Rise Up Restored

In this episode, co-hosts Becky and Tiffany welcome Rachelle, who shares her powerful journey of healing, faith, and self-discovery. Her childhood was deeply rooted in faith, which shaped her values and relationships—but her marriage soon brought emotional challenges and the pain of betrayal tied to her husband's addiction. After reaching a breaking point, including thoughts of ending her life, Rachelle found hope and community through 12-step meetings and a healing retreat that marked a turning point in her spiritual and emotional recovery. She realized her peace didn't depend on her husband's choices, but on her own surrender, support systems, and trust in God's healing process. Today, Rachelle continues to grow in Christ, learning to let go of control, embrace authenticity, and rest in the sufficiency of God's grace. Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Ep. 78- Anchoring meditation Rise Up Restored host Becky shares information about the practice of anchoring in life and in meditation.  She covers the benefits of anchoring in this busy world and shares the “Anchoring Meditation” with listeners.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

In this Part 2 episode of our Perspectives on Hope, team members Richard, Becky, and Autumn share their experiences with Hope in their healing journeys.   Each one shares how they have found hope in the journey, how they have cultivated hope, and they share some of their favorite quotes about hope.   They even include some resources to support hope in the journey, including Becky reminding listeners of the Heart of a Woman retreat- www.theheartofawoman.net, coming up on May 8-10, 2025 in Wanship, UT. We hope this episode is helpful in your healing journey. Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

As we begin our 6th year of podcasting, reflecting back, the topic of Hope is something that has come up often throughout the years. Hope has played a big part in our individual healing journeys, so we have decided to devote 2 episodes to share our experiences, what we have learned, and discoveries about hope.  This episode features team members Deb, Tiffany, and Erin answering questions like “What is hope?', “How have you held onto hope?”, and we even share our favorite quotes about hope.  We hope this episode is helpful in your healing journey.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com

Rise Up Restored host Becky shares information on meditation and trauma, reminders that meditation types are not one-size-fits-all and should be used with others tools, and gives 3 Tips for Trauma Informed Meditation.  She also shares the Village of Women meditation.     Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Becky sits down with Ali and Tiffany, both mothers who remarried after experiencing betrayal trauma in their previous marriages. Ali, a mother of two, and Tiffany, a mother of five, share their journeys of navigating remarriage while blending families, with children ranging from ages 13 to 23. They discuss the challenges and joys of remarriage, emphasizing the importance of personal healing and knowing the time they needed before entering a new relationship. Both women reflect on how betrayal trauma has shaped their dating and marriage experiences, from recognizing emotional triggers to building trust with their new husbands. They also explore the complexities of blending families, the value of therapy and self-care, and the transformative power of healing in remarriage, offering light and hope.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Episode 73- Loving Kindness Meditation   Rise Up Restored host Becky reminds listeners about the benefits of self-compassion in healing from trauma that are discussed in episode 63 with Sheylley Dunford-Hardy.  She talks about the benefits of loving kindness and shares the “Loving Kindness Meditation” with listeners.   Show notes: Rise Up Restored  Episode 63- Self-Compassion with Sheylley Dunford-Hardy, LMFT For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

In this heartfelt episode, Becky and Autumn sit down with Deb as she opens up about her deeply personal journey through marriage, faith, and the challenges of dealing with her husband's sexual addiction. Together, they explore themes of personal growth, spiritual awakening, and the complexities of trust in relationships. Deb shares her experience of denial, gaslighting, and ultimately, rediscovering her voice and faith as she navigates the emotional rollercoaster of a loved one's addiction.  Her story is a testament to the power of faith, personal growth, and the journey to rediscovering truth in relationships. Deb reminds listeners that “There is always hope.”   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook. Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Rise Up Restored host Becky talks about the benefits of body scan meditations and shares the Nurturing Your Heart Meditation with listeners.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Becky sits down with Erin, one of the podcast copy editors, and each of their husband's, Richard and Justin, to talk about what they have learned about how the Betrayer can best support the Betrayed.  After multiple anonymous questions about this topic, we wanted to make sure we talked about it!   They group discusses when they realized support was needed for the betrayed, what things they tried that helped, and even a few things that didn't help.  They also share some resources and additional thoughts from various friends who have been on this journey.  Richard shares that “Sometimes we are purchasing a million dollar marriage a dollar at a time.”  Justin reminds listeners that, “I can't fix it, God Can. But there are ways I can support her in her efforts to work with God to find healing”.  We hope you enjoy this very powerful and vulnerable episode.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Rise Up Restored host Becky sits down and shares some thoughts about and benefits of meditation, 5 basic tips to get started meditating, and shares the Tree Meditation with listeners.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Becky and Autumn sit down with Patty to share her story of healing from betrayal trauma caused by her ex-husband's pornography addiction. For many years, Patty experienced disconnection from God and others, having overwhelming feelings of insecurity and isolation. When she began attending group meetings and found connections with other women, she finally found healing tools. Through boundaries, personal scripture study, and other women in recovery, she has experienced hope. As it eventually became clear that she needed to divorce, Patty shares the peace she found through trauma work and connection with God.  “When the Lord's backing us up, we've got all the power we need to do what's right for us.”   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

