Unmuzzled

OnlyFansApple & CSAM 

It's been a hot minute. There's some changes to the show. If they're terrible, it's because GitHub Copilot wrote them.Intro: Not Mrs. Brian BurkettSponsor: [ top secret ]Teamsters RansomwareWhite House & MisinformationGitHub Copilot

 Intro: onlyfans.com/clrew14Sponsor: qr-is-hard.comApple's Polished TurdGive Me a C! Give Me and O!...800 StungBye Bye BlogThe BetWhy We Can't Have Nice ThingsNot My Nudies!Anonymous vs Meme Lord

Jeff Goldblum can get his Mac to connect to a whole goddamn alien mothership but I can’t get my Airpods Max to connect to my Mac. That makes sense.NEXT EPISODE WILL BE LIVE ON YOUTUBE 6/8/21 @ 8PM PTvisit our twitter page twitter.com/unmuzzledfm for the URLIntro: OnlyFansSponsor: polyzag.comCloset of ShameFucking Flashcards?!Death From AboveGot Tomato?Uncensored FacebookNo Room at the Inn

Did you have “Gladiator Joe Biden with a green face” on your bingo card for this week’s episode? Because that’s who showed up.Sponsor: https://www.zazzle.com/z/lio9yl3sTesla’s a DrainPorn King’s LampsBan BansUnidentified Flying new Object()CAPTCHA Gets DoomifiedFlat CatsCharlie Bit $$$

Never send to ask for whom the woke mob comes. It comes for thee. Intro: onlyfans.com/starlittSponsor: obriendoor.comHave you tried turning it off and on?Basecamp go boomFar from pleasantnessThe tweeting deskCable beaversDon’t forget to pay your billDon’t be a dick to soccer players

Crafting the perfect away message is a skillset we lost in the 90's. Moody song lyrics? Cryptic "don't bother me"? It's all so tough to choose. Anyway, Bryan decided to get married, so we'll be back on May 12th, probably. We're still working on our timing. 

Scientists recently spliced human and monkey DNA to fight diseases. Aaron offers some key improvements to their methodology to increase monkey throughput. Intro: kinkykushySponsor: anchor.fm/TheAmazonKamikaze DronesFish Sticks!Keep your pants onBurn mother fucker, burn30 minutes or lessNot because it is easy, but because we’re hard…Cash Destructomatic 9000

Stick around ‘til the end; it’s amazing any of us made it out of our 20’s.Intro: OnlyFansSponsor: tyrahodge.comWhat gender was Kitt?Tapes Of The 27 ClubJoe Rogan Doesn’t CareWater Works - Price $150“Affordance”Tattle LifeEphemeral NFTsArtificial Intelligence & Artificial EmotionDon’t Drive Up Hills

“From the wounds pile of tear drenched ashes you will ascend stronger, braver, and smarter.” Don’t miss this week’s sponsor.Intro: HeatherKellySponsor: sea-glass-phonix.myshopify.comGuns123!Backblaze. Bryan’s favorite.You can do it. Don’t say it.just setting up my twttrWe can totally fix education“An eye is upon you, staring straight down and keenly through”In Russia, App Install YouSkynet

Intro: OnlyFansSponsor: crypt.eeSerial Killer or not?Rah-rah SmirnoffIt’s all in the eyesCA bans more stuffNo Bitcoins for IndiansFacebook sucks at hiring Chrome users are dumb 

Intro: Vixen-MaySponsor: stewardgroupe.comThis is not an apple.1-800-273-8255SF Command-ZSublimationTom Cruise Isn’t Real14,000 bugsA Utah ExodusDigital contraceptive...

There are two ways to get to the top of any algorithm: D and D.Intro: candlestick21Citibank goes to the dentistGive me the green lightNews? Dislike.Sponsor: kbos2hm.co.ukHis Royal Dickship, Juan Carlos IGentleman Jack. Dakota. Hope. Bench.Let’s fix these prices

Listen, Aaron is very much definitely for sure alive. It’s just that nobody has seen him in a little while.Intro: LavenderbxbyApple’s Leaf FetishAbsinthe Will Kill You10 Lines Per HourABBA CopsSponsor: MyWowElectro4 Days in IndiaThe Salesforce FlexYour TPS Report is DueThe $50 Drug Empire82% Stupider

Remember when I told you that episode 33 wasn’t about porn? Yea. This is not episode 33.Intro: littlemissmasqueYoti? Yoti. What?G’day BingTesla & Bitcoin Sitting in a TreeSponsor: cryptobreakdown.substack.comSF AFYou Get a Travel Ban1-800-273-8255

Here at the Unmuzzled Podcast, we aren’t afraid to name things after famous old guys.Blue Check HomesThe Crucifixion of JonesSF Has Nothing Better to DoSponsor: Rob HopeApes Strong Together44 Fucking MillionNo Preferences For YouIf the Dead Could Speak

This episode is not about porn. I promise.To the MoonVoyeurs Gonna VoyeurStonks Go Up?We Solve the NewsSponsor: Off the Muta ScaleGibberish BiasA Good Algorithm?

