A Time to Sharpen

It's impossible to overestimate the importance of marriage. Sure, some marriages fail, some are toxic, and some are even deadly. Still, there is nothing that has the power to build a person, a church, a community, or a nation like healthy marriages. Thing is, they take work. Lots of hard work, on both sides. A lifetime of hard work buy two people growing closer to each other as they focus on growing closer to God. Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss how to stay married. It might be the hardest thing that any of us ever have to do in our life - but that might make it the most meaningful, rewarding, and impactful thing we ever do as well.

Flu season is almost over, but if you hurry, there's just enough to catch the seasonal bug if you want. You have until the end of May, in case you're interested. There's really a lot to be said for being sick. It forces you to slow down. It teaches you how to be sympathetic towards others when you're well. It jump starts your body's immune system, which needs a good workout every once in a while. Of course, there are a lot of downsides as well. There are the obvious physical aches and pains, but there is also a more hidden (and sometimes sinister) impact that long-term illness can wreak on a family. Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen, as we discuss the ups and downs of being sick. How we care for the boys at the ranch when they come down with something. How we counsel families who are fighting chronic and sometimes deadly diseases. And how, sometimes, God speaks through suffering, or what C.S. Lewis called, “the megaphone of pain

In part two of this special podcast dealing with school bullying, Axel, Brandon and Thomas share thoughts about the bullying problem, along with some simple, proven effective ways to address childhood bullying and some ideas about what could work as well.

Whetstone's Thomas Brown joins Brandon and Axel for the first of a two-part series on the subject of childhood bullying. Once a victim of terrible bullying, Thomas emerged as a three-decades filmmaker, educator, national speaker and consultant on a subject he knows all-too-well. Despite a frightening childhood filled with physical torment and ridicule, Thomas ultimately forgave his tormentors and moved on to a life-long mission, to realistically and creatively address the problem, utilizing his own film creations and a nationally-recognized program that put kids and adults alike, through a powerful and emotional experience.Thomas sums up his feelings about the subject of childhood bullying like this:"Despite the numerous life-shattering school-shootings and youth-suicides that were directly attributed to childhood bullying, this epidemic problem that continues to adversely affect the lives of children and adults world-wide, has yet to shed itself of the notion:Bullying is just a natural part of growing up.Thomas concludes:"The darkest part of history certainly tells us something entirely different, giving strength to this chilling reminder: Those who do not remember the past, are condemned to repeat it.In part one of this episode of "A Time to Sharpen", Thomas shares just a small portion of a childhood filled with fear and in some instances, outright terror, focusing not-so-much on his own life 'then' but his deep concerns for what is happening in the lives of tormented children now, and the terrible path that bullying can sometimes take.

Rules without Relationship = Rebellion. We've said this before on the podcast, but it bears repeating. Whetstone Boys Ranch was founded upon this basic assumption. Rules are necessary, but without a human being to explain, interpret, apply, and at times modify those rules, they become a formula for failure as parents, teachers, and counselors. Just watch any of the hundreds of dystopian television shows and movies that are currently streaming. They all demonstrate that rules can't guarantee happiness. They can't make people be good, and they can't stop people from doing bad things. Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss what we call “Life on Life” ministry (LOL!) as it's practiced here at Whetstone. It's not easy for us to have 1 staff member for every 3 boys, but our boys are worth all the extra effort.

Bad parenting is often compared to snowplows and helicopters. There is a very strong temptation to rescue our kids from their mistakes: swooping in to save the day, or plowing a path so smooth that they never have to struggle.  Every parent is guilty of it to some extent. First because the motivation behind these parenting styles seem so noble. And second, because the line between helping and enabling is the grayest of grays. It's easy to miss because it's hard to see, and because we don't want to admit when we've crossed it.  It's also difficult to go back. Difficult, but not impossible. We can learn from our mistakes.  Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss parenting strategies that avoid these two pitfalls; and if you have fallen into one of these traps, how to get yourself out!

