How To Not

Kaitlyn and Rob try to out-spiderwalk the oncoming storm. Today's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Greet Someone Listen to learn all about Home Improvement, lo-fi Avengers, film history, Toronto weather patterns, and more. How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob dive into an article NOT READY FOR THE PUBLIC Today's WikiHow article: How to Attract a Skater How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob whisper words in italics. Today's WikiHow article: How to Improve Your Friendships Listen to learn all about Thomas Cruise, Old People Tinder, secondary locations, mid-2000's social media, clothes jokes, and not putting things in your mouth. How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob's baby gets demonetized. Today's WikiHow article: How to React to an Ugly Baby Listen to learn all about canes, beefs with God, tape noises, smashing like buttons, closer cookies, curses, compliment catchphrases, and maybe other 'C' words? But not that one. How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob uncover an anti-meme conspiracy. Listen to learn all about laugh jazz, how adage + proverb = adverb, grammatical laughter, job interviewer etiquette, and our T-shirt machine.   Today's WikiHow article: How to Fake Laugh How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob reveal their exciting new religion. Listen to learn all about Kaitlyn's eyepatch, Tomorrowland, the Illuminati film club, paragons of averageness, the ghost of Ayn Rand, Michael Phelps versus a CGI shark, rules of fashion, posture, and more. Today's WikiHow article: How to Be Unforgettable How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob are reader-approved. Listen to learn all about Kaitlyn's music college, diva Daniel Radcliffe, self-helping bots, Sophia the Terminator, extra uses for pens, imitating your dog to make friends, lounge chair insides, selfie technique, Oprah's self-esteem lessons, and more. Today's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Have a Pleasant Facial Expression How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob get terse. Listen to learn all about real games and FIFAs, a tub full of mice, tersely-worded hypocrisy, upsetting Twihards, fire safety, Justin Timberlake's listenership, lie-down measurements, the youths' skinny legends, and the great debaters of our time. Today's WikiHow article: How to Act Like a Werewolf (Girls) How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob put their foot down. In the "nuh uh" way, not in the "WikiHow thinks foot-stomping is clapping" way. Listen to learn all about opera-loving Boss Babies, praying with enthusiasm, Not-a-Claps, poetry reading etiquette, eye-clapping, actual useful WikiHow content, airplane clapping, Thunderpaws, concert etiquette, 'chworal' music, Jon “Succubus” Stewart, and movie-going etiquette. Today's WikiHow article: How to Clap Your Hands How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob discover the secret origins of Leslie Knope and John Mulaney. Listen to learn all about pronunciations of Regina, the WikiHow beauty standard, fairweather friends, signs you're old, Mean Girls versus Mean Women (in a non-gendered sense), essay-writing, bravery, Hermione Granger: The Meanest Girl of All, J.K. Rowling vs Joss Whedon, and an incredibly personal Kaitlyn Alexander story. Today's WikiHow article: How to Be a Mean Girl How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob drink too much coffee and call out your skincare routine. Listen to learn all about frugally spending your handful of fucks, fash shlosh, soap vs no soap, neg coaching, hand showers, God's hygiene plan, Oprah's retirement plans, musky soaps, gobs of Big Ol' Craig T. Shower Brand Body Wash, Gregory T. Shower chants, wet =/= dry, and Shazam but worse. Today's WikiHow article: How to Take a Shower if You Don't Want To How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob wonder why their friends don't answer their calls about elaborate Marble Traps. Listen to learn all about profiling wikiHow users, Macaulay Culkin, entertainment devices, accidentally Pavlovian training your significant other, the chore of the body, Big Marble, deathbed curses, Aunt Sylvia, Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-Off, and cartoon murders. Today's WikiHow article: How to Keep Yourself from Getting Scared While Home Alone How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob ask mother and father to let them show off that juicy butt. Listen to learn all about scanty birds and bees, butt-holders and butt-holsters, being a better Christian, Yeezys, papercraft clothes, bubble wrap, parenting strategies, and misidentifying Avengers. Today's WikiHow article: How to Convince Your Parents to Let You Wear a Thong How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob talk about 50 Shades of Grey, and nothing else. Listen to learn all about: God as the ultimate eyewitness, the Twilight-ing of mermaids, ASMR pleas, mer-doping, Kaitlyn's memory of obscure TV publicity stunts, Shape of Water vs Avatar sex, and Mr. Tim. Today's WikiHow article: How to Write a Mermaid Journal How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob spend 30 minutes asking over and over again for the article to just EXPLAIN WHAT RAGDOLL CULTURE IS. Listen to learn all about: self-liking on social media, toy addictions, esoteric questionaires, Hot Topic's business model, Zero the Ghost Dog, emphatic acting, seeding a fashion market, youths culture, letting the gays take it, standing up to Pennywise, and Tim "The Darkman" Tailor. Today's WikiHow article: How to Join the Ragdoll Culture How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK  

