Cabot Cove Confidential

Do you tune in to 'Janine On The Scene', or do you prefer 'Cistern In The Morning'? Would you go on Carl's chauffari tour? Is there a Mr Oats? Will our Elvis bit ever get funny? And can JB's criminology class help Tom get past his bias against shoe polish pompadours?

Has Paul ever done any work? What's up with Mike? How do you say Andrea? What acronynms can you make from the name “Adam” without it being amphibious? Should Hulk Hogan host WillWars? Thoughts on big glasses? And who cares about that necklace case?

Why is there a dust covered neck trainer in our basement? Are wild-eyed performer/stuntman/facilities managers still eligible for FLSA protection? Is a road flare as an ignition source over-kill in the desert? Did one mom's price gun topple a retail empire? And did Damien's love of Thunderheart positively prejudice him toward this episode?

Why aren't there any punchlines in the Hatterville strips? When is Jess getting a new lawyer? How does Julia Roberts keep stealing DeVito's roles? Did Jennie make good use of her Phrogger story opportunity? And will we hear Teddy next time we're at Cracker Barrell?

  Hotel, resturant, pub or other? Is Francis the most qualified and handsome chemist turned ne'er-do-well in town? Would you chance telling Jennie he isn't? Who wired that switch? Did the perfume stink as much as these clues? And can you pick most locks with a credit card?

Why is Bernie's name Brynie? Is Artie the only detective in NYC this week? What's Shaggy doing here? How did Jennie feel about being on call? And how rich could Max really be if he uses the same room for everything?

Was this the bloodiest murder in Cabot Cove history? What does Sally see in Neal? Does Arnold hang with a chimp off camera? How did that key get under that body? Why wasn't it on a keyring? Did Roland Orzabal do uncredited work on 'Venus'? And can glasses make you Closing Time?

Is negotiation a foreign concept in the MSW world? How many times can one say, 'Ark Of Steel'? What can our attraction to Nick Nolte tell us about ourselves? Will a 'Ready For Shreddy' ever show up in our offices? And when are we going to get to the Slayer episode of MSW?

Why did it take us so long to cover this season? What is a resonable price to have your own Cabot Cove Confidential? Can we stay on track? And when did our CandyMan Hingle Voice get mixed up with our Pirate Voice?

Is the toy buisness really this Machiavellian? Will Damien's rebrand to 'Husband' work? Is Brian a worse co-worker or boyfriend? Who refills that fog machine? How is ths episode so chock full of nothing? Can Pistol Pete overcome his trauma? And why did it take so long for us to get through season 8?

Which Seth will we have today? Where are these extras now? Is Robin Dishman more deadly than a remote control car? Will Jarvis still be able to enjoy chillaxing pita time? How long did JB date Mr Wiggins? And if Mason used coasters, would his killer have gone free?

How many terrible people can you stuff in one house? Would life sized Chia Burt Reynolds be a best-seller, a possible investment, or a stepping stone to salon stardom? Is it worse to confuse Phil for Barney, or to miss a giant handprint while processing a crime scene? Was Blitzen's barking clue just him asking for treats? And did Alex try to kill Martin just to avoid another bad dinner story?

Was Peter Gabriel an Aztec emperor? How much archeology is enough archeology to write about it? What's the best way to threaten your boss? Why is Enrico messing around when he's already landed Consuella? And when is the best time to discuss continuing benefits options after an employee threatens their boss? 

What's the sound of an animtronic saxiphone? Could allergy tests cost more than vacations? Does JB constuct a parent trap for doctors? And can using a jazz clown animatronic as a car pool lane dummy endanger your marriage?

What's the story with Ian's hair? Why is it the worst when he should be looking his best? How does it look so good when he's working? And why does Damien care so much?

Can clamp marks be the overlapping bane of both woodworking and constructive murder plots? Are you a Sonny or a Devin? What are your thoughts on a nostalgia gag reflex? And what's an appropriate waiting period for throwing shade at your late husband's auto choices after killing him? 

Can Atkin's Diet jokes work? What's the story with Fontaine's hair? How radical is The Radical Solution? Is JB wearing a shawl, a cape, or a scarf? And would K-9 have wrapped this up quicker?

Is Annie OK, is she ok, is she ok, Annie? Is Alien Ant Farm ok? Is Richie's lameness genetic? How long will Damien be able to hold back Hulk Danzig? Which of his jobs is Armand the most incompetent at? Will we find out in the next 'found' Anne Rice book? And what's the story with DeVere?

Where's Kevin Maxwell? Is he with Devin? Could the Grandma debate be the highlight of season 7? Can prop houses be evil or does Ben just want JB to think he's cool? Are dollar movies worth the bats? And did you notice the shoes?

Should you bring a wind machine to your new town? What's your stance on stranger foot rubs? Most obvious wig award? Is Rob Zombie an MSW fan? Why would a stealth ninja / fake witch leave both finger prints AND a flower pedal signature? And is it weird that CSI:CC spun off from a show that didn't premiere for nearly a decade?

What kind of charm does Geoffrey possess? Is bolo on a Bolo the new high fashion or just a symptom of self-sent roses? How is Barry going to handle finding out that the stage maintenance was a ruse to smoke out the killer? And is our terrible Hulk Hogan impersonation more dead than the ballerinas who dance the lead in this show?

Can Damien say Lermentov? What are Jennie's thought on horse ownership? Does Michael's story match his actions? How fast can you read an entire mystery novel? And what would you even call someone who owns horses?

