Encountering You

Most people hear the word codependence and think: not me. But codependence isn't reserved for people in crisis or recovery – it's a spectrum, and most of us are somewhere on it. In Part 1, we look at what codependence actually is through the HOCI framework, and introduce five patterns that most people will recognize in themselves. In this episode we will discuss: The Healing Our Core Issues (HOCI) definition: codependence as difficulty knowing who you are separate from your relationships Why it's a developmental issue, not a character flaw – and why the spectrum matters How culture and faith communities can quietly reinforce codependent patterns The five faces: the caretaker, the peacekeeper, the controller, the chameleon, and the one who leaves first We're not diagnosing. We're getting curious.

I've been doing the work. I've read the books, sat in the sessions, had the hard conversations. And then something happens -- and I find myself right back in a pattern I thought I was done with. What is wrong with me? Am I ever going to get there? If you've asked that question, this episode is for you. "Am I fully healed?" is one of the most common questions that surfaces in therapy -- usually from the people who are working the hardest. Today we sit inside that question rather than rush past it. We look at what healing actually is through the lens of the Healing Our Core Issues (HOCI) framework, why the pattern coming back doesn't mean you're starting over, and how to be in a lifelong journey without it crushing you. In this episode: Why the idea of being "fully healed" may be the wrong goal The spiral nature of healing -- and why returning to familiar territory isn't the same as going backward What regression actually is (and what it isn't) Why triggers are the curriculum, not the enemy How spiritual communities can unintentionally add shame to the healing process How to measure progress differently -- and give yourself credit for what has actually changed The goal isn't to arrive. It's to become more yourself, more of the time. Reflection question to carry with you: How is your relationship to the thing you've struggled with longest different today than it was two years ago -- even subtly? Encountering You is a faith-informed podcast about mental health, healing, and the work of becoming more yourself.

Have you ever agreed to something and driven home feeling like you left a piece of yourself in that conversation? Or held so firm to your position that the relationship paid the price? Compromise gets a lot of good press -- but most of us have never learned the difference between healthy flexibility and quiet self-erasure. In this episode, we use the Healing Our Core Issues (HOCI) framework to look at what compromise actually requires, why it can feel so loaded, and how it shows up differently in the relationships that matter most. We talk about romantic partnerships, friendships, adult family relationships, and work -- and why the same pattern tends to show up across all of them. In this episode: Why compromise problems are often boundary or attachment wounds in disguise What self-abandonment looks like in everyday conversation How your attachment style shapes the way you handle conflict The difference between healthy flexibility and giving yourself away How to tell whether a compromise left you more solid -- or smaller The HOCI model gives us six core areas to work with: self-esteem, boundaries, owning your reality, self-care, moderation, and attachment. This episode uses all six. Reflection question to carry with you: Is there a relationship where you've been playing a role so long you've forgotten you're allowed to renegotiate it? Encountering You is a faith-informed podcast about mental health, healing, and the work of becoming more yourself.

Many of us reach a point where we notice it; the way we react, the way we shut down, the way we respond in relationships and think, I don't want to keep doing this. In this episode, we explore what actually gets passed down in families and relationships, and why those patterns can feel so hard to change. Through the lens of attachment and the nervous system, we look at how our reactions are often learned, automatic, and rooted in what once helped us feel safe. More importantly, we talk about how to begin interrupting those patterns in real, practical ways. This episode offers a simple, repeatable framework:Notice → Pause → Regulate → Choose → Repair Because breaking generational cycles isn't about getting it right every time; it's about responding differently, one moment at a time. In this episode we explore: What actually gets passed down in relationships Why patterns repeat (even when we don't want them to) The role of attachment and nervous system responses How to interrupt patterns in real time Why repair matters more than perfection

Many of us grow up believing that hard work will eventually lead to success, stability, and fulfillment. But career and financial stories don't always unfold the way we imagined. In this episode, we talk about the disappointment that can surface when work feels empty, progress stalls, financial stress lingers, or success fails to satisfy the way we thought it would. We also explore how cultural messages around productivity can quietly tie our worth to our work and how to hold ambition without letting it define who we are. In this episode we explore: 1. Why career disappointment can feel like an identity crisis 2. The connection between productivity and self-worth 3. The impact of financial stress on the nervous system 4. Holding ambition without tying it to your values

