Dreaming of Footpaths

… Yep. The combination of sweat and skin on my tummy had given me what I like to call ‘The Runner-Truffle-Shufffle'. Or possibly ‘The Ruffle' for short. …

Plate spinning. Maybe a go on a unicycle. Face painting? Clown walking? I wasn't too sure about the other things but I reckoned I could definitely do the clown walking. Maybe there would also be custard pies to throw (read: eat).

I ordered myself a pair of VibramFiveFingers running shoes. I'd always wanted to try them and had visions of being like Barefoot Ted – but with boobs.

Running is easy, right? Right leg, left leg ... and repeat! NO! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!! There are a set of rules – unwritten until now – that require careful adherence. Should you flout these rules, you will get leg-humped by a Rottweiler on your next run while being get chafed under the armpits by your new cotton t-shirt and having to fling your boobs over your shoulder. Read on ....

Why tomorrow is ‘Push a Hot Runner in a Hedge' Day

Fortunately & Unfortunately …

The unbreakable race laws and the 1-2-3 of horrors …!!

Am I thinking deep, solemn thoughts when I run? *parp*

I was puffing and panting like a steam locomotive. I could just see the back of the last runner as he disappeared around the corner. It was dark. I was in Coventry.

Learning Points & Getting VERY Lost

I was full of the joys of sunny spring days and was off for a nice muddy lunchtime run …

First rule of swim club is ‘Remember Your Knickers'. I had. I hadn't even got into the pool yet and I was already winning at swimming.

Running is lots of small victories. It's fighting the little things.

I had a sore foot, a child under one arm, a bicycle under the other and it was starting to rain.

We all love running … don't we? Here are 10 reasons I DON'T.

... “Bugger me” said the skeleton who was running next to me.

A 24hr event with laps of 5 miles ... and a rather unhappy tummy.

How not to beat your partner to death with a trainer and why you should live in the moment. And the portaloo.

My last relay had ended in collapse and the feeling I was going to projectile vomit in the hedge. As this was a BEER relay, I had my suspicions that despite it only being 2 miles, this one might end in a similar fashion. (Taken from Dreaming of Footpaths June 2014)

A 10 mile team relay ... and getting eaten by ants. Taken from Dreaming of Footpaths June 2014

Usually when you're packing for a race, the usual dilemma is which pair of trainers to choose. It isn't usually working out which trainers go together ... Taken from Dreaming of Footpaths October 2013

8 very solid and not at all sarcastic reasons why you should not date a triathlete. (Oh and apologies for the noise halfway through the recording, the cat fell off the cabinet. Yes he's fine. Yes he's an absolute horror. And no he's not allowed on the cabinet)

Autumn 100 miler (2015). It was 2am and I was having an argument about whether a section of path I was running was uphill or not. You'd think it would be a pretty easy question to answer but not having a spirit level to hand (argument number 2) and it being pitch black and my legs having run 70 miles already made this a lot more difficult to answer than you might think ...

My first proper cross country race in 2012 ... mostly underwater!

PART 2

PART 1

A tough day out on one of my first cycling sportives. Hail, wind and walking up hills ...

My first Breca SwimRun with Rachel! I've never been a team player. I like the IDEA of working as a team but at school I was the one standing at the end when everyone else has been picked along with the kid who smells funny and has one finger permanently up one nostril, and the kid who has has a communicable disease, hates sports and is threatening to lick anyone who picks him. I got distracted too easily. I'd get bored not playing at all times and would be standing there, wondering what was for lunch when the ball smacked me in the face. Or forgot which team I was supposed to be in so passed the ball to the opposite team.

Running my very first marathon. First published on Dreaming of Footpaths October 17th 2012

The triathlon was over before it had really begun. I was only three laps in, but I was panicking. The pool water –stinking of chlorine and enclosed spaces - was splashing into my face, I was gasping for air and I'd completely forgotten everything I'd learned in my swimming lessons. My head was telling me I was drowning in 4 feet of water.

Going for a Guinness World Record at the London Marathon in 2016 while dressed as an elf ... running with Ann, Simon, Mike and Alex. Episode taken from Dreaming of Footpaths August 2016.

Training on the canals and avoiding Death by Swan while training for the London Marathon. Taken from Dreaming of Footpaths March 2017

Haunted sheep and bacon sandwiches and the story of beating Spider-Man while walking the Yorkshire 3 Peaks. No matching anoraks to be seen. Taken from the Dreaming of Footpaths blog of 12 September 2013

The report of the Thames Trot 50 mile point to point ultra marathon in 2014. Involves, mud, falling over, snack swapping and being overtaken on the run by a kayak! Run in company with Paul Platt & Rodrigo Freeman.

Sarah gives 10 reasons why it's a REALLY bad idea to date a runner.