Remake Schmemake

Most people have seen at least one Godzilla movie. Everyone's heard the unmistakable roar. But the first (and Charles thinks the best, much to Joseph's chagrin) is the original, the Numero Uno, the Ichiban: Gojira 1954 from Japan, directed by Ishiro Honda! This mean-ass monster, conceived and hatched in the ocean depths during the aftermath of the initial terrors of the Nuclear Age, spawned it all -- countless sequels, reimaginings, and reboots over the past 60 years. No CGI here, just a guy in a rubber suit stomping on miniature cities, and we (make that Charles) couldn't be happier. Joseph just rolls his eyes. Godzilla theme by Akira Ifukube. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠⁠⁠.

The English counterpart, The Grudge, takes us to America--no, wait. This remake takes place in Japan as well, in a similar house, and helmed by the same director, with the same murderous trio of obake! The only difference is that now there are a bunch of American expats around who are even less able to cope with it all. There's Sarah Michelle Gellar's pensive and perplexed expressions (which she refined during the Buffy years), Bill Pullman's brief but effective cameo, and plenty of floating black Medusa hair. There are also spooky eyes...thanks to Grace Zabriskie's Thousand Yard Stare™️! Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠⁠.

Nobody does horror quite like Japan, and it's fascinating to see the original Grudge before the Americans got ahold of it. This also serves as a reminder of the importance of full disclosure in real estate! Join us as we watch various unfortunate well-meaning Nihonjin try to cope with a raven-haired glottal fly wraith mom, a catty kid in eyeliner, and a nail-biter of a dad. And if the visuals don't creep you out, the soundscape surely will. Bonus: Charles thinking he has even a rudimentary command of Japanese, and his husband Tom setting things right. Soooo desu. Themes from Ju-On by Shiro Sato. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠.

In keeping with Disney's trend (for better or worse) of remaking its animated features as live action/CGI curiosities, we jump now to 2017 with Beauty and the Beast! Gasp and recoil with us as we take in Emma Watson's two (perhaps 2.5) expressions and stooped shoulders, the monochromatic color palette, and the scary facelessness of the enchanted objects. Were those spoilers that we didn't like it as much? Find out here! Belle music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠⁠JuliusH⁠⁠ from ⁠⁠Pixabay⁠⁠.

DaBoyz are back after a loooooong hiatus! And for our reintroduction to our worldwide audience (hello Yemen!), we chose Disney's Beauty and the Beast, the groundbreaking animated feature from 1991 and the first animated film to be nominated for the Academy Award® for Best Picture! Join us as we discuss the splendid artwork, the Many Faces of Belle, and Jo Anne Worley's star turn as the Wardrobe (among other attractions, of course). Unfortunately, we also discover that Charles is completely unable to say the name Cogsworth. Belle music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman. Remake Schmemake theme music by ⁠JuliusH⁠ from ⁠Pixabay⁠.

Joseph finds Julianne Hough rather...brazen? Charles finds...Andie MacDowell. 'Nuff said. Footloose words by Dean Pitchford and Kenny Loggins, Music by Kenny Loggins. Let's Hear It For the Boy Words by Dean Pitchford, Music by Tom Snow. Almost Paradise words by Dean Pitchford, Music by Eric Carmen. Dancing in the Sheets words and music by Dean Pitchford and Bill Wolfer. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Charles remembers when Footloose came out in '84.  He was in college and didn't see it.  Joseph saw it on Betamax as a youngster.  But the soundtrack was ubiquitous, inescapable, and enjoyable to listen and dance to.  And now, finally watching the movie after all years, the one question on Charles' mind is "Where's the dance?" This big dance-filled extravaganza turns out to be -- well, not that.  Some close-ups of feet, an angry warehouse pound-fest, a two-left-footed montage, and a final breakdance-off appear to be about it.  The rest is...well, we love us some Dianne Wiest! Footloose words by Dean Pitchford and Kenny Loggins, Music by Kenny Loggins.  Let's Hear It For the Boy Words by Dean Pitchford, Music by Tom Snow.  Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Take a sip of an adult beverage every time Charles says "horrifying!" He's mostly sorry for the repetitiveness, but sometimes there's only one word that truly does a feeling justice.  There is plenty of horror here, specifically of the body kind that only David Cronenberg can deliver. Experience oodles of errant skin appendages, a plethora of melting extremities, and buckets of digestive enzymes!  And be horrified. Be very horrified. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Yes, it's campy, but we love (Charles loves) The Fly! Vincent Price has only a supporting role but lends his--ahem--"highly cultured" presence to the proceedings, and this film actually vaulted his career. A strawberry blonde actress is given awkward-scene-after-awkward-scene to play, but acquits herself, if not admirably, at least memorably. Special kudos go to Emma the maid, who has all sorts of indignities to suffer, including cleaning a guinea pig's cage every minute! And the "Heeeeelllllp meeeeeee!!" scene is not to be forgotten. Come fly with us as we give you all the buzz on this horror classic. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