Parenting carries some of our deepest hopes for connection, meaning, and legacy. But the story of parenting doesn't always unfold the way we imagined. For some, the disappointment comes from longing for children that never arrive, through infertility, miscarriage, or not finding a partner to build a family with. For others, the grief happens within parenting itself when children struggle, relationships change, or the experience is harder than expected. In this episode, we explore why these disappointments can feel so profound and how attachment, identity, and cultural expectations all shape the parenting story. In this episode we explore: 1.  The grief of infertility or not finding a partner to have children with 2.  Why parenting struggles can feel so personal 3.  Attachment and the caregiving system 4.  Separating grief from shame in the parenting journey

Many of us grow up assuming marriage is simply the next step in life. But what happens when that story doesn't unfold the way we expected? In this episode, we explore the quiet disappointment many people carry regarding relationship status: whether that's longing to be married, navigating singleness, divorce, dating later in life than expected, or feeling lonely within a marriage. We also talk about how cultural and church messages around marriage can intensify this grief. When something is framed as inevitable, not experiencing it can feel like falling behind or missing something essential. Using insights from attachment research, we explore why relational disappointment can feel so personal and painful, and how to separate grief from shame. In this episode we explore: 1. Why relationship disappointment runs so deep 2. How cultural and church messages shape expectations around marriage 3. Attachment and the human need for connection 4. Hold longing without tying it to your worth

In this special Q&A episode, Laura is tackling a few questions that have been coming up a lot lately around mental health and relationships. She shares some interesting trends showing up in 2026—from people switching to “brick phones” to set better digital boundaries, to the danger of self-diagnosis and conversations around family boundaries. Then she covers some practical questions: How do you know if you might need counseling? How can you suggest therapy to someone you care about without it coming across the wrong way? And what do you do if you're someone who's afraid of making mistakes? If you've ever asked any of these questions - this episode is for you.

In this episode, Laura explores the difference between judgement and curiosity—and why learning to regulate our judgement is essential for becoming grounded, healthy adults. She explains how judgement is biologically protective, when it's necessary for safety, and when it crosses into harmful territory. Laura then offers a roadmap for shifting from judgement to curiosity while holding ethical boundaries for ourselves and others. If you've ever found yourself judging too quickly—or judging yourself even more harshly—this episode invites you into compassion, clarity, and deeper relational awareness for yourself and others.

In this episode of Encountering You, Laura Williams explains why nervous system regulation isn't about being calm, positive, or emotionally controlled. Regulation is about your ability to stay present with stress, emotion, and discomfort without shutting down or becoming reactive. You'll learn how fight, flight, freeze, and fawn show up in everyday life, why dysregulation isn't a failure, and how regulation grows through compassion, repetition, and safe connection.

Thanks for listening, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and for more shows like this, check out AccessMore!

In this episode, Laura explores why purpose is so essential to our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being—and why so many of us feel disconnected from it. Instead of treating purpose like a goal to achieve, Laura reframes it as something that naturally emerges as we heal, become more grounded, and reconnect with who we truly are. Drawing from personal story, the Healing Our Core Issues (HOCI) model, and current research, she explains how purpose is shaped by our core developmental needs (attachment, self-esteem, boundaries, reality, dependency, and moderation) and how unmet needs can make purpose feel confusing or out of reach. You'll learn: why purpose grows from worth, not achievement how purpose affects the nervous system, stress, and longevity why purpose is both psychological and spiritual why your purpose isn't your job title—it's how you show up in your life simple practices to approach purpose gently in the new year Laura closes with a grounding blessing, reminding you that you don't have to earn your purpose.You are here on purpose—and that is enough.

Encountering You will be taking a short break over Christmas and New Years. In this short message, Laura shares what she hopes for you this season, and a preview of what to expect from Encountering You in 2026!

Visit donate.accessmore.com and give today to help fund more episodes and shows like this. The holidays can stir up more than joy—they can activate old wounds, grief, and loneliness we don't always talk about. In this episode, Laura gently explores why this season can feel heavy, how family systems and sensory memories pull us back into old roles, and why grief shows up in so many forms. With grounding tools and compassionate guidance, she invites you to move through the holidays with more honesty, choice, and kindness toward yourself. This episode is a soft place to land if the season feels tender.

