God Awful Five Star Podcast

Episode 50! I'd like to say we have gotten better but we will just have to leave that up to you, the listener. Matt wrecks his car in his Matt Minute. Taylem brings a segment based on his day with the young elites of society. Phil checks out for a bit but comes back. Andrew vapes and has a great one liner so look forward to that! We wrap it up with some three on one Real or Fake News.

Why do you never want to get into a conversation with an unmanned pilot? They drone on and on... We talk some guy talk today. Boys will be boys as they say. Brother Justus joins the show and greatness follows. Phillip has more conversations with himself, Andrew argues any semantic mistakes, and Matt brings the funny in his Matt Minute. We do a little Hat Tapics and then in honor of Brother Justus, Matt and Taylem compete for who knows each other best in the NewNewlywed game. Want to know what makes Taylem cry? Listen and Enjoy!

We are a little back logged on content getting ready for our 50th episode. As a special thank you to our listeners who have been with us through the growth please enjoy this bonus episode of Master Debaters. We have been developing this show for a while now and before we release it publicly the God Awful Five Star Team would love your feedback. Let us know in the comments at godawfulnetwork.comThis includes two 30 minute episodes of Master Debaters. The first is a debate between Andrew and Taylem over Vapes vs Cigarettes. The second half is Taylem vs Dennis over Cakes vs Cookies as the superior dessert. As always Matt brings the funny as our moderator and decider. Enjoy!

Goodbye July is almost through and our boys are not doing so hot. Matt brings another great Matt's Minute involving valets and an elderly couple rekindling their fire. We play a great round of Urban Dictionary where it become more strategy that guessing. Oh no... They are evolving. Phil, Andrew and Producer Mike join for this one. Enjoy!

Halfway through Goodbye July and the crew is not doing well. Matthew brings us another Matt Minute that drags on entirely too long. I believe he has gone full diva. Honestly, it is like he is not even trying anymore. Matt shows up an hour late because he will not leave his trailer and then finally graces us with his half assed musings that are barely hilarious. Our resident intellectual Phillip consumes more food the wrong way. Andrew learns how to laugh into a microphone and we wrap it up some news stories. Links are on our website. Producer Mike sweats out our recorder overheating so we have some editing issues in this episode. Spoiler alert: Mike blames his ex for the technical difficulties. Thank you for listening ya bums.Check out the news articles for yourself below. See the semi jeans we are talking about See Here Jesus -- on the back of a horseshoe crab. Couple proposes to each other here See condom snorting for yourself food baby just a click away

You need it. You want it. You know just how to get it, and you will. Oh yes you will! Goodbye July is off to the races and we are collectively doing a God Awful job. We are all losers here. Listen in as we discuss giving up masturbation, drinking, talking about our exes and delicious, delicious meat. The struggle is real people. Matt brings a side splitting Uber Minute, finally delivering on his promises. Phillip and Andrew join for 'I know that movie!' And Producer Mike gets a nice lesson in Taylem is faking it until he makes it. Listen, subscribe, visit our website to submit your Hat Tapics and join the conversation!

The game is on this month. Your God Awful hosts have gathered around the table and set some challenges for Goodbye July. Listen as we discuss what we each are giving up and what our punishments will be. Matt brings an Uber minute and a new movie based game called What's That Line Again? Andrew and Ike make some funnies and Producer Mike pods us up and down. Enjoy!

We've got Phillip, Tim, Ike, Andrew, Victoria, Taylem and Mike on the mic to celebrate Matt turning in insignificant age! Whats In My Mouth takes a weird turn when Matt lays down some new rules and the Urban Dictionary Game is entertaining and predictable. Enjoy this episode where we collectively bust Matt's balls on his birthday. Could it go any other God Awful way?Dearest Matt, I don't care who knows it. I want to scream my love for you from the heavens. We are still working on our marketing strategy to actually get God on the podcast, so for now I only have this internet ether to let you know:There would be no God Awful Five Star Podcast without you. You make me laugh every day. In the hardest times of my life you have been there to remind me to not take myself so seriously. You have fearlessly stood by me on my craziest dreams and have somehow balanced telling me i'm an idiot with giving me the confidence to feel one of a kind. Thank you my friend. It is an true honor. On behalf of the podcast crew and every person you have made smile on the daily, thank you for being a true light of positive energy in this world. If you are reading this and don't know what I am talking about, just pay more attention when you walk in any room, for we are all happy you are were born. Happy Birthday Matthew Piasecki. We are just getting started.T

