Podcasts about Nonsense

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Latest podcast episodes about Nonsense

Current Events on SermonAudio
CG Report 08/07/22 (Blowback on the Nonsense)

Current Events on SermonAudio

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 8, 2022 42:00


A new MP3 sermon from The Superior Word is now available on SermonAudio with the following details: Title: CG Report 08/07/22 (Blowback on the Nonsense) Subtitle: CG Report (Prophecy Update) Speaker: Charlie Garrett Broadcaster: The Superior Word Event: Current Events Date: 8/7/2022 Length: 42 min.

Prophecy on SermonAudio
CG Report 08/07/22 (Blowback on the Nonsense)

Prophecy on SermonAudio

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 8, 2022 42:00


A new MP3 sermon from The Superior Word is now available on SermonAudio with the following details: Title: CG Report 08/07/22 (Blowback on the Nonsense) Subtitle: CG Report (Prophecy Update) Speaker: Charlie Garrett Broadcaster: The Superior Word Event: Current Events Date: 8/7/2022 Length: 42 min.

Musik für einen Gast
Ruedi Häusermann, Musiker, Komponist und Regisseur

Musik für einen Gast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 6, 2022 60:54


Der Theatermacher Ruedi Häusermann ist bekannt dafür, Neues auszuloten und angstfrei zu experimentieren. Aber sein Werk war auch stets in einen vergnügt kindlichen Humor eingebettet. Publikum und Kritiker belohnen Häusermanns Schaffen seit Jahren mit einer beispiellosen Treue. Geboren, getauft, eingeschult und sozialisiert in Lenzburg: Ruedi Häusermann ist nie von seinem Heimatstädtchen weggezogen. Gedanklich bricht er aber jederzeit aus Konventionen und Korsetten aus. Regeln waren für ihn schon als Kind eine Einladung, dieselbigen zu brechen, voller Neugierde, was man damit auslöst. So gaben er und sein Bruder ihr erstes Hauskonzert mit je einem einbandagierten Arm, um nur die linke beziehungsweise die rechte Hand der Haydn Sonate spielen zu müssen. Einige von Häusermanns musikalischen Projekten lassen schon vom Namen her Ungewöhnliches erwarten: «Jerry Dental Kollekdoof», «Tanto Pressanto» oder «Früher war ich sehr ruhig, jetzt ists etwas besser». Seine Bühnenstücke sind mit Heiterkeit durchzogen und von Nonsense geprägt. Nach Robert Walser, dessen Werk er intensiv studiert hat, hiess eines seiner Projekte «Unterricht in der Kunst, die Fröhlichkeit nicht einzubüssen». Aber der Eindruck täuscht: Hinter der gespielten Leichtigkeit in Projekten wie «Kapelle Eidg. Moos» oder «Randolphs Erben. Blas- und Streichinstrumente An- und Verkauf» steckt akribische Detailarbeit. Aktuell arbeitet Ruedi Häusermann mit Gerhard Polt und den Biermösl Blosn zusammen. Die gemeinsam erarbeitete Inszenierung soll «A scheene Leich» heissen – ein Stück über das Geschäft mit dem Tod. Ruedi Häusermann bringt Musik zur Sendung mit, die ihn durchs Leben begleitet hat: ein Ländler von Kasi Geiser, ein Violinkonzert von Johann Sebastian Bach, eine Ballade von Chet Baker und mehr. Röbi Koller stellt die Fragen dazu. Erstsendung: 5. September 2021

Viva & Barnes: Law for the People
Ep. 122: Alex Jones Trial; Rumble v. Google; NYT Nonsense; FBI Corruption & MORE! Viva & Barnes LIVE!

Viva & Barnes: Law for the People

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2022 128:00 Very Popular


Dominaria's Judgment
Dominaria's Judgment 62: More Colours, More Problems

Dominaria's Judgment

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2022 Very Popular


This week we dive into the kaleidoscopic blur of Modern Four-Colour Fill-in-the-blank and uncover a family of decks with more deckbuilding decisions and tradeoffs than almost anything else in the format. Should you stick with stock Four-Colour or embrace Traverse the Ulvenwald, Risen Reef, or something else entirely? We do our best to answer that question and many others for now.Patreon / Twitter / DiscordTimestamps:46:40 4c (stock) + Traverse56:25 Ragavan59:50 Understanding different variants + Risen Reef1:12:24 Vivien1:21:00 Glimpse (+ Yorion?)1:33:50 Creativity1:40:30 Bring to Light1:46:00 Time Warp + other wildcards2:00:50 NonsenseResults (Modern):Challenges (23/24 July) - Showcase / Sunday Challenges (30/31 July) - Saturday / Sunday F2F St John'sNRG Chicago Nonsense:4c Turns 4c Snakes! 

Mad Radio
P&P - Seth Weighs in on Trevor Penning's Nonsense

Mad Radio

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2022 11:22


Seth reacts to the nonsense we're hearing about offensive lineman Trevor Penning out of Saints camp.

Nighttime
KEEP CANADA WEIRD - Aug 4, 2022 - Trudeau in PEI, a drunk/hungry cop, a wet cop, and Tim Horton's class action nonsense

Nighttime

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2022 57:04


Jordan and his pal Aaron discuss, explore, and celebrate the week in offbeat Canadian news. In this episode we sort through the fallout from a recent Trudeau visit to PEI, we investigate a drunk hungry cop, we investigate a wet cop, and we lose our minds over the proposed settlement related to a class action against Tim Hortons. Links: Keep Canada Weird Series: https://www.nighttimepodcast.com/keep-canada-weird Join the Keep Canada Weird Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/keepcanadaweird Send a weird news tip: https://www.nighttimepodcast.com/contact Provide feedback and comments on the episode: nighttimepodcast.com/contact Subscribe to the show: premium feed: https://www.patreon.com/Nighttimepodcast apple podcasts: https://applepodcasts.com/nighttime Musical Theme: Noir Toyko by Monty Datta Contact: Website: https://www.nighttimepodcast.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/NightTimePod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NightTimePod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nighttimepod Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/nighttimepodcast

Beer & Nonsense
SUMMER TIME

Beer & Nonsense

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2022 35:16


Christian & Thad took up a booth at South Bend Brew Werks on a HOT summer day. They tell you about some of their favorite summer time activities. Go visit our sponsors Like Brew Werks, Studebaker Brewing Co. & check out E Brewing Co. at fest all summer around Northern Indiana. Do you want quick access to them and mor mBR? Just go to www.michianabeerreviewers.com CHEERS! 

Music Money University
How To Break An Artist FAST In 2023 | Journey From Scratch

Music Money University

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 5, 2022 15:27


In this episode of No Nonsense Music Marketing, we dive into the fasted way to break a music artist?Links from this episode:Omari Music Promotion: www.omarimc.com/promotion Tunecore Discount (Receive 20% off your first upload with our link): https://www.tunecore.com/?ref=omarimcpodcast&jt=omarimcpodcast Merch: https://musiquo.com/$OMARI Coin: https://rally.io/creator/OMARI/ Learn More About Our Incubator Program: https://www.omarimc.com/incubator/Submit Your Music To Omari MC Here:https://www.omarimc.com/submit-your-music/Other links mentioned in this episode:

Music Money University
Snapchat To Pay Select Artists Up To $100K/Month W/ New Grant Program

Music Money University

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2022 6:54


In this episode of No Nonsense Music Marketing, we dive into why Snapchat is willing to pay select artists up to $100k with its new grant program. Links from this episode:Omari Music Promotion: www.omarimc.com/promotion Tunecore Discount (Receive 20% off your first upload with our link): https://www.tunecore.com/?ref=omarimcpodcast&jt=omarimcpodcast Merch: https://musiquo.com/$OMARI Coin: https://rally.io/creator/OMARI/ Learn More About Our Incubator Program: https://www.omarimc.com/incubator/Submit Your Music To Omari MC Here:https://www.omarimc.com/submit-your-music/Other links mentioned in this episode:Distrokid Vs. Tunecore Pros & Cons: UNBIASED Review:https://youtu.be/oET9v4nc9skSource Article:https://www.digitalmusicnews.com/2022/07/28/snapchat-distrokid-creator-fund/

Octothorpe
63: Nonsense Divide

Octothorpe

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2022 43:59


John has a button, Alison has a venue, and Liz once saw a computer that had been in Chris's car. Please email your letters of comment to comment@octothorpecast.uk and tag @OctothorpeCast when you post about the show on social media. Content warnings this episode: COVID (chapter 2), death at a young age (chapter 6). Letters of comment Chris Garcia Roman Orszanski Paul Weimer Bridget Bradshaw FantasyCon It was cancelled They had sold 200 memberships, but needed 400 and were £24k short It was uncancelled You can join the new iteration here Arthur C Clarke Awards The shortlist is out The Scotsman reviewed Deep Wheel Orcadia Conversation has a venue now! Chicon Fringe Picks John: Star Wars: The Knights of the Old Republic (Steam, Switch, Xbox, iPad) No PlayStation version, probably because of the coming remake? The remake has been “paused indefinitely” Alison: “In the Black Fantastic” at the Hayward Gallery Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club Liz: The Great Potato War Credits Cover art: “Assorted Jedi” by Alison Scott Alt text: Three humanoid figures hold lightsabers and stand against a futuristic cityscape reminiscent of Coruscant. The leftmost looks like John, but is clad in the clothes of Luke Skywalker. The middle figure looks like Alison, but she's green and looks quite a lot like Yoda. The rightmost looks like Liz, clad in the clothes of Rey Skywalker. The words “Octothorpe 63” adorn the top of the image in the distinctive typeface of Star Wars. Theme music: “Fanfare for Space” by Kevin MacLeod (CC BY 4.0)

The Mike Slater Show
Cutting Through the Nonsense of Pronouns

The Mike Slater Show

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2022 37:11


Detail Solutions Podcast
WOYM: Business is hard, monkey herpes and other nonsense

Detail Solutions Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2022 47:59


It's another episode of What's on your mind and were talking about people who complain about running a business is hard and why?  We also talk about monkey island in Florida and why the monkeys have herpes? This is not an award-winning episode by any means but it will make you giggle all the way to the end. Support this show and follow us on Facebook: @thedetailsolutionspodcast and @thedetailsolutionspodcastdiscussiongroup or on instagram: @detailsolutionspodcast and YouTube: The Detail Solutions Podcast You can find our sponsors at: www.vyperindustrial.com use code DSP25 www.iglcoatingsusa.com for JenK.O. www.detailersroadmap.com www.facebook.com/groups/detailersroadmap www.oberkcarcare.com use code DSPFREE and receive one free 16oz bottle of Tire Cleaner with a minimum order of $60. *Limit 1 per person www.detailedimage.com use code detailsolutions10 for 10% off your purchase www.manscaped.com use code DSP for 20% off www.autofiber.com use code DSP for 10% off --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/detailsolutionspodcast/support

Intentionally Vicarious:  Having more fun than anyone else you know! - Self-Actualization - Lifelong Learning - Think About I

DO NOT get swept up into the money-chasing, "Simplify & Polarize" strategy of the politicians and political media. The fact is, 85% of America is in general agreement about what abortion policy should be. That's right, 85% agreement. 

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - AULD LANG SYNE (parts 4-6 of 6) (Deadeye Kid #5) Reissue of the week