Visit donate.accessmore.com and give today to help fund more episodes and shows like this. In this episode of Encountering You, Laura Williams explores how a well-known relationship tool — Love Languages— can unintentionally create disconnection when used as a rule instead of a reflection of real love. Through the lens of Healing Our Core Issues, Laura unpacks how our love languages often reveal unmet childhood needs and how genuine connection grows through attunement, not performance. You'll learn: Why the Love Languages framework lacks scientific grounding. How love languages can become transactional or controlling. Why attunement, not technique, builds secure attachment. How to shift from “If you loved me…” to “When you do this, I feel close to you.”

Politics and faith weren't meant to be weapons, but windows into the heart. When conversations turn political, it's easy to choose sides and lose sight of each other. In this week's episode, Laura will talk about what happens when belonging gets tangled with belief—and how to hold conviction without losing compassion. Maybe the real question isn't whose side are you on, but how can we stay connected in the middle? What if Jesus didn't come to take sides—but to take us home to love?  

In this episode, Laura continues her conversation on forgiveness — exploring what it looks like when healing unfolds slowly, safely, and in relationship. Using the story of Peter's denial of Jesus, she shows that forgiveness isn't about rushing past pain but creating space for honesty, safety, and repair. You'll hear why forgiveness before safety feels like self-betrayal, how healthy shame can open the door to empathy, and why boundaries are a vital part of restoration. Highlights: Jesus and Peter as a model for slow, relational forgiveness The five stages of healing: Safety → Acknowledgment → Grief → Understanding → Release Forgiveness vs. reconciliation — and why boundaries protect both

Sometimes forgiveness comes too soon — not because we're unfaithful, but because we're afraid. Many of you have been told that good Christians forgive quickly, but what if forgiveness that comes too soon isn't holy…it's harm? Your body knows when it's not ready. Betrayal doesn't just break trust — it breaks regulation. In this episode, Laura will explore what betrayal does to the nervous system and why true forgiveness starts with safety, honesty, and time — not speed.

Did you know that establishing a secure attachment system is not just our responsibility to ourselves? It is actually how we become more like Jesus and it is also our responsibility to the world. In todays episode, we will talk about parenting and discipleship, reparenting our younger selves, moving from fear to love and building lasting rhythms so that we can maintain a secure foundation. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Did you know that you can heal your insecure attachment system? This is good news! In today's episode, Laura will look at stories in scripture where we can see bonds healing, talk about practices that you can implement today to grow your own secure attachment foundation, and how access to a healthy community helps this foundation flourish. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Visit donate.accessmore.com and give today to help fund more episodes and shows like this. Do you know your attachment style? Do you know how it's formed? Did you know that you could heal from it? In the second episode of a 4 part series on attachment, Laura is going to discuss the 4 different attachment styles, how they are formed, and how to get clues into what attachment style might be driving your relationships....including your relationship with God. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Did you know that your attachment style affects multiple areas of your life? Laura is going to embark on a 4 episode series about attachment and the different facets of how our attachment style affects multiple areas of our life. In today's episode, she is going to discuss how your attachment style in general, can and will impact how you see God and how healing from wounded attachment can actually help your relationship with God grow in ways you never imagined. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode. Learn more about the Hope Together event here.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Do you ever feel as though your partner is just not meeting your needs? This could be because you are looking for a need that he or she cannot fill. Today, Laura dives into the frustration of when partners just feel like their needs aren't being met in their relationship. And the answers might not be what you think. When our needs aren't met by our parents as children, many times we look to our partners for those needs. Laura will talk about what this might look like in your relationship and give you some helpful tools to navigate the times this happens in your relationship. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode. Learn more about the Hope Together event here.

