The Reality Of Love

Couples Therapists Rachel and Lindsay explore  ABC's the Bachelor. They utilize inspiration from this Bachelor seasons episodes 9 and 10; the finale. Real life relationship Topics explored are:If there is no safety in relationships and how that can impact intimacy. Having “agency” in our relationships. Secure and anxious attachment. Discussing what falls under infidelity. How to know what we share with our partners and what we don't; Discussing and setting agreements in our relationships.How protecting our image and character can play into influencing our decisions within our connections. 

The couples therapists finish up Love is blind season 3 by exploring the controversial Cole and Zanab dynamic. The therapist get an opportunity to really look at contempt in action which is one of the Gottman Four Horsemen communication barriers. Rachel and Lindsay also explore the need for curiosity, potential communication approaches that could have helped this couple better understand one another, and projection. The therapists also discuss the public and casts strong reaction to one of the people within this partnership and the confusion given the relationship skills and dynamics the therapists have watched play out within the show and even the never before scene footage dropped during the reunion. 

Rachel and Lindsay explore ABC's the Bachelor and start by acknowledging the Vulnerability hangovers for the cast the past few weeks. Rachel and Lindsay give praise to the courage the reality show stars have in putting themselves out there in this way. Rachel and Lindsay discuss tolerance for others emotions and how this allows us to be there for our partners.  The show gives the Therapists opportunity to explore the insecurities that can come up in dating for people living with mental health diagnosis. The therapists also discuss importance of understanding our partners experiences with their mental health and identifying how they might feel supported. The couples counselors also explore how this topic triggers shame at times and the difference of shame versus guilt. Rachel and Lindsay give some insight to the intricate and confusing component of diagnosis and how that can look depending on type of medical provider one may see and their scope of practice. They share the Importance of working with providers who specialize in psychiatric medicine if seeking medication help for mental health support. Rachel and Lindsay also express why it's important to work with counselors along side their medication manager to help all providers get a clear view into the client's experiences. Rachel gives a good example of looking at mental health care as a Pie with a bunch of important pieces. Pieces included can be a Dietitian, counselor, medication manager, physical health, energy/spiritual health, and social support/community connection. Rachel and Lindsay have a fun discussion around the benefit of feeling needed by our partners. The Therapists talk about the Importance of showing appreciation and admiration. Also explored is focusing on how we show up and what we bring to the table versus what we can get out of another person when trying to find someone who will match our desired effort. 

The couples counselors Rachel and Lindsay discuss some heavy but important topics this week utilizing Netflix's  Love is Blind 3 as the back drop. The  therapists focus on relationship dynamics surrounding the couple Matt and Colleen. Lindsay and Rachel have a compassionate discussion around how abusive dynamics start small and grow. They also give voice to how they can creep up on us and how we can fall into explaining it away. The relationship therapists explore in depth the “Power and Control Wheel” and its counter part “Equality wheel”. Other topics discussed are: “When I'm hurting, your world stops.” - John Gottman; Trusting our partners can be there for us. Codependent, interdependent, independent Spectrum. Aggressive presenting body language. The need for safety to communicate honestly. All people in the relationship needing to be willing to work on their own emotion regulation.Green flags: Willing to take responsibility at least for a small part. 

This week, Couple's Counselors Lindsay and Rachel, discuss the continued stories of abusive relationships told by the women  cast on ABC's The Bachelor. Rachel and Lindsay discuss the in and outs of how common these accounts are, things that contribute to abusive systems, and the shame connection. The relationship Therapists also discuss over-personalizing and communication tricks to help state more neutral, factual statements to emotionally regulate. Explore “I feel” statements and actually using feeling words. The Therapists discuss how criticism and contempt can come in when not actually using feeling words. Rachel and Lindsay share how sometimes couples counseling can feel like the therapist gets caught on “Semantics” and they explain the importance of words and utilizing small changes to the way we communicate to gain life changing results in our communication and connection with our loved ones. Rachel and Lindsay discussed “I'm not willing to change” statements we hear people use often times and how this leads to staying stuck. Rachel and Lindsay also explore Missed connections on the show and missed opportunities for connection due to communication barriers. 

Relationship Therapists Lindsay and Rachel utilize Netflix's show Love is Blind 3 to provide examples for explored topics around; What role friendship plays in sex, how approval or disapproval from close family and friends affects how we see our love interests, where we receive messages about what "being a good wife" means, and really exploring the benefit of being honest about "just not feeling it" when dating rather than ghosting or finding a "scape goat" to end things. As always, there are lots of laughs and great food for thought around relationship dynamics and all the ways we work to navigate them. 