Did you know that the second Friday in January is known as “Quitter's Day?” Studies have shown that by this day each year, 80% of all New Year's Resolutions have been abandoned.  I think one reason for this is that we don't plan for failure. We tend to be overly optimistic about how easy it will be to start exercising or stop spending. Habits are hard to break. That's why they're called habits in the first place.  Mike Tyson famously said that “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” What matters is what we do after getting hit.  Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss getting punched in the face…and how a good dose of reality sauce will actually make us stronger in the end.

Is there anything better than a good holiday tradition? Well, yeah, lots of things I guess. Two good holiday traditions…three good holiday traditions. Seriously though, join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss the 2003, Christmas classic, Elf, starring the great Will Ferrell. It's a tradition for us to watch this one with the boys at the ranch, as well as with our own kids. It's the perfect combination of good clean fun, romance, and for the purposes of this episode, therapy. Elf a surprisingly insightful glimpse into trauma and attachment.  So come with us “past the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then…through the Lincoln Tunnel.” And listen all the way to the end. Otherwise, we'll have to put you on the naughty list.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

What's it like to be the parent of a boy at Whetstone? There is really only one person who can answer that question. You guessed it. It's the parent of a boy at Whetstone.  This week on A Time to Sharpen we have two such parents: JD and Kelly Buss, the mother and father of Joey Buss, one of our recent 2024 graduates. I feel certain that this podcast will be a huge help to parents looking to place their son in a program, parents living apart from their son who is currently in a program, and parents preparing to have their son return from a program.  But it has also been a huge help to Brandon and me as we continue our quest to sharpen this program.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

What's it like to be the parent of a boy at Whetstone? There is really only one person who can answer that question. You guessed it. It's the parent of a boy at Whetstone.  This week on A Time to Sharpen we have two such parents: JD and Kelly Buss, the mother and father of Joey Buss, one of our recent 2024 graduates. I feel certain that this podcast will be a huge help to parents looking to place their son in a program, parents living apart from their son who is currently in a program, and parents preparing to have their son return from a program.  But it has also been a huge help to Brandon and me as we continue our quest to sharpen this program. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

In The Tech Wise Family, author Andy Crouch describes the difference between devices which do our work for us, and tools which allow us to work for ourselves. One contracts, the other expands. One makes us lazy and apathetic, the other pushes us to grow. One forces us to conform; the other helps us to become better versions of ourselves.  At Whetstone, our work program equips boys with useful skills that transfer into their world back home, allowing them to become servants and leaders. You can't just push a button to build a birdhouse, mend a fence, or tend a garden. You have to use your hands. Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss the importance of teaching young people how to do more and more in a culture that worships the art of doing less and less.   --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Movies are a powerful tool. They have the ability to not just change people, but to change the world. The film industry proclaims and celebrates this power every year during Oscar season, up and down the red carpet.  So I've always thought it strange when some of these same people minimize the impact that exposure to profanity, sex, violence, and other unsavoryness has on the public at large. “It's just entertainment,” we're told. “Movies are just a mirror of society,” they say.  Whatever happened to all that talk about changing the world? You can't have your popcorn and eat it too, Hollywood.   Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we dig into how Whetstone harnesses the power of film with Gabe Newell, current headmaster and former clerk at Blockbuster Video. (Remember those days.)  It's hard to be in the world, but not of the world…but films provide us all with an excellent opportunity to do so.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

“Safety first,” the old saying goes. And it's true, it's pretty dumb to ignore safety issues before deciding to do something potentially dangerous. But that doesn't mean that a wise person will never attempt to do anything dangerous in life.  In fact, there are times when not doing a “dangerous” thing is more hazardous to our health. For example, sitting down all day seems like a safe thing to do, but if you're not up and about, potentially tripping over stuff and bumping into things, you're at a higher risk for heart disease, stroke, depression, anxiety, hyper-tension, and more.  Sitting is the new smoking.  Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss the many issues surrounding the safety of our residents, and the many measures we take to ensure that they are not exposed to any unnecessary risk in regard to their physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological health and well-being.   A word of caution: You might want to buckle up. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

