The Feelings Club

Let us know how you're feeling! --> thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.comFollow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast and Twitter @feelingsclubpod.

We're getting ready to say goodbye to 2020 and hello to 2021. What do you want to burn down or bury in the ground? What do you want to grow and cultivate for this next year? Let us know!If you'd like to record a question or a comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the Bananphone at 725-FEELING (725-333-5464), or you can use the voice memo app on your phone to record your question and email it to us at thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. You can always just send us a regular email. Comment or DM us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast, or tweet us @feelingsclubpod.

If you'd like to record a question or a comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the Bananphone at 725-FEELING (725-333-5464), or you can use the voice memo app on your phone to record your question and email it to thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our website thefeelings.club and sign up for our newsletter. Also check out Sally's Blog. Follow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast and tweet us your thoughts @feelingsclubpod.

Patty is 32 weeks pregnant. Sally is concerned about Covid numbers rising again. The SIMS Foundation fundraiser #MusicForTheMind went well. Charlie Sexton thinks Patty is having a boy. What do you think?The Rooted Method women's retreat was so much fun! Sally and Patty spent three nights in The David Mountains State Park, and one night in a yurt in the middle of the dessert in Terlingua. The experience of six women connecting in nature was refreshing and restorative. Sally's husband expressed how much he too needs nourishing friendships too. Have women cornered the market on vulnerability?As we start back up with podcast, we'd love to hear how you're doing! What's weighing on you? Where are you finding your joy? Have any thoughts on boundaries? Let us know by sending a email to the thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com, or drop us a voicemail by dialing 725-FEELING. Follow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast and Twitter @feelingsclubpod.

As soon as you become a parent, there's suddenly so much to lose, and the more you learn, the more you realize how little you actually know.Women are notorious over-functioning multitaskers. Preparing an extended support system to lean when a child enters your life is so important. Childcare, going back to work, navigating conflict and maintaining connection with your partner, accepting and blowing off advice from others, following your intuition and more!An amazing voicemail from Laurie on pregnancy, birth and motherhood.  Parenting Resources: Your One Year Old By Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. IlgParenting From the Inside Out By Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Mary Hartzell, M. Ed.Playful Parenting By Lawrence J. CohenLife With Baby Workbook By Erin Fassnacht, Amy TuckerHappiest Baby on the Block By Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. IlgBuild Your Nest By Kestrel GatesWhole Brain Child By Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Tina Payne Brysonhttps://kellymom.com - for breastfeeding

The more you use your words to express what you're feeling, the easier it is to switch over to the logical part of the healing process. Throwing a tantrum over online schooling with your children. This is hard, but as an upside, family dinners are more relaxed. The world can seem grim, so you have to intentionally find your joy. The most painful kind of suffering is indefinite. Hope is easier to find with appropriately set expectations and limits.How do you trust your feelings when your feelings change every day? 

Chaos is part of life and it goes hand-in-hand with transformation. Chaos shows up in relationships in the form of conflict, and conflict is an opportunity for growth. Conflict arises from unmet needs, limited resources and differing social values. Switching from the emotional part of your brain to the logical part requires that your emotions be validated. Active listening can be a great and easy way to validate someone else's emotions. Sally walks us through what this conflict dialogue looks like.Patty believes that growth only happens when one is ready to embrace it. Resisting change keeps us in chaos, and that can look like resentment, passive/active aggression in our relationships. Sally and her partner use humor in their conflict often to diffuse emotional intensity. The Gottman Theory calls this a "repair attempt" in order to prevent negative escalation.  Sally is not a 'Gottman person.'Patty does not enjoy being in conflict with others, especially when she has hurt or disappointed another person. Sally reminds her that becoming a parent is going to be great practice for this.It's important to gather information about the conflict to determine what parts of the conflict belong to you and what parts belong to the other party. Bring your awareness to your own actions, choices, thoughts and feelings. Don't be afraid to disappoint others. According to Glennon Doyle's book Untamed, it is your obligation! 

Sadness at the beginning of a new pregnancy is a very normal and common experience. At a biological level, hormones are ramping up big time!Coming to grips with this new reality takes time. "Who am I as a pregnant woman?" Not all pregnant women are matronly the way they are perceived in our culture. Maternity wear is limiting.  Patty has struggled with body image issues in the past. Fears around the ways in which her body will change, and the ways in which it may never be quite the same again is something that has come up for her.How does a little human fit into Patty's life? Will she and her partner ever have expendable income ever again? How does a couple navigate the challenges of a relationship with children present? How does a parent reconcile the mistakes they're inevitably going to make? There is so much unknown, and the process of becoming a parent (and parenting) involves a lot of letting go. Awareness of trauma and growth is going to make anyone a better human, partner, friend, parent...and though having children is a lot of work, Sally is not afraid how Patty is going to show up for her kid. She's confident in her ability to ask for help from her support system when she needs to (because she can now). Sally just can't wait for the bliss! Patty and Sally really want to hear from you! If you are or have been pregnant, did you feel sad in the beginning? Do you have fears around becoming a parent? Are you a parent now and what has this experience been like for you? Give us the good, the bad and everything in between! 

