I Am The WORST Parent Ever podcast

After multiple freak-outs in the barber’s chair, Nicole’s “Mom Monster” was tired of yelling at her boy. She tried something new: she took off her monster fangs for a minute and took a fresh look at her son from another angle, paying him a different kind of attention. What she found was empathy for a little boy who couldn’t help that he would freak out when he got his hairs cut. The result? A HUGE parenting turnaround. She even later found herself high-fiving and bonding with her son. Robert points out that Nicole connected with her son, partnered with him, using compassion. Compassion can be a useful tool for connecting with loved ones. In today’s episode of 'I Am the Worst Parent Ever Podcast, Robert and Nicole take the topic one step further to ask, “Where's the compassion for ourselves? Why do we always put ourselves last?” In Robert's opinion, self-compassion has the power to combat the fatigue and self-criticism that so many of us feel. Nicole soaks up positive comments. When someone, somewhere (really anywhere) thinks that she is doing something right, she uses it to combat her gnawing feeling that she is messing up her work, her marriage and, most especially, her kids. In his best moments, Robert admits that he feels proud of everything he is doing but confesses that it's quite easy for him to get overwhelmed with the day-to-day, what Nicole helpfully described as “carrying the weight of the world.” When a single effort with her kids goes bust, Nicole feels like her whole day is blown. Any further opportunity for good mothering is shot. She admits that, like most parents, she gets distracted and anxious. And then she gets down on herself. Robert calls Nicole a “paddler” because no matter what is coming down on her head, she just keeps paddling and moving forward. For Nicole’s part she often wonders, “how is Robert doing all that he is doing?” and was surprised to hear that he doesn’t always feel successful: “I don’t feel like I’m juggling well. I know I’m doing the best that I can. But it’s just overwhelming.” In this episode, we work hard to put our finger on the cause for the anxiety Nicole feels and the energy drops that Robert experiences. We are aware that we are doing the best that we can at any given moment, but doing it over and over can still lead to fatigue. Do we care too much? What happens when a parent gets burned out?

After multiple freak-outs in the barber’s chair, Nicole’s “Mom Monster” was tired of yelling at her boy. She tried something new: she took off her monster fangs for a minute and took a fresh look at her son from another angle, paying him a different kind of attention. What she found was empathy for a little boy who couldn’t help that he would freak out when he got his hairs cut. The result? A HUGE parenting turnaround. She even later found herself high-fiving and bonding with her son. Robert points out that Nicole connected with her son, partnered with him, using compassion. Compassion can be a useful tool for connecting with loved ones. In today’s episode of 'I Am the Worst Parent Ever Podcast, Robert and Nicole take the topic one step further to ask, “Where's the compassion for ourselves? Why do we always put ourselves last?” In Robert's opinion, self-compassion has the power to combat the fatigue and self-criticism that so many of us feel. Nicole soaks up positive comments. When someone, somewhere (really anywhere) thinks that she is doing something right, she uses it to combat her gnawing feeling that she is messing up her work, her marriage and, most especially, her kids. In his best moments, Robert admits that he feels proud of everything he is doing but confesses that it's quite easy for him to get overwhelmed with the day-to-day, what Nicole helpfully described as “carrying the weight of the world.” When a single effort with her kids goes bust, Nicole feels like her whole day is blown. Any further opportunity for good mothering is shot. She admits that, like most parents, she gets distracted and anxious. And then she gets down on herself. Robert calls Nicole a “paddler” because no matter what is coming down on her head, she just keeps paddling and moving forward. For Nicole’s part she often wonders, “how is Robert doing all that he is doing?” and was surprised to hear that he doesn’t always feel successful: “I don’t feel like I’m juggling well. I know I’m doing the best that I can. But it’s just overwhelming.” In this episode, we work hard to put our finger on the cause for the anxiety Nicole feels and the energy drops that Robert experiences. We are aware that we are doing the best that we can at any given moment, but doing it over and over can still lead to fatigue. Do we care too much? What happens when a parent gets burned out?

School does SO much for Nicole’s kids. They have figured out how to socialize and love learning. Starting preschool even helped one kid with potty training. When did school become more than the three R’s? We have added so many responsibilities to the school day over the last century (physical ed, computers, foreign languages, science, college prep, sports, drama, music, etc.). Nicole’s youngest asked her, “Why I gotta go to school?” Nicole’s answer, “TO LEARN!” What is school really for? Is it still for teaching reading and math? Is it to learn to get along with others? Is school a place where their kids go so that parents have time to earn money? Does school help parents to ensure a “safe” future? Does that level of safety change when the need for a college degree becomes less necessary in the future? How about teaching manners, to say “please” and “thank you” or how to “play nice with others”? Nicole’s kids’ preschool includes a Manners Class in their curriculum. She likes that school is reinforcing the values and the lessons that she and her husband teach at home. Should schools teach the skills our kids will need to function as independent adults: how to change a tire, balance a checkbook, or fill out a tax form? What do you think? Email us your thoughts at worstparentpod@gmail.com Robert believes that the future of work is going to require a new set of skills than we currently teach in school. Schools are finally considering how to teach “21st century skills” like cooperation, collaboration, and creativity. These are the exact “superpowers” that form the base of Robert’s practice as a Positive Psychologist. In fact, Robert has created the design for a school that centers on these superpowers. He was inspired to find a way to focus on the student’s individual strengths rather than offering kids only what’s “on the menu.” What is your responsibility as a parent? Are you the educational advocate? Where do you need help from school? Tune in to this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast to learn how you can help your kids get good at life.

School does SO much for Nicole’s kids. They have figured out how to socialize and love learning. Starting preschool even helped one kid with potty training. When did school become more than the three R’s? We have added so many responsibilities to the school day over the last century (physical ed, computers, foreign languages, science, college prep, sports, drama, music, etc.). Nicole’s youngest asked her, “Why I gotta go to school?” Nicole’s answer, “TO LEARN!” What is school really for? Is it still for teaching reading and math? Is it to learn to get along with others? Is school a place where their kids go so that parents have time to earn money? Does school help parents to ensure a “safe” future? Does that level of safety change when the need for a college degree becomes less necessary in the future? How about teaching manners, to say “please” and “thank you” or how to “play nice with others”? Nicole’s kids’ preschool includes a Manners Class in their curriculum. She likes that school is reinforcing the values and the lessons that she and her husband teach at home. Should schools teach the skills our kids will need to function as independent adults: how to change a tire, balance a checkbook, or fill out a tax form? What do you think? Email us your thoughts at worstparentpod@gmail.com Robert believes that the future of work is going to require a new set of skills than we currently teach in school. Schools are finally considering how to teach “21st century skills” like cooperation, collaboration, and creativity. These are the exact “superpowers” that form the base of Robert’s practice as a Positive Psychologist. In fact, Robert has created the design for a school that centers on these superpowers. He was inspired to find a way to focus on the student’s individual strengths rather than offering kids only what’s “on the menu.” What is your responsibility as a parent? Are you the educational advocate? Where do you need help from school? Tune in to this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast to learn how you can help your kids get good at life.

The older you are, the wiser you get. Right? Maybe. Or maybe not. When Nicole shared 32 lessons she learned in her first 32 years, it seemed to trigger some “grown ups.” Apparently a 32-year-old talking about life lessons incited her not-yet-fans to say, "You are so young. What could you know and who are you to teach me anything?" On the heels of her widely-shared article and this feedback, Nicole posed these questions to Robert: Can you be too old to learn a lesson? Can you be too young to teach a lesson? Robert repeated something he learned from his friend Jessi Sanfilippo: “It’s hard to be the teacher if you stopped being the student.” In those parenting moments when we believe that we already know everything we need to know, it’s easy to believe that everything we know is "right." In fact, we can track most of our biggest worst-parent-ever moments to that time when we forgot that we are still learning. The culprit? That voice in your head (your inner critic) tweaking your fear that you are messing it all up. There are lots of times on our parenthood journey when we find it hard to listen more than we talk. In those moments, we need to fight that inner critic, dance with our fear, so we can remember who is teaching whom. As two imperfect parents, spouses, entrepreneurs and humans, Robert and Nicole love visiting the “Life Buffet” to fill our plates with the variety of knowledge-nuggets we collect from our local, extended, and virtual communities. We don’t know it all… but we know who does! If you can see everyone within your family nucleus and outside of it as a person with ideas, no matter their age, gender, sexual preference, ethnic background, etc. you are ready to visit the Life Buffet. Just like at the Golden Corral, you take what you find useful and leave the rest. At the Life Buffet, you can say, “no thanks!” Don't enjoy the whole nugget you are offered? Can't find a use for it? No problem, move on. Unlike your local restaurant, at the Life Buffet, you can be courageous enough to offer something of your own and welcome anyone who wants to visit your table. Check out this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast to learn how to deal with the critics that try to bring you down – and your inner critic that can hold you back. Robert and Nicole discuss how to break out and share your authentic self with the world, while remaining open-minded enough to connect with others.