What person in their right mind travels 9 hours in a cramped vehicle, with no Buc-ees between there and here, to work for 3 long days in hot, humid, 100 degree weather, battling sawdust, sanders, chainsaws, ticks, and chiggers, expecting nothing in return but the joy of lending a helping hand?  Whetstone volunteers, that's who.  We've hosted 100's of them over the years…probably 1000's…I don't really feel like doing the math, but it's a lot.  Join us this week on “A Time to Sharpen” as we took a short break to interview Kevin and Pam Slack, a power couple who spent a 3-day weekend working here instead of staying on the couch in the air-conditioning and watching the Olympics. Now, don't you feel guilty?  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

In high school, Dennis Rodman was my favorite basketball player. Not because he dyed his hair pink, got married to himself while wearing a wedding dress, and became close personal friends with Kim Jong Un. Not that. Instead, it was because of his amazing hustle and unadulterated passion for the game of basketball. He was also one of the Detroit Piston “Bad Boys” who won back to back championships in 1989 and 1990. (We'll pretend he never went to the Chicago Bulls.)  Dennis Rodman is probably the most unlikely player to ever end up in the Hall of Fame, and it's all because of one skill. Rebounding. He was not the tallest player, or the most skilled. But he did have an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time. And more important, he just wanted the ball more than anyone else, and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it.  On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we will discuss the importance of rebounding with struggling teenagers. Young people take a lot of “low percentage” shots. As their coach, we can either beat them up for doing so, or we can take the Dennis Rodman approach and focus on getting the rebound. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

It's sad to see your kids grow up…but it's more sad if they don't grow up. That's the conclusion I've come to with my four children. It's my job to prepare them for life without me.  But what exactly does this entail? I don't plan on going away anytime soon, but I don't want them calling me up at midnight to ask if they should book the morning or evening flight to Denver. They should be able to make most decisions by themselves. And if they can't, then I have done them a great disservice.   Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we talk with two former residents who have returned to Whetstone as staff. They are many seasons removed from their experience here, but right in the middle of the process of adulting. I think you'll agree, after listening, that they are both wise beyond their years. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

We often get asked about our “success rate,” as if the boys who come here are games on a schedule. People want to know our win/loss record. Is it above .500? Did we make the playoffs? If not, what coaches are we going to fire? What off-season moves are we going to make? And I get it. I can be very results-oriented. But what exactly does it mean to be ‘successful'? Is it something that can be measured? If so, how? Should success be the thing towards which we strive? Or are other things even more important? These are questions that we can ask not just about Whetstone, but about our performance as parents, teachers, and counselors - as spouses, and friends, and employees, and bosses. But who among us wants our worth to be judged by our output - especially when that output is another human being? People aren't products to be manufactured and marketed.   On the other hand, the Bible says that you can judge a tree by its fruit. And Whetstone has served close to 140 families over the last 12 years. That's a lot of fruit. We should be able to demonstrate the program has been successful on some level.  Join us this week, as we talk about the definition of “success.” Or rather, the many different definitions of success. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Sports, sports, sports…and more sports. We can't seem to get enough. We have 24 hour coverage of every athletic competition across the globe. Sports on television, the radio, the internet. Then there is the conversation before, during, and after each individual event. I haven't done the math, but it would probably take a lifetime to consume just one day's coverage of sports around the globe.  For some, this fact is just an annoyance. But for many others, this obsession with sports creeps into our family life. Wins and losses can affect people's moods. Over-involvement in youth sports can have a toxic effect on family life and household finances. Keeping up with the Jones's and the fear of missing out can negatively influence a wide variety of important decisions. On the other hand, there is much to love and to learn from competition and the requisite need for young people to train and to develop self-control, strength, and endurance. Sports can lay a foundation for healthy living that lasts a life-time. Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen, as we discuss the need for balance in the wide world of sports. It's not easy to find a middle ground in a culture that worships professional athletes. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Sir Isaac Newton observed that “an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion…unless acted upon by an outside force.” And while his laws of thermodynamics revolutionized physics, it doesn't take a genius to realize that this is also true in our lives as parents, teachers, and counselors. We tend to stick with the same old strategies we've been using because they are, well, good enough. If it ain't broke don't fix it, right?  That's what makes taking field trips so difficult. They throw us out of our routine. Things go wrong. People behave in unpredictable ways. We often have to revisit our budget, tighten our belt, or sell a few extra things on ebay to make it happen.  On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we're going to offer some encouragement to plan a field trip. Let's get out of our offices, schools, and homes. Let's go do stuff.  And remember, “It's a dangerous business…going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” (Bilbo Baggins) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

