Western Promises

hey look it happens sometimes

hey check out this here: patreon.com/westernpromises (want to know why Beaumont died and is in hell now? want to hear an exclusive interview with Satan the devil himself? yeah, click that lil link playboy. It is finally here, the office chair episode. we lost one host, but gained a beautiful discussion of office chairs. I really dont want to say too much here, it is best to go in blind. So, with out further doodoo, uh, here you go. #rattlethecage

jive on this lil neo, up in my damn hands, i be havin two pills that are different like. one of them mugs will install a copy of Enter the Matrix onto your personal computer and configure all of the settings for optimal performance. Now this other pill, that will pink sock you. The choice is hella yours, blood. In all seriousness the economy is jacked the f up rn, fr fr. But did you know that most, if not all, economists recommend transferring most of your holdings into Western Promises Patreon subscriptions? its true actually. I couldnt believe it either but this is what is being discussed behind closed doors at the uppermost levels. Do yourself and your family a favor, just take my word for it without doing any independent research and follow this link: patreon.com/westernpromiseswe are also doing cam shows and wiener ratings.

despite requesting the exact opposite, we are being tread upon. the brightest fires are always stamped out the quickest. but not us. not western promises. join us, join the resistance by taking a [redacted] to [redacted] and [redacted] while he watches from the corner slowly jacking off. or join patreon.com/westernpromises and we will do the heavy lifting.

Its the 2025 Kia Sorento Bug Chasing Summer Festival. Get ready to see your favorite bands compete in high octane mortal kombat. nevershoutnever headlining with the reanimated corpse of merle haggard. the best minds from MIT and the University of Phoenix got together and just dug up Merle's body and used 100% recycled tubing and windshield wiper fluid to bring him back to life, utilizing arcane hydraulics and webcam technology. youre not gonna want to miss this. all artists are coated in a special compound that makes them invisible to cameras and some eastern europeans. so you just gotta be there dude, you gotta make it out. we miss you, you know? we all know you have been having a hard time, and that sometimes it is easier to just pull away and isolate yourself, but everyone would love to see you. Mitchfa, Sully, and Costas were asking about you the other day at the dealership. we have all forgiven you man, i bet noone even remembers what happened last summer. that was just the title of a movie that came out in the late 90s man, not a fact about people's recollection of what you did or or didnt do last august. just come out bro, i got you a ticket. no pressure but i think it would be good for you, and for all of us. we need this.

what could be better? maybe this: patreon.com/westernpromises please subscribe. AI is coming for just our jobs, yours will be okay forever I promise so please follow the hyperlink, put in your bank info and then the rest is between you and god but if you ask me, this will make up for that horrible thing you did. that thing that would normally lock you in for an eternity in hell getting messed with by Satan and his bastards. his red bastards. If you are worried about AI, if you were two credits short of an esteemed degree from ITT Tech before they were wrongfully closed by Obama, if you miss how every key on a keyboard could be pressed and sent at the same time through PS2 ports, if you love Kingdom Come Deliverance 2, if you believe children should be spanked in school, at home, at church, at gamestop, at the library, at the mall, on the moon, in a boat, in a moat, riding a goat. this is the podcast for you. oh tell your friends about the show and rate us on itunes and spotify, please. please, i know im asking a lot in this episode description, but its almost easter and im horny for engagement.

let me set the scene: you are freshly 19 years old. you have dedicated your life to Jehovah, both privately in prayer, and publicly through baptism. you have pursued a life in service to God, and devote a large amout of your time to proselytizing. You have never seen an R rated movie, you dont listen to rap or heavy metal music, and Wii Sports is your favorite video game. You take the big step of applying to Bethel after talking with your parents and the elders. A few weeks pass and you get the wonderful news that you have been accepted. You start making plans to move to NYC. You cant contain your excitement. You will get to go on an adventure in a new city and the best part is that you will be doing this, not for personal enjoyment, but to better serve your God who you truly have a personal relationship with. You quickly say a private prayer thanking Jehovah for allowing you this privilege and opportunity. What happens next, is in Gods hands. What happens though is that you move into a small dorm with another extremely sheltered, sexually frustated 19 year old boy and being outside of direct supervision of your overbearing parents you engage in underage drinking and quickly find yourself wrestling the other boys in your underwear. Played as a joke, but you both are clearly getting something more out of this. This is how it happens. Trust me.

you ever just look at someone. really look at the. see what makes them tick? see how they respond to getting a text message, or how generous they are with the space they are taking up when someone moves to pass them in a crowded hallway? do you ever think about every single part of a man? down to the smallest discrete part? would you like to?

what more is there to say. classic CLASSIC episode EPISODE this week. 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-22-2- hosts only ONLY just for tonightwhat are you waiting for kid? thje rest of your life is waiting

