Podcasts about gottman

Before my daughter was born, I made a book split into two halves. One cover said 'me.' The other said 'you.' I filled the 'you' side with a list of hopes for who she'd become. I had a lot of ideas about the person she should be before I'd ever met her.  This episode marks ten years of the podcast, and I'm using it to walk through ten things I got wrong along the way. Because if you're in the middle of any of these yourself, I want you to know exactly where I started. I'll cover what I misunderstood about the RIE approach and Magda Gerber's work, how I mixed up authoritative and authoritarian parenting in an early episode and had to go back and correct it on air, and a fight over a dose of antibiotics that taught me the difference between managing my daughter's behavior and understanding what was underneath it. Then I get into what I got wrong about myself: a resentment that built for months in my marriage before I understood what a need even was, a moment mid-interview when I realized one of my biggest triggers had nothing to do with my daughter, and the Alfie Kohn book that planted the seed for how I parent now. I close with what I got wrong about parenting itself, and why, ten years in, I still think most of us are trying to do this without the people around us it takes. Questions this episode will answer What is the RIE approach to parenting? RIE, developed by Magda Gerber, treats infants as capable people who deserve respect from birth. I only found out about it because friends who practiced RIE came to meet my daughter right after she was born, right before they moved away. This episode gets into what happened after that one visit.  What's the difference between authoritative and authoritarian parenting? Authoritative parenting is warm and sets limits through relationship, while authoritarian parenting sets limits through control and obedience. I got these two labels mixed up on the podcast in 2017. This episode looks at what happened when I dug into the research behind that framework and found out how narrow it is. How do you discipline a child without using punishment? Instead of punishment, this approach looks at what a child is struggling with and works with them to solve the problem. I share the story of a medicine fight with my daughter where forcing the issue failed completely, and a different approach, built on her having some say in what happened, worked on the first try. Why do couples fight more after having a baby? New parents often take on different loads of housework, childcare, and mental tracking, and that imbalance builds resentment fast when it isn't named. I talk through the specific fight with my husband that forced me to see I was missing collaboration and acknowledgement, and that he was missing something too.  What is the Gottman method, and does it work for parenting partners? The Gottman method is a well-known approach to couples communication, built on decades of relationship research. I talk about where I think it falls short for parents specifically, and what I changed to fill the gap with couples in the Parenting Membership. What are the biggest mistakes parents make? This episode names ten, from misunderstanding what respect looks like with an infant to assuming a nuclear family is supposed to do this work alone. I walk through each one, including the specific moment that showed me I had it wrong. What you'll learn in this episode How Magda Gerber's RIE approach and Alfie Kohn's bookUnconditional Parentingreshaped how I saw my daughter, and which of Kohn's 13 principles I still use with parents todayWhy the authoritative parenting research that's been cited over 26,000 times was built on 146 white, middle-class preschoolers in one town, and what that means for how much weight it should carryThe medicine fight that showed me the difference between forcing a behavior to stop and understanding what my daughter needed to do it differentlyHow a recurring fight with my husband over the four-month sleep regression led me to understand what a need is, in my marriage and in my parentingWhat happened during a live interview when I realized one of my biggest triggers wasn't about my daughter at all, and how that became Taming Your TriggersWhy I now think parenting was never supposed to happen inside one house with one set of parents, and what building a village looked like for my family Other episodes mentioned: 020: How do I get my child to do what I want them to do?148: Is spanking a child really so bad?183: What I wish I'd known about parenting069: Reducing the impact of intergenerational trauma209: How to get on the same page as your parenting partner Ten years of learning it twice Every one of these ten lessons, I had to learn twice. Once in my head, from a book or a study or a guest on the show. Then again, slower and harder, in the actual moment with Carys or Alvin, often while everyone around me was doing it a different way. Knowing what's underneath a behavior doesn't mean you'll catch it at 6pm when dinner's burning and your kid is on the floor. That takes practice, and people around you who are practicing the same thing. That's what the Parenting Membership is for. A place to keep practicing the information you learned, in your specific moments with your specific kid, alongside other parents doing the same work. Jump to highlights 00:00 Opening: the original episode zero script, re-recorded and re-read on this 10th anniversary 01:57 Milestone reflection: 10 years, over 300 episodes, and thanking Dr. Roberta Golinkoff and Katie Stankie 06:00 What I got wrong #1: thinking my job was to make Carys stop doing things, illustrated by a medicine-refusal standoff 09:19 What I got wrong #2: uncritically accepting authoritative parenting as "the best" style before questioning Baumrind's framework 13:40 Listener Laura shares what she wishes she'd known about potty training too early 17:41 What I got wrong #3: believing kids would "walk all over me" without punishments and consequences 18:34 Dr. Houri Parsi's story of a four-minute toothbrushing turnaround once she stopped trying to control the outcome 21:31 What I got wrong #4: not understanding that people (including myself) have needs, illustrated by early parenting friction with my husband 24:01 What I got wrong #5: realizing my triggers were about my own history, not just my husband's behavior, in conversation with Dr. Rebecca Babcock-Fenerci 27:55 What I got wrong #6: assuming parenting wouldn't change me much, illustrated by hiking the Tour de Mont Blanc with an 8-week-old 30:27 What I got wrong #7: trying to shape my daughter into a preconceived idea, based on a list of "hopes" written during pregnancy 33:14 What I got wrong #8: assuming I'd be "the enforcer," and how Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting principles shifted that 39:07 What I got wrong #9: treating couples' relationships as separate from parent-child ones, and lessons from Gottman-based coaching 42:34 What I got wrong #10: assuming parenting happens within one nuclear household rather than needing a village 47:58 Closing thanks to Denise Suarez and an invitation to join the Parenting Membership

MAPS Abs and Butt: https://mapsabsandbutt.com Code: LAUNCH for 40% off. Includes Butt Building Diet Guide, Women's Supplement Guide, at-home dumbbell version and a free second program at checkout (Muscle Mommy or Muscle Mommy 15). Bret Contreras — the man who invented the barbell hip thrust — joins the guys to talk glute building, training longevity and why genetics matter more than most trainers will admit. They also get into his rotating periodization system, the new research on upper vs. lower glute targeting, and why hip thrust beats squats for most people. Plus Bret opens up about being single at 50 and what therapy taught him about relationships. SPONSORS Legion (supplements): https://buylegion.com/mindpump Code: MINDPUMP — new customers buy one get one 50% off, returning customers get 20% cash back. Third-party tested, clinical doses.   GUEST LINKS Bret Contreras: https://www.instagram.com/bretcontreras1 Booty by Bret: https://www.instagram.com/bootybybretofficial   LINKS Mind Pump Store: https://mindpumpstore.com Maps Fitness Products: https://mapsfitnessproducts.com Instagram: @mindpumpmedia   0:00 - Intro 2:05 - Can anyone build a great butt? Bret explains why genetics determine 60% of the outcome 8:03 - Sacral slope, intramuscular fat, insertion points and fat distribution — the real variables 10:14 - Why quad dominant people cannot feel squats in their glutes — and the isometric fix 13:47 - New research: isometric training at stretch produces the same hypertrophy as leg extensions 21:57 - How Bret applies isometric work with clients and why eccentrics don't fatigue the same way 31:31 - How important is getting stronger? The research on strength and hypertrophy has finally caught up 34:11 - Why Bret's San Diego squad got more injured than his Fort Lauderdale squad — and the lesson 39:37 - Training around pain instead of through it — the real key to longevity in the gym 48:56 - Squats vs. hip thrust — why hip thrust wins on frequency, not on muscle activation 53:17 - Bret's rotating periodization system — switching the focus lift every four weeks 58:37 - New research: you can target upper vs. lower glute max through movement selection 1:01:00 - The permanent glute specialization template — 36 sets per week for glutes in 3 days 1:18:33 - Dating as a trainer surrounded by bikini models — Bret opens up about being single at 50 1:27:02 - Therapy, Gottman, Arthur Brooks and why Bret thinks purpose is the real secret to happiness

You still say I love you before bed. You still sit next to each other on the couch most nights. Nothing bad has happened, no big fight, no betrayal, and somewhere along the way you stopped feeling like you actually know this person.This episode looks at three reasons emotional intimacy fades in long term relationships, even when nothing has gone wrong, and what you can actually do about it this week.Things Discussed:What bids for connection are, and why missing them slowly creates distanceThe Gottman research on why relationships more often end in a slow drift than one big blow upWhy spending time together is not the same as quality timeThe REV framework for listening: reflect, empathically attune, validateThe still face experiment, and why a blank face can feel threateningWhy couples stop updating each other, and how to start againSpecific open ended questions to try with your partner this weekTimestamps:2:00 Why emotional distance builds without one clear cause3:00 Bids for connection, explained5:00 The Gottman research on what keeps couples together7:00 Why time together is not the same as quality time9:00 The problem with yes or no questions11:00 REV: reflect, empathically attune, validate14:00 The still face experiment15:00 The third reason couples drift apart18:00 Questions to try with your partner this week20:00 Small deposits, not one grand gestureResources and LinksFree open ended questions guide Open ended questions https://marievakakis.com.au/open-ended-questions-for-couples/Relationship Reset coursehttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Keep the Conversation Goingforms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Connect with Marie:https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Send us Fan MailC4 Leaders – the ONLY nonprofit to utilize the pizza making process to create space for our companions to be seen, heard, and loved.   We work with businesses, sports teams, hospitals, churches…anyone looking to RISE TOGETHER.  We also write children's books and use the most amazing handmade, hand-tossed, sourdough pizza to bring out the best in each other.   Please check out c4leaders.org to support our important work. Season 6 Episode #32 Kameran Al-Areqi is coming from Wichita, Kansas (inform, inspire, & transform)You can find Kameran via her website recognizingpotential.comKameran is a Gottman certified marriage coach, the host of The Married and Connected Podcast, and the founder of the Recognizing Potential Coaching Program. Kameran is known for her authenticity, straightforward nature and her ability to help couples with even the most complex of circumstances. Kameran believes that lasting love begins within. Over the years, she learned that unhealthy patterns, unhealed wounds, and unresolved trauma don't just affect you — they seep into your relationship and form who your children will become as well. Unresolved issues create cycles of disconnection, frustration, and loneliness, which is why her coaching is deeply rooted in healing the individual, so that two people can come together stronger, safer, and more connected than ever.Kameran, thanks for helping couples all over the world, thanks for continuing to coach yourself to be the best you can be and thanks for being our guest on Life's Essential Ingredients…welcome to the show!TOTD – “May I fall as rain to increase the harvests that must feed living beings…and in ages of dire famine, may I myself serve as food and drink.”                                     ShantidevaBuild a habit - to create intention - to live your purpose! In this episode:What was life like growing up?Podcast – Married and Connected93% success rateSuffering…what does that mean…Average couple waits 6 years to get helpAttachment StylesStages of relationships…Gottman's Sound Relationship House ModelIngredients that are missing from most marriages – commitment, trust and friendship…Comparisons..Goal of Marriage is to grow together…Partner should not be the one to make you happy…Legacy

