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Do you ever wonder if you're doing this mothering thing right?You talk to your doctor, read the posts in parenting Facebook groups, stalk the mom blogs, and scroll the lovely oh-so curated Instagram feeds of mommy influencers, and you still have no clue.One person says to do this, another person says to do that. Some even tell us we must look a certain way to earn the "good mother" label.Are mothers being set up for failure? What is a good mother anyway? Join Brandi, along with guests Bethany Johnson and Margaret Quinlan, the authors of the book, "You're Doing it Wrong! Mothering, Media and Medical Expertise,"  as they chat about the history of mothering advice in the media, from the Victorian age to the present day, and how social media has placed extraordinary pressures on new moms from pre-conception through early toddlerhood.Mom After Hours listeners receive 30% off when purchasing, You're Doing It Wrong! Mothering, Media, and Medical Expertise  by using coupon code: 02AAAA17 athttps://cdcshoppingcart.uchicago.edu/Cart2/Cart?PRESS=rutgers&ISBN=9780813593784 You can find Margaret and Bethany onFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JohnsonQuinlanResearch/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/johnsonquinlanresearch/Twitter: https://twitter.com/JQ_ResearchWebsite: https://johnsonquinlanresearch.com Margaret M. Quinlan (Ph.D.) is an associate professor in the department of communication studies at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She explores how communication creates, resists and transforms knowledges about bodies. She critiques power structures in order to empower individuals who are marginalized inside and outside of healthcare systems. She has authored approximately 40 journal articles, 17 book chapters and co-produced documentaries in a regional Emmy award-winning series.Bethany L. Johnson (MPhil, M.A.) is an instructor in history and an associate member to the graduate faculty and research affiliate faculty in the department of communication studies at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She studies how science, medicine, and health discourses are framed and reproduced by institutions and individuals from the 19th century to the present. She has published in interdisciplinary journals such as Health Communication, Women & Language, Departures in Critical Qualitative Research and Women's Reproductive Health.Other works mentioned:Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty, by Dorothy RobertsMedical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present, by Harriet WashingtonSex, Sickness, and Slavery: Illness in the Antebellum South, by Marlie Wiener and Mayzie Hough***Connect with Mom After Hours on Instagram! We're not afraid to share the dirtier side of motherhood. ***Thank you so much for listening to Mom After Hours! If you know a mom questioning if she is a good mother or is struggling with motherhood advice overload, please share this episode with her.***Ask questions or share episode ideas by emailing hello@momafterhours.com. We love audio feedback, too, so record your voice via voice memo in your smartphone and send it on over!  

We are so happy to have Austin Sailors of LoveLab back on the podcast to share his experience with us during these difficult and confusing times. This year has been a whirlwind, and this last week hasn't been easier. The conversation of racism, racial favoritism, inequality, oppression, and so much more is not an easy one to have. The risk of saying something wrong or hurtful is high, and the tension can be felt across our nation. People are hurting, confused, frustrated, and angry. All the emotions we are feeling is different, but this podcast has always been here to have the tough conversations. We don't claim to get it right, or even have the answers, but we do want this to be a place where conversations can be started. We feel things too, but recognize we all don't feel the same. We hope this conversation just starts more conversations that can bring this issue to the light and be a force to help. We are always here to listen, and if you feel you need to say something to us the channels are all open. Thank you for listening, and a huge thanks to Austin for agreeing to have this conversation with us. If you like the music check out the artist here: theearthonfireIntro song links: Spotify Apple MusicPlease subscribe to us on YouTube and join us live for our weekly recording!Follow us on InstagramFollow us on Facebook for the easiest way find us live (YouTube Links will be posted there)Guest Link:https://www.lovelabsf.com/Links discussed in episode:Film Theory: Hey Fallon, You're Doing it Wrong!TIL:TIL The world record for the most number of non-stop push-ups is 10,507 by Minoru Yoshida of Japan, which was achieved in October 1980, no one has beat it since.TIL that the US government only decided to give citizenship to Native Americans in 1924.TIL: in the 17th century, a man named Lazarus Colloredo was convicted of murder. Lazuras had a parasitic conjoined twin, and successfully argued his death would kill his twin, an innocent man. He was pardonedTIL A restaurant in Bangkok has been constantly cooking and serving from the same soup for 45 years, a form of "perpetual stew"Shower Thoughts:Truman eventually figures out he's in a show, but still doesn't know he's in a movie.wikipedia is what people imagined the internet as in the 90sThe unemployment office is understaffed... let that sink in.Body cams for civilians might work better than body cams for cops...At some point, late show hosts are gonna have to admit the only thing that differentiates them from youtubers is their budget.Every year history class will get harder and harder

