Podcasts about self blame

Fan Favorite: This episode originally aired on: August 14, 2022. What up, homies! It's your girl Lisa Bilyeu, and welcome back to the Women of Impact podcast, where week after week, we dive deep into topics that build us up and empower us to become our best selves. I am beyond excited today because I've got the incredible Najwa Zebian joining us! If you're feeling lonely, navigating the complexities of self-love, or just trying to find your voice in a world that often makes it hard for women, you're in for a treat. Najwa Zebian is here to help us walk through those dark days and emerge stronger, just like the sun after the darkest night. Her profound insights and soulful wisdom are exactly what we all need right now. We're going to talk about finding your inner peace, building your own home within yourself, and reclaiming the worth that's inherently yours. Najwa brings her truth, sharing her journey and empowering steps to break free from external validation and build that unwavering self-worth. Ladies, whether you've felt out of place or have struggled with self-doubt, Najwa's words are going to resonate with you on a deep, personal level. So grab a hot cup of tea, get comfy, and get ready to take some notes because Najwa's about to drop some real knowledge bombs that'll guide you to come home to yourself. SHOWNOTES 00:00 Overcoming Social Media Pressure 08:57 Power Dynamics and Consent 14:43 Defying Legal Threats with Courage 17:53 Empathy for Abuse Victims Needed 25:58 Redefining Identity Beyond Trauma 29:46 Seeking Healing Beyond Apologies 37:33 Redefining Boundaries for Self-Worth 41:36 Reconciling Subconscious Beliefs 43:59 Overcoming Self-Blame in Toxic Relationships 53:21 "Overcoming Denial and Self-Blame" 58:46 Therapy: Journey to Self-Empowerment 01:03:34 Proactive Self-Work in Relationships 01:07:53 Acknowledging Emotional Pain Shows Strength 01:14:38 Building Home Inside Yourself 01:18:29 Empath Boundaries: Avoiding Toxicity 01:28:08 Perception and Self-Awareness 01:31:02 Overcoming Fear-Driven Behavior 01:35:13 Rejecting External Labels FOLLOW NAJWA ZEBIAN: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/najwazebian/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/NajwaZebian Website: https://najwazebian.com/ CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS Vital Proteins: Get 20% off by going to ⁠https://www.vitalproteins.com⁠ and entering promo code WOI at check out.  BIOptimizers: Head to⁠ https://bioptimizers.com/impact ⁠and use code IMPACT for 10% off.  OneSkin: Get 15% off with code LISA at ⁠https://oneskin.co ⁠ Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at ⁠https://shopify.com/lisa⁠ ********************************************************************** LISTEN TO WOMEN OF IMPACT AD FREE + BONUS EPISODES on APPLE PODCASTS:  apple.co/womenofimpact ********************************************************************** FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/womenofimpact Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_bilyeu?lang=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Since the breakup, have there been moments when you actually felt calm, clear, or more like yourself? When you imagine texting them, what are you secretly hoping they’ll say—or make you feel? In this heartfelt and insightful compilation, Jay dives deep into the emotional landscape of breakups, offering a thoughtful and healing space for anyone navigating heartache. With his signature warmth and clarity, Jay brings together trusted voices in emotional wellness and relationships—Lori Gottlieb, Matthew Hussey, Stephan Speaks, Esther Perel, and Mel Robbins—each offering honest, thoughtful perspectives on what it really takes to move on after a relationship ends. Together, they unpack the emotional aftermath of a breakup, from grief and confusion to self-doubt and the search for clarity. Whether you're dealing with the sting of rejection, stuck with unanswered questions, or scared to start over, this episode offers clear, grounded guidance that will leave you feeling both supported and uplifted. Without pressure, it offers a calm, compassionate space to work through the pain with presence, perspective, and hope. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Stop Blaming Yourself After a Breakup How to Know When It's Time to Let Go How to Break Emotional Patterns in Relationships How to Sit With Pain and Still Move Forward How to Choose Peace Over the Past This episode offers more than advice—it brings hope, the kind that encourages self-love, future growth, and a belief that better things are ahead. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty. Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there! What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:19 Why Breakups Feel Like the Hardest Loss 09:19 “Why Wasn’t I Enough?” Understanding the Root of Self-Blame 20:21 Knowing When It’s Time to Let Go 25:15 Should You Try to Win Them Back? 28:43 Practical Steps to Letting Go After a Breakup 34:41 Do What’s Best For You to Heal 36:56 Everyone Handles a Breakup Differently and That’s Okay 39:30 Shifting Conflict Into Understanding 45:07 What Power Struggles in Relationships Really Mean 47:44 Why Breakups Make You Feel Unlovable 51:25 How to Release Control and Finally Find PeaceSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Did you know that self-blame is often followed by blaming others.  This isn't the way God designed us to live.  It's time to face the reality of your situation.  Start with a conversation with God.

Have you ever looked back and wondered why you stayed so long, giving your ex SO many second chances, despite knowing the relationship was somehow toxic?Breaking free from a narcissistic relationship isn't just about willpower—this episode will help you make sense of your past choices so you can move forward with self-compassion.In this episode you will:Gain a clear understanding of why you kept giving your ex second chancesFind insight into why narcissistic relationships feel like an addiction you just can't quitGet a simple exercise you can do today to move beyond self-blame and gain back your self-esteemHit play now to start reclaiming your emotional freedom.MENTIONED:Interest form⁠ to work with me: https://tinyurl.com/interest-form-htwshownotesRESOURCES FOR YOUR HEALING:❤️ For more resources on healing from the mindf*ck of confusing relationships so you can securely attach + experience healthy love: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.brewolta.com⁠⁠⁠⁠

Today's podcast answers a question from someone who feels completely disconnected from God, specifically His love and forgiveness. Children, when in stressful situations, will often cope by blaming themselves. This can lead to a life of guilt over things they never did wrong. This can often lead to believing and feeling like the love of God is for everyone except us.

Donate to the podcast if this helped:)https://energy-therapy-podcast.captivate.fm/supportSign up for my Newsletter and receive Insightful messages, and deep dives into ancestral trauma, inner child healing, and generational trauma.⁠https://traumadoula.substack.com/⁠Book an Energy Therapy Consult Connect with me here:https://www.thetraumadoula.com/⁠welcomeToni - BSW, E-RYT, Somatic Energy Therapist About this episodeIn this episode, Toni explores the complex relationship between childhood trauma and the development of shame in adulthood. She discusses how early experiences shape our self-worth and emotional responses, emphasizing the importance of understanding and healing from these patterns. Toni provides insights into recognizing signs of shame, differentiating between shame and guilt, and offers practical strategies for self-compassion and reparenting the inner child to foster healing and personal growth.