Chronic sexual rejection in a relationship doesn't just cause hurt feelings, it rewires how a person feels about themselves, their body, and their worth.In this episode I break down what's actually happening in the nervous system when a partner is turned down again and again, why rejection activates some of the same brain regions involved in physical pain, and how "not tonight" starts to feel like proof you're not wanted. I get into the real difference between a mutual dry spell and a unilateral shutdown, why low desire is never manipulation, and how weaponizing intimacy is a distinct and more damaging pattern. Then I trace the predictable spiral: pursue, withdraw, keep score, and eventually contempt — which Gottman identifies as the clearest warning sign a relationship is breaking down.I close with what actually helps: small daily check-ins instead of relationship summits, physical affection with genuinely no expectation attached, and letting go of the idea that fixing your sex life means going back to exactly how it used to be.In This Episode:0:00 – The Man Who Kept a Rejection Chart0:14 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth0:32 – Today's Topic: When Intimacy Quietly Disappears1:19 – Consent, Entitlement & Why This Still Hurts2:09 – The Nervous System's Response to Rejection2:47 – The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle Begins3:48 – What Rejection Really Asks: Am I Wanted?5:09 – Touch, Oxytocin & the Stress Spiral6:04 – Consent vs. Weaponized Intimacy8:04 – Criticism, Contempt & the Four Horsemen9:39 – Sponsor Break: ARIA10:01 – The Other Side: Why the Lower-Desire Partner Shuts Down11:32 – Rebuilding Starts Here: The Daily Check-In13:00 – Rebuilding: Affection With No Expectation14:08 – Redefining Intimacy for Who You Are Now15:39 – When to Get Outside Help, Final Thoughts & OutroTo watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!

Send us Fan MailFinding Meaning Through Viktor Frankl, Chabad Chassidus & TherapyIn this episode of From The Inside Out Podcast with Rivkah Krinsky and Eda Schottenstein, we interview Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, a therapist and author of "Viktor Frankl and the Psychology of the Soul," about integrating CBT, marriage/family therapy, Viktor Frankl's logotherapy, and Chabad Chassidus. Schonbuch explains Frankl's core idea that humans are driven by meaning, not pleasure or power, and outlines three ways to find meaning: purposeful work, love/experience, and changing one's attitude when suffering can't be avoided. He describes creating TorahPsychology.org, holding Hakhel conferences inspired by the Rebbe's encouragement and a message sent to Frankl, and using a 30-day logotherapy workbook to reduce depression and anxiety. The conversation also covers shared meaning in marriage, rising divorce and estrangement, parenting tools (I=QR, connection/communication/reduced control), reflective listening, trauma and meaning, and incorporating Mitteler Rebbe  teachings and “Tracht gut vet zein gut.”EPISODE SPONSORSYakira BellaYakira Bella is a modest, beautiful clothing brand with dresses that look and feel like designer pieces — elegant, well-made, and made to move with you all night — without the designer price tag. Their pieces get noticed and get compliments every time, and they're proud to be a brand featured on our podcast. Check out the link in our show notes. 

Get the 200+ Page Optimal Living Daily Workbook (PDF) - Free. Want to turn today's episode into an actionable plan? Join the Optimal Living Weekly newsletter and I'll send you our 200-page digital workbook immediately. It's packed with the best takeaways from the show, formatted for easy reading and implementation at home. Get your free PDF workbook here: https://oldpodcast.eo.page/join Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com Episode 3125: Anita Chlipala explains how couples drift from loving talk into logistical talk without noticing, and offers ten open-ended questions that reopen the conversation, covering childhood memories, unmet needs, private worries, unfulfilled dreams, and physical intimacy. She notes that the couples who stay connected are simply deliberate about it, setting aside twenty distraction-free minutes and letting themselves be vulnerable rather than staging grand gestures. It is small, repeatable relationship advice for keeping a marriage close over the long run. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-questions-happy-couples-constantly-asking-one-another/ Quotes to ponder: "Too many couples become emotionally disconnected and they never saw it coming." "Let yourself be vulnerable. It's a pathway to intimacy and it helps you build and maintain trust." "Intimacy suffers when people stay focused on the things that aren't going well or take the good things for granted." Optimal Relationships Daily is a daily relationship advice podcast where we narrate the best articles on healthy relationships, dating, marriage, and parenting, read to you by a professional narrator so you can strengthen your closest connections a little more every day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We sit down with marriage and family therapist Sonnet Hinsey to talk about premarital education as prevention, not therapy for people in trouble. We break down the Five Love Languages, Gottman-inspired connection habits, and simple action plans that help couples stay close when the “in love” high shifts into real life. • why prevention work matters before conflict hardens into patterns • how RELATE and READY assessments create clarity and shared language • what keeps premarital education from feeling scary or stigmatized • the Five Love Languages and why couples “miss the mark” with good intentions • building a concrete love language action plan that actually gets used • Gottman concepts that strengthen friendship, fondness and daily connection • bids for connection and why small responses matter more than grand gestures • budgeting and money talks as part of preparing for marriage • simple CBT tools for handling triggers and communicating needs • Sonnet's online love languages date night and follow-up supports Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book StoreWritten by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduceThe opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: Strongermarriage.org  Podcast.stongermarriage.orgYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLifeTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelifeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579Dr. Dave Schramm: http://drdaveschramm.comhttp://drdavespeaks.com Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Most men rebuilding after loss carry an anger they've never said out loud — not at the loss itself, but at a life that kept moving, at people who moved on faster, sometimes even at the person they lost. In this episode, Ron looks at Gottman's Four Horsemen research on why unspoken resentment is one of the strongest predictors that a relationship is in trouble, and applies it to the relationship every man in grief has with his own silence. This is Week 1 of a new arc on what happens when the weight we carry never gets said out loud. Free guide, The Weight You're Carrying Alone, is linked in the show notes. Rewrite The Story, Ron Simplified Myers, widower grief, men's grief, rebuilding after loss, grief recovery for men, widower support, healing after loss, unspoken resentment, grief and anger, resentment after loss, moving on after loss, grief journey for men, rebuilding identity after loss, Uplifting Life Partners, anger after loss, silent grief men, Four Horsemen, Gottman research, losing a spouse

End Strong. Finish Like It Matters—Because It Does. What if the way you end a conversation matters more than everything that happened before it? In this solo episode of the Empowered Team Podcast, Kari Schneider explores the powerful psychology behind the Peak-End Rule, a research-backed principle from Daniel Kahneman and Barbara Fredrickson showing that people don't remember the entire experience—they remember the most intense moment and how it ended. That means whether you're leading a team meeting, coaching an athlete, navigating conflict in a relationship, or ending your workday, your final moments shape what people carry forward. Kari shares powerful examples from: High-performance sports coaching Leadership and team culture Gottman relationship research Exercise psychology studies Real-world business meetings In this episode, you'll learn: Why difficult meetings can either destroy morale or build resilience The science behind the Peak-End Rule and duration neglect Why unresolved tension lingers longer than the actual conflict How strong leaders intentionally create better endings Three simple ways to leave people feeling empowered Kari's 3 Strategies to End Strong: ✔ Name the win — Anchor attention on what went right ✔ Repair before you close — Don't let unresolved tension become the lasting memory ✔ Design the last moment on purpose — Create endings people remember positively Key Takeaway: You may not control every moment of an interaction… But you can control how it ends. And that ending may determine whether people feel defeated, motivated, connected, or ready to return stronger. Your challenge: Before your next meeting, conversation, or difficult interaction, ask yourself: “What memory am I helping create?” Because the ending matters. And when you finish strong—you lead strong.   REFERENCES Fredrickson, B.L. & Kahneman, D. (1993). Duration neglect in retrospective evaluations of affective episodes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 65(1), 45–55. Kahneman, D., Fredrickson, B.L., Schreiber, C.A., & Redelmeier, D.A. (1993). When more pain is preferred to less: Adding a better end. Psychological Science, 4(6), 401–405. Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. Gottman, J.M. & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishers. Gottman, J.M. (2015). Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love. Routledge. Bastos, V., Ekkekakis, P., Andrade, A.J., & Teixeira, D.S. (2025). The peak and end rule, affect-related cognitions, enjoyment, and exercise frequency: A randomized controlled trial ancillary study. Psychology of Sport and Exercise. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2025.102963 Bandura, A. (1997). Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control. W.H. Freeman.  

