Podcasts about raccoons

We learn about the Selena documentary, and the life, career, and death of the Tejano singer, who was killed by a disgruntled employee. We find out the evolutionary advantage of kissing, which animals do it, how scientists define "kissing," and why it actually could protect us from harm. Susie explains why raccoons might become the next domesticated animals, why they seem to be ushering in their pet era, and why experts are convinced it's inevitable. We discuss the new female test dummy (or smartie as Susie calls her), and why it took so long to get it made, why people still aren't happy, and why it's so expensive to make. We're mad at the Guinness World Book of Records again because of their evolving business model and the schemes they're using to make bank. And Susie talks about the Stiller and Meara documentary, about the comedy duo and their famous son, Ben Stiller, and why despite their fame, they're more relatable than you'd think.Brain Candy Podcast Website - https://thebraincandypodcast.com/Brain Candy Podcast Book Recommendations - https://thebraincandypodcast.com/books/Brain Candy Podcast Merchandise - https://thebraincandypodcast.com/candy-store/Brain Candy Podcast Candy Club - https://thebraincandypodcast.com/product/candy-club/Brain Candy Podcast Sponsor Codes - https://thebraincandypodcast.com/support-us/Brain Candy Podcast Social Media & Platforms:Brain Candy Podcast LIVE Interactive Trivia Nights - https://www.youtube.com/@BrainCandyPodcast/streamsBrain Candy Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braincandypodcastHost Susie Meister Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susiemeisterHost Sarah Rice Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imsarahriceBrain Candy Podcast on X: https://www.x.com/braincandypodBrain Candy Podcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/braincandy (JOIN FREE - TONS OF REALITY TV CONTENT)Brain Candy Podcast Sponsors, partnerships, & Products that we love:For 50% off your order, head to https://www.dailylook.com and use code BRAINCANDYGo to https://cozyearth.com and use my code BRAINCANDY for up to 20% off!Get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver Mat frames - named #1 by Wirecutter - by going to https://auraframes.com and using promo code BRAINCANDY at checkout.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fernando Mendoza won the Heisman trophy! The Powerball jackpot prize is up to $1 billion! Fred says he respects adults who eat cereal. The viral raccoon who broke into Virginia liqour store and got drunk, apparently a repeat offender.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Send us a textHello and welcome to our show. In today's episode, we kick things off with the wild new Dekoda smart toilet health tracker from Kohler — a $600 gadget that literally analyzes what's in your toilet. Is it high-tech brilliance… or just too much information?Staying in the bathroom, we test out the trend of decorating your toilet tank with real flowers. Does it make your bathroom look like a spa, or are we just one flush away from disaster?Then we switch gears and ask the big question: Do YOU have a “spot” in your house — your personal throne (not that one)? We share ours and hear what others said.Next up: a raccoon FELL through the ceiling of a liquor store — and the real question is… did he stumble out "drunk as a skunk"?Finally, we wrap it up with our poll of the day: What are people's biggest phone pet peeves? The results might make you rethink how you text.It's weird, it's funny, it's random — and it's everything we love about this show! Thanks for listening and don't forget you can text us or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Have a Blessed week.Support the showFacebook https://www.facebook.com/justtalkinoutloudTwitter https://twitter.com/just_outloudWebsite https://justtalkinoutloud.buzzsprout.comEmail justtalkinoutloud@gmail.com https://www.buzzsprout.com/1925628/supporters/new https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=1907869https://www.speakpipe.com/justtalkinoutloud

