The Anxious Morning

Core recovery concept number four, and I think a fitting way to sign off in the final edition/episode of The Anxious Morning:You can handle it. You always do ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Core principle number three I want to pass along as we wrap up The Anxious Morning is that when in doubt, doing the opposite can be a really useful guideline.Sometimes this hits people like some kind of genius lightning bolt. Other times I get funny looks and head scratches. If you're scratching your head and looking at me funny now, let me explain.Most people will ask, “The opposite of what?” ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

When I am asked for one thing I might say to anxious Drew if I could go back in time and talk to him, it would probably be this.“Listen brother, everything is temporary. You just have to allow it to be.”This is one of those core recovery principles that spills over into life too. Everything in the universe is transient and temporary. This includes the physical and/or emotional state of any person. It's a pretty important feature in terms of the overall design of the universe, but we often overlook it and wind up fighting against it when we are struggling in recovery. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

I do believe the very first thing I ever posted on Instagram was this statement:You can be afraid and safe at the same time.Today I want to remind you that it is possible to be afraid and safe at the same time. Why am I including it as a core principle? ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

“BUT HOW CAN I NOT CARE ABOUT THIS?!”This is a question that I get asked again and again and again because I often say that I simply do not care if I panic now. Let me clarify and refine that statement. I do care. The difference between now and then - when I was at my worst - is that now I only care for a few seconds ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

If you are hoping I might talk about something that more accurately reflects your personal experiences or situations, but I don't, you're still not broken or beyond hope. I kinda wanted to start today's edition of The Anxious Morning by saying that.Last night I made a silly video about health anxiety that acted out a conversation between someone and their health anxiety. It got lots of laughs and I can see that people really identified with the struggle. However, it was also pointed out in the comment section that some people really do wind up with health problems that doctors miss or misdiagnose. Clearly, and unfortunately, this is true. We can't deny that. I'm always careful to point out that there is never 100% certainty about anything in life, including your health, because in the real world this kind of thing is possible. The point is that my post about one health anxiety experience left another health anxiety experience unrepresented. I don't think this is limited to health anxiety, so let's talk about it.What I'm thinking about this morning is the fact that there is no perfect answer to every question that will apply to every person and every situation. Especially when you're seeing mental health information and help online, there are constraints on the part of the person providing that information. Even the most well informed, well meaning and well educated content creators have to work within the framework provided by any given platform. This means that for me - when I hit that “post” button - I know that I am almost always leaving someone out of the conversation. I am leaving some experience unrepresented while I represent another. Unfortunately, not every post, video, podcast episode, book, or whatever else can cover all possible personal experiences and situations. This is where we drop down from the realm of huge digital support systems into smaller in personal support systems or even individual therapy or counseling. Only in those much smaller and likely in-person contexts can we be sure that our personal experiences are being seen and taken into account.Why is this important? It's important because I do see people wind up angry, frustrated, hopeless, or all of those things sometimes when they see information that does not directly speak to their personal situation. That always kinda sucks to see. It's totally understandable though. One of the reasons I don't talk about medication for instance is that it is a very personal and emotional issue. People that have had terrible medication experiences have a very low tolerance for people that are pro-medication. People being helped by meds have a very low tolerance for negative medication stories and experiences. Who can blame anyone for this? Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and validated. That's no crime.Especially when struggling and trying to find a way out of that struggle, hearing your personal experience represented in the discussion can go a long way. Hearing your personal experience overlooked can be impactful on an emotional and even a practical level.Beyond practical issues - a French chef is simply not going to talk about Italian food - I don't think anyone means to mislead or exclude people from mental health discussions. People who do what I do really want to help at least at some level. But we're going to sometimes miss things and when we talk about one issue we're almost guaranteed to leave out some particular aspect of that issue. Know that it doesn't mean that we're saying that there's something wrong with you. I don't think anyone is trying to invalidate people. If someone is making you feel bad because they continually leave out your experience, its OK to speak up or ask about that. When the audience gets really large it can be hard to to respond to every question or comment, but you can put your voice out there into the universe and be heard. Maybe others will hear it and respond to you. Maybe the content creator you're addressing will hear you and think about what you've said. Maybe they can address your experience and situation once they see that it exists. I've done my best to incorporate that sort of thing into my message over time. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it falls short. We do the best we can.Ultimately, try to remember that not hearing your specific situation addressed is not a reflection on you. You're no more broken than anyone else. You're as valuable and worthy of respect and acceptance as anyone else. You're as capable as anyone else. Above all, if anyone - including me - is making you feel bad about yourself because we're leaving you out - and we don't respond to your concerns - run! Even from me if you need to. I promise you won't hurt my feelings if you do that. The Internet often sucks, but it is a big place with lots of people so there's a good chance that you can find a place where your experience and situation is better represented. Maybe someone will invent a digital content platform where we use quantum principles to fork every 90-second video into an infinite number of variations based on the particular situation of the viewer. That would be pretty awesome. I wonder if Elon Musk would ride in and make a mess of that too at some point?Have you listened to this week's episode of The Anxious Truth podcast? Check it out out on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or my website and YouTube channel. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