Why does it feel like nothing actually gets resolved even after you've calmed down?You've named the cycle. You've caught the flood before it swept you under. You've slowed down enough to see the story your brain was telling you. But there's still one more step nobody talks about — going back in. This week, Jill closes out the "Why You Keep Having the Same Fight" series with The Conversation: a simple, four-question framework for coming back to a hard conversation with clarity instead of chaos.Using Mark and Christy's story one final time, Jill walks through what it actually looks like to sit back down after a rupture — not to relitigate who was right, but to understand each other. She unpacks why "acting normal again" isn't repair, why silence lets resentment go underground, and why the goal was never a fight-free marriage in the first place. It was always this: learning how to find your way back.In This Episode:- The four questions that turn a conversation from circular to clear: What are we actually talking about? What are we trying to accomplish? What was happening in your model? What's underneath this?- Why skipping straight to the "topic" keeps you stuck in the same fight- What Mark and Christy discovered was underneath 100 different arguments about 100 different things- Why real repair is small, specific, and frequent — not one perfect conversation- The Gottman research on repair attempts and relationship stability- How to have this conversation even if you're the only one showing up for itKey Takeaways:Repair isn't the absence of conflict — it's what you do after. And you don't need your spouse, sister, or friend to be doing this work alongside you for your half of it to matter. When you change how you move in the cycle, the whole cycle has to reorganize.This episode closes out the four-part series "Why You Keep Having the Same Fight." If you're just joining, start with Episode 160 to hear the whole arc — from naming the cycle to flooding to the stories underneath to this: coming back to the table.Keywords: relationship repair, marriage conflict, Gottman method, communication in marriage, emotional flooding, Christian marriage advice, recurring conflict, nervous system and relationships FREE: The 4 Mindset Shifts for a Happier MarriageReady to stop waiting for your husband to change and start focusing on how you want to show up in your marriage? Get the free mini-course + workbook and Scripture study here:myhappyvault.comDiscover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com

So. 06.09. um 10 Uhr: Kostenloses Live-Webinar zum Thema "Wenn deine Sicherheit am anderen hängt: Wie du emotionale Abhängigkeit löst – ob Single oder in Beziehung". Jetzt deinen Platz sichern! 30 Sekunden Zusammenfassung Das Love Lab: Wie John Gottman mit Kameras, Körpersensoren und 15-Minuten-Konfliktgesprächen Trennungen mit über 90 % Genauigkeit vorhersagen konnte Der 7-Fragen-Selbsttest: Vom harten Streit-Einstieg über Verachtung bis zur Frage, wie ihr eure gemeinsame Geschichte erzählt — jede Frage basiert auf einem nachgewiesenen Vorhersagefaktor Die zwei Wege in die Trennung: Warum manche Paare früh am Gift zerbrechen — und andere spät an der Stille Warum der Eisbär nicht aus Kälte mauert: Was Gottmans Herzfrequenz-Messungen über den Rückzug im Streit wirklich zeigen Risiko ist nicht Schicksal: Warum dein Trennungsrisiko kein Paar-Wert ist, sondern die Summe zweier Bindungsmuster — und genau deshalb veränderbar Du möchtest 1:1 an deinen Themen arbeiten? Dann fülle 7 Fragen aus und buche dir ein kostenfreies Erstgespräch zur HEARTset-Journey: Hier klicken! Hier gehts zum kostenfreien Videokurs "Deine erfüllte Partnerschaft startet hier": Hier klicken! Jetzt auf die Warteliste setzen für die neue Runde zum Beziehungssicher-Kurs: Hier klicken! Werde Heartset-Coach! Hier geht`s zur neuen Ausbildungsrunde: Hier klicken! Kostenfreier Bindungstypentest: Bist du Eisbär, Schwan oder Pinguin? Hier klicken! Podcastfolge zur Vertiefung: 7 Dinge, die du für dich selbst tun musst, bevor du jemanden liebst. Hier klicken!   Quellen: Gottman, J. M. & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221–233. Gottman, J. M. & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14-year period. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(3), 737–745. Carrère, S. & Gottman, J. M. (1999). Predicting divorce among newlyweds from the first three minutes of a marital conflict discussion. Family Process, 38(3), 293–301. Buehlman, K. T., Gottman, J. M. & Katz, L. F. (1992). How a couple views their past predicts their future: The Oral History Interview. Journal of Family Psychology, 5(3–4), 295–318. Gottman, J. M. (1994). What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship Between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishers.

Relationship repair predicts whether a couple lasts even more than how often they fight. This episode closes out the five week Being Heard series with the research on repair attempts, why accepting the reach matters more than making one, and what actually gets in the way for men rebuilding after loss and starting to trust someone new. Ron walks through why pride convinces people that softening first means losing, what a real repair attempt looks like when you're on the receiving end, and why the relationship is decided in what happens after the fight, not the fight itself. Link to free guide (The Weight You're Carrying Alone): https://simplifieduplifters.net/weight-you-are-carrying-alone Link to $9 ebook (Rewrite The Story): https://simplifieduplifters.net/rewrite Link to Facebook community (Uplifting Life Partners): https://www.facebook.com/groups/simplifieduplifterscommunity And most important — remember, you are extraordinary. Libsyn Tags (20): repair after a fight, relationship repair, Gottman repair attempts, how to repair a relationship, rebuilding after loss, widower dating again, grief and dating, men's grief, Rewrite The Story, Ron Simplified Myers, relationship advice for men, repair attempts, communication after conflict, healing after loss, second chances at love, dating after loss, relationship skills, men's mental health, moving on after loss, Uplifting Life Partners

En este episodio de los 4 jinetes del apocalisis de la pareja de Gottman analizo por que es un problema estar siempre a la defensiva en una relación de pareja

Why do I shut down — or can't stop talking — when things get heated?You understood the conversation before it started. You knew what you wanted to say. And then something happened — your brain went offline, your words came out wrong, or nothing came out at all. You walked away wondering why you couldn't just hold it together.That's not a character flaw. That's flooding. And until you understand what it's actually doing to your body, it's almost impossible to change what happens next.In this episode, Jill breaks down the neuroscience of emotional flooding, why productive conversation becomes nearly impossible once it hits, and why it doesn't always look the way you think. The loud version is easy to spot. The quiet version — the one that looks like calm, like two people who just don't fight — that one's trickier. And just as worth paying attention to.You'll walk away understanding your own flooding signature and with a practical five-step Flood Plan you can use before your brain shuts down and your mouth takes over.In This EpisodeWhat emotional flooding is and what it does to your brain and bodyThe four flooding responses: fight, flight, freeze, and shutdownWhy the quiet version of flooding is the easiest to missHow to identify your personal flooding signatureThe five steps of the Flood PlanHow the first two steps of the FEEL method help you find and stay with emotion in real timeKey TakeawaysFlooding is physiological — once it hits, your brain literally cannot do what you're asking it to doShutdown looks like calm but it's still floodingA pause only works if both people trust you're coming backThe person who calls the timeout re-initiates — within 30 minutes to 24 hoursRegulation means feeling the emotion, not replaying the argumentSeries Note This is Episode 2 of the four-part series Why You Keep Having the Same Fight. Start with Episode 160 if you haven't already.Keywords emotional flooding, conflict in marriage, nervous system regulation, Gottman method, communication in relationships, Christian marriage podcast FREE: The 4 Mindset Shifts for a Happier MarriageReady to stop waiting for your husband to change and start focusing on how you want to show up in your marriage? Get the free mini-course + workbook and Scripture study here:myhappyvault.comDiscover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com

Qué hace que una relación dure de verdad? ¿Es el amor, la comunicación, la paciencia… o hay algo más detrás de las parejas que logran permanecer juntas durante décadas?En este episodio de Dos Cabras Locas nos metemos de lleno en uno de los temas que más nos preguntan: el amor y las relaciones a largo plazo. Hablamos de qué hace que una pareja sea realmente sólida, de los errores que pueden llevar una relación al fracaso y de si el amor realmente está hecho para durar para siempre.00:00 Intro02:06 ¿El amor tiene que durar para siempre?04:25 El test para saber cómo está tu relación07:19 ¿Cuál es el verdadero secreto de una relación duradera?09:27 La verdad que puede salvarte años de una relación10:37 ¿Aguantar es realmente la clave para durar?11:51 El amor no es magia: es una decisión13:47 Dejar de idealizar a tu pareja16:08 ¿Las parejas duran porque perdonan infidelidades?20:41 El hombre que puede predecir un divorcio21:58 Los 4 comportamientos que pueden destruir una relación28:12 La regla 5:1 para una relación saludable29:02 ¿Cuánto dura realmente el enamoramiento?30:36 El contacto físico también mantiene vivo el amor32:22 Las claves científicas para que una relación dure34:02 Cómo criticar sin atacar a tu pareja36:30 ¿Por qué repetimos las cosas hasta explotar?37:14 No hay que eliminar los conflictos, hay que aprender a manejarlos38:24 La vulnerabilidad: lo que más cuesta mostrar39:48 Cuando se pierde la admiración, ¿se pierde el deseo?40:55 ¿Hay que luchar por una relación para siempre?42:07 Lo que podemos aprender incluso antes de enamorarnosREFERENCIAS Y FUENTESJohn GottmanGottman, J. & Silver, N. (2012). Siete reglas de oro para vivir en pareja. Debolsillo.Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2013). ¿Qué hace que el amor perdure? Debolsillo.Psicología y Mente (2025). Método Gottman de Terapia de Pareja. https://psicologiaymente.com/pareja/metodo-gottman-terapia-parejaAtlas Psicología (2025). Los 4 jinetes del apocalipsis: señales de alarma en tu relación. https://atlaspsicologia.com/los-4-jinetes-del-apocalipsis-senales-de-alarma-en-tu-relacion/Helen FisherFisher, H. (2004). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Henry Holt.Fisher, H. (2006). Why we love, why we cheat. TED Talk. https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_why_we_love_why_we_cheatiNeurociencias (2020). Helen Fisher y la neurociencia del amor. https://ineurociencias.org/helen-fisher-neuroscience/Infobae (2026). A dos años de su muerte, las definiciones de Helen Fisher sobre el amor. https://www.infobae.com/tendencias/2026/04/02/a-dos-anos-de-su-muerte-las-definiciones-de-helen-fisher-sobre-amor-y-engano/Sue JohnsonJohnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown and Company.Psicólogo Integral (2025). La ciencia descubre la magia del amor. https://psicologointegral.com/puede-la-ciencia-descifrar-magia-amor/Arthur AronAron, A. et al. (1997). The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363–377.Acavir (2026). Las 36 preguntas de Arthur Aron: ciencia detrás de conectar emocionalmente. https://www.acavir.com/articulos/las-36-preguntas-de-arthur-aron-ciencia-detras-de-conectar-emocionalmente

The first 30 seconds of a hard conversation predict how it ends — with 96 percent accuracy. In Part 3 of the Being Heard series, Ron breaks down Dr. John Gottman's research on "hard startups" versus "softened startups," and what it means for the hardest conversations men rebuilding after loss are facing right now — with grown children, with people who knew her, and with the story that shows up at 2 a.m. telling you that wanting to be happy again is a betrayal. This episode reframes the goal of a hard conversation: not to be right, but to be heard — and that starts with how you open the door.

