Lousy San Francisco Podcast Season 2 - SKMorton.com

Electric word Lousy, it means infested with lice, and that's a mighty small, wingless, blood-sucking insect. But I'm here to tell you there's something else - family. An affiliation of parents and children in never ending embarrassment and shame where you can always count on "Mom" to let your secrets out day or night. And that's exactly what Pete's mom, Elaine, does this week. After describing her childhood back East, learning piano, and her career in teaching, she out's our very own Chantuer, Peter Feliciano, as an ugly woman trapped in an ugly man's body. Additionally we talk about Mel Gibson's biggest sin - stealing ideas from SK, SK's rock star past, and Prince. So when you call up that shrink with a bad Jewish accent (You know the one - Dee Snyder), instead of asking him about how much longer you have to listen, ask him about who's coming up in future episodes. Cause in the bomb shelter things are much harder than with your family. In the bomb shelter, you're with the Throng.

We were lying just now when we said SK was spiteful. We were lying out of spite. And this sums up the Lousy San Francisco Podcast. It is filled with sentimentality (Bunnies, black sheep and chihuahuas), self-loathing (CPAPs, and being over weight), contempt (Not a fan of the new Barbary Coast restaurant) and pizza. With this episode the Throng decides. And they decided on San Francisco's best pizza places... with a few of the usual tangents thrown in (Cloverfield 2, SF's Mobile Crisis Unit, Babette's final solution, and how to talk like a San Franciscan). But the reason SK sometimes goes off on a tangent may just be that he is predestined to make the podcast - however stupid the practical man my believe - leads somewhere. And that destination is a complete waste of time. Possibly you will add on your own account with an eye roll, "People will not understand it either who have never received a slap in the face." But set your minds at rest, ladies & gentlemen, he has not received a slap in the face...but many blows to the groin.

This week SK and Pete stumble through an indiscriminate episode where toying with bankers' emotions, pleas for clicks on the Amazon button and/or Brian Boitano, and name dropping "Big Pappa" Daniel Bacon displace the show's more traditional topics of history (The Old Mint), health (Bridal Fitness Coach), and culture (Cinderella vs. Jungle Book vs. Beauty & the Beast vs. Lion King). The only saving grace is another visit from the talented and valid songstress, Lizzie Karr. But her contributions are quickly made ineffectual by her moderator's aimless rantings and fallacious arguments. The subjects of political correctness, developers vs. environmentalists, and Lizzie's happy noise are all viable options in the avoidance of this week's topic: Bay Area radio. Tune in next week for another long block of ignorance on SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast.

Rather than the usual comedic pinata loaded with Throng members and guests of all flavors, this week the Bomb Shelter is more like a cookie with precious few wholesome ingredients and, what's worse, it has raisins: SK was joined by the angsty side of his brain, KS Notrom; the insistent side of his brain, Babette; and the perplexed side of the Throng, Allen's Wife. The 1st segment mimicked the light confection known as the macaroon in that it's subject matter of pit-bulls on the bus and pigeon fornication was colorful but ultimately tasteless. Next came the black licorice portion of the show with the discussion of activities in San Francisco for the month of April. (Even when free, these didn't sound appetizing to anyone and, quite frankly, could be poisonous) Then the piece that should be resisted: The theme for the night - Ice cream. Shops were discussed and rated for taste, creaminess, cost, atmosphere and, most importantly, volume. It was determined that most were too loud - the result of undisciplined children of hipsters. The conclusion drawn by all concerned was that Swenson's is San Francisco's best tasting ice cream, the former Thrifty drug store had the best shaped ice cream, frozen yogurt shop Fraiche had the best alternative to ice cream, and any one using the word "artisinal" in this market should just stop it - it's ice cream. In the end, Babette takes over the show because she's the Maraschino cherry in SK's ambrosia.

The history of San Francisco hitherto is the history of business closures and hipsters. Corporatizing, Comodotizing and Synergy. The class struggle that comes from such can only lead to tangents about failed San Francisco Sitcoms, and cowboy movies with cute black chicks. The Proletariat and Bourgeoisie alike must understand that if they are unable to find a way to co-exist then they will most assuredly face the wrath of earths new up and coming overlords: Coyotes, Raccoons, and piglets; of which the Throng will not oppose. The position of SK's guest, Tony Long, in relation to the other illiterate occupants of the bomb shelter, conclude that the Marina district provides no means of production when it comes to salamander sales; North Beach is generally accepted as a haven for those wishing to live off the internet of Italian cafes and Herb Caen was apparently not of the 1% nor the 99% but rather 80 proof.

We quickly (Speaking geologically) cover: the wreck of Google's self driving SUV; MUNI's new underpowered fleet; and tunnel talk before Michelle deftly handles the Bridal Fitness Coach commercial. The bulk of the show covers local chocolatiers such as Scharfenberger, Dendelion, Charles Chocolates, Jade, Nubia XOX truffles, and even See's and Ghirardelli. To wrap things up Michelle brings us back to a topic that had been broached and then rejected earlier: the Mast Brothers and accusations of fraud. To be fair she wasn't with us in the beginning. Blame it on the rain.