If you were listening to The Anxious Truth or following along with me on social media in 2016 you would have likely heard me use the letters C-B-T quite often. I would reference traditional CBT techniques like fact checking and thought challenging. Those are good things. I still dig them. But now you hear me saying slightly different things. I don't talk about those more traditional techniques that often and when I do, it's in a different context. You hear me talk more about psychological flexibility, acceptance, and tolerance of uncertainty far more these days. Why is this?Well, things change. Research happens. Treatment types evolve. I'm often asked about what it means when I say “old school CBT” or “third wave” CBT. I thought today would be a good day to briefly go through the progression from “first wave” to “third wave” treatments when it comes to the problems we're addressing together. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

You guys know that I'm a total nerd when it comes to these things, and I've been asked to address this a surprising number of times, so let's look at how Stoic philosophy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are connected. You really can draw a line from Zeno of City to Aaron Beck if you take a few minutes... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Just as we were about to hang up, my contractor friend said, “Hey, I appreciate you taking the call and coming out Wednesday.” That was nice, right. Except that's not how he ended. He said something else.“I know you don't like to leave the house.”Even writing this now triggers a reaction in me. Embarrassment. A sense of failure and failing ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

I realized that in the 11+ months I've been writing The Anxious Morning, I really haven't directly address the concepts of embarrassment and shame. Not everyone fears dying, insanity, or passing out. Some people struggling with panic and anxiety related issues fear the feelings of embarrassment or shame that they might encounter if people see them in an anxious state.Let's take a quick look at the difference between embarrassment and shame. I'd call them cousins. They're related, but not the same... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

I know you guys wanted me to talk about my own experiences in these final few editions of The Anxious Morning. I've been trying to do that because I'm happy to share. This morning I want to share the experiences of others because part of the power of this platform is the ability to aggregate so many inspiring and encouraging stories.Belief often - usually - comes AFTER acting. Call it acting “as if”. Call it faking it until you're making it. Frame it any way you that helps you. That's totally fine. But today, once you're done framing it, look at some of these stories. Look at the common thread of disbelief and take some inspiration or encouragement from it ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Even for a fully recovered person, there can be challenges.I often speak about how our psychological flexibility and resilience takes a hit when we're under stress. Well last night I was a textbook example of how that works. I spent a good two hours or so struggling because I wound up in the center of a perfect storm of the crap that life sometimes throws at us ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