Happy valentines DAy everyone. Join us for a world tour around the world (tour) listening to nigerian evangelical radio stations for one, for two: an american guy on a radio station in Cape Town South Africa. the introduction of anti-kevin, a sick new variant. down, left, up, down, a, a, a, select to unlock this powerful fighter. In the age of artificial intelligence and AI, love is now quantifiable. relationships are algebra and we can be your abacus. if going on a date with the hottest girl in school is a perfectly toned ass, we are your sketchers shape-ups. if busting is a fully activated copy of adobe photoshop 2014, we are an adobe photoshop 2014 keygen.

part one of the greatly anticipated next love line from western promises. for the second one, you will need to travel to the hidden realm of Noresporia, traversing the desert of Halgontrousmeggadon. You must answer the devious troll Gangaskhan's riddles thrice, and collect all 7 dragon balls. Only then will you be given the chance to subscribe to our patreon:patreon.com/westernpromises. (please do not click on that link until you completed the specified tasks, honor system)We answer your burning questions and give you advice that will carry you through life, unburdened by doubt.

live on microphone, we have kevin's ass. filled to the brim with all sorts of interesting things, this ass will not leave you wanting. raw, uncensored, and for the first time ever, recorded live from o block. you are not gonna want to miss this ass episode

hey whats better than this? whos better than us (you inclusive)? join the movement, join the hood, join the sound. you want this let it happen. free masons? you can spell self circumcision without cum. its true, folks, its true. you like music? you like playing games, dolls, making toys kiss each other and wrestle for fun? its all gravy, KOSHER. bring them home, release the sausages.

this one is all about the curious incident of the dog in the night time. dont know what that is? heh, i didnt either kid. settle in, let us show you. youre one of us now. in this gang, we are brothers, bound by blood and honor. here give me a kiss, the way brother do. deep and hard. soft lips, hard tounge. bang your teeth in to mine, theyare fake, i can take it.

look, los angeles is on fire, I had the flu, and democracy is dying in darkness. but we are back and mostly the same. join us to learn how to use bitcoin to activate your frozen yogurt chakra and transcend into your 7D triple helix avatar. welcome to the rest of uh, you know.

come one come all to experience the schizophrenic fever dream Resident Evil 1 Christmas mod with the fellas and like 10 of our dearest friends from the discord server. strap in for a nearly 3 hour festive wild ride and experience yuletide treats the likes of which you've never seen such as: -batshit insane dialogue that has constantly shifting volume, will randomly switch to only one audio channel, cuts off before lines finish, is plagued with random noises in the background and is rife with DELIGHTFUL nonsensical british "humor" -pretty good new music tbh -the wackiest christmas enemies you've ever seen with your own two ears -wildly varying quality with new models and in-game graphics -a SHOCKING ending that will leave you breathless -also please note that kevin died the first playthrougfh and he recovers bro i promise bro keep watching i promise he does it bro please bro merry christmas cretins. we love you all

look folks, love them or hate them, computers are here to stay. from helping cashiers tally up how much money you owe to a five star military general determining just how many civilians he can kill and still get away with it, these electronic assistants are becoming commonplace in every industry. And while it seems like just yesterday, the ability to send an electronic Christmas card to your Nana was cutting edge, now we have computers that can be your boyfriend and girlfriend. Im talking about AI. Artificial Intelligence. thats right. on this episode we explain AI in explicit detail that proves that all three host fully understand it in a way that few do, and show how you can use it to not only grow your business into a money printing empire literally in 10 minutes or less. We also show you how, with a little patience and old fashioned elbow grease, you can even use AI to pad out up to 30 or 40 minutes of content on a "juggalo adjacent edgelord" podcast. At this point im really trying to squeeze in more topics in natural language in an attempt to capture a larger audience for the show. Self driving cars are probably happening right now. Esports, and competitive gaming are big topics. Apple and IOS 18 are not free from the boys biting critiques. alright, thats enough.

on:time hosts:3 identity:stolen lets get (castrate) this (these) money (boys with beautiful voices)

look, we missed a week, sue Paris. Go into town, hire a lawyer, and file a lawsuit against Paris. That is what you should do. This episode is all about virtual reality or #VR. that is the only topic and we are experts on it. #gaming #gamingguys #guys #gaymers #socialism #communism #holdinghands

sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them. - roland the farter stalker 2 is out now kingdom come deliverance rules never learn to read, never surrender

what you see is what you dont get. its a twist, a spin on a classic. an inversion,a clever deceit. youve been had, you have been bested by a crafty adversary. fear not, however, he has taken mercy on you. perhaps he has seen something in you worth cultivating. dont be so naive as to assume selflessness to be his motivation, surely he sees a way to further his own goals, but there is wisdom in understanding that this is just how the world works.