With minimal studio audience attendance, a lethargic musical director, and a clearly struggling host the podcast this week chose to go with haltingly desperate rather than delightfully impish. We start things off with a variation on SK's normally audacious self promotion and concentrate on Pete's upcoming record release party as well as other events that will be summarily dismissed by the Throng throughout the whole of March. Then we go nautical. You want horror? Dip into a nice bowl of your favorite crab innards. You want irony? We've got the careless destruction of a bay area amateur photography destination. You want Tragedy? We chronicle the destruction of some of San Francisco's most iconic maritime murals that nobody cared about to begin with. You want comedy? You're restoring the wrong hull sailor, this is SK Morton's Lousy San Francisco Podcast and if you want to bask in the glow, spend some time on Treasure Island.

A business closure update preceded the sports theme, as did also a potty break, and the former was of Sparkys and in the latter a leak would take. So upon that stricken Throng grim melancholy sat, for there seemed but little chance that SK's act would not fall flat. There was inhibition in SK's manner as he stepped up to the mic; there was disgrace in SK's bearing and his volume began to spike. And when, responding to the stories of Chinese New Year and the Superbowl, it was clear his lack of preparation had surely taken its toll. "Fraud!" cried the maddened Throng, and questioned where was Colin, The Titans of Mavericks had just finished up and SK's face was swollen. They heard his voice grow stern and cold as he told the story of the Big Games. A sneer had come from SK's lip, "Don't try to verify anything he claims."

Instead, the gathered Throng only knows the SK that hates banana and believes that pineapple is a dish best served cold. Impulsive and shy, sensitive and in fear of dinosaurs, yet ever avid for a sad monkey that doesn't exist and reaching out for Christmas lights in the Hyatt Regency atrium. We should not insult the privacy of those in the bomb shelter - a privacy SK sought and treasured in the Palace Hotel restrooms.

The first sign of trouble comes with a death announcement. To recover, SK decides to pep things up with a quick discussion of the 1906 earthquake and fire. After mentioning the postponed reopening of Delores Park - but before commenting on another tour bus incident (With a fatality this time) and the mysterious closing of Rasputin Music on Powell Street - SK attempts a rant. While falling short of a tirade and coming within a loud whisper of a diatribe he was able to salvage an ill informed misrepresentation of Nerds, Hipsters and Techies.

With his 30th episode, SK demonstrates that not only can he bring people together, he can keep them together - united in their exasperation with him. We give you the case of Peter Feliciano and Lizzie Karr: Music and restroom tours of China; Quinoa; The Bay Lights; SF MOMA and 2 live songs performed right in the bomb shelter make up SK's survival kit of love.

This week SK is joined by fill-in co-host, Suzy-L and her usual side-kick and hyphen abstainer PJ. This judiciary triumvirate of Star Wars fandom takes on such material issues as: The best light saber duels; Ewoks vs. Jar Jar; Lando's theft of Han's wardrobe; Chronic do-gooder Emperor Palpatine; Love in a galaxy far far away; and a comparison of dialogue, acting, story and character depth between each set of trilogies; all in an effort to shut down the prequel hating nerds. Also included in this episode XXIX are discussions of the San Francisco Bay Area's influence on George Lucas and his movies and his lack of influence on the San Francisco Bay Area in order to get his I'm-more-than-Star-Wars Museum built. Although, SK does take some time to gush over one of Lucas' infrastructure projects - his parking garage in the Presidio. And, SPOILER ALERT!!! There is also some discussion of the latest installment of the Bridal Fitness Coach and Amazon commercials, SK's Lousy San Francisco Treasure Hunt, the Throng Strong page with the full interview of Elizabeth Duran and Mike Keegan of the Alamo Drafthouse, and of course, Force Awakens spoilers from Star Wars point man, Pete Feliciano. Our findings suggest that the rise of"Geek Culture" in San Francisco, while sure to destroy the very fabric of society, is merely the latest manifestation of what SK has clinically termed, "Whatever nerd".

When a plan is devised to discuss SF based movies a rag tag team of misfits must, first, make their way through updates where the Warriors are invited to come over to playay, big history is being dug up in little Chinatown, and all are encouraged to remember the Alamo Draft House. Somewhere between Bridal Fitness Coach and Amazon commercials lie discussions about Steve McQueen, Bruce Willis, Frank Sinatra, Sean Connery, Kate Blanchet, Margret Keene and Donaldina Cameron as well as movies like "So I married an Axe Murderer", Towering Inferno", Star Trek IV, "Blue Jasmine", "In & Out", "Big Eyes", "The Conversation", The Parrots of Telegraph Hill and "X-Men". But a musical interlude featuring TV theme songs was one thing they didn't count on.