When I talk about the need to be honest with ourselves when it comes to fatigue and taking breaks, I'm often asked what to do when you're not sure if you're tired or afraid. Doesn't it seem odd to not be able to identify what you're feeling? I get it though. I had this issue. Many many people in our community have this issue. Anxiety and fear can get so cloudy and confusing that sometimes you just don't know if want to crawl under the covers because you're really tired, or because you're just afraid or anxious.If you find yourself facing this dilemma, know that you're not alone. Let's spend a few minutes to address this and to look for some basic strategies we can use when we're in that “grey zone”. Please keep in mind that recovery is imperfect. We make mistakes. Sometimes what we do is more impactful, sometimes it is not. This is OK. Do not get caught in the “doing it right” trap. Before we can talk about what to do when you're not sure what you're feeling, you'll have to accept that sometimes you might get it “wrong”, but that it's totally OK to get it wrong. It's how we learn.This really speaks to the topic of self-compassion, which I think I will talk about next week, so stay tuned for that.If my voice is in your head asking you if you're really tired or just making an excuse to avoid … I'm sorry. I never plan to be a voice in anyone's head, but evidently I am. Forgetting how annoying I can be at times, kudos to you for confronting that issue with or without me. When you start to see your avoidance more clearly (nobody sees it early on), you're making progress. As crazy as this might sound, when you find yourself scratching your head because you can't tell if you're tired or afraid, pat yourself on the back. Think of the days when this was not a question because you'd already be on the sofa binging Netflix. Here you are NOT automatically doing that. Winning! Now that you've pumped yourself up a bit, what next? You still don't know if you're tired and should rest, or afraid and trying to justify avoiding. What should you do? What I learned to do in those situations was to scale back and go from there. When I wanted to go lay on the sofa and fire up my TiVo (yes, that was a thing back then), I would go over a short list of little things I could do instead. They were often VERY little. Getting dressed. Showering. Making something to eat. Running the vacuum over the carpet in the living room. Walking around the block once. Sitting outside in the sun for 15 minutes. Maybe taking a 10 minute drive around the neighborhood. See how small these are? I would pick one of those things and do it. Often this would clarify things for me. When I finished vacuuming (for example), I often found that I was actually not as “tired” as I thought I was. This often turned into doing a few more things on my short list. In some cases, this turned into a full day where I wasn't on the sofa at all because I saw that I didn't need to be. I had uncovered sneaky avoidance masquerading as fatigue. On other days, I would take a short walk around the block and discover that I really was pretty tired so I would take a break. Sometimes that break was an hour or two, sometimes I might actually fall asleep and it turned into almost a full day off (I had always done my driving exposure in the morning). On some days I wound up on the sofa for two hours only to discover that I really wasn't all that tired. Did I beat myself up for getting it wrong? Nope. That's not usually an issue for me, so please don't make that mistake. You're gonna get it wrong sometimes like everyone else. This is not a crime and you did not just ruin your recovery. I promise, you didn't. When I got it wrong, I'd get up and get on with my day as best I could. Those days counted too because I learned something in those moments and took those lessons with me.I think the summary here is that especially in the early days of recovery when avoidance habits are still strong, we try to err on the side of not automatically running for the comforter and the fuzzy slippers. Might you wind up pushing yourself a bit this way? You might, but that's why I say to use a short list of small things to do in these situations. If you find that you are pushing into exhaustion or really tired territory, you can stop and go rest. It's OK to not be sure if you're tired or anxious. Days like that help to teach us what we need to learn. They give us experiences that we need to have. When in your life did you ever think you'd have to work on identifying a basic state like “tired”? I bet never, right? So give yourself a break (no pun intended). Disordered anxiety throws all kinds of monkey wrenches and complications into the mix. Working through those is part of the process, so just do the best you can.Have a good weekend. I'll see you on Monday.“But you might as well bid a man struggling in the water, rest within arm's length of the shore! I must reach it first, and then I'll rest.” - Emily Brontë, “Wuthering Heights”Every Friday I'll share one of my favorite quotes. They'll often have direct application in recovery, but sometimes they're just generally funny, inspiring, or thought-provoking.  I hope you enjoy them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

When I wrote “No breaks, no days off”, I was speaking directly to the critical need to break the avoidance cycle. The words I chose seem harsh and absolute in nature. If you read them literally - and why wouldn't you - you would think that you must never take a break or a day off in recovery. You might decide that your job is to be recovering 24/7 without stopping. If you've read those words and come to this conclusion, or wondered why on Earth I would write that or say that … I'm sorry. Really. That was a really bad choice of words on my part. If I could magically a do a find and replace on the tends of thousands of copies of those books that are out in the world, I would totally do that. I would change those phrases today... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

You know what appears to make distance between thoughts and reactions, but isn't so damn “brain expensive”? Talking about yourself in the third person. In chapter four of Chatter, Kross talks about his research into what happens when people are coached to talk about themselves in the third person when reflecting on states of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. He calls this “distanced self-talk”. The research they did showed that people that used this third person distanced self-talk experienced lower levels of distress when in anxious situations, ruminated less about anxious experiences, and were better able to objectively define the true level of threat in those experiences. Pretty cool, and likely useful in our context, right? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Those were in many cases the days where at the end of driving around and sitting/walking in mostly empty parking lots I felt like a total superhero. That was such a good feeling!When you find that feeling, enjoy it. Savor it. Let it show you that you are capable of feeling strong and able and that change is possible. I remember recording myself - talking to myself - on a few of those mornings. I wanted to capture those moments so I could come back to them later when I needed to. I will admit that sometimes I tried really hard to find ways to make that badass unbreakable feeling last in an unnatural way. That didn't ever really work out that well because I was trying to force an emotional state, but if you're doing that, I see you and I do not blame you for trying ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