This is my fight song (hey)Take back my life song (hey)Prove I'm alright song (hey, ha)My power's turned on (hey)Starting right now, I'll be strong (hey)I'll play my fight song (hey)And I don't really care if nobody else believes (ha)'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

for an extra 1 hour and 1 half hour subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises did you know that lary the cable guy has a phd in molecular biology? yeah he is actually super smart and an academic and him making delta farce and the health inspector is like that one woman who makes porn as like a social experiment. i forget her name, i think she is Australian. Happy Huluween everyone, sorry it is a bit late, i was busy

yo whats up playboy? friday? hell yeah. the weekend. time to relax. hey why dont you do something crazy? how bout you pick up your phone and call your like 3rd or 4th favorite friend? just call him out of the blue and talk. just TALK. you never know with these kinds of things. on this episode we dive into the wonderful world of PLOUFF BOOKS. PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF PLOUFF

yeah no my godbrother told me that if you pick kirby and set the cpu to ice climbers and select hyrule castle and leave the game on for 2 months you will unlock oppenheimer. yeah its true, and he is so powerful. you do not want to make him mad. if you pick him the master hand wont even fight you, he just runs away. what is he btw? some guy playing with toys? that seems to be what the intro video is implying. so you are just fighting some guys hand? George Washington Carver didnt invent peanut butter btw, he invented doing the 900 at the xgames.

big shoutout to chinese dr yakub from the western promises discord for providing the bulk of the content for this weeks episode. listen, these guys stick needles into the meat of their testicles and stir up they balls. pulverizing the fruit of their loins to shrink them. this is real folks. MGSV is an incredible game. hey kid, want access to the best discord (lmao) ever made? sub to patreon.com/westernpromies or just ask me i guess too. but the first one please

hey wanna play some socom later? i heard it is just like being in the army. my brother left me his network adapter after going to jail earlier. with the network adapter i can connect my playstation 2 console to the internet and play a variety of supported games with people all over the world. i love my playstation 2 network adapter. for christmas im asking for the playstation 2 network adapter 2. i read in game informer that you can dual wield in it

okay now im serious, subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises.com oh boy we are so back. teratomas, fistulas, kris angel uterus freak, current events, ahmeds big day, Mohamed's Theorem, metal gear solid V, standing on business. this week all three boys are in it to win it and we can see that checkered flag. kept ya waiting huh? also i am on a work field trip and Paris is dealing with a mysterious water situation so we are both on airpods. honestly its is pretty good. Please tell your brothers and sisters about our show.

sorry i cant hear you over $65,000 plus $25 company store credit and gym membership discounts. broke boys dont know. hey kid, ever wanted to know the history of BLACKED? Kept ya waiting, huh? Oh some pagers exploded

its up to everyone now. we have to find Paris. we have spared no expense, we have the top guys on the case and i have no doubt they will crack it. we believe he has absconded with the chaos emeralds and 6 dragon balls. we have no idea what he is going to do but it cant be good. also we would happily spread russian propaganda for a lil piece of that pie please

do not tap the glass, dont touch the poo, look dont touch. everything i just said? NEWSFLASH: its been said before. But do you really understand? Either way listen up, tune in, sit down, and do the work. you ever heard of tool assisted speedrunning? you know Frodo Baggins? you think you know Greg? oh and im sure famous B too? w/e, get real.

look, I know the podcast has been bad, okay? Paris is MIA, my mic broke, and Kevin is chinese. But we are fixing it. We are fixing everything. Paris's disney cruise is on its way back, i got a new mic and we are replacing Kevin with an indigenous queer AFAB Dominican undertale speedrunner. its looking up. its all going up. lets get it. lets get all of it. we can have it. we have nothing to lose but our chains. oh and if ur listening you orange fascist??? enjoy losing to a GIRL! ( ಠ ͜ʖರೃ)

look, we missed a week. i could give you excuses, i could tell you everything that is in my heart, i could spill the beans but It just happened. it happens. jewishcostalelite joins me this week to talk about watches.

patreon.com/westernpromises we are joined by mensallectuals to discuss communal showers, paw paw's ding dong, and joining mensa

look, i know its late, what do you want from me. i was helping a grieving mother with a photoshop request

subscribe to our patreon to support rights patreon.com/westernpromises Ness hitting kirby with a baseball bat the sound of teeth scraping against a cheap fork manipulate all about KINK. KINK what would you do if your strongest desire was to remove your manhood? make an appointment? listen to this. its time.

omg we would love for u to sub to our patreon. patreon.com/westernpromises we are back and done with all public and personal crises. its all smooth sailing from this point forward. we are going to churning it out like you have never seen before this week was all about correct tv placement, OCD, HOECD, BlowCD, Earthbound, being a japanese teenager like me like ive always been and will always be, RFK jr, Donkey Kong Jr, and Junior from the sopranos marry fuck kill, pick now.

