Podcasts about annie jen

There is a tremendous amount of pressure on women to bounce back after baby, and that can have a negative impact on new moms during an already stressful time. It doesn’t have to be that way! Jen, Annie and Lauren get together and brainstorm ways to fight the postpartum body blues, move past shame and into acceptance. Tune in and get practical advice, much needed perspective and renewed focus. Enjoy!   What you’ll hear in this episode: Changes in the portrayals of the postpartum experience Media and cultural messaging around postpartum bodies and how they should look Postpartum as a chapter in your life where your body looks different The role of comparisons in body shame Advertising messaging in pregnancy magazines When women dread the obligation to lose weight postpartum The impact of dieting stress on the body The stress associated with having a newborn The temporary nature of postpartum body feels Timing of fat loss goals postpartum relative to other stressors Achieving body neutrality postpartum The constantly changing nature of our bodies Practicing non-attachment to our body shape The prevalence of postpartum body dissatisfaction and what you can do about it   Resources: Secrets From the Eating Lab Episode 29: A Therapist’s Advice On Asking For What You Need Mindfulmft Instagram account Episode 9: Two Sisters, Two Bodies: Growing Up Together In A Body Obsessed World Learn more about Balance365 Life here Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play, or Android so you never miss a new episode! Visit us on Facebook| Follow us on Instagram| Check us out on Pinterest Join our free Facebook group with over 40k women just like you! Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Google Play! It helps us get in front of new listeners so we can keep making great content. Transcript Annie: Welcome back to another episode of Balance365 Life radio. Before we dive into this topic, I wanted to share a really sweet review we got on iTunes and this is from Becks H and she says "As I learn more about the damage that diet culture has done and is continuing to do in my own life and in general, these ladies are a breath of fresh air. It's like having a chat with encouraging girlfriends who can answer all of your questions. I always learn something and I always an up in a good mood plus listening while I work makes tasks and chores more bearable." Thank you so much, Becks H, I appreciate the review and to everyone else who has left a review for us on iTunes or Spotify, we read every single one of them and they mean so much to us, thank you. Alright, let's dive into this postpartum topic. The postpartum period can be a time of great love but it can also be great sadness. If you've had a baby you've likely experienced the insane amount of pressure placed on postpartum women to "bounce back" quickly after giving birth, from magazines to media, to even well intentioned friends and family, women are praised and applauded for making it appear as though they never even had a baby. With such high expectations for women it can feel impossible to feel like you aren't failing. Our bodies go through so many changes in the pregnancy and postpartum stage, it's common to hear women in awe of their body's ability to grow and birth a child but on the other hand, insecure and confused about how their post-partum body looks. On today's episode of Balance365 Life radio, Lauren, Jen and I discuss our personal experiences with postpartum body shame and suggestions on how to cope and if you want to continue this discussion, we'd love to see you inside our free private Facebook group Healthy Habits Happy Moms. Enjoy. Ladies, the gang's all here. Yay! All three of us are back together. Lauren: Yay! Annie: Jen, how are you doing today? Jen: Good. Annie: Good. Lauren, how are you? Lauren: Good. Annie: Again. You know, we act like I haven't talked to Lauren twice already on two different podcasts. I've done this intro already. Lauren: I'm still wonderful.   Annie: Good, good. I'm happy to have both of you here with me today because we're talking about a topic that comes up frequently in our podcast or in our community and I'm kind of surprised we haven't already dove into this in our podcast but that is postpartum shame. Which kind of used to be our bread and butter, that was like how, we were then Healthy Habits Happy Moms, we really started as pre/postnatal talk and training experts. Jen: Yeah, I mean we still do talk about pre and post natal health, women's health, we've just expanded from there. Annie: Yeah, but it's like kind of going back to our roots today, like we used to talk about this so much and we still do inside of our Facebook community which is Healthy Habits Happy Moms on Facebook, if you're not a part of it, it's a pretty a free private community which if you have more questions or you want to continue the discussion on the podcast today inside there is a great place to do it. But we want to talk about postpartum body shame because it's something that the 3 of us have absolutely experienced at various stages in our life and it's something that we hear from a lot of women in our community that they also experience and that's large in part because there's an insane amount of pressure on postpartum women to "bounce back" after giving birth and it's not surprising because we live in a culture unfortunately that fonds over women who lose the baby weight and don't even look like they've had a baby or they are able to slip on their pre-pregnancy jeans shortly after leaving the hospital and intentionally harmful or not this message, the message to women is clear that women are encouraged and applauded for having a baby and then essentially destroying any evidence of having done so and it can feel incredibly hard when you see all of that to not feel like you're failing if you don't achieve those results, right? Jen: Yeah, I mean, I think the message that we get becomes an expectation almost like if you aren't one of those women that "bounces back" then there's something wrong with you. Lauren: Or you better at least be trying your hardest. Jen: Yeah. Lauren: If you're not trying, what's wrong with you. Annie: Absolutely and I just, I do want to be clear that there's a lot of ways that shame can kind of show up or present itself in the postpartum period and that can be, like, function related which we've talked about a lot in our community as well as far as diastasis recti, incontinence, hernia, pelvic floor dysfunction, sexual dysfunction. It can also show up as mental and emotional related shame which is something I know Jen's been very vocal about postpartum depression, anxiety, O.C.D, just general sadness or depression but we really want to focus on shame as it relates to your appearance or your body today on this episode and some of the ways that can show up is, you know, feeling like you still look pregnant after giving birth shortly or a while after. It can change your belly shape. You can feel shame or embarrassment or concern about stretch marks, your skin, your hair, maybe carrying additional body fat or weight, more cellulite, baggy or loose skin, which, to me ,I'm reading this, listen, I'm, like, "Yep, that sounds pretty par for the course for pregnancy, postpartum." Jen: Or you, just, you know, you've never had a baby. Annie: You just have a body. Jen: Yeah like so these are just trigger things for women and you know, we, you know, we talk about this so often but really we have been set up for failure in postpartum, as women, you know, women get set up for failure in that, first of all, nobody talks much about postpartum and two, there isn't a very realistic portrayal of postpartum. I mean, it's coming, it's coming, I think we've got more pages, like social media accounts of stuff that popped up with women sharing a more realistic postpartum but I mean, when I was having babies, I started in 2009 and ended in 2013, there was nothing out there like there is now. There was a lot of women going viral, like, I mean, I'm talking across the world for how they looked postpartum. Just, you know, international headlines, it's crazy. Annie: Well and that's one of things you wanted to share, you found a couple studies that kind of reflects your experience because I remember one of my first conversations with you was you had, would it have been your third round Heidi Klum? Jen: I had my first around the same time as Heidi Klum I think had her fourth or her third and she was on the Victoria's Secret runway at 10 weeks postpartum and all the power to Heidi Klum, for sure, it's just that, you know, she probably spent 10 weeks preparing for that, she was probably preparing for it in her pregnancy and it just wasn't a realistic, you know, postpartum journey, you know, not many women, you know, would look like. Lauren: Not many women's lives look like Heidi Klum's, right? Jen:  Yeah. Lauren: She has help in every area of her life right and a lot of us are doing this more or less on our own, so it's not going to look the same. Jen: Right and also after she was on the runway I mean everybody made such a huge deal out of it and then there was articles everywhere talking about, interviewing her on her diet and exercise regime leading up to that and she was on a very strict diet and she had, she was working out tons and so there was just no gentler message out there at the time and I really thought that should probably be, like, I should have, I clearly should have been doing that kind of thing and I did feel really ashamed. Annie: Right, there's this like inferred, like, standard, like, this is the standard for her when, in reality, like, she gets paid to look a certain way and do a job based off of the way her body looks which we can dive into a little bit later. And like, and you don't, so like the expectations are just different, you know and the standards are different but there is that, when you see that put on a pedestal, her put on a pedestal for doing this thing with her body after pregnancy, there's this inferred "I should be doing that as well" or that's what's expected. Jen:  And I also wanted to note that postpartum body shame is incredibly complex but most women headed into postpartum at that are feeling ashamed about their bodies already carried quite a bit of shame beforehand, like the shame, the body shame always existed and it does exist in millions upon millions of women and postpartum just intensifies it. Annie: Absolutely, I know just on a personal note, I felt like, as you noted, starting right away in pregnancy that my body was changing faster than my thoughts and emotions and mind could process and it was just, you know, and that carried well into postpartum and I'm 2.5, who says that, 2.5, 2 and a half years postpartum and I still feel like I'm seeing changes in my body with like my hair and my skin, like, I feel like my hair is starting to grow back a little bit and it's like your body is just changing and I just remember thinking that it was changing faster than I could process, I could emotionally, like, keep up with it. It seemed like I got comfortable with one aspect or the way my body was feeling or looking or functioning and then "Oh, we're going to pivot, we're going to change ,we're going to grow a little bit, we're going to expand a little bit or shift a little bit" and it can be challenging. So we, but you know, with all that said we also understand that a lot of women at this stage have a desire to feel more confident and you know, ultimately I remember feeling like I wanted to regain some sort of control because as a mom, it felt like so much of it was out of my control and I just wanted to control something and a lot of times, in our experience, we see women trying to control their bodies or their food or their exercise as a way to like do that thing, to gain some control, so we just wanted to share some steps, essentially that might help you overcome or work through some postpartum body shame. Yeah? Jen:  Yeah. Lauren: Yeah. Annie: OK, alright, let's go. So the first one is to quit comparisons and this can be on a couple different levels but we would encourage you to let go of comparing your pre-pregnancy body with your postpartum body and also comparing your bodies with other women, which is just good advice in general but a lot of times we hear women comparing their prenatal, their pre-baby body and their post baby body and we would offer that it doesn't have to be better or worse that it's just different. Jen:  Yeah, I mean a lot, there's, this conversation happens constantly but it's women comparing, you know, how long it took them to get back to their pre-pregnancy weight or, that's a goal, right, so it's like "I'm 5 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm 15 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight." It seems to be the goal for a lot of women postpartum. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, it's just that, it's sort of like believing you can predict what your body is going to look like and feel like after puberty. It's a major, major hormonal event, major physical changes happening and you don't really know what your body is going to look like on the other side of pregnancy and into postpartum and the other thing, you know, we've kind of touched on this but our own postpartum body standards is that postpartum is yet another chapter of a woman's life where her body is going to look different so there is, one study I pulled that actually interviewed a whole host of women in Australia who were giving birth and inside that study women talked about their utter, like, their, just, their shock around postpartum, like, their their prenatal classes had all revolved around labor and delivery and nobody had really talked to them about postpartum, like what they would look like, how they would feel and there was an acceptance of their body changing during pregnancy because it was very functional. But postpartum they felt, they didn't feel there was a function for that changed body anymore and it and they were shocked at their bodies didn't go back to how they looked pre-pregnancy and so I always encourage women to look at postpartum like another chapter right, so pregnancy is a chapter of life where your body will be changing and may not look or feel the way it had before but postpartum is also another chapter where your body definitely has a function, where now you are recovering from birth and many women will be nursing a baby, some women not, which is fine. But that's just another chapter where your body has function and and a job to do and it's going to look different. Annie: Yeah and we always say in our community too that postpartum is forever, like once you're postpartum, you're postpartum forever so there's no, like, timeline for, at least we wouldn't prescribe or suggest or a timeline for which any of this is normal. It's all very individual base and person-specific. Like some women change, gain weight, lose weight for a variety of reasons, at a variety of rates and it's not, like, prescriptive, like, this is what you should be doing. Lauren: I think for me, what really, something that really helped me was exactly what Annie said, realizing that "pre-baby body" like, that's gone, like, I will have a post baby body forever, like, it's never, it's always going to be different and it's not better or worse and it doesn't mean I can't get, you know, some semblance of, you know function back. I can still lose the some extra fat that I put on. I can get stronger but it's always going to be different than it was before. And that's OK. That's how it's supposed to be. Jen: Yeah and it's also important to remember that fat has a function as well, it's not just, you know, excess weight that we've put on that's unnecessary and it's like, it's crazy out there on social media that, you know, what women become consumed with. There was a period of time where every time I logged into Pinterest the very 1st pin at the top of my feed was how to lose fat during pregnancy and I could see that it had been pinned thousands and thousands of thousands of times and it's just, it's just such a symptom of what women are so concerned about in pregnancy, right, it's yeah, it's just become this massive concern because we live in this society- Annie: That fears it. Jen: Yeah that has set up this expectation for us but it's no different than everything we've talked about on this podcast before, it's just during a different chapter of your life. The marketing machine is still the same and the marketing machine is still there for pre and post natal women so it is, you know, holding up an unrealistic standard for women, making them feel ashamed that they don't meet that standard and selling them something in order to try and meet that standard. And you see there's like all these things like stretch marks creams on the market that really don't have any evidence behind them whatsoever. Because whether you develop stretch marks or not is probably mostly based on your genetics. I had stretch marks well before I hit pregnancy. I got them in puberty so I knew some would probably be coming during pregnancy. My sister had stretch marks, my mom has stress marks, you know, and there's all these industries that have popped up around women's bodies being wrong, even during pregnancy and postpartum and one other study that I pulled was a media study done on 3 popular pregnancy magazines and upwards and over 50 percent of the advertising inside those magazines were ads about weight loss or getting your body back. So you're already being bombarded with this messaging during pregnancy that your primary goal postpartum should be erasing any signs that you have become a mother. Lauren: And it causes a real fear even during pregnancy. Jen: Right. Lauren: About what's coming, what's going to happen. Jen: Right, absolutely. Annie:  I just had a phone call with one of my closest friends, she is pregnant and she's struggling with gaining weight during pregnancy and I assured her over and over and over again that this is exactly what your body's supposed to be doing, like, this is your body's job, like this is normal, this is an expectation but she's already kind of bracing herself for, like, weight loss postpartum, like, I'm putting on all this weight and I'm going to have to lose it and it's like, "You know, actually, you don't have to. You don't have to." Jen: Yeah, you don't have to do anything different, really postpartum and a lot of women's bodies will settle in. So I look at my three experiences and in my third experience I was not dieting and in my first two I was just, you know, hyper focused on the weight loss postpartum and in my first two I lost weight very quickly and you know, again my whole goal being finding my "pre-pregnancy weight" but it just consumed me, right and I had, especially in my second pregnancy, I had all these pelvic health issues going on but I could not pause to deal with those because I was just, I just was obsessed with losing this weight. And then by my third one I wasn't dieting so I wasn't hyper focused, I wasn't doing anything differently than I had maybe done in pregnancy as far as just, you know, eating balanced meals and all of that and guess what? I lost the weight anyways, like, you know, without stressing over it and so what we say is like, you know, we always say this, but, "Cultivate healthy habits that work for you in that season of your life and let your body be what it's going to be. Let your weight be what it's going to be and that is probably what's healthiest for you." Annie: Well and especially to consider that as a mom, new or not, whether it's your first or it's your fifth, babies are stressful, you know and then maybe you've got some other kids on top of that, maybe you're returning to a career in the home or outside the home or whatever but I mean, at the bare minimum, caring for a baby and yourself in that stage of the game is stressful and then so many women want to throw additional stress of dieting and workouts, which dieting is a stress on your body, it creates psychological stress. I mean, Traci Mann is coming on our podcast this week, it's echoed in her book Secrets From the Eating Lab, like it's additional stress on your body. Jen: Yeah, measurable, you measure your stress levels, that when people are dieting their stress levels go up. Annie: Yeah, their cortisol is higher and it's, like, you know, cut yourself some slack. Jen: Yeah, absolutely and then it leads into a cycle, right, so there's this the stress cycle where, like, you're super stressed so your cravings intensify, which Lauren can talk more about that if she wants to and then all those cravings intensify and you end up in that binge and restrict cycle, right, even postpartum and it's so intense because you are already so stressed, fighting those cravings, then trying to restrict, which leads to more stress, which leads to more urges to binge eat and yeah, it's just a really messy, messy cycle that I think if more women were honest, they would say they were very, very stuck in in the postpartum chapter. Annie: Absolutely. Moving on, I know I just said that once you're postpartum you're postpartum forever but with that said, I also want to offer that now is not forever and what I mean by that is how you're feeling now about your body, hopefully, likely, I mean, assuming it's, if you're listening to this you might be feeling some negative emotions about your body or maybe you've experienced that in the past or you're kind of preparing for it in the future but know that feelings ebb and flow and as uncomfortable as it can be to lean in and shine a light so to speak on the dark feelings that you're feeling, it could be the thing that helps you step forward from self loathing to self-love and Vienna Pharaon was actually on our podcast, if you don't follow her on mindfulmft which we can link into the show notes on Instagram, she's a just a wonderful uplifting account. She's a therapist but she encourages, a couple weeks ago she had a post about how to cultivate self-love and her answer was the only way to love yourself is by exploring all the things you hate about yourself. The practice of self-love can't be fully successful if we hide and reject the parts that actually need it and so I guess with that, what comes to mind for me is when I'm feeling some type of way, when I'm feeling a negative emotion or shame about a body part or an aspect of my life or trait of myself, instead of kind of running and hiding from it or distracting myself with other thoughts or behaviors to actually kind of explore, like, what is this, where did this come from, why am I feeling like this, where did I learn this, when did this start and see what answers you come up with and in my experience, the more I do that, the more I'm able to lean into those emotions, the quicker they pass. Jen: Right, the other thing is to understand that self acceptance is such a crucial component of body satisfaction and self acceptance does not necessarily mean you love every part of your body and this goes for postpartum, so full honesty here, I don't love the way my postpartum body looks and I don't love the way it feels so I just find it extremely uncomfortable, not just my stomach but like big breastfeeding boobs, I just can't handle and I'm not used to because I'm actually very small chested normally. I just, all of that stuff just is very uncomfortable. Lauren: Yeah so....sorry... Jen: Self acceptance isn't about loving every part of your body or even necessarily loving the way it looks, it's just about accepting, accepting it all and taking it all in, right? Lauren: Right, yes so for me, I am the newest postpartum out of the 3 of us. I have a one year old and I remember this very, very clearly because when I had Benny we were already, we had already started this company, right, I have been in this process for years but I remember, just not, I was maybe 2 months postpartum and I just didn't feel like myself, right I didn't, I didn't love the way my body looked and like you said, I didn't like how it felt, it felt foreign to me and I didn't feel like myself and what helped for me is to realize that now is not forever, like Annie mentioned. It was, it opened my eyes because we have a lot of people come into the Facebook group and talk about, you know, I haven't lost the baby weight yet and I, you know, I don't feel like myself or whatever and we're like well how far, you know, how long ago did you have your baby and they'll say, you know, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks, whatever and as a non postpartum Mom, you look at that and say "Well, that's a blink of an eye, right, like you are so newly postpartum" but I remember being in that space and to me, it felt like it was taking forever. And I knew, like I knew all this stuff, right, but still being in that place, having your hormones changing, your body still constantly changing. I just need anyone in that space to remind themselves that now is not forever and it does, in the moment, feel like a long time but it will pass. Like, I'm a year postpartum now and I'm still going through postpartum changes but I'd say probably for the first 6 months or so I was like kind of in the thick of it as far as my postpartum body went for sure. Jen: Right and actually in Balance365 we don't even recommend anyone even be thinking about anything fat loss related until they're out of the thick of it, which for some, you know, that differs for every woman, I know we kind of said ish, around 6 months postpartum, like if you're thinking about fat loss before 6 months postpartum you're just probably in the wrong area of your wellness wheel at that point and then I think it was, when you're around 6 months postpartum, Lauren or had you said you kind of came out of think of it around four months postpartum,  I can't remember now. It doesn't feel like that long ago. Lauren: Yeah it was like between 4 and 6, like, there was, I mean, it was kind of cyclical, right, like the baby would sleep through the night then he wouldn't sleep