Podcasts about divorce busting

Have you tried everything to fix your relationship, but nothing seems to work? Are you torn between staying and giving it one more try, or finally walking away? This week, Andrew talks with renowned couples therapist MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS about how to navigate one of the hardest decisions in a relationship: When is it time to stop trying? Michele is the creator of the “Divorce Busting” approach, which aims to empowers individual to make concrete, positive changes in their relationships—even when their partner isn't on board. Her work is deeply hopeful, but she also understands that sometimes, despite our best efforts, it may be time to let go. Together, Andrew and Michele explore: Coping with different levels of sexual desire in your relationship Why one partner often wants change more than the other Common differences in how men and women communicate Working together in therapy to make the "final call".  Michele Weiner-Davis is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. She is the author of seven books including Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, and The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido. Michele's work has also been featured in The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post and on the BBC.  If You're Looking for More…. You can subscribe to The Meaningful Life (via Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts) and hear a bonus mini-episode every week. Or you can join our Supporters Club on Patreon to also access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests  and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.  This week supporters will hear: How to Get Through to the Man You Love - Without Nagging.  Three Things Michele Weiner-Davis knows to be true.  AND subscribers also access all of our previous bonus content - a rich trove of insight on love, life and meaning created by Andrew and his interviewees. Follow Up Attend Andrew's new men's retreat, Reconnect With Yourself, this autumn in the Brandenberg countryside near Berlin  Get Andrew's free guide to difficult conversations with your partner: How to Tell Your Partner Difficult Things  Visit Michele Weiner Davis's website: Divorce Busting Read some of Michele Weiner Davis's books: Divorce Busting: A Revolutionary and Rapid Program for Staying Together  The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido  Follow Michele Weiner Davis on social media: Facebook: Michele Weiner-Davis X (formerly Twitter): @DivorceBusting Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.  Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall   

Michele Weiner-Davis, LCSW, author and relationship expert bringing couples back from the brink of divorce through her effectively powerful Divorce Busting program.

Turns out, one of the first questions men ask themselves when getting divorced is "WTF do I do now?" This episode helps answer that, along with busting many of the myths around men and divorce. It's different for men and women, but many assumptions are made about how easy it can be for guys because they seem to move on so quickly. It's not true! And in this episode, the founder of WTF Divorce breaks it all down. (Guest: Rob Roseman, Founder, WTF Divorce/www.wtfdivorce.com) Email hello@exexperts.com if you would like to set up a private session with Jessica and T.H. to help with your process! Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @exexperts. SPONSORED BY: Dear Divorce Coach www.deardivorcecoach.com. Check out her course "Co-Parenting: What It Is And How We Do It!" and use code EXEPXERTS for a discount! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/divorceetc/message

I just plowed through Michele Weiner-Davis's awesome book, DIVORCE BUSTING. It reminded me of how much I used to enjoy using Solution Focused Brief Therapy with my therapy clients. It is such a simple but absolutely brilliant mindset shift. It's like a giant shovel that digs out all the thick, stinky piled up muck of complications and negativity to zero directly in on the pinpoint of light shining through your tunnel, so you can make your way toward it as efficiently and effectively as possible. I'm going to share how you can use three magic questions to leverage this type of therapy to transform your marriage. www.bethechangeinyourmarriage.com. https://www.bethechangeinyourmarriage.com/blog “What is Your ‘Wife Style'?” Quiz: https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/61c0e2c4b3f4200018bf41e0 Free Guide and Episode Updates: pages.bethechangeinyourmarriage.com Reference: DIVORCE BUSTING by Michele Weiner-Davis