***Just a reminder to listeners that the topic of sexual health is an important step in the recovery journey, and if you are not yet in the place in your recovery to work on that piece, that is perfectly normal and okay. Listeners are invited to skip this episode if needed and rejoin on the next one!*** Becky, Autumn and Tiffany are joined by Sex Therapist Jessica Holfeltz to discuss listener questions about sex therapy.  Jessica shares what sex therapy is and what it is not. She reassures listeners that sex therapy involves talking and processing with the therapist, learning to communicate with their partners, and navigating the journey towards healthy sexuality. Jessica encourages listeners to get curious about all aspects of their sexuality. She shares the importance of listening to any pain in our bodies and instructs listeners that when pain in any form happens during sex, it is vital to stop and listen to our bodies. Sex therapy can help partners communicate and remove shame from the experience. She stresses the importance of honest communication and honoring the “no's” so that our “yes's” have more meaning. Jessica also teaches listeners that in order to have healthy sexuality, we must first have a healthy relationship with pleasure in general and learn how to navigate the voices of shame. Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.  

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Hejdi to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing. Hejdi shares how even though her husband disclosed his porn use while they were dating, neither of them understood the “monster” it was. Early in their marriage, her husband's porn addiction caused a “numb cloud” in her life, making it difficult to access the emotions needed to connect with others. During a particularly dark time, she found support in women's groups and church leaders, managing to feel God's great love for her. Learning about the surrender process and how to create and uphold healthy boundaries were also powerful sources of help.  “I put God in my center,” Hejdi says. “I know He has me. Putting Him as my focus, I could trust Him. The second I tried to sneak my husband back in my center…I felt more stressed and crazy.” Though she still sometimes struggles with wanting to jump back in to try to control, Hejdi has found a lot of healing.  She says, “(God) is my healing. He's why I'm able to get up each day. He's why I have hope when it seems so dark.”   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook. Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Episode 65- Get to Know the Team- Part 2 In the Part 2 of Get to Know the Team, we invite listeners to get to know us a little better and get some updates on our journeys. In this episode, the three of our team members sharing with listeners are Autumn, Richard, and Tiff.  We invite you to curl up and learn a little more about the technical side of the podcast, what everyone on the team does to help with the podcast, challenges and strengths that have developed over time, recovery practices that have stood the test of time, favorite books, snack, and quotes, and more! We hope you enjoy getting to know us a little bit better and look forward to a beautiful year 5 of the Rise Up Restored podcast. Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook. Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

Episode 64- Get to Know the Team- Part 1 As we begin our 5th year of the podcast (yay!), we thought it would be fun for our listeners to get to know us a little better and give some updates on our journeys. This episode has three of our team members opening up to listeners: Becky, Deb and Erin.  We invite you to curl up and learn a little more about how the podcast came to be, what everyone on the team does on the podcast, challenges and strengths that have developed over time, recovery practices that have stood the test of time, favorite books, snack, and quotes, and more! We hope you enjoy getting to know us a little bit better and look forward to hearing from the rest of the team in the next episode.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook. Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com  