The older you are, the wiser you get. Right? Maybe. Or maybe not. When Nicole shared 32 lessons she learned in her first 32 years, it seemed to trigger some “grown ups.” Apparently a 32-year-old talking about life lessons incited her not-yet-fans to say, "You are so young. What could you know and who are you to teach me anything?" On the heels of her widely-shared article and this feedback, Nicole posed these questions to Robert: Can you be too old to learn a lesson? Can you be too young to teach a lesson? Robert repeated something he learned from his friend Jessi Sanfilippo: “It’s hard to be the teacher if you stopped being the student.” In those parenting moments when we believe that we already know everything we need to know, it’s easy to believe that everything we know is "right." In fact, we can track most of our biggest worst-parent-ever moments to that time when we forgot that we are still learning. The culprit? That voice in your head (your inner critic) tweaking your fear that you are messing it all up. There are lots of times on our parenthood journey when we find it hard to listen more than we talk. In those moments, we need to fight that inner critic, dance with our fear, so we can remember who is teaching whom. As two imperfect parents, spouses, entrepreneurs and humans, Robert and Nicole love visiting the “Life Buffet” to fill our plates with the variety of knowledge-nuggets we collect from our local, extended, and virtual communities. We don’t know it all… but we know who does! If you can see everyone within your family nucleus and outside of it as a person with ideas, no matter their age, gender, sexual preference, ethnic background, etc. you are ready to visit the Life Buffet. Just like at the Golden Corral, you take what you find useful and leave the rest. At the Life Buffet, you can say, “no thanks!” Don't enjoy the whole nugget you are offered? Can't find a use for it? No problem, move on. Unlike your local restaurant, at the Life Buffet, you can be courageous enough to offer something of your own and welcome anyone who wants to visit your table. Check out this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast to learn how to deal with the critics that try to bring you down – and your inner critic that can hold you back. Robert and Nicole discuss how to break out and share your authentic self with the world, while remaining open-minded enough to connect with others.

Laughter may be the best tool a Positive Psychologist like Robert gets to use. He spends his days helping parents laugh more to create the welcoming family environment where kids feel comfortable being themselves. He helps teens interrupt their spiraling worry with a silly memory to “change the channel.” Nicole admits that she probably needs laughter therapy, too. As the at-home parent of three “spirited” children, her days often feel like "riding a wave" that takes her "from intensity… to the brink of insanity… and then to serenity.” All three of her kids have so much personality that they are bursting at the seams! She has learned to “surf that wave” the hard way. In public, it may be harder to deal with a spirited child but let’s face it: It's easier to lose your sh*t inside your own home! It's hard for a parent to feel good when you are engaged in power struggles with your children and are having a hard time seeing them as more than a problem or nuisance.  How can parents learn to ride a strong-ass wave if they don't know how to surf? Should you fear the spirited child? Can you LOVE them just as much as their more demur siblings? Do you secretly, slightly loathe them (even if that’s embarrassing to admit)? What if we view these challenging attributes from another perspective? Might a stubborn child with an "iron will" grow up to trust their intuition more than a people-pleaser? So is being stubborn a good thing or a bad thing? At some point Robert realized that he wanted strong-willed children who can grow up to trust their gut instincts. In this episode of 'I Am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Robert and Nicole tackle the joys and “waves” of raising spirited children and how parents can learn to to laugh more even when little Johnny is bouncing off the walls How do you condition yourself to be your own laugh therapist? Robert has a few suggestions. Check it out.

Laughter may be the best tool a Positive Psychologist like Robert gets to use. He spends his days helping parents laugh more to create the welcoming family environment where kids feel comfortable being themselves. He helps teens interrupt their spiraling worry with a silly memory to “change the channel.” Nicole admits that she probably needs laughter therapy, too. As the at-home parent of three “spirited” children, her days often feel like "riding a wave" that takes her "from intensity… to the brink of insanity… and then to serenity.” All three of her kids have so much personality that they are bursting at the seams! She has learned to “surf that wave” the hard way. In public, it may be harder to deal with a spirited child but let’s face it: It's easier to lose your sh*t inside your own home! It's hard for a parent to feel good when you are engaged in power struggles with your children and are having a hard time seeing them as more than a problem or nuisance.  How can parents learn to ride a strong-ass wave if they don't know how to surf? Should you fear the spirited child? Can you LOVE them just as much as their more demur siblings? Do you secretly, slightly loathe them (even if that’s embarrassing to admit)? What if we view these challenging attributes from another perspective? Might a stubborn child with an "iron will" grow up to trust their intuition more than a people-pleaser? So is being stubborn a good thing or a bad thing? At some point Robert realized that he wanted strong-willed children who can grow up to trust their gut instincts. In this episode of 'I Am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Robert and Nicole tackle the joys and “waves” of raising spirited children and how parents can learn to to laugh more even when little Johnny is bouncing off the walls How do you condition yourself to be your own laugh therapist? Robert has a few suggestions. Check it out.

Nicole is NOT “the fun one” in her house and she’s only half embarrassed to admit it. Robert may not think of himself as the more jovial parent in his home, but he can tell you that his #dadjokes make his kids groan. In most (definitely not all) households, dads get the pleasure and benefit of being the family’s joy-maker. So why are moms so serious? Are we weighed down by the infamous ‘mental load’? Is it fear of outside judgment? Are we fueled by our innate or self-developed anxiety? And what should moms do about it?  In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole discuss how both partners can bring their authentic personalities to the table. That way, their children get to view and feed at the full “life buffet.” A family is like a machine. To work, it needs all its parts. Sure, it would be great to be the fun one, to be able to play all the time, to lose ourselves in the moment with our loved ones. We admire parents who can put their expectations, worries, and fears aside with a presence of mind and a grateful heart. BUT it’s also impressive to be the selfless one who will “take one for the team” even if we are a bit more rigid and schedule-driven. Our children need both of us, the fun one and the not fun one. They will encounter both types of people outside of the home. One day you may be the fun one and the next day you won’t be. Nicole and Robert take solace in knowing that their roles may be fluid. But, guess what? Your children will always need you no matter what.

Nicole is NOT “the fun one” in her house and she’s only half embarrassed to admit it. Robert may not think of himself as the more jovial parent in his home, but he can tell you that his #dadjokes make his kids groan. In most (definitely not all) households, dads get the pleasure and benefit of being the family’s joy-maker. So why are moms so serious? Are we weighed down by the infamous ‘mental load’? Is it fear of outside judgment? Are we fueled by our innate or self-developed anxiety? And what should moms do about it?  In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole discuss how both partners can bring their authentic personalities to the table. That way, their children get to view and feed at the full “life buffet.” A family is like a machine. To work, it needs all its parts. Sure, it would be great to be the fun one, to be able to play all the time, to lose ourselves in the moment with our loved ones. We admire parents who can put their expectations, worries, and fears aside with a presence of mind and a grateful heart. BUT it’s also impressive to be the selfless one who will “take one for the team” even if we are a bit more rigid and schedule-driven. Our children need both of us, the fun one and the not fun one. They will encounter both types of people outside of the home. One day you may be the fun one and the next day you won’t be. Nicole and Robert take solace in knowing that their roles may be fluid. But, guess what? Your children will always need you no matter what.

Where do you see your kids grow up? More often than not, it’s in the rear view of your messy, smelly, overly-kidified dad- or mom-mobile. And, what is it that you see? So much time flippin' past. So much growth happening on the daily. They go from car seat to booster overnight and, soon enough, you’ll be handing your daughter the keys. Milestones pass every day and new ones pop up in their place, mileage markers along the road from childhood to the teen years and beyond. Babies don’t know what markers to reach for but eventually become acutely aware of our expectations for the milestones they should be passing. Tweens start to make their own predictions for what they want to achieve. You start giving up control over the course of their lives. Before you know it, your teen is determined to meet his own milestones. And before they know it, he has teachers, bosses, co-workers, and romantic interests all providing their own list of milestones. How do you adjust to the fact that your kids are growing up? How do you stay engaged as you shift from their driver to co-traveler? You can’t exit the car just because you aren’t driving. No matter what comes, you never feel prepared. It’s about putting in the work every day. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole discuss life transitions and the emotions we work through.