In this episode, we're talking about money and how it effects our mental health. Why is this topic so triggering for some? We'll go into Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE's), Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, positive and negative cognitions and more.

Patty's getting settled in her new home and finding a place for everything. Sally is familiar with chaos from past experiences, and nothing seems to have a place in her home.  Patty can sometimes struggle with decision-making. Sally has a "future exercise" which may help people make decisions based on their own intuition. Building parameters to help us narrow our path and make the best decisions for us is so important in recognizing our needs when they present themselves. Sally walks Patty through the exercise for a new job, and Sally notices something interesting.  Some things we'd like to explore soon are boundaries and couples therapy. Patty's group therapy will be run by a guest therapist for the next couple weeks and she's excited for a change. Sally has intimate relationships with geographical places and geological formations, and her couples counselor is on this same wave length.  Patty discovered the dik-dik, a species of antelope. They're small and adorable, live in pairs, mate for life and mark their territory with tears.  Resisting big emotions causes us to get stuck in them. Sally shares some of her prescribed activities for letting rage out. How do you get your rage out? 

Back from a little "work-cation", Patty and Sally catch up and see what's waiting for them in their email and voicemail inbox.

What are some signs of an unhealthy person or relationship? How do you feel about yourself, or how do you feel around a particular person? How do you feel when a particular person appears on your social feed? Do you feel less than? Do you feel confused? Do you feel isolated? It's normal for people to unconsciously seek out familiarity in people or relationships, even if certain traits we find familiar are unhealthy. Ask yourself: Is this what I want? Is this who I want to be? Growing up is a process of becoming our true self. The best defense against a toxic person is knowing yourself and being yourself.Some relationships are just not destined to work. You may not be someone's cup of tea. Gaslighting! Manipulation through psychological means. Have you ever felt like you were going crazy because someone has made you feel like you cannot trust yourself of your memory of events? It's very difficult to navigate around when nobody can agree on reality. Can an unhealthy relationship become healthy? In most circumstances, yes! Changing an unhealthy relationship takes both parties doing the work. Insider tip: If you do enough work on your own, the other party will become uncomfortable enough to make change. Change may end up being a dissolution of the relationship altogether. Pursue your own authenticity and joy in every relationship. Trauma bonding! Deep intimacy can form from experiencing trauma with another person. There are existing resources to help those in relationships where domestic abuse exists. Letting go of an unhealthy relationship can be easier said than done. Healthy relationships should feel like a safe place to be your authentic self. You should feel respected, supported and accepted for who you are without withholding parts of yourself or engaging in people pleasing. Moving through disagreements is part of a healthy relationship too!Sally wrote jokes for today's sign off.

Our first guest is here to help us discuss breakdowns and how they can lead to much needed A-HA moments! Cristina Schooler is the founder of Rooted Method, a “rewinding” bridge that helps women connect with nature and remember heir intuitive guides. At the core of The Rooted Method is a community exploring ways tp tap into our most limitless and expansive selves, through group coaching & mentorship, retreats, community events and The Austin Rewild Festival. They have in-person, online and hybrid programs available throughout the year.

Visit our website thefeelings.club and sign up for our newsletter. If you'd like to record a question or a comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the Bananphone at 725-FEELING, or email at thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast and Twitter @feelingsclubpod. Thanks!

Talk therapy is a highly regulated ethically defined relationship between a licensed therapist (someone who has an advanced degree) and their client.Everyone can benefit from therapy! Regardless of who you are, you are allowed to go to therapy and have someone listen to you and validate your thoughts and feelings. A good therapist will sit with you in your discomfort, and reflect back an image of you that isn't as distorted as how you see yourself. An outsider's perspective without judgement is so valuable.Please look into thelovelandfoundation.org. The Loveland Foundation was established in 2018 by Rachel Cargle in response to her widely successful birthday wish fundraiser, Therapy for Black Women and Girls. Her enthusiastic social media community raised over $250,000, which made it possible for Black women and girls nationally to receive therapy support. Black women and girls deserve access to healing, and that healing will impact generations.Visit our website thefeelings.club and sign up for our newsletter. If you'd like to record a question or a comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the Bananphone at 725-FEELING, or email at thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast and Twitter @feelingsclubpod. Thanks!