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2022 35:23


A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.  disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg  (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington -  Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson   No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. ******************************************************************   Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.  I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW Will it be safe? LEM Safe? FANSHAW I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.  For ... notoriety's sake. LEM Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?  'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory.  FANSHAW Is it worth the risk? LEM [shrug noise]  Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM [laughs]    I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.  Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW [rolling eyes]  Yes, yes. LEM Sides, I'm outta coffee.  And low on shells.  FANSHAW [teasing] Heavens.  How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB IN TOWN SOUND WALKING ON WOOD LEM Lotta trade hereabouts.  Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW Lem!  LEM [voice low]    We'll go on over yonder.  [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance.  FANSHAW I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind.  LEM Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW I say.  Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM [shrug] Three weeks.  Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW I'll-- LISETTE [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE [off a bit] Clary?  I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW [stiff, covering]  Old acquaintance.  Go on ahead! LEM 3_SALOON SOUND HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB SALOON LEM One here. SOUND DRINK POURED BARTENDER There you go. SOUND COINS SOUND LEM DRINKS GRISHAM [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER Something wrong, fella? LEM [coughing, trying to clear his throat]    Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER [sympathetic] Tarnation.  You need it yonked?  Barber can‑‑ LEM [finally getting clear] No, no.  I kin handle it.  SOUND COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM   And sorry about the-- BARTENDER [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND MORE COINS LEM Give me the bottle. GRISHAM Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM 4_LISETTE AMB OUTSIDE LISETTE [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!  Mustache and all.  Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE Oh, how formal.  Just like at school.  What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE And we used to be such chums.  However did you end up here? FANSHAW I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!  You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE [not amused any more]  At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW Jolly good.  Happy you're dead.  Must get along. LISETTE Don't run off so quickly, Clary!  FANSHAW [long breath of self-control]  LISETTE There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages.  FANSHAW How unfortunate.  Must rush. LISETTE I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW [quiet] Bloody hell.  [up]  I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE I'm sure.  But he replied.  Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW I-- LISETTE Oh, just watch your face!  You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!  You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW Stop calling me that. LISETTE Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.  I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend.  FANSHAW [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB SALOON SOUND LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM [low] Sit. GRISHAM What makes you think I'd sit with you?  You done went and killed me! LEM That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.  You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM I ... drifted. LEM That's just what's got me hornswoggled.  Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM [sigh] SOUND DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND PIGS LEM Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW That woman - ghost woman. LEM An old flame? FANSHAW Nonsense!  We knew each other as ... children.  She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here.  LEM Spect not.  Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW [disgusted] Yes... LEM So?  You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW Lisette Carmichael.  She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.  About other people.  She likes to -- LEM Hold a grudge?  Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW Aptly put.    LEM You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?  Leastways not no more. FANSHAW You might be surprised. LEM Who's she a-gonna tell?  [realizes] Oh.  FANSHAW And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my  part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.  Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM [after a moment]  Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW What? LEM Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW   It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW What? LEM Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW You would leave?  Over this? LEM I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return.  SOUND WALKING IN MUD LEM Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB BARN SOUND TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM You distract her, I'll get the gear.  Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW Righty-ho.  SOUND LEAVES GRISHAM Running away, eh?  Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM [sigh]  You're lucky ain't no one about but us.  Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM You kilt me! LEM We had it out, fair and square.  I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]  I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.  Not on purpose. SOUND LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.  Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM I din't do THAT to you neither.  You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM By shooting the Kid?  You ain't the first. GRISHAM But you still kilt me. LEM And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.  Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.  Hee-yaw! SOUND RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW Lisette? LISETTE There you are!  Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW So sorry.  Didn't have much choice.  My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE Did you make a clean breast of it?  Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say?  FANSHAW You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did.  LISETTE So bothered over trifles!  How much people change! FANSHAW Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!  Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE Carmela?  Served her right.  FANSHAW She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE She also let herself be compromised!  I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?  A champion of truth? LISETTE Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW History is replete with-- LISETTE Oh, spare me.  Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW Very well.  I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.  Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings.  LISETTE [outraged] I--?  You--! FANSHAW Kindly allow me to finish.  There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.  Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE No doubt.  I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]  No, but I think I shall. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING         Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND HORSES WALKING LEM I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW How odd.  Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW And we know the how and why of that.  Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM How?  And who with?  Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed.  Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself.  LEM Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.  When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW [chagrined] Oh.  MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK NOTE Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB SALOON LEM Gimme two. SOUND CARDS LEM [pleased noise]  I'll see you and raise-- SOUND CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM Your call. PLAYER1 [shaky] Um...  I fold. LEM [chuckles] PATRON1 How can he--? Patron2 Shh! SOUND HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM [heavy menace]  You the deadeye kid? LEM [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.  Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM [long dramatic sigh]  Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1 [muttered] Uh, yeah.  I'm done.  Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.  Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM Now! LEM [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER .. certainly. GRISHAM I'll do it!  I will! SOUND CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM Rightchere in front of all these good folks?  And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?  [tsks]  Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC BACK TO NOW SOUND HORSES WALKING FANSHAW Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Shooting someone in the back. LEM And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.  Ain't no pride in the easy way.  FANSHAW Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM Are you stepping? LEM What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?  Milk?  [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM [furious noise]  I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you.  SOUND DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM Barkeep?  Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM   Yup.  There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.  Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW Why not?  He called you out. LEM He was halfway round on rotgut.  Not a nugget's chance agin me.  Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW But you stepped out with him?  Even knowing he had no chance? LEM A'course.  He wouldn't take no.  Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.  I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.  And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.  You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.  That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM You ready? LEM Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?  I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM [duh] Yep.  [beat] That's your sole entire reason?  You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM And o'course it gots to be a callout.  [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.  [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM Come on!  Kick it up, Deadeye!  Less'n yer yellow! SOUND LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM [maddenginly cool] Oh.  I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND G - BODY DROP SOUND LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.  A MOMENT.  FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC BACK TO NOW FANSHAW [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM Have to ice over that pond.  Hard and cold.  Hard and cold. FANSHAW I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.  I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW But men can behave in a civilized manner!  Look at we Brits. LEM [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW Do you enjoy it? LEM [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM   [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time.  FANSHAW The thrill of danger? LEM That, but even more so.  If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.  This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.  Kill or be killed.  [beat, then not quite truthful]  Enjoy?    FANSHAW Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC FLASH BACK AMB INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN [gasps] SOUND [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM [voiceover]  there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.  Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER Your shot, Mister. LEM [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC BACK TO NOW LEM [brisk] It's coming down dusk.  Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM Whazzat? FANSHAW Look - the horizon! LEM Signal fires, and a lot of em.  FANSHAW They're a little far off to get a better look at.  We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM Someone's gotta warn the town.  Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM Not so much that I saw.  They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there.  FANSHAW [heavy sigh]  Right, then.  SOUND DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW She's neither a lady nor a friend.  But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.  [change of tone]  We are a couple of hours out. LEM Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.  We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND READYING FOR BATTLE LEM If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER You've done enough already, stranger.  Ain't even your fight. LEM I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.  Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM That's fine.  Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone.  FANSHAW [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE   I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.  [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.  I'm still not sure how you did that.  Or why you came back. FANSHAW We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.  Fanshaw, dear old chum.  Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE [surprised laugh]  Hah!  All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!  And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.  Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.  We have a job to do. LISETTE Wait! FANSHAW [long sigh]  Yes? LISETTE Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW I doubt I shall need any.  But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND POUNDING LISETTE Oh heavens!  Not again! MAN [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND POUNDING STOPS LISETTE Try that scene again from the top.  Romeo? FANSHAW [sigh] Yes? LISETTE Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET Oh, I like "him".  So terribly byronic. FANSHAW I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY Sir? LEM Yeah? SCOTTY Private Scott.  Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM [sigh] Right.  You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY O'course. LEM Against a person? SCOTTY Well, against animals. LEM GRISHAM Not everyone can be you. LEM [sighs] SCOTTY Don't you worry!  I ain't afraid! GRISHAM This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.  You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM   Right.  You gotta horse? SCOTTY Over there. GRISHAM [rueful] My damn horse.  Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets.  LEM Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY Right, sir! GRISHAM Ain't he a little young?  You should oughtta throw him back. LEM I'm stuck with him.  And I never kept notches. GRISHAM That ain't what I heered. LEM Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY Tell me about what?  Injuns?  [certain] I know all about them. LEM [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB CRICKETS SOUND HORSES FANSHAW They're still out of range.  I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM Hmm? FANSHAW I can make out English and Spanish.  Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM [quiet] Ain't impossible.  Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY What ain't impossible? LEM We're gettin close.  Best to go on foot.  SCOTTY These here horses are my responsibility! LEM Best you stay and watch'em, then.  FANSHAW Don't forget the satchel. SOUND CREAK LEM Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!  I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW [laughs]  I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND REMOVING SPURS LEM Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.  If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.  You reckon? SCOTTY How'll you find us? LEM I'll find you.  Just be ready.  And don't shoot me. SOUND QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK echoey hallway LISETTE [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW LISETTE [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.  Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.  Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE Perhaps plain trousers, then.  [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.  [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.  I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW I'll have a look round.  SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM Ooh!  Scairt you, din't I? LEM [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.  Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM What all do you want? GRISHAM Apart from you in a pine box?  I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM Not likely, nope.  How'd you follow us? GRISHAM What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW Who the devil is this? GRISHAM Who the devil are you? LEM What'd ya find out? FANSHAW A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle.  GRISHAM What kinda girlie man are ya?  Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW We need to get moving. GRISHAM I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND KNIFE FANSHAW [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM FANSHAW Marquis of Queensbury be damned.  We need to go. GRISHAM [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM What'd you do to him? FANSHAW I didn't!  I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea?  8_JULIET3 SOUND TAP ON DOOR LISETTE Fanshaw? FANSHAW Come in. LISETTE I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW I was considering what I might do with my hair.  To create the right ilusion. LISETTE That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW I prefer not.  It looks like an ottoman on my head.  LISETTE And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW Whyever not? LISETTE On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE That is the final straw!  Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW What? LISETTE That you would take too many liberties.  You are out. FANSHAW Out? LISETTE [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW I don't see anyone.  .. hostile. SOUND QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM What is--  [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW I don't doubt it. SCOTTY And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM [heavy sigh]  CLOSING       Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM Good thing I had that with me.   Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW Of course. SCOTTY I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.  And you been punished enough. SCOTTY What do you mean?  They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW I'll deal with him. LEM I'll leave you to it.  SCOTTY What are you doing? LEM Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.  You gon' be all right? SOUND RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.  Especially in the dark. SCOTTY Can't do anything?  What are you talking about?  FANSHAW Hush, Scotty.  Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM Where the hell?   [Thunder?]!  Goddam rustlers!  SOUND MEN WALK BY LEADER Two horses, two saddles.  I don't like it. SECOND Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.  But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.   LEADER [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND We're nearly ready.  3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY [trying not to cry] So that's IT?  I mean this is it?  No nothing left?  No heaven? FANSHAW There are so many things even I don't understand.  I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW Most do.  And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.  That is a shame. SCOTTY What's it like? FANSHAW [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY Being with a woman? FANSHAW ... 4_RUNNING LEM [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM [muttered] Dammit.  Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK SOUND NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS [yelling, off]  Leastways, there's a good moon!  PIEDMONT [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS [off, yelling]  Spread out!  Don't let that traitor get away!  Where's that rope? PIEDMONT [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?  You been all over the place! FANSHAW Oh dear.  [up]  I've spent most of my life deep in study.  I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all.  SCOTTY Me too.  Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW [after a moment]  Women are.... soft. SCOTTY [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW And round.  In places where men aren't. SCOTTY But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW [flabbergasted]  What? SCOTTY You never don't see none of them out of skirts!  Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.  Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.  You understand. SCOTTY [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW   Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT Shh!  Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT There is no call to use such language, boy.  Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM I should hope I do!  My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM [pride] Yup. SOUND OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS [outside]  Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM I don't fancy getting whupped.  I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night.  8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW I was in love.  When I was very young. SCOTTY Was she really purtty? FANSHAW [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.  Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW Our parents objected.  They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY What didja do? FANSHAW I waited.  I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY You waited on a rock? FANSHAW I waited at school.  I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY What happened? FANSHAW I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY Yes? FANSHAW That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY She'd gone and -- FANSHAW My "dearest love" had married another.  Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY Damn!  Women are right terrible. FANSHAW Don't fault women, boy.  There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.  We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT YOUNG LEM Why?  What for? PIEDMONT We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM You mean the war?    My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS There he is! MAN Get him! PIEDMONT [scream] SOUND SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW   We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY How'd it work? FANSHAW Work? SCOTTY I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW I don't know that I have an answer for you.  I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY Years?  You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW .. help people.  And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety.  11_SHOT SOUND LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!  My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.   YOUNG LEM [gasp]  Pa? SOUND GUNSHOT SOUND TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on.  SCOTTY Business?  I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW No, no.  For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY   I spose that could happen. FANSHAW Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW [cheering]  Or, when the town has been warned.  That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY [wailing] Oh no!  FANSHAW Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY What if it's ladies? FANSHAW [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.  Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS   Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS YOUNG LEM In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS   [beat]  You asking something? YOUNG LEM What if he'd'a kilt me?  Or what if you did? ROBERTS [long pause]  Life's hard, boy.  You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM SOUND BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS Lem?  YOUNG LEM [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY It ain't fair!  I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW Life is not fair.  Death even less so.  SCOTTY I-- FANSHAW [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer.  SCOTTY Answer? FANSHAW Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY   And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW What about me? SCOTTY Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW   But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY No?  Why? FANSHAW I still have many things to see.  And I feel like I'm doing good here.  There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY That's crazy talk. FANSHAW That's why it's a story.  In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY All right.  Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW A talking bug, but yes, a bug.  SCOTTY That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW   [gasp]  Look at the horizon!  I think they are on the move! SCOTTY Is there something we can do? FANSHAW This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER [commands]  We need more shot at the western boundary!  Get someone over there! SOLDIER Yessir! SOUND FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2 Sir!  Someone's coming!  On foot! COMMANDER On foot?  SENTRY [off] Halt! LEM [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...  I'm gon fall down...  And I gotta get to...  The commander. SENTRY Stop, I say! COMMANDER Let him on through. LEM They're a-movin.  Deserters 'n comancheros.  Have guns.  COMMANDER Why are you-- LEM Kilt Scotty.  Took the horses.  Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND FALLS DOWN COMMANDER Are you all right?  [up] Someone get Doc! LEM I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY We got to do something! FANSHAW And just what do you have in mind?  I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.  By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY Can't we spook the horses or nothing?  That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW I was with you the entire trip out from town.  Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY [really down] No. FANSHAW If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.  Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC Can you get yourself around this? LEM [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC [shrug] Mostly brandy.  LEM [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE Oh, goodness.  I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend.  LEM [coughs] DOC Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM [hawks, spits, clear throat]  Hits the spot.  LISETTE [calculating] And not able to walk away.  [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.  You up fer it? LEM Will be... shortly.  Any chance of a mite to eat?  It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW We've come across... others.  But they are very rare. SCOTTY [yelling] I want to DO something!  I want to help! FANSHAW There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!  I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY But I-- GRISHAM [off]  Will you two shut up?  They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW Oh dear.  Come along. SCOTTY Where? FANSHAW To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND MEN READY TO GO SOUND MOUNT UP LEM [sigh of relief, but also soreness]  COMMANDER You doing all right, there, feller? LEM Better saddle than boots.  I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.  Least we can do.  Let's go. SOUND HORSES MOVE OUT LEM Commander? COMMANDER Hmm? LEM Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER This town is not a good place for that.  Too spread out.  And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.  Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER I like the way you think, hombre.  [up] Company!  [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND PUNCH FANSHAW [casual] shut up. SCOTTY That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW Leave him!  [quiet, moving away]  We can't actually be hurt.  But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.  I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW Blast!  He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW How? SCOTTY Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM oof! SCOTTY Better'n pie!  You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM [muttered] Fanshaw?    Too far out.  COMMANDER What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM Nothing much to speak of.  Some hills.  A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.  No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER   Cain't let this sort of thing go.  LEM Course not.  COMMANDER You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM   Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER You're sure he's ... dead? LEM I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER [sad] That's too bad. LEM Kin? COMMANDER   LEM [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW Looks like about three score.  Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.  Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC FLASHBACK AMB BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA Stop calling me that, nanny!  I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY You'll always be my little bunny bug.  Oh!  Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?  [gasp of fear]  Did you hurt yourself?  Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA No!  I am a pirate. NANNY Do not be so silly.  There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA Of course there are.  They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA Well not just NOW.  When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER Did you see how big a force they had? LEM Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.  At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER [skeptical] Really? LEM They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER [considers, then agrees] No, you don't.  LEM 'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER [chuckles]  Sound thinking.  [up]  Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY [pleased] You tired yet, feller?  I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM [tired] You little whippersnapper!  Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.  More than he will ever know.  [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1 Hey!  I found something! SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW [worried] Damn!  Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2 What? SECOND Silence! RUFFIAN2 [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1 Split it?  Nonsense!  It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.  Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB Yessir! LEM If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite.  COMMANDER You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM [shrug] Someone's gotta.  'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER Valuables? LEM Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY Mister Fanshaw!  That fellow just vanished!  Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY Why? FANSHAW I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.  Now that it has been found... SCOTTY Why?  Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW   There's something in there - Oh!  It's moving.  Stay with me as long as you can.  SCOTTY Why can't I--? FANSHAW Shh!  [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.  And you are on the other end. SCOTTY Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW Basically, yes.  You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW Yes!  [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA I am going to be a pirate!  I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY Stealing is very wicked.  YOUNG CLARA But you can't be a pirate without stealing!  Then you're just a sailor! NANNY And young ladies do not become pirates.  Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA Or nannies. NANNY [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.  You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA I should rather be a nanny.  Mummies are boring.  Nannies have things to do. NANNY [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!  I want to see the world! NANNY [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA Then I want to be a boy! END     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM I kin look after myself.  Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.  I best get a move on. COMMANDER One thing. LEM Yeah? COMMANDER One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM [down] Oh. COMMANDER And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM I- COMMANDER [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.  Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM I kin only do my best. SOUND WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW RUFFIAN2 [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1 [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2 [whisper]  Heavy is good!  Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1 Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW Such stimulating conversation.  I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay.  3_TALLYHO SOUND STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM   [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.  And ridin. FANSHAW [distant]  Tally-ho!  LEM [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW Halloooooo!  Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM What the devil?  [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW [muffled noises] SOUND STRUGGLING GRISHAM Oh, no you don't!  SOUND MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.  Long as I ignore it.  But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW [noise of effort] GRISHAM [ouch!] Hey!  You bit me!  FANSHAW Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM   [disgusted noise] FANSHAW [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--  [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW [noise of effort] SOUND STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM You're a-- ?  FANSHAW You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM what the hell?  A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER [commanding, but quiet]  They're coming! SOUND [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER [a bit superior]  I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw.  6_PLAN DOS LEADER Shots? SECOND Sir? LEADER   Someone has seen.  Get El puerco and his fellows.  Tell them plan dos. SECOND Plan dos, sir? LEADER They'll circle south and get behind the town.  We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND Yessir! SOUND RUNS OFF SCOTTY [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!  That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM [muttered] Damn.  And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM [very quietly] 30...?  Nearer fifty.  That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND SHOTS!  (where the horses went to) LEM [muttered to self] hold on.  SOUND NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM [muttered] almost... GRISHAM There you are! LEM [sharp intake of breath]  That don't work on me twice.  Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM Oh, that girly friend of your'n?  Funny thing about that-- SOUND GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM Good riddance.  And jest in time. SOUND BEGINS SHOOTING MaN [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER [roaring now] Hold the lines!  More shot, boy! BOY Yessir! MAN [hit, argh!] COMMANDER Stay low! FANSHAW All seems rather well here.  GRISHAM There you are. FANSHAW Bloody hell. GRISHAM [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND RELOADING SOUND NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM That's nine.  SOUND SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY [distant, yelling] Someone!  They're circling round!  There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM   [listens for a second]  Fanshaw?  Damn.  SCOTTY [yelling]  Please!  Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.  [chuckles]  dead don't get hoarse.  But I gotta get one.  [clucks to horse] SOUND HORSE BLOWS LEM [grunts as he swings into the saddle]  Come on. FANSHAW [a bit distant] Lem? LEM Wazzat?  There you are! FANSHAW Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.  That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM Grisham?  FANSHAW The commander seems to be holding well.  The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM   Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW What message? LEM Just try and tell the boy.  So he can rest hisself.  [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW Scotty?  Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER This is no time to be peaceable.  They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND HORSE APPROACHING LEM [distant] Commander! COMMANDER Let him through.  [up, to Lem]  Looks like we've got nearly all of them.  SOUND GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM [to horse] Whoah!  I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind.  COMMANDER My god! LEM Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER You, boy! BOY Yessir? COMMANDER Bring my horse, quickly! LEM You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.  My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM Sound thinkin.  I have been going a bit. COMMANDER Corporal? CORPORAL [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW Lem?  I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.  Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND LEM DISMOUNTS LEM Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.  I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL Excellent!  FANSHAW I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM Found you! FANSHAW Oh, damn!  GRISHAM You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW [hits out] GRISHAM [ungh!] FANSHAW Have to get him out of here, Lem.  Too distracting. SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM [laughs triumphantly]  Coward!  But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM What? LEM You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.  You hear me? GRISHAM [all the bluster gone]  LEM   I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND GUNSHOT LEM [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM Hah!  I still gotcha! LEM [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up?  CORPORAL [commanding] Men! SOUND MORE GUNSHOTS LEM [groan] SOUND BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END   NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER Hold on, there, fellow. LEM [vague] all's well? COMMANDER We got em. LEM My pack? COMMANDER I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR Bite down on this.  He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.  You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN Just a little bit of broth, mister.  You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM [annoyed moan] FANSHAW You're awake. LEM [quiet]  Anyone--? FANSHAW Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM   I been shot? FANSHAW At least twice, judging by the bandages.  Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.  I should have been watching. LEM [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.   FANSHAW [awkward pause, then stiffly]  Should I ...go? LEM Go?  go where? FANSHAW [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.  To rest.  I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM [straining a bit]  Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM [satisfied]  FANSHAW I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW LEM Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW [bracing breath]  LEM [exasperated snort]  Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW LEM [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW So she did--? LEM [shrug]    So? FANSHAW [surprised] So? LEM You cain't be the first. FANSHAW First? LEM Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW .. don't? LEM 'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants.  FANSHAW What? END    