Where do you see your kids grow up? More often than not, it’s in the rear view of your messy, smelly, overly-kidified dad- or mom-mobile. And, what is it that you see? So much time flippin' past. So much growth happening on the daily. They go from car seat to booster overnight and, soon enough, you’ll be handing your daughter the keys. Milestones pass every day and new ones pop up in their place, mileage markers along the road from childhood to the teen years and beyond. Babies don’t know what markers to reach for but eventually become acutely aware of our expectations for the milestones they should be passing. Tweens start to make their own predictions for what they want to achieve. You start giving up control over the course of their lives. Before you know it, your teen is determined to meet his own milestones. And before they know it, he has teachers, bosses, co-workers, and romantic interests all providing their own list of milestones. How do you adjust to the fact that your kids are growing up? How do you stay engaged as you shift from their driver to co-traveler? You can’t exit the car just because you aren’t driving. No matter what comes, you never feel prepared. It’s about putting in the work every day. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole discuss life transitions and the emotions we work through.

Perfectionism -- Is it really your fault? Maybe you’re a perfectionist because you just have too many demands to handle. You don’t do enough to take care of yourself. Who could? You just don’t have the time to achieve “balance.” Nicole admits that she could do more to balance out her perfectionism, like taking up mindfulness or learning to meditate. She looks to people like Robert as an example of someone who uses self-care including meditation to balance his perfectionistic tendencies. For Nicole to be as close to the "perfect" wife, mom, daughter, friend, business owner, etc. as she needs, she admits that she mostly operates in "fake it ‘til you make it" mode. In this episode of 'I Am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Robert and Nicole talk about feeling like imposters themselves. Your lizard brain can get in your way as a parent, a spouse, an employee, etc. and faking it, is merely a way to push through your fear, take risks, and tell your lizard brain, "not today, buddy." The pressure can get insane. You may be asking, what about "winging it" or "flying by the seat of your pants"? Is that the same as "faking it?" Not exactly… Nicole has gone out on a limb with her article, “I Want You to Fake It.” When you pretend to have more energy than you do or to be kinder than you feel, faking it can actually make you more energetic or kind in the moment. Citing Alexander Spradlin’s Psychology Today article “Fake It ‘Til You Make It,” Nicole suggests that successful people hold a “strong belief in themselves that allows them to persist in the face of failure and to keep trying, no matter their level of fear.” These successful individuals “have an internal drive that tells them that they can succeed, that they have the ability to handle whatever comes their way.” There's a difference between faking it and living a lie, and working towards self-improvement and betterment. Can you say with confidence "I believe I am capable of raising a human being"? How can you choose to become that parent?

Perfectionism -- Is it really your fault? Maybe you’re a perfectionist because you just have too many demands to handle. You don’t do enough to take care of yourself. Who could? You just don’t have the time to achieve “balance.” Nicole admits that she could do more to balance out her perfectionism, like taking up mindfulness or learning to meditate. She looks to people like Robert as an example of someone who uses self-care including meditation to balance his perfectionistic tendencies. For Nicole to be as close to the "perfect" wife, mom, daughter, friend, business owner, etc. as she needs, she admits that she mostly operates in "fake it ‘til you make it" mode. In this episode of 'I Am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Robert and Nicole talk about feeling like imposters themselves. Your lizard brain can get in your way as a parent, a spouse, an employee, etc. and faking it, is merely a way to push through your fear, take risks, and tell your lizard brain, "not today, buddy." The pressure can get insane. You may be asking, what about "winging it" or "flying by the seat of your pants"? Is that the same as "faking it?" Not exactly… Nicole has gone out on a limb with her article, “I Want You to Fake It.” When you pretend to have more energy than you do or to be kinder than you feel, faking it can actually make you more energetic or kind in the moment. Citing Alexander Spradlin’s Psychology Today article “Fake It ‘Til You Make It,” Nicole suggests that successful people hold a “strong belief in themselves that allows them to persist in the face of failure and to keep trying, no matter their level of fear.” These successful individuals “have an internal drive that tells them that they can succeed, that they have the ability to handle whatever comes their way.” There's a difference between faking it and living a lie, and working towards self-improvement and betterment. Can you say with confidence "I believe I am capable of raising a human being"? How can you choose to become that parent?

Are you listening? Hello? Is this thing EVEN on?! No one feels like they are being heard and, be it adult to adult, adult to child, or even spouse to spouse, we struggle just as much to listen to what others say. Do we really have a “communication problem” plaguing society today? On this episode of 'I am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Nicole contends that it's natural (maybe innate or developed) for the busy, stressed-out parent to immediately begin to problem solve when someone starts speaking. We flip into “fix it” mode. We get aggressive with our fast-paced thinking, searching desperately for a "problem" to solve. Some of us even create new problems! We drive our “word vehicle” right into the other person’s lane, forcing them to stop or veer off the road. We leave them feeling utterly displaced. When we are in “fix it” mode, how do we stop OUR wheels from turning? So what can you do?  SLOW DOWN. What? Can't slow down?  Then merely decrease your brain and physical speed as much as reasonably possible. Look your conversation partner in the eye. It's hard to ignore someone and their words when you are visibly and literal eye-to-eye engaged with them. Listen (pun intended), listening is a balancing game. Try to mimic the listening behavior that you want to receive when you hold the verbal floor.

Are you listening? Hello? Is this thing EVEN on?! No one feels like they are being heard and, be it adult to adult, adult to child, or even spouse to spouse, we struggle just as much to listen to what others say. Do we really have a “communication problem” plaguing society today? On this episode of 'I am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Nicole contends that it's natural (maybe innate or developed) for the busy, stressed-out parent to immediately begin to problem solve when someone starts speaking. We flip into “fix it” mode. We get aggressive with our fast-paced thinking, searching desperately for a "problem" to solve. Some of us even create new problems! We drive our “word vehicle” right into the other person’s lane, forcing them to stop or veer off the road. We leave them feeling utterly displaced. When we are in “fix it” mode, how do we stop OUR wheels from turning? So what can you do?  SLOW DOWN. What? Can't slow down?  Then merely decrease your brain and physical speed as much as reasonably possible. Look your conversation partner in the eye. It's hard to ignore someone and their words when you are visibly and literal eye-to-eye engaged with them. Listen (pun intended), listening is a balancing game. Try to mimic the listening behavior that you want to receive when you hold the verbal floor.

What do you say to the child that loves to dance, but is visibly exhausted by the end of a long week of practice? What do you say to the child that wants to do nothing but sit on the couch and watch TV or play on their iPad? Does running from activity to activity make them fussy and standoffish? Will they have enough physical and brain power to complete their homework? You can’t ignore YOUR time and mental needs, either. Will running from activity to activity affect your work productivity or make you a constant grump? Overscheduling CAN work for you, and it CAN work for your child. Overscheduling can also be utterly detrimental to your mental state and piss your child off. If you wonder whether you are overscheduling your children, here’s a little quiz: I HAVE to push my children when they are young: (a) to teach them a work ethic. (b) to help them find passion and drive and encourage success later in life. (c) to zap away any fun and interrupt their organic learning and growth. (d) because it’s what everyone else is doing and I’m scared that I’m messing my kids up if I don’t expose them to everything NOW. In this episode of 'I am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Robert shares why “ignoring sunk costs" can help you put these decisions into perspective. Imagine your daughter wants to quit after one half-tried day of Karate but you just dropped $100 for a month of lessons. Is this time to teach a lesson about “why we keep our commitments”? Are you driven by the prospect of throwing away your hard-earned $100? Or what is best for your child? If you invest your time and energy (and money!) but the situation changes, ignoring sunk costs allows you to make the NEXT decision based on where you are NOW, not because you “owe” anything to some previous decision. Those costs are already sunk! Think hard about whose needs you serve when you decide whether or not to push your child. Robert and Nicole admit to struggle to balance their desire to breed, raise, and develop well-rounded, experienced, driven children while still allowing them to develop their interests and sort out their passions organically.  What if we listened more and involved our kids in these decisions? What would happen if we flipped the script to follow their self-developed plan? And then there’s the GUILT! Is there really a better and WORSE way to decide how to handle these situations with their children? Are you actually, truly, possibly THE WORST PARENT EVER? (hint: that’s the guilt talking) Each child actually IS unique. How you operate your home and how busy or unbusy your family is up to you. It’s just about making decisions (on purpose when you can). You are being ENTIRELY appropriate.  When you push your children at a healthy level -- which is a different level for every child -- and you listen to your heart AND YOUR CHILD and work together through any daunting expectations, real or fabricated fears, you really ARE supporting their personal growth. Now go out there and get busy (or don't). It's entirely up to you and your loved ones. These are big decisions but that’s why you’re getting paid the big bucks (haha). There is no wrong answer here if you are operating with everyone's best interest at heart.

