Waffles and Mario Talk About Things

This week we take you back to where it all began. Find out how Waffles became the master optometrist that he has always been as we learn how to improve eyes.

Did you know that Christchurch city libraries cut their late fees? Well you do now. Join us as we talk Pineapples, car insurance, headlice and much much more on this very R rated episode of WAMTAT.

For the season finale of WAMTAT Waffles is exported off to a fantastical land where he discusses employment contracts and union negotiations.             Thanks for listening, Y'all are the real heroes.  

This week we invite Michael MoreBS to come on the show and talk about his new movie.             Also check out the indie film review podcast for more great content               If anyone knows how to clean up a truly horrendous amount of blood please be in contact.  

Planking!!!!! this week the boys jump on the latest internet craze and plank all over the studio.                         We apologize to the people of Hornby, we didn't intend on accidentally setting the hardware store on fire.

Warning!!!!!! this episode is Not Safe For Work (you have been warned) Listen in this week as the lads clear their backlog and make some business phone calls. Mario calls his parents and Waffles orders pizza. We are pleased to announce this week we are joined by Wifey from Chicken Mind Nuggets, she'll be playing the prestigious roll of Dentist secretary   

This week the boys have paid to cruise the skies. Sail through the clouds and meet the interesting people traveling with the boys, we might even solve a mystery or two while we're up there.               OK so Waffles fell off, does anyone know where I can find a spare Waffles at 10,000 ft up?

In this Episode Waffles and Mario hit the road and visit the local Zoo. They see a variety of animals and meet some wacky characters.               Ok, real talk, does anyone want to buy a deaf giraffe, we know a guy, should make great dog food, hit us up and we'll hook you up (offer subject to availability*)             *Giraffe maybe fictional  

This week we find out what wacky adventures Waffles gets up to when he's left alone with nothing but a microphone and a box.                                                         Wir möchten uns bei all unseren deutschen Zuhörern entschuldigen, wir wissen, dass es viele von euch gibt, für das sehr schlecht übersetzte Deutsch in dieser Folge. Wir hier bei WAMTAT lieben die Deutschen und würden niemanden beleidigen wollen. Habe einen tollen Tag.

Jim the news guy here reporting live from the set of "Train murder" the latest block buster starring Detective Detective as himself. Join the conversation as we go on a journey of discovery while we ask the age old question "is that a train or is it the news?"                                     Ok, real talk, has anyone else noticed Mario's obsession with pipes and princesses? I'm starting to worry about him.               Chugga Chugga Mother F**cker

This week Waffles looks back on his childhood and reminisces about milking Emu, and nothing else, only listen to the Emu milk section everything else is filthy lies.  Aotearoa New Zealand is totally a real country, we have a flag and everything.  I'm not a paid actor, where did you get that crazy notion from? Now excuse me as I throw another shrimp on the barbie, I mean drink a fosters, I mean shag a sheep, I mean ... what did we say Kiwis do? ... I'm off to go complain about the state of our roads, yeah, totally normal not Aussie thing to do.  

To my lawyer reading this, this episode is PARODY, please don't sue, none of the views expressed are serious. This is a silly little comedy podcast.     This week Waffles interviews his friend in the misinformation business Balex Bones.              Oh god he escaped .... help .... he's tearing the building apart ... send help ... what does he have against shirts ... HELP ... he's making me drink the bone broth ... it burns

This Week we continue our series on love advice with host Cupid.                  Oh dear gods I'm so lonely, Athena won't talk to me, Aphrodite's won't talk to me, and Artemis keeps trying to hunt me for sport ...     oh no, she's found me           enjoy the episode          fjhljrn;wujLBUKHT;O  

The fine folks at WAMTAT would like to thank you for sticking with us these last nineteen thousand years. To celebrate the reaching 1,000,000 episodes the lads look back at the last 999,999 episodes and reminisce about their favorite parts.               O.K. so this strange audio file was emailed to me this morning from "the future" and threatened to "turn me and my family into cheap pork sausages unless I edited and uploaded the file", followed by a lot of manic laughing

This week on WAMTAT we present The Bachelor, the true kiwi edition. Come listen as bachelor Chad Chadlington chooses a woman with which to marry. Will it be Candy? Or Cinnamon? Or Waffles? I don't remember. So come and listen, take your bets and see who becomes New Zealand's Next Top Bachelor: Survival Island. NOTICE: No one was harmed in the making of this episode. Though numerous characters lived and died, none sustained any long term injuries or fatal attacks. This notice was announced because too many people have called TVNZ On Air and complained about the high mortality rate on the show. Thank you.