Welcome to Episode 32 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In Episode 32, The Number One Divorce Secret: It Will Be Better Tomorrow, we talk about the crisis of divorce that almost every single person experience including the strong illusion that your current misery will last forever. Fortunately, it won’t. Divorce is a transition to a new life. But how do you get to that new life? What steps can you take to get out of the misery and get excited about your future? Join us as we help you connect with family, friends, and maybe a new version of yourself that you never knew existed! For more information please visit us a divorceuniversityonline.com. Thank you for listening! Episode 32 Resources: www.divorcebusting.com and book Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis

Notas del Programa patticc.com/s22  Show Notes patticc.com/22 José Juan Valdez, del apostolado Serán los Dos Uno, comparte sobre cómo crear y mantener un ministerio activo para acompañar a los matrimonios. Recursos Recomendados Servicios de Traducciones de Patti’s Catholic Corner patticc.com/services Para programas matrimoniales Serán los Dos Uno   Divorce Busting por Michele Weiner-Davis Sembradores de Semillas […]

Hello and welcome to the Baha’i Blogcast with me your host, Rainn Wilson. In this series of podcasts I interview members of the Baha’i Faith and friends from all over the world about their hearts, and minds, and souls, their spiritual journeys, what they’re interested in, and what makes them tick. In this episode I'm in Chicago again, and I'm joined by my friends Syda Segovia Taylor and Kelsey Taylor, an awesome couple who live here in the Chicago area. Syda works as a consultant in issues relating to social justice and Kelsey owns his own civil engineering company. They are both members of the Baha'i Faith and are passionate about working on issues around social justice and youth empowerment. In this conversation we talk about the work they're doing, issues relating to race, youth, violence, social inequality in the neighbourhood and the lessons they've learned. They also really open up and talk about how they've separated twice within their 21 years of marriage, what that was like, and the hard work they put in to strengthen not only their relationship, but themselves as individuals. I hope you enjoy the conversation as much as I did! To find out more about Syda and Kelsey, and some of the things we covered in this episode, check out the following links: * Syda Segovia Taylor's LinkedIn profile: www.linkedin.com/in/syda-segovia-taylor-m-a-414a4629/ * Kelsey Taylor's LinkedIn profile: www.linkedin.com/in/kelseyataylorcivil/ * Syda's talk on BahaiTeachings.com called ‘Healing the Trauma of Racism and Violence’ can be watched here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikpbv9zSQ74 * Syda talks about her work with Dr. Joy DeGruy (http://joydegruy.com/), who was also a guest on the ‘Baha'i Blogcast with Rainn Wilson’, and you can listen to that episode here: http://bahaiblog.net/site/2017/03/bahai-blogcast-rainn-wilson-episode-10-joy-degruy/ * Syda also mentions Steve Sarowitz, who was also a guest on the ‘Baha'i Blogcast with Rainn Wilson’, and you can listen to that episode here: http://bahaiblog.net/site/2018/05/bahai-blogcast-rainn-wilson-episode-25-steve-sarowitz/ * Syda talks about the work being done by Environmentalists of Color (http://www.eocnetwork.org/), and Sacred Keepers (http://www.sacredkeepers.org/). * I mention the Baha'i gardens in the Holy Land (http://www.ganbahai.org.il/en/), and you may enjoy this visual exploration of the Baha'i gardens in this video called ‘Pathways’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGiXqusyrQ4 * Kelsey talks about his namesake, Curtis Kelsey, whom you can read about here: http://bahaiblog.net/site/2016/11/life-curtis-kelsey/ * I mention my conversation with Stephen Phelps, who was also a guest on the ‘Baha'i Blogcast with Rainn Wilson’, and you can listen to that episode here: http://bahaiblog.net/site/2016/08/bahai-blogcast-rainn-wilson-episode-7-steven-phelps/ * Kelsey talks about the 'Love Bank' model found in therapist Dr. Harley's book ‘Effective Marriage Counseling’ (https://amzn.to/2s8vfgB), and the book ‘Divorce Busting’ (https://amzn.to/2sDseVs) * Kelsey talks about the quotation from the Baha'i Writings: "Not until man is tried doth the pure gold distinctly separate from the dross. Torment is the fire of test wherein the pure gold shineth." -Abdu'l-Baha Be sure to ‘subscribe’ to the Baha’i Blogcast for more episodes on: *YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLePDtgwcyKAQmifUJTw0Kk-hBGL2ZGMJi *iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/bahai%E2%80%A6son/id1127132519 *Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/bahaiblogcast *Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6EnTNdLBTeu4KrA9xFTgQw If you would like to find out more about the Baha'i Faith visit BAHAI.ORG, and for more great Baha'i-inspired content check out BAHAIBLOG.NET. Thanks for listening! -Rainn Wilson

