The Tom Barnard Show

Back after a 6 week hiatus. We discuss Tesla potentially taking the US Luxury Sales crown, bad boys pulling over people in a cop car, Earl Butz as the first victim of the cancel culture, the Presidency of Jimmy Carter and the return of the VW micro-bus.....this time, it's electric. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this show, we're not known for being calm.  Susan, AKA Dr. Smith Jones, is an expert at calmness.  Meditation, mindfulness, all that kind of thing.  Today could be considered her ultimate challenge.  Not only does she have to convince Tom to calm down, but Gelfand too.  Step 1: no more cable news.  They say the first step is the hardest part.  You have no idea. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you kill a car?  A rocket launcher?  Maybe some thermite?  Wrong.  It's the future, and everything is done with computers now.  If the police don't like the fact that you're going 100 in a 50, they just press a button and your days of freedom are over.  Surely such a system could never be abused.  The good news is that while you're in prison you can get a Peloton, which will simulate the outdoors for you and keep you in shape while you do it.  If that sounds like a dystopian hell to you, then you clearly haven't gotten with the times lately. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do people join cults?  Even better question: why do people kill themselves because a cult leader says so?  Seems like a pretty bad decision on its face.  It turns out that loneliness and lack of a sense of belonging is a tough lot, and if it gets bad enough you can be convinced to do anything as long as they promise to make it all go away.  That's why at The Family we never promise to make you feel better.  We don't want to be mistaken for a cult. Doomsday Cults: The Devil's Hostages Book - amzn.to/3roi1L3 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There's a cool new way to not have to worry about COVID any more: get it.  Get it, recover from it, and don't think about it ever again.  Well, at least until the next variant.  As long as you keep a Catch 'Em All attitude you should be fine.  And if you die, then you'll have the peace of the grave, so ether way you won't have to hear about this crap any more.  It's a win-win. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is eating meat wrong?  Don't answer.  It's unlikely we'll resolve this millennia-old debate by having you talk to a block of text on your screen.  What we do know is that between Beyond Meat and the Impossible Burger, you have all the choices in the world.  But just like everything else that seems good, it's actually bad.  Or is it?  It depends on who you ask.  That's the new way of things.  Nothing can just be a good thing. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The football world is being taken by storm.  Not by football, but by a little blue pill.  Before you get too excited, it's for improving circulation.  Wink.  Regardless of its alleged use, comedians couldn't be happier, for one fairly obvious reason.  Wait, that could be taken the wrong way.  Actually, we'll leave it.  This episode is already mostly double entendres anyway. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

They say that democracy dies in darkness.  And by "they" I mean the Washington Post.  Which is quite ironic, because few outlets are less reliable.  Apparently that's not a new thing either: according to John, they've been covering up the truth since at least Watergate.  That was a long time ago.  Unless you're old enough to remember it, in which case that wasn't long ago at all, don't worry about that. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our 1st guest of the year is someone who has lived in Vegas for a long time. We address the shootings at Mandalay Bay, the Superbowl, and big ass prime rib for 3.99! If you've been to Vegas you know what happens there stays there. If not learn a little then book a flight! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Car Selling Secrets is back.  Well, kind of.  Doug isn't here.  And we never talk about cars.  But we're calling it Car Selling Secrets, so it still counts.  Also, horses were basically the first kind of car.  The topic is in the same ballpark, at least.  And speaking of ballparks, don't you just hate athletes?  Let's talk about that for a solid half hour. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you're over a certain age - and not a very old one at that - you probably remember elevator music.  It was so ubiquitous that it became universally reviled, and now we're left with silence.  You don't know what you've got until it's gone, as they say.  Dave Combs wrote one of the songs you may have heard during a vertical journey, called Rachel's Song.  You also almost definitely don't know the song's name, so we played it during this hour.  Maybe after hearing it again you'll lobby your local congressman to make it illegal to not play elevator music in every elevator.  Now that's a political cause we can get behind. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Haunting is back on Discovery+, and you know what that means.  It means, you know, ghosts and stuff.  But it also means philosophy.  Humanity has been fascinated with the afterlife for our entire history, and probably even earlier than that.  Whether it's religious, spiritual, or neither, we've been trying to cope with death, to measure the unmeasurable, and to prove the existence of ghosts.  It always goes back to ghosts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Whenever a movie has the word "dead" in the title, you know it's not a good thing for the characters in it.  To further add to the misfortune, Stephen plays a mercenary named Gator.  Would you want a guy named Gator hunting you down?  On the bright side, the hunt would probably be very entertaining for people watching.  You know, like a movie audience.  Crack open a cold one and watch the chaos unfold.  It's fun when you're on our side of the screen. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

