Take a nice long sip of cynicism with your favorite podcast hosts Jimmy and Tim. We will talk you through only the most dismal and depraved topics, while always providing you with a silver lining. Finding a silver lining isn't always easy, but it is a service that we are glad to provide. So be bold…
We're in hell court and we might just get burned. These imps do not play nice with strangers. Sassy Pants the Incubus is a punk. If we're lucky we might just get out alive.
Welcome to the cool side of the afterlife folks. We need help taking down the infernal litigator! This time we look to the heavens for holy council. sound fx creds: https://freesound.org/people/Cunningar0807/sounds/436128/ https://freesound.org/people/Teo4/sounds/159641/
When you have a case that's needin solved. Who yah gonna call? Winnie Vinnie Always Wins the Case Demon Marzipan Guy
What do you do when you have been possessed by an evil spirit broker and you would rather not throw up gross, fake looking pea soup to exorcise it? Call Clayborn, here for all your lucifarian litgurgical needs.
What lengths would you go to in order to extract 17 Mormon souls out of your body?
Get our own planets!? Sign me up! This time we get in touch with the largest personality yet. Meet us in the next realm bretheren.
Darth Johan has soul and we need it. How much are we willing to sacrifice and at what cost? Spider Man undies... This is a good halloween podcast, improv podcast and funny podcast. Listen to it mortals.
The archivist leads the way to secrets of the Himalayan pink salts! Boy Un Dee can hide no longer.
Could it be?! In the very likeness of J.D. Rockefeller? He's here and he's spillin the bagels. Being wealthy ain't always what you would expect, especially when you have you're public images to consider. Credited sound FX: https://freesound.org/people/humanoide9000/sounds/569047/ https://freesound.org/people/Dneproman/sounds/377220/
weird shit happens when you sacrifice stuff to satan
Box is floatin' y'all. What do we do? What do we doo!? I bet Judy knows.
The world renown ornithologist John James Audubon had few secrets tucked deep inside the recesses of our spirit box. What's the smoke smell like to you?
With the neighbor's dog successfully rescued from the recluse diversion we move to the basement!
Welcome back to the depths of despair folks, we'll be your guide on the river Styx today! On our tour we'll be discussing a variety of rant filled subjects carefully curated for your dismal listening pleasures. Image Creator: Lee Credit: MCT
Gold toothpicks aren't worth your loyalty! Slip and slide through this greasy episode y'all. sound credits: https://freesound.org/people/Dodgy%20C/sounds/179357/ https://freesound.org/people/sofiakilroy/sounds/508072/ 193349__klankbeeld__horror-ambience-53-sabt-mat-capella-ducis
Ever had your buddy give away your possessed spirit box to the spiders? Timmy and Jimmy chat with the clairvoyant and learn of their fated demise.
The last holdout against the undead hordes still stands. Long live the Globe! Credits to: 193349__klankbeeld__horror-ambience-53-sabt-mat-capella-ducis https://freesound.org/people/rap2h/sounds/151312/
Hey there sad folks! Join your hosts Jimmy and Timmy as we explore the Colombian protests and vaccine distribution among intellectual property law!
credited sounds: https://freesound.org/people/Cem_Sungur/sounds/564254/ 193349__klankbeeld__horror-ambience-53-sabt-mat-capella-ducis https://freesound.org/people/rap2h/sounds/151312/
Martin's Big Hammer is here to give us the low down on his relationship with Martin Luther himself! Intro Music: 18 - theremin.wav by rap2h at Freesound.org music box by gumballworld: https://freesound.org/people/gumballworld/sounds/386927/ horror ambience 53 sabt mat capella ducis.wav by klankbeeld https://freesound.org/people/klankbeeld/sounds/193349/
Imagine a planet with a deadly communicable disease. Now imagine this same planet with a vaccine to prevent the spread of this disease. In this instance would it make sense to: A) Share the vaccine patent with everyone or B) Restrict the distribution of the patent, preventing poorer countries from having access to it Unfortunately we live on planet B.