through the night and  so it just kind of depended but between like 4 and 6 months is when I started even working on, you know, anything fat loss or even really health related. Jen: Right, it is just survival, right, survival. Lauren: Yeah, I started just by, like, "Well, let's get some veggies in everyday, Lauren. Let's get some protein." Jen: Which is a very realistic look at what postpartum looks like right and on that sleep front, my third, he didn't sleep through the night until I weaned him when he was one and I honestly didn't feel like I was coming out of the thick of it until then. So I really think like you know it's just so dependent from woman to woman on what that feels like and but that's why that acceptance piece, that self acceptance piece is so important, right, like now is not forever and you can wake up in the morning and you can acknowledge that your breasts feel really heavy and you do not like that feeling or your belly feels, you know, very large and it's in the way and you are not, you know, it's just and you just, you don't enjoy that and that's not where you want to be but just that acceptance can wash over you of this is just, "this is not forever, it's just right now." Annie: And I think that moves you into a space of being very neutral about your body which I know we've talked about with Janelle on the sisters podcast that she really felt like neutral is a good place for her to be at various points that she wasn't able to, like, as you said, love all aspects about her body, which I don't even think is the goal, I don't even know if that's possible, if it is possible I haven't experienced it yet but you can just be kind of like "Oh, this is what it is." Jen: Like, well, if you don't pour all your self-worth into the way your body looks then self acceptance can be easier, right? But when you've poured all to yourself worth into how your body looks then it is absolutely devastating to have to endure postpartum. Annie: Absolutely which is a great segue into our third recommendation is to remember that your body isn't the problem and this is so easy for the three of us to sit here and say now that we're a year plus removed from giving birth but the antidote to your postpartum body shame is way less about dieting down to your pre-pregnancy weight and way more about cultivating self acceptance and Lou Ullrich, I hope I'm pronouncing that right, this, I love this quote of hers. She says "Bodies inevitably change, the more attached we become to their shape, the more we will suffer" and that's essentially what Jen was saying, that, I mean, even, you know, from puberty to college to, you know, high school, college, pre-pregnancy, baby 1, 2, 3, like, I mean, my body is just like, it is constantly evolving, you know. Jen: If we lined up our bodies from, you know, if we had a picture taken on all of our birthdays and lined them up from ages 0 to age 99, you would start to see that your body is always evolving, we are always changing whether it's your shape and size or you know, your skin is changing and that's just it. There just needs to be an acceptance around that, period. Bodies change. Period. Annie: Yeah, you can't stop it. Jen: So never get too attached to any one way that your body looks. Annie: Yeah, absolutely and again this is easy for us to sit here and say but I want to remind our listeners that this is something that we, the three of us, have been practicing for years and years and years and years. This didn't just happen overnight where we're just like "Oh, we're done dieting, we're done with self-loathing, we're done with, we're done you know with shaming ourselves." Like, this has been a practice and I think, you know, the three of us were being honest that we still have days or moments, you know, where we're not loving everything about ourselves or we're struggling a little bit more than others for whatever reason and but now we have the awareness to say "Look, this is just a bad body image day or a bad body image week or I'm feeling in this type of way because X, Y, Z happened and it will pass and it doesn't mean that it needs to affect my behaviors or my actions or how I'm moving forward." Awesome. OK, well, anything else you ladies want to add? I feel like we could talk a lot more about other aspects of postpartum shame as well. Jen:  Yeah, I think this is a good initial dive. Annie: Dive into at least appearance which is what brings women to us, because again, we've been conditioned to think that our body is the most important aspect of our ourselves and so we get a lot of women in our community, especially with the name Healthy Habits Happy Moms that are like "I'm a new mom and I had a baby and now I need to, you know, lose my weight- Jen: I want to get healthy so that means I need to lose all this baby weight and it's like, "Is that healthy?" Like, we just need to pause here and let's just question that a little bit, like is that healthy for you, right now? Especially as quickly as possible, right? Like, we talk about this on this podcast constantly, losing weight as quickly as possible is about one of the most unhealthiest things that you can do to your body and postpartum is no different. Annie: Absolutely. Lauren: Yeah. Annie: OK, good chat, I hope we left our listeners feeling uplifted because I feel uplifted like, "Hey, like this is this is all normal." Jen: "This is all normal and we've all been there." So we get you, girl. Annie: Yes and if you want to, like I said at the beginning, have more support, you know, doing things like a media fast could be helpful. It could also be helpful to join our community continue the discussion here as I mentioned already, Healthy Habits Happy Moms on Facebook. We have a really, really great community of women that would love to work out any sort of emotions you're feeling about your postpartum body or even if you're pregnant or even if you're 5 years, 10 years postpartum, every woman is welcome in there. So we hope to see you on the inside and thanks for joining me ladies. Lauren: Thanks. Jen: Bye. Lauren: Bye.  

In this episode, Jen, Annie and Lauren are joined by James Fell, the author of The Holy Shit Moment, a book that explores epiphanies and how behavior can change overnight. James shares his insights from his own radical behavior change grounded in a lightning bolt moment of permanent change, and talks about the science and stories behind these important moments. Tune in and learn how you can find your own shift, what drives lasting change and how everything can come together in an instant.   What you’ll hear in this episode: What James Fell’s epiphany was and how that changed his life How personal responsibility can be empowering Global versus focal change – what’s the difference Identity shifts and their impacts on relationships The model of personality and how it relates to change Vanity goals: do they work? Are holy S. moments always bad? Gradual vs. Immediate change What supports immediate change? How does gradual change work? Crystallisation of discontent defined The breaking point and change The quest for greatness as an impetus for change Does sucking it up every work? Building habits and enjoyment over time Weighing the pros and cons of action and committing even when it’s unpleasant Acting like a tortoise but thinking like a hare – what does that look like? Post diet rebound, pendulum swings and coming back to centre Resources: Good To Great by Jim Collins The Holy Shit Moment by James Fell Lose It Right by James Fell Learn more about Balance365 Life here Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play, or Android so you never miss a new episode! Visit us on Facebook| Follow us on Instagram| Check us out on Pinterest Join our free Facebook group with over 40k women just like you! Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Google Play! It helps us get in front of new listeners so we can keep making great content. Transcript Annie: Today’s long awaited guest has been a longtime friend and supporter to Balance365 and whenever we ask our community which guest we should have on our show his name always comes up. You might know him as the man behind Body for Wife but we can’t get enough of his straight shooter honest approach to behavior change. Joining us today is the one and only James Fell. James is a highly regarded science based motivator for lasting life change. James recently launched his second book and on today’s episode he shares with us how love and a Joan Baez as quote changed his life forever, how getting clearing your values can make change feel easier and why relying on willpower is a bad idea. We had so much fun recording this episode with James and we know you’re going to love it too, enjoy. Jen and Lauren, we have been waiting for a really, really long time for this podcast episode and I know our community members have been too. Are you ready for this Lauren? Lauren: So ready. We had to reschedule. Annie: Jen, are you? Jen: Yes I’m ready. Annie: Sorry, Lauren, what was that?  I’m so excited I just cut you off. Lauren: I was going to say, we had to reschedule so I’ve been waiting for like an extra week. Annie: I know and every time we ask our community insider Facebook group Healthy Habits Happy Moms who we should have on as a guest, notoriously this man’s name keeps coming up. It is James Fell. Welcome to the show, how are you? James; I kind of feel like a rock star right now after that intro. Annie: You kind of are a rock star. James: Yeah, well, tell my kids that one. Jen: We also get a lot of referrals from you so thank you. James: Oh you’re very welcome, you know- Jen: A ton of women that said they found us  through you. James: We have like minded followers I would say. Annie: Yes. We, James and Healthy Habits Happy Mom’s which is what Balance365 was before it became Balance365 go way back so we’ve been pals for a while and Jen and James, you guys met, I think before James and I met, how did you two meet? Jen: In Vancouver. Oh, like, we just met online, small world as we talked about, when you are not shucking B.S. to people and then we met up in Vancouver and we had coffee which was awesome. James: Yeah, that’s right, I was in Vancouver for a conference. So we got to do the, you know, going from being internet friends to real life friends which is always exciting when that happens, so high five! Annie: Yeah and I met James when I went to the fitness summit in Kansas City many years ago, I mean, gosh, that was probably 3 or 4 years ago I suppose but it was, like, one of those whispers in the lobby like, “That’s James Fell.” James: Don’t make it weird, Annie. Annie: That’s what the women were whispering in my ear and I’m like “Oh, OK, OK.” It was fun to have a couple of drinks and since then our relationship with our company and you have fostered and we are excited to bring you on because you have a new book coming out. This is actually your second book, second to Lose It Right, is that correct? James: That’s correct!   Annie: It comes out January 2nd and I told- James: January 22nd. Annie: Oh, sorry, January 22nd and I told you before we started this that we have labeled our podcast as clean, which means it doesn’t have any explicit lyrics and the title of this book is called the Holy S. Moment and that’s what we’re going to call it for this podcast because we know we have people listening with little ears within earshot but you can probably imagine what the title of that book is and I just have to say it’s not actually out in print yet, is it? James: No, no, we’re, so January 22nd, so as of recording right now we’re 6 days away, so it depends on when you publish this. Annie: So by the time it’s released, this episode is released they’ll be able to find it, where can they find it? James: Anywhere, so it’s being published by St Martin’s Press in the United States and Canada and if you have any listeners in the U.K. Harper Collins is the publisher there so this is this is my 1st international released book. My 1st book Lose It Right was just published in Canada. Annie: That’s exciting, do you feel good about it? James: Oh yeah, I’m really stoked. So yeah, they can find it in any bookstore, any platform, there’s an audio recording too so if people don’t hate my voice, I’m the one that did the narration for the audio. Annie: I love it when authors do that. Jen: I do too. You really feel connected to that author. James: Yeah, I love it too because they paid me to do it. Annie: Winning and the cover of the book, unless it’s changed, because you were kind enough to share the digital format with us, the cover has a lightning bolt on it, right? James: Yes, it does. Annie:  And I don’t know if you can see that but I’ve got a big old tattoo on my trap so, you know, I feel like it was clearly, this was a book that was meant to be in my house. James: Annie Brees, me and Harry Potter are all big on lightning. Annie: Except I’ve never seen Harry Potter, I’ve never read Harry Potter- Lauren: What? Annie:  I know nothing about. I know. James: OK, you just lost some fans. Lauren: I’m sorry. I’m not cool. Annie: Okay, I just wanted to get this out too because on page 6 it just says “hi mom” and I was like- Jen: Oh, that is so sweet. Annie: So you definitely earn some bonus points but what I want to talk about is, if you know us, you know that the 3 of us are all about slow and sustainable change but you actually wrote this book because you found yourself as a coach encouraging slow and steady change but that actually hadn’t reflected your experience in how you forever changed your life. Would you mind sharing the story about the moment and the quote that you think shifted for you? James: Yeah, so before I get into that briefly, like, when it comes to say health and fitness, I don’t mean, you know, jump into your first session with Attila the trainer and go hard core and wreck your self on day one. When it comes to the the change of changing one’s body, you still need to be rational and don’t destroy yourself but the change that I’m talking about is the way that you’re motivated, that quite often we talk about motivation as a form of baby steps, being a tortoise not a hare as well, you slowly, step by step drag, yourself over a motivational tipping point developing, you know, habits that become sticky and the reality is that there’s a lot of people that don’t do it that way. They go from 0 to 100 miles an hour in a moment and they stay that way because of some transformative life changing event that just wakes up a part of their brain where they achieve a new purpose in life that endlessly and vigorously drives them forward. So that’s what the book is about is the science of that event and so there’s the, you know, all the scientific aspect but there’s also a lot of anecdotal stories that run the gamut of, you know, relationships and career change and battling addiction but also, yes, there are some weight loss stories in there as well but to my personal, the first big transformative experience for me happened when I was about 22 years old and I was in university and I’d actually gotten a letter that said, this isn’t verbatim but it boils down to “Your grades suck, we’re kicking you out” and I was, you know, I was in debt, you know, the credit card companies were calling. And I wasn’t looking after my health, I was drinking too much and and I was in a state of despair and part of that had to do with my girlfriend was that she was a very driven woman, straight A student, destined for med school and I knew that if I got kicked out of school and I do not say this to ever speak ill of her but I knew if I got kicked out of school that it was going to be the beginning of the end, that, you know, she wasn’t going to stay with a guy that was a drunken dropout who was letting his health go to hell and so I was, I was really kind of freaked out about what am I going to do and so I’m reading the university newspaper and there was this section that’s like there classified ads called 3 lines free and it’s, you know, a mixed bag of things from quotes and witticisms and proclamations of undying love or temporary lust or whatever and there was a quote in there from of all people Joan Baez the folk singer and the quote read “Action is the antidote to despair.” And I read that and it didn’t hit me immediately but it’s the 1st thing was I realize that, you know what, all these problems that I have can be fixed via action. If I get down to get to work I can fix this stuff and that was the first little wake up and then the next part that hit me bigger was the realization that I had been pretty lazy my entire life. I’ve been skating turned on cruise control, not really putting much effort into anything, these problems that I was experiencing were of my own doing. You people know me that I’m not one of those guys that say “Oh, just suck it up” and you know, I realize that there are people that, you know, life is garbage sandwich and it’s not their own doing but my this was my fault. I had dug this hole myself and only I had the ability to dig my way out and and so there was that realization that I’ve been really lazy and I was actually putting effort into being lazy by, you know, the mental gymnastics it took to, you know, shirk my responsibilities each day and that was when my brain woke up in an instant where I said, “If I just put effort in a positive way, if I just got down and started working, I could fix all this” and that’s the way that these life changing epiphanies work is that they are there a big picture concept, they’re fuzzy, they’re not usually very concrete. The concrete action plan comes afterward, after you have the event but the event happened was like, “If I just work I’ll fix everything” and in that moment I experienced what’s known in Psychology of behavior change circles as dramatic relief, where suddenly you see the light at the end of the tunnel, all the problems haven’t gone anywhere, still there but you know you’re going to fix them and you know that the light is there, you can see it and you’re going to race toward it and everything’s going to be OK. And from that moment, in that instant, I was a changed man. Jen: Wow. James: I got 2 master’s degrees. I didn’t flunk out, I went on and got 2 master’s degrees, oh and that woman, the girlfriend, we’ve been together for almost 30 years now and so yeah, I told you she was the one and you know, got in shape, got out of debt all that good stuff, I don’t brag. Annie: I don’t want to spoil, I didn’t want to spoil it for everyone but when I was reading this part about your, like, this moment that you were having reading that quote I was like “Did he do it?” and he did! And that’s, oh my gosh, that’s so sweet. But I love that realization that you said, I was in this position because I had put myself there and while that can maybe feel a little like, “I did this to myself” it can also feel like that “I can get myself out” like the flip side of that coin is, “Yeah, I put myself here but also I can get myself out” and that’s really like encouraging and empowering I think. Jen: I got goosebumps and I don’t know if you can see that on camera but my hair is standing on end. So I see that shift with some of our Balance365 members sometimes and I agree some people get a garbage sandwich but it is so important to reflect on our contribution to where we’re at in life. I believe that wholeheartedly that it is so important to reflect on that. There are obviously things that were out of your control but there are also things that you have done and you know, for this is a very complex topic but especially, you know, just the different members we have in the different lives they come from but I feel like that can be such a light bulb or that lightning bolt they need to go, you know, maybe they can’t change everything about their life but maybe they have more control than they have let themselves believe, leading out to that moment. James:  And the thing is that there’s focal changes and then there’s global changes, what I experienced was largely a global change, that I just decided that it wasn’t that I was going to get in shape or that I was going to stop flunking out of school, I was going to fix everything and so that was a global change. Other people had these focal changes, like the example in chapter one of Chuck Gross, who had started with his weight because he weighed over 400 pounds and that was a life changing epiphany after having struggled and tried and failed to lose weight many times, he had this transformative experience and that he knew it was going to work and the direct quote from Chuck was “I didn’t have to struggle with my motivation. It came built in.” And he lost over 200 pounds and has kept it off for more than a decade but the interesting thing there is that these experiences often have cascading effects where afterwards, he ended up, he went back to school and he was a straight A student, he went through a personality shift where he went from very introverted to, you know, more confident and more extroverted, it was better for his relationship and it just had a lot of other positive impacts throughout his life. Jen: What about, something on the other end of the scale, I was listening to a podcast the other day with a therapist and she was talking about the high failure rate of relationships after somebody has weight loss surgery and they didn’t dig into that but it relates back to what we’re trying but here is because a lot of people, it’s not about the weight loss, it’s about the identity change that they have because of that huge event and I can also see it going the other way, that, I mean, this happens all the time in relationships, I guess, you have people go through identity shifts throughout their life and it can also affect your relationship negatively. And so I can see it also, you know, not that anyone should stop themselves from changing but it’s just to show this is radical, right, it’s radical what happens to people and this cascading effect that you’re talking about, it can affect, we have in Balance365 these women that go on, like, one woman has founded a feminist nonprofit in Vancouver and is building this huge community and she talks about how it was Balance365 that just, it just was that moment, right, everything changed from there and it’s just interesting to see and we’ve had women applying for jobs they didn’t think they were qualified for and we’ve had women leave their husbands, we’ve had, you know, it’s just that radical personal growth shift that just, yeah, cascades everywhere. James:  Well the research you’re talking about with weight loss surgery, of which I am very supportive, I’ve written an article about how I think that if people that think that that is the right decision for them I’m the last person that would ever shame someone for doing so because the research shows that it can be quite effective but I’m not aware of and I’m not denying it, I’m just saying that I can’t speak to that. Jen: Right. James: However, in these instances I didn’t interview anyone for the book that had undergone very bariatric surgery but there were a few people that had experienced significant weight loss and as well as gone through many other changes and the one theme that I noticed is that what we’re talking about is, yes, there’s an identity shift, yes, there’s a value shift, that’s what makes it effortless. There’s the whole, it refers to Roky, social psychologist Milton Roky teaches model of personality which is, like, the whole, you know, ogres are like onions. Well, people are like onions, too. We’ve got our actions and behaviors at the extra layer which is, if you focus just on changing behavior, that’s why you need to be slow and steady because you’re in conflict with those more internal layers of your values and your identity, whereas if you go through an identity shift and a shift in values, the outer layers just sync up effortlessly which is what happened with Chuck Gross. He went through a rapid identity and values shift which just brought his actions and behaviors into line immediately. But so here’s the thing that, yes, this entire book is about a shift in identity and values which sounds scary. So this is anecdotes, not data but the examples in the book, many of these people were in relationships when they went through this dramatic shift, those relationships got better. Jen: In the examples in your book. James: And I can posit a hypothesis as to why that happens, which is that it’s actually and there’s even some philosophy in there and psychology is that this is not a false construct that you’re creating. When you go through something like this, it’s more like the current identity that you’re letting reign is the fake one, that’s the one that is, you feel that you need to survive each day because of societal pressures and pressures of, you know, maybe toxic people in your life or your job or whatever else is going on that this is the thing that, you know, it can be referred to as the despised self that you’re letting rule your life and then all of a sudden, the true self that, this is the person you’ve been yearning to be your entire life, is suddenly let loose. It’s not invented out of thin air, it was there deep down and it was like every little movie that you watched where there was a hero that did something that impressed you or a story that you read that you say “I wish I could be that brave” or all these little things are tiny bits of data that get lodged in your unconscious that that have the ability to coalesce in a profound way in a moment. So when you go through this type of identity change, this is not slow and steady, it’s such a dramatic emotional event that it’s something where it’s unleashed, it’s like, it’s like a volcano where the magma has been bubbling under the surface, building for years and then all of sudden kerblewy, it explodes.   