How can you heal your relationship after one of you has had an affair? What does it take to restore trust and come back to a place of mutual love, passion, and understanding? And how do you “affair-proof” your relationship to begin with? In today’s episode, we’re chatting with Michele Weiner Davis, bestselling author of Divorce Busting, and author of the new book Healing from Infidelity, which is meant to be a guidebook for couples who are trying to answer these very questions. Michele’s work draws upon decades of experience and is focused on the strategies that actually work - both for rebuilding your relationship after an affair, and for preventing affairs from happening in the first place. It can be challenging, but the rewards are most often a stronger, more connected relationship than what you had before. Healing from infidelity takes courage: Shame is one of the largest roadblocks to recovery. After infidelity has been discovered, both the betrayed and the unfaithful partners can feel shame, although for different reasons. The unfaithful partner takes on shame around having being dishonest and hurtful, and the betrayed partner takes on shame that they would even consider staying with a partner who cheated. While this shame is worth listening to for any wisdom it holds, you must also hold onto the truth that choosing to work towards repair is anything but cowardly or weak. Acknowledge ways that shame is showing up for you, and choose to work WITH it. Professional help, especially during the crisis stage immediately following the discovery of infidelity can be incredibly helpful in building the tools, and the courage to address your relationship. Note: Seek experienced help! If you choose to go see a therapist, be sure to vet them first. Most therapists do not have training on how to help couples deal with infidelity, and so it is worth asking them beforehand about their level of experience walking couples through infidelity. Also do not hesitate to ask your therapist what percentage of the couples they work with end up positively working things through. Be direct with your questions because you deserve highly skilled professional support! Stronger through the struggle: Whether ultimately you choose to stay in your relationship or not, the work you do now will not be in vain. Many couples share that through confronting what led to the infidelity and tending to what needs rebuilding their relationship became stronger than it had ever been before. Additionally, if you do not stay together, you will both have gained insight and skills that will be invaluable in your personal growth, and future relationships. Immediate and opposite reactions to infidelity: Often, the unfaithful spouse experiences a certain amount of relief when an affair is finally public. This is true because affairs are not all cakes and rainbows. While the affair has likely been fulfilling a need, it also means living a duplicitous life which can be challenging, hard, and guilt producing. Therefore, this partner can feel relieved to be done with the lying and pain associated with living double lives. That said, just when they are exhaling, the betrayed partner is likely at the lowest point in their lives. This discrepancy in the immediate aftermath of a discovery is inevitable, and yet, both partners have to (and this is where professional support is so critical!) begin to take steps towards collaboration and connection, despite the impasse. The process of healing happens in layers, and stages. The healing process is not entirely linear. It is also unique to each person, and each couple. That said, there are three main phases. First is the crisis period in which both partners are experiencing their own and often opposite reactions to the discovery. For one there may be intense shock and for the other long waited for relief. Emotions are often big and overflowing in this stage. During the crisis period the focus is on re-stabilizing through compassionate communication, difficult questions, and deeply honest answers. Allow this phase to take as long as it needs. The second phase is focused on reinventing and rebuilding the relationship. Once there is more emotional equilibrium and safety restored both partners can begin to ask where to go from here. What does creating a strong and healthy future look like? And thirdly, together you take these questions into a phase of commitment: how do we maintain this new strength indefinitely? Getting back to secure ground:  For the betrayed partner, the discovery of an affair leaves them feelings like the entire ground beneath them has shifted, and what they took as reality and stability is no longer. Their trust is often shaken to the core. They begin wondering “How can I even believe anything you say again?”, “how can I even know if you are telling me the truth right now?”. Part of rebuilding trust is through the ability to ask lots and lots and lots of questions.  