How do you know if you're being a really nice and giving person, and engaging in people pleasing? Overcommitting, not having enough time for yourself, feel consumed by your job or your relationships; these thins may take a toll on your health. Just because you have the time does NOT mean you have the capacity. Sally's message to all the people pleasers of the world: Practice saying no and remember that you're kind of being an asshole when you're always saying yes. It can be difficult to identify feelings, even for adults. Rudimentary engaging with your body and mind may be a good place to start. One of Sally's favorite times to find stillness is in the morning. Side note: This may feel awful for an anxious person. If this is you, try a little therapy! People pleasing moves us further toward invisibility. If you're invisible, you can't be criticized, and for some criticism can be debilitating. Practice taking up space! Sally recommends standing up in the middle of a movie and walking out of the theater. Without being rude, practice inconveniencing and possibly bothering others. If you're always putting yourself in other people's shoes, and you're unable to show yourself the same kind of compassion, this reinforces the story of ‘I'm not worth anything.' What is the opposite of invisibility? Being seen? Being heard? To be known and loved for who you we truly are with all of our flaws and vulnerabilities! It's not in the disappointments, but in the reparations that creates resiliency in relationships. We have two voicemails this week and they're SO GOOD! If you'd like to record a question or a comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the Bananphone at 725-FEELING, that's 725-333-5464, or you can use the voice memo app on your phone to record your question and email it to us at thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. We'll also take all your jokes!

Attachment, a theory about how humans bond with their caretakers as infants and carry on that style of interacting into their adult relationships. Loneliness triggers a stress reaction in the body. The antidote to loneliness is social belonging.Sally recommends the book ‘Come As You Are' by Emily Nagoski.Patty relates to all attachment styles. Sally reminds us that we can heal ourselves and feel whole when alone and develop secure and trusting relationships with others. It's not about quantity of relationships, but quality. It takes time to get comfortable in a new place, and to find your sense of belonging in a new community, and social anxiety makes finding new connections much more difficult. Thank you for your input on Twitter and Instagram this week! A new voicemail from Grace in Seattle on coping with loneliness while carrying past traumas. Fear of abandonment is pervasive! How do we define loneliness vs aloneness? How people pleasing can fuel feelings of loneliness. Sally's got jokes before we sign off this week as usual! Special thanks to Dwight for all the wonderfully dynamic sound effects on this episode. We need to keep that going for sure! Thanks for listening! If you'd like to record a question or a comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the Bananphone at 725-FEELING, that's 725-333-5464, or you can use the voice memo app on your phone to record your question and email it to us at thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our website thefeelings.club, sign up for our newsletter and check out Sally's Blog. Follow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast and Twitter @feelingsclubpod.

What is the difference between envy and jealousy? When and how does envy show up for Patty and Sally? A beautiful note from a friend about being envious of the bodies of other women, and how to combat that lack of love for ones own body. The societal standard of beauty and how to train ourselves out of subscribing to that standard and normalize all body types. Lindy West! That time Patty's therapist recommended listening to Dan Savage to normalize sex. Practicing gratitude. (Feedback on Episode 1.) Comparison. Culture allows women to have more complex emotions. Feelings not felt or suppressed can turn into physical ailments. When we can't make sense of something, we talk about it endlessly. Our first voicemail! Chloe calls in with her feelings of envy toward people who got to have the wedding of their dreams, after Covid forced her to cancel her wedding. Grieving the loss of an experience. Sally's got jokes, and there's on she's scared to say out-loud. Sally and Patty reveal their lies from last week's game of 2 Truths and a Lie.

The SIMS Foundation approached Patty about being on the board, and she's really excited about the opportunity. Sally's got some good quotes to share about secrets, which is what we'll be talking about today. Here's one from Brené Brown, who we love!“Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.” - Brené BrownFor every secret Patty has, there's at least one person who knows. Sally keeps secrets like canned beans, but her real secrets (those with more gravity) are locked away from the world. Patty shares one secret she's been holding in for a long time. Sally reminds us that we all make mistakes and bad choices all the time.One listener shares a positive story about healing through sharing a very painful secret with a close friend after holding it in for five years. Going to therapy and/or finding someone you can trust to confide in can be very helpful. A journal can be another place to dump your secrets. If you fear someone will find your journal and invade your privacy, try writing down your thoughts and then burning the pages. Processing and storing particularly emotional experiences and memories in the brain does not occur until the emotion around the experience is validated. Name it to tame it! Sally recommends the book ‘Whole Brain Child” by Dr. Dan Siegel. Holding onto mix CDs from past lovers and friends. Sally loves Patty's lyrics. t's OK to cry. It's also OK to celebrate yourself. Why does Patty not like to make a big to-do about her birthday/anniversary? Another listener is ashamed of their virginity. Sally advises this person, (and all people who feel judged by others for any reason), to put it back on the judgmental party. That is NOT your shit! Remember that time Patty kept a significant relationship secret for three years and then Sally thought she was gay?

