherd, and She Knows I'm Gay.” For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

Welcome to our LAST EPISODE OF PRIDE, BITCHEROONIES! We are talking about CHOSEN FAMILY. Do you have one? Why do you NEED one? How do you BUILD one? Many of us lost our family or friends when we came out. And even for those of us who didn't, we may not be able to fully be ourselves around family—to talk about our BIG GAY LIVES because there is level of discomfort surrounding the issue. Enters chosen family. The Matts discuss what this looks like personally, for each of them. They also discuss the homophobia and rejection many of us still face, which has led us down a path of looking for safe people to share our lives with…our triumphs and failures, our joys and dark nights of the soul. And prayer time this week…it is powerful! It's an opportunity to make peace with ourselves and quite possibly with those who continue to live apart from us because of who we love. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

It's STILL Pride, bitches! And in this episode, the Matts tackle the complicated subject of TOXIC MASCULINITY. What is it? How have we been impacted by it? What does it mean to be a “real man” and what does authenticity have to do with it? And the BIG question: How are we STILL changing ourselves or our behavior (trying to be more or less masculine than we actually are) to be accepted by those who, once upon a time, told us we weren't real men? Matt H will tell you how his perception of his ideal gay man has changed. And Matt B treads on thin ice while trying like hell not to be offensive as he describes what he believes is a form of toxic femininity in gay men. Looking for links to the content mentioned in this episode? Check the links below! For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website. LINKS TO CONTENT FROM THIS EPISODE: Let There Be (She) Music Video, Matt's new drag queen anthem with Blair St. Clair of RuPaul's Drag Race: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdPMpEeVIe0 Interview with Fox News about Let There Be (She): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZTHQe7kedw Podcast appearance on Dumb, Gay Politics, with Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dumb-gay-politics/id1181557793?i=1000617801060 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0MJUFldqTubiOvm7b8s4tS?si=6686209ff6dd449f Let There Be (She) song recording: https://open.spotify.com/track/0P4E1zT6grYIsajzdU4hEO?si=9eed571b2a634b20

It's PRIDE, bitches! For the month of June, How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man has changed its name to How to Find (& Keep) Our Gay PRIDE. Each week we'll be focusing on an aspect of PRIDE that has impacted our lives. In this episode, we're serving a little PRIDE history, being proud of who you are no matter who you love, and fighting homophobia. (The category is…knife fight eleganza!) Also… WHAT IS YOUR GAY SUPERPOWER? And finally, we will tell you EXACTLY why you should attend your local PRIDE celebration. Don't miss prayer time at the end of the episode, where Matt B reads a very vulnerable excerpt from his memoir: Leather & Lace (A Gay Man, Lost Love, and a Road Trip with His Dead Sister.) For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

A survey on love and forgiveness reported that each year in the United States there are over 300 million Google searches on the topic of forgiveness, while 62% of Americans strongly agree that they need more forgiveness in their personal lives. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community has brought challenges that have opened the door for resentment and bitterness in our lives. In former relationships and in our families of origin we've found ourselves hanging on to animosity, and many of us have been unable to move forward. In episode 20, “The Power of Forgiveness,” the Matts share personal stories about their deepest wounds and perpetrators, and the power they've taken back as they've learned how to forgive. They look at the impact of unforgiveness in our relationships, in finding (& keeping) a gay man, and in our emotional and physical health. With wisdom and from experience, they discuss what it takes to let go and move on, while asking the simple question; “Are you willing to do the work?” For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

When your partner speaks to you or asks something of you, what percentage of the time would you say you are attentive? Or do you respond at all? Surprisingly, how often we honor these “bids for attention” (or don't) reveals if our relationship will be satisfying, chronically unhappy, or if it will last. In episode 19, The Matts discuss the Gottman Theory called, “Bids for Attention.” A bid for attention is a request from your partner for any type of positive connection; a simple request for help, the sharing of a funny meme, asking how your day was, etc. This Gottman study determines that in order to have a successful and fulfilling relationship, we must understand how our partner is seeking to gain our attention, affection, and/or acceptance, and learn how to better fulfill these bids for emotional connection.