Get the 200+ Page Optimal Living Daily Workbook (PDF) - Free. Want to turn today's episode into an actionable plan? Join the Optimal Living Weekly newsletter and I'll send you our 200-page digital workbook immediately. It's packed with the best takeaways from the show, formatted for easy reading and implementation at home. Get your free PDF workbook here: https://oldpodcast.eo.page/join Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3102: David and Constantino Khalaf share four ways to stay connected when a life transition pulls a couple apart: scheduling couple time, taking turns giving and receiving love, building small rituals, and forgiving quickly. They explain why couple time is usually the first thing to go in a stressful season, and how tiny habits keep intimacy alive when there is no time for anything bigger. It is grounded marriage advice for staying close while everything else is changing. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-ways-to-stay-connected-during-life-transitions/ Quotes to ponder: "Life transitions are like tides that can overwhelm even the strongest of marriages." "When transitions disrupt our schedules and routines, the first thing to go is usually couple time." "A willingness to forgive quickly is a repair attempt that helps to avoid the petty conflicts that might further distance us from each other during stressful times." Optimal Relationships Daily is a daily relationship advice podcast where we narrate the best articles on healthy relationships, dating, marriage, and family, read to you by a professional narrator so you can strengthen your closest connections a little more every day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most relationship fights are unsolvable, yet crucial for connection. This book summary reveals how to transform conflict into deeper intimacy.

Send us Fan MailThere's one small habit — noticed decades ago by researchers watching married couples through a one-way mirror — that predicts, with startling accuracy, whether a relationship lasts or falls apart. It's not about how often you fight. It's not about compatibility. It's about a handful of tiny, easy-to-miss moments every single day — and whether you show up for them. This week, we're breaking down the research behind it, what it looks like in real life, and one simple habit you can start today.Quote of the week:"Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer." — Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult DevelopmentCitations:·       Gottman, J. (research from The Love Lab, University of Washington); Gottman, J. & DeClaire, J., The Relationship Cure; Gottman, J., The Love Prescription·       Waldinger, R., The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness; Harvard Study of Adult Development (adultdevelopmentstudy.org)Let's go, let's get it done.Get more information at: http://projectweightloss.org

Grief has its own first thirty seconds. Research on hard conversations shows the opening moment predicts how the whole thing ends — and this episode of Rewrite The Story breaks down what that means for the man rebuilding his life after loss. Ron shares the rideshare conversation that became the reason he wrote his book, and the shift between opening a hard conversation with blame or armor versus opening it honest. 0:00 Welcome 1:15 The research behind the first 30 seconds 4:00 The two defaults men default to 6:30 The rideshare passenger story 9:45 Applying it to grief and rebuilding 12:00 This week's practice Get the book that started this show: https://books.by/simplified-uplifters-publishing Join the free community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/simplifieduplifterscommunity More at simplifieduplifters.com What does your "first thirty seconds" usually sound like — armor, blame, or honest? #GriefRecovery #WidowerSupport #RewriteTheStory #MensGrief #HealingAfterLoss And most important — remember, you are extraordinary. Rewrite The Story, Ron Simplified Myers, widower grief, men's grief, rebuilding after loss, grief recovery for men, widower support, healing after loss, hard conversations after loss, Gottman research, softened startup, grief and communication, talking to kids after loss, moving on after loss, widower dating, first 30 seconds conversation

Get the 200+ Page Optimal Living Daily Workbook (PDF) - Free. Want to turn today's episode into an actionable plan? Join the Optimal Living Weekly newsletter and I'll send you our 200-page digital workbook immediately. It's packed with the best takeaways from the show, formatted for easy reading and implementation at home. Get your free PDF workbook here: https://oldpodcast.eo.page/join Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2132: Christopher Dollard shares how a simple assertive communication formula, starting with "I feel" and "I need," transformed his relationship with a difficult manager. He explains how giving feedback this way keeps the other person from getting defensive and builds healthier working relationships, a piece of career advice that pays off far beyond the workplace. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/effective-feedback-workplace/ Quotes to ponder: "Because I used this assertive style, my manager listened and didn't get defensive." "In the months that followed, my manager not only treated me with more respect and offered more constructive feedback and direction, but our conversation also caused that manager to treat other employees the same way." "When we did fight, we fought in a healthy way." Optimal Work Daily is a daily career advice podcast where we narrate the best articles on productivity, entrepreneurship, and work-life balance, read to you by a professional narrator so you can grow your career a little more every day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I review Dr. John and Julie Gottman's marriage and love advice. To access the sources for this episode, visit:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKx1x6BNqYo&t=765sTo become a subscriber of this podcast, visit:⁠⁠https://anchor.fm/seth-hensley/subscribe⁠

Every Saturday he spends thirty minutes printing one photo and writing on the back of it. His kids will have those notes for the rest of their lives.   It's one of the practices Jon Vroman is best known for around here, and the whole thing fits in a sentence: catch them doing the right thing, then make a record of it. The reasoning is solid. Peter Drucker said great leadership brings out strengths until weaknesses stop mattering. John Gottman can predict divorce with about ninety percent accuracy largely from the ratio of positive to negative interactions, and the related research landed near three positives for every one negative. So the mission isn't to point out where people are failing. It's to amplify the good loudly enough that it quiets the rest.   IN THIS CLIP: - The research behind it: Drucker on strengths, Gottman on the ratio, and the three-to-one line - The ritual itself: one photo a week, printed, with a handwritten note on the back - What he actually wrote to his son about missing the ball and trying again - Why he started doing it for his wife too - The neighbor's six-year-old who came to apologize, and what Jon did instead of just accepting it - Why fatherhood means mentoring young humans anywhere, not only your own kids  

Looking for further guidance and support on ADHD Women's Wellbeing? Check out my resource library here or search for any topic you need on the Podcast here.Whether you've been with your partner for years or you're navigating dating after a late diagnosis, ADHD changes how we love, connect and show up in relationships, and this episode is entirely about that.Welcome to this week's summer compilation episode. Rather than a single conversation, I've pulled together some of the most resonant clips from three different episodes on ADHD, love, intimacy and relationships, because I wanted to bring all of this into one place for you.We begin with Lisa Rabinowitz, couples counsellor, certified Gottman and PACT therapist and author of Why Won't You Stop Interrupting Me? Lisa talks about how blame rarely helps either partner, why neurodivergence is often present on both sides of a relationship, and how working as a team rather than against each other can genuinely turn things around.Then we hear from Sara-Louise Ackrill and Bontle Senne, AuDHD therapists, writers, and advocates and co-authors of The ND Lovers Club. They talk about psychological safety, masking in relationships, self-disclosure, and why understanding yourself is always the foundation before you can truly connect with someone else.And we close with Dr Angela Wright, a trauma-trained clinical sexologist, sex medicine practitioner and menopause clinician, who talks honestly about how hormones, the nervous system and ADHD all intersect when it comes to desire, intimacy and what changes in midlife.In this episode, we cover:Why neurodivergence is often present in both partners, even when only one has a diagnosisHow to move from blame to teamwork in a neurodiverse relationshipLisa's concept of the "talk nook" and why having a dedicated space for connection mattersWhy psychological safety is the foundation of intimacy for neurodivergent peopleHow masking and people pleasing quietly erode intimacy over timeWhat self-disclosure in relationships and dating really looks like for ND womenWhy so many neurodivergent women are reconsidering traditional relationship structuresHow hormones and perimenopause affect desire, arousal and connectionWhy the ADHD brain's need for novelty and dopamine can complicate long term relationshipsHow the nervous system underpins sexual arousal, and why feeling safe comes firstTimestamps:00:00 - Welcome and introduction to this week's compilation episode03:30 - Lisa Rabinowitz: why both partners are often neurodivergent05:47 - Moving from blame to understanding in a neurodiverse relationship08:00 - How couples come back from the brink with awareness and teamwork10:15 - The three legged race: working toward the finish line together14:48 - Focusing on strengths and creating the talk nook16:29 - Sara-Louise Ackrill and Bontle Senne: psychological safety in relationships20:53 - Why masking is survival, not a quirky personality trait23:27 - Self-disclosure: what to share, when and why28:27 - How perimenopause and diagnosis collide in midlife relationships33:04 - Celebrating the traits neurodivergent women bring to relationships34:33 - Dr Angela Wright: dopamine, novelty and desire in long term relationships37:00 - How hormones affect arousal and what changes in perimenopause41:22 - The nervous system, safety and why emergency mode kills desireLinks and Resources:Find my popular ADHD workshops and resources on my website here.Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_podGet my book, The ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit (also available in ebook and audiobook) hereJoin the More Yourself membership community hereVisit Lisa's website: counselorforcouples.comConnect with Lisa on Instagram: @rabinowitzcounselingGet Lisa's book: Why Won't You Stop Interrupting Me? Simple Solutions for ADHD CouplesVisit Sara-Louise and Bontle's website: builttodiverge.comGet their book: The ND Lovers Club: How Neurodivergent Women Lust, Like and LoveVisit Dr Angela Wright's website: spicedpearhealth.co.ukKate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing coach, author and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity, and clarity.