Episode 147   In this episode, I discuss a common challenge faced by complex trauma survivors: the notion that those who harmed us did the best they could. I emphasise why it's crucial not to accept this idea too early in the healing process. We need to focus on acknowledging the harm and injustice inflicted upon us before considering the limitations and reasons why our abusers acted the way they did. This is a journey of radical honesty and acceptance, facing uncomfortable truths without bypassing our emotions. Join me as I explore why truth is essential for healing from trauma and how to reframe our understanding of love and compassion.Watch this recording on YouTube.Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.CHAPTER MARKERS[00:00] Introduction[02:00] Internalising Dissonance and Self-Blame[03:13] Scripts and Roles for Survival[04:37] The Capacity for Love and Attunement[08:07] Holding Opposing Truths[10:06] The Importance of Radical Honesty[18:21] Navigating the Healing Journey[24:36] Radical Acceptance vs. Resignation[27:52] Concluding Thoughts and EncouragementTRANSCRIPTAvailable here.REFLECTION PROMPTNotice if there were any particular sensations in your body as you listened to this episode. Which segments might they have been in response to?What relationships in your life might you have noticed difficulty in holding opposing truths, or may have been told or thought that those who had harmed you “did their best”?Support the showSUBSCRIBE | FOLLOW | SUPPORTSocial Media:Follow Ann Yeong on Instagram or Facebook.Newsletter:Subscribe to Begin Again for Ann's updates and reflections.Support the Show:Monthly Support (starting at USD$3)One-time DonationLeave a Review:If this podcast has blessed you, please leave a review by clicking here.

Infertility and Self-Blame: It's Time to Let Go of Guilt After IVF and Fertility Treatments Failed Have you ever found yourself questioning every decision you made on your fertility journey? Wondering if you should have started trying sooner, chosen a different doctor, lost more weight, or pursued another round of IVF? If self-blame has become a constant companion after infertility and failed fertility treatments, you are not alone. So many women who are childless after infertility carry a heavy burden of guilt, believing that somehow, they could have done something differently to change the outcome. But here's the truth: infertility was never your fault. You did the best you could with the information, resources, and circumstances you had at the time. Blaming yourself isn't helping - it's keeping you stuck. It's time to stop carrying the weight of guilt and start moving toward a future that feels fulfilling, even without the children you dreamed of. In This Episode, You'll Learn:

Imagine breaking free from the chains of self-blame that you're feeling, especially after going through divorce. This episode explores the profound self-blame women often experience during and after divorce, rooted in societal conditioning and expectations. I'll discuss the fine line between taking responsibility and succumbing to guilt and offer tools to reprogram your conditioned societal beliefs to step into a healthier self identity. Things that you'll get from this episode:  • Understanding societal conditioning around blame and worth • Exploring the impact of self-blame on motherhood and relationships • Strategies for recognizing harmful thought patterns • Encouraging self-compassion and embracing imperfection • How to rewrite narratives keeping you stuck in self blame  If this podcast resonated with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating.To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.For more information and full show notes go to:https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep197

Hey Rebel. In this episode of the Diet Culture Rebel Podcast, I'm sitting down with my past client, Monica, to hear her inspiring story of transformation. With the support of the Diet Culture Rebel team, Monica learned to trust herself with food, let go of self-blame, and free herself from the pressures of diet culture. We dive into her personal story, from life before food freedom, through her healing journey, to what life looks like now that she has healed her relationship with food, including: How consistent eating helped reduce her binge eating The freedom she found in making food choices without judgment How this journey improved her body image and personal life The ways her newfound trust with her body transcends beyond just her relationship with food Monica's story is a powerful reminder that healing your relationship with food can have a ripple effect on all areas of your life. If you're looking for inspiration and practical takeaways to help you move away from diet culture and embrace food freedom, this episode is for you. Ready to Heal Your Relationship with Food? My team of registered dietitians is now accepting insurance for one-on-one nutrition counseling! Spots are limited, so if you're ready to start your journey toward food freedom, visit dietculturerebel.com/insurance to learn more! Connect with Bonnie on Instagram: @diet.culture.rebel

Learning the difference between self blame vs taking responsibility for our lives + choices sets us free and enables us to heal for real. As long as we're stuck in the habit of making things our fault, we are relating to ourselves as victims. This is one of the most painful and limiting ways to live. Let's talk today about how to shift out of this mindset and embrace a deeper empowerment + sense of purpose so we can feel good and make the most out of our lives. Thank you for listening today and please visit me at: marywelch.com for more FREE resources to support your healing journey! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After 2 years of one heartbreak after another, including 2 pregnancies, 43-yr-old Lynn realizes 43-yr-old Mike is not ready, willing, or able to make her a priority. While knowing that she must move on, Lynn struggles with the anxiety associated with blaming herself for the breakup. In this episode of Make Him Wonder, Paula gives Lynn the key to unlock what is holding her back from fully moving on and discusses if, and when, it is possible to find romance with another when continuing to be friends with an ex.

Guiding young adults toward financial independence is not an easy path.Enter Tess Brigham, a seasoned psychotherapist and certified coach known as the “Millennial Therapist” and together, we dive into what it means to truly “launch” our kids in today's world, where rising costs, student debt, and shifting job markets can make this transition more challenging than ever.Tess shares that the first step in helping young adults find their footing begins not with them, but with us, the parents. She reminds us of the importance of nurturing ourselves, emotionally and financially, so we can model resilience and responsibility for our children.If you're looking for a fresh perspective on how to support your young adults during these formative years, this episode is packed with practical advice and comforting reassurance. Anna's Takeaways:Transitioning Young Adults to Financial Independence (00:00)Parental Challenges and Self-Care (03:54)Financial Considerations for Parents (08:30)Young Adults' Perspectives and Generational Differences (11:50)Educating Young Adults on Personal Finance (16:24)Balancing Support and Independence (19:07)Navigating College Decisions and Debt (23:04)Parental Guilt and Self-Blame (31:04)Supporting Young Adults Through Coaching (32:49)Tess Brigham (MFT, BCC) dubbed the “Millennial Therapist” by CNBC is an expert psychotherapist, certified coach, author and Tedx speaker. She specializes in helping young adults discover their unique life path in order to go out into the world and make an impact. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Tess has over 20 years of experience and is a regular contributor at both CNBC and Forbes.Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple PodcastsMoney Boss Parents! Welcome to Anna's Money Boss Parent podcast, your go-to resource for mastering money management while raising a family. Join me as we explore practical tips, expert insights, and inspiring stories to help you achieve financial success and create a brighter future for your loved ones. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the show to support our mission of empowering parents like you to take charge of their finances and build a prosperous life for their families. Let's thrive together on this incredible journey!FREE GUIDE- Kid Money Boss: School isn't teaching my son about Money. It's up to us Parents. Here are 9 tools I am using to team my son, everything I never learned as a kid.Guest websites: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tess_brigham/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tessbrigham/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794Facebook:

Are you trapped in a cycle of self-blame after a breakup? Do you find yourself constantly questioning your worth and wondering what you could have done differently? In this episode, we delve into the powerful impact of self-blame and explore practical strategies to release its grip. We'll discuss three common cognitive distortions that often lead to self-blame: personalization, control fallacies, and the fallacy of fairness. By understanding these mental traps, you can challenge negative thought patterns and cultivate self-compassion. Join us as we explore how to let go of self-blame, embrace self-worth, and embark on a journey of healing and growth. Ready to Fast-Track Your Breakup Recovery? Join my FREE upcoming webinar, "How to be Happier, Healthier, and More Successful After a Breakup or Divorce." Grab your spot now: https://www.angieday.com/webinar/ If you think you or someone you love may be struggling after a breakup or divorce and you'd like help with this or any other topic, feel free to reach out to me. You can email me at angie@contactangieday.com or you can easily drop me a Voicemail here:  https://www.speakpipe.com/TheBacktoHappyPodcast

In this episode of the AnxietyRX Podcast, I chat with Terry Baranski, an Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, about some fresh, non-traditional ways to tackle anxiety. Terry shares his interesting path from computer science to therapy, stressing how crucial it is to understand trauma and the mind-body connection. We also take a closer look at why some traditional therapies miss the mark and explore how IFS and compassionate inquiry can lead to real healing and self-compassion. Join us for an insightful conversation that might just change your perspective on anxiety! Thank you for listening and you can find me on IG: @theanxietymd if you have any questions. PS. If you would like to join the MBRX family of 4000+ anxiety WARRIORS who are shifting from coping with their anxiety to actually HEALING it, click the link below: https://www.theanxietymd.com/MBRX ______________________________ TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Introduction 01:44 - Terry Baranski's Background 03:04 - Critique of Traditional Therapy 04:37 - IFS Therapy Overview 05:48 - The Importance of Curiosity in Therapy 07:30 - Analogy of Itching and Scratching 09:45 - Managing vs. Healing Anxiety 11:24 - Mind-Body Connection 12:29 - Critique of Somatic Approaches 13:22 - Integration of Mind and Body in Therapy 16:17 - Overview of IFS Parts 18:04 - Self-Compassion in IFS 19:56 - Trauma and Energy Disruption 22:06 - Conflict Among Parts 23:01 - Self-Blame in Childhood Trauma 25:43 - Repetition Compulsion 26:44 - Anger as a Defense Mechanism 27:46 - Negative Self-Perception 28:09 - Dissociation and Coping Strategies 29:29 - The Role of Self in Healing 31:03 - Childhood Trauma and the Amygdala 32:29 - Connecting Body and Mind 33:20 - Age Regression in Emotional Reactions 36:06 - Recognizing Triggers as Guidepost 37:10 - Healthy Expression of Anger 38:48 - Understanding Trauma and Healing 39:55 - Building Trust with the Self 41:35 - Child Development and Trust 42:04 - The Impact of Trauma on Trust 43:45 - Ego Dragon and Panic Attacks 44:56 - Rapid Trust Development in Therapy 45:29 - Personal Journey of Confidence  46:26 - Sensitivity and Trauma 47:13 - Healing from the Bottom Up 48:07 - Self-Compassion and Trauma 48:58 - Clearing Trauma for Emotional Freedom 50:07 - Coping Strategies vs. Healing 51:24 - Gradual Exposure to Emotional Pain 52:55 - The Midlife Crisis and Healing 53:22 - Cold Plunge Analogy 54:36 - Building Resilience Through Discomfort 56:09 - Preference for Healing Over Discomfort 57:21 - Empowerment through Facing Pain 58:49 - A Different Path in Therapy 59:37 - Finding Terry Online

Do you have a tendency to easily feel guilt, shame, or self-blame over things that are sometimes just out of your control? Are you looking to shed yourself of this guilt and start living more openly, without constantly feeling like you are doing something wrong or owing someone an apology? On this episode of Women of Impact, Lisa Bilyeu is joined by eight incredible speakers including Amy Morin, Sanja Hatter, Lilian Garcia, Natalie Ellis, Beth Manos-Brickey, Jen Cohen, Heidi Powell, and Najwa Zebian as they share five key tips for you to overcome self-guilt, self-shame, self-blame, and feelings of selfishness. They discuss why you should never downplay your successes, why you have the power to choose your own journey in life, why you need to start letting shit go, how balance in life is key, and why it's okay to desire good things for yourself. [Original air date: 12-23-20]. SHOW NOTES: Intro | Lisa opens today's episode about dealing with guilt, shame, and feeling selfish. [0:04] Tip #1 | Amy Morin shares why you should never downplay your successes. [1:40] Thank You | Amy Morin reveals how to say thanks and take compliments. [3:36] Be Tasteful | Amy Morin reveals when and why it's okay to share your successes. [4:23] Tip #2 | Sanja Hatter & Lilian Garcia reveal why you should choose your own journey. [6:16] Overcoming Guilt | Sanja Hatter & Lilian Garcia reveal how to not succumb to guilt. [9:17] Not Having Kids | Sanja Hatter & Lilian Garcia discuss guilt over not having kids. [11:30] Tip #3 | Natalie Ellis reveals why it's you start letting shit go. [12:40 ] Self-Aware | Natalie Ellis reveals why it's okay to not be everything at once. [14:03] Self-Worth | Natalie Ellis reveals how to not let guilt bring down your self-worth. [14:56] Tip #4 | Beth Manos-Brickey, Jen Cohen, & Heidi Powell discuss why balance is key. [16:54] Tip #5 | Najwa Zebian shares why you need to desire good things for yourself. [21:55] Happy | Najwa Zebian shares why you shouldn't feel guilty if you're not always happy. [24:36] CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/lisa Masterclass: Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at https://masterclass.com/lisa. FOLLOW AMY: WEBSITE: https://bit.ly/2pubNgM INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/2CYvIre FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/2KBbvMB TWITTER: https://bit.ly/35ex8tN FOLLOW SANJA WEBSITE: https://bit.ly/2H4Glut INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/2Lt1xiY FOLLOW LILIAN INSTAGRAM: https://bit.ly/2LtWXBk FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/29nP1vn FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/womenofimpact Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_bilyeu?lang=en LISTEN AD FREE + BONUS EPISODES on APPLE PODCASTS: apple.co/womenofimpact Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you carrying the weight of self-blame? I launch this Mental Monday with a quick mindset check-in.A key characteristic of athletes and high performers is HIGH STANDARDS. These are the same high standards that fuel late workouts, final sprints to the finish, and fierce competitiveness. But the dark side of high standards is often shame. Shame when you miss a shot, don't make the starting lineup, or let down the team.But what if it didn't have to be this way? What if you could have high standards without shame? Enjoy this Mental Monday! And don't forget to subscribe to be alerted when new episodes drop!--------------------------Do your athletes have a mistake ritual? Our 30 minute online video workshop will prepare you with everything you need to teach your athletes how to bounce back from mistakes in competition. www.positiveperformancetraining.com/mistake-ritual Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts “I love Lindsey's straight forward, realistic approach to motivation and living your best life.”