In The Art of Intimacy we explore the four pathways to intimacy. And we ask the question, “How do we experience mutual vulnerability, closeness without barriers, and deep abiding trust? Do you see the most real, authentic, and vulnerable places in your partner, boyfriend, or husband? Many of our relationships do not go beyond the surface deeply enough to find true intimacy. We all have natural barriers to building and growing intimacy. But as gay men, specifically, the message of toxic masculinity is, “Do not show weakness or vulnerability,” which has led to most of our community being emotionally unavailable. Why is this? How do we fix it? And what would it look like to have a deeply connected and intimate relationship? For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

Has your relationship become routine, monotonous, boring? Believe it or not, boredom is the silent killer of romantic relationships. So, what do we do when the relationship stops giving us life? How do we keep things mucho caliente? In “Keeping it Spicy,” the Matts talk about what to do when the sex tapers off, the connection diminishes, and the future with our man only creates a sense of anxiety. They also discuss the three things which are paramount to staying connected. Prepare to see their rowdy side, because when it comes to keeping it spicy, these boys put their back into it…especially in the bedroom. This episode serves the kind of All-You-Need-To-Do realness that will keep your relationship spicy with your man, so you don't find yourself in a much less spicy relationship with Netflix. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

Welcome to Part 2 of “Body-Ody-Ody: BFF or Frenemy? Self-Love or Self-Loathe?” Body image is an issue within the gay community…period. It can be a huge barrier in your personal growth, development, and in your capacity to find and keep your gay man. In episode 16, the Matts discuss the 3 toxic things imbedded in the gay culture construct: objectification, comparison, and ageism. Also discussed are the "why” behind our struggle with body image (and the science to back it up,) how social media has compounded this issue for us, what The Matts refer to as “The Comparison Project,” acceptance of the old adage “life isn't fair,” and the 7 ways for gay men (specifically) to have a better body image. We go deep on this one. DO NOT MISS THIS EPISODE. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠, or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

Episode 15 is part one of a two-part series called, “Body-Ody-Ody.” Part one, “Learning to Love Our Bodies as They Are” will lay the groundwork for a two-part discussion about body image within the gay community. Our guest, Nando Rodriguez, is a Breakthrough Coach in New York City working with entrepreneurs and helping them reduce their imposter syndrome and crush self-sabotage. He shares his personal story of emerging from the 2020 pandemic with an extra 85 lbs. in tow and how he was able to “love himself in the gap.” Nando presents an empowering paradigm called Internal Family Systems (IFS) which allows us to heal our protective and wounded inner parts. Also, find out how having a CPR team (Cheerleader, Pusher, & Realist) will bring the kind of positive community into your life that every gay man needs. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠ website.

On episode 14 of the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man podcast, join us for, “The Power of Therapy: How Doing the Work Can Change Your Life.” If you've been listening, no doubt you've heard the Matts casually throw around the phrase, “Get a damn therapist.” In this episode you'll find out why. This discussion takes an in depth look at why therapy can be a gay man's salvation, as well as how both of these men were forever changed by making it a top priority in their lives. Not only will they share practical insights, (how to find a therapist, funding your therapy, and why finding a therapist that's a “good fit” is essential) but they'll also share, through tears, deeply personal stories of what their lives were like before therapy, what happened in their therapist's office, and how their lives have dramatically changed as a direct result of doing the work. Is it time to do the work? This beautifully vulnerable episode could be a good jumping off point. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on ⁠INSTAGRAM⁠ & ⁠TIKTOK⁠ To watch the podcast, follow them on ⁠YouTube⁠ Or check out the ⁠How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man⁠  website.

Grab a pen, because episode 13 is all about content. We're talking about “Situationships.” We'll be covering: 1. The 5 identifiers that you're in a situationship, not a relationship. 2. When is a situationship a good thing? 3. Is it possible to transition our situationship into a longterm relationship? (And if so, how do I communicate this desire respectfully?) 4. Settling for situationships when our desire is to find (& keep) a gay man. 5. How to know when it's time to end a situationship. And if you can't let it go, how it could negatively be impacting your self-worth and future. Time to do the math, babygirl. Time to ask yourself, if you desire Mr. Right, why do you continue to settle for Mr. Right Now? For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man  website.

Open Relationships: Good or bad? A blessing or curse? A reliable way forward or an accident waiting to happen? Over two-thirds of married or partnered up gay men in the LGBTQ+ community are involved in open relationships. But are they working? The Matts openly discuss the pros and cons of open relationships. Will it work for you? Are you a strong candidate for an open relationship? What to watch out for? If an open relationship isn't for you, does this mean you're not "gay woke?" Are consensual non-monogamous relationships a better way of life in the gay community, or have they run their course? Find out what the statistics, the studies, and what therapists are telling us about the biggest question of all: Will opening my relationship save it or destroy it? For more bitchy wisdom, follow us on: INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow us on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

