Abuse Allies with Danielle Esplin | The Bulletproof Club

What is the difference between someone who cares about you, and someone who's controlling? What are the signs? What is toxic? What is okay? Where do you draw the line? Listen to The Bulletproof Club's latest episode to gain some clarity on this subject.Join our brand new MASTERMIND GROUP (limited seats): https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/mastermindgroupIn this episode, we discuss the following:[00:00] Intro[01:06] Caring vs. Controlling Partners[02:23] Fine line between caring & controlling partners[03:59] Behaviors of a controlling partner[04:00] 1. Demanding Change[04:22] 2. Trust Issues[04:49] 3. Chronic Criticism[05:39] 4. Requiring Constant Disclosure[06:19] 5. Longing for the happy days[06:47] 6. Double Standards[07:37] 7. Expecting the worst from you[08:23] 8. Unwilling to hear your side[09:10] 9. Holding you back[09:46] 10. Giving you ultimatums[10:27] 11. Jealousy[10:47] 12. Fighting and having the fear to disagree[11:23] 13. Threats[11:43] 14. Isolation[11:51] Food for thought[14:25] Outro

Both (the Golden Child and Scapegoat) live in an abusive household, both are being used by the narcissistic parent, and both will be psychologically affected in the long run. Here are 3 ways how their stories and experiences might differ.

We made an online assessment on our website www.thebulletproofclub.com to answer that crucial question: "Am I in an Abusive Relationship?" This way you can assess your situation and current circumstances. This is a useful tool to gain clarity so that you can take back control of your life. If your score is high, and you're having trouble accepting that you're in an abusive relationship, you're not alone. Abusers don't want you to know that their behaviors and actions are abusive, because that will empower you. Not only do they want to keep a firm hold on the relationship dynamics, but they also will use every tool at their disposal to make their victims believe that they had brought the abuse onto themselves. Denial is the enemy to growth and change. While abusive partners create an unstable environment, their actions and behaviors cause the victims to doubt themselves. This ultimately leads to denial, which is the enemy to growth and change. If you can't decide to change your current circumstances, you won't be able to break free and unlock your full potential. Emotional, financial, sexual, physical, verbal, and even identity abuse are real and present in many relationships. In this article, we look at 5 subtle warning signs present in abusive relationships. We also have a thorough checklist for you to download when leaving the toxic relationship so that you can also live a healthy and fulfilled life. You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/thebulletproofclub https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos You can find Danielle Esplin, here: https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin In this episode, we discuss the following: [00:00] Intro: 5 Subtle Signs of an Abusive Relationship [01:15] What abusers don’t want you to know [02:14] First Sign: They gaslight you [02:57] Second Sign: They are overly possessive [03:38] Third Sign: They embarrass you in public [04:47] Fourth Sign: You start to anxiously please people [05:49] Fifth Sign: They take advantage of your empathy [06:39] Outro

You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/thebulletproofclub https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos You can find Danielle Esplin, here: https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin In this episode, we discuss the following: ** [00:00] Intro: Covert vs. Overt Narcissism [00:25] Narcissism Defined [01:13] An Overt Narcissist [01:50] An Overt Abuser [02:12] Signs of an Overt Abuser [02:56] A Covert Narcissist [03:34] A Covert Abuser [04:26] Signs of a Covert Abuser [05:18] What you can do about an overt/covert narcissist [06:21] Outro

**You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: **https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/thebulletproofclub https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos **You can find Danielle Esplin, here: **https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin **In this episode, we discuss the following: ** [00:00] Intro: Trauma Bonding [00:43] Trauma Bonding Defined [02:02] Examples of Trauma Bonding [02:39] The Psychology behind Trauma Bonding [05:52] Creating Distance [06:34] Signs of Trauma Bond [07:26] Outro: Know more about Trauma Bond & Our Support Group

You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/thebulletproofclub https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos You can find Danielle Esplin, here: https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin In this episode, we discuss the following: [00:00] Intro: Understanding Narc Anger and Guilt [00:22] Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs Narcissism [01:52] NPD & Psychopathy [02:10] Lack of Empathy of Narcissists [03:12] Anger & Guilt — Why Narcissists are prone to anger and don’t feel guilty [08:00] Narcissistic Injury [08:42] Outro

Is your partner accusing you of things you've never done? Is your partner trying to control or isolate you? Listen to this thought provoking episode to understand the differences between someone who is acting out of self-interest and someone who is acting out of the interest for others. In just 12 minutes, you'll gain more clarity to develop a vision for your ideal relationship. Join us at www.thebulletproofclub,com if you have any questions or if you need any assistance in developing an action plan. You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/thebulletproofclub https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos You can find Danielle Esplin, here: https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin In this episode, we discuss the following: [00:00] Intro: Difference between Jealousy and Territorial [00:50] Jealousy definition and signs [03:57] What Jealousy stems from [04:12] Example of Territorial [05:19] Jealousy vs Territorial [05:30] A Relationship rooted in Jealousy [06:12] Danielle’s personal opinion on the word “Territorial” [06:52] What you should look for in a partner [07:30] The only way to get rid of Jealousy [07:58] Being with someone who is extremely Jealous [08:44] Another difference between Jealousy and Territorial [09:37] Healthy boundaries and understanding jealousy [12:17] Outro

