Can We Steal You for a Second?

Kristen checks Janet with a seemingly totally false rumor, but someone had to step up to the queen bee! The tides are turning on alliances. There is blood in the water. Plus, we go on a long tangent about our existential dread with phone addiction, attention spans, and the growing plight of terrible customer service. Support the show

Apologies for recording delay!Who among us hasn't taken a quick pull in a corner of a party?! This week, we get more details and perspectives on Darkside Danny Tequilagate, and we're still Team Nia. Let's turn our attention to the real problematic people of the group: Jesse and Janet. On the Summerhouse side, Jesse and Lexi's relationship ends less with a bang and more with a whimper. Support the show

Whitney is back from Japan, and the only cure for train bento and foot spa withdrawals is relishing in the pure entertainment that is American reality TV: The Valley and Summerhouse. We discuss Brittney's uncalled-for turn on Nia, Zach's moral compass, everyone hating their partners, and much more. Support the show

Truly one of the darkest episodes of reality TV we've seen, and we've seen a lot. We can't help but think about all these dang kids! Tune in as we over-analyze childhood trauma, marital abuse, sociopathic tendencies, crippling addiction, just to name a few of the light, funny subjects we talk about. We will be off next week but returning the following week for a recap of E3/4! Support the show

The Valley is back with fresh separations, contentious co-parenting, Crazy Kristen, and all is right in the world. Ultimately, we theorize that these men don't know how to handle their insecurities, thus making it the problem of the women in their lives. What else is new? Similarly, in Summerhouse…we have our eyes on you, Jesse. Team Lexi. Support the show

Happy to announce that we loved this finale! Grant chose the path of least resistance, which…we have mixed feelings about. Litia broke the veneer and showed her stronger, more sassy side, which we loved. Juliana's character arc fell flat…did she ask the right questions and get the proper closure from Grant? Regardless, we look ahead to recapping The Valley in the off-season and an intergenerational BIP this summer! Support the show

An empire falls not with a bang but with a whimper… We spend the majority of this episode analyzing the fall of the Bachelor franchise. The death spiral into irrelevancy, as it grips on to its puritanical values, outdated references, and meaningless virtue signaling. Almost like the Democratic Party right now! But it was also Fantasy Suites, our favorite episode of the season, so we still had to make assumptions about overnight activities, of course. Support the show

Allow us to rant for a moment will you…We miss the days when people actually shared a sincere emotion or challenged themselves to discuss something uncomfortable. Families used to be the people you couldn't fake things with. We are at the point where truly no option will work out, so what do we have to root for?! Plus, get religious fundamentalism out of our reality shows and politics please!!! Support the show

It's make or break this week in Scotland before hometowns. Litia finally reveals the potential dealbreaker of her religious culture, Juliana finally gets a chance to shine, and Zoe is snubbed. Carolina crashes out, though admittedly we will miss her. Support the show

Just as the group embarks on their international journey to Madrid, Camille returns from her honeymoon in Tahiti bringing back stories of White Lotus parallels and slutty stingrays. In this episode, we analyze the traditional-minded ways of Grant and our appreciation for these old-school dynamic villains. Support the show

Whitney's dad joins to discuss E2+3, Kendrick vs Drake, the Eagles victory, Camille/John's honeymoon, and poor policy decisions a la gulf of America embarrassment by Google!Support the show

Sincere AND horny, the perfect combo for a lead. Grant, you've started the season strong! His endearing sexiness will make these women fall even harder, allowing chaos to ensure. Locked in! Plus, an analysis of the Lively-Baldoni saga, and the end of Matt and Rachael. Support the show

Joan pulled some soft diplomacy behind the scenes with producers to come get her man, get out, and not have to be interesting or dramatic whatsoever. Happy for y'all or whatever but…we want reality show antics in our TV instead of our politics, yet here we are. Due to lack of juice, most of this episode is post-election emotions, so be forwarned (if it's not clear, we are unhappy about the outcome).Support the show

Joan we see you…we respect your Edward Cullen no bed choice for the Fantasy Suites…but we know you and Chock got it on. Joan and her suitors head to Tahiti to watch Joan and Chock fall in love, and though we miss having some messy young dramatic leads, the scenery makes up for it. Support the show

Hometowns hits different on Golden seasons! Guy is arguably the best choice now but Joan can't stand to kiss him, Pascal is truly one-of-a-kind so we aren't sure how he resembles Joan's late husband, Jordan is hung, and Chock comes from the Witchita pond of immortality. Support the show

Is there a hierarchy division between Golden widows and divorcees? Would you rather your spouse die or leave you to start a new family? Did producers pre-plan the yacht date game or throw a hail mary? Does Mark know he's hot? Just normal questions being asked on this week's recap of the Golden Bachelorette! Support the show

Whatever happened to a group of men wanting to join together in a sea shanty?! Justice for Kim! This week the fuckboys rise: Jonathan and Pascal…we have our eyes on you. As always, there is more than enough charm and wonder to lift the spirits for Joan in her Golden years of dating. Support the show

Support the show

Joan and her highly eligible bachelors start their ~journey~ with a hot start! We discuss generational differences, Frank Sinatra, and lessons learned for aging and approaching life. Support the show

Are we getting older or are these guys substantially hotter than Jenn's cast?! Join us as we set out to judge them based on their potential as father-in-laws and end up objectifying them for ourselves….Support the show

We can confidently say that this was the most emotionally painful finale we've seen. It's barely a silver lining because she didn't seem to have much agency in the matter, but Jenn put it all out there, and we commend her for it. Devin, if we ever catch you, it's on SIGHT. Support the show

Pardon our tardiness…the entire podcast team was off celebrating the wedding of Camille and John! We had to start with a recap, plus some funny tea. Then, we largely discuss our favorite episode of the year: Fantasy Suites. Jenn is down BAD for Marcus, who will probably never feel the same (sad :( ), Devin has secured some new haters with this selfish behavior, and Jonathan is just chilling like the unproblematic F2 he will probably be.Support the Show.

After a ROUGH 1:1 showing from Sam last week, Grant and Jonathan helped revive our faith in this cast having…a drop or two of juice. But each week, Jenn shows more and more her inability to put both men in their place…and Cary, the infamous Bachelor stylist. She is too pretty and serves too much body to be wearing these bedazzled tablecloths! Support the Show.

It's a bad week to be a Sam! Just what the world needed: an emboldened, hopped-up-on-adrenaline, life-coach wannabe ass Sam M. While Sam N may be misguided and irritating, they'll still never make us like you, Thomas. Plus, Jenn's less toxic ex returns on a direct flight from ghosting a wedding in Cartegna to Auckland. Red flags everywhere! Support the Show.

Girl…Jenn…listen to the Australian Bachelorettes who came before you…listen to the context…do not let the tall man who knows he's hot (some are saying) sway you!!! Acknowledge what came before you!!! Support the Show.

Jenn and her mid-tier guys are in Melbourne in this unprecedented early trip away from LA. What isn't unprecedented is her gravitation towards some obvious front-runners…as it tends to be with female leads. Also typical…of men…is that they send some red flags. Best of luck, xoxo and at least enjoy the fantasy suite! Support the Show.

We are back and ready to listen to our intuition to make wild assumptions! This isn't our first rodeo: the men on The Bachelorette consistently disappoint us, and this is shaping up to be no different. But at least there will be some characters and petty drama along the way, too! Wishing for a Jenn learns how to turn a man down redemption arc, expecting a Jenn on one knee proposing outcome. Support the Show.

We are SOOOO back! Missing the mic as we take well over an hour to get to the actual meat of the episode: a brief swipe left/right on Jenn's cast (based on wedding date potential). Otherwise, we discuss weddings, the future of our democracy, Summer House, the rumors about Nick Viall's marriage, and much more. We've missed you all so much, and the premiere is soon upon us! Support the Show.