Relationship counselors Rachel and Lindsay explore one of the longest standing therapy approaches, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), utilizing the newest season of ABC's The Bachelor. They explain the benefits of understanding the basics of CBT, Its intention when being utilized, and how social media and its influencers have given this approach a bad reputation. Lindsay and Rachel challenge the social media frenzy that has accused CBT of being "self gaslighting" and "toxic positivity". They explore the true way to understand and utilize this technique; avoiding falling into "self gaslighting" and "toxic positivity".  The therapists also discuss examples from the show that demonstrate the relatable acting on impulse when we feel fearful. Also explored are ways to work with our thoughts to neutralize and support our internal system to find a sense of calm and respond versus react to situations in our lives. Last but not least, Shame triggers are also discussed again this episode and Rachel and Lindsay have a fun candid discussion about the Bachelor date challenges, whether or not they would partake in some of them, and some of their own self reflection of how their thoughts and unwanted identities might influence their feelings in these scenarios. 

The therapists discuss defining different elements to the equation of attraction and utilize the "GenderBread Person" to help explore the fluidity of Gender Identity, gender expression, biological sex, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction. Rachel and Lindsay discuss the importance of breaking out of a binary way of thinking when it comes to attraction and compatibility in relationships. They continue to discuss feminine and masculine energy within all of us that is not linked to biological sex or gender identity. Last but not least, they discuss how we unconsciously feel drawn to people who help us find a balance within ourselves and therefore within our connection. 

Therapists, Rachel and Lindsay, really break down specifics of attachment styles and utilize the beginning of ABC's new season of the hit show "The Bachelor" as the back drop to provide examples of how our attachment styles show up, mix, and mingle with other attachment styles in prospective partners. Rachel and Lindsay are watching in real time with you and we can't wait to explore popular experiences in relationship building from a therapeutic, compassionate stand point. The Therapists also allow their human (non-counselor sides) to come out and this episode is full of laughs as usual. Come join us! 

The Therapists explain Dr. John and Julie Gottmans "Ideal dreams" concept in more depth than previous episodes. Rachel and Lindsay discuss some common roots behind values and ethics each individual holds and brings to a relationship. They also discuss importance of being flexible and moving to compromise in our relationships so that as many dreams within can be met for each person in the relationship. Other topics include disorganized attachment, How we can sometimes bring out the worst in one another, and  the importance of not threatening to leave, divorce, or separate when we don't really mean it. Rachel and Lindsay also stress not having big conversations or making big decisions when drinking. Fasten your seat belts. Netflix's Love is Blind season 3 is our backdrop for examples of these topics when trying to relate, connect, and work towards marriage. Love is Blind Season 3 also provides great examples in how influential our family's of origin can be when trying to connect and choose a partner; the therapists help connect this to the ideal dream concept. We hope you enjoy! 

The Therapists explore common relationship struggles and healthy relationship skills utilizing the back drop of Love is Blind Season 3. Topics include emotional flooding, self soothing, making Threats to end a relationship, hidden goals behind those threats, why threats are damaging to the relationship, and all things secure attachment versus anxious attachment communication when seeking re-assurance. And let's not forget... Rachel and Lindsay really highlight some major behaviors when working to build trust, a sense of safety, and a sense of security with your partner. 

Things begin to heat up in review of Netflix's show "Love is Blind 3" as Lindsay and Rachel continue to explore the cast's beginning entanglements when finally getting to be physical with one another. The Therapist's explore attachment needs beginning to surface for each person and how common attachment styles show themselves ESPECIALLY when you add sex to the equation of a relationship. Other topics discussed are Parentification, Gottman's four Horsemen, and making sure there is a culture of "We" in our relationships. Please Enjoy :). 

Rachel and Lindsay discuss the courage we show in our efforts to make connection. They explore the fear of rejection, what studies have lent to our knowledge of why rejection is so difficult, and normalize it showing up in our relationships from Dating to long term committed relationships. Other topics discussed are shame shields and vulnerability hang overs. All this inspired by Netflix's Love is blind Season 3, episodes 3 &4. The Therapists also explore how fearing rejection and feeling vulnerable add to some awkwardness and adjusting to the cast members being in each others physical space. 

This Episode, Rachel and Lindsay explore which cast members are coupling up in the beginning and which ones seem to make meaningful enough connections to move to the next step in their journey. Rachel and Lindsay explore ways in which connection is disrupted by some cast members as well as the ways in which conversation and connection is easily enhanced due to cast members approaches. Other topics are Rejection, continuing to date despite rejection history, body language, reassuring partners, and how we might discern authenticity in another. All information  and topics are presented in a conversational style that makes this podcast have a similar feel to chatting with your friends with an added dose of information shared from Rachel and Lindsay's couple's counseling background. 