What do you say to the child that loves to dance, but is visibly exhausted by the end of a long week of practice? What do you say to the child that wants to do nothing but sit on the couch and watch TV or play on their iPad? Does running from activity to activity make them fussy and standoffish? Will they have enough physical and brain power to complete their homework? You can’t ignore YOUR time and mental needs, either. Will running from activity to activity affect your work productivity or make you a constant grump? Overscheduling CAN work for you, and it CAN work for your child. Overscheduling can also be utterly detrimental to your mental state and piss your child off. If you wonder whether you are overscheduling your children, here’s a little quiz: I HAVE to push my children when they are young: (a) to teach them a work ethic. (b) to help them find passion and drive and encourage success later in life. (c) to zap away any fun and interrupt their organic learning and growth. (d) because it’s what everyone else is doing and I’m scared that I’m messing my kids up if I don’t expose them to everything NOW. In this episode of 'I am the Worst Parent Ever' podcast, Robert shares why “ignoring sunk costs" can help you put these decisions into perspective. Imagine your daughter wants to quit after one half-tried day of Karate but you just dropped $100 for a month of lessons. Is this time to teach a lesson about “why we keep our commitments”? Are you driven by the prospect of throwing away your hard-earned $100? Or what is best for your child? If you invest your time and energy (and money!) but the situation changes, ignoring sunk costs allows you to make the NEXT decision based on where you are NOW, not because you “owe” anything to some previous decision. Those costs are already sunk! Think hard about whose needs you serve when you decide whether or not to push your child. Robert and Nicole admit to struggle to balance their desire to breed, raise, and develop well-rounded, experienced, driven children while still allowing them to develop their interests and sort out their passions organically.  What if we listened more and involved our kids in these decisions? What would happen if we flipped the script to follow their self-developed plan? And then there’s the GUILT! Is there really a better and WORSE way to decide how to handle these situations with their children? Are you actually, truly, possibly THE WORST PARENT EVER? (hint: that’s the guilt talking) Each child actually IS unique. How you operate your home and how busy or unbusy your family is up to you. It’s just about making decisions (on purpose when you can). You are being ENTIRELY appropriate.  When you push your children at a healthy level -- which is a different level for every child -- and you listen to your heart AND YOUR CHILD and work together through any daunting expectations, real or fabricated fears, you really ARE supporting their personal growth. Now go out there and get busy (or don't). It's entirely up to you and your loved ones. These are big decisions but that’s why you’re getting paid the big bucks (haha). There is no wrong answer here if you are operating with everyone's best interest at heart.

We spend our days chasing it, running from it, and fearing it. Perfection. We are driven to be flawless (how dare we attempt anything less?!) in how we present ourselves, how we treat others, how we raise our kids, and how we perform at work. Ahh Perfection! The Holy Grail of parenting, marriage, and self. It’s a crock! Perfection is a fudgin' fallacy. NEWSFLASH: Perfection is unachievable and, when you do get close, you will discover that it's nothing worth writing home about. Being perfect actually makes you boring. Has anyone ever told you how "perfect" your home looks? How you have the seemingly "perfect" marriage? And those kids of yours! Though I am sure you hear this much left often, they just behave so "perfectly" all of the time. Bahahaha. No. Parents who never mess up don't exist, but parents who show up, mess up, apologize, and show up AGAIN actually promote stability (and teach their children resilience) even when they feel they are contributing to the chaos. When parents take the time to own their own mishaps, to explain moments of imperfection -- theirs, yours, or one in their immediate or extended environment -- we are laying down layers and layers in their foundation. Second NEWSFLASH: the key is being well-rounded and being someone who wants to be better because they simply want to be better; not for fame, not for success, and not for recognition. And, maybe, just maybe, the most perfect of parents are the ones that are raising their children in that same light. In this episode of 'I am the Worst Parent Ever' Podcast, Robert and Nicole ask if our perfectionist tendencies rub-off or get passed-down to our children? Is perfectionism a negative quality or the character trait of the successful? Listen in to be reminded that children are innately forgiving, but how they also imitate what is exemplified for them.

We spend our days chasing it, running from it, and fearing it. Perfection. We are driven to be flawless (how dare we attempt anything less?!) in how we present ourselves, how we treat others, how we raise our kids, and how we perform at work. Ahh Perfection! The Holy Grail of parenting, marriage, and self. It’s a crock! Perfection is a fudgin' fallacy. NEWSFLASH: Perfection is unachievable and, when you do get close, you will discover that it's nothing worth writing home about. Being perfect actually makes you boring. Has anyone ever told you how "perfect" your home looks? How you have the seemingly "perfect" marriage? And those kids of yours! Though I am sure you hear this much left often, they just behave so "perfectly" all of the time. Bahahaha. No. Parents who never mess up don't exist, but parents who show up, mess up, apologize, and show up AGAIN actually promote stability (and teach their children resilience) even when they feel they are contributing to the chaos. When parents take the time to own their own mishaps, to explain moments of imperfection -- theirs, yours, or one in their immediate or extended environment -- we are laying down layers and layers in their foundation. Second NEWSFLASH: the key is being well-rounded and being someone who wants to be better because they simply want to be better; not for fame, not for success, and not for recognition. And, maybe, just maybe, the most perfect of parents are the ones that are raising their children in that same light. In this episode of 'I am the Worst Parent Ever' Podcast, Robert and Nicole ask if our perfectionist tendencies rub-off or get passed-down to our children? Is perfectionism a negative quality or the character trait of the successful? Listen in to be reminded that children are innately forgiving, but how they also imitate what is exemplified for them.

Marshall Swift’s simple declaration stopped me in my tracks. It was one of those slow-motion moments that hit extra-hard because I was feeling lower than low. "You should talk more. You have great ideas" was the knockout statement that I (Robert) received from my professor during my training in psychology. I admit that I was blindsided by this educator's comment. I really didn’t know what to make of it.  Have you ever received a compliment or encouragement that you couldn’t just brush off? (Robert is proud to share the full story in his recent TEDx talk, ‘Embrace Your Superpowers’) How do you express how awesome your child is and how much faith you have in their brilliance? Sharing your pride or saying "I love you" is awesome, but it's overused and sometimes lacks luster. "Good job" is nice, but who wants to merely be doing "good"? How would you tell your daughter (or son) that her words, perspective, feelings, and opinions really MATTER, that you believe that she has greatness to contribute to this world? Try getting more curious. Ask questions. Then try, "You should talk more. You have great ideas." We cannot think of an expression that would be more effective. When someone takes the time to go beyond surface-level kindness jargon, it makes a difference. You can make that person feel like they matter. You can be a huge motivator, and it can benefit you and the receiver of the encouraging remark. For a very long time, as Robert shares in his TEDx talk, he hid his voice instead of finding it and using it, as so many of us did (or still do).  Nicole also talks about finding and using your voice. In fact, she wrote an article, ‘Dear Little Girl with the Smart Mouth,’ to encourage young girls and all children to learn and abide by 'smart mouth' rules such as spreading kindness, not hate or negativity, always speaking the truth, being mindful before you speak, never allowing yourself to be silenced by someone else’s voice and many others. Ask yourself these questions (even when you are speaking with other adults): Are you and your children on the same channel? Are you listening as much as you are talking?  In this episode of the ‘I Am the Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert suggests strategies for encouraging an engaged conversation partner, be it another adult or your pint-sized offspring. Listen in to hear Robert’s and Nicole’s take on how and why adults must find and use their voice and how to raise children who know how to speak up, banter, and listen.

Marshall Swift’s simple declaration stopped me in my tracks. It was one of those slow-motion moments that hit extra-hard because I was feeling lower than low. "You should talk more. You have great ideas" was the knockout statement that I (Robert) received from my professor during my training in psychology. I admit that I was blindsided by this educator's comment. I really didn’t know what to make of it.  Have you ever received a compliment or encouragement that you couldn’t just brush off? (Robert is proud to share the full story in his recent TEDx talk, ‘Embrace Your Superpowers’) How do you express how awesome your child is and how much faith you have in their brilliance? Sharing your pride or saying "I love you" is awesome, but it's overused and sometimes lacks luster. "Good job" is nice, but who wants to merely be doing "good"? How would you tell your daughter (or son) that her words, perspective, feelings, and opinions really MATTER, that you believe that she has greatness to contribute to this world? Try getting more curious. Ask questions. Then try, "You should talk more. You have great ideas." We cannot think of an expression that would be more effective. When someone takes the time to go beyond surface-level kindness jargon, it makes a difference. You can make that person feel like they matter. You can be a huge motivator, and it can benefit you and the receiver of the encouraging remark. For a very long time, as Robert shares in his TEDx talk, he hid his voice instead of finding it and using it, as so many of us did (or still do).  Nicole also talks about finding and using your voice. In fact, she wrote an article, ‘Dear Little Girl with the Smart Mouth,’ to encourage young girls and all children to learn and abide by 'smart mouth' rules such as spreading kindness, not hate or negativity, always speaking the truth, being mindful before you speak, never allowing yourself to be silenced by someone else’s voice and many others. Ask yourself these questions (even when you are speaking with other adults): Are you and your children on the same channel? Are you listening as much as you are talking?  In this episode of the ‘I Am the Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert suggests strategies for encouraging an engaged conversation partner, be it another adult or your pint-sized offspring. Listen in to hear Robert’s and Nicole’s take on how and why adults must find and use their voice and how to raise children who know how to speak up, banter, and listen.

