I'm Friends With You, Not Your Baby

Whether we realize it or not, each of us harbors a motherwound. Motherwound Coach Michaila Tyson describes it as a set of internalized limiting beliefs that we develop as a result of the early dynamics with our mothers. They are fear-based, and pass from generation to generation. These wounds, and the feelings they create within us about ourselves, are on a spectrum. But since no mother is perfect, no one escapes falling somewhere on that spectrum. According to Michaila, those experiences become the blueprint of our life, and influence our choices and how we see and move through the world. They influence our psychology and show up in codependent traits. They also show up in our body. Michaila says she experienced IBS, bruxism, endometriosis. She says she frequently sees fertility challenges and autoimmune disorders in women she works with, as well as eating disorders and addiction.In this episode, Michaila outlines how we can heal these wounds.In a later episode, I'll share the medical research that explains the mechanisms by which these limiting beliefs impact the brain and body, opening the door to disease.Show Notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.comOn Instagram:www.instagram.com/friendswithyounyb

Find us on Instagram:www.instagram.com/friendswithyounybNewlywed Kristen Williams encountered several culture changes and obstacles in rapid succession; moving from a liberal community to one that was far more conservative, going from “single” to an interracial marriage. She planned and postponed a wedding, broke from her church, lost her job, witnessed social unrest, encountered racism…Kristen's life had always been defined by her faith, but suddenly anxiety began to take hold, and it was crippling.In this episode, Kristen talks about the expectations placed on a generation of women whose mothers had very different options, her decision to remain temporarily childfree, and the coping techniques and therapy that help her manage a burst of change and challenge in her life.Episode Notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

In 2021, Glamour featured Jerra Mitchell in their article “Dating is Hard. It's Even Harder When You Don't Want Kids.” Jerra had decided at a young age she did not want children. But deciding when and how to tell that to suitors became a process of trial-and-error. And even as that process was underway, Jerra was suddenly blind-sided by a medical diagnosis that cast doubt as to whether she was able to conceive. Suddenly, this happily childfree woman was grieving her childlessness. Navigating her journey has been complicated by pre-conceived notions and cruel comments meant to undermine her dignity. And at one time, Jerra thought the discrimination was unique to her community. But in using her voice and her online platform, she's discovered the sentiment is cross-cultural. Now she's helping to re-write the narrative around women without children, and points to women like Rosa Parks and Maya Angelou who affirm, a woman's legacy goes beyond children.Show Notes:www.imfriendswithyounotyourbaby.comFind us on Insta:www.Instagram.com/friendswithyounyb

Actress and playwright Rachel Diamond never intended to be the “Poster Child” for sterilization. What she knew was that she didn't want to have children. But in spite of a copper Intrauterine device (IUD), a back-up form of birth control, and a fertility-challenged partner, Rachel became pregnant. The pregnancy was ectopic; a potentially fatal condition in which the embryo implants, and can begin to grow, in an area other than the uterus. Finding herself in the Emergency Room, Rachel asked for doctors to perform a surgery involving her fallopian tubes to ensure she wouldn't become pregnant again. When they refused, it sparked a lengthy process of Rachel taking on a mission of medical advocacy.While many people are familiar with the reference of women who don't want to become pregnant and “have their tubes tied,” Rachel's request was to have her “tubes” “cut.” Her story was featured in a recent New York Post article (linked at www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com) examining a growing number of women telling their doctors they're certain they don't want kids.

Find us on Instagram:www.instagram.com/friendswithyounybIn the process of In Vitro Fertilization, there is one solitary focus: Hoping Against Hope.You're scared…You're looking at the numbers…You're evaluating the odds…Nothing else matters.At best there's a passing glance at ramifications on the finances, the marriage, the relationships which only provided passive or trite comfort along the way.To the outside world, THE BABY is the end of the story. A neat bow that absolves the messiness. The pain.Internally, there may be time to process past grief, wonder why the path was so challenging (wonder whether those without the means can overcome it), consider health (wonder whether birth control was masking a lurking threat)…But there's a hidden end to many IVF stories. A luxury that couple's could never dare to hope for, that becomes a challenge....What do you do with viable, leftover, embryos when your family is complete?It's a question Dallas mother Laurel never dared to consider, but recently had to wrestle with. She overcame a surprise diagnosis of Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and became a mom to a little girl. But that wasn't the end of her IVF story. The question of remaining embryoes comes with moral, ethical, and financial considerations. It forced Laurel and her husband to confront what they wanted individually, and as a family, and why. In this episode she's sharing honestly about her decision to destroy their remaining embryo, how they came to the decision, and what it was like to share that choice with a friend struggling with infertility.

