Podcasts about Lifestar

I interviewed Preston Hobbs, ACMHC - who currently works for me at Symmetry Solutions, on this episode of the Natasha Helfer Podcast. I am so grateful he was willing to get so personal about his experience growing up Latter-day Saint/Mormon and the history he had with sexual shame from a very young age, being considered a "sex/porn addict" and the treatment approaches he faced in the LifeStar program. He shares how this affected his marriage, his relational health, his mental health and his physical health. This is far too common a story within our (and many other) religious communities. It's spiritually/emotionally abusive on the side of the church and it's malpractice on the side of the mental health. Preston is currently taking clients at our group practice (Symmetry Counseling), and can help others who have had similar experiences. He is also very good at working with other mental health concerns, couples counseling and adolescents. You can schedule time with him here: https://symcounseling.com/preston-hobbs/ Also if you want to take advantage of my next Recovering from Male Sexual Shame group... check out the following link: https://symmetrypath.com/male-sexual-shame-recovery This podcast addresses many topics around mental health and sexuality and may not be suitable for minors. Some topics may elicit a trigger or emotional response so care for yourself accordingly. The views, thoughts and opinions expressed by our guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views or feelings of the Natasha Helfer or the Natasha Helfer Podcast. We provide a platform for open and diverse discussions, and it is important to recognize that different perspectives may be shared. We encourage our listeners to engage in critical thinking and form their own opinions. Thank you for listening. Intro ("Fisher's Hornpipe") and outro by Otter Creek Podcast edited by: Ashley Pacini

Joe talks about the P's of the C attraction at Disneyparks. Smith discovers that Chapter 14 is an Isaiah chapter so the guys skip it. Joe talks about one of his favorite new podcasts, Bible Brothers, where two actual comedy writers read the KJV. Smith talks about a D ass B quote that he saw online in a job posting for the church. Smith talks about an exmo reddit post that contrasted the shirt colors of brethren in the priesthood session from the 1970s vs today. Joe goes on a minor rant about keeping things “the old way” for the sake of trying to teach the same lessons to the new generation. Smith tells his favorite pirate joke. Abinadi doesn't do a very good job at clarifying the GH. Joe refers to some Dan Vogel Eps from the Jahndallyn Show, and reminds the listener how much DV reminds him [Joe] of Andy Daly's Hot Dog character. Joe pulls a very relevant Bennifer reference. The guys get put on hold trying to get answers from the prophet. JS loves this part of Isaiah regarding mountains and feet.  Joe brings up David Bazan. Chapter 15 clears up a lot of doctrine that probably mattered in 1820-1830. Smith blazes through the end of the chapter. Smith tries to clarify the need for atonement. Joe brings up this Johnny Cash song. The guys acknowledge some of the current controversies surrounding the church. Joe mentions his time as a participant in the Lifestar program, which made him ashamed of his body and alienated him from his (at the time) tbm wife.   Music Provided by Eric VanAusdal The Book of Mormon is publicly available at churchofjesuschrist.org  Become a Celestial Subscriber on our patreon at- https://patreon.com/joeandsmith  Remember who you are and what you stand for

I have some sad and some possibly happy news to announce. First the sad news. Mormon Stories Podcast has just received today a temporary restraining order requiring us to take down our interview of Adam Paul Steed - the courageous whistleblower to Mormon church Boy Scout sexual abuse in Idaho, and one of the many victims of 8 Passengers Therapist Jodi Hildebrandt. We are not at liberty to discuss publicly the details of the restraining order at this time. For those who were not yet able to see Adam Steed's interview, in it he focused on the following: 1) His story of courageously speaking up as a victim of Mormon-church backed child abuse in its Idaho Boy Scout program, 2) How he and his father fought to successful change the statue of limitation laws for child sexual abuse victims in Idaho, 3) How he and his young family (while at BYU) were referred to therapist Jodi Hildebrandt by his Mormon bishop, 4) How (by Adam's report) Jodi Hildebrandt destroyed both his reputation and his family, through various unethical therapy practices, including violating his confidentiality by reporting false and/or confidential information to the BYU Honor Code Office, leading to his suspension from BYU. 5) How he fought back against Jodi Hildebrandt by successfully getting Jodi Hildebrandt's license suspended. And finally, 6) Adam's firm belief that the Mormon church intentionally weaponized Jodi Hildebrandt and her tactics to destroy both his life and his family, in part as retaliation for his work as a Boy Scout abuse whistleblower within the Mormon church. Because of the importance of Adam's story, we are heartbroken to have to take it down (for now). Especially after hearing from thousands of Mormons, post-Mormons, and never-Mormons who found Adam's story to be validating and/or healing. Here's the good news: this week we are actively working with a few major media outlets to: 1) Give voice to the victims of Jodi Hildebrandt, of other Mormon church-recommended "sex addiction" therapists like "Sons of Helaman," "Fight the New Drug," and Lifestar, as well as and from the Mormon church's "Addiction and Recovery Program" targeting its members for "sex addiction." And: 2) Hold both the Mormon church and these unethical therapists including Jodi Hildebrandt accountable for their unethical malpractice. Here's what we need from you: If you or someone you love has been harmed by either: Jodi Hildebrandt, a Mormon church-recommended "sex addiction" therapist (like Sons of Helaman or Lifestar), or  from the Mormon church's "Addiction and Recovery Program" (wherein healthy, normative behaviors were pathologized as "sex addiction"), please email your story as soon as possible to mormonstories@gmail.com. In your email, please include the following sections: The date range that you worked with these people. We are particularly interested in patients recommended to Jodi Hildebrandt and others like her AFTER 2012. The names of the therapist(s) or you worked with. Any detail you can provide about who recommended you (especially if a Mormon church bishop or leader). A description of the unethical therapy practices and how they harmed you. And A confirmation of whether or not you are willing to speak with a journalist, either on the record or off the record. Again, please email this information to mormonstories@gmail.com as soon as you are able. Finally, we promise you that at Mormon Stories Podcast, we will do everything we can to: Restore Adam Paul Steed's Mormon story, Help you and other victims tell your stories about Jodi Hildebrandt and/or other unethical Mormon therapists, and practices, and  Help both the Mormon church and its unethical therapists and programs be held accountable for the harm that they have caused so many individuals and families. Sincerely, John Dehlin and the Mormon Stories Podcast Team   Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon PayPal Venmo Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com  PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117  Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord

Josh is a grateful sex addict working his recovery.  He has been sober since June 19, 2014.  He found recovery in the synergistic relationship between therapy and 12 steps.  As well as the grace and forgiveness he received from his wife and his God.  He started attending SA for 2 years and then was introduced to SAL and has been attending SAL 12 Step for over 7 years.  As part of his recovery journey he felt called by God to share his experience, strength and hope.  He did so in group meetings, church  as a sponsor, but felt God's call for more.  As a result he went back to schooland left a career of 15 years in pursuit of becoming a Clinical Mental HealthCounselor (CMHC).  He is now working at the clinic where he started his recovery journey (Circles of Grace/formerly LifeStar in Salt Lake City). Reco12 is an organization with the mission of learning and sharing the similarities of addiction of all kinds and gaining and sharing tools and hope from others who are walking a similar path.  We come together from all places, faiths and backgrounds to gain tools and hope from others who are walking a similar path. Reco12 appreciates your help in keeping us working our 12th Step with these great resources and services for the addict and loved ones.  We gratefully accept contributions to help cover the costs of the Zoom platform, podcast platform, web hosting, and administrative costs.  To become a Reco12 Spearhead you can quickly and easily become a monthly donor here: https://www.reco12.com/support  or you can do one-time donations through PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/reco12)  or Venmo:  @Reco-Twelve .  Thanks for your support! To record a Reco12 Shares share or prayer, please link to https://www.speakpipe.com/reco12shares Resources from this meeting:SASAL12StepWhite Book of Sexaholics AnonymousBig Book of Alcoholics AnonymousSAL Book: Recovering Individuals, Healing FamiliesOutro music is “Standing Still” by Cory Ellsworth and Randy Kartchner, performed by Mike Eldred and Elizabeth Wolfe.  This song, and/or the entire soundtrack for the future Broadway musical, “Crosses:  A Musical of Hope”, can be purchased here:  https://amzn.to/3RIjKXs This song is used with the express permission of Cory Ellsworth. Support the showPrivate Facebook GroupInstagram PageBecome a Reco12 Spearhead (Monthly Supporter)PatreonPayPalVenmo: @Reco-TwelveYouTube ChannelReco12 WebsiteEmail: reco12pod@gmail.com to join WhatsApp GroupReco12 Shares PodcastReco12 Shares Record a Share Link

Todd Olsen LCSW, co-founder of LifeStar and clinical director of Circles of Grace (formerly LifeStar Salt Lake), joins our hosts to discuss Polyvagal Theory and how it applies to Betrayal Trauma. Learning about the nervous system is helpful to increase compassion for oneself, and to increase respect for others working through trauma. Todd walks the hosts through a set of exercises to help identify how they show up in the various stages of stress. He shares strategies for regaining a state of equilibrium in the nervous system. Ultimately, Todd reminds viewers that they can do one day at a time and find the Right Way with their Higher Power.   Show notes: For more episodes and resources, please visit https://riseuprestored.com/ And join us online at Rise Up Restored on Instagram and Facebook.   Have questions?  Send them to becky@riseuprestored.com

A sad case of provider negligence that lead to the death of  a 35 yr-old male (Earl Moore Jr.). Providers Peggy Finley and Peter Cadigan responded to the residence of a 35 yr-old male that was hallucinating. The providers were negligent in treatment which lead to the eventual death of their patient. Criminal charges are pending with sentencing to be determined at this time. A deep dive into positional asphyxia and what happened to Earl Moore in this case. The case is still pending and coming up on 4 months with the last hearing in a few weeks. Details of the case have been minimal this far with the release of body cam footage. Disclaimer!!!!!!-All comments made are speculation based on current evidence and interpretation of events captured on body cam footage. This podcast is meant for educational purposes.-If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or a topic that you would like to be covered; feel free to reach out! Email: Emergencymedical101@gmail.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/healing_boost?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=Support The Show!! ❤️https://www.buzzsprout.com/2090625/supporters/new

My friend Mindi Holmgren and Justin Holmgren join us to share about the sudden death of their husband/brother at age 35. Corey, who drowned in the community swimming pool on January 19th 2019, was a Military Chaplain and LMFT working at Lifestar in Murray, Utah who helped hundreds during his lifetime. Mindi and Corey are the parents of four—with their last child born 6 weeks after Corey's death. Mindi and Justin share about Corey's life work (which one of Corey's clients, Tate LeBaron spoke about in Episode 422), how to help those with a sudden and tragic family death, what to say and not to say, and how they are making their way forward. They also talk about how their testimony has deepened and their thoughts about the plan of salvation to bring hope and the Atonement of Jesus Christ to help bring healing. They also talk about how there is sometimes no answers and how to live with faith during mortality. The Holmgren family has started a non-profit organization in Corey's name. Check it out at coreyholmgren.org. If you are interested in donating to their cause, you can do so right on their website or through Venmo at @chmemfund. If you are dealing with a sudden and tragic family death, want to help others, or want your faith strengthened, please listen to this podcast. It is powerful and moving. It is sacred ground to listen to and witness this family story. You can reach Mindi on IG at @focusingoneternity and Justin on IG or Twitter at @justinholmgren. Thank you Mindi and Justin for being on the podcast and sharing your story. Great job. It honors Corey and gives us better insights to help others.

“Ultimate Poser”: That's how Rob describes himself when he was at the height of his sexual addiction.  Take a listen as Steve and James start not at the beginning, but at the bottom of Rob's story as he shares how working through fears and loss. Rob describes how ultimately his path led to him to discovering, not the guy not on either side of his poser life, but the third guy who God wanted him to be.  Rob was married with three children, working as an employee of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  He felt he had a testimony of the gospel and thought he was connecting with his wife yet at the same time continued to act out in his sexual addiction. He and his wife had begun the road to recovery but Rob was not changing. The moment he was caught by the police when soliciting a prostitute brought him to his therapist's door in the middle of one of his sessions. After waiting hours to talk to his therapist, Rob was told in his therapy session, “you can either change your life or you will end it, it's your choice.”Rob chose change. Deciding to be honest brought the realization of all of his fears.  In the aftermath, while sitting in his parents basement, he recognized he was still alive despite all of his pain. He somehow found the strength to ask, “What do I really believe in?”, “Who do I think I am?”, “What does God think of me?” and began to search for the answers.  Rob shares a tender experience how he witnessed the pain his choices and actions had inflicted on his wife.  Rob has found sobriety. Yet his story shows us life in recovery is not black and white. Healing brought divorce, then dating, and ultimately a beautiful second marriage.  On the other side of Rob's poser life he speaks truth. With years of sobriety he has found a new purpose working as a therapist for Lifestar. Rob feels God has given him the gift to speak to the hearts of men about love and being worthy of God's love.  Does Rob's story of his former poser life resonate with you?   If you or someone you know is struggling with a sex addiction, Unashamed Unafraid is the podcast and website for you!  Please visit our website at unashamedunafraid.com or look us up on social media @UnashamedUnafraid

A pioneer in betrayal trauma, LifeStar therapist Dorothy Maryon shares insights on navigating its complicated and often debilitating effects.Support the show

I interview Dr. Julie Hanks, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, author, and assistant professor at Utah Valley University on the topic of why idealizing motherhood can be harmful to women's mental and emotional health. Specifically, we discuss: - Why our culture idealizes mothers. - How how idealizing motherhood can be harmful to women's mental health. - The difference between "role and relationship". - Why betrayed women feel shame that they're not available for their children and how idealizing motherhood adds unnecessary pressure. - How betrayed women deal with the shame of not being best their self while healing from trauma. - How women can challenge the glorification of self- neglect, especially when resources are low. www.drjuliehanks.com Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT. She is author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter. A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.

I interview Dr. Julie Hanks, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, author, and assistant professor at Utah Valley University on the topic of helping betrayed women become more assertive with their needs. Specifically, we discuss: - Why betrayed women need skills to protect themselves from harm, manipulation, and abuse. - How assertiveness isn't the same as aggression. - Why assertiveness is difficult for women. - Why assertiveness can make life more peaceful. - What to do if other people can't or won't hear your voice and needs. - Three approaches to assertiveness and which one is more effective. - Ways to begin practicing assertiveness. http://www.drjuliehanks.com Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with 28 years experience specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is an assistant professor of social work at Utah Valley University. Dr. Hanks is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, an outpatient therapy clinic in Cottonwood Heights and Bountiful, UT. She is author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online influencer, a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter. A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Sandy, UT. For additional resources visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store. Illuminate listeners can enter promo code: ILLUMINATE at checkout and save 15%.

Todd Olson, LCSW, CSAT, is a counselor and co-founder of LifeStar, who has been treating unwanted sexual behavior for over 30 years. Steven Shields, CHMC (2020), runs the website and podcast Unashamed Unafraid, with the goal of bringing hope and community to those in recovery through sharing authentic and vulnerable addiction recovery stories. The LifeStar Salt Lake Clinic is partnering with Leading Saints to host live events to help Latter-day Saints be better prepared to lead those who struggle with pornography and sexual addiction. This will be an ongoing opportunity, available a few times a month, that you can attend in person or view online. Professional counselors will help guide individuals through the complexities of pornography and sexual addiction so that we are all better prepared to lead those in our lives who need the support. ***REGISTER NOW FOR THE NEXT LEADING SAINTS LIVE WITH LIFESTAR*** Highlights 07:00 Todd’s journey treating sexual addictions and how it has changed over 30 years 11:50 Steve’s journey and how he got involved with LifeStar 14:50 LifeStar’s programs 16:20 The purpose LifeStar and Leading Saints have in creating this educational discussion series for lay church leaders 19:30 What’s going on behind the scenes when someone comes to their church leader with a sexual addiction problem: minimal discussion and disclosure leads to temporary relief but a continuing problem 24:30 The disclosure process takes time and professional help 27:45 The bishop’s role is a part of the recovery, not the healer, and education about their role is needed 30:30 Helping young men who are preparing to serve missions 33:30 The bishop doesn’t need to do the hard part but can be the hope and spiritual resource 35:30 Creating a dialogue with therapists and recovering addicts so that leaders can know what they should do and how they should approach the problem 38:55 Handling betrayal trauma with the spouse 41:00 ARP is a 12-step support group, not an an addiction recovery program 44:40 Discussions will be recorded and streamed online, and topics will be repeated to keep the learning going 47:30 We are all volunteers and not expected to know everything, and this will be the Cliff Notes to becoming a resource for those without hope 49:00 Working with counselors 50:30 Men will resist going to support groups and counselors 51:40 Dealing with trauma in the bishop’s office Links LifeStar Unashamed Unafraid Go to LeadingSaints.org/subscribe and register to receive information about the Leading Saints live discussions with LifeStar “The Atonement Works for Me”: One Couple’s Recovery from Sexual Addiction 6 Things I Wish Bishops Knew About Addiction Steve Shields was also interviewed as part of the Liberating Saints Virtual Summit, which is available in the Core Leader library. For access, become a Core Leader.