In this episode, I continue the conversation from previous episodes about the language surrounding infertility. Natasha Marchand, co-founder of Bebo Mia, discusses the unique situations of would-be expectant parents facing infertility, and what helpful and non-helpful language looks like.   TRANSCRIPT: Sara Pixton: Welcome to today's episode. Before we jump in, I just want to say if you have listened to the podcast before and you are loving it, please leave a review on your podcast app, so more people can find out about Birth Words and be touched by the things that we're talking about here. And now for today's episode. Natasha has been working with women to support their wellness goals for over a decade. She is a doula trainer, a hypnotherapist, prenatal fitness and yoga instructor, and a fertility specialist. As the co-founder of Bebo Mia and co-owner of Baby and Me Fitness, she loves helping women feel stronger and more confident in their lives, whether that is in their birth business, or as they move fertility all the way to parenting. She is also the proud mother of seven-year-old Sadie, conceived with ART after a four-year struggle, and recently gave birth to her second daughter, Margo. Welcome Natasha, to the Birth Words podcast.   Natasha Marchand: Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to be here.   Sara: I'm so excited to talk with you and for our listeners to gain your perspective. Do you want to give just a quick introduction of yourself and your business and what you're doing here on the podcast?   Natasha: Sure. Well, my name is Natasha, like you said. I struggled myself with infertility for four years before having my first daughter and then six years later, had my second daughter so there's quite a bit of a gap. And so there was many years where I struggled with infertility, but my background is in yoga and hypnotherapy, and obviously I'm a birth doula and of course to a trainer as well. So I use a lot of that to create programming for people who are struggling with infertility, because I felt like it was not only a professional thing for me but also really personal. And Bebo Mia itself as a doula training organization, or a training organization that works with birth workers who want to become doulas, for example, or perhaps work in the world of infertility or fertility as a fertility doula, which is something that's new and happening right now as awareness for infertility moves forward.   Sara: I love that. And one of the reasons I reached out to you specifically is because I saw that fertility doula training program on your website, and that really struck me. Like you said, it's not something that I'm really familiar with. I don't know any fertility doulas personally, but having had a small infertility journey of my own—Wow, I wish I had a doula there to guide me through it! Because It can be so difficult to navigate. So I'm so glad you have that going.   Natasha: Yeah, I didn’t have a fertility doula myself either. But because I was a doula at the time—I was a doula for many years before I had children of my own—so when I learned that this was going to be a struggle for me when I was figuring that out, I just started applying my work as a doula into my own life. And then recognizing that there were so many other people out there who didn't have support, who were doing this on their own or in silence, or in shame even. And so I started that to apply that into group work and into other people until eventually it just became my work as a fertility doula.   Sara: I love it. That's awesome. I am so excited to pick your brain a little bit here today. So I have some questions for you. The first one is: What unique challenges do would-be expectant parents meet when they first come face to face with fertility struggles?   Natasaha: I, you know, I can speak to my own experience and I can also speak to the experience of other people that I've witnessed. But the biggest thing is that realization that, you know, the idea of having children goes from that, like, when will I have children? to IF I'll have children. That's such a shift in everybody's mind frame. You know, you kind of grow up thinking okay, I'll do what everyone tells me I have to do you know, I'll go to college, I'll meet somebody, we’ll have a family, we’ll buy a house… all of those things will happen. And then suddenly, your expectations aren't meeting reality anymore, and that just kind of like flips everything on its side. Especially if you're someone like me who's like, I'm a planner. Like, I was like, yep, I turned 30, I'll have my kids, I’ll do… You know? I had it all planned out. And then suddenly it's like, will I even have kids? And if I don't—Who am I? Yeah, you know?   Sara: Yeah. And this episode I wanted to build on Episode number seven. I talked about my infertility journey and some research that I've come across. That goes a lot along with what you're saying of this idea of a reproductive story, that some people have it more consciously. Some people, it's more subconscious, but it totally disrupts that when you're faced with like, not when but if, and just it's a really challenging journey.   Natasha: Yeah. And it's, it really is what is this thing about me? You know, because like when you talk about language and you talk about infertility, like there's still really is this… It's not even unspoken, it's this value that's placed on women, in particular, to have children. Like that's part of our value. Like who are we, if we can’t have children. And now that that conversation is changing, but there still is these words that are used for people who don't have children, you know, like we hear it all the time. Like you're selfish or you'll change your mind, or you're too self-absorbed, or like all of this language that goes around, you know, choosing to not have children. Yeah.   Sara: Especially difficult when…   Natasha: There’s so much language around that. Yeah, like, Is there something I did wrong? Am I being punished? there's something wrong with me. So like, you can't really, you can't win, right? Because our value is so intertwined as women in particular, to having children. And that’s something we learn so early on, as young girls.   Sara: Yeah, all of this discourse that just surrounds us as we go. And then facing like, Oh, is that… Is that what I want for myself? Is that possible? with the infertility struggle, right? And you said, Am I doing something wrong? And I mentioned to you and now to our listeners that this episode is also building on a previous episode with Margaret Quinlan, who's a professor of Communications, who wrote… You're Doing it Wrong is the name of her book, because that's what people feel a lot from just the common rhetoric around pregnancy and motherhood and fertility. And that's a really, really difficult thing to be told either explicitly or implicitly and a really difficult thing to feel.   