The King James Virgin

Nick and Adam have a new podcast: None of This is Reel! Here's the trailer for their new show, we hope you enjoy it and come join us as we […]

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Christmas Story. Nick learns that Jesus is a Josh-damn little shit.

In this episode, Nick, Adam, and Will discuss “truth” and it's various meanings. Nick learns that Will and Adam still have some lingering feelings about their lapsed beliefs.

In this episode, Nick tells Adam about turn of the century religious writer G. K. Chesterton. Nick learns that Adam has very strong feelings about C. S. Lewis fans.

In this episode, Nick tells Adam about conservative TV personality Pat Robertson. Nick and Adam learn than real life Bond villains might actually exist!

In this episode, Nick tells Adam about conservative religious leader and political activist, Jerry Falwell. Nick learns that Adam's idea of turn-ons might be broader than first imagined.

In this episode, Alan and Adam talk about their experience growing up in the 90s in the church. The two of them learn that maybe Alan being in charge of his brother's church clothes inspired an eventual career.

In this episode, Nick tells Alan and Adam about the author of The Conservative Mind, Russell Kirk. Everyone learns “paleo” has more than one obvious reference, and that Ren Faires need to be consensual.

In this episode, Evie tells Alan, Adam, and Nick about the Papal headwear. Everyone learns that sometimes when the Pope says he wants to be less fancy, what he really means is, “I want a lighter hat”.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Abraham and Isaac. Nick learns that child murder is in the eye of the beholder.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, and how the three of them tried to do God's work for him. Nick learns that sometimes you've got to give up a little skin to get a new name.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Abram's (aka: Abraham) early life. Adam, Alan, and Nick learn that maybe Abraham made his millions from donkey futures.

In this episode, Nick and Adam watch the second half of the documentary: Hells Bells: The Dangers of Rock'N'Roll. Nick learns that maybe Pan was a lot more common in the 70s than he is today.

In this episode, Nick and Adam watch the first half of the documentary: Hells Bells: The Dangers of Rock'N'Roll. Nick learns that Adam is SUPER triggered by the ridiculous content of late-80s conservative rhetoric.

In this episode, Nick tells Alan and Adam about Judith AND Lilith. Nick learns that Alan puts in a ton of work, and does not envy him.

In this episode, Adam and Nick talk to Adam's friend Will about sin. Adam and Will learn that Nick's lack of religious upbringing was even better than they assumed.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about David dancing before the lord (and Uzzah kicking the bucket). Adam and Alan learn that Nick sometimes offends his customer's sensibilities.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Psalms 23. Nick learns that “praise band” can be a triggering phrase.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the temptation of Christ. Nick learns that the wilderness is more than just the forest.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the second half of Samuel's story. Nick learns that God likes to kill 50,000 dudes, just for peaking.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Ark of the Covenant. Nick learns that, apparently, God has a wide, yet shallow butt.

In this episode, once again, Alan and Adam battle it out in a tournament setup by Nick. Nick learns that Margot is out for blood, and she doesn't care who's standing in her way!

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the tabernacle. Nick learns that when priests be hungry, they prefer big ass bread.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Samuel as a child. Nick learns that robes can be deadly.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the mark/number of the beast from Revelation. Nick learns that his past experience with Cats has prepared him well for the more esoteric parts of the Bible.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Gideon. Nick learns that there's more to this dude than just leaving Bibles in hotel rooms.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Children of Israel and the Plague of Fire Snakes. Nick learns that fire snakes are probably a lot grosser than they sound.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Ruth. Nick learns that he should have been on the lookout for his most attractive cousin.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Hosea and Gomer. Nick learns Alan has incredibly strong feelings about raisins.

In this episode, Evie tells Alan, Adam, and Nick about the Saints Wilgefortis and Corona. Everyone learns that palm trees can sometimes be more interesting than Jesus in a dress.

You may have noticed we didn't drop an episode on Thursday, we choose not to post anything so that black voices could be heard more clearly. We also wanted to use our platform to elevate a show we really like called BLACK FRIDAY. It's created by Tycho Newman, and we thought you might dig it. You can find more about BLACK FRIDAY at: theblackfridaypodcast.com. Original episode description: A local man wakes up to find he has undergone a radical transformation.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Cain and Abel. Nick learns that his love of The Sandman has come to serve him well.

This week, we're giving you a taste of what our Patreon subscribers will get access to: new episodes of the Aesop Abstinent. This week, Nick tells Alan and Adam the fable of The Stag and the Oxen. Adam and Alan learn that figs have weirdly become a theme throughout this podcast.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of how we fucked it all up. Nick is reminded that Adam and Alan used to spend WAY TOO MUCH time together…Nick Wooster is god.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of how it all began. Nick learns that you don't need the sun to have a light and that time is meaningless.

In this episode, Alan is back, but we're still watching the Hanna-Barbera cartoons. This week it's Daniel and the Lion's Den from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible”! Nick and Adam show Alan the ropes, and Alan still ends up schooling the other two.

In this episode, Alan is still out on paternity leave, Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of The Miracles of Jesus from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits (and/or lack there of).

In this episode, with Alan still out on paternity leave, Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of Queen Esther from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits (and/or lack there of).

In this episode, Alan is still out on paternity leave, so Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of Samson and Delilah from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits.

In this episode, Alan is out on paternity leave, so Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of Jonah from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the end times. Nick learns that Alan and Adam grew up in a church obsessed with prophesy (and prepping).

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Naaman. Nick learns that Alan and Adam have vastly different understandings of the sonic qualities of punctuation.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Elisha and the Bears. Nick learns that just two verses can spark the imagination of a young Adam.

In this episode, once again, Alan and Adam battle it out in a tournament setup by Nick. Nick learns that DC Talk's and the Talking Heads's careers never overlapped…coincidence?!?

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Jesus's politics. Nick learns that Jesus probably would Feel the Bern!

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Peter's weird dream that changed everything. Nick learns that he's been eating ALL of the wrong types animals.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick more stories about the life of David. Nick learns that it's possible David and Oprah had something in common. Shhhh, it's a secret.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick more stories about the life of David. Nick learns that Saul was a really shitty dinner host.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the story of David, Bathsheba, and Leonard Cohen's “Hallelujah”. Nick learns that Alan really doesn't like Susan Boyle.

In this episode, Nick, Alan, and Adam listen to Evie talk about Catholicism. Nick learns that the (current) pope doesn't like red shoes.

In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the story of John the Baptist. Nick learns that knowing where your head is might be more difficult than you might assume.