Yaaargh Matey's! Do yar' wann' be enertained?! Dan look no further as we converse with the likes of which yee never heard! Yargh! Sounds: https://freesound.org/people/Benboncan/sounds/77692/ https://freesound.org/people/Lydmakeren/sounds/510912/ https://freesound.org/people/Timbre/sounds/385882/
Meet Tipples! The long forgotten milk man of Johnny Appleseed and remember it's nut juice NOT nut milk...
We crack the box this week with Beethoven's Puppen.
this just in! We need to take a moment to have a little chat about Amazon labor movements (at x1.2 speed! We care about your precious time). Tune in for more updates.
On this episode we discuss the oh so tantalizing 3 executive orders drafted by the Biden administration on gun reform and all the interesting juicy bits that they entail. Not only this, but we break the most important rule on the internet, Godwin's Law.
Welcome to Dead Jokes! This week we crack the box again with Napoleon's Wood. May your pillows stay fluffed! Intro Music: 18 - theremin.wav by rap2h at Freesound.org
Coming to you from the Cynic Empowerment Network! Your favorite sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy have their hands on a super spooky spirit box. This week we chat with Da Vinci's Sneakers! Intro Music: 18 - theremin.wav by rap2h at Freesound.org
Welcome one and all to Meals-Off-A-Dinghy, the only Dinghy dining experience this side of the Mississippi Delta. Enjoy deliciousness like you never have before as your are entertained by our beloved mascot Big Floppy Dinghy!
Mormon cops dragging you away to a lifetime of forced labor in the US penal system? Well, we have a episode for you! Join your favorite sad sacks, Timmy and Jimmy as we explore the FBIs fetish of Mormons, killer collars, and doms with 6 foot long whips!
Is your super syrupy snow cone melting over your sweat pants? Join your favorite sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy as cup our hands in futility to keep you unstickied. Super spensive spy planes, deadly bolo tie boys, and billionaire bumper crops in this one y'all.
Time to chill out with your favorite sad sacks Jimmy and Timmy as we waltz through the winter wonderland of frozen food insecurity. In this episode we check out these despicable defenders of dumpsters while their fellow humans go hungry. Stay safe on those frosty streets y'all!
Howdy folks! Welcome to a finger lickin' episode smothered in sad, just like mama used to make. Jimmy and Timmy are here to wrangle you up some cynical stories from the latest news, so hold on to yer horses!
Happy black history month fellow sad sacks! Join your hosts Jimmy and Timmy as we stroll through government attacks on the black panthers and the incredible vagueness of thiamine deficiency!
Learn the harrowing tale of how a group of rapscallions on the open online trader floor stuck it to the hedge funds to steal dar booty, yargh!
It's art folks! Join your favorite sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy as we reveal the annoying origin story of cynic empowerment and avoid the Biden boredom that set in way too soon.
Elon Musk giving away 5 million dollars is equivalent to him giving away .000023% of his wealth of 209 billion dollars. He could give away 5 million dollars every day for the next 114 years and still have over 2 million dollars in the bank. It would cost approximately 20 billion to end homelessness in America, which Musk could end 10 times over and still be a multi-billionaire. Also, please DO NOT inject mushrooms into your blood stream. This has been a public service announcement. ----------------------------------- Source: https://www.latimes.com/world/middleeast/la-fg-cia-pentagon-isis-20160327-story.html https://www.insider.com/london-zoo-refuses-ricky-gervais-dying-wish-eaten-by-lions-2021-1 https://www.insider.com/man-injected-with-mushrooms-grew-in-blood-caused-organ-failure-2021-1 https://science.howstuffworks.com/science-vs-myth/everyday-myths/redhead-anesthesia.htm https://www.propublica.org/article/no-one-took-us-seriously-black-cops-warned-about-racist-capitol-police-officers-for-years
Welcome to cynic empowerment! New year, same old cynical sad sacks Jimmy and Timmy diller their way through cop corruption, intel incompetence, and couth children's cartoons!