Patty is feeling self conscious about episode 1. She cries when she's uncomfortable. Patty fears that this podcast will be boring, and that she will sound stupid. Sally doesn't have as much fear, and is confident their conversations will allow others to feel seen and heard.So much goes back to our childhood, and how we were raised. Sometimes when you are raised by people with starkly different beliefs systems, you may believe you have to be one way or another in order to deserve love, and that can change based on what parent you're with. It can lead to a very black and white kind of thinking that makes us feel unworthy of love. And even when we receive love, we question it. At some point, it may be helpful to be angry with our caregivers, or grieve the caregivers we didn't have. We can heal our childhood wounds, and give ourselves the unconditional love we all desperately need. IMPOSTER SYNDROME. Maybe this is a mechanism we unconsciously employ to avoid pain and loss. When we experience pain and walk through it, there is relief and resilience on the other side. It's easy to think people have more power over us than they actually do, as if we are still children.A listener describes symptoms after a traumatic experience. Sally thinks he may have PTSD and suggests EMDR therapy. Patty shares her love of the Co-Star astrology app, and a song by Manchester Orchestra. Meanwhile, Sally has been listening to a lot of the Frozen II soundtrack, and recommends the hilarious horror/rom-com movie, Extra Ordinary. Patty feels privileged during Covid. Sally may begin working with a humanitarian organization that provides short sessions for healthcare workers to decompress after their shifts. Thank you for riding this rollercoaster with us! If you'd like to record a question or a comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the Bananphone at 725-FEELING, or you can use the voice memo app on your phone to record your question and email it to us at thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our website thefeelings.club to sign up for our newsletter and check out Sally's Blog. Follow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast and Twitter @feelingsclubpod.

OCD and anxiety. Patty's anxiety during Covid is more manageable. Sally's explains how anxiety can be a thought in your head or a feeling in your body. Sometimes it's as simple as “I drank too much coffee today.” Our nervous system reacts to perceived fears, and can get triggered by loud noises or hot temperatures. Take your nervous system for a walk! Patty enjoys putting her bare feet in the grass. Nature has a calming effect. Supporting your loved ones emotionally can be difficult. There's nothing we can say to take their suffering away. Find comfort in your loved ones' discomfort, and try to sit with them in their pain. The four nervous system responses are fight, flight, freeze, tend. Do you know which one you are? Sally is a ‘tend.' Others' distress doesn't activate her nervous system, which probably makes her a great therapist, and friend! A large part of grieving is confusion. Everybody has suffering in their lives, and that we all need to express gratitude for when we have good and peaceful moments or months.Balancing wellness and mental health. Introverts and isolation. Sally's buzzwords: People and Purpose! Humans need to feel a sense of belonging in their community, and a sense of purpose. The Rooted Method suggests a connection with nature as well. Sally loves being alone in the desert. It's fine to self isolate as long as you're not punishing yourself. What about when your isolation is not by choice? How does one connect? Sally suggests developing a routine and stepping outside your comfort zone. If you want change, you have to change. Intentionally increase your circles!Sally reminds us to make good choices, but also make mistakes. People who grew up with unconditional love tend to be able to make mistakes more freely. Those with more childhood trauma and mixed messages from their caregivers have a harder time making mistakes. We're all flawed.Sally encourages single people to bravely take on dating apps if you're craving connection. Shift your perspective. Stop following social media accounts that don't make you feel joy, and if you have options, pursue them! However uncomfortable this time is for you, know that it's an opportunity for change, and people can change. :)

If you'd like to record a question or comment for a future episode, give us a ring on the bananaphone at 725-FEELING. That's 725-333-5464. Or you can use the voice memo app on your phone to record your question and email it to thefeelingsclubpodcast@gmail.com. Visit our website thefeelings.club to sign up for our newsletter, and check out Sally's blog. Help us spread the word by leaving us a review. Follow us on Instagram @feelingsclubpodcast, and send us a tweet @feelingsclubpod.