The betrayed partner will likely be experiencing intense curiosity, and will dig for details to help them process the news. This is an opportunity for the unfaithful spouse to show up compassionately and courageously and share the truth of what happened. That said, the betrayed partner is responsible for their own curiosity. Curiosity and control: People have the insatiable urge to ask questions in order to help make sense of something unfathomable, and to help connect the dots. For betrayed spouses they have often felt a deep sense that something was off- their partner may have been MIA, may have been getting off their laptop or cell phone quickly when they enter the room, etc. Questioning their partner is a way to make sense of what happened, while also an attempt to gain control back. Generally, this question period is especially intense immediately following the discovery period. It is common for couples to have marathon discussions revisiting all the details. During this interrogation phase, both partners have a responsibility in how they engage in these conversations. Helpful or hurtful? If you are the betrayed partner it is understandable that you may be overwhelmed with curiosity, and yet be careful as sometimes asking ALL the questions does not serve you. Slow down enough to notice how you feel after asking a question. Did it help because the fears you were imagining in your head were worse than reality? Or does it leave you feeling more overwhelmed, hopeless, and discouraged? If so, it is important to build strategies to distract yourself. The intensity of this phase will subside, and you do not want to dig yourself into more pain only because you can not control your immediate urges. Make a list of concrete behaviors you can engage in to help you resist asking the harmful questions (take a walk, pray, meditate, play your guitar, call a friend…). That said, when you DO ask questions, it is imperative that you respect your partner’s vulnerability and courage as they work to be transparent with you. Do not use the information to attack them or punish them for their confessions, instead, work inside yourself to cultivate empathy for the effort of love they are committing to you by engaging in these often difficult conversations. This can be a time where it can feel incredibly supportive to have the presence of a third party, such as a couple’s counselor, who can help hold neutral and safe space for these conversations. Hold space for each other’s process and pain. During this initial crisis period it is critical that the unfaithful spouse allow space to really listen to their partner’s feelings, to hear the questions, and to answer without defensiveness. While the unfaithful spouse is processing through their own intense emotions, they need to be present for the anger, rage, hurt, disappointment, sadness, and disillusionment of their partner. If you are doing your best to be transparent, answer questions, and hold your partner’s pain, and they continue to shame and blame you, speak up and let your partner know you cannot give them the honesty they desire and deserve if they are going to threaten you with each thing you share. Neither one of you will benefit from having unsafe conversations. Don’t forget about communications skills 101: These initial conversations are raw, real, and difficult. Use all of the core communications skills in order to create as safe of a container as possible so that you can both show up with empathy, compassion, and the ability to take responsibility for your own escalation patterns. Remember to use “I” statements, especially if you are the betrayed spouse expressing intense emotions. The more raw the conversations, the more emotional traffic control is needed. Do not hesitate at this time to seek professional help. The goal is to create safety enough so that both partners can be heard, seen, and felt without an immediate reaction that leads to either escalation, or shutting down. Finding a balance: In the initial phase of healing there will be a LOT of processing. This might at times feel circular, repetitive, or even two steps forward one back. And this is okay. That said, there becomes a time when what needs to happen is a moving forward into the second and third phase of healing. Knowing when is right to move into this next phase can be another moment of tension in a relationship. The unfaithful spouse might be thinking “how can we heal if we just keep talking about what happened?” while the betrayed spouse may be thinking “how can you not be willing to talk about this for as long as I need?”. The truth is that both are right. How can you come together to bridge this divide? Can you create a planned time to talk and process, while building in more time to focus and put energy into other aspects of your life together? And in what ways can the betrayed spouse take care of their need to process in creative ways? What other outlets can you use, be it a social network, a spiritual practice, etc. to continue moving through ruminating thoughts without being paralyzed by them. Thought Stopping- The ruminating thoughts can become hurtful, and can take on a life of their own. Anything and everything can become a trigger to painful feelings. This is inevitable, and thus it is important to cultivate a plan on how to address it when it occurs. Thought stopping is one way. Thought stopping