Family Matters

How can I be sure that my spouse is really repentant for the pain he has caused me? A year ago, I discovered he'd been involved in an emotional affair with another woman for nearly a decade. He also has a history of explosive anger which has often led to verbal abuse. On a number of occasions he has actually thrown things at me. Though he's ended the extramarital relationship, softened his demeanor somewhat, and even says that he's eager to go to counseling and work on our marriage, I can't help feeling confused. Once he said to me, "I know I've messed up in the past, but you have a pretty good thing going with me." Several times when I've mentioned his violent behavior, he has responded with, "Yes, I threw things at you, but I missed." He also maintains that he only concealed the affair from me for ten years because he "didn't want to hurt me." I don't feel we can move forward until this is resolved in my mind. What do you think?

Divorce is never an easy road to walk, and when there are kids involved you can expect an even harder slog. Children are profoundly affected by their parents splitting up, and Mom and Dad need to know how best to deal with their kids' scared and confused behavior.

Depression is a clinical condition that affects the psyche of a person in varying degrees, but it also affects the family members in a considerable way. We'll take an honest look at ways to minimize the impact of depression.

There is so much to be said for the enormous role that a father plays in his daughter's life, and especially in her confidence. A father shapes the way a girl sees herself in society, and so he has a great influence on feeding her self-worth.

We are regularly asked by parents, how they should go about dealing with a child who has been a victim of bullying and cyber-bullying. There are a number of articles that give guidelines and advice to those parents on our website at safamily.co.za. But, today we want to speak to the teens themselves who are being faced with cyber-bullying. We've heard from many teens that are struggling to live productive and normal lives because they are fearful of the bullies at school or those they're connected with on social media. Cyber-bullying is not okay, and we'll talk more about ways to deal with the onslaught of negative messages and threats on the next Family Matters.

Children read about the Devil in the bible and hear stories told in Sunday School, and sometimes they begin to have nightmares and uncontrollable fears of this unseen enemy. Parents can do a lot to allay those fears by referencing what God's word says in the Bible.

Now that I'm past 18, should I still "submit" to my mom and dad? The Bible says that children should "obey" their parents (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20), but at what point do I become fully independent of their control?

As human beings, we are so fallible, and our hearts and minds can lead us astray very easily if we don't keep them in check and surrendered to God. As Christians, we have been rescued out of slavery to sin and reconciled to God, but that does not mean that sinful thought never crosses our minds. We still have to make a conscious decision daily to take up our cross and follow Christ. In marriage, we have to guard our hearts against any sinful desire that may threaten our relationship with our spouse.

When it comes to infidelity in a marriage relationship, there can be no grey area. A spouse should never be asked to turn a blind eye to extramarital relationships, because the very nature of marriage is a sacred bond between man and woman, and this vow should not be undermined.

When a young boy chooses to play with girls' toys or loves to join in girly fantasy games, is this a warning sign that he may be struggling with gender identification? We're discussing this in a little more detail

Is sex really that critical to a healthy marriage? Here's why I ask. I'm having a disagreement with my spouse. He tells me that sex is a "sacrament" and "a holy mystery," and that it needs to be central to our relationship. He even uses Ephesians 5:30-32 to support these claims. I don't agree. After all, there's a lot more to marriage than just sex. Besides, the Bible itself (in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5) seems to suggest that sex is basically a sort of functional "chore," not a deeply meaningful "spiritual" experience. I get the feeling that some believers think sex is more important than the Bible says it is. Do you agree?

In every marriage, there are going to be conflicts and frustrations between husband and wife, and sometimes an outside perspective can be just what you need to get back on track. But one needs to be careful about where that counsel comes from because even family members can often be a hindrance if they are overly invested.

When life takes a turn for the worse, and you experience suffering and heartache, it's very difficult to hear the words, “God works all things for the good”, because things may not look good at all to you. Going through trials and tribulation is never easy, and yet the bible tells us that we will have to endure hardship in this life.

How can I help my small child deal with his overwhelming fear of insects? He's always been a little scared of bugs, but recently he was bitten by something at school during snack time, and now he gets hysterical every time the class is supposed to go outside. What's the solution?