Listen to us getting weird! Something old, something new. Something red, something sexually explicit with a border blue. Matt brings an Uber Minute and we expand on what one makes one rock hard versus rock open. The intro fun is short and sweet and then we seamlessly segway to a old, never released episode featuring Andrew, Tim, and Victoria where we play Ikea or Sex Toy. Laughs a plenty. From our corrupt hearts to your virgin ears. This episode is certified God Awful and a-maize-ing! Enjoy!

Another episode of the God Awful Five Star Podcast is in the can! It's a real sausage fest on this episode. Matt shines more light on the plight of the Uber driver in another Uber Minute and we play a new game Working Title where the hosts have to guess a movie from a very obscure and short description. Phillip joins us and Producer Mike steps in behind the scenes. Check out our new Hat Tapic popup on www.godawfulnetwork.com and join the conversation!

We did it again! Phillip, Tim and Victoria join us today. Matt gives a great Uber Minute where he assigns rap names to all the hosts and now features a hot new theme song. We play Hat Tapics and do some weird news stories. Like, Subscribe, and enjoy! We love you.News Links:https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/people-drinking-cockroach-milk--12612137https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/shock-pentagon-report-reveals-ufo-12606986https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/security-guard-films-ghost-haunting-12556784

Happy birthday to Taylem! On our 40th episode we get the whole family together. Ike, Taylem, Tim, Victoria, Matt, Phillip and Andrew all join todays celebration. We do an Uber minute where Matt pitches us a new product to help cyclists survive and we play Real of Fake News. Then for a grand finale we have our live studio audience participate in What's In My Mouth! It's a mess of an episode, but the fun punctures through the airwaves and we God Awful Guarantee you will laugh and smile with us. Like, Subscribe and send us an email for Taylem's birthday. We want to hear from you. Enjoy! godawfulnetwork@gmail.com

We have a Smurf on the show? Today's Urban Dictionary game teaches us what that means so listen to impress your friends. Phillip joins us for his first God Awful Five Star experience and he fit right in. Matt brings some more Uber Minutes and we play a big round of Hat Tapics. Keep sending them in. Like and Subscribe. We love you! Share

Matt is officially spending too much time alone in his car. He talks tree meat in his Uber minute this week. What is tree meat? Listen and find out. We also play the Urban Dictionary Game with Tim vs Victoria vs Taylem for our new Timmy Trophy. Like and Subscribe. We love you! Share

We play some Hat Tapics with Andrew today as well as a new game made up by Matt. What? Matt made content? It worked out great too. What a world. It is the Urban Dictionary game and you will enjoy it. God Awful Five Star Life!

Ike joins the show! The hosts talk God of War, Infinity War (no spoilers) and we play a round of Hat Tapics. Matt brings another Uber Minute on todays episode. Spoiler alert: he gets angry. Enjoy!

The whole gang is here. Tim got his bike stolen, Andrew shaved his face for a job interview and Matt attempts a new segment: Matt's Uber Minute. AKA Matt strongly dislikes silly names. We also play a new game Real or Fake news,Enjoy!

Welcome to the God Awful Theatre episode. A very special story has been written for your listening ears. Inspired by The Academy Awards, join our adventure and follow two best friend podcasters and how a practical joke tore them apart and The Oscars brought them back together. Matt, Andrew and Victoria join us for some rodeo talk as well. Enjoy, like and subscribe!

We play a new game today, Hefner or Hawking. Taylem lists off some facts and the other hosts have to guess who the fact corresponds too. Matt brings some new names in his Uber minute. Tim, Victoria and Andrew join us for this episode. Enjoy! Subscribe!