That’s why it’s a, it’s a holy s. moment because you have this sudden realisation and because and when we look at our relationships with other people that when you fall in love with someone, you have a tendency to idealize them and you’re falling in love with what you, the vision you have of them as their best self. You see, you know, they’re not always that way but when you see the best in them, you have a tendency to overlook the bad parts the parts that annoy you, hopefully. I know my wife does it with me all the time. Then when that real true best self comes to the surface and is allowed to let reign, it’s, like, yeah, the other member of that relationship is very welcoming of that, so I’m not saying it’s a guarantee, I’m not saying it’s going to work that way every time but it sounds good, they said. Jen:  James, what do you think of this, all of this in terms of dieting. So in our community, really, what we have founded everything on is that dieting does not work and a lot, I mean, it doesn’t work for the majority of people and what happens with women is that dieting becomes a part of our identity over time, so you are or losing weight or maybe you’ll tell me, I’m not using the correct scientific terms for all of this but it may feel like part of our identity. It is so ingrained in us to be basically defining our self-worth based on our ability to lose weight or at least trying to lose weight makes us feel worthy and we get, you know, many pats on the head for it as women when we’re doing that. I would say men probably experience that as well and so feel like when women join Balance365, when we help give them, you know, turn the light on a little bit and they join Balance365 and they realize dieting doesn’t work, and for some of them it happens like in “Zing! This does not work. This I have been doing for 25 years does not work” or sometimes it happens slowly, it’s like, “OK, maybe it doesn’t work” but then they, like, come back, you know, and then maybe they pull back from us a little and go, “Well, I’m just going to try one more diet, just to double check” and then would you say that’s a change in identity happening? James: Absolutely and I think you really nailed it, that a lot of people, so that’s that is, sort of a despised self identity that is being allowed to flourish because their values are the approval of other people or living up to some toxic ideal that you see in an air brushed model on a cover of a magazine and looking at food as something that, you know, what they consume is something that they need to suffer through and this is, the thing about these type of events is the whole goal is to remove suffering, when you focus strictly on behavior change, that’s why the tortoise’s preached over the hare because if you change too much all at once, the amount of suffering you experience is quite high because it’s at odds with the more internal layers. And that’s why they say baby steps is because you’re trying to minimize the discomfort until it gets to the point where you just kind of get used to it and you come to tolerate it and yeah, you know those things can work but we all know that the failure rates are pretty high and what can be a much more positive shift in identity is having self compassion, realizing that you are a fallible human being and that food is something that is supposed to be enjoyable and nourishing and necessary for life and that you can stop caring so much about what other people think and worrying more about the way that you, what you think about yourself. And how you feel about the way you look in the mirror and how you feel physically, like, when you wake up each morning and you know hopefully bounce out of bed and then looking at food as something that nourishes you and because you have compassion for yourself that you want to feed yourself in a healthy and nourishing way and that you want to exercise because it’s good for you and it’s enjoyable and it’s OK to have some vanity goals but if vanity is your overrunning motivator I’ve never seen that work out well. Yeah, you know, for many years I had a shirtless photo of me on my website. And you know, I’m wearing the short sleeved t-shirt- Jen: Snug fit. James: And I think it’s OK to have some of those motivations but you also need to think about the, you know, I’m never going to be as buff as the next guy, I’m never going to be as ripped as the next guy but that’s OK because my wife likes the way I look, I like the way I look and I like running, I like lifting weights, I like riding my bike, I like fueling appropriately, I like the way I feel when I eat mostly healthy food, I like the way I feel when I don’t drink very much, all those types of things, that’s part of my identity, that just being kind of Zen about this whole thing. You know, just do the best you can, enjoy your life, enjoy your food, enjoy your exercise, that’s identity and values right there and that’s a positive one as opposed to all “Oh my God, I’ve got this flab from Christmas” which I totally do and you know, that’s a positive shift that people can make because they hear me talking about it, they hear other people talking about it, they read it and this type of information percolates in your brain and maybe one day it bursts through the surface and you say, “That’s who I am.” Lauren: Can I ask a question before we kind of move on or switch gears? When you were telling your story, I kind of had this realization that I listen to a lot of podcasts and there’s always people, you know, being interviewed and telling their stories and it’s usually someone who has accomplished something or done something and a lot of times you’ll hear them have that Holy S. Moment, you know, whether it’s, you know, they had a big realization or whatever and I am realizing that a lot of times, it’s kind of like they’re, it’s a bad moment, right, like, they’re kind of in a low place when they have that moment, is that and I know you have a lot of examples in the book, is that true for all of them or is there another way you can kind of come to that moment? James: It’s common but it’s not the law so, you know, in my example when I talked about the one when I was flunking out of school, yeah, the whole action is the antidote to despair quote, I was in a state of despair so that’s one of the reasons why it really spoke to me. Despair is not same thing as depression, just so we’re clear. And but and so what happens with a lot of people, one example is called crystallisation of discontent which is a psychological term which refers to discontent is, you know, say there’s one problem that’s bugging you and it’s not that big of a deal by itself you’re like, “Yeah, whatever, I can live with that. Crystallization is when you look at all the other little problems and the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts where they suddenly crystallize all together and you reach a point where you’re like “OK enough of this, you know, we’ve got to go in a new direction because this is just not working for me anymore.” So that’s an important shift people can make. Then going deeper, we also have the breaking point, which we see quite often with addiction where people are in a horrible state and they realize that they just can’t do it that way anymore and they’ve got to go in a different direction and it is very common for people battling addiction where one day they just “No, this is it, never again” and they’re done and they are done so that’s another way but on the other end of the spectrum, we also have the good to great mentality which is and I’m stealing that from a book of the same name by Jim Collins and and the book is actually about corporate change where corporations want to go from being good at something to being great but it actually, there’s a lot of good stuff in that book that applies to people as well and what it is is someone, you know, life is pretty peachy, things are going along OK, you know, it could be better but then suddenly a quest enters your mind, like, “I gotta do this” where where it’s not like you want to be great for greatness sake, you have discovered something that makes you want to try to create it. And you know, for me people who have that big life changing event often have more later on clarifying epiphanies and for me it was being a writer that I had reached the age of 40 and I had an MBA, I had a successful business career and I didn’t hate my job but I did not love it and I knew that writing was something that I love to do and I realized life was too short to spend the majority of my waking hours doing something that I wasn’t really passionate about and I was going to give it my very best effort in order to make a career out of this and so that was a, life was good and then I became a writer and it became great. Maybe not quite financially great right away. But trust me, you know, I just turned 50 last year and my forties were awesome because I decided to become a writer and my fifties are looking to be even better. Lauren: Right, that’s good to know, you know, you can have these epiphanies without being at like rock bottom. Annie: I would just like to say that James pretty much just described my last year of therapy in like 15 seconds. Because we actually have a section of our program called The Story of You which is where we help members get clear on their values and I think Old Annie, Annie 2 years ago would have just poo-pooed that, like, “Why does this even matter, I just want to lose weight, I just want to build muscle, I just want to, you know, run this or lift this or whatever, like, I want to look a certain way or I want to feel a certain way, why does my values even matter?” and you wrote in a blog post that you encourage people to spend less time worrying about the exertion of will and engaging in continual resistance and suffering and forcing yourself to do what you really would rather not and spend some quality time on examining who you really are deep down and you encourage people to, like, really look at their values, like, what really matters to you and you’ve found in your book evidence that supports that that will help, as you said with that one gentleman that he didn’t have to rely on willpower because this is just what he wanted, like this is was him. This is what he wanted and so we hear it from a lot of women that they feel like they need more willpower and more self control and you’ve dug into self self control, self love and willpower in your book and on your blog post and as you know, the fitness industry loves this like “No excuses, just shut up and do it, grind through it.” So after looking at your work in the book and knowing you and knowing your personal and professional experience, what do you think about that? I mean do you want to expand on that barfy noise? James: There was a lot of research in the book debunking the whole myth of willpower  and seeing it as a limited resource that you can strengthen and you just gotta suck it up, we know it doesn’t work, people have been told to suck it up forever, there’s research showing that the efforts to to strengthen willpower are futile. There’s more research in the book that people who do use what they call grit, that you just tough it out no matter what even though you hate what you’re doing, it’s actually physically damaging, it has negative cardio metabolic effects as well as negative effects on I think the telemores which has to do with your life expectancy and so yeah, it’s and it’s just not fun. Willpower and grit and powering through all imply suffering and I just, we don’t want to suffer, we seek to avoid it. Our entire evolution as a species has been about trying to find ways to make things more comfortable for us so instead a person’s ability to do things, like, I will get up and put on a ridiculous amount of layers of clothes to go out for a 6 mile run in minus 30 and it’s not because, you know, I don’t hate doing it, I actually feel a sense of accomplishment, like, it’s kind of cool for me knowing, “Hey, I’m out doing something that other people think is crazy” and so that’s one of the things that motivates me to do it is that it’s, you know, it’s just I get a bit of a an excitement out of it even though, yes, it’s really cold out there and I’m kind of slow because I’m trudging through snow but it’s just, it’s this neat little sense of accomplishment and also a shower after a run at minus 30 feels really, really good. Jen: And I’m over here like, “No way.'” It brings me zero joy to do something like that. James: So that’s not, I’m not suffering. Jen: Right. James: All that being said and I’m really hoping this book takes off because if it does, not only will I feel validated which I kind of need, then I want to write a sequel about what happens after the holy S. Moment and you know, how do you keep snowballing the success from it and I think that doesn’t rule out discipline, so discipline is different from willpower. Discipline is about things, like, you know, getting, formulating routines that you stick to even though you don’t want to and yes, there are days that I don’t feel like running but you know, I just, you know, I figure I’m still a runner, that’s who I am and I don’t always succeed but there other times when I don’t want to but I’m going to do it anyway and you make