is just as it sounds. Begin by imagining a place, or a person you feel very safe with. Let this ‘happy place’ expand in your mind- what are the colors, the sights, the smells? Take time to conjure up this image and make it as tangible as possible. Once you feel you can truly access this space in your mind, introduce the thought that has been plaguing you. As soon as you bring that thought up, imagine a BIG RED stop sign and choose to go back to your serene peaceful place. This is not necessarily easy to do at first, but with practice you will see that you CAN change what you focus on. You do have control over where your focus is- and whatever you focus on expands. This is a wonderful and potent way to interrupt a negative thought pattern before it hijacks your autonomic nervous system. By doing this you are teaching your emotional system resiliency, and helping show yourself that you have your own resources to self soothe. This will build confidence often lost on finding out about your partner’s affair as it lets you feel in control again of the most important thing: yourself! An opportunity to learn valuable skills: While healing from infidelity can be an incredibly painful process, it is also a process that provides infinite opportunities for growth that will serve each spouse for many years (and potentially relationships) to come. These lessons include, but by no means are limited to learning how to no longer be the victim, learning to self-regulate and self-soothe, learning to build intimacy during difficulty, and learning to develop iron-clad safety in relationships. These lessons help create a foundation upon which a relationship, or a heart, can withstand future adversity. Remember that the hurt goes with you when you leave, and so any time spent exploring the hows and whys of the infidelity, will only better serve you in the future.That said, time exploring your relationship before you leave is never wasted time! Make decisions during moments of clarity, not crisis: The ultimate roadblock to growth and change however, is hopelessness. It is less about the difference in people’s opinions, values, or backgrounds, nor is it the nature or severity of the problem at hand that makes people throw in the towel, it is hopelessness. Hopelessness, Weiner Davis says, “is the real cancer in marriage”. If you have been trying to get your marriage back on track and you are losing hope, seek professional help before you make any big decisions about your future! A therapist or coach can help hold hope for you while you navigate through the uncertainty of the initial stages of repair, and build the tools to see if your marriage can be saved. Remember- life decisions should not be made in the midst of crisis! Make decisions just for today, and just in an effort to re-regulate and gain the clarity needed to see your options. Becoming intimate again: There are some people who do not have intimacy issues after an affair, in fact, some couple’s describe having incredible sex post infidelity. While this is the case for some, it is not the case for all. It may take a long time to build back the trust needed to feel safe enough being intimate. Try to welcome the process of reconnecting as an opportunity to really get in touch with your and your partner’s needs and desires. Crises like this can crack open long-held taboos and silence around sex, and so, this can become a moment to bring awareness and curiosity to your sex life. Bring it out of the closet! Talk about what feels good! What turns you on? How do you want your partner to initiate sex? Do you want it more experimental? Also talk about triggers and how to support each other when one or both of you becomes disregulated. Most importantly, and throughout the conversations and reconnecting, BE PRESENT. Be present with what is happening in yourself, in your partner, and between the two of you. While you are beginning to piece your physical relationship back together again, it is critical that you set the intention to be as transparent as possible about what is happening internally and externally. Be open to the fact that sex might look different on the other side of an affair- redefine your lovemaking so that it is fulfilling and safe to both of you. Perhaps there are different forms of intimacy and smaller sexual gestures that your partner is craving? Ask, ask, ask, and listen. Final tip to affair-proof your relationship: Wanting to be proactive and build resiliency in your relationship to avoid infidelity? Make sure that your relationship feels like a top life priority! Ask your partner: “what will make you feel like you are the most important thing in my life?” Find out, in concrete terms, what this means to your partner. Does it mean having meaningful conversations? Sex? Regular date nights? Every spouse has a different definition of what makes them feel loved and what specific behaviors makes them see you as being completely dedicated to them and the relationship. Get to know your partner’s desires and needs inside and out, and then absolutely do it! Follow through! Resources: Go to Michele’s website to get the first chapter of the brand new book Healing from Infidelity for free! Read Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage Buy Michele’s brand new book Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting® Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair Learn more about Michele’s work and find more resources on her website Call today to schedule a consultation! 1800-664-2435 Feedback? Questions? You can contact Michele directly at: michele@divorcebusting.com www.neilsattin.com/busting2 Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Michele Weiner Davis. Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out

