Wyszdom

Ingredients: * 6 ounces whipped butter * 1 1/4 cups granulated sugar (normal sugar) * 1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar (brown sugar) * 1 tablespoon vanilla (vanilla extract) * 2 eggs (brown and white both acceptable) * 4 cups all-purpose flour * 2 teaspoons baking soda * 1 teaspoon salt * 1 package (24 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips (4 cups) * 1 can Pam baking spray * 1 mixing bowl * 1 cookie sheet Instructions: 1. Heat oven to 350°F. 2. Mix wet ingredients into bowl: Butter, sugars, vanilla extract, and eggs. 3. Stir dry ingredients into bowl: Flour, baking soda, salt, chocolate chips. 4. Add a second tablespoon of vanilla extract. 5. Spray cookie sheet with Pam baking spray. 6. Place tablespoon-sized balls of cookie dough 2 inches apart on cookie sheet. 7. Bake 12 to 15 minutes.

Ingredients: * Ear(s) of corn * Soft margarine * Chives * Garlic * Unknown spice * Mustard seeds * Cilantro * Basil * Chili powder * Cayanne pepper Instructions: 1. Remove outer husk from corn, leaving one layer on the ear. 2. Remove silk from corn. 3. Soak corn in water for 20 minutes. 4. Place a few tablespoons of soft margarine in a bowl. 5. Mix in herbs and spices. 6. Remove corn from water. 7. Peel back husk and baste corn with the flavored margarine. 8. Replace husk to cover corn. 9. Grill on medium heat for 30 minutes. 10. Enjoy!

Ingredients: 24 cherry tomatoes 1 pound of bacon 1/2 cup chopped green onions 1/2 cup mayonnaise Optional ingredients: Garlic Worcestershire sauce Salt Instructions: 1. Cook bacon in microwave five slices at a time at 4 minutes and 30 seconds per batch. 2. Place bacon in plastic bag and crumble. 3. Slice green onions into tiny pieces, only using the white part up until where it starts to get green and is still crunchy. 4. Add 1/2 cup of mayonnaise to bowl. 5. Mix bacon, green onions, and optional ingredients as desired to the mayonnaise. 6. Cut off tops of tomatoes. 7. Scoop out contents of tomatoes. 8. Stuff tomatoes with the mixture from the bowl and enjoy!

Ingredients: 2 eggs 1 onion 1 bell pepper 1 tomato Margarine Instructions: 1. Rinse onion. 2. Slice and dice onion until it is in small pieces. 3. Rinse tomato. 4. Slice and dice tomato until it is in small pieces. 5. Rinse pepper. 6. Slice and dice pepper until it is in small pieces. 7. Break two eggs and put them into a bowl. 8. Beat the eggs until the white and yellow parts are mixed well. 9. Put a frying pan on a stovetop on medium heat. 10. Add enough margarine to cover the surface of the pan. 11. Pour the eggs into the pan. 12. Add onion, tomato, and pepper. 13. When egg begins to solidify, pick up the pan, hope for the best, and attempt to flip the eggs. 14. Allow to cook until there is no more liquid. 15. Add cheese (if desired) on top of the eggs, and then fold the omelette over the cheese. 16. Add ketchup and/or Tabasco sauce to taste.

Ingredients: 2 lbs. carrots 1 onion 3/4 cup white vinegar 3/4 cup sugar 1 tsp. salt 1 tsp. pepper 1 can Campbell's condensed tomato soup 1/2 cup canola oil 1 tsp. Worcester sauce 1/4 tsp. dill weed Instructions: 1. Wash carrots by rinsing with water. 2. Peel carrots with vegetable peeler. 3. Slice carrots thinly. 4. Slice onion thinly. 5. Cover carrots with water in saucepan with lid. 6. Cook (bring to boil) until barely tender. 7. Drain. 8. Combine remaining ingredients (no carrots or onion) into another saucepan. 9. Heat to a boil, stirring. Note: Canola oil is flammable. 10. Cool slightly. 11. Pour over carrots and onion. 12. Refrigerate. Best if made three days or more before serving.

Ingredients: Hickory Farms beef stick 1/4 cup orange marmalade 2 tablespoons light brown granulated sugar 1 tablespoon mustard Instructions: 1. Take off the casing of the beef stick. 2. Slice into thin pieces, leaving the slices connected at the bottom. 3. Mix marmalade, sugar, and mustard. 4. Place a sheet of aluminum foil on a baking sheet. 5. Place the beef stick on the aluminum foil. 6. Pour the mix on the beef stick, making sure the mix gets on every individual slice. 7. Close up the aluminum foil around the beef stick. 8. Cook the beef stick in an oven at 350°F for 35 minutes.