We discuss Pete's involvement in a proposal and then have our 1st live phone interview with documentary film maker, Bill George, producer of CHINESE BUILDERS OF GOLD MOUNTAIN. Of course, There are certain constants associated with the podcast: Ignorance, falsification, bewilderment, self-indulgence and advertising. We turn Pete out for weddings, private parties, and mitzvahs (Both bar & bat - which is also the name of a Jewish saloon near the ball park). We add some more clues to the dying Lousy Treasure Hunt. And we highlight the fact that head-on collisions during SK's Lousy San Francisco Walking Tour are a full 15% fewer than that of his bus driving competitors. And let's not forget SK's African American wife, Babette. She was given a whole 2 minutes at the end of the hour to talk about something - I don't remember.

This week SK welcomes some familiar voices to the Lousy Podcast including former snail assassin Reneowulf and her husband of underteminable years, Rothgarto; SK's altered ego, KS Notrom and his little Asian wife Reiko; and the always lovely Babette. Also on the podcast are two new Throng members, Belle and Gaston Goldberg. The show plays out like the TV version of Burt Convy's, Tattle Tales. Poor restaurant decisions are discussed as well as brushes with San Francisco greatness. Also touched on are the Warming Hut at the Golden Gate Bridge & other sight seeing in the city, local wildlife, neighbor relations and driving in town.

SK feigns interest in the mighty synthesizer at the Castro theater; he humors his guest over a stories about Pokemon and a stolen Koala; and even allows an indictment of his spelling while taking the position that any attention, even negative, will fill the hole in his soul. Despite some interesting stories about the local hip-hop scene and some pretty cool free-styling, the only subjects SK seems to give any attention to are those close to his heart such as: Public Bathroom etiquette, The Little Shamrock Saloon, Ocean Beach Bonfires, and the purity of chocolate milkshakes. Unfortunately, none of this is out-of-bounds.

Something happens when you put a microphone in front of some people. When placed in front of Peter Feliciano, he will, more often than not, break into song. A microphone in front of Squidge seems to agitate him and when SK sees one, your liable to hear something libel - at least that was the goal tonight. Unfortunately our hackneyed endeavor at shock-jockery was derailed by a lack of originality, preperation and reliable audience vetting at the bomb shelter. The show starts off as usual - tedious and mundane as we proceed with the Lousy Walking Tour Treasure Hunt clues and info. It then begins to slowly ramp up to tiresome and uninteresting with a discussion of San Francisco's Dungeness crab problem until, finally we reach a new level of awkward chagrin with a Star Wars prophecy and audience participation with Nate and C-Nasty. By the time we get to what was lovingly conceived of as the "Libel Hour" Our angst has been replaced with Coffee and Bagels. The high point seems to have been on anti-depressants when we are visited by a new friend of the program - Anastasia. Here's to abandoning hope for this week and looking ahead to the next!

The 1st interruption of the crew's smoggy story telling is an audio text from chronic show dodger, Tony Quarington - tragic. Suddenly, the silence of the bomb shelter (Bomb in this case referring to SK's attempts at humor) is broken by the emergence of a slick gang of newcomer raccoons that have their own ideas about who owns the streets. SK's solution? A cash prize treasure hunt. Tonight, Tonight the first clue comes tonight. He gave it and the audience went away. Realizing that the times are changing (And, thanks to Squidge, the clock is running), SK retreats to his top 5 movie list; The first in a triology discussion about bonfires starts with this episode; San Francisco business closings continue to be a topic ripe for redundance; and earthquakes - this week's original theme - are completely ignored by the whole, buggin', ever lovin' team.

Our hiatus (Slovak for frittering away ill-gotten good will) was born of a dream in our hearts (Because Shantwon refused to put a song in our ears) that summer ticket sales for the Lousy San Francisco Walking Tour would propel SK Morton Creative to profitability and thereby allow SK to get out of this sweat lodge we call a bomb shelter. Instead, we're right back in the same old place where we desperately pander to the Throng for laughs. This season, some of the names will change but for this kick-off episode we've got the usual gang of delinquents. There's the instigator and seeming ring leader, cocky (In that he's obsessed with chickens), half Italian, half Scottish, half of SK's brain, KS Notrom; The bi-ethnic, bi-lingual, bi-polar music VP (Whose absence from the Lousypalooza was excused by a phone call from his mother), Shantwon Zee; Let's see who else? Ooh, ooh, Squidge McSqueezy couldn't make it but Babette says, "Hi there". Who'd have thought we'd all be back to to describe plans for a better podcast (Like a treasure hunt, game shows and new sponsors) and ultimately end up going down the same road as last year: Animal obits, urine in the tenderloin, closed businesses and tour updates. Yeah, we did a lot of teasing and playing around this week but we're looking forward to a better season this year. If not you can email SK. He's on the spot. Welcome back!