... in the second session with this particular therapist, she took the experiences I told her about in the first session - panic attacks, anxiety symptoms, a growing sense of pointlessness, increasing difficulty in being home alone, intrusive thoughts about being poisoned, etc. - and glued them directly to my parents' divorce. She explained that I was probably afraid to be left alone because I was abandoned by my father. She told me I was having panic attacks because I never fully processed and healed from the pain of the divorce. She explained that my obsessive thoughts about my food being poisoned were really just a manifestation of deep unresolved pain that had to be expressed.OK then. When I asked why I did not have panic attacks for almost ten years between my first go-around and this one, she talked about subconscious processes and repression as a defense mechanism. When I told her that that did not resonate with me in any way and that it didn't seem right, she told me that my response was just part of that same defense mechanism ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Many of you asked me to talk about finding hope, so let's do that.Today I want to look at hope in two contexts. Hope can make an appearance at the micro level in a given moment where you are concerned about immediate outcomes. “I hope I do not die right now” is a perfect example of how we might incorporate the concept of hope into the anxiety struggle. But that's not the context that I think matters most. I want to examine hope on the macro level in recovery ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Did I ever tell you about the time I literally spent three full hours standing at my front door, trying to get myself to open the door and step out? Well, let me tell you about it now. It was quite the scene. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

When we are struggling and find ourselves in a challenging situation, we are often engaged in a slew of thinking all designed to answer one basic question:“How will I get out of this?” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

We often do not talk about the financial burden that comes with mental health struggles. Everyone sees injury or physical illness that can prevent someone from earning the living they want and need to live. But the hard fact is that even though it may be largely invisible to many, a significant number of people struggling with anxiety problems are unemployed or underemployed for some period of time during that struggle.When you are not working or have modified your employment in the form of fewer hours or less responsibility, there is going to be a financial impact on you and your family. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

The point is that when we are struggling and anxiety and fear are loudly demanding to always be the most important thing in the room, we are easily sucked into our own suffering where there is exactly zero visibility when it comes to how grateful we should be for anything.People dealing with anxiety disorders can dread days like today often for the reasons I describe here. For many that struggle with hyper-responsibility or the belief that they are in charge of making everyone happy, there can be tremendous pressure that drives the anxiety and fear. Regardless of what your situation and specific issues may be, today you may be struggling and feeling like you are a million miles away from thankful. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

I've wrestled with this decision, but I will publish the final edition of The Anxious Morning on Friday December 30.So … how shall we wrap this up? What do you want to talk about in the last 20 editions of The Anxious Morning? We have 20 more mornings together. How do YOU want to spend them? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

The barn was ice cold. My family was no more than 5 feet from me, but I could not hear a word they were saying. I could see my kids talking and smiling, but I could also see that they were not talking or smiling … at me. I was checked out and they clearly knew it. I may as well have not been there.Clearly, I was doing this all wrong... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

I am not here today to give Carl Sagan credit for curing my raging obsession with death and the nature of existence, but what I needed something to hang on to, he gave it to me. Sagan taught me that if nothing else, my job is to simply experience things ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

You know that thing where the coach or mentor repeats the same thing again and again, rarely acknowledges variations, never changes or broadens that message, and works to “scale” that simple message for a large number of clients? Or you know that thing where the coach or mentor can't really help then declares that you're just not doing it right, you're not fully committed, or that you're not capable of following their “proven” methods? How about the thing where the coach or mentor suddenly realizes that they are in over their heads and abruptly stops whatever form of help they thought they were providing you? ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

What happens if I decide that my lived experience and the fact that I read Claire Weekes means that I can go from social media psychoeducator to one-one-one or group recovery coach?I'll tell you what happens. I run a very high risk of treating you, guiding you, and advising you, as if you are just like me. That's just a function of how humans work. It doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes me untrained and inexperienced when it comes to providing actual face-to-face guidance or treatment. If I do not spend ten plus years actually listening to the experiences of others and interacting with them, then spend another 3+ years being formally trained and supervised by experienced clinicians, I run the risk of misapplying my experience, missing details that matter, ignoring complexity and nuance, and causing harm even when I have the best of intentions ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

