Free Buffet

Are you ready (boots)? To get this party started? This week we focus on “how we hurt ourselves” vs. our normal discourse about “who hurt us”. As two debatably active, distinguished gentlemen, we have both had our fair share of injuries, and discuss what had happened, and how we hope it doesn't happen again, even though we are both old and refuse to stretch right. Also, Kyle continues to refuses to let Ethan make it through a full episode without talking about the 87 concurrent seasons of Drag Race that are happening, and we beg RiRi and Chazy P to release their new music already!!! Sure, maintaining the Fenty Empire and creating tons of TocTiks are great ways to contribute to society, but we also need new music! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

This week we take a page from Dr. Seuss and discuss all of the places you can go, or rather all the places we could go. We can picture it now, the sunsets, the speedos, the lovely cabana boy who knows to fill up our drink on the :15 and the :45 :-). And for dessert, we probably talk about Ross again or something like that, cause we may or may not be obsessed... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

There is nothing more basic than a water cooler conversation about the weather. However, this week we're going to basic for a main dish because MAWMA IT'S BRICK OUTSIDE. Though winter was late, she came with a roundhouse kick to our nuts. Is there any joy in being cold? Kyle seems to think so as the resident skier of the duo. And yes, Black people DO ski! We also chat about the joy of being drunk in Times Square as a rich white man, how Kyle really should press his hair just once for the gram, and Ross Harris' butt (of Finding Magic Mike fame). We cannot stop talking about Ross' butt. Have Y'ALL seen his butt? Y'all should go look at his butt. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

It's New Year's Eve, and we're trying to speak positivity and intention into existence. Let's be honest though; the Panerabread is still running rampant and Omarion is doing a little too much "Touch". Who knows what gonna happen once we strike midnight. Let's focus on what we can control; that's bringing entertainment to your ears. This week, since we're done with Christmas, we can focus on the things that matter, like pre-loaded stripper playlists, public health, and Crimea. Specifically, the Crimea River by Justin Timberlake. From Kyle and Ethan at the Free Buffet, we wish a you happy and healthy 2022. You can stay healthy by following the advice of Commissioner David Chokshi. But not David Chokachi. He's from Baywatch, and we're not sure on his stances regarding public health. We're guessing they're fine. You have to be healthy to run up and down that beach sand... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

MERRY CHRISTMAS! You get a double present this week, as your Black Nutcrackers are feeling generous and we love the idea of this episode playing in the background as you sit by the Christmas Tree opening gifts. Did you get what you wanted? If not, hop over to TikTok to get very niche treats that cater to your specific desires. For example, you can watch a multitude of Sexy BDSM Santas. We love you, jordanxbrandt. This is our Year In Review! Or more accurately, the Year We Forgot, because so much happened that made no sense so we blocked it out. There was an Olympics! And an Insurrection! And Dahli spreading their adorable charisma on Dragula (and spreading their other things elsewhere). We also read each other on our Spotify Wrapped lists. Well, we try to...we literally cannot pronounce 4 of the top 5 on Ethan's list because he is a pretentious twat. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Happy Holidays, our little Oeuvres! (We're trying to make that the thing we call our fans. Yes? No? Try it out.) Kyle and Ethan are giving you an early present with a Christmas Eve episode. We're calling it an Early Christmas present to ignore the fact that it's a week behind, but your Black Santa's still love you even if they're a little too crunk on Coquito sometimes. This week we eventually talk about our projections of the gift of the year, and our best and worst Christmas presents (did anyone else play "Tesserae"?), but as per usual we take a mad circuitous route. Why? Miss Channing Tatum O' Neal DuPree Balenciaga has gifted us with 3 new additions to the Magic Mike Franchise. So naturally 60% of the episode is now dedicated to strippers. It's a Christmas miracle! Also, can someone come massage Kyle? He plays a lot of sports. Like, real sports. And needs a man to come rub his back. Blake Griffin? You free? We can pay in free ad space! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Facebook isn't the only thing's that's meta, as this week this is a podcast about podcasts. Well, it's about us and how we got this whole Free Buffet shebang started. While we have the attention spans of starfish and cannot focus on anything, one thing we both agree upon is that this medium will be the almanac of these times. It's audio documentation of our friendship! *cue celebratory freeze frame* FRIENDSHIP! We also chat about how chicken breasts are sad, busted sides on the holiday dinner table is even sadder, and how 2021's best new crime drama is Law and Order: RHSLCSVU. Seriously, nothing gets past Whitney. Also, how do you pronounce "Bowdoin?" --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Y'all. We made it. We made it to a Season Two! We have been gone for so, so long. We've been in the middle of a full Pandemilovato but our love for all of you has never waned. However, our focus on scheduling recording times did...until now! A lot has happened over the summer. We've both moved in new apartments, we have a dedicated recording studio, and learn how to put things in an Excel Spreadsheet to keep us on task. Now, whether we follow said spreadsheets is a different story. On this opener of Season Two...let's be honest, this is Episode .5, because we're are definitely stretching our podcasting muscles after months of atrophy. We also had a lovely time, well, elevating the evening. But hot damn, we had a good ass time, and we can't wait to crawl back into your earholes every week.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