What do you do when you feel like your relationship is going in the wrong direction? How do you find new things to try when you feel like you’ve tried everything? And what’s possible for you when you’re going it alone - perhaps when your partner already has one foot (or both feet) out the door? On today’s episode, we are chatting with Michele Weiner Davis, author of the bestselling books Divorce Busting, The Sex-Starved Marriage, and The Divorce Remedy. Her solution-focused therapy has helped thousands of couples come back from the brink of separation and divorce to a place of lasting, thriving love. You can’t figure this stuff out by meditating on the top of a mountain. We are not necessarily born with the skills required to have healthy and happy relationships. Instead, we learn by watching our adult caregivers, and for many of us, this means that we did not have great role models or teachers. That said, it is possible to learn these skills, including how to navigate conflict with grace and compassion, how to show tenderness, how to communicate needs lovingly, etc. We learn how to actively love within the context of our relationships- and our relationships are always giving us teaching opportunities. In order to grow from these lessons, it is critical that we pay attention to our roles, patterns, and habits in the relationship. More often than not, one’s relationship patterns will follow them into any subsequent relationship. This may explain why first marriages end 42% of the time, but the rates of divorce for 2nd and 3rd marriages is much much higher. So, be willing to get into the weeds and to learn everything you can about how to have a good, healthy, and loving relationship now! It takes one to tango: Do you feel like you are taking on your relationship alone? That your partner isn’t as interested or willing to ask the hard questions? One big assumption in relationships is that change has to take two people. The truth is that when one person makes changes in a relationship, their partner will change in response. You CAN effect change singlehandedly in a relationship as long as you are willing to take the first steps! You have nothing to lose (and everything to gain) by taking the initiative and trying a new approach to making changes in your relationship- tip the first domino and watch how you can be a catalyst for big shifts. STEPS: These steps are for anyone who wants to turn their relationship around (or simply to feel better): Step 1) Start with a beginner’s mind: Many people have loads of misconceptions about marriage in general, and long-held stories about their own. Often these assumptions and fictions are limiting and debilitating, creating an invisible context that silently stifles the relationship and gets in the way of what is needed to make things better. Get curious and bring awareness to the beliefs you hold about the concept of marriage/partnership, and check in with the stories you may have created about what is possible in your own. Step 2) Know what you want: Many people spend a lot of energy and time cause hunting- meaning they focus on places in their relationship that are no longer working. Try to look concretely at what is working and forward to where you want to be. By identifying specific steps necessary to achieve what you would rather have, you can begin to set goals. These goals should be action-oriented, measurable, and doable. Step 3) Ask for what you want: Once you know your goals, you will be more prepared to lovingly communicate your desire for change to your partner in a way that will likely bring you both closer to what you want, and away from the shame/blame cycle. Asking for change when you have taken the time and energy to identify your own responsibility as well as specific steps forward will mean that your partner will hear a request for change rather than a complaint. Complaints lead to defensiveness and your partner is much less likely to be curious, open, or willing to comply. Be intentional about your timing- trying to have a heart to heart while in the midst of dishes, kids, and chaos is not the time. Find quietude, and preface the conversation with conciliatory and loving statements, such as “I know you don’t mean to do this, and I haven’t been open enough