The misconception or misinterpretation that occupies the top slot on the list of things that make my crazy is that thing where someone tells me that this all boils down to, “just do it.”No. That's not what it boils down to. This is not a Nike commercial. Nothing in life, including running or whatever else Nike thinks you do better in their shoes, ever gets that simple. Recovery from an anxiety disorder is absolutely and certainly not ever “just do it.” ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Recovery is more than just exposure and trying to feel better. Last week on The Anxious Morning we talked about the common “recovery identity crisis” issue. That thing where we're not really sure who we are if we're not anxious people. That can be part of the recovery process, and part of addressing that identity crisis is to literally just try new things, sometimes at random and just for the sake of trying them ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Are anxiety and excitement related? Are they the same thing? I'm going to point at some research that you might find interesting because it indicates that anxiety - at least anticipatory anxiety - and excitement may very well look so much alike that two people in the same state can choose which of the labels they attach to it. This creates very different results when performance is measured on anxiety-triggering tasks.This thing that we're sure is so horrible and dangerous is also nearly indistinguishable from what we feel in some of the happiest moments life has to offer. That has to hold at least some value in this thing we do together. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Everyone wants to get better right now. I totally get that. Of course we're going to want to rid ourselves of this scourge as quickly as possible. Human nature is what it is. This is not a crime. You're allowed to want a better life. We talk about courage all the time in this thing. It's a vital part of the process, especially in the beginning of the journey. You need the most courage at the start, when you have to first face your fear and get that ball rolling in the right direction. That stinks, but that's how this works. Patience is another thing that we really need in the recovery process, but we often don't talk about it enough. If courage gets the ball rolling, then patience keeps it rolling. We need courage the most at the start of the process. We need patience most when we get into the dog days of recovery in the middle of the process and toward the end. Unfortunately, this is kinda ass backwards with respect to how humans generally work. We're most willing to be courageous when we have “proof” that things will be OK. We're most willing to be patient before we actually understand how much patience will be required of us. It's really quite annoying when you look at it this way.If you have been courageous and you've gotten that ball rolling forward, well done! If you're doing things that you used to avoid, making your world larger again, and breaking free little by little from the chains anxiety placed around your ankles, that is amazing. You got the first part of this equation nailed and you're on your way. Do not lose sight of the what you're doing and what you're accomplishing. I know you're not necessarily feeling great yet, but that isn't the immediate goal. You're changing what you have to change now so you'll feel better later. That's the name of this game.At some point you are going to be confronted with another symptom, or another scary thought, or another challenge that you think should not be a challenge. This is when it might feel like you're working like a dog but getting nowhere. You'll be tempted to throw your hands up and declare that you're starting over because you're frustrated and maybe a little angry and discouraged. This is where courage alone is not enough. When you hit this point, you are now entering the patience zone. Nobody wants to be in the patience zone, but we all travel through it to get to where we want to go.Stop. Take a few breaths. Make a little space between your emotional reaction and the next thing you do. It's OK to get frustrated and annoyed. You can't really stop that from happening because you are human and you REALLY want to get better. Just don't grab onto that feeling and let it drag you up and down the block. Be nice to yourself. Feeling things and thinking things is NOT going backward. The direction of travel is defined by what you do, not by what you think and feel. This is a crucial concept, but if you are impatient, you will often gloss over that and fall in the “setback” trap.When you want to rant about how this isn't working, and you want to totally throw away all the progress you've clearly made, remember that patience is also part of the recovery puzzle. It's not easy, but you have to find a way to be nice to yourself, which means being patient with yourself. How long will this take? As long as it takes. Nobody knows. But I can tell you that if you are going to reject the idea that you must be patient, it will likely take longer than it needs to. Another one of those silly secret-code paradox things you hear me dropping all the time, right?Yes, courage. But not just courage. You can't just run this over. Also, patience. You must be patient, often in the moments where you are least interested in being patient. You might think that you can't be patient, but remember that at one time you also thought that you could not be courageous, yet here you are. Do you struggle with being patient with your recovery? Feel free to use the comments section on Substack to talk about it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

When push comes to shove, recovery usually goes out quietly, through the back door, in the middle of the night. It ends not with a flourish and a blast of trumpets as you re-enter the city and are greeted by the adoring masses, but with a barely a sound at all and nobody really noticing—including you ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Let's look at two statements that might describe someone's recovery situation at any given time.“I'm engaging in living my life and doing what I want to do while I'm anxious.”“I'm engaging in living my life and doing what I want to do but I'm anxious.”At first look, they seem pretty similar. In fact, they are mathematically 94% similar. Only one word in 16 is different. Can you see the different word? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Many members of this community that struggle with panic attacks at some point start to worry that they may have some other problem. This worry often pops up when you're not experiencing panic all that often any longer, but are still worried all day long about how you feel. You don't panic, but you also just feel anxious all the time, you don't know why, and you are definitely focused on it and concerned about what it might mean ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Who am I without anxiety?This is a question that surprised me when I first started hearing it. Today I want to focus a bit more on the identify crisis that sometimes confronts people during the recovery process... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

One of the most common questions I get is “what are some good exposures for OCD?”The fact of the matter is that two people could very much resonate with a term like relationship OCD, yet have completely different triggers, rituals, obsessions, and therefore, completely different sets of exposures, different styles of response prevention that will be needed, and therefore, a different treatment plan... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Today we're going to talk about another common cognitive distortion that runs rampant among people dealing with anxiety and anxiety disorders. This one is called “personalization”.Personalization is the distortion that drives you to assume that somehow most things are either your fault, caused by you, or about you in some way. That might sound like being self-centered, but that's a different thing. When we're dealing with the distortion of personalization, we're generally talking about negative or self-deprecating thinking ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Fear - especially fear that comes with disordered anxiety - wants ALL the attention. All of it. All the time. Sometimes that looks mean, rude, and selfish.In many ways, the recovery process is all about unmasking this tendency, then learning how to starve anxious fear of its need for constant attention. ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

If you are reading this, there is at least some chance that you are hoping that I will give you tips, techniques, and a program to follow to feel better or recover from your anxiety issues. I get it. I'd want that too.So do I provide those things? Yes. And no ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Let's talk about how to build a house.There is no program or special technique for driving a nail, but driving is a nail is certainly part of a program for building a house. It's the scale. The scale that you're working at matters.How does this relate to anxiety and recovery? Well, scale matters there too. Just like you might be frustrated when trying to drive a nail, you might be frustrated by the smallest moments in recovery and hoping for additional instruction that you can use in those moments ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

The back door spike is what we call it you start to worry that you're not “anxious enough” about your intrusive or unwanted thoughts ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Isn't self care meditation and tea and quiet music in the early morning light? Isn't it gentle and calm and soothing?Evidently, not always.It's 5:40 AM on a Thursday morning in mid October, 2022 ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Why am I ranting a bit this morning about something I've already ranted about quite a few times? If you are getting frustrated because you've been trying to “accept” and “cope” at the same time so that things don't hit the “too much” level, you are likely seeing very slow or no progress. You may see progress for a few days then feel like its instantly shattered when all that coping doesn't work. I'm ranting because I hate to see people calling themselves broken or incapable because they're making technical errors. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

When it comes to recovery, be a generalist, not a specialist. Don't focus on learning to drive while anxious. Focus on learning how to get better at being anxious whenever that pops up. Take the context out of the equation and stop at the first part of the question. That's the part that leads us out of the woods!“How do you handle anxiety …. Anywhere?” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Things change. Our perceptions change. Our motivations change. Contexts change. Our reactions and our internal experiences change from hour to hour and day to day. This is how things work.Everybody is different. Everything is different. All. The. Time.Why does this matter in the context of anxiety recovery? ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Every once in a while someone will ask me how I can be around anxious people all the time, talking and writing about anxiety all the time, and going back to school to become a therapist, without becoming anxious myself. It's an interesting question, and a really good question, so let me answer it here this morning.The short answer is no. This does not in any way make me anxious. But let me qualify that. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

“My problem is that I'm am empath.”Another one of those statements that I've heard again and again over the years. Let's talk about the idea that other people's anxiety and emotions must automatically impact yours or that you have no choice but to be anxious because other people around you feel things or show things.Let me propose another definition of what being empathic means. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Doing hard things is … well … hard. There are a few things that can make this even harder than it already is. One of those things is low self-esteem or a negative self-image ... This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