Music Money University
UMG Made THIS Much $ The Past 3 Months

Music Money University

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 3, 2022 10:02


In this episode of No Nonsense Music Marketing, we dive into how Universal Music Group was able to rake in $2.7 Billion in the second quarter of last year.Links from this episode:Omari Music Promotion: www.omarimc.com/promotion Tunecore Discount (Receive 20% off your first upload with our link): https://www.tunecore.com/?ref=omarimcpodcast&jt=omarimcpodcast Merch: https://musiquo.com/$OMARI Coin: https://rally.io/creator/OMARI/ Learn More About Our Incubator Program: https://www.omarimc.com/incubator/Submit Your Music To Omari MC Here:https://www.omarimc.com/submit-your-music/

KEB: Unfiltered
The Spawn of St. Joe

KEB: Unfiltered

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 3, 2022 71:49


The guys are back this week with Trivia & Top 5 with Jay, a unique Cup with St. Joe, a crime story with Keb, and The Stupid Tweet of the Week.

Music Money University
Facebook Ads For Music Streaming | Our Secret Formula REVEALED

Music Money University

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 2, 2022 6:54


In this episode of No Nonsense Music Marketing, we dive into a case study of our Facebook Ads strategy that got Kid Travis over 100 million streams. Links from this episode:Omari Music Promotion: www.omarimc.com/promotion Tunecore Discount (Receive 20% off your first upload with our link): https://www.tunecore.com/?ref=omarimcpodcast&jt=omarimcpodcast Merch: https://musiquo.com/$OMARI Coin: https://rally.io/creator/OMARI/ Learn More About Our Incubator Program: https://www.omarimc.com/incubator/Submit Your Music To Omari MC Here:https://www.omarimc.com/submit-your-music/Other links mentioned in this episode:

Music Money University
How To Make PROFESSIONAL Cover Art For Singles Or Albums (Free Ideas)

Music Money University

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2022 6:54


In this episode of No Nonsense Music Marketing, we dive into how to make professional cover art for singles or albums using Kapwing. Omari Music Promotion: www.omarimc.com/promotion Tunecore Discount (Receive 20% off your first upload with our link): https://www.tunecore.com/?ref=omarimcpodcast&jt=omarimcpodcast Merch: https://musiquo.com/$OMARI Coin: https://rally.io/creator/OMARI/ Learn More About Our Incubator Program: https://www.omarimc.com/incubator/Submit Your Music To Omari MC Here:https://www.omarimc.com/submit-your-music/Other links mentioned in this episode:Learn More About Kapwing Here:https://www.kapwing.com/pricing