Are you carrying the weight of self-blame? I launch this Mental Monday with a quick mindset check-in. A key characteristic of athletes and high performers is HIGH STANDARDS. These are the same high standards that fuel late workouts, final sprints to the finish, and fierce competitiveness. But the dark side of high standards is often shame. Shame when you miss a shot, don't make the starting lineup, or let down the team. But what if it didn't have to be this way? What if you could have high standards without shame? Enjoy this Mental Monday! And don't forget to subscribe to be alerted when new episodes drop! -------------------------- Do your athletes have a mistake ritual? Our 30 minute online video workshop will prepare you with everything you need to teach your athletes how to bounce back from mistakes in competition. www.positiveperformancetraining.com/mistake-ritual   Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts “I love Lindsey's straight forward, realistic approach to motivation and living your best life.”

Could recognizing stress, perfectionism, and a relentless work ethic have unknowingly contributed to my journey with Long Covid? This episode, inspired by a listener's question, takes you through my personal exploration of self-blame and recovery, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging lifestyle factors that play into our health. We'll uncover the value of therapy in recognizing these patterns and how Maya Angelou's wisdom guided me: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better." By understanding and unlearning pre-illness habits, we open up pathways to resilience and growth.Join us in celebrating the transformative power of self-compassion and authenticity as we reach our 150th episode milestone. We reflect on the essence of gratitude and its role in focusing on what truly matters—health, joy, and connection. Inspired by the Taoist concept of the first and second arrow, we explore our reactions to life's challenges and how they shape our journey. As we celebrate this milestone, I express my gratitude for your continued support and share a peek into my holiday plans. Let's embrace the journey of unbecoming what isn't truly us and allowing our authentic selves to shine. November breathing courses open for booking here Message the podcast! - questions will be answered on my youtube channel :) www.buymeacoffee.com/longcovidpodSupport the show~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Long Covid Podcast is self-produced & self funded. If you enjoy what you hear and are able to, please Buy me a coffee or purchase a mug to help cover costsTranscripts available on individual episodes herePodcast, website & blog: www.LongCovidPodcast.comFacebook @LongCovidPodcastInstagram Twitter @LongCovidPodFacebook Creativity GroupSubscribe to mailing listPlease get in touch with feedback, suggestions or how you're doing - I love to hear from you, via socials or LongCovidPodcast@gmail.com**Disclaimer - you should not rely on any medical information contained in this Podcast and related materials in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional**

418 The Fear of Driving Featuring Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW and Rhonda Barovsky, PsyD Today, we feature Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW, a Level 3 certified TEAM-CBT therapist who recently treated Rhonda, who's driving phobia returned during the pandemic because she did very little driving at that time. After you overcome any fear or phobia, it has a way of returning if you don't continue confronting your fear. Werner describes his skillful and compassionate work with Rhonda! Werner is a dear colleague and friend with over 35 plus years of clinical experience treating phobias, such as the fear of flying, claustrophobia (the fear of being trapped in small places), and driving (especially over bridges and overpasses). He also treats depression, panic and other forms of anxiety, and works in corporate environments to improve communication and teamwork. Let's dive right in, Please take a look at Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log, As you can see, the upsetting event was thinking about driving over an overpass, and she rated her initial anxiety cluster at 100%, indicating extreme anxiety. She was also 90% ashamed, and 80% Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, and incompetent. She was also feeling 99% embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, and self-conscious, and 85% hopeless, despairing, frustrated, stuck, angry, annoyed, irritated, upset, and devastated. Her sadness was only modestly elevated at 25%. There are several teaching points. First, most of Rhonda's negative feelings were severely to extremely elevated. Second, although she is asking for help with a phobia, anxiety often goes hand-in-hand with a wide variety of negative feelings, including shame and inadequacy. This is because anxious individuals often feel like there's something terribly and shamefully wrong with them. Rhonda's feelings of shame are not unusual. Shame is a central feature of anxiety, whereas a loss of self-esteem is a central feature of depression. Werner added that the fear of driving often goes along with the fear of heights as well as claustrophobia. Rhonda admitted to engaging in many “safety behaviors” which typically make anxiety temporarily better but worse in the long run. Rhonda's "safety behaviors" included  going out of her way when driving to avoid scary overpasses as well as asking her husband to drive her many place. As you can see, these totally understandable “safety behaviors” relieve your anxiety in the here-and-now because they are forms of avoidance, but that's why they makes anxiety worse in the long run. The urge to avoid of the thing(s) you fear is universal among individuals struggling with all forms of anxiety. Werner emphasized the importance of empathy in the initial phase of treatment, and throughout the treatment, since trust and the courage to face your fears is so central in the treatment of all forms of anxiety and, of course, depression as well. Rhonda invited Werner and another TEAM-CBT colleague, Lee Flowers, to stay with her in Berkeley during the recent TEAM intensive that David and Jill Levitt directed at the South SF Conference Center near the airport. She drove the group to and from the workshop to face her fears and get some motivation and support at the same time. You can see many of her negative thoughts about driving on Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log, including these: The bridge will collapse. 95% Other cars will make the bridge unstable. 100% I'll have a heart attack. 95% I'm so dumb for not driving on this overpass. 1005 I'm an ass. 100% I can't do this. 100% I'll die. 100% Lee and Werner will see me at my worst. 100% I need to study the exact route before I start. 100% I'll get into an accident. 100% As you can see, the list includes a mixture of fear-inducing thoughts as well as self-critical thoughts and shame-inducing thoughts, like "Lee and Werner will see me at my worst." Whenever you are working with anyone with anxiety, you have to emphasize first, to create trust, warmth, and understanding. This won't cure anyone of anything, but will give your patients the courage to face their fears when you get to the M - Methods portion of your TEAM session. After you get your A in empathy, you can move on to A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting. That where you bring Outcome and Process Resistance to conscious awareness. Then you melt them away using a variety of TEAM-CBT techniques. Outcome Resistance means that Rhonda may have mixed feelings about a “cure” for her driving phobia. In other words, although she WANTS to get rid of this fear, she may subconsciously NOT want to get rid of it. Can you think of why? Take a moment to think about it, and make a guess. You'll find the answer at the end of the show notes. Process Resistance means she may WANT a cure for her driving phobia, but may not be willing to do what it takes to defeat this fear. What will she have to do? Take a moment to think about it, and make a guess. You'll find the answer at the end of the show notes. Werner and Rhonda described a number of TEAM-CBT M = Methods that they used to reduce Outcome Resistance, including The Miracle Cure Question The Magic Button Positive Reframing The Pivot Question The Magic Dial. To put this phase in a nutshell, Werner highlighted how Rhonda's intensely negative feelings helped her and revealed many positive things about her core values as a therapist and human being. This is a shame-reducing technique and you can use the Magic Dial to ask your patient what they would like to dial each negative feeling down to, without reducing them all the way to zero. You can see Ronda's goals on Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log in the Emotions Table Next, Werner worked on Process Resistance, bringing the work on Paradoxical Agenda Setting to closure. At the start of the M = Methods portion of their work, Rhonda identified the distortions in two of her thoughts (“I'm dumb,” and “I can't do this.”). See how many distortions you can find. Wrote them down on a piece of paper and when you're done you can see the answers at the end of the show notes. Werner pointed out that Rhonda's anger, directed against herself, had become a springboard for agitation which intensified her anxiety. Werner and Rhonda challenged some of her negative thoughts with Examine the Evidence, Externalization of Voices (illustrated live during the podcast),Double Standard Technique and the Paradoxical Double Standard Technique as well as a Fear Hierarchy, which you can see if you click here. The also did Cognitive Flooding (also called Imaginal Exposure) three times, and by the third time Rhonda could only increase her negative feelings into the mild range, whereas they had started out in the extremely elevated range. They also used breathing exercise plus getting into the here-and-now to calm herself while driving over overpasses. All of this was background work for actually driving during the intensive, and the highlight was driving home in the dark on the third evening of the intensive. For Rhonda, this was the most fearful thing of all!  She said at the start her anxiety was "greater than 100%," but she felt triumphant when she arrived home. Werner gave her specific homework, like driving over a specific overpass four times, and also encouraged Michael, Rhonda's husband, not to give in to her requests to do the driving on a planned trip to visit friends in Sacramento. I am deeply grateful to Rhonda for giving us such a raw and real glimpse into her courageous and victorious win over her intense driving phobia, and a big thanks also to Werner for being such a kind and powerful TEAM-CBT therapist, teacher!, and beloved friend! Thanks for listening today, Rhonda, Werner, and David Solution to puzzles above Outcome Resistance: If she's “cured,” she'll have to start driving much more, and that will include driving over overpasses and bridges. This concept will freak her out now, because she's still afraid something horrible might happen if she stops avoiding them. Process Resistance: To overcome her fears, she'll have to face them and experience some fairly intense fear along the way. Werner can support her, and drive with her, as he did, but she will still freak out at first when driving on overpasses and bridges. The distortions in those two negative thoughts included All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Mind-Reading, Magnification and Minimization, Emotional Reasoning, Hidden Shoulds, Labeling, and Self-Blame.

In this Monday Mindset, I discuss how my addiction to self-improvement stemmed from a desire to control everything around me, thinking I was the problem in every situation. Society often pushes hyper-independence, encouraging us to believe that if we just do more or improve ourselves, everything will fall into place. I share how this mindset led to burnout and the realization that I was using self-improvement as a distraction from accepting that I can't control others. Through therapy, I've learned that I'm not the only factor in my problems and that constantly trying to fix myself won't fix everything. This week, we'll explore areas where we might be taking on too much responsibility and how to find a healthier balance.

In this empowering episode Andromeda, a devoted mom from Raleigh, North Carolina shares her heartfelt journey of raising three-year-old twin boys, both diagnosed with autism. She discusses the emotional roller coaster of receiving the diagnosis, overcoming guilt, and finding strength through therapy and self-care. Andromeda's inspiring story highlights the importance of advocacy, support, and embracing the unique qualities of each child. Connect with Andromeda: -Instagram: andromeda__star -Instagram: twianntv -YouTube: Twi'Ann TV Don't forget to subscribe to the Autism for Badass Moms Podcast so you never miss an episode! If you found Andromeda's story inspiring, please share it with someone who needs to hear this message. And as always, we'd love to hear your thoughts - leave a review or join the conversation on social media. Connect with us: -Instagram: @theabmpodcast -Facebook: @theabmpodcast -Website: www.autismforbadassmoms.com

In this week's episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist Erika Bent. Erika is the founder of Cypress Wellness Collective, a group practice that specializes in mental health and eating disorder recovery in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is also a certified eating disorder consultant and supervisor with the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals.Together, we discuss:Erika's breast cancer diagnosis and how it impacted her disordered eating recoveryHow she worked through the belief that her health is her faultThe ways cancer impacted her relationship with her bodyHow she advocated for her needs and forewent her naturopathic doctor's adviceThe all-or-nothing mindset around diet recommendationsThe power of spiritual, mental and emotional factors in recovery More from Erika:Visit her group practice websiteFind her on InstagramMore from Leah:Get access to The Mindset Matters Free Mini CourseApply to The Embodied Method, my 1:1 coaching programJoin my self-paced course, The ReturnSubscribe to my personal SubstackFollow me on Instagram for more intuitive eating content @leahkern.rdVisit my website to learn more about my coaching offeringsSubscribe to my weekly newsletter to get a nugget of intuitive eating inspiration delivered straight from my heart to your inbox each week.Send me a voice messageEmail me: Leah@leahkernrd.com

Send us a textToday we are getting into the intricate web of self-blame that survivors of emotional abuse often find themselves entangled in. Join me as we unravel the common phrases and beliefs survivors of emotional and narcissistic abuse have while exploring the roots of self-blame and the insidious impact of emotional manipulation.Let me help you illuminate the path toward healing, helping you rewrite your narrative from victim to survivor. Tune in to learn how to break free from the chains of self-blame, embracing self-compassion and reclaiming your innate worth. Don't miss this essential episode designed to inspire, uplift, and guide you on your journey from self-blame to self-love.SupportSupport the showEmail: Allison@radiatenrise.comJoin Radiate and Rise Together - Survivor Healing CommunityFREE 20 Minute Chat FREE Consultation to see if my coaching programs are a fit for youTo send a DM, visit Allison's profiles on Instagram and Facebookhttps://www.instagram.com/allisonkdagney/https://www.facebook.com/allisonkdagney/To learn more about my Programs visit the websitewww.radiatenrise.com*Formerly (The Emotional Abuse Recovery Podcast)

Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it  out at FeelingGreat.com! What's a Give-Get Imbalance? What's the Best Treatment for Anxiety and Dysthymia? Can you do Externalization of Voices on Your Own? The show notes for today's podcast were largely written prior to the show. Tune in to the podcast to hear the discussion of these questions by Rhonda, Matt, and David. And keep the questions coming. We enjoy the exchange of ideas with all of you. Thanks! Suzanna asks: What's a “Give-Get” imbalance? And how can you get over it? Martin asks: What's the best treatment for anxiety and dysthymia? Eoghan (pronounced Owen) asks: Can you do Externalization of Voices on your own?  1. Suzanna asks: What's a “Give-Get” imbalance? And how can you get over it? Description of Suzanna's problem. Suzanna is a woman with a grown daughter with severe brain damage due to a severe brain infection (viral encephalitis) when she was an infant. Suzanna was constantly giving of herself and catering to her daughter. She explains that her daughter can be very demanding and throws tantrums to get her way, and kind of controls the entire home in this way. She can only talk a little and has the vocabulary of about a two-and-a-half-year-old. She can mostly express the things she wants or doesn`t want on a very basic level. She mostly understands what I want from her, but mostly does not want to do what I ask her to do. She can be very stubborn. And I cannot reason with her because she has her own logic and, in her eyes, only her logic is valid. Maybe all a little bit like a two-and-a-half-year-old. Suzanna struggles with negative feelings including guilt, anxiety and depression, because she is constantly giving, giving, giving and feeling exhausted and resentful. And she tells herself, “I should be a better mum.” Can you spot any distortions in this thought? Put your ideas in the text box, or jot them down on a piece of paper, and then I'll share my thinking with you! What are the distortions in the thought, “I should be a better mum”?   There are many distortions in this thought, including All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Magnification and Minimization, Emotional Reasoning, Self-Directed Should Statements, and Self-Blame. There may be one or two more, too! The first step in change nearly always includes dealing with motivation and resistance. Suzanna decided to do a Cost-Benefit Analysis, as you can see below, and a revision of her Self-Defeating Belief, as you can see below. Another helpful step might include “No Practice,” which simply means saying “no” so you don't constantly get trapped by “giving,” as well as “giving in.” A third critically important strategy involves the mom and dad making the decision to work together as a loving team in the management of a troubled child, rather than fighting and arguing with each other, as we've discussed on previous podcasts. However, in many, or possibly most cases, the parents are not willing to do this. They are more concerned about being "right" and so they continue to do battle with each other, as well as the child who needs a more loving structure. David Cost-Benefit Analysis Self-Defeating Belief: I should be a better mum to my daughter Advantages of this belief(How does believing this help me?) Disadvantages of this belief(How does believing this hurt me?) This thought motivates me to: Put myself out. Push myself to give what I have.  Find ways to advance her development.  Find ways to involve her in everyday life. Invest myself into her and her life as much as I can, physically, emotionally and time wise. Try to find ways that my daughter can have a fulfilling life. Try hard to connect to her, her pain, her needs, her sadness and her frustration. Try to make her life as easy as possible. Try my hardest to see her world through her eyes and gain deeper understanding of how she feels. Try to understand what is upsetting her when she throws a tantrum. Stay healthy and fit to have energy for her. Try to make her life rewarding and meaningful. Fulfill my duty as a mum to my daughter who needs my support. I can feel good about myself. I satisfy other people's expectations of me.  Protects me from criticisms from my husband               I am a prisoner to my daughter. No matter how hard I try I don`t seem to make a meaningful difference to her life and to her development. I am a “Siamese Twin” to her. I cannot move or do anything if she doesn`t want to. I reason with my emotions instead of thinking rational at times. I let my daughter get away with “murder”. I find excuses for her behaviour.  I find excuses for her why she cannot behave differently. I beat up on myself when I feel I failed her. I take all responsibilities away from My daughter and make them my own. I blame myself when I cannot motivate her to do something. I blame myself when she is bored and unhappy. I feel guilty doing my own things. I feel guilty when I do not involve her in my activities. I feel guilty when I expect her to do entertain herself for a while.  I cannot live my own life. I cannot be myself at times. She rules my life, and she lives my life. I feel trapped and frustrated.  I feel I need to constantly entertain her. I feel responsible for her happiness. I feel responsible when My daughter is sad and frustrated. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times.  I feel unhappy and unfulfilled.           Advantages: 20 Disadvantages: 80  Semantic Method: Re write your personal value I want to be a mum to My daughter and help her along and invest myself into her. But I also want to treat myself the way I treat her. She has a “right” to live a happy and fulfilling life, but so do I. Our needs and desires are equally important and deserve the same attention and care. I can only continue to look after My daughter well if I look after myself too and take myself and my needs and desires as seriously as I do hers. There needs to be a give-get balance so that both of us can be healthy and happy and stay healthy and happy. I want to help her to slowly take new steps into independence and support her lovingly along the way.   2. What's the best treatment for anxiety and dysthymia? Hello Dr. Burns, What method of treatment would you suggest for GAD and dysthymia? 3rd wave CBT, ACT? What is best based on science? Can you recommend some books please? thank you Martin David's Reply My books are listed on my website, FeelingGood.com. They all describe my approach, which is a bit like CBT on steroids. But every patient is treated individually and uniquely, following a structured and systematic approach that facilitates rapid and dramatic change. I don't recommend “methods of treatment” or “schools of therapy” based on so-called “diagnoses,” but treat the individual with TEAM. Every session with every patient is an experiment, with precise measures at the start and end of every session. The new Feeling Great App, now available, gets a mean of 50% or more reductions in seven negative feelings, such as depression, anxiety, and more, in 72 minutes of starting to use the bot. You can check it out for free! Anxiety and depression often co-exist, and the app targets both. My book, When Panic Attacks, describes my approach to anxiety, based on four models of treatment: the Motivational, Cognitive, Exposure, and Hidden Emotion Models. If you use the search function, you can find podcasts describing those models. Also, there's a free anxiety class on this website. Thanks, Martín, for your excellent question! Best, david 3. Can you do Externalization of Voices on your own? Hi David, Long time listener of your great podcast and huge fan of your book Feeling Great. I've often heard you mention that “externalization of voices” is one of, if not the most powerful CBT techniques. I am just wondering if it is still almost as effective when done solo without a therapist i.e. the person takes on both the roles of positive and negative by recording themselves talking or similar? Also, have you any data comparing the efficacy of TEAM CBT work carried out solo using Feeling Great/your podcast as a guide vs. TEAM CBT performed with a trained TEAM therapist? I am very much looking forward to the Feeling Great app launch in the UK as hopefully that will be a much more effective way to do personal work without a therapist. Many thanks, Eoghan (pronounced Owen) David's reply Thank you, Eoghan! Appreciate your support and thoughtful question. I don't have any data on the use of EOV on your own. One could use a recording device, like your cell phone, and record  your negative thoughts in second person, “you,” and try to defeat them when you play them back, one at a time. But in my experience, people nearly always need an experienced role player to do role reversals to show them how to get to a “huge” win. People almost never get a huge win when doing it for the first time, because the therapist (in the role of positive self) can model unfamiliar strategies for the patient. Generally, a hugely successful response involves a combination of self-defense, self-acceptance, and the CAT, or counter-attack technique. And sometimes other methods as well, like Be Specific, for example Radical new learning is definitely the key to success with EOV. Now, thanks to the app, everyone can practice, since we've trained our Obie Bot to role-play with users, do role reversals, give feedback, and so forth. Great question that I will include in the next Ask David if that's okay! We are also exploring the combination of the Feeling Great App plus a trained TEAM therapist from the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. We are hoping that 1  + 1 may equal 3. Wouldn't that be awesome? What I've found when doing research is that the results are virtually always wildly unexpected! Somethings come out great, and some things come out dismally. I always tell myself that “the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away!” Seems to be the rule in research! Especially when you're wanting to be guided by the truth, and not so much by your hopes and expectations. Best, David