No, we're not talking about kids who hang around malls.  They don't exist any more.  All that's left is literal rats, living in the abandoned husks of what were once thriving teen hangouts.  It looks like movie theaters will be heading the same way, sadly.  Every generation has its own thing, and you can't expect anything, no matter how big of a cultural mainstay, to stick around.  Except this podcast.  We'll be around forever. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here at The Family, we stand against racism.  We also stand against diversity training.  Just leave us the hell alone.  We're not going to leave you alone though, at least if you're a smoker.  We don't want to be preached to, but we will tell you how to live because we know better.  Oh crap, we're starting to sound like corporate America.  I guess it happens to everyone eventually. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It looks like Biden was right; this really is the winter of death.  Not for the population at large, but for beloved actors.  This time it's Bob Saget, who died of as of yet unknown circumstances at the age of 65.  Mysteriously, the Vikings also died on the field despite being neither actors nor beloved.  Well, I guess the Vikings sucking isn't exactly "mysterious". See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Until today, we've never had a real life Crip on the show.  And we still haven't.  We have, however, had someone that played one on TV.  He plays P-Dog on Mayor of Kingstown, which is apparently a pretty good gig.  He seems pretty happy about it, at least.  I guess pretending to be a murderer in prison is more fun than actually being one.  Who knew? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You've probably heard Tom talk about the class divide in America.  How the real issue is the poor, middle class, and upper class all hating one another.  You may not have taken him seriously because he's not a reverend.  Well today that all changes, because Reverend Tim has a lot to say, and it's all what we've been saying for many years at this point.  And now that it's being said by a man of God, you have to listen, right?  That's how it works. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The golden age of comics was a long time ago.  Even the silver age is decades past.  You could argue that we're in the bronze age right now, although things have transformed beyond recognition.  There are still comics printed on paper, but they're not nearly as popular as they were in days past.  These days it's all movies and TV shows.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  It's the same characters, the same stories, even a lot of the same creators still.  But there's just something about opening that Sunday paper and seeing your favorite comic that anyone under the age of 30 probably has never experienced.  Nostalgia is a powerful force. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever been happier to see the end of a year?  Yes, in 2020.  Unfortunately many of us didn't learn our lesson: just because it's a new year doesn't mean anything changes.  Some things, however, do change.  Like language.  Language gets more annoying every year, with people saying everything is "sus" and telling you to "circle back".  If that doesn't sound annoying, just wait until you've heard them for the 11,000th time.  You'll learn. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We're all back and ready to talk about movies with Tim.  Too bad nobody watches movies any more.  Or TV.  Or anything really.  That doesn't seem to bother celebrities though.  They're still making tens of millions.  And all it takes is occasionally ravaging your body with steroids and hormones. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It seems like beloved celebrities dying constantly is just the way things are now.  To be fair, that's kind of what happens when you're 99, but nobody likes it.  But with every loss, the universe balances itself out.  For example, when a bank is robbed and then the robber puts the money back into that same bank.  Or when a pizza place is robbed and Pizza Batman saves the day.  It's all part of the great balancing act we call life. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You've probably heard of the butterfly effect.  It's when a very small action ripples out into a major event.  For example, a piece of tape causing America to lose the Vietnam war.  Sounds confusing?  We'll explain, but you have to listen.  Speaking of which, here's another butterfly effect for you: a radio host gets bored one day which caused you to be reading this right now.  That's called destiny.  Or possibly coincidence. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