The Rise Up Restored Podcast Christmas Gift this year is an episode on self-compassion! Tiffany and Becky are joined by licensed and experienced therapist Shelley Dunford-Hardy. Shelley's Master's degrees in Clinical Psychology and Spiritual Psychology have brought greater focus on self-compassion as an important tool in her work as a therapist. Shelley shares how research has shown that the most important relationship any of us can have is with ourselves, which is why self-compassion is so vital for all of life's ups and downs. Shelley reminds listeners that pain is part of the human experience. Remembering this can transform our pain into a moment of connection with other people and ourselves. Becoming aware of our pain, and the mindfulness to just be with our pain and suffering long enough to respond with care and kindness helps us move into the healing. Self-compassion is learning to treat ourselves as a friend and ally and this is all about growth. Once we are grounded in self-compassion, then we can become open to compassionate self-forgiveness, which is teased for an UPCOMING episode on the podcast.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Keara to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing. Keara shares how her husband disclosed his porn use seven years into their marriage. Every disclosure had her forgiving him instantly and spending all her energy trying to make their home environment tidy and calm. After one particularly painful disclosure, she found she didn't have it in her to forgive. “I was angry with him,” she recalls, “and I was angry with God.” Over time, as she waded through the hurt and loneliness, she began to understand that “The atonement (of Jesus Christ) is not just for sins. It's for those who have been hurt and sinned against. I saw Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father as loving people who would care for me and love me.” Through her husband's work to recover, and her own work (including listening to a betrayal trauma podcast and journaling), Keara began seeing changes in her husband's selfishness that gave her hope. Though there are still recurrences in her marriage at times, things are much more open and honest between them. Keara also now has a lot more patience with herself. When asked how she's finding restoration, Keara shares that through understanding grace and the atonement of Jesus Christ, she is at peace with being herself. She now realizes the Lord looks on the heart.

After many requests from listeners, hosts Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany come together to check-in on how they are really doing in their personal healing journeys.  They share what they have learned, how they have changed, and how they are still struggling.  This episode is a beautiful reminder of the power of self-awareness, physical self-care, and being gentle with ourselves, with some important reminders including: “Be curious, not judgmental” and  the reassurance that “It gets better”.  Learning and growing from our struggles and pain can be part of this process and Rabbi Steve Leder reminds all of us:   If you have to go through Hell, don't come out empty handed.

Becky and Tiffany are joined by Tara, the daughter of a sex addict and a betrayed spouse.  She is the Executive Director of S.A. Lifeline, which provides resources for addicts and those experiencing betrayal trauma. Tara shares that she was a long-time believer in God at her core, but that her black and white thinking led her to feel God's love was conditional. Tara shares the difficulty that came from not knowing the full truth of her father's addiction, and the pain and relief at learning the full truth of his behaviors, including his arrest and loss of church membership. Tara describes her healing that came alongside watching her father turn his heart toward God and becoming humble, honest, accountable, and connected to God and others. She testifies of the power Christ has to fundamentally change and transform something, and knows that because God was in the mess and darkness with her father, He will be there the long game with each of His children, including her.   Show notes: S.A. Lifeline website- https://salifeline.org/   For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook. Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com      

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Andi to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing.  Andi shares how her husband's porn use didn't stop after marriage like she thought it would. She spent the next several years battling the feeling of not being enough, and in an attempt to mitigate the chaos her husband's up and down emotions brought in the home, Andi fought hard to stay even keeled in her own emotions. “I wasn't allowed to have a bad day,” she recalls.  She turned to God and the scriptures because she felt she had nowhere else to go. It was during their darkest time that Andi realized she deserved to be treated better by her spouse. Through therapy, full disclosure, and twelve step programs, Andi came to understand that she didn't cause the betrayal and she couldn't fix it. “I trusted God even more. I knew He'd gotten me through everything in my life thus far and that He could get me through the next step. He would hold my hand.” Now, as she's been on her healing journey for betrayal trauma for several years, Andi has incorporated healing behaviors into her daily life. She is still trying to take things one day at a time and finding restoration through Christ.

Josh Walpole, Associate Clinical Mental Health Counselor, joins our hosts to discuss 12-Step Groups and how they can support healing and work synergistically with therapy.  He shares the basics of the 12 Steps, attending meetings, self-care in meetings, sponsors, surrender, and the “spiritual therapy” that is 12-Step.  Josh shares that just like the origins of 12-Step, you can address every angle of healing, but if you don't address the spiritual side, you will not move forward.  Many of us have spiritual wounding and we ALL need spiritual healing!

