Grief Stories

Maureen Pollard interviews Monique about her experience of losing her twin to cancer; how hard it was to come to terms with what was happening to her sister's body while watching her deteriorate and how that trauma stayed with her. "It took years after her death for me - I understand that rumination is part of your brain processing, you can't process everything at once so you ruminate, your brain is just.. trying to just let you digest what's just happened to you. Post traumatic stress and survivor guilt, and of course being a twin and wondering.. I had never been alone before ... the bond that we had was so close, that even though we weren't always together, the nakedness that I felt - and I will use this phrase for your viewers, 'singleton' which is something I learned post-her death from other twins." Monique recommends to anyone who knows a twin or has experienced early twin loss to find support at https://twinlesstwins.org. They also discuss Monique's digital memoir project, "With Every Brush Stroke" which you can check out here: https://www.witheverybrushstroke.com

Maureen Pollard interviews Missy McLean, a Registered Social Worker and Community Organizer who works with people impacted by the toxic drug crisis, homelessness and poverty. They discuss the idea of 'Community Grief'. "When someone dies from a toxic drug poisoning, it hits people who use drugs really hard because we know that in this moment, the way the toxic drug supply is, that it's like russian roulette every time folks are using to a certain degree .. it's really, it's a marginalized grief ... like a disenfranchised grief. And so I was thinking, like, wow if we were in this space and this was a group of students let's say, and they had lost one of their piers, we would see the parachuting in of grief counselors, of crisis workers, of people to wrap around these students and to acknowledge their loss and sit with them in their pain and work with them on strategies to process their grief and how they're going to cope with this loss and all of these things. And you know how many crisis workers and grief counselors were brought to the community centre to sit with the folks who lost their friend? Not one. I've seen that neglect and that disenfranchised grief play out in a lot of different ways in our communities, especially working with folks who use drugs - who use criminalized drugs I should say - and who are experiencing homelessness; where they lose someone who was so close to them, right, because a lot of the folks when they are street involved and when they are using criminalized drugs, they are each other's family. They are each others network of support and survival, and so those losses, they cut deep but they're not recognized in the same way."

Maureen Pollard interviews Emily Wisser, Founder of The Grief Collective, about her experiences with grief. Emily lost her father to cancer when she was 19, and she discusses the contrast between enjoying being away at college for the first time, while at home her father was battling brain cancer and how isolating that felt for her. She talks about the ways the sadness stood out in her grief experience when she moved back home years after he passed, being in the place where her memories of him lived. They also discuss how therapy, as well as an art class helped her to heal. "Having that time, a few times a week, to just quiet your mind and sit down with some charcoal or some ink and a big sheet of paper, it was, I think, really therapeutic to me. Especially when I was, you know, really confronting some of that anxiety, it did help me have moments where I was able to just get in touch with more of that sense of calm."

Maureen Pollard interviews Vicky about losing her husband to myeloma, after surviving prostate and bladder cancer. They discuss the challenge of not having a cancer clinic where they lived, meaning they had to for drive hours back and forth for treatment. They spent so much money on hotels that they ended up having to leave their home and move closer to the clinic, adding an additional struggle of maneuvering their new apartment stairs in his state of illness. She talks about how her physical and mental health was affected as his health deteriorated, but she could still only see him with love and hope. "He's in the hospital and, this is before he died, and I stopped eating when he stopped eating. I lost 30 pounds, I wouldn't even get up to go seek water, all I could do was hold his hands and break down. And, he was so strong you know ... He wasn't getting better and I did not see that. I look at pictures now and I see how ill he was, but it's true when you look at someone through the eyes of love you don't see the illness, all you see is that beautiful face that you adore. My husband was everything to me, I mean our story was a love story." They also discuss how her friend Karen took her in after she lost everything (her home, her husband, and her own will to live) and how the Universe brought her a new friend who understood what she was going through. Both of these women lifted her up and helped her through the darkest time in her life, as did a song that her husband wrote while he was sick which you can listen to here (performed by John Sharkey): http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1715659192?ls=1&app=itunes