Is it wrong for a married person to have a friend of the opposite sex? While my spouse was away on a week-long missions trip, I enlisted a male friend from work to come over and help me care for our eighteen-month-old daughter. In the process, we ended up watching movies together or working on office-related projects after my daughter went to bed. When my husband came home, he was very unhappy about this and expressed fear that I might be involved in an affair. He seems to think it's impossible for two adults of the opposite sex to have a non-sexual relationship. He's even asked that I never spend time with this co-worker again. I'm cooperating with his request, but I can't help feeling resentful of his unfounded suspicions. What do you think?

How can we stop our four-year-old from stealing? It seems like everywhere we go – church, stores, museums, friends' houses – he walks out with something that doesn't belong to him. I have a feeling that he's just being irresponsible-that he puts things in his pocket and then forgets about them. My husband and I have talked to him several times about why this behavior is wrong. We've told him what the Bible has to say about stealing. We've even tried punishing him. But he keeps doing it. What should we do now?

Do you have any ideas for helping a pre-teen child who is seriously overweight? He loves food and gets extremely disappointed when we turn down his requests for snacks and treats. He also becomes depressed after several days of healthy eating. How can we reverse this trend?

Do you think it's a good idea for husbands and wives to have regular activities apart from each other with their friends of the same sex? My husband feels a deep need to get together with his guy friends a couple of times each month, but I'd rather spend most of my time with him. I get out with some girlfriends a couple times a year, and this seems to be more than sufficient for me. What are your thoughts?

Is there anything I can do to help my expectant wife deal with the severe mood swings she's been experiencing? She's about three-quarters of the way through her pregnancy, and lately she's been terribly depressed. It's beginning to take a real toll on our relationship. I've heard a lot about post-partum depression, but is it normal for a woman to be feeling blue before the arrival of a baby?

What can we do to encourage our adult son to grow up? He's made some very poor choices in terms of lifestyle, jobs, living arrangements, and friends. After raising him in the Christian faith, we're deeply disappointed. At the same time we can't help feeling guilty and wondering where we went wrong. Is there anything we can do to reverse the situation without overstepping appropriate boundaries?

Have you ever heard the parent say that the job of parenting is the walk in the park, probably not, because even those who are parenting a compliant, easy-going child can find it challenging at times? And so when we hear from a Mom whose at the end of her rope because she's parenting a strong-willed child, we try to offer as much encouragement and support as possible. We are speaking more about this in this episode.

Should I consider remarrying my ex-spouse for the sake of our child? We are both Christians, but we recently got divorced. Over the past few weeks I've become increasingly concerned about the impact of this family breakup upon our preschooler. What do you think I should do?

Should children be allowed to have smart phones or mobile devices? Our oldest has started driving and all of our kids are constantly on the move. My spouse thinks they need phones in order to stay better connected with us. Do you think this is a good idea?

There are so many different views and ideas on what is best for our children when it comes to education. Some families who have been serving God as missionaries have to make difficult decisions based on where they've been sent on a mission.

The advent of sexting is a real and serious issue among teens who get involved and then find themselves exposed in horrific and demoralizing ways. Parents cannot necessarily prevent this practice, but certainly need to be aware of the dangers and take a firm stance in the event of discovering that your child may be entangled in this destructive behavior.

The world that our teens find themselves in these days is, in fact, quite scary, thanks to the digital age that we live in. If you are not completely clued up on how to keep your teen safe from online predators or even seemingly harmless online connections.

Have you ever heard of somebody being referred to as a Narcissist? This word is often used to describe someone who has elevated self-importance and who comes across as incredibly selfish. It's not easy to be married to someone exhibiting these traits, however, the term narcissist is sometimes misused.

There is a lot of controversy around gender and equality these days, and Christians are having to hold firm to their beliefs in the Bible in order to withstand the onslaught from the media and liberal activists. But the Bible speaks of women being made in the image of God, which can cause much confusion because God is referred to as a Father, so we assume He is male.

For parents to avoid spoiling their children, there needs to be a conscious effort towards teaching what matters most and showing them how to serve others. Far too many youngsters are growing up entitled and with unhealthy self-righteousness. And it's easy to try and shift the blame, but if we're honest, it is a parent's responsibility to instill values that will last into adulthood.

Family meals around the dinner table have an enormously beneficial and lasting effect. If families can understand the value of slowing down for long enough to gather around the table and share conversations with one another, it would go a long way to nurturing a sense of belonging and connectedness for each individual.

