A comedy audio blog featuring facepalm moments and muddled observations told by Mary. Blog - TheQuack.blog X - @marylounewnham
"I did wonder, as I was walking around the Eiffel Tower in a red dress, whether, perhaps, I had watched too many movies..." This week on The Quack, I reflect on the face-palm moments from my recent girls' trip to France. Includes a desperate scene of me trying to create a romantic moment by the Eiffel Tower, a game of charades with the Airbnb host, and an AI song about tariffs. Skip Introduction| 2:09 Follow me| @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
"3 days into the challenge, I realised I wasn't the dazzling compliment giver I originally thought I was." For Lent, instead of giving up cherry cola Tic-Tacs, I challenged myself to compliment 40 strangers in 40 days. Today, I have the results of how it went. (Not well). Thank you for continuing to support. I have a few deadlines coming up, and so for now, The Quack will be coming out once a fortnight until life gets a little less crazy. On the plus side, I have some exciting novel news, which I will announce very soon. MN x Visit | THEQUACK.BLOG Follow| @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com
"Have sex with them. I find they stop laughing at your jokes once they've seen your nipples." The sun is out, and couples are uncuffing, ready for their hot single summer. As an expert singleton, I have a few tips to share... Skip Introduction | 2:22 Visit | TheQuack.Blog Follow me | @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com
"Are you literally carrying around a focaccia?” Last Thursday night, I went out with my science friends. It was a typical night for any friendship group in their 30s, except (as this is The Quack) there were some face-palm moments. Skip Introduction | 1:28 Follow me | @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.Blog Sound | Soundstripe.com If you're in London, you must watch News Revue | Link here
"I watched with astonishment as boys clumsily worked out that the humour which impressed their mates wasn't necessarily the humour that impressed us girls..." As it was April Fool's this week, I thought I would explore the differences in humour between men and women, particularly when pranking. Skip Introduction | 2:01 Follow me on the Gram | @marynewnhamwrites Visit | The Quack Sound | Soundstripe.com
"Like reaching for a diet book when you're unsatisfied with your body, I leaned into self-help because I was frustrated with my personality." This week's muddled observation is about the self-improvement industry and how I used it during my quatre-life crisis. Skip Introduction | 3:13 Follow Me on Instagram | @marynewnhamwrites Visit Me | THEQUACK.BLOG Sound | Soundstripe.com Sources https://www.zionmarketresearch.com/report/self-improvement-market
“Let me show you something that will make your ovaries twerk.” This week on The Quack, I contemplate motherhood and whether it is right for me after being traumatised by my 90's singing doll. Also, I take the time to admire the hot dads of the world.
"I bought a horse in a car park!" Dad texted. It's Cheltenham Festival! I will not be going, but my Dad certainly is. This week is about being an outsider of a horse racing family, and witnessing a hobby that gets out of hand....
Nobody wants to be the heavy-breathing stalker who whispers to someone, "You have nice long spine." Today's Quack is a muddled observation about complimenting strangers...and why we avoid it. Vist | TheQuack.blog Follow me | @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com
If it wasn't tricky enough to try and lure a man away from his life of freedom, football, mates and Camden Hells, try adding a brace. This week on The Quack is about the trauma of wearing braces as a teenager, and again as a single woman in her thirties. Follow IG | @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
“DON'T YOU DARE SAY JUST. THAT'S THE WOMAN'S CURSE WORD. IT'S JUST…. IT'S JUST...” This week in the Quack, I tell the story of doing a home makeover and all the characters I met, from the Hang Man to the angry sofa man. Skip Intro | 1:38 Sound | Soundstripe.com Follow me | @MaryNenwhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog
“I can't stay any longer. I'm sorry, it's just not my cup of tea!” This week on The Quack, I reflect on all the times audience members (including myself) have not behaved in the theatre. Skip Introduction | 1:30 Read Here | TheQuack.Blog Sound & Music | Soundstripe.com
"I had a striped shirt on because I thought that's what people wore to offices..." In today's Quack, I reflect on the years when I was building up my CV with work experiences...Some experiences were better than others. Read and see photos | TheQuack.blog Skip Introduction | 1:55 Sound & Music | Soundstripe.com Follow me on The Gram | @MARYNEWNHAMWRITES
“You want him to have the pick of the bunch, but he picks you,” Sausage said, waving her fork in the air. Four school friends have brunch and discuss being single in their thirties. Skip Introduction | 1:35 Visit| TheQuack.blog Music | Soundstripe.com
She can list the names of Farrow & Ball paints as if they were her nephews and nieces... This week on The Quack, I'm decorating my bathroom with Hermione.