With the passing of the legenary John Madden, we bring you the next best thing. For the Best Of, join the crew along with Frank Caliendo who had made a wonderful career of many impressions including The Great John Madden.  #RIPJohnMadden See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For this Best of Episode I on 2 men on different ends of the spectrum of Coaching. 41 years Head Coach John Anderson and 1st year Coach Ben Johnson. They cover many different topics. #Bestof @Johnanderson, @Benjohnson, @mikeburns, @stefgolan, @garywilson, @northstarbasketball See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we revisit the very funny Louie Anderson, Bernadette Duncan the old school Sid and Marty Krofft on this WayBack Wednesday! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's the week after Christmas and what better way to celebrate is to talk Krampus with Jeff Belanger!. Hope your kids were good this year cause if not...Krampus came so you better get a head count on those kids See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Candice Wheeler, star of the KQ morning show is live in the studio while we try to correct the depressing trajectory caused by the first hour. She talks about working on the morning show and the upcoming debut of her Sabbath tribute band. Lots of regulars call in to exchange Christmas greetings. Barely a car was mentioned for the last show of the year. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A psychiatrist, Mike Gelfand, and Tom Barnard are all in the same room.  Yes, the topic today is psychoses.  Even Santa isn't immune.  Between his OCD and his stress eating, he needs as much help as all of us.  Well, maybe not all of us.  But, you know, normal people. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Every family has their own Christmas traditions.  Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas proper?  Or do you do the 12 days of Christmas thing and try to slow burn it?  Regardless of how you do it, everyone seems to love it, so you really can't go wrong.  Unless you're Dave and Cassie.  They're figuring themselves out.  Don't worry.  If you've seen literally any Christmas movie ever, you know it always ends up with renewed appreciation for the season. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If there's one thing parents are good at, it's making references to things from before their kids' time.  Did you know Rodney Dangerfield has been gone for 17 years?  Gone, but not forgotten.  Unless you're a child, in which case you may have never known he existed in the first place.  That's why you, as a parent, are morally obligated to only let your kids watch things from decades before they were born and nothing else. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our Hollywood reporter is on today, and you know what that means: debating green power.  How green is it really?  With the amount LA floods and/or burns, you'd think they could come up with a way to get plenty of power using those two things.  Maybe redirect the water into the fires and generate steam.  Now that's green power. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's been a while since the studio has been packed beyond capacity, but nothing lasts forever.  Today we've got Ralph, his daughter Ashley, Wendi, and Officer Dave, plus the family proper (minus Alex).  And that's not all.  We've also got Tim, Pauly, and Joe.  That's more people than we can count.  Metaphorically, of course.  We may be in radio but we're not that incompetent. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Some years, it seems like there are no good football teams save for maybe one or two.  This is one such year.  Who do you even root for?  Do you be a fair weather fan and pick someone else to care about for a season?  Do you do the honorable thing and go down with the ship?  Or do you reject modernity and eat some vegemite on toast?  That's not a non sequitur.  You're not allowed to like vegemite and be a football fan at the same time.  Unless it's Australian football. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Everyone needs Christmas presents, even people who don't celebrate Christmas.  Santa has dominated the world, so just live with it.  It's not so bad.  Christmas-haters can still get presents, from vegan peanuts to carbon credits.  And if it makes you feel better, you can always call it Yule. THINGS TO GIVE YOUR “WOKE” CHILDREN DURING THE HOLIDAYS - F*ck Off, Chloe: Surviving the OMGs! and FMLs! in Your Media Career See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bob Talked about his start in the world Newspaper and his retirement. We discussed our time at KQRS and the great people we worked with there. Bob the total Renaissance man.  Politics, Beauty Padgett's , Horse Showman, Blogger and Podcaster. We also discussed that He and His wife (Mary) raised foster children , before have children of their own. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Description...In the last episode of 2021 of Moon Pjugg and Hobbs you meet Nancy the Nurse. We talk Covid..what is it like to save lives and watch people pass...plus running with the Bulls! Hope you liked the podcast this year. We have big plans next year. We are back January 7th! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ryan Winkler and Pat Garofolo return to car selling secrets. Both serve in the Minnesota House of Representatives from the opposite sides of the aisle. We discuss vaccine mandates, the budget surplus,Jewish Space lasers, the travesty of CNN and Fox and the bomb throwers at the federal level in both parties. Even though Pat got busted on the house floor giving Ryan the finger, we model adultbehavior. There is hope that the middle can rise up See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We're a midwest show, and Charlie is a midwest comedian.  As such, when he's on our show, it's less joking about the midwest and more making personal observations of things we've all seen.  For example, if you've lived here long enough, you're going to hit or almost hit a deer with your car.  That's not a joke, it's just the way it goes.  For more examples of things that are funny to non-midwesterners and statements of fact to midwesterners, he's written a Midwest Survival Guide. THE MIDWEST SURVIVAL GUIDE: How We Talk, Love, Work, Drink, and Eat . . . Everything with Ranch - amzn.to/3dVC2lT See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