You’ll never hear Nicole raise her voice to her kids… at least not when they’re out shopping at Publix! Does she yell at home sometimes? Sure, but not out in public. If we can’t keep our composure across different settings, why do we expect our kids to be as good at home as they are at school? Their teacher says, “She’s so helpful.” We pick them up from playdates to hear, “Your kids are SO polite!” They MUST use up all their character strengths of kindness and helpfulness during the school day because once they get in the car or cross the threshold of our home, they flip into Crazy Mode. All that good behavior and politeness is LONG GONE. Was it an act? Did they use it all up? Where did it go? Nicole is careful not to criticize the kid but chooses instead to label the behavior. She admits that she is quick to blame herself: “Before I became a parent, I just never realized how much MY behavior and My actions affected my kids.” She knows that each of her kids want and need AND DESERVE her full attention. But there is only one of her at any given moment. She can’t give them all the love and attention they need. She and Robert both know that a mom’s and dad’s behavior is a determining factor in how their kids behave. But it is NOT the CAUSE. Kids are still their own agents, makers of their own decisions, drivers of their own actions. So she thinks like a teacher. She restates the rules at home, she creates more structure, and she sets up incentives like the ones her kids get at school. But nothing really changes. When none of that works, Nicole repeats her favorite mantra: “This, too, shall pass.” In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, listen in to hear how you can get some outside perspective that can help you influence your kids’ behavior. Take a step back and don’t let it make you crazy. That way you can begin see what your kids’ behavior looks like through their eyes. If you can meet them where they are, you have a much better chance of guiding change.

You’ll never hear Nicole raise her voice to her kids… at least not when they’re out shopping at Publix! Does she yell at home sometimes? Sure, but not out in public. If we can’t keep our composure across different settings, why do we expect our kids to be as good at home as they are at school? Their teacher says, “She’s so helpful.” We pick them up from playdates to hear, “Your kids are SO polite!” They MUST use up all their character strengths of kindness and helpfulness during the school day because once they get in the car or cross the threshold of our home, they flip into Crazy Mode. All that good behavior and politeness is LONG GONE. Was it an act? Did they use it all up? Where did it go? Nicole is careful not to criticize the kid but chooses instead to label the behavior. She admits that she is quick to blame herself: “Before I became a parent, I just never realized how much MY behavior and My actions affected my kids.” She knows that each of her kids want and need AND DESERVE her full attention. But there is only one of her at any given moment. She can’t give them all the love and attention they need. She and Robert both know that a mom’s and dad’s behavior is a determining factor in how their kids behave. But it is NOT the CAUSE. Kids are still their own agents, makers of their own decisions, drivers of their own actions. So she thinks like a teacher. She restates the rules at home, she creates more structure, and she sets up incentives like the ones her kids get at school. But nothing really changes. When none of that works, Nicole repeats her favorite mantra: “This, too, shall pass.” In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, listen in to hear how you can get some outside perspective that can help you influence your kids’ behavior. Take a step back and don’t let it make you crazy. That way you can begin see what your kids’ behavior looks like through their eyes. If you can meet them where they are, you have a much better chance of guiding change.

Moms aren’t the only ones teaching our kids to be sassy. Dads can lay on the sarcasm pretty thick. Well, maybe not all dads, but quite a few. Robert suggests that sarcasm is just "negativity and joking come out sideways." So does that make it wrong to use in front of our children? Nicole's husband is very sarcastic, inspiring her to write an article about "the sarcastic parent" where she raised the question “Is appropriate for parents to use sarcasm in the home?” Our conclusion: While we absolutely do not believe sarcasm should be eliminated from the home environment, you must make sure that you dole it out in an age-appropriate way for your offspring. You are also required to show up when your kids have questions to explain and expand on your quips (yes, even if it “ruins the joke”). Nicole and Robert agree that the ability to banter and engage all kinds of people in dialogue is an essential life skill for the young people we all are raising. What better way for kids to practice their social bantering skills than in the home with their parents? In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole go even further to discuss how storytelling is a super-effective way to help children learn. BUT -- think about yourself -- do you want to listen to a boring story or one laced with humor and different tones? Write in to let us know at worstparentpod@gmail.com.

Moms aren’t the only ones teaching our kids to be sassy. Dads can lay on the sarcasm pretty thick. Well, maybe not all dads, but quite a few. Robert suggests that sarcasm is just "negativity and joking come out sideways." So does that make it wrong to use in front of our children? Nicole's husband is very sarcastic, inspiring her to write an article about "the sarcastic parent" where she raised the question “Is appropriate for parents to use sarcasm in the home?” Our conclusion: While we absolutely do not believe sarcasm should be eliminated from the home environment, you must make sure that you dole it out in an age-appropriate way for your offspring. You are also required to show up when your kids have questions to explain and expand on your quips (yes, even if it “ruins the joke”). Nicole and Robert agree that the ability to banter and engage all kinds of people in dialogue is an essential life skill for the young people we all are raising. What better way for kids to practice their social bantering skills than in the home with their parents? In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole go even further to discuss how storytelling is a super-effective way to help children learn. BUT -- think about yourself -- do you want to listen to a boring story or one laced with humor and different tones? Write in to let us know at worstparentpod@gmail.com.

Are you responsible for the house, the errands, the kids, the finances, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning? If you hear one more person brag about their daily morning yoga and meditation and lemon water, do you want to mail them 500 lemons out of spite? “I have no time” IS Nicole's anthem. When she makes her plea for time, it bugs the crap out of her husband. He thinks she wastes time worrying. If she would just calm her anxiety the f**k down (of course, he says it much nicer) and block her time better, he thinks that she would easily find time for #allthethings. Let’s be honest here. Every day, as easily as pouring a glass of wine, we fill 20 minutes with Pinterest, Netflix, gossip, or social media. With a little effort, we could also find 20 minutes for exercise, mindfulness, reading a book, swimming, or taking a walk -- whatever we desire. If you are the over-busy parent who finally feels like she has built a system for getting s**t done that works, you might protest, “now you want me to throw a wrench and break the whole damn thing?!” It’s super difficult for any of us to switch our familiar routine for a new one, even if we know it will help us do the right things. Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE NO TIME!! In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole discuss the ways we have control of our time and the ways we don't.

Are you responsible for the house, the errands, the kids, the finances, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning? If you hear one more person brag about their daily morning yoga and meditation and lemon water, do you want to mail them 500 lemons out of spite? “I have no time” IS Nicole's anthem. When she makes her plea for time, it bugs the crap out of her husband. He thinks she wastes time worrying. If she would just calm her anxiety the f**k down (of course, he says it much nicer) and block her time better, he thinks that she would easily find time for #allthethings. Let’s be honest here. Every day, as easily as pouring a glass of wine, we fill 20 minutes with Pinterest, Netflix, gossip, or social media. With a little effort, we could also find 20 minutes for exercise, mindfulness, reading a book, swimming, or taking a walk -- whatever we desire. If you are the over-busy parent who finally feels like she has built a system for getting s**t done that works, you might protest, “now you want me to throw a wrench and break the whole damn thing?!” It’s super difficult for any of us to switch our familiar routine for a new one, even if we know it will help us do the right things. Why? BECAUSE WE HAVE NO TIME!! In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole discuss the ways we have control of our time and the ways we don't.

Why is it SO HARD to say you’re sorry? Nicole admits that she’s miserly with her apologies towards those she loves, specifically her children and her husband. However, she goes almost overboard with asking forgiveness from friends and acquaintances, even strangers. Sometimes it takes all of her energy to dole out a “sorry" but it flows freely from her tongue like a reflex to TOTAL strangers, even when there is NOTHING to be forgiven! Strange, right? How often do you apologize and how easily does it come for you? Are you ever #sorrynotsorry? Does it depend on the person whom you are giving your expression of remorse? Robert and Nicole believe it is uber-important for our children, and us parents, to know how to say “sorry” in a way that restores and repairs the relationship. Even though she struggles with apologizing to those who deserve it, Nicole regularly expects her children to say “sorry” be it on their own, or on her command. According to Nicole, “we can’t let our kiddos off the hook for negative behavior, right?” But… is her goal to make her kids feel guilty or to teach them about empathy? Does apologizing mean that one person is right and the other is wrong? When you apologize, is it to rid yourself of guilt or is it freeing to give yourself compassion for a misstep? In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole explore when saying “sorry” feels like a negotiation, why apologizing makes us feel weak, and discuss how we can set a bad example for our children when we struggle with apologies. Robert and Nicole are SO SORRY (not sorry) for leaving you wondering what else we discussed in this podcast, but invite you to check out the rest of our conversation at the link below.