Natasha: Yeah, yeah. And I think that there are so many people out there who think that by giving advice, they're trying to help you, or they are helping you, because they do think that there’s something you're doing wrong, you know? Are you putting your legs up on the wall for 30 minutes after you have intercourse? No, Aunt Edna, I'm not. Like what? Like, you know, there's just so much. As soon as you say… as soon as you're brave enough to say that this is something you're struggling with, that's when you get all of this information that is not helping you at all. Really, it is just telling you what you said you're doing it wrong. And… these days. Are you relaxed enough? Are you going on vacation? Are you taking time for yourself? All of that is just blaming.   Sara: And that's so difficult when you said like, it's so vulnerable to open up and say, Hey, this is something that I'm struggling with, and then to be hit with all of that does not honor the vulnerability, right?   Natasha: That's right. And I if, if there was anything I wish I could do to change the language in this space, or to change the culture, in this space is to, to really have people understand how to best support somebody going through infertility. And like to explain that, quite often this unsolicited advice is not really welcome. You know, and even as, as birth professionals like we are, this can be a hard line for us because we want to believe in hope and to give people hope. And we can try it on this fine line where it's like, you know, if you do this, then you'll get pregnant, the same way often birth professionals can make that mistake of saying, if you have a birth plan, and if you give birth with this health care provider, and if you give birth at home or whatever, you know, your plan is, then you'll have the birth that you want. But really, that's, you know, we don't want to give people false hope, with infertility. You can do all of this thing, you can do everything. You can put your legs on the wall, you can go on vacation, you can do IVF. And still at the end of the day, not have a baby. Right? So we have to be really careful and mindful of our language and not offer this hope. Or it's like, oh, well, if you just did this, this would happen. Yeah.   Sara: So what can we do? We're wanting to support people struggling with infertility. We know a lot of the things we shouldn't say. We know why… we've talked about why it matters, the way that we talk. You can add more thoughts about that if you want, but what do we do? What do we say what is helpful?   Natasha: You know, I think being there for somebody and telling somebody that you're there for them is the most important thing we can do. Allowing them to be seen by you and allowing them the space to be vulnerable and, and validating the pain that they're going through is more important than anything else. Because that's what's not happening for them right now is they're saying that they're struggling, they're going through infertility. And what is coming back at them is usually something in between ‘you're doing it wrong’ or ‘it's really not that bad.’ I have a friend who has been struggling for four years or, you know, it's hovering somewhere in between that there. So what we need to do as healthcare practitioners is be okay with sitting in this uncomfortable space. Of this is just—can I swear?—this is just shitty. And that's what it is. And I am here to witness that with you and allow you to say how shitty this is to me.   Sara: And friends and family. Oh, sorry, I jumped in before you were done. And you said, like as professionals, but also like as friends and family, too, we've got a mixed listenership on this podcast. And I think that that applies to both. Would you agree?   Natasha: Absolutely agree. It applies. I agree. Yeah, that's right. There needs to be a shift in the way that we treat people going through infertility, because we don't talk the same way with people who have just been injured. You know? We don't talk to the same way who maybe just had a cancer diagnosis. We… this is a very special way that we talked to people who are going through infertility: we try to minimize it, or we try to be helpful, but we say the wrong things. Or we… there's not a recognition of how hard this really is. You know, just the little things that which I've heard, I'm sure you've heard before is like, once you realize it's going to be a struggle for you to have children, if that's something you truly desire to do, even things like getting a baby shower invitation in the mail is really hard. It can put you on the ground for, you know, days or weeks. And a lot of people don't understand that. They don't understand why you wouldn't show up. There really is not the validation around how painful this really is, how it leads to depression, how the stress rates are high for people who are going through infertility as people who are going through cancer treatments. There's not a recognition around that. It really is like, you know, ‘it will happen when it happens,’ or you know, ‘maybe it's not your time.’ There's such a minimization of the struggle that somebody is going through. Anyway, I get it. You can't really understand it until you've gone through it. But I'd love to see the culture change.   Sara: Yeah, me too. I think those are really powerful thoughts. And I think I'm… Once you have gone through it, too, there's also this temptation to like, use it as your chance to be like, “Oh, I know, it's hard because let me tell you about how hard it was for me,” which is also not a helpful response. Right? And if we're truly validating someone else's grief, we're not in platforming to, like, jump into our own, right?   Natasha: Yes. As professionals, I find that's a hard line to walk regardless of if you're a fertility doula or a birth doula, right, because our own experiences shape what we think is good, you know, what, what we think are good decisions. And, and that's just human nature, but our job is to come at things in an unbiased way. And so when we're working with infertility, you know, as a professional, we're not really able to say, you know, well for me, this works and so it should work for you. It really still…we have to really come back to being like, here's all the information, what decision do you want to make? And also support you through that?   Sara: Yeah, I appreciate that perspective. Another question for you. So how can those dealing with infertility harness the power of our words to help them in their journey?   