Hello there my friends! It's 2022 and we have found ourselves a new episode as Mario goes and audits a hard working fellow who operates a [REDACTED DUE TO COURT PROCESS] business. Scam. Scam was the redacted word. Come listen and hopefully laugh as the inner workings of the financial system.

Ho ho ho! Merry holidays and happy new day! This week on Waffles and Mario Talk About Things comes an episode based in the North Pole and North America. Come see as Waffles attempts to reason with Santa Claus and learn the dos and don'ts of the Christmas story.   Merry Christmas and many happy returns to you all. This is the joke. The year was the joke. Good bye.

Rats! Rats and people! Come listen to the finale to the series that spawned an entire Marvel franchise (please don't fact check us). Don't forget to check out Brad Zimmer at @bradleyzimmer on twitter and check out "Fate of Isen" (@fateofisen) wherever you get podcasts from.   Thanks for reading this, no joke this week.

This week we're back with another episode the epic quest of Waffles and Mario as they attempt to save Christchurch from hordes of evil rats. Come listen to their heroic deeds such as befriending rats, befriending strangers and then killing those friendly strangers with friendly rats. Will the boys meet their match? Will they succumb to defeat? Who knows! I don't, I just get paid to write these stupid episode descriptions so I'm copy pasting them. Don't forget to check out Brad Zimmer at @bradleyzimmer on twitter and check out "Fate of Isen" (@fateofisen) wherever you get podcasts from.   I'm gonna be so cheap I'm gonna copy paste the this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over we have fun.

This week Mario is dead and instead of attending his funeral, Waffles continues the show with special guests Lucy and Tom from the fantastic podcast Season Quest. Come listen and question as they actually talk about things, like haunted houses, Mario Party, getting drunk and doing coke with hookers before blacking out and so much more fun things! Many thanks to Lucy and Tom for appearing on the show, check out their podcast Season Quest: https://seasonquestpod.transistor.fm/ and @SeasonQuestPOD on twitter. Who is your favourite Mario Party character? For me it's the skinny guy who throws a brick through the living room window and then sneaks inside to take the TV - wait hang on this is security camera footage! SOMEONE'S TAKING MY TBASDNASIDJA S

This week we're back with another episode the epic quest of Waffles and Mario as they attempt to save Christchurch from hordes of evil rats. Come listen to their heroic deeds such as sacrificing civilians to rats, vandalizing cars and killing one rat that was just minding its own business, geez. Will the boys meet their match? Will they succumb to defeat? Who knows! I don't, I just get paid to write these stupid episode descriptions. Don't forget to check out Brad Zimmer at @bradleyzimmer on twitter and check out "Fate of Isen" (@fateofisen) wherever you get podcasts from.   Man, I gotta pee but I think someone just came home and I don't wanna have to say hi so I'm hoping I can just hold it in until they've gone to their bedroom but if they start cooking stuff in the kitchen I'll have to go past them to use the toilet so maybe I should just go and pretend I didn't see them but if they hear me  theya nsdasamsdf sgafsdefghdvdszavfszdasazdf

With longest title for an episode yet, this week sees Waffles and Mario joined by the LEGENDARY BRAD FROM FATE OF ISEN! Brad has invented a new game system called "D12 Go" and Waffles and Mario are lucky enough to be among the first people to trial it. Come listen to an epic adventure of woe, mystery and highly insecure people. Go check out Brad at @bradleyzimmer on twitter and check out "Fate of Isen" (@fateofisen) wherever you get podcasts from. Where do you get podcasts from? Where? What? You fish them out of the old lake? You sacrifice your children one at a time for a podcast? Well isn't that something!

This week sees Waffles going on strike for some reason, leaving Mario to interview their guest on a new little thing called "pretentitation". John Smith is giving one of his award winning (citation needed)masterclasses so that you, dear listener, may learn the secrets of "being someone who you are not". Additionally, any comments directed toward us that claim that "this is just acting" or "wtf this is a scam" will be ignored. Guests pay upwards of $2,000,000 per episode to be featured on our podcast so with that money we don't have to care about anything ever again. Affluenza baby!

BREAKING NEWS: Ōtautahi Christchurch has lost its official wizard, leaving the city defenseless against the hordes of evil approaching from all angles. Come listen as the boys interview for a new wizard and restore a valiant defender to their so-so city. Will it be them? Will it be you? Come find out who may or may not be the new official wizard of the land in this heart-stopping episode...