Becky and Autumn sit down with Candy to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing. After about six years of marriage, Candy's husband told her he had a pornography problem. Candy explains that it was difficult at first to see the link between the porn and their lack of connection. Over time, she realized that, because of the betrayal trauma, she didn't trust herself or her decisions.  To Candy, the pain of the betrayal felt like getting hit with a stun gun. Eventually, Candy found support and healing through working with the right therapist and faithfully attending an Addiction Recovery Program group for loved ones of addicts. Once she learned about the brain science behind addiction and internalized the truth that her husband's pornography addiction wasn't her fault, she was able to rely on the Lord once again. “I know God is there, and no matter what, I have Him to go to,” Candy says.

Todd Olsen LCSW, co-founder of LifeStar and clinical director of Circles of Grace (formerly LifeStar Salt Lake), joins our hosts to discuss Polyvagal Theory and how it applies to Betrayal Trauma. Learning about the nervous system is helpful to increase compassion for oneself, and to increase respect for others working through trauma. Todd walks the hosts through a set of exercises to help identify how they show up in the various stages of stress. He shares strategies for regaining a state of equilibrium in the nervous system. Ultimately, Todd reminds viewers that they can do one day at a time and find the Right Way with their Higher Power.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com

“Music gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” -Plato Welcome to Part 2 of sharing the Music of Our Hearts!  We are excited to share from members of the Rise Up Restored team (including voices you have never heard!) some of their favorite songs and how they have helped them on their healing journeys!!   Tiffany's song- Known by Tauren Wells Becky's song- Cages by We the Kingdom Erin's song- Wanted by Danny Gokey Autumn's song- Who You Say I Am by hillsong united Richard's song- Nightminds by Missy Higgins Becky's song- Inheritance by Jonathan David featuring Graham Cooke   We hope you have been uplifted in your journey by these songs we have shared! And a few bonus songs we also love: ~Graves into Gardens by Elevation Worship ~Into the Sea by Tasha Layton ~As You Find me by Hillsong Worship ~Dear God by Cory Asbury  

“Music acts like a magic key, to which the most tightly closed heart opens.”  – Maria von Trapp Part 1 of sharing the Music of Our Hearts!  Members of the Rise Up Restored team (including voices you have never heard!) share some of their favorite songs and how they have helped them on their healing journeys!   Autumn song- Climb by Adona Tiffany song- Just Like Fire by P!nk Deborah song- I Believe in You by JJ Heller Becky song- Firework by Katy Perry Tiffany song- Prize Worth Fighting For by Jamie Kimmett Autumn song- Rescue by Lauren Daigle   We hope you have been uplifted in your journey by these songs we have shared! And stay tuned for upcoming Part 2!!!

Becky and Tiffany talk with Heather, whose close connection with God started as a young child and continued throughout her younger years. After marrying her life-long friend, Heather was shocked when he lost his job because of an undisclosed pornography addiction. Over the next 15 years, Heather felt increasingly isolated and broken as she was cut off from family and friends.  Shame, depression, and anxiety were constant companions. After feeling suicidal, Heather reached out for help. Her husband's lack of response led to a conversation with God where she heard Him say, “It's time.” Heather has since found light and joy in life. Her relationship with God led her through dating and marrying Josh, a sex addict whose honesty and openness and whose own relationship with God has been a breath of fresh air. Heather has realized that God can use them to share their stories now, even when things aren't perfect and their story is still being written.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Amy Claire to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing. After discovering that her husband of thirteen years had been hiding being gay and his years-long, widespread betrayal, Amy Claire explains the gut-wrenching pain she experienced. She took a break from God and from her religion as she realized her whole marriage had been a lie. Not having the tools to recover from this devastation, she quickly remarried. She shares that this man was also deceptive and unfaithful to her. This time around, however, she explains that she had gained knowledge and had support from other women who'd also been betrayed. She realized she had God as her teammate, and together, they could do this.  In scripture study, she learned that “If you trust in God, He will give you the light and knowledge to know the difference between truth and lies.” Through intensive therapy, the twelve steps, and listening to podcasts, Amy Claire is finally experiencing true peace and happiness as she is finding restoration through Christ.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with special guest Sarah Morales, a Certified Life and Relationship Coach, to share her work and research on Gaslighting. Sarah discusses what gaslighting is and how to know if it's happening in our relationships. She also shares her three-pronged approach to help get unstuck, a list of common red flags, and that finding trusted support people is key to moving through the effects of gaslighting. Sarah asserts that mutuality in our relationships—shared responsibility and respect—is something ALL people deserve.

For our 50th episode, hosts Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down to reflect on “Where God Shows Up” in their healing journey.  They share their experiences of looking for the light, recognizing earthly angels, learning about and healing their relationship with the Lord, and EXPECTING miracles, even in the hard times.  God is not just watching on the sidelines.  He is involved!  ***We hope that we leave you with hope, faith, vision and resources.  We want you to know that you are not alone and that God is there.  We want to thank you all for joining us and hope you will continue to join us for our next 50 podcasts!***

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Emily to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing. After discovering her husband's porn usage early on in their marriage, Emily explains that she lived in a state of denial and isolation. It wasn't until ten years later, when her husband confessed to a porn addiction and escalating behaviors, that she began attending addiction recovery meetings and found connection with other women who understood and offered support. Through therapy, SALifeline, meditation, and utilizing boundaries, Emily experienced true peace, even through the abusive behaviors of her husband. As more issues came to light and the abuse escalated, Emily shares how it became clear that she needed to divorce. Through the turmoil, she describes feeling God sitting with her in the pain. “The Lord gives me strength every day. My heart is truly healed.”

Hosts Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down to discuss Shame as a betrayed loved one.  A big part of an addict's work is to address and deal with shame.  But shame is rarely addressed in the healing process for betrayed loved ones, even though shame is something that keeps loved ones stuck, too.  Why?  We can talk about shame and we are going to today!  The hosts discuss the difference between guilt and shame, what shame feels like in their bodies, and specific examples of shame they have experienced and still experience.  The podcast ends with thoughts on how to fight shame and bring it into the light with the help of self-compassion, taking the lies to the Lord, and speaking truth into those lies.  Let's speak our shame, let's talk about it!

Autumn and Becky sit with Nicole to hear her story. Nicole shares that her sheltered upbringing led to naivety regarding sex and pornography, and when her husband shared he had “problems” that they were uncomfortable talking about them. Following an experience that prompted her to lean into a closer relationship with her Savior, Nicole's world was rocked by her husband's “atomic bomb” disclosure on her birthday. Finding safe people and groups helped Nicole dispel the shame she felt and feel less isolated. Nicole learned to advocate for herself and her own needs with her ecclesiastic leaders and her husband, and finds joy helping other women learn to advocate for their own needs and self-care. Nicole's birthday is now an Anniversary of their fresh start, and she celebrates the constant process of learning. She is grateful that her faith keeps growing and tries to continually involve her Heavenly Father and Savior in that growing process.

Becky and Tiffany talk with Sandy about her story. Sandy talks about how she grew up dabbling in religion and that she can look back and see God present and waiting for her to embrace Him. Coming from divorced homes, when she married they prioritized God and a healthy relationship so as to avoid divorce. About two decades into their marriage, they purchased a farm and operated a business together. Sandy shares how she came to the realization that her husband's infidelity was abuse and that she had control of her life. After moving into her own apartment Sandy began to feel peace instead of chaos in her life. Sandy testifies that God has taken the Enemy's fiery darts and worked them into things for her good. She cherishes the intimate relationship she has with God now and strives to give God her firsts, not her leftovers.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Rachel to share her story. Rachel shares her journey with betrayal trauma and her subsequent healing after many years of anger and pain. Although she'd always known God was there for her, it wasn't until wanting to divorce her husband that she began a true wrestle and companionship with God. During her two-year separation from her husband, Rachel describes the darkness, loneliness, and hopelessness she felt. She coped by turning to numbing activities, but slowly things started to change. Rachel shares that her husband began to live a more honest, genuine life. Through qualified therapy, regular polygraphs, boundaries, and the support of friends and family, Rachel and her husband began to truly heal, both individually and as a couple. Rachel asserts, “The atonement [of Jesus Christ] is for people who need a way back to God.” Gaining a communicative and personal relationship with the Lord has been a beautiful part of the journey for Rachel.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Brianna to share her story. Brianna talks about feeling unworthy of God's love throughout her childhood. Brianna shares how her relationship with God became strained during her first marriage due to her husband's sex addiction and how she was treated. After moving on and meeting her second husband, a sex addict who was open about his addiction, Brianna had an experience where she realized Satan was real, and by extension, God must be real. Brianna says that the formal disclosure she received from her husband felt like an atomic bomb. Looking back now Brianna says she can see angels in her life before and after disclosure. As she worked on her relationship with God, Brianna shares the moment when the power of Christ healed her. She shares some of the miracles that have happened in her recovery journey and says that she feels she is just at the beginning of her story now.

At this Christmas season, Becky, Tiffany, and Autumn sit down to share one of their favorite things- The “Heart of a Woman” Retreat.   This retreat has been one of the most impactful resources in their individual healing journeys and brought healing to their relationships with God.  The team shares what happens at retreat (hint: it's not a therapeutic retreat led by therapists), their favorite parts of retreat (more than just not cooking for 3 days, which rocks!), and their experiences with prayer and music at retreat.  These are a few of their favorite things!

Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down to discuss one of the biggest questions they get- “Is It Me?”.  Many people (including the hosts) have wondered if their loved one's actions are their fault or if they caused them. The hosts share their thoughts about responsibility, accountability, boundaries, and recognizing the importance of showing up for yourself.  So, in the end, “Is it you, folks”?  Nope.  (REALLY, NO!)  You didn't cause this and you can't fix it!  And this podcast discusses a few reasons why.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Jeni G. to share her story.  Jeni works as a therapist in Arizona and started her blog “Eat My Scabs” in 2012 chronicling her journey of betrayal trauma. She talks about discovering her husband's acting out and pushing back against a therapist when asked to take responsibility for his acting out.  Leaning into her body through yoga and wrestling to trust God again have been pivotal parts of her journey.  Jeni shares that she will always love God, who has been a light for her.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Erin to share her story. Erin shares how she has worked through many years of betrayal trauma in her marriage. In the first few years after finding out about her husband's pornography addiction, Erin explains how she closed her heart off to everyone, even God. During this dark time, she nearly divorced and was left with many wounds from her husband's deception as well as trauma sustained from untrained therapists. However, Erin shares how finding the right, specialized help began changing things for both her and her husband. Looking back, she is able to see the hand of the Lord in so many aspects of her life. From encounters with people who provided the right help at the right time, to rebuilding her relationship with God at a women's retreat, to embracing the Twelve Steps.  Erin knows God will always meet her where she is. “God knows the way out because He IS the way out.”

Hosts Becky and Tiffany sit down with Magda to hear her story of betrayal trauma. Magda shares how she knew of her boyfriend's porn problem before they began dating, but it wasn't until four years of staggered disclosures and sifting through her own denial that she saw how destructive these patterns were to their relationship. She shares how she “felt crazy” during this time and didn't understand how to go through tough things with God. This led her to question everything, which turned out to be a good thing because it eventually led her to a more personal relationship with God and His word. She encourages other women who suffer from betrayal trauma to be willing to invest money in their healing, as well as continue to engage in practices that help foster self-care. When asked how she's finding restoration through Christ, Magda says: “Everything that He has placed along the way in my path, the people and resources, have helped me feel like maybe there is hope. [This hope has] given me the ability to do things I couldn't do before.”

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Beckie Hennessy, LCSW, to discuss the basics of boundaries. In essence, boundaries are simply what's okay and what's not okay for you. Beckie explains that boundaries are not telling someone else what they can or cannot do, nor are they to control, punish, influence the way someone feels, or hurt someone. In this episode, Beckie offers some sample narratives to use to change lists of rules into loving boundaries. The hosts remind us that boundaries are about establishing safety. As Beckie says, “When your boundary is respected, it's like pouring Miracle Gro on connection and trust.”  She reminds us that setting boundaries isn't “mean” if our intention is to show up in compassion. It's normal for boundaries to evolve over time, but there are some that are non-negotiable. Beckie's mantra is: “I don't set boundaries for them. I set boundaries for me.”

Becky, Tiffany, Autumn, and Becky's husband, Richard, sit down to discuss separations. Separations are often used when there's been a boundary violation, or simply to give one another space to breathe and reset. They can help with bottom lines and boundaries, and can be used to save the marriage, not always as a step toward divorce. The hosts agreed that there's a lot of surrender in the separation process—prayer and discerning our intentions can help. Richard explains that, although the separation was incredibly hard for him, he experienced many ways it helped him, including ways he didn't even know he needed.  Ultimately, the decision to separate can be hard, but, as with everything in recovery, no therapist or friend should tell you what to do. “Take it to God. He will guide you to what the right step is for you.”