We've be away for a minute, we know. Mental health, rest, and a proper diet that doesn't consist 100% of Taco Bell Naked Chalupas is very, very important. We needed some time to get personal things in order and rebuild the muscle memory for being entertaining homosexuals amidst a world of death and taxes. Wanna know the best way to get your brain unbroken? Tell people NO. Our names are NO. Our signs are NO. Our numbers are, well, a Strong Maybe.  Today we talk about to to not overextend yourself, how to stay true to what you and your body needs. We're subdued and chill today, mainly because it is late and once again Ethan is in a tub (TUB STUDIO!), but prepare to GET EXCITED because we also talk a lot (I mean A LOT) about Kyle's current hair journey, Lil' Nas X's abs, and how Ethan now has a trainer named Serge. But not Surge, like the American Gladiator. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

The power to control the very fabric of reality itself. Yup, we've lost it. While the threads holding our mental states together are thin and fraying, the bonds of teamwork friendship shall never be broken, as we do a late night recording against all odds. We're like the Avengers, but very tired all the time. Also we talk about Reality TV! What show do you think we'd be best on? The answer is definitely not The Amazing Race because neither of us like to be anywhere on time (We've also lost the Time Stone, don't come for us). We also chat apartment hunting, Robin Thede's accent prowess, and finding a tub that fits all this leg. Oh yeah, it's also Ethan's birthday! All he wants is a nap. He's had enough cake. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

The time has come...for us to obsess about Drag...for our lives! Kyle is finally getting the episode he's been waiting fo since Day 1, as this week is all about the love of DRAG, MAWMA. We crown our new queen, Symone, but let's also talk about Drag outside of what's on the screen. Local drag, baby drag, gutter drag, or just doing hoodrat stuff with your friends in a wig, we kiki about the art form, but also the joys of femininity and genderplay as a whole. Because baby, if you haven't worn a skirt on a nice summer day, you need to get into it. We also reminisce on out first times gettin' up in the jush, and the Drag performers who were standouts in our upbringing.  Editor's Note: Free Buffet will now be moving to FRIDAYS! End your week with a meaty treat! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

It's been so looooooong! We've missed your beautiful faces, and each other's beautiful faces, and drinking while screaming into microphones! Ah...what a treat. We have forgotten slightly how podcasts work in our little break, so even though we had an outline and a topic and plan, we said screw it. Let's just KIKI! You can have a little taste of everything. You can even eat your dessert first! We don't care! We chat our love for Cutwater Spirits, bad hair relaxers, Excel spreadsheets, how we still don't get Sports (TM), and how to be a gogo boy in a post-COVID-19 world. Trust me, we have a very lucrative proposal involving a brand partnership with a custom jock designer and the Square app. Hire us! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Come on a motorcycle and leave on a Honda, because this week we are going to CHURCH, baby! We just had Easter Sunday and a jacked Jesus has deadlifted a boulder to escape his crossfit cave and hide a bunny's eggs from screaming children. At least that's how it was in my Bible. Kyle and Ethan are looking for a blessing after talking about those NIKE SHOES OF THE DEVIL, so we're talking our upbringings in the church, what are the best songs, who had the best purse candy, why altos are always shady, and why your fabulous choir director is in fact the first gay person you knew. Look at those nails, henny. Also, if you haven't googled the Hunky Jesus competition, jump on that and get yourself a blessing too.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

February might be for love, but April? April is for butts. Spring is here and our Main Dish today is about Attraction. You have been holed up in your apartments for a year, doing nothing but buying slutty outfits from Wish.com and posting thirst traps. Oh, we know; we're on Twitter. With vaccines rolling out and the weather warming up, it's time to start relying on all that BODY that's been hibernating (but please still keep your mask on). Don't worry if you've gotten a little thick. At this podcast we celebrate a belly. This week we talk about what we find hot in these streets and how our wheelhouses of attraction have evolved (and intersected) over the years. Dad bods, unpacking western ideals of beauty, the rudeness of Instagram's Discover page, and DJs in UFO Pants; this week we say **** love, gimme tacos and the menses. Also, we're gonna talk about the devil doing the Buss It Challenge with Lil' Nas X, because OBVIOUSLY, plus we have a fun dessert where Kyle passionately dissects the importance of being prepared for reality TV. No, it was not the topic. Yes, it is VERY entertaining. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

We're heated and everyone is getting the axe. You think you have faves? YOUR FAVES ARE CANCELLED. Everything you love is dead. Ok, ok, they aren't dead but they are a disappointment. *sigh* What do you do when your faves decide to ruin everything by being on the wrong side of history, or just being super dumb on Twitter? Can you properly divorce the art from the artist? Is Lil' Mama's lip gloss even poppin' anymore? Also, we're bringing you this podcast directly from the STREETS. No literally, we're filming from the roof due to a last minute snafu, so let just say we've painted a beautiful urban soundscape. It's ambiance! We'll back in the studio next week. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Time to put on a nice shirt and some proper pants, because today Kyle + Ethan are getting to WORK. Specifically, working in corporate America and trying our hardest to not get fired by poppin' off at the mouth at the wrong people. While Kyle works in SKUs and spreadsheets, and Ethan in pixels and pen strokes, we chat navigating through glass ceilings while wearing ironic baseball caps, getting interns to calm the eff down, and when to employ the correct amount of code switching. We also cover the Grammys, at least the people we can remember, Captain America being a friend of Dorothy, and the time Kyle literally saved a life as a lifeguard. He's the resident Pamela Anderson, obviously. Tune In! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

