Tall Tales & Shaggy Dogs: Stories and short humor by Abner Serd

Hi folks! This is our final episode before taking an extended leave of absence. Thank you for listening! We will be back with more poems, songs, and short humor at a later date. In the meantime, we hope you enjoy this bit of nonsense verse set to music: "Well, it was nine o'clock at midnight in the early afternoon / And I was picking all the daisies in the meadow on the moon ..."

I was hanging around down by the waterfront the other day ... keeping an eye on the harbor seals. Sometimes they leak, you know ...

Here is another short poem for the kids: It's summer inside of my snow globe ...

It started out as a biscuits and gravy kind of a morning down at Elmer's Cafe ...

This week's episode is an ever so slightly spooky song about an old growth forest, a crooked beak, and a pair of yellow eyes ...

Here is a poem for the younger folks: Have you ever been to the old oak grove, When the autumn leaves are turning red? ...

My friend Jimy Fingerbutton once invented a new kind of dishwarsher. At least, I thought it was a dishwarsher. It looked just like an old-fashoned dishwarsher ...

Here's a little ditty about how we make the seasons, and why sometimes they get just a tiny bit mixed up ...

You know the seasons are turning when you wake up with frost in your beard ...

This bit of nonsense verse is inspired by the Maori hangi - a traditional method of cooking which is still very popular in New Zealand and elsewhere ...

Every day I find something new out here on Wild Side. Something I've never seen before. Something that makes me say to myself, “slow down! Stop being so observant! You don't want to be one of those folks that goes around saying 'now I've seen everything,' do you?” ...

Here's a little song about apple season: I planted an apple in the springtime / I wanted an apple tree to grow ...

I was poking around out on Wild Side the other day, keeping an eye out for blue shade trees ...

This may be my best poem yet: "Far away, out beyond the Great Desert of Proom, Where the wind sweeps across the sharp sand like a broom ..."

I once met an old-timer who lives out beyond the Wandering Hills, out there in the shadow of Gusty Ridge. The old-timer's name is Dale Hill. Dale broke his jaw 30 years ago and it never did set right, so now he talks with a limp ...

Here's a little ditty in honor of county fair season ...

This morning I was in the second-hand store, looking at all the second hands ... when a lady said to me, she said “beautiful day, isn't it?” I said “yes ma'am. What we have here is a genuine, slow-moving summer day!” ...

Good morning everybody, this is Bill Melater, coming to you live from the beautiful city of Upper Case – Capitol of the Kingdom of Wonderstan and this year's home of the World Championships of Everything! ...

My friend Bill O'Sale just opened a new retail store down at the corner of High Street and Low Road. I asked him what he's selling this time. He said “raincoats ...”

The May bees were buzzing in April / The May bees are heard in July / The May bees will buzz in December / Imagine the things we could try! ...

The other day down at Elmer's Cafe, a bunch of us regulars were bragging about our most dangerous escapades and feats of derring-do ...

It was summer vacation, and Jessica wanted to be in two places at once ...

My friend Jimmy Fingerbutton invented a perpetual motion machine. I was the first person he showed it to. I guess he figured I had the right qualifications, on account of I passed high school physics on the first try and I'm pretty good at keeping a straight face ...

In Upper Tidwell lived a boy Named Jeremiah Crumping / Who couldn't stand for very long without commencing jumping ...

My friend Stretch claims to know more about nothing than anybody else on the planet. He said “believe me, there's a lot more to it than most people realize ...”

Marco always dreamed about traveling to faraway places. All his life, he had never been anywhere – unless you counted his grandmother's house, which was so far away you had to pack a lunch for the journey ...

By the way, Vern swears there are no dragons in this story ...

Here's a little song in honor of the Springtime planting season ...

Well, I'll say one thing about the Gumption Track: it's well-marked. The roadies did not skimp on signage, even though it seems like they never actually got around to building the road itself ...

Here's another little song for the kids: when you think about it, bees are just Nature's miniature flying alarum clocks ...

There were two new faces down at Elmer's Cafe the other day. I walked in the door, saw this young couple sitting on the six and seven stools, talking to each other while Elmer stood around looking exasperated. I said “hot dang! I'll have the Blue Moon Special” ...

Theophilus Papadopoulos had to write an essay for school. It was supposed to be about a famous philosopher, and it couldn't be about anybody he knew ...

Well, the rain never let up, from dawn till dusk ... although, in all fairness, I don't know if you could even call it a dawn, seeing as how nobody remembered to light the sky ...

Here's a little song about a snowman who rolled into town at the tail end of Winter ...

My friend Miles Walker and I were hiking down the Yonder Track on our way to Glory not too long ago. You know Glory – the legendary city where all your dreams come true, and where even ordinary pronouns are elevated to the exalted level of proper noun ... *** NOTE: this is a revised, enhanced, and improved version of Episode 164 ***

Sue Spender was on her way to school one morning when she found a penny lying heads-down on the sidewalk. She wondered how it got there. Could it have fallen out of someone's pocket? Would they miss it? ...

As far as I'm concerned, Gumption is the kind of place where the only reason to go there is to say you've been there ...

Young Brian was always asking questions. He wanted to know how the world worked. He wanted to know why it worked. He wanted to know when it worked, and when it played. Because, you know, NOBODY works ALL the time ...

I caught up with my friend Stretch the other day. He was headed north out of town, along the Coastal Road. I said "hey, Stretch. Where are you going?" He said "Gumption ..."

Another song for the kids: Imagine if you could see yourself in a snowflake! ...

My friend Vern Acular is a self-taught illuminato of the natural world. He rarely comes into town anymore. Instead, he's always out roaming the Wild Side, poking his curiosity into every copse and coulee from here to Fargone ...

Jessica worried that someday, somebody might catch her using magic. That would be disastrous! They wouldn't understand that she only used her powers to do good things. They probably wouldn't believe her when she told them Winter wasn't her fault ...

I found my friend Vern Acular standing at the top of Down Hill with a very long stick in his hands. He looked like he was about to play piñata with the clouds ...

Bonus track! Come on, everybody, sing along! ...

Something's in the 'fridgerator, rotten eggs! ...

My friend Bugsy Diptera and I were tramping around out near Wunsa Pond the other day ...

My friend Miles Walker and I were hiking through the Great Empty Desert when we stomped unexpectedly on a sidewalk ...

I didn't really expect a farewell party when I walked into Elmer's Cafe ...

Several short, unrelated poems are (loosely) tied together by a short song ...

My friend Rita Book recently started working on a new lexical engineering project. Most of her projects are designed for print media, but I heard this one had something to do with things you say out loud ...

My friend Stretch likes to tell everybody he's living on borrowed time. I said "really? Whose time did you borrow?" ...