Ingredients: 1 can of tomatoes Spaghetti 2 cloves of garlic 1 tablespoon of olive oil Black olives Salt and pepper Spaghetti Instructions: 1. Fill a pot with water, about up to the handle. 2. Put the water on the cooktop, and turn it up to high. 3. When the water starts to boil. add spaghetti. You can break it in half so it's easier to eat. 4. Cook spaghetti for the time indicated on the package. 5. Drain water from spaghetti. 6. Add sauce (instructions below) and serve. Spaghetti Sauce Instructions: 1. Open can of tomatoes and drain all excess water. 2. Use a fork to mash up the tomatoes while still inside the can. Jiggle it all around, somewhat violently. 3. Peel 2 garlic cloves and then crush. Use a hard edge, like the side of a knife, and smash it such that it's not in pieces, but that the innards are exposed. Or, if that's too challenging, just cut it into quarters. 4. Put some (a tablespoon or less) olive oil into a saucepan and heat. Note that in the video, I incorrectly use a teaspoon of olive oil instead of a tablespoon. The abbreviation "tsp" is for teaspoon. I think it's a stupid abbreviation to put on a measuring spoon, as both measurements have the letters T,S, and P in that order. 5. Put garlic in hot saucepan and fry for a minute or two. 6. Put tomatoes in saucepan. 7. Add black olives. 8. Cook for approximately 15 minutes, stirring every few minutes. 9. Add salt and pepper to taste. Spaghetti sauce recipe provided by Beah Burger. Music by moonrocket.

Ingredients: 2 packages of Philadelphia Cream Cheese - "1/3 Less Fat" 2 cans of minced or diced clams 1 onion 1 ball of garlic Worcestershire sauce Milk (optional) Instructions: 1. Add all cream cheese to bowl. 2. Pour one can of clams into bowl, including the juice. 3. Drain the second can of clams, and put the clams in the bowl. 4. Press 2 decent-sized cloves of garlic through a garlic press and add to bowl. 5. Chop up an onion and don't cut your fingers. 6. Add 3/4 of 1/4 cup chopped onions. 7. Add 3 to 4 shakes of Worcestershire sauce. 8. Mix it all up. 9. Serve with potato chips. Recorded before a live studio audience. Music by moonrocket.

In-N-Out is a popular fast food restaurant on the West Coast. Each burger is made to order, and they taste really good. It's hard to describe just how good they are, because it's still fast food. As a fellow Easterner put it, the first time you have In-N-Out, you think it tastes like a good fast food hamburger, but nothing more than that. But, about a week later, you find yourself craving it. You soon become like me, running out for a burger at midnight because you can't even sleep you're thinking about it so much. There must be something in the sauce. Notice at the end of the video, I sniff the bag (for cheese, even though they've never messed up my order) and then subconsciously let out an "Ahhhhh." Anyway, the employees there are paid well, and, shocking to people like me who are used to less than stellar service, are eerily friendly. This is evidence for any skeptics back on the right coast.

I originally wanted to be a "Pun," but I couldn't think of a pun of "pun." I either wanted to be that or "A Halloween Costume."

I put my podcast on YouTube and I'm already getting messages. Now let's see some comments! Related links: http://www.moo.com/ http://www.cafepress.com/donotbeafraid/

I was watching some old episodes the other day and found myself cracking up at the ones that included The Bill. To recreate the charm of the older episodes, I flew Bill all the way out to Mountain View for Absolute Wyszdom #22. We discuss my hilarious Halloween costume idea. However, I must admit that my idea is nothing compared to a take on Snakes on a Plane that one of my friends came up with. Technical note: I only had one headset, so I had to mix my USB headset with the built-in mic on my MacBook Pro for Bill's audio, so there's a bit of an echo on my voice. Sorry bout that. At least it wasn't Bill's voice.

I took a test and got the high score! Then, I inhale pepper, something I've wanted to do for the podcast ever since I started almost a year ago, recreating a fond childhood experience in which I did pretty much the same thing. I didn't go as far as a coworker though, who admitted to actually putting the pepper in her hair and dancing around. Maybe in Episode 22... Anyway the results are quite disappointing, although as soon as I stopped recording, it was Sneeze City. iTunes seems to be into 640x480 these days, but I'm still sending these out old school at 320. If you think I'm worth the higher resolution (remember, I'm just recording most of these with an iSight), bug me with an email and I'll think about it.

In the words of Napoleon Dynamite, "This is pretty much the worst video ever made." I didn't even add sound effects.