Episode 11 breaks flirting into three categories. 1. Flirting and Dating What's appropriate and what isn't. What you think is working that could be working against you—subtle versus sexy. Building confidence. Using flirting to generate more than just sexual interest. 2. Flirting with Your Boyfriend, Partner, or Spouse It doesn't stop when you're in a relationship. Flirting with your significant other is important. How to keep things spicy. 3. Flirting with Men Other Than Your Husband or Boyfriend You've found BIG LOVE; we'll show you how to protect it. The TRUTH about flirting outside your relationship. Hear what relationship coaches and psychologists have to say about how flirting can positively (or negatively) impact your romantic life. For more bitchy wisdom, follow us on: INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow us on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

In episode 10, the Matts discuss the do's and don'ts of gay-dating. They talk about what to do leading up to a date, during a date, and after a date. Also, how to be PROACTIVE once you've made a connection with Mr. Right, and how retooling your dating practices can help you find a meaningful love. -How to have fun -Opening ourselves to men who aren't our type -Who pays? -Not taking rejection personally -FaceTiming before a date -Good (& bad) hygiene…and Matt B's date with a stinkeroo... …are all on the docket for this week's episode, “The Do's and Don'ts of Gay Dating.” For more bitchy wisdom, follow us on: INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow us on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

Get ready for $7,000 of therapy in one podcast episode. In this episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, the Matts interview Alicia B. Bridgeland, Clinical Psychologist. They ask all of their gay relationship questions about intimacy, open marriage, the problem with a hookup culture, how to keep "novelty" in your relationship, etc. Alicia also explains the four personality "Brain Types," how this impacts our romantic relationships, which personality types are most compatible, and what it takes for a couple to stay together. Trust and believe, this episode is a master class in relationships. Do not miss it! For more bitchy wisdom, follow us on: INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow us on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

In one of their most powerful episodes, the Matts tackle the issue of Shame. They break it down into 3 categories: 1. How it got there. 2. How it's impacting our personal and romantic lives. 3. How we get rid of it. Why does shame continue to dramatically affect our lives in negative ways? Why do we continually go back to those bearers of shame in our lives who do not accept us for who we are? (parents, family, church members, etc.) Are you looking for ways to safeguard yourself against shame messaging? Is inner self-talk part of the problem? This episode goes deep. Join us for a timely message on how to get rid of the shame…once and for all. Also, Matt Bays' coming out story is mentioned. Read it HERE: https://mattbayswriter.com/almost-straight-a-coming-out-story/ For more bitchy wisdom, follow us on: INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow us on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

In Part 2: “Better Together,” The Matts discuss the benefits of looking at your partner through the lens of “unconditional positive regard.” They also dig into the difference between perpetual and solvable problems in a relationship, dealing with our egos, and how to know when a relationship has run its course. Episode 7 focuses heavily on what it takes to KEEP a gay man. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

On episode 6 of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, the Matts take on the subject of “Breakups.” Matt H shares how “the four horsemen of the apocalypse” can take your relationship down, while Matt B opens up about the hardest breakup of his life. Also discussed; HOW to breakup the right way, building a breakup survival kit, and knowing when it's time to take the relationship off of life support and let it die. This is part one of a two part series. Join us next week for part two; "Better Together." For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

Episode 5: “Art Thou Ready to Receive?” The Matts discuss the inner self-saboteur and how to manage his attempts to undermine our growth. What it means when there is a pattern to our breakups and the importance of knowing “our part” in where things went wrong. The problem with always looking for “the next best thing.” And coming to a relationship with the correct posture. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

On episode 4 the Matts do a deep dive into the usual (and not so usual) things that stand in the way of finding and keeping a gay man. Lack of confidence/worthiness are discussed, as well as location, location, location. They also explore how remaining “discreet” could be keeping you stuck. And finally, how we need the support of chosen family most of all. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Manwebsite.

On episode three of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, the Matts discuss how to make your dating profile pop! They'll be sharing what TO do and what NOT to do when building your profile; everything you need to know to lure a good man into your clutches. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

In episode 2, the Matts discuss what it actually means to be a soulmate, and their belief that beyond an act of fate (over which we have no control) is a much more direct path to our forever man. They also discuss what it takes to be ready to receive this kind of love. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.

In the pilot episode of How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man, Matt Bays and Matt Heincker make their introductions, discuss the purpose of the podcast, and tell their personal stories of how they found (& kept) their gay men. For more bitchy wisdom, follow on INSTAGRAM & TIKTOK To watch the podcast, follow them on YouTube Or check out the How to Find (& Keep) a Gay Man website.