Joey boy, you've done it. Perfect lead, perfect season! Dark-horse winner, self-control, maintained popularity, and a tears-worth proposal. Enjoy a nuanced take on an untraditional final day; we loved the powerful intuition but hated the risk of involving Kelsey. Just let them get engaged! Our next Bachelorette is a happy surprise, just like the best ones. See you this summer, Jenn! Support the show

Every season, we have hope for the black sheep to rise, and every season, we are met with the same outcome: an indifferent blonde F1. Always just as we get 100% on board with the runner-up. Tune in for an in-depth analysis of Rachel's mishandling of her injury, Kelsey's intuition, and Daisy's self-absorption. Support the show

Joey travels to restaurants, historical centers, and the Inland Empire for what used to be known as “Hometowns.” It's best behavior week as everyone puts on their best interview self and hides their true feelings. We still got some memorable…and dare we say hot…family members! Who would you give your final rose, friend zone, fantasy suite, and send home to between the four dads?Support the show

HATER ALERT!!! It's us again, really getting some frustration out over the always inevitable Daisy, and the inevitable mistake the producers make in NOT making Maria the Bachelorette. Even though Maria made a massive miscalculation this week…we still ride for her. Kelsey A brings classic “everything seems great” F2 energy, and Whitney called Jenn's cringe factor for Joey, even if she forgot about it from last week. Lastly, in the words of Jen Shah, Rachel hear this: “If you're gonna be a b*tch, be a fun b*itch!!!”Support the show

Is anyone going to ask Joey how HE is feeling out here?!?! Except we start the episode talking about our own problems (Camille broke her leg, Whitney is apartment hunting). This week, our love for Maria grows even deeper as we see the different sides of Joey she brings out. We make season predictions and discuss how his conversation with Lexi might impact his relationship with some of the women. Support the show

Joey's hotness is bringing out all of the most feral of female relationship dynamics and we are living for it. Segmentation, us vs. them, subtle jabs, alliances, sex appeal as a tool of manipulation, and generations clashing, this season is providing ample to analyze. Especially when they slam us with two back-to-back episodes. Support the show

The Maria v. Sydney duel is heating up, and we are fully Team Maria! This week also showed us a pretty meh 1-1 date, some group date opportunities for these charismatic ladies to show their chops, and some stars appearing amidst the mix. Conversation somehow finds its way to Taylor Swift as it is common to do, and we get into NFL gossip leading up to the Super Bowl. Pick me alert! Support the show

Being in this Nation too long has really warped our brains, having us comparing and judging personal tragedies…but like get on with it!!! Joey really cranked the charm up this episode but we are still sleeping with one eye open…his secret side will show in due time. But we're in for a great season because we have some true CHARACTERS out here!!! Also discussed: familial colloquialisms, our favorite swear words, and lactose intolerance (had to mention that one again). Feeling fast and loose today!  Support the show

Joey's sparkling eyes and perfect curls have these girls drooling, just as Bachelor Nation intended! But Joey's dimples don't fool us…we see Joey's other Gemini side, aided by revisiting our previous analysis theories from Charity's season. He gets away with being a little nervous, a little cringed-out by puns, and very uninterested in most blondes by being so distractingly cute. We wrap up our discussion of this season's ladies with some predictions for the rest of the season. Does Joey chase too close to the sun? Support the show

Hi everyone, we're back for 2024 and hot Joey's season! We get to know his cast of ladies by judging them based on whether we would select them from a Craiglist roommate posting. The true high-risk, high-reward pairing. Plus, our perception of Joey's type and a recap on recent Bachelor Nation news, We've missed you! Support the show

It's the paradise reunion and we come in HOT with opposing views: Whitney loved it, Camille thinks it might be the last BIP ever. But there are several things we definitely agree with: Kylie is finally standing her ground and Aven needs to never be on our screens again, Kat finally showed her three-dimensional self and is growing into her best self, the producers need to be tried for their sins of bad producing and having no live finale, and Jess is the ultimate villain of the season. Plus, a bit of Taylor x Kim drama to wrap it up just because Taylor had to go and bring it up again. Thank you for an amazing season and we will see you in January, love you all! Support the show