We're going to get a little meta today on The Anxious Morning. Consider this edition of the newsletter a bit of a basic instruction manual on how to use the material that I - and others that sound like me - produce on a daily basis.Let me start by acknowledging that when you are afraid, confused, and lost, it's totally understandable that you will be desperate to get immediate answers that address the things you care most about RIGHT NOW. You are suffering in a moment, so you want to address the specifics of that moment right away. Who has time to read books, go through old newsletter editions, or listen to podcasts? You just want instructions on how to feel better right now.I get this. If you find yourself in this state, you are not doing anything wrong. You're just doing what frightened people do. It's OK.That being said, trying to address immediate fear hour-by-hour or day-by-day is not really a great plan. Unfortunately, none of the recovery process is about feeling better. It's definitely not about feeling better on demand or immediately. Continually trying to feel better and squash fears and symptoms as they happen is not really recovery. That's management, and I'm never here to teach anyone how to just manage anxiety. Recovery is about learning to BE better. Better at experiencing the full range of human experiences including fear or big emotions. Better at finding and displaying courage, resolve, and commitment. Better at believing in yourself and your ability to be OK even in the face of discomfort or adversity. Recovery isn't about feeling better. Recovery is about getting better at feeling.Now that I've tossed out a few quote-worthy lines, what does this all mean? Well it means that if you really want to make progress and move beyond just trying to manage your anxiety and your fear, you have to start thinking long term. You have to start focusing on the actual goals of recovery rather than just trying to frantically fix things on the fly as they happen.This means taking time to actually learn what's going on. Understanding this new approach to anxiety and fear. Getting familiar with the concepts of recovery and the principles that form common threads that we see across all fears, contexts and challenges. This means taking the time to learn and understand that driving anxiety and heart anxiety are the same thing. Does that last line sound ridiculous to you? If it does, then you're going to want to start to take some time to read, listen, and learn rather than just asking questions based on what you're worried about in any given moment.There are, as of this writing, over 225 episodes of The Anxious Truth Podcast. There are now 180 editions of The Anxious Morning newsletter and podcast. There are three books that I've written on this topic. More than 600 pages of information. I've covered the basics of just about every recovery concept, and I've done it in multiple formats and probably multiple times over the last however many years.Is this a lot of information to go through? It sure is. Will it take time and effort to go through it and digest it? It will. But just like going to therapy is a good use of your time and energy, so is actually taking advantage of all the psychoeducational material that's already sitting there, answering the questions you have and laying things out for you. I know you don't want to go listen to old podcast episodes or read books. You want tips on “how to deal with” right now. But the way to “deal” is all laid out for you in most of the material that already exists. It's just not the way you were hoping for. I think I can speak for a few of my friends here too. You know the cast of characters that I regularly collaborate with. Josh Fletcher. Kim Quinlan. Lauren Rosen. Joanna Hardis. Jenna Overbaugh. If you add up all the material we've produced it would probably reach halfway to the moon. Go use it. Take advantage. Not all of it is free, but I think it's safe to say that at least 90% of it is. “But that's a lot of reading and listening, Drew. Can't you just give me tips for how to handle feeling like I can't breathe?”I already did. Probably ten different ways. And the information I've already produced usually goes well beyond just your current concern. It ties it into those over-arching principles and concepts that guide the long term recovery process. I've written and spoken before about being an active participant in your recovery. This is one way you can do that. Take the time. Accept that you have to start to look at the long game, not just minute-by-minute management. Then get to work. Read. Listen. Digest. Think. Then, by all means, ask questions about what you've read, heard, or watched. I'm happy to answer them if at all possible.That will take some time and effort on your part. But I've put in quite a bit of time and effort on my end because I think you are worth it. Don't you think that too?“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” - Dr. SeussEvery Friday I'll share one of my favorite quotes. They'll often have direct application in recovery, but sometimes they're just generally funny, inspiring, or thought-provoking.  I hope you enjoy them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

“Recovery.” The word implies restoration to a former state. But what if you have no recollection of a time when anxiety wasn't your constant, familiar companion? Without a reference point, is recovery possible? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com

Sometimes we hear the term self-parenting talked about in the context of recovery. I wanted to take this morning to give you an example of where I think it is perfectly applied, and an example of how I think it can often be misinterpreted in our context. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theanxiousmorning.substack.com