Here we go again! Tim and Victoria join us for some Oscar talk, swag bags and they bring us a Morpheus the Mascot update. We play another round of Hat Tapics including Schrodingers Penis, Spring Forwards, is it better to have robot arms or robot legs and gas station televisions. Go to our website www.godawfulnetwork.com and submit your own Hat Tapics for a shout out! Enjoy!Also, to the very nice girl I met at the rodeo... this episode was recorded before we met... so stay tuned.

It gets a little heavy in this one guys. For the first time Taylem tried to make some content for our humble podcast. Thank You Black Panther is a satirical look at Black Panther with out any spoilers. Spoiler Alert: it may be more offensive than funny to you. If this is the case maybe we should take a break from each other for a while because this is not working out. Later Andrew and Matt join for a game of What's In My Mouth: Wakandy Edition. Enjoy! Like and subsicribe!

God Awful men edition. Andrew joins for our first Hello! Report about Matt's Hello Fresh meal plan experience. The hosts take a detour and attempt to hash out a new theme song. Spoiler alert: it sounds like all the others on the show. We really need to hire a producer... Space X, riddles, and nostalgia all in todays episode. Enjoy!

Yippee! The Super Bowl happened. Surprisingly Matt had some things to say. Tim, Victoria and Andrew join us for this one guys. Mattchew is on day one of his new meal plan to cleanse his body and its going well! We play another round of Whats In My Mouth, team edition. Will Taylem and Andrew defeat Tim and Matt? Find out what god awful five star food Victoria shoves in our mouths. Enjoy!

Australia. Another week, another episode! We Australia talk about our international listeners and which host can pull in the next country. Australia. Tim and Victoria join us after spending the weekend judging robots. They were harsh. One robot cried, but that wasn't what it was designed to do so they took off points. Damn. Australia. Matt was human trafficker for a day and Taylem invents another useless god awful device. Enjoy! Australia! Australia! Australia!

It is a bright big world out there and The God Awful Team went exploring. Today we play a new game: What's In My Mouth? Matt and Victoria go against each other red vs. blue style. Our brave hosts race to be the first to correctly say the name of the food that is in their mouth... while blindfolded. There is a healthy spoonful of chewing and dead air in this one. Five stars!

The Ig Nobel Prizes were announced which means it is time for Taylem's favorite episode of the year! This year's winners include crazy science by way of feeding vampire bats human blood, whether cats can be a solid and a liquid, if holding a gator makes one a better gambler and more. Enjoy! Submit some Hat Tapics at www.godawfulnetwork.com and be a part of the show!

Happy 2018 everybody! Ike joins us for our final round of Matt's Cards Against Humanity prize pool. We discuss morning wood, autism as evolution and real life vs. video games in our first Hat Tapics of the new year. Listen for the easter egg of Ike eating Chimichangas. As always, enjoy another God Awful Five Star episode.

Yeah! What a wonderful episode we have for you today! Andrew stops by for some news and Hat Tapics. Stay tuned through the end for a special Christmas surprise. (Santa stops by) Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and thank you for the gift of your ears this past year. More exciting God Awful things headed your way! Hat Tapics You submit then. We talk about them. The News Weird. Wacky. God Awful. 24 year old embryo born to 26 year old mother. Read more here. Man loses virginity to alien. Read more here. Eminem opens pop up restaurant "Mom's Spaghgetti" Read more here. Hat Tapics Help The Show

Andrew joins us today for another round of Hat Tapics. Matt rants about college students not using crosswalks and being oblivious to his quiet hybrid car. The hosts contemplate thinning the herd and the consequences of vehicular accidents. Matt also gets more gifts from Cards Against Humanity. Listen, like and share. The link to submit your own Hat Tapic is below this post. Keep it God Awful Five Stars everybody. PEDESTRIAN POUT Crosswalks, giant cockroaches & micro-dosing along this boulevard of broken dreams. Psychedelics, Terence Mckenna, Micro-dosing Shoutout: Elviis Incognito 1 silver back gorilla vs 3 JOHN CENA's Shoutout: I_eat_ass How soon is too soon to masturbate to a dead porn star? August Ames died Shoutout: Mrs Bean The best 90s afternoon cartoon. Shoutout: Andrew from Slicks Hat Tapics Help The Show