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

Miracle On Route 34: Part 1 Ginny gets a wonderful Christmas surprise. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 3 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. Author's Notes: Someone asked me to write a funny and erotic Christmas tale, but since I can't be normal, it is taking on a radical twist that I hope people will find amusing. I've tried to make Santa awesome but also give him some flaws that the ladies will find both charming and irksome all at once. I wasn't going to call it anything lame like 'Here Cums Santa Claus' (in spite of my love of Elvis) so I eventually settled on ripping off a classic and beloved Christmas movie, naming it 'Miracle On Rural Road 34'. Couldn't help myself with the 'Yes, Virginia' quip, of course. As for Superman, Oatmeal and the Easter Bunny, well, get used to more groaners like that, because I like them. Merry ho-ho and keep your stick on the ice! , Management Chapter 1. Ginny Hale sighed forlornly as she sat on her chesterfield in the dim room, the only light provided by the crackling fireplace and some scented candles spread around to make the house smell like gingerbread. She'd made gingerbread cookies earlier, but they were predictably burnt and now her kitchen smelled like a Christmas elf's ass. She took another sip of red wine from her oversized glass, unable to decide who or what to be mad at, the weather, for bringing this god-awful blizzard on Christmas Eve, her so-called friends for ditching her after she'd gone to all this work to put together a nice party, or herself for going crazy and buying this (admittedly nice) chateau way out here in the boondocks. Still relatively new to her negotiator position, Ginny had landed a huge deal for the company she worked for and the payout bonus was one of the biggest ever seen in-house. Though she had an office, she had often worked from her cramped apartment downtown, where a glorious chaos only she understood reigned. But the payout had been large enough for her to purchase a very pretty home in the country, not more than ninety minutes from work. Her boss was so pleased with the deal that he said she only had to come in once a week, to pick up whatever she needed to work on. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but now she found she was quite lonely. Few people were will to put forth the effort to come out and visit her. In fact, only three had since the summer when she bought it. Hell, even her boy-toy, Chad from Accounting, could not be bothered and was now just fucking Lily in the secretary pool instead. Bing Crosby was singing 'White Christmas' to her while she moped. The big bay windows to her back porch showed the fury of the storm outside. Driving snow had been battering the countryside for two days now and her boss had called her to just stay safe and not try to come into the city. He was a nice old man and she liked him. He'd actually taken a chance and given her the job, after she'd fucked him. She hadn't invited him to her little soiree, because his miserable old bat of a wife was hovering around him constantly these days, certain he'd been tipping on her. But even without Old Man Reese, she'd invited upward of twenty people and none of them had shown. Not even Claire, her best supposed friend, had made it out. She was probably too busy being pinned and screwed by her boyfriend anyway, Guido or Nunzio or whatever his name was. Dean Martin came on, singing 'Marshmallow World'. Normally this was one of her favorites, but tonight it just reminded her that she was alone for Christmas. Again. With another sigh, she drank the rest of the wine in her glass and reached for the bottle, turning it over. It was empty. Damn. She'd have to open another one. She walked slowly into the kitchen, wearing her ratty old fox-themed footie pajamas, having decided that if she didn't have to dress up for anyone, she was dressing at all. She took a deep drink of spiked egg nog from the jug of it she'd prepared while she found another bottle of zinfandel and burped very loudly. She wrestled the cork off of the bottle and poured most of the contents into her oversized glass, muttering that she didn't have to answer to anyone about what she did, she was a big girl. She slumped back down on the couch while John Lennon asked her what she'd done for Christmas from the stereo system. "Up yours, John;" she said testily as she drank more wine. She stood unsteadily, blinking for a moment to try and clear her head. She might have had a bit of a wine fog going on, since she'd nearly polished off two bottles of Old Vine Zinfandel in under two hours. Convincing herself that walking was not a bad idea, she tottered over to the bay windows, reaching a hand out in front of herself to make sure it encountered the glass before her face did. "Will you look at that shit out there;" she muttered to no one in particular. After all, there was no one around to hear her. Well, almost no one. "Hi, Oatmeal," she said sweetly, grinning lopsidedly at the bearded dragon that sat in a terrarium near the bay doors. "Looks like you're my Christmas date; again;" The tiny lizard said nothing but assumed a darker shade of purplish brown. "Same to you too, bugface." Ginny muttered sourly, annoyed at being spurned by a reptile with a brain smaller than a sugared peanut. She lumbered back to the kitchen, trying unsuccessfully to eat several pieces of the Turkish Delight she'd tried to make, but they were sticky and runny, most of the reddish-pink mess ending up stuck to the front of her pajamas. "Son of a fucking reindeer!" she spat, attempting to remove the pajamas, her sticky fingers having trouble with the zipper. She finally kicked the thing off and left it in a corner of the kitchen, now wearing nothing except her panties and a halter top. She stomped back into the spacious living room, thoroughly annoyed. While the music played, she looked around for something to do, taking another pull from the egg nog jug she'd brought with her. The hot tub. It sat near the bay windows, set into the floor and was large enough for five or six people. She'd been hoping that maybe a few people of the dozens she'd invited would show and maybe they could have a fun pool party. She'd even told everyone in the invitations to bring their swimsuits. But of course, no one showed. She was beginning to suspect she could live in Buckingham Fucking Palace and still no one would come to see her. This was, literally, the fifth Christmas she'd spent by herself. The timing for friends never worked out and her parents were always off in Monaco or some such place, avoiding the weather. Her mom had already called earlier that night, so she wouldn't hear any more from them for a few days now. She sighed yet again and pulled off her underthings, stepping into the water. She was drunker than she wanted to admit, though, missing her footing, squealing and tumbling into the tub with a splash. Ginny came to the surface, sputtering and hissing in outrage. Why couldn't anything work out? Oatmeal just stared at her impassively. "You win this time, gravity;" she growled, displeased with her inelegant entrance. Well, at least she'd been smart enough to put down the jug of nog before trying to get in. She turned on the jets and retrieved her beverage, taking another big pull as the tub rumbled to life. Ginny laid back her head against one of the padded rests and tried to relax, to let her frustrations go. She turned on the jets and allowed one to massage her lower back while sipping at a glass of wine. She tried to put the frustrations of the holiday behind her, to let go of the feelings of rejection and somehow not belonging. "Why did I but this new fucking home if no one was interested in visiting? Everyone said they thought it was so great, but months later, still no visitors. Do I really not matter that much?" It annoyed her to think not only that she was alone, but that doubtless most of the people who had ditched her were at home getting laid. Claire was doubtless face down and ass up on her bed, getting plowed from behind by Guido. Even Mr. Reese, the old geezer, was probably getting some, either from his wife or maybe one of his secretaries. She sighed heavily and sat up, putting her now-empty wine glass aside and deciding that just because she was alone on Christmas Eve didn't mean she wasn't owed at least one good orgasm. She leaned forward and rested her forearms on the padded edge of the hot tub, positioning herself so that one of her jets, the one she'd named 'Juan', was right behind her. She felt the flow of water begin to caress her and she rested her head on her forearms as she wiggled further back, feeling the jet more strongly now as it pushed against her ass and her cunt. With a sigh, she found the perfect distance and pressed her face down into her arms, letting Juan work his magic. Water pressure massaged her cunt lips, strong enough to part them and to tease her clit, sending thrills through her. She shuddered and sighed loudly, forgetting, for now, how much men sucked. She bit the knuckle of her index finger, lost in reverie. God, if only it were a man fucking her. "Alone; on fucking Christmas; where's, ah!, where's the justice in that?" She was sweating now and panting as the relentless jets battered her nether tinglies, the sensations overwhelming her steadily. She clenched her teeth and her fists, straining as she fought to hold on a little longer. She moaned very loudly, her whole body shaking as Juan delivered a wonderful orgasm. She panted and groaned shamelessly, knowing that no one was around to see her in her pent-up, frustrated lust, expending it on her Jacuzzi jets. The scintillating lights behind her eyes, however, were over all too quickly and the climax subsided, replaced by a juddering sensitivity that made Juan's caress too much to bear. She collapsed against the edge of the hot tub, moving her ass away from the jet. "Alone; again;" She may have needed the orgasm, but it did nothing to improve her mood. It didn't help that the song 'This Christmas' by Shoes had begun playing as the cumming ended. When it finally felt like her legs would work again, she turned around and slumped into a corner of the tub, as far from Juan as possible. Ginny stayed still for some time, until her feet and fingers felt that annoying level of pruny that made everything awful to touch. With the heat of the water and all the alcohol she'd drunk, she was feeling rather light-headed, so she turned off the stereo and shut off the lights. She found a plate of her fucked-up and burnt gingerbread cookies and left them on a table near the fireplace along with the jug of nog before beginning to head upstairs to bed. "Yeah. Fuck this day. And fuck tomorrow too. Maybe if I stay drunk enough it'll just fly by. Fuck Christmas." The second floor was an open space in the middle, looking down onto the main floor. A set of stairs led up on either side and the bedrooms were spaced around the gallery. She'd loved the design when she bought it, but this only increased her frustration when no one ever came to visit. "Gorgeous fucking house; ten acres of beautiful nature filled with deer and ugly-ass wild turkeys; a fucking pond people could skate on; shit, I even found a patch of landrace back there! What's not to love about my new home? Why aren't people shitting themselves in jealousy?" She reached the master bedroom, sighing at how big it felt since she had no one to share it with. She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her naked body and sighing. She was trim and fit, with nicely-sized boobs, she kept her cunt shaved smooth and her full lips were simply made to suck cock. Her skin was fair and even and her dark brown hair was long enough to pull on if you were fucking her ass or taking her from behind. So what the hell was wrong? The bed was certainly big enough for two (or maybe her and two guys who didn't mind getting close), but she plunked herself down into it and stared at the ceiling, waiting for the room to stop drunk-spinning. It took longer than she wanted it to, but things finally slowed down an she breathed deeply. She reached over with her hand and fumbled around inside the drawer of the nightstand. She finally withdrew an elegant glass dildo, a barely opaque white with bright red stripes curling around it to simulate a candy cane. It had been a Christmas gift from Claire, who had jokingly given it to her until she found a man for herself. That bitch. "Well, Frosty," she sighed, examining him. "Looks like it's you and me tomorrow. I promise to not get out of bed except to go to the bathroom or get more booze, okay? Because I'm here for you;" And with that she kissed the dildo and put it aside. She turned out her lamp and sighed deeply as she lay in the dark, waiting for sleep to take her. "Fuck Christmas;" A noise from downstairs. Her eyes snapped open. She was sure she'd heard something. Her heart pounded in her chest. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself, reasoning that she'd been drunk and it might just be hangover noises. Maybe just something like branches scraping on the roof or across the walls? Ginny felt a flush of anger and slowly rose, getting out of bed and putting on a plush yellow robe. There were definitely sounds downstairs. She grabbed her rape whistle and her high-school field hockey stick off the wall before quietly opening the door and proceeding out of the room. Her cheeks flushed with fear and anger. How dare someone invade her house? And in this fucking weather! "Burglars? Ruffians? Escaped cons?" "Well, at least if they see you they might have their way with you and break your dry spell." She shook the vile notion from her head, wondering where the hell that'd come from. Could she be that desperate to get laid? Ginny walked as quietly as she could, hearing noises on the roof. Raccoons? Looking to get in from the cold? Fucking trash pandas. She rounded the corner of the gallery and put her foot on the top step, her hockey stick ready. She crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises. They seemed to be coming from her living room. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to identify anything that might be amiss. Then she saw him, a symphony of red trimmed in white, the huge ass swaying back and forth as the intruder was bent over her at the base of her Christmas tree, doing God only knows what to it. He seemed to be humming to himself. She walked up silently until she was maybe ten feet away from him, her hockey stick over her shoulder, ready to swing. He didn't hear her or took no notice of her. "I don't want to hurt you," she growled through clenched teeth. "But you'd best get the fuck out of my house or I'll hit you so hard Google won't be able to find you." The person in red paused in their activities and then stood up slowly. After another moment's pause, they stood up and turned around slowly. He was slightly taller than average and quite a bit fatter than societal norms allowed. He had a fat face with dancing blue eyes and red cheeks. Beneath the tapered red hat was long, silvery-white hair and a very full beard and moustache. The intruder looked at her and grinned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked with a voice that could only be described as jolly. Ginny said nothing. She seemed to be rooted to the spot. She wanted to say something, anything, but she seemed to have been robbed of the power of speech. "W, who;" she finally managed to stammer. "Yes, Virginia," the visitor said quietly but pleasantly in a soothing voice. "There really is a Santa Claus." She blinked and shook her head, trying to articulate a coherent thought. The big man in red chuckled, clearly amused by her predicament. "Your egg nog was very good," he mentioned as he walked forward a little. "Your cookies needed a little work, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe a cookbook next year?" "Stay still!" she snapped, suddenly coming out of her stupor and holding the hockey stick behind her head as if she was winding up for a hit. "I'll deck you, old man!" "Oh, there's no need for that," he said cheerfully, totally unconcerned by her threat. "It's been a rough year for you, hasn't it, Ginny?" "Why do you know my name?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Of course I know it," the man claiming to be Santa said jovially. "I'd be pretty lousy at my job if I didn't, right?" "If you're really Santa," she said tightly, still not understanding why she hadn't knocked this guy's head off his shoulders yet. "Then what was I doing the night of October seventeenth last year?" He tilted his head to the side a little and pursed his lips. "Are you sure?" "C'mon, you haven't got all day." "Very well," he said, sighing. "You were sitting in McPhearson's Pub, waiting vainly for Greg from IT to show up, because you'd given him a blowjob in the bathroom earlier that day and promised him more. But he went off with Becky from Accounts that night instead of meeting up with you." She blushed furiously at the memory. "I; that wasn't the day I meant! I meant the sixteenth!" He shrugged. "You had the day off and were really frustrated. You slid a condom over that very field hockey stick and used it on yourself, just to see what it was like." Ginny dropped the stick very suddenly. "How the hell do you know that, you perv?" The man shrugged. "I know all about you, Ginny. And every other boy and girl in the world" "Don't give me that horseshit!" she hissed, glaring at him. "I had too many Christmases where I didn't get what I want to buy into that cockamamie story!" "Well, you weren't exactly the most exemplary child, were you?" he reasoned. "I mean, you weren't horrible, it's not like you were out kicking puppies into woodchippers, but you spent more time in the naughty column that the good column, didn't you?" "What did I ever do that was so naughty?" she demanded hotly, her fists bunched up at her sides. "You and your brother could get rather friendly, couldn't you?" the man calling himself Santa pointed out. She faltered for a moment. "Lots of siblings play doctor. And those atomic booty bombs where I kept jumping in the air and landing on him were just playful." "While naked?" Santa asked, raising a bushy white eyebrow. Ginny blushed. "But that wasn't what landed you on the naughty list," he added. "What got you blacklisted was that you lied about doing your homework or cleaning your room while you were messing around with your brother. Your mom and dad would ask you to do your math and you'd slip away to play doctor instead and tell them you'd finished your homework after. Lying is naughty, right?" "Woah, hold the phone here," she said loudly, holding her head as if she was suddenly dizzy from a revelation. She didn't seem to notice that her robe had opened slightly, exposing her cleavage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Fibbing to my parents kept me from getting the gifts I wanted?" "Were the rules unclear?" Santa asked. "I thought the songs on the subject were so easy to follow." Ginny pinched her eyes in exasperation and then scowled at him. "I'm drunk," she concluded, trying to convince herself none of this was real. "I'm drunker than Sarah Palin and you're not really here. I'm still in bed and this is all bullshit." Santa shrugged. "I was putting stuff under your tree until you arrived and enjoying the nog. I won't mind if you go back to bed." "No, you're not getting off that easily," she said in annoyance. "You broke into my house in the middle of the storm of the fucking century and I want answers, dammit!" He shrugged. "Fair enough. Ask away." Her eyes narrowed again. "Aren't you on kind of a time crunch? Unless I'm the last person on your delivery list, don't you still have a shit ton of houses to visit? Say, a few hundred million?" He waved it off. "I've got it covered, I promise. I have all the time in the world for you, Ginny. I always have." "What, so you sub-contract out?" she said snidely. "Got FedEx making the rounds for you? Or maybe your 'Elves'?" She mentioned the last bit with air quotes. "Goodness, this has been a bad year for you, hasn't it?" he said sympathetically. "But to answer your question, I am capable of being many places at once." "Oh, so now you're the Kwizatz-Haderach?" she asked archly. "Hey, it's not just cinnamon I put in my Christmas cider." Santa chuckled. "It's rather complicated to explain." "So do you, like, clone yourself?" she asked, her guard seeming to slowly come down. "No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "It involves Cherenkov Radiation, a Holmes field, a Gellar field and, to quote a friend of mine, 'a lot of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey; stuff.'" "So it's some sort of deep quantum shit?" she asked, her body finally relaxing. He nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's very temporal and quantum. I can be many places at once. It's why I don't have to pay for billions in window repairs every year by going supersonic around the world." "So even while you're talking to me, you're delivering presents?" she asked, the sheer depth of the conversation hitting her now. She walked over to a stool and sat on it. "Like I said, it's difficult to explain without breaking out the chalkboard and calculator," he answered. "The magnetic lines between the poles help, especially the one that emanates from the Fortress of Solitude." Ginny blinked. "Fortress of Solitude? As in Superman? You're friends with Superman?" "Of course not!" the jolly man laughed. "There's no such thing as Superman, silly, he's a comic book character. Had you going, though." "Holy shit, Santa's a troll," she exclaimed, looking at him in bewilderment. "Well, okay, let's assume that this is all real and not a vivid hallucination resulting from a brain tumor. If I've been such a brat all these years, how do I make up for it? How do I get off the naughty girl list?" "Well, a little restraint would be a start," Santa suggested. "I'm not saying go out and become a Carthusian nun or a Buddhist priestess or anything, but you might try laying off the rampant promiscuity." "Why is that so bad?" she demanded. "What's so wrong with wanting to get banged?" "Nothing," he said simply. "But inevitably you get yourself into some kind of weird situation and end up lying your behind off and lying is a naughty thing to do. So try keeping your legs bolted together a little more." "Really;" she said, clearly not impressed. "Celibacy lessons from Santa Claus. Now I've heard everything." "According to my report here and speaking frankly, it's taken guys a lot less attractive than me a lot less effort to get you out of your clothes." Santa mentioned. "This coming from a guy who could clearly use a few P90-X sessions!" she shot back hotly, standing up, her robe opening further as she stomped toward him. He looked down at himself for a moment and guffawed. "Oh, right, I keep forgetting about that; hang on;" The man held his hands out to his sides and began to glow. The luminous display lit up the room progressively and Ginny held her hand in front of her face when it became too bright to look at for several seconds. When the light finally died away, leaving them once again in the softly lit living room, Ginny gaped in shock at what she saw. He was tall, powerfully built, with chiseled muscles, an eight pack and flawless, healthy skin. He'd removed his coat but the red pants remained, stretched tight over muscular thighs. Long, wavy, copper-colored hair fell past his shoulders and the full beard was reddish-gold. The sapphire-blue eyes stared down at her, still glittering with mirth. "Holy Jesus on a pogo stick;" she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. "You're a total lumbersexual;" "This is what I really look like," he said, spreading his hands out to the sides and showing her his body. His chest rippled as the muscles flexed with the motion. "But kids react to the fat old man disguise better." "I'll bet mothers don't," she murmured, coming forward as if compelled and reaching out to touch his chest and washboard abs. "It's like you're Photo-shopped." He smiled as her hands caressed his abs. "You make me want to not get off the naughty list." "I think I know what you really want for Christmas;" he said slyly. Ginny paused and looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?" "No, I can't lie." the man in red pants replied. "I thought it was Superman who couldn't lie." "Well, the writers had to get that idea from somewhere, I guess." Santa mused. "In any event, if you want, you could end up on the good girl list by being rather naughty." She stared at him. "So; get laid by Santa for Christmas?" He shrugged. "There might be some other goodies in the bag for you, but I think we both know what Ginny really wants and needs for Christmas." "This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!" she thought to herself, wrestling with her sensibilities. "If this is all just a dream, then I can fuck hunky Santa and have no regrets. If this is real, I can fuck sexy Santa and remember it in the morning! It's win-win!" "Well, this is super-easy," she declared. "Santa, I want you to fuck my brains out for Christmas." "With pleasure, Ginny!" he said, laughing merrily. "Whatever you like, however you want it. I have to keep the kiddies happy." "Good, but just don't say 'kiddies' anymore, because that's kinda creepy," she said, throwing her caution to the wind. She knelt down in front of him, putting her hands on the oversized silver belt buckle and undoing it. Letting it drop, she put her fingers on the front of his pants, caressing them over the crotch. Her mouth went dry. "That'd better not be a secondary present sack you're teasing me with;" Ginny hooked her fingers into the top of the velvety pants and pulled them down, revealing his cock. She drew in her breath slowly, her eyes widening. "Jesus," she muttered. "You're hung like a fat kid's Christmas stocking;" "Thanks, I make due." Santa said cheerfully, watching her admire his cock. "By the way, shouldn't I call you something else?" she asked, looking up at him while her hand reached up to take his huge shaft, wrapping around it, barely. "I mean, most people call you Santa Claus, but isn't your name Nick or Kris or something?" He shrugged again, grinning. "Nick, Kris, Klaus, Pelznickel, Joulupukki, Kanakaloka, Dun Che Lao Ren, Weihnachtsmann, Swiety Mikolaj, Hoteiosho, Jultomten, I don't mind, Ginny. I just like hearing you say my name the way you think of me." "Hmm, Santa;" she replied, smiling as she stroked her hand along his shaft, eyeing it hungrily. How the hell was she going to fit that all in her mouth, forget her aching cunt? "Ah, don't use that word," he chided, holding up a finger. "Some words are still naughty, even when you're an adult." "Stay out