This podcast is dedicated to all you ex-JWs out there looking for guidance on navigating life after leaving the Jehovah's Witness Its host, Dr Ryan Lee, is a former JW with a doctorate in clinical psychology and a practicing therapist, specializing in helping former JWs and other cult survivors move through the process of waking up, walking out and moving on from life in a high control religion. Dr Lee covers a range of topics relating to coming to terms and healing from religious trauma and rebuilding a life after leaving a cult
One of the worst things you could be in a cult is selfish. Pursue a career? Selfish. Go to college? Selfish. Skip a meeting because you're too exhausted to feign interest? Selfish. When you're handed the grandiose mission of saving the human race from Armageddon, even a tiny spark of personal joy starts to feel like a moral failure. But now you're out. You survived. And for the first time, you can do anything you want. The only problem? You've never been allowed to want anything for yourself. It feels weird. It feels wrong. You feel guilty. (Which, of course, is by design.) In this episode, we're going to deconstruct and recalibrate the idea of "selfish"—and explore why taking care of your own needs isn't just okay… it's essential. For your healing, and for the people you love. We'll cover: How high-control religion weaponizes "selflessness" to keep you obedient Why everything we do—including “selfless” acts—is actually motivated by self-interest (and that's not a bad thing) The beautiful irony: how prioritizing your joy makes you more generous, more grounded, and more whole This is your permission slip to want things, try things, and be a little gloriously selfish—for your own sanity, healing, and yes, the joy of eventually giving back from a full cup. DrRyanLee.com/beyondbelief
Don't come back until you've tried em all
From time to time we all get sucked into the sunken place of depression, and some of us sink deeper than others. Until recent year, I'd been in and out of the clinical depression hole most of my life. Today, I walk you through the fool proof blueprint I mapped out myself to climb out of that hole every single time, one I have walked many clients through successfully. If you're struggle-bussing, this blueprint will get you out of the hole, and if you're not, it'll keep you out
More spiritual food to choke on... at the proper time
Today we're going to take the first of many stabs at the wonderfully awkward world of post-cult dating. Essentially, the challenge of learning things most people learned in high school at the age of 35. Here's the thing, you can't skip the mess. The mess builds the muscles. But we've put together some of the most common lessons learned for all you late bloomers that will hopefully make the leveling up process just a little bit easier. In this episode, we'll be starting, as usual, with the mess left to us by the cult, then moving on to the shame of feeling inexperienced, the most common pitfalls we'll likely fall into, and why it might be a good idea to fall into them anyway
A playful breakdown of the narcissistic deflection cascade
Prior to my work with ex-JWs, I would generally encounter clients with parents on the narcissistic spectrum maybe around 20% of the time. Once I started working with ex-JWs, that number went up to about 80%. This is no cute coincidence. There's a pattern here, and we spend this entire episode exploring that pattern in more detail, not only in how it presents in those on this spectrum, but also in the way the same characteristics can be seen in the organization itself, as a narcissistic entity.
Fresh off the tail of our very first ex-JW ayahuasca retreat, I'm thrilled to report that it surpassed all expectations. Today we're going to give you a breakdown of all the joy, surprises, and personal lessons learned in the process. Through the retelling, we'll be touching on themes of connection, nuances of forgiveness, and something called "the caretakers dillemma".