Who is Chuckles Wryly? Can you tell a railroad tie from a railroad spike, and which is worse for the hairline? Is Phil Arkham the most likable villain or just a man speaking truth to power? Would you forgive a beloved family pet over a beloved family member? And did MSW steal the seat position clue from a classic Pauly Shore film? 

Was Eddie ever majoring in anything besides bus station cons and young girlfriends? Is crossing Diesel and Angel a good idea? Would Hulk Hogan be better as JB or as Michelle Tanner? Are compacts still a thing? And what are you going to do when Pastamania runs wild on you?

How short a trip is too short for a private jet flight? How old is Scott? Why are polo helmets so goofy? How young is Scott? And is Dane the worst at buisness, polo, blackmail or all three?

Would you watch a knot tying competition show? Have you been a good boy? Why didn't they just do a cold case episode? What's Mothman's glute routine? And how did Damien feel about this one?

What is Linda's level of employment? Why is auerbach such a jerk? Is Damien's meta old man rant the meta old man rant to end them all? And do we believe that Michael didn't know those computers were stolen?

How many times is Pat Hingle going to play this same dude? Are convertibles a genetic Metzger trait? Is Wayne pretty much the pinnacle catch in Cabot Cove? And why does Damien keep yelling, ‘full of bees!'?

How many gigawatts does it take to run a tv? Is Girard the worst? Is Brent the weirdest? And how loud is that hotub?

Is there a minimum harumphing age? What will we learn in Corey Feldman's criminolgy class? Did we uncover Banksy's identity? And how does one end up in a chain letter?

Should we let you know when we're funny? When did Seth aquire this newfound sense of risk? How long will we talk about our old apartments? And do supermodels change shape when dressed as ninjas?

Can we build an entire episode out of your Insagram comments? How long would it have taken for Jess to figure out that Bob was working through Leland? Is your least liked episode our favorite? And will all this Liver King material land?

Where's the Amish scarecrow episode? Did Richard Survive this episode? Why don't we like this episode? Why couldn't Pat Harrigton have a mustache in this episode? And will every question end with the word 'episode'?

Is this emotional terrorism, an amazing episode, or both? Is Clint absent minded or way too stuck on being Frank's wingman? How specific are Damien's dish detergent requirements? And why didn't The Dracula Bun take off as the premiere women's hairstyle of the 90s?

Can three people live off of a part-time ventriloquist's salary? What is a puppet's opinion on communal living? Was Kate's murder overshadowed by the disappearance of Billy Boy or was Billy Boy's disappearance overshadowed by Kate's murder? And can Stanton expense his dinner with Rhoda?

How many times does someone say Ned Jenks? Was the cannery bill a big waste of time since it closed anyway? What's the sasquatch ratio in the northwestern USA? How far did thirty five cents go in 1971? And can you find the bride in a hippie wedding photo?

How do you feel about horse voices? Is McGraw or Henderson your favorite Harry? Why did that cane get so bloody? Can a three letter Tod be trusted? Should Christie move or just stay single? And do horses know their children's future? 

Why can't either of the hosts do a good Willie Tanner impersonation? Why do they keep trying? How many Gene Shalit costumes does it take to steal two million dollars? And i f you don't get a face to face with JB do you even exist?

Do you leave an open place at the table for your favorite author? Who says pa-tah-do? Did Jess's attitude lower the temperature in Texas? And did you watch Rover McCauley P.I.?

Did the second Meatballs film bring big bucks to the wig industry? Why is Mort so free with his bowling shoes? Where would 'the bridge' be in a car? And is Lt Powell the biggest Chris Gains fan?

Will we ever talk about the episode? What caused more dad-foot damage, four-sided dice or GI-Joe backpacks? Ice cream cakes or fancy chocolates? And where do you land on mall food sample etiquette?

How effective is a limo as a getaway car? How dangerous are big fuzzy coats? Can Michael become 2 Legit 2 Quit? And why does an injection even rate when some lobster-bib rando is already going at your dad with a scalpel?

When did this kind of hand gore become acceptable? Can mitten typing uncover a crime? Has the exploding piano conspiracy finally been revealed? And how awesome was it to know this is the last time we see Ben Devlin?

How many pounds will a bedazzled singlet add to your total? Are ice cream and attempted murderers the secret to longevity? Is it impossible to be both good at crime solving and song writing? And who numbers their pages on the top right?

Was Twain Con '90 the last Twain Con? Will Mad Kermit Energy be the next big thing? Can Stavros take a break from writing hit 80s hair band lyrics to throw Stanton an assist? And how many teeth does Erlich really have?

Why is MSW's first murderer the least terrible guy in this episode? Why doesn't Ross work in criminal defense? Is Slocum ever going to do something about that sneeze? How do Linette and Kendall think they're fooling anyone? And why are they so gross?

Is jealousy getting in the way of Clarence's wealth from a Wayne Gym juice display? Just how honest is a wooden drug store Abe? Is any shower head worth $99 in 1990's currency? And will Eve Simpson's reputation survive? Don't worry, it's all going to ...work out, hahaha, in 'A Body To Die For'.

Can't JB just let it go? What was Rocco's resume like? Will the Finleys consider Sid Staples as a replacement driver since he is now out of work? And why would you use a known kleptomaniac as the face of your campaign for DA? The espisode that would have gotten away with it if not for that damned cat, The Family Jewels.

Layers of manipulation and deciet envelope us as we are drawn into Hannigan's Wake. And lots of jerks.

Cool cars, uncool lawyers, cool investigators, uncool marriages, and a super cool Stanton show up in an episode without a court to be seen.

Put on your chapstick, finish that poem, and don't forget to bring your grandma because we're falling off our bicycles from the excitment of Deadly Misunderstanding!