TAPIC TAKEOFF We did it! The God Awful Five Star Podcast has reached drinking age with 21 episodes. Thank you all for your interactions and feedback helping us evolve. To celebrate the anniversary of our first episode we have dedicated this very special episode to answering your Hat Tapics, The comments are open at the bottom of this post for this episode on our SHOW FEED PAGE. Please comment if we missed the point or got anything wrong with your submissions. Links to submit your own Hat Tapics are at the bottom of the page. Enjoy! HAT TAPICS Juliana McCarthy Astrology Whats your Tapic?: AstrologyDo you believe a person's Astrological sign says anything about them?Which signs do you hate? Or love?Are you attracted to a particular signs' energy more than others?http://www.etherealculture.com MRMIYAGI21 Missing the urinal... "A wise man washes his hands after he pees,an even wiser man does not pee on his hands."DISCUSS WHY YU NO HAVE GOOD AIM IN BAFROOM?! @BrokeOffPunk Album Release Parties Whats your Tapic?: -Album Release Parties-With the Internet making any song or album easily accessible, making money through music is harder than it was before, even if the product is good.Along with taking Pre-orders online, Bands and Artists are also starting to write songs specifically for Digital Download (Think Itunes, Spotify, & SoundCloud Exclusives) and vice versa when it comes to CD-Only Tracks.Sometimes even these incentives don't reel in possible consumers, so Musicians like to throw Album Release Parties to get fans directly involved. Only problem is these parties tend to be quite bland and a lot less organized than they used to be. Sometimes Bands will perform a high-energy set of their brand new material from front to back, while other times they just get a DJ to play their new record at a venue while everybody drinks and pretends to be interested.What are we missing? Flamethrowers? Strippers? Kiddie Pools filled with Pasta??'Tapic' of Discussion: How can Artists put the 'Party' back into Album Release Party? Dr. Carl Winslow (no relation) Next trending media platform "GUS" Gustafer Flat Earth. True? Or NonFiction? JasonStevens11 Zombie Apocalypse Plans Juicy J Games you love/miss as a kid. Hat Tapics Help The Show   