with you about how this has affected me, however I would love to talk about…”. From here, be specific! Ask for what you want and help paint a path forward with concrete action steps. Step 4) Stop going down cheese-less tunnels. Where in your relationship do you find yourself getting stuck over and over? Are you saying and doing the same thing repeatedly? Is there one place your partner really digs in their heels? Bring curiosity to stuck places as these are likely the result of consistent yet ineffective attempts to intervene and fix. Look inward and ask yourself what patterns you may be repeating that have not yet worked. The want to fix can be so strong, and the pain of disappointment or discontentment so great, that we can blind ourselves to how we may actually be exacerbating the conflict or stagnancy. Thankfully, doing something different usually brings enough movement to break free from toxic cycles of behavior, and into creativity and possibility! Step 5) Experiment and Monitor Results:  Begin to experiment. Have a trial and error philosophy- try doing things differently- it almost doesn’t even matter what you do, because anything will be better than what hasn’t been working. Remember that spontaneity is a powerful force in relationships as it breaks patterns and opens new doors that allow for more creativity. What other actions might you be able to take that are different than your status quo? Embrace the idea that it is probably and possible that if you approach things differently, you WILL get different results! Step 6) Take Stock: As you begin to make shifts, keep your eyes open for signs of shifting and change. Do not expect big tectonic plate sized shifts, but rather become keenly aware of microshifts, training yourself to look for small signs. Is there a change in your partner’s tone? Are they asking different questions? Body language shifts? Are they initiating conversation differently? Scale expectations down and look for the baby steps forward. This is not because big shifts are not happening, but rather because the more small shifts you can appreciate and notice, the more encouraged you will feel and this alone will bring new energy and vitality to your relationship! Step 7) Keep the Positive Changes Going: Lasting change has setbacks- the road to positive lasting change is paved with many ups and downs. What separates those who can sustain and grow over time from those that get stuck and resentful is the willingness to take personal responsibility in the context of their relationship. Don’t wait for your partner to come to you. Take personal responsibility for doing what you need to do in the moment to get your relationship back on track on any given day. Positive change buttons: We all know those things that we can say that really gets under our partner’s skin. Those hot button topics or statements that tick them off and totally and immediately send them into defense. Well, this ability to so quickly change the mood can be used in reverse as well! Take time to notice what brings your partner to life and makes them feel good- then begin to incorporate these ‘positive change buttons’ throughout the day! Last resort technique? Do you feel you are in the 11th hour of your relationship? When it feels like all else has failed, the last resort technique helps with skills that work to turn things around, even without the direct support of your spouse. If you feel like you have done everything to save your marriage, but you are losing steam or hope, begin by taking a deep breath and several steps backwards. You want to break the toxic victim/defender dynamic. At this point your partner may be used to being pursued intensely, so try to stop chasing. Turn towards yourself and focus on your own growth- exercise, meditate, find friends, go out, rediscover self-care. By focusing on your own wellbeing you will feel more confident, grounded, and independent, and often, this will not only just make you feel better but it will likely bring your partner closer! This didn’t save my marriage but it did save my life: All of the steps outlined above, including the last resort technique, will help you get grounded into yourself. They connect you with what you hope for in your relationship and your life, and to a greater sense of optimism that comes from a sense of increased clarity and capability. These steps may not necessarily save your relationship, however they will leave you feeling independent, strong, clear and inspired. Resources: Read the Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage   Keep your eyes open for Michele’s newest book Healing from Infidelity available January 2017 Learn more about Michele’s work and find more resources on her website Call today to schedule a consultation! 1800-664-2435 Feedback? Questions? You can contact Michele directly at: michele@divorcebusting.com www.neilsattin.com/busting Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Michele Weiner Davis. Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out