Steve and James sit down with Debbie Reid from LifeStar Salt Lake. She is trained in trauma in somatic experiencing and psychodrama therapy and runs LifeStar intensives in Salt Lake City and trauma groups in Tennessee. They answer five questions submitted by our listeners. If these stories resonate with you, or you know someone who might benefit from them, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

SALE - All of my online relationship courses are on sale for 50% off during the month of April 2020. This includes the 12-week Trust Building Bootcamp for those who want to rebuild broken trust in their relationship. Go to www.lovingmarriage.com and visit the online courses section to see the selection. At checkout, enter the code: COVIDHALF to receive 50% off your purchase. Gaelyn Rae Emerson joins me to talk about the impact of abandonment on women dealing with betrayal trauma from pornography and sexual addiction. She outlines a method she uses to help women move toward healing when they've been abandoned. In this episode: - She defines the term “sexual abandonment”. - She describes the role pornography plays in this concept of sexual abandonment. - She talks about the framework she uses to help her clients engage their grief with self-compassion? - She shares why it's critical that women grieve and mourn this pain of sexual abandonment and why is it so scary to do so. You can learn more about her method at: http://womeneverafter.com/swirl/ Gaelyn Rae Emerson works full-time as a betrayal trauma recovery coach, with advanced training in couples relationships, divorce recovery, problematic sexual behavior and sex addiction induced trauma. Within this field, she combines 16 years of personal and professional experience, “down in the trenches” with other women, reeling and healing together from the impact of sexual betrayal. You can reach Gaelyn at: http://womeneverafter.com Training: Certified Professional Life Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CPLC) Certified Couples Relationship Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CCRC) Certified Divorce Recovery Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CDRC) Associate Certified Coach, International Coach Federation (ICF-ACC) Certified Partners Coach, Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS-CPC) The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

SALE - All of my online relationship courses are on sale for 50% off during the month of April 2020. This includes the 12-week Trust Building Bootcamp for those who want to rebuild broken trust in their relationship. Go to www.lovingmarriage.com and visit the online courses section to see the selection. At checkout, enter the code: COVIDHALF to receive 50% off your purchase. The uncertainty of a potential relapse often leaves betrayed women anxious and tense. They wonder when the next betrayal will happen and how they'll respond. Even though there is no way to predict the future, my guest in this episode, Gaelyn Rae Emerson, says that women can prepare themselves and develop resilience in the face of future relapses, regardless of what happens to their relationship. In this episode we discuss: - The definition of relapse preparedness and what caused her to start thinking about relapse preparedness. - Some of the feelings women commonly express in the aftermath of a relapse. - What she says to women who worry that “preparing” for a relapse is giving him permission to do it. - Mistakes women sometimes make when approaching the idea of relapse preparedness. - What to do when thinking about a relapse triggers anxiety and trauma. - Who benefits most from Relapse Preparedness Planning? Gaelyn Rae Emerson works full-time as a betrayal trauma recovery coach, with advanced training in couples relationships, divorce recovery, problematic sexual behavior and sex addiction induced trauma. Within this field, she combines 16 years of personal and professional experience, “down in the trenches” with other women, reeling and healing together from the impact of sexual betrayal. You can reach Gaelyn at: http://womeneverafter.com Training: Certified Professional Life Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CPLC) Certified Couples Relationship Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CCRC) Certified Divorce Recovery Coach, Impact Coaching Academy (CDRC) Associate Certified Coach, International Coach Federation (ICF-ACC) Certified Partners Coach, Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS-CPC) The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

Sheltering in place is tough for most people, but it's especially difficult for couples who were already distressed before they were required to spend days on end together. And, tragically, sheltering in place can also increase the risk of physical and emotional abuse for vulnerable family members. In this episode, I share eleven ways distressed couples can manage these difficult dynamics. SALE - All of my online relationship courses are on sale for 50% off during the month of April 2020. This includes the 12-week Trust Building Bootcamp for those who want to rebuild broken trust in their relationship. Go to www.lovingmarriage.com and visit the online courses section to see the selection. At checkout, enter the code: COVIDHALF to receive 50% off your purchase. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Support this podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support.

How do we stay emotionally healthy in the midst of a global pandemic? In this special episode, I team up with Amy Cluff, a therapist who specializes in working with betrayal trauma and child/family therapy, to talk about specific ways we can all maintain our emotional health when facing these unprecedented global fears and uncertainties. We also address the specific concerns for those who are actively working a recovery process from pornography/sexual addiction and betrayal trauma and how they can stay healthy in their own recoveries as they deal with these unexpected and overwhelming challenges. Regardless of whether or not you're dealing with an addiction or betrayal trauma, this episode will give you actionable and specific things you can begin doing to help you respond in healthier ways. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store Support this podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support.

Building an authentic community around those struggling with pornography addiction and betrayal trauma is essential for recovery. Steven, from Unashamed Unafraid, shares his experience of hearing how many couples have shared their story of addiction recovery. Geoff and Steven discuss why it is important for those struggling to share their story and how to do it in a safe and healing way. They also discuss strategies for spouses and family members to help invite addicts to share their stories. The 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp is now available for 15% off to Illuminate listeners by entering the code: ILLUMINATE at https://www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support

In this episode, we gain insight into the world of flight medicine with part of the team from Lifestar. They share their journeys into emergency medicine as well as their beginnings in flight medicine. We talk about the current state of EMS and what should potentially happen to move the industry forward. They also give great advice for EMT students and new healthcare providers. Please enjoy my conversation with Liesl, Erin, Casey, and Zack.www.https://www.facebook.com/LifestarChicago/

Steven and Kayla Shields are a couple working through recovery; Steven for his sexual addiction and Kayla for healing with her betrayal trauma. Kayla had no idea when getting married to Steven that he was view pornography daily and participating in prostitution. In this episode, they discuss Steven coming forward, early recovery, being disfellowshipped, excommunicated, and what they are doing in recovery today. Steven founded a non-profit organization called Unashamed Unafraid in 2016, which shares couples stories of sexual addiction recovery and provides scholarships for treatment. They can be found at UnashamedUnafraid.com and everywhere podcasts are found. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com. Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support. Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support.

In this episode I interview Alice Taylor, author of, "Restored: A woman's guide to overcoming pornography addiction." We talk about the need to be more aware of the reality that many women and girls are battling addictions and struggles with pornography and unwanted sexual behaviors. Alice share ways we can become more inclusive of women who struggle and how we can be more sensitive to their struggles. You can purchase Alice's book and follow her on social media using the links below: Website: thegracespot.com Buy Restored here: www.amazon.com/Restored-Womans-G…1576576148&sr=8-1 FB: www.facebook.com/thegracespotministries/ IG: www.instagram.com/thegspot_ministries/ Twitter: twitter.com/GSpotMinistries Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

Pornography addiction isn't just a struggle for men and boys. Many women and girls also struggle with the same temptations, secrets, and shame. One of biggest differences, however, is that women and girls rarely get to hear other females acknowledge their own personal struggles and victories over addiction. In this episode I interview Alice Taylor, author of, "Restored: A woman's guide to overcoming pornography addiction." Alice went public with her story of healing from addiction and abuse to help other women know they're not alone and that change is possible. Alice shares her story of leaving the darkness of shame and secrecy and embracing a life of recovery and healing. You can purchase Alice's book and follow her on social media using the links below: Website: thegracespot.com Buy Restored here: https://www.amazon.com/Restored-Womans-Guide-Overcoming-Pornography/dp/0648722007/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1576576148&sr=8-1 FB: https://www.facebook.com/thegracespotministries/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/thegspot_ministries/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/GSpotMinistries Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

I interview Dr. Wendy Ulrich, author and therapist, on the subject of forgiving ourselves. We discuss the importance of forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes. Specifically, we discuss: - What it means to forgive ourselves. - The ultimate goal of self-forgiveness. - Why we struggle to forgive ourselves for making mistakes. - The path to self-forgiveness, including: 1. Clarifying our beliefs 2. Qualifying for forgiveness and grace 3. Overcoming internal obstacles to peace 4. Trusting God You can find Dr. Ulrich's books and workshops here: www.amazon.com/Wendy-Ulrich/e/B001JP34F8 www.sixteenstones.net/retreats/ Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D., M.B.A., has been a psychologist in private practice, president of the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists, and a visiting professor at Brigham Young University-Provo. She founded Sixteen Stones Center for Growth, which offers seminar-retreats for Latter-day Saint women and their loved ones (see sixteenstones.net). Her books include Let God Love You; Weakness Is Not Sin; Habits of Happiness; The Temple Experience; Forgiving Ourselves; and national best-seller The Why of Work, coauthored with her husband, Dave Ulrich. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

In October 2016, Jim was flying one of his historical reproduction airplanes over the Connecticut countryside. Suddenly, he lost power and crashed into a forest, rupturing his lungs, breaking all his ribs and shattering his right leg. LifeStar life-flighted him to the Hartford Hospital, where the surgeons prepared him for day-long operation by putting him into a week-long coma. It was then that he had his NDE and went to a place called the “in between.” Do you have an exploring death story you’d like to share with Lisa? Please leave a comment on the podcast or contact Lisa at Lisa@ExploringDeath.com    Links and Resources from this Episode http://www.millionairemedium.com Connect with Jim Bruton http://www.inbetweenproductions.com  www.jimbruton.com  https://www.facebook.com/jim.bruton.56    Special Listener Gift Download Your Free Abundance Meditation   Show Notes How Jim and Lisa met - 3:50 Jim's Near-Death Story - 4:46 How did he not die? - 6:15 What he saw in his Near-Death Experience - 8:40 A place where there was absolute silence - 9:44 Being in the "in between" - 11:52 What Jim learned about mercy - 17:40 Amnesia two days before the crash - 20:24 The after-effects of the NDE - 23:57 What premonitions are for Jim? - 27:49 Can premonitions happen? - 32:44 Jim's biggest takeaway from his NDE - 36:34 In living right, the right thing will happen - 39:36 Being born with everything we need to be happy - 42:00 Opportunities exist for people who see them - 43:17 Lisa reads some cards for Jim - 43:33 It is all about gratitude for your life - 46:00 Lisa reads some cards about premonitions - 49:52 The beings of love and light message - 53:10 Review, Subscribe and Share If you like what you hear please leave a review by clicking here Make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast so you get the latest episodes. iTunes Spotify Stitcher RSS

I interview Dr. Wendy Ulrich, author and therapist, on the subject of forgiveness. We discuss the challenges of forgiving others, especially when there have been serious betrayals. We discuss: - Why forgiveness is such a sensitive topic - How forgiveness is different than trust - How forgiveness benefits the injured/betrayed person - What makes it hard for betrayed people to forgive - What a betrayed person can do to begin the forgiveness process You can find Dr. Ulrich's books and workshops here: https://www.amazon.com/Wendy-Ulrich/e/B001JP34F8 https://www.sixteenstones.net/retreats/ Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D., M.B.A., has been a psychologist in private practice, president of the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists, and a visiting professor at Brigham Young University-Provo. She founded Sixteen Stones Center for Growth, which offers seminar-retreats for Latter-day Saint women and their loved ones (see sixteenstones.net). Her books include Let God Love You; Weakness Is Not Sin; Habits of Happiness; The Temple Experience; Forgiving Ourselves; and national best-seller The Why of Work, coauthored with her husband, Dave Ulrich. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

In this episode, I continue my discussion with Jessica Mockett, founder of Safe Haven Holistic Recovery, about how to prevent child sexual abuse and also respond to children who have experienced the trauma of sexual abuse. In this episode, we discuss: - How sexual abuse impacts children physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. - How parents can best respond if a child discloses sexual abuse. - Why immediately asking questions to children who disclose abuse isn't helpful. - How parents and adults can prepare themselves to respond to a child's report of sexual abuse. - Why a multi-faceted holistic approach is important for long-term healing of sexual abuse - The need to respond immediately and get treatment and support to children who have been abused. Guide to help children through sexual trauma https://www.safehavenholisticrecovery.org/giving Heart of the Matter Documentary - Directed by Jessica Mockett https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=5EgztA-Racs&feature=emb_logo Jessica Mockett is the founder and executive director of the non-profit Safe Haven Holistic Recovery. She is passionate about helping women, children, families find healing from trauma and helping them discover how to be connected to God afterward and live joyful, healthy, fulfilling lives. She is interested in alternative health, and is a licensed Emotion Code and Body Code practitioner – helping her clients through releasing negative energy and mentoring them in ways to change former beliefs and habits that are holding them back. She graduated from Brigham Young University and currently lives in Layton, UT. She is also involved in animal rescue and foster at risk animals and adopt them out to safe homes. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

Pornography isn't a victimless pastime, especially when considering the role it contributes in the sexual exploitation and abuse of children. In this interview with Jessica Mockett from Save Hafen Holistic Recovery, we discuss: - The impact of pornography on sexual abuse of children - How pornography dehumanizes others and contributes to an abuse mindset - Research showing clear links between sexual crimes and pornography - Why it's important to face these issues to protect children. - How awareness can prevent child sexual abuse. Guide to help children through sexual trauma https://www.safehavenholisticrecovery.org/giving Heart of the Matter Documentary - Directed by Jessica Mockett https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=5EgztA-Racs&feature=emb_logo This is the article that references the Michael Bourke study: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/12/child-abuse Jessica Mockett is the founder and executive director of the non-profit Safe Haven Holistic Recovery. She is passionate about helping women, children, families find healing from trauma and helping them discover how to be connected to God afterward and live joyful, healthy, fulfilling lives. She is interested in alternative health, and is a licensed Emotion Code and Body Code practitioner – helping her clients through releasing negative energy and mentoring them in ways to change former beliefs and habits that are holding them back. She graduated from Brigham Young University and currently lives in Layton, UT. She is also involved in animal rescue and foster at risk animals and adopt them out to safe homes. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

When we're abused or rejected, it's easy to form a victim mindset and believe that we're completely powerless to change our lives. In this interview with Troy Love, therapist and author, we discuss how to move out of a victim mindset and embrace a lifetime of healing, empowerment, and connection. Purchase Troy's books: Finding Peace - amzn.to/2QdmNKD A Year of Self-Love - amzn.to/32JyF9A Troy L. Love, MSW, LCSW, is an author, clinician, presenter, and Clinical Director of Yuma Counseling Services. Troy received his Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Pittsburgh. With over 20 years of experience, Troy specializes in helping others heal from trauma, improve relationships, and overcome compulsive or addictive behaviors. He also works with organizations and leaders to develop intellectual authenticity. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

If you've ever been betrayed, rejected, abandoned, or betrayed as a child or adult, you know how painful and difficult it can be to find peace. I interview therapist and author Troy Love on how to heal in the aftermath of these types of injuries. Purchase Troy's books: Finding Peace - https://amzn.to/2QdmNKD A Year of Self-Love - https://amzn.to/32JyF9A Troy L. Love, MSW, LCSW, is an author, clinician, presenter, and Clinical Director of Yuma Counseling Services. Troy received his Master's Degree in Social Work from the University of Pittsburgh. With over 20 years of experience, Troy specializes in helping others heal from trauma, improve relationships, and overcome compulsive or addictive behaviors. He also works with organizations and leaders to develop intellectual authenticity. Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

What are the most important things we should know when working with individuals impacted by pornography and betrayal trauma? A popular Latter-day Saint podcaster assembled over 20 presenters in a virtual conference to support those who minister to men and women affected by pornography addiction. In this episode Kurt Francom, founder of the Leading Saints podcast, shares what he learned after interviewing 23+ therapists, recovering addicts, betrayed partners, parenting experts, recovery coaches, church leaders, and advocates for his Liberating Saints Virtual Summit. He created this summit as a go-to resource for any spiritual leader, family member, or loved one who wants to learn more about how to minister to those impacted by pornography and betrayal trauma. We discuss what he learned on the topics of: * Identifying and working with shame * Helping betrayed spouses * Disclosing secrets You can watch three of the presentations for free at: www.leadingsaints.org/liberating Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

Have you broken your partner's trust and want a structured process to help you repair it? Get instant access to my 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting https://www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. In this episode, I interview Mari Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, CMBAT-S on the topic of toxic giving and taking in relationships. She also wrote a helpful blog post addressing this topic here: http://www.growthcounselingservices.com/blog/2015/8/24/givers-and-takers-which-one-are-you In this episode, we discuss: 1. The differences between givers and takers. 2. What a healthy balance of giving and taking looks like. 3. What causes people to become toxic givers and takers 4. How the giver and taker dynamic impacts recovery for trauma and sexual addiction. 5. What needs to happen with givers and takers to create change. 6. Specific tools you can use to change these dynamics in your relationships. Mari A. Lee is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor, a Certified Partners Trauma Therapist and Supervisor, a Certified Mindfulness Based Addiction Therapist and Supervisor, and the founder of Growth Counseling Services, a private recovery practice located in Glendora, California. Mari is recognized for her clinical work with sex addicts, traumatically betrayed spouses, and couples healing from infidelity. Additionally, Mari is a trusted coach with 30 years of business experience. She is the founder of, "The Counselor’s Coach" and provides coaching and consulting, clinical materials, and dedicated support to therapists across the U.S. and around the world. Mari's specialized coaching is focused on helping therapists create and launch multiple income streams beyond the one-on-one clinical hour. Mari is also a popular national speaker and presents across the country on the topic of sex and love addiction and betrayal trauma. She is the co-author of the bestselling book, “Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts”, and she is the author of, “Healing Betrayal”, and “The Creative Clinician”, and a contributing author to “Behavioral Addictions: Criteria, Evidence and Treatment.” Her next book, “The Gift in the Wound: Stories of Resiliency and Hope” will be out in 2020. To learn more about Mari’s clinical work visit: www.GrowthCounselingServices.com To schedule coaching session with Mari visit: www.TheCounselorsCoach.com The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support Geoff has also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

For our 7th Anonymous Questions episode, we brought back a favorite guest Todd Olson, LCSW. Todd is one of the founders of LifeSTAR and practices here in Utah. He will address three questions we received. As always we commend the courage of our anonymous question-askers for being willing to reach out and be vulnerable.  