Join Rachel and Lindsay as they introduce and explore the cast of the most recent Love is Blind 3. Rachel and Lindsay discuss first impressions and early communication style notices. Topics explored include early dating topics, discussing family planning in early dating, staying curious when getting to know someone, and noticing a few ways the cast members test to see if there is safety in their connections. Grab those earbuds and join Lindsay and Rachel for some lighthearted conversation around Netflix's show Love is Blind 3 while simultaneously learning ways to improve communication and connection based on the therapists' knowledge in couples counseling. 

Rachel and Lindsay revisit love is blind. This episode they explore whether or not physical attraction matters based on ways of connection and some research around physical attraction. The therapist's also discuss objectification versus desire and have a friendly debate on whether or not one display of affection in the show was objectification or desire.  Grab your coffee or beverage of choice and join Lindsay and Rachel as they explore fun relationships concepts in a conversational format. 

Explore reunion and outcome of Netflix's show the ultimatum; marry or move on. We explore What a trigger is and how they connect to big reactions in our interactions with others. We explore how we might turn inwards and check in when we notice we are triggered in order to uncover needs. 

Rachel and Lindsay circle back to emotional bank account. They explore a culture of appreciation, ways we show appreciation, and Gottman's small things often concept. The five love languages are further discussed. The therapists' also discuss whether or not the couples in the show are in an open relationship.  They also explore looking into our partners phones and why trust is such an important piece of relationship success. 

In this part 1 of 2, the therapists discuss Netflix's show the Ultimatum episodes 6, 7, 8, 9. The therapists discuss common themes they saw amidst the couples to include comparing our partners and how this can be misunderstood, Bids for connection, turning towards, ways we leave our relationships (emotionally and physically), and even some exploration of the five love languages and how they connect to "filling up our emotional bank accounts" in our relationships. There is a lot of helpful education and examples in this one. You won't want to miss it! 

This Episode is chalk full of concrete examples of the "Four Horsemen" defined by Dr.'s John and Julie Gottman and their research with couples and communication. Also discussed is stress reducing conversation skills, the importance of being able to have stress reducing conversations with your spouse, and why timing is important when giving our partners advice. Rachel and Lindsay also point out an example of how stories we tell ourselves really affect how we interpret closeness with others and co-regulation. The therapist also provide some great resources for the audiences further exploration on topics discussed so far in the podcast. Love is beautiful and tricky and we are all just doing our best and trying to figure it all out. Come join us! 

On todays episode we explore the episode 4 of Netflix's show the ultimatum; marry or move on. We examine the cast introducing their practice partners to their family, we give further specifics on hormone reactions in different stages of love (also posted on our Instagram @therealityoflovepodcast), a lot of focus on attachment styles, what seems to trigger attachment style behaviors, deflection, and discussion around emotional safety and how that supports secure attachment. 

The therapist's explore the heightened tension at the cast round table on the Netflix's show The Ultimatum; Marry or Move On Episode when choosing their "new" partner. Rachel and Lindsay explore emotions and reactions seen on screen as well as decision made from fear and why we want to avoid that. Examples within this episode of possible red flags early on in relationships is also discussed. 

Rachel and Lindsay Explore Netflix's show "The Ultimatum; Marry or Move on." Rachel and Lindsay look at the reality of the cast's reactions, help normalize reactions as viewers, as well as the very real psychological experiences that are potentially playing out for the reality stars. Rachel and Lindsay explain and provide examples from the show of unwanted identities, shame triggers, and limerence. Listen to connect to our humanness in relationships and maybe even laugh a little with Rachel and Lindsay. 

Rachel and Lindsay introduce a new show this week: Netflix's "The Ultimatum; Marry or Move On". Rachel and Lindsay discuss the first episode where they explore their thoughts on ultimatums, whether or not they feel they are effective, and the differences between an ultimatum and a boundary. Rachel describes what attachment styles look like, how they may show up for the couples in this show set up, and the potential for attachment wounds for the couples in this show. Lindsay explores the real conversation that we are often times trying to have when we resort to giving ultimatums. 

Rachel and Lindsay share why they have chosen to create the podcast "The Reality of Love". They explore the first episode in Netflix's "Love is Blind" Season 2 and share insights to some of the most interesting and intense dynamics In this first episode that had social media buzzing. Rachel and Lindsay explore the key to connection in early dating, the delicate dance we all do to create connection while often times trying to protect ourselves, and explore key ways-of-thinking and communication that can improve our connections at all stages. Listen to learn about Shame shields, Four Horsemen, attachment theory, and more. See how these concepts show up in this weeks chosen reality show.