Steamy Stories Podcast
Home for Horny Monsters: A Banshee on the Porch! -

Steamy Stories Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2022


Home for Horny Monsters: A Banshee on the Porch! - Haunted victorian house has more erotic surprises (part 2)By writerannabelle.  Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. “Get in the bath with me,” Naia purred. “I can help you relax.”“You still haven't told me what you get from the link.”“Your protection.” She leaned back, her breasts bobbing on the surface. “This home needs a guardian, a human who won't expose our secret to the world, one who will care for us until his dying day. When I read your spirit, I knew that you could be the one who protect us.”“Us?” He peeked out into the bedroom. “There are other nymphs?”Naia shook her head. “I'm referring to the house itself. Emily was the last guardian of this place, and it holds many secrets. If this house should fall into the wrong hands…” Naia shivered, though the water was warm. “I'm afraid I can't be of much help in discovering them, as I am unable to leave this room. That, and I can't actually tell you.”“Why not?”“It's the house.” She frowned. “Powerful magic, a Geas. When Emily died, the house's protective magic kicked in. It's like being unable to remember someone's name, even though you are looking right at them. There is something important that I want to tell you, but it floats away from me when I try to focus on it. I'm afraid it will be that way until you can figure out for yourself the real purpose of this house.”“Secrets, huh?” Mike thought back to his college days, low-key hacking into servers just to see what was there. “Sounds like a challenge.”“I wish I could help, I really do.” Naia frowned. “I have huge gaps in my memory, but the main thing I remember is Emily.”“You knew my Great Aunt well?”“She was a good friend. I know you picture her in your mind as some old woman traipsing through the house, but she never looked a day over twenty seven. Not until the day she died, anyway. The magic preserves beauty, but doesn't prolong death.”“Interesting.” Mike stroked his chin. “So, I'm going to be young forever.”“On the outside.” Naia smiled. “And I think I can make your stay worth it.”“I'm going to be honest. I'm not really good with women.” Mike stared at her naked body, his cock twitching once more. His body and brain were disconnected, his body suddenly ready but his mind hesitant. His mother's voice was distant, but it was still there.“I saw that.” Naia trailed a finger down between her breasts. “A lot of pain in your past, something holding you back. You'll find that our new bond will alleviate that somewhat.”“What, are you my therapist now?”“Even better.” Mike hadn't realized how close he had come to the water. Naia slid her finger into the waistband of his pants, pulling him close. “My magic has created a special bond between us, one that enhances trust, allowing you to momentarily forget.” Tugging the band of his pants down, his cock sprung free, pointing directly at her mouth. “I can teach you to overcome your pain, if you will let me.” She stroked his cock lovingly, her fingers magically warm and wet. She gazed up into his eyes, adoration on her face. “Please let me do this, Mike. Please.”“I…” Mike stared at the woman in his tub, the one who radiated warmth and safety. For the first time he could remember, he had become lost in the moment, the slight heat of her breath teasing the head of his swollen dick. Gone were any thoughts of his childhood, the house, or what had happened earlier. Her eyes were shimmering pools, glowing with an inner light of their own.“C'mon Mike. Let's do it right this time.” She continued stroking. “With your permission.”Mike was breathing hard, his fingers stroking lightly at her hair. She broke eye contact, staring hungrily at his cock. She was panting now, and his cock tingled with every stroke.“Please,” Mike begged her. “Please.” He couldn't put the feeling into words, but he needed her.She leaned forward, sucking him in gently, her teeth just barely sliding across his foreskin. He shivered as she took him all the way to the root, one hand stroking his balls while the other slid around his hips. She sucked on him for several seconds, and he moaned softly, unsure what to do. She broke away, a trail of spit connecting her mouth to his dick.“Get in.” Her voice was husky, her hands pulling down his pants. He helped, pushing them to the floor as she caressed his balls, rolling them gently between her fingers. He stepped into the bath, her mouth finding his dick again. She grabbed him by the hips, moaning quietly as he thrust into her mouth. Already, his body felt light, his muscles relaxing as the magic took hold of him. He popped free from her full lips, and she reached up for him as he knelt down, their lips finding each other. He ran fingers through her blue hair, tracing the line of her jaw. She clutched his shoulders, breaking free of his kiss to suck at his collarbone.“Everything feels like electricity,” he told her, meaning every word. His skin was practically tingling, her touch igniting tiny sparks between them in the warm of the bath.“Part of that is my magic,” she whispered in his ear, her breath hot. “The rest of it is me.”His hand moved down her belly, parting the thick folds of her pussy. She was impossibly tight. He worked her cunt this way for a few minutes, rubbing at her clit with his thumb. After a minute of this, he realized that something felt odd. Pushing back from her, he stared down.“Is that a piercing?” He asked. In between her labia was a shiny sphere.“That's my clit,” she giggled. She stood, sitting on the edge of the tub and spreading her legs. Pulling back her folds, he saw that her clit strongly resembled a pink pearl. He ran his finger across the top of it, causing her to gasp. It was smooth, yet hard.“Is it always like this?”“Only when I'm this turned on.” She said, smiling. “It's called a Nymph's Pearl.”“God damn.” He moved closer, taking in her scent. The aroma made his head swim. “May I?”“You're such a gentleman.” Grabbing the back of his head, she pulled him in. He opened his mouth, gently sucking in her Nymph's Pearl, moving it around with his tongue as he slid two fingers in her pussy. Naia gasped, digging her fingers into the back of his head as he rolled her Pearl around in circles. Moaning, she wrapped her legs around his head, squeezing him tight.From his position between her legs, her scream of delight sounded like distant thunder. He switched from two fingers to three, her eager pussy gobbling up the extra digit with no effort. He pulled his fingers free, lapping at her inner folds with his tongue, marveling at the salty-sweet taste of a nymph's vagina. Hands clutched at his neck, her legs trembling uncontrollably as he drove her to the edge.Sucking the Pearl back into his mouth, he slid his fingers back into her, curling them upward.She screamed again, soaking his face with her cum. Three rapid bursts of fluid coated him completely. Startled, he pulled away, wiping his eyes clear. It had the same taste that she did, with just a hint of spice. Naia, reclined on the edge of the tub, was gasping for air, her body suddenly limp.“I've… I've never seen that before,” Mike told her. His cock was absolutely throbbing.Naia's eyes glowed from within, the water in the bath suddenly becoming steam. Rolling over, she lifted her ass into the air, clutching the rim of the tub.“Fuck me, Mike,” she hissed, the water's surface becoming choppy. He wrapped his hands around her hips, staring down at the juicy curves of her ass. Oddly, her prominent pussy was missing its neighbor, the long curve of her labia stretching farther back to where her asshole should have been.Sensing his pause, Naia looked over her shoulder. “Nymph's don't need assholes. Now hurry up and fuck what's in front of- Oh God!” Mike, wasting no pretense, shoved himself inside her awaiting hole. Her body lurched forward as he pounded her from behind, giving no thought to her pleasure at all. Somehow, this didn't seem to matter to Naia. She panted like a dog, her raspy breath echoing off the tiles of the bathroom.“Holy shit,” Mike shouted, desperately shoving his dick inside. His newfound sensitivity was driving him wild, and he clawed at Naia's ass cheeks, his excitement building. The water around them bubbled with energy, tiny water spheres taking flight and hovering in the air.“Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!” When Mike came, his vision turned black around the edges, the world briefly losing focus, his back arching as he filled Naia with hot sperm. She let out her own shriek, pushing back against him as her back spasmed, ripples traveling down her spine and legs as she shook uncontrollably.“Oh Mike,” Naia moaned, going limp beneath his hands. She sank into the water, and Mike joined her, the two of them easily floating side by side.“Naia.” Mike was officially spent. He ran his fingers through her hair, sighing to himself as her fingers traced circles on his chest. “That was absolutely magical.”“I'm glad you liked it.” Naia kissed him on the neck. “Consider it a down payment.”“For what?” He asked.“For taking care of me. This place.” Naia's face was suddenly serious. “If you choose to stay, you will find out that there's a lot more to do than just live out our days fucking. There are some really bad people out there, people willing to do anything to get their hands on this place.”“Because of you?” He asked.“The man who built this house didn't just do it for me. He was a collector of magical items. These objects have tremendous power, and he hid them well. My job is to guard the house-because of the spring, I can never leave, so I was the best choice to be its guardian. Every time the house is passed to a new caretaker, I either make the pact like I have with you, or the new owner suffers an accident. Also…” Her face went blank for a second. “Damn. It's that thing I want to tell you again. I just can't remember, it's so frustrating. Anyway, I can't leave this room, or the fountain, once it's repaired for that matter.” Naia stroked Mike's stomach lovingly. “Please fix my fountain. I miss being outside.”Mike stared at the canned lights in the ceiling. Magical artifacts? This night had taken a strange, impossible turn. “It shouldn't be too hard to figure out where these magic artifacts are kept. The house is big, but it's not that big.”Naia smirked, kissing Mike on the lips. “You keep telling yourself that.” Yawning, Naia stretched. “I'm exhausted. You get some of that muck pulled from the fountain, and you and I can stay up all night if you like.”“Consider it done.” He stayed with her for a while, but the water grew cold. Bidding her a good night, he watched as she vanished beneath the water's surface, the cool liquid flowing down the bath drain. Drying himself off, he stretched out on the giant bed. Within moments, he was asleep.The bed was probably a hundred years old. God alone knew how old the mattress was. Somehow, Mike awoke from easily the best night's sleep in years. His body was in the same position it had been when he fell asleep. Yawning, he stepped down on the hard wood floors, his left ankle popping. Rubbing the back of his head, he strolled naked to the toilet to pee. He flushed the toilet, stepping out into the main bathroom. The tub was still there, glistening in the light of the morning sun.“Naia?” his voice quivered, slightly. The events of last night were fresh in his mind, and he wondered how much he would crack if he discovered that it had all been a dream.“I'm still here.” Her voice echoed from inside the tub. “I'm always here. Now go get some work done. You and I can play later.”Mike laughed, leaving the room behind. Breakfast was last night's pizza, quickly reheated, and some soda. Mike quickly threw together a grocery list, food he would need for the week ahead. He stepped out the back door, staring at the poorly kept yard. The house itself was built near the top of the hill, and Mike realized that the back yard's high stone walls ensured privacy. A wrought iron gate at the back of the yard led out into the woods behind the home, but someone had strung a chain across the bars, a giant padlock holding it in place.The fountain was in sad shape. No water could be seen in its giant basin, which was now full of silt and dead leaves. Mike sat on the side of the fountain, looking at his laptop. A quick Google search yielded several ways he could begin to restore it, but he was either going to have to look for tools or buy them.“Fuck it,” he muttered, adding the tools to his shopping cart. He didn't feel like spending hours looking through the house trying to find what he needed, and the local home improvement store had a service counter pickup option, which would get him home and back that much faster. Closing his laptop, he stood up to go back inside.“Jesus fuck!” He nearly dropped his laptop. A stone figure tucked away in an alcove by the back door had startled him. Moving in for a closer look, he saw that it appeared to be a statue of a woman, but other than an ample bust, few details could actually be seen. Covered in creeper vines, he pushed a few of them aside to try and see it better. Failing, he made a mental note to pick up some garden sheers. Kneeling down by her feet, he expected to see a plaque on the pedestal she stood on, but it was blank.“Damn near gave me a heart attack,” he muttered, walking in through the back door. He set his laptop on the kitchen table, listening to the sounds of the house around him. Nothing but silence.His rental car, a green Kia, was still on the curb where he had left it. Leaves had tumbled down from the trees along the street, creating a blanket for it. Pulling away, they spun in circles behind him, creating little leaf tornados in his rear view mirror.Pickup at Mel's, the home improvement store, was super quick. Mike grabbed an extra pair of work gloves and some garden shears on the way out. Stopping at the grocery store, he picked up some basics, including coffee and a new coffee maker. He had seen one in the kitchen, but didn't trust it to actually work.He arrived back at the house, gathering up all of his bags in an attempt to make only one trip. Walking precariously between the stone lions, he made it to the front door, setting the bags down to get his key out of his pocket. The deadbolt clicked open, and he pocketed the key, kneeling down to grab his bags.The porch swing creaked. Mike stared, the gears of his mind turning. He thought he had disconnected the swing last night. Yet there it was, swaying in a non-existent breeze. He walked over, unhooking the swing and lowering it to the porch.Shaking his head, he walked inside, putting it from his mind. He stacked his groceries up on the counter and tossed the bag of supplies on the kitchen table. Stocking the fridge, he began organizing the tools from the store. A few scrub brushes, a trowel, and a drain snake were pulled from the bucket he had purchased, as well as a screwdriver.A knock at the door was followed by the sound of the bell. Mike walked back down the long hall, a shadowy figure visible through the frosted glass of the front door. He opened the door to reveal Beth, his Great Aunt's estate representative, standing on the other side. She was holding a stack of files, but that wasn't what Mike noticed. Her dark hair still in a bun, she was wearing a bright red blouse, the top buttons straining to hold it shut, with a knee length white skirt.“Mr. Radley,” she greeted him, a warm smile on her face. “I thought I would drop by and bring you some paperwork. There are several things the firm needs you to look over before we can finalize a transfer of assets. May I come in?”“Um, yeah. Certainly.” He stepped back, and she stepped past him, the smell of soap and lavender following her in. He shuddered internally, this human woman somehow ten times more daunting than the mystical creature upstairs. “Here, this way.” He led her to the kitchen, where she set down the pile of documents.“It looks like you're getting ready to tackle a project,” Beth said, picking up the trowel. “Hopefully nothing the Historical Society would disapprove of.”“Just cleaning some gunk out of the fountain,” he told her. “Hoping to see it running soon.”“Those don't sound like the words of a man who is still debating keeping the place.”“You're correct. I've decided to stay.”“In that case,” Beth slid one of the folders out, checking its contents. “This was an offer from that group of women I told you about. They call the firm almost every day, they're absolutely in love with this place.”“I hate to disappoint them, but the place is growing on me already.” Mike smiled, thinking of Naia. “Not sure why, but I feel like this is where I was meant to be.”“I'm very happy for you Mike.” Her smile was genuine, crinkling the skin next to her eyes. “I know what you mean. I've been over here several times to make sure the place is being cared for properly by our interim team, and admit I'm a little sad that I won't get to see it much longer.”“Nonsense.” Mike waved a hand dismissively. “You're welcome over here anytime. Besides, you're the only person I even know in this town. My job doesn't offer many opportunities to meet new people, so I'm afraid you are my entire social group.”