Have you broken your partner's trust and want to repair it? Get instant access to the 12-week online Trust Building Bootcamp and begin repairing your marriage. Illuminate listeners can get 30% off the price of the course by visiting https://www.trustbuildingacademy.com/bootcamp and entering coupon code ILLUMINATE at checkout. I interview Mari Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, CMBAT-S on the topic of how mindfulness can help improve outcomes when treating pornography/sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. In this episode, we discuss: - How she discovered the power of mindfulness in her personal life and professional practice. - The definition of mindfulness - Why mindfulness is an important piece for healing trauma and addictions - What she noticed changing in her clients when she began incorporating mindfulness work in to their treatment - How betrayed partners can benefit from a mindfulness based therapy plan - How addicts can benefit from working with a therapist who weaves in mindful approaches in to the recovery work - Why she believes therapists working in this specialization would benefit from training in mindfulness based therapy Mari A. Lee is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor, a Certified Partners Trauma Therapist and Supervisor, a Certified Mindfulness Based Addiction Therapist and Supervisor, and the founder of Growth Counseling Services, a private recovery practice located in Glendora, California. Mari is recognized for her clinical work with sex addicts, traumatically betrayed spouses, and couples healing from infidelity. Additionally, Mari is a trusted coach with 30 years of business experience. She is the founder of, "The Counselor’s Coach" and provides coaching and consulting, clinical materials, and dedicated support to therapists across the U.S. and around the world. Mari's specialized coaching is focused on helping therapists create and launch multiple income streams beyond the one-on-one clinical hour. Mari is also a popular national speaker and presents across the country on the topic of sex and love addiction and betrayal trauma. She is the co-author of the bestselling book, “Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts”, and she is the author of, “Healing Betrayal”, and “The Creative Clinician”, and a contributing author to “Behavioral Addictions: Criteria, Evidence and Treatment.” Her next book, “The Gift in the Wound: Stories of Resiliency and Hope” will be out in 2020. To learn more about Mari’s clinical work visit: www.GrowthCounselingServices.com To schedule coaching session with Mari visit: www.TheCounselorsCoach.com The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support I have also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

The Trust Building Bootcamp pre-launch 50% discount! http://bit.ly/trustbootcamp I interview Dr. Carmel White, a researcher and author, who co-authored a book called “Love and Betrayal”, which is a collection of research and stories detailing the experience of what it’s like to be betrayed by a partner’s pornography use. In this interview, we discuss the impact of betrayal trauma on women's spiritual lives. She shares ideas and ways to spiritually support women in trauma for those who work closely with betrayed women. You can purchase Dr. Carmel White’s book here: https://amzn.to/2NGXOxU The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: https://anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support I have also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

Please donate to support the Illuminate Podcast: https://anchor.fm/illuminate-podcast/support The Trust Building Bootcamp pre-launch 50% discount! http://bit.ly/trustbootcamp I interview Dr. Carmel White, a researcher and author, who co-authored a book called “Love and Betrayal”, which is a collection of research and stories detailing the experience of what it’s like to be betrayed by a partner’s pornography use. In this interview, we discuss what betrayed women really need people to understand about betrayal trauma. Betrayed women face tremendous uncertainty and it’s critical that those who love and support them don’t create more confusion and stress. You can purchase Dr. Carmel White’s book here: https://amzn.to/2NGXOxU Additional Resources for betrayed women: https://www.lifestarstgeorge.com/media https://salifeline.org https://utahcoalition.org/media/ The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com I have also created audio and video courses to help support individuals and couples in marriage, addiction, and betrayal trauma recovery at www.geoffsteurer.com/store

This is a marriage presentation Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT delivered to a congregation of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Ivins, Utah on August 25, 2019. We start out in marriage with high hopes and good intentions, but when the real work sets in, do we turn away and distract ourselves, or do we turn toward each other and do whatever it takes to improve our marriages? In this presentation, Geoff Steurer, licensed marriage and family therapist, outlines God's design for marriage as the perfect arrangement where we can experience optimal growth. He quotes Dr. Wally Goddard, who said, "When we understand God's purposes for marriage, we feel blessed by marriage instead of persecuted by it." He then invites listeners to embrace the challenges of marriage instead of getting distracted by screens and other diversions. Geoff is a licensed marriage and family therapist and is the founding director of LifeSTAR of St. George. Geoff is the co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity. He also co-produced the 6-part audio series called Strengthening Recovery Through Strengthening Marriage: Healing from Pornography Addiction. He regularly presents at local and national conferences on topics related addiction, betrayal trauma, and marriage recovery. Geoff is the host of the Illuminate recovery podcast. He completed a bachelors degree in communications studies from Brigham Young University and a masters degree in marriage and family therapy from Auburn University. He and his wife are the parents of four children. You can learn more about Geoff's work at www.geoffsteurer.com --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/lovingmarriage/support

In our last episode, Anarie shares her experience with betrayal trauma. At the end of the interview, I had stopped the recording just before she made another important and insightful comment. She apologized for not having a “success” story. Knowing that comment would lead to a valuable conversation I asked to continue recording and if I could share that conversation with the audience.This episode picks up right after Anarie’s success comment and contains our real-time conversation on the definition of success. Within this episode, Anarie mentions my divorce which I have written about here.Anarie also mentions she found comfort around how I have defined therapeutic success. This comment was in reference to a comment I made within my Facebook group, on this post.That comment was as follows: “Thank you so much for posting this, I actually have a podcast planned on this very topic. I don't have much time to thoroughly address this topic, but there are a few problems here. However, before I share my concerns; there are many amazing therapists out there who give everything they have and have been instrumental in saving marriages. Now the problems with some therapists: 1) This is a complicated one, and unless you've trained to become a therapist and tried to make a living solely as a therapist, it’s difficult to understand. But the education system, career path to therapy is completely unsupportive of private practice. 2) The stats (and MHO, and a problem with Gottman) is the stats are stupid and measuring the wrong outcomes. You don't measure success on marriages "saved". This is potentially ethically wrong. I've worked with too many therapists who attempt to "save" marriages even in abuse. My job as a marriage therapist isn't to "save" or end a marriage. But to guide, support two individuals to healthy living and how to navigate the differences in loving and supportive ways. Sometimes that's separation. Too many therapists enable unhealthy relationships to "save" a marriage, so not good.3) Kind of related to number one. There are occasional exceptions, but marriage therapy shouldn't go beyond a year or two at the most. Ideally 1-12 months, with follow-ups as needed. Any longer is indicative of individuals' needs for underlying mental health issues that would do best treated in individual counseling. One of the first things I tell my clients is I’m working my self out of a job from day one. After about 6 months we revisit and if progress isn't made I may make suggestions for alternative treatment or therapist. Which leads me to 4...4) Why is it such a concern therapist are working with couples for a decade or more? Two reasons; enabling and the therapist becomes part of the family system. 5) Clients are not adequately informed by the therapist or what therapy is for. Too many spouses arrive at therapy to convenience the other that they are wrong. They use the therapist to get the other to change, without changing themselves. This is called triangulating. There are many great therapists out there, but we need to do a better job at communicating the purpose of therapy, the therapist role, and the client's role. Podcast Transcript:[music]00:05 Voice Over: Welcome to Improving Intimacy, a podcast to help single and married Latter-day Saints strengthen their family connections and marriages. Daniel A. Burgess is the host of Improving Intimacy. Daniel's a marriage and family therapist, father, husband, and author. Here's Daniel on this episode of Improving Intimacy.00:26 Daniel: Welcome to another episode of Improving Intimacy. On today's episode, I wanna take a few minutes and share with you a discussion I had with our last interview, Anarie. In our last episode, we talked about her experiences around betrayal trauma and what it was like to go through treatment. And at the end of our interview, I had turned off the recording and she had made a comment, and that comment was, "I'm sorry, this isn't a success story." I asked for permission to continue recording and to share the conversation that you're about to hear, so that's what this is. What does it mean to be successful in our journey? And I think you'll find this enlightening. I hope you enjoy.01:12 ANARIE: I really wished that it could be like...01:14 Daniel: How are you not a success story?01:15 ANARIE: Well, I know I am, I appreciated what you said somewhere, [01:22] ____ I saw you say somewhere, about how we define success in therapy. That was like really validating for me. But I know a lot of people in the middle of betrayal trauma wanna listen to the success stories, it resulted in connection. And I do believe that LifeSTAR, I know there are successes that come out of LifeSTAR, mine didn't, and I feel like I'm getting clear all the time on like why it didn't, but...01:43 Daniel: Wait, wait, wait. I think you and I are on the same page, but...01:47 ANARIE: Okay.01:47 Daniel: When you say success, you mean you didn't get a divorce?01:53 ANARIE: Well, yeah, yeah. It would have been successful if he and I had successfully connected and I had a great marriage now.02:00 Daniel: But it's so... Sorry, not but...02:01 ANARIE: But I couldn't control, I couldn't control his side of things.02:04 Daniel: The interesting thing about differentiation though is that it will sometimes lead to divorce, because you are recognizing the need to be an individual in the relationship and the other person can't.02:19 ANARIE: Yeah, yeah. And that's the better outcome.02:22 Daniel: Yes.02:23 ANARIE: That divorce is a better outcome and not the situation. But... So I'm just voicing some of my internal fears of, I have this issue of people are gonna write me off because I failed.02:33 Daniel: No...02:34 ANARIE: But I mean, you're proving you got divorced and you still are a valid voice [chuckle] in [02:38] ____.02:38 Daniel: Yes.02:39 ANARIE: But that's where I'm wrestling right now, it's like, I'm worried that because I am divorced, everyone can just write me off as a failure. So... Anyway, it's my own issue at the moment that I'm voicing to you.02:51 Daniel: Are you okay? Would you be okay if I included this part? This is huge, this is huge.02:57 ANARIE: Yeah.02:58 Daniel: The fear, 'cause our definition of success plays a big role in recovery, period. I don't care what you're dealing with, if you have a predetermined idea or expectation of what success is, within reason, right? Of course, we wanna be healthy. Healthy is a reasonable expectation of treatment, whether it's medical, therapy, etcetera. But when we get down to the specifics of, "We are gonna be this type of married couple for the rest of our life and we're gonna parent our kids this way," that type of expectation where it's evolving, especially the agency and being of another person, that gets in the way of what you're discovering. And the reality that maybe success means you two need to go on your separate way, and this is...03:49 ANARIE: And that can be an issue in some couples' therapy as well.03:52 Daniel: Big time, yes.03:54 ANARIE: That if there's too much commitment, do we have to make this marriage work at all costs? They can interfere with the health and well-being of the marriage and of everybody involved.04:03 Daniel: And you're right, a lot of people... Well maybe not a lot, hopefully not a lot, but some will listen to this and say, "Well, then you're a failure." But that's part of the culture that we have to shift, because that mentality is hurting and isn't understood well, and is getting in the way of meaningful treatment, helpful treatment. And so. Yeah, I would...04:27 ANARIE: Yeah. And I never imagined at the beginning of treatment that my story would end in divorce or that the outcome would be. But it's okay that it did, and I really believe that it's what's best for me and it's what's best for him in the way that things needed to go for us.04:46 Daniel: Excellent, thank you.[music]Continue the improving intimacy discussion by joining the Improving Intimacy Facebook group. 

This is a live recording of a Young Single Adult Devotional for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints presented by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT. Geoff speaks on how to find peace when anxious or troubled and shares personal stories about spiritual patterns that have helped him find peace in his own life. He presented this devotional address at the Dixie State University Institute Building of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in St. George, Utah on Sunday, June 30, 2019. Subscribe to Geoff and Jody Steurer's marriage education vlog: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc05gV4t9A0B8-TDT1EfWhQ?view_as=subscriber You can purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery Geoff Steurer's Bio: Since 1999, I’ve been helping couples and individuals improve their most important relationships. It has been deeply rewarding to watch clients move out of patterns that have held them and their loved ones back from experiencing their full relationship potential. I completed a masters degree in marriage and family therapy at Auburn University in Auburn, Alabama. I also hold a bachelors degree from Brigham Young University in communications studies. Following my graduate work, I worked in community behavioral health where I gained experience working with a wide-range of mental health concerns affecting individuals, couples, and families. This experience helped me discover my strong interest in working with couples, especially couples affected by pornography addiction, affairs, and other betrayals. I eventually became affiliated with the LifeStar Network and moved to St. George, UT in 2006 where I opened up a private practice and started the LifeStar of St. George program. In 2009, I created the group practice Alliant Counseling and Education, which is home to a team of highly trained therapists who are specialists in their chosen areas of expertise. I have continued to seek advanced training in both pornography/sexual addiction treatment as well as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). My focus in both my couples work as well as the group work in the LifeStar program is helping individuals and couples heal the patterns of attachment in their relationships. I am the co-author of the book “Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity“, with Dr. Mark Chamberlain. I also recorded the 6-part series “Strengthening Recovery Through Strengthening Marriage: Healing from Pornography Addiction” with Dr. Kevin Skinner. I also was featured as a guest expert in the documentary "The Heart of the Matter". I am an affiliate director in the LifeStar Network. I have co-authored many of the LifeStar Network workbooks. I also write a weekly column for the St. George News Online and the LDS online magazine Meridian Magazine. I frequently present at state and national conferences on the subjects of marriage, sexual addiction recovery, and other related topics. I was the co-founder of the Southern Utah conference put on by the Utah Coalition Against Pornography and have served as conference chair four times. I also provide workshops, trainings, and other presentations for local groups and clergy. Please contact me if I can assist your organization. I have been married since 1996 to my wife, Jody, and we are the parents of four children. I am active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was raised in Oklahoma and have lived all over the United States and spent two years in the Dominican Republic serving a volunteer mission for my church. I enjoy working with people of all faiths and backgrounds. In my spare time, I like to hike, camp, listen to and play music, photography, and hang out with my family.