of my mind then, creeper." Ginny said as she leaned forward and swirled her tongue around the fat head of his cock. She flicked it around the tip and then slowly took it inside her mouth, tongue rolling against it. "The hell? How can his cock taste like mint?" "Just wait til you taste my cum." Santa said, leering. "Fine, but it better not taste like turkey gravy or we're gonna box." Ginny said as she pulled her mouth back for a moment. She pumped her hand gently along the shaft, studying her quarry intently. It was definitely the biggest cock she'd ever taken on, and the best-tasting. She'd been experiencing trippy magic all evening, maybe she could fit this monster in her mouth this one night; She put the head back in her mouth and relaxed, slowly pushing down the shaft. She moaned as she felt him slide to the back of her mouth and then to her throat. She felt him tremble and lay a huge but gentle hand on the back of her head. "Holy shit; I'm deep-throating Santa Claus;" Ginny took a deep breath through her nose and then tried to relax. Her whole body was tingling with excitement and the whole minty cock thing was throwing her off. Her tongue undulated along the underside of his shaft while the fingers of one hand formed a ring around the base of his cock and the other cupped his balls, fondling them. Ginny was proud of her cocksucking skills and if there was anyone she ever needed to impress with them (aside from her 11th Grade math teacher), it was probably Santa. She calmed herself and began pulling her mouth back along his length, humming and letting her lips vibrate softly on his sensitive skin. "Now I know why Mister Bondi gave you that A in math," Santa chuckled. "You're a very naughty girl, Virginia." "Hmm, only for you, Santa baby;" she cooed as she pulled her mouth off his cock long enough to respond, stroking slowly and swirling her tongue around the head again. She then slid back down the entire length, moaning in pleasure. She could feel her nipples getting hard and her cunt was very, very wet beneath her robe. Both his hands were on the back of her head now and holding her gently but firmly. She began to slowly bob back and forth, thrilled at how she was able to take this enormous beast of a cock all the way in her mouth. Sure, maybe there was some weird physics involved that compressed space and time or some shit, but she didn't care and he certainly didn't seem to mind. "Hmm, very good, Virginia;" he said softly, stroking her hair. No one ever called her Virginia and she didn't know why it gave her a tingle when he did. His cock was very full and very hard now, like a pulsing iron rod covered in mint-flavored velvet. She almost giggled at the thought of how crazy this all was. She really hoped it wasn't a dream. Her thumb began to squeeze along the underside of his cock as her hand followed her mouth up and down his length. The shaft glistened wetly and the mint was making her drool. She undid her robe and let it fall away, the air of the room kissing her flushed skin. Her hands now took hold of his powerful thighs and she began moving back and forth along his cock more quickly. She could feel his hands flexing in her long, dark hair, caressing her skin. Breathing through her nose, she moaned as she sucked ardently, her cunt almost aching with desire. She was hoping he would last long enough to fuck her when he went rigid suddenly and groaned, gripping her head tightly and his hips shuddering. Ginny's eyes widened as she felt him began to cum inside her mouth, spurting strongly. She began swallowing hastily, almost in a panic as Santa pumped his hips against her face. "Holy shit! Fucking eggnog?" He kept cumming and she was sure she might actually drown when he pulled his huge cock out of her mouth and pumped it furiously in his hand, spattering her tits and stomach with his glistening load. She'd never seen so much cum in her life. It tingled on her skin. Finally, Santa relaxed, allowing Ginny to put her mouth back around his cock and suck the rest of his cum from him. He was sighing and breathing rather heavily, apparently having enjoyed himself. She eventually released him and smiled up at him wickedly. "So," she cooed, winking while she gently pumped his cock with her hand. "Am I back on the good girl list?" "Oh, I'd think so," he said, grinned. "But it's not like I've given you your whole present yet." "Jeez, you can still go?" she asked almost in disbelief but also delighted. She really needed to be fucked hard now. "Your cock taste like mint, your cum tastes like nog, your ass probably tastes like hot cocoa or nutmeg and you can keep it up all night?" "Up all night is kind of my thing, at least once a year." Santa said cheerfully. "So how would you like for me to give you the rest of your present, Virginia?" "Well, golly, Santa," she mused, making a show of thinking while she stroked his cock. "Since you seem to be the gift that keeps on giving, how about we just wing it?" He nodded and she stood up, keeping hold of his cock and gently led him over to the large chesterfield, hoping it would hold his rather muscular frame. She knelt on it, resting her arms along the raised back and smiled at him, wiggling her behind. She wouldn't believe how wet her cunt was. "You gonna hurry down my chimney, Santa-baby?" she asked, smiling slyly. "I can't believe you just said that!" he laughed jovially. He may not have been older, fatter Santa, but the laugh still definitely suited him. He stepped up behind her and took gentle hold of her hips. She could feel him press against her ass and she shivered in anticipation. He slid his massive cock up and down between her ass cheeks, teasing her until she was writhing in desperation. He seemed to know instinctively what she loved most. Which only made sense, since he was Santa. "Ready, Virginia?" he asked as he pressed the huge mushroom head against her sticky cunt. She nodded eagerly, unwilling to speak. He slid the head in, parting her lips and penetrating her. She groaned loudly as he began to stretch her inner walls. With a slow, steady push of his hips, he pushed the entire length of his cock deep inside her. It robbed her of her breath, she'd never felt so full in her life, even that one time she'd been so horny she'd fucked her parent's bedpost. "Ah; uh;" she gasped, eyes wide. The sensations were like nothing she'd ever experienced. His cock completely filled her to a delightful stretch that didn't hurt except in the good way. His iron shaft throbbed in time with her heartbeat. It was wonderfully warm but also strangely cool all at once, tingling, like mint again. How the hell could her cunt taste peppermint? "Language, Virginia;" he chided again as he pressed in just a little bit further. By right his cockhead should have bruising her brainstem, but there was no doubt some weird physics shit involved that she decided not to think about. She was getting fucked by Santa, after all. She pressed her forehead against the back of the couch and tried squeezing her cunt around his titan cock or pressing back against him, squirming her ass against his hips. She shuddered in delight, loving how he felt inside her. His hands reached under her body and squeezed and massaged her tits, sending delicious thrills through her. He began to move slowly back and forth, pulling back until just the tip was inside her and pushing in steadily, almost robbing her of breath. She began to feel like a blacksmith's bellows very quickly. The feel of his cock sliding inside her, stretching her and touching deep inside in ways she hadn't known were possible; "Oh my god;" she gasped, fingers digging into the back of the couch. "You're tearing me apart and I love it;" "Only the best for my Virginia," he said, his ruddy cheeks taking on a flush tone as he fucked her. Her fingers squeezed the meat of her thighs and hips or flexed on her ass cheeks. His heavy balls slapped against her cunt as he drove inside her. Strong yet gentle, forceful and commanding yet accommodating. She felt dominated yet exalted somehow. His hand wrapped in her hair and she groaned loudly as he pulled on it, craning her neck. She shuddered in pleasure, feeling her spine almost accordion as he thrust inside while pulling her head back. Her could feel the pulse of his cock through her whole body. Her nails scratched along the couch, almost clawing it. "Uh, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard;" she wailed, feeling the sweat forming on her skin. "Oh my gawd;" "You're going to make me cum hard too," he panted, thrusting deep inside, thumping his hips against her ass. "You feel wonderful and tight, Virginia;" "Oh, God, he's gonna cum in me;" she realized. "Santa's gonna fucking cum in me and he's not wearing anything! Will my birth control work? Shit, will my kids always smell like mint?" "Oh, God, cum in me!" she panted, thrusting herself back against him and grinding shamelessly. "Fucking cum in me, Santa!" "Ya want me to cum in you?" he hissed, his body beginning to tremble. It felt like his cock was getting bigger inside her. "Want my cum in you?" "God, yes!" Ginny squeaked, clenching her teeth. "Fucking cum in me and make me scream!" They strained against one another desperately and then she cried out as a massive orgasm crashed over her. It battered her senses as she felt his hot-yet-tingly-cool cum bathing her insides relentlessly. Her cunt was making greedy sucking sounds as she came, her whole body shuddering almost uncontrollably. She squeezed and clenched and rippled her tight tunnel round him, reveling in the way he stretched and penetrated her ever more deeply. She collapsed against the chesterfield, panting heavily, her body drenched in sweat. His massive, hard cock was still deep inside her, pinning her to him. She felt like she was made of lead, an exquisite exhaustion while pleasure crawled over her languidly. That was beyond anything she had ever experienced. But he didn't seem to be done with her. His powerful hands took hold of Ginny and turned her around so she was squatting on the couch, her knees spread wide and her arms slung across the high back. She looked up at him in weary astonishment as he nestled himself between her legs and pressed his cock against her sopping cunt again. "Ah!" she wailed as he slid deep inside her again, his huge cock splitting her wide. Her nails dug into the couch again and she clenched her teeth as she sucked in her breath. Ginny tried to regulate her breathing while Santa began sliding in and out slowly, looking down at her with those penetrating blue eyes. "Jesus," she grunted, feeling almost like a rag doll in his hands, which gripped her hips. "Gonna fucking kill me with that thing!" "Oh, let's hope not," he replied, thrusting into her strongly. "I'm nowhere near done with you." She gazed up at him, trembling as he fucked her good and hard. She bit her lip as he squeezed her thighs, before moving his hands up to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples. She groaned shamelessly as the delicious sting electrified her senses. She tried to squeeze herself around him, baffled by how big he felt inside her. She gasped and whimpered as he slapped her cunt lightly. She reached forward and raked her nails over his powerful chest, leaving red marks along the defined muscles. She ground her hips against him wantonly, thrilling to the look of pleasure on this face. "Uh, fuckin' wreck me;" she gasped, feeling another massive climax building inside her. "Make me cum on that beautiful cock, Santa!" "I'll take 'Things Virginia Never Thought She'd Ever Hear Herself Say' for a thousand, Alex!" he laughed. He reached down and took her ass her hands and pulled her closer, smiling warmly yet wickedly into her eyes as she sank further onto his cock, which penetrated her to the deepest depths yet. She could feel the head pressing against her womb. It didn't hurt, but she felt fuller and more stretched than ever. She felt him squeeze her ass cheeks while he thrust into her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on tight, bumping up and down on his powerful thighs. She moaned loudly and bit his shoulder, trying not to shriek. She tried to squeeze herself around him again, finding that she could barely control her muscles, let alone fuck. She bit down as the warmth spread through her, tears of pleasure in her eyes. He thumped his hips against her even more strongly and they strained against one another. Then he growled and released himself, pumping her once again full of his tingling cum. She shuddered and cried out loudly, her head spinning from the unreal ecstasy. Crushing herself to him, Ginny held on desperately, like a ship battered by an unrelenting storm. They both slumped onto the couch, breathing heavily. She felt small and almost cocooned in his embrace. She was covered in a heavy sheen of sweat and could feel the thrilling tingle of his cum trickling out of her cunt. It wouldn't be a stain on her couch, it was a mark of honor. Their hearts pounded in rhythm as the orgasm passed over them and slowly flowed away. "Holy shit;" she whispered, her body still limp in his arms. "I think you've ruined me for sex. I should be mad;" "You have to admit, it makes sense that I'm better at gift-giving than anyone else on the planet." Santa reasoned, smiling and stroking her hair while she sat in his lap. "I'd say you were a little pent up there." "Mild understatement," she moaned, finally raising her head and smiling up at him. "Thank you, first of all. That was the best thing I've ever felt in my life." "I aim to please," he said cheerfully, caressing his thumb across her cheek and enjoying the shining look in her eyes. "Kinda my thing, after all." "So," Ginny purred, walking to fingers up his broad chest. "Is there a Mrs. Claus?" He shrugged. "There has been, of course." She paused suddenly and looked up at him, her smile replaced by a deadpan look. "What do you mean, there has been?" He seemed somewhat confused by her change in demeanor. "Well, there has been a few in the past, of course, there was Seeki first, then there was Ahoop, followed by Annalina, then Layla, Martha, Juliana, Gretchen and Jessica, Santarina, Kasey, Mary;" "I see," she said stonily. "You've had more wives than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands." "Well, to be fair, they've been spread over a long period of time." Santa replied. "And they were all special to me." "So then I'm not special." Ginny said flatly. "Well of course you are," he said, not understanding her mood swing. "You're my Virginia." "And Becky down the street is your Becky, and Sarah in the blue house is your Sarah and Hilda in Dusseldorf is your Hilda," she concluded. "Everyone's equally special to you, aren't they?" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, I'm not being fair," she sighed. "I just; well, I thought maybe this; ya know, tonight, was truly special. And clearly you're not good at lying." "Well, no, not at all." Santa agreed, still holding her and wondering how he could comfort her. "I can't lie." "Like, literally can't?" she asked, now curious more than anything. "It's part of your genetic makeup that you can't lie?" "No, nothing like that," he admitted. "But after spending centuries with kids and teaching them to always tell the truth, I haven't tried telling a lie in so long I don't even know how to do it." "You don't know how to lie?" she mused. "If I did, it wouldn't be the least bit believable," he said. "Like, if I said right now that your breath smells wonderful and not like old eggnog and vomit, I somehow doubt you'd believe my lie." "No shit," Ginny replied, giving him a stony look. "You're a horrible liar. You've got the subtlety of a cement truck. Good thing you're Santa and don't have to date to charm a girl." He held her close, hugging her tight to comfort her. She sighed deeply, still impaled on his hard cock, which showed no sign of abating. "God, I can't believe you've still got wood after cumming like a fire hydrant three times," she said, her mood softening. She was having the best sex of her life, she reminded herself not to ruin it by being crazy. "How long can you keep going?" He shrugged his muscular shoulders. "How long do you need me to?" "Actually, it doesn't surprise me that's your answer." Ginny said, smirking. "If you've got the time, I've got another itch that needs scratching." He grinned. "So you haven't broken in that hot tub yet, have you?" "Oh, Santa;" she purred, leaning in and biting his earlobe. "Like you don't make me wet already." He picked her up and carried her toward the Jacuzzi, deftly turning it on with his foot and bringing it rumbling to life. He stepped down into the churning water, setting her one of the seats. As he stood up, she leaned forward and hungrily took his enormous cock into her mouth, sucking ardently. She moved forward and knelt in the water, her hands on his hips again or stroking his balls. He picked her up bodily and turned her upside. Ginny squeaked in surprise at first but found his hips in front of her and began sucking again on his tool without delay. He buried his face in her cunt, tongue snaking deep inside her and she groaned gutturally, Holding her in place with one powerful hand, her teased her taint and then pressed a finger into her ass. "Jesus!" she gasped, almost choking on his cock as he wormed the finger down into her tight tunnel. "Oh, fuck! Your finger is bigger than some dicks I've fucked!" She attacked his cock again eagerly, bobbing back and forth like her life depended on it. She squirmed in his grip as he lashed her cunt with his tongue and fingered her ass. Her fingernails dug into his thighs and her knees locked around his neck. His cock throbbed in her mouth, still thrilling her with its unique and incredible taste. He turned her around again and paid her on the edge of the hot tub, spreading her legs wide. She looked on wantonly as he pushed his tongue back inside her again. He gripped her thighs to hold her in place and she groaned and squirmed, squeezing her tits and pulling on her nipples. Her breath came in ragged gasps as he drove her to the limit of her sensations. Ginny shook and thrashed as she cried out loudly, cumming on his face. He didn't let up, lapping at her essence eagerly. She lay like a dead thing for several seconds before her chest began to rise and fall. Her eyes opened, gazing back at him. She couldn't feel her limbs, just floating on a tingling ocean of deep colors. Santa looked up at her and smiled, pulling his tongue out of her cunt and kissing her clit gently. She shivered at the touch. "One hole left, Santa," she breathed, her body glistening. "Got any left in you to perfect my Christmas?" "Always for you, Virginia." Santa said warmly, standing and raising her gently into a sitting position. He settled down into the water on one of the seats and then pulled her onto his lap, facing away from him. She moved her hips around until she found his rock-hard cock, waiting for her. She placed her puckered knot against it, giggling as she thought about what he was about to do to her. She took his shaft in her hand and held it steady while she sank down, very slowly. Ginny gasped and shivered as the head pushed aside the tight ring of muscle, popping inside her. Then she sighed as she lowered herself, feeling his massive cock stretching her tight tunnel wide. God, she felt so full it was unreal. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her ass cheeks pressed to his lap. He was all the way inside her ass and her held her closed as she settled back against him, purring in sensual pleasure. "Umm, it's never felt this good in my ass before," she said softly, her arms reaching back to curl around his neck. She gyrated slowly on his lap, moaning softly. "A gal could get used to this." His muscular arms wrapped around her and caressed Ginny's body, massaging her tits. She loved how she felt pinned to him. She had finally found the measure of her body and began to squeeze her tight ass around his cock. She squirmed in slow circles on his lap, wishing she had some music to fuck him to. Her stereo system suddenly came on and began playing 'It's Cold Outside'. She giggled and squeezed his neck gently at his thoughtfulness. "You think of everything, don't you?" she purred, lost in her pleasure. "I can't wait to make you cum again." He smiled wickedly and pulled gently on her nipples, causing her to groan at the welcome sting. She pressed her ass back into his lap, squeezing again around his throbbing shaft. The water bubbled and churned around her waist, the heat leaving her skin shining. She began to pant as she moved her hips faster, stopping the circular motions and started to move up and down, his cock sliding in and out of her. Santa took hold of her hips and let her bounce on his lap. Ginny leaned forward, gasping as she fondled her tits, overcome with a liquid heat as his cock impaled her faster and faster. Water splashed around them as the fucking took on an almost frantic pace. Ginny had never felt anything in her ass like this before, nothing even close to this good. She could very easily become an addict. "Uh, fuck!" she grunted, slamming her ass down on him while one hand snaked down and began massaging her cunt and clit. His hands steadied her and helped moved her up and down. She could feel his hips trembling beneath her, his fingers flexing and squeezing her skin. Her panting became a long, drawn-out keening. She clenched her teeth, shuddering and straining as she tried to prolong the fucking; Ginny screamed and pushed herself back against his massive chest violently, thrashing as she clenched his cock inside her ass while he came. His cream flooded inside her, the unreal hot-cool tingling transporting her. He growled in her ear, almost crushing her comparatively tiny frame against himself. She collapsed, utterly exhausted, her chest rising and falling as the world spun around her. She felt him holding her gently, caressing her body in unique ways that seemed to; regulate her blood flow and nerve sensations, making the post-orgasmic bliss she was feeling last as long as possible. She felt herself smile and hum at his consideration, understanding this this is who he was and what he was meant to do. Ginny then did something she almost never did during sex, she leaned her head back, pressed her lips to his and kissed him deeply and with great affection. She held it for as long as she could and then sank back into his embrace, sighing in contentment. "Wish you were advertising for a Mrs. Claus at the moment," she said softly. "I could get used to this." "I like things the way they are," he replied, hugging her. "Every year I get to reward you for being a good girl. What could be better than that?" "True, I guess," Ginny agreed. "I'm only human, all this sex could kill me." "Hey, I'm human too, you know," he chuckled. "Just because I'm immeasurably older than you and subject to quantum laws even my smartest elf couldn't explain doesn't mean I'm a member of some other species." "Okay, that's fair, although I'd still fuck you if you were an alien or some extra-dimensional being." Ginny admitted. "You've come in me a lot tonight, daddy. Do I need to” "No," he said cheerfully. "I'm not sterile, but you can't get pregnant unless I decide you will and I've never allowed it." "I wonder what a Santa kid would be like," she mused. "More like you or the mom?" "No idea," he confessed. "There's not exactly a manual, so I've never taken a chance." She slowly leaned forward and began to rise, shivering as she slid off his long cock and it popped out of her. She knelt and turned around to face him, not sure she could stand yet, looking up at his still hard cock and giggled, pressing her finger against the head. "Well, I think you can take him off duty, sir," she said sweetly. "I'm pretty sure that I'm all fucked out for the night, if not the whole season." He chuckled and let his cock soften, looking into her eyes and caressing his cheek. "Hopefully that was what you needed for Christmas." "Definitely, Santa." Ginny said, giggling. "Is it greedy to want the same present again next year?" "Not at all," he replied, grinning. "It cuts down on elf-labor hours if I can give people a gift mysteriously." Santa paused in speaking, going silent and looking around, as if listening for something. Neither of them touched the controls, but the motor for the jets turned off and all that could be heard was the howling roar of the winter storm outside. Ginny looked at him in confusion, wondering why his features hardened and a scowl crossed his normally jovial face. "That's no storm," he said in a low, growling voice. "Not a regular one, anyway." "What does that mean?" she asked, his reaction worrying her for reasons she couldn't readily explain. What the hell was a 'not regular' storm, according to Santa, or anyone else for that matter? He stood up and strode out of the hot tub, taking her by the hand and pulling her out with him. Their naked bodies glistened with water but this was the farthest thing from her mind. "What's going on?" she asked, his consternation beginning to frighten her now. She watched as he tossed her the robe she'd been wearing earlier and then started pulling on his pants and sturdy black boots. "It's just a winter storm! Isn't it?" "I wish that were true," he replied, his expression grim. "Listen to me very carefully, Virginia. I'll need you to follow me instructions precisely. Do you understand?" She nodded. "Okay, but” "Good," he said, cutting her off, his eyes flashing. "It's very important to your safety." "Can you at least tell me what's happening?" she pleaded. "Krampus." Santa muttered darkly as he wrapped bright red straps around his wrists, tightening them. "I should've been more careful." "What's Krampus?" she asked, going pale and she paused in putting on her robe, one of her tits hanging out. "Krampus isn't a what, Krampus is a who," he said, his eyes scanning the layout of her expansive living room. "He's also called Black Pete in some places and legend says he's supposed to be my evil henchman who punishes wicked children." "I take it that's not true, then?" she asked, looking around like he did, wondering what he was searching for. "Not even close," he growled. "Pardon my French, but Krampus is an evil sonofabitch. He was, at one time long ago, my dedicated helper, but he turned down the path of darkness, becoming twisted and diabolic. Forget punishing children, he wants to destroy Christmas, like it never happened." "What's that got to do with us here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "Can he reach us in this storm?" "This storm is his doing, I recognize it now," Santa said, striding over to his huge Christmas bag and beginning to rummage in it. "A massive storm always precedes his arrival. It can be mistaken for a regular winter storm if you're not paying