Do you ever feel like change is mundane? It can be but in today's episode Laura is going to talk about why change in the mundane is just as important or even more important than the big "aha" moments. She will discuss our culture's obsession with the big moments, the places where change actually happens, why we overlook these boring moments and how to accept the slow pace of healing. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Do you ever feel like you are too much? Too emotional? Too needy? If you do, then this episode is for you. Today, Laura is going to talk about where the belief that you are a burden comes from, how to identify it, how to talk to that inner child about it, and then learn to reclaim the space you deserve. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. In the world of Instagram and TikTok, many of us are hearing and using terms that we don't truly understand. Gaslighting is one of those terms. In today's episode, Laura is going to walk you through what the term gaslighting actually means, how to recognize the signs big and small, understand the emotional and spiritual impacts of gaslighting, and what healing can look like. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. The word triggered has become common language in our culture today. But, do you really know what it means? Today, Laura will unpack what a trigger actually is, what a trigger is not, how to identify when you are triggered and how to work through one if you are having it. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Join the mission! Visit donate.accessmore.com to help fund more episodes and shows like this. Does mental health ever become a crutch more than healing? In today's episode, Laura will discuss how the answer is yes, and it happens to all of us. She will be talking about the role of discomfort in the healing process, when mental health becomes a shield from feeling that discomfort, how to identify when avoidance interrupts growth and some tools to help navigate when you get stuck. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Have you ever wondered if it's ok to have boundaries in marriage? Today, Laura will be talking about how it's not only ok but it's actually good for your marriage. She will talk about what boundaries in marriage are, how to establish them, what to do if there are obstacles, and how it will actually benefit you and your marriage. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode. Learn more about Hope for the Heart's upcoming Mental Health and the Church event here.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Do you ever find it easier just to keep doing what you're doing, rather than what's healthy? In today's episode, Laura is going to have a frank conversation about why you might feel this way. She will be unpacking identifying how these situations are indicative of unhealed woundings, how to connect with this inner "teen" and ways to use the technique of reparenting to help you heal. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode. Learn more about Hope for the Heart's upcoming Mental Health and the Church event here.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Do you ever wonder how trauma might manifest in your adult life in ways you don't expect? Today, Laura will be talking about what to look out for. Whether it's perfectionism, inner criticism, difficulty with emotional regulation, struggle in relationships, she is going to help you identify them and give you some practical tools to navigate healing. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Have you ever had trouble identifying your feelings? In today's episode, Laura is going to talk about one of the major reasons this might be difficult. She will discuss what carried feelings are, how to identify them and what to do with them. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Have you ever wondered how to tell the difference between anxiety and intuition? In today's episode, Laura will be discussing the difference between the two, how to identify it in your life, and how to strengthen intuition and calm anxiety. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode! Find out more from Hope For The Heart Here.

Do you feel highly offended? Or do you find yourself offending others? In today's episode, Laura is going to talk about this very important topic. She will talk about what it means to be offensive and what it means to be offended, how to manage extremes, and what to do if I have offended someone or am offended by someone. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University. Learn more here. Did you know that you can hold someone accountable without blaming or holding a grudge? There is a very big different between acknowledging hurt that someone has caused and holding a grudge. In today's episode, Laura is going to discuss the differences and why it is important, and how to move from a grudge into accountability. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss and episode.

Wondering what all this reparenting talk is about? In today's episode, Laura is going to discuss reparenting, why it's vital to your healing, the biology behind it, and actually how to do it. It's an important part of your healing journey so you are not going to want to miss this episode. You can subscribe today on Accessmore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Visit donate.accessmore.com to give to help fund more episodes and shows like this. Thanks for listening, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and for more shows like this, check out AccessMore!

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University.Do you ever wonder why it is difficult to feel the fruit of the spirit? Many people struggle with these because they haven't tackled wounds in their stories. Without certain skills, the fruit of the spirit may feel out of reach. Today, Laura will unpack the last four fruits of the spirit and talk about why you may struggle. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Discover the way ahead at Indiana Wesleyan University.Liberty University can help you get there. Learn more here. Do you ever wonder why it is difficult to feel the fruits of the spirit? Many people struggle with these because they haven't tackled wounds in their stories. Without certain skills, the fruits of the spirit may feel out of reach. Today, Laura will unpack the first five fruits of the spirit and talk about why you may struggle. You can subscribe today on Accessmore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Liberty University can help you get there. Learn more here. Do feel comfortable in your body or do you struggle with feeling beautiful? In today's episode, Laura is going to tackle the complicated topic of beauty and modesty, how we tend to confuse the two, how modesty has been protrayed and what it really is. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss and episode.

Organization and order are important aspects of our life. Many people think the need for structure is the same as the need for control. These are not the same thing. In today's episode, Laura will talk about why ritual, rhythm and routine are all very important aspects of feeling settled in our lives. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Did you know that the collision of faith and counseling can actually make your relationship with the Lord grow deeper and stronger? In today's episode, Laura will talk about how the idea that counseling takes away from your faith or that if you need counseling your faith isn't strong enough is absolutely. It true! The Lord wants us to seek counsel and today we will look at the myths of this stigma and how to encourage our communities to embrace health around these beliefs. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.