Maureen Pollard once again interviews Betsy about losing her adopted son to cancer. In part 2 of this discussion, Betsy continues to talk about the way that expressive arts was helpful both in the end of her son's life, as well as in Betsy's own grief. "All through the 4 years that he was dealing with cancer, each day I began to realize more and more he really had some artistic talent. But he also just drew strength. I used to call it 'The Beautiful Distraction' because he was such a traumatized young man in many ways, and to have something to keep his mind off a procedure he was about to have - it could be a simple blood draw, it could be a major amputation - but to keep his hands moving, building, painting, sketching and drawing was important every step of the way, all the way through to his death." You can listen to Part 1 here: https://soundcloud.com/griefstories/79-betsy-fisher/

Maureen Pollard interviews Betsy about losing her adopted son to cancer on Mother's Day weekend. They discuss the grief and loss her son had already been through in his young life, and how powerful and beautiful it was for him to then have Betsy by his side, supporting him through his cancer journey and loving him at the end of his life. Betsy talks about how much expressive arts and creativity helped him, and how talented he was: "So many things that he [drew] were those kinds of expressions of what he was feeling scared about, but also very joyful things that would get hung around our room ... We would hang his artwork off IV poles and on the backs of calendars and things on the wall just as kind of proof of life that we were existing and that he was flourishing in a strange way, even in a hospital setting he was creating and living." They also discuss the challenges of anticipatory grief that shifts into grief of loss, how Betsy struggled with her identity being a single woman who adopted and then lost a child, and how talking about him and sharing his story has helped her to feel purpose and identity confirmation.

Maureen Pollard interviews Tracee Dunblazier, a Spiritual Empath, Shaman and award-winning Author of 'Transformative Grief: An Ancient Ritual of Healing for Modern Times' about every day grief. They discuss the importance of dedicated grieving time, of spending time with your grief, whatever you are grieving. Tracee talks about how there is every day grief: "Grief is not just about loss. We experience transitions on a daily basis, our need and ability to pivot in a situation. The coffee machine broke and now I have to go out and get coffee, because I have to have coffee, right? So we have these parameters in our life and sometimes we are required to pivot from the habits that we've created and that causes an emotional transition which is grief. So when you can recognize that, recognize that during your day you can have 20 of those, and that that builds up, so if you will give yourself a 5 minute inventory at the end of the evening or before you go to bed to really sit and breathe and recognize all the times you had to transition during your day.. give yourself the opportunity to release that energy and process how you dealt with it." Check out Tracee's book here: http://www.amazon.com/Transformative-Grief-Ancient-Ritual-Healing

Maureen Pollard interviews Kailey Bradley, a licensed professional Counselor in the state of Ohio, who specializes in grief therapy. They discuss a different type of grief - one that stems from infertility and chronic illness. Kailey talks about how she has had to grieve her life, and her future as she once imagined it, after being diagnosed with infertility as well as a chronic illness and an immune deficiency. She talks about how there are always new moments of coming to terms with her infertility, like when she became an aunt for example. She also discusses the challenges of navigating the pandemic with an immune deficiency, and how these experiences have impacted her spirituality. "Illness.. totally.. the maps that I had about how the world operated before navigating illness just didn't work anymore, so at that point I think you have these shattered assumptions and you piece together a new kind of paradigm or schema, and it's very painful work. But I'm grateful for that work, and I think my spirituality is much more mature and more nuanced and more grey now than it ever has been."

Maureen Pollard interviews Jarie, author of 'Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, a Husband's Memoir' about losing this wife to leukemia and the challenges of becoming her caretaker as newlyweds, her diagnosis coming a little over a year after they married. "You get swallowed by it, you lose yourself ... that was something that didn't happen overnight and I didn't realize, but I wasn't me anymore. I was Jane's husband, I was her caregiver, I was Captain Team Jane for lack of a better word. You lose a little bit of your humanity and not because - your sick spouse obviously doesn't want that to happen - but by necessity, and by just the sheer weight of the situation. People are going to ask how she's doing before they're going to ask how you're doing, which is totally natural." They also discuss the conflicting feelings of hope vs anticipatory grief you balance as a caretaker and partner, as well as the way this experience taught Jarie that every day is precious. Check out Jarie's Memoir here: www.amazon.com/Ride-Die-Through-Tragedy-Husbands/dp/1684632102

Maureen Pollard interviews Tahmeed and Jadine, Toronto-based Journalists involved in research about communal grief after suicide on University campuses. They discuss their key findings, such as how loneliness is linked to mental and physical health challenges, therefore people who are emotionally supported in grief tend to do and feel better. They also talk about the shared experience and shared struggle of a mental health crisis that students on campus experience when someone dies by suicide. "Bereavement by suicide is a specific type of bereavement that's different from a lot of other types of grief, and it comes with its own unique challenges that sort of shape what psychologists call that grief trajectory, the changing emotional experiences of grief as the days and years go by."

Maureen Pollard interviews Ellanne Thomson about losing both of her parents, in the span of 7 months, to cancer. They discuss how her mother was diagnosed with Lymphoma back in 2017, before then being terminally diagnosed with multiple brain tumors in 2021, giving a timeframe for her passing. "There were many many challenges as you can imagine. The biggest challenge with my mom, going through that and getting the terminal diagnosis, the biggest challenge was - and I now know it's called Anticipatory Grief - where you know this is coming but you're trying to be present because you know you have a limited time, but it's just chaos... well, in my mind it was just chaos for those couple of months in between finding out the diagnosis, finding out she had 3-6 months to live and then actually only having 2 months with her. That was a real blessing to have those 2 months, and I'm very very thankful and grateful for that, but a big challenge to walk into that every day and know there's an expiration date." Ellanne also talks about the challenge of not being able to be that present with her father, who was in Australia when he was diagnosed with lung cancer, and how an infection he picked up during chemo caused him to pass far sooner than expected. They also discuss how finding support, finding "her people" and joining a grief group helped her immensely.

Maureen Pollard interviews Kim Libertini, Co-Founder of The Goodgrief App - The Social Network for Loss, about her experience of compound grief, and the inability to connect in grief groups and individual therapy until she met an important friend with whom she created this App in order to help others going through the same disconnect. The Goodgrief App is a social network where grieving people can privately connect, chat, and support each other in finding a new normal. It's available on iOS, Android and the web. You can learn more here: www.blog.goodgriefapp.com

Maureen Pollard interviews Tara McGuire, author of 'Holden After and Before: A Love Letter for a Son Lost to Overdose', about her experience of losing a child to an accidental opioid overdose at the age of twenty-one, and the stages of grief that followed. "[Integration] makes a lot more sense to me than acceptance. Some things are completely unacceptable. But, I think what I have been doing now that you mention that, is integrating Holden's death into the fabric of my life and my family in a way that can coexist. Sometimes we talk about parallel tracks, like you can have this grief track that you're living and you can also have your life track which can have some joy in it, some peace in it, some progress in it, and the grief is still there beside you." Tara's book is referred to as 'a moving meditation on grief: a stunning book that traces Tara McGuire's excavation and documentation of the life path of her son Holden.' and you can find it here: https://taramcguire.com/holden-after-and-before/

Maureen Pollard interviews Holly and Murray about a music program that was run for staff at a transitional shelter. This was the pilot for the Songwriting for Wellness program, which has recently launched through Toronto Songwriting School. "One of the most fulfilling developments for us in recent years has been creating songwriting programs for groups of people who have experienced loss or trauma. To formalize the program, Murray Foster has teamed up with social worker Maureen Pollard to create Songwriting for Wellness, providing programs for professionals in high-stress, trauma-exposed workplaces, and workshops for those who have experienced loss or trauma, and those in marginalized groups." You can learn more at songwritingforwellness.ca/

Maureen Pollard interviews Mike Bonikowsky, a caregiver who provides direct support for people living with developmental disabilities, about providing support for individuals with intellectual disabilities who are grieving. "Never underestimate the power of just being physically present with that person ... in times of loss and in times of different kinds of tragedy, the only thing that really mattered was that I was there and I kept showing up."

Maureen Pollard interviews Mitchell Consky, Author of Home Safe: A Memoir of End-of-Life Care during Covid-19, about his experience of losing his father to cancer during the pandemic and how he and his family coped with their grief. "I think most of the time when someone we love is dying, there's still all of the pressures of the outside world, we still have to surrender to the hustle and bustle. But what made this experience so beautiful and surreal and bittersweet was the fact that we really had nowhere else that we needed to be. I'm a journalist, and so I leaned into my journalistic intuitions and I interviewed my dad throughout his decline ... My dad never really told many stories about his past, he lost both of his parents when he was really young and he never really was able to articulate that pain and his grief until he was dying himself. So through exploring his own grief he was also able to ultimately accept his own mortality and it was this incredible experience and all these beautiful bittersweet moments really dove-tailed and punctuated our whole pandemic experience." You can find Mitchell's book here: www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/60442737

Maureen Pollard interviews Mali Munroe, Registered Art Therapist and Author of Acceptance: A Personal Journey of Self Discovery, about her own experience of losing her father to cancer, and about her work in grief and loss with children. "Oftentimes when people go into it they become isolated, they think 'I'm the only person going through this', and people become their own islands of isolation or loss or grief, and where healing happens is where you can meet another person and say 'hey, this is what happened for me' and that person says 'wow you know what, that happened for me, and this is how it's affected me, this is how I dealt with it' and all that." You can visit Mali's website to learn more: www.munroe.life

As a clinician working in suicide prevention, Shannon's husband died by suicide, which shifted her life's work into developing prevention support for survivors of suicide loss through Light After Loss at the Hope and Healing Centre. Shannon and Maureen talk about the experience of suicide loss, the importance of peer support, and the blessings of being able to hold both your grief and the love as you heal in grief.

In this episode, Celina talks about hr work with The Reflection Room. The Reflection Room is an installation by a team of researchers from the SE Research Centre and Memorial University of Newfoundland. They are studying whether reflection and storytelling are positive for people who have experienced a death or grief arising from deaths or indeed other kinds of losses including those associated with the COVID-19 pandemic. You can learn more about The Reflection Room at https://thereflectionroom.ca

Chantal talks using art therapy, including graphic novels, to process grief.

58 - Jon LeFrandt by Grief Stories

Maureen sits down with Dean Lambert to talk about his own story of losing his son to suicide, processing grief, and his work with The Love Always Project, a new grassroots effort to support people in end-of-life planning.

Maureen has a conversation with author John Martin.

Sue Phillips is an End of Life Doula from Hamilton, Ontario.

Meg describes losing her mother during the pandemic and how she hosted a virtual funeral.

Maureen Pollard interviews Cheryl, founder of Voices Rock Canada, about how singing and songwriting have helped her explore and process the emotions of her life, and how she sees it as healing in others journey as she leads the work of the Voices Rock choirs and develops her own craft of songwriting.

Susan talks about coping through many losses.

Maureen Pollard interviews Bryan about his journey of living with loss following the experience of losing his father to gun violence, including Bryan's creation of the website thisiswhy.life as a community for people who have lost a parent.

Charles discusses how music can help with the grieving experience.Maureen Pollard interviews Charles Solomon, with experience in the music industry around the world, which he now brings to the volunteer sector supporting people through music. He discusses the importance of creating a unique selection of music pieces that resonate for a specific person.

Maureen Pollard interviews Sara Klinck, a registered psychotherapist and certified music therapist, about the process of using music to help people on their journey through grief.

Maureen Pollard interviews Tom, author of the blog For the Heart Cries, about his feelings after the suicide death of his grandfather when Tom was 11 years old, then the suicide death of his girlfriend when Tom was 23 years old and his own suicide attempt.

Maureen Pollard interviews Andreas who talks about the experience of anticipatory grief as a caregiver for his wife of 35 years through the end of her life.

Maureen Pollard interviews Adrienne Pringle, musician and accredited music therapist about the many ways people can use music to explore and express emotion, particularly in the experience of grief.

Adrianna is a storyteller: telling her story of grief and bereavement to educate and support those around her in grief literacy and suicide prevention for over 10 years. Her one-woman bereavement piece “Everything but the Cat…” toured to schools and theatres throughout the Ontario and Quebec region to bring mental health awareness to communities about suicide loss and mental health. Adrianna is a safeTALK Trainer and has her Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST), she offers a suicide alert 3.5 hour workshop as a way to empower audiences to be a member of a suicide safer community. She is a recent graduate of the End of Life Doula program at Douglas College, and is a volunteer Hospice Care Companion and Bereavement Facilitator at Hospice Toronto. To know more about her grief journey please visit: https://www.adrianna-prosser.com/

Maureen Pollard interviews Marija Padjen, director for the centre of innovation and campus mental health. They discuss the ways that loss and grief impact us beyond the death of a person, including loss of roles, identity, relationships and material resources.

Maureen Pollard interviews Eric Lichtenfeld, a psychotherapist who specializes in grief, trauma and anxiety. They talk about the idea of continuing bonds and how we hold our loved ones close to us after death.

Maureen Pollard interviews Lyss about her experience of loss, the lessons she has learned as she has lived with the loss of her mother, and losses on her journey to becoming a mother.

Maureen Pollard interviews Adele Racine, Heart Medicine Woman about the strengths that we find in circle with life as we face and move through the experience and pain of grief and loss.

Maureen Pollard interviews Cheryl about her experience of loss after being on a long and challenging road with her husband as his mental health suffered and as his substance use affected his behaviour and their relationship.

Maureen Pollard interviews Lysa Toye, social worker and expressive arts therapist with a private practice focused on trauma, dissociative disorders and grief. They discuss fact that trauma is different than grief, that both trauma and grief can influence how we are doing and how we act, which is an important perspective in healing.

Maureen Pollard interviews musician Matt Kowalyk about the ways music has helped him process his own grief in his experience as a musician, listening to music, writing and composing music, and performing.

Maureen Pollard interviews clinical social worker and social work educator Wendy McGuire about the idea that sometimes we don't get the opportunity to reconnect with someone and heal the wounds of conflict before someone significant in our life dies. We have the opportunity to reframe the situation and find a way to make peace in our own way.

Maureen Pollard interviews Mary Krause, social media specialist for Crossroads Hospice. They talk about how important it is for people to have permission to talk about their experiences, as well as to have facts about death, dying and grief, allowing them to make informed choices.

Maureen Pollard interviews Carla about the challenges she faced grieving her mother while making a significant life transition and having to find supports in a new country.

Maureen Pollard interviews Kathryn Monaco Douglas, widow and founder of the group Widowed, Not alone. They discuss secondary losses and the many changes that happen for the bereaved person when a person dies.

Maureen Pollard interviews Arlene about the impact of multiple, significant losses and the ways she has found to cope with her grief.

Maureen Pollard interviews musician Kim Doolittle about her experience of grief and the ways that music has helped her express and explore her feelings, whether she is listening, writing songs or performing.

Maureen Pollard interviews Dvora Entin, a licensed social worker specializing in maternal wellness and bereavement care in the Orthodox Jewish community. They discuss the fact that grief is ever-present and ever-changing.

Maureen Pollard interviews death educator, grief counselor and end of life doula mentor Olga Nikolajev about not having to get through the end of life and grieve on your own.

Maureen Pollard interviews retired nurse Judi Campion about the challenges and concerns about pain management and palliative care at the end of life.

Maureen Pollard interviews change maker Yvonne Heath about how anyone can just show up for family, friends and acquaintances who are grieving.