You are what you eat. If you eat exclusively chicken nuggets, you'll probably end up looking like a chicken nugget. Literally.  Remember the documentary, Super Size Me? That dude ate only Mcdonald's food for 30 days, and he almost died. It was crazy. Of course, anyone could have told you that was stupid, so I'm not sure why had to risk his life to prove the point that fast food is unhealthy; but it does illustrate the principle of “garbage in, garbage out” quite effectively.  Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we address the importance of treating our bodies like they are the temple of God, and the implications this has when trying to satisfy the bottomless pit stomachs of teenagers.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

What is the “Whetstone Way?” Well, to state the obvious, it's the way we do things at Whetstone. It implies grit, determination, and a commitment to quality in all aspects of the program.  To paraphrase the great Vince Lombardi, it's about chasing perfection, knowing that we will never attain it, while remaining confident that “we shall catch excellence” in the process. To quote another great coach, John Wooden, “if you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it again?”  Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss the many ways this mindset applies to teaching, counseling, and parenting - all of which require that delicate balance of aiming high without shooting over the head.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Mark Twain once said, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”  Join us this week on A Time To Sharpen, as we discuss the importance of our clothing choices. They say a lot, fairly or unfairly, about who we are. This is especially true with teenagers, whose entire identity is sometimes built around name brands. How do we as parents, teachers, and counselors help them to find the balance between dressing like a slob on one hand, and using expensive apparel to disguise their low self-esteem on the other.   Clothing has been a hot button issue since Adam and Eve first draped themselves in animal skins and posted a cute pic on Instagram, so there is quite a bit to talk about.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

In the academic world, we sometimes refer to Art as an “elective,” intentionally or unintentionally implying that it is not necessary. At Whetstone, we believe that nothing is farther from the truth.  From music and film, to painting and poetry, we try to incorporate Art on a weekly if not daily  basis to teach lessons about life and our relationship with the “Creator” or the Universe.  Join us this week on A Time To Sharpen as we shoot the breeze with Alex Ruschi, former mentoring specialist at Whetstone, and current artist extraordinaire! Alex is a gifted sculptor, painter, and maker of many things that defy description. You really have to see them to believe them. There are still many of his pieces hanging on the walls of Whetstone which remind us of the years he poured into the boys here. One part interview and three parts group therapy, I don't think that anyone after listening to this conversation, will hold to the backwards notion that art is optional. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

We've all been stuck in the mud. Even Brandon, with his vast array of man-skills, has found himself up his axles in mud a time or two…or maybe it's just the one time. My point is that it happens to the best of us. There is no shame in getting stuck. It happens to anyone who is out there trying to make things happen.  It's what we do once we're stuck in the mud that matters. Get down on ourselves? Wallow in it? Pretend it's not there? Hit the accelerator as hard as we can in a frustrated and futile attempt to get out? None of these are good approaches to mud, but it's safe to say, we've all given them a shot in one way or another.  Join us this week on a Time to Sharpen as we discuss strategies for getting unstuck with your teenager. And remember, this is a judgment free zone, so don't be embarrassed if you're caked in mud at the moment. It'll wash off, and you'll be back on the road and better aware of how to keep from sliding off.   --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Goals are good. I have nothing against goals.  My dad gives all of his kids, grandkids, and in-laws $100 bucks every time the New Year rolls around for making a set of long term and short term goals. I used to teach my English students how to make SMART goals, and assign them as homework. You might remember we talked about this very thing one year ago. But lately, I've started to think there is something that needs to happen first, before we start jotting down all of our dreams and making what often turns out to be a half-hearted commitment.  We need to make sure our goals are consistent with our values. And identifying what we truly value in life can be a little trickier because the devil likes to trick us into thinking we can serve two masters.  Join us this week on “A Time to Sharpen,” as we rise up to take the 30,000 foot view of things before diving headlong into what could be just meaningless action. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