Natasha: One of the big things that I do in my work as a fertility doula is, is to look at the language we're using with ourselves now, and so for many of us, well for me, when I first began this journey of infertility, it was really like I was really down on myself, I really questioned my lifestyle, I really question things I had done in my past, I had a lot of negative self-talk. And, and I knew better because this is what I do for a living. And so I had to work really hard to fix that. And I'm not trying to say that everything we have to say is positive. And when it comes to fertility, like I said, I don't want to be giving false hope. I don't want to give people you know, thoughts…try to put thoughts in people's heads that are like, ‘I will for sure have a baby’ or, you know, ‘close your eyes and imagine your baby.’ That can be so hard and triggering for somebody who's going through infertility. So let's work on our thought process in not in a way that's like positive or nothing. But in a way that's like, how can we reframe this so it feels healthier in our in our bodies? So we're not hurting ourselves and causing ourselves harm as we go through this. Like we're not making it worse. And so what we do a lot of the times is come up with balanced statements. So statements that feel true, or can stop that negative cycle that causes us like a downward spiral each day, you know, like when you wake up your ‘I'll never have a kid’ and, you know, ‘why? Why would I get up off the floor right now?’ Like all those…that kind of language that spirals and changes your actions throughout the day? Like how can we create a kinder and more gentle thing that you can say in the morning? You know, so, rather than saying, ‘I'll never have children,’ we don't go right to positive and say, ‘I will have children’ and wake up and expect that that's going to be the outcome. But how can we say, ‘you know what, today is the day that I'm going to practice my breathing techniques,’ or work a little bit more on myself, or you know, spend the day, you know, whatever it is. I really do sit down and spend a lot of time with my clients to figure out what wording would work best for them to be gentler to themselves, so the day doesn't feel as hard. Yeah, you know, what, what can you be doing each and every day to make this journey better? And how can we implant that language into our subconscious rather than what was fed to us?   Sara: I love all of your thoughts about that. And because I feel similarly with just my goal with this podcast and the other work that I do with Birth Words, the goal is not to be like, only positive talk, because sometimes there's some really negative stuff that already exists that you have to work through. But I like how you said, Let's reframe this, so it feels healthy in your body. And I think that reframing is critical.   Natasha: Yeah. And it's really like when I sit with my clients, and I do this work, there are questions that I asked, you know, if your negative self-thought is ‘I'll never have children, I'll never have children.’ You say that over and over again in your head. Okay, so, just what about that statement is true? You know, have you been told that you'll never have children? Are all paths towards having children closed to you? What are you willing to do to have children? You know, like really start dissecting where that negative thought comes from. Who told you that if you never have children, you're not a good woman, you know, or good person? You know, where are these thoughts coming from so that we can look at it and be like, Oh, that statement’s not really true. What is true is that I'm, I'm trying this avenue right now, and I'm giving it my best shot. And if this doesn't work, I'm willing to try another avenue. That sounds better, right?   Sara: And you sound so much more like an agent, making choices, being thoughtful about, ‘these are my options and this is the path that I can pursue,’ instead of being like this passive recipient of your fate, right?   Natasha: That's right. That's right. And putting some control into that because there is obviously the sense of a loss of control. Right? When you have when you have a plan and that plan is not happening for you.   Sara: K, I love, I so appreciate our conversation. I'm going to wrap it up with two quick questions here. The first one is, if you had to describe in one word, your feelings or beliefs about the fertility journey, what one word would you choose?   Natasha: The fertility journey or mine?   Sara: However you want to interpret it, and if you need to throw out a few we can, we can work with that.   Natasha: I wouldn't label it as… you know, it did change. But the beginning when I was just hearing about this and learning what a struggle it was going to be for me, I would have called it suffering.   Sara: Okay. And I love the thoughts that you've shared to help, again reframe that, to make it feel less like suffering, but also the earlier thoughts you shared about having other people recognize, this feels like intense suffering. I think that's, that's really fitting.   Natasha: Yeah. And it really was, I was gonna say it really was the, the getting out of that thought process and say, What can I do with this information now that I have it? How can I pull parts of my life to make a change to make this better? I feel very fortunate that I was already kind of in this birth world when I encountered this, because I was able to pull things together and create out of it, which really lifted me out of that suffering place. But not only that, it led me to find other people who were going through it. So I could say I'm suffering and they could say back to me, I'm suffering too. And that's still so much. Just being able to create that in my world was so important.   Sara: Thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom. How can we connect with you? Follow you personally or Bebo Mia, or whatever you want to throw out there.   Natasha: Sure, you can visit us at bebomia.com. We also have a blog post on this that comes with like a really large ebook just on how we can best support our clients who are going through infertility or who are now pregnant after infertility. So you can go to bebomia.com/birthwords. And that will be up for anybody who ever wants to see it. And if anybody ever wanted to join any of our programs, we have a BIRTHWORDS code for 15% off anything you'd ever want to join us with and become part of our community.   Sara: Love it. Thank you so much for your generosity and go head over to their website. Check it out. They have so many resources for birth professionals and really are doing something dynamic and new with the way that they're approaching all of it, so go check it out. It's worth it.   Natasha: Thank you so much. Thank you for allowing me to be on the podcast.   Sara: It was so great to have you. Thanks so much, Natasha.   Natasha: Thank you.   Outro: Did words play an important role in your birth experience? If you're interested in sharing your story on the podcast, go to www.birthwords.com. If you're liking what you hear on the podcast, please leave a review on your podcast app. For more resources about harnessing the power of words to benefit the birth experience, visit birthwords.com   Transcribed by https://otter.ai