Today, we're talking about pain; more specifically Clean Pain vs. Dirty Pain: Clean pain is the sharp but necessary pain of ripping off the Band-Aid. It heals you. Dirty pain is the slow, grinding misery of avoidance. It traps you. Ex-JWs know all about dirty pain—it's what keeps people stuck in the cult, chasing after shunning family, or waiting for an apology that's never coming. So today, we're breaking it all down:
What the build up to an ayahuasca purge can feel like
Hey guys, Sorry for the fake out, but for reasons I explain in this episode we decided to skip the episode on my worst psychedelic experience (for now) and instead focus an entire episode on ayahuasca. We focus on the benefits of ayahuasca, some explanation around what an experience is like, and of course I share a little about my own encounters with the medicine (plus a more-than-you-asked-for helping of adolescent toilet humor)
This episode marks the first in a three part series in honor of our upcoming Ex-JW Ayahuasca retreat in March (DrRyanLee.com/retreat for more info). In today's episode we talk a little about the upcoming retreat, some best practices for working with psychedelics, and then we take you on a little adventure through my first ever LSD experience. Episode 2 will cover my worst experience (lots to learn from my mistakes) Episode 3 will cover my best experience (lots to learn if you're considering working with Ayahuasca)
Building off of last week's show, we cover 10 key areas that help us in our pursuit of making new friends
In part 1 of this two part episode we tackle everything related to the experience of losing our JW community and rebuilding our social circle from scratch, including how to navigate trust issues and rewriting some of our core beliefs around human connection
This episode is for all you superheroes our there blessed/cursed with the power of empathy. We cover the origin story of the empath, the kryptonite of social gatherings, and how to harness this power through energy management
An analogy to help us conceptualize the work of deoprogramming
More comforting ideas gleamed from ego death experiences
On our very first Halloween episode, we take a cold, hard, chilling look at the spooky topic of death, and explore the possibility that death isn't necessarily the big scary monster we thought it was. We start by sitting for a bit with the uncomfortable actuality of our imminent demise, followed by some more comforting ideas to take the edge off. Finally, I open up about some of my personal experiences with the afterlife...
Narrative, perspective, point of view, opinion, belief, story... all of these word and phrases point to the same thing: That our experience of the world is subjective, and shaped by the stories we hold about the world and our relationship to it. I'm sure you're all too aware of the way the JW story has dominated your worldview. In today's episode, we talk about how take back control over our story, and safegaurd it from those with the intention to undermine it
This episode is the first in a series of "mini" episodes entitled STRONGER. Sometimes we get so mired down in all the heaviness around leaving the org, that we lose sight of why we left in the first place; which is to grow, explore, and experience life to the fullest. The STRONGER series will be focused on all things related to building resiliency and developing the skill set which will move us from surviving to thriving. In today's episode, we focus on the practice of meditation. Sure, it may be a well covered topic, but I have a unique take that I believe will clarify a few misconceptions and might make this practice a bit more accessible to you
Last week we came down pretty hard on all you "nice" guys and gals out there. This week, as promised, we bring some practical steps towards breaking this nasty habit, including mindfulness, saying yes to "no", saying no to "sorry", and the difference between "being nice" and kindness.
The death spiral caused by people pleasing in relationships
Of all the common challenges faced by ex-JWs, people pleasing is at the number one spot for most universal. We can't help ourselves. We have been wired in every way imaginable towards having this disposition. And lets be honest... it sucks It's corrosive to our sense of well being, to our confidence, and extremely detrimental to our relationships. In part one of this two-part episode, we take a long hard look at the ugly side of being (shudder) "nice"
As ex-JWs, we have our work cut out for us in terms of healing. From leaving the org, to connecting with our true self, redefining our spiritual beliefs, rebuilding our community... the list goes on. All of this is even more challenging in light of the fact that we haven't really been taught how to approach self-directed growth. Today, we break away from the more granular topics we normally focus on, and use a wider lens to understand the basic mechanisms and mindsets of "doing the work" which are guaranteed to produce the kind of traction and growth we're all looking for in our lives
So you've finally reached the end of your rope. Despite all your best efforts to maintain the status quo and fly under the radar, you've reached a point where you just can't do it anymore. The pain and discomfort of hiding your true feelings has finally grown larger than your fear of leaving the organization. While this is an empowering, momentous first step towards living a fuller, more fulfilling life, it begins with a period of upheaval which will inevitably create turbulence and often ruptures in your close relationships. In today's episode, we'll help you prepare for this big moment by discussing: What to expect when they sense you slipping How to finally break the news, and come out of the closet How they will likely respond, and how to handle that