This week in improvised comedy sees Mario going on a highway to hell to rescue his co-host Waffles. Along the way he must pass through each circle of hell and face the challenges therein. Will Mario rescue Waffles? Will Waffles be forced to stay at the bottom of hell for all eternity? You'll have to tune in to find out. 'Tis the spooky season! Here's a scary story just for you...'Twas yesterday eve I went for a long walk and it was well past the waxing moon when I returned home and crossed the threshold. As I entered my abode to slumber, I spied a solitary figure stood still as a board at the back of my room. With teeth chattering and arms a-shaking, I reached for the light switch to illuminate the phantom in my room. I had no more than touched the switch when a raspy voice reached my ears and gave me such a fright all turned to darkness. The words the abomination in my room said to me were: "It is better to pee in the sink, then to sink in the pee"... 

This week's episode is brought to you by Zerapidol...the medicine that does...something. This special episode is all about grief, tragedy and the importance of adopting kittens. If your week has been going too well and you have too much dopamine in your system, plug your headphones in and weep bitterly as the boys from WAMTAT spin a sad tale of woe. Also don't forget to vote for us in the Listener's Choice Awards for the New Zealand Podcast awards! You can do so here: https://www.nzpodcastawards.com/nominate  You'll notice there wasn't an option here. Do it. Do it or else. Do it or else I'll take you to the supermarket and walk you down the snack aisle and when you say "Oooo could I have some chippies" I'll say: "We have chippies at home" but when we get home it won't be chippies it'll be those boring flavourless rice crackers that everyone has and I'll say "This is much healthier than chippies" and start making dinner and you'll just be left there depressed because you're eating dry, flavourless rice crackers when you could be eating sour cream and chives bluebirds chippies! 

This week there is no improvised comedy to be found as a very non-threatening guest from a [REDACTED] background has found his way onto the show. Mario interviews them about their past, the career so far and their current plans with [REDACTED]. Come listen to all things fashion with Mario, Joe Bloggs and the New Zealand police force. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] The redactions have been paused momentarily! This episode features a character who is almost certainly not involved with anything related to or of the subject matter regarding the well known issue of feasibly denying [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]

Guess who just got nominated for a comedy award?! If you guess us - who would have thought! Us? Award winning? Surely the Time Variance Authority are gonna be busting us for this one. To celebrate the nomination, Waffles and Mario have prepared speeches in the event of either winning or losing. Also quick note this episode was recorded in a car, so it may sound weird. We did what we could, but hey no one's perfect. Actually, Dame Emma Thompson is perfect. Sucks she won't use Twitter... If you'd like to vote for (or against) us in the NZ Podcast Awards you can do so here: https://www.nzpodcastawards.com/ - Just note that voting is only from the 7th October to the 7th November. Psssst, if you nominated us for the award - let us know! Help us rig it and we'll split the awards amongst us and live like legends!

This is a special episode where the curtain drops and we're talking about upcoming plans for the podcast! This isn't really an episode, more just a catch up special - feel free to get in touch with us to let us know what you think of the upcoming changes. If you have no thoughts on the upcoming changes then don't get in touch. Anyway, have a good day!

Why hello there, you improv comedy fans! We're back after a long hiatus with a new episode to celebrate the Aotearoa 2021 lockdown! After many months of travelling the world, not following quarantine procedures and sneezing at people, Waffles and Mario returned to Aotearoa just in time for a snap lockdown. This episode covers what they missed about the days before lockdown and talk to some local folks to see how they're handling the situation.    Man it's been a long time since I wrote a meta bit after the main podcast description. How have you been? Have you lose weight? You're looking really good, I mean that sincerely. Hang on, what do you mean I haven't change? What the hell does that mean? You calling me fat? What do you mean then? I'LL KILL YOU! NO ONE TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT! RAAAAAAAAAAGH!

This week Waffles and Mario have a very real lawyer in the studio and I really can't be bothered writing a proper bio so I'm just going to mash the keys. ajsdskajd spkjdef 'pdkjsf ;lkjzdsfg 'oljpzdsfg ;jwsazer"OL wsal;jawer "|{Kwers fjo[lkwesad f"NLKSDF l;kbhjsDFb;kj fl;wel EAhl;kE:PFN 'nl;ksderf 'nlksdf 'nl; SDEF l'nkwserGFWHESRGF WSNKJFWS ER;K 'L  WRG'LFJ WESROGF WRg|{ WRJGWERTF piol:kj WEFWSOLEKJF WSRGEFIKJ NWSRGFPKIOJW ERSF'IKPEJSADRFG 'PSOWERJAGF 'OPGWERF ":pNWEs rwesf 'npwersfd  sderf sadf wserfwrgfeathyernawer5gm aerty htujk/zer5yhl,ketgfzdea gdtfh dthyj yfiujdrtyhmkr6uhtzdert5y thyrtyult;rthjEr grthna erthymnaesrtygjsertyhkrtyj,lrtyurtxs tyfrh zrafth, rgn thymsrthmsrhtrsfth rstgh gfhnjtyi.8ty6iomdsrt5yjd vthyj,.l;ethjrst.gjjzarthm,krt. Thanks!