It was news that blindsided her.At the age of 21, Melissa Bornico was told she was conceived using a donated egg. Her mother was not biologically related to her. Her father and brother were. Suddenly everything, and nothing, made sense.Three years later, Melissa says she's found peace. But it's clear she's still trying to contextualize the information that felt like a wiped-out connection to one side of her family. And she's weighing whether she should try to connect to a legion of strangers to whom she's genetically linked. For Melissa, and many other donor-conceived people, this comes with a tsunami of trepidation. They often wonder if they'll be accepted by their biological parents and worry they'll wound their social parents in the search to find themselves. They often fear the possibility that a love interest could be related to them. And in many cases they bear the weight of whether the expensive price tag that comes with donor conception was worth it… an in, “Am I enough to warrant the sacrifice?” Melissa wants to help, and be an advocate for those in her position. So does Donor Conceived Council, which also hopes to educate donors and parents about the impact of their choices.In sharing her story, Melissa is illuminating the struggle of so many who feel they had no choice in the complicated, costly decisions that led to their conception.

Find us on Instagram:www.instagram.com/friendswithyounyb20-something student Ellie Houghtaling has her whole life ahead of her....And isn't that a daunting prospect in this day and age?Ellie lives in one of the most expensive cities in the world (New York) to attend one of the most prestigious schools in the country (Columbia University) in the hope of one day securing her dream job (in print journalism). The future is uncertain. The cost to get there is astronomical.Even so, when a friend said she was pursuing egg donation as a means of cash, Ellie thought she was crazy. But then a few years went by. And then Ellie was accepted into a 9 1/2 month, $115,000.00 investigative journalism program. Suddenly that crazy idea didn't seem so crazy anymore. Ellie decided she'd do it, and tell no one.But when the opportunity came to report her own story in an article for "The Guardian," and she knew she'd have to go public with her family before going public with the world.In this transparent discussion, Ellie talks about the process and the risks. She highlights her concerns about the industry. She shares how her parents' perspective on the procedure differs from her own. She weighs whether the word "donor" is the proper term for her role. And, she talks about the money.Watch this episode on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQ/featuredShow Notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

Psychotherapist Elizabeth Greenberg wants you to live well. In fact, she believes its our birthright. Elizabeth says self-love and living authentically generates a peaceful, stable state of wellbeing. And when that's out of alignment, our ability to rebound quickly sets the stage for sustainable happiness.In this episode we talk about the challenges of being childless or childfree, and the societal pressures that come along with it. We talk about the foundations for love and attachment, emotional and religious abuse, how envy and jealousy distract us, addiction and healing.Additional Information on this Episode:https://www.friendswithyounotyourbaby.com/post/s2e1-live-you-wellFind Us on Instagram:www.instagram.com/friendswithyounyb

Like something out of a Sex and The City episode, PR guru Rosanna Ortiz once told a teeny lie to escape a lunch date when it morphed into her girlfriend's own personal "Ted Talk" on why Rosie should freeze her eggs and have children. But as most women know, there is no escape from the societal pressure surrounding motherhood. Rosie couldn't escape it either, or her girlfriend, finding herself exposed as she fled the lunch only to slam into her girlfriend in the shoe department at Barney's moments later! For realtor Christina Rosciti, the pressure came by way of her father's marching orders, suggesting she visit a sperm bank. While Rosie is firmly childfree, Christina's path there wound it's way through a brief, unsuccessful attempt at IVF. In this episode, pull up a chair and listen in on a conversation among three friends about marriage, divorce, ambition and happiness, and their care for one another.Find us on Instagram:www.instagram.com/friendswithyounybShow Notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

Follow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/friendswithyounyb/Ladies, lock up your nieces! Ben Hague is on the loose in this lighthearted and funny episode. The former comedian turned private jet broker says he'll trade his bachelor lifestyle in the name of love...eventually. But eventually isn't soon enough for his grandchild-hungry mom, who hopes her son will come home with a nice girl with sizable birthing hips and a high egg count. He is now, however, one step closer to a more traditional situation (kinda?). Ben recently capped off his career with an appearance in Season 11 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. He says an epiphany led him to leave Hollywood, but not before the Covid-19 pandemic almost cut short his final bow. Ben talks about his connection to Larry David and (*cough*) name-drops other celebs as he describes the grind of a life in showbiz. So will his "Benny and the Jets" business rocket him toward fatherhood? What do his married guy friends make of his bachelor lifestyle? And will his mom's hunt for Fertile Myrtle ever be curbed?Watch this episode on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQFind show notes at:https://www.friendswithyounotyourbaby.com/