A lot of people want to know what to do when in an abusive relationship, but hardly do we hear someone ask what they should try to avoid. This episode with Danielle Esplin will touch on the biggest mistakes made by those who find themselves in an abusive situation. It's imperative to know that no one can cause abuse but the abuser him/herself. This episode discusses tips and helpful pointers so that you can look after yourself, be safe, and that you can navigate your way out of the toxic environment. You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/myabuseprogram (our FB page name will change soon) https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos You can find Danielle Esplin, here: https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin In this episode, we discuss the following: [00:00] Intro: Mistakes dealing with abuse [00:31] Abuse is not your fault. [01:05] Subtle behaviors of an abuser [03:05] Mistake 1: Pleading [04:32] Mistake 2: Self Blame [05:58] Abuser’s logic [06:20] Mistake 3: Appeasement [07:10] Mistake 4: Denial [09:13] Mistake 5: Explaining and Defending [10:05] Mistake 6: Withdrawal [11:10] Mistake 7: Reacting immediately [11:49] Mistake 8: Romanticizing Abuse [13:19] A Quick Recap [13:36] What you should do — Stopping the abuse [14:52] Setting boundaries and Disengaging [15:5]} Planning to leave the abusive relationship [16:16] The Gray Rock Method [17:07] Outro

Lauren Carter, an American actress, model, and award-winning singer, found herself in two toxic relationships while pursuing her career. She had a tumultuous relationship with her ex-boyfriend while he was directing, producing and starring in his film, which later went on to win an Oscar. Despite having to face these challenges, Lauren Carter peaked at #6 in the Swiss dance charts in 2017, and she released her debut EP, American Dream with Turn Up the Pop! Records in April, 2017. Lauren's career has taken her all over the globe, and she has worked with an impressive roster of artists including Robert Altman, DJ Fresh, Goldie, Ellen von Unwerth, and more. Lauren's modeling work has been published in editions of Maxim, GQ, Esquire, Sports Illustrated, and more. Today Lauren is free from this toxicity, and she's stronger and happier than ever. She's here to share her story of hope, and to encourage those struggling in abusive relationships by letting them know that they are not alone. There is truly light at the end of the tunnel. You can find Lauren, here: https://www.instagram.com/laurenelizabethcarter/ https://www.facebook.com/laurencartermusic/ https://www.laurencarteronline.com/ You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/myabuseprogram (our FB page name will change soon) https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos You can find Danielle Esplin, here: https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin In this episode, we discuss the following: [00:00] Intro: The Bulletproof Club and Lauren Carter Introduction [01:57] How the Relationship Started [04:50] Danielle asking if Lauren had enough time with him to get a sense of his character [05:05] Danielle explaining that people with high Narcissism target attractive partners [05:21] How the sexual abuse and gaslighting started [06:06] How Lauren felt about the relationships and her exes disrespecting her boundaries [04:50] Danielle asking Lauren about what was about her exes that attracted her [08:22] Danielle and Lauren explaining the importance of childhood (how we were raised) in future adult relationships [09:32] Lauren talking about “Love Bombing” [10:13] The Phase after Love Bombing — Devaluation [11:55] Danielle further discusses Idealization and Devaluation [13:03] Lauren sharing how it can be an addictive cycle [13:24] Danielle asking Lauren about the pattern of “Affectation” [14:29] Mirroring vs. Imitating [15:00] Defining the Deflectable Meter and the pattern of abuse in Lauren’s past relationships [21:07] How Lauren realized she was in an abusive relationship [23:13] Lauren getting cheated on [25:14] Danielle talking about forgiveness [25:50] Lauren sharing about how she blamed herself [26:19] Lauren continues talking about getting cheated on [29:49] Danielle talking about how personality precedes behavior and clarifying that not everyone in a powerful position is a Narcissist [30:57] Strangulation and its pattern in abusive relationships [31:39] How Lauren made the mental shift to move on [33:21] Danielle thanking Lauren for being on the Podcast [33:24] Lauren's Instagram Username