In this episode of Talk Twenties, we sit down with Tam Kaur to explore her transformative journey from a shy individual to a self-love advocate and successful YouTuber with over a million subscribers. Tam shares the process of writing her self-development book, her strategies for breaking through on YouTube, and how she grew from 2K to 1 million subscribers in just six months. We dive deep into the importance of setting boundaries, overcoming narcissistic abuse, and cultivating intrinsic confidence. Tam also discusses the role of self-love in relationships, why she quit dating for a year, and her insights on healing after breakups. Whether you're looking for inspiration in your personal growth journey or tips on succeeding in the digital world, this episode is packed with actionable advice and empowering stories. Host: Gaby Mendes Guest: Tam Kaur  Email the team at info@talktwenties.com - we love hearing your stories! Listen and follow Talk Twenties on all platforms:  https://linktr.ee/talktwenties

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In this episode of the Empowered Team Podcast, host Kari Schneider explores the crucial distinction between taking responsibility and self-blame. When problems arise in our quest for success, it's easy to fall into the trap of finger-pointing and self-criticism. Kari emphasizes the importance of a kinder approach that fosters collaboration, connection, and learning. Key themes include: The pitfalls of blaming others and self-blame How self-blame hinders our progress and confidence The benefits of taking responsibility in a compassionate way Practical strategies for fostering a positive mindset and leadership Join us to discover how to feel amazing and move forward confidently, even when mistakes happen. The Empowered Team is your ticket to your next level - learn more via the link below: https://bit.ly/TheEmpoweredTEAM

*Are you ready to unleash your best self and live the life you want?* In this thought-provoking conversation, we explore the transformative power of vulnerability, mindfulness, and self-compassion with Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a renowned therapist and author.Dr. Maidenberg shares profound insights on overcoming the barriers that hold us back from authenticity, such as childhood wounds, limiting beliefs, and defensive mechanisms. With empathy and wisdom, she guides us through the journey of confronting our past selves with compassion, recognizing how our perceptions shape our experiences.Through vivid examples and personal anecdotes, she illustrates the importance of being present, cultivating self-awareness, and aligning our actions with our core values. Discover how mindfulness practices can rewire our brains, fostering focus, emotional intelligence, and lasting transformation.Here are 5 key takeaways you can expect from this episode:- Understand the root causes of emotional avoidance and self-sabotaging patterns.- Learn practical strategies for cultivating self-compassion and embracing vulnerability.- Gain insights into aligning your actions with your core values for sustainable change.- Explore the life-changing benefits of mindfulness and its impact on brain structure.- Discover the power of being present and finding meaning in every moment.Dr. Michelle Maidenberg is a certified group therapist, cognitive therapist, and author of the award-winning books "Free Your Child from Overeating" and "ACE Your Life." She has been featured in numerous media outlets, including The New York Times and Cosmopolitan, and teaches mindfulness at NYU. http://www.michellemaidenberg.com/Join us on this inspiring journey of personal transformation, where you'll learn to embrace your authenticity, heal from past wounds, and unleash your full potential.___________00:00 - Embracing Growth Through Past Experiences02:19 - Balancing Passion and Commitment03:21 - Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth05:20 - Acknowledging the Impact of Childhood Experiences06:05 - Overcoming Emotional Avoidance for Transformation07:26 - Respecting Protective Mechanisms and Unleashing Authenticity11:32 - Identifying Barriers and Unleashing True Identity12:31 - Roots of Self-Blame and Perceptions of Trauma14:32 - Impact of Perception on Healing and Self-Discovery17:17 - Challenging Patterns and Building Interpersonal Skills19:44 - The Impact of Perspectives on Trauma and Running Away from Problems21:46 - Embracing Regret as a Tool for Growth24:39 - Practicing Compassion and Mindfulness25:05 - The Role of Mindfulness in Self-Awareness29:31 - Understanding Distractions and Emotional Avoidance29:50 - Embracing Change and Overcoming Neural Pathways33:40 - The Power of Mindfulness in Shaping the Brain35:24 - Audiobook Narration and Personal Reflections36:46 - Mindfulness Practices for Personal Growth39:40 - Sustaining Behavioral Change Through Empowerment39:40 - The Importance of Emotional and Psychological Investment in Habits40:29 - Exploring the Root Cause of Habits41:24 - Embracing the Value of Life and Taking Action___________https://linktr.ee/unleashthyselfUnleash ThyselfWebsite: https://UnleashThyself.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/unleashthyselftoday/Listen to all episodes on Audio:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7a4YLmJoGTuwH695uUGB4CApple: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/unleash-thyself/id1687232078Constantin Morun:https://www.linkedin.com/in/constantin-bo-morun/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