“I may just take you up on that.” Beth sat at the table. “I've been a bit obsessed with this place since I was a little girl. I was convinced a fairy queen lived here, probably until I was thirteen. I used to ride my bike past every day, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Turns out that it must have been someone who worked for your great aunt, a young woman who I sometimes caught working in the garden. She had this brilliant radiance around her, almost like she was stuck in an old Disney movie. I half expected birds to circle around her as she broke into song or something. I won't lie, I tried to figure out who she was once your aunt passed, but there weren't any records.” She chuckled, stroking the files with a finger. This action pressed her breasts together, causing a tiny gap to form between the buttons of her blouse. Mike stared into that dark space, wondering what color her bra was. “It's silly, I know, but I can't help but love this place just a little.”“I've only been here one night. Trust me, I know what you're talking about.” Snapping his eyes away from her chest, Mike leaned forward, opening the top file. “Ugh. This looks like a bunch of legalese.”“In triplicate. These are some additional assets, plus some agreements I need you to sign since you are taking ownership of the home. Per the will, there are a few protective clauses, primarily stating that you can never bulldoze the home and start from scratch. This was per your Great Aunt's wishes, but I'm guessing that isn't a problem.”“You would be correct.” Mike slid open a drawer looking for a pen, but Beth had one ready.“You can have an attorney read these over first. I prefer that you would, actually. There isn't any hurry-now that we have an heir, the clock sort of resets for a bit.” She set the pen on the table. “However, I am just on delivery duty today. I need to get in to the office to begin processing some additional documents. Today is Tuesday. I would be happy to drop by on Friday to pick these up, if you have them done. Otherwise, I can just drop by to make certain you are getting settled. That is part of the provisions as well.”“Um, yeah. Sure. Thank you.” Mike followed her outside. He walked behind her, watching the gentle sway of her ass until they arrived at her car, a cute little convertible he didn't recognize. Beth gave him a wave and a smile before driving away. He walked back up the walk, stopping to pat one of the lion's paws for luck. In his mind, he was planning to take the bucket straight out back and see what he could do about that pesky fountain.He was up the stairs, his hand on the door when he heard the swing next to him squeak. Turning his head, he saw her sitting there, kicking her legs gently as she stared across the front yard, her eyes distant.“Hey.” Mike said, moving to get a better view of her. Her skin was unnaturally pale, her hair white. She was wearing a simple white dress with a thick, black belt around her waist. The skirt stopped just above her knees, white stockings visible above a black pair of shoes. The swing creaked as she swayed, coming close to the siding of the house. She ignored him.“Hello? Hey?” He stood in front of her, waving his hand in front of her face. Her slightly milky eyes stared forward. Maybe she's blind, Mike thought, staring at her now. Her skin was paper white, but her facial features made Mike think of a mixed European heritage. Small breasts pushed against the front of her dress, filling out the top as if it had been custom made for her. Her eyes didn't budge, her dark eyed gaze settled on eternity.“Now look…” Mike grabbed the chain of the swing, halting its forward motion.The change was immediate. She was suddenly standing, her whole body lurching forward as if a movie had skipped several frames. A blast of cold air assailed Mike as her wild face was suddenly inches from his own, her feet hovering inches above the ground. She let out a blistering screech, her hair fanning out wildly behind her as she raised her hands, fingers curled into claws. Mike, panicking, stumbled backwards, the railing hitting him in his lower back. The icy blast of air pushed him over the edge, where he fell into the scratchy bushes below. Wide eyed, he stared into the sky as the specter leaned over the rail, floating upward.“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he muttered struggling to fight his way free of the bushes. She let out another shriek, her suddenly darkened features stretched until her face was a nightmarish mask.“Stop unhooking my swing, fucker!” She cried, poofing out of existence. Mike scrambled to his feet, rolling free of the bushes covered in bloody scratches. Standing in the warm light of day, his heart pounding a mile a minute, Mike stared up at the porch where he had fallen from. The railing was cracked, and behind it, the porch swing swayed gently in the breeze.Mike ran up the stairs, his eyes on the empty swing. He shoved the door open, slamming it shut behind him. “Naia!” He hollered, running up the stairs. “Naia, what the fuck was that?” He shouted, running into the bathroom.The tub's faucet opened up, pouring a thin layer of water on the bottom. Her head and shoulders emerged as if she was in a lake rather than an inch of water.“What happened?” She asked.“Some woman on the porch. On the swing. Screamed at me. I fell into the bushes.” Mike gasped for air, inspecting the cuts on his arm.“Oh. Oh!” Naia's eyes flashed. “I remember! That's Cecilia!”“Who is Cecilia?” Mike sat on the side of the tub, rubbing his eyes.“She's a banshee. She lives on the porch. She really likes the swing.” Naia sunk even lower, her lips just above the surface of the water. “I'm sorry Mike. I wish I could have told you.”“Is that the important thing? The one you wanted to say but couldn't?”Naia shook her head, her face moving even lower. Just her eyes were visible above the water.“Naia, what aren't you telling me?” Mike crossed his arms. The nymph blushed, her words muffled by the water. “What did you say?”Naia rose up out of the water until her lips were visible. “I said that there are others.”“Others? Others like who?”Naia shook her head. “I can't remember. I'm sorry Mike, but I really can't. Now that you've met Cecilia, I can remember her very well, or at least what Emily told me about her. She almost never came inside. But there are others.”“If you can't remember them, than how do you know there are others?”“It's the important thing, the one I couldn't remember.” Naia slumped. “I think you're going to be mad.”“I'll do my best. What is it?”“Remember earlier, when I told you that the man who built this house collected magical artifacts?”“Yes?”“It's part of the Geas. It's a fail-safe, a half-truth. He did collect artifacts, yes. But he came across most of those on accident.”“How do you accidentally come across artifacts?”Naia put on her best, fake smile. “You see a lot of them when you decide to start your own monster collection.”“Monsters. The guy who built this house collected monsters.” Mike sat on the edge of the tub, Naia wrapping bandages around the deeper cuts on his body. He wore only his boxers, having stripped away his clothing. He was grateful that the bushes had caught him, but a bit miffed that they had taken their price in flesh.“Yep. It started as an academic thing, but he had a really big heart. The world was changing too quickly for us monsters to adapt, so he rescued as many of us as he could.” Naia rubbed some Neosporin into a cut on his leg. Nymphs could do a lot of things, but healing magic was not one of them. “While there are people out there who would kill for the magic hidden in this house, the monsters here are a magical goldmine.”“How so?” He asked.“Hard to answer. For instance, it wouldn't be hard to hold a nymph hostage and demand that she share her gifts. Cecilia's gifts wouldn't be worth much, because banshees only appear before someone dies, generally.”“Wait.” Mike grabbed Naia's hand. “What do you mean banshees only appear before someone dies?”“Cecilia is different. She'll appear to the owner of the house-it doesn't mean anything. She and Emily used to sit out there and watch the sunset a lot of evenings. Nobody needed to die, so don't worry about it.” Naia dabbed some more Neosporin on his leg before wrapping it.“Who built this place?” Mike asked. Naia froze, mid-wrap.“I wish I could say.” A tiny tear formed in the corner of her eye. “All I know is that I was extremely happy while he was here. Emily was nice and all, but I had a special bond with the man who built this place. It kills me that I can't remember him.”“But you remember Emily?” That was a mystery that he was going to have to think on. Why would the former owner need his identity kept a secret? How does one get into collecting monsters in the first place?“Yeah, I do. And Natalie. She was our keeper before Emily. But the real master came before Bethany, and I can't even picture him.” Naia sniffed, finishing the wrap on Mike's leg. “I wish I could remember.”“I hope you remember.” Mike meant it. Anything she could remember was something he could use. The sooner the better. Seeing a banshee on the porch had spooked him, and bad. What other surprises did the house have for him? Naia made him feel good in so many ways, but was the trouble worth it?“There. All better.” Naia kissed him on the neck, sending chills down his spine. “Now go unclog my fountain. The sooner you do that, the sooner I can see the stars again.”“Fair enough. Thank you, Naia.” Mike stood, tossing his bloodied clothes in a hamper by the bed. Cracking open his bags, he found a pair of athletic shorts and a clean shirt to wear. Walking down the stairs, he pondered the situation that had developed. Cecilia, the crazy bitch on his front porch, had nearly killed him for touching her swing. How many others like her were there? Was he going to get killed by something that was using a room as its lair?He stared at the furniture, covered in white sheets. The house had been cleaned numerous times, and as far as he knew, no problems had ever been reported. Something to ask Beth. He found himself looking at the fireplace in the sitting room, some stray thought crossing his mind. Before he could focus on it, he heard the creak of the swing out front, the immediate memory of an angry banshee in his face sending chills down his spine.Rubbing his face, he walked toward the back of the house, away from the sound of the swing. He walked to the kitchen table, grabbing the bucket and eager to go out back and deal with a problem he could handle. Lifting the bucket, he realized that it didn't feel quite right. Looking inside, he saw that it was empty.“Are you fucking kidding me?” He shouted, throwing the bucket angrily. He sat down, putting his face in his hands. Should he go back to the store? It meant walking past the Swing of the Damned currently, and he knew he wasn't ready to deal with that. With a resigned sigh, Mike walked outside to the garden, hanging a left at the fountain. Key in hand, he unlocked the door to the garage, pushing it in.Beth had warned him about the garage. Apparently his Great Aunt had been using it primarily for storage, and he immediately saw that the boxes had been piled high. He flicked on the light switch, which didn't actually help that much. The garage itself felt cavernous, somehow bigger than its two car capacity. The maze of boxes had him twisting to maneuver through them, hoping to make it to the other side. He expected to discover a tool bench on the opposite wall, and he was not disappointed. The bench was burdened with several boxes, so he lowered them to the ground.“Fuck, these are heavy.” He cracked open a couple boxes to reveal several paperback novels. The box he was looking in contained old sci-fi novels. He looked through the box, pulling aside a couple of classics that he intended to read for himself. He opened the next box, revealing a pile of romance novels.“Bleh. Never mind.” He closed the flap. Why were there so many books here? Pushing the thought from his mind, he got a good look at the tool bench. It had several drawers, all of which were empty when he opened them. Kneeling down, he opened the cabinet doors to reveal that they were also completely empty.Who had a tool bench with no tools? Mike scratched his chin, double checking the drawers to make sure he saw right. He wondered if somebody had stolen them, but then thought of the girl on the front porch. If this place really had been built to harbor a monster collection, then ordinary thieves wouldn't have a chance. Looking at the boxes, he debated cracking them open, but was convinced that he would only find more books.“Fuck, it's hot,” he muttered, wiping sweat off his brow. The afternoon sun was turning the place into a bit of a sauna. He resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to leave the house again. Carefully moving through the stacks toward the door, he heard the sound of metal on concrete.Mike froze in place, listening carefully. He closed his eyes, listening carefully. It was faint, but the sound of light fabric across concrete carried to him from the back of the garage. He moved slowly, quietly, maneuvering around the stacks of boxes. A narrow gap between some boxes concealed a small hallway in the back of the garage. Mike breathed out, barely fitting between the stacks.The hallway U-turned, revealing a flight of stairs that went beneath the garage. He descended the concrete steps, moving quietly. Toward the bottom of the steps, he heard it, the unintelligible mutterings of someone up ahead. The voice was raspy, but feminine. He ducked his head, the space just barely over five feet tall.There was just enough light that he saw the pull-cord dangling from the ceiling. He yanked on it, casting light into the dark spaces beneath. Unlike the room above, this room had plenty of space. Boxes along the edge of the room had been decorated with dirty fabric, and it was immediately obvious that the room was originally intended for working on cars-large pit covers up above were sealed and locked shut. Along the back wall of the room was a tool bench littered with tools, and Mike immediately spotted the supplies he had bought earlier. Off to the side was a tiny bed. The muttering he had been listening to had vanished.Of greater interest, however, was the short figure between him and the bench. It stood at around four feet, dark green skin covered in dirt and grime. It's hair was so dirty that Mike couldn't make out any color, but did notice that it had been pulled to the side in a wild ponytail. The sudden light had frozen it in place, casting a comical shadow along the back wall. The figure dropped what it had been holding-the screwdriver that Mike had purchased earlier.Mike tried to process what he was looking at. It wasn't see-thru, so not a ghost (thank God). Where could he even go from here, now that he had discovered the creature's den.“Those tools belong to me,” he said, trying his best to sound firm. The creature in front of him turned around slowly, squinting into the light. She wore a dress that looked like it had been stitched together from spare furniture covers. A dirty yellow pair of goggles were on top of her head, and she bared her fangs at him, hissing through her teeth. Her tiny hands curled, revealing claws.“Tools are for Tink.” She growled. “All tools are Tink's tools.”Mike's heart raced. The thought of this angry little creature attacking him was simply too much. Still, he couldn't help but stare at her body. Wide set hips accentuated by small breasts, and the side of her makeshift dress had a split up the side, revealing just the edge of her bony hip and the movement of a thin tail with hair at the end. Her ears were wide and pointy, and a tiny nose made her big mouth look even larger.He had no idea what he was looking at.“Uh, okay. Tink, is it?” Mike held his hands up to show that they were empty. “Look here, Tink. I bought those tools so that I can fix the fountain. I can't fix the fountain without them. May I please have them back?”Tink bared her fangs. “You challenge Tink. Tink fight. Protect goblin home.”“Whoa, whoa.” Mike backed up. “We don't need to fight Tink, but I need those tools. There's no reason we need to do this.” Mike ran through his memory, looking for info on goblins, but he was drawing an absolute blank.“Then man leave. Never come back, or Tink fight to protect goblin home.” Tink hunched forward, tossing her goggles to the side of the room. It was now or never.“Let's talk about-fuck!” Tink leapt across the room, hands spread wide. She tackled Mike, and Mike fell over backward, slamming Tink's head into the ceiling.“Oh shit, I'm so-hey!” Unfazed, Tink was clawing at him, grabbing handfuls of his t-shirt. He fought back, not wanting to hit her at first due to her size. Unfortunately, it was like tangling with an angry cat. His bandages were quickly shredded, and Tink was busy trying to wrestle him into submission.The low ceiling prevented Mike from standing. Instead, he began rolling around on the floor, doing his best to avoid her teeth, which did shred away the rest of his shirt. As they fought, her dress ripped too, and Mike was soon grappling with a naked goblin on the floor.At first, the fight seemed a sure defeat, but Tink was rapidly tiring. He flipped her on her back, slamming her rock-hard skull on the pavement. It didn't seem to faze her, but she slowed down quite a bit. Using the moment to his advantage, he crawled on top of her, pinning her in place with the weight of his body.Tink struggled to rise, but Mike had managed to pin one arm down with his knee while holding the other straight. The rest of his body was on top of her torso, and she flopped helplessly for several minutes, quickly tiring.To be continued.By writerannabelle for Literotica