Support the show

We're back and didn't hold back our thoughts on Golden Fantasy Suites and another episode of paradise. Namely, Gerry seemingly choosing companionship above all else, Katie terrorizing Blake and the entire beach, and Rachel getting dogged once again. We also wrap up with a brief conversation about the Kardashians and Selling Sunset. Support the show

It's sexy dancer Leslie versus sexy bareback Faith head to head…with poor Theresa unaware that she's not long for Gerry's world. On the sands of Mexico, Paradise is really heating up, and so is our conversation about Kat's incredible villainy, Jess' victim complex, and Brayden's easily seduced wandering eye.Support the show

This is a special edition episode because one of our hosts may have accidentally been under the influence of a certain adult gummy more than planned…Listen in for chaotic ramblings on senior citizen fantasy suites, Halloweekend FOMO, lazy reality show contestants, and no-source famous quotes. Support the show

It's heating up at the beach and the AARP mansion! Leslie starts to win us over, Kathy gets snipped, Gerry bares it all, and the show brings up the big money guests in Joey and Trista. On sand, Rachel goes 0-3, Olivia might actually be tolerable with John Henry, John B flops again, Sam's poop baby might be a hoax, and Sean need to get humbled! Support the show

Camille is back, and we have a lot to catch up on regarding our new favorite show: The Golden Bachelor contrasted with the unfortunately inferior Bachelor in Paradise. Is this the most charismatic cast ever? How do insecurities play out differently between the older and younger groups? How do they approach fame and their purposes for being on the show? How do the different shows share their vulnerabilities but embrace their flaws?Support the show

Join for this funny but poignant episode with Whitney's dad. We discuss the newest episode of Golden Bachelor but also talk life after loss and memories of a late spouse. We share some memories from our own late wife/mother and then demand all senior citizens take a driving test. Play on! Support the show

Join us as me and my Golden Bachelor dad recap the first episode of the historic new season! Paradise recaps will be merged with Golden Bachelor as one recap and will resume next week with Camille! We talk Gary, dating at 25 vs 65, and one creepy feeling my dad is getting..... John (my dad) also lends some personal experience and advice on dating after loss. Listen for a great father-daughter recap and convo! Support the show

We are back evaluating cast bios! Listen in for a quick Tinder game of swiping right or left on who we would want to be our potential mother in law. We find some FAKE seniors, some standout gems, and a few likely villains! Look forward to our joint recaps of both Golden Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise coming soon!Support the show

A perfect end to a stand-out season! For the first time in a long time, we got a truly romantic proposal and a love story we can all root for, without even sacrificing the couple for the elevated presence of the new hottie Bachelor. Bachelor is BACK baby! Despite all of the positives, the episode is still thick with analysis: body language at ATFR, questions as to why Charity didn't get more heat for a double I-Love-You, predictions for Joey's season and the future of Dotun and Charity with the DWTS curse…and much more. We love you all, thanks for a great season and we will see you for Golden/Paradise! Support the show

Boy howdy, bring out the fresh platter of crow for us to eat because we were WRONG about Xavier! We were rooting for him all season long, doubting Charity's gut feeling, standing up for him, all for him to treat us like THIS? Good thing Charity moved on quickly, consummating and saying I Love You to Joey AND Dotun. We speculate that Joey brings the pretty face and emotional intimacy Charity is looking for, but we aren't sure he's in the engagement headspace after the night together. On the flip side, we finally see Dotun in the light everyone else has all season: he finally seems confident, comfortable, and simp-y in the best way. But Charity might not feel the same, as she seeks comfort in toxicity with the potential to bring Aaron B back. Tune in for a great episode of analysis! Support the show

Our ick sadly arrived for Joey and apparently the same for Charity, because he very clearly dropped to spot #3. But Xavier hive rise, he's back in her good graces with a charming knitting date and a tender kiss on the head. But no one is a match for Dotun, bringing out his lovable family and the rehearsal dinner home video slideshow. Aaron never stood a chance! Please show us some words of affirmation and gifts and acts of service by leaving a review and sharing the podcast with a friend! Support the show