Today I am in conversation with Olga Berg — a linguist, former U.S. government interpreter, and humanitarian coordinator — about her shift from high-stakes diplomatic interpretation to frontline crisis response during the Ukraine war, and her current AI venture. In the first days of the Ukrainian war, Olga was part of a group that co-founded the Ukrainian Medical Consortium. The crisis work began with youth evacuation: she coordinated the evacuation of 50+ Ukrainian youth to the UK and Austria in the first days of the war; one evacuee now works for Olga. For medical aid coordination the group partnered with the Polish Institute of Emergency Medicine to register the newly founded Ukrainian Medical Consortium rapidly, leveraging the institute's established credibility. Parallel they initiated an orthopedic surgery collaboration: they paired U.S. surgeons (via Northwell Health) with Ukrainian surgeons via telemedicine and procured specialized equipment including secondhand CRM X-rays. A key focus was tactical medicine training: Olga ran the only internationally certified tactical medicine program for civilians in Ukraine for 2+ years, training thousands. Olga shares how this all came at personal costs, the work for her resulted in severe burnout, PTSD, and her divorce. She described this phase as 20 months of sleeping four hours a day. But what she said was so fascinating and positive despite all the despair, how people in crisis know what to do, they show knowledge, taking over responsibilities - no questions asked, and communication was clear, precise and no words waisted. This intense experience and her earlier professional career lead her to co-found the DarcyCode, a behavioral linguistic intelligence engine designed to improve human communication precision. It works as a deterministic logic layer ("behavioral linguistic intelligence engine") that sits on top of LLMs (GPT, Claude, etc.) to interpret human behavioral speech patterns. Her start up is inspired by the Gottman 1983 study: where micro-conflict resolution in conversation predicted divorce rate with 93% accuracy — the same principle is actually applied to team survival. ### To learn more about Olga Berg and the DarcyCode, please go to her website and follow her on social media: @olgabergny linkedin.com/in/olga-berg-9aa44416 ### To learn more about SHIFT HAPPENS, click here  To learn more about Claudia's business SHIFT HAPPENS.Curated Conversations and her Salons in New York, Zurich and Berlin, click here You can also connect with Claudia on Instagram @shifthappens.podcast and LinkedIn at ClaudiaMahlerNYC This podcast is created, produced and hosted by Claudia Mahler.

Jon Gustin is the founder of Tired Dad, a community of more than 2 million followers built on one honest premise: parenting is only hard for good parents. A former personal trainer of 14 years who started making short videos during the sleepless newborn stretch of 2020, he became one of the first men online talking openly about the mental load of fatherhood. He co-hosts the Tired Dad and Tired Mom podcasts with his wife Jessica and released his book The Tired Dad: 100 Reflections on Showing Up for What Matters Most in May. Larry and Jon get into the exhaustion that comes from doing the work right, both of their fathers coming home from Vietnam unable to talk about it, the rebellion and loss that followed Jon's parents' divorce, and the ego death that pulled his marriage out of the roommate phase. If you're tired in the best way possible and still wondering whether you're doing a good job, this conversation is for you.   Timeline Summary [1:02] – Parenting is only hard for good parents, and why tired means invested [3:19] – Tired from parenting, not tired of parenting [6:23] – How the newborn stretch of 2020 accidentally birthed Tired Dad [8:10] – Nobody was talking about the mental load of fatherhood, so Jon did [12:16] – The Justin Gustin problem and Larry's own Hagman mixup [13:29] – Full introduction: 2 million followers, two podcasts, and the book [16:54] – Growing up the baby of the family with siblings seven and eight years older [20:18] – A Vietnam veteran father, a World War Two grandfather, and night terrors that never left [21:55] – Watching your dad go from Superman to human during the divorce [26:38] – Running from it: partying, drugs, theft, and total chaos at 14 [28:26] – Losing friends to overdoses and deciding to get out [29:48] – Moving to Tennessee, meeting Jessica, and marrying 11 months later [34:08] – The Gottman research and why only 12% of marriages truly thrive [36:27] – Marry the right person for the right reasons, because marriage fixes nothing [37:59] – Postpartum, the roommate phase, and the darkest stretch of their marriage [40:56] – Killing the ego and why keeping score breeds resentment [43:48] – Getting sober three and a half years ago and what changed [46:42] – Ego death without becoming a doormat or a nice guy [48:55] – Eliminate the guessing and learn what your wife actually needs [52:42] – Inside the book: the weight fathers carry and the mantra to keep showing up [54:47] – Wearing exhaustion as a badge of honor versus being the healed version of you [57:18] – Legacy, being a home worth coming back to, and the 3am call   5 Key Takeaways Tired Means You're Doing It Right — If parenting feels hard and exhausting, that's evidence you care enough to invest in it. You're tired from the work, not of it. Marriage Fixes Nothing — Your partner isn't responsible for healing your wounds and you aren't responsible for healing theirs. Two people can both do their own work and build something great, but expecting rescue guarantees misery. The Ego Is a Heavy Backpack — Keeping score is the breeding ground for resentment. Dropping the ego means asking how you can help the situation, not tallying what you're not getting. Ego Death Is Not Becoming a Doormat — Killing the ego doesn't mean happy wife, happy life, or becoming a yes man. It means eliminating the guessing, expressing your own needs clearly, and understanding hers. Be the Healed Version, Not the Broken One — Carrying exhaustion proudly while running on empty leaves you injured at the end of the road. The goal is showing up tired but well, in shape for the job.   Links & Resources Episode page and all links: https://thedadedge.com/1508 Join the Dad Edge Alliance (July promo: signed book, two courses, 50 conversation starters): https://thedadedge.com/join Dad Edge Boardroom Goal Setting Intensive (July 31, 8am central): https://thedadedge.com/goals The Tired Dad: 100 Reflections on Showing Up for What Matters Most by Jon Gustin: available wherever books are sold Tired Dad website: https://tireddad.com   Enjoyed This Episode? If Jon's line about being tired from parenting rather than tired of it reframed something for you, pass it along. Send this episode to a dad who's running on empty and quietly wondering if he's cut out for this, and ask yourself whether you're carrying the weight well or just carrying it. If the show keeps delivering, follow, rate, and leave a review so more fathers can find these conversations.

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!Most marriage advice is recycled fluff.This is not.I sat down with Dr. John Gottman, the man who has spent 40+ years studying what actually makes marriages work and what destroys them.Not opinions. Not theories. Exposed-to-thousands-of-couples-in-a-research-lab findings.And what he told me?Some of it will surprise you.The couples who last, the "masters," aren't the ones who avoid conflict. They're the ones who lean into it without getting defensive. They stay curious instead of critical. They treat their spouse's complaints like information, not attacks.We also got into the stuff nobody talks about openly. Why most couples are embarrassed to discuss sex. Why compatibility is actually a myth. What commitment really looks like on a Tuesday morning when you're frustrated. And how the way you respond to "no" in the bedroom determines everything.Dr. Gottman told me that after 35 years of marriage, he still looks forward to talking to his wife at breakfast every single morning.If your marriage feels disconnected, boring, or like you're roommates, this conversation will show you why. And more importantly, what the research says you can do about it.This is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done.If you're struggling in your marriage, don't wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage

Get the 200+ Page Optimal Living Daily Workbook (PDF) — Free. Want to turn today's episode into an actionable plan? Join the Optimal Living Weekly newsletter and I'll send you our 200-page digital workbook immediately. It's packed with the best takeaways from the show, formatted for easy reading and implementation at home. Get your free PDF workbook here: ⁠⁠https://oldpodcast.eo.page/join⁠ Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3075: Kristen Manieri reflects on how a well-organized marriage gradually became more about efficiency than genuine connection, revealing why simply sharing a home isn't the same as truly being together. Drawing on insights from Gottman and marriage therapy, she shows how small moments of intentional presence can strengthen a relationship far more than checking another task off a list. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/marriage-is-more-than-checking-a-box-on-your-to-do-list/ Quotes to ponder: "Our lives are parallel but rarely intersect." "Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things." "The key word here is together, which isn't just proximity, it's presence and focus." Episode references: Peter Drucker – The Effective Executive: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-effective-executive-peter-f-drucker Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Betrayal doesn't only break trust in another person; it can also rupture your trust in yourself. In this episode, Vanessa explores why betrayal can feel so psychologically disorganizing, especially when harm comes from someone or something that was supposed to feel safe. We talk about betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, attachment injury, projection, reality testing, and why not every devastating feeling is the same kind of event. The deeper healing is not becoming harder or more armored, but learning how to grieve specifically, see more clearly, and trust yourself again.Reference Links: Jennifer Freyd — Betrayal Trauma TheoryUse for: Betrayal trauma theory; harm from someone or something a person depends on or trusts.Link: https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineBT.htmlNote: Freyd's site defines betrayal trauma and includes betrayal blindness.Jennifer Freyd — Betrayal BlindnessUse for: Why people may not fully register betrayal when they depend on the person, institution, or system doing harm.Link: https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineBT.htmlNote: The site describes betrayal blindness as unawareness, not-knowing, and forgetting that can preserve relationships, institutions, or systems people depend on.Jennifer Freyd — Research OverviewUse for: General background on Freyd's concepts, including betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, DARVO, institutional betrayal, and institutional courage.Link: https://www.jjfreyd.com/about-researchNote: Helpful author/researcher page for show notes.Sue Johnson / Emotionally Focused Therapy — Attachment InjuryUse for: Attachment injury and emotionally focused therapy as a framework for repairing relational ruptures.Link: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/6644242_Resolving_Attachment_Injuries_in_Couples_Using_Emotionally_Focused_Therapy_Steps_Toward_Forgiveness_and_ReconciliationNote: Makinen and Johnson's 2006 paper, Resolving Attachment Injuries in Couples Using Emotionally Focused Therapy.Emotionally Focused Therapy / Attachment-Based HealingUse for: Sue Johnson's attachment-based framework for couples, emotional connection, and secure bonding.Link: https://psychwire.com/free-resources/q-and-a/17qfr27/emotionally-focused-therapy-and-attachment-based-healingNote: Accessible overview of Sue Johnson's EFT frame.Peter Fonagy / MentalizationUse for: Mentalization as the capacity to understand behavior in terms of mental states: thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, intentions, and motivations.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7009316/Note: This article gives a clear definition of mentalization and cites Fonagy/Bateman's work.ScienceDirect — Mentalization OverviewUse for: Simple definition of mentalization as understanding one's own and others' behavior in terms of internal mental states.Link: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/mentalizationNote: Useful if producer wants a quick explanatory reference.John Gottman — Trust MetricUse for: Gottman's idea that trust can be evaluated and is central to relationship stability.Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/trust/Note: Gottman Institute article explaining the “trust metric.”John Gottman — Trust and Betrayal MetricsUse for: Trust/betrayal metrics and the idea that small everyday moments can build or erode trust.Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-makes-love-last-inside-the-love-lab/Note: Gottman Institute article referencing both trust and betrayal metrics.John Gottman — Building Trust Through AttunementUse for: Trust as built through awareness, tolerance, turning toward, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy.Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-3-phases-of-love/Note: Useful for the part of the episode about trust being built through consistency, attunement, and repair over time.John Bowlby / Attachment Theory OverviewUse for: Secure base, early bonds, and foundational attachment theory.Link: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4085672/Note: Broad overview of attachment theory and Bowlby/Ainsworth foundations.Earned Secure AttachmentUse for: Adults with insecure early attachment histories developing more secure attachment through reflective and relational work.Link: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/earned-secure-attachmentNote: Use as a broad reference for earned secure attachment. If producer needs a primary citation, ask for access to the Adult Attachment Interview / Mary Main literature.For educational purposes only. This isn't therapy.If you want to go deeper, check out the written companion on Substack and explore community + training at https://www.vanessaBennett.com.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Your partner gets defensive and suddenly the conversation you needed to have is completely buried. Now you're defending yourself, they're defending themselves, and whatever you actually needed to talk about is gone. This is one of the most common things I see in couples therapy, and in almost every case there's more going on underneath the surface than it looks like from where you're standing.What this episode coversWhat defensiveness usually is: a reaction to how something was delivered, not just a personality traitCriticism vs contempt: the two Gottman concepts that predict relationship breakdown and how they trigger defensive responsesHow to tell the difference between attacking the person and describing your own experienceThe shopping trolley story: intention, impact and interpretation, and why couples fight about the wrong thingHow past experiences, trauma and negative sentiment override shape the way your partner hears what you sayWhy some people are wired to hear an attack even when there isn't oneWhat to do when you see defensiveness coming, including the gentle startupLeading with curiosity instead of accusationHow to ask your partner to rephrase something when it has landed wrongTimestamps0:00 Introduction2:00 Criticism and contempt: what Gottman research tells us4:00 How you start the conversation changes everything6:00 Intention, impact and interpretation10:00 When interpretation becomes the story we tell ourselves13:00 How past experiences and trauma shape defensive responses17:00 What to do when your partner gets defensive20:00 How to phrase things differently and ask for a rephraseResources and LinksConflict Workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Marathon sessions at The Therapy Hub: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/marathon-couples-therapy/ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Reconnection after losing a spouse starts with one overlooked truth — and most men who lost their wives have never heard it. Research from the Gottman Institute found that couples who stay emotionally connected don't have fewer problems. They simply turn toward each other more often in the small moments. A comment noticed. A question asked. A moment of reaching out that gets met instead of missed. Ezra doesn't need a grand gesture to begin rebuilding his life. He needs a bid. A small, honest reach toward something that matters — his own purpose, his own presence, a conversation he's been avoiding. In this episode, Ron "Simplified" Myers walks through what reconnection actually looks like for a man in the Rewrite season — not with a partner, but with himself, with his life, and with the future he hasn't given himself permission to want yet. The bids are still there. Small ones. Daily ones. This episode is about learning to see them — and choosing to make them. Get the Rewrite The Story book at https://books.by/simplified-uplifters-publishing Join the Uplifting Life Partners community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/simplifieduplifterscommunity And most important — remember, you are extraordinary. reconnection after loss, widower rebuilding, Rewrite The Story, Ron Simplified Myers, Simplified Uplifters, grief after losing wife, moving forward after loss, widower healing, men and grief, emotional reconnection, rebuilding after loss, identity after loss, widower YouTube, grief and purpose, men rebuilding after loss, Gottman bids for connection, emotional healing men, grief podcast, life after loss, widower

Money fights are one of the most common breaking points for couples, but they do not have to be. In this episode of Conversations for Couples, Julie and David Bulitt sit down with Dee Zimmerman, a financial relationship coach and money communication expert who blends Gottman informed communication tools with practical financial strategies to help couples manage money together, and manage it peacefully.Dee walks through why money is so hard to talk about in the first place (hint: it starts with the different families we grew up in), how the Four Horsemen of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling show up in money conversations, and how her Wealth Partnership Pathway helps couples build emotional safety before they ever look at a spreadsheet. Julie and David also open up about their own early struggles with debt and how working through it together made their marriage stronger.What You'll Learn: Why couples so often have completely different "money wiring" and what to do about it How the Gottman Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) show up specifically in financial conversations What the Wealth Partnership Pathway looks like and why emotional safety has to come before numbers and systems How to reignite honest conversations about money dreams without judgment Julie and David's personal story of digging out of debt together early in their marriage Dee's top two takeaways for couples who want to change how they talk about money About Dee Zimmerman: Dee Zimmerman is a Financial Relationship Coach and Money Communication Expert, and the founder of Freedom Lab, where she helps couples lower the tension around money and build wealth as a team.Website: https://www.dzimmermanfinance.com Money Talks Quiz: https://www.dzimmermanfinance.com/quiz 7 Financial Blind Spots Guide: https://www.dzimmermanfinance.com/blind-spots Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dzimmermanfinance/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dzimmermanfinance LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dzimmermanfinance/ Email: dee@dzimmermanfinance.comAbout Your Hosts: Julie Bulitt is a licensed clinical social worker and family therapist. David Bulitt is a divorce and family lawyer. Together they host Conversations for Couples, the podcast.Website: https://thebulitts.com/ Follow The Bulitts: @TheBulitts on all major social media platformsJulie is not your therapist and David is not your lawyer. This podcast is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Send me a text! I'd LOVE to hear your feedback on this episode!I talk to the quiet, tired midlife man and the partner who is confused by his silence, and I lay out why this pattern is often nervous system overwhelm, not coldness. I unpack the cultural scripts, the physiology, and the relationship research so we can replace shame with clarity and choose a better way forward. • the two contradictory scripts men are handed and why both fail decent men • why social media grifters and hot takes keep men angry, afraid, and stuck • loneliness data, friendship gaps, and why men's risk can escalate faster • the testosterone slope, andropause reality, and why lifestyle can mimic low T • men's stress reactivity, cortisol spikes, and the “frantic under armor” pattern • Gen X conditioning, gender role conflict, restrictive emotionality, and alexithymia • Gottman's stonewalling research, flooding, and the demand withdrawal spiral • the 20 minute rule, self-soothing without numbing, and returning to repair • building emotional vocabulary as nervous system regulation and neuroplasticity • breaking the chain for kids by modelling feelings, steadiness, and character • the difference between being nice, being good, and living by a code please follow, rate, review, and share it. Join here:  Sandy K Inner Circle Join me here:  Sandy K Inner CircleSupport the showJoin The Sandy K Inner Circle -- my private women-only subscription community where we go deeper than the podcast ever could.Every month you get:A live Q&A with Sandy on ZoomAn exclusive podcast episode nobody else hearsA practical curated downloadAccess to our private women-only Facebook community for wide open discussions on all topicsNo agendas. No noise. No bias. No trendy health advice from those who pay for their platforms. No medical advice. Real conversations you will not find anywhere else.Founding member spots are limited at $47 CAD/month.Join us here: sandykruse.substack.comFor women only. By invitation.Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/sandyknutrition/Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/sandyknutritionTikTok:  https://www.tiktok.com/@sandyknutritionYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIh48ov-SgbSUXsVeLL2qAgRumble:  https://rumble.com/c/c-5461001Linkedin:  ...

Discovering infidelity can be one of the most painful experiences a couple faces. In this episode, Dr. Bill Bumberry shares practical guidance and hope for couples navigating betrayal trauma and rebuilding trust. Drawing on decades of clinical experience and the Gottman Method, Bill explains the three key phases of healing after infidelity—atonement, attunement, and attachment—and offers actionable strategies for restoring safety, connection, and commitment. Whether you're recovering from betrayal or looking to strengthen your relationship against future threats, this conversation provides valuable insight and encouragement. • defining infidelity as betraying an agreement plus secrecy • why social media and dating apps make hiding easier • how friendships drift into emotional and physical affairs • common trauma responses for the hurt partner, including hypervigilance and dysregulation • why remorse has to become active compassion to restore safety • using the Gottman phases of atonement, attunement, and attachment • deciding which details help and which details harm early on • how avoidance and negative sentiment override set the stage for disconnection • what to consider when talking with kids at different ages • daily connection rituals that matter most, including the first two minutes together • loyalty as an active practice, especially when your partner is not presentComing June 23: Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.Available now for Kindle Pre-Order for 99¢Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce stress, and create a more meaningful life—one small habit at a time.Available June 23 wherever books are sold.Lead to GoldThe podcast devoted to discussing realistic growth and wellness.

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3049: Jon Beaty explores how the simple idea of a golf mulligan can transform the way couples handle conflict, showing how a second chance can interrupt criticism, defensiveness, and emotional escalation. Drawing on Dr. John Gottman's research, he explains how repair attempts, emotional intelligence, and strong friendship help marriages recover from inevitable mistakes and grow stronger over time. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/mastering-marriage-conflict-mulligans/ Quotes to ponder: "When couples face-off over issues on which they have differing opinions, the discussion can get derailed by what Dr. John Gottman calls a harsh start-up." "According to Dr. Gottman, repair attempts are the secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples." "Love Maps represent the deep knowledge that partners have of each other's world including their likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Descubre cómo la inteligencia emocional impacta en relaciones, equipos de trabajo y salud, y aprende tips prácticos para aplicarla en tu vida.   Minuto a minuto del episodio:   - Peleas, emociones y el verdadero problema (00:00:00)   - ¿Inteligencia emocional aplicada? Expectativas, debate sobre el enfoque práctico y diferenciación entre teoría y realidad (00:03:34)   - Matrimonios y divorcios: infancia, diferencias de género y el impacto de la inteligencia emocional según Goleman y Gottman (00:09:40)   - La clave real detrás de los vínculos de pareja duraderos (00:17:28)   - El liderazgo, feedback efectivo y la cultura del jefe tirano vs el nuevo paradigma emocional (00:29:23)   - Cómo abordar prejuicios y construir relaciones como ventaja profesional (00:36:33)   - Salud y emociones: ejemplos reales y la importancia del acompañamiento (00:46:52)   - Cómo impactan las emociones positivas y las relaciones en nuestra salud (00:54:53)   - Súper pregunta: lo peor de la edad, procesos vitales y el valor de repensar el cuidado personal (01:03:33)  

What if the thing that determines whether your marriage thrives or slowly fades isn't the big fights or the grand gestures, but the hundred tiny moments in between? In this episode, Christa unpacks one of Gottman's most important and least-talked-about discoveries: emotional bids. Every day your spouse is making small, quiet requests for connection, and you're either turning toward them, away from them, or against them without even realizing it. Learn what bids actually look like (they almost never announce themselves), why partners with the same love language can still miss each other constantly, and the one shift that changes the entire relational climate in your home. This episode is part of the Summer of Intimacy series. Show notes:⁠⁠ ⁠Get on the waitlist so you can get info about our Awakening Intimacy Intensive!⁠ ⁠⁠Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here!⁠⁠ Stay tuned for our Summer Intensives, Awakening Intimacy (track 1) and Awakening Adventure (track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy ⁠⁠⁠here!⁠⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the distance you feel in your marriage isn't about love at all, but about a bank account that has quietly run low? In episode three of the Summer of Intimacy series, Christa dives into one of Gottman's most powerful research findings, positive sentiment override, and the hidden force that erodes it faster than almost anything else: mental load. If you have been quicker to snap, quicker to assume the worst, or quicker to feel alone even when your spouse is right there, this episode will give you the language for what is actually happening and a way back toward each other. Plus, Christa shares how she and Wes put last week's love maps questions into practice on a real date this week, and how you can do the same. The Awakening Intimacy waitlist is now open, link in show notes. Show notes:⁠ Get on the waitlist so you can get info about our Awakening Intimacy Intensive! ⁠Get your E + M Love Map Questions Freebie here!⁠ Stay tuned for our Summer Intensives, Awakening Intimacy (track 1) and Awakening Adventure (track 2) beginning the week of July 13! Scroll down on our podcast page to find episodes on intimacy ⁠⁠here!⁠⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/pod Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim shares a recent conversation he had with Dr. Neil Clark Warren, in which he asked, “What's the secret to a good relationship?” He said, “You have to be flexible, and when you're adaptable, you do better.” Dr. Jim discusses positive adaptability. Based on research by Gottman, a healthy marriage has a ratio of 5 positive interactions to 1 negative interaction. How do I convince my wife that she needs to go to counseling in order to heal? Do I drag her to counseling, or does she need to go on her own? We've been married 12 years and have 3 children. I feel like she's avoiding counseling because of her childhood trauma. How do I handle giving my granddaughter money for her high school graduation? She never thanks me when I give her a gift, and I want her to understand it's important for her to thank me. I lost my father tragically in the 1990s because he was an alcoholic and had a heart attack in the home of his mistress. I took my kids out of school and stayed away from my support group because I was filled with shame. Can you help me understand why I had so much shame?

We are diving deep into the real reasons men are not doing their part in relationships, and exactly how you can help change that. Whether you want better sex, or for him to take on more of the mental load, or you want to know if you're even with the right person, or if the relationship is worth staying in, we're going to get into that today. I sit down with Zach Brittle, one of the only couples therapists in the entire world certified in both the Gottman method and Terry Real's Relational Life therapy. His work has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and Vanity Fair. Zach is so pragmatic and has really interesting advice on some of the trickiest issues out there. We also talk about what men secretly think and feel behind the scenes that they're not sharing, and we solve a ton of the real-life relationship struggles that you guys wrote in. 

Zach sits down with James and Molly Christensen, a married couple and fellow therapists based in Sacramento, who spent more than six years in couples therapy before it actually worked. They burned through eight therapists, logged over a hundred sessions, and came within reach of a marriage that had been quietly failing for years. The fact that they are now both practicing couples therapists themselves makes this conversation something rare: a behind-the-curtain look at what the struggle actually looks like from inside.The conversation gets honest fast. James names what he had to face: narcissism, manipulation, a sense of superiority, and an inability to take feedback without it threatening his identity. Molly describes her own side of the dynamic, a deeply people-pleasing, avoidant woman who had been raised to see relationships as transactional, and who spent years wondering whether her instincts about James were accurate or whether she was the one losing her mind. The turning point for both of them came in the form of an intensive with a therapist who was finally skilled enough to hold them both, call them both out in the moment, and care enough about James to be blunt with him without losing him. James started recording every session and listening back four times. By the fourth listen, he could hear himself clearly. That's when things shifted.What runs underneath this whole episode is a conviction that most couples are doing "recovery lounge" therapy, showing up, going through the motions, and feeling okay about it, without ever actually growing. James makes the case that conflict is not the problem in most marriages. Avoidance is. The goal, for both of them as clients and now as clinicians, is more conflict with less anger, which means developing the capacity to say what you actually think, to your spouse, with genuine care behind it, and to hold your ground when they push back. That's differentiation. That's the work. And if you get through it, Zach notes, the intimacy on the other side is real.Key TakeawaysFiring your therapist is sometimes the right call. If you're not making progress after significant time, the fit may be the problem, not the process.Being resistant to therapy is often not about therapy. Molly's refusal to engage was partly a refusal to let James dictate her path. Understanding the resistance tells you a lot about the relationship dynamic.Narcissism has four components worth knowing: fragility (inability to take criticism), a sense of superiority, indifference to others, and manipulation as a means of protecting a false self.The breakthrough often requires a therapist who combines genuine care with genuine bluntness. Truth without love is abusive. Love without truth is just convenient. Both together is what actually moves people.Conflict is not the enemy. Avoidance is. Couples who never fight aren't at peace, they're just not saying what they really think, and it costs them.Differentiation is the ability to stay grounded in yourself when your partner is not okay. It's not about getting them to back down. It's about whether you can hold your own truth without crumbling under pressure.The tools from research-based approaches like Gottman are only as useful as the people holding them. If underlying traits like narcissism or avoidance are untreated, the tools won't stick.When couples heal, families heal. James and Molly both note that their children have noticed the difference, and that the work they've done has changed the floor their kids are jumping from.Guest InfoJames Christensen Licensed couples therapist based in Sacramento, California. Former Air Force pilot with 22 years of military service before transitioning to therapy. Specializes in high-conflict couples using the Crucible approach. Brings his own history as a client, over six years in couples therapy, to his clinical work.Website: https://jamesmchristensen.com/Molly Christensen Associate therapist (currently under supervision), working at a nonprofit and accepting sliding scale and insurance clients. Followed James into the field after their shared experience in therapy. Brings her perspective as a former people-pleaser and avoidant partner to her work with couples.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Every conflict in your marriage gives you a choice: will you use it to deepen your connection and grow closer, or will you let it drive you further into resentment and disconnection? In this episode, we explore why genuine apologies are one of the most important repair tools in marriage. You'll learn the science behind why apologies work, what happens when we refuse them or give fake ones, the negative feedback loop that can trap couples in disconnection, and a practical four-step apology process you can start using immediately.We discuss John Gottman's research on repair, the difference between Masters and Disasters of relationships, Terry Real's losing strategies, and how small, sincere repairs can build a rich “culture of repair” in your marriage.Key Resources & Studies Mentioned:Apologies in Close Relationships: A Review of Theory and Research (2015) by Jarrett T. Lewis, Gilbert R. Parra, and Robert Cohen Journal of Family Theory & Review APA PsycNet LinkRefusing to Apologize Can Have Psychological Benefits (2013) by Tyler G. Okimoto and colleagues European Journal of Social PsychologyWhy Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner AmazonThe Gottman Institute – Research on repair attempts, culture of repair, Negative Sentiment Override, and emotional availability Gottman.comTerry Real's work on Relational Life Therapy and losing strategies (highly recommended: The New Rules of Marriage)Action Step:Try the four-step apology process the next time conflict arises. Notice how it feels and what it does for your connection.If this episode resonated with you, share it with your partner and leave a review. Let us know in the comments: What's one apology you're committed to making this week?Tags: Marriage Advice, Healthy Relationships, Apologies, Conflict Resolution, Gottman Method, Terry Real, Relationship Repair, Emotional IntelligenceGet in TouchWebsite: MasterYourMarriage.usInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriageFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

Here's a question most men never ask themselves until it's too late: If you found out today you had six months to live — what would you regret?Turns out, the answer is almost entirely predictable. And preventable. Researchers have been interviewing men in hospice care, in their 70s and 80s, men who built impressive careers and full lives — and the same ten regrets show up over and over, regardless of income, culture, or zip code.Which means two things: you're not uniquely screwed up. And these regrets can be avoided.In this episode, Dr. John Schinnerer breaks down the ten most common regrets men report later in life, what the research actually says about how regret works (hint: the things you didn't do hurt worse than the things you did), and the single pattern underneath all of it that most men never see until it's too late.You'll hear about the attorney who showed up to every recital and missed his daughter's entire childhood. The project manager who retired fully funded and spent eight months in an empty fog. The guy who spent 25 years saying he'd walk the Camino de Santiago — until his knees made the decision for him.This isn't a shame spiral. This is a heads-up. A roadmap of the terrain most men walk blindly into — and a set of tools for navigating it differently while there's still time.In this episode: Why inaction regrets are more painful and persistent than action regrets (Northwestern research) The "impact bias" — why men massively underestimate how bad future regret will feel The top 10 regrets men report most consistently as they age The Inner Board Meeting model — and why most men have the wrong executive running their life A one-week assignment that actually moves the needle (no journaling required) The launch of Proximity Coaching — AI coaches built on 30 years of real psychology, available 24/7 at proximitycoaching.com If you've had any version of the thought "I'll get to that later" — this episode is for you.Try Proximity Coaching free: proximitycoaching.com Email John: John@guidetoself.com Instagram: @theevolvedcavemanResearch cited: Roese & Summerville (2005); Gilovich & Medvec (1995); Carstensen (2006); van der Kolk (2014); Levenson, Carstensen & Gottman (1994)Want Fewer Regrets and Greater Connection? Start Here…