Share this interview with someone from our YouTube page:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQ/featuredWhether you want to get pregnant, or if it's the furthest thing from your mind, reproductive health is vital. Fertility is an indicator of overall health and its delay is often one of the first and clearest signals that something isn't right.The answer from most doctors is to suppress or bypass these signs in favor of the end result. Severe PMS? The pill is prescribed. A diagnosis of "Infertility"? You're likely to be directed toward IUI or IVF. But these "answers" leave women with one looming question: "Why?"That question is where Dr. Anne Nolte begins. Dr. Nolte is a board-certified family physician with a concentration in women's health and fertility and the Executive Director and Co-Founder of the National Gianna Center for Women's Health and Fertility, the first fertility awareness-based women's medical center in New York City. She utilizes cutting-edge technology, diagnostic tools, prescription medications and other means to keep investigating after others stop. She finds what others miss. Whether you're pursuing pregnancy or not, whether you've suffered miscarriage or have yet to get pregnant, whether you're plagued by PMS or PCOS, whether you've been dismissed for your age, labeled "unlucky" or told there's nothing else you can do, Dr. Nolte wants you to live in wellness and with answers.This is not "alternative" medicine. In this episode, Dr. Nolte explains why intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF) fail to deliver the best medical care that women can receive, she dispels many myths around fertility and reveals why, by and large, "unexplained infertility" is a myth. If you've been looking for answers and have lost hope, get ready to recharge.Follow us on Instagram:www.instagram.com/friendswithyounybShow Notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

I'm going from "host" to "guest" in this re-broadcast of Episode 72 of The Story Behind Her Success. Radio personality Candy O'Terry is a girls' girl. She gives, shares, listens, "networks," and brings women together. Her podcast tells the story of how women got to be where they are in business and in life. From remarkable women overcoming extraordinary odds, survivors and warriors, artists, doctors, ballerinas, broadcast personalities, educators, and more than a few celebrities... each story inspires.Not long ago, I had the chance to weave my story into that tapestry. I shared with Candy my story of moving to a tiny town where I knew no one to begin my career in as a journalist, to becoming a morning news anchor in a top market, and the faith that fueled it all.Follow us on Instagram:www.Instagram.com/friendswithyounybShow Notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

Subscribe to our YouTube channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQThe Providence Warwick Convention & Visitors Bureau is responsible for promoting some of the biggest cities in the smallest state in the country. Kristen Adamo is President & CEO, and "Chief Executive Officer" is not a title held by many women (As an example, among Fortune 500 companies, only about eight percent of CEOs are women.*). Kristen is one of the few. She's got a big job investing in a lot of venues and events, and she gets it done with a big team. As she's "leaned in" to her career, she's learned how to advocate for herself and for her staff. But 2020 presented new challenges for Kristen professionally and personally. The Covid-19 pandemic cancelled events, her team was forced to get smaller, and business owners and their employees were desperate for support. How did she adapt? And how did she adjust as a single-girl-about-town, to someone who suddenly couldn't go anywhere? In this episode Kristen shares her resiliency. She offers her perspective on friendship and business dynamics for women without children. And she's opening up about an important and nurturing role she's played in a relationship she rarely speaks about. As a bonus, she's offered these three tips for women who are in the process of negotiating at work. Find it on our Instagram page: www.instagram.com/friendswithyounybAnd find show notes here:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

We're on Instagram: www.Instagram.com/friendswithyounybWonderfully, Matthew Rodrigues doesn't blend. He's a standout as a wildly-talented lifestyle television host and producer. He's a Rhode Island transplant living in Chicago. He's unmarried, in an interracial relationship, and he's gay.Matt's married female friends without children don't seem to blend either; often labeled "untraditional." But in him, they have an ally. He's seen the massive culture shift that happens when friends move from the "otherhood" into parenthood. Much of it is good. Some of it deserves side-eye. So how has that impacted his thoughts on adoption and having children of his own? And what will his partner's mother think of the whole thing?? With humor and honesty, Matt is spilling the tea. And what may surprise you most are the warnings he's received from dads, who's guy-talk advice is shockingly different then the way moms describe family life.Find us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQShow Notes:www.FriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