"By 5 pm, I was such a hangry goblin that I could have jumped on someone's shoulders and ripped their head off like the vampire in Twilight." Gym-uary is here, and everyone is pumped! I may groan, but it's far better than the Size 0 trend that was around when I was a teen. Skip Introduction | 1: 54 Visit | www.TheQuack.Blog Sounds & music | Soundstripe.com
"I realised that if I was ever going to achieve my goal, I either needed singing lessons.... or alcohol." Happy New Year! Today, I am reflecting on my New Year's resolution to try to gain enough courage to perform karaoke while sober. Skip Introduction | 1:30 Read The Quack | Www.TheQuack.blog Music & Sound | Soundstripe.com Book recommendation | This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol by Annie Grace.
"If you want to attract attention to yourself, I highly recommend walking around with a tree." This week's episode features a history-ish lesson about the Christmas tree and a very dramatic journey carrying a tree. Check out The Quack for photos of the journey. Skip Introduction | 1:38 Visit | www.TheQuack.Blog Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Contact | Mary@thequack.blog
"I'm relieved Spotify Wrapped was not around in my school days because my delicate ego would have been smashed to pieces." This week on the Quack is about Spotify Wrapped and how it exposes your true cringe-worthy self. Skip Introduction | 3:05 Visit | www.thequack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
If David Cameron were to peep out of his curtain, he would have seen a blob of tangled fairy lights running down the street. The Christmas season is here!
Clementine glared at me as if to say, “Please give her a grandchild.” Today I tell a story about the time Mum adopted an old Cornish Retriever named Clementine.
He took great joy in telling me that the word ‘avocado' translates into ‘testicle'. A muddled observation about the differences between millennials and boomers. Skip Introduction 2:00. Sound | Soundstripe.come Visit the blog | www.thequack.blog
“There are some smells, but surely you can't hate the city for that?” said the Man in Finance. This week Sausage and I are in a West Village bar, having a debate with a 'man in finance' about New York. SKIP INTRO | 1:30 SOUNDTRACK & SFX | Soundstripe.com READ THE BLOG | www.TheQuack.Blog QUACK MAP | https://thequack.blog/make-the-quack-map-pink/
“Move ooon!” The woman next to me heckled. An awkward night in a comedy club; Unanswered questions, a heckler, and an audience who didn't want to laugh. Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | www.TheQuack.Blog Quack Map | http://thequack.blog/make-the-quack-map-pink/
Meanwhile, Sausage and I attempted to be pinpricked by the Empire State Building's ariel. This week is about photos and holidays
We tried to dance, but after two songs we felt like school teachers at an out-of-hand raunchy school disco. A hunt for the perfect club in Soho. Skip Into - 3:00 SFX & Music |Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog
"And WHO is that beautiful bald man with the gigantic headset?" This week, my friend, Sian and I went to watch Minnesota Vikings vs. New York Jets. We were left with a lot of questions, and a small crush.
The snacks are NOT deep-fried pig skin with the hair still on. A quick look into what I would change about the Great British pub. Skip Intro | 2:12 Music and SFX | Soundstripe.com Visit The Quack | TheQuack.blog.