KFC KITTY ALTER EGOS, MURDEROUS CATS, and PLANES DRAWING PENISES.  Brother Justus joins us today so naturally cats become a conversation. He is not at all a cat person. He has raised many beautiful and well behaved dogs. On his first guest appearance on the God Awful Five Star Podcast, Episode 12: Cat Chute, Justus tells a great story about how he was piloting a small prop plane alone at night, a cat jumps on his shoulder, he freaks and throws the cat out the window at 10,000 feet. Spoiler Alert: There was a dead body in the plane! THIS IS A TRUE STORY. The cat topic we cover in the news on this episode is not fatal to a cat, but a cat is considered a suspect in an attempted murder on a human. You can find the article here and read a description in the news section below.Matt ate at a Jason's Deli. Taylem gets confused because, to him, the restaurant is set up like a CiCi's Pizza but you have to order up front. Then, Taylem walks past the prep line and regrets his food choice after seeing all the delicious ingredients he missed out on. Matt explains how Taylem is doing it wrong. Apparently you can grab a menu and walk around before you order. Who knew?We continue to discuss how Taylem is slowly assembling his Hipster Santa costume to help his vendetta to add more cheer to the world this holiday season. The ongoing debate is: does Taylem dye his natural beard white or invest in a real Santa beard? Comment below or vote on our home page to weigh in. This leads to the discovery of a super legitimate group of F.O.R.B.S aka The Fraternal Order of Real Beard Santas. You can read about them here. Justus almost hits the same Metro Bus 212 again. That makes two close calls in two weeks. With the same bus. He contemplates whether his hybrid could make it through soft accordion middle of the bus going 80. Justus swerves, its a close call, and in adrenaline filled slow motion he makes eye contact with the driver and they lock eyes thinking the same thing: "It's that same guy again." The story is good enough but Justus then brings up the Jurassic Park bus and Matt does not remember it being an accordion. We look it up and with another blessing from the internet find that someone has purchased the last remaining bus from the movie and is refurbishing it. Check out their Facebook page for more about this awesome project! Jurassic Park : The Lost World RV Restoration Team Hat TapicsIf you had an alter ego what would be his name and job?Matt:Steve NoJobs hangs out in front his computer all day drinking beer watching YouTube. Steve only sees the sun when he leaves to go get more beer. Also Steve is rich.Justus:Sophomore year Justus wrote a letter where he had to state what he would be doing at the end of the year: Drug running from Cuba to Florida in a sweet cigar boat with hey gurls and a pile of cash. Also when he goes to the golf course Justus goes by Lucas because people can never get his name right. Taylem:Many homeless around Houston already know Taylem as Mike. The wisdom being Taylem is a hard name to get across to a passerby and when would you ever seem them again? Well this has turned into a five year relationship with a few bums that still say "hey mike, can I get a cigarette?"So in summary, our God Awful Alter Egos are a rich alcoholic, a drug runner and a homeless man. Five Stars.Would you run over a possibly pet snake in the road?A guy in Florida ran over an anaconda... several times. Turned out to be someone's pet. The hosts agree that they would not run it over. Taylem does not like snakes and even he said no. His approach is to follow the snake, warn the neighbors and try to befriend the snake and understand it, thus becoming less fearful. Matt wants the snake to stay loose to eat one of the children that go to the schools around the Darnell House where this podcast is produced. What animal would you not eat?Matt, Taylem and Justus are horrible people. They go straight to debating whether or not they would eat human. Its a pretty even split of yes and no in the room. Matt recalls walking outside with his girlfriend and smelled a delicious smell in the air, like smokey fresh barbecue. She points out that its the animal shelter cremating the dead pets. Matt remains hungry after the news and decides he would eat dog and cat but they would have to be together... like in a gumbo. Justus has eaten raccoon. He was told it was shot, not road kill. Still weird. Snakes, yes. Horse, yes. Gerbil? maybe. Rats and mice, no... Unless it was in a burger like in Demolition Man. Celebrity CrushesMatt:Numero Uno Salma Hayek, Drew Barrymore (Most people's number 2), and Christy Carlson Romano, the girl from Even Stevens.Justus:Down to party Katy Perry, Olivia Wilde because damn, that bone structure. Taylem:Classic for a reason Angelina Jolie, Lacey Chabert because of how she talks and how her mouth move. The God Awful News Washington skies see penis drawing by US Navy jet go viral Stray cat identified as prime suspect in elderly woman's attempted murder Anti-LGBT politician resigns after being 'caught having sex with man in his office' KFC selling a $10,000 internet escape pod KFC paints epic portrait of man who spotted Twitter stunt  If this all is weird enough for you give kfc kitty a listen!Thank you for your ears! Like, Subscribe, Rate and Review and don't forget to submit a Hat Tapic on our home page! Submit a Hat Tapic by clicking below. Hat Tapics Help The Show

HAPPY THANKSGIVING from the God Awful Team! Andrew joins us today as we talk turkey. Ugh. The puns get much worse on this episode. Matt experiences some voyeurism in his Uber life and we try to agree on what exactly happened on the first Thanksgiving. Enjoy!

Brother Justus returns for a very special Brolo episode. We talk hybrid cars, Dino DNA and this thing called a Homunculus? It is basically human semen inserted into a unfertilized chicken egg... and well life will find a way... And get smashed by a book. We also tune in while the Astros win the World Series. Like, share and subscribe!

Matt got a reporters number! Hay Gurl! She's pretty and texted back in the wee hours of the morning. Also our house was turned into a legitimate crime scene. These two facts are unrelated I promise. Tune in to find out the full story. We discuss bio sensor tattoos and a car that calls in and snitched on its driver after a hit in run in todays news. Enjoy!

A scary robotic wolf haunts to the east. What is it for? A simple task for sure. One might consider the technology behind it overkill. Tune in and decide for yourself. We talk selfies, hurricanes and eclipses on today's God Awful episode.