From 1932's What Price Hollywood?, to A Star Is Born from 1937, 1954, 1976, and now 2018! This classic story of boy meets girl/girl gets famous/boy hits the skids never dies--it just gets a new Oscar-winning single. This time it's the one and only GaGAAAAAA (more on that later), also winning our hearts and pleasing our ears, along with the hard-to-understand Bradley Cooper and the impossible-to-understand Sam Elliott. So break out the subtitles and join us “in the shal, -al, shal, -al-low!” (Also stay tuned for our Babs and Ga-GA mashup at the end!) Evergreen Music Barbra Streisand, Lyrics by Paul Williams. Shallow Music and Lyrics by Stefani Germanotta, Mark Ronson, Andrew Wyatt, and Anthony Rossomando. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

We love Barbra Streisand (well, Charles does). We really do. Her talent and legacy are "Evergreen" and she is the "Queen Bee." In fact, she might actually be “The Woman in the Moon”! But we don't necessarily equally love "Everything" she has undertaken over the years, especially this film. So "Watch Closely Now," because Babs, "With One More Look at You," we are deconstructing A Star Is Born from 1976! Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Yes, memory is fluid, because Charles and Joseph saw this movie when it first came out in 2012 and couldn't remember a thing about it! This version of Total Recall, rather than having anything to do with Mars, is all about THE FALL. Fall from grace perhaps? For Charles, this movie is all about Kate Beckinsale and her ultra-posh soliloquizing. She gives good accent! For Joseph, it's all about the moody, Minority Report aesthetic and hand technology. Charles must also add a correction that the leading tone of the D minor scale is C-sharp, BUT only in the melodic and harmonic minors. You'll know what he means when you listen... Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

What is memory? Is it real? Is it implanted? Regardless, your eyes will simply pop out of your head when you listen to this episode. Arnold Schwarzenegger is in top form delivering one bad one-liner after another, and rocking the strangest head towel on record. AND you'll definitely wish you had three hands when Mary makes an appearance. Without further ado, don't wait "TWO WEEKS!" Get your a** to Mars! Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

A definitive entry in the "Did this really need to be made?" category! You know you're in trouble when the opening credits are the most gripping part of a movie. With perfunctory CGI, a grosser, more inappropriate subtext, no Ronee Blakley whispering, and most of all no (*TINA*!!), DaBoyz are hoping that our snarky banter will be more fun than the movie itself! All I Have To Do Is Dream words and music by Boudleaux Bryant. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Nothing says the '80s more than the one that started it all: the first (and arguably best?) in the Elm Street franchise!  Join us for the debuts of Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger and his iconic red and green holiday sweater, along with Johnny Depp's sanguinary geyser, Ronee Blakely's sleep-inducing sotto voce whisper, and Heather Langenkamp's...whatever it is she's doing.  Oh, and (*TINA!*) Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

26 years after the original, a Frank Oz-directed musical bloomed and flourished with stunning production values, great songs, and a stellar cast including an endearing Rick Moranis, super-belter Ellen Greene, and Steve Martin taking on the psychotic dentist role. There aren't many seeds of dissent to be sown this time--it's less about which movie is better and more about which alternate ending of the remake we prefer. Da-doo! Skid Row, Da-Doo, and Suppertime music by Alan Menken, words by Howard Ashman. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

In 1960, a strange, off-beat Roger Corman dark comedy horror flick took root in two days on a nothing budget and a recycled set. This tale is about so much more than a man-eating plant! And thanks to Dick Miller, that can work both ways...Get all the dirt as we plant our observations, fertilize them with plenty of manure, and watch them germinate! Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

The Great Ship capsizes again, but this time as a computerized image! This go-round has Kurt Russell taking on the deep diving duties, along with Matt Dillon's Brother, The Embalmer Guy from Six Feet Under, and one Ms. Stacy Ferguson, among others. Who will get out alive and who will go down with the CGI ship? Just stay away from Dreyfuss if you know what's good for you. The Morning After by Al Kasha and Joel Hirschhorn. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

It's terror, heroics, and redemption on the high seas--or at least on a toy model--as the Poseidon does its famous flip-flop. Taking a dive with it (literally) is our favorite diving diva Shelley Winters, a pre-drag Gene Hackman, and a plethora of 70s stars whose names we remember--and some we'd rather not! Carol Lynley and That Kid, we're looking at you. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Jumping from Saint-Tropez to South Beach, with 70s hair and fashions giving way to 90s thongs, essentially the same story gets the American treatment. Gene Hackman breaks out his inner diva, while Robin Williams busts forth channeling every Grande Dame of the Dance in sight. DaBoize (French spelling) are hard pressed to pick a favorite between this and the 1978 film. You be the judge! And stay tuned for a musical treat featuring Joseph on keys, Charles on clarinet, and both on vocals. Conga words and music by Enrique Garcia. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

The extravaganza that started it all with plenty of feathers and sequins, lots of laughs, and more than a little heart. Saint-Tropez provides the setting, while the original French version with subtitles allows the characters to burst forth in all their finely-drawn flamboyance. The gayest feel-good family film ever. Don't watch the English dub like Joseph did! Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