In this episode, I interview Margaret Quinlan and hear her perspective about the social phenomenon surrounding the topic of infertility. Margaret M. Quinlan is an associate professor in the department of communication studies at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She explores how communication creates, resists and transforms knowledges about bodies. She critiques power structures in order to empower individuals who are marginalized inside and outside of healthcare systems. She authored approximately 40 journal articles, 17 book chapters and co-produced documentaries in a regional Emmy award-winning series. She co-authored "You’re Doing It Wrong! Mothering, Media, and Medical Expertise (Rutgers) with Bethany Johnson." TRANSCRIPT: Sara   Welcome to the Birth Words podcast, episode number 22.   Introduction:  You're listening to the Birth Words podcast. Utah based birth doula and Applied Linguistics scholar Sara Pixton digs into the language of pregnancy and birth to help expectant women claim their power as life giving agents, engaged in a praiseworthy work. This podcast aims to promote positive birth paradigms, and is not intended as medical advice.   Sara   Before we jump into today's episode, I just wanted to pause for a minute and encourage you to get out your Instagram, go to Facebook, find Birth Words, give me a follow. You can stay up to date and share it with anybody that you know who may be interested in the language that we use to make birth better. Give it a share, give it a follow, and then we'll see you online!   Sara   Margaret Quinlan is an associate professor in the Department of Communication Studies at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. she explores how communication creates, resist and transforms knowledge about bodies to critique power structures in order to empower individuals who are marginalized inside and outside of healthcare. She authored approximately 40 journal articles, 17 book chapters, and co-produced documentaries in a regional, Emmy Award winning series.  She co-authored You're Doing it Wrong! Mothering, Media, and Medical Expertise with Bethany Johnson. So, I'm just thrilled to be able to talk with Maggie today about the work that she's done. And we're going to focus specifically, today, on a chapter that she wrote in that book, You’re Doing it Wrong, about infertility as an extension of the episode. I previously aired Episode Seven about infertility. So Maggie, welcome to the podcast! Maggie   Thank you so much, Sara. It really is an honor. And I'm really looking forward to talking to you about, not just my research, but my research with Professor Bethany Johnson. And we've been researching women's health and the history of infertility and other health related women's health related issues. So I'm looking forward to digging into a little bit of that today.   Sara   Excellent. Will you start by giving us just a brief overview of your book, You're Doing it Wrong?   Maggie   Sure, so Bethany and I were interested in the ways in which new mothers face (and we see mothers as a pretty broad term) many of the same health issues, confronted by women for generations, and Stephanie is a historian and I am in Communication Studies. And so we were interested in how the number of lay experts and technical experts is, you know, potentially growing, especially on social media. So, what we did was we looked at what we call the life cycle of early motherhood, which is preconception through toddlerhood. And we looked at different crises that individuals could potentially face during during those times such as fertility and conception, challenges in pregnancy behavior and outcomes, premature birth, infant loss, having a child in the NICU, developmental delays, you know, other postpartum health issues. So, what we were interested in is how during these crisis moments, individuals tend to receive a lot of advice from experts, such as, like, doctors.  As well as from other individuals, friends, family members, strangers and individuals.  Add on social media. So, we looked at the ways in which, throughout history, what those messages have looked like and then what do they look like today on social media?   Sara   Excellent. Thanks for that overview. I think that's a really important work that you're doing, and any listeners who have gone through that life cycle of early motherhood, like you're talking about, I'm sure can relate to some advice, whether solicited or unsolicited, that they received, how it has impacted their journey. So I think you're doing really important work. I'm excited to talk more with you about it.    Maggie Thank you.    Sara Yeah! So, like I mentioned, and you wrote this entire book, I believe, is it nine chapters?   Maggie Yeah!   Sara So, you dive into a variety of topics in this life cycle of early motherhood. But, because I keep my episode short, and because we could go on for hours and hours, we're just going to focus today on a really little piece of it, which is chapter two, when you talk about infertility.  So, in chapter two, which you titled: “A State of Mind? Fertility Treatment(s) and Expertise,” you state that the World Health Organization considers both male and female infertility as a disease. And then others, like Marion Sims, in the 1850’s saw women's bodies as machines that need to be fixed by an expert mechanic. Even today, treatments are often “overly fixated on the problems of the body,” and the experts who can, “fix them.” How does this perspective and the linguistic framing that accompany it affect wouldbe expectant couples and their experience through the journey of infertility, and then if they're able to become pregnant, how does it affect them throughout pregnancy and postpartum?   Maggie   Well, while you were asking the question, the first thing that came to mind was the story of Dr. Dickinson, who practiced in the early 1900s. And we found in his medical journals and in his papers about how he used, he was a doctor who did fertility treatments, and how he used his sperm and other men's sperm to artificially inseminate women. And he did not often tell the women, and the women did not tell their male partners that they were part of the problem. And so, this was a really fascinating story to uncover, because, you know, just this sort of this fear the protection that many individuals did to protect men from the emotional and relational turmoil of infertility. That there, you know, it was believed that men would not come back from disaster, learning about their failed masculinity, or they wouldn't bond with the child.  We even saw some early 20th century public divorce cases where the woman ended up getting the custody of the child for the first time because they thought about that it was not the father sperm that that was being used. And so, that example is really interesting because, in some of our research with women undergoing infertility, I think of a woman named Vivian, and she did not tell her husband that he has low sperm count, because she, you know, wanted to protect him and didn't want him to have to deal with it. Where, you know, we still see today that many women going through infertility, that they're the bodies that undergo a lot of the treatment, and they're expected to take on the emotional labor from the health crisis. And that they're expected to keep the emotional stability of, of the relationship.  And so, in terms of, you know, what we saw throughout history and what we what we see today that, when thinking about how this could impact possibly becoming pregnant or the birth experience or the postpartum period, that if couples are already not dealing with some of the emotional issues, are not in a really stable, strong point in the relationship, when undergoing some of these are having intimacy issues, that those are going to be issues that they follow through them through pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period. And so, you know, we still see that today, right? That you're not considered whole, if you're not a mother, your identity is supposed to be, you know, you're supposed to naturally be a mother and you're to blame, or female failure, or the failure of the woman if infertility occurs. And so, you know, we still see a lot of women going through infertility dealing with depression, social life force, isolation, depression, or relationship issues, sexual dysfunction, right? Going through all this. So, you're able, then, to become pregnant, some of those issues, for sure, would follow through, right?   Sara   Yeah. Wow, that is heavy. And so important that you're shedding light on it so that we work to change some of that. That is really heavy and difficult for those women who are feeling the weight and the blame, it should be a shared journey to shoulder with somebody else. All right, thank you.  I'm gonna move on to the next one. A question which, again, deals with infertility and you wrote about in chapter two. So, you wrote that the social and emotional challenges of those facing infertility are very similar areas, eerily similar you can say, to others in their shoes over 100 years ago, although there's a much higher likelihood that they'll be able to become pregnant and birth a healthy baby.  So, why does the social and emotional journey remain so challenging in such similar ways, when so much has changed?   Maggie   Yeah, it's interesting. I wonder, you know, after going through the historical aspects of this, I am curious about how much has really changed, that we still believe the biological mandate and we assume that there was, you know, romantic love that produced this child, which is a romantic, you know, 19th century idea. That there's still the same messages that, if that doesn't happen, or if you're not able to have a “healthy,” baby, that somehow you failed, that you're shamed on that, you know, we see the link that women do when going through infertility treatment. That in, not in this chapter, but in some of our other research about Instagram and infertility, we see women who have Instagram accounts that are just for their infertility journey and can't be usually connected to their name. And they go there to, you know, create community and to protect their identity. They're not telling others in their lives that they're struggling with this and are connecting and trying to get lay medical expertise through these through these sites. And so, what we would think has shifted a lot in many ways, haven't.  