wow! an amazing job opportunity just lined up for one of the boys with some schizophrenic lunatic in florida running a scam solar business. will kevin pass the phone interview? will his r*tarded nephew make a mess during the orientation? does this guy have the capability of actually understanding what another human says? only one way to find out... --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

patreon.com/westernpromises for bonus episodes. ur not gonna wanna miss it. the bonus episode we did was really bad last time i uploaded an episode I told myself that this time I would actually write a description of what we discuss but man i really really really dont want to do that. it seems like so much work. but imma be 100 with you, we talk mikey, updates in the mikey miles werlld. we also talk about see this is the problem, i literally do not remember anything we talked about. i wanted to say ritual child grape and the church and jesus sucking medicine out of his apostle's penises but that is in the bonus. wtf did we talk about in this episode. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

thanks for tuning into my show everyone. wow! we have such a good show for you guys. are you pumped up about wrestling?! are you fired up? this is the wrestling show for everyone. get fired up guys, wrestlemania is going on all year until the emperor sheds off his final skin. its gonna be a great year. i do this all for my family --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

bonus episodes and support the show and supportin this whole burger in my mouth: patreon.com/westernpromises oh, and you will get access to the Pisscord :-) wait, ur telling me this episode has lengthy jehovah's witness stories? um okay, next ur gonna say that there is also Greg discussions!? AS IF. next you are going to say some dumb shit like we also talk about Tony G and Wigger DANE??? jajajajaj, whatever you say kid. have fun on the wrong side of history. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

patreon.com/westernpromises okay, its incel time. okay now its royalty free sound effect time okay now its balldo time okay now its late episode time --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

3+bonus episodes a month if you dare: patreon.com/westernpromises oh, and access to the Pisscord AI will replace alcohol in 10 years. soon we wont need to drink 12 beers before approaching the 4 sitting alone at fudruckers. we will just pop in an AI earbud and let the ghost in the machine guide us to hyperborea. dont believe me? really? you dont think that will happen? well, have fun on the wrong side of history CHUD --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

Support the show. kick up. be an earner. i dont want to hear about the economy. patreon.com/westernpromises what if i told you there was a place you could go, right now, today, right where you are sitting, where nothing hurt anymore? no-one laughed at you anymore? people looked up to you, respected you, wanted to be in your presence. no, im not talking about mindfulness, i dont give a FUCK about being 10% happier. im talking about tantric gooning. 6, 7 8, or even 24 hours, of constant pleasure. alone or with friends or family. are you ready? are you ready to become the man you were always meant to be? well put your headphones on and hit the play button, lets get started. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

слушай, я не в этом эпизоде. Я не знаю, что тебе сказать. Я не слушал это, но уверен, что это хорошо. Если вам понравилось, подписывайтесь на наш патреон. Если вам это нравится, тогда обратите пристальное внимание на следующий эпизод. ты узнаешь это, когда услышишь. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

no time, cant edit --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

for 3+ bonus episodes, discord access, and to pay for this one really big door dash order i made recently, subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises woah, college is getting wild now. a bunch of tents and trash and disorder everywhere, what is this, los angeles? just playin. i hope everyone is safe and has a chance to stand up for what they believe in. for me, its installing the hot coffee mod on disney plus. its a little tricky to do but once you have it all configured you can unlock the secret Finding Dory sex mini game. its really sick actually, you get to play as dory and you can swim into the ocean and make love to whatever you want. if someone is good at computers please reach out and help --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

patreon.com/westernpromises Tardigrades (/ˈtɑːrdɪɡreɪdz/),[1] known colloquially as water bears or moss piglets,[2][3][4][5] are a phylum of eight-legged segmented micro-animals.[2][6] They were first described by the German zoologist Johann August Ephraim Goeze in 1773, who called them Kleiner Wasserbär ('little water bear').[7] In 1777, the Italian biologist Lazzaro Spallanzani named them Tardigrada (/tɑːrˈdɪɡrədə/), which means "slow steppers".[8] --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

up to 3 bonus episodes a month!?!?! subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises computer, open lotus notes. computer, start new note. new line. dear computer, this week on my radio we talk about dropping it into third gear going 60 on the beltway and chirping the dang tires. end note. computer, open secret diary file. new entry. dear computer, i am in love with the iranian woman who picks through the trash in front of the del taco. she carries herself with such dignity in spite of her disgusting body and pathetic life. oh diary, i want to ask her to the prom but will she say yes??? ugh, its so hard to be 33. I hope that this summer i get abs and huge tits. computer, log off. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message

it gets better near the end of the episode i think --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/westernpromises/message