yourself do it and then you get out there and yeah, maybe the first kilometer and sorry for the Americans that are listening, the first kilometers kind of drag but then you get into it and after it’s like, “Yeah, I’m really glad I did that” so there’s it’s not like everything is a joyous “Oh yeah, I can’t wait to do this.” But it’s just, it’s because it’s who you are, it’s not that big of a deal. Jen: Annie just talked about this in a workshop last night that we did for our members around exercise, you know, it’s like we do encourage people to find exercise they enjoy or can tolerate and Annie just said “Look, it’s not always going to be super fun, you’re not always going to be like I can’t wait to get to the gym but even if you can tolerate that exercise and afterwards feel accomplished and glad you went” Annie:  Then, yeah, there’s like this like acclimating period for a lot of people that aren’t super jazzed about exercise or movement that it’s like they kind of just have to get over that hump of maybe they’re a little bit sore or they’re getting into a new routine, they’re like, I think of it as like snowplows, you know, like or you’re going through a gravel road, like the first time you go through like fresh gravel it’s like a little bit wonky and then you keep going through and you keep, like, grinding those, like, pathways and-“ James: Grind isn’t a good word to  use, we don’t want to be in a rut. Lauren: No. Annie: But eventually, the pathway is a little bit smoother and you have less resistance but initially, when you’re getting going or maybe you’re trying something new, you’re learning a new skill, it’s not all fun and there’s certainly days where you’re just tired and you just don’t want to do it for whatever reason. James: And sometimes you do and that’s great and other times you don’t, you know, don’t beat yourself up over it because you know, tomorrow’s another day and one of the things that I want to be clear about is that, you know, not throw out the tortoise approach to this because if you think about motivation as, like, a mountain and at the base of the mountain that is 0 motivation to do the thing. And then the peak of the mountain is absolute 100 percent motivation to do everything associated with this goal with inspired vigor. Well, if you’re down at the base of the mountain, you don’t just hang out there and wait for sudden inspiration to arrive and Star Trek transporter your butt all the way up to the top. That can happen, sometimes it does, that’s what happened with Chuck but it doesn’t always work. You increase your odds of success if you start to hike awhile and you do those baby steps, because what it does is that it opens up new experiences to you. It gets you thinking because this is something that happens in the brain and if you are having these new experiences and starting to think about this and examining yourself and how you feel about it and looking at your, this is an emotional experience and that’s what happened for me is I talked about the, you know, the change in school and the change and you know, getting out of debt, all that kind of stuff. I didn’t get in shape right away, that came 2 or 3 years later when I finished my undergraduate degree, stuff was really busy with school and I was really busy with working to pay off my debts and those kind of things and I didn’t do anything about my body because I felt like I didn’t have time and then as soon as I finished my degree I looked in the mirror and said “Wow, I got kind of heavy. Maybe I should do some about that.” That became my next mission, I’d learned how to work hard but it doesn’t mean that I liked it. I started going to the gym and I did not like it one bit and it was after about 2 months that I was, you know, just forcing myself to go because I knew that this was something that I had to do and I was powering through on that grit and that willpower and I came close to quitting so many times and I felt like I was losing no weight whatsoever and then, so I was doing that that slow hike up the mountain of motivation and then one day I’m walking out of the gym after a couple months and the person at the front desk said “Did you have a good workout?” and I stopped and I thought about that for a moment and I said to myself, “Well, it didn’t totally suck” and I thought “It used to totally suck” and hopefully we can say suck on your podcast. Jen: Yes. Annie: Yes. James: OK, so it went from totally sucking to not totally sucking and I thought, well, if I could evolve from it toward it not sucking then one day I could learn to love it and in that moment, I wouldn’t say that I transformed into loving it but I did make a life altering decision that said “OK. One day I can learn how to love that” so therefore, I’m going to keep doing it until I die and that was 25 years ago still going so, go me! Jen: There are a lot of aspects that suck about running a business, it’s coming together but ultimately when you’re, you know, values, you know wake up in the morning and being safe, having financial autonomy is so so important to me, I will, we will show up and we will do those sucky things because ultimately our value of having financial autonomy overrides the pain of doing those sucky things. James: Yeah and it’s, you know, the alternative is is worse, right. Jen: Right, is way worse, yes. Annie: I think that that’s an important point that I hope our listeners grab, especially, you know, I’m talking about exercise because I’m a trainer but so often people think that they love something so then they’ll do it and that’s how you do more things, right, you have to love it first but like you just described, you can actually do something, get a little bit better at it and that cultivates a sense of love or enjoyment, so you can, in essence, learn to love something, like, you learn to love exercise and I think that that’s what so many women who don’t naturally love exercise like I do, I get it Jen and Lauren have expressed that they don’t share their passion for exercise like I do all the time. But that that doesn’t mean that they’re just out of luck. James: And for the analogy that I would use to describe it is that when you take this approach hiking up that mountain and then waiting for sudden inspiration to move you much further up the mountain, you know, dramatically increase your motivation all of a sudden, I refer to it as acting like a tortoise but thinking like a hare and so people need to be receptive to the possibility of this sudden gaining motivation and if they’re more receptive to it, if they’re more mindful of it happening, it dramatically increases the likelihood of it taking place. Annie: I like that, that’s really good. Jen: One of our members, her husband’s in the Army and she had this really good saying on one of our podcasts around motivation and behavior change and self-awareness, I guess, sometimes you need to know when to advance and when you just need to hold the line and I feel like that was a real, like, that’s kind of the hare and the tortoise thing, right, like you just, sometimes you have an opportunity in your life to advance and you need to take it. Motivation isn’t bad, it’s just knowing, yeah. James: Something interesting happened with me, so I was talking about how new experiences and an openness to new ideas that wake up a part of your brain that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t gone out and tried that thing, that’s what absolutely happened to me with running. So when I decided to take up running, so I’d lost a fair bit of weight with weight lifting and dietary changes and then I decided, well, I want to lose more and this was before Facebook, so I actually knew that that running was good for weight loss, that it could work because I hadn’t bought into all the fit pros saying “No, cardio makes you fat.” So I decided that for me that running would be a good choice and that it would also be not just good for weight loss but just good for my health, it’s good for organ health and all that kind of stuff and so I decided to start doing it and I was terrible at it and it was painful but I just started it, really short distances and gradually built myself up and I was just thinking about the outcome, like, this is good for losing weight, this is good for my health, that’s why I’m doing it and something completely unexpected happened was that that being a writer and being a person that likes to create stories and tell himself stories is that became the most creative part of my day was when I go for a run my best ideas come to me, either when I’m running or going for a bike ride and I just love the free association that I get to do. I’m away from technology, you know, I don’t have my phone with me or anything like that and it gives me that time alone in my head that, you know, that I just didn’t realize how much I craved that. And it makes such a big difference to me that that was really what I fell in love with, that if I hadn’t actually tried running I never would have known that that was the thing that I needed. Annie: Yeah, that’s really pretty, that’s a beautiful story. Lauren: That’s really pretty. Jen: James, can I get your take on another behavior we see quite often? James; Sure. Jen: So what happens very often in our community when women have the epiphany that diets don’t work and they’ve been living for years and years under a very restrictive way of living, they have their pendulum swing out the other way so many of our members talk about, after they join Balance365 they overeat, go swing into this period of eating all the things that they have denied themselves for so many years and that usually comes with weight gain and a lot of them say it became a necessary part of the process for them in order to have their pendulum swing back to center and be able to be more objective and balanced in their approach. What is your, do you think it’s necessary and or do you, is there any science or anything that you know of to explain that or what’s your take on it? James: So, I mean, I, the first caveat is that I’m not actually a psychologist. Jen: Right. James: I interviewed a whole bunch of psychologists for the book and we didn’t specifically get into that type of stuff. I would say that if you are hearing a lot of people saying that that was necessary for them and that it worked, then it sounds like there’s got to be something to it. For me, like I always would like to say err on the side of caution a little bit but you’ve got to do what you gotta do. Jen: Right. James: If you have been punishing yourself this much for so long and you reach this breaking point and you just got to go in another direction where you’re like “OK, I’m sorry but this is, I just need a break” and that what happens then, then that makes sense to me but at the same time, you need to keep something in the back your mind that says “This is temporary, that this is a reset” because you don’t want to go off the rails, right? You don’t you don’t want to never stop because and it’s not about shaming people for their body weight but just being concerned for their health and you being concerned about your own health and how you’re feeling and that as long as you realize that this is a temporary reset and that it’s part of finding a mentally and physically healthier way to move forward it sounds OK to me but- Jen: Right. James:  Just realize, OK, how far does that pendulum need to swing the other way before it comes back and don’t go beyond what’s necessary? So just little bit of caution. Jen: We have to have these come to Jesus talks with our members often on how far that pendulum has swung out and how far, how long they’re willing to stay there because in the end, a lot of women feel they came from a space where they were controlled by the diet industry saying- James: Oh yeah. Jen: Right, but then they’re screaming out into this other space where I’m like “But you’re still not really free, like you’re still not making free will choices if you can’t get your pendulum to come back to center.” James:  Exactly- Jen: You’re just in a rebound state. James:  You let the food hedonism rule instead. Jen: Right. James: You go from restriction ruling the life on one hand to highly palatable food ruling it on the other hand. Jen: Right. James: So you’re still, like you said, you nailed it, you’re still not really free, so be careful how far you let it swing- Jen: Right. James:  Consider it a bit of a mental reset that it’s almost like a statement that you’re making- Jen: Exactly. James: A rejection of this toxic diet mentality where OK, and then you make your point, “Forget you diets.” And then you come back to what you really feel is going to be both physically and psychologically nourishing for you. Jen:  Right, exactly. Annie: James, I know you have to get going because you have more interviews, you are just an in demand man. The first time we tried to schedule this episode you were just coming off of another interview and it was right before another one and everyone wants to talk to you, so I’m so thankful that you