There was a time in my life when I rolled my eyes at the idea of therapy. It seemed ridiculous that simply talking with someone could ever lead to any kind of real change or improvement to my life experience. I'm delighted to report that I was very, very wrong about that assessment. Today's episode is a bit of love letter to therapy. We talk about what is therapy, what it is not, how it can be helpful, what good therapy looks like vs bad therapy, and how to go about finding the right therapist (or counselor, or coach) for you. If you've ever wondered what all the fuss is about, this episode is for you
Following up on the very positive response we received from part 1, in this episode we elaborate on these ideas around setting boundaries, and cover: Knowing when to set boundaries Different ways of speaking our boundaries and helpful phrases to use How to handle it when setting boundaries doesn't go as smoothly as we'd like And finally, how to put all these things into practice using practical examples
To most ex-JWs, especially those newly out, the idea of boundaries is a foreign concept. Because, for the most part, boundaries don't exist within the organization. The idea of saying "no" "that doesn't feel good" or "please don't do that" are not really in our vocabulary, and we've been programmed to think that using those phrases makes us a bad person in some way. In today's episode, we blow the lid off all that bullshit, and empower you to trust in the very simple fact that it is ok for you to choose what feels good for you, and protect yourself from things that do not, regardless of whether other people approve of those choices
Waking up from the org can be a lonely adventure, and even more so when those in your immediate family are determined to stay asleep In response to fan requests, today's episode will be devoted to discussing how to navigate this dynamic, and some questions to consider which will help determine how to move forward. In part 1 we will discuss the best approach for coming out to your spouse In part 2 we will dive into the question of whether it's worth trying to make the relationship work, and some things to consider when there are kids involved
Waking up from the org can be a lonely adventure, and even more so when those in your immediate family are determined to stay asleep In response to fan requests, today's episode will be devoted to discussing how to navigate this dynamic, and some questions to consider which will help determine how to move forward. In part 1 we will discuss the best approach for coming out to your spouse In part 2 we will dive into the question of whether it's worth trying to make the relationship work, and some things to consider when there are kids involved
How many times have we heard that "God is love"? In this episode we challenge that idea. In part 1, we spend some time breaking down challenging that claim based on what we know about god from the bible. In part 2, we will spend some time thinking about what a loving god might actually look like and play with the idea of what life might be like if we allowed ourselves to procede "as if" such a loving being exists
How many times have we heard that "God is love"? In this episode we challenge that idea. In part 1, we spend some time breaking down challenging that claim based on what we know about god from the bible. In part 2, we will spend some time thinking about what a loving god might actually look like and play with the idea of what life might be like if we allowed ourselves to procede "as if" such a loving being exists
(This is part 2 of this episode) Most of us carry some version of the harsh inner critic. And why wouldn't we? All we have been told by the org is that we have been born bad, we can never do enough and that kindness from god is "undeserved". This abusive voice tends to dominate, interfering with our ability thrive and enjoy our lives. In this episode, we explore the nature of this voice, and what we can do to empower ourselves, restore the balance and create more harmony in our own minds
Most of us carry some version of the harsh inner critic. And why wouldn't we? All we have been told by the org is that we have been born bad, we can never do enough and that kindness from god is "undeserved". This abusive voice tends to dominate, interfering with our ability thrive and enjoy our lives. In this episode, we explore the nature of this voice, and what we can do to empower ourselves, restore the balance and create more harmony in our own minds
One of the more common fears I hear about from my clients is that they will unwittingly fall victim to another group or organization that doesn't have their best interests at heart. Because of this, they have trouble opening themselves up to new ideas or engaging with group situations. In this episode, we discuss the reasons why this fear is misplaced, how it can limit us from having experiences that will be beneficial for our growth., and why you are actually inoculated from anyone ever taking advantage of you in this way again
Loss of family and friends is one of the most painful aspects of leaving the org. Most of us will do anything in order to maintain those ties. But sometimes the lengths we go to keep those connections does us more harm than good. In this episode, we explore whether these ties are worth cutting or keeping, and how we might go about severing these connections if we decide that is in our best interest
Loss of family and friends is one of the most painful aspects of leaving the org. Most of us will do anything in order to maintain those ties. But sometimes the lengths we go to keep those connections does us more harm than good. In this episode, we explore whether these ties are worth cutting or keeping, and how we might go about severing these connections if we decide that is in our best interest
Most of us have a negative association with the word "faith". To those of us who have escaped from high control religions, the word "faith" implies blind allegiance to a harmful belief systems that creates division and doesn't hold up to the slightest scrutiny. Today, we redefine and reclaim the word faith, and talk about the importance of cultivating your own personal belief system; one which will serve you and help you live a fuller life.