Kayla Hayes is a survivor of abuse who's now sharing her story in hopes of helping others. After surviving a horrific assault and dealing with months of recovery, she started her own organization, Rise Above, to inspire others and to raise awareness. You can find Kayla, here: https://www.facebook.com/InTheEndIWillRise/ https://www.instagram.com/kaylahayes101/ https://www.instagram.com/_intheendiwillrise/ You can find us, The Bulletproof Club, here: https://www.thebulletproofclub.com/ https://www.facebook.com/thebulletproofclub https://www.instagram.com/thebulletproofclub_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXXTm_aH_teaPcruqR0j66Q/videos You can find Danielle Esplin, here: https://www.danielleesplin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/danielleesplin https://www.facebook.com/officialdanielleesplin In this episode we discuss the following: [00:00] Intro: The Bulletproof Club and Kayla Hayes Introduction [01:28] Meeting Seth Fleury (ex-boyfriend) [02:19] Kayla Hayes Dating History [02:38] How Kayla Hayes Realized he wasn't the guy he pretended to be [03:40] Controlling behavior of Seth Fleury (concessions) [04:14] Discussing whether Kayla's family (mom) picked on the signs/abusive relationship [04:50] Discussing whether Kayla's friends picked up on the abuse [05:00] Friend Isolation [05:47] Feeling ashamed about abuse [06:07] Danielle thanking Kayla for being brave and transparent [06:27] Length of Kayla's relationship - past break ups [07:20] Discussing gaslighting, responsibility & accountability [08:03] Statistic - how many times it take the average person to leave an abusive relationship. Positive impact of these interviews. [08:18] Denial & looking for answers & avoidance [08:36] Mentality that kept her in her abusive relationship [08:44] Discussing desperation & loneliness [08:56] Reason for meeting up with Seth. Reason for breaking up. Why they met up the day of the assault. [10:07] Discussing Seth leaving to be in the Navy. [10:35] Discussing possibility of premeditation - cards Seth gave Kayla [11:;17] Discussing the "kiss" and the moment of the assault [11:59] Help of the good Samaritans [12:30] The moment Kayla realized Seth bit her lip off [12:18] Discussing the good Samaritans [13:45] The moment Seth ran off. [14:10] Where Seth went right after the attack {14:19} Kayla's mother not being home [14:29] Seth's ignorance {14:44} The moment the cops and ambulance arrived. Their reaction [15:10] Discussing the plastic surgery right after the attack [15:45] Discussing Kayla's scars [15:56] How the surgeon decided how to fix her lip and what to do [16:50] Kayla discussing how wonderful her surgeon was (the importance of a surgeon's compassion after an attack like this) [17:35] The amount of stitches required to fix her lip and the recovery process (duration) [18:13] Laser treatments [18:26] Second surgery [18:45] Danielle admiring Kayla - Kayla's strength and bravery [19:06] Danielle asking about staying overnight at the hospital. Discussing the hospital, assigning a psychologist. [19:37] How Kayla started to heal psychologically. How she found her healing [19:55] How her friends found out about the attack. Not being able to talk [20"05] Discussing not having her mom around at the time of the attack. How her mother found out about the attack. [20:50] Discussing Kayla's Facebook post - paramedics asking Kayla to speak. The moment Kayla realized she couldn't pronounce words in the ambulance. [22:13] Police - how the case started. Kayla's statement. [23:11] Duration of the court case. Seth's arrest on the 21st of October. [23:20] Seth being out and about for an entire year during the court case. Bail. His ankle monitor. [23:30] Seth Pleading guilty. [23:32] Kayla receiving horrifying calls from the GPS company of Seth's ankle monitor. [24:05] Kayla not going outside at the time alone. [24:14] Kayla moved house due to PTSD. [25:29] Seeing Seth again. Social media of Seth after the attack. Seth's behavior on social media. [26:00] Testifying against her abuser & impact statement in court. [26:57] Kayla's expectations in court - sentencing. [27:58] Asking Kayla about cognitive dissonance. [28:20] Kayla discussing self-blame and trying to help him. Realizing who Seth really is. [29:07] Asking Kayla what helped her to make that mental shift to see him for who he really is [30:00] Kayla's biggest life-changing experience after the attack. Who helped her the most during this difficult time [30:36] Reconnecting to her old friends (after isolation) [30:50] Kayla discussing the most damaging advice she got after the attack. Backlash [31:15] Discussing judgmental people trying to victim blame [31:49] Seth's sentencing [32:00] Her protection for when Seth gets out of prison [32:17] Kayla's practical steps she took to recover. Outlet for recovery. Sharing her story [33:15] Kayla's mindset - how she grew throughout the year since the attack [33:46] Media's involvement - Kayla breaking her silence on social media [35:10] Seth ruining his life, not Kayla - not blaming herself for his actions [35:30] Discussing a possible apology (letter) from Seth [35:59] Kayla discussing Rise Above & her scars [37:22] Discussing a video on Kayla's Facebook page - burning letters to abusers [38:07] Being sentimental & parting with things. Healing is a process [39:01] Thanking Kayla and discussing the impact of this interview. Raising awareness and helping others [39:39] Kayla's take-away message. Educating yourself. [40:14] Danielle discusses the importance of taking action [40:38] Kayla's plans with Rise Above [40:59] Danielle asking Kayla if she had other plans with her future before the attack happened. [41:16] Kayla finding her purpose in life. [41:31] Danielle and Kayla discussing their excitement to raise awareness together and keeping each other updated.