Tracy wonders whether Jack the turkey went to the bathroom in the White House. Holly talks about how much she dislikes people arguing over food preferences. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week, Juliet and Jacoby share their thoughts on In-N-Out no longer calling out order 67, discuss the Chipotle customer who claims they found a rodent in their food, and break down an AI ad. For this week's Taste Test, they try the Grinch Meal from McDonald's and SpongeBob-themed food from Burger King. Finally, they share their Personal Food News and react to some Listener Food News. Do you have Personal Food News? We want to hear from you! Leave us a voicemail at 850-783-9136 or email ListenerFoodNews@Gmail.com for a chance to have your news shared on the show. Be sure to check us out on YouTube and TikTok for exclusive clips, new taste tests, and more! Hosts: Juliet Litman and David Jacoby Producers: Mike Wargon, Ronak Nair, and Jonathan Frias Musical Elements: Devon Renaldo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Bea and Dee take your calls!Get tons more cringey content on our Patreon! https://patreon.com/realitytvcringeFollow us on IG https://instagram.com/realitytvcringeSubscribe to see our raccoon faces on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_2CgqXLWjIEKV9PCtH3Kjw?sub_confirmation=1Leave a message for us on SpeakPipe: https://speakpipe.com/realitytvcringeSupport the pod by leaving a 5-star review on your favorite podcast platform! Thank you so much