Today we talk about the movie ideas that we have always wanted to make, our favorite stereotypes and discuss some stupid people doing stupid things to get famous.

Matt almost killed a guy, for reasons you'd expect. Road rage. Plot twist! It was against a skateboarder! This is a long one friends. We talk olympics, wii sports, and The Great White vs. The Great Gold finally happened. Were we correct in our predictions? No... but also maybe?

A dog for a mayor? Seven degrees of Kevin Bacon? OH BOY! Tim and Victoria join this one guys.

Oh boy The G. A. P. is back! We took some time off. Our hosts Matt and Taylem were too busy growing a year older but they bring all that wisdom and experience into todays episode. We talk fidget spinners, fortune cookies and Uber tips. Hat Topics features movie remakes, and super powers and Victoria joins us for the news.

This one is for you TimToria. Thank you for your dedication and I hope you find some laughs while you fight the fight. This will be removed quickly, but for now enjoy and thank you for your ears! This one gets weird. Starring my brother Justus. What else do you expect from the God Awful Podcast?

Boy George Matty got a new car! Didn't read any reviews until after he bought it but that is the man's style. We all do agree that if prostitution was legal we would read up on potential prospects before hand, although only one of us would follow through. The only question is would the review process be more like Yelp or Rotten Tomatoes? Find out on this God Awful episode.

Taylem is mad. Is it the world? Traffic? Women? No... He went in an internal rage at Kinkos because he could not remember his password. We them boys invent a new game called Sex Toy or Power Tool during Hat Tapics and we discuss the worlds first head transplant all on todays..!

Oh boy! We won't get old anymore! We dem boys discuss a new pill we low folk will never have that reverses cell decay in mice... now with more humans. Vulverine was a great movie but we skip over that pretty quickly and not so subtly segway to comic books. In the news Leroy brings us stories of a Houston woman who hires a hitman to off her husband and he promptly goes to the police, as well as a kangaroo that chases a car two miles after almost being hit. I only ask... did he take the H.O.P. lane?

Ha! We did it again only this time with even more improv! Do not worry, we will take classes eventually. For now enjoy this episode about Matt's soup-icide attempt, Leroy gets asses to Jaguars, and a wonderfully predictable fight in the early morning aisles of WalMart.

Mercy me! Another great day in the adventures of Matt. He got in a wreck and it turned The Crimson Chin into a Mercedes! He hates it of course. Too flashy for him. Anyway... we discuss a drive through funeral home, a pastor who is manufacturing the Holy Spirits and Boaty McBoatface, aka do not leave the internet in charge of naming things. Enjoy!

Matt drives around a pretty young lady who buys him some high class booze and even as a professional driver, still cannot pick up a hint. It all goes perfectly for him after that, of course. Also we get in to some hilarity with Leroy during the news. HINT: A woman and a dog walk into a bar...

We talk Super Bowl, Welch's Grape Juice Uber passengers that love Bone Thugs and Harmony to start off, Hat Tapics sovles the drug crisis and the news tells you how to make 7 Billion in 3 days!

Leroy has joined our terrifically terrible show! He brings news and diatribes galore. In this episode we discuss another horrible day in Matt's self employed career, anime harlots, primates getting primal on tinder and much more! Did you know Matt used to chug Capri Suns to get girls? Maybe its a lie, maybe not. Find out on today's episode!

We recorded some great stuff. Mics not so much. Tune in. Listen. It's God Awful so we are posting it.

New Year, new episode! Matt and Taylem discuss Matt's momentous undertaking of watching 366 movies in 366 days last year and his plans to shake the world again in 2017. We invent a new vending machine and discuss the 2016 Ig Nobel Prizes. Spoiler alert: The sex drive of rats goes down in polyester. How do we know this? Because science. Godawful Five Star Science.

Solo Bolo episode with just the OG hosts Matt and Taylem. We discuss a new award show, The Chesties, based on cop's body camera footage, all the senesless celebrity deaths of 2016 and Matt goes on one hell of a road rage tangent against the driver of a Mustang that cut him in traffic. Join us for our first published podcast. It is our best so far!