So, I think about, just even the shame and the stereotypes about African American women who are infertile, that they are sort of a double failure because the idea that African American women are, women of color are, hyper fertile. And then, they're not that sort of a double failure, and viewed with a lot of racial stereotypes. And so, we have groups like fertility for colored girls and another group called Broken Brown Egg, that tries to, you know, bring awareness to the silence that happens for individuals who go through infertility. And so, in my opinion, even though the likelihood that an individual will get pregnant has really increased, that I would like to personally have had seen more of a shift in, in how some of the challenges that individuals going through infertility face.   Sara   Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I think that that's a phenomenon that is not unique to this realm that cultural frameworks sometimes just change very, very slowly. So even if there's technological improvements that are changing rapidly, on top of that, underneath, you've got a cultural framework that is really takes a lot of work to progress and evolve. Is that what you found?   Maggie   Absolutely.    Sara   All right. Well, I guess we're doing the heavy lifting work of changing that underlying cultural framework.   Maggie   Yeah!   Sara    Right.    Maggie   And more to build on.     Sara   What's that?   Maggie    I said, a lot more to be done   Sara   For sure. Yeah. And more numbers are needed and a lot more awareness. And so, you kind of started to touch on the role of social media. So, my next question brings that in: what role does the discourse of social media play in shaping understandings of fertility? And you've talked a bit about the supposedly lay versus technical dichotomy, but blurred on social media, and how does that affect would be parents?   Maggie   Well, one thing, you know, we talked a lot about, my research partner and I, is that if somebody on social media shows that they're confident, that somehow is confused with being an expert in something, so if you're somebody who sells Shakeology, right, that you're an expert in this and that is, sort of, your idea of something that could, that could cure infertility or could could help get your body in the right, not superfoods right to be able to, to prepare for a baby. And so it's interesting in, you know, Facebook groups that I belong to when different social media aspects, you see a lot of people posting, you know, I could post something and get a response from lactation consultant, I could get a response from a pediatrician, I could get a response from somebody who you know, sell, you know, some sort of organic product or something, CBD oil, right? And so, you know, we see a lot of people posting and it's been fascinating to watch how even individuals are able to speak back to some of the discourse and in these spaces, right, we saw a natural medicine practitioner who was posting on Instagram, about how, you need to prepare your garden for having, you know, for having a child, and I saw women speaking back to this person saying, you know, I'm vegan, I've done acupuncture, I exercise, I look very healthy, but I have, you know, terrible egg quality and that has nothing to do  with what you're saying. And so, I think it's an interesting space where individuals can speak out, they can have their voice recognized, they can talk about how some of the language used to talk about fertility or women's bodies is inaccurate. And I think, sometimes these are safe spaces where women can do this, but that they wouldn't feel safe, maybe doing it in or disagreeing in their doctor's office. And so, you know, we've seen ways in which women can share care packages with each other for when they connect with people going through the same treatment cycle. And sending care packages or medicine to each other, or, you know, the ways in which some of these natural practices even have really have sort of a medical academy to them, and so I see it, I tend to see social media as, having a lot of dark qualities, a lot of negative social support, but I have definitely myself benefited from some of these communities in ways that, you know, I've been able to connect with people going through some of the same struggles that I have, or I've been able to donate my breast milk to a woman having trouble, or her babies or something.  So, you know, it's like, I do see a lot of potential of these moments and social media to to connect people, but I'm also very cautious of how, sometimes you'll see a lot of fertility e-courses and we talk about them in our, in our book, these e-courses are sort of painful. Yeah, a lot of them pedal the idea of, you know, get just getting your mind right or you know, just relaxing, and they use a lot of 19th century language. Which, if that doesn't work for you, it, you know, places a lot of blame or puts a pile of shame on you, because you weren't in the right mindset to do that. And, you know, you'll see a lot of people in that desperate state, you know, most likely signing up for these because they can't afford a $30,000 treatment and an $800 course that would allow them to get in the right mindset to “get pregnant.” You know, the ways in which that, you know, plays on the medical academy and the reason that, you know, we need to be aware of the practices happening and to help people understand that, you know, just getting in the right mindset or going on a vacation or drinking a glass of wine, for a lot of people, is not going to get them pregnant, and then you see a lot of that same message in social media today.   Sara   Yeah. How do you feel like that interplays, with the messages they may be receiving on social media with the face to face interactions these people struggling with infertility might be having with their doctors or with close friends and family?   Maggie   I think that's a great question that I think a lot of women do internalize these messages, right? That there's this great post that we have Instagram posts that we got permission to use. And it shows this woman who has all of her infertility meds, you know, on a desk or something that she has, you know, different alternatives, such as super foods or coconut oil and all of those also embedded in the image is, you know, a candle to help her relax and then she has a card that says, you know, reminding her to relax. And so, I think you get that these messages are so internalized in people's experience and, you know, I think doctors need to know that individuals are doing acupuncture and they are doing ultra alternative medicine, as well as, that's the medicine or the protocol that's been prescribed to them through infertility. And so, that this is just a part of our culture and you know, we need to be, we need to be talking about it, that people are going to do alternative and biomedical approaches to infertility.   Sara   Thank you. And thank you for doing the work to get people talking about it, get people aware of the complexity, the struggles and the layers and things that are heard and read and how this all kind of jumbled together to make a rather confusing experience for people going through infertility.   Maggie   I have, just the cost of it all makes sense, why individuals are, you know, are doing everything possible to possibly have a baby and the toll that's taking on them financially, emotionally, relationally, etc.   Sara   Yeah, it's expensive in more ways than just financially, takes a toll on many aspects of our being. All right. Well, I feel like we've just kind of scraped the surface of a very complex topic, but I invite all of our listeners to look into, You're Doing it Wrong! Can you remind me the subtitle Maggie?   Maggie   Yes, You're Doing it Wrong! Mothering, Media, and Medical Expertise.    Sara   Thank you. And thank you for talking with us today about where those messages are coming from, because no woman wants to be told she's doing it wrong. And so, thank you for your work to help us dig through where those messages are coming from and realize that there are, just, many approaches and many layers of this challenging life situation that comes to so many.   Maggie   I think it's comforting, you know, probably to your listeners to realize that you're not the only one going through these messages, that women throughout history have had experiences. And so for me unpacking the historical arc was really helpful in saying, "Okay, I'm not alone, that women throughout history have been getting this message." And, you know, what, what can I do about it? Or how can I work through some of these messages to help me through work through the crisis that I'm experiencing at this moment.   Sara   Thank you. Thank you for your work, and thank you for talking with me today. It's been a pleasure.    Maggie Thank you, Sara! It was a lot of fun.   Sara   Thank you for joining me on today's episode. As we wrap up, I just want to extend an invitation if you are liking what you hear on the podcast, if you feel like you've learned something, or it's given you a new perspective, that's been helpful if it's given you power or confidence, or helps you reflect on the language that you use, please leave a review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'd love to hear what's helpful and what's working for you. And please share with your friends, colleagues and neighbors so that we can spread the influence of Birth Words.   Outro: Did words play an important role in your birth experience? If you're interested in sharing your story on the podcast, go to www.birthwords.com. If you're liking what you hear on the podcast, please leave a review on your podcast app. For more resources about harnessing the power of words to benefit the birth experience, visit www.birthwords.com. 