In “In Other News,” Marc and the team cover a series of bizarre and eye-catching stories: a skydiver in Australia survives a terrifying parachute mishap, a drunken raccoon in Virginia raises nearly $200,000 for a local animal shelter, and Cracker Barrel diners complain about changes in menu and preparation methods. They also highlight In-N-Out skipping order number 67 due to prank-seeking teens, and Massachusetts reports its first case of silicosis linked to quartz countertops. The segment mixes humor, human interest, and cautionary tales with a lively, conversational tone.

They're already the unofficial mascot of one of Canada's largest cities, with tons of Toronto merchandise donning adorable images of so-called "trash pandas" - but a new study out of the University of Arkansas at Little Rock theorizes they aren't just getting smarter - they may be getting cuter.Host Kaitlin Lee speaks to Evolutionary Ecologist Albrecht Schulte-Hostedde from Laurentian University possible signs of "domestication" among urban raccoons, if that means they could one day be pets, and what the critters have to say about us. We love feedback at The Big Story, as well as suggestions for future episodes. You can find us:Through email at hello@thebigstorypodcast.ca Or @thebigstoryfpn on Twitter

On today's episode, we welcome comedian, musician and actual theoretical physicist Brian Wecht to the show to chat with us about a sequel to an all-timer newspaper comic, name some cars, and much more.*See Ninja Sex Party in Europe.*Follow Brian on TikTok and Instagram.*Celebrate 25 years of Bullseye!*Visit bit.ly/coolfight for the new comic series Predator Bloodshed, which drops Feb 25, 2026! *Order Jordan's Predator comic: Black, White & Blood!* Order Jordan's new Venom comic!* Donate to Al Otro Lado.* Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!JJGo MERCH ~Get Bronto Dino-Merch!Get our ‘Ack Tuah' shirt in the Max Fun store.Grab an ‘Ack Tuah' mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse's thrifted clothing store, Put This On, and use CODE JJGO for 10% off.Follow beloved former producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Follow bedazzled new producer, Jordan Kauwling, on Instagram.Visit Auraframes.com and use Promo Code: GOVisit FactorMeals.com/jjgo50off for 50% off your first box, plus free breakfast for one year.

Hello to our lovely coven, happy Wednesday! This week on Disrespectfully, we kick things off with holiday lights, cute babies, and Dayna's latest glitch in the matrix (this time, Tights are the culprit). The gals have dig into the ethics of Waymos, react to Vogue's viral piece "Having a Boyfriend is Embarrassing," and share thoughts on girl's girls, a new eye color–changing surgery, and the sacred chaos of Emo Nite. And to top it all of, we go over our Holiday Hear Me Outs…let us know yours! In need of something cute and cozy for the winter? Get yourself or whoever's on your daddy list a tee, hoodie, or beanie from our store! Please support our show and show off your love for Disrespectfully by repping our official gear :) K Love ya bye! Thank you to our sponsors! Remi: Go to https://shopremi.com/DISRESPECTFULLY and use code DISRESPECTFULLY at checkout for 55% off a new night guard plus a FREE foam gift that whitens your teeth and cleans your nightguard. Quince: Go to https://Quince.com/disrespectfully for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns Mint Mobile: Turn your expensive wireless present into a huge wireless savings future by switching to Mint. Shop Mint Unlimited Plans at https://MintMobile.com/DISRESPECTFULLY Perelel: Exclusive for our listeners, new customers can enjoy 20% off their first order with code: DISRESPECTFULLY at https://Perelelhealth.com Connect with the Coven! Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1930451457469874 Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/disrespectfullypod/ Listen to us on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301 Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0J6DW1KeDX6SpoVEuQpl7z?si=c35995a56b8d4038             Follow us on Social! Disrespectfully Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/disrespectfullypod Disrespectfully Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@disrespectfullypod Katie Maloney Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/musickillskate Dayna Kathan Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daynakathan Leah Glouberman Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leahgsilberstein Allison Klemes Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allisonklemes Buy our merch! https://disrespectfullypod.com/ Disrespectfully is an Envy Media Production.

Bridge The Gap is back! Competing today is the head of 97.5TheGame, Matt, for GenX. For Millennials, Sarah is back to defend her title. PSA: Don't pick up a hitchhiking raccoon. How are you handling an encounter with a spider in your house? Still looking for New Years plans? Vinnie's got ideas. If big life decisions are stressing you out, you're not alone!

This dude knows how to PARTY!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of Misery Loves Mandy, Mandy shares her relief at finally feeling better and dives right into the week's weirdest headlines and personal chaos.She reacts to a viral story about a drunk raccoon in Virginia, breaks down the news of Netflix acquiring Warner Bros, and shares her honest thoughts in a full review of the new Wicked movie.Also in this episode:Her latest Weekly Wiener (featuring confrontation issues)A wild Misery Loves Company listener storyHoliday party reflections, viewer Q&As, and new updates for the podCatch the chaos, commentary, and comedy every week.

Send us a textWelcome back to the Ready Set BBQ podcast, your go-to destination for the latest and most exciting happenings around the world! In this episode we talk about  College football, A&M Student, Drunk Raccoon, Taylor Swift, Bear's Bday, Cheeseburgers, Boar Sausage, GW BBQ and Hollywood.  0-15 mins: HeadlinesCollege Football: It looks like the playoffs are set and we talk about the snubs and sour grapes. A&M Student: We talk about the mystery surrounding Briana Aguilera that died after a UT football game.  Drunk Raccoon: A raccoon gets sauces at a liquor store and ends up passing out in the restroom.  Taylor Swift: We talk about the swiftie wedding coming up  15-35mins: BBQ Time Bear's Bday: I make the doggos some steaks for Bear's 3rd birthday.  Cheeseburgers: We talk about cooking burgers on the griddle and the grill. Boar Sausage: Hiram says the boar sausage he made is the best he's ever had.  GW BBQ- They have brought back the Chicken Fried Brisket and I tell the guys all about it.  35-50 mins: Behind he Red Carpet 10 Current and Upcoming Events: Hiram catches us up with 10 current and upcoming stories from the movie industry.             https://podcast.feedspot.com/barbecue_podcasts/Etsy/ShopReadySetBBQ - EtsyFacebook Pagehttps://www.facebook.com/readysetbbqFeedspothttps://podcast.feedspot.com/barbecue_podcasts/Etsy/Shop ReadySetBBQ - EtsyFacebook Page https://www.facebook.com/readysetbbq Feedspot https://podcast.feedspot.com/barbecue_podcasts/

Dawn Barbone–founder of Samadhi Wildlife, a nonprofit refuge in Ormond Beach that rehabilitates sick, injured, and orphaned wildlife native to Florida—explains that she hasn't merely loved animals since she was a child, but has also loved healing them since then. It's not uncommon in the animal welfare world to encounter someone who was that kid […] The post Dawn Barbone, founder of Samadhi Wildlife first appeared on Talking Animals.