Who would have thought that this week Waffles and Mario would be talking to multiple political parties in Other Zealand! Well, we did - because we did. Hm. Anyway, if you ever wanted to know what your options are this year for very real political comedy debates, this is it! In other news, you wondering what "Other Zealand" is - don't worry about it! It wasn't an attempt at a new name for a podcast concept tinabb bnas don wory bout it..

This week on Waffles and Mario Talk About Things, we're talking about how to make a podcast! All the tips and tricks required to get a show on the road. NOTE: This is actually an old episode we made last year but due to international events we decided to pull it. A year on, we sure hope it's a good time to re-release this episode! That's what you get for not recording an episode for the last 2 weeks....uh...ignore that...

This week sees the next episode of Crime Abbley and the return of the complicated character Jimmy the Snitch. Jimmy has found himself in prison and must work his way through the society of prison if he ever wants to see the outside world again. Also, this episode has the most swears of any episode yet because swearing is sometimes funny. Sometimes it isn't. F***. I like putting asterisks in instead of swears because it makes everything look like a s****word. Also I'm afraid of the podcast gods looking unfavourably on me if I put the actual swear word in.

Wowee! If you've just come here from Chapter 6 Episode 5 of Fate of Isen, then you're just in time to hear a canon or non-canonical episode (depending on Brad, from Fate of Isen). Have I mentioned this is a sorta crossover with Fate of Isen? Anyway, if you haven't already subscribe to Fate of Isen wherever you get podcasts from and listen to Episode 5 of Chapter 6 to get the context for this episode. A massive thank you to Julz Burgisser and Jules Daniel for giving up their time and talent to feature in this episode. Follow them or Fate of Isen on Twitter to stay up to date on future episodes and news. Website: www.fateofisen.com Necropodicon link: www.necropodicon.com/#/the-fate-of-isen   Why are you still scrolling? Go listen to their episodes dummy!

Wowee! It's April Fools and this week you get 4 minutes and 30 seconds of straight static noise! Isn't that great! On another note, please just remember I am not a DJ or a musician.

This week sees Mario going on an interdimensional adventure with a chef to collect unusual ingredients and make unique dishes. Also death. Waffles dead. Chef dead. Camera man dead. Improvised comedy will always take you to fantastic and unusual places. Hey, are you cooking something? I can smell something in the kitchen, it smells good! Is that rosemary? No? It's just cereal? Yeah apparently my sense of smell has never been good.

Sorry about no episode last week! Anyway this week Waffles and Mario are counting down their favourite hidden movie details in movies with details. Beware spoilers for Avengers Infinity War, Endgame, Titanic, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Then again, if you haven't seen the film yet you probably can't tell when we're messing with you. Talking about films, anything good come out lately? I think the Harley Quinn movie was the last one in cinemas that I quite liked. I should watch more films.

This week sees the boys listening to a news excerpt from the world renowned "BBBC" news on "The Man Who Cannot Say No". Come listen as the interviewer Pierre goes on a pretty weird journey into witchcraft, wizardry and plain just beating the shit outta some people. No bonus joke this week sorry I have a migraine and I spend too long sitting down every day. How you doing? You good? Cool cool cool...

This week sees another dead co-host and Mario going on an adventure to get his shoes repaired. He befriends no one and makes plenty of enemies along away. This episode also touches on important political topics like bartering, breaking the 4th wall and if enslaving rich billionaires is problematic in any way. Come listen as Mario goes on a messy, improvised adventure to get some new shoes. If you have any questions on this episode, why not head on over to our twitter or discord to verbally abuse us? Otherwise feel free to hold a fake argument in your head about ethics or what not and leave us out of it.

This week Waffles and Mario talk about true crime...the story of Andrew Lee Johnson - an innocent man or a cunning rogue? Come listen as they examine the case in detail to try and put to rest the mystery of what happened on that fateful day. Did Andrew step on a flower? Did he buy a lot of bread? Nothing is clear, except for one thing: This is satire. Please don't sue us, we're really not worth it. FBI guy if you're reading this, think of this episode as free exposure! Can I have my emails back? Thanks...