We've made it to Episode 10! Thank you for believing in us because you can bet we both had days where our backs hurt and we debated going into the studio. In this milestone episode, we watch our podcast baby grow into a bubbly kid and become acutely aware of our aging. Let's chat about being old gays! It may be harder for us to buss down low, but we're two shining examples of Black Excellence here to let you know that we STILL GOT IT, even if we're dealing with busted knees and at least 3 torn rotator cuffs.  We also chat about monkeys getting vaccines before Kyle (so rude), being a Big BMI B**** (tm), how we'd let Kano finish us (oh my!), and the secret to eternal life (It's Gin, duh.) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Some buttons make you jump, some buttons make you run fast, and some buttons make you share your joystick on the internet. It can seem like a lot, but don't let that scare you from joining us in a few rounds of Mario Kart. This week we're chatting video games, or at least we try to; we've both been hit with Lvl.5 Confusion spells this week and we're running all over the battlefield, just swinging our weapons around. We also talk about Nailed It coming back, why Kyle is an agent of chaos, and why you must always check for reflections when on a video call. They will betray you. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

This week is all about MONEY, HONEY. You can now call this podcast CPM: Cash Punny Millionaires. We are on our glow up; we got microphones, we learned how Audition works, and we have found an amazing bottle of Mezcal in our friend's pantry so you can't tell us NOTHIN'. We celebrate our hitting 1 dollar in ad revenue (you gotta look at the little things) by chatting about our relationships with an imaginary construct known as legal tender. This of course leads into shoes, since we like buying them. We also cover fake fights, Sharper Image, and why a roll of quarters is the best weapon. Finally, will someone PLEASE check up on Ted Cruz's dog? Poor baby is freezing in that Texas house and they deserve much better than the owner they've been saddled with. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

LOVE. Never knew what you were missin'? You're not alone, as everyone is missing out a little bit on Love During Lockdown. But even though Valentine's Day is just behind us, there is still a boo out there for you if you want one. But only if you want one, because there is a LOT of content to help you love up on yourself. We'll provide links. This week, grab some advice from two old grizzled coupled gays about dating during this pandemmy. We also celebrate Kyle's birthday, get real happy regarding Rosé, update our list of people we 100% stan, and let things take a grown-and-sexy turn as we explore the annals of Twitter for adults. Yes, annals was used deliberately. Run to your local drugstore, buy all the marked down chocolates, and cuddle up with us this week at the Free Buffet. We'll be your boo. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL? Because we aren't. But we are very ready for a few other sports, as this week we remember the Super Bowl at the last minute and talk about our forays into gay sports leagues. Make sure you dodge the balls flying at your face while you catch this podcast in your ears. We also cover the musical oeuvre of The Weeknd, whether or not we're even using the word oeuvre correctly, and which sportsfolk have the hottest sets of oeuvres. Mmmmm...this episode gets sexy, sweaty, and saxophon-y. Grab a towel and hit the showers. But only if you have waterproof earbuds. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

The Land of the DMs. It's vast, it's unchartered, and some folks don't know what to do when they get there. This week we're talking web etiquette, how to not be a horrible person on Twitter, why we love Keyshia Cole, and just a few of the treats and splurges that have been making us happy this past year. It's Episode 5, and the traditional 5th anniversary gift is wood. We cover that too this week because according to DMs, wood is a gift that keeps on giving all over the internet these days...whew chile. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Oh Sweet Lordt - this week is a little crunchy, unlike that shitty Instagram cereal. We have a socially distanced kiki with some new tech that...has some problems...but we soldier on covering the epic fashion of the inauguration, how to become a callout podcast through pointed nicknames, the best movies for cuddlin' with yo' boo, and share an embarrassing tale or two about holding one's liquor (maybe a little too tightly).  Put some Free Buffet into your earholes! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

This week we explore Part 1 of our journey into being fit and fabulous by unpacking the childhood turmoils of being forced to run a ball up and down a field. Sports is hard when you're a chubby kid with oversized glasses and too much fashion for one Under-12 team. Also, we get into our fave bops, and what might just get our blackness revoked. Grab a seat! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

We've made it to Number 2. And...goodness gracious, USA! You couldn't give us at least 5 weeks before we had to do an episode about race? WE JUST GOT HERE! We don't even have fancy microphones yet! We also chat about the joys of chicken sandwiches, dramatic walks with a pimp cane, and why the two of us will never agree about desserts. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

Welcome to Free Buffet with Kyle and Ethan! It's Ep. 1 so she's rough, but she will grow into a classy laaaaady. We hit how we've made it through 2020, our goals for the upcoming year, and yell at our gay brethren who are acting less than optimal at the moment... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message

--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/free-buffet-pod/message