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 3007: Sanya Pelini explores why children learn emotional regulation more from what parents model than from what they say. Drawing on research from James Gross and other emotion regulation studies, she shares practical ways to manage stress, anxiety, and frustration so you can create a calmer, healthier emotional environment for your child. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/why-becoming-your-childs-emotion-coach-begins-by-managing-your-own-emotions-first/ Quotes to ponder: "Teaching kids how to manage emotions is not about suppressing those emotions. It's about teaching your children that emotions exist, but they can be managed." "We also know that kids learn more from watching us than they do from listening to us." "Ultimately, helping your kid manage his emotions requires you to learn to manage yours first." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If there's one thing we've learned in our 25 years of marriage, parenting, and blended family life, it's this: communication problems aren't about bad intentions more often, they're about lacking the right tools. In this episode, we share the painful, unproductive patterns we got stuck in and the communication shifts that changed everything for us, helping us strengthen our marriage and build a healthier parenting partnership.We unpack a simple communication styles model, then share two practical frameworks that help couples handle sensitive issues with more wisdom and less reactivity.  We also share about the impact of emotional dysregulation (one of the biggest obstacles to healthy communication), and touch on four of the most common unhealthy patterns that keep couples stuck.This episode will offer practical tools to build trust and connection, reduce conflict, and communicate more like a united team.  Even when you each have different perspectives.  If we can do it, you can too!  Listen in and learn these pivotal tools so you can break free from unhealthy communication patterns and make a real difference in your relationship!You'll Discover:How different communication styles can quietly create friction, even when both of you mean well A simple framework for talking about sensitive issues, especially conversations about each other's kids How to use the FAQ approach to start hard conversations without blame or escalation Why emotional dysregulation can quickly derail communication How to recognize Gottman's Four Horsemen and replace them with healthier patterns that build connection and teamworkResources from this Episode:CLICK HERE to schedule your free call and learn more about our Relate Strong coaching focused on regulating painful emotions when it matters most.FREE DOWNLOAD: Communication Toolkit WorksheetEpisode 202.  How to Break Free from Painful Cycles and Enjoy Deeper Levels of Intimacy [with Ron & Nan Deal]Episode 203. How to Make Better Decisions and Solve Problems as a United TeamCrucial Conversations by K. Patterson, J. Grenny, R. McMilan, A. Switzler Leave a Review in Apple PodcastsIf you're feeling extra helpful, we would be so grateful if you left us a review over on Apple Podcasts too. Your review will help others find our podcast — plus they're fun for us to read too! :-)  Just click here to Review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and then select “Write a Review” — let us know what your favorite part of the podcast is.  Thank you, we really appreciate your feedback!

Here's a question most men never ask themselves until it's too late: If you found out today you had six months to live what would you regret?Turns out, the answer is almost entirely predictable. And preventable. Researchers have been interviewing men in hospice care, in their 70s and 80s, men who built impressive careers and full lives — and the same ten regrets show up over and over, regardless of income, culture, or zip code.Which means two things: you're not uniquely screwed up. And these regrets can be avoided.In this episode, Dr. John Schinnerer breaks down the ten most common regrets men report later in life, what the research actually says about how regret works (hint: the things you didn't do hurt worse than the things you did), and the single pattern underneath all of it that most men never see until it's too late.You'll hear about the attorney who showed up to every recital and missed his daughter's entire childhood. The project manager who retired fully funded and spent eight months in an empty fog. The guy who spent 25 years saying he'd walk the Camino de Santiago — until his knees made the decision for him.This isn't a shame spiral. This is a heads-up. A roadmap of the terrain most men walk blindly into — and a set of tools for navigating it differently while there's still time.In this episode: Why inaction regrets are more painful and persistent than action regrets (Northwestern research) The "impact bias" — why men massively underestimate how bad future regret will feel The top 10 regrets men report most consistently as they age The Inner Board Meeting model — and why most men have the wrong executive running their life A one-week assignment that actually moves the needle (no journaling required) The launch of Proximity Coaching — AI coaches built on 30 years of real psychology, available 24/7 at proximitycoaching.com If you've had any version of the thought "I'll get to that later" — this episode is for you.Try Proximity Coaching free: proximitycoaching.com Email John: John@guidetoself.com Instagram: @theevolvedcavemanResearch cited: Roese & Summerville (2005); Gilovich & Medvec (1995); Carstensen (2006); van der Kolk (2014); Levenson, Carstensen & Gottman (1994)Want Fewer Regrets and Greater Connection? Start Here…

Do you find yourself in similar situations with different people? Are you wondering why you are having challenges navigating conflict with friends but are pretty successful with navigating conflict at work? Are your boundaries respected in your romantic relationships but fall apart with your family? And attachment styles... whew?! Let's unpack some things together. I am looking forward to exploring tips and resources that help us challenge existing relationship cycles, break patterns that are no longer serving us, and continue our healing journey. Joining us this session: ✊

If your morning routine for preschool looks less like a smooth routine and more like 21 rounds of "no", "stop", and "not like that" before 8 am, then things aren't working well for either of you. In this episode, we walk through one ordinary preschool morning minute by minute, from the cereal bowl to the car seat buckle. We also learn how to move from: "how do I get my child to cooperate" to: what is going on inside my child's body right now, and what are they trying to communicate through the flopping, dawdling, silliness, and defiance? Because when you understand that, you can find strategies that meet both of your needs. Questions This Episode Will Answer Why is my child so difficult in the morning? Preschoolers live almost entirely in the present moment and learn through movement and touch. When a morning is filled with a steady stream of corrections, their nervous system experiences it as "everything I do is wrong" - and the silliness, defiance, or shutdown you see is their body's response to that overload. Why is my child grumpy in the morning? It's often less about the time of day and more about the cumulative weight of limits. When children experience correction after correction with little room for exploration or connection, grumpiness and shutdown are common signals that their needs aren't being met. Why do kids dilly-dally and dawdle in the morning? What looks like dawdling is often a child following genuine curiosity, moving their body the way it wants to go, or trying to connect with you before the day pulls you apart. What is meant by "behavior is communication"? Preschoolers don't yet have the words to say "this is too much for me" or "I need to feel close to you right now". So they show you with their bodies. Finger-stirring cereal, flopping on the floor, asking to be carried - each of these is a message, if you know how to listen for it. When you understand that message you can help them meet their need - which also meets your needs for peace, ease, and order. Is misbehavior an unmet need? Often, yes. When you look beneath challenging behaviors in young children, you frequently find unmet needs for things like autonomy, movement, connection, or play. The behavior is a signal pointing you toward what your child actually needs. If you want to find out your child's biggest need (and easy, actionable strategies to meet it that make your life easier), take this free quiz. What are some reasons children misbehave? In early childhood, most challenging behavior traces back to a mismatch between a child's developmental capacity and what's being asked of them, combined with needs they're trying to meet in ways you're finding irritating. Preschoolers aren't misbehaving to make your life harder. They don't know how else to meet their needs. What You'll Learn in This Episode How to walk through a typical preschool morning routine and see it through your child's eyes, moment by momentWhat your child's most frustrating behaviors (flopping, dawdling, silliness, defiance) are often communicating about their needsWhy the total number of corrections across a morning matters as much as any single limit you setWhat your needs are in the morning routine, and why they are just as valid as your child's needsHow it's possible to meet your needs AND your child's needsHow to start moving toward fewer, clearer limits that your preschooler's nervous system can actually work withWhat the research on parent-child interaction patterns tells us about where repeated correction leads over timeHow parents who grew up in homes with heavy compliance expectations describe the long-term effects on themselves and their own parenting To help you put the ideas from this episode into practice, I've created a free worksheet: Your Difficult Morning Audit. You'll count your corrections, sort them, and start to see which limits are truly necessary - and which ones are habit. Get The Morning Audit Worksheet For Free If you thought "that's my kid" or "that's our mornings" - the Setting Loving (& Effective) Limits workshop is for you. Learn how to see how many limits you're actually setting, sort them into what's truly necessary and what can soften or disappear, and practice holding fewer, clearer limits in a way your child's nervous system can actually handle. You get short focused modules, three live group coaching calls where you can bring your real situations, and a community of parents working through the same things. The self-guided workshop is available year-round, but every April we run it live to give you even more support. Enrollment is open until April 26. Until April 16 at midnight Pacific, you can Pay What You Want:- any amount (even $1) gets you full access. You choose what you pay. After that, the price moves up to a fixed rate. If you're ready to move from correction-heavy mornings to fewer, truer limits your preschooler can actually live with, come join us in the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. Enrollment is open until April 26 Jump to highlights: 01:27 Introduction to today's episode 05:48 The behavior isn't defiance - it's communication about their needs. 08:21 Young children live in the present moment and learn through movement and repetition rather than explanations. 10:45 You're not the villain for wanting things to go smoothly. Getting out the door, you need to meet your responsibility to co-workers while staying connected to your kid. 13:58 Your child needs connection, autonomy, movement, exploration, play, and fun. You need ease, harmony, collaboration, and responsibility to others. 16:45 The Gottman research on couples suggests we need about five positive interactions for every negative one to stay connected. 18:43 As a young child, Crystal learned to read the room constantly. As a teenager, she rebelled hard and ended up heavily involved in drugs and alcohol. 30:38 Wrapping up the discussion. 31:40 An open invitation to Setting Loving (&Effective) Limits workshop.

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