Remember the Hercules episode where an artisan was creating living clay statue women that would love you no matter what? Was this Disney predicting a future of lonely socially inept men finding love in inanimate objects? Probably not, but it is fascinating to see human beings finding new and inventive ways to complete their Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Happy holidays you grinchy goons! Join you favorite sad sacks Jimmy and Timmy as we dig into the dastardly schemes of state abduction, Santa's string of breaking and entering, and how you can benefit from private fascist sponsorship in your quest to threaten minorities and uncover inconsequential schemes of faux voter fraud!
In lighter news someone named Adolf Hitler won an election in Namibia. In more unfortunate news the worst of the pandemic and economic collapse is about to rock the United States to its core. Look to your friends, family and neighbors, and do what you can to help one another because the government isn't going to save us.
India broke a record y'all! Celebrate with your favorite sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy as we slink through gay orgies looking for that anti-gay guy and witness overt corporate evil in the highest of court in the land. Keep your head up folks, we're almost there.
Who knew that in the year 2020 Amazon would be employing the Pinkerton's on warehouses workers in Europe. Furthermore, who knew the Pinkerton's would be incorporated in the country of Sweden, guess the Nordic Model isn't what its all cracked up to be after all. Needless to say these are bad things, and people usually say that it is better to not dwell on bad things, but we here from hilltop of Mount Cynicism think otherwise. Problems can only be solved if they can be identified so on this day we say like Maui from Moana "You're Welcome", you now know of some bad things, now go tell your friends and have them tell their friends and maybe eventually we'll have enough people to do something about it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sources: Rebates for Overdoses: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/27/business/mckinsey-purdue-oxycontin-opioids.html Pinkerton's Are Back Baby: https://www.vice.com/en/article/5dp3yn/amazon-leaked-reports-expose-spying-warehouse-workers-labor-union-environmental-groups-social-movements?utm_source=pocket-newtab LMPD Punches Man's Face: https://spectrumnews1.com/ky/louisville/news/2020/11/26/man-hit-by-officer-while-filming
The market will never save us from climate change, because the market as it currently operates only exists to generate profits, no more no less. Everything we as consumers buy exists solely to make profits. The destruction of the environment will only stop when it is no longer financially advantageous to destroy the environment. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sources: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/nov/19/climate-crisis-markets-economic-system
Tossin' kiddos and flippin' them rocks with your super silly sad sacks Jimmy and Timmy! In this sleuthful rendition we get the dirt on illicit police activity, taste the blandest of Biden brand beer, and go for the world record kid toss with the help from our boys at Kentucky State Police!
Gandhi like every human that's ever existed is a mixed bag. He wasn't the epitome of evil, but he wasn't perfect either, In the struggle for an independent India he played a crucial role. but his idea of what an independent India would look like, however is downright garbage. If you enjoy having the image of people you admire completely destroyed then come aboard the Cynic Empowerment Express! Choo choo!
Purdue Pharma went under, but don't you worry, the Sackler family safely sequestered their money by divesting it from Purdue Pharma and reinvesting it into other companies, so they won't lose much if any money at all. In other news pollution the world over is killing babies, which isn't new news, but we have the numbers now so that's fun. Oh, and colonialism never ended, the aesthetics just changed, if this episode doesn't make you ROFLMAO then you just might be a working lady and or man and or person?
Knowledge bombs getting dropped by your favorite two dopey sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy. Be amazed at how we continually find bad things to say about Musk. Be awed at how we find new ways to poop all over organized religion. Be amused at our childish use of potty humor and MUCH MORE!
Join your favorite silly sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy as we revel in rhetorical rants regarding conservative capitalist crack concealment.
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