Previously Live
Russell Brand Spews TOTAL NONSENSE To His Audience

Previously Live

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2022 104:43


Recorded on July 28th 2022. Check out my YouTube channels "Vaush & The Vaush Pit" for live streams and other content.

Vanished in the Valley
Vanished Tells the Whistle Blower's Death Knell, Hitler in Argentia and more Cabobo Nonsense

Vanished in the Valley

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2022 30:02


In this episode, Athena talks about how dangerous it is to become a whistle blower. We also cover the CIA and FBI declassified docs regarding Hitler escaping to Argentina after WW2. We talk about more Cabobo-19 studies that have been suppressed by Big Pharma shills and how this has probably cost the lives of millions of women across the planet.   https://vault.fbi.gov/adolf-hitler   https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/3988205-HITLER-ADOLF-0003

The Newsmax Daily with Rob Carson
Tired of the Nonsense

The Newsmax Daily with Rob Carson

Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2022 122:52


Co-Founder of FreeSpace Social Media, Jon Willis, talks about the conservative social media revolution and author/lawyer Gordon Chang joins host Rob Carson to discuss the Pelosi/Taiwan threat To call in and speak with Rob Carson live on the show, dial 1-800-922-6680 between the hours of 12 Noon and 3:00 pm Eastern Time Monday through Friday… E-mail Rob Carson at : RCarson@newsmax.com Musical parodies provided by www.JimGossett.com Looking for Newsmax caps, tees, mugs & more? Check out the Newsmax merchandise shop at : http://nws.mx/shop Download the free Newsmax app at www.newsmaxtv.com/app or go to www.NewsmaxTV.com to get the real news! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Weird Science Marvel Comics Podcast
Marvel Comics Ep 426: Amazing Spider-Man Anniversary, Strange Dinner Guests, Old Jokes & Jimmy Kimmel Nonsense / Weird Science Marvel Comics

Weird Science Marvel Comics Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 31, 2022 40:13


Marvel Comics Ep 426: Amazing Spider-Man Anniversary, Strange Dinner Guests, Old Jokes & Jimmy Kimmel Nonsense - This episode we talk about the big Amazing Spider-Man #900 as well as Strange #4   Join our Patreon and help us feel loved for as little as $1/Month @ Patreon.com/WeirdScience Click Here for Weird Science Links: https://campsite.bio/weirdsciencecomics New Marvel Podcast Schedule: Tuesdays: Weird Dose of X - The X-Men Podcast  Wednesday: Marvel Comics Mid-Week Show Friday: Star Wars Comics Show Sunday: The Main Marvel Comics Podcast   Time Stamps: 0:00:00 - Intro 0:05:39 - Strange #4 0:18:53 - Amazing Spider-Man #6 (Legacy #900)

Beer & Nonsense
Talking Beer Under the SUN KING

Beer & Nonsense

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 30, 2022 55:06


Christian & Thad and their assistant brewers Uncle Dave & Ryan (brewer; Studebaker Brewing Co.) are at the Friends and fFamily opening for Sun King Brewing Mishawaka. They talk about the growth of the brewing industry in South Bend/Mishawaka area in just the last 10 years. The co-founder Dave Colt, Sun King Brewing joins them and tells you all about the NEW Mishawaka location and more. Crack a Cold One & Enjoy the Podcast! Check out our sponsors and everything mBR at www.michianabeerreviewers.com  CHEERS!

Generation Zed Podcast
Ryan Bledsoe: "Non-Tangible" Influences, Nope, Close Encounters, The Vatican & S.S.P Nonsense?

Generation Zed Podcast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 30, 2022 50:37


Ryan Bledsoe: "Non-Tangible" Influences, Nope, Close Encounters, The Vatican & S.S.P Nonsense?

Music Money University
Facebook Ads For Spotify | 101,630,405 Streams GAINED

Music Money University

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 29, 2022 6:54


In this episode of No Nonsense Music Marketing, we dive into legit hacks to grow your Spotify playlist.Links from this episode:Omari Music Promotion: www.omarimc.com/promotion Tunecore Discount (Receive 20% off your first upload with our link): https://www.tunecore.com/?ref=omarimcpodcast&jt=omarimcpodcast Merch: https://musiquo.com/$OMARI Coin: https://rally.io/creator/OMARI/ Learn More About Our Incubator Program: https://www.omarimc.com/incubator/Submit Your Music To Omari MC Here:https://www.omarimc.com/submit-your-music/

STTNGeez! Not Another Star Trek Podcast!
ST:TNGeez 3.9 The Vengeance Factor

STTNGeez! Not Another Star Trek Podcast!

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 29, 2022 51:56


The Enterprise discovers a Federation outpost has been all torn up, and the lovely Beverly Crusher uses a blood sample left behind to track down the attackers. It's those pesky Gatherers, a rebellious offshoot of the Acamarians. Picard gets it into his bald little head that he can solve this whole problem by dragging Marouk, Sovereign of Acamar, into peace talks with the Gatherers. Sounds reasonable enough except the Gatherers are rowdy, mullet-sporting goofballs who enjoy Mad Max cosplay, and Marouk is a stone cold square (L7, baby). While Picard is trying to settle a centuries old dispute, Number One is trying to get lucky with Yuta, Marouk's chef and food taster who has a dark secret. Will Picard successfully unite these warring people? Will Riker phaser another notch in his bed post? Will someone tell Brull to get his damned boots off the table? Find out in this exciting episode of ST:TNGeez!

Zbrojovkast
S5E1: How Much Nonsense That Was

Zbrojovkast

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2022 70:50


WE'RE BACK! Yes, series five is here, and what's in store? Well there's so much to bang on about we've gone slightly over our normal one hour to bring you all of this... 0.00 - opening 2.15 - Ins n' Outs 15.20 - 1.FC Slovácko preview 25.45 - Beer of the Podcast 30.55 - Your Questions 45.30 - Hot? Or Not?! 59.25 - Sigma Olomouc preview 1.08.10 - outro

The City Report
Episode 026: Stop With That Nonsense

The City Report

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2022 53:29


Hello listeners, and welcome to The City Report, Episode 026! On this week's episode the lads chat about City's preseason tour, answer some of your submitted questions, and look ahead to the Community Shield this weekend! If you enjoy the show, please consider following/subscribing on the platform of your choice! Follow us on Twitter! https://twitter.com/cityreport_ https://twitter.com/cityreportpod https://twitter.com/abooker17 https://twitter.com/AmosMurphy_

Music Money University
Why A HUGE Record Label Is Removing Its Music From Instagram & Facebook

Music Money University

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2022 6:54


In this episode of No Nonsense Music Marketing, we dive into why Kobalt Music Removed their whole music catalog from Facebook, Instagram.Links from this episode:Omari Music Promotion: www.omarimc.com/promotion Tunecore Discount (Receive 20% off your first upload with our link): https://www.tunecore.com/?ref=omarimcpodcast&jt=omarimcpodcast Merch: https://musiquo.com/$OMARI Coin: https://rally.io/creator/OMARI/ Learn More About Our Incubator Program: https://www.omarimc.com/incubator/Submit Your Music To Omari MC Here:https://www.omarimc.com/submit-your-music/Other links mentioned in this episode:Source Article:https://www.digitalmusicnews.com/2022/07/24/kobalt-music-removes-music-from-facebook-instagram/

Metal Nerdery
153: Just Talking Shit-tah Vol.1 - PANTERA MEGADETH OZZY S.O.D.

Metal Nerdery

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2022 63:38


“Why can't you just enjoy it? Why do you gotta complain about it?” People worldwide have been asking these EXACT same questions forever (OR, at a minimum, at least the last couple of years). Whether it's with regard to hijacking someone else's pleasure, enjoying some over-done meat drapes, or debating whether a band is its brand (or vice versa), these questions (along with countless others) persist and cannot be ignored or denied. And given that this episode might be a bit of a departure from our “normal” format, it might get a little weird for some of you. Then again, the last couple of years have been anything but “normal” for our entire, frisbee-globe, pyramid shaped planet, so just take your relaxers, sit back, enjoy it, and for the love of all things Iommi, stop complaining about it, you bunch of whiny, obsequient, bootlicking behbehs.   It's time to discover the kind of meatballs flat earthers prefer as we reflect on the hijacking hijinks of the “Jukebox Hero,” the powerful entertainment value of anger, and the downsides of ultra-twanglification as we engage in a polarizing discussion regarding a certain upcoming “reunion” that sparked the originally asked questions posed above. It's time to know who the doom metal Sammy Hagar is and understand why you should always take home that last taco and JOIN US for our very first ever episode of Metal Nerdery:  JUST TALKIN' SHIT-TAH, Vol. 1.   Visit www.metalnerdery.com/podcast for more on this episode   Leave us a Voicemail to be played on a future episode: 980-666-8182 Metal Nerdery Tees and Hoodies – metalnerdery.com/merch and kindly leave us a review and/or rating on the iTunes/Apple Podcasts - Spotify or your favorite Podcast app Listen on iTunes, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts or wherever you get your Podcasts. Follow us on the Socials: Facebook - Instagram - Twitter   Email: metalnerdery@gmail.com   Can't be LOUD Enough Playlist on Spotify   Metal Nerdery Munchies on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN2NrnCuSrAaLcIzI2wpaiQ?sub_confirmation=1    Show Notes: (00:01):  Nonsense bullshit = content (Si Cabrone!) #nonsensecontent and the #VoodooDude (NOTE:  There's NO #Voodoo in the studio) / #startwiththeshortone / ***WELCOME BACK TO THE METAL NERDERY PODCAST!!!*** #somuchanesthesia / #pendingclinky /Lemon Drop Tentacle juice #theunscrewing #lemonbois (Not really…but it's like a #lemondrop) / #HappyBirthday and #RussellsReflections regarding Quality “affordable” steakhouses located in the greater, tri-county #Throbbin metropolitan area #Thisepisodesclinkyoftheepisode is brought to you by Deep Eddy Lemon Vodka #DeepEddyLemonVodka   (03:15):  #itsnotaboutthat / #ivebeenwaiting to deliver the message of #flatearthmeatballs / #Flatearther #Meatloafballs / #thisepisodesbeeroftheepisode is brought to you by #21stAmendmentBrewery Hell or High Watermelon (Wheat Beer) / NOTE:  21st Amendment = “The ‘End' of Prohibition”1.0 in #America. ALSO NOTE:  the 18th Amendment is the one responsible for #alcoholprohibition and ALSO ALSO NOTE #theWarOnDrugs is #unconstitutional because NO #constitutionalamendment exists for it!!! / “Like if the #saltguy did #watermelonzest…” / Cool #albumcover   (07:21):  #RussellsReflectionsRevisited / #FatherAndSonShots / “Don't like it too much…” /“Just enough…(down there)” / There's some serious #shitah to discuss this episode / Post show #twanglification at #SweetwaterLive at the #StonedHenge show / Utilize #iTouch to hijack someone else's pleasure / “I was watching what he was puttin' in…” #markthetime / Russell's Intoxicated Recollections re:  The StonedHenge show at Sweetwater LIVE! / #OpenMicComedyThursdaysASMR / Going from #Hopsecutioner to #somethingelse and the achievement of #peaktwanglification / #springbreakidiocy /#StonedMorose / “Doom Metal version of Sammy Hagar…” / Death Doom Stoner Metal / “Time to go…” / “A very abbreviated set…” / Thinking back to #starttimes back at #TheOldMasquerade / Don't Start TOO late, do one soundcheck, set the levels at a “base” level…set and adjust accordingly for each band. / #RussellsRecommendations / *Are there no curfews for #metalshows OTP? * /                    (19:19):  A killer #Scorpions cover (THE ZOO is the tune we were thinking of)…think super doom style / #TheVoicemailSegment / “You can do it, and then I can do it, and then we'll do it together” / ***IF YOU'D LIKE TO LEAVE US A VOICEMAIL YOU CAN GIVE US A CALL AT 980-666-8182!!! *** / Updates from #pissingpost / “Angry Matt is my favorite Matt…” #nevertoorelaxed / “Mr. McGee…PLEASE don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.” / #PhilipInslomo and #thevodkavomitchronicles / #NoQuarter is A Dead Giveaway and also “can't be PLAYED enough!” (The “Perfect” Led Zeppelin song) / #mygotorelaxersong / The dangerous potential of being irresponsibly #earwormed / WE'LL PLAY YOUR SHIT (ah)!!! / Email us at metalnerdery@gmail.com  #ProblemWithDragons (#Accelerationist) and a mini description of the band and their sound (Thanks Robert!) / LIVE BY THE SWORD & SIX THOUSAND SPEARS & ACCELERATIONIST #titlaytrack (“Very relaxer friendly…nice and #eerie”) / #AwwwMan / Stoner Desert Doom Metal #newgenre   (31:47):  Think of this episode as #Kyuss ITM:  Pt. 1 (a brief description of Kyuss's sound and style) / “Desert Psychedelic Stoner Metal” / Super Ultra Tangenionalality / ***NOT to be confused with #KISS!!!*** / *Has any doom metal band done a cover of KISS' War Machine? * /    (33:57):   #PanteraReunion / The Pantera “reunion” news and a “brief” discussion and analysis of “The Band” vs “The Brand (#buckleup #herewego) / “Why can't you just enjoy it? Why do you gotta complain about it?” / Looking back over #metalhistory when bands “reunite” with zero original members left / ***Is it weird or is it NOT weird? *** / It's hard to not be passionate about a band you love when it's not YOUR band anymore / “Why would it be weird?” / “There's a difference between a BAND and the band's BRAND” / ***GO SEE #PANTERA ON TOUR AND BUY THEIR SHIT!!!*** / #biggerthanyou and adjusting your perspective regarding seeing a band in their #heyday vs seeing a completely different version /   (44:00):  ***And NOW for something completely different…*** / The origin story of #VicRattlehead #Megadeth NIGHT STALKERS (featuring #IceT) / Perhaps THE most anticipated Megadeth record EVER!!! / #OzzyOsbourne DEGRADATION RULES (that #harmonica definitely gives it “The Wizard” energy / “Elvis's wart?” / #cigarboxguitars and a #bucketlistmoment (Jack & Ozzy in a motorhome across America:  NOTE:  it's called “Ozzy & Jack's World Detour”) / Monster Truck competitions but with tanks #OnlyInAlabama   (54:03):  #StormtroopersOfDeath #SOD doing AREN'T YOU HUNGRY to the tune of Anthrax's IMITATION OF LIFE #getready because it's absolutely NOT what you'd think / #StormtroopersOfAnthrax / “I don't wanna talk about that…” /” Damn…Major BURN!” / “Oh, by the way…” /  The absolute most infuriating thing to destroy your vacays and holidays / “Just in time for the #midterms #WIN by any means necessary…by hook or by crook or by #mailinballotvariant / ***THANK YOU FOR JOINING US AND SPREADING THE WORDERY ABOUT THE METAL NERDERY!!!*** / #untilthenext /  #IDKAT & a #JimJeffries moment of #signlanguagehilarity / #metalnerderyoutro #waitwhat #hehahuh  