gave us some of your time. I know our community is just going to really enjoy this episode and I bet they cannot wait to get their hands on your new book which comes out the 22nd of January, so by time this should be available. James: Yes, indeed. Annie: And where, I know they already know where to find you but if they’re new to you, where are you hanging out online, where is the best way to connect to you? James: So if they want to find a book probably easiest place is well, they can either walk into a bookstore or go to bodyforwife.com and there’s a book tab that has links to every possible platform they can want. I think I mentioned that I did the narration for it so they can also get the audio if they want to do it that way. We have a lot of fun on my Facebook page, really good crowd there. Jen: Oh yes. James: It’s, I think we’re over two thirds women on the page and they’re very accepting, very feminist environment, sometimes some very foolish men show up and get their butts handed to them righteously and that’s an awesome thing to witness. Annie: You’ve had some threads that are like “Get your popcorn ready” sort of thing. Jen: You know, I don’t even say a word, I just read through them and I’m like, “Whoah!” James: Yeah, well and the thing is that people like the smack down because it serves as a lesson to other people and I learn things by, because there are so many really intelligent women on that page that, you know, people say “Oh, you know, you really get this whole kind of feminism thing” and it was like “Well, it’s only because I’ve been reading comments on my Facebook page from awesome women who know this stuff really well” and so yeah, that’s Facebook.com/bodyforwife, Twitter, Twitter sucks. I’m on Twitter let’s stick- Jen: What about Instagram? James: I’m not on Instagram, I don’t take good selfies. So Twitter is Twitter.com/bodyforwife as well. Annie: Awesome, well James, thank you so much, I cannot appreciate you enough, I’m really excited for everyone to check out this book and we’ll hope to have you back soon, OK? James: I’d love to and in closing, the one thing I will say to everyone that’s listening, that when it comes to these types of life changing epiphanies, the most important thing is to understand these things happen all the time and it is really important to believe that it’s something that can happen for you because that’s what opens yourself up to actually experiencing it. Annie: Awesome, thank you so much. James: Thank you. Annie: We’ll talk to you later. James: Bye. Lauren: Bye. Annie: Bye.     The post 51: James Fell: Epiphanies and Life Change appeared first on Balance365.

In today’s Balance365 member spotlight, Annie sits down with Balance365 member Rachelle Cowan to discuss the difference the program made in her life and in the life of her family. Healthy habits, mindset shits and learning to navigate the messy middle is discussed as well as the value of community in building healthy habits. Tune in for a powerful personal story, laughter and the joy of a life lived with moderation!   What you’ll hear in this episode: Rachelle’s Balance365 experience What Rachelle was looking for How Goldilocks, good/better/best and all or something fit into sustainable practices Short term strategies and short term results Non-negotiables – you don’t have to give them up Our ability to influence our kids with our confidence and choices Setting boundaries around talk about bodies in public with our kids How Balance365 impacted Rachelle’s kids’ lives Resources: Episode 13: How Your Body Image Impacts Your Children With Hillary McBride Learn more about Balance365 Life here Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Play, or Android so you never miss a new episode! Visit us on Facebook| Follow us on Instagram| Check us out on Pinterest Join our free Facebook group with over 40k women just like you! Did you enjoy the podcast? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Google Play! It helps us get in front of new listeners so we can keep making great content. Transcript Annie: Hey, Annie here, thanks for joining us for another episode of Balance365 Life radio. I am super excited about this episode because today you’re going to meet one Balance365 member who first joined the community during one of our free challenges. She says she came for the awesome free workouts but decided to stick around in hopes of finally cultivating the self-love she had been looking for her whole life. Rachelle is a ridiculously energetic working mother of two young girls who shares that this program has transformed not only her life but her daughters as well. I had so much fun talking to Rachelle and I know you’re going to love learning from the insights she shares on today’s episode as well. Enjoy! Rachelle, thank you so much for joining us for our member spotlight. How are you? Rachelle:  I’m great, thanks. How are you doing? Annie:  I am just golden. Are you sitting in your car right now? Rachelle: I am. I’m actually on a break from work. Annie: Bless your heart. You are the second interview I’ve done where women have had to take a moment out of their work day to do that so I really, really, am I going to get you in trouble by sharing that you’re at work? Rachelle: No. I got it all cleared through management.   Annie: Well, thank you for your time. I appreciate it. Let’s just jump right in because I don’t want to take away from your work day but I do want to talk to you. Can you tell our listeners a little bit, just quickly, how you found Healthy Habits Happy Moms or Balance365 or both even. Rachelle: Sure. HHHM, which I usually call it HHHM because it’s like an idea, right? It sinks in. You guys were doing the, I think it was Screw the Resolutions. I can’t remember exactly what it’s called but I saw it posted and I was like, you know what, I want to see what this is about. My feed was filled with lots and lots of like sales people that are trying to sell me the perfect drink, the perfect diet, you guys just kind of stood out. Annie: Yeah, because it was New Year’s. It was, yeah, New Year’s time we did that Screw Your Resolutions challenge and it was like, here’s the alternative to sustainable resolutions, like instead of like making these enormous goals that eventually everyone always fails on, like why don’t we try something a little bit more moderate. Rachelle: Exactly, and you got me hook, line and sinker. Annie: Yes! Mission Accomplished. So you joined and what happened? Rachelle: I got to see all the posts. The posts are what got me first, not just from you and Lauren and- Annie: Jen. Rachelle: Jen. Thank you. Long day. But I got to see the the posts from the members too and then we started seeing things from B365 and it took about a year before I swapped over to B365 with the other one on top but it was nice seeing all of these women that were just like me, all at different stages of life and actually making it work for them. Annie: Yeah, so what were your goals when joining? What did you hope to get? Rachelle: At first I was skeptical. I think that that’s normal for anyone, you know, you join a group in it about healthy habits then you’re sitting there going “OK, but how healthy?” Like are you going to tell me I can never have french toast again? We’re just not going to be friends. But my goal was to find something that made me love me for how I look and who I am and having your moments you still had to find some way to be able to like yourself. Annie: Amen. Rachelle: So that was my goal.   Annie: Yeah, what a great goal because I don’t know if you had tried anything else prior to Balance365 but in my experience so many women are looking for a diet or an exercise program to give them just that. Like, if I reach my perfect body then I’ll feel like my life is perfect and I won’t have any more of this like self-deprecating junk that comes along with my body image right now and that would be really great if it worked that way- Rachelle: If it was sustainable. Annie: Yeah, but often that, like, emotional labor is in fact a labor of all of it’s own and that’s what I think really sets us apart from other programs out there is that we address the whole person and that is our goal is that like we don’t really don’t care if you lose weight, gain weight, maintain your weight, like, ultimately, if you feel good about what you’re doing and where you’re at and your relationship with your body is a place where you feel good about then, like, that’s all that really matters to us. Rachelle: And that’s why I fell in love with you guys is that it literally was, you know, yes, you have these amazing workouts which, by the way, are amazing and they’re really time efficient, so I can do it in the morning before I come to work and I don’t look like such a hot, sweaty mess. But it wasn’t just about the workouts and you guys add the modifications where anywhere else they don’t do that, they don’t add in the modifications, they want you to be able to do these things, right off the start. Annie: Yes. You’re just making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But really, the point of this podcast is to be about you and if you don’t mind, I want to share a win that I pulled not not too long ago from our private Balance365 group and you said “A year I have been working on my habits but since the start of the Supermom Strong Challenge I have added better habits and this has been my journey. It’s not about the 16 pounds lost or about the 9 inches lost, it’s what I’ve gained in this process of adding healthy habits, working on Goldilocks, which for people listening is our satiety habit. It’s our habit where we talk about, we call it Goldilocks because we want you to feel not too full, not like you’re still hungry but just that, like, right middle in between so Goldilocks is the perfect name for that habit and learning the “all or something mindset.” I’ve gained strength. I’ve gained knowledge and I’ve gained an understanding that size means I advocate this group Balance365 and Healthy Habits Happy Moms to anyone who will listen because for 31 years I fought against my body and hating watching others do the same. I love each and every member in these groups because without you I wouldn’t be the woman I am today so thank you.” Like, wow, that sounds like a total transformation is what it sounds like. It that how you feel? Rachelle: It is. It is huge. I mean, I’ve always been a heavier person. I graduated grade 8 and I was already in a size 20 pant. Like I went to high school and I was that big girl that you see in all those funny movies but you know, they don’t really have a shine on and you feel like you’re in the back, right? You feel like you’re not important. These groups and this program and all the work that you guys do that makes us think about ourselves, that makes us get into our heads and figure out what our real goals are, it has made me look at not just my body differently but my whole life. I’m done playing the supportive character because I am a star, so why not shine? Annie: Yeah, oh my gosh, can we just, like, get a clap for that? Like, yeah, like if I could fist bump you or high five you or, like, chest bump you or something, like, yes, you know, that really resonates with me and in fact, I was just thinking about that the other day about how I can identify with a lot of that, like, I was the same, I was always, I don’t know, I just, my body was just one of the bigger bodies really fast in elementary school and I was always like the funny girl, like the funny chunky, like and that’s what you see in the movies today too, you’re so right that’s, like, so it’s so refreshing to see you know people like Amy Schumer and like, the Ghostbusters movie, the female Ghostbusters movie where it wasn’t like this one ideal body type and these people are playing the stereotypical roles and she’s the, you know, the stepsister that’s chunky or overweight or whatever, it’s like yeah, like, you deserve a center stage in your own damn life, like. So tell me, tell me about how you got from point A to Point B because it sounds like you didn’t maybe always feel like that, that’s why you wanted to join the program. You wanted to cultivate more self love. So what were you doing before that and how did you get to where you are today? Rachelle: Really unhealthy habits is where I started, like, very unhealthy. Skipping lunch and breakfast and only eating a small dinner and then leading to the weekend where you’re home so you can sit there and eat an entire pizza and perhaps box of Oreos. And pushing myself to do movement that I wasn’t enjoying, like, I love yoga but I’m not very good at it. I have no balance and I have no coordination so some of the moves, you know, you push yourself to do them and you end up hurting yourself. That was my mindset – pain was what you needed to do to get perfection. After joining Healthy Habits and then joining B365, you know, it kind of kicked into the “I’m supporting all of these people and I’m saying these things and I mean it when I’m saying it to them but it was time to