Why is it SO HARD to say you’re sorry? Nicole admits that she’s miserly with her apologies towards those she loves, specifically her children and her husband. However, she goes almost overboard with asking forgiveness from friends and acquaintances, even strangers. Sometimes it takes all of her energy to dole out a “sorry" but it flows freely from her tongue like a reflex to TOTAL strangers, even when there is NOTHING to be forgiven! Strange, right? How often do you apologize and how easily does it come for you? Are you ever #sorrynotsorry? Does it depend on the person whom you are giving your expression of remorse? Robert and Nicole believe it is uber-important for our children, and us parents, to know how to say “sorry” in a way that restores and repairs the relationship. Even though she struggles with apologizing to those who deserve it, Nicole regularly expects her children to say “sorry” be it on their own, or on her command. According to Nicole, “we can’t let our kiddos off the hook for negative behavior, right?” But… is her goal to make her kids feel guilty or to teach them about empathy? Does apologizing mean that one person is right and the other is wrong? When you apologize, is it to rid yourself of guilt or is it freeing to give yourself compassion for a misstep? In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole explore when saying “sorry” feels like a negotiation, why apologizing makes us feel weak, and discuss how we can set a bad example for our children when we struggle with apologies. Robert and Nicole are SO SORRY (not sorry) for leaving you wondering what else we discussed in this podcast, but invite you to check out the rest of our conversation at the link below.

How much of the news should your kids see? How do you explain topics like terrorism, mass shootings, politics, healthcare, and mental health to your kids? Not to mention religion and sex! Your answer probably depends upon your core beliefs and the age and intellectual development of your child. When you are ready to draw the curtain back on the outside world, no matter how old your child is, how do you do it WITHOUT imparting (or worse forcing) your opinion upon them? Or maybe your goal is to raise your children with certain convictions and encourage them to keep this mindset throughout their life. Robert warns that we aren’t raising robots. Consider this: it seems like every adult he knows with a strong opinion or belief is living in contrast to the way they were raised. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole agree that before you decide to talk about the tough topics plaguing humanity and the world, we all need to take into consideration the age, intellectual development, and the personality of our kids. However, we play an important role in guiding our kids to take in the right amount of information and helping them process it all. When children begin contemplating these issues on their own, kids often begin with a black-or-white, all-or-nothing perspective. Our role as parents, according to Nicole and Robert, is to gently draw their attention to the gray area. Robert can’t get enough of the political news while Nicole professes a policy of “disengage to engage.” She sees so much “gray area” (and too many people who refuse to acknowledge it) so she shields her kids from the news… and shields her own eyes and ears as well. In other words, Nicole listens more than she talks, which is a super tough skill to master. But, guess what? Some wouldn’t see the value here and criticize Nicole and the quiet, “less vocal ones” as being part of the problem. Nicole struggles with that. How are you handling sensitive communications with your kids? Tell us your story or ask your question at worstparentpod@gmail.com

How much of the news should your kids see? How do you explain topics like terrorism, mass shootings, politics, healthcare, and mental health to your kids? Not to mention religion and sex! Your answer probably depends upon your core beliefs and the age and intellectual development of your child. When you are ready to draw the curtain back on the outside world, no matter how old your child is, how do you do it WITHOUT imparting (or worse forcing) your opinion upon them? Or maybe your goal is to raise your children with certain convictions and encourage them to keep this mindset throughout their life. Robert warns that we aren’t raising robots. Consider this: it seems like every adult he knows with a strong opinion or belief is living in contrast to the way they were raised. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert and Nicole agree that before you decide to talk about the tough topics plaguing humanity and the world, we all need to take into consideration the age, intellectual development, and the personality of our kids. However, we play an important role in guiding our kids to take in the right amount of information and helping them process it all. When children begin contemplating these issues on their own, kids often begin with a black-or-white, all-or-nothing perspective. Our role as parents, according to Nicole and Robert, is to gently draw their attention to the gray area. Robert can’t get enough of the political news while Nicole professes a policy of “disengage to engage.” She sees so much “gray area” (and too many people who refuse to acknowledge it) so she shields her kids from the news… and shields her own eyes and ears as well. In other words, Nicole listens more than she talks, which is a super tough skill to master. But, guess what? Some wouldn’t see the value here and criticize Nicole and the quiet, “less vocal ones” as being part of the problem. Nicole struggles with that. How are you handling sensitive communications with your kids? Tell us your story or ask your question at worstparentpod@gmail.com

If it takes a village to raise a child (it does), where the heck do you find this tribe? Nicole quoted from Scary Mommy: “I can’t be all things to my children all the time…. They need a village of elders who can… provide nuggets of wisdom in ways that my husband and I can’t.” As parents, it’s hard to venture out of our “silos” to make new friends. Trying to break into a new group feels like we are high school freshmen dealing with cliques in the lunchroom. Every parent seems to have a “no vacancy” sign up. It’s like they are saying, “I have enough friends, thanks.” It also gets tricky making friends with a new family when the kids don’t match up or one spouse gets along better with their counterpart than the other. Nicole thinks guys have it easier. Women make more friends but she thinks men seem to be more genuine with each other. She feels like #momguilt and the search for perfection, using our kids like a scorecard, creates a distance between them and the women who could add to their tribe. In her experience, moms can judge themselves AND hold themselves back, questioning, “Why would they want to be friends with me?” In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert share how to make the most of the relationships you nurture with immediate family and how you can lead with kindness and grace. They discuss where can find new adults already involved in your kids’ lives (teachers, coaches, etc.) and where tired parents can find the energy to expand the village that will help raise well-rounded kids.

If it takes a village to raise a child (it does), where the heck do you find this tribe? Nicole quoted from Scary Mommy: “I can’t be all things to my children all the time…. They need a village of elders who can… provide nuggets of wisdom in ways that my husband and I can’t.” As parents, it’s hard to venture out of our “silos” to make new friends. Trying to break into a new group feels like we are high school freshmen dealing with cliques in the lunchroom. Every parent seems to have a “no vacancy” sign up. It’s like they are saying, “I have enough friends, thanks.” It also gets tricky making friends with a new family when the kids don’t match up or one spouse gets along better with their counterpart than the other. Nicole thinks guys have it easier. Women make more friends but she thinks men seem to be more genuine with each other. She feels like #momguilt and the search for perfection, using our kids like a scorecard, creates a distance between them and the women who could add to their tribe. In her experience, moms can judge themselves AND hold themselves back, questioning, “Why would they want to be friends with me?” In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert share how to make the most of the relationships you nurture with immediate family and how you can lead with kindness and grace. They discuss where can find new adults already involved in your kids’ lives (teachers, coaches, etc.) and where tired parents can find the energy to expand the village that will help raise well-rounded kids.

How do you deal with grief in front of your children? Or do you hide it away? Do you purposefully hide your pain and sadness, tuck your pain away? Or do you let it all out for your young (or not-so-young) children to see and process along with you? Is one method the right one? Does it depend on the age and development of your children? Or is it right to be open in front of your kids to show them what you need to do with your grief to own it, live with it, process it, and deal with it? It doesn’t matter what you lost — it could be big or small, from death (the loss of a person) or the loss of your home or job. It could even include the little losses you experience on the daily, like the loss of your free time or independence. When grief hits, it can come out of nowhere. We react involuntarily with unplanned authenticity. It’s good for your kids to see you be real in those moments. Nicole admits to being a hypocrite. One minute she tells her kids to “stop crying!” before the first teardrop falls. The next minute, she cries when she can’t find her keys, when the baby is fussy, or if she burns dinner or spills the milk. When her laugh-cry fest finishes, she apologizes profusely for her tears. If you think that you are “fooling” your kids or pulling the wool over their eyes, Robert reminds us that they are super intelligent and perceptive. Life isn’t clean and simple and if you limit your child’s exposure when things get hard, you do them a serious disservice. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, he encourages Nicole and others to get comfortable with letting our children (and our partners) “behind the curtain.” Check out today’s episode and let us know if you have thoughts on our grief conversation. How else do you believe a child will learn how to deal with grief or be there for someone who is struggling, other than witnessing you cry? Grief is absolutely a unique experience for every person. Coping with it as a parent does not mean hiding grief. Of course, we all need to recognize what is appropriate and when we might need an adult shoulder or professional sounding board.