19 Nocturne Boulevard
19 Nocturne Boulevard - AULD LANG SYNE (parts 1-3 of 6) (Deadeye Kid #5) Reissue of the week

19 Nocturne Boulevard

Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2022 34:26


A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.  disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories, and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid -  J. Spyder Isaacson Clarence Fanshaw -  J. Hoverson ~~~~~~ Grisham - Bill Hollweg  (BrokenSea Audio) Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes Commander Bannington -  Glen Hallstrom Scotty - Mike Campbell Other Voices: Episode 1 Bartender - Rick Lewis Episode 2 Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 3 Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane) Glen Hallstrom Episode 4 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Piedmont - Russell Gold Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Episode 5 Nanny - Jennifer Dixon Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Episode 6 Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine) Mark & Connor Olson Russell Gold Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock Announcer:  Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom Opening theme:  "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org Any incidental music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson   No gunshots herald his approach.  No trademark left behind him when he leaves.  The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by - as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.   Some say he rides alone.  That's the Deadeye Kid. ************************************************************* Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 1 MUSIC 1_ARRIVAL SOUND     HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC LEM    Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.  I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind. FANSHAW    Will it be safe? LEM    Safe? FANSHAW    I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.  For ... notoriety's sake. LEM    Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?  'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory.  FANSHAW    Is it worth the risk? LEM    [shrug noise]  Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed. FANSHAW    There are some distinct benefits to being deceased. LEM    [laughs]  Ayup.  I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.  Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then-- FANSHAW    [rolling eyes]  Yes, yes. LEM    Sides, I'm outta coffee.  And low on shells.  FANSHAW    [teasing] Heavens.  How DO you manage? 2_STROLLING AMB    IN TOWN SOUND    WALKING ON WOOD LEM    Lotta trade hereabouts.  Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need. FANSHAW    Lem!  Soldiers. LEM    [voice low]  Right.  We'll go on over yonder.  [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance.  FANSHAW    I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind.  LEM    Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle. SOUND    SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT FANSHAW    I say.  Isn't it a bit early for a drink? LEM    [shrug] Three weeks.  Don't seem early to me. FANSHAW    I'll-- LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary? FANSHAW    [stunned and horrified] Oh god. LISETTE    [off a bit] Clary?  I'd know that voice anywhere! LEM    Friend o'yourn? FANSHAW    [stiff, covering]  Old acquaintance.  Go on ahead! LEM    Right. 3_SALOON SOUND    HE WALKS INTO SALOON AMB    SALOON LEM    One here. SOUND    DRINK POURED BARTENDER    There you go. SOUND    COINS SOUND    LEM DRINKS GRISHAM    [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts. LEM    [SPIT-TAKE] SOUND    GLASS SLAMMED DOWN BARTENDER    Something wrong, fella? LEM    [coughing, trying to clear his throat]  Toothache.  Hit like a snakebite. GRISHAM    You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather. BARTENDER    [sympathetic] Tarnation.  You need it yonked?  Barber can‑‑ LEM    [finally getting clear] No, no.  I kin handle it.  SOUND    COINS, GLASS DOWN LEM    Another.  And sorry about the-- BARTENDER    [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind. SOUND    MORE COINS LEM    Give me the bottle. GRISHAM    Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me! BARTENDER    You drink more careful now, you hear? LEM    Ayup. 4_LISETTE AMB    OUTSIDE LISETTE    [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!  Mustache and all.  Aren't you a little brigadier? FANSHAW    [acknowledging] Carmichael. LISETTE    Oh, how formal.  Just like at school.  What have you been up to Clary, dear? FANSHAW    "Fanshaw," if you please. LISETTE    And we used to be such chums.  However did you end up here? FANSHAW    I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael. LISETTE    [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!  You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you? FANSHAW    Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you? LISETTE    [not amused any more]  At least that would be closer to the truth. FANSHAW    Jolly good.  Happy you're dead.  Must get along. LISETTE    Don't run off so quickly, Clary!  FANSHAW    [long breath of self-control]  LISETTE    There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages.  FANSHAW    How unfortunate.  Must rush. LISETTE    I noticed you speaking to that fellow. FANSHAW    [quiet] Bloody hell.  [up]  I speak to a lot of people. LISETTE    I'm sure.  But he replied.  Might I speak with him as well? FANSHAW    I-- LISETTE    Oh, just watch your face!  You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!  You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary-- FANSHAW    Stop calling me that. LISETTE    Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.  I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend.  FANSHAW    [gritted teeth] Jolly good. 5_SALOON2 AMB    SALOON SOUND    LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS GRISHAM    I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm. SOUND    CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE LEM    [low] Sit. GRISHAM    What makes you think I'd sit with you?  You done went and killed me! LEM    That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.  You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here. GRISHAM    I ... drifted. LEM    That's just what's got me hornswoggled.  Ain't no one drifts. GRISHAM    Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other. LEM    [sigh] SOUND    DRINK POURS 6_PIGS SOUND    PIGS LEM    Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse? FANSHAW    That woman - ghost woman. LEM    An old flame? FANSHAW    Nonsense!  We knew each other as ... children.  She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here.  LEM    Spect not.  Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business. FANSHAW    [disgusted] Yes... LEM    So?  You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason. FANSHAW    Lisette Carmichael.  She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.  About other people.  She likes to -- LEM    Hold a grudge?  Like a noose over yer head? FANSHAW    Aptly put.  Yes.  LEM    You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?  Leastways not no more. FANSHAW    You might be surprised. LEM    Who's she a-gonna tell?  [realizes] Oh.  FANSHAW    And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my  part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.  Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication. LEM    [after a moment]  Did it involve a sheep? FANSHAW    What? LEM    Whatever it was you done. FANSHAW    No.  It isn't - it's not like that at all. LEM    [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out. FANSHAW    What? LEM    Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag. FANSHAW    You would leave?  Over this? LEM    I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return.  SOUND    WALKING IN MUD LEM    Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me. 7_BARN AMB    BARN SOUND    TACK, HORSES, ETC. LEM    You distract her, I'll get the gear.  Come and find me when you feel the pull. FANSHAW    Righty-ho.  SOUND    LEAVES GRISHAM    Running away, eh?  Allus knew you'ure yella. LEM    [sigh]  You're lucky ain't no one about but us.  Otherwise, I wouldn't dignify none of that with an answer. GRISHAM    You kilt me! LEM    We had it out, fair and square.  I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]  I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.  Not on purpose. SOUND    LAST BIT OF TACKING UP GRISHAM    Are you saying I was asking fer it? LEM    I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.  Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you. GRISHAM    Well, yeah, but I was drunk. LEM    I din't do THAT to you neither.  You called me out, without no good reason agin me. GRISHAM    [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself. SOUND    LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE LEM    By shooting the Kid?  You ain't the first. GRISHAM    But you still kilt me. LEM    And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.  Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.  Hee-yaw! SOUND    RIDES OFF 8_DISTRACTION FANSHAW     Lisette? LISETTE    There you are!  Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away. FANSHAW    So sorry.  Didn't have much choice.  My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs. LISETTE    Did you make a clean breast of it?  Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say?  FANSHAW    You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did.  LISETTE    So bothered over trifles!  How much people change! FANSHAW    Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!  Do you recall poor Selfridge? LISETTE    Carmela?  Served her right.  FANSHAW    She threw herself off a bridge! LISETTE    She also let herself be compromised!  I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding-- FANSHAW    Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?  A champion of truth? LISETTE    Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature? FANSHAW    History is replete with-- LISETTE    Oh, spare me.  Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare. FANSHAW    Very well.  I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.  Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles. LISETTE    Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell? FANSHAW    [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings.  LISETTE    [outraged] I--?  You--! FANSHAW    Kindly allow me to finish.  There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.  Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same. LISETTE    No doubt.  I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I? FANSHAW    [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]  No, but I think I shall. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE CLOSING         Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 2 1_MOSEYING AMB    OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime SOUND    HORSES WALKING LEM    I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out. FANSHAW    How odd.  Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel? LEM    Present comp'ny only. FANSHAW    And we know the how and why of that.  Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement? LEM    How?  And who with?  Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles. FANSHAW    Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different. LEM    Like your lady friend back there? FANSHAW    [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on ‑ahem- hard times indeed.  Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself.  LEM    Lot of people can say that, out this way. FANSHAW    [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.  When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse. LEM    Cain't say I ain't never been that fella. FANSHAW    [chagrined] Oh.  MUSIC     FOR FLASHBACK NOTE    Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be 2_THE OLD KID AMB    SALOON LEM    Gimme two. SOUND    CARDS LEM    [pleased noise]  I'll see you and raise-- SOUND    CROWD HUSHES GRISHAM    [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town? LEM    [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten. DEALER    [shaky] Uh, Kid? GRISHAM    Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel? LEM    Your call. PLAYER1    [shaky] Um...  I fold. LEM    [chuckles] PATRON1    How can he--? Patron2    Shh! SOUND    HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY GRISHAM    [heavy menace]  You the deadeye kid? LEM    [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.  Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper. GRISHAM    Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit. SOUND    CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE LEM    [long dramatic sigh]  Now that sounds a mite like a threat. PLAYER1    [muttered] Uh, yeah.  I'm done.  Fergot my wife wants me home. GRISHAM    Are you coming, or am I shooting? LEM    If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit? DEALER    Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that. GRISHAM    You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog! SOUND    MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER LEM    Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.  Cain't just leave all this layin around. SOUND    G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED GRISHAM    Now! LEM    [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back? DEALER    Uh... certainly. GRISHAM    I'll do it!  I will! SOUND    CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS LEM    Rightchere in front of all these good folks?  And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?  [tsks]  Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside. 3_EASIER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW SOUND    HORSES WALKING FANSHAW    Seems as if it would be a great deal easier. LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Shooting someone in the back. LEM    And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.  Ain't no pride in the easy way.  FANSHAW    Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly. LEM    It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you. MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK 4_WARMUP GRISHAM    Are you stepping? LEM    What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?  Milk?  [insulting that he can't hold his liquor] GRISHAM    [furious noise]  I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it. LEM    [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you.  SOUND    DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN LEM    Barkeep?  Have me a shot of top mark waitin. SOUND    WALKS OUT, SLOWLY GRISHAM    You look at me while I'm a talking to you! LEM    [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will. 5_RATTLING FANSHAW    Were you trying to upset his equilibrium? LEM    What's that when it's at home? FANSHAW    uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes. LEM    Rattlin.  Yup.  There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.  Not that this was one o' them. FANSHAW    Why not?  He called you out. LEM    He was halfway round on rotgut.  Not a nugget's chance agin me.  Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him. FANSHAW    But you stepped out with him?  Even knowing he had no chance? LEM    A'course.  He wouldn't take no.  Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.  I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down. FANSHAW    [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die? LEM    Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.  And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.  You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.  That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way. 6_SHOWDOWN MUSIC    BACK TO FLASHBACK SOUND    OUTSIDE NOW GRISHAM    You ready? LEM    Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?  I kill someone yer riled over? GRISHAM    [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid! LEM    [duh] Yep.  [beat] That's your sole entire reason?  You wanna walk in my boots? GRISHAM    No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name. SOUND    THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE SOUND    GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM LEM    And o'course it gots to be a callout.  [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.  [man who backshot his friend Jesse James] GRISHAM    Come on!  Kick it up, Deadeye!  Less'n yer yellow! SOUND    LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind] LEM    [maddenginly cool] Oh.  I'm ripe and ready to drop. SOUND    TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT. SOUND    G - BODY DROP SOUND    LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.  A MOMENT.  FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON 7_ENJOY MUSIC    BACK TO NOW FANSHAW     [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow. LEM    Have to ice over that pond.  Hard and cold.  Hard and cold. FANSHAW    I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.  I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless. LEM    [a litle lighter] Men'll be men. FANSHAW    But men can behave in a civilized manner!  Look at we Brits. LEM    [grunt - half laugh half dismissive] FANSHAW    Do you enjoy it? LEM    [very mixed feelings] Enjoy? FANSHAW    Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle. LEM    Hmmm.  [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin. LEM    S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time.  FANSHAW    The thrill of danger? LEM    That, but even more so.  If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.  This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.  Kill or be killed.  [beat, then not quite truthful]  Enjoy?  No.  FANSHAW    Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so. LEM    I reckon. 8_WINNER MUSIC    FLASH BACK AMB    INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED SOUND    GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE WOMAN    [gasps] SOUND    [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS SOUND    PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN LEM    [voiceover]  there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.  Used be I din't see the fear beneath it. SOUND    BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN BARTENDER    Your shot, Mister. LEM    [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes! SOUND    Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit. 9_HUNKER MUSIC    BACK TO NOW LEM    [brisk] It's coming down dusk.  Need to find a place to hunker fer the night. FANSHAW    I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh! LEM    Whazzat? FANSHAW    Look - the horizon! LEM    Signal fires, and a lot of em.  Damn. FANSHAW    They're a little far off to get a better look at.  We shall... have to return, shan't we? LEM    Someone's gotta warn the town.  Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march. FANSHAW    [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts? LEM    Not so much that I saw.  They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there.  FANSHAW    [heavy sigh]  Right, then.  SOUND    DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE LEM    You worried about your lady friend? FANSHAW    She's neither a lady nor a friend.  But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.  [change of tone]  We are a couple of hours out. LEM    Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.  We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance. SOUND    MOUNT OTHER HORSE FANSHAW    [resigned but determined] Shall we? MUSIC     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 3 1_WONT SPOOK SOUND    READYING FOR BATTLE LEM    If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you. COMMANDER    You've done enough already, stranger.  Ain't even your fight. LEM    I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.  Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll-- COMMANDER    I'll have to send a man along with you. LEM    That's fine.  Make sure he ain't like to spook neither. 2_LISETTE SOUND    [above scene plays out in the background] LISETTE    And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone.  FANSHAW    [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation? LISETTE    No.  I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.  [frustrated noise] What I wouldn't give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.  I'm still not sure how you did that.  Or why you came back. FANSHAW    We had to warn the garrison. LISETTE    Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.  Fanshaw, dear old chum.  Are you not afraid of what I might say? FANSHAW    Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others. LISETTE    [surprised laugh]  Hah!  All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!  And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us. FANSHAW    I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.  Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.  We have a job to do. LISETTE    Wait! FANSHAW    [long sigh]  Yes? LISETTE    Shall I wish you "good luck"? FANSHAW    I doubt I shall need any.  But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed. 3_JULIET FLASHBACK JULIET    Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself. FANSHAW    I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. JULIET     What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel? ROMEO     By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself-- SOUND    POUNDING LISETTE    Oh heavens!  Not again! MAN    [calling from off] Sorry. SOUND    POUNDING STOPS LISETTE    Try that scene again from the top.  Romeo? FANSHAW    [sigh] Yes? LISETTE    Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine? JULIET    Oh, I like "him".  So terribly byronic. FANSHAW    I'll see what I can do. 4_SCOTTY SOUND    PACKING A HORSE SCOTTY    Sir? LEM    Yeah? SCOTTY    Private Scott.  Commander Bennington told me to report to you. LEM    [sigh] Right.  You ever shot that for real? SCOTTY    O'course. LEM    Against a person? SCOTTY    Well, against animals. LEM    Right. GRISHAM    Not everyone can be you. LEM    [sighs] SCOTTY    Don't you worry!  I ain't afraid! GRISHAM    This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.  You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too? LEM    You got a horse, Scott? SCOTTY    Everyone calls me Scotty. GRISHAM    Later, they'll just call him dead. LEM    Scotty.  Right.  You gotta horse? SCOTTY    Over there. GRISHAM    [rueful] My damn horse.  Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets.  LEM    Well, go and get'im. SCOTTY    Right, sir! GRISHAM    Ain't he a little young?  You should oughtta throw him back. LEM    I'm stuck with him.  And I never kept notches. GRISHAM    That ain't what I heered. LEM    Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke. GRISHAM    And the tale 'bout how you kilt me? LEM    [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more. GRISHAM    So, you think I like being plumb forgot? LEM    If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't? SCOTTY    Tell me about what?  Injuns?  [certain] I know all about them. LEM    [sigh] 5_SCOUTING AMB    CRICKETS SOUND    HORSES FANSHAW    They're still out of range.  I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians. LEM    Hmm? FANSHAW    I can make out English and Spanish.  Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories? LEM    [quiet] Ain't impossible.  Deserters, mebbe. SCOTTY    What ain't impossible? LEM    We're gettin close.  Best to go on foot.  SCOTTY    These here horses are my responsibility! LEM    Best you stay and watch'em, then.  FANSHAW    Don't forget the satchel. SOUND    CREAK LEM    Like I'd forget that. SCOTTY    I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!  I ain't no finger monkey. FANSHAW    [laughs]  I ne'er heard that one before. SOUND    REMOVING SPURS LEM    Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.  If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.  You reckon? SCOTTY    How'll you find us? LEM    I'll find you.  Just be ready.  And don't shoot me. SOUND    QUIET FEET ON DIRT 6_JULIET2 FLASHBACK    echoey hallway LISETTE    [running up] Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Carmichael. LISETTE    [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.  Those leggings are positively scandalous. FANSHAW     [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.  Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony. LISETTE    Perhaps plain trousers, then.  [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs. FANSHAW    [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.  [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.  I certainly shan't make a fuss. LISETTE    [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well. 7_FANSHAW SCOUTS SOUND    SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES LEM    [very quiet] Close enough? FANSHAW    I'll have a look round.  SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [very loud] You hiding from something? LEM    [reaction noise, quickly stifled] GRISHAM    Ooh!  Scairt you, din't I? LEM    [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin. GRISHAM    [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.  Looks like I can get my own back on you. LEM    What all do you want? GRISHAM    Apart from you in a pine box?  I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen. LEM    Not likely, nope.  How'd you follow us? GRISHAM    What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse? LEM    [half realizing something] Damn. SOUND    FANSHAW COMES BACK FANSHAW    Who the devil is this? GRISHAM    Who the devil are you? LEM    What'd ya find out? FANSHAW    A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle.  GRISHAM    What kinda girlie man are ya?  Highfaluting slicker talk! FANSHAW    [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible. GRISHAM    Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance! FANSHAW    We need to get moving. GRISHAM    I think you need a shave, girlie man. SOUND    KNIFE FANSHAW    [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell! SOUND    PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN LEM    [trying not to laugh] GRISHAM    Oooohhhh. FANSHAW    Marquis of Queensbury be damned.  We need to go. GRISHAM    [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off] SOUND    SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES LEM    What'd you do to him? FANSHAW    I didn't!  I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea?  8_JULIET3 SOUND    TAP ON DOOR LISETTE    Fanshaw? FANSHAW    Come in. LISETTE    I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing? FANSHAW    I was considering what I might do with my hair.  To create the right ilusion. LISETTE    That is what the HAT is for. FANSHAW    I prefer not.  It looks like an ottoman on my head.  LISETTE    And Romeo does not wear a moustache. FANSHAW    Whyever not? LISETTE     On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels! FANSHAW    [considering] I might just cut my hair. LISETTE    That is the final straw!  Miss Peabody said this would happen. FANSHAW    What? LISETTE    That you would take too many liberties.  You are out. FANSHAW    Out? LISETTE    [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production. 9_DEAD SCOTT SOUND    QUIET BOOTSTEPS LEM    [very quiet] Scotty? FANSHAW    [off a bit] Oh, good god. LEM    Do I need to keep quiet? FANSHAW    I don't see anyone.  Anyone... hostile. SOUND    QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS SCOTTY    [as if waking up] Oooh! LEM    What is--  [tragic regret] Ohh. SCOTTY    They come in out of nowheres! FANSHAW    I don't doubt it. SCOTTY    And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts! FANSHAW    I think that just might explain-- SCOTTY    And who in blue blazes is this feller? LEM    [heavy sigh]  Ayup. CLOSING       Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 4 1_DROP EVERYTHING SOUND    UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC. LEM    Good thing I had that with me.   Though now I gotta leave it. SOUND    SATCHEL DOWN FANSHAW    Of course. SCOTTY    I'm really sorry about this, sir. LEM    I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.  And you been punished enough. SCOTTY    What do you mean?  