start looking inward and saying the same thing myself.” So following your videos and joining a gym and eating healthy, balanced meals, like, it’s not easy all the time, there’s still, like today I forgot my lunch in the fridge because I’m forgetful and it’s really early when I leave the house. But it’s knowing that, OK, that would have been the best lunch but I’ll go for something better. So I stopped in the cafeteria and I grabbed a fruit cup, that was probably not the best thing in the cafeteria, but it was quick, it was easy, it was delicious so it was learning those habits and trying to transform them into my life and make it so that it was OK with me and not just with me but my daughters too. Annie: Yeah, for sure and what I hear you saying, Rachelle, is that you weren’t perfect in your time with us but you’ve still achieved so much, you’ve still seen a lot of progress towards your goals, not just physically but mentally as well and I think that something that is one of the biggest mindset shifts that women experience in our community is that that all are something, that like, I don’t have to be perfect, that the two options are not perfect or failing or right or wrong, on the wagon, off the wagon, I’m either all in or I’m all out, like you can, like, navigate that middle ground, that gray between area where, if you’re like us, you probably feel like “I could be doing more, I should be doing more” but if you stay in that middle ground long enough you’re still going to see results. Rachelle: Yeah. Annie: And those and it feels like your whole world opens up when you don’t have to be perfect all the time, like “Hey, I could just be good or I can be better, like, I don’t have to be the best.” Rachelle: I think it was in the B365 group that I actually heard it the first time is “Progress not perfection” because none of us are going to be perfect 100% of the time, that’s unsustainable, it’s unattainable so it’s progress, so, OK, I had pizza last night but I paired it with salad. That’s just as good. That’s still progress compared to me sitting there and eating an entire Domino’s pizza myself. Anne: Right, yeah, actually pizzas is a staple in our house. And I love pizza. I love to eat pizza and I was the same way. Every Friday night was our “cheat meal” – this was in my dieting days or cheat meal and I would eat a whole pizza myself and then some cinnamon bread sticks, like dessert things and I would just feel disgusting, and it wasn’t even had to do with the quantity or the calories, it was just like, “I don’t feel good physically. I feel sick” and now I’m happy to say that I’m in a place where, like, I can have a couple pieces of pizza and then just be done, like, but what so often what we see in women that are still really heavily dieting is they just say “No pizza ever, like at all,” but it’s like “OK, I can have some pizza, like you said, with a salad or I can have just a few slices” like, there’s ways to incorporate pizza. Because to me, a life without pizza is sad, like- Rachelle: It’s the same with poutine. OK, I’m Canadian. I’m not giving up my poutine, it does not matter if I want my butt to bounce quarters off of it.That’s a staple, well, in my life, anyway, I don’t know about anybody else’s- Annie: It’s a non-negotiable. Rachelle: It’s a staple for me. It is. It’s a non-negotiable. And that’s what you guys teach us, right? It’s okay to have non-negotiables. It’s OK not to give up your favorite things in life. If you want that glass of wine, have the glass of wine, it’s not going to derail you for the rest of your life. Annie: Yeah and giving up those things temporarily are likely only going to give you temporary results and that’s one thing, if you want to go into it eyes wide open and say “I’m going to give up this thing and I’m going to maybe see some temporary results for it” but knowing that as soon as I introduce that thing, whatever it is that I’ve removed from my diet back into my diet, I’m probably going to lose the results that I made” and it’s just like, we say that with absolutely no judgment whatsoever because we’re all about teaching you how to fish versus giving you a fish and if that’s a tool you want to use for summer time or a vacation or a wedding or a reunion of sorts, fine, do you, girlfriend but know that, like, those probably aren’t sustainable practices and again, you can do that, you can use those tools in the toolbox without judgment but back to the poutine, I only had poutine once, I mean, let’s talk about the really important stuff, food. And it was at McDonald’s and it was actually really good because, for the American listeners, it’s not really, it’s not a, it’s a French inspired cuisine, right? And it’s French fries with gravy, isn’t it? Am I remembering that correctly? Rachelle: And cheese curds. Annie: Yeah, that sounds great. Rachelle: And they have to be the good cheese curds that actually squeak in your teeth when you bite into them. Annie: Do you have, like, do you make this yourself or do you order it at restaurants? Rachelle: I do make it. I do make it. You know, I order it, not McDonald’s. Annie: Is McDonald’s not the best choice? Is that what you’re saying? Rachelle: It’s not a bad choice, it’s a good choice. Annie: For poutine quality it might not be the best poutine quality source. Rachelle: Exactly. Annie: Yeah like you could get better. Poutine from McDonald’s is better than no poutine at all. Rachelle: Exactly. Annie: Funny. OK, so back to Balance365, we digress. And oh, I do want to celebrate this win too, because this is also huge. You’ve been working with a trainer on your exercise habit outside of Balance365, which again, we totally support, it’s not like you’re with us or not at all. And you just celebrated doing your first assisted pull up, is that correct? Rachelle: It is correct. It was terrifying. I don’t know- Annie: Why was it terrifying? Rachelle: I’m 5’2″ with shoes on so that bar is really high in the air and when you’re as short as I am and you’re terrified of heights, getting to that and trusting that this itty bitty little rubber band is going to hold you and you’re not just going to crash to the floor was really really tough to mentally get over but it was so much fun. I felt like such a super star, it’s like “I’m Supergirl! I’m doing this. This is so great.” Annie: Yes. That’s amazing. That’s part of what I love about being a personal trainer is that so often I am put in that opportunity to present women with challenges they’re not really sure if they can do. I think they can do them or I know they can do them but they’re like, there’s just some mental hurdles or some blocks there, they’re like “Can I get up to that bar” and just last week I had a woman just hang from the pull-up bar, like unassisted, just hang and she was like on top of the world after that and it’s like- Rachelle: I want to give her a high 5, honestly, because it’s like, “Yeah, you rock!” have you ever tried to do the monkey bars? Because when I first started working out I tried to do the monkey bars and I thought I ripped my armpits off. Like it was just pure pain, so to do the assisted pull-up or just hang from a bar, it’s that accomplishment that you’re just like”Wow, I’m a badass.”   Annie: Yes. Yes you are and you can do hard things and you can do things that maybe you didn’t think you could do or like, have the ability to do and you’re capable of doing them, like, what a moment, so snaps for you, girlfriend. Rachelle: Thank you, thank you. Annie: Yes. OK, so tell me, I know you already shared a little bit, or a lot, about how Balance365 has positively impacted your life but is there anything else, any other areas it’s impacted your life that maybe surprised you or? Rachelle: My daughters. My daughters, you know, we used to, I used to get really embarrassed when they would point out people’s body shapes or use the word ‘fat’. For the longest time fat was a swear word in our house. It was one of the things like stupid or other bad names that you shouldn’t- Annie: Don’t call people that. Yeah. Right. Rachelle: It was just like, “No, that’s not OK” and then someone in a group, I don’t remember who it was, I wish I did but they posted that you’re not fat. You have fat. It was like, “You’re right. OK.” And then the podcast came out about dealing with your daughter’s body image and all of a sudden I just looked at my girls and I mean, my oldest is going to be 13 in a month and they’re at that age, they’re at that age where people are saying things about their body and they’re saying things about people’s bodies so it was refreshing to hear Jennifer say, “We do that at home. You can still comment at home but to be polite and not hurt people, we don’t say it out in the real world.” So we started instituting those with the girls and then explaining to the girls that movement is a great thing for your body but you have to enjoy it. So do things that are good for you. The amount of self-confidence I’ve seen in my kids since I started this journey is amazing because you don’t realize how much you rub off on them. Annie: Yeah I hear that a lot from women and you know, also what we also hear from women is, and I just interviewed another member saying something similar is that the impact that our mothers have on us have been so instrumental in our behaviors and how we feel better bodies to think that we have any less power is just silly, you know, like we have so much influence on how our kids are growing up and feeling about their bodies to be a mom that’s like “Hey, I was really nervous to do this pull up and hang from this band and this bar but I did it” like like how, I just think my life would have been so different had I had those conversations with my mom and my mom was doing the best she can and she was a wonderful, wonderful woman, I love her with all my heart but she just didn’t know any better and now and now and now thanks to research, thanks to communities like ours, tooting our own horn, and women. Yes and women in our communities that are contributing to these conversations, we have so much more resources available to know that like, “Hey, we can do better. We can have different conversations. We can change the narrative. We can create new stories that are ultimately going to impact our daughters’ lives,” like, yeah, that’s awesome. That’s got to feel really good. Rachelle: I think so. It is. It’s different to see. I mean, I have girlfriends who have little girls as well and just the difference in, I’ve noticed the difference in my kids’ empathy levels versus their kids empathy levels, it’s just one of those “Hmm….” and the fact that my kids go around, you know, using our mantras from B365 and from HHHM, it’s kind of awesome, you know. Annie: We should put them on the payroll. Rachelle: When our kid’s teacher in our kids’ interview is actually talking to you and says like “You know, Summer said it was better to do all or something because that’s what’s important” and I’m like “Oh my god! You do listen to me. Oh. Whew. We might be OK.” Annie: We’re going to make it. That’s awesome. OK, Rachelle, last question and then I’ll let you get back to work, if you knew that there was a listener or you had a girlfriend that was on the fence, a little bit cautious, a little bit unsure about joining the program, what would you tell her? Rachelle: Remember your steps and remember your why. Your why is the most important thing that you can possibly have and if you’re looking to fulfill yourself in a way that is more realistic, more attainable and have the most amazing support behind you then give this a real try because this is going to change your life and it’s not just gimmicky, this is going to change your life, this is literally something that after, I’m going to be 34 in a month and this changed my entire world and it didn’t just change my world, it changed my relationship with my sisters and mother, it changed my relationship with my daughters, it’s given me more worth of who I am and it puts you in a much better place. Much happier place. Annie: That is awesome. I cannot thank you enough. You were so fun to talk to. Rachelle: I’m glad you think I’m fun. It’s like a celebrity moment over here for me. I’ve been blushing all day. Annie: As I show up late with my Coke Zero and like “Hey, just let me put in my headphones real quick.” I probably have protein ball seeds in my teeth. Anyways, it was so much fun, thank you so much for your time. I hope we didn’t take too much time from your work but I’m certain that some of the stories and experiences you shared today are going to resonate with some of our listeners and that’s what makes this whole community work, that it’s not just about me, Jen and Lauren, it’s about our community and the women inside of it and an opportunity to learn from each other and grow with each other and I can’t thank you enough for that, so thank you. Rachelle: Thank you. Annie: Alright, thank you, we’ll talk soon, OK? Rachelle: Alrighty.   The post Episode 47: Balance365 Member Spotlight with Rachelle Cowan appeared first on Balance365.