0:00:05 Daniel: Welcome to Improving Intimacy, a podcast to help single and married Latter Day Saints strengthen their family connections and marriages. Daniel A. Burgess, is the host of Improving Intimacy. Daniel's a marriage and family therapist, father, husband and author. Here's Daniel on this episode of Improving Intimacy.0:00:29 Daniel: Welcome to another episode of Improving Intimacy. Today we have on the line, Anarie. And she will be sharing with us, her personal experiences around porn addiction in her relationship, and her experiences with addiction recovery treatment. Welcome to the show, Anarie.0:00:49 Anarie: Thanks Daniel.0:00:51 Daniel: Tell us a little bit about yourself. Give us some details, who are you, and tell us a little bit about your experience?0:01:00 Anarie: Hey. I am in my early 30s. I'm an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have two kids, ages eight and five. I was married for 11 years. We were married in a temple. And we had our divorce finalized about four months ago, and separated about a year ago. So, that's kinda where I'm at.0:01:24 Daniel: This is pretty recent and fresh. And I appreciate you, even with that, coming on and sharing your experiences here. Give us a little background on the... You shared with me that, was it your husband or you, who is experiencing the issues around pornography? Let's start there.0:01:47 Anarie: It was my husband.0:01:48 Daniel: Your husband. And how long into the marriage or before the marriage did you know that there was a problem?0:01:55 Anarie: So, we dated for about nine months before we got married. A pretty short time. Looking back at the time, it seemed like a long time. But about two months into our dating, kind of the time when we went fairly exclusive, he told me that he had had struggles with pornography before his mission. He was a return missionary at the time we were dating. He told me he'd had some trouble with it before his mission, that he'd resolved it with his Bishop, at that time.0:02:25 Anarie: And that since then, that it had been no issue at all, that he had no struggle with it during his mission. And but since meeting me, felt extra strong and resisting but he wanted me to know that that had been a part of his past. So I took his word for it, that it was in the past and that it was several years since he'd had a struggle with it. At that time, we didn't really talk about it very much other than I basically said, "Hey I don't expect you to be perfect, I'm proud of you for resolving it." And it sort of went to rest at that time.0:03:11 Anarie: Then about nine months after we were married, is when I found out that he was still actively using pornography and masturbating without my knowledge. And I found that out, there were some things off in our marriage, in our sexual relationship right from the beginning. And sort of when I was pressing into some of that, that he admitted that he had viewed some. At that time he told me it was just recent and that he'd never do it again. He felt it wasn't something that he needed to talk to the Bishop about, and I was okay with that. I do feel like I had a trauma response, and I was very anxious to believe that it really was just once or twice and kinda put it away at that time.0:04:11 Daniel: What happened before? So you were at about two months into the relationship, you guys became serious. And from what I'm hearing, it's impressive. Some individuals don't even, if they feel like their porn use or whatever sin it may be, is in the past, sometimes they don't even mention it. But he was mentioning it to you at about two months in. To, I don't know, clear the air, or just keep you informed. Which seemed like a good thing. What was your experience at the time?0:04:45 Daniel: I really value what you said, you said, "You know it's in the past." But emotionally, what were you experiencing? Were you thinking, "Oh boy, this is gonna be a potential issue in the future."? Or did you feel like, "Oh, it's taken care of, this shouldn't be a problem, going forward."? What were you experiencing?0:05:03 Anarie: That's a great question. I was nervous about it. It was a little bit of a concern. And actually, about a month before we got married, my older sister said to me, "Make sure you've talked to him about pornography. Make sure you've asked him about pornography use." And I said. "Oh... "0:05:22 Daniel: She did that just randomly, or did she already know?0:05:25 Anarie: Yes.0:05:25 Daniel: Okay.0:05:26 Anarie: No, she didn't know. And I didn't tell her. I told her, "Yes, we've had the conversation." And she seemed to imply that if there was pornography use that I shouldn't be marrying him. I very much wanted to marry him, so I chose not to tell her that that was something that had been a problem in the past. So I was a little bit nervous about it.0:05:49 Daniel: Did that scare you?0:05:50 Anarie: I knew it could potentially be a problem in the future. Yeah.0:05:53 Daniel: When she said, "If there's any pornography, don't pursue the marriage." I think it sounds pretty clear why you didn't share more, is because he had issues...0:06:05 Anarie: And I think rather than not pursuing the marriage, he was encouraging to take it seriously.0:06:10 Daniel: Oh absolutely, right.0:06:12 Anarie: And to not just dismiss it. Which I probably dismissed it more than I should have.0:06:21 Daniel: You said, before we went back to the dating phase, you were starting to talk about how you're seeing some signs after he'd mentioned he had ongoing issues. Did I hear you correctly?0:06:33 Anarie: Yes, yeah.0:06:34 Daniel: What were those indicators, those red flags, so to speak?0:06:38 Anarie: We did not have a good sexual relationship right from the beginning of our marriage. We didn't have sex very often. There were just a lot of things that were really weird, that seemed like they weren't typical at all for what I'd heard initial marriage was supposed to be like. And...0:07:04 Daniel: For the sake of the listeners and their, for a variety of experiences, are you comfortable with maybe giving some of those specifics? What did you see as...0:07:14 Anarie: Oh, what I was expecting?0:07:15 Daniel: Yeah. What you were expecting, or what seemed off?0:07:18 Anarie: I think I was expecting honeymoon phase, where we have sex multiple times a week, multiple times a day. I felt, before we were married, there was lots of sexual tension and lots of sexual interest, and so in my mind, I thought that once we got married, we were gonna have sex a whole bunch, and it was gonna be really fantastic, and we were gonna want each other whole bunch. And that's not what happened, when we got married there actually was a significant decrease in any sort of sexual tension or sexual interest.0:07:56 Daniel: Even though it sounds like you were wanting more frequent sex at that time, and were you communicating that, or did it just dry up real quick?0:08:08 Anarie: Yes, I was communicating it. Through our whole marriage, we had what would be termed as a sexless marriage, sex fewer than 12 times a year. And I was the one who consistently was saying, "Hey, I want more. This isn't right. What's wrong?" Reading lots of books. I took on a lot of the blame for that, and I think because by taking on the blame myself, it was something that I could fix.0:08:42 Anarie: So I read lots of things about Good Girl Syndrome, about maybe why... 'Cause he would sort of say that I wasn't responding the way that I should, and so he didn't want to, or usually when I tried to talk to him about it, it just sort of... It was almost like we couldn't talk about it, it never went much of anywhere. I expressed a lot of like my things, but then there was never much response from him.0:09:11 Daniel: Traditionally, we think of the husband as the higher sex desire partner. Was that confusing to you to see he had a lower desire than you, and that the sex was infrequent? Was that part of the reason why you're taking on the blame?0:09:27 Anarie: It was very confusing to me, especially because prior to our marriage, I was the boundary keeper, he was always pushing the boundaries sexually, and I was the boundary keeper. So then it was really confusing when we got married, and suddenly it was different. I wasn't feeling that desire from him any more.0:09:51 Daniel: And what was he saying, what was the feedback? And I wanna respect the fact that he's not here, and the listeners are taking this at the value... From your perspective. With that being said, what information was he giving to you? Was he saying that he wasn't attracted to you, or what was the reasoning he was giving?0:10:15 Anarie: Not really any reason at all. After a while, as I read more books and stuff, we did have the high desire-low desire. And so he would say, "I guess I'm just a lower-desire person," or... But no, there was never much explanation. I would say things like, I did believe that he wanted me before marriage and after marriage, he didn't, so that must mean that I was a disappointment, so I was the problem, I think that was part of it too. And so a lot of that, I was the one saying, and he didn't really counter it. I mean, he would say, "No, that's not the case," but then he'd never tell me why or do anything to make me believe anything different, in terms of attractiveness and interest, if that makes sense?0:11:11 Daniel: So the absence of information left you with very little to go off of, and it was like you didn't feel that attraction towards you, and he wasn't refuting it, so what else were you left to believe? Interesting.0:11:24 Anarie: Yeah. And so I filled a lot of that void with my own ideas and my own beliefs, and read books to try to figure it out.0:11:34 Daniel: So from there, that was about, you said, nine months into the marriage. Then when did... You're doing all this research, when did it finally become clear that this was actually being as a result of his porn use or masturbation? How far into that discovery was it?0:11:54 Anarie: Okay, so I'm actually kind of embarrassed that it was so long, but it was years before I really got clear that it was pornography, that it was still an active issue. We went to a couple of therapists, we went to one at LDS Family Services, and this was probably four years into our marriage. And so that was fairly traumatic for me, 'cause it ended up feeling very much like... The therapist that we went to... We only went to one session, so... And it was my first therapy experience, but I felt very much like the male therapist and my male husband were looking at me, confirming that I was the problem and waiting for me to get on board or figure something out. I don't remember any discussion of pornography in that session.0:12:57 Daniel: What were they then saying, or what... How do I ask this? You felt it like you were the problem. What were they identifying as the problem, specifically?0:13:11 Anarie: My lack of trust in him. So that actually... And that's something that my husband would say to me a lot. I would ask him about porn, so during this time, I would ask him about it, and he would tell me, "No, I'm not using it. I haven't for years." And he would say, "You need to trust me." So even though he knew that he was not trustworthy, but that was what he was using. It's something that needed to be resolved, is I needed to forgive and I needed to move on and I needed to trust.0:13:47 Daniel: It was manipulative. He knew he wasn't being trustworthy, yet asking for your trust.0:13:53 Anarie: Right. Yeah, yeah. And I was overriding a lot of my gut instinct. I can see now, looking back, that I didn't feel safe with him, and I didn't trust him, and I wasn't able to connect with him because he wasn't being truthful and he wasn't being safe. But I was so unwilling at that time to look at that reality, to believe that he could be lying to my face, that I was taking it all on myself and trying to fix it that way.0:14:23 Daniel: Unfortunately. An unfortunate event, not only the betrayal from your husband, but coming across the therapist who, is what we call triangulating, siding essentially with one person in the experience. But it sound like you got rid of that person pretty quickly, you only had one session.0:14:44 Anarie: Part of it was because he was male and I specifically wanted a female therapist. I felt like it would, I would feel safer. So the second therapist we went to was female, and we went to her for several months. And that was interesting. The only conversation about pornography that we had there was, I remember she asked him directly once if he had current use of pornography. He said, "No."0:15:10 Anarie: So then, all of the conversations about how I couldn't get over his past pornography use and how that was interfering and during that time, we were assigned to have sex a certain number of times a week or a month and report back. And when it was an assignment, it happened, so he was willing to engage with me when it was an assignment, when we were reporting back to the therapist. And I think I felt hopeful, so maybe we just needed to get jump started. So that when we were no longer going to that therapist, it again, that essentially disappeared.0:15:48 Daniel: Again, I wanna respect the fact that he's not here, but that sounds a little... For the sake of the listener, he wasn't, am I following you right, he wasn't willing to have more sex with you when you were asking for it but when it was an assignment from the therapist, he would meet that assignment? Is that what you're saying?0:16:07 Anarie: Yes, yes, yeah.0:16:08 Daniel: What do you think was the difference? Do you think he was wanting to meet a commitment with the therapist, or impress the therapist, or why the difference there? Why was he willing to comply as an assignment?0:16:22 Anarie: I think it may have been partly that; I also think there's a rejection factor, that because it was assigned by the therapist, it was clearly mutually greed, that he was on board and I was on board, so there was no risk of him initiating something sexually and having me feel unsafe or not want it, or be hesitant. Does that makes sense?0:16:44 Daniel: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it seems to make sense, especially in the context of what we're talking about here. And what about your hurt; what about your trauma in this experience? Was the therapist mindful of your experiences?0:17:00 Anarie: No, I don't think she had much knowledge of betrayal trauma at all and I didn't have much vocabulary for that either. I don't know that I even knew what betrayal trauma was as a category or how it might be impacting me. Once I learned about betrayal trauma, then my response to everything made so much sense, my response over the years.0:17:24 Daniel: And you said how long were you seeing this particular therapist?0:17:29 Anarie: I think it was about four months. And it was right after the birth of... I think it was when my oldest was about a year old, so four years after our marriage, and we had a one-year-old baby at home.0:17:42 Daniel: And this, I think you're saying seemed to provide some sort of hope, because you're having more frequent sex, things seemed to be improving, but emotionally they weren't.0:17:54 Anarie: Yes. And I would often say to my husband; I felt like I was begging, "Please give me another chance. Can we try again? Can we do this more often?" And he would say, "Yes."0:18:07 Daniel: Wait, wait, begging for what? Sex, or just stay married?0:18:10 Anarie: For us to have sex, for us to have sex more often.0:18:13 Daniel: Oh, okay.0:18:15 Anarie: I talked to... One other thing that was going on here is I did talk to my OB-GYN about vaginismus, and got some information about a program for that.0:18:27 Daniel: So you were, you're experiencing painful sex also?0:18:29 Anarie: Yes. And I think largely due to no foreplay and no arousal. So I don't know that... The vaginismus program wasn't super helpful for me, because I think...0:18:47 Daniel: The foreplay was absent.0:18:49 Anarie: Yeah, there was no arousal happening at all, so of course it was painful and not awesome for me.0:18:57 Daniel: But even with the painful sex, you were still craving... Maybe craving isn't the right word, desiring more frequent sex from him.0:19:06 Anarie: Yes. I think a lot because I had been taught to believe that it was my responsibility as a wife to meet my husband's sexual needs and to fulfill my husband sexually. And I had been, I'd heard from parents and from church leaders that men who are happy with their wives don't look at porn. Which is a incredibly harmful message, that I had internalized and was accepting as part of truth. So I think part of it too was I knew that pornography had been an issue for him, and so one of my ways of helping him with that was gonna be to have sex with him, and then it wasn't working.0:19:49 Daniel: That's powerful.0:19:50 Anarie: I don't know if that makes sense, but that's...0:19:52 Daniel: It actually... You read... Yeah, well, I was about to ask that question, about how much of this was a preventative measure? You felt it was your responsibility as the wife in this eternal marriage to protect and provide a source for his outlet, to prevent him from pornography?0:20:12 Anarie: Yes.0:20:13 Daniel: You're desiring more sex, but there was also a strong element there of, "Okay, if I'm desirable enough to him he won't venture into this icky place," right?0:20:24 Anarie: Yeah, I felt like it was part of my responsibility as a good wife to have a good sexual relationship. I also think, my parents had also told me that sex is a beautiful thing. And once you're married, it's a beautiful part of life. So I do feel like I had a lot of positive affirmation for sex as well.0:20:42 Daniel: But you're like, "Where's the beauty?" [chuckle]0:20:45 Anarie: Yes, yeah. But I felt like I wanted that. And I wanted to make it happen, and I wasn't just gonna settle for like, "Oh, I guess sex is stupid and painful, and so good riddance." I wasn't content to just write it off as, "Okay, well, I guess we won't do this."0:21:03 Daniel: There are quite a few spouses out there that are in similar positions as you and, I don't have any statistics at all, but at least with my anecdotal experience and things that I've read, it seems like a lot of wives will go to a place of... They will actually stop having sex. But you were trying to make this beautiful. You were trying to achieve this thing that your parents were saying is good.0:21:34 Anarie: Yes.0:21:34 Daniel: And so that was amazing. That's, you weren't giving up on this hope that it could be something wonderful. So when did things, so to speak, hit the fan? When did you... Did he finally come out and say, "You know what, it's not you, it's been the pornography." What happened there, how did that occur?0:21:55 Anarie: Okay, so it was when my... Let's see, my five-year-old was a year old. Yeah, so our second child was a year old, and by that point, I felt like I had read all the books and talked to my doctor. Essentially, I felt like I had done everything to fix myself and to educate myself. I kinda felt like I'd hit a limit on what I could do on my end. And so I...0:22:32 Daniel: This was what, about five, six years in your marriage?0:22:35 Anarie: So this was about four years ago. So yeah, so it's seven years...0:22:40 Daniel: Seven years into the marriage.0:22:41 Anarie: Seven years into our marriage.0:22:42 Daniel: Wow, so this is...0:22:42 Anarie: So, yeah...0:22:43 Daniel: Wow, okay, good.0:22:46 Anarie: So I got to the point where I basically told him, "I am done with our marriage. I'm not willing to live in a marriage like this. It's not okay with me." By then, also, I had seen a lot more, I'd gotten a lot smarter about pornography usage. So I think a lot of my denial, believing that he was not actually engaging, had been broken down, because I actually started believing a lot of the studies, a lot of the information that was saying that pornography is an ongoing problem, that you don't just turn it off, like he was claiming he'd done. So basically I said, "I've done everything I can. Either you start talking and you start doing something, or I'm out of this marriage. I'm done."0:23:42 Anarie: And I really was to the point where I was willing to get divorced over this. That I didn't want to live in a emotionally disconnected sexless marriage. We were great. We've always been great business partners, good at coordinating logistical things. So the other aspects of what I believe should be part of marriage were completely non-existent. So I believe it was at that point when he realized that I was dead serious that... So by continuing to lie and hide his addiction, he was going to lose the marriage that he decided to start disclosing.0:24:18 Daniel: And can I ask you a personal question here? Is...0:24:22 Anarie: Yeah.0:24:23 Daniel: Were you at any time in that seven years trying to find clues, or go through his internet history or browser, and see if... Were you checking it?0:24:37 Anarie: No.0:24:37 Daniel: Wow, I'm impressed.0:24:39 Anarie: No, I didn't, I didn't play detective like that.0:24:42 Daniel: No, and forgive me, I'm not suggesting you should have, or anybody else should have. I'm just curious to what extent you were... You had a gut feeling, things weren't adding up, and you wanted to believe him, but there was something just off and...0:24:58 Anarie: Well, I am sort of amazed that I... Looking back, there was evidence. I did actually see some things that I should have realized were linked to current pornography usage. But I didn't. One other thing here that I wanna mention is that, about when we were going to that female therapist, you know, a few years into our marriage.0:25:21 Daniel: Right.0:25:23 Anarie: One of the things that came up was that he had never gone and talked to the Bishop after that initial disclosure nine months into our marriage. So I expressed that maybe if he went and talked to the Bishop to resolve that old issue with pornography nine months into our marriage, then I would be able to relax about it and trust him. So he went to our Bishop. And, I was not there so I don't know exactly what was said, but basically he disclosed that he'd viewed pornography within the first year of our marriage, and that it had been really devastating to me. So he told the Bishop some story, and about three weeks later, he was called as elders quorum president in our ward. Which I took to be a sign from God that he was clear.0:26:15 Daniel: Oh.0:26:16 Anarie: That the pornography issue was resolved. So I think that that was also part of why I refused to acknowledge that it was still actively happening all the time.0:26:28 Daniel: So you gave him this... Gosh, it almost sounds like an ultimatum. You were saying, "I'm done here. You gotta bring it forward," seven years into the marriage, what was his response?0:26:42 Anarie: He started disclosing some things. It was a staggering disclosure. He started admitting that he had... At first he just said that he had masturbated. So he'd been actively masturbating. And, which was upsetting to me but also relieving, "Oh, so that's where your sexual... You are a sexual person. That's where your sexual energy is going." And he said it at first that it was like old... He was using old mental images from his prior pornography use and stuff. So over the course of two or three weeks, he started disclosing more that, "Okay, there had been pornography use, but not in the last year."0:27:29 Anarie: Now that I know more about addiction or sexual addiction and how these disclosures generally happen, it really did fit the framework a lot, that he would disclose a little bit and see how I reacted, and then disclose a little bit more, or based on how I responded or what his shame was. And it was about three weeks after he initially started disclosing that he went to our current bishop. It was his initiation. He went to our current bishop and talked to his parents. And then, I talked to my parents and got in touch with a Lifestar therapist. And we were able to pretty quickly get into a sexual addiction recovery program.0:28:13 Daniel: So, now that you hear what's going on, you're able to get the right resources in there, at least different resources. So what was your experience? Was that... I asked these questions... I know you mentioned at the beginning you're divorced now, what was that experience like for you? Was it helpful?0:28:30 Anarie: It was very helpful, yes. I think we both felt a lot of relief that we had a problem that was identified, and that we could seek treatment for. So, there was a clear path for us to get on now. Whereas before it was like, "Something's wrong in our marriage, what's wrong? What's wrong? How do we fix this?" At least what was going on on my end. And with the pornography sexual addiction model, that gave, "Oh, there's a clear problem, there's a name for it, there's a name for what I'm experiencing, there's a treatment plan, there are other people that are experiencing this." So I feel like it immediately brought a sense of release and hope and safety that we would be able to figure this out.0:29:23 Daniel: For those who aren't familiar with Lifestar out in Utah, I think they're actually in a couple of different other states now but, for those who aren't familiar with addiction treatment, behavior treatment, what was that like? So you're saying now they're actually focusing on the pornography, and they're providing a treatment plan. Help the audience understand what does that mean? What does that look like?0:29:49 Anarie: Okay. So, the first part of Lifestar is called, Phase One, and it's a six-week education phase that couples attend together. If they want to. Sometimes individuals come 'cause their spouse won't come. But generally it's attended by couples, it's six weeks and basically it's kind of... I said educational 'cause the therapist presents information, and we had workbooks to do learning about addiction, learning about shame, some basic family of origin things. A little bit about drama triangle, attachment principles, and, during those we would sometimes break into smaller groups and share some answers from our workbooks. But for the most part, it was not a group therapy kind of experience.0:30:41 Anarie: Then after that six week, Phase One, then Phase Two starts, and that's when each person goes to their group therapy. So it's divided based on gender. So I had my group, and he had his group, and that was a group therapy, a weekly group therapy session. And we had additional workbooks and assignments that we would each work through in our individual groups; and their groups were led by a therapist. The Lifestar program is administered by different therapists, so it's like a franchise type of thing. And, the program that we did it in, the therapist really believes in not setting strict time parameters.0:31:29 Anarie: So, we were actually... Compared to some others where it's like phase two is six months and then you moved to the next phase. It was much more based on readiness and reaching a certain emotional place. So, compared to some other Lifestar group, I was in Lifestar for a total of three years before I completed it.0:31:50 Daniel: Is that...0:31:51 Anarie: And a lot of people do the Lifestar program in 18 months.0:31:54 Daniel: Yeah, you answered my question.0:31:54 Anarie: So I just wanna throw that out there, that's my experience, it's a little different from other Lifestar experiences. After about a year of... Or maybe 10 months of Phase Two, I graduated to Phase Three. And the reason for the different phases is just because it keeps people in the group that are in a similar stage of recovery, 'cause early recovery and fresh raw trauma looks and feels and sounds different than a little further down the recovery road. So, moving from Phase Two to Phase Three, it was more about...0:32:34 Anarie: There was a little change in focus, much less like raw trauma. And so, that's why there it was divided by phase. And in Phase Three, there were different assignments. One significant thing that's done... And they've changed it a little bit now, but there's a formal disclosure that happens during Phase Two, if both parties are willing, and it's a therapeutic disclosure. So the couple meet with the therapist, and it's a organized disclosure where the addict discloses to their spouse all of their behavior, behaviors in the addiction, and the spouse prepares questions in advance to ask.0:33:20 Anarie: So it's a chance to clear the air, start fresh, to ask questions in a safe environment, with a therapist you can hopefully watch for signs of lying or... And for me it was kind of healing because there had been a lot of unhealthy disclosure, it was helpful to have that formal disclosure where I had support, I knew it was coming, I had a therapist, I had friends. So in a way, that was able to heal some of the more traumatic earlier disclosures. So anyway, that was also...[overlapping conversation]0:33:52 Daniel: What a wonderful resource. So during that three years, you're taking it your own pace, working through your own trauma. So this is wonderful, you finally it sounds like now that you have your own cohort, so to speak, or a group of people that you can trust. You're able to now work through your trauma, your hurt, while he's dealing with his struggles. Did you see during that three-year period the relationship improve, or what was the result of attending these different phases?0:34:29 Anarie: Okay, so I do wanna throw in real quick that we also did individual therapy, we each had individual therapy sessions in the same group.0:34:35 Daniel: There at Lifestar, or somewhere separate?0:34:38 Anarie: We did it with the same therapist. So the therapist that led our lifestyle group was also the therapist we went to for our individual sessions, through most of it.0:34:49 Daniel: Excellent. So they understood what you were doing. And that's great. The reason why I point that out is, I think that's actually wonderful. In fact, studies show that if you only do group treatment, you don't have as high success rate. If you combine individual and group treatment, the success rate goes up. And the fact that your therapist was familiar with the program allowed that, I guess synergy, or you don't have to re-explain everything why you're doing what you're doing, or anything like that.0:35:22 Anarie: It integrated really well in taking place.0:35:24 Daniel: Exactly.0:35:25 Anarie: It was really helpful. We did have some couple sessions often on during that time mostly after disclosure and we did the couple sessions as well with the same therapist. When I was in phase three so in the third year of recovery I did go to an outside therapist for a period of time and that was really, really helpful for me. And looking back, I would say that I wish that we would have done some couples therapy with another therapist as well. I think because all of our treatment was coming from the same therapist there was some more... There were just some issues that came up with that but I think there might have been more safety if we had had some other therapist as well.0:36:08 Daniel: Would you point that out if you feel comfortable in doing that. I think that's actually a really important fact that people don't realize. There's a couple of elements here, and I'll share with you my thoughts, and then tell me what it was for you. I personally I'm very comfortable in doing individual and couples with the same people, there are limitations and there are exceptions there and that's usually discovered in the intake processes, is what we call it, and if I feel like it will be a benefit to both the individual and as a couple.0:36:43 Daniel: But there are cases where it's even if I'm comfortable with it, it's not a wise move or it's not a good way to support the couple because of the dynamics or whatever it is there and so a lot of clients will sometimes seek that from a therapist and there comes the other issues if a therapist is confident to navigate and to be able to separate the individual versus the couple experience there and sometimes bringing them together and so the individual seeking that kind of treatment both the individual and couples therapy, need to be aware of that in the risks and the benefits from that. What was your personal experience with that?0:37:27 Anarie: So, I feel that there were some very real benefit, because that therapist was aware, very aware of where each of us was individually. I think that that aided him in a lot of our sessions to... I don't know, I think he was aware of things that we didn't have to talk about 'cause he already knew but I think the biggest reason that I would say I wish we would have gone to someone else with kind of a safety thing.0:38:00 Anarie: So there were times that I felt like our therapist was on my husband's side, and there were times when my husband felt like the therapist was on my side. Whether or not that was accurate, I do think that... And maybe that would have happened with any therapist, but that came up. My perspective from me right now, and my therapist has acknowledged this, is that there was some manipulation, my husband manipulated the therapist. And that was part of why, when I went to an outside therapist, that was really helpful and empowering for me, because that other therapist had not been manipulated by my husband. So, I don't know.0:38:51 Daniel: That's... Yeah.0:38:54 Anarie: Because the therapists that we shared was so in it for multiple years and so he started giving blind spots and there are some things that he didn't see at the time that happens with any therapist.0:39:09 Daniel: Yeah, I think this is a very valid point, one that's kinda hard to communicate in a brief interview like this. And there's a lot of caveats here, I understand very well what you're talking about. I've even had to be very careful with working with couples that I'd known for a long time, or have been... Or I'm following up with, and knowing when and how to ask the right questions. It's very difficult when you have built that relationship, and you're not necessarily looking for all the signs of manipulation. And I'm gonna be cautious here. I'm tempted to say a good therapist can see those signs, but that means we would have to be perfect too.0:39:51 Anarie: Right. Yeah.0:39:52 Daniel: It's a very difficult experience.0:39:54 Anarie: Yeah. Well, and I think my main message to any of the listeners would be, I know it's really scary to get in with an initial therapist. At least it was for me. For me it was really scary to get into therapy, to build a relationship with a therapist, to be vulnerable about these things. So it was really scary to go find another therapist, another person, especially because I'd had some bad experiences...0:40:18 Daniel: Exactly.0:40:18 Anarie: With therapists before. I had some therapist trauma. But if you're feeling like you want another therapist, you want another perspective, a good therapist is not gonna be threatened by you wanting to go talk to somebody else for a period of time.0:40:31 Daniel: Thank you for saying that. Absolutely.0:40:34 Anarie: And you can get the support that you need to go talk to another therapist, or to go as a couple and try talking to another therapist.0:40:43 Daniel: I think you've brought up...0:40:44 Anarie: That you don't have to be still fiercely loyal to one therapist.0:40:50 Daniel: Absolutely, and I think that's a good way to approach it. First of all, trust your gut. You've had, whether there was actual manipulation going on or not, whether the therapist was siding with you or not, your experience is real and valid in that moment. There's a lot going on there's trauma, there's hurt, there's confusion. Trust your gut. First of all, trust your gut. And it is scary trying to get, especially if you've had bad experiences like you did with therapists, pose that question, "Do you mind if I look for another therapist for this?"0:41:25 Daniel: And their response I think will be a great indicator of maybe their motivation, or whether or not you should go get another therapist. If they get kind of awkward or embarrassed, or question, "Why would you do that?" Or if they even kind of stonewall in a way, "Well, we have all this history. How are you gonna communicate that history, and how will they follow our treatment plan?" That's a good indicator that you probably should go look a good therapist, like you said, will be totally supportive. Absolutely, go for it. This is your experience, do what you feel is important.0:42:07 Anarie: And I think sometimes, going to another therapist, I know this is sort of a tangent, but it could be motivated by wanting to run away from your current therapist. Maybe they're wanting you to look at some things you don't want to. So that could also be a factor but.0:42:22 Daniel: That is true. That's why it's hard. I think it's important to, kind of a tangent, but kind of not. This is all part of that experience in realizing what's happening here, especially when you have a partner who's manipulating you. Especially if there's been manipulation in the relationship, that therapist should be joining with you and building that trust, right?0:42:43 Anarie: Yeah. Yeah.0:42:46 Daniel: Yes there is a potential that you're running away, but you know what, you get to. You're having this experience and you need to have somebody who can trust you in this experience. And I've had people come back and say, "You know what? I was running away, and I realized that." And I'm putting it into my own words, but eventually he came out and says, "Thank you for letting me do that. I wouldn't have learned this if you prevented me or discouraged me from doing that."0:43:19 Anarie: Yeah.0:43:19 Daniel: And so, you're absolutely right. People are gonna run away when they don't like hearing what they're hearing but part of the experience is supporting that person in that experience, 'cause that's really what you're asking your husband to do, is, "This is scary. You should have been upfront with me from the beginning, regardless of my response. It's scary, I get it, this is scary for me, too. I need you to be open with me just like I should be open with you." And so, great, great. I think that was an important tangent. If we wanna call it a tangent. So...0:43:51 Anarie: One other thing I wanna...0:43:52 Daniel: Go for it.0:43:52 Anarie: Real quick, another part of my recovery over the last four years has been a 12 step program. The one that I have found most supportive was at a Lifeline group. So I did go to some of the LDS church's ARP program, and did not find them to be as supportive as I did the 12 step groups that are done through S.A Lifeline. [0:44:23] ____.0:44:24 Daniel: Oh, no, I think that's important. And if you could boil it down to one or two things. Why was it not as supportive...0:44:32 Anarie: Okay, so I wanna say at first ARP was wonderful, right at first, I'm super grateful that there was a place to go immediately, and that there was a place within a gospel context and within a gospel framework. So I did attend ARP continuously for about six months, and I was grateful for it. It met a need at the time. The biggest thing that I felt was not supportive about ARP, was actually the way that it was structured, that it was, it is missionaries that lead the ARP group, and a lot of them are not sufficiently educated on the topic on what they're dealing with.0:45:10 Daniel: Yeah.0:45:10 Anarie: And a lot of them spent a lot of time sharing. The missionaries would spend time sharing and teaching and lecturing things that were not actually helpful, were inadvertently shaming, and created a lack of safety. Another thing that I saw happen in the ARP group, in recovery there's a real need to give permission for emotion, and for letting your experience be what it is, and for having that experience be validated. And within the context of ARP, often it felt like there were certain emotions that were okay to have, and there certain emotions that were not okay.0:45:53 Anarie: Or that... And boundaries are important in any group, but I felt like there was not adequate space in ARP for anger. I felt like there was a real jump to forgiveness and share positive things and share faith things, faith-promoting things. And there's a place for that, but when you're down on the ground in, especially the immediate aftermath of trauma, there's so much anger and there's so much hurt. And there's, it rocks you spiritually.0:46:25 Anarie: I've gone through times where I don't even believe in God. I feel like, I know my betrayal that I experienced, it ran deep, a lot of it impacted my relationship with God. So there were times when I felt like I couldn't believe in God the way that that group was wanting me to believe in God. So for me it kind of increased the shame.0:46:47 Daniel: That is so...0:46:48 Anarie: Some of my shame experience there. Compared to the S.A Lifeline, where it's more general language, you talk about a higher power. And there I felt so much permission in that group to be wherever I was at, without feeling like I needed to show only the nicer part, or to be immediately jumping to the right way of saying things. If that makes sense?0:47:10 Daniel: I really appreciate you sharing that, about ARP. I think it's a great resource that is offered. I also agree that it's not for everyone, and I will say it's not for most people. I'm gonna say that very carefully for the very reason you've just mentioned. Untrained volunteers who are doing their best but not aware of how a lack of safety is created by reverting to forgiveness versus allowing that anger to be present and understanding how that can be healing in a group of people with a common experience.0:47:55 Anarie: Yeah.0:47:56 Daniel: Thank you so much. I don't wanna come across as criticizing ARP, I think it's a resource, but I think it's just that, a resource.0:48:06 Anarie: Yes, and I was incredibly grateful that it was there for me at the time, and by going there and talking to some of the people in the group, that's how I learned about some of these other resources as well. And I think that the experience in an ARP group it can be heavily dependent on who the missionaries are, and who else is there in the group.0:48:27 Daniel: Absolutely. So let's come... Thank you, I think that was very important. Let's come back around to... You have so much good information, I love it, I absolutely love it, but I'm trying to remember if we actually answered the question. In that three years of going to Lifestar, and these other various treatments, did we see progress in the relationship? What was a result of that?0:48:51 Anarie: Okay, so in terms of our relationship, we did not really, we were not very successful at connecting emotionally, through the three years. At different times we did. And I'm not entirely sure why. I felt like I made lots of individual progress, lots of individual healing and growth. And relationships with family, I saw relationships with my family members and with my friends, radically transforming and changing.0:49:38 Anarie: Within my marriage though, and my relationship with my husband, I was not seeing and experiencing much fundamental change. We were not connecting sexually, we were not connecting emotionally, really, through that process. We were supportive of each other in our individual journeys, but sort of in the same old like logistical business partner-y kind of way that it had been before.0:50:15 Daniel: So you don't want... You don't want a eternal business relationship, you want an eternal marriage.0:50:22 Anarie: Right.0:50:22 Daniel: So...0:50:23 Anarie: And I was... He might say The reason we didn't have a sexual relationship was because of my boundaries, and I would say, "Well my boundaries were where they were because there was still no emotional safety." I wasn't feeling... I didn't have trust restored, in like, I believe his disclosure was honest. I think I do.0:50:54 Daniel: You mean the disclosure in Phase One, or Phase Two?0:50:57 Anarie: The formal disclosure.0:51:00 Daniel: Okay.0:51:00 Anarie: Yeah, and I appreciated him sharing that. And immediately after there was some connection. He supposedly was able to achieve sobriety really early in the program. So a lot of times during the process of Lifestar, there's opportunity to work on conversation about experiences of pornography and slips, and disclosing that and working through that. And because he was so immediately sober, we didn't have much of that. So, I don't know.0:51:34 Daniel: So Tell me a little bit more about that. I think that's important for the audience to hear, now quite a few episodes are available with my podcast. What is sobriety when we talk about sobriety? And it may sound like a stupid question, and you may be familiar with the way I've tried to define it, and explain what is pornography. So how did they measure that for the sake of the listener Sometimes the definition around pornography could be anything that could potentially lead to something more severe, for example, maybe looking at in a lingerie or Instagram or something like that. So how was... Did Lifestar create some sort of definition, or was this an agreed-upon sobriety? How did that get decided and navigated?0:52:25 Anarie: So, for us in Lifestar there, I think there was a certain expectation in the group of what sobriety is, which is not actively seeking out pornographic images or sexual stimulation, things that with... Because with the addiction model the addicts are turning to that as a way to medicate their feelings, and so it was a... They weren't sober if they actively went after something that would give them their sexual hits. So if they were searching for pornographic images, or...0:53:07 Daniel: Of any kind?0:53:08 Anarie: Of any kind. Or... I believe a lot of people in my husband's group, and I think in 12 steps as well, sort of had a 10-second fantasy rule, that if they engaged in fantasy for more than 10 seconds then that was considered a slip.0:53:31 Daniel: Okay.0:53:33 Anarie: Or they needed to share that with their stuff.0:53:36 Daniel: That's a pretty short, short window in reality.0:53:40 Anarie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.0:53:40 Daniel: But I actually like that concept because it's actually encouraging self-awareness. You're not penalized or you're not viewed, whether by your group yourself or whomever, as back to zero again because, oh, my goodness, my mind went into an automatic thought process, and now I have to... It seems impossible, but that self-awareness or that time allows you to become more, "Oh, my goodness, that's what's happening. Okay, I still have time to recover." And not have to count that as, "Oh, excellent, great." So he was basing sobriety, supposedly off of that.0:54:22 Anarie: Masturbation as well. No masturbation, no self-stimulation.0:54:26 Daniel: Got it.0:54:28 Anarie: But really, so much of it was about the lying. So no... And with my experience with my friends on the betrayal side of it, so much of it was about the lying and the hiding. So yes, it would hurt if there was a slip, but it in a way, it was almost healing to have those slips shared, 'cause then we were being let into that world, and we were a part of it.0:54:58 Daniel: So this is what's... What's really interesting to me, and not a criticism, 'cause I... Well, at least I like to think I understand the human behavior side of it, but now you've gotten at least, you're past phase one, into phase two, the disclosure has been made, you've had a ton of psychoeducation about what these patterns are like, and now creating this environment of trust where he can disclose to you. And you're actually finding healing from it. It feels, "Oh my goodness. You're open with me." Why would he hold that back? If you've made this success... Again, I know I'm asking you to kinda interpret from his experience.0:55:39 Anarie: Yeah, I'm not sure.0:55:41 Daniel: Okay.0:55:41 Anarie: I have wondered if shame... Just using the sexual addiction model, as like these behaviors are bad, coming from that background of these are bad and shameful, by disclosing, it's, I'm showing you again that I'm shameful.0:56:03 Daniel: For those who keep hearing the phrase, "sex addiction model", just to provide a little bit more clarity here, there are different theoretical approaches to treating sexual behavior. And one of them is what is being referred to here as this sex addiction model, which is places like Lifestar and other organizations, believe in treating this behavior. And you're bringing up an interesting point here, is even though the sex addiction model was very enlightening to you, it helped you as an individual. You made a comment about how it might have been reinforcing the shame. Is that what I heard?0:56:44 Anarie: Yeah. Yeah, I'm not sure if it was ideal scenario for him.0:56:51 Daniel: Can you say more about that?0:56:55 Anarie: Just because I feel like all through the recovery there was too much fear around it. Even if it was trying to be normalized, and other people struggle with this, I still feel like there was not an acknowledgement of how normal pornography use is. And I feel like there was still a lot of fear around it, and a lot of labeling of it as being bad and wrong, and...0:57:37 Daniel: So it...0:57:37 Anarie: It itself was still demonized a lot. Even if there was work done to navigate shame, like education about what role it's serving, and choosing more appropriate ways to meet some of those needs, it was still coming from this premise of, the pornography and the masturbation in and of itself is bad and wrong and... Yeah.0:58:11 Daniel: Yeah, well that makes sense. So, what I think I'm hearing here is, even though you've had this psycho-education, you're having this great support network, you're getting the resources you need for both of you and your relationship, there's a possibility that same treatment method was also reinforcing more fear. And so, even though he knew he could reveal to you, and that could be an opportunity for success and recovery, acknowledging that you slipped up again, you are now taking on all these...0:58:46 Anarie: Yeah, it still made him look like the bad guy.0:58:48 Daniel: Very much so. Again, not minimizing the seriousness of it, or giving him an excuse here, but the reality is, is when we demonize the use we then become and identify with that demon, so to speak. Right?0:59:05 Anarie: Yeah.0:59:05 Daniel: And so being able to acknowledge that even though you know you've done it, wow, that could really feed into, not only his fear, but your fear. What does it mean? You did this again. Who are you? Is that what I'm hearing?0:59:18 Anarie: Yeah, yeah. There in... I quite often heard it like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There's the addict self and the true self. And I think there's some truth to that, and I also think it's problematic and was harmful, for both of us, to turn it into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of scenario. Because I believe it's more integrated.0:59:45 Daniel: This is an experience that I hear so many have, where they finally get the... I thought it was beautiful the way you described it, is they provided resources and information that resonated with you perfectly, things made sense. And your personal journey, you felt like you were getting the right support, the right help, he was being held responsible in the right way to divulge his information and his struggles. While you have this great resource, you're also seeing how it was problematic. What is...1:00:22 Anarie: Yeah, look... Oh sorry, go ahead.1:00:24 Daniel: No, absolutely, go ahead.1:00:26 Anarie: I was just gonna say, looking back there, we're dealing with a sexual issue, pornography, his masturbation, sexual addiction, but there was not much information given in our program about healthy sexuality...1:00:42 Daniel: Bingo.1:00:42 Anarie: About normal sexual development. And I know normal's a relative term, but human sexual development, there was not much information about that. Even with disclosure, hearing about a lot of the forms of acting out that he used, I still, during my time in recovery, there was so much fear that there was never really any normalization of some of those kinds of behaviors. So I would hear that he'd done this type of pornography that, to me, was extra scary and extra bad. And there was never any space to put that in a less terrifying way.1:01:30 Daniel: I think that's huge, and I think that's a thing that's missed in all treatment. Well, not all treatment, but a majority of treatment. Even in those clinics that are, like Lifestar, who are phenomenal at what they do, we focus on what not to do, right? But we don't actually explore and understand from a expert point of view, of what healthy sexual behavior looks like. We have these assumptions, but those assumptions aren't necessarily true, or need further expanding on.1:02:06 Daniel: But I also, what you said there was, the type of pornography, and there's huge misunderstandings around this. Pop-psychology, a lot of the predominant resources out there teach this idea that it's escalative behavior, and that is... There's very, very little support for that, in that somebody who's looking up maybe bondage type of pornography, or something very serious, or is perceived as something more serious than another, then that creates this whole new treatment model or severity around the person. Or there's something more sickening about the person, which is, again, problematic and not supported in treatment or in science. But you started to notice that.1:02:54 Anarie: Yeah. I feel like I needed to have my experience validated, so I was coming at it from a place of a lot of fear.1:03:03 Daniel: Of course.1:03:03 Anarie: In fact, it was really scary for me to listen to his disclosure. I had never watched a rated R movie myself at that time, and so to learn about these sexual behaviors and these kinds of pornography, that was a really scary thing for me, to have to learn about those things. And it was helpful for me to have others validate how scary and how much fear there was in that. At the same time, I feel like there could have been... I could have been validated in my fearful approach to it, and a more balanced view could have also been presented a little bit sooner, so my narrative could have been validated and some reframes could have been offered more.1:03:51 Daniel: So what would you recommend to somebody who's in your position, situation rather, and they're struggling with a similar behavior, their spouse is hiding, and you're seeking treatment? How would you... I guess what I'm asking is, What would you do different?1:04:11 Anarie: Or what would I do the same? What would I...1:04:13 Daniel: Oh yeah, fair, fair.1:04:14 Anarie: Recommend for someone in that place?1:04:16 Daniel: Yes.1:04:17 Anarie: For me, getting support from others and moving out of isolation, is so so scary. So wherever you can start to get that support from. For me, looking back, I have felt some like, "Oh, maybe we should have gone to a different program. Maybe if we would have found a better therapist." Or, "I should have not gone to ARP first, I should have... " It's really easy to get into some of that. But any support, any... Reach out to the people around you, look for the best resources that applaud any steps out of isolation, any effort to express your experience and get support. And permission to experience what you're experiencing, to feel what you're feeling.1:05:09 Anarie: However you're coming at it from, whatever you feel about it, those things are valid, and there's a place for it, and you don't need to feel ashamed for the way that you're experiencing it. So you... I heard a lot of messages about how betrayed spouses need to respond right to disclosure. So, if you freak out, they're not gonna share with you in the future. But... And there's truth to that. At the same time, when you're in fresh trauma it makes sense that you freak out and that you can't hold space for yourself the way that you might be able to further down the road. So, I guess just permission to be where you're at when you're there.1:05:57 Daniel: I really appreciate that insight right there. I will often... If we discover that disclosure has to be made, I can't tell you how valuable it is to, depending on which partner it is, in this case let's say the husband, pulling them aside, meeting with them individually and coaching them through this. "Look, it's gonna be rough. You don't try to manage your wife's feelings and emotions at all. Let her experience it. This is about revealing, building trust, and she gets to have her emotions just like you do. In this experience, allow her to be. In fact, encourage it." But that's, I think... Oh, that's a big one. Thank you for bringing that up.1:06:47 Anarie: And that is something I felt Lifestar did a really good job, of giving space for the betrayed partner to have their experience, for their trauma to be validated. And to expect that the addicted spouse needed to find support elsewhere, and that the betrayed person can't... You want to come together as a couple to address the issue together, but for a time maybe you can't do that. You need outside support, outside people. So...1:07:23 Daniel: Absolutely, so you now are divorced. It's been how long since the separation?1:07:27 Anarie: Four months since it was finalized, a year since we separated.1:07:29 Daniel: Four months. Alright. And do you feel like you're in a better place now?1:07:34 Anarie: I do, yeah.1:07:37 Daniel: Well, Anarie...1:07:39 Anarie: And I'm hopeful that he is as well, and that he will be.1:07:46 Daniel: Well, it sounds like you're making some important decisions to move forward, and that healing is occurring. And I can't tell you how much I personally appreciate you coming on here and sharing your information with everyone else. I can't tell you...1:08:00 Anarie: Well, I hope that it can be helpful. There was so much... Shame thrives in believing that you're the only one. And for so long I believed that I was the only one, or one of only a few. And particularly the sexless nature of my marriage didn't match a lot of what I heard about other...1:08:21 Daniel: No.1:08:22 Anarie: Addicted people. And I think that was part of what was so distressing too, it seemed to not fit. And since recovery I've found, no there are others who are experiencing this dynamic of being married to someone who's acting out sexually while having a sexless marriage and sexless relationship. And so, for a long time I was even nervous to tell other people in my recovery circle about what kind of sexless marriage I'd had because often I was in a minority. So, for that reason I wanna share my story because I know now that I'm not the only person experiencing that kind of dynamic.1:09:03 Daniel: It's so much more common then people realize.1:09:04 Anarie: And when you... When you feel like it's just you, when you feel shame for your shameful experience, it's just so much more painful. So I know now that I'm not the only one experiencing that, so I wanna share that so that others can know as well, that this is part of the experience too.1:09:24 Daniel: I could assure you, the people listening right now are comforted by that comment. You did mention one other thing, before we go. I can't remember if we were personally talking about it offline or if it was at the beginning. You said one of the concerns, or... And maybe you have addressed it in a round about way. But one of the concerns you had about this treatment process, just the whole process I guess, was, yes, you got solutions, you got treatment plans for the porn and sexual behaviors, but some of the underlining issues weren't addressed.1:10:02 Anarie: Yes.1:10:02 Daniel: Do you mind talking about that for a second?1:10:04 Anarie: Yeah. So, in terms of our relationship and what was actually going on in our relationship, I feel like the pornography was a symptom of other things that were going on. So in spending a couple of years honing in specifically on pornography, and the pornography use, and regulating and learning about that, it took a couple of years before we started actually looking at more of our relationship dynamics, that were actually more of our problem. And it's linked, so it's not like... Okay.1:10:50 Anarie: But in a way I feel like the focus on the pornography use was able to feed... We almost... It started to become a part of some of our underlying issues. We almost used it in old unhealthy ways. So, in terms of what the underlying issue was, there was some control and power manipulation, lying, unhealthy shame management, enmeshment, differentiation issues, sexual shame, repressed sexuality. Some of those things... We spent so much time on the regulating sobriety and porn behaviors that by the time we started actually getting to the real meat of stuff, it took a couple of years.1:11:48 Daniel: Which is absolutely a case I see quite frequently here. We may resolve the pornography, the addictive behaviors, but when that's gone what happens is exactly what you described. You're going to this, you're healing, but where's the connection? The absence of porn and undesired sexual behaviors does not create connection.1:12:16 Anarie: Yes, yes, yes. [chuckle]1:12:18 Daniel: Right?1:12:19 Anarie: Yeah. Yep.1:12:19 Daniel: And so, this is an element that is always... Again, I'm using always. Not always the case. Is too often overlooked, because we do, we make the symptom, which is the pornography, the problem. And we think if we get rid of the problem, which is actually just the symptom... There's clearly something else going on here with the constant manipulation. And unfortunately, the way... The addiction model, or pop psychology, whatever we wanna refer to it or blame it on, tells us that manipulation is a result from the escalating behavior. Well, we're finding that it's actually an underlying issue that's unresolved and not treated. And then the pornography, in a sense, becomes yet another form of manipulation to cover that real problem. It's this benign tumor that just is hidden somewhere we can't find it. Right?1:13:17 Anarie: Yes. And pornography addiction recovery can, in a sense, end up being used as a tool of manipulation.1:13:25 Daniel: Yes.1:13:25 Anarie: And, there was something I was gonna say. I can't remember.1:13:33 Daniel: Now, if it comes back to you feel free to jump in.1:13:36 Anarie: Sorry. [chuckle]1:13:36 Daniel: But I think that you hit... I think one of the biggest takeaways from this is not to neglect the... We focus too often on getting rid of something. I phrase it... You went to treatment at the beginning, no one talked about pornography, and then you went to Lifestar where pornography was finally talked about, but yet connection wasn't addressed. If there was some way that we can address both the undesired behavior and the desired behavior... And in my practice, I always say, "Let's focus on the desired outcome. What is the desired outcome? Okay, you're using pornography right now, the desired outcome isn't just to stop that.1:14:20 Daniel: The desired outcome is, "I wanna feel closer to you, I wanna feel connection. Okay, even if you saw some pornography today, I still wanna come home and have a meaningful discussion with you, I wanna have meaningful sex, I wanna feel close to you. If that means getting rid of the pornography, great. If it means we need to understand how to communicate better, let's do that too." And it sounds like that was an element that was missed, at least in your experience.1:14:52 Anarie: Yeah, and it was talked about, and I... Connection, the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection. That's a phrase that I heard a lot in recovery. So there was a lot of talk about connection.1:15:06 Daniel: Yeah, but we're discovering, it sounds like you did too... And forgive me, I'm not trying to put words in your mouth at all. Is the absence of the addiction doesn't re-result in connection.1:15:18 Anarie: Yes, yeah, yeah.1:15:19 Daniel: So we talk about it a lot, but we don't actually, I think, create a treatment plan around that and try to improve it.1:15:27 Anarie: Yeah. And I do wanna say that I am grateful that pornography... Because pornography was labelled as an issue, as a problematic thing, it gave a doorway into some therapy and some information that was incredibly helpful. So I am grateful that there was this issue and there are these programs that help, that were able to catch me and help me get directed into some real therapeutic help.1:16:00 Daniel: Absolutely. Well, you've given us so, so much to think about here. And I know it may sound redundant, but I'm gonna ask again, any final thoughts or things you wanna leave us with?1:16:13 Anarie: I do wanna share just some of the things beyond betrayal trauma that I needed to learn, and that were an important part of my recovery, and my process of learning how to be a healthy individual in a healthier relationship. Because there were definitely

How does someone prove that they're truly healing from a pornography or sexual addiction? In this episode, Geoff Steurer shares six guideposts that indicate true healing is most likely happening. Even though the truth of someone's healing process is deeply personal and can't be measured by a list, these six areas of healing are consistently present in the thousands of people Geoff has guided over the past twenty-plus years of working as a licensed marriage and family therapist. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery Geoff Steurer's Bio: Since 1999, I’ve been helping couples and individuals improve their most important relationships. It has been deeply rewarding to watch clients move out of patterns that have held them and their loved ones back from experiencing their full relationship potential. I completed a masters degree in marriage and family therapy at Auburn University in Auburn, Alabama. I also hold a bachelors degree from Brigham Young University in communications studies. Following my graduate work, I worked in community behavioral health where I gained experience working with a wide-range of mental health concerns affecting individuals, couples, and families. This experience helped me discover my strong interest in working with couples, especially couples affected by pornography addiction, affairs, and other betrayals. I eventually became affiliated with the LifeStar Network and moved to St. George, UT in 2006 where I opened up a private practice and started the LifeStar of St. George program. In 2009, I created the group practice Alliant Counseling and Education, which is home to a team of highly trained therapists who are specialists in their chosen areas of expertise. I have continued to seek advanced training in both pornography/sexual addiction treatment as well as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). My focus in both my couples work as well as the group work in the LifeStar program is helping individuals and couples heal the patterns of attachment in their relationships. I am the co-author of the book “Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity“, with Dr. Mark Chamberlain. I also recorded the 6-part series “Strengthening Recovery Through Strengthening Marriage: Healing from Pornography Addiction” with Dr. Kevin Skinner. I also was featured as a guest expert in the documentary "The Heart of the Matter". I am an affiliate director in the LifeStar Network. I have co-authored many of the LifeStar Network workbooks. I also write a weekly column for the St. George News Online and the LDS online magazine Meridian Magazine. I frequently present at state and national conferences on the subjects of marriage, sexual addiction recovery, and other related topics. I was the co-founder of the Southern Utah conference put on by the Utah Coalition Against Pornography and have served as conference chair four times. I also provide workshops, trainings, and other presentations for local groups and clergy. Please contact me if I can assist your organization. I have been married since 1996 to my wife, Jody, and we are the parents of four children. I am active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was raised in Oklahoma and have lived all over the United States and spent two years in the Dominican Republic serving a volunteer mission for my church. I enjoy working with people of all faiths and backgrounds. In my spare time, I like to hike, camp, listen to and play music, photography, and hang out with my family.

In this episode I continue my interview with Katy Willis and we give you the chance to experience components of yoga for yourself. You just have to double cross your heart that you will save it for a time when you are not driving, operating heavy machinery, or other activities that require your undivided attention :-) If you haven't listened to Episode 35, please go back and listen so you can have foundational information on the practices she is going to share. Resources: 1. Kirtan Kriya instructions: https://www.3ho.org/files/pdfs/KirtanKriya.pdf http://alzheimersprevention.org/research/kirtan-kriya-yoga-exercise/ https://kripalu.org/resources/incredible-power-kirtan-kriya-conversation-brain-health-and-longevity-dr-chris-walling https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4927889/ Katy will be offering two free trial yoga classes on http://btr.org (Betrayal Trauma Recovery) for any women. The two trial classes are free to all women, not just women who have a btr subscription. The classes will be Saturday, April 27 and Saturday, May 4 @ 8 am MST. She will start offering the Prana I Yoga Therapy course this fall in Logan, Utah at Addo Recovery. You can follow Katy here to learn more about her yoga classes online and in Utah: http://bestillservices.blogspot.com/p/christ-centered-yoga.html And, Katy's mentor, Sariah, offers online pre-recorded trauma yoga classes for $12/month here: https://backpocketyoga.com/register/ Books to consider for further personal reading: The Body Keep the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk MD Meditation as Medicine, by Dr. Dharma Singh Khalsa and Cameron Stauth Hatha Yoga Illustrated, by Martin L. Kirk, Brooke Boon, et al. The breath/brain article (qz.com/quartzy/1132986/neuro…t9mVqrPJ48AZVt7-NGL9Y) Eye focus/brain activation (www.3ho.org/kundalini-yoga/eye-focus) Katy's favorite Kundalini yoga website (www.3ho.org) 5. Instructions for basic Hatha yoga poses (backpocketyoga.com/how-to-pose/) 6. Mantra translation website (www.spiritvoyage.com/mantra) Katy's Bio: Katy Willis spends most of her time as a homeschooling mamma to her 4 energetic children. Katy and her husband, Mark, hope to add to their family through adoption. She graduated from BYU-Idaho with an Associate's degree in Nursing in 2005, as well as a Bachelor's degree in Music in 2006. Katy currently runs her own small business called Be Still Services. Her mission is to help support individuals physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually in the aftermath of trauma so they can be still and find Jesus Christ. Katy has retired from working on the cardiac floor; however, is using her nursing skills again, but this time in brain wellness as a Quantum Neuro Reset Therapy (QNRT) Practitioner. QNRT is part of an emerging branch of the medical field called Quantum Neurobiology. She trained with Sariah at BackPocket Yoga for her 200 hour Hatha Yoga Teacher Training and Prana I course. Katy is a certified Karma Kids Yoga instructor. Additionally, she has studied with Felice at Tree of Life for Kundalini Yoga. She dreams of opening a brain wellness center in Northern Utah some day. Jesus Christ has been her rock through healing from betrayal trauma after her husband's relapse with pornography addiction, as well as during high-risk pregnancies, miscarriages, and navigating through the world of adoption. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

In this episode, I interview Katy Willis and discuss how the body can be affected by trauma. We explore common changes to the brain, and basic options to help balance the brain again in the aftermath of trauma. We go into depth about the science behind yoga, and how it works for trauma healing. Resources: Books to consider for further personal reading: The Body Keep the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk MD Meditation as Medicine, by Dr. Dharma Singh Khalsa and Cameron Stauth Hatha Yoga Illustrated, by Martin L. Kirk, Brooke Boon, et al. The breath/brain article (https://qz.com/quartzy/1132986/neuroscientists-have-identified-how-exactly-a-deep-breath-changes-your-mind/?fbclid=IwAR1V8xEn2C4Dbv15nW5P6g8ZolSMyLT_7u9FaQt9mVqrPJ48AZVt7-NGL9Y) Eye focus/brain activation (https://www.3ho.org/kundalini-yoga/eye-focus) Katy's favorite Kundalini yoga website (https://www.3ho.org) 5. Instructions for basic Hatha yoga poses (https://backpocketyoga.com/how-to-pose/) 6. Mantra translation website (http://www.spiritvoyage.com/mantra) Katy's Bio: Katy Willis spends most of her time as a homeschooling mamma to her 4 energetic children. Katy and her husband, Mark, hope to add to their family through adoption. She graduated from BYU-Idaho with an Associate's degree in Nursing in 2005, as well as a Bachelor's degree in Music in 2006. Katy currently runs her own small business called Be Still Services. Her mission is to help support individuals physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually in the aftermath of trauma so they can be still and find Jesus Christ. Katy has retired from working on the cardiac floor; however, is using her nursing skills again, but this time in brain wellness as a Quantum Neuro Reset Therapy (QNRT) Practitioner. QNRT is part of an emerging branch of the medical field called Quantum Neurobiology. She trained with Sariah at BackPocket Yoga for her 200 hour Hatha Yoga Teacher Training and Prana I course. Katy is a certified Karma Kids Yoga instructor. Additionally, she has studied with Felice at Tree of Life for Kundalini Yoga. She dreams of opening a brain wellness center in Northern Utah some day. Jesus Christ has been her rock through healing from betrayal trauma after her husband's relapse with pornography addiction, as well as during high-risk pregnancies, miscarriages, and navigating through the world of adoption. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

The discovery of pornography and other sexual secrets is a trauma that throws most couples into a tailspin. The tendency is to rally around the marriage and do everything possible to save the marriage. But, is that really the best first-line approach? In today's episode, Jeff Ford and Geoff Steurer, both licensed marriage and family therapists and co-directors of the LifeStar of St. George sexual addiction and betrayal trauma recovery program, talk about critical considerations to make when determining the best time to begin working with a couple during addiction recovery. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

Taking a short break from Monster Madness, we talk about a bunch of different things on this After Dark!-National Video Game Museum in Frisco, Tx-Kristen is the Lifestar?-Stupid internet challenges-YouTubers-Dance CopyrightsAnd more!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/badsecretmedia)

Taylor Chambers, licensed marriage and family therapist, shares an important recovery and healing concept: mindfulness. Find out what it is, why it matters, how it can be developed, and what you can do to start practicing this skill. Taylor is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Taylor graduated with a bachelor's degree in Family Science from Brigham Young University and then obtained a master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Abilene Christian University. Taylor's career has focused on treating sexual addiction, depression, and anxiety, especially with teens, young adult men, and their families. Taylor is the founder of Porn-Resilient Parenting, and currently works with LifeStar St. George and with Forte Strong, a failure-to-launch program. He enjoys helping people grow as well as reading, hiking, and birding. The most important thing in Taylor's world is his family. Download the free Porn-Resilient Family assessment at www.taylorjchambers.com and learn more about the upcoming parenting workshop. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

In this interview, Taylor Chambers, licensed marriage and family therapist, shares his approach to helping families cultivate resilience to pornography. - Learn why a prevention mindset is not enough - Discover what steps your family can take to be more resilient - Includes resources that can support you in this process. Download the free Porn-Resilient Family assessment at taylorjchambers.com and learn more about the upcoming parenting workshop. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

The Utah Coalition Against Pornography is hosting the Salt Lake City 2019 UCAP Conference at the Salt Lake Convention Center. In this episode of Utah Weekly Forum, Guest Host Rusty Keys talks openly with a married couple about their journey to recovery. Lifestar Network’s Dan Gray also joins the conversation to explain how the conference brings professional resources, support, and the latest research on pornography and its’ effects on communities, couples, and individuals in Utah and across the country.

I interview Michelle Linford, the founder and administrator for LDS Hope and Healing, on the subject of sexual wholeness in marriage. Couples in recovery from pornography / sexual addiction and betrayal trauma often have questions and struggles around how to bring sexual wholeness to their marriages. We discuss: - How to seek true principles to guide the discussion as a couple - How to spot counterfeit and harmful information about healthy sexuality - How each person in the relationship is responsible for developing their own personal wholeness so they can offer themselves fully to their relationship. - Understanding the difference between fragmentation of ourselves in the sexual relationship versus being a whole and complete person. More on Michelle's background: Michelle's online volunteer work took an unexpected turn in late 2011 when search engine data showed the desperate need many LDS women had for help and support because of the sexual addiction/compulsion of a loved one. In response to that need, in January 2012, Michelle created HopeandHealingLDS.com (a blog and private forum) with the belief that if women knew they weren't alone, had others with whom they could connect, and had resources and information available to them, real healing could begin. Her motto was: "Let's use the tool that has brought so much pain to bring hope and healing to people!" In addition, inspired by her research about addiction recovery and the hope-filled stories of recovery from addicts and loved ones alike, Michelle chose to do 12-step work in her own life to find healing from shame, perfectionism, and fear-based living. She has been participating regularly in the Church’s 12-step program for six years, and is currently a facilitator in ARP. Michelle has a bachelor's degree in Psychology and an MBA, with an emphasis in organizational behavior and change. She is the Executive Director of EPIK Deliberate Digital, and is a member of the prevention task force (the Safeguard Alliance) for the National Center on Sexual Exploitation. Michelle and her husband, Matt, are the grateful parents of three, beginning the tender stage of launching their children into the world. In addition to being an ARP facilitator, Michelle also is grateful to serve as a facilitator in the Church's Self-Reliance Services program. Additional Resources from Michelle www.hopeandhealinglds.com/2017/02/14/o…e-resources/ Slides link (this was a presentation last February on dating in a pornified world at a BYU Women's Services conference last year): wsr.byu.edu/sites/default/files…wer%20-%20Final.pdf This is a podcast with LDS Perspectives www.ldsperspectives.com/tag/michelle-linford/ ldsmag.com/author/michelle-linford/ realintent.org/out-of-the-corner/ realintent.org/healing/ This is a compilation of thoughts and resources that assimilate learning from her role at EPIK, at HopeAndHealing (including all that research), and in her own personal experience in 12-step as a participant, sponsor, and facilitator. docs.google.com/document/d/1dn9ny…/edit?usp=sharing The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction. Learn more at http://www.lifestarstgeorge.com You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

In this episode, Jeff Ford and Geoff Steurer talk about some common struggles in recovery from pornography / sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Specifically, we share tips on: - How women can stay out of their own panic and fear when hearing the pain in other women's stories - How men can learn to work for their relationships when coming out of addiction by learning to stay in the discomfort and uncertainty that comes with close relationships. For more information, please visit: http://www.lifestarstgeorge.com

This episode features an interview with Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP where we discuss group therapy for treatment of pornography / sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. In this episode, we discuss: - Why group treatment is often difficult for people - The definition of group therapy and how it works - How group therapy helps people heal their attachment wounds - The different types of therapy groups - How group can be a “classroom for connection” - Why group can create ongoing accountability for recovery - How group can be a bridge back to a relationship with God. Group resources mentioned in the show: www.forestbenedict.com www.lifestarnetwork.com www.salifeline.org http://arp.lds.org Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP, is the author of the highly-acclaimed book Life After Lust: Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery (www.amazon.com/Life-After-Lust-S…1487134790&sr=8-1). Forest uses online group therapy to guide sexually addicted individuals through recovery, serving all of California (forestbenedict.com/online-program-details/). He leads sexual addiction workshops and co-facilitates intensives with LifeSTAR Sacramento (lifestarsacramento.org/team-view/forest-benedict/). Forest is the Program Coordinator of the Sexual Addiction Treatment Provider program at Mid-America Nazarene University, training therapists to do sexual addiction work (www.mnu.edu/graduate/programs/s…rtification-program). He is a husband and father who is in recovery. To work with Forest, email him at forest@forestbenedict.com. Check out his website forestbenedict.com for additional recovery related resources . To learn about Forest’s recovery story, click here: forestbenedict.com/2017/03/17/cele…-gifts-for-you/ Additional links: Please follow Forest on the following platforms: Newsletter: us14.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=60…&id=b625e28c00 Youtube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCOx7994oK_wpXKchrO9GdtA Blog: forestbenedict.com/blog/ Twitter: twitter.com/ForestGB Facebook: www.facebook.com/ForestGBenedict Instagram: www.instagram.com/forestbenedictlmft/ Pinterest: www.pinterest.co.uk/forestbenedict/ Please SHARE this valuable content with others. The Illuminate Podcast is sponsored by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a recovery program for couples and individual impacted by pornography addiction and betrayal trauma. Visit www.lifestarstgeorge.com for the next workshop and other resources. You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

I interview Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP about how men in recovery from pornography and sexual addiction can care for themselves in long-term recovery. He teaches that men with addictions are "masters of self-neglect" and don't have habits of taking good care of themselves. He is also in recovery himself and shares both his clinical and personal wisdom about how to build a strong self-care program. Forest Benedict, LMFT, SATP, is the author of the highly-acclaimed book Life After Lust: Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery (https://www.amazon.com/Life-After-Lust-Strategies-Pornography/dp/0998468215/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1487134790&sr=8-1). Forest uses online group therapy to guide sexually addicted individuals through recovery, serving all of California (https://forestbenedict.com/online-program-details/). He leads sexual addiction workshops and co-facilitates intensives with LifeSTAR Sacramento (http://lifestarsacramento.org/team-view/forest-benedict/). Forest is the Program Coordinator of the Sexual Addiction Treatment Provider program at Mid-America Nazarene University, training therapists to do sexual addiction work (https://www.mnu.edu/graduate/programs/sexual-addictions-treatment-provider-certification-program). He is a husband and father who is in recovery. To work with Forest, email him at forest@forestbenedict.com. Check out his website https://forestbenedict.com for additional recovery related resources . To learn about Forest’s recovery story, click here: https://forestbenedict.com/2017/03/17/celebrating-13-years-free-from-porn-addiction-with-2-gifts-for-you/ Additional links: Please follow Forest on the following platforms: Newsletter: https://us14.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=606ca501b3df1322f502c4672&id=b625e28c00 Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOx7994oK_wpXKchrO9GdtA Blog: https://forestbenedict.com/blog/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/ForestGB Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ForestGBenedict Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forestbenedictlmft/ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/forestbenedict/ Please SHARE this valuable content with others. The Illuminate Podcast is sponsored by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a recovery program for couples and individual impacted by pornography addiction and betrayal trauma. Visit www.lifestarstgeorge.com for the next workshop and other resources. You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: http://geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

Our kids are tired of the same "porn is bad" talk and need better information from us on how to navigate the sex-saturated world that surrounds them. Dr. Dean Busby, director of the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, co-authored a book called "A Better Way to Teach Kids About Sex", which includes a chapter on how to have a better conversation about pornography. In this episode, we cover: * What conversations need to happen before you can have an anti-pornography talk with your children. * Why jumping into a conversation about pornography without preparation is harmful to children. * How we unintentionally teach our children that sex is shameful. * Why taking an alarmist approach toward pornography prevents kids from being open. * How to validate healthy sexual attraction while setting limits with lust. * How to create a meaningful discussion vs. a one-sided lecture about pornography. * Three talking points that are critical to cover when talking about pornography. * Paying attention to your child’s personality and communication style so you can have a more productive conversation. You can purchase the book "A Better Way to Teach Kids About Sex" here: www.amazon.com/Better-Way-Teach-…veASIN=1629723738 Dean M. Busby is the director of the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. Recently he has been teaching the healthy sexuality in marriage course at BYU. His research has garnered university and national awards and been funded by federal and state grants and has been presented to scholarly and lay audiences around the world. The Illuminate Podcast is sponsored by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a recovery program for couples and individual impacted by pornography addiction and betrayal trauma. Visit www.lifestarstgeorge.com for the next workshop and other resources. You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

The ways we've attempted talking to our kids about sex often leave everyone feeling uncomfortable and fearful. The focus is often on what NOT to do instead of teaching joyful truths about bodies, relationships, and bonding. In this episode, I interview Dr. Dean Busby, the director of the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, who is one of four co-authors of the new book, "A Better Way to Teach Kids About Sex". In this episode, we discuss: - How to move past setting up "the talk" and, instead, helping your child feel comfortable talking about sex, sexuality, bodies, and relationships in a loving and safe relationship. - How this conversation can help prepare your child to have these same kinds of conversations down the road with their future spouse. - The myth that talking about sexuality encourages sexual behavior - Why ignorance around sexuality is no longer bliss...especially in today's world. - How to promote healthy attitudes around sexuality so our kids are comfortable discussing these topics in the future in their own marriage and family. - Why traditional metaphors around sex are a poor substitute for more direct conversation and can actually do more harm than good. - How we can develop a more playful and joyful attitude about sexuality without being inappropriate. You can purchase the book "A Better Way to Teach Kids About Sex" here: https://www.amazon.com/Better-Way-Teach-Kids-About/dp/1629723738/ref=as_sl_pc_tf_til?tag=alliacounsa03-20&linkCode=w00&linkId=8c414345596d94f864764e401ece3176&creativeASIN=1629723738 Dean M. Busby is the director of the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. Recently he has been teaching the healthy sexuality in marriage course at BYU. His research has garnered university and national awards and been funded by federal and state grants and has been presented to scholarly and lay audiences around the world. The Illuminate Podcast is sponsored by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a recovery program for couples and individual impacted by pornography addiction and betrayal trauma. Visit www.lifestarstgeorge.com for the next workshop and other resources. You can also purchase a six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery

You can purchase the six-hour audio course on healing your marriage from pornography ($29) here: https://geoff-steurer.mykajabi.com/p/marriage-recovery In this episode I interview Dr. Don Hilton, a world-renowned neurosurgeon and expert on the impact of pornography on the brain. He is the author of "He Restoreth My Soul: Understanding and Breaking the Chemical and Spiritual Chains of Pornography Addiction Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ". In this episode, we discuss: - Is pornography really an addiction? - What pornography does to the brain and why pornography is so addictive. - The different parts of the brain that are impacted by addiction - How the brain becomes out of balance so it’s more difficult to resist the addiction. - How can brain heals from the impact of pornography. - A challenge to the belief that it’s religious shame that causes pornography problems, not pornography itself. - How modern pornography is exploiting our mirror neurons to create more addiction. - The difference between “viewing" pornography versus “participating" in pornography and how future innovations in virtual reality and haptic devices will make pornography even more addictive. - Why we can’t minimize the need to do more in-depth treatment with individuals participating in pornography Biography Donald L. Hilton, Jr. M.D. graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor’s degree in biology from Lamar University, and cum laude with a medical degree from the University of Texas, where he was elected to Alpha Omega Alpha Medical Honor Society. He was trained as a neurosurgeon at the University of Tennessee, and is a clinical associate professor of neurosurgery at the University of Texas Medical School at San Antonio. Dr. Hilton speaks nationally and internationally in the field of minimally invasive spinal surgery, and has published book chapters, peer-reviewed journal papers, and developed techniques widely used in this subspecialty. He is currently listed in Best Doctors in America, and as a Texas Super Doctor and is a fellow of the American College of Surgeons and the American Association of Neurological Surgeons. Dr. Hilton also publishes and speaks on the subject of pornography and sexual addiction. He and his wife received the “Guardian of the Light” award from the anti-pornography organization Lighted Candle Society in 2008, where Dr. Hilton gave the keynote address, “Pornography and the Brain: Understanding the Addiction.” He authored the book He Restoreth My Soul, which explores the effects of pornography on the brain, along with spiritual paradigms of healing. His publications on the subject include Pornography Addiction: A Neuroscience Perspective. Surgical Neurology International, manuscript in press, Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD, Clark Watts, MD, JD. Slavemaster: How Pornography Drugs and Changes Your Brain. Salvo Magazine. Hagelin: Addiction to Porn is Real, Destructive. Washington Times “As a Swallowed Bait: How Pornography Addicts and Changes the Brain.” BYU Law School, “Stand for the Family” Symposium. He and his wife, Jana, are the parents of five children and have three grandchildren. Contact Dr. Hilton at dhiltonjr@sbcglobal.net The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer and Vauna Davis discuss how couples can respectfully address the issue of pornography when dating. She also shares a free resource to help couples navigate this conversation to build more honesty and growth in their relationship. You can learn more about Reach 10 on the website at reach10.org Vauna Davis has been involved in the cause opposing pornography for many years. She is founder and director of Reach 10, a nonprofit that empowers young adults to speak, teach, and lead on the issue of pornography. She also is happy to be working with Protect Young Minds as the Outreach and Education Coordinator. She serves as chair for The Safeguard Alliance of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, and is former director of Utah Coalition Against Pornography. She received an MA in Communications from BYU and lives with her husband, Michael, in Springville, Utah. They enjoy spending time with their grown-up children and grandkids. She loves yardwork - it gets her away from her desk! Reach 10 is a team of young adult speakers that inspire courage, compassion, and connection to overcome the shame, silence, and fear that keep people stuck in pornography. Our name is a call to action – we believe that one person can make a difference as they reach out to 10 people with a message of hope and connection. The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer and Jeff Ford with LifeStar of St. George, Utah talk about how to prepare emotionally and relationally for the holiday season so you can stay in recovery and connected to yourself and those you love. LifeStar is a program to help couples and individuals heal from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Learn more at http://www.lifestarstgeorge.com

In this episode I interview Vauna Davis, the founder and director of Reach 10, and organization that helps young people start healthy conversations about the impact of pornography on individuals and relationships. We discuss: * How to take pornography from being a punchline to a productive conversation. * What young people can do beyond recognizing that this is a problem for individuals and relationships. * How to create real solutions using “courage, compassion, and connection.” * How dealing with this issue builds stronger people and how not talking about this produces more self-criticism and shame. * What loved ones can do to offer immediate support to young adults who struggle with pornography. You can learn more about Reach 10 on the website at http://reach10.org Vauna Davis has been involved in the cause opposing pornography for many years. She is founder and director of Reach 10, a nonprofit that empowers young adults to speak, teach, and lead on the issue of pornography. She also is happy to be working with Protect Young Minds as the Outreach and Education Coordinator. She serves as chair for The Safeguard Alliance of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, and is former director of Utah Coalition Against Pornography. She received an MA in Communications from BYU and lives with her husband, Michael, in Springville, Utah. They enjoy spending time with their grown-up children and grandkids. She loves yardwork - it gets her away from her desk! Reach 10 is a team of young adult speakers that inspire courage, compassion, and connection to overcome the shame, silence, and fear that keep people stuck in pornography. Our name is a call to action – we believe that one person can make a difference as they reach out to 10 people with a message of hope and connection. The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

I return with a second interview with Roxanne Kennedy, author of "Cutting Ties", where she talks about how women healing from betrayal trauma can learn to take charge of their own healing regardless of the outcome of their marriage. She shares the hopeful message that healing is possible, even though it's messy and difficult. She also share details of her specific recovery plan and how she worked her way toward peace and freedom. You can follow Roxanne and learn more about her book at www.cuttingties.com and www.facebook.com/RKennedyCuttingTies/ The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer and Jeff Ford, directors of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, talk about the importance of emotional and behavioral accountability in the recovery process. For more information on the LifeStar program, visit www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Many couples who work through recovery from sexual addiction, pornography addiction, and betrayal trauma end up staying together, but what happens to the betrayed women whose husbands choose not to continue working their recovery process? In this episode, Geoff Steurer interviews Roxanne Kennedy, author of the newly released book "Cutting Ties", where she shares her story of healing through the trials of sexual betrayal, fighting to save the marriage, divorce, and rebuilding her life. Not only does she share her personal story, but she also offers hope to all women that they can heal no matter what happens to their marriage. You can follow Roxanne and learn more about her book at https://www.facebook.com/RKennedyCuttingTies/ The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

In this episode, Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT interviews Brandon and Jaylynn, the couple who were featured in Episodes 1-6. This is a follow-up visit to understand their recovery journey almost two years after the original interviews. In this interview, we talk about: - How change happens in addiction and trauma recovery - What boundaries and rules are still in place to keep them progressing - The reality that deep and lasting change is possible You can follow Jaylynn on Instagram @latterdaywarrior and contact Brandon at outofthedarkaddict@yahoo.com The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Media is all about messages. Every post, every commercial, every shot, every movie is full of messages that try and convince us to think, feel, talk, dress, eat, and act a certain way. How in the world can we decipher these messages? And, how can we help our children see what’s going on around them? In the previous episode (episode 19), Dina Alexander from Educate & Empower Kids told us how we can begin to “read” the images and messages around us. It’s called media literacy and she says it’s a skill that we can teach ourselves and our children. In this podcast, Dina teaches us: - How the media is constantly telling us what we should wear, think, eat, etc. - How everything in the media is designed to profit off of us - we are being sold something with every message - That our children are being turned into professional marketers by the media culture they’re living in and now have more influence with more people than ever before. - How we can help our children be authentic when they’re posting on social media - We can use these media messages as an opportunity to connect with our kids Dina Alexander is the founder and president of Educate and Empower Kids, and the author of several books on helping parents talk to their children about their bodies, sexuality, pornography, media literacy, and smartphones. The book featured in this podcast episode, "Petra's Power to See", can be purchased here: educateempowerkids.org/products The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

We live in an image-based culture and even though we see hundreds of images everyday, most of us don't know how to "read" images the same way we know how to read words. In today's episode, Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT interviews Dina Alexander from Educate and Empower Kids on the topic of media literacy. She teaches us how we can become more literate in reading images and understanding the messages they're sending us. We also discuss: - How to give our children the power to see what they're being sold in today's multimedia world - How to help our children make decisions from a place of personal agency - How parents can break down what we’re seeing so parents and children aren’t overwhelmed. - What questions to ask when critiquing images, such as, "why was this made, who made it, who is their audience, what is the main message, what’s the hidden message, what’s included, and what’s left out?" Dina Alexander is the founder and president of Educate and Empower Kids, and the author of several books on helping parents talk to their children about their bodies, sexuality, pornography, media literacy, and smartphones. The book featured in this podcast episode, "Petra's Power to See", can be purchased here: https://educateempowerkids.org/products The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program to help couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Rod Arquette Show Daily Rundown - Friday, August 3, 20184:20 pm: Dan Gray, Clinical Director for Lifestar and a certified sex addiction therapist, joins the show to discuss the World Health Organization’s new definition of porn addiction4:35 pm: Connor Boyack of the Libertas Institute joins Rod to rebut Utah agriculture officials who have said the medical marijuana initiative could be costly to taxpayers and will be difficult to administer6:05 pm: Democratic senate candidate Jenny Wilson, also a member of the Salt Lake County Council, joins Rod to discuss her immigration platform as she continues her campaign against Republican Mitt Romney6:20 pm: Fred Ash, Legislative Chairman for the Utah Retired School Employees Association, joins the show to discuss his recent op-ed in which he calls on lawmakers to pass immigration reform that is fair to both the construction and agricultural industries6:35 pm - Listen Back Friday: We’ll listen back to Rod’s conversations this week with Anabelle Rutledge of Young Women for America on why the group is firing back at the “Lady Parts Justice League” by saying abortion is not a laughing matter, and (at 6:50 pm) with New York Post correspondent Kevin D. Williamson on how America retreated from civic life in 1968