They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it. FANSHAW    I'll deal with him. LEM    I'll leave you to it.  SCOTTY    What are you doing? LEM    Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.  You gon' be all right? SOUND    RUSTLE OF BUSHES FANSHAW    Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.  Especially in the dark. SCOTTY    Can't do anything?  What are you talking about?  FANSHAW    Hush, Scotty.  Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk. SOUND    BOOTS RUN OFF 2_REBEL CAMP SOUND    MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc. SOUND    GRISHAM STUMBLES IN GRISHAM    Where the hell?   [Thunder?]!  Goddam rustlers!  SOUND    MEN WALK BY LEADER    Two horses, two saddles.  I don't like it. SECOND    Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.  But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.   LEADER    [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge. SECOND    We're nearly ready.  3_NO HEAVEN SCOTTY    [trying not to cry] So that's IT?  I mean this is it?  No nothing left?  No heaven? FANSHAW    There are so many things even I don't understand.  I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation. SCOTTY    But don't no one ever pass along? FANSHAW    Most do.  And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens. SCOTTY    And I won't never even get to be with a woman. FANSHAW    [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.  That is a shame. SCOTTY    What's it like? FANSHAW    [dread] What is ... what... like? SCOTTY     Being with a woman? FANSHAW    Ohhh.... 4_RUNNING LEM    [heavy but measured breathing] SOUND    RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH LEM    [muttered] Dammit.  Leastways there's a good moon. 4A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK SOUND    NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS SOUND    ANGRY MOB, OFF ROBERTS    [yelling, off]  Leastways, there's a good moon!  PIEDMONT    [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet] ROBERTS    [off, yelling]  Spread out!  Don't let that traitor get away!  Where's that rope? PIEDMONT    [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter] SOUND    VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE. YOUNG LEM    [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister? PIEDMONT    [terrible gasp, smothers a scream] 6_EXPERIENCE FANSHAW    My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters. SCOTTY    Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?  You been all over the place! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  [up]  I've spent most of my life deep in study.  I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all.  SCOTTY    Me too.  Not the studying, but the ... "later". FANSHAW    [after a moment]  Women are.... soft. SCOTTY    [eager] Yeah? FANSHAW    And round.  In places where men aren't. SCOTTY    But they do got legs, don't they? FANSHAW    [flabbergasted]  What? SCOTTY    You never don't see none of them out of skirts!  Who knows what they got under there? FANSHAW    Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.  Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.  You understand. SCOTTY     [avid] And bosoms. FANSHAW    Yes.  Yes, that. 7_VARMINT SOUND    RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS? PIEDMONT    Shh!  Don't let anyone know I am here. YOUNG LEM    You the varmint they's looking fer? PIEDMONT    There is no call to use such language, boy.  Do you know this area? YOUNG LEM    I should hope I do!  My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man. PIEDMONT    [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search. YOUNG LEM    [pride] Yup. SOUND    OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER ROBERTS    [outside]  Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch! YOUNG LEM    [pride and fear] That's my pa! PIEDMONT    But you're not going to tell him I am in here? YOUNG LEM    I don't fancy getting whupped.  I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night.  8_YOUNG LOVE FANSHAW    I was in love.  When I was very young. SCOTTY    Was she really purtty? FANSHAW    [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.  Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it? SCOTTY    You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you! FANSHAW    Our parents objected.  They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school. SCOTTY    What didja do? FANSHAW    I waited.  I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock. SCOTTY    You waited on a rock? FANSHAW    I waited at school.  I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever. SCOTTY    What happened? FANSHAW    I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered... SCOTTY    Yes? FANSHAW    That I was the only one who had bothered to wait. SCOTTY    She'd gone and -- FANSHAW    My "dearest love" had married another.  Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer." SCOTTY    Damn!  Women are right terrible. FANSHAW    Don't fault women, boy.  There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.  We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame. 8_DISCOVERED SOUND    UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF YOUNG LEM    They're fixing to hang you? PIEDMONT    Yes. YOUNG LEM    Why?  What for? PIEDMONT    We were on opposite sides in a fight. YOUNG LEM    You mean the war?  Hmph.  My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right. PIEDMONT    [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you? YOUNG LEM    [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are. SOUND    DOOR SLAMS OPEN ROBERTS    There he is! MAN    Get him! PIEDMONT    [scream] SOUND    SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN YOUNG LEM    [gasp, cut off by hand] PIEDMONT    I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't! 10_STUCK SCOTTY    You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along? FANSHAW    Yes.  We've encountered one or two. SCOTTY    How'd it work? FANSHAW    Work? SCOTTY    I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever! FANSHAW    I don't know that I have an answer for you.  I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has. SCOTTY    Years?  You been dead for years and ain't moved on? FANSHAW    We... help people.  And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety.  11_SHOT SOUND    LEM RUNNING AGAIN PIEDMONT    [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!  My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.   YOUNG LEM    [gasp]  Pa? SOUND    GUNSHOT SOUND    TWO BODY DROPS ROBERTS    [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you? 12_BUSINESS FANSHAW    Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on.  SCOTTY    Business?  I ain't never been in business. FANSHAW    No, no.  For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung. SCOTTY    Oh.  I spose that could happen. FANSHAW    Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death. SCOTTY    [very down] Oh, right. FANSHAW    [cheering]  Or, when the town has been warned.  That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts. SCOTTY    [wailing] Oh no!  FANSHAW    Whatever is the matter? SCOTTY    What if it's ladies? FANSHAW    [careful] What if what is "ladies"? SCOTTY    What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady? FANSHAW    [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.  Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not. 13_WHUPPING YOUNG LEM    [sniffles a bit] ROBERTS    You crying, boy? YOUNG LEM    [stifling it] No sir. ROBERTS    Good.  Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch. SOUND    A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN YOUNG LEM    [blank] You shot him dead. ROBERTS    Yup. YOUNG LEM    In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me. ROBERTS    Yup.  [beat]  You asking something? YOUNG LEM    What if he'd'a kilt me?  Or what if you did? ROBERTS    [long pause]  Life's hard, boy.  You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on. YOUNG LEM    Oh. SOUND    BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS ROBERTS    Lem?  YOUNG LEM    [almost a gasp] Yessir? ROBERTS    [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether] YOUNG LEM    [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir. 14_CRICKET SCOTTY    It ain't fair!  I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing! FANSHAW    Life is not fair.  Death even less so.  SCOTTY    I-- FANSHAW    [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer.  SCOTTY    Answer? FANSHAW    Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on. SCOTTY    What if they don't take it - me back? FANSHAW    Lem will see that they do. SCOTTY    Oh.  And what about you, Mister Fanshaw? FANSHAW    What about me? SCOTTY    Don't you get to pass on too? FANSHAW    Oh.  But you see Scotty, I have no wish to. SCOTTY    No?  Why? FANSHAW    I still have many things to see.  And I feel like I'm doing good here.  There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life. SCOTTY    That's crazy talk. FANSHAW    That's why it's a story.  In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things. SCOTTY    All right.  Wait, a cricket, like a bug? FANSHAW    A talking bug, but yes, a bug.  SCOTTY    That's just plumb crazy. FANSHAW    True.  [gasp]  Look at the horizon!  I think they are on the move! SCOTTY    Is there something we can do? FANSHAW    This is one of those times I truly wish there was. CLOSING     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 5 1_COMING SOUND    IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE COMMANDER    [commands]  We need more shot at the western boundary!  Get someone over there! SOLDIER    Yessir! SOUND    FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY SOUND    DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING SOLDIER2    Sir!  Someone's coming!  On foot! COMMANDER    On foot?  SENTRY    [off] Halt! LEM    [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...  I'm gon fall down...  And I gotta get to...  The commander. SENTRY    Stop, I say! COMMANDER    Let him on through. LEM    They're a-movin.  Deserters 'n comancheros.  Have guns.  COMMANDER    Why are you-- LEM    Kilt Scotty.  Took the horses.  Look sharp. Ungh! SOUND    FALLS DOWN COMMANDER    Are you all right?  [up] Someone get Doc! LEM    I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off. 2_SPOOK HORSES SCOTTY    We got to do something! FANSHAW    And just what do you have in mind?  I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.  By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe. SCOTTY    Can't we spook the horses or nothing?  That's what haints do, isn't it? FANSHAW    I was with you the entire trip out from town.  Did the horses seem spooked to you? SCOTTY    [really down] No. FANSHAW    If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.  Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show. 3_TONIC DOC    Can you get yourself around this? LEM    [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic? DOC    [shrug] Mostly brandy.  Medicinal. LEM    [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks] LISETTE     Oh, goodness.  I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend.  LEM    [coughs] DOC    Din't say it was GOOD brandy. LEM    [hawks, spits, clear throat]  Hits the spot.  LISETTE    [calculating] And not able to walk away.  [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly. DOC     The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.  You up fer it? LEM    Will be... shortly.  Any chance of a mite to eat?  It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon. 4_DO SOMETHING SCOTTY    He's the only one what can hear us? FANSHAW    We've come across... others.  But they are very rare. SCOTTY    [yelling] I want to DO something!  I want to help! FANSHAW    There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!  I am in precisely the same predicament! SCOTTY    But I-- GRISHAM    [off]  Will you two shut up?  They're trying to sneak up on your position! FANSHAW    Oh dear.  Come along. SCOTTY    Where? FANSHAW    To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible. 5_SADDLED SOUND    MEN READY TO GO SOUND    MOUNT UP LEM    [sigh of relief, but also soreness]  COMMANDER    You doing all right, there, feller? LEM    Better saddle than boots.  I fair run the soles offa these. COMMANDER     Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.  Least we can do.  Let's go. SOUND    HORSES MOVE OUT LEM    Commander? COMMANDER    Hmm? LEM    Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position? COMMANDER    This town is not a good place for that.  Too spread out.  And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking. LEM    Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.  Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover-- COMMANDER    I like the way you think, hombre.  [up] Company!  [attention!] 6_FIGHT GRISHAM    Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow! SOUND    PUNCH FANSHAW    [casual] shut up. SCOTTY    That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big! FANSHAW    Leave him!  [quiet, moving away]  We can't actually be hurt.  But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.  I learned that the hard way. GRISHAM    [off] I'm a-gonna get you! FANSHAW    Blast!  He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done. SCOTTY    Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you? FANSHAW    How? SCOTTY     Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to-- GRISHAM    Kill you, you girly man! SCOTTY    [grunt as he punches him] GRISHAM    oof! SCOTTY    Better'n pie!  You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta. FANSHAW    Good lad. 7_GRANDKIDS LEM    [muttered] Fanshaw?  Damn.  Too far out.  COMMANDER    What's the terrain like beyond the bridge? LEM    Nothing much to speak of.  Some hills.  A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.  No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though. COMMANDER    Good.  Cain't let this sort of thing go.  LEM    Course not.  COMMANDER    You got the extra shot you needed, did you? LEM    Ayup.  Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty. COMMANDER    You're sure he's ... dead? LEM    I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it. COMMANDER    [sad] That's too bad. LEM    Kin? COMMANDER    Nephew.  LEM    [trying to ease] He went down fightin. COMMANDER    That don't give my sister grandbabies. LEM    [symp] Nope, it shore don't. 8_PIRATES SOUND    MUCH CREEPING FANSHAW    Looks like about three score.  Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.  Like pirates. 8A_FLASHBACK MUSIC    FLASHBACK AMB    BRIGHT SUNNY DAY NANNY    Come along in now, bunny bug. YOUNG CLARA    Stop calling me that, nanny!  I'm very nearly 10 years old. NANNY    You'll always be my little bunny bug.  Oh!  Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?  [gasp of fear]  Did you hurt yourself?  Show nanny! YOUNG CLARA    No!  I am a pirate. NANNY    Do not be so silly.  There are no pirates. YOUNG CLARA    Of course there are.  They are in books, so they must be real. NANNY    Besides, you cannot be a pirate. YOUNG CLARA    Well not just NOW.  When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want. 9_WASPS COMMANDER    Did you see how big a force they had? LEM    Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.  At least 30, probably more. COMMANDER    [skeptical] Really? LEM    They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow. COMMANDER    [considers, then agrees] No, you don't.  LEM    'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many. COMMANDER    [chuckles]  Sound thinking.  [up]  Lieutenant! 10_BAG SOUND    STILL MUCH MOVEMENT SOUND    SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING SCOTTY    [pleased] You tired yet, feller?  I ain't even blowed! GRISHAM    [tired] You little whippersnapper!  Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away! FANSHAW    [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.  More than he will ever know.  [gasp] No. RUFFIAN1    Hey!  I found something! SOUND    CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR FANSHAW    [worried] Damn!  Lem's bag! RUFFIAN2    What? SECOND    Silence! RUFFIAN2    [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later! RUFFIAN1    Split it?  Nonsense!  It's mine, whatever it is! SECOND    [whispered] Keep moving! 11_SCOUT AHEAD COMMANDER    [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.  Get to high ground and cut off retreat. BOB    Yessir! LEM    If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite.  COMMANDER    You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself? LEM    [shrug] Someone's gotta.  'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it. COMMANDER    Valuables? LEM    Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced. COMMANDER    [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh? LEM    [chuckle] I reckon. 12_LEAD ROPE SCOTTY    Mister Fanshaw!  That fellow just vanished!  Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him! FANSHAW    I fear I shall be gone shortly as well. SCOTTY    Why? FANSHAW    I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.  Now that it has been found... SCOTTY    Why?  Keeping an eye on it? FANSHAW    No.  There's something in there - Oh!  It's moving.  Stay with me as long as you can.  SCOTTY    Why can't I--? FANSHAW    Shh!  [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.  And you are on the other end. SCOTTY    Like a training rope? [ASK PAT] FANSHAW    Basically, yes.  You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope. SCOTTY    [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag? FANSHAW    Yes!  [gasp] Bloody thieves! SOUND    FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY 13_BE A BOY YOUNG CLARA    I am going to be a pirate!  I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold! NANNY    Stealing is very wicked.  YOUNG CLARA    But you can't be a pirate without stealing!  Then you're just a sailor! NANNY    And young ladies do not become pirates.  Young ladies become mommies. YOUNG CLARA    Or nannies. NANNY    [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.  You shall be a mummy. YOUNG CLARA    I should rather be a nanny.  Mummies are boring.  Nannies have things to do. NANNY    [sigh] Mummies have things to do too. YOUNG CLARA    I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!  I want to see the world! NANNY    [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys. YOUNG CLARA    Then I want to be a boy! END     Auld Lang Syne [DeK4] EPISODE 6 1_READY SOUND    NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF COMMANDER    Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own?? LEM    I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience. COMMANDER    [acknowledging] Scotty. LEM    If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice-- COMMANDER    [warning] They'll know you're there. LEM    I kin look after myself.  Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.  I best get a move on. COMMANDER    One thing. LEM    Yeah? COMMANDER    One of my men swore he'd seen you before. LEM    [down] Oh. COMMANDER    And that you're the Deadeye kid. LEM    I- COMMANDER    [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.  Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town. LEM    [realizing] Ri-ight. COMMANDER    [serious] Don't make me a liar. LEM    I kin only do my best. SOUND    WALKS AWAY 2_BLACKGUARDS SOUND    COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING LEADER    [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up. FANSHAW    Blackguards. RUFFIAN2    [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways? RUFFIAN1    [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy. RUFFIAN2    [whisper]  Heavy is good!  Mebbe it's gold! RUFFIAN1    Well, I still ain't sharing! FANSHAW    Such stimulating conversation.  I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay.  3_TALLYHO SOUND    STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS LEM    Nothin.  [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.  And ridin. FANSHAW    [distant]  Tally-ho!  LEM    [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort] FANSHAW    Halloooooo!  Halloo- [suddenly cut off] LEM    What the devil?  [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self. SOUND    RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF 4_STRUGGLE AMB    IN THE ATTACK FORCE GRISHAM     Now I gotcha sorted out! FANSHAW    [muffled noises] SOUND    STRUGGLING GRISHAM    Oh, no you don't!  SOUND    MORE STRUGGLE GRISHAM    I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.  Long as I ignore it.  But I can still keep a tight grip on you. FANSHAW    [noise of effort] GRISHAM    [ouch!] Hey!  You bit me!  FANSHAW    Keep ahead of them!!!! GRISHAM    Waitaminute.  [disgusted noise] FANSHAW    [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again] GRISHAM    Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--  [stunned!] whatthehell? FANSHAW    [noise of effort] SOUND    STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE GRISHAM    You're a-- ?  FANSHAW    You may be stronger than me, but I am faster. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    what the hell?  A female? 5_SIGNAL COMMANDER    He's been gone a fair piece. SOUND    [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS COMMANDER    [commanding, but quiet]  They're coming! SOUND    [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES] COMMANDER    [a bit superior]  I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw.  6_PLAN DOS LEADER    Shots? SECOND    Sir? LEADER    Damn.  Someone has seen.  Get El puerco and his fellows.  Tell them plan dos. SECOND    Plan dos, sir? LEADER    They'll circle south and get behind the town.  We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more. SECOND    Yessir! SOUND    RUNS OFF SCOTTY     [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do? 7_BUCKETFULL SOUND    HORSES APPROACHING NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind. FANSHAW    [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!  That dead friend of yours is about - watch out! LEM    [muttered] Damn.  And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down. SOUND    HORSES BEGIN TO PASS LEM    [very quietly] 30...?  Nearer fifty.  That's a bucketful of wasps. SOUND    SHOTS!  (where the horses went to) LEM    [muttered to self] hold on.  SOUND    NO MORE HORSES COMING LEM    [muttered] almost... GRISHAM    There you are! LEM    [sharp intake of breath]  That don't work on me twice.  Specially when I been warned. GRISHAM    Oh, that girly friend of your'n?  Funny thing about that-- SOUND    GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY LEM    Good riddance.  And jest in time. SOUND    BEGINS SHOOTING MaN    [shot, fall] 8_HOLD THE LINES COMMANDER    [roaring now] Hold the lines!  More shot, boy! BOY    Yessir! MAN    [hit, argh!] COMMANDER    Stay low! FANSHAW    All seems rather well here.  GRISHAM    There you are. FANSHAW    Bloody hell. GRISHAM    [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady! FANSHAW    [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you. SOUND    FANSHAW OUT 9_RELOAD SOUND    COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE SOUND    RELOADING SOUND    NEARBY HORSE PFFS LEM    That's nine.  SOUND    SLAPS GUN SHUT SCOTTY    [distant, yelling] Someone!  They're circling round!  There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines! LEM    Damn.  [listens for a second]  Fanshaw?  Damn.  SCOTTY    [yelling]  Please!  Don't let them hurt nobody in town. LEM    [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.  [chuckles]  dead don't get hoarse.  But I gotta get one.  [clucks to horse] SOUND    HORSE BLOWS LEM    [grunts as he swings into the saddle]  Come on. FANSHAW    [a bit distant] Lem? LEM    Wazzat?  There you are! FANSHAW    Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.  That blighter keeps trying to grab me. LEM    Grisham?  Yeah. FANSHAW    The commander seems to be holding well.  The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart. LEM    Good.  Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message? FANSHAW    What message? LEM    Just try and tell the boy.  So he can rest hisself.  [to the horse] Geeyah! SOUND    HORSE TAKES OFF FANSHAW    Scotty?  Can you hear me? 10_YOU STAY COMMANDER    Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town. CORPORAL    Yessir! Should we capture them, or-- COMMANDER    This is no time to be peaceable.  They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures. SOUND    HORSE APPROACHING LEM    [distant] Commander! COMMANDER    Let him through.  [up, to Lem]  Looks like we've got nearly all of them.  SOUND    GUNSHOTS DISTANT COMMANDER    A bit of tidying up to do, but-- SOUND    HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS LEM    [to horse] Whoah!  I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind.  COMMANDER    My god! LEM    Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me. COMMANDER    You, boy! BOY    Yessir? COMMANDER    Bring my horse, quickly! LEM    You're needed here, surely? COMMANDER    You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.  My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men. LEM    Sound thinkin.  I have been going a bit. COMMANDER    Corporal? CORPORAL    [acknowledging] Yes sir. FANSHAW    Lem?  I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.  Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty. SOUND    LEM DISMOUNTS LEM    Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.  I see purty well in the dark. CORPORAL    Excellent!  FANSHAW    I'll see what I can turn up. GRISHAM    Found you! FANSHAW    Oh, damn!  GRISHAM    You ain't never getting away from me, you-- FANSHAW    [hits out] GRISHAM    [ungh!] FANSHAW    Have to get him out of here, Lem.  Too distracting. SOUND    FANSHAW LEAVES GRISHAM    [laughs triumphantly]  Coward!  But I don't suppose I should be surprised. LEM    [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse. GRISHAM    What? LEM    You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.  You hear me? GRISHAM    [all the bluster gone]  Yeah. LEM    Good.  I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle-- SOUND    GUNSHOT LEM    [gasp, hit!] Damn! SOUND    QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE GRISHAM    Hah!  I still gotcha! LEM    [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up?  CORPORAL    [commanding] Men! SOUND    MORE GUNSHOTS LEM    [groan] SOUND    BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES END   NEXT EPISODE BEGINS SOUND FADES IN AND OUT COMMANDER    Hold on, there, fellow. LEM    [vague] all's well? COMMANDER    We got em. LEM    My pack? COMMANDER    I'll set someone to finding it. FADE OUT DOCTOR    Bite down on this.  He's lost a lot of blood. FADE OUT BOOTMAKER    I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.  You sure I should even bother--? FADEOUT WOMAN    Just a little bit of broth, mister.  You need to get some o'yer strength back. SICKROOM LEM    [annoyed moan] FANSHAW    You're awake. LEM    [quiet]  Anyone--? FANSHAW    Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet. LEM    Good.  I been shot? FANSHAW    At least twice, judging by the bandages.  Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.  I should have been watching. LEM    [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.   FANSHAW    [awkward pause, then stiffly]  Should I ...go? LEM    Go?  go where? FANSHAW    [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.  To rest.  I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it. LEM    [straining a bit]  Did you see, did it go alla way through? FANSHAW    I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared. LEM    [satisfied]  Good. FANSHAW    I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I? LEM    Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind. FANSHAW    Oh. LEM    Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over? FANSHAW    [bracing breath]  Yes. LEM    [exasperated snort]  Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it? FANSHAW    Yes. LEM    [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you. FANSHAW    So she did--? LEM    [shrug]  Yup.  So? FANSHAW    [surprised] So? LEM    You cain't be the first. FANSHAW    First? LEM    Nor the last, like enough. FANSHAW    But it... doesn't... bother you? LEM    Well, you don't do it no more. FANSHAW    I... don't? LEM    'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants.  FANSHAW    What? END