*Are you ready to unleash your best self and live the life you want?* In this thought-provoking conversation, we explore the transformative power of vulnerability, mindfulness, and self-compassion with Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a renowned therapist and author.Dr. Maidenberg shares profound insights on overcoming the barriers that hold us back from authenticity, such as childhood wounds, limiting beliefs, and defensive mechanisms. With empathy and wisdom, she guides us through the journey of confronting our past selves with compassion, recognizing how our perceptions shape our experiences.Through vivid examples and personal anecdotes, she illustrates the importance of being present, cultivating self-awareness, and aligning our actions with our core values. Discover how mindfulness practices can rewire our brains, fostering focus, emotional intelligence, and lasting transformation.Here are 5 key takeaways you can expect from this episode:- Understand the root causes of emotional avoidance and self-sabotaging patterns.- Learn practical strategies for cultivating self-compassion and embracing vulnerability.- Gain insights into aligning your actions with your core values for sustainable change.- Explore the life-changing benefits of mindfulness and its impact on brain structure.- Discover the power of being present and finding meaning in every moment.Dr. Michelle Maidenberg is a certified group therapist, cognitive therapist, and author of the award-winning books "Free Your Child from Overeating" and "ACE Your Life." She has been featured in numerous media outlets, including The New York Times and Cosmopolitan, and teaches mindfulness at NYU. http://www.michellemaidenberg.com/Join us on this inspiring journey of personal transformation, where you'll learn to embrace your authenticity, heal from past wounds, and unleash your full potential.___________00:00 - Embracing Growth Through Past Experiences02:19 - Balancing Passion and Commitment03:21 - Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth05:20 - Acknowledging the Impact of Childhood Experiences06:05 - Overcoming Emotional Avoidance for Transformation07:26 - Respecting Protective Mechanisms and Unleashing Authenticity11:32 - Identifying Barriers and Unleashing True Identity12:31 - Roots of Self-Blame and Perceptions of Trauma14:32 - Impact of Perception on Healing and Self-Discovery17:17 - Challenging Patterns and Building Interpersonal Skills19:44 - The Impact of Perspectives on Trauma and Running Away from Problems21:46 - Embracing Regret as a Tool for Growth24:39 - Practicing Compassion and Mindfulness25:05 - The Role of Mindfulness in Self-Awareness29:31 - Understanding Distractions and Emotional Avoidance29:50 - Embracing Change and Overcoming Neural Pathways33:40 - The Power of Mindfulness in Shaping the Brain35:24 - Audiobook Narration and Personal Reflections36:46 - Mindfulness Practices for Personal Growth39:40 - Sustaining Behavioral Change Through Empowerment39:40 - The Importance of Emotional and Psychological Investment in Habits40:29 - Exploring the Root Cause of Habits41:24 - Embracing the Value of Life and Taking Action___________https://linktr.ee/unleashthyselfUnleash ThyselfWebsite: https://UnleashThyself.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/unleashthyselftoday/Listen to all episodes on Audio:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7a4YLmJoGTuwH695uUGB4CApple: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/unleash-thyself/id1687232078Constantin Morun:https://www.linkedin.com/in/constantin-bo-morun/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We know this title makes it sound like this is going to be a boring episode about accountability...but we think a lot of you will be very surprised to learn what true accountability is AND that you probably don't know how to take accountability at all. What most people know how to do is BLAME themselves for every seemingly wrong or bad situation, which doesn't actually address the behavior or actions in question.Watch this episode on YouTube:https://youtu.be/cNj8sJzA7PgThis episode was deeply inspired by our current and past coaching clients who all share a common pattern of what we call "Turning against yourself." You might be familiar with this. When a mistake is made, a detail is missed, or a someone gets upset...you automatically blame yourself. This sounds like:"I'm such a bad friend""I'm such an idiot""I'm not good enough""I don't even deserve this opportunity""I can't do anything right""I always mess things up""I'm such a terrible mother/wife/friend""I never do anything right"If you suffer from hearing these kind of thoughts on a daily basis, like so many women do, this episode is going to be an eye-opener for you! We teach the perspectives that have freed our clients, and ourselves, from the constant negative stream of self-blame and shame to feel more at peace and in control.And if you enjoy this episode (or honestly this podcast) you will feel so seen and heard at our upcoming LIVE workshop: Perfectionism to Peace on August 18th at 10AM - 12:30 PM PST.Join us and other Spiralers for an interactive and transformative online experience where we will be diving deep into the wound of perfectionism, how it shows up and holds us back, and ultimately, how to release it to free our creativity and authentic selves.Tickets are available by clicking the link below:https://shorturl.at/sAcVh—Watch this episode on YouTube:https://youtu.be/cNj8sJzA7PgSecure your spot for our LIVE online workshop 'Perfectionism to Peace' on Aug 18th 10AM-12:30PM PST:https://shorturl.at/sAcVhJoin our FREE community: (We host free calls every month!)https://tinyurl.com/SpiralinghighercommunityTry the SUPERHUMAN app free for 6 weeks with code 'SPIRALINGHIGHER':https://www.superhuman.app/register--Apply for 1:1 coaching with Sam:https://www.simplifyingsam.com/1on1coachingApply for 1:1 coaching with Gina:https://tinyurl.com/1on1coachingbteFollow Spiraling Higher:Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/spiralinghigherFollow Simplifying Sam:Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@simplifying.samInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/simplifying.samFollow Gina:Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@ginabourneInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/ginabourneFor all inquiries, email us at:Spiralinghigher@gmail.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Special Announcement #1 Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field  Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Special Announcement #2 Here's some GREAT news! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it Today's Podcast Practical Philosophy Month Part 2, Do Humans have “Selves”? This is our second podcast in our Practical Philosophy Month. Last week, in our first episode, we focused on the “free will” question. As humans, we all feel like we have “free will,” but is it just an illusion, especially if all our actions are the result of the physical processes in our brains and the laws of the universe? The Bible certainly dealt with this in the book of Genesis, where we learn that the first humans, Adam and Eve, were given a wonderful Garden of Eden to live in, but they had to choose whether or not to obey God's rule NOT to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. They chose to eat the fruit, implying that humans have free choice. But the philosophical arguments rage on. In today's podcast, we are joined by two beloved and brilliant colleagues, Drs. Matthew May and Fabrice Nye, as we explore the question of whether or not the “self” exists. We all feel like we have a “self,” but is this real or just an illusion? When you try to define your “self,” you may run into problems. For example, you might think that the “self” has to be the part of us that does not change from moment to moment, and is always ‘the same.” For example, I might think back on my childhood and feel convinced that I was the “same David Burns” then that I am now. And, if you are religious, you might also be comforted by the idea that your “self” is the same as your “soul,” and that you will therefore live on after you die. This concept of a “soul” is a core belief in many religions. But are we fooling ourselves? And what was the Buddha thinking about 2,500 years ago when we talked about enlightenment as resulting from the “Great Death” of the “self.” He seemed to be hinting that something wonderful can happen when you give up the idea that you have a “self.” In the original draft of my book, Feeling Great, I had a chapter on entitled, “Do you need a “self?” Join the Grateful Dead.” I tried to persuade readers that the existence of a “self” is nonsense, based on the philosophy of Ludwig Wittgenstein in his famous book, Philosophical Investigations. But readers found the chapter so upsetting that I decided, on their urging, to delete it from the manuscript, which I did. My goal is not to disturb people, but to provide a path to joy and to loving connections with others. But to this day, I still get emails from people asking me to offer that chapter, or to deal more deeply with this concept of the “self” vs “no self” in a podcast. So, here is my attempt today. I will start with my own take, and then summarize some of the views about the self that were expressed by Fabrice, Matt, and Rhonda during the show. Here's my thinking. There are many key questions you could ask about the concept of the “self?” including: Do we have a “self?” And if so, what is it? Does the first question even make sense? I'm sure you would