Join us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/friendswithyounybWhy does being so NICE have to be so FRUSTRATING? After all, you do for them. So why don't they do the same for you? You say "yes" when work is short staffed, you volunteer for the things no one wants to do, you help, you run, you go, you drive, you offer. DOESN'T ANYONE SEE THAT?! Maybe it's frustrating... because you've been lying. Ouch? But yeah. You've been saying "yes" when you mean "no." Your "kindness" is actually someone begging to be seen. Your "doing" is actually investing in hope that they'll do the same for you. But this obligation is tired. And resentment is festering. And it means you're living your life from the hope of someone else's response, rather than from honoring your own authenticity. When you do that, your spirit and body will tell you. It shows up as heartburn, IBS, gut issues, eczema, teeth clenching and bruxism.Life Coach Kelsie Bentley was there herself. After burn out depression and persistent heartburn, she realized she need a change.Now she's helping others do the same. In this episode she shares why women without children are frequent people-pleasers, how to determine if you really want to do what you say "yes" to, and how to draw new boundaries if you don't.Watch this episode on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQShow notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

Like many eldest daughters, software executive Sheila Quarz shouldered a strong sense of family responsibility. In truth, it was likely too much. From a young age, she was seen as a mother figure to her siblings. She was the one staying home to care for them. She was the one told that their college education would be her responsibility. And her parentification only intensified when her father died unexpectedly, leaving her to temper bouts of family mental illness.But Sheila knew she was entitled to her own journey. She travelled. She dove into rich friendships, and became a godmother several times over. Working for a global software company, she rose through the ranks to be one of the few women in her role.It was only after divorce that Sheila came to realize she didn't need biological children in order to have a fulfilling life. But the decision only crystallized when she began dating again. So how did she end up marrying a man with two girls, who was looking for someone with children of their own? And as a proud stepmother and aunt, what do her friends make of her decision to be "childfree by choice"? With consideration and grace, Sheila is sharing that story.Find us on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQJoin us on Instagram:www.Instagram.com/friendswithyounybFor show notes:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

Former Indianapolis News Anchor Brooke Martin had no reason to believe her pregnancy would be anything out of the ordinary. Instead, it turned out to be the catalyst that changed the trajectory of her life in profound ways. Brooke's daughter was diagnosed in-utero with a neural tube defect called "anencephaly." The condition means the baby's brain and skull don't fully develop. Many women miscarry these pregnancies. The vast majority of babies born with the condition die in the minutes or days after birth. Encouraged to undergo a medically indicated abortion, Brooke instead chose to carry her daughter to term; her womb becoming a peri-natal hospice. And as a broadcast journalist, she was living out this long goodbye in front of the unflinching eye of the public. It wouldn't seem it, but this is a story of hope, faith, and restoration. It's a story of good coming out of bad. And it's one Brooke is sharing because she's experienced the joy and peace on the other side of her mountain, and she believes it's available for you as well.October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness MonthFind our show notes here:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.comFollow us on Instagram & YouTube:www.Instagram.com/friendswithyounybhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQ

The path of infertility, winding its way through IUI and IVF, can be a long and and lonely road. For former Martha Stewart event planner Jennifer Arkuss, there were moments of hope, and moments of hope dashed. She became pregnant with twins but lost them to miscarriage and a rare condition called Trisomy 13. Eventually she became pregnant. And pregnant again. But just as she was settling into life as a family of four, her mother was diagnosed with Stage Four Ovarian Cancer, and the rug was ripped from under her once again. And yet, to hear her tell it, there are elements of this journey, despite all of the pain, that she wouldn't trade. She is stronger and more resilient than she knew, her marriage is fireproof, and she believes all of it has made her a better mom than she would have been without these trials.If you're looking to hold on to hope, Jen's story is for you.

An authentic life that you don't need to defend. That's the goal of this tribe. And we're not going to get there by stopping those who come for us. We'll get there by not being bothered when they do.When your life doesn't look like others think it should...when we carry the shame of feeling like we don't measure up...when we're battered and bruised from the fight to move forward...it creates a hunger for validation and a heightened sensitivity to cruel comments.We can't change them, but we can change us. How does that begin? We may be tempted to shrink back or armor up, but the real work is looking at the areas that hurt, and ask ourselves why they do. Pain points to areas that need healing. My friend Amanda Carr and I have had several conversations around that. In this Bonus Episode, I'm letting you listen in on one of them. Amanda discusses co-dependency and its impact on the nervous system, about smashing her own limiting beliefs, and of absorbing the wisdom of people like Gabor Mate', Jay Shetty and Brene Brown. This discussion is far-reaching and may hit on points that deserve to be looked at more deeply. But for now, I'm sharing it with you because this musician and life coach offers so many pearls of wisdom that have helped her process her own pain, and I hope you find something here that will help you as well.