‘Tis the season to be over-working, over-spending, over-eating…and under-sleeping.  I don't know about you, but I feel like the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is probably the most stressful of the year…with the possible exception of the weeks leading up to April 15th. What does that say about Christmas if the feelings it evokes rival those of falling victim to legalized theft. Throw in the unintended consequences of materialism and entitlement, and you have the recipe for something that tastes nothing like the holiday it was intended to be.  Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss strategies for coping with, overcoming, and even, dare I say, eliminating anything that detracts from the real reason for the season: Celebrating peace on Earth, given to everyone, great and small, through our Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ   --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Fathers and sons. Mother and daughters. For some reason, these relationships seem fraught with conflict. Is this because we would never separate from our parents if the relationship was too good? Maybe.  Is it because the devil knows if he can attack the family at this point, he will do damage to the greatest safeguard against evil known to man? Definitely. That's what I would do if I were the devil.  Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we talk with Gary Tucker (aka “Papa Tuck”) and his son Keaton, who “headlined” at Whetstone's Father Son Retreat last weekend. The four of us will have a frank discussion about failure and success, and in the end (spoiler alert!) we'll all be reminded that God has a plan. And as my father is fond of saying, “You don't have to like it.”  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

During chapel on Thursday mornings at Whetstone, we practice the art of gratitude. We take about 15 minutes to write down 10 things that we are each grateful for, and then we read them out loud. The best ones get transferred to neon colored sticky notes which are then placed upon one of the 5 big white doors that line the schoolroom. We try to focus on the people and relationships in our lives, as well as events that have happened in the last week…because the science of happiness supports this approach. Today, there are over 1,000 of these notes, each one an Ebenezar declaring God's faithfulness to our boys, their families, and our staff through the toughest of times.   On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we'll discuss strategies for increasing joy by practicing thankfulness throughout the year, not just when you've had your fill of feasting and football. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

The word sarcasm is descended from a Greek word which literally means “to strip off the flesh” - as in with a knife, or with one's teeth. It is a violent word.  We don't think of it in these terms nowadays, but perhaps we should. The damage that we inflict on others with our sarcastic language is no less painful. In fact, it might be much more so when we examine the big picture.  Join us this time on A Time to Sharpen as we examine the use and misuse of sarcasm in our work with teenagers. It may seem like they are impervious to the harsh criticism of parents, teachers, and counselors, but nothing could be further from the truth.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Sit up straight. Elbows off the table. Don't chew with your mouth open.  We've heard this advice since we were little, and we've probably passed it on to the next generation. Why? Because table manners are important.  Table manners show respect for other people. They communicate that we care about others and that we are willing to put their interests and comfort before our own.  This is one of the first steps in a young person's moral development. There is a lot of training for life that occurs during dinner.  On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we'll share some tips about how to be proactive with  your family's time around the table and to plant some spiritual seed.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Two little letters: “n” and “o.” They shouldn't be so hard to say, but there are times when it's just so much easier to take the path of least resistance. We grow weary of the struggle.  And teenagers have a way of wearing you down. Am I right, or am I right?  Join us this week on for a friendly discussion about if, when, and how to say “no” to our kids. It ain't easy, but if you don't have this tool in your belt, you'll never build (or repair) your relationship with them.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Have you ever felt that something was “meant to be?” Like that time you opened a pack of baseball cards and there, lying on the very top, was a 1989 Upper Deck Ken Griffey, Jr. rookie card? Maybe the clouds parted and a beam of light encircled the card while angelic music flooded the room.  That card was meant to be yours…until you traded it to your brother for a Billy Ripken error card. Anyways, you get my point. There are times in life when we feel, deep inside, that we meant to do something, meet some person, or end up at some destination.  The two men that Brandon and I spoke to for this podcast were meant to be outdoors. Literally. We talked to Brian and Ben from Meant2BOutdoors, a Christian ministry that “connects people to the outdoors, others, and themselves.” I think that after listening, you might just feel that you were meant to hear their message.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Brandon tells us at the beginning of each podcast that the ensuing conversation will help us to become better teachers, better counselors, better parents…better people. I always like hearing him say it. Because first of all it reminds me of who our intended audience is, and that's important when you're doing a podcast. And second because it reminds me that I am all three. All adults, whether it's their occupation or not, whether they have children of their own or not, serve in each of these capacities at some point to some person. Take youth ministers for example. They are teachers of God's word, counselors to the teens in their group, and parental figures to young people who have either lost a parent or who, for some reason, tend to dismiss the advice that their own parents provide. A wise friend of mind describes the teenage years a black hole that teenagers get sucked into and then have to find their way out of. The voice that calls them back from the abyss is often not the voice of their birth parents. It's the voice of someone like Jeremiah Woodring, youth minister at Pomona Christian Church. That would be oddly specific if we weren't going to talk to Jeremiah right now, but we are…so, yeah…not awkward.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Music is the universal language. It crosses the boundaries of culture, gender, age, and race. It speaks to us before we have the words to understand language; and it continues speaking to us even if we lose this ability in old age.  At Whetstone Boys Ranch, we use music to make meaningful connections to our boys. Among other things, we use it to help them cope with emotions, to teach life lessons, and to challenge assumptions. In a word, we are “intentional” - mainly because it is such a powerful and potentially harmful tool. Join us this week on a Time to Sharpen, as Brandon and I discuss how parents, teachers, and counselors can harness the power of music. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