How do you deal with grief in front of your children? Or do you hide it away? Do you purposefully hide your pain and sadness, tuck your pain away? Or do you let it all out for your young (or not-so-young) children to see and process along with you? Is one method the right one? Does it depend on the age and development of your children? Or is it right to be open in front of your kids to show them what you need to do with your grief to own it, live with it, process it, and deal with it? It doesn’t matter what you lost — it could be big or small, from death (the loss of a person) or the loss of your home or job. It could even include the little losses you experience on the daily, like the loss of your free time or independence. When grief hits, it can come out of nowhere. We react involuntarily with unplanned authenticity. It’s good for your kids to see you be real in those moments. Nicole admits to being a hypocrite. One minute she tells her kids to “stop crying!” before the first teardrop falls. The next minute, she cries when she can’t find her keys, when the baby is fussy, or if she burns dinner or spills the milk. When her laugh-cry fest finishes, she apologizes profusely for her tears. If you think that you are “fooling” your kids or pulling the wool over their eyes, Robert reminds us that they are super intelligent and perceptive. Life isn’t clean and simple and if you limit your child’s exposure when things get hard, you do them a serious disservice. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, he encourages Nicole and others to get comfortable with letting our children (and our partners) “behind the curtain.” Check out today’s episode and let us know if you have thoughts on our grief conversation. How else do you believe a child will learn how to deal with grief or be there for someone who is struggling, other than witnessing you cry? Grief is absolutely a unique experience for every person. Coping with it as a parent does not mean hiding grief. Of course, we all need to recognize what is appropriate and when we might need an adult shoulder or professional sounding board.

What keeps parents, especially moms, from claiming their parenting or marriage mistakes? It’s probably because you can't scroll through social media without witnessing someone shaming a mom. Moms think that they will be crucified for speaking about their missteps, knocking them out of the running for the Good Mom and Wife Club. We read about Bad Moms, it’s all over social media. There’s even a movie about them! You have probably even unintentionally taken part in #momshaming, just to make you feel a little better about yourself. In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert discuss the pressure parents have to survive these days to do it all. Why does society impose these super-human expectations on mothers and what can we do to squash that way of thinking? Fear of judgment by your mom peers, your partner, or the general public can create terrible anxiety. Is a "tough skin gene" as crucial as a "mom gene" for being a good parent these days? Seriously, this is totally bogus! Most women (and men) have a better chance to connect with good people and find their "tribe" when they are honest about the challenges they are facing. Nobody wants to be friends with Perfect Patty or Flawless Fred. Maybe we need to focus on the eyes and opinions of those we have birthed or married. Show gratitude to the people who are willing to swim next to you in the rough seas of parenthood without trying to drown you or criticize how you swim.

What keeps parents, especially moms, from claiming their parenting or marriage mistakes? It’s probably because you can't scroll through social media without witnessing someone shaming a mom. Moms think that they will be crucified for speaking about their missteps, knocking them out of the running for the Good Mom and Wife Club. We read about Bad Moms, it’s all over social media. There’s even a movie about them! You have probably even unintentionally taken part in #momshaming, just to make you feel a little better about yourself. In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert discuss the pressure parents have to survive these days to do it all. Why does society impose these super-human expectations on mothers and what can we do to squash that way of thinking? Fear of judgment by your mom peers, your partner, or the general public can create terrible anxiety. Is a "tough skin gene" as crucial as a "mom gene" for being a good parent these days? Seriously, this is totally bogus! Most women (and men) have a better chance to connect with good people and find their "tribe" when they are honest about the challenges they are facing. Nobody wants to be friends with Perfect Patty or Flawless Fred. Maybe we need to focus on the eyes and opinions of those we have birthed or married. Show gratitude to the people who are willing to swim next to you in the rough seas of parenthood without trying to drown you or criticize how you swim.

Nicole doesn’t watch the news. She says she doesn’t need the negativity: “on the day to day, I make anxiety out of nothing.” Nicole admits that she’s a worrier and is not very "balanced” as she deals with life's inconveniences and personal concerns. She rarely makes time for self-care and she just found something new to fret about: the worry that her constant habit of turning molehills into mountains is rubbing off on her children. Robert doesn’t seem to get thrown around the same way. Maybe his meditation practice helps him keep stress at a low simmer, preventing anxiety from overtaking his being. When he stood up on stage recently to deliver his first TEDx talk, he admitted that he sure felt anxiety well up. Like Nicole, Robert forgets how easily our kids see right through our facades. Anxiety can be debilitating. It can become so overwhelming. If we treat our own issues like they are life or death, how do we keep our anxiety from rubbing off on our kids? In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert offer up suggestions for naturally lessening anxiety in your day-to-day life including the habit of "looking up" and looking ahead. There is a middle ground between blissfully and aimlessly looking up and tripping over crap and looking down disgruntledly and begrudgingly while missing the magic unfolding in the present moment. It’s not about beating yourself up over being late (looking down) but about looking up as you pull out to find new inspiration in that other mom who dares to pull in to school late and doesn’t beat herself up about it. Our children see from us from the inside out, so let's make sure we take care of ourselves to show them how it’s done.

Nicole doesn’t watch the news. She says she doesn’t need the negativity: “on the day to day, I make anxiety out of nothing.” Nicole admits that she’s a worrier and is not very "balanced” as she deals with life's inconveniences and personal concerns. She rarely makes time for self-care and she just found something new to fret about: the worry that her constant habit of turning molehills into mountains is rubbing off on her children. Robert doesn’t seem to get thrown around the same way. Maybe his meditation practice helps him keep stress at a low simmer, preventing anxiety from overtaking his being. When he stood up on stage recently to deliver his first TEDx talk, he admitted that he sure felt anxiety well up. Like Nicole, Robert forgets how easily our kids see right through our facades. Anxiety can be debilitating. It can become so overwhelming. If we treat our own issues like they are life or death, how do we keep our anxiety from rubbing off on our kids? In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert offer up suggestions for naturally lessening anxiety in your day-to-day life including the habit of "looking up" and looking ahead. There is a middle ground between blissfully and aimlessly looking up and tripping over crap and looking down disgruntledly and begrudgingly while missing the magic unfolding in the present moment. It’s not about beating yourself up over being late (looking down) but about looking up as you pull out to find new inspiration in that other mom who dares to pull in to school late and doesn’t beat herself up about it. Our children see from us from the inside out, so let's make sure we take care of ourselves to show them how it’s done.

Do you feel like you didn’t get anything done today? Do you score yourself against your to-do list and then mentally beat the crap out of yourself when you don’t get it ALL done? So many parents are plagued with self-doubt. Where does our self-doubt come from? Do you keep close tabs on yourself? The way you “score” yourself on GTD (getting-things-done) can definitely influence how you feel about yourself. What if… you’re wrong? Ugh… this is tough, guys! Can you really be TOP DOG in every area of your life? NOPE, you can’t. AND you sure as heck shouldn't beat yourself up about that. We want to offer you a BIG-A$$ Permission Slip to “phone it in” sometimes to give yourself a break (and allow your kids to SEE YOU give yourself a break, too). In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert encourages Nicole and the listeners to use HYPOTHESES instead of GOALS (h/t Tara Gentile). That way you can focus on daily work and not results. Nicole admits that she likes the idea of having a GOAL (and using it to impress others). For her and others like her, not having a goal can make us anxious. But, guess what? Anxiety can actually BE MOTIVATING. Choose to push through the anxiety to break out of its debilitating nature and pull from its catalytic nature. Nicole and Robert also discuss Seth Godin's suggestion to "start before you are ready," which is SO scary (until you try it!) BUT it has worked for Nicole and Robert in starting their blogs and this podcast and so many other projects. It can work for you, too!

Do you feel like you didn’t get anything done today?   Do you score yourself against your to-do list and then mentally beat the crap out of yourself when you don’t get it ALL done?   So many parents are plagued with self-doubt. Where does our self-doubt come from? Do you keep close tabs on yourself? The way you “score” yourself on GTD (getting-things-done) can definitely influence how you feel about yourself. What if… you’re wrong? Ugh… this is tough, guys! Can you really be TOP DOG in every area of your life? NOPE, you can’t. AND you sure as heck shouldn't beat yourself up about that. We want to offer you a BIG-A$$ Permission Slip to “phone it in” sometimes to give yourself a break (and allow your kids to SEE YOU give yourself a break, too). In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Robert encourages Nicole and the listeners to use HYPOTHESES instead of GOALS (h/t Tara Gentile). That way you can focus on daily work and not results. Nicole admits that she likes the idea of having a GOAL (and using it to impress others). For her and others like her, not having a goal can make us anxious. But, guess what? Anxiety can actually BE MOTIVATING. Choose to push through the anxiety to break out of its debilitating nature and pull from its catalytic nature. Nicole and Robert also discuss Seth Godin's suggestion to "start before you are ready," which is SO scary (until you try it!) BUT it has worked for Nicole and Robert in starting their blogs and this podcast and so many other projects. It can work for you, too!