Kaitlyn and Rob practice their eye kegels. Listen to learn all about: Holy Family Day, Canadian time travelers, '127 Hours' as a verb, lip care, Rob's ugly laugh and a Kaitlyn apology, saying 'veritable' instead of 'verifiable', little tiny people controlling you, Fembots, lip optimization, and God's chosen lipsticks. Today's WikiHow article: How to Bite Your Lip Seductively How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob would like you to meet Jeremy. Jeremy? Jeremy! Jeremyyyyyyy. Tonight's podcast will help you learn about: Netflix-style announcements, double flus, lesbian clocks, self-Catfishing, catchphrases, winter witness protection, street-shouting, and a new premise for the podcast. Today's WikiHow article: How to Have an Imaginary Boyfriend or Girlfriend How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob welcome you to the (un)official audiobook of WikiHow. Tonight's podcast will help you learn about: Country Mouse & City Mouse, mandatory restraining orders, genderless voids, armpits, Stairway to Heaven, nnnice, gal pals, #cupandpat, JFK, future babies, Kaitlyn's tired giggle, an alliterative phrase I will not write, & mom-scamming. Today's WikiHow article: 5 Simple Ways to Hug How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob maybe take this whole cat articles thing too far. Listen now to learn all about star clans, misquoting The Lion King, not circling back to that, proxy wrestlers, garbage cat authors, prophecy word counts, J. Lo clickbait, the genderless void, Twilight plotholes, millennial despondency, white destruction, frozen talons, catbirds, Rob incoherently babbling while talking about intelligence, the Netflix Original Orc Cop Holiday Film Bright starring Joel Edgerton, Kaitlyn Alexander: film critic, literally fancy pants, Edgar Allen Poe, and Weasley/Christ power rankings. Today's WikiHow article: How to Create a Warrior Cat Prophecy How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

It's the first episode of 2018, and we stayed inside on New Year's and refused to stop being awkward introverts. So this week, we learn how to actually talk to our better halves. Listen to learn all about resolutions, spies, elliptical flirting, multi-tasking crimes, greeting etiquette, voicemail tests, that song you're thinking of, skewl, execution dining, Siri's exercise routine, Mission Impossible phone plans, and unsolicited advice for Apple Inc. Today's WikiHow article: How to Talk to Your Girlfriend on the Phone How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Time to get in the holiday spirit the only way we as responsible humans can: spoiling our 2 to 5 stuffed animals with gifts and more attention than we give our friends or family. Learn all about jingle bells, friendship tokens, gift math, teddy bear class systems, shedding the doi this holiday season, best friends Steve and Janelle Monáe, water torture, layers and layers of dried milk, another tomato Christmas, lost Peanuts specials, execution squads, math, and THE MOST IMPORTANT TWITTER POLL OF ALL TIME. Today's WikiHow article: How to Celebrate Christmas with a Lot of Teddies How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Science does and does not exist. 'Psi balls' are a known thing you can totally drop into casual conversation. You are part human, part spoon. Enter the fantastical galaxy of another WikiHow article. Learn all about Mine-Mime Binks, Schrödinger's science, Matilda mind hands, swole mind muscles, plate-spinning honor badges, the hottest impressions from 2012, Vader the poised, molecular density, Bill Nye the ghostwriter guy, Force flaps, match-staring, energy ball storage, Men Without Tin Foil Hats, OBEs, five tamale-serious mind over matter business, Cumberbatchian projection, dismemberment, exhaustive gum chewing, time management, quantum thinking, Red Bull-inspired internal blood explosions, and mellow yellow mind-ripening. Today's WikiHow article: How to Develop Telekinesis How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn has a fever, and the only prescription, is talking about demons method acting. Learn all about demonic fevers, falling from trees, Big Mouth, puberty, second Breakfast, concertgoing etiquette, Time Lords, Sunnydale, self-examination, chicken vs egg, the California census, book burnings, daring to dream, Biggest Loser plan B’s, Jared Leto, unfinished website templates, wrasslin’, potentially obscure references to that new Netflix Jim Carrey documentary. Today's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Act Like You're Possessed How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Want to get out of school or work? Kaitlyn and Rob read WikiHow's instructions that'll at best force you to have a "fun" day refusing to do anything, and at worst ruin your life. Learn all about: tum-tums, Mondays, Napoleon Dynamite, lazy flu, fancy bread telephones, Broadway side hustles, off-brand Jim Halpert, kids obstacle courses, Zachary Quinto, Ferris Goldberg's Rube Bueller, egg face man body, hotting pads, having a morning, sweet fleshy mouths, bum thermometers, Robbothy, Looney Tunes witches, eye pastes, vomit hoses, garlic bingeing, authenticity Today's WikiHow article: 5 Ways to Fake Symptoms of Being Sick How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Learn all about: frigid wastelands, randomology, Pokémon towns, hooker's green, wandom words, rarr, Jake Paul, Party City, St. Louis, party conversation, zeppelins, Sharon, toe tags, breakability, Waldo Today's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Be Random How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Oh, to escape. To be carefree. To have no responsibilities besides finding a sunspot and figuring out where your next mouse comes from, and also planning your solo audition for the role of Mr. Yellow Mephistophelesikin in the hit Broadway musical Cats. This week's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Act Like a Cat How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

It's time for Steve Buscemi's favorite holiday, All Hallow's Eve! So grab some cats to throw at people, put on your quiet pink trousers, and ask your friend for a traditional Halloween sleepover: it's time for Kaitlyn and Rob to get spoopy. This week's WikiHow article: How to Scare Someone on Halloween How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Arr, matey! Do ye be lookin' to translate yer lexicon from that of a simple scallywag to that of a handsome brigadier? This is not the podcast for that. But join Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden as they do get into another WikiHow article that seems to say a lot about its author, who may or may not be a pirate historian turned PAID SHILL of the Disney pirate propaganda machine. #FreeTheHypemen This week's WikiHow article: How to Talk Like a Pirate: 12 Steps (with Pictures) How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob try to a) define what a pretty boy is, b) define what swag is, c) figure out what celebrity fits that profile, and d) throw that out to talk about Guy Fieri a bunch. This week's WikiHow article: 3 Ways to Turn On Your Pretty Boy Swag  https://www.wikihow.com/Turn-on-Your-Pretty-Boy-Swag How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Kaitlyn and Rob try to imagine what kind of super-creep dressed in all blue was created by this problematic, inexplicably gender-specific article. Today's WikiHow article: Pretending to Have Ice Powers (for Girls) How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Welcome back to what is technically the first on-purpose (?) episode of How to Not! This week, Kaitlyn and Rob are very concerned at the clear geopolitical sabotage motivations underpinning WikiHow's guide to starting a rumor (or 'rumour', if like us, you're Canadian and spell things weird). Today's WikiHow article: How to Start a Rumour How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK

Welcome to the (kind of) first episode of How to Not, a podcast that teaches you how to do normal, human things by reading through real WikiHow articles. Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden are here and they recorded this test for an episode and that turned out swell enough that they decided to release it.  Today's WikiHow article: How to Dance at a Rave How to Not is a comedy podcast where Kaitlyn Alexander and Rob Moden read very real how-to articles to learn how to lead normal, human lives. Follow on Twitter and suggest a WikiHow article: @howtonotshow  WikiHow Randomizer button: CLICK