Podcasts about Avoidance

Dayle Hendrix's entire life changed when, at age 16, she received a terminal diagnosis (Fabry Disease).  She thought she'd be dead at 30, but she's surpassed that age and now she's making sense of her diagnosis and what LIFE and DEATH mean to her.  This is one of my fav episodes! We also discuss: Being raised as a conservative Christian; Witchcraft; The loneliness & challenge of processing a terminal diagnosis; Martyrdom; Denial of death; Death rituals; Wanting to leave a legacy & be remembered; The fear of heaven and hell; Deathphobia; RUNNING AWAY FROM DEMONS; What happens after I die?; the Christian savior complex (Good intentions which harm others); Missions trips (colonialism); The challenge of looking into the mirror; Fear of death (and anxiety); Needing intimacy; Laughter as a defense mechanism; Everyone has a terminal diagnosis, they just haven't received it from an authority figure; Ignoring death and grief = not fully living; Partying as a response to a conservative, Christian upbringing; Gentle, slow healing; Surfing the waves of life; Exercising when I feel scared (releasing the physical energy); Integrating emotional changes; Avoidance-of-death as a cultural trait; Grieving as a way of celebrating and honouring death/loss; Seeing many different perspectives; Honouring the weirdos (wackadoodles); and MUCH more. Dayle's IG @the___simple___life & Youtube! Recorded Dec 20, 2021 (Intro: Jan 18 & 19 2022). Buy MERCH: www.kyeplant.bandcamp.com SUPPORT via PATREON: www.patreon.com/feelinweird DONATE via Paypal Review, Rate & Subscribe on Apple Podcasts Instagram: @feelinweirdpod Web: www.feelinweird.com Email: feelinweird@gmail.com

The learners that Rachel and Steph work with at Kapp Educational Therapy Group and My Ed Therapist ALL have some emotional response to tasks that they avoid. Rachel and Steph dig into this–they talk about what it means, what it looks like, how to figure it out through getting curious, and some examples from their own experiences.    Learn Smarter Pro is back! Listen to find out more and apply here. Program begins February 1, 2022. Ep 134: Learn Smarter Pro Ep 185: Announcements and Updates Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/learnsmarterpodcast How to connect with us: Join our FB Group Join our e-mail list Rachel's Kapp Educational Therapy Group website Steph's My Ed Therapist website  @learnsmarterpodcast, @kappedtherapy, @myedtherapist

Welcome back to Season 2!  To kick off our return to the airwaves, Minji and our wonderful guest, Abe Kim, explore their perspectives about men, feelings, and therapy. They discuss longstanding societal pressures that have formed our ideas about male identity as well as the brutal impact of conditioning men not to feel.  You'll hear about how Abe got started in therapy, finding the right therapist, the work that goes into "the work", the financial aspect, and more.  There's no time to waste y'all, let's dismantle the stigmas and get healing!  Follow Minji On:Twitter (@minjeeeezy)Instagram (@minjeezy)Clubhouse (@MinjiChang)▫️ Music featured in this episode include "Uzutrap" by Uzuhan and “Tough Guy” by Uzuhan  ▫️ Follow the show on Instagram and Twitter and support our Patreon▫️ This podcast is part of Potluck: An Asian American Podcast CollectiveProduced by @marvinyueh & @AnnaSunSupported by @JulianaDeer00:00:00 - Welcome to Season 2 of FOA!00:01:51 - Intro'ing the episode and hyping the guest 00:06:20 - Starting therapy and the great resistance00:11:37 - Internalized beliefs about men and feelings 00:15:52 - How being Korean-American and religious shaped their views00:22:54 - What MTV, Saved by the Bell, and Band of Brothers teaches about men 00:27:43 - Minji and Abe are sick of this shit00:29:13 - Abe's starts therapy and gets a diagnosis00:33:36 - Human reaction to guard and avoid  00:39:48 - [Break] (plugs Marvel & Makeup Pod)00:40:46 - Jumping back in00:43:00 - Talking about therapy when you're in it 00:48:29 - So, should I get into therapy? 00:55:19 - Matching with a therapist and dating01:00:31 - How to make the money piece work01:08:25 - Also celebrating the external work that Abe is doing  01:12:03 - closing out with 3x questions for our guest 01:18:50 - Outro + Tough Guy by Uzuhan + potluck podcast collective(01:21:27 - Plugs Saturday School Pod)

If you wince every time you open up your credit card app or feel stressed just thinking about personal finances, here's how to curb money avoidance and train your brain to face your money woes head-on.

If you wince every time you open up your credit card app or feel stressed just thinking about personal finances, here's how to curb money avoidance and train your brain to face your money woes head-on.

In this episode, Kristen talks about avoidance coping and why it creates additional stress and misery in your life. Subscribe and Get a free 5-day journal at www.kristendboice.com/freeresources to begin closing the chapter on what doesn't serve you and open the door to the real you. This information is being provided to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is being provided to you to educate you about ideas on stress management and as a self-help tool for your own use. It is not psychotherapy/counseling in any form. This information is to be used at your own risk based on your own judgment.  For my full Disclaimer please to to www.kristendboice.com. For counseling services near Indianapolis, IN, visit www.pathwaystohealingcounseling.com. Pathways to Healing Counseling's vision is to provide warm, caring, compassionate and life-changing counseling services and educational programs to individuals, couples and families in order to create learning, healing and growth.

James Cleary, Justin Hilliard and Richard Berry are gathered around the digital Christmas table and ready to argue. Each week over the Christmas break we're releasing the CarsGuide Holiday Cage Fights, a no-holds-barred contest arguing some of the most controversial topics in the automotive world.This week - Active crash avoidance tech. Is it making drivers safer or weaker? What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.The CarsGuide Podcast will return in full on Friday 21st January. Until then, you can get in touch with us on Facebook, Twitter (#CGPodcast) and Instagram, and let us know if you feel your active crash avoidance tech has made you a better driver by emailing comments@carsguide.com.au

To those feeling frustrated at not being able to set a goal, this is your episode. While angst around goal setting can certainly appear at any time, we often pressure ourselves around the New Year. Maybe you're just “not feeling it” (and maybe that could be acceptable). Or maybe the source of your apathy lies beneath the surface, just waiting to be discovered and further explored. We spend a lot of time in our heads wondering what everyone thinks of us and not enough time within ourselves to find our true knowing. Inspiration is a wonderful feeling, but it isn't all that you need. Find all of the ways to connect with me here. Intro/outro music: “Feeling Free” by Martin Riopel.

Hello Everyone, in this episode I talk about avoidance. I discuss why we avoid, what avoidance can look like, how it can affect us, and what we can do about it. For any topics you would like to hear about or questions you may have that I can try to address in the coming episodes, please contact me at alirehaimy@gmail.com or reach out on Facebook or Twitter. Ways to support the podcast: 1) Listen and share!  2) Sign up and join Robinhood using my link: join.robinhood.com/alie123  3) Support the podcast with a small monthly payment via Anchor! Music Credits: Lonesome Journey by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ i can't take my eyes out of you by Barradeen | https://soundcloud.com/barradeen Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US Summer Coffee by Barradeen | https://soundcloud.com/barradeen Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US save my life again by Barradeen | https://soundcloud.com/barradeen Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US a warm home by Burbank | https://soundcloud.com/danielburbank/a-warm-home oakpark by Burbank | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3l54TidKTI&ab_channel=Burbank-Topic --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/ali-elrehaimy/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/ali-elrehaimy/support

Grief of this magnitude wasn't on my radar. Therefore this is how I dealt with it. #ashsaidit

Part two/our year end episode, covering the article which inspired the "Therapeutic Expectations" edition of the podcast, examining everything from our tendency to avoid what's damaging us most, being dishonest with yourself, and why the heck Courtney and Brian haven't been in the same room for most of the last week!

So, let's say your brain is on fire 24/7. Your body is doing the same. You're uncomfortable every moment, from the inside and out. You, very literally, are too sick and tired to deal with another obstacle or point of pressure. So... You reasonably start avoiding sources of strain. But then it gets unreasonable. What happens if everything is deemed "risky"? Talking the eventual extreme outcome of untreated CPTSD. Turns out, it's a lot more common than you probably think - TLC specials, aside. Today, let's rap about the agitated, agoraphobic, rigid-brained experience of rightfully avoiding everything that hurts. Looking to stop avoiding life so much? (On a personal note; highly recommend.) Come hang out with me a bit more in the TMFR private podcast stream and community. Live vicariously through my "eh, fuckit," approach that's firmly replaced the anxious bubble where I used to hunker. Check out the story, research, and tips at t-mfrs.com or get the private feed at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/complextrauma/message

It's the final countdown … and this week's podcast episode (the last of 2021!) is dedicated to ONE category of listener: Those who struggle with tricky family dynamics during the Holidays. For many people, the holidays conjure feelings of closeness and long standing traditions that bring joy. But for a whole lot of people, the holidays carry the energy signatures of dread. Anxiety. Avoidance.  Not every family can be the Huxtables. (I mean jeeze, not even the Huxtables were the Huxtables as it turns out.) This episodeLINK is 100% focused on strategies for navigating difficult people, conversations, emotions … you name it.  It's like a box of chocolates, but you DO know what you're gonna get: a bevy of tested and true techniques for staying sane, loving, and grounded. Even when old Uncle Whatsisname has too much to drink and says something crazy. Even when someone has the gall to ask you why you haven't had more kids (or why you had so many). Even when politics comes up.  It's all in here, and it's all good. Give it a listen here. Shine on, my friend.  

How CX Avoidance Impacts Customers, Employees, and Brands Shep Hyken interviews Dan Hill, founder of Sensory Logic, Inc. and a pioneer of using facial coding in business to capture and quantify consumer responses. He is the author of nine books including his latest, Blah, Blah, Blah: A Snarky Guide to Office Lingo. They discuss how to use technology and staff the customer service department to be effective throughout the entire customer journey. Top Takeaways:   Learn about “customer avoidance” and why it happens. In the age of digital transformation, companies must find ways to eliminate customer service and experience avoidance and create a seamless customer experience with technology and customer relationships. When customers call companies, one of the first things that they hear is "Your call is very important to us", followed by a hold tone. Customers want to feel like they are moving towards progress when they are calling about a problem. When they don't feel that they are progressing to a solution, customers will feel anger towards customer service representatives and ultimately, the brand. Companies avoid engaging with their customers for the following reasons: ·      To limit their cost. ·      To limit the time taken by their staff in interacting with customers. ·      To avoid revealing that their staff is not well-trained or prepared to field questions. Companies sometimes become enamoured with the technology. They use it as a shield to avoid interaction with their customers. When this happens, it negatively affects the brand and the whole value proposition. Dan provides some insights on how to restore the customers' confidence in the organization: ·      Companies must use technology to facilitate collaboration, not to replace human-to-human contact. ·      The transition from chatbots or any type of automation must be seamless. When the customer is connected to the frontline, they should not have to repeat their story. ·      Frontline employees need to be knowledgeable enough to answer questions and give customers the confidence that they are progressing to a solution. ·      For more insights from Dan Hill, listen to the full episode! Quote:   "About 25% of managers are believed to be bullies. If people are feeling bullied or oppressed, that's going to translate in how they relate to their colleagues and their customers."   About:   Dan Hill, Ph.D., is the author of nine books, including Emotionomics and Blah, Blah, Blah: A Snarky Guide to Office Lingo. He is the founder of Sensory Logic, Inc. whose clients represent over 50% of the world's top 100 advertisers. Shep Hyken is a customer service and experience expert, New York Times bestselling author, award-winning keynote speaker, and your host of Amazing Business Radio. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I'm talking about: why avoidance is never the answer to what's stressing you out how I recently had to learn this the hard way what I do to overcome my avoidancehow I'm going to pay it forwardClick here to enter to win a 1-1 Coaching Session with ME! Follow me on Instagram for more ultra shenanigans.  