Taxpayer funded ski trips, thousand dollar dinners in Paris and business class flights to New York. Do these expenses pass the pub test? What about the sniff test? The thing is Communications and Sports Minister Anika Wells hasn't racked up the most expenses – in fact, Australian politicians have claimed $1.1 million dollars in the past year.  There's no doubt the job is demanding, but should the expenses rules be reviewed?And Queensland Museum has found itself in a bit of a pickle following an investigation into Shell sponsored educational materials that downplay the role of fossil fuels in climate change.And after hearing about a drunk raccoon in the United States, Jules wonders whether animals have a taste for fermented beverages too?Julia Baird and Jeremy Fernandez chat about the stories you're obsessed with, the stuff you've missed and the things that matter. Episodes drop every Wednesday afternoon. We want to hear from you! Join the conversation and email the show at notstupid@abc.net.au

Winter weather advisories sweep the nation. Jimmy Kimmel signed a one year extension with ABC. The worst drivers are in North Dakota. A raccoon in Virgina broke into an alcohol store and got drunk and a animal shelter made merch for it!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when creative grit meets a shifting digital world? In this episode of _Until You Make It, Chris and Mike sit down with illustrator and character designer Keith Glidewell to explore the real-life evolution of an artist—pivoting majors in college, discovering a voice through compulsive sketching, becoming a stay-at-home dad, and finding the fire that pushed him into professional illustration. From Instagram-driven work and band art to producing animated shorts for Cat-e-Corner, Keith shares how life, family, and discipline completely reshaped his career path. As the conversation deepens, the crew unpacks the state of modern creativity: the rise of AI art, what it steals, what it enables, and what it risks. They dissect client expectations, the temptation of shortcuts, whether “prompt artists” count as artists, and how much of the future belongs to genuine human collaboration. It's honest, funny, vulnerable, and full of the kind of creative shop talk most people never get to hear. Whether you're figuring out your own artistic path, wrestling with AI fatigue, or just here to laugh at raccoon-infested punk demos and parenting revelations, this one goes deep. What You'll Discover: How a single life pivot pushed Keith to fully commit to art Why daily discipline matters more than “talent” in illustration and animation How Instagram became Keith's main driver for paid creative work The inside story behind the Cat-e-Corner animated world and Keith's role in shaping it Why AI art divides creatives—and where it actually fits as a tool The hidden emotional cost of giving up on your dreams for stability How family, identity, and creative purpose overlap in unexpected ways If you care about making things—honestly, imperfectly, and with as much humanity as possible—this episode cuts right to the heart of the creative process 00:00 - Catching up 01:52 - We suck at sports 04:15 - Other life updates 14:41 - Who's our guest? 17:44 - Keith's life updates! 20:33 - Keith's incredible illustration work 34:30 - What is Ditz and Bug Rock? 39:23 - Cat-e-Corner (Animated Shorts) 45:47 - Is AI killing collaboration? 01:12:42 - Does having a family impact your art? 01:19:43 - Sleep schedule nightmares 01:23:21 - Indie film vs Indie animation 01:33:56 - Camera nerd talk 01:37:37 - Mike's new "Fig Rig" camera system 01:48:33 - Surviving as a creative 01:59:06 - Voice Acting 02:01:12 - GAME TIME

No dogs or cats here! A number of unorthodox pets have arrived at the White House and become part of the first family in very unusual ways throughout history. Research: “All Creatures Great and Small: Ground Floor Pet Sculptures.” The White House. https://georgewbush-whitehouse.archives.gov/holiday/2002/groundfloor/05.html “An Animal Often Misjudged.” Evening Star. Nov. 28, 1926. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/618563692/?match=1&terms=raccoon%20%22white%20house%22%20coolidge “Coolidge Didn’t Leave ‘Rebecca’ Behind.” News Journal. March 11, 1927. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/291999678/?match=1&terms=rebecca%20raccoon Coolidge, Calvin. “The Autobiography Of Calvin Coolidge.” Cosmopolitan Book Corporation. 1929. https://archive.org/details/autobiographyofc011710mbp/page/n1/mode/2up Costello, Matthew. “Raccoons at the White House.” The White House Historical Association. https://www.whitehousehistory.org/raccoons-at-the-white-house Hard, Anne. “Pets of the White House.” The Minneapolis Journal. Jan. 6, 1929. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/811305767/?match=1&terms=%22reuben%20raccoon%22 Heiskell, Samuel Gordon. “Andrew Jackson and early Tennessee history, Vol. 3.” Ambrose Printing Co. 1921. https://archive.org/details/andrewjacksonear31heis/page/52/mode/2up?q=parrot Jack the Turkey. “On Gratitude.” President Lincoln’s Cottage. No. 27, 2014. https://www.lincolncottage.org/on-gratitude/ King, Gilbert. “The History of Pardoning Turkeys Began With Tad Lincoln.” Smithsonian Magazine. Nov. 21, 2012. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-history-of-pardoning-turkeys-began-with-tad-lincoln-141137570/ “Live Raccoon Gives Coolidge Big Problem.” The Columbus Ledger. Nov. 26, 1926. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/855229358/?match=1&terms=raccoon%20%22white%20house%22%20coolidge McGraw, Eliza. “This raccoon could have been a president’s Thanksgiving meal. It became a White House pet instead.” The Washington Post. Nov. 25, 2019. https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2019/11/25/this-raccoon-could-have-been-presidents-thanksgiving-meal-it-became-white-house-pet-instead/ “Meet Rebecca!” The Cincinnati Enquirer. Dec. 25, 1926. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/103377809/?match=1&terms=rebecca%20raccoon Meyer, Holly. “Andrew Jackson’s Funeral Drew Thousands, 1 Swearing Parrot.” The Tennessean. June 7, 2015. https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/2015/06/07/andrew-jacksons-funeral-drew-thousands-swearing-parrot/28664493/ Mezaros, John. “Statue of Jack the Pardoned Turkey.” Atlas Obscura. https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/statue-of-jack-the-pardoned-turkey Moser, Harold D. (ed.) “The Papers of Andrew Jackson.” University of Tennessee Press. 2002. https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1009&context=utk_jackson “Odds and Ends At the Nation’s Capital.” The Buffalo News. March 1, 1928. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/837109710/?match=1&terms=rebecca%20raccoon “Raccoon Sent to Coolidge to Be White House Pet.” Salt Lake Telegram. Dec. 1, 1926. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/288632502/?match=1&terms=raccoon%20%22white%20house%22%20coolidge “Rebecca in Disgrace Again As She Flees White House Kennels to Spend Night Out.” The Evening Star. Dec. 14, 1927. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/618609389/?match=1&terms=%22rebecca%20in%20disgrace%22 “Rebecca, Raccoon, Is Banished From Coolidge Domicile.” San Francisco Examiner. March 17, 1927. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/457915005/?match=1&terms=rebecca%20raccoon Upton, Harriet Taylor. “Our Early Presidents, Their Wives and Children: From Washington to Jackson.” D. Lothrop Company. 1890. Accessed online: https://books.google.com/books?id=vzpOAAAAYAAJ&vq=alligator&source=gbs_navlinks_s “Wills House Virtual Identity: Thomas ‘Tad’ Lincoln.” National Parks Service. https://www.nps.gov/gett/learn/historyculture/wills-house-virtual-identity-thomas-tad-lincoln.htm Wootson, Cleve R. Jr. “A history of White House profanity — and one cursing presidential parrot.” Washington Post. Jan. 12, 2018. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/retropolis/wp/2018/01/12/a-potty-mouthed-history-of-presidential-profanity-and-one-cursing-white-house-parrot/ Wright, James L. “Coolidge Heads Toward Outing Spot in Dakota.” The Buffalo News. June 14, 1927. https://www.newspapers.com/image-view/836843871/?match=1&terms=rebecca%20raccoonakota.” Zellner, Xander. “A Brief History of President-Bird Companionship.” Audubon. Feb 12, 2016. https://www.audubon.org/news/a-brief-history-president-bird-companionship See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hunting for Raccoons and Ribbons with Border Terriers [caption id="attachment_14799" align="alignleft" width="376"] Karen Fitzpatrick with one of her Meadowlake Border Terriers.[/caption] Host Laura Reeves is joined by Karen Fitzpatrick from Meadowlake Border  Terriers to talk about hunting raccoons and ribbons. “My background honestly was straight hunting,” Fitzpatrick said. “I hunted long before I ever bought a Border. I started here in the US and then started hunting in the UK, met people there. I just love the hunting aspect of Border Terriers. “Border Terriers are still very high on the list for hunting instinct and actually are still made to do the job they were bred to do. “In the middle of winter, we did a lot of barn hunting, and that was just literally clearing out haylofts of raccoons. In this deep, deep snow like today, you would hit a big barn, cut a few terriers loose in a loft and woo, come on. It was crazy. “We did a lot of in ground hunting during the spring and fall, but we tried to not do too much in the spring, mostly because of a lot of groundhogs having babies. Fall is the better time because they're big and fat and getting ready to hibernate and the holes are bigger.” Fitzpatrick has produced 170 champions and 12 best in show winning Border Terriers, including the top winning bitch in the breed. She was named AKC's Sport Breeder of the Year in 2014 and Terrier Breeder of the Year in 2018, one of a handful of breeders honored in both conformation and performance. “They have to be able to function and do their job and my belief, back then as it is today, they can be beautiful and still do their job and that is what I have absolutely brought through and I will continue it.”

As highly intelligent and adaptive animals, raccoons have learned to live alongside humans for many thousands of years. For the raccoons that live in Forest Park, adaptability includes the careful avoidance of crossing the road, despite the availability of food sources on the other side. Dr. Sharon Deem and Stephen Blake discuss their latest research, which sheds new light on the lives of 10 racoons, including a particularly adventurous forager named “Frankie.”

DeHuff kicks things off with a story from his annual physical, recalling an awkward moment with a female doctor that still lingers in his mind.  From there, things get wild around the globe—starting with a New Zealand man who swallowed a Fabergé pendant inspired by the James Bond film Octopussy, forcing police to sift through his feces to get it back. Detroit enters the chat with their newly erected RoboCop statue, prompting a hilarious discussion about which other cities should honor their iconic movie characters.  Meanwhile in Virginia, a raccoon breaks into a liquor store and gets absolutely plastered, proving once again that wildlife knows no boundaries. Sports heat up as the Denver Broncos sit atop the AFC while the Kansas City Chiefs watch their nine-year AFC West streak slip away. Shedeur Sanders boosts his trade value after a standout game against the Titans, sparking debate about his future. Plus, a look at companies that wildly overthink their social media posts, and a breakdown of how college football bowls and playoffs could be fixed once and for all. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This week, we talk about Thanksgiving, Thundercats, Thing's beard, Dan Da Dan, Stranger Things, The Chair Company finale, Sinners, Gigabash, drunk raccoon spree, Robocop statue is up, boys/girls toys price difference, man in DeLorean caught with cocaine, the QoftheW, and more!     Salty Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/user/saltylanguagepods Our Patreon: Patreon.com/saltylanguage   Subscribe / rate / review us on Apple Podcasts!   Links: 1. Thing's beard https://youtu.be/NOuG1oeIX5M?si=fpDLCeoofradUsYn 2. Gigabash game https://passionrepublicgames.com/ 3. Raccoon liquor store spree https://www.13abc.com/2025/12/02/heavily-intoxicated-raccoon-passes-out-liquor-store-bathroom-after-breaking-ransacking-shelves/ 4. Robocop statue finally up https://www.freep.com/story/entertainment/arts/2025/12/03/robocop-statue-stands-detroits-eastern-market/87591003007/ 5. Man in DeLorean arrested with a lot of cocaine https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/new-jersey-man-arrested-after-crashing-delorean-loaded-with-cocaine-into-parked-car/ar-AA1REbmr QoftheW: What is a weird rule you have for yourself?   Visit us at: saltylanguage.com Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/salty-language/id454587072?mt=2 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3GnINOQglJq1jedh36ZjGC iHeart Radio: http://www.iheart.com/show/263-Salty-Language/ Google Play Music: https://play.google.com/music/listen#/ps/Ixozhhniffkdkgfp33brnqolvte Tony's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@allthebeers Bryan's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@IFinallyPlayed https://www.tiktok.com/@saltylanguage facebook.com/saltylanguage Discord:  https://discord.gg/NEr5Newk @salty_language / saltylanguage@gmail.com http://salty.libsyn.com/webpage  / http://www.youtube.com/user/SaltyLanguagePod Instagram/Threads: SaltyLanguage Reddit: r/saltylanguage Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/salty-language tangentboundnetwork.com Share with your friends!            