What's better than waking up from the org? Waking and taking your friends and family with you. Sadly, this is easier said, and almost never done. In this episode we talk about the psychological mechanisms which keep people asleep, as well as a few ideas for those bold enough to try (please be warned though, in my experience it is nearly impossible)
Sharing our story, of the ways in which we have been hurt by this organization, and our grief over challenges it has created for us is an essential part of our healing process. But sometimes, we can get a little stuck in this stage of development, and not infrequently the story we are repeating is one that perpetuates the idea that we are forever damaged, or "broken" This episode, we deconstruct this disempowering belief, and talk about some ways that we can take the power back If you like our podcast, please hit the subscribe button and leave a review. If you're feeling moved to pay it forward, please share it with other people who might benefit For questions, feedback or ideas for future episodes, please email me at DrRyanLee@DrRyanLee.com If you are interested in working with me, please vist my website at DrRyanLee.com
Black and white, right and wrong, good and bad... This is how JWs approach the world, and it creates a real problem for those of us who enter into the world with this rigid dualistic mindset. Forget black and white. Today we learn to live in color
Black and white, right and wrong, good and bad... This is how JWs approach the world, and it creates a real problem for those of us who enter into the world with this rigid dualistic mindset. Forget black and white. Today we learn to live in color
How many times have we heard about the dangers of trusting our treacherous heart? Among the many ways in which JW indoctrination sabotages our senses and turn us against ourselves, this is one of the most insidious. It tells us not to trust one of the deepest and most important aspects of our being. Today we take some time to dispel this nasty bit of programming, and embrace our hearts and what it looks like to learn to trust and love it, maybe for the first time in our lives
How many times have we heard about the dangers of trusting our treacherous heart? Among the many ways in which JW indoctrination sabotages our senses and turn us against ourselves, this is one of the most insidious. It tells us not to trust one of the deepest and most important aspects of our being. Today we take some time to dispel this nasty bit of programming, and embrace our hearts and what it looks like to learn to trust and love it, maybe for the first time in our lives
Ok, so you've just left the organization. First of all, congratulations! Welcome to our ex-JW tribe! What you have done is nothing short of heroic. It takes so much bravery to make that choice, and trust us, it will be worth it. But now that you're out, you may be wondering what comes next? Where should you channel your energy and attention? Well, all of our episodes will be geared towards answering this question in a number of different ways, but today (on our debut episode!) we be discussing some of the essential tasks people should consider when newly out of the Jehovah's Witnesses. If you like our podcast, please hit the subscribe button and leave a review. If you're feeling moved to pay it forward, please share it with other people who might benefit For questions, feedback or ideas for future episodes, please email me at DrRyanLee@DrRyanLee.com If you are interested in working with me, please vist my website at DrRyanLee.com
Ok, so you've just left the organization. First of all, congratulations! Welcome to our ex-JW tribe! What you have done is nothing short of heroic. It takes so much bravery to make that choice, and trust us, it will be worth it. But now that you're out, you may be wondering what comes next? Where should you channel your energy and attention? Well, all of our episodes will be geared towards answering this question in a number of different ways, but today (on our debut episode!) we be discussing some of the essential tasks people should consider when newly out of the Jehovah's Witnesses. If you like our podcast, please hit the subscribe button and leave a review. If you're feeling moved to pay it forward, please share it with other people who might benefit For questions, feedback or ideas for future episodes, please email me at DrRyanLee@DrRyanLee.com If you are interested in working with me, please vist my website at DrRyanLee.com
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