On a recent vacation someone in my family asked about the "engine braking" signs, and in my explanation I casually attempted to imitate what I think it sounds like. They were surprised at how real it sounded, not knowing that I had spent two years practicing it while making the sound every time I heard a truck do it on I-95 between Philly and Baltimore. I tried to recreate it for the podcast but I don't think I was able to do it as well as I did in Colorado. Maybe it was the altitude. In any case, I think my last attempt is the best of this bunch.

After warming up the podcast again with the "Call Center" episode, I'm back with an explanation for the long break in episodes.

The podcast is back, and Wysz has a headset. Rock on.

Evan said I needed a new episode, so Evan, here it is. I've graduated from college, so that's it with school for me, at least for a while. I recorded this using my video camera instead of the iSight, and it shut off automatically since I wasn't recording to a tape, so there's a sudden pause about 5 minutes into the episode. When the recording starts again, the video totally lags, but it's kinda funny so I didn't even try to correct it. Besides, you can't fix art.

Someone already won the first contest in this podcast! Was it you? Watch and find out.

It's my last day of classes at Johns Hopkins before I graduate. Plus, an Absolute Wyszdom contest!

This was my final project for Experimental Video. We had to use split-screen.

When I type my name in an iTunes info field, it always tries to autofill it as "Michael Bolton." I feel like that guy in Office Space. Anyway, Not Episode 11 is about the upcoming end of the school year. Nothing else happens.

I got an email from a pilot, which is totally awesome, and that reminded me of one of my hobbies. I like to do impressions of what it sounds like inside of a plane. I also make sound effects when I drive, but I don't think my iSight cable will reach the car.

In this episode, we have a bouncy ball that lights up and another picture of a monkey. We could have stopped there, but Wysz decided it would be awesome to keep recording until he said something interesting. After 11 minutes and 18 seconds, we give up.

Hopefully the first dreamcast (not the Sega type) of many, I recall a recent dream about Leslie Nielsen. Oh, and about the mushrooms, I remembered later that there was a part where the ninja from the Ask a Ninja podcast showed up and shot a short promo for the local news in our backyard. And there was also an inexplicable part in the Nielsen segment of the dream in which it may have been possible to create physical spaces using the shapes in Apple's Pages application. And speaking of Dreamcast, I'm now in the mood to play Crazy Taxi or Demolition Racer. Or maybe Rayman 2.

Alright, so I know "April's Fool" is a lame title. It's a free podcast so stop complaining. Anyway in this episode I talk about April Fool's day and show off an awesome piece of art that Bill drew. Enjoy April! And, enjoy, April.

Wysz went to Cabo, Bill went to work (sorta), and there's probably a Brokeback Mountain joke that can be made with the "Quit" command. This podcast was recorded while Wysz was in between classes, after driving to Baltimore on very little sleep. These are the prime conditions for comedy.

This is my latest video project. I always thought that if given a chance, I could eat an entire Friendly's ice cream cake in one sitting. One of the good ones... with the vanilla ice cream and chocolate cake. Unfortunately, they don't sell them anymore, so I gave both the substitute cake and myself an F.

We're borrowing the theme song from a popular late-night T.V. show for this episode which features a reading from the blog, a story about pens, and a special holiday message from Wysz.

Don't worry, The Bill is back in this episode of Absolute Wyszdom. We discuss what exactly is involved in the BME (Biomedical Engineering) major at Johns Hopkins, and then move on to several readings from the blog.

This one's pretty serious, folks. I promise next time I'll do something stupid like inhale pepper. The kids will love that. Here's what we covered: - That 2004 Show First episode: "October" - Interview with a Switcher (Brendan Houle) Q: Why did you consider a Mac? A: It's UNIX. Q: Why did you finally buy? A: iBook came with everything he needed, at an affordable price. Q: Was it easy to understand the product line? A: What's the 12" PowerBook for? Q: How did you order? A: Apple Online Store with student discount Q: Initial reactions? A: It works! Q: Mac's biggest advantage? A: GarageBand and integration between applications. Q: Any frustration? A: Can't control system-driven JPEG compression. Q: What are you glad to be free of? A: Viruses and the Windows Registry Q: What are your essential applications? A: Mail, iCal, Safari, Dashboard (Weather, Stickies, iCal Events) Q: Any advice for potential switchers? A: Do it! Q: Hard to live in a Windows-centric world? A: Mac users will get through anything, and compatibility, especially with networking, is a non-issue on the Mac. - Spotlight tip - Tech News (Aperture, Open Office 2.0, PowerMacs, PowerBooks, HD) - Podcast software

Wysz comes up with a stupid play on words and records it.

Guests: • The Bill Features: • Words of Wyszdom (Mac tip) • Reading from the Blog - from the March 2003 "Thoughts" archive • Laugh • Road trip to Dela-where? • From the Blog