Welcome to part one of the "You're Doing the Most Sis" series.  In this episode, Kisha and Christina are focused on the one thing that God wants for you.  Come and dive deeper in the Mary and Martha story.   Scripture: Luke 10: 41-42 NLT #WomensMinistry

Biz Ellis is a former stand-up comic and corporate event planner. She now cohosts the comedy podcast that happens to be about parenting called “One Bad Mother.” She, along with her cohost Theresa Thorn, wrote a parenting, sort of, advice book, You're Doing a Great Job!: 100 Ways You're Winning at Parenting. After feeling like so many of the parenting books they read did not make them feel confident or comforted, they wanted to make a book that reminded parents that no matter how they're doing it, if it's working, good job. 

If You're Decluttering the Same Stuff Over and Over, You're Doing it Wrong The Quiet Habits podcast is a narration of the blog posts that I write at quiethabits.net Read the post here: https://quiethabits.net/if-youre-decluttering-the-same-stuff-over-and-over-youre-doing-it-wrong Links mentioned in this episode: Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo: https://amzn.to/2PCLspv The Minimalist Home: https://amzn.to/2vAKnoN https://bemorewithless.com/decluttering-101/ https://bemorewithless.com/just-in-case/ https://bemorewithless.com/fomo/ https://nosidebar.com/shopaholic/ https://zenhabits.net/free/ https://bemorewithless.com/love-to-shop/ https://www.breakthetwitch.com/twitch/ https://caitflanders.com/2016/07/11/two-year-shopping-ban/ https://amzn.to/2DTpV7m https://caitflanders.com/ https://zenhabits.net/cure/ https://zenhabits.net/gratefully/ https://bemorewithless.com/one-day-simplicity/ Music: There's An Idea by Sounds Like an Earful Lifestream by Dream Machine --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Welcome to Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast, with your Host, Marcus Aurelius Anderson... Gratitude, You're Doing it Wrong! Like this Podcast? Get every episode delivered to you free!  Subscribe in iTunes Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast is an entrepreneurial, business, and mindset show that reveals the secrets of the world’s Entrepreneur Epic Achievers. Join Marcus Aurelius Anderson as he goes inside the minds of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs, athletes, authors, and experts who teach you how they turned their greatest Adversities into their most Epic Wins.  And, download your free gift today... Get the High Performer Formula to Make Millions – Click Here! Please help spread the word. Subscribing and leaving a review helps other entrepreneurs and business owners find our podcast… and turn their big impact into their First Million. They will thank you for it.   Conscious Millionaire Network has over 1,800 episodes and 12 Million Listeners in 190 countries. Our original Conscious Millionaire Podcast was named in Inc Magazine as one of the Top 13 Business Podcasts!  