As parents, we want to give our kids the best jumping-off point we can. If we nurture a healthy self-image in our children, we will have pretty much achieved our goal, because the rest will follow.

Have you experienced the battle of waking your child up in the morning to go to school? Sometimes even an early riser will procrastinate getting out of bed with various delay tactics. The good news is: You're not alone.

When should a parent be concerned about a child's introverted behaviour? On the next Family Matters we'll be discussing the possibilities of deeper issues related to a child isolating him or herself.

Becoming a parent for the first time might cause you to feel a little anxious, or maybe even scared to the bone. But the unknown of your next adventure with your offspring shouldn't have to cause you sleepless nights, wracking your brain as to how you're going to manage the extra responsibility.

Every parent wants their child to listen well, follow instructions and be able to have a meaningful conversation with them. But, in so many homes, there are nagging parents and defiant children facing up against one another on a daily basis. We'll talk about ways to effectively communicate with kids.

Our very own family members can be the most difficult individuals to get along with at times. On the next Family Matters we'll discuss what to do about a father's improper behaviour towards his daughter-in-law.

There's a huge amount of emotional turmoil that children go through when divorce happens, and they will act out in various ways in order to attempt to deal with the hurt and loss. When a new partner comes onto the scene, this adds another aspect to what the child has to deal with.

Do you find yourself feeling anxious about life? Are you fearful about future events, or do you find yourself unable to control your restless mind? If any of the things mentioned describes where you are at, you'll want to stay tuned for the next Family Matters where we'll discuss what anxiety disorders are and how they can be treated.

If your child is being exposed to online chat rooms and other social media sites you are going to want to stay tuned for the next Family Matters. We'll be discussing how much freedom is appropriate, and where precautionary measures need to be taken in order to protect your child from potential harm.

There are always concerns about the impact of divorce on children, but most people don't actually know the far-reaching effects of such an event in the life of a child, through to adulthood.

Are you struggling with sibling rivalry in your home? Is there one child who constantly dominates another? This scenario is not unusual, but it's also difficult to manage.

For husbands and wives, the marital bed can be an area of contention. There seem to be cultural norms that have crept into our thinking, or misguided ideas on what is Biblically appropriate in terms of sexual expression.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Prov 16:9 NIV) Isn't this proverb exactly right? We may have ideas of how we want our life to go, but the Lord will determine a plan for our lives.

Dealing with the interesting antics of a toddler is a full time job, and that's not to mention a strong-willed toddler who seems to defy every law. Most parents face embarrassing or just plain difficult moments with their little ones as they learn about the world around them and how to navigate the social aspect of life. One area that comes up time and time again is the child who bites as a means of exhibiting power or control. No parent enjoys facing the unfortunate event of their child biting another unsuspecting buddy, but this is inevitable if the behavior is not dealt with swiftly.

If you are the mother of a married child, you'll understand that the relationship status has changed a great deal. Your adult child is no longer your responsibility in terms of looking after but is now in a family of his or her own. But if there are things in the relationship with the new spouse that seems unhealthy and concerning, when is it appropriate to offer your opinion or advice?

As a grandparent it can sometimes be difficult to watch from the sidelines as the job of parenting is left to your child. You may feel that you could do a better job or at least you would do certain things differently. But what happens if you are witnessing your grandchildren being neglected and exposed to unhealthy conditions?

So many young people who are in romantic relationships find that they're struggling with keeping themselves pure before marriage. The Bible has clear cut scriptures on the matter, which some try to argue are outdated.

In this day and age with the increased use of technology and devices, as well as parents working long hours to support their families, time spent with our kids is being greatly affected, and unfortunately, the research is showing the negative impact of this lifestyle on the family as a whole. Many parents believe that if they can just provide well for their kids and give them the things that they ask for, they're doing a good enough job at parenting.

It's always tough for a mom to say goodbye to her adult child when he or she decides to fly the nest and begins to tackle life as a grown up. But when that adult child is struggling to support himself and is generally not coping with the responsibility of life on his own, a mother often wants to step in and rescue him.

As society endeavours to undermine the distinction between male and female, we'd like to highlight key differences in men and women.

Last time on Family Matters we were responding to a cry for help from one of our listeners who feels like a loser and has lost hope in this life. A plea like this really touches our hearts at a deep level and we always want to step in and help as much as we can.