At least once during a boy's stay at Whetstone, he will return home for an entire week to test out what he has learned about living with his family. As you can imagine, the boys and parents look forward to this time which comes after months of separation. On the other hand, it is a source of much anxiety…for both parties. Will things be any better than they were?  The answer is always yes, and no. Many things have changed to be sure, and distance usually makes the heart grow fonder - but we should expect lots of road bumps, and potholes, and wrong turns on the road to recovery. Our boys, like all teenagers, are prone to pushing boundaries. And their parents, like all parents, are trying their best to stand firm, to bend without breaking.  Join us this week for a discussion of how parenting, teaching, and counseling never go like we plan - and of how often, like in the movie Home Alone, things end up better that way.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

“I feel the need…the need for speed.” This iconic Tom Cruise line in Top Gun accurately describes the drive that many teenagers feel while they work to create space between their parents and themselves. They want   freedom and independence, and they can't get it fast enough. Parents, on the other hand, bear the responsibility of slowing things down by asking important questions about safety, direction, and destination. This process is normal and healthy.  But with adopted children, the need for speed is combined with the urge to constantly “buzz the tower.” They can't seem to resist doing things to make you spill your coffee and then laugh in your face. Why do they do this? Can anything be done to stop it or lessen its frequency or intensity. And what can parents do to cope with this behavior which seems intentional at times, and at other times like the subconscious working out of pain from a past they can't remember.  On this episode of a Time to Sharpen we'll dig into this difficult questions. Sometimes, as the best we hope for is to be a aircraft carrier that's just there…and ready to help them land when they feel the "need" to slow down.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Twice a year, Whetstone Boys Ranch hosts a father-son retreat here in Mountain View, Missouri. Dads travel from all over the country to spend a weekend with their son. They join other dads who work here, along with our counseling team, for a series of guided activities and adventures designed to get everyone talking - talking about expectations, perspectives, frustrations, hopes, and fears. There were many takeaways from this year's retreat, which was led by Matt Foster and Katie Johnston. There were so many in fact, that we'll have to break this into two pods. The first is called “The Myth of Quality Time”... so let's get going.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Summer is coming. The kids are going to be underfoot for the next three months, and there is nowhere to hide. If you home school, you might be thinking, “get on my level,” but for most families the next few weeks can be a very stressful transition. Everyone is excited about vacation and free time, but these things are a double-edged sword. At some point, the lack of structure usually starts to get on everyone's nerves, and the tension starts to climb alongside the temperature. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we'll talk with Thomas Brown, the house supervisor at Whetstone Boys Ranch, about ways to manage all this extra time, including the inevitable complaints about being “bored.” We'll suggest a few “hard-fast flexibles” to help you navigate the often contradictory need for choice and for boundaries. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