Who emptied the dishwasher last? Who did the laundry today? Who woke and fed the kids? Was it all YOU?  From the moment you brought your newborn home, did you hang up an invisible tally card? And have you marked that card every day, practically from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed? If you know how much YOU did yesterday for the house, the children, and the family as a whole, it might be because you KEEP SCORE with your spouse and constantly tally up who is doing the most. WHY? The only reason we can see to keep score is if you want hard evidence. With your tally in hand, you can point to solid data when you LOUDLY make your grievances known. Ugh! That is a road to nowhere. Listen, we know that happy and healthy marriages and children are not easy to produce and maintain. IT TAKES WORK and it is on you -- your exhausted, over-stressed, anxiety-ridden, under-inebriated and under-romanced self -- to PUT IN THE WORK. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ Podcast, Robert and Nicole admit their own score-keeping history. They also discuss how strong marriages stand on a foundation of a genuine friendship and connection. Keeping score and wielding an "I did more than you” attitude, on the other hand, weakens the friendship at the core of your marriage and your family.

Who emptied the dishwasher last? Who did the laundry today? Who woke and fed the kids? Was it all YOU?  From the moment you brought your newborn home, did you hang up an invisible tally card? And have you marked that card every day, practically from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed? If you know how much YOU did yesterday for the house, the children, and the family as a whole, it might be because you KEEP SCORE with your spouse and constantly tally up who is doing the most. WHY? The only reason we can see to keep score is if you want hard evidence. With your tally in hand, you can point to solid data when you LOUDLY make your grievances known. Ugh! That is a road to nowhere. Listen, we know that happy and healthy marriages and children are not easy to produce and maintain. IT TAKES WORK and it is on you -- your exhausted, over-stressed, anxiety-ridden, under-inebriated and under-romanced self -- to PUT IN THE WORK. In this episode of ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ Podcast, Robert and Nicole admit their own score-keeping history. They also discuss how strong marriages stand on a foundation of a genuine friendship and connection. Keeping score and wielding an "I did more than you” attitude, on the other hand, weakens the friendship at the core of your marriage and your family.

Why do we base our success as a parent on our child's academic success, their social adeptness, how popular they are, and how good an athlete they are? Is your child developing their own talents at their own pace in a manner that is comfortable for them or are they merely the way you quantify how well you are doing as a parent? Any score less than A+ parenting should be frowned upon, right?  Is the pressure you put on your kids for their benefit? Do you tell yourself it’s “for their future”? It’s OK to be fearful about the future. It’s even OK to want to brag about our kids. But sadly, more often than not, we can unintentionally parent from a place of selfishness or fear. Sometimes we even care more about how our child's accomplishments (or lack thereof) make us look to our peers than what these milestones or challenges mean for our child. Are we reliving our childhood through our children or are we really concerned for their future? In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert tackle the topic of parental confidence and share their thoughts on just why we do this. Nicole and Robert go even further and share suggestions for how to raise confident, not COCKY children.

Why do we base our success as a parent on our child's academic success, their social adeptness, how popular they are, and how good an athlete they are? Is your child developing their own talents at their own pace in a manner that is comfortable for them or are they merely the way you quantify how well you are doing as a parent? Any score less than A+ parenting should be frowned upon, right?  Is the pressure you put on your kids for their benefit? Do you tell yourself it’s “for their future”? It’s OK to be fearful about the future. It’s even OK to want to brag about our kids. But sadly, more often than not, we can unintentionally parent from a place of selfishness or fear. Sometimes we even care more about how our child's accomplishments (or lack thereof) make us look to our peers than what these milestones or challenges mean for our child. Are we reliving our childhood through our children or are we really concerned for their future? In this episode of the ‘I Am The Worst Parent Ever’ podcast, Nicole and Robert tackle the topic of parental confidence and share their thoughts on just why we do this. Nicole and Robert go even further and share suggestions for how to raise confident, not COCKY children.

How far off-plan can your day get before you lose your sh**? Nicole likes to have a plan. No, scratch that, Nicole NEEDS everything to fall in line and go according to HER PLAN. So when it doesn’t, like the morning when her dog decided to poop in the pool, the day threatens to go about as far off-course as she ever imagined it going. And Nicole edges closer and closer to losing her sh**. Does stress rain down on you? Or is it just rain? Maybe sh** JUST happens and YOU turn the drops into stress. Can you deviate from YOUR PLAN or does it ruin EVERYTHING? Can you let yourself choose to pivot? You may even decide to just dance in the rain! Adults are not impervious to error. You never have been and never will be! Why do we pretend? Your kids won’t remember that one day you were late for school or that time you yelled at them when they spilled the milk. In this episode, Robert writes you a BIG-A$$ Permission Slip to struggle and bumble and be that parent-zombie that you are some days. Just make sure that next time it rains, you take a second to consider dancing instead of freaking out. When you do, look up to take a mental snapshot of that smile stretched across your child’s face.

How far off-plan can your day get before you lose your sh**? Nicole likes to have a plan. No, scratch that, Nicole NEEDS everything to fall in line and go according to HER PLAN. So when it doesn’t, like the morning when her dog decided to poop in the pool, the day threatens to go about as far off-course as she ever imagined it going. And Nicole edges closer and closer to losing her sh**. Does stress rain down on you? Or is it just rain? Maybe sh** JUST happens and YOU turn the drops into stress. Can you deviate from YOUR PLAN or does it ruin EVERYTHING? Can you let yourself choose to pivot? You may even decide to just dance in the rain! Adults are not impervious to error. You never have been and never will be! Why do we pretend? Your kids won’t remember that one day you were late for school or that time you yelled at them when they spilled the milk. In this episode, Robert writes you a BIG-A$$ Permission Slip to struggle and bumble and be that parent-zombie that you are some days. Just make sure that next time it rains, you take a second to consider dancing instead of freaking out. When you do, look up to take a mental snapshot of that smile stretched across your child’s face.

You feel like you should be loving and compassionate all the time, morning to night. But let’s be honest. Sometimes your kids get under your skin and that frustration slips out sideways. You can try to turn it into a joke as it comes out of your mouth, but … you find yourself “labeling.” We do it all the time: My spouse is so selfish. My co-worker is lazy. My boss is an a--. Is it ever OK to label your children? “They know I’m joking, right?” Nicole admits that she jokes that her son can turn into a one-kid wrecking ball in stores. She calls him “Wreck-It Ralph” to get his attention and prevent further breakage. She isn’t trying to box him in or hurt his feelings, just modify his behavior. But she wonders if other parents judge her: “Ugh, did you hear that lady calling her kids names? What a bad parent!” Today we field a listener question: “What do you say when you hear another parent bad-mouthing their kids… in front of their kids?” Robert and Nicole discuss what you can do when you reach your "wits' end." Listen in to figure out how to find the energy to connect with your children, even when you are exasperated. Parenting can undoubtedly be the most challenging job, but you can stop freaking out and keep from giving up when things get tough. Instead, get tough (and honest) with yourself so you can PUT IN THE WORK.

You feel like you should be loving and compassionate all the time, morning to night. But let’s be honest. Sometimes your kids get under your skin and that frustration slips out sideways. You can try to turn it into a joke as it comes out of your mouth, but … you find yourself “labeling.” We do it all the time: My spouse is so selfish. My co-worker is lazy. My boss is an a--. Is it ever OK to label your children? “They know I’m joking, right?” Nicole admits that she jokes that her son can turn into a one-kid wrecking ball in stores. She calls him “Wreck-It Ralph” to get his attention and prevent further breakage. She isn’t trying to box him in or hurt his feelings, just modify his behavior. But she wonders if other parents judge her: “Ugh, did you hear that lady calling her kids names? What a bad parent!” Today we field a listener question: “What do you say when you hear another parent bad-mouthing their kids… in front of their kids?” Robert and Nicole discuss what you can do when you reach your "wits' end." Listen in to figure out how to find the energy to connect with your children, even when you are exasperated. Parenting can undoubtedly be the most challenging job, but you can stop freaking out and keep from giving up when things get tough. Instead, get tough (and honest) with yourself so you can PUT IN THE WORK.

You will bend over backward, twist yourself into a pretzel, and wring yourself dry to take care of the little ones in our life. How about you? Is taking care of yourself a luxury? Can you allow yourself the time? Is that allowed? There's something to be said for getting yourself for a massage or taking a night out with friends, but real self-love and long-term self-preservation starts with speaking your truth. Can you #brag about your wins? Can you ask the universe for what you really #desire? And can you slow down long enough to give thanks for everyday gifts? #gratitude In this episode, Nicole and Robert put their money where their mouths are: we put our own Brags, Desires, and Gratitudes out on the table. It can feel uncomfortable, awkward, and vulnerable to #speakyourtruth. Why? Because it is A FORM OF SELF-CARE. And that’s not allowed!! When you are a parent, you never feel like you have time to take care of yourself. Use this 5-minute trick to dip into these three pots daily. You will get a longer-term gain than that glass of wine or chocolate bar.