Dave and Joe catch up after the holidays, trade stories about Thanksgiving, learning to drink coffee, and movie memories (Jurassic Park). They dig into local and viral oddities — a wedding photographer scam, a stolen shopping cart, Pepsi's Sierra Mist rename, and a bizarre 1923 teacher contract full of archaic rules. The episode rounds out with absurd news clips: a drunk raccoon breaks into a liquor store, a bald eagle drops a cat onto a windshield, a woman found alive before cremation, and a missing cruise passenger. Short, funny, and strange — a classic Gen Extra mix.

CreepGeeks Podcast Episode 348 INTRO  You're listening to CreepGeeks Podcast! This is Season 9, Episode 348 F1 Alonso Paranormal, Local WMD in WNC, MU is Done, RoboCop and Raccoon Rampage Welcome to CreepGeeks Podcast! We broadcast paranormal news and share our strange experiences from our underground bunker in the mountains of Western North Carolina.  THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY BARLEY'S BITES Barley's Bites Barley's Bites is dedicated to providing top-quality, home-made dog treats for every doggo to enjoy. Our treats are made from fresh, healthy ingredients without any harmful chemicals, ensuring your pet receives the best nutrition possible.  Jack loves them, and the dog neighbors approve. Made in New Mexico! Thanks, Kristen and Dave, for sending Jack and us some tasty treats! Your favorite anomalous podcast hosts are Greg and Omi Want to support the podcast? Join us on Patreon:  CreepGeeks Paranormal and Weird News is creating Humorous Paranormal Podcasts, Interviews, and Videos!  Get our new Swag in our Amazon Merch Store:  https://amzn.to/3IWwM1x  Get Starlink for Rural Internet Access-  Starlink | Residential Hey Everyone. You can call the show and leave us a message!  1-575-208-4025 Use Amazon Prime's Free Trial! Did you know YOU can support the CreepGeeks Podcast with little to no effort? It won't cost you anything!  When you shop on Amazon.com using our affiliate link, we receive a small percentage.  It doesn't change your price at all. It helps us keep the coffee and gas flowing in the Albino Rhino!  CreepGeeks Podcast is an Amazon Affiliate CheapGeek and CreepGeeks Amazon Page's Amazon Page    Support the Show:  CreepGeeks Swag Shop!  Website- CREEPGEEKS PARANORMAL AND WEIRD NEWS Hey everyone! Help us out!  Rate us on iTunes!  ‎CreepGeeks Paranormal and Weird News Podcast on Apple  WARNING: This Podcast May Contain Bioengineered and Cell-Cultivated Food Products. Stanley Milford Navajo Rangers Book- The Paranormal Ranger: A chilling memoir of investigations into the paranormal in Navajoland https://amzn.to/3ZhzG8m  Interested in Past Lives or Past Life's Journeying- RC Baranowski. Past Life Journeying: Exploring Past, Between, and Future Lives Past Life Journeying: Exploring Past, Between, and Future Lives - Kindle edition by Baranowski, R. C.. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.  Over on our Patreon-  Patron's Messages-  Welcome, Patrons and new Patrons-  New Lake Shawnee Haunted Amusement Park Video is available! Brown Mountain Lights Brown Mountain Lights Geological Survey- Here's a thought: Are Brown Mountain Lights caused by lithium? 1-800 Number Comments-   Fate Magazine - Fate Magazine  Did you know that #creepgeeks is ranked- FeedSpot- 10 Best North Carolina News Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025  10 Best North Carolina Technology Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025  GoodPods- Best Fortean Podcasts [2025] Top 3 Shows - Goodpods  Best Bigfoot Podcasts [2025] Top 30 Shows - Goodpods  Greg's Pen Tangent -The Sharpie S-Gel in Copper:  https://amzn.to/4gNatda  CreepGeeks Podcast NEWS: Omi-  Into the Shadows of McDowell County  Haunted Hollers of McDowell County  What are we doing, what're we up to? CreepGeeks Podcast has won its copyright debacle. Digital Audio Player:  FIIO Snowsky Echo Mini https://amzn.to/4n8rQYh  Omi is a big-time artist and busy. North Carolina artist creates 'Bluebirds of Hope' from glass shattered by Helene | Fox Weather  One Artist Picks Up the Pieces | Our State  Greg is pushing forward in his quest to own his own digital content. Greg celebrated his YouTube Channel's 15th birthday! Listener Messages- Dav's post = Mimic? WHat's a Mimic? Last Episode FollowUp:  Massive Cheese Recall  Massive Salad Dressing Recall "thousands of gallons" NEWS:  F1 legend Fernando Alonso claims paranormal activity caused costly Qatar GP spin - GPFans.com  34.23 - MU Podcast - End of an Era  New Hosts are Joe and Brandon New Podcast Name- Inescapable RoboCop statue rises in Detroit: 'Big, beautiful, bronze piece of art'  Local Weapons of Mass Destruction  Scientists found tryptophan, the 'sleepy' amino acid, in an asteroid. Here's what it means | CNN  Dipshittery: Doctors reveal the truth behind Kim Kardashian's 'low brain activity' and hidden aneurysm | Daily Mail Online  Paranormal- Cryptid- Animals- Drunk Raccoon Passes Out in Virginia Liquor Store Bathroom After Ransacking Business  Hanover County Animal Protection Services sells "TRASHED Panda" shirts to help raise money. Massive Dead Vultures  Strange new creature with 24 eyes found in Hong Kong Pond  *AD BREAK* READ: If you like this podcast, subscribe on YouTube, follow on Spotify, review on Apple podcasts, support on Patreon, and connect with us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @CreepGeeks.  LIBSYN AD *AD BREAK* Bumper Music- SHOW TOPICS: AD- Want to Start your own podcast? https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=CREEP  Looking for something unique and spooky? Check out Omi's new Etsy, CraftedIntent: CraftedIntent: Simultaneously BeSpoke and Spooky. by CraftedIntent  Want CreepGeeks Paranormal Investigator stickers? 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Bizarre Files - Flat Earth, Meth Deposit, and Raccoons (12/8/25) by 96.5 WKLH

The weekly check in on all things naked, wacky, and unbelievable, plus the Chump Line.  Visit the Howie Carr Radio Network website to access columns, podcasts, and other exclusive content.

LSU Coach Lane Kiffin makes some crime claims while leaving Oxford but was he just trolling the fan base at Ole Miss. The body of Rebecca Park has been found in a national forest and her parents are now charged in her murder. In Virginia high school football coach, Travis Turner is still a fugitive after 16 days on the run. In Louisiana, a sheriff's deputy is killed by his brother on Thanksgiving night. These stories and more today on Crime Wire Weekly!*This is a preview, links to listen to the full podcast by following "Crime Wire Weekly" are below.#lanekiffin #rebeccapark #travisturner #breakingnews #crime #news #podcast Timestamps02:00 LSU Coach Lane Kiffin Alleges Crime In Oxford08:05 Rebecca Park Found Deceased in National Park: Parents Charged13:40 Virginia H.S. Football Coach Still a Fugitive After 16 Days18:10 Texas A&M Cheerleader's Death Begs Questions From Family23:45 Louisiana Sheriff's Deputy Killed by Brother On Thanksgiving26:50 Stockton Shooting Leaves 4 Dead and 11 Injured 31:10 Georgia Inmate Escapes From Hospital Wearing Gown37:10 Drunk Raccoon Caught in Liquor Store Break-In40:00 Home Improvement Star Arrested 6 Times In 5 Years44:25 New York Ballerina Emily Finn Killed In Murder/Suicide Links to Follow Crime Wire Weekly https://linktr.ee/crimewireweeklyKelly Jennings is host of “Unspeakable: A True Crime Podcast by Kelly Jennings”  https://open.spotify.com/show/3n7BUzKRtMhAEuIuu7f031?si=c98fcf5b7e6848c8 Jim Chapman is host of “Exposed: Scandalous Files of the Elite” https://open.spotify.com/show/3ePQYSPp5oSPDeue8otH1n?si=39142df6e0ed4f77

How do you put a barrel inside a barrel? That's the question Dixon Dedman looked to solve when he founded 2XO, a Kentucky Straight Bourbon brand that uses two times the oak on all of their whiskies. Dixon sits down with Greg and Sother to discuss his innovative solution to this problem (it involves a very fun prop) his long family history in Kentucky Bourbon, and how blenders might finally be getting the respect they deserve in the world of whiskey.PLUS: Raccoons. They're just like us. And as a recent news story makes clear, if you've been on a bit of a bender, those cool bathroom tiles feel mighty good, no matter what your species is.Follow 2XO at @2xowhiskeyFollow Dixon at @dixon_dedmanFollow Til Death at @tildeathkcLINKSBecome a Regular: patreon.com/SpeakeasyRegularsSupport Til Death's fundraiser for Veteran's Community Project: vcp.orgFor resources on dealing with ICE agents in your community visit nouswithoutyou.la/ and @thenycallianceThe Sauced Kickstarter: kickstarter.com/projects/timmckirdy/sauced-the-podcastThe Speakeasy is now on YouTube! Tune in to “see” what we're talking about at youtube.com/@Speakeasy.PodcastCheck out Quiote Imports at quioteimports.com and use promo code “Speakeasy” to get free shipping at checkout.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Strap in — this episode covers serious political tension, wild local headlines, and one of the strangest animal stories you'll ever hear.