Welcome to Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast, with your Host, Marcus Aurelius Anderson... Gratitude, You're Doing it Wrong! SUBSCRIBE IN ITUNES And, download your free gift today... Get the High Performer Formula to Make Millions – Click Here! Please help spread the word. Subscribing and leaving a review helps other entrepreneurs and business owners find our podcast…and turn their big impact into their First Million. They will thank you for it. Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast is an entrepreneurial, business, and mindset show that reveals the secrets of the world’s Entrepreneur Epic Achievers. Join Marcus Aurelius Anderson as he goes inside the minds of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs, athletes, authors, and experts who teach you how they turned their greatest Adversities into their most Epic Wins.   Conscious Millionaire Network has over 1,800 episodes and 12 Million Listeners in 190 countries. Our original Conscious Millionaire Podcast was named in Inc Magazine as one of the Top 13 Business Podcasts!  

Welcome to Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast, with your Host, Marcus Aurelius Anderson... Gratitude, You're Doing it Wrong! Like this Podcast? Get every episode delivered to you free!  Subscribe in iTunes Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast is an entrepreneurial, business, and mindset show that reveals the secrets of the world’s Entrepreneur Epic Achievers. Join Marcus Aurelius Anderson as he goes inside the minds of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs, athletes, authors, and experts who teach you how they turned their greatest Adversities into their most Epic Wins.  And, download your free gift today... Get the High Performer Formula to Make Millions – Click Here! Please help spread the word. Subscribing and leaving a review helps other entrepreneurs and business owners find our podcast… and turn their big impact into their First Million. They will thank you for it.   Conscious Millionaire Network has over 1,800 episodes and 12 Million Listeners in 190 countries. Our original Conscious Millionaire Podcast was named in Inc Magazine as one of the Top 13 Business Podcasts!  

Welcome to Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast, with your Host, Marcus Aurelius Anderson... Gratitude, You're Doing it Wrong! SUBSCRIBE IN ITUNES And, download your free gift today... Get the High Performer Formula to Make Millions – Click Here! Please help spread the word. Subscribing and leaving a review helps other entrepreneurs and business owners find our podcast…and turn their big impact into their First Million. They will thank you for it. Conscious Millionaire Epic Achiever Podcast is an entrepreneurial, business, and mindset show that reveals the secrets of the world’s Entrepreneur Epic Achievers. Join Marcus Aurelius Anderson as he goes inside the minds of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs, athletes, authors, and experts who teach you how they turned their greatest Adversities into their most Epic Wins.   Conscious Millionaire Network has over 1,800 episodes and 12 Million Listeners in 190 countries. Our original Conscious Millionaire Podcast was named in Inc Magazine as one of the Top 13 Business Podcasts!  

Fourth Part in our Sermon Series about Loving our City and Loving our Neighbor because every soul matters to God. Today's message is entitled: You're Doing it Wrong. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/new-life-church-wy/support

Preacher: Christian Coon Scripture: John 8:1-11 In case you're curious about the web series I mention: You're Doing it Wrong

You're Doing it Wrong Finally joined by Gabe from who catches us up on the JCW Countryman (vs. the X2), the BMW M5 and extols to us the virtues of an F56 Cooper with manual transmission. Plus some discussion about my anxiety with my Roadster. Working up a post for to go into more detail. Stay tuned. A quick technical note: I have spent some time this last week getting the sites cleaned up and running much faster! I'm hoping this helps to cure the errors and crashing we have been experiencing for quite a while. If you see something go amiss, please let us know! @WhiteRoofRadio on , and .  

Happy Mother's Day! Mark and Hal are joined by Theresa Thorn, co-host of Max Fun sister podcast One Bad Mother and co-author of You're Doing a Great Job!: 100 Ways You're Winning at Parenting. Together, they pick the Best TV Mom of all time!

During the latest episode of Rookie Designer Podcast, Carl and Jake talk about dealing with areas of design and business they aren't good at or knowledgable about. Carl shares a specific story about how he had to make a decision on how to deal with a client asking about a specific area of web design he isn't used to working in. Jake makes some suggestions on how to deal with "Knowing what you don't know." They also get into some of the things they are enjoying right now outside of their design projects. We apologize for the lack of video this time around. We are still working to find the best way to deal with video casting and found that Blab had some major hiccups for us this time around. There is a plan in place to find a different avenue next time we try to record. Hopefully it will be more successful and will allow us to share video as well as audio. We appreciate your patience as we work our way through this new area (guess this qualifies as a don't know...). Show Links Moonshine Web Design - www.shinerdesign.com Tech BOS - www.techbos.com Gary Vaynerchuk - www.garyvaynerchuk.com #AskGaryVee - #AskGaryVee on YouTube Daily Vee - Daily Vee on YouTube BigStock Photos - www.bigstockphoto.com The Oatmeal Comic "You're Doing it for Exposure" - You're Doing it for Exposure Strip Steak Video by Jake - Strip Steak Video by Jake on YouTube Man in the High Castle - Man in the High Castle on Amazon Divergent - Divergent on Amazon Insurgent - Insurgent on Amazon Carl's Design Business Holy Carp Design - www.holycarpdesign.com Holy Carp Design on Facebook - www.facebook.com/HolyCarpDesign Holy Carp Design on Twitter - www.twitter.com/HolyCarpDesign Carl on LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/carlgrivakis Jake's Design Business Graphic Precision - www.GraphicPrecision.com Graphic Precision on Facebook - www.facebook.com/GraphicPrecision Jake on Twitter - www.twitter.com/jakevanness Jake on LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/jakevanness/ Jake on SnapChat - www.snapchat.com/add/jake.vn Rookie Designer Links Website: http://www.rookiedesigner.com Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/RookieDesigner Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/RookieDesigner iTunes: Rookie Designer on iTunes RSS (All Posts): RSS Feed (All Posts)

You work hard. You do the right things and say the right things. You persevere despite the opposition, but why? Because it’s the right thing to do? Because God said so? They are good reasons, but not the right reason. Love must be our motivation, our guide and our sustenance. BUT, what happens when we don’t feel that love? We felt it before, but it seems to be gone now. We often try to find something else (some new teacher or group or program or book) to bring that excitement back. God doesn’t say to find something new. He says to go back to basics.You're Doing well... - v2 BUTYou've forsaken your first love. v4Tongues - Love = Noise (1 Cor 13:1)Knowledge + Power - Love = Nothing (1 Cor 13:2)Good Deeds + Sacrifice - Love = Nothing (1 Cor 13:3)SORenew Your Love - v5Remember the height from which you have fallenRepentRe-Do the things you did at first