The original Haunting gives way to The Bawling (1999) as something truly unsettling is now reduced to a gaudy, overblown, over-CGI'd pileup of ghastly proportions! Julie Harris' thought voiceovers are replaced by Lili Taylor's tone-deaf yowls, and the name "Hugh Crane" will never be the same! Charles' editing serves to underscore the onscreen silliness. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

First up in this pairing is a genuinely creepy, atmospheric, ambiguously-ended haunted house mystery. Julie Harris' sympathetic yet flawed Nell, Claire Bloom's enigmatic Theo, and the foreboding house itself are three--well, *haunting* characters. Charles edited this one and had a little too much fun with his antiquated 2011 GarageBand loop library. Be nice. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

This episode shows the Rat Packers giving way to The Clooney Gang, with the pace faster and the stakes higher. The only grudge match for Charles and Joseph appears to be Angie Dickinson vs. Julia Roberts. Care to lay odds on who goes with which? Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

NEW FORMAT! Going forward, Charles and Joseph will dedicate Part 1 to the original movie and Part 2 to the remake. The 1960 and 2001 Ocean's films differ in most ways except the basic premise, but for once DaBoyz don't differ in their opinions! In this episode, experience Las Vegas in all its 1960 seediness (Reno-ness?), with the Rat Pack smoking, drinking, womanizing, and Eee-O-Elevening through the proceedings. Note: Charles apologizes for not recognizing George Raft in the "casino owners" scene. Should his Cinema Connoisseur Card be confiscated? Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

DaBoyz are equally bewildered by both Willy Wonka and Charlie's chocolate factories. Why is Gene Wilder off his rocker? Why does Johnny Depp keep ululating? Did a chicken actually die? These and many more mystifying questions are given ambiguous answers. BONUSES: Stay tuned for the musical treat at the end. Also keep an ear out where Charles unwittingly refers to “Gene Wilder's Willy.” (He meant Gene's version of the character, you bawdy bunch!) Oompa-Loompa lyrics and music by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

DaBoyz are equally bewildered by both Willy Wonka and Charlie's chocolate factories. Why is Gene Wilder off his rocker? Why does Johnny Depp keep ululating? Did a chicken actually die? These and many more mystifying questions are given ambiguous answers. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

REE-REE-REE, REE-REE-REE!!! Psycho 1960 is a desert island pick for both Charles and Joseph, although Joseph's would include the 1998 remake in a double sleeve, much to Charles' chagrin. We discuss the merits of stark, artful B&W vs. exposed posteriors, pixie 'dos, hideous pastel prints 'n' parasols, and super-saturated scenery. Nature sounds courtesy of Big Island Coqui Frogs. Psycho Score composed by Bernard Herrmann. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

REE-REE-REE, REE-REE-REE!!! Psycho 1960 is a desert island pick for both Charles and Joseph, although Joseph's would include the 1998 remake in a double sleeve, much to Charles' chagrin. We discuss the merits of stark, artful B&W vs. exposed posteriors, pixie 'dos, hideous pastel prints 'n' parasols, and super-saturated scenery. Nature sounds courtesy of Big Island Coqui Frogs. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Good morning, Baltimore! Charles is all about 1988's taller hair (especially Debbie Harry's side swoop), period music, and Waters raunch. Joseph prefers the catchy melodies, witty lyrics, and sunny optimism of the movie musical. They agree on Pia Zadora, however. Nature sounds courtesy of Big Island Coqui Frogs. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Good morning, Baltimore! Charles is all about 1988's taller hair (especially Debbie Harry's side swoop), period music, and Waters raunch. Joseph prefers the catchy melodies, witty lyrics, and sunny optimism of the movie musical. They agree on Pia Zadora, however. Nature sounds courtesy of Big Island Coqui Frogs. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Happy New Year's Eve! Enjoy this accompanying episode to last week's foray into Carrie. After DaBlood come DaBoyz! We debate the merits and demerits of Carrie 1976 with Spacek and Laurie, vs. Carrie 2013 with Moretz and Moore. This one should be a (pig's) bloodbath, folks, as we discuss feminine product throwing, bucket dumping, Betty Buckley's smoking, and engage in a soupçon of Edie McClurg bashing along the way. Nature sounds courtesy of Big Island Coqui Frogs. Banging pots and pans courtesy of Charles' husband Tom. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Seasons Greetings! We were so excited to release our episodes, we couldn't wait until January. Enjoy this Christmas Eve treat! After DaBlood come DaBoyz! We debate the merits and demerits of Carrie 1976 with Spacek and Laurie, vs. Carrie 2013 with Moretz and Moore. This one should be a (pig's) bloodbath, folks, as we discuss feminine product throwing, bucket dumping, Betty Buckley's smoking, and engage in a soupçon of Edie McClurg bashing along the way. Nature sounds courtesy of Big Island Coqui Frogs. Banging pots and pans courtesy of Charles' husband Tom. Remake Schmemake theme music by JuliusH from Pixabay.

Learn a little about Charles and Joseph and the point of our little podcast.

Get to know the personalities of your podcast hosts. Remake Schmemake is coming in January 2022!