Members of the podcast team, Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down together to talk about Check-ins and answer anonymous questions.  They share their insights on what check-ins are, ways to check-in, learning to speak up for yourself, & trusting your gut.  They discuss the importance of vulnerability & connection, safety & intention.  Checking in with self, safe others, and God can strengthen healing, and remembering that this is not a perfect process will lead to more grace for self and others.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with special guests, Ali and Anarie, to share their thoughts on dating with betrayal trauma. They discuss how to prepare to date, and agree that it's helpful to learn to be okay with being alone and not using dating in an attempt to fill a void. Although it can be difficult to begin dating again, Ali shares how she knows God will catch her and hold her when things get painful. Dating is really about getting to know ourselves. The women share how giving ourselves and the ones we date a lot of grace is vital, as is remembering that even though we aren't perfect, we still deserve love. Tiffany shares that dating again is challenging her belief system, but she has been able to see the power of the atonement in the lives of those she dates. Triggers, grief, and loneliness can resurface during dating with betrayal trauma and after divorce, but so does an awareness of our need for the Savior. In addition to practical tips for online dating, Anarie cautions us to avoid being so worried about what could go wrong that we don't see all that could go right. Tiffany, Ali, and Anarie explain that honesty with ourselves and others is key, as is connecting with our safe people.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Tiffany's son, Hunter. Hunter shares how engaging in therapy and extracurricular activities has helped him move through his experiences with his father living in addiction and mother in betrayal trauma. Realizing he's being greatly affected by things that aren't his fault has given Hunter permission to be vulnerable and learn to talk through issues—even when he doesn't want to. Looking to the future, Hunter shares that he has learned valuable lessons about fatherhood and marriage, and he wants to intentionally move forward with the goal of not getting involved with pornography or anything else that could hurt his future wife. His biggest dream is to be a good husband and father. Through his own process of healing, Hunter has realized, irrevocably and undeniably, that God is real.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Dan Drake, licensed clinician, CSAT-S, and CCPS-S, to talk about Disclosure and Polygraphs.  Dan believes that empowerment of the partner, honesty, and trust are foundational for the healing and recovery of both partner and addict.  Through the use of full therapeutic disclosure and polygraphs, Dan feels a new and better foundation can be laid to rebuild relationships affected by sexual betrayal.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with TC to share her story. Married for twenty years, with 3 teens, TC and her husband are currently serving as coordinators for their area for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Addiction Recovery Program.  Her struggle with an eating disorder and her husband’s gaslighting led her to doubt her intuition that there was something wrong in her marriage.  She shares the night she “shut a door on God”, after her husband disclosed what was really going on.  From sheer exhaustion, TC felt like God was her last resort and she asked Him if she was loved.  She says He was there and poured love on her, which changed her. Her healing journey has taught her to reach out, and trust herself and God.

Becky, Autumn and Tiffany welcome back Jessica Holfeltz, LCMHC and Sex Therapist, to talk about pleasure and sexuality. Jessica shares that each of us has the right to feel pleasure, experience it, express it, ask for it. In order to address the stigma surrounding pleasure, we need to talk about it. She says that pleasure is joy and men and women are that they are to have joy. Jessica reminds us that pleasure is part of healthy sexuality and shares some pointers to start learning about pleasure in our lives.

Becky, Autumn and Tiffany sit down with Jessica Holfeltz, LCMHC and Sex Therapist, to talk about Healthy Sexuality.  Jessica says that one of her career passions is teaching the importance of sexual health, sexuality, and connection.  She shares and discusses the 6 foundational principles of healthy sexuality, including Consent, Non-exploitation, Honesty, Shared Values, Protection from STIs, HIV, & Unwanted Pregnancy, and Pleasure.  Intimacy is about connection, with yourself and your partner.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Heidi to share her story.  Heidi shares how she has experienced restoration and healing through Christ amidst betrayal trauma. She is a divorced mom of three and discusses how isolated and alone she felt due to her now-ex-husband’s behaviors surrounding pornography. Heidi explains how the connections made in support groups helped her understand boundaries and to take back her power. She shares she learned about self-care, recognizing her divine worth, and how to allow the Lord to heal her and make restitution in her life. “During times I’ve felt lonely,” Heidi says, “I’ve been able to feel God’s hand on my shoulder.”