In Part 2 of her story, Life Coach Rachelle Indra is beginning again. Her adult life began by following a well-worn script: pursue the dream, meet the guy, have the kids. It ended with a plot twist. Now, she's helping others self-reflect and draw new boundaries to climb their "second mountain" and discover more fulfilling lives. Specializing in neuroscience, Rachelle helps clients break their limiting beliefs, people-pleasing, and co-dependency. Her goal is to help create new neuropathways, and find happiness no matter someone's circumstances. Whether you're single and looking, or childless and hoping, Rachelle shows us how to pull the best from the present even while waiting for the future. And she's not just saying it, she's living it herself.

It's the stuff of fairytales; the big white dress, a Ritz Carlton wedding reception, a handsome groom... everything in place for the "Marriage & Carriage" happy ending. But what happens when the dream becomes a nightmare? With vulnerability and transparency, Life Coach Rachelle Indra shares a painful story that ultimately led to her life's calling. After two miscarriages and a marriage that ended in divorce, Rachelle found a new relationship that was ready-made for her, or so everyone thought. A perfect-on-paper guy and his two beautiful daughters set the stage for Rachelle to play the part of stepmother. But when it didn't work out, Rachelle found herself plunged into shame. In this Part One of her story, Rachelle shares the script she stuck to based on obligation and expectation. In the Part Two that follows, she shares how ripping up that script in favor of a re-write led to her living her authentic life and helping others to do the same.

Boston event planner Kelly Elizabeth Soule was asked by her closest friends to plan their baby showers...just as she suffered a miscarriage. But rather than bitterness and anger, Kelly overflows with grace and wisdom. Which isn't to say it didn't hurt. But she's talking about how she's healing, and whether her husband was any help...or dropped the emotional ball. And for the women who are too worn out and heartsick to attend yet another shower, Kelly delivers up some gems through her experienced insight.

Former Morning News Anchor Marissa Bailey wrote a letter describing the heartbreak she felt at losing friends to motherhood. Years later, and now a new mom herself, will her viewpoint have changed? Has she forgotten her former "otherhood"? Marissa shares the one thing women need to do to hold on to their relationships when their paths diverge, to protect against a friendship break-up. ...From 3am and closing down the club, to 3am and nursing, she's looking back at her former life and new one to offer some perspective.

Author and "World Childless Week" ambassador Kate Kaufmann lends her wisdom to women who are stopped dead in their tracks when asked, "So do you have kids?" Her book explores life when the answer is "No." After attempts to become pregnant through fertility treatment failed, the question about children once sent her running in tears. We talk about infertility and IVF, the childfree and childless, the friendships with moms and grandmothers that succeed or break-up, religious abuse, expectations, the pain of social media, grief, and healing using our "observer self." Faced with stereotypes; you'll never know true love, you'll have no legacy, you'll never be happy, Kate was forced to confront all "the scaries" to create a new, joyful, paradigm in her life. Now, the question of whether she has kids is an exciting launch point to Kate. But it's not all smooth sailing. Deep into living from a healed place, Kate shares how she was suddenly forced to confront an old wound...

Ours is a big tribe. We're childless or childfree, fur moms, not moms, or bonus moms, infertility warriors trying to conceive naturally or with NaPro, through IUI or IVF, don't want kids, or aren't sure what we want. So why do we feel so alone? Because no one is talking to us. And we can't say how we really feel. Risk cancel culture in our own family? No thank you. So we'll hold her baby when it hurts to, laugh off the questions about family planning, stare at our feet when the conversation becomes a parental debate over whether to mask kindergarteners. But also, we'll travel, we'll volunteer, we'll find fulfillment, we'll reflect and evolve and grow, we'll have spiritual awakenings, we'll plan an early retirement.When you don't have kids in a kid-centric world, yours will be an unpopular opinion. But we're talking about it anyway. In this roundtable discussion, I'm gathering my friends to hear their experiences; Sheila is an executive for a global software company, Amy is the sales and marketing VP for a food start-up company, and Ashley is a lifestyle television executive. Their stories are fun and funny and painful...and the makings of a great conversation to kick off "World Childless Week."Find our show notes here:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.comFollow us on Instagram & YouTube:www.Instagram.com/friendswithyounybhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQ

These are the stories that we don't share on social media.They can't be captured in a snapshot.Rings and weddings, bumps and babies play well online.But for us, there's quick caption to sum up the story.These are stories about choices, stories of a forced hand.... Of peace and pain...and back to peace again.Whether you're lingering in a place you love or homesick for a place you've never been, join me at a table where your hidden heart is heard. I'm host Elizabeth Hopkins.I'm Friends With You, Not Your Baby, the podcastFind us here:www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.comJoin us on Instagram & YouTube:www.Instagram.com/friendswithyounybhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQