UNsoulmated 2 (or How to Survive a Divorce By Burning A New Path For Yourself)

Day 366. It's officially one year after my wife tells me that she is ending our marriage. I reflect on the roller coaster ride that was the last year, and set the roadmap for my future to come.

Day 365. My second to last night of doing stand-up comedy for a while is also my second to last night to record my daily journal on this podcast. I get to spend the evening having a good night of comedy performances and learn a little from another professional comic.

Day 364 (12/13/18) Evening Job Confirmation, Faulty Alternator, & One-Minute Movies by Calvin Maximilian

Day 363. I dissect what could have been going through my then-wife's mind this day last year when we, as a family, was having a regular family outing, and come to the conclusion that it was my character that made it easy for her to finally come forward and end our marriage.

Day 362. Today my ex calls me to give me an update on her newfound friendship with her psycho sister and the update comes as no surprise to me, but it should not have come as a surprise to my ex.

Day 361. I reflect on how my then-wife had so many reasons for being with me, a list that she repeated throughout our 14 years of marriage, only to later leave me for someone with none of those attributes.

Day 360. It suddenly occurs to me that this will be my very first time in my entire life in which I will be spending Christmas alone. It's an odd place to be because there are many out there who dread that, but for me, the idea of anyone finding out and inviting me to stay with them for Christmas is much more of a fear for me.

Da7 359. The day is fairly simple one with me focusing mostly on spending time with my kids. I do get some insight on the acquaintance that I had the dispute with and one detail I did not have before, once I was made aware of it, changes my perspective on the conflict that we had with each other.

Day 358. The charity event was a success but now people are already talking about repeating the event, even as soon as in a few weeks. When I voiced my opinion that that was not a good idea, it stopped all communication dead in its tracks, which tends to be one of my traits when it comes to conversations.

Day 357. I am having a good day with some good progress with projects and even with my Lost Soulmate, but it all goes to heck when an acquaintance that I barely knows goes head-to-head with me online regarding his inappropriate dialogue towards some of the women I am working with on a project.

Day 356. Judging by the timing needed to plot the demise of my marriage, it would have been this time last year when my then-wife would have had an opportunity to finalize the details with NP Douche on how she would need to go about breaking the news to me in about a week's time.

Day 355. A sudden change in the schedule for having my children hints towards some odd things going on on my ex's side. My son's explanation of why the change is happening makes me wonder how far along the stagnation has already begun for her marriage.

Day 354. As I listen to some local comics be overly critical of the club owner I have been doing work for, I realize they only say what they say because they are not in a position to work for him. If circumstances were different, most of them wouldn't think twice before accepting work there if it benefited them.

Day 353. My recent conversations with my Lost Soulmate makes it very clear that her personal hate is much stronger in her soul than God's love, which is a problem for someone claiming that she is witnessing truth to unbelievers.

Day 352. I am getting some critical backlash from individuals who think that the chance of me not doing comedy anymore is a waste of an opportunity. I reflect on the whole situation and realize a large part of it has to do with my newfound fear of commitment, which has come about due to the sudden end to one of the things I had committed to for the rest of my life.

Day 351. The month of December will be a very emotional month for me, especially as I wind down my 365 day journey and reflect on the things that happened to me since this time last year. The first thing I felt I needed to address before I reach day 365 was to give my Lost Soulmate another chance.

Day 350. I had to get a root canal done today but, crazy enough, that wasn't the most painful part of the treatment. The part that was frustrating for me was the emotional trauma I was put through due to the bad day the dental tech was having.

Day 349. I have coffee with a friend who brings up a question that comes up a lot when I talk to single people: "Don't you miss having sex?" This brings us to a discussion about what it is I look for when I am engaging in sex.

Day 348. I going into detail regarding my life philosophy on accepting that everything you know could be wrong. This has allowed me to have more times in my life when I was right vs. being wrong. I wanted to explain this idea to my Lost Soulmate but she was so adamant that she knew she was right in a lot of things that she could not see how wrong she was.

Day 347. I recall back to this time a year ago when I would have my final moments of innocent reflection of a Lost Soulmate, before the coming traumatic storm would reshape that decades long mere reflection into a desire to find her again.

Day 346. I reach the anniversary of the window of time when my ex and Douche decide that they will indeed be together and begin discussing how my ex should go about telling me that my marriage was coming to an end. I reflect on what must have been going through their heads then and how the greatly underestimated my ability to see beyond my ex's deceitful tactics.

Day 345. I talk comedy shop with another fellow aspiring comic. With different aspirations, it's interesting seeing how we view each other's prospects for our futures.

Day 344. My kids come to me with more reasons why they do not like their stepfather and I wanted to console them that things will get better in time...but I know they will not, and I'm not sure how best to tell them that.

Day 343. My first Thanksgiving in a long while in which I did not have to go to any in-laws and it's really refreshing. But of course, when is there ever a Thanksgiving where there isn't any drama at all?

Day 342. My experience doing the job interview for my part-time supplemental income reminds me what it's like to have to find work when you are not as capable and helps remind me of those I should also be praying for.

Day 341. When my daughter accidentally uses the phrase "I have a secret" around my ex, it sends my ex down her investigative road to try and pass moral judgement on me and continue her obsession with trying to control me.

Day 340. In an effort to not have to do anything drastic like selling my home, I have decided to look for an evening job. Yes, this would mean that I would miss seeing my children in the evening but it is a sacrifice I was willing to make for a better future back when I was married but my then-wife would not support me on it. Now that I don't have to have her approval, I feel like I am making the right choice for the situation that I am in.

Day 339. As I still struggle to make ends meet since my divorce and I read up on the statuses of some of my friends' marriage struggles, I suddenly feel anger towards my ex that I had not felt in a long while.

Day 338. My son asks a series of questions that go much deeper than that of a 9-year old so we ended up having some lengthy discussions about existence and nature vs. nurture.

Day 337. I am trying to be less defensive about people wishing for me to find someone but I wish that I could make them understand that I am not unhappy being alone.

Day 336. Someone I had blocked on Facebook multiple times rears her ugly Facebook face again and, thus, another day, another blocking.

Day 335. I reflect on this time a year ago, when my son, daughter, and myself were living our normal, everyday family life, with no clue about the shocker that would shake up our family dynamic a mere month from this time last year. Only one person had the knowledge that this family was about to have a rude awakening and she made sure to keep it that way even up to the last minute.

Day 334. It's an odd phenomenon the way friends and family cannot see a single person interacting with someone of the opposite sex without wondering if there are plans for you to get together. Even when that person is a married person.

Day 333. The past couple of days some new ideas arise and some new information comes forward to help me work through some lingering emotions and makes it more clear what is important in my life right now.

Day 332. After completion of my first feature weekend, I take some time to reflect on what I learned from the experience and part of the learning was to define who I am as a comedian and what is my voice that I am strongest at conveying.

Day 331. When it is about time to drop my kids off at their mother's, my son starts to get down. I have a talk with him and help him to feel more comfortable about sharing specifics about why he does not like going over there through some acting exercises.

Day 330. I complete my first feature length comedy performance and the outcome isn't as good as I would have liked it. Although some would say it was acceptable, my own personal standard is being very critical towards myself.

Day 329. I have found that life is less disappointing to me when I don't plan too far ahead. This philosophy has served me well over the last year and those who don't practice it seem to be upset much more in life than I am.

Day 328. My brother always resented me for attention that I got that overshadowed him. Over the years, his competitive nature drove him to always try to one up me, even when it comes to relationships. I recent discovery proves that he has a lot of issues to deal with of his own.

Day 327. Digging deeper into the control my brother has had over me in the past, I come to a realization that his manipulations did indeed change a major life choice of mine nearly 25 years ago and I am just realizing it now.

Day 326. I revisit the argument that I had with my brother and after further thinking, I stand my ground that he is completely out of his mind and needs to keep his jerky nose out of other people's business.

Day 325. What should have been a quiet Sunday afternoon ended up getting interrupted by a phone call from my brother that ends up getting pretty heated due to his inability to leave things alone and to let go of his obsessiveness with trying to control things.

Day 324. While setting up the Christmas lawn decorations, I am reminded of an incident that occurred last year, resulting in one of the décor pieces being missing, and the conversation I had with my then-wife when it happened.

Day 323. A joke I made today about having another child made me ponder the possibility of my ex and her new douche-husband having a child of their own. I talk through the whys and the why nots of whether my ex will announce that she is having a baby in the next year, and how that will affect her relationship with our current children.

Day 322. I take a break from performing tonight and sit back and watch other comics perform. This act of taking a break and observing from the sidelines is a necessary action to take sometimes.

Day 321. Today, I realize a memory that I had was not a true occurrence after all, in doing so, I consider the concept of the Mandela Effect and it suddenly occurs to me that there could possibly be a form of that in my ex's memory that may have caused her to feel so strongly about getting a divorce.

Day 320. I see a lot of people pushing others to vote but can see that they intend to encourage those on the fence to vote the same as they are, and that annoys me. I express my point of view on voting and encourage all of you to do so, completely independent of any views I may have.

Day 319. After 318 days of podcast episodes, I look back at the reason why I started recording my daily journals and go into more details about why day 365 will be my final episode.

Day 318. As I prepare for my first feature set in two weeks, I revisit the advice I had gotten to date from other comics and non-comics and consider what I should listen to and what I should ignore.

Day 317. I revisit my feelings about why my children are always not too anxious about having to stay with their mother, and I come to the conclusion that it is not solely their douchey stepfather's fault, and that their mother has her part in making it not so ideal for them over there.

Day 316. I casual day, which is what I was needing. I get a chance to catch up with my Pen Pal and learn of some recent challenges her family has been facing and see a side of her I had not had a chance to delve into, and what I see is refreshing.