Today's episode is all about the power of the healing work that we do, what it looks like and stepping fully into alignment with your soul-led self. Amanda shares her story of going from probation officer to Energy Healer, the transition for herself after her own spiritual awakening. We talk about avoidance being the most difficult place for people to usually go in this work rather than the actual place. Amanda shares the difference between being aligned versus having your ego or fear run the show. She breaks down generational patterns and where these patterns actually start. She gives her own insight and encounter of experiencing the dark knight of the soul. This episode is packed with so much insight and inspiration to move you forward in your own work. Amanda Monnier knows she was put on this earth for one reason: to support women, help them heal from the inside out, break ancestral patterns and shift into the fullest embodiment of who they are at a soul level. Amanda is an Energy Healer, certified Magnetic Mind Coach, Certified Yoga Teacher (CYT 200 and Yin Yoga), Emotion Code Practitioner, certified Transformational Nutrition Coach, and holds a Bachelor's in Psychology. She assists her clients in healing old wounds and up-leveling to the highest-soul aligned version of themselves. Amanda is a woman on a mission to create movement of healed, intuitively-connected, badass Goddesses - women who are truly aligned with their heart and soul, creating a life on their terms and passionately unleashing their gifts into the world. Amanda is completely committed to her soul work of changing lives- one soul-led, inspired Fierce Feminine Goddess at a time! Web: www.amandamonnier.com IG: @amandamonnier    Also, did you know there are THREE ways you can connect with me outside of the show? #1 - Over on my fave social media platform - Instagram @katrinaalelli    #2 - My FREE Facebook group, “Be Rooted Sisterhood” is for women who listen to the show, are looking for a community to grow, uplevel and are passionate about fulfilling their souls purpose.   #3 - Questions, comments, topic or show suggestions? Email me over at katrina@katrinalelli.co    **Be sure to Subscribe to the show to get updates on new episodes and head on over to ITunes and leave me a 5star review for your chance to win a breakthrough session with me**

With the holidays around the corner, and the possibility of social engagement comes a lot of excitement, but also some anxiety of its own for many. Some of us have discovered as much as we hated being stuck home alone, strangely, the idea of going out to see people again may seem odd now. How do we successfully re-enter? And how do we take what we learned from the pandemic, and translate it into post-traumatic growth, rather than post-traumatic stress? Our guest this week, Dr. Diana hill, is here to help thoughtfully guide the way, with practical methods and powerful insights.

Reduce return costs while improving your customers' experience. Find out how in the Blumberg Advisory Group's latest guide. More details at https://www.blumbergadvisor.com/product-returns-avoidance (https://www.blumbergadvisor.com/product-returns-avoidance)

SHOW NOTES: On this show...we are taking a big breath and counting to three, 1-2-3 - ahhhh as we identify and calm the frustration of anger avoidance. Are you tired of putting on a brave face while weathering the storm, all the while being poked, prodded, overshadowed, and coerced? Frustration is the emotional build-up when a person gets very irritated and disappointed from a certain situation over some time, and at some point, this frustration comes out as anger. Anger is the result of frustration; an emotional response that is shown verbally and physically. Cool your jets. Ok, not that easy but let's get to the root of all the pent-up frustration and find out why you haven't been able to effectively express yourself. Ready to smell a flower and blow out a candle? I'm rarely angry or lose my temper. That's not to say that I don't get frustrated but being a problem-solver by nature, my first reaction is to figure out how to get out of any situation without the heightened emotions. As I delve into the times I've been frustrated as an attempt to uncover a common thread, I would have to say when I feel out of control or overwhelmed. Sometimes those feelings are synonymous with each other.  Not that I'm a control freak by any nature...ok maybe a little, but the feeling of not being able to change a hopeless situation is frustrating. When I have a day packed with deadlines and more to-do's than humanly possible I get overwhelmed and as a result, can feel frustrated. The frustration is because I know I will power through instead of giving realistic timelines and expectations or just saying no - I don't have the capacity to take on one more thing.  Identifying your feelings and triggers is so important. I saw a chart in a cozy corner of a Head Start daycare when I was visiting. The chart had a series of faces and labels depicting different moods and emotions. There was also a picture of a flower and a candle. I asked the teacher what this corner was all about and she said it was to help the children accurately identify their feelings in a safe space. Many of them come in feeling frustrated but through this exercise might actually identify with feeling sad or tired. They might say they are mad but in reality, might feel lonely or unheard. I was so impressed by this early identification that I immediately thought about my only children and what I did or didn't teach them. I mean think about it, where does one learn this level of emotional identification at such a young age? Curious about the flower and candle, she showed me the exercise. When a child is frustrated, simply telling them to breathe may not be effective enough. But having them smell the picture of the flower and then blow on the picture of the candle is essentially breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. GENIUS!!  Let's learn a little more about this with Emotional Labeling: How to Control Stress and Feel Less Anxious by Naming Emotions. Found at melodywilding.com Here are 3 Ways to Better Understand Your Emotions by Susan David found at the Harvard Business Review John Riddle helps us better understand this with: Repressed Anger and Emotional Avoidance: 5 Ways to Find the Positive in Negative Emotion Dr. Leta A. Livoti  shares more about this in: Food for Thought: Anger avoidance found at Clark Fork Valley Press Molly Callahan gives us some other alternatives in: To manage your anger better, learn the difference between frustration and irritation. Found at medicalxpress.com KEY HIGHLIGHTS - The Frustration of Anger Avoidance Emotional labeling is the practice of cultivating emotional literacy Naming your emotions immediately releases their grip over you and reduces physiological distress Words matter. If you're experiencing a strong emotion, take a moment to consider what to call it Feeling responsible leads to action but for many, it leads to hopelessness and overwhelm, burden, frustration, and despair.  Confrontation can be very anxiety-producing and painful, and many people mistakenly believe the best way to deal with these feelings is to put them out of your mind Angry energy can be highly productive or destructive. But you can use it productively to sharpen up your boundaries so that you don't get mad about being used, manipulated or disrespected Change negative self-talk into positive self-talk. When we talk badly about ourselves, we start to believe what we are saying which perpetuates the bad feelings.  We can find the good in negative emotions, once we accept the idea they are just part of the journey of life, and they will eventually lead to better times. Anger is the energy that helps you achieve a balance between giving and taking and helps you set healthy boundaries for yourself.  We are all learning and growing and making the commitment to evolve with a new and better understanding.   CHALLENGE: Take time to understand the origin of your emotion and search your feelings for the right label. Proper identification is the start to unraveling the root. Create health boundaries that give you a safe space to react and appropriately express yourself.   I Know YOU Can Do It!