This week no one was expecting a part 2 to the previous episode. Hell, even we weren't expecting a part 2 and yet here we are. So come on down and listen as Waffles goes on a trip through time. Ever wanted to go on a trip through time yourself? Maybe you'd like to revisit some old memories! How about that one memory where you went to South America and started a coup against the government using guerilla warfare? You thinking about that moment? WE GOTTEM MOVE IN IT'S A CONFESSION BAG EM AND TAG EM MOVE MOVE MOVE

This week Mario goes on a wild adventure without Waffles and meets all your favourite historical characters - like Ogg! And Mechanoth! And who could forget the legendary Brucicus? Come learn the history they don't teach you at school and why you should never do improvised time travel. Fun fact, I'm a time traveler. I travel forward in time at about 1 second per second. Want proof? Well...let's just say if you're looking to make a fortune, you should invest in Bitcoin - about 5-6 years ago.

This week Waffles and Mario rob a bank for the sheer experience. Come listen as they talk to the various hostages and tellers that make robberies like this possible. Also, friendly disclaimer; crimes are illegal. Don't do them. I'm not going down because you thought our improvised bullshit was somehow coercing you into performing a criminal act. The fact that these kind of disclaimers have to exist makes me mad. Mad enough to murder. Yeah I said it!

This week is another regular episode of Waffles and Mario's ongoing indie film review series. Mario is fine. He is absolutely the person he says he is. I would know. I am he. Anyway, come join in to an episode as Waffles and "Mario" unpack the 1970 film "Dog Is God Spelt Backwards". Imagine if more films did that. "Decaf Is Faced Spelt Backwards". "Stab Is Bats Spelt Backwards". Huh, apparently it's called an "Emordnoilap" among other names. The more you know. Indie Film Review: https://www.necropodicon.com/#/indie-film-review/

It's the New Year, Waffles and Mario are going on a camping trip in the woods! This special episode features a guitar and no one that can play more than 2 chords on it. Hop on in and listen to the tales of joy, nature and the scary powers of a camping license. Can you see a reason not to? Not a rhetorical question, looking for tips. Thanks.

It's the end of 2020 and the boys have gotten together to celebrate and interview some people at a party. Things go completely as expected. And then the episode ends. You know, I'm never sure what to write in these podcast descriptions. Apparently podcasting sites search for keywords? If so, New Years 2020, 2021, bestest podcast, good podcast, new zealand podcast, funny podcast, rebecca return my calls if you still work at itunes, karl marx. Let's see what that does... Thanks to the following artists for their sounds: Club music: Music Life -  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ6VkSrd4OnZi0W-CK92fpQ/about New Years Countdown: FreqMan - https://freesound.org/people/FreqMan/ Chainsaw: Kyles - https://freesound.org/people/kyles/  

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas you F**** *** ** **** * *** *** ********* ** ********* ** *********** twice and then ************ *********** *********** ******** **** * ** so ********* * ***** *********** ********** * ***** ******* *** dickweeds. It's Christmas time and Waffles and Mario are calling up all their previous guests to see where they are now. Where are you? Are you doing well? Don't talk to much, I'm just a podcast description - I can't hear what you're saying. I also don't really care. Merry Christmas!

This week no one dies. I think. Anyway, Waffles and Mario are commissioned to give us an important PSA on a dangerous, yet topical subject. One that has touched all of us in some way. A very important thingy majigy. Also, if you went into these notes to see the important PDF - HAHAHA LOSER GET REKT AIN'T NO PDF HERE WITH ALL THE NUMBERS U STUPID LOLOLOL 69 420 GET BLAZED

This week Waffles dies. Are we gonna stop dying just to play other characters? No, we're not. Anyway, Waffles straight up eats it, so Mario goes on a legendary mission to acquire milk from the local dairy. Things take a dark turn and he is left wondering if he can survive on his budget of $6? Yeah, he can. Hell, I'm pretty sure he still has $2.50 left by the end. Chippies are pretty cheap in New Zealand. Yep.

This week Mario is dead or something who cares - anyway Waffles talks to an Officer from the High Commission and discovers a dark secret about the New Zealand Police system. Please note this is not a political episode and Waffles and Mario have made it clear this is not a commentary on anything related to anything. They do not condone substance abuse or violence against anyone. Okay, are they gone? Hell yeah 420 ftp blaze it fam whooooohoooooo