In this episode, I continue my interview with Amy Cluff where we discuss self-care in recovery from pornography addiction and betrayal trauma. Specifically, we discuss: * How to set up a long term self-care plan to thrive * Learning how to move from unhealthy coping to healthy coping and how to move from crisis state to peaceful state. * How to keep self-care from feeling like a burden. * Specific examples of ways to include physical, emotional, sexual, relational, and mental area of self-care. Amy Cluff is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has been serving Southern Utah in social work capacities since 1999. Amy received her Master of Social Work Degree from the University of Utah in 2004. She is a member of the National Association of Social Workers, Association for Play Therapy, and the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists. Amy specializes in therapy for women, children, and families. She is licensed to provide assessment, diagnosis, and treatment for most mental health disorders. Her training is in mood disorders, anxiety, trauma, attachment and relationship therapy, attention and impulse control, blended family, co-parenting, and divorce issues. She also specializes in working with partners and family members of addicts. Amy is committed to providing excellent treatment for her clients and staying educated in her field. She is available in her community for presentations, workshops, and service opportunities.Amy has a private therapy practice in St. George, Utah. She and her husband are raising two wonderful children, and her family is her greatest joy. She enjoys the outdoors, reading, yoga, and exercise The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Self-care is a critical component of healthy recovery from betrayal trauma and addiction. In this episode, Amy Cluff defines self-care and teaches why it matters. She shares practical ways to begin practicing self-care. Amy Cluff is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has been serving Southern Utah in social work capacities since 1999. Amy received her Master of Social Work Degree from the University of Utah in 2004. She is a member of the National Association of Social Workers, Association for Play Therapy, and the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists. Amy specializes in therapy for women, children, and families. She is licensed to provide assessment, diagnosis, and treatment for most mental health disorders. Her training is in mood disorders, anxiety, trauma, attachment and relationship therapy, attention and impulse control, blended family, co-parenting, and divorce issues. She also specializes in working with partners and family members of addicts. Amy is committed to providing excellent treatment for her clients and staying educated in her field. She is available in her community for presentations, workshops, and service opportunities.Amy has a private therapy practice in St. George, Utah. She and her husband are raising two wonderful children, and her family is her greatest joy. She enjoys the outdoors, reading, yoga, and exercise The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and co-director of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, finishes his interview with Dr. Adam Moore on common questions about recovery from pornography and sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. In today's episode, we cover the following questions: * How does disclosing secrets help couples in recovery? * Is the wife responsible for her husband's pornography addiction? * If he wants to stop, why can't he just stop by using his willpower? Dr. Adam M. Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-owner of Sela Health, which operates mental health counseling offices in Lehi, Utah; Provo, Utah; Mapleton, Utah; and Las Vegas, Nevada. Sela Health employees have provided over 38,000 hours of counseling since the company's inception in 2013. In addition to managing his counseling practice, Dr. Moore hosts a mental health podcast called Pocket Therapist. He also manages My Recovery Portal, a website that has provided on-demand addiction recovery content to people all over the world. Dr. Moore regularly engages in public speaking events on the topic of pornography and sexual addiction recovery, and has presented workshops to over 12,000 people since 2013. Currently, Dr. Moore serves as president of the Utah Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Here are some online resources from Dr. Adam Moore: * Guide to support LDS bishops working with pornography addiction and betrayal trauma utahvalleycounseling.box.com/v/bishops-guide * Pocket Therapist podcast -- a podcast about how to use words and language to create the life you want -- www.yourpockettherapist.com * My FREE content about pornography addiction recovery -- www.adammmoore.com/media * The counseling practice I manage - Utah Valley Counseling -- www.utahvalleycounseling.com * The counseling practice I manage (outside of Utah) Las Vegas Counseling -- www.lasvegascounseling.com * My Recovery Portal - my online education portal for free and paid content for pornography addiction recovery -- www.myrecoveryportal.com * Pornography addiction recovery workbook - www.myrecoveryportal.com/product/the-…l-behaviors/ The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and co-director of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, interviews Dr. Adam Moore on common questions about recovery from pornography and sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. In today's episode, we cover the following questions: * How can you know if the therapist you’re working with is qualified to treat pornography addiction? * Does pornography addiction progressively get more severe? * Do all women married to a pornography addict experience betrayal trauma? * Do couples need to work with multiple therapists to treat pornography addiction and betrayal trauma? * Is everyone who looks at pornography an addict? Dr. Adam M. Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-owner of Sela Health, which operates mental health counseling offices in Lehi, Utah; Provo, Utah; Mapleton, Utah; and Las Vegas, Nevada. Sela Health employees have provided over 38,000 hours of counseling since the company's inception in 2013. In addition to managing his counseling practice, Dr. Moore hosts a mental health podcast called Pocket Therapist. He also manages My Recovery Portal, a website that has provided on-demand addiction recovery content to people all over the world. Dr. Moore regularly engages in public speaking events on the topic of pornography and sexual addiction recovery, and has presented workshops to over 12,000 people since 2013. Currently, Dr. Moore serves as president of the Utah Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Here are some online resources from Dr. Adam Moore: * Guide to support LDS bishops working with pornography addiction and betrayal trauma https://utahvalleycounseling.box.com/v/bishops-guide * Pocket Therapist podcast -- a podcast about how to use words and language to create the life you want -- www.yourpockettherapist.com * My FREE content about pornography addiction recovery -- www.adammmoore.com/media * The counseling practice I manage - Utah Valley Counseling -- www.utahvalleycounseling.com * The counseling practice I manage (outside of Utah) Las Vegas Counseling -- www.lasvegascounseling.com * My Recovery Portal - my online education portal for free and paid content for pornography addiction recovery -- www.myrecoveryportal.com * Pornography addiction recovery workbook - http://www.myrecoveryportal.com/product/the-recovery-workbook-for-sexual-addiction-compulsive-sexual-behaviors/ The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT continues his interview with CEO and co-founder of Fight the New Drug, Clay Olsen. In this episode, we talk about: - How pornography struggles aren't just a "guy problem" and how girls can struggle just as much - The most helpful ways parents can respond to their teen who is struggling with pornography - How Church leaders can respond best to teens who struggle - Resources that are available to help parents and teens confront pornography You can learn more about Fight the New Drug at: www.fightthenewdrug.org The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT interviews CEO and co-founder of Fight the New Drug, Clay Olsen. In this episode, we talk about the new digital landscape facing our teens and young adults and how parents can begin having courageous and honest conversations with our young people about the dangers they face. You can learn more about Fight the New Drug at: http://www.fightthenewdrug.org The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

This is part 2 of my interview with Kristen Jenson, founder of Protect Young Minds, and the author of the children's book, "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures." In this episode, we continue our discussion about how to protect children from the harms of pornography and give parents action steps they can begin taking immediately to help their children. Here is more information about Kristen's organization and resources: * The Quickstart Guide for Proactive Parents protectyoungminds.org/prepare/ * The SMART Plan for Parents (help for parents of kids who have viewed porn) protectyoungminds.org/heal/ * Share & Speak Up protectyoungminds.org/share/ * Art vs Porn: How to Explain the Difference to a Child protectyoungminds.org/2016/09/08/por…explain-child/ * Feelings 101: A Simple Exercise to Build Emotional Wellness in Kids protectyoungminds.org/2017/10/12/exe…wellness-kids/ * Block Porn Interest: A Proactive Parenting Plan protectyoungminds.org/2016/03/17/blo…porn-interest/ Also, listeners can get a free CAN DO Plan poster by texting CANDOPLAN to 44222. They can find out more about her books here. protectyoungminds.org/books/ The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT interviews author, speaker, and founder of Protect Young Minds, Kristen A. Jenson. In this episode, Kristen shares how parents need to begin planning how they will talk with their young children about the dangers found online and how they can prepare their children to respond. Kristen is the author of the children's books, "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures" and "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, Jr". Here is more information about Kristen's organization and resources: * The Quickstart Guide for Proactive Parents https://protectyoungminds.org/prepare/ * The SMART Plan for Parents (help for parents of kids who have viewed porn) https://protectyoungminds.org/heal/ * Share & Speak Up https://protectyoungminds.org/share/ * Art vs Porn: How to Explain the Difference to a Child https://protectyoungminds.org/2016/09/08/porn-vs-art-explain-child/ * Feelings 101: A Simple Exercise to Build Emotional Wellness in Kids https://protectyoungminds.org/2017/10/12/exercise-build-emotional-wellness-kids/ * Block Porn Interest: A Proactive Parenting Plan https://protectyoungminds.org/2016/03/17/block-porn-interest/ Also, listeners can get a free CAN DO Plan poster by texting CANDOPLAN to 44222. They can find out more about her books here. https://protectyoungminds.org/books/ The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer continues his interview with Jeff Ford, licensed marriage and family therapist and co-director of LifeStar of St. George, UT, about the sensitive topic of disclosure. In this episode, they discuss the following points: * The differences between disclosing to a bishop versus a spouse * How do decide who to tell in the disclosure process * What a woman should do if her husband doesn’t want to open up to others about this * Why the advice, “stop bringing up the past” isn’t helpful in the disclosure process * How “letting the past go” is a process, not an event * What type of information should be shared with a betrayed wife in a disclosure? * Why the betrayed wife gets the final say about what gets disclosed Jeff Ford and Geoff Steurer are the co-authors of the Disclosure workbook series published by the LifeStar Network and have professionally guided hundreds of therapeutic disclosures. For more questions on the disclosure process or to purchase the disclosure workbooks, send an email to: info@lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer interviews Jeff Ford, licensed marriage and family therapist and co-director of LifeStar of St. George, UT, about the sensitive topic of disclosure. In this episode, they discuss the following points: * What is a therapeutic disclosure and why is it important for healing? * How should disclosure be approached? * Who needs to know the information? * How does a disclosure facilitate healing in addiction recovery and marriage recovery? Jeff Ford and Geoff Steurer are the co-authors of the Disclosure workbook series published by the LifeStar Network and have professionally guided hundreds of therapeutic disclosures. For more questions on the disclosure process or to purchase the disclosure workbooks, send an email to: info@lifestarstgeorge.com

In this episode, Geoff Steurer presents his second half of his interview Michelle Linford, the founder and administrator for LDS Hope and Healing. In this episode, we discuss: * How breaking out of isolation can help you feel more hope * The difference between a healing community and a support group * Why joining a healing community is essential for your recovery * Why forgiveness and trust aren’t the same thing * Why rebuilding trust requires time * The three most important indicators that someone is in recovery * Why the betrayed partner and the recovering addict need their own recovery processes * How the focus of recovery needs to be on restoring each person to spiritual health before any relationships can be healed More on Michelle's background: Michelle's online volunteer work took an unexpected turn in late 2011 when search engine data showed the desperate need many LDS women had for help and support because of the sexual addiction/compulsion of a loved one. In response to that need, in January 2012, Michelle created HopeandHealingLDS.com (a blog and private forum) with the belief that if women knew they weren't alone, had others with whom they could connect, and had resources and information available to them, real healing could begin. Her motto was: "Let's use the tool that has brought so much pain to bring hope and healing to people!" In addition, inspired by her research about addiction recovery and the hope-filled stories of recovery from addicts and loved ones alike, Michelle chose to do 12-step work in her own life to find healing from shame, perfectionism, and fear-based living. She has been participating regularly in the Church’s 12-step program for six years, and is currently a facilitator in ARP. Michelle has a bachelor's degree in Psychology and an MBA, with an emphasis in organizational behavior and change. She is the Executive Director of EPIK Deliberate Digital, and is a member of the prevention task force (the Safeguard Alliance) for the National Center on Sexual Exploitation. Michelle and her husband, Matt, are the grateful parents of three, beginning the tender stage of launching their children into the world. In addition to being an ARP facilitator, Michelle also is grateful to serve as a facilitator in the Church's Self-Reliance Services program. Additional Resources from Michelle www.hopeandhealinglds.com/2017/02/14/o…e-resources/ Slides link (this was a presentation last February on dating in a pornified world at a BYU Women's Services conference last year): wsr.byu.edu/sites/default/files…wer%20-%20Final.pdf This is a podcast with LDS Perspectives www.ldsperspectives.com/tag/michelle-linford/ ldsmag.com/author/michelle-linford/ realintent.org/out-of-the-corner/ realintent.org/healing/ This is a compilation of thoughts and resources that assimilate learning from her role at EPIK, at HopeAndHealing (including all that research), and in her own personal experience in 12-step as a participant, sponsor, and facilitator. docs.google.com/document/d/1dn9ny…/edit?usp=sharing The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction.

We are back with our second edition of answering anonymous questions. I want to give large props to those who submitted these questions. I hope our answers are helpful. This Episode I sat down with both Chris and Todd Olson, LCSW, one of the Co-Founders of LifeSTAR, to help answer these questions.

In this episode, Geoff Steurer interviews Michelle Linford, the founder and administrator for LDS Hope and Healing. She talks about patterns of healing she's seen as she's supported and connected with women in recovery from betrayal trauma. She wanted to access the same healing they had in their lives, so she began doing her own 12-step work. In this episode, she share lessons she's learned in both her own personal journey and witnessing the journey of hundreds of others in recovery. More on Michelle's background: Michelle's online volunteer work took an unexpected turn in late 2011 when search engine data showed the desperate need many LDS women had for help and support because of the sexual addiction/compulsion of a loved one. In response to that need, in January 2012, Michelle created HopeandHealingLDS.com (a blog and private forum) with the belief that if women knew they weren't alone, had others with whom they could connect, and had resources and information available to them, real healing could begin. Her motto was: "Let's use the tool that has brought so much pain to bring hope and healing to people!" In addition, inspired by her research about addiction recovery and the hope-filled stories of recovery from addicts and loved ones alike, Michelle chose to do 12-step work in her own life to find healing from shame, perfectionism, and fear-based living. She has been participating regularly in the Church’s 12-step program for six years, and is currently a facilitator in ARP. Michelle has a bachelor's degree in Psychology and an MBA, with an emphasis in organizational behavior and change. She is the Executive Director of EPIK Deliberate Digital, and is a member of the prevention task force (the Safeguard Alliance) for the National Center on Sexual Exploitation. Michelle and her husband, Matt, are the grateful parents of three, beginning the tender stage of launching their children into the world. In addition to being an ARP facilitator, Michelle also is grateful to serve as a facilitator in the Church's Self-Reliance Services program. Additional Resources from Michelle https://www.hopeandhealinglds.com/2017/02/14/our-favorite-resources/ Slides link (this was a presentation last February on dating in a pornified world at a BYU Women's Services conference last year): https://wsr.byu.edu/sites/default/files/u3/Patterns%2C%20Principles%2C%20and%20Power%20-%20Final.pdf This is a podcast with LDS Perspectives http://www.ldsperspectives.com/tag/michelle-linford/ https://ldsmag.com/author/michelle-linford/ http://realintent.org/out-of-the-corner/ http://realintent.org/healing/ This is a compilation of thoughts and resources that assimilate learning from her role at EPIK, at HopeAndHealing (including all that research), and in her own personal experience in 12-step as a participant, sponsor, and facilitator. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dn9nybwJn1wO8b8fG2Oz6T5HqLD3PnqyxkMj9oOQLJI/edit?usp=sharing The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction.

In this episode, Geoff Steurer shares the second part of his interview with Jaylynn, a woman who was betrayed by her husband's secretive pornography use. She talks about the healing process she's been involved with for the past few years. Program highlights include: - What her life is like now versus in the beginning of her journey - How the nature of her prayers has changed through this process of healing. - She talks about why she began helping other women and wanted to talk openly about this problem. - She shares why she believes we need to be more open about our personal struggles and share our stories with others - She identifies two things that have made the biggest difference in her marriage - Why “surrendering” is more of an active process than passively giving up. - She identifies the initial boundaries she set up in the beginning of her recovery process and how she learned to set healthy boundaries. - She shares advice she gives bishops who are working with betrayed women. - How women can get started in their recoveries, including the one thing a betrayed woman can do now to start the process of recovery Links from this episode: LDS 12-Step Program https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng https://salifeline.org/ Setting boundaries in recovery: https://utahcoalition.org/project/how-do-i-set-boundaries-in-recovery/ The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction.

In this episode, Geoff Steurer interviews Jaylynn, a woman who was betrayed by her husband's secretive pornography use. She talks about the healing process she's been involved with for the past few years. Program highlights include: - This process has taught her that people can change - Healing can’t be rushed. Forgiveness and trust will come with time - Getting triggered by past betrayals is her “new normal” and how she copes with this new reality - It’s normal and healthy to feel these strong emotions as part of the healing process - Why forgiving and forgetting isn’t a helpful approach for women who have been betrayed. - Why it’s important to slow down and heal thoroughly instead of trying to get better quickly - The nature of betrayal and how it overwhelmed her ability to cope with life - How to find peace regardless of what your addicted spouse chooses - Why making your addicted husband your focus creates more chaos. The Illuminate Podcast is hosted by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and founder of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a treatment program for couples healing from the impact of pornography and sexual addiction.

In today’s Illuminate podcast, Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT and co-director of LifeStar of St. George, Utah continues his interview with Brandon Bryson who shares how he finally broke out of the hopeless cycle he’d been stuck in since he was a teenager. He had spent years trying to do things halfway and completely alone until he finally realized he was stuck in the same cycle. He had to make some dramatic changes to his environment and to his routines and reach out in completely honesty, but he says that’s made all the difference. Brandon also talks about the devastation he caused in his marriage and how he’s working to rebuild a strong bridge between himself and his wife. In this episode, Brandon shares: * Why he finally decided to come out of hiding and get help. * How he cycled in and out of abstaining, relapsing, hiding, and abstaining and finally confessing and surrendering his way of doing things and opened up to a more complete healing process. * Why getting “caught” versus “confessing on your own” makes recovery and rebuilding trust so much harder. * Why he had to completely overhaul his environment and his lifestyle so he could break the addiction cycle. * What it means to really change your heart. * How he began to help his wife heal after he had broken her heart for a third time.

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT interviews Brandon, a man recovering from a decades long pornography addiction. In this episode: * Brandon share his most important advice to men struggling * He talks about the common excuses/reasons why men try and handle this on their own without getting help. * The role of agency in addiction - if we have the power to choose to stop, why can’t people just stop? * He talks about how early exposure and denial kept him from being healthy and honest about this as he grew into adulthood. * The importance about talking about this as parents and couples. * Brandon reveals his thought process for living a double life - pretending to be a worthy priesthood holder while secretly viewing pornography * Why forming a “band of brothers” in recovery is essential. Why telling one person about your struggle isn’t going to be enough to ensure long-term success. * Why you need a place outside of your marriage to talk about your struggles. The Illuminate podcast is brought to you by LifeStar of St. George, Utah, a program that helps couples heal their betrayed marriages. Learn more at www.lifestarstgeorge.com

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT, of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, interviews an LDS couple who are in recovery from pornography addiction and betrayal trauma.

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT, owner of LifeStar of St. George, Utah, interviews an LDS couple who are in recovery from pornography addiction and betrayal trauma.

You have heard me brag about the critical care refresher that Lifestar puts on every two years. This is a clip by Dr. Lorin Browne. He is the Assistant Professor of Pediatrics and Emergency Medicine at Children's Hospital of Milwaukee. He is also one of the coolest dudes I have had the opportunity to hang out with. In this small clip he discusses why cyanosis will not always be an outward sign of adequate oxygenation. Towards the end of this podcast he refers to a website he uses routinely for staying fresh on congenital heart defects. Here is that link https://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/patients/child/encyclopedia/defects . http://blog.cincinnatichildrens.org/rare-and-complex-conditions/heart-conditions/animated-videos-illustrate-congenital-heart-defects/

In this episode of The FlightBridgeED Podcast, Eric is joined by Tyler Christifulli from the Lifestar podcast to talk about the ongoing debate over using pediatric BVMs for our adult patients. Regardless of what side of the argument you’re on, you won’t want to miss this episode! Download, subscribe, rate and review from wherever you get our podcast! Thanks for listening!

In this episode of The FlightBridgeED Podcast, Eric is joined by Tyler Christifulli from the Lifestar podcast to talk about the ongoing debate over using pediatric BVMs for our adult patients. Regardless of what side of the argument you're on, you won't want to miss this episode! Download, subscribe, rate and review from wherever you get our podcast! Thanks for listening!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This was a lecture I gave at Lifestar this month on the logistics of a pediatric arrest. During this talk I list five aspects to consider before you are center stage. Hope you enjoy!