Summary: In this episode, we explore the conventional secular and the traditional spiritual ways of understanding scrupulosity, bringing in the experts to define scrupulosity, tells us the signs of being scrupulous, speculate on the causes of the trouble, discuss that standard remedies in the secular and spiritual realms.  Then I share with you my views on it, looking at scrupulosity through an Internal Family Systems lens, grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We discuss how parts have different God images and the role of shame and anger in the experience of scrupulosity.    Description of Scrupulosity Suddenly my stomach tightens up, there's a choking in my throat, and my torture begins. The bad thoughts come. . . . I want to drive them out, but they keep coming back. . . . It is terrible to be in a struggle like this! To have a head that goes around and around without my being able to stop it; to be a madman and still quite rational, for all that. . . . I am double. . . . at the very time that I am trying to plan what I want to do, another unwanted thought is in my mind. . . . Distracting me and always hindering me from doing what I want to do.  --  Quoted in Albert Barbaste, “Scrupulosity and the Present Data of Psychiatry,” TheologyDigest, 1.3 (Autumn 1953) 182. Fr. William Doyle: Around 1900  “My confessions were bad. My confessor does not understand me, he is mistaken in me, not believing that I could be so wicked. I have never had contrition. I am constantly committing sins against faith, against purity. I blaspheme interiorly. I rashly judge, even priests. The oftener I receive Holy Communion, the worse I become,”  Around 1900 My story just turned 19 -- terrible bout of scrupulosity.   Around sexuality Just started dating the first woman I might consider marrying Physical touching -- romantic contact How far was too far? Thoughts of sex with her -- plagued me.   Do I break up with her?  How do I handle this?  What was sinful, what was not?  Was I on the road to hell?  Was I putting her on the road to hell?  I thought I was going crazy.   Review: I encourage you to review the last episode, number 86 -- Obsessions, Compulsions, OCD and IFS That episode went deep into obsessions and compulsions and  serves as a basis for today's episode.   Today's episode, number 87 is entitled Scrupulosity:  When OCD Gets Religion and it's released on December 6, 2021, St. Nick's Day.  I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you.   We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith.    Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com Overview Start out with definitions of scrupulosity both from spiritual and secular sources, really want to wrap our minds around what scrupulosity is and the different types of scrupulosity. We will discuss the connection between scrupulosity and OCD -- discussion of OCD  We will then move to the signs of scrupulosity -- how can you tell when there is scrupulosity?  Then we will get into the internal experience of scrupulosity.  What is it like to experience intense scruples?  Had a taste in the intro, but we will get much more into that.   We will discuss what religious and secular experts have to say about the causes of scrupulosity  Then what religious and secular experts have to say about the treatment of scrupulosity -- that most recommended therapy approach and the medications typically prescribed.   After we've discussed the conventional secular and spiritual approaches to treating scrupulosity, I will how I think about scrupulosity, the root causes of scrupulosity, and how scrupulosity develops and how it can be treated.  I will give you an alternative view, grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person and informed by Internal Family Systems thinking.   Definitions:  You know how important definitions are to me.  We really want to make sure we understand what we are talking about.   Scruple comes from the Latin word  scrupulum,  "small, sharp stone" -- like walking with a stone in your shoe. Ancient Roman weight of 1/24 of an ounce or 1.3 grams.     Something tiny, but that can cause a lot of discomfort.   Definitions from Spiritual Sources Fr. William Doyle, SJ.  Scruples and their Treatment  1897: Scrupulosity, in general, is an ill-founded fear of committing sin.  Fr. Hugh O'Donnell:   Scrupulosity may be defined as a habitual state of mind that, because of an unreasonable fear of sin, inclines a person to judge certain thoughts or actions sinful when they aren't or that they are more gravely wrong than they really are… Scrupulosity involves an emotional condition that interferes with the proper working of the mind and produces a judgement not in accordance with object truth, but with the emotion of fear.  Fr. James Jackson, article "On Scrupulosity"  A very good definition Scrupulosity is an emotional condition, an ultra-sensitivity to sin, which produces excessive anxiety and fear from the thought of eternal damnation…This condition is a religious, moral and psychological state of anxiety, fear and indecision. It is coupled with extreme guilt, depression and fear of punishment from God. However, each person who suffers from it does so uniquely. Fr. Marc Foley:  The Context of Holiness: Psychological and Spiritual Reflections on the Life of St. Therese of Lisieux Excellent, very psychologically informed study of the Little Flower  Not only the best psychological profile of St. Therese of Lisieux, but the best psychobiography of any saint from any author I've read.  A very in-depth look at her mother, St. Zelie as well and the limitations and lack of attunement in the Martin family  Highly recommended reading -- all of chapter 12 is on The Little Flower's scrupulosity.   Scrupulosity is an extremely painful anxiety disorder. It consists of annoying fear that one is offended God or could offend God at any moment and that God will cast her into hell. To protect yourself from eternal damnation, the scrupulous person dissects every thought, motive, and action in order to ascertain if she has send. And since she is deathly afraid that she might have sent, the scrupulous person seeks absolute certitude that she hasn't send in order to assuage her fears.   Definitions from Secular Sources Timothy Sisemore, Catherine Barton, Mary Keeley From Richmont Graduate University   Scrupulosity is a "sin phobia."  Jaimie Eckert, Scrupulosity Coach:  Scrupulosity is where faith and OCD collide.   International OCD Foundation Fact Sheet:  What is Scrupulosity?  By C. Alec Pollard:  A form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) involving religious or moral obsessions. Scrupulous individuals are overly concerned that something they thought or did might be a sin or other violation of religious or moral doctrine.   Bridging the Secular and the Spiritual Joseph W. Ciarrocchi's The Doubting Disease: Help for Scrupulosity and Religious Compulsions -- published in 1995, and still the most cited text in Catholic circles, even more than a quarter century later.   Dr. Ciarrocchi, a former Catholic priest, trained as a clinical psychologist and served as professor and chairman of pastoral counseling at Loyola University in Maryland prior to his death in 2010. Scrupulosity refers to seeing sin where there is none.   He viewed scrupulosity as a sub-set of obsessive- compulsive disorder (OCD), basically a kind of “religious OCD.”  He distinguishes  developmental scrupulosity  self-limited form of scrupulosity  often occurring in adolescents  or shortly after a conversion experience (e.g. St. Ignatius of Loyola)  Temporary, usually disappears.   emotional scrupulosity -- symptoms of OCD More enduring conditions  Can vary in intensity over time, from being overwhelming to just mildly irritating  Can last for years.    Core experience of scrupulosity:  "an intrusive idea, often associated with a sinful impulse, which the person abhors but cannot shake."  "The French label the emotional condition which is sometimes part of scrupulosity "the doubting disease."  Signs of Scrupulosity What do we see.  A lot we don't see.  Fr. Thomas Santa, past director of Scrupulous Anonymous and Author of the book Understanding Scrupulosity When people struggle with the scrupulous disorder, most of the suffering, fear, and anxiety they experience happens in isolation. Scrupulosity is mostly an interior struggle, seldom manifesting itself with easily identifiable or observable mannerisms or behaviors. You can't tell if people are scrupulous by looking at them. While some compulsions of obsessive-compulsive disorder are identifiable, most of the suffering associated with the disorder is personal. Only the sufferer fully knows its debilitating nature.   Sources IOCDF Fact Sheet  Jaimie Eckert Scrupulosity Coach  The Gateway institute website  Doubting Disease 1995 by Joseph Ciarrocchi   Obsessions -- excessive concerns about Fears of Blaspheming, accusing God of being negligent or abusive or evil, cursing God  Fears of Sacrilege, abusing our Lord in the Eucharist for example  Fears about impulses -- taking one's clothes off in Church, screaming obscenities during Mass Example of the man concerned about touching his infant daughter's genitals  Sexual thoughts about a romantic partner  Sexual thoughts or images about a religious figure -- Jesus, Mary, a saint, or possibly a priest or religious.   Fears around harming others  I might cause the death of someone if I sneeze or cough during Mass --  I coughed.  Maybe I'm sick.  Maybe I have COVID.  Maybe I'm a spreader.  A pharmacist worries she will fill prescriptions incorrectly and poison customers at her pharmacy.   Fears around aggression -- Driver goes over a bump in the Church parking lot in the dark after the parish council meeting.  Is concerned he may have run over the pastor.   Cooperating in the sins of others "Man participates in a discussion about a historical figure dead for more than 1000 years, who is alleged to have been a homosexual.  He worries that he has committed the sin of detraction." -- Example from Joseph Ciarrocchi.   Being a sinful person, dishonest, lacking integrity -- honesty  Ruminating about past mistakes, errors, past sins  Purity -- looking for moral perfection  Not Loving Others enough -- Mother worrying she doesn't love her children enough.  Going to hell  Death  A loss of impulse control   Cyclical Doubts Often about salvation, selling your soul to the devil, in mortal sin   Intrusive thoughts and images 666, Satan, Hell, pornographic images, etc.   Compulsions  Behavioral Compulsions Excessive trips to confession  Repeatedly seeking reassurance from religious leaders and loved ones  Repeated cleansing and purifying rituals  Acts of self-sacrifice  Repetitive religious behaviors  Avoiding situations (for example, religious services) in which they believe a religious or moral error would be especially likely or cause something bad to happen  Avoiding certain objects or locations because of fears they may be sinful   Mental Compulsions Excessive praying (sometimes with an emphasis on the prayer needing to be  perfect)  I compulsions about praying.  Tithing prayer.  1.6 hours vs. 2.4 hours.   Needing to pray perfectly or at least adequately enough.   Repeatedly imagining sacred images or phrases Repeating passages from sacred scriptures in one's head Making pacts with God to avoid hell or buy time or just to get a little relief in the present moment.   Intense sense of guilt-- feeling guilty all the time -- about things that don't carry moral weight.    Inflated sense of responsibility Not distinguishing between thoughts and actions.   Example: Joseph Ciarrocchi The Smith family traditionally joins hands around the dinner table to give thanks in prayer before the meal. Susie, age 4, and Billy, age 6 sometimes are fidgety (and always hungry). Mrs. Smith worries that Susie, Billy, and perhaps herself haven't not “truly prayed” due to the multiple distractions: Susie is scratching her mosquito bite, Billy is leering at the chocolate pudding, and Mrs. Smith remembers she has a school board meeting after dinner. She doubts that their prayers were “heard,” and so request of the family repeat their prayers. Sometimes she makes the whole family repeat them, and sometimes only the children. Once the children needed to repeat them four times, even the Mr. Smith tried to intervene after the second time. Mrs. Smith sought advice from her pastor who urged her not to repeat the prayers, either for herself or the children. When she attempts to follow this advice, however, her entire meal is ruined as she attempts to sort out in her head whether this is acceptable to God. She will continue to worry about it throughout the rest of the evening, including her school board meeting.   Distinguishing Scrupulosity of normal religious practice IOCDF Fact Sheet:  Unlike normal religious practice, scrupulous behavior usually exceeds or disregards religious law and may focus excessively on one trivial area of religious practice while other, more important areas may be completely ignored. The behavior of scrupulous individuals is typically inconsistent with that of the rest of the faith community.     Internal Experience of Scrupulosity  Plutarch: a first century priest for the Greek god Apollo at the Temple at Delphi. He wrote about the so-called “superstitious” man, who… And so is the soul of the superstitious man. He turns pale under his crown of flowers, is terrified while he sacrifices, prays with a faltering voice, scatters incense with trembling hands, and all in all proves how mistaken was the saying of Pythagoras that we are at our best when approaching the gods. For that is the time when the superstitious are most miserable and most woebegone....   OCD Center of Los Angeles:  One of the first documented references to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was in a 1691 sermon by Anglican Bishop John Moore of Norwich in which he discussed men and women who were overwhelmed with unwanted thoughts, and tormented by feelings of guilt and shame over what he described as “religious melancholy.” Priests had started to notice that some churchgoers were attending confession several times a day, and repeatedly confessing to the same sins and shortcomings that they feared would result in divine judgment and eternal damnation. Their penance and absolution would provide only a fleeting glimpse of peace, and then their fears would come roaring back. William Van Ornum, A Thousand frightening fantasies: understanding and human scrupulosity in obsessive-compulsive disorder 1997 24-year-old computer programmer writes, “what worries me is that at any moment and in only a few seconds I can commit serious sin. The only remedy is confession. I worry about what I've done until I confess it; then it's all over. The problem is that I fall or worry again and need to go back.” Fr. Thomas Santa:   Being possessed by a thousand frightening fantasies Constructing a spider web in the mind. People with the disorder often feel as if they are isolated in darkness. They describe this feeling as a “cloud” that perpetually engulfs them. They feel the disorder constantly and uncomfortably, even in the background of day-to-day living.  Scrupulosity demands constant attention and can feel like a severe and unrelenting master. At best, most people who suffer with the disorder have learned to live with it. They hope it does not get more pronounced or spill into other areas of life. Relief does not exist, so any promises of relief through activities like rituals are essentially dead ends. For those who are religious, consistent spiritual practices can help and at the same time be debilitating. From Joseph Ciarrocchi's Book "Doubting Disease Bob is 28-year-old married Jewish man who works for an accounting firm. He is thrilled with the birth of his first child, a bubbly infant girl. Bob is about to be totally involved with her as a parent and share in all aspects of childcare. He was shocked by the following experience: Bob was changing his daughter's diaper when the thought, idea, or image (he wasn't quite sure which close parentheses flashed through his mind – “Touch her private parts.” The first time it happened he shuddered, tried to dismiss the idea, and hurriedly completed diapering her. All they tried not to think about it. The next time he changed her diaper, however, the idea came back, but this time in the form of a graphic picture of Bob engaging in the dreaded behavior. This time he felt nausea, became dizzy, and called his wife to finish, saying he thought he was ill and would pass out. The idea began to torment Bob. He found himself not wanting to be alone with his daughter, Les T “give in” to the simples. He refused to bathe her or change her diaper. Sensing something was drastically wrong his wife urged him to seek help. He talked to his rabbi who tried to assure him that he was not a child molester and should dismiss the thoughts.  Psychodynamic perspective  Sources Nancy McWilliams Psychoanalytic Diagnosis --  Psychdynamic Diagnostic manual   Thinking and Doing predominate over Feeling, sensing, intuiting, listening, playing, daydreaming, enjoying the creative arts and other modes that are less rationally driven or instrumental  Hold themselves to very high standards, sometimes impossibly high.   Central conflict: Rage and being controlled vs. fear of being condemned or punished.   Cooperation and rebellion Initiative and sloth Cleanliness and slovenliness Order and disorder Thrift and improvidence  Polarizations inside.   Emotion is unformulated, muted suppressed, unavailable, or rationalized and moralized.  Except anxiety and sometimes depressed mood Consign most feelings to an undervalued role, associated with childishness, weakness, loss of control, disorganization and dirt Cognition Condemning oneself for internal thought crimes -- consciously or unconsciously   Body states Hyperarousal -- expressing anxiety through the body  Often health problems due to excessive washing   Difficulties with  Play Humor  Spontaneity Pain about isolation.   Shame about being considered weird and unacceptable to others Capable of loving attachments, but often not able to express their tender selves without anxiety and shame Relational patterns -- seek relationships in which they can control the partner, sometimes partners who can reassure them  Being intimate in relationships Emotional connection  Sexuality   Causes of Scrupulosity  Spiritual Sources  Fr. James Jackson The Fathers of the Church considered scrupulosity – or psychasthenia, as the Greek Fathers called it – to be a spiritual problem which leads to a psychological malfunction.   Timothy A. Sisemore. Catherine Barton, Mary Keeley -- The History and Contextual Treatment of Scrupulous OCD  15th and 16th Century -- connected scruples to moral reasoning, addressed under conscience -- concept of erroneous conscience.  -- frees the person to act without resolving the doubt.   Secular Sources IOCDF Fact sheet:  The exact cause of scrupulosity is not known. Like other forms of OCD, scrupulosity may be the result of several factors including genetic and environmental influences.   OCDUK.com  Lots of controversy. Biological factors  Strep infections affecting the Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders associated with Streptococcal Infection  -- PANDAS   Genetic factors Runs in families -- 2001 metaanalytic review reported that person with OCD is 4 times more likely to have another family member with OCD than a person who does not have the disorder   Cognitive theory  Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts at times People with OCD have an inflated sense of responsibility and interpret these thoughts as very significant and important Caught up in a pattern of Try to resist, block or neutralize them  What is the meaning of the thought to the person?   Joseph Ciarrocchi citing David Barlow -- OCD causes Those temperamentally disposed to having high levels of nervous energy, more pronounced bodily reactions to stress, greater levels of anxiety   OCD is different from other anxiety disorders because those with OCD believe that certain kinds of thoughts are dangerous in themselves If I think certain thoughts those events will happen.  If I think certain thoughts or spontaneously imagine certain things, or if I have an impulse to do such a  thing, then I am the kind of person who would do such things.   No moral distance between the spontaneous thought or image or impulse and actually doing the act.   I must be bad.  Unclean.  Unworthy.   Model for the development of Scrupulosity Strong belief that certain thoughts are dangerous and unacceptable  Leads to the occurrence of these same intrusive thoughts  This generates significant anxiety  Leading to strong efforts to suppress the thoughts  Which accelerates the frequency of the same kinds of thought   Leading to a need to "turn off" the anxiety by any means Mental rituals  Physical rituals  These rituals are the compulsions   And then there is a temporary respite, a bit of relief.  The compulsive rituals are reinforced because they temporarily decrease anxiety.  But then we loopback to the occurrence of the intrusive thoughts again.     Psychodynamic understanding Nancy McWilliams -- Psychoanalytic Diagnosis Obsessive and Compulsive Personality styles:   Marc Foley's Approach in The Context of Holiness about St. Therese of Lisieux's scrupulosity Parental figures who set high standards of behavior and expect early conformity to them E.g. making little kids sit still during Mass   Strict and consistent in rewarding good behavior and punishing malfeasance Risk of condemning not only behaviors but the feelings that go with them Especially anger   Issues of control in families of origin.   Alternative -- a really lax family in which children are underparented Child concludes he has to model himself after a parental figure that he invents himself  Child might have an aggressive, intense temperament -- projected on to that idealized parental figure.   Self esteem comes from meeting the demands of internalized parental figures who hold them to a high standard of behavior and sometimes thought.   Value self-control over nearly all other virtues.   Discipline Order Loyalty Integrity Reliability Perseverance Is a particular religion a cause?   No: Timothy Sisemore, Catherine Barton, Mary Keeley:  A tendency to blame religion, but no more than counting OCD to be blamed on math class  Joseph Ciarrocchi "Religion doesn't cause scrupulosity and more than teach someone French history causes him to believe he is Napoleon.  All human beings exist in some cultural context.   IOCDF Fact sheet:  Scrupulosity is an equal opportunity disorder. It can affect individuals from a variety of different faith traditions. Although more research is needed to truly answer this question, there is currently no evidence to link scrupulosity to a specific religion. OCD Center of Lost Angeles It is worth noting that Scrupulosity is not partial to any one religion, but rather custom fits its message of doubt to the specific beliefs and practices of the sufferer.  Yes:  Joseph Ciarrocchi …religion may contribute when its content is presented in an overly harsh, punitive manner.  Students of such presentations are likely to associate the context of the religious message with fear and anxiety.   Jonathan Edwards, 18th Century Pastor and Theologian in the Congregational Church The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours. You have offended him infinitely more than ever a stubborn rebel did his prince; and yet it is nothing but his hand that holds you from falling into the fire every moment. It is to be ascribed to nothing else, that you did not go to hell the last night; that you was suffered to awake again in this world, after you closed your eyes to sleep. And there is no other reason to be given, why you have not dropped into hell since you arose in the morning, but that God's hand has held you up. There is no other reason to be given why you have not gone to hell, since you have sat here in the house of God, provoking his pure eyes by your sinful wicked manner of attending his solemn worship. Yea, there is nothing else that is to be given as a reason why you do not this very moment drop down into hell.   Heresies from Fr. James Jackson: Manicheanism:  Manichaeism states, on principle, that all matter is evil. If, for example, a child grows up with an extreme attitude to modesty – where the flesh is seen as evil because it is the cause of forbidden impulses – then the slightest catering to the demands or needs of the flesh can result in a torment which rejects the goodness of the body.  Pelagianism:  There was once a British monk named Pelagius, who taught that a man can observe God's laws by human effort alone, that grace was not needed to do so. If the heresy of Pelagianism works its way into the soul it is an easy step to thinking that any lack of perfection is entirely one's own fault. One thinks, “this business of salvation is my work, so I'd better be perfect when I …” Thus salvation becomes something one must achieve by personal effort instead of by cooperation with grace.   Jansenism:  Jansenism is another heresy in which scrupulosity can grow well. It emphasizes that Christ did not die for all, stresses man's sinfulness, and requires extreme penances on a regular basis. It leads to infrequent communions and flowers into scrupulosity as a matter of course. Jansenism flourished within Roman Catholicism primarily in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, but was condemned as heresy by Pope Innocent X in 1653. Jansenism was also condemned in 1713 by Pope Clement XI in his famous Bull Unigenitus.  Jansenism focuses on how it was impossible for men and women to obey the Lord's commandments and to be redeemed without God's special, divine, irresistible grace. Jansenism taught that Christ died only for the elect -- a real sense of predestination  Fr. Marc Foley agrees:  Jansenism identified as the "remote cause: of St. Therese of Lisieux's troubles growing up.   Biographer Conrad de Meester: "Zelie's mother, who taught her daughters an excessive fear of offending God, used to harp on the phrase 'that's a sin' to curb the least imperfections."   Zelie had an excessive fear of sin and hell. Zelie was terrified that her five-year-old daughter Helene was in purgatory or perhaps even in hell, because she once told a lie.   Spiritual Means of Recovery Joseph Ciarrocchi “Scruples in the History of Pastoral Care” (chapter four of the Doubting Disease) puts scrupulosity in the context of church history before it was viewed through the modern lens of psychiatric diagnosis.  He describes several principles for the treatment of scruples from the pastoral care tradition. Act contrary to the scruples.   Follow the example of others without lengthy and burdensome moral reasoning.  Rely on the guidance of one spiritual advisor rather than consulting multiple spiritual authorities.  Put oneself in situations that trigger the obsessional thought.  Avoid religious rituals/prayers, which serve as compulsions.   Ciarrocchi writes that these main pastoral principles “contain  the seeds of modern behavioral treatments” that include modeling by  others,  exposure to the upsetting situation, and blocking the compulsive response. Fr. William Doyle 1873-1917 -- more than 100 years ago.   General Remedies from Fr. William Doyle Prayer -- pray in temptation  Vigilance  Struggle against depression -- sadness increases scrupulosity   Obedience to an experienced confessor -- perfect, trustful and blind obedience Obedience of action putting into practice the freedom of conscience  Obedience of understanding -- soul remaining in revolt and persisting in its own erroneous ideas. Vanquishing errors of the intellect.   Generosity in Self-Conquest -- acts of self-denial   Particular remedies from Fr. William Doyle 19th century Doubts must be ignored  Belief in the easiness of forgiveness  Presuming decisions (of the spiritual director)  Lenient view of one's faults -- magnifying glass  Promptness in acting on decisions  Broad-minded interpretation of advice -- broadening the way.   Not piling up questions   Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous -- Fr. Thomas Santa, CSsR (2013) Without exception, you shall not confess sins you have already confessed.  You shall confess only sins that are clear and certain.  You shall not repeat your penance or any of the words of your penance after confession—for any reason.  You shall not worry about breaking your pre-Communion fast unless you put food and drink in your mouth and swallow as a meal  You shall not worry about powerful and vivid thoughts, desires, and imaginings involving sex and religion unless you deliberately generate them for the purpose of offending God  You shall not worry about powerful and intense feelings, including sexual feelings or emotional outbursts, unless you deliberately generate them to offend God.  You shall obey your confessor when he tells you never to repeat a general confession of sins already confessed to him or another confessor.  When you doubt your obligation to do or not do something, you will see your doubt as proof that there is no obligation  When you are doubtful, you shall assume that the act of commission or omission you're in doubt about is not sinful, and you shall proceed without dread of sin   You shall put your total trust in Jesus Christ, knowing he loves you as only God can and that he will never allow you to lose your soul Pastoral approach here.  Predestination for heaven, Jesus will make us go to heaven.  A lot of scrupulous clients are well enough formed to not believe that.   Secular means of recovery IOCDF:  Scrupulosity responds to the same treatments as those used with other forms of OCD.  Cognitive behavior therapy featuring a procedure called “exposure and response prevention” is the primary psychological treatment for scrupulosity. A certain kind of medicines called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) is the primary drug treatment for OCD. Treatment for scrupulosity may also include consultation from  leaders of the patient's faith tradition.  Exposure and Response prevention See the last Episode   Difficulties with ERP for scrupulosity. Joseph Ciarrocchi "Doubting Disease":  My opinion, based on the clinical and theoretical aspects of scruples, is that scruples are resistant to change because their religious nature places many of them in the domain of overvalued ideas. In other words, the person sees the stakes are so high in religious doubts (i.e. salvation depends and being correct) that the senselessness of the behavior is less evidence. After all, faith itself implies looking beyond sensory experiences in the surface meaning of reality. Scrupulous people usually know that their peers do not act the way they do. But since religious salvation is such an individual experience, can one really take a chance and ignore that's “inner voice”? Therefore, the religious aspects of scruples create a motivational drive around the symptoms which become overvalued ideas, and hence resistant to change.  Jaimie Eckert Scrupulosity Coach:  ERP can feel like it has deep moral and spiritual implications. Although it is a method that is helping you develop a normal spirituality, it can feel terribly frightening. For example, the woman who prays compulsively, repeating her prayers dozens of times until she feels they are done “right,” might be asked to pray only once and then stop, no matter how she feels. This can easily feel like a denial of faith. So scrupulous sufferers begin dropping out of treatment when ERP gets more intense.  Kevin Foss, Founder of the California OCD and Anxiety Treatment Center in Fullerton, CA:   People suffering with Religious Scrupulosity struggle with the ERP process because they fear that exposure therapy will result in a genuine sin, convey that they are OK with sin and that they do not respect God or God's will. Furthermore, Scrupulosity sufferers are generally knowledgeable of their faith's doctrine and Biblical texts, so they are quick to present chapter and verse explaining why they should avoid exposure and give in to compulsive acts. Despite my reminders of clients' logical arguments, they respond with “But you never know” and “But what if God mistakes my intention in the exposure and I'm now really guilty of sin?” So, to do anything that could potentially put that into question or undermine it was experienced as possibly damaging the practice of faith, challenging one's fundamental belief in God, or leaving one vulnerable to shifting beliefs and a slippery slope into sin. Psychodynamic approaches for treating OCD but can be applied to scrupulosity.  McWilliams  Ordinary kindness -- they know they are exasperating for reasons that are unclear to everybody Priests get frustrated.   Parents get frustrated   Do not hurry them, advise them, criticize them.   Avoid becoming the equivalent of the controlling, demanding parent -- no power struggles  But still relate warmly.  A lot of acceptance.   Avoid intellectualization  Help them express anger.   Discover their emotions and help them enjoy them.   Joseph Ciarrocchi. Doubting Disease Treatment program is laid out in his book, Doubting disease.  It is essentially exposure and response prevention.   Target the scruples you want to change Identify your obsessional scruples through self-monitoring.  Write them down.   Identify you compulsive scruples -- write them down.  Avoidance acts to reduce anxiety  Record the circumstances surrounding the scruples  Making ratings of the intensity of the anxiety triggered by each of the obsessions and compulsions.   Record the amount of time spent worrying about the scruples  Lots of forms and charts, all in the book.   Increase your Motivation to Change Looking at how motivated you are, and where you are in Prochaska and Di Clemente's stages of motivation to change.   Developing a Personal Motivation Plan Listing the Benefits of eliminating scruples  Listing the Costs of not changing scruples   Preparing for Change Setting up the plan for repeated exposure to the feared object or condition.   From the very start of the fear response, the body actually starts a counter-response mean to return the body to normal activity levels. Habituation.  Nervous system gets bored with the danger, returns to normal.   Example of jackhammer breaking up the asphalt on your road.   Exposure must be prolonged Exposure must generate significant anxiety Exposure must be repeated The compulsive response must be blocked.  Prevented from happening so it breaks the cycle of some relief from the compulsion.  Blocking the physical compulsion or the mental compulsion.   More charts and forms What I think about scrupulosity.  IFS-Informed Approach  I'm going to start with the bottom line.  I think scrupulosity is generated by a desperate attempt to find safety from a terrible, dangerous and uncaring God for shameful, undeserving, despicable sinner Scrupulosity is a twisted, frantic attempt to find some kind of safety from an angry, heartless God for me, a reprobate, a delinquent, an evildoer.  At the core, scrupulosity starts with really appalling, awful God Images -- and the scrupulous person usually isn't aware of the how terrible his or her God images really are, because they are not allowed into conscious awareness.   I discuss God images at length in episode 23-29 of this podcast, a seven episode series, all about God images, so check that out.   God Images =  My emotional and subjective experiences of God, who I feel God to be in the moment.  May or may not correspond to who God really is.  What I feel about God in my bones. This is my experiential sense how my feelings and how my heart interpret God. God images are often outside of our conscious awareness  Initially God images are shaped by the relationship that I have with my parents.     My God images are heavily influenced by psychological factors  Different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at a given time.   God images are always formed experientially; God images flow from our relational experiences and  Also how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young.  My God images can be radically different than my God concept. God Concept  = What I profess about God.  It is my more intellectual understanding of God, based on what one has been taught, but also based on what I have explored through reading.  I decide to believe in my God concept.  Reflected in the Creed, expanded in the Catechism, formal teaching.   Now I'm really going to apply IFS to Scrupulosity, grounding it in a Catholic understanding of the human person.  Discussed Robert Fox and Alessio Rizzo's Internal Family Systems approach to OCD in the last episode -- number 86 -- Obsessions, Compulsions, OCD and Internal Family Systems. Brief review:  Definition of Parts:  Separate, independently operating personalities within us, each with own unique prominent needs, roles in our lives, emotions, body sensations, guiding beliefs and assumptions, typical thoughts, intentions, desires, attitudes, impulses, interpersonal style, and world view.  Each part also has an image of God.   You can also think of them as separate modes of operating if that is helpful.   Brief review:  Self:  The core of the person, the center of the person.  This is who we sense ourselves to be in our best moments, and when our self is free, and unblended with any of our parts, it governs our whole being as an active, compassionate leader.   Here is the critical idea:  Each Part has a God Image -- each part has a way of understanding God based on its limited experience and how it understands that experience We have as many God images as we have parts.   How God images form in parts.  Parts have distorted God images for three main reasons:  Parts learn via experience and the ways they interpret experience, especially in their spiritual inferences, can be markedly different than what God has revealed about Himself through the Catholic Church -- for example, a part whose role is to be dissociated from the rest of the system so as not to overwhelm the core self and other parts with its burden of interpersonal trauma may see God as distant, disconnected and uncaring, in a Deistic way;  Parts may be very afraid of, angry at, disappointed with or disinterested in God and therefore refuse to connect with Him, preventing them from having needed corrective relational experiences of a loving God Part's understandings of God can vary wildly.  One part may be angry and rejecting of God, another parts may be terrified of God, a third grieving the loss of God, a fourth distant and cold toward God and a fifth part, in the same person, may not believe that God even exists.   As different parts come up and blend with the self, becoming more prominent in the system, they bring their God images into conscious awareness.  That explains how our conscious perspectives of God can shift.  Whichever part of us has taken over, which ever part of us has blended and is driving our bus, that part's God image is dominating in the moment So, in my view, a scrupulous person's parts are in a life and death battle with each other about God.  It's more than physical life or death.  It's about spiritual life or death, eternal life or death, the stakes couldn't be higher.   The scrupulous person's managers believe that if they don't suppress parts with negative God images, the consequence could be to be damned to hell for all eternity.   Manager parts are trying to appease God -- seek his approval, make things all right, strive to meet his demands, to be perfect Fr. Thomas La Santa:  I will make God love me by becoming perfect.  In this way God will have to love me.  An enormous amount of energy is wasted by the scrupulous person trying to "fix" himself or herself or trying to become perfect.   Fr. Marc Foley: The command "Be ye perfect..." does not enjoin us to strive for a flawless performance in the various tasks of life, but to do them as God wills us. We feel driven to do an A+ job on projects in which we have overinvested our egos. But doing God's will often demands the courage to do a C+ job because God bids us to spend our time and energy on other tasks.  In order to do that, the manager parts have to suppress or exile the parts that have "offensive" God images or who may otherwise seem inappropriate or unacceptable to God.   Those that are angry at God Those that are disappointed in God Those who are disgusted with God. Those that are indifferent toward God. Those that don't believe God exists.   All those ways of construing God makes sense if you understand the part's experience and how it construes its experience.  They are not accurate, they don't correspond to how God really is, but the part doesn't know that.   Those that generate impulses to get God's attention via acting out in negative ways.   Manager parts reject any part that experiences God in any negative way.   Parts seeing other parts as evil, harmful, and terrifying.   Demons  Lepers Tax collectors Prostitutes Dangerous sinners -- banishing them.   Manager Parts can speak for God -- they assume they know what God wants.  Not in relationship with him, though.  Really following a code or a list of rules or expectations.  It's not about relationship, really.   First two conditions for secure attachment -- 1) felt safety and protection; 2) feeling seen known, heard and understood.  Drawing from Daniel P. Brown and David S. Elliott 2016 book Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for Comprehensive Repair.   Felt safety and protection In Scrupulosity, there is no felt sense of safety and protection for so many parts, because of their God images and their fears about the God images of other parts being expressed.  .   The first primary condition of secure attachment is not met.   The most basic relational need is not met -- no felt safety, no felt protection. The first primary condition for secure attachment is felt safety and security.  It has be felt.  And not just by other parts, but by the target part.   We all have heretical God images.   Pastor Jonathan Edwards:  The wrath of God is like great waters that are dammed for the present; they increase more and more, and rise higher and higher, till an outlet is given; and the longer the stream is stopped, the more rapid and mighty is its course, when once it is let loose. It is true, that judgment against your evil works has not been executed hitherto; the floods of God's vengeance have been withheld; but your guilt in the meantime is constantly increasing, and you are every day treasuring up more wrath; the waters are constantly rising, and waxing more and more mighty; and there is nothing but the mere pleasure of God, that holds the waters back, that are unwilling to be stopped, and press hard to go forward. If God should only withdraw his hand from the flood-gate, it would immediately fly open, and the fiery floods of the fierceness and wrath of God, would rush forth with inconceivable fury, and would come upon you with omnipotent power; and if your strength were ten thousand times greater than it is, yea, ten thousand times greater than the strength of the stoutest, sturdiest devil in hell, it would be nothing to withstand or endure it.  How are you going to feel safe with a God like that?   Feeling Seen, Known, Heard, Understood   because there is no feeling of safety and protection for some parts, they don't want to be seen, heard, known and understood by God.  They don't want to be near God, they don't trust him And that makes sense, given how they see God.   Some parts may want to be seen heard known and understood by God, even if they don't feel safe -- they are desperate for attention, any kind of attention from God, even negative attention, so they signal distress by intense impulses toward acting out, especially in ways designed to get God's attention -- blasphemy, for example.  Just like a neglected little kid, desperate for some kind of attention from his father may act out.   Scrupulosity is the son of anger and the grandson of shame.  Core issues of shame that are suppressed and generate anger.  Anger is suppressed and generates fear and scruples.   Shame -- the root of so much psychological and emotional distress -- whole 13-epsiode series on shame, from episode 37 to 49.  All goes back to identity.  Who am I and Who is God.  Scrupulous individuals have a very hard time allowing their anger with God to emerge into conscious awareness and with anger in general.  Dangerous emotion But look at the unreasonably demanding and exacting God images their manager parts have -- Their God images are unjust.   Who would want to be with a God like that?  No part has a really positive God image Not wanting hell  But not really wanting heaven either -- to be face to face with a God like that for all eternity?  So God has no opportunity to show the scrupulous person, in relationship, who He really is.  Self-perpetuating. I wrote a blog on this on the Souls and Hearts website last week, on Inner Pre-Evangelization: A Focus on Internal Trust.  My Approach Lead from Self --The core of the person, the center of the person.  This is who we sense ourselves to be in our best moments, and when our self is free, and unblended with any of our parts, it governs our whole being as an active, compassionate leader.   We want to be recollected, we want the self governing all of our parts Like the conductor -- leading the musicians in an orchestra Like the captain -- leading and governing all the sailors on a ship.   When we are recollected, in self, 8 C's Calm  Curiosity  Compassion  Confidence  Courage  Clarity  Connectedness  Creativity  Kindness   Self as the secure internal attachment figure for the parts.  Parts coming to trust the self  -- Blog on  Working collaboratively with the parts -- contracting with them to not overwhelm Really accepting the parts right now, where they at.  Trusting that God is good enough to understand and tolerate our parts' feelings.   Scrupulosity as a gift, a signal. Look for the disorder underneath it.  Not a question of willpower.   Diabolical aspects Leaving people to their own devices  Discouragement, inward focus, despising self,  Spiritual Approach Not about overcoming scrupulosity  Blessed are the merciful for mercy shall be theirs  Childlike Simplicity and trust lessens our burdens.  Parvulos.  Little Children.  Dust and ashes.   Example of a parent -- would you prefer your child to be working on self-perfection  Perfectionism draws us to be big, perfect, competent, having it all together.  Jacques Phillipe:  The Way of Trust and Love -- particularly helpful for those struggling with scrupulosity.    p. 7 :  The heart of Christian life is to receive and welcome God's tenderness and goodness, the revelation of his merciful love and to let oneself be transformed interiorly by that love.   “We would like to be experienced, irreproachable, never making mistakes, never fall, possess unfeeling good judgment and unimpeachable virtues. Which is to say, we would like to have no more need of forgiveness or mercy, no more need of God and his help.  41 If we accept ourselves as we are, we also accept God's love for us. But if we reject ourselves, if we despise ourselves, we shut ourselves off from the love God has for us, we deny that love. 48-49 We need to practice gentleness toward ourselves so as not to get discouraged and condemn ourselves when faced with their weakness while also nurturing a great desire for holiness. But not a desire for extraordinary perfection. Holiness is different; it is a real desire to love God and our neighbor, and, issuing a kind of halfway love, go to loves extremes. 52 …we shouldn't fall into a kind of stubborn “therapeutic obstinacy,” with the aim of ridding ourselves absolutely of all imperfections or healing every wound. In doing that, we risk becoming impatient and concentrating our efforts on something God isn't specifically asking of us or, ultimately, paying more attention to ourselves than to him. 56-57 The more we accept ourselves as we are and are reconciled to our own weakness, the more we can accept other people and love them as they are. 49 What this podcast is all about.   Contrast that with Pastor Jonathan Edwards -- sinners in the hand of an angry God:  The bow of God's wrath is bent, and the arrow made ready on the string, and justice bends the arrow at your heart, and strains the bow, and it is nothing but the mere pleasure of God, and that of an angry God, without any promise or obligation at all, that keeps the arrow one moment from being made drunk with your blood.  Remember, you as a listener can call me on my cell any Tuesday or Thursday from 4:30 PM to 5:30 PM.  I've set that time aside for you.  317.567.9594.  (repeat) or email me at crisis@soulsandhearts.com.  The Resilient Catholics Community at Soulsandhearts.com/rcc.  So much information there and videos.   I want to invite you to the Resilient Catholics Community The Why of the RCC --  It's all about loving with your whole heart -- all of your being.  Getting over all the natural level issues that hold you back from tolerating being loved and from loving God and others.   Who  Who is the Resilient Catholics Community for? It's for you. If you really are into this podcast, if these ways of conceptualizing the human person and integration and human formation and resilience are appealing to you, then the Resilient Catholics community, the RCC may be for you.   I am looking for listeners who want to be with other like-minded Catholics on the journey, on this adventure of human formation with me.   Who deeply desire a personal, intimate relationship with God and with Mary, a real human, close connection  And who recognize they have some natural-level impediments to that deep relating  and  who are willing to make sacrifices in time, effort, money, humility and courage to grow in human formation and overcome natural-level impediments to being loved and to loving  What want to shore up their natural foundation for the spiritual life, because grace perfects nature.   Who want to become saints.   Who are willing to be pioneers at the cutting edge in this adventure of human formation.  Really at the tip of the spear, the first explorers of this human formation ground for laymen and laywomen.   First of all the RCC is My Tribe, my people, bringing together two groups into one First, faithful, orthodox, serious Catholics who are wounded and suffering and know it  And Second, who are psychologically minded (or at least want to be psychologically minded), who believe in the unconscious and who embrace the unity and multiplicity of the human person  And who want to see through the lens of a core self and parts.  Unity and multiplicity make sense.   What of the RCC $99 nonrefundable registration fee gets you the The Initial Measures Kit -- which generates the Individual Results Sheet and the Personalized Human Formation Plan 5 pages of results about your parts  -- we've done about 70 of these now, and our members are amazed at the results, how accurately we are in helping them identify their parts and how their parts relate to each other, and the why behind their parts' desires and impulses.   Weekly premium Inner Connections podcast, just for RCC community members --Lots of experiential exercises.   A complete course for working on your human formation 44 weekly sessions over the course of a year for $99 per month subscription  Daily check ins with your companion -- accountability and structure  Weekly company meetings with 7 or 8 other members in your small group.   Office hours with me  Conversation hours with me  All this for $99 per month.  And we make it financially possible for anyone who is a good fit for the RCC to join through write-offs and scholarships.  The fees are not the tail that wags the dog.   And there also is opportunities for some parts-based individual coaching as well.   Essentially, the What of the RCC is a pilgrimage together.   The When of the RCC We open twice per year to new members in December and June, open until December 31..  We are open now.  Soulsandhearts.com/rcc to register.  Call me with questions!    317.567.9594.  (repeat) or email me at crisis@soulsandhearts.com.  So sign up Soulsandhearts.com/rcc.   

Tom Bailey is the founder of Succeed Through Speaking and he spent the first 25 years of his life becoming an expert at AVOIDING public speaking, presenting and being in front of groups of people. However, since overcoming his life-limiting fear of speaking and presenting he has experienced first-hand how people can succeed through speaking. He now helps other Entrepreneurs, Experts, Coaches and Consultants use speaking to raise their profile and gain new clients. We discuss: An expert at avoiding public speaking [02:19] How the fear of speaking is hurting your personal and professional life [04:37] The wrong decisions that keep you in your comfort zone [05:59] Confidence comes from competence [09:44] How to use speaking as a platform to attract more clients [11:41] The five P's that help experts be great at speaking [13:00] How to increase the visibility of someone who is hiding behind the brand [16:01] How to connect the dots between speaking and business [17:36] Why you should never say you're the greatest speaker in the world [20:50] Learn more about Tom at https://www.succeedthroughspeaking.com/ (https://www.succeedthroughspeaking.com).

Some people like to take risks—even big ones—while others don't. In this episode, host John Laurito talks about why being too cautious is not always good. In business and life, focusing too much on the risks that your actions might sometimes have not only takes away the fun in the experience but may also cost you too much or further bring you into what you were trying to avoid in the first place. So, just think about it, weigh things out, and decide whether you're doing it or not.Show notes:[1:21] Offroading with John[3:26] Why it's not always best to avoid risks too much[5:55] Think about it…[11:29] OutroGet a copy of Tomorrow's Leader on Amazon https://tinyurl.com/huseae9hText LEADER to 617-393-5383 to receive The Top 10 Things That The Best Leaders Are Doing Right NowFor questions, suggestions, or speaker inquiries, contact me at john@lauritogroup.com

Aggie and Mickey avoid the Black Friday masses and saddle up to host He Said She Said to booze it up and discuss their favorite Christmas songs

Aggie and Mickey avoid the Black Friday masses and saddle up to host He Said She Said to booze it up and discuss their favorite Christmas songs

The SuperGenius Mark Madden prefers to be alone on Thanksgiving, comedian Sean Patton explains his Bayou roots ahead of his show at Club Cafe on Monday, and Mike Tomlin is rallying the troops for what Mike Prisuta considers to be the Alamo this Sunday - a 1:00pm kickoff against Cincinnati.

At its core, conflict avoidance is people pleasing due to a deeply ingrained fear of hurting or upsetting other people if you express your true feelings. This type of codependency leads to feelings of resentment and loneliness and ultimately hurts you and your relationships. Whether you've got a partner who's conflict avoidant or you're dealing with your own conflict avoidance, today's episode is for you! Stay tuned while I walk you through my best tips for dealing with conflict avoidance whether that's you or someone else. Full shownotes: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-to-do-if-your-partner-is-conflict-avoidant-plus-dealing-with-your-own-conflict-avoidance/ Grab my FREE Mindfulness Starter Kit: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-to-do-if-your-partner-is-conflict-avoidant-plus-dealing-with-your-own-conflict-avoidance/ Blog: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-to-do-if-your-partner-is-conflict-avoidant-dealing-with-your-own-conflict-avoidance/   _______________________ Subscribe today to get my weekly thoughts, best practices and funny stories (you won't believe my life!). This weekly reminder will keep you on the path to creating connected, happy relationships (especially the one with yourself!). https://abbymedcalf.com/   For more quick tips, subscribe to my YouTube channel: youtube.com/subscription_center?add_user=AbbyMedcalfThriving   Want to feel happier and more connected in your relationship? Buy my #1 bestselling book on Amazon, Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won't Do a Thing: https://abbymedcalf.com/book     Ready to dig deeper? Take one of my courses (some are free!): https://abbymedcalf.com/shop/   Say hello on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abbymedcalf/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/AbbyThriving LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving YouTube: youtube.com/subscription_center?add_user=AbbyMedcalfThriving  

Best Retrievers - Instagram - FacebookBest Retrievers Whelping ServiceEpisode 75: Kristin Best- Developing Puppy Trust & Identifying Avoidance BehaviorsPick The Perfect Puppy- 5 Things To Look For Starting Your Puppy the Right WayResearchers Say These are the 5 Love Languages Your Dog Uses What's Your Dog's Love Language?Bird Dog TeamworkAvoiding New Puppy BurnoutTraining Tips for Your Distracted Duck Dog

Scratch the surface of compulsive sexual behavior and you'll find intimacy avoidance. Andrew and Sue take a closer look at what is often referred to as love avoidance (aka avoidant attachment pattern) which acts as a survival strategy but eventually outlasts its purpose. Tune in to discover how this attachment style may apply to you.

It seems that many of us hold a vision of wonderful holidays with family being attainable as long as no one talks politics. Good luck with that! As always, I'm here to give it to you straight and break down what the real problems are. Spoiler alert: it isn't even about politics. Because I love you and I do want you have the best experience possible, I'm going to share ways to shift your perspective around this desire of yours. Prepare for WHEN not IF a topic of conversation that you are trying to avoid is presented, because it's going to happen. That's how the universe works.

Annie P Ruggles is a sales soulmate to me - one of the few unicorns who doesn't preach one-size-fits all or high pressure sales tactics. Her special zone of genius is helping empaths avoid underselling and avoiding sales - such valuable work! If you feel like you dread sales calls and discussing investment - this episode is definitely for you. Listen in to discover: What is sales avoidance and how can someone overcome it? How to ask for money in a way that feels good for yourself and the client How does someone learn to love sales? Is empathy a blessing or a curse in sales? What advice do you have for those who struggle to charge for their labors of love? If you love what Annie has to say - then I highly recommend following her for more here: https://www.instagram.com/anniepreneur/?hl=en

Recognizing our default reactions to words and ways of being, owning the challenges, finding the gifts within and choosing our path forward. Acknowledgment of concepts from Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine, more information available at www.positiveintelligence.com If you're interested in diving deeper into these concepts in a group coaching setting, visit www.thisosteopathiclife.com and sign up for the newsletter to learn more!

We have ALL heard "good vibes only!!!"... and maybe a bit too much if I'm being honest. Listen, being positive, and finding the beauty and gratitude of every moment, is a gorgeous way to guard our energy and recalibrate our frequency. But what happens when we get those "good vibes" as a way to distract us from what's really going on? And... how do we know when that's what's happening? How can we find the difference between positive thinking and emotional avoidance? Find out, in this episode of The Social Reset.  Also, if you're feeling called to your next level, the BAA doors are opining again in just 2 weeks.  And girl, it's a party. Join the waitlist here, and be the first to know >> https://view.flodesk.com/pages/6171c34a74d564fa09f40143

SUMMARY: Quite often, my clients forget to recognize avoidance as a compulsion.  While you might be spending a lot of time in your recovery reducing compulsions such as reassurance-seeking compulsions, behavioral compulsions, and mental compulsions, it is important to recognize that avoidance is also a compulsion.  In this episode, we address why it is important to address the things you are avoiding and find a way to incorporate this into your OCD treatment. In This Episode: Why Avoiding your fear keeps you stuck in the obsessive-compulsive cycle What is an avoidant compulsions? How to manage avoidant compulsions? Links To Things I Talk About: ERP SCHOOL Other podcast episodes about avoidance Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com.  CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors.  Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 210. Welcome back, everybody. I am so thrilled to have you here. How are you doing? How is your anxiety? How is your depression? How is your heart? How is your grief? How is your anger? How is your joy? How are you? How is your family? All things that I hope are okay and tender, and there's a safe place for all of those things to be. Today's episode is in inspiration of a session I recently had with a client—a client I've seen for some time. We are constantly talking about safety behaviors, ways that we respond to fear. I had mentioned to him that of course, one of the safety behaviors we do are from fear, and in response to fear is avoidance. We avoid things. And he had said, “Oh, I completely forgot about avoidance. I completely forgot that was one of my safety behaviors.” Sometimes we put so much attention on the physical behaviors and the mental compulsions that we forget to check in on what are you avoiding and how avoiding things and fear keep us stuck. So, that's what we're talking about today. Before we do that, let's first do the review of the week. This is from Ks Steven, and they said: “Short and sweet. This podcast is one of my highlights of the week. It is short, sweet and so helpful. I look forward to each new episode. Episode 99 on self-compassion has transformed my relationship with myself. As I start each day to face my obsessions, I remind myself it is a beautiful day to do hard things.” I love that review. Thank you so much. I love that. It basically is exactly what I want this podcast to be. I want it to be short, I want it to be sweet, I want it to be helpful, and I want it to remind you that it is always a beautiful day to do hard things. Before we get into the episode, we have one more part of the episode that we want to do, which is the “I did a hard thing,” and this is from Anonymous. They said: “My husband and I have been going through infertility treatments for years. This year, we did IVF and it was triggering, maybe because it felt more “real.” I was panicking that I didn't feel perfect enough since I struggled with some mental health issues earlier this year. I had the false narrative in my mind and major intrusive thoughts about not being a good mom, ruining my children, fearing postpartum mental health issues. I wanted to cancel our embryo transfer because of all of these intrusive thoughts and fears. But on Monday, I did it afraid and we transferred our embryo. We'll find out next week if I'm pregnant and I'm so glad I did it.” Oh my goodness, I cannot tell you how impressed I am. I wish nothing but joy for you. You did that hard thing, and I hope that however that turned out that you are standing by yourself and you are gentle and kind and reminding yourself that you never have to be perfect. Never, never, never. We are not meant to be perfect. Okay, here we go. Let's talk about avoidance. I mean, listen, that “I did a hard thing” is exactly what we're talking about, so we'll even use that as a reference today. Fear is scary. Nobody wants to feel it. It's not fun at all, and instinctually, we go into fight or flight, and flight is a normal human response to fear that has us avoid danger. Now, this instinctual response is what keeps us safe. If a bus is coming for you, you run off the street. That's what we do. It's the right thing to do. However, if you are using avoidance on repeat, and if you're using avoidance to avoid the sensation of fear, not an actual current, real imminent danger, well then chances are you're going to get stuck. So I want to be really clear, if you are actually in physical danger, avoidance is not a compulsion. It's not a safety behavior. But if you're avoiding thoughts about things or you're avoiding things because there is a small or a medium probability of something happening, or even maybe even a large probability in some situations, chances are in this case, you're going to walk away quite unempowered. Because the truth is, life is scary. Life doesn't always go well. Bad things do happen. It sucks to say, but it's true. Bad things do happen. And so, it makes sense that we naturally want to avoid lots of things to avoid bad things from happening. But what happens when we do that is life starts to get really, really small. We have to be willing to take some calculated risk, and ideally, the calculating part doesn't take too much of your time either because we can spend a lot of time ruminating about potential risks, probabilities, uncertainties, and so forth. So what we want to do and what I want you to do when you're listening to this and after listening to this is reflect on, what am I avoiding? Is the avoidance helpful and effective? Or is the avoidance impacting my ability to live my life? Is the avoidance impacting my ability to grow and thrive? Is the avoidance impacting my family and their ability to grow and thrive? That's a big one, because sometimes our fears impact the people we love by no fault of our own. It's not our fault, but we always want to check in on this stuff. When you avoid, ask yourself, what specifically am I avoiding? Am I avoiding actual danger? Or am I avoiding fear or other sensations? Because if you're doing the avoidant behavior to avoid sensations or an emotion or some thoughts, the problem with that is what you suppress often comes more, what you resist often persists. So even your attempt of avoiding it so that you're not having to endure the discomfort often only increases the frequency and duration of the discomfort or the thought or the feeling or the sensation or the urge. And so, therefore, it's not effective. Some people avoid because they don't want to feel humiliated or embarrassed. But the problem with that is, once we start avoiding, what often happens is people start noticing that you're avoiding and then you end up feeling humiliated and embarrassed anyway. So what I'm trying to show you here is, while avoidance does give you some pretty immediate relief, it often has long-term outcomes that aren't that great that keep you stuck. As the “I did a hard thing” segment that we feature each week and as we see even in the reviews often or almost every time, people who face their fear, even though it's so painful and so uncomfortable, they leave that experience feeling empowered. They leave the experience saying to themselves, “That wasn't fun, but at least I know I can do it. Now I have proof that I can. Now I have proof that I survived it.” And with that comes powerful cognitive learning. One of the best outcomes of ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) is learning that you can survive really hard things. When we avoid that most of the time, the main thing we learn is when I can avoid bad things for you, but I can't handle hard things. That's what we really walk away learning. And our brain knows this. It's keeping an eye on this. Our brains are very, very smart. They're keeping track of this. And the more that we avoid, the more disempowered we feel and the more alert and hypervigilant the brain feels. “Oh, I avoided that. What else can I avoid? What else can I avoid?” So that next time you're put in a situation where you can't avoid, the chances are that you probably will panic even more. Panic is a huge one for people where avoidance shows up. It's a huge time where naturally of course—this is where I want you to practice compassion—you don't want to have a panic attack. Of course, you don't want to be uncomfortable. Of course, you want to avoid the discomfort because it's not fun. No one wants to go through that. I don't blame you. I do it myself. So we're never going to be perfect at this. I wouldn't expect you to be perfect at this. But there is this beautiful inquiry that we can deal with in ourselves or with a therapist or a loved one to go, “This isn't working for me anymore. I deserve to live a life where fear isn't running the show. So I'm going to choose to face this fear.” It is a fierce, compassionate action. It is a badass, shoulders back. “I'm going to show up for myself behavior and action.” It takes courage. It takes bravery. It takes a small amount of grit, I'm not going to lie. But I really want today to be about reminding you that you can do the hard thing. You can ride that wave of discomfort. It will be temporary. It will be hard, but it will rise and fall on its own. And with repetition, if you can gift yourself with the repetition of facing your fears, not avoiding them, you will feel so strong. You will learn that you can tolerate discomfort, that you are able to get through hard things. And so, next time, when you have to do a hard thing, you'll feel a little less afraid, or in many cases, you'll feel a significant degree less afraid. So, I'm going to leave you with that. Compassionately do an inventory on where avoidance shows up in your life. And then do your best to work through each and every one. This is what we do in ERP School. One of the first few modules is identifying what you avoid and then takes you through the steps of one by one by one. We're going to face each and every one of those fears. You don't have to have a therapist to do this. It's ideal, but you don't have to. We had an episode last week about people who do it on their own. It's so cool. So I want to really empower you to, number one, face your fears, but just always remind yourself, avoidance is a safety behavior or a compulsion as well. All right, I love you. It is a beautiful day to do hard things. I believe in you. I really believe you. I really want you to understand that you have everything you need. It doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to show up perfect. You can face your fears imperfectly and you don't have to have it all figured out first, just give it a try. Throw yourself in there a little. Be kind. And I hope that this inspires you a little and reminds you that it is a beautiful day to do hard things. I love you. I believe in you. I hope you have a wonderful day. I hope you're being tender with your heart. I'm sending you all the love I have from my heart to yours. I'll see you guys next week.

 On the outside looking in, many would assume that ADHD and Perfectionism would be polar opposites. Where ADHD is a disorder that deals with hyperactivity, impulsive behavior, and difficulty with focusing, Perfectionism is most commonly associated with requiring a high level of attention to details. However, despite their nuances and differences, there is a strong relationship between having ADHD and being a perfectionist that many may not realize While it's admirable to want to do our best and strive for academic, social and professional success, many folks with ADHD go beyond this desire to do well. They create unrealistic standards of success, compare themselves negatively to neurotypical friends and focus too much on the end result and not the process of getting there. There are several helpful aspects of perfectionism that assist individuals with ADHD to get started and keep going on tasks and projects. You want to achieve a personal standard, create a piece of work or express themselves with pride and satisfaction. Perfectionism also contributes to the productive side of worry. It helps people by encouraging planning and fostering initiation such as doing tedious work, getting to work on time or remembering to charge your phone. But, perfectionism also limits people with ADHD. The damaging aspects of perfectionism include: Self-criticism  (negative self-talk)Rigidity (not completely right means failure)Fear of disappointment (self or others)Avoidance of failure (not trying because effort won't earn desired result)Sensitivity to feedback (defensiveness)Discouragement/depression (low self-worth due to incomplete goals) A word of caution - the perfectionism-procrastination loop often reflects an entrenched pattern of thinking and behaving, accompanied by strong emotions. Owning the tendencies of ADHD, taking small steps, allows progress to take time, and there will be setbacks along the way, so it's best to adopt the approach of chipping away at it gradually. 

Avoidance is pain. This simple sentence has a huge impact in your dating life. When we “let things slide” resentment builds, and with resentment relationships suffer… Resentment can completely destroy connection. Inside of this episode you will learn: The dangers of avoidance (how it impacts your self-worth and your relationships. Ways to ensure you don't “avoid” in your relationship. How to prioritize the relationship with yourself. You don't want to miss this short and value packed episode! Make sure you tune in and shoot me a DM on IG @drmorgancoaching with your takeaways from the episode! Also, if you want to dive deeper into understanding avoidance in your own life, I highly recommend you apply to the E.S.L. Relationship Program ASAP! Spots are limited this month ANDDD there's no better time than November to join! We have a limited time offer happening where you get 30 BONUS days in the program so... ...don't wait, APPLY HERE!

I'll share with you my favorite story on overcoming self-doubt. This story involved my son Bennett when I felt that he was ready and decided to send him down the black run. He was scared, no doubt. But my confidence in him fueled his confidence, and after uttering a few “I can do it” mantras, he took off. We celebrated his victory over some hot chocolate, and he came up with another mantra that I use every time I need to boost my confidence. Listen in to find out. You can find show notes and more information by clicking this link: https://bit.ly/darkness-of-doubt.

Are you self-sabotaging your success? In this episode Kalena James shares 5 behaviors that are keeping you from being successful. Listen now as Kalena James in, "Self-Sabotage 5 Common Behaviors According to Psychology". 5 Self-Sabotaging Behaviors: 1. People pleasing. 2. Avoidance. 3. Restlessness. 4. Perfectionism. 5. Self-victimization. Instagram: USW Podcast @uswkokomo Kalena James @yesitskalenajames Julie Deem @indymompreneur USW Kokomo Website Production by The Business Podcast Editor --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/united-state-of-women/message

On today's episode, Part 2 of Hormone Secrets with Author and retired MD Robert Yoho we continue our discussion of his book and have some straight talk about the benefits of hormone therapy. Robert Yoho's Book Hormone Secrets Buy it HERE  PREFACE: If you do not know by now that corporations have disfigured healthcare, you have been living under a rock. For example, hormone therapy is claimed to be hazardous, but a century's science and experience prove its value. When these natural substances are low or absent replacing them may be the safest and most effective treatment we have. In contrast, drugs are foreign substances that cause side effects and worse.Hormone supplementation potentially treats or improves:Longevity: Low levels of thyroid, growth hormone, estrogen, testosterone, and DHEA are linked to premature death.Cancer: Estrogen, DHEA, testosterone, progesterone, melatonin and human growth hormone all have protective effects against cancer.General Health: In women under age 60, long-term estrogen replacement therapy decreases strokes, blood clots, colon cancer, diabetes, and macular degeneration. It reduces the likelihood of tooth loss, depression, osteoporosis, and death because of bone fracture. Breast cancer is unaffected, contrary to common opinion. Avoidance of estrogen was estimated to cause 50,000 excess deaths over en years in a Yale StudyAlzheimer's Disease: When long-term care costs are included, this is the most expensive ailment of all. Estrogen decreases the chances of getting AD significantly when it is started within 10 years of menopause.Heart disease: Over 40 observational studies have shown that giving estrogen to women reduces coronary artery disease, heart attacks, and deaths. When men have higher levels, they have less heart disease. Giving natural estrogen to deficient men improves cholesterol but does not increase blood clotting.Depression: Estrogen, DHEA, progesterone, testosterone, and melatonin all have anti-depressant effects. Thyroid has been studied and used for depression for over fifty years.Obesity: Thyroid, estrogen, testosterone, DHEA, and human growth hormone reduce unhealthy belly fat and promote weight loss."Bio-identical" hormones are the same as those found in humans. These are safe, affordable, and have few side effects. But since these natural body substances cannot be easily patented, they are barely profitable for big PHARMA. So the drugmakers concoct proprietary limitations from chemicals or animals. Their prices are extortionate.Stories have been spread that hormones such as estrogen and testosterone cause cancer, heart disease, blood clots, and other diseases. With few exceptions, these are false. And for insulin, growth hormone and others, we have allowed the drugmakers to exorbitantly increase their fees using proprietary manufacturing. The result is that hormones are overpriced and difficult to prescribe. Doctors are pressured to use toxic, expensive patent drugs instead. These trends are squandering our resources and costing us years of healthy life.

George discusses word substitutions people use to avoid Internet censorship, and how that could be applied in worldbuilding. Original Script One of the interesting things you find in internet spaces is the presence of content filtering and the attempts to get around them. On the one hand, the people who have control of a given... Read more »

Dr. Mike Grevlos is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Sioux Falls in South Dakota. Among many courses, he teaches Sport Psychology, Motivation and Emotion, and Behavioral Neurosciences. He is also a published author and works with golfers of all skill levels. Mike joins us for a second time to discuss Motivational mindsets and Goals. Diving deeper into those topics Mike hits: Course Strategy and Target Selection and the appropriate mental approaches; Indecision and lack of Commitment in Decisions, and Avoidance and Approach Goals.

Many children--and-adults-with ADHD struggle with time management and need strategies that will set them up for success. Children who can learn strategies can better transition to adulthood and be successful in work, school, and their personal lives. Children who don't discover time management strategies will often struggle with substance abuse and failure in their work and personal lives. Avoidance, procrastination, and distraction are all symptoms of ADHD and can be more comfortable for a person than getting things done or facing difficult situations. Those with ADHD often don't like dealing with difficult feelings. In this podcast, Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini, discusses his struggles with ADHD as a child and what strategies he has implemented that have been life-changing.  The two strategies that both children and adults with ADHD can implement today are the time-boxing method and the SODAS Method.  Because those with ADHD can have difficulty seeing the big picture or determining priorities, the time-boxing method helps them decide what they need to do. By visually seeing what needs to be done, they are more likely to do it, as those with ADHD often thrive once they begin. The SODAS Method helps remove the emotion from situations and keeps them focused on the present.  Using these two methods will help you or your child with ADHD play to strengths and find successful outcomes. You can learn more about the SODAS Method here. If you'd like personalized help implementing time management strategies for you or your child, we can help. Sign up for Parenting Coaching and let us create solutions that will work for you!

Brains don't like being uncomfortable, so they've come up with a simple behavioral solution: avoid it! In this episode, the docs discuss the function of avoidance, provide psychoeducation about experiential avoidance and its attempts to control what's happening inside of our bodies, and discuss the comparable Buddhist concept of aversion. Everyone avoids thoughts, feelings, other people, situations (and much more) at some point or another, so tune in to learn how to recognize avoidance and begin to turn back towards stepping into discomfort. We promise, it'll be worth it!

Rachel and Steph welcome Annie, Rachel's client from Kapp Educational Therapy Group. Annie impressively deep dives into her own learning profile, thoughtfully talking about her educational therapy journey. In this episode she talks about how her ADHD has impacted her ability to function and how she has grown through educational therapy. Annie discusses deeply understanding how her ADHD manifests itself and why that was so impactful for her. She also talks with Rachel and Steph about procrastination, avoidance, lying, the importance of auditing her portal, self-advocacy and time management. She catalogues her own growth and thoughtfully talks through her experience.  Support us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/learnsmarterpodcast How to connect with us: Join our FB Group Join our e-mail list Rachel's Kapp Educational Therapy Group website Steph's My Ed Therapist website  @learnsmarterpodcast, @kappedtherapy, @myedtherapist

Podcast 265: An Extreme Leech Phobia: Once Bitten, Twice Shy! Today's podcast features the treatment of an extreme leech phobia in real time, using live leeches. Dr. Danielle Kamis, a clinical psychiatrist practicing in Los Altos, California, is our courageous patient, and Dr. Matthew May, a frequent guest on the Feeling Good Podcast, conducts the treatment, while David and Rhonda observe and comment. If you ever saw the famous Humphrey Bogart movie, “African Queen,” you know how terrifying leeches can be. But why in the world would anyone working in downtown Los Altos, California, need or want treatment for a leech phobia? Danielle is an extremely brave and adventuresome young professional woman who loves traveling to remote places around the world (Danielle is an extremely brave and adventuresome young professional woman who loves traveling to remote places around the world.  She has had a keen interest in global health work and has spent a significant amount of time doing research with indigenous population in the pre-Andes mountains of Argentina. She has also spent time living with tribes deep in the Amazon forest as well as the jungles of Sumatra. These experiences have transported her back in time to better understand the core components of humans in our most natural state. She described a terrifying experience while exploring in a jungle in Sumatra, where the leeches not only invade the water, but can also drop onto you from trees. After hiking through the beautiful, lush landscape for some time, Danielle began screaming and sobbing in terror when she noticed that her foot was bleeding because of a leech that had just detached itself. This was understandably embarrassing, and she realized that she needed to overcome this fear before going on another jungle adventure. In today's therapy session live leeches will be placed on Danielle's skin, and she will be encouraged to surrender to the anxiety and make it as intense as possible, rather than running away or trying to control or avoid it. This is an extreme form of exposure called “flooding.” It  can be incredibly effective, and often works quickly, but requires great courage on the part of the patient and therapist, as well as a high degree of therapist skill. To prepare for today's exposure session, Danielle obtained four live leeches, which she kept at her apartment. She said that even looking at the leeches slithering around in the water and thinking about them biting her made her fear instantly jump to 9.5 on a scale from 0 (not at all) to 10 (the most intense anxiety). She asked Matt if he'd be willing to do the leech exposure first. Matt agreed, since we never ask our patients to do anything that we wouldn't do, ourselves. This modeling by a trusted friend or therapist can be a useful tool in the treatment of anxiety. Danielle carefully removed one of the leeches with a spoon and placed it on Matt's forearm. After crawling around for a minute or so, the leech attached itself and begin to engorge itself on Matt's blood. Danielle watched in fascination and fear, and then it was her turn. She bravely placed a second leech on her forearm. She was afraid it was going to be extremely painful, but was surprised when it was just a mild feeling of sandpaper on her skin. Over a period of about ten or fifteen minutes, with episodes of nausea and profuse sweating, Danielle's anxiety gradually dropped from 9.5 at the start all the way to 1, and she felt triumphant. You can see some photos and videos of the session here, including our lunch prior to the session at the Phoa Cabin in downtown Los Altos. It is a favorite local spot that features tremendously tasty Vietnamese food.  (LINK) Teaching points in today's TEAM-CBT session include the following: Avoidance is one of the major causes of all forms of anxiety. When you avoid or try to escape from your fears, they will always intensify. Exposure is a powerful treatment tool for anxiety, but is not a treatment per se, and there are many additional tools with powerful anti-anxiety effects. I (David) use at least 40 tools in the treatment of anxiety, but exposure must always be included in the mix. It is probably impossible to cure any form of anxiety without exposure. All patients and most therapists resist and fear exposure. Patients fear exposure because of the intense anxiety they must endure and their belief that something terrible will happen if they don't avoid their fear, and most therapists are also afraid that the patient is too fragile, or the procedure is too extreme, and something terrible will happen. However, I (David) have never had a bad outcome when using exposure. I am convinced that poor therapy skills, and not exposure, cause negative outcomes in the treatment of anxiety. Excellent empathy is extremely important in treatment of Anxiety. Danielle mentioned the importance of her trust in Matt, and in his modeling of the exposure in the treatment. I (David) strongly agree with this, as I have had to use exposure in the treatment of my own fears and phobias and have also benefitted from doing exposure with someone I trust and admire. Once you've beaten a phobia, and no longer fear the thing that once caused terror, fears have a way of creeping back in, especially if you do not continue to face the thing our feared. To prevent this, ongoing exposure is needed. Although Dr. May treated Danielle for this problem successfully in the past, Danielle's intense fear of leeches had returned during the COVID pandemic. While some form of relapse is almost always inevitable, the good news is that facing your fear frequently can massively reduce the frequency and intensity of relapses. Danielle seemed pleased with her session and agreed to do ongoing exposure on her own every day with the leeches as homework. The next day, we received this email from Danielle. Hello! I had a fantastic time yesterday with you and I am so grateful for all of your support and guidance. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me overcome my fear and help others do the same! It was so wonderful and special seeing you all again in person. Here are some awesome photos from the session as well as our lunch at the Phoa Cabin, and this link contains two videos. Rhonda, Danielle, Matt, and David

Hosted by Tim Roelf. This week's mini episode features PhD candidate Sambatriniaina Rajohnson, of the University of Cape Town's Astronomy department. She explains part of her work trying to advance our understanding of the large scale structure of the universe. Using the radio telescope MeerKAT, she plans on observing these structures in a region known as the Vela supercluster. This all part of her contribution to the Galactic Plane Survey (GPS). She describes some of the challenges she faces in studying the region of space hidden by the Milky Way – the formidable Zone of Avoidance.   We've added a new way to donate to 365 Days of Astronomy to support editing, hosting, and production costs.  Just visit: https://www.patreon.com/365DaysOfAstronomy and donate as much as you can! Share the podcast with your friends and send the Patreon link to them too!  Every bit helps! Thank you! ------------------------------------ Do go visit http://www.redbubble.com/people/CosmoQuestX/shop for cool Astronomy Cast and CosmoQuest t-shirts, coffee mugs and other awesomeness! http://cosmoquest.org/Donate This show is made possible through your donations.  Thank you! (Haven't donated? It's not too late! Just click!) ------------------------------------ The 365 Days of Astronomy Podcast is produced by the Planetary Science Institute. http://www.psi.edu Visit us on the web at 365DaysOfAstronomy.org or email us at info@365DaysOfAstronomy.org.

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Joshua and Ryan talk about trading in our materialistic clinging for transcendent freedom with author, podcaster, and comedian Lisa Lampanelli, and they answer the following questions: How do you define “humor”? (00:00) What is the “United States of Avoidance”? (08:26) When life changes your path, how do you stop clinging to the hope you once had? (14:20) How do we accept the death of a dream? (15:33) What do you mean by “daring to suck”? (17:45) Is it helpful to simply treat our passions as hobbies until they pay the bills? (18:25) How did Lisa get her start in comedy? (20:18) When a loved one has passed, how do I honor their final wishes as executor and appropriately distribute the possessions they clung to when they did not leave specific instructions for doing so? (22:46) How do you stop clinging to the security of a job simply because it pays well? (29:56) Detailed show notes: minimalists.com/podcast Support The Minimalists: minimalists.com/support

In this week's episode, Brad and Jonathan discuss how risk avoidance can weigh down your returns in the form of opportunity costs. While your savings may be safe, you could be missing out on opportunities for your money to work on your behalf! Join the guys as they discuss the rule of 72, inflation, and diversifying as opposed to "deworsifying!" Resources Mentioned In Today's Conversation "Richer, Wiser, Happier" By William Green "The Psychology of Money" By Morgan Housel Are You as Diversified as You Think You Are? With Frank Vasquez | ChooseFI Episode 313 JL Collins' Website Sign Up For ChooseFI's Weekly Newsletter! Want to start your own journey to Financial Independence? Sign up for the free 5-Day FI Challenge here!