"In hindsight, it would have been easier if I had just smoked pot." In 2010, I went from catholic school to film school. These are the six survival tips I learnt whilst I was there. Skip Intro: 2:14 Soundtrack and Sound Effects | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog
"No meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy…. and no friends..." The awkward date chats and funny restaurant scenarios, when you're a people-pleasing-plant-based-person. Skip into (2:12) Read | TheQuack.Blog Music and soundtrack credit | Soundstripe.com
"What is that strange ticking noise?" The week I turned thirty-three—A Barbie nightmare, a hot tub chat. beans, and forcing my friends to wear crowns. Skip Introduction (2:00) Soundtrack and sound effects - Soundstripe.com
You sit on the edge of the shelf waiting for Helen to return…. A muddled observation about when your friend falls in love and leaves you on the shelf. (Skip me babbling on. 3:28) Soundtrack and sound effects: Soundstripe.com Visit www.TheQuack.blog
"All we needed was for one of us to know how to play acoustic guitar and for Dad to tell stories about what it means to be a man… " Skip Intro/Me talking about a UFO sighting. (2:40) Twenty years ago, Mum booked a Californian ranch in an attempt to make us more wholesome....but it didn't quite work out.
"The stadium was full of 91,998 screaming Swifties, plus Amy and Hermione." A facepalm moment about the time I went to the Taylor Swift concert, with my non-swiftie friends. SKIP INTRO 4:00 Soundtrack and sound effects | www.soundstripe.com Visit www.TheQuack.blog
As we walked out of the garage beneath the starry autumn night, I began to think of what to say when Carrot confessed his love to me.
There is something about meeting someone in transit... Stories about finding near-love on transport, featuring the true story of when Sausage met a man on a bus from D.C. to NYC, and when I shared a taxi with a stranger. (You can play a drinking game with the amount of times I say, 'meet cute'). SKIP INTRODUCTION: 2:26 Music and sound effects | Soundstripe.com Visit | TheQuack.blog Email | Mary@thequack.blog
"The husband looked like a friendly neighbour - the type of man who would rigorously hoover his car mats on a Sunday morning...." Three embarrassing encounters with some of the greatest sportsmen; George Best, Lawrence Dallaglio, and Justin Rose. SKIP INTRO: 1:45 Soundtrack and Sound Effects: Soundstripe.com Visit the blog: THEQUACK.BLOG
“I'm very into mature women,” he said. I looked behind one shoulder, and then the other, and realised he was talking about me. The night I realised I was seen as a 'mature woman', and a muddled observation about age gaps in relationships. SKIP INTRO: 2:38. Soundtrack and sound effects: Soundstripe.com Visit THEQUACK.BLOG.
"The bill was placed between us and the dance began..." This is a muddled observation about one of the most controversial topics in dating. Email me what your thoughts.... mary@thequack.blog Music and sound effects: Soundstripe.com.
...A fan would whack the table in a rhythm, prompting everyone to shout ‘ENGLAND!' It wasn't exactly Les Misérables, but it did the job. If the day of the Euro Final was a musical... SKIP INTRO: 2:07 Song credits: www.Soundstripe.com
We have a list of what we're looking for, but is anyone looking for us? Another muddled observation by Mary about dating. (SKIP INTRO 2:12)
"And perhaps I'm overthinking it, but they seem to stare off in different directions, like the eyes of the Cookie Monster...." A quick look into boobs; the first bra and beyond. SKIP INTRO 2:40 -------------------------------------- Music and sound effects - www.Soundstripe.com
"It was there in that terrapin building with Mr. Marcus and his good hair, that I realised that I hated maths and was also not very good at it." A quick look into my horrid and relatable journey of everyone's least favorite subject - mathematics.
"All I want to do is get rid of the ball, so I can go home and resume Polly's pool party in Polly Pocket land." A witty observation about living with a football-obsessed family, in a football-obsessed land. (SKIP INTRO 2:29)
"We all need to arm ourselves with at least one crazy life story..." An observation about the need to have a wild story to tell... SKIP INTRO 2:21.
"The problem with moving to Australia was that I had to bring myself with me." The story of when I moved to Australia and the vital life lessons I learnt. Skip Intro 2:44
"As I ate my plant-based scone, I heard that luring voice coming from an ovary. “You can throw an afternoon tea party too…if you just use one of us." When you're single, 32, and at your friend's baby shower... SKIP INTRO 2:05
Cats have mastered the subtle art of not giving a f***. Last week I looked after Enzo...This is the story of how I went a little crazy.
When Hermione opened her egg sandwich on the Eurostar, I was reminded of why I don't do group holidays. A story about a girls' trip to Amsterdam. (Skip Intro 2:08)
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