LSU Coach Lane Kiffin makes some crime claims while leaving Oxford but was he just trolling the fan base at Ole Miss. The body of Rebecca Park has been found in a national forest and her parents are now charged in her murder. In Virginia high school football coach, Travis Turner is still a fugitive after 16 days on the run. In Louisiana, a sheriff's deputy is killed by his brother on Thanksgiving night. These stories and more today on Crime Wire Weekly!*This is a preview, links to listen to the full podcast by following "Crime Wire Weekly" are below.#lanekiffin #rebeccapark #travisturner #breakingnews #crime #news #podcast Timestamps02:00 LSU Coach Lane Kiffin Alleges Crime In Oxford08:05 Rebecca Park Found Deceased in National Park: Parents Charged13:40 Virginia H.S. Football Coach Still a Fugitive After 16 Days18:10 Texas A&M Cheerleader's Death Begs Questions From Family23:45 Louisiana Sheriff's Deputy Killed by Brother On Thanksgiving26:50 Stockton Shooting Leaves 4 Dead and 11 Injured 31:10 Georgia Inmate Escapes From Hospital Wearing Gown37:10 Drunk Raccoon Caught in Liquor Store Break-In40:00 Home Improvement Star Arrested 6 Times In 5 Years44:25 New York Ballerina Emily Finn Killed In Murder/Suicide Links to Follow Crime Wire Weekly https://linktr.ee/crimewireweeklyKelly Jennings is host of “Unspeakable: A True Crime Podcast by Kelly Jennings”  https://open.spotify.com/show/3n7BUzKRtMhAEuIuu7f031?si=c98fcf5b7e6848c8 Jim Chapman is host of “Exposed: Scandalous Files of the Elite” https://open.spotify.com/show/3ePQYSPp5oSPDeue8otH1n?si=39142df6e0ed4f77Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/exposed-scandalous-files-of-the-elite--6073723/support.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit meetthemess.substack.comMove over, Meet the Press—it's time to MEET THE MESS!This week on the podcast, Jen and Karyn discuss the viral raccoon who went on a drunken bender, and Pope Leo's unexpected appearance at a rave!Also in the news, Sabrina Carpenter responds to the Trump administration using her song in an ICE video, Kristi Noem thanks Trump for stopping hurricanes, MAGA erupts over a pink sweater, and Costco sues the administration over tariffs. Plus, did the administration commit a war crime in the bombing of a Venezuelan boat? And is Admiral Bradley being set up to take the fall?In lighter news, Mormon women are taking over our screens, and “airport divorces” are on the rise! Plus, hear a list of things people stop tolerating as they get older. How many resonate with you?On Meet the Mess, bestselling authors Jen Lancaster & Karyn Bosnak dive into the messiest news stories and hottest topics of the week to give a fresh and entertaining take on current events and life in general. An extended video version with the “Hot Mess of the Week” is available to paid Substack subscribers. Visit meetthemess.substack.com for more.Meet the Merch:• https://www.etsy.com/shop/MeetTheMessConnect with us on Instagram:• https://www.instagram.com/meetthemesspod• https://www.instagram.com/jennsylvania• https://www.instagram.com/karynbosnakConnect with us on TikTok:• https://www.tiktok.com/@meetthemess• https://www.tiktok.com/@karynbosnak

On today's episode, we're hitting every corner of the culture — from prediction markets to pop culture meltdowns and everything in between. We start with Polymarket and Kalshi, breaking down why prediction markets are exploding right now, how they work, and why everyone from crypto traders to Wall Street analysts is suddenly betting on real-world events.Then we dive into the Akaash Singh drama, the clips going viral, and the internet debate over whether his wife is making him look bad or whether the whole situation is being blown out of proportion.Next up: Max Kellerman stops by The Bill Simmons Podcast, and the sports media world reacts. We get into what he said, the state of sports talk, and why his return to long-form conversation hits different.We also talk about HBO Max streaming Mad Men — and the hilarious little errors fans keep spotting in the newly uploaded episodes.In Hollywood news, Quentin Tarantino has some unexpectedly harsh words for Paul Dano, and we unpack what that rant says about Tarantino's standards, Hollywood culture, and ego.Plus: a raccoon breaks into a liquor store, gets drunk, and is found passed out like a furry rockstar — one of the wildest headlines of the week.And as always, we wrap with our Question of the Day and a bold Nuclear Opinion that might just start a fight in your group chat.Tap into Episode 656 of the Productive Conversations Podcast—available now on all podcast platforms and YouTube.PolyMarket & Kalshi talking about the rise of  predictions markets (7:30)Akaash Singh Drama (28:45)Max Kellerman on Bill simmons (56:45)HBO max botch while streaming Mad Men (1:04:30)Tarantino's harsh words to Paul Dano (1:07:12)Raccoon gets drunk (1:11:12)Question of the day (1:14:00)Nuclear Opinion (1:16:50)Best way to contact our host is by emailing him at productiveconversationspodcast@gmail.com or mbrown3212@gmail.comThis show has been brought to you by Magic Mind!Right now you can get your Magic Mind at WWW.MAGICMIND.COM/ PCLT20 to get 20% off a one-time purchase or up to 48% off a subscription using that code PCJUNE. Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/productive-conversations-with-matt-brown/id1535871441 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7qCsxuzYYoeqALrWu4x4Kb YouTube: @Productive_Conversations  Linktree:https://linktr.ee/productiveconversations

Tim, Phil, Brett, & Tate are joined by Raw Egg Nationalist to discuss the drunk racoon story that's going insanely viral, TPUSA responding to Candace Owens over Charlie Kirk conspiracies, Tim Pool slamming a YouTuber trying to expose TPUSA, and men betting on WNBA players menstrual cycles.   Hosts:  Tim @Timcast (everywhere) Brett  @PopCultureCrisis  (everywhere) Tate @RealTateBrown (everywhere) Phil @PhilThatRemains (X) Producer: Serge @SergeDotCom (everywhere) Guest:  Raw Egg Nationalist @Babygravy9 (X)

Headlines Mike is NOT working on and the Shot of the Day

00:00:00 – Tech issues, opening banter, and intro to the American Sasquatch film 00:04:45 – December declared Bigfoot Month; setup for deep-dive Bigfoot discussion 00:09:16 – Alex Jones Clips of the Week and commentary detours 00:14:14 – Transition back into monsters and paranormal talk 00:17:59 – Breaking down the American Sasquatch documentary's approach to portals and Bigfoot lore 00:22:15 – Multidimensional Bigfoot theories; Native American accounts and early history 00:33:38 – Bigfoot DNA claims, contamination arguments, and Nephilim lineage speculation 00:38:04 – Portals, Skinwalker Ranch entities, dire wolves, humanoids, and congressional Bigfoot believer 00:43:01 – English witness story: beam of light, red mist, and small red-eyed creatures 00:48:00 – UK teen Bigfoot documentary "My Life With Bigfoot" and autism-overcoming narrative 00:52:31 – Twilight vampires tangent and celebrity-fleeing-Trump discussion 00:57:24 – Ellen/Portia UK move and gossip segment 00:58:56 – Alice in Chains pressured by PETA to rename themselves "Betty in Chains" to promote elephant rescue 01:03:53 – Circus ethics debate; ranting about animal-free circuses and PETA's tactics 01:06:41 – Pete Hegseth controversy: SignalGate, Yemen strike allegations, media pressure campaign 01:14:26 – Follow-up criticism of Hegseth: drinking, misconduct allegations, Senate confirmation issues 01:18:15 – Predictions on political fallout and Trump's response to Hegseth pressure 01:23:17 – Shift to Cratchit's segment: sociology graphs, paranormal belief rates, AI jailbreaks via poetry 01:32:42 – Malaysia Airlines MH370 search updates and portal speculation 01:37:34 – Word-of-the-Year roundup: rage-bait, aura-farming, parasocial terms 01:46:24 – Japanese KFC Christmas traditions and Colonel Sanders lore detour 01:51:19 – News block: raccoon gets drunk in a liquor store 01:56:21 – Raccoon follow-up stories, dead-raccoon McDonald's incident, and closing banter toward sign-off   Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research ▀▄▀▄▀ CONTACT LINKS ▀▄▀▄▀ ► Website: http://obdmpod.com ► Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/obdmpod ► Full Videos at Odysee: https://odysee.com/@obdm:0 ► Twitter: https://twitter.com/obdmpod ► Instagram: obdmpod ► Email: ourbigdumbmouth at gmail ► RSS: http://ourbigdumbmouth.libsyn.com/rss ► iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/our-big-dumb-mouth/id261189509?mt=2  

Paul and Mark usher in the weekend with a look at a host of Bengals topics before the team's trip to Buffalo. - It's NOW the Christmas season- Come to our Christmas Show at BetMGM before Bengals-Ravens- Coin toss mojo- Myles Murphy apology train- Rank Mark's tweets- Buying or selling a home? Contact Eric Sztanyo! - Your questions on the 2023 draft class, saving jobs, Joseph Ossai- Growl Pal spotlight- HUGE racoon news- Dad life on Kroger salespeople and early gambling lessonsWatch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheGrowlerPodcastThe Growler on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-growler/id1733476604The Growler on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/70iJjqgPQrVzQ2pdOwVvDYLinks to all socials, podcast platforms, merchandise from Cincy Shirts and more: thegrowlerpodcast.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We spoke with the voice of your St Louis Blues, Chris Kerber. Do you agree on his eyebrow compliment?This major Florida tourist draw named best place in the US to retire, here's why - Florida city named best for retirement. What to know about Orlando‘Passed out drunk': Raccoon breaks into, ransacks Hanover ABC store - 'Passed out drunk': Raccoon breaks into ABC storeCostco pursues sixth St. Louis-area store - Costco pursues sixth St. Louis-area storeFormer Florissant cop admits to stealing nude photos from 20 women during traffic stops - Florissant cop admits to stealing nude photos from 20 women"Kinki Kelli" Headed To Jail For Pee Spree - "Kinki Kelli" Headed To Jail For Pee Spree | The Smoking GunIRS agents will be required to watch OnlyFans to determine if content fits ‘no tax on tips' criteria - IRS agents will be required to watch OnlyFans to determine if content fits ‘no tax on tips' criteria | The Independent The Deepfake Dilemma: New challenges protecting students, confidentiality - The deepfake dilemma: New challenges protecting students, confidentialitySmartphone Ownership, Age of Smartphone Acquisition, and Health Outcomes in Early Adolescence - Study: Early adolescent smartphone use linked to depression, obesity, insufficient sleep | AAP News | American Academy of PediatricsAI may be scoring your college essay. Welcome to the new era of admissions - Colleges are using AI tools to analyze admissions essays, applications | AP NewsFollow The Rizzuto Show → https://linktr.ee/rizzshowConnect with The Rizzuto Show Daily Comedy Podcast → https://1057thepoint.com/RizzShowHear The Rizz Show every weekday on 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio | St. Louis, MOSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Michael Berry tackles everything from international law and Texas politics to raccoons on meth and liquor store benders—because nothing says “serious commentary” like a drunk raccoon passed out in a bathroom.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

12/03 Hour 1: EB Recaps Last Night's GMU Basketball Game - 1:00 Top Storylines Around The Sports World - 18:00 Drunk Raccoon Raids A Virginia Liquor Store - 33:00

From 12/03 Hour 1: The Sports Junkies react to a drunk raccoon in the DMV.

AI has the power to do a lot of good for the planet... but doesn't it feel like we can all agree that implementing AI into kid toys at this stage in its development is a bad idea? Let's talk about that, eating too many stuffed mushrooms while recording, a special moment with your kid turns into a fight, your dead body being towed around town for half a month because humans simple don't care enough about anything, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/v240rgYMWkcSend in segment content: heyguys@canyoudontpodcast.comMerch: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: store@canyoudontpodcast.comFB: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

He was out COLD!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our "no contact" family conversation continues, DIRT ALERT: "Stranger Things" Season 5 breaks Netflix ratings records, BOOB TUBE: "Heated Rivalry," and a drunk raccoon See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A billionaire wants you to take his money, a cringe Christmas movie clip, Stranger Things gets even stranger, a woman with no pants gets a DUI, the Johnny Cash lawsuit, more Home Improvement arrest details, porch pirates go bananas, the Internet saves an 88 year-old man and so much more!

A billionaire wants you to take his money, a cringe Christmas movie clip, Stranger Things gets even stranger, a woman with no pants gets a DUI, the Johnny Cash lawsuit, more Home Improvement arrest details, porch pirates go bananas, the Internet saves an 88 year-old man and so much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.