There’s a right way and a wrong way to clean paint out of carpet, kids. Don’t choose the wrong way.Coup-MingleAutomoblowTikTokCoupNo events for you… CoupSponsor: tsxquarterly.com“Hubber” NazisI'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go.

Never ask for whom the banhammer swings. It swings for thee. Sponsor: FreeFly881

Have you always wanted to be publicly humiliated by a luxury car company? Boy, is this the episode for you. Horse-GiraffesWe’re Giving Away RVsBMW’s New Kink Sponsor:Shake up shopSylvain BauvaisMirror WorldThe Glasst StrawHome Market Findsbeanie.at You Will Never Win at Candyland AgainThe Internets Pretty Hate MachineGot Vaccine?

Listen, you don't want to skip the ad-read this week. You'll swear we're drunk when it starts, but we bring it home strong. Also: if you know the difference between a llama and an alpaca, please email us. God knows we're not gonna give that a Goog.Cyberpunk
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Sponsor: beanie.atThe Vaccine Trolley ProblemCH*NATaksies Backsiessolarwinds123 (all lower case)

We interrupt this discussion about our drone overlords and dystopian future to ask how you feel, on a scale of 1 to 10, about your experience with the PayPal website. Brought to you by homemarketfinds.com, whose website MIGHT be working by the time this goes live.U up Alexa?
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EMPs Anyone?3 Felonies Per DaySponsor: HomeMarketFinds.comEnhance Enhance EnhanceThis may be offensive...Timnit Gebru

Protein-Folding Anyone?Brazil’s Giant Spreadsheet
Black/White/Tattooed?Sponsor: The Glasst Straw (8-inch bent)Facebook “bad”Amazon Will Know ALL!A Starship TestAre aliens among us?
M1 M1 M1 M1 M1

Nobody Cares About Facebook’s ModsGoodbye AMP15% App Store TaxApples $113,000,000 lieStadia and it’s PWATelegrams Nudie BotDoes my password suck?Our “sponsor”

I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea. I wanna talk about how far I’ll go to see a Savage Garden concert in 2021.

America and AI race cars have things in common this week. Those things are not goddamned mustached bridal veils.

Nokia’s on the moon, Elon targets the International Space Station, the DMCA gets DMCAed, and we get to tell you about something genuinely new on the Internet: www.mirrorworldcreations.com/phone

Burkett gets himself into a tight spot and then Apple, Facebook, and Twitter do the same. Plus an introduction to #sitnikFriday, the cure for American puritanicalism.

Brian Burkett reveals he’s been interviewed about his Dark Web activities by the Department of Homeland Security. Brought to you by absolutely nobody because our crack advertising manager still hasn’t landed Squarespace.

We update the Turing Test for the 21st century and my Wirecutter-recommended washing machine tries to escape. Brought to you by Sylvain Bauvais, the only web developer better than Brian Burkett (probably).

Steven needs nicer titles so he can share the podcast and we dive into the new documentary that proves social media has no problems whatsoever. Brought to you by the OJ’s Gloves company.

Tik-snap-gram-book-itter to rule them all, a plan to detribalize humanity, and Burkett makes “the pedophile argument”. In what scientists are calling “probably related,” we still don’t have any sponsors.

Microsoft gets in a fight with cheese, Kim Kardashian exists, and sweet merciful Christ we went a whole episode without mentioning Apple.

A non-non-judgmental exploration of why Apple is fascinated with constantly putting its foot in its own mouth. Brought to you by Epic Games.

Aaron continues our quest to go viral for “Most Offensive Podcast Episode”, we rake Apple over new coals assembled in China, and fuck Michelin.

Get your mind out of the gutter; we don’t do crude sexual innuendo here at the Unmuzzled podcast.

David was the first person to download our show, so he gets an episode named after him. In other news: Twitter, Facebook, and Brian’s Mac Pro continue to suck at life.

A romantic, candlelit jaunt down memory lane discussing the podcast’s namesake and why Macrumors hates us.

We manage to use literally every single keyword that gets you banned from YouTube and Casper pays us to NEVER MENTION THEIR BRAND NAME AGAIN, EVER.

“That’s a bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for them.” We co-opt the #metoo hashtag to cover Apple’s abusive relationship with developers. In what scientists are calling “probably related”, we have 34,421 unread emails.

I’ve been putting on pants to record this podcast and today I find out we’re not even releasing the video version. LIES. I have been LIED TO in pants.

Actual quote from this episode: “women can’t do math.” Feedback should be directed to http://consumercomplaints.fcc.gov

Brian gives his parents the saddest Christmas ever.

A chicken farmer shoots down a drone and this episode was NOT brought to you by Squarespace, so use Wix to build your next website.

No.

We interview Matt Damon about working from home.

Episode 004 is better. We fired George Lucas after this one.

Unbelievably, there’s a second episode. We’re still figuring things out, though, so maybe consider Sharknado VII instead?

These are the voyages of three random guys. Their continuing mission: to explore strange new corners of technology, to seek out new stupidity and new parts of Twitter to offend. To boldly go where literally everyone has gone before: a goddamned podcast.