God is never not communicating with us. If we can't hear him, it's not His fault. We need to pay closer attention to the signs and signals he unceasingly sends us, taking time to reflect in contemplation and conversation.  On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we will discuss how God speaks to us through our kids, students, or anyone in our care. It behooves us to learn how to listen to what they are telling us through their actions, not just their words. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Elvis. Chuck Berry. The Beatles.   Young people flocked to hear them sing. Boys and girls bought their records by the millions, lined their rooms with posters, and toted lunch boxes with their image to school. Young men dressed like them, moved like them, and wore their hair like them. Young women swooned at their feet.    Corporate America took note. The money-making machine went into high gear and created an entire class of people that didn't really exist before then: the “teenager.” Popular culture has never been the same.    Today there is a huge divide between adults and teenagers – a gap which serves Wallstreet well, but doesn't do much for parents, teachers, and counselors.    Join us as we speak with Jeremy Thompson, executive director and co-founder of Whetstone Boys Ranch, for a discussion about generational conflict, and what we can do make things better, not worse.  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

We've all been the new kid on the block. We all know what it feels like to have “all eyes on you.” You're in a fish bowl, and there is no way out. The faces of people around you are exaggerated by the strange curved glass that distorts your view of them and traps you inside their gaze.  At Whetstone Boys Ranch, we have a boy, or two, or three going through this experience every month, and it's our responsibility to make them feel welcome, loved, seen, and heard.  It's not easy, but we've learned a few tricks along the way, and on this episode of “A Time to Sharpen,” we'd like to share them.   --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/time-to-sharpen/support

Change usually happens slowly. Our minds and our bodies are not capable of handling too much all at once. It's actually kind of unhealthy. Yes, there are baptisms of fire, and God can pull off a ‘road to Damascus moment' any time he desires, but these seem to be the exception. At Whetstone, graduations are a time to publicly celebrate the change that has occurred within a young man over many months. They are also a reminder that whatever change occurs in his future will also take time. It will not all be smooth sailing from now on. But when we live by faith, we inevitably look back and see that God was in charge all along. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we'll talk about this process and celebrate Christ's work in shaping our boys' hearts. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

We cannot underestimate the power of mentors in our lives. None of us has the power of will to make it on our own. We are not strong enough, smart enough, or good-looking enough. When we are teenagers, we THINK we are, but within a few short years (years that don't feel short at the time) most of us realize our own folly. As John Wayne is credited as saying, “Life is hard. It's harder if you're stupid.” At their most basic level, mentors help us to not be stupid. This might seem like a very low standard, but I think most parents will settle for this 9 times out of 10. Those loftier virtues are great, and we should aim our life in their direction, but let's first put some measures in place to keep us from moving in the opposite direction. Mentors are this backstop. They are there to tell us, “Hey, stupid. Stop doing that stupid thing.” And if the relationship is there, we are inclined to listen. Today on A Time to Sharpen, we'll talk with Troy Vetter, executive pastor at Pomona Christian Church here in Missouri. Troy moved to the Show Me State to work at Whetstone in 2013. He was one of our very first “mentoring specialists.” He lived, ate, and breathed with the boys every day for almost 2 years. This is his story. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

A mental note is a lost note. A short pencil is better than a long memory. If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. That last quote is from Zig Ziglar. The first two my dad told me growing up…like…every day. They were drilled into my soul. “You have to write things down,” he'd say, “or it's never gonna happen.” This is backed up by countless studies. I don't know if successful people tend to write things down, or if writing things down makes you successful, but it doesn't really matter which is the chicken and which is the egg – they both taste pretty good when they're cooked and seasoned just right. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we will discuss making SMARTr goals: goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-Bound…and “relationship-oriented.” We added that last letter to the famous acronym, SMART, because none of it matters to parents, teachers, and counselors, if we don't have relationship, does it? Plus, spelling it that way kind of reminded me of Dumb and Dumber. And I really like Dumb and Dumber. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

Timing is everything. This is true in so many areas of life. It's true with hitting a curveball. It's true about making a joke and about offering words of wisdom. It's true about investing in crypto…boy, is it true about investing in crypto! It's also true when considering the right time to send a son or daughter to a therapeutic boarding school. Wait too long, and you'll lose the window that you have to make an impact. Send them too soon, and you risk communicating that you don't care enough to keep trying. Both extremes are dangerous, and it's not like it's better to err on one side than the other. You want the timing to be just right. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, Brandon and I will try to help parents answer the impossibly difficult question about when it's “time” to send a child away from their home to get the help they need. It's a question sent to us by one of our listeners, so we know it's a good one. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