No, Michele Tafoya hasn't been fired.  That's straight from the source.  Not a news site that copy pasted an article from another news site, also known today as the mainstream media.  It's a sad state of affairs when some random podcast has better sources than Fox or CNN, but welcome to the modern era.  You can't even trust the IRS any more with all the scams out there.  Better stop paying your taxes just to make sure. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you know what a yeoman is?  It was a type of servant, basically a butler for nobles and royals.  As you'd expect, they were experts at etiquette.  Zoe isn't a yeoman, but her last name is Yeoman and she's also an expert at etiquette.  Whether the name was the inspiration, we cannot say.  What we can say is that people need to learn some etiquette themselves, especially around this time of year, so listen up and you might learn something. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Did you know that we're in a gang?  It's called Christianity.  Gang signs include crosses, wreaths, and dashboard statues of Jesus giving the thumbs up.  Watch for them, because if you see them, you know you're in the wrong neighborhood.  Or right neighborhood, if you like Christmas. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We're thinking of having a movie made about us.  The problem is, we want to avoid any cultural appropriation, so we need to find actors with the exact same ethnic, religious, and cultural backgrounds as us.  So if you know anyone with the exact same genetic makeup as Tom who also grew up in the ghetto with precisely six siblings, let us know. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Drama is in right now.  Doesn't matter what kind.  Football?  All drama.  Players sending pictures of various body parts to various people, players dying young, coaches making questionable decisions.  Even the state of Florida is all about the drama, which you probably know by now.  Demand for Florida-related drama is so high that Glenn Beck has to say stupid crap in order to artificially generate it.  That's a lot of demand. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It used to be that dogs would get the byproducts and humans would get the meat.  Now dogs get real meat and humans get fake meat.  We just can't figure out what's healthy and what's not, it seems.  Burt is under the impression that meat is good for dogs, and he's got the science to back it up.  When a great dane lives to be 20, you know something must be going right.  Maybe humans should start eating Gentle Giants food too.  Or just a little less fast food. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Back after a long Covid fueled brake.  Tom has mostly recovered; Doug is back from travelling and we have a show that deals almost exclusively with cars. Lots of talk of electric cars and we dive into some of the shortcomings of Li-on batteries and Toyota's 13 billion dollar investment in solid state battery technology. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

T-Rex cookies are massive and delicious! Can you really make 5 pound cookies? Yes. Meet Tina Rexing. The cookie Queen! Her cookies are viral. Find out why with Moon Pjugg and Hobbs! And email us at moonpjugghobbs@gmail.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My dad is funnier than your dad.  So is Kelly's.  She might actually win that competition.  Her dad is Tim Conway, a legendary actor and comedian who's been in more movies and TV shows than you've seen.  And yes, he is most likely funnier than any of our dads.  Then again, we'll never know until your dad's first open mic.  Make sure to record it if it ever happens. My Dad's Funnier than Your Dad: Growing Up with Tim Conway in the Funniest House in America - amzn.to/31E1lq0 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pick a card.  Or have Tom do it for you, because this is a podcast and you're not actually in the room with us.  What comes next, you'll just have to listen for.  You'll also have to listen to see what happens if you threaten the child of someone in the radio business.  Something about that field instills a lot of rage in you, apparently. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Remember yesterday when we told you not to drink alcohol?  Forget all that.  Drink some White Claw and wash it down with some peanut butter whiskey.  You'll probably feel very sick after that.  But for a brief moment, you'll be deep within flavortown. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

First Andy comes back, then Tom, and now Doug.  We're slowly returning to normalcy.  Why settle for the new normal when you've already got a perfectly good normal?  Of course, not all traditions deserve to be called "normal".  Lutefisk, for example.  There's nothing normal about that. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.