The story of Gideon has some serious ups and downs. He trusts God and then he doesn't. And then he does. And then God decides that Gideon doesn't trust Him enough. So God reduces the size of Gideon's army from 32,000 to 300, “lest Israel” according to the Biblical account, “claim glory for itself…saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.'” It seems that God orchestrates our circumstances at times, so that He will be glorified, not us. He makes it impossible for us to conclude that the goodness in our life results from anything other than his love and grace. The odd thing is that this often appears to us like He is apathetic, negligent, or even cruel. And even though we know this is not the case, we can't help feeling this way. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we are going to discuss some of these feelings. It's a rollercoaster. And if that makes you feel uncomfortable, make you sure to buckle up before pressing play. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

We are born to run. The human body is built for it – it's a biomechanical miracle, allowing all of our muscles, bones, and joints to move in synchronization. Little children can do it all day long without being trained how or told why. As we get older, we become more interested in speed and utility. We see it as a means to end. We compare ourselves to others. Our bodies break down. Eventually, for most, it starts to cause pain. The pure joy of running gets pushed farther and farther from our mind. The Bible says that “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary.” It speaks of running as worship and celebration. When we run, we are doing what we were designed to do. But the devil is good at what he does. He knows how to take something that God created and twist it just enough, lie about it just enough, that we no longer see his design clearly. Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen, for a discussion of how to reclaim the joy of running. And we're not just talking about the physical kind. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

Jehovah Jirah! “The Lord Provides.” People of the book like to say this, sometimes without thinking. It's a nice thought to adorn a coffee mug or a t-shirt. Maybe we have a bumper sticker that proclaims it. Nothing wrong with any of this, but there is a danger that its ubiquity strips it of its power. It can become cliché, and as such, something we can take or leave. But when Abraham was suddenly and miraculously relieved from the responsibility of sacrificing his only son, Isaac, he didn't use it in a way that would fit the context of key-chain. He was profoundly grateful for God's deliverance, and it would dramatically shape the rest of his life, as well as generations to come. The same should be true of parents, teachers, and counselors. We must be dutiful, and professional, and apply best practices, but only God can make the ram emerge from the thicket. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

There's no place like home. Seriously, there is no place like it for tension, and fighting, and feeling like you'll never measure up. Home is not always the healing balm that God intended it to be. At times it is a battlefield, pitting husband against wife, parent against child, brother against sister. There are tangled barbed wire lines we're not supposed to cross, and buried landmines that we know nothing about. It is a feat, some evenings, to even survive the ordeal of dinner. All of us feel this way sometimes. It's normal. There is an ebb and flow to family life that must be taken into account – especially when you feel the water starting to rise above your head. There is a temptation to panic. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, Brandon and I will talk about some of these normal, everyday challenges and share a few strategies for coping with them. We struggle too. And in times like this, we inevitably turn to Will Ferrell for emotional support. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

It's that time of year again. Time to buy new shoes for the kids, and a Trapper Keeper, and a fresh pack of unsharpened pencils…or mechanical pencils if that's how you roll. It's also time to fill in the spreadsheet with data about who needs to be where and when along with what. And time to figure out a way to pay for it all. It's stressful for everyone. And for families that are already struggling, going back to school can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, Brandon and I discuss ways to survive this difficult season and hopefully provide some perspective about it as well. Going back to school can be a teachable moment for us all. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support

The Bible says that “whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.” Maybe that's why we don't take surly teenagers home from the hospital as new parents. Most of us get a few years to learn the ropes through sleep deprivation, and diaper changes, and playdates. We have few years to grow into the role of being responsible for another human being. God usually gives us something small to take care of before entrusting us with something big. At Whetstone Boys Ranch, this verse perfectly expresses our core values of responsibility and honesty. As boys demonstrate these character traits in small things like making their bed, grading their schoolwork, and taking baby steps in therapy, they earn the right to progress in the program. As a faith-based organization dependent on God's providence, we have striven to put his grace to good work, praying that he will bless us with even more in the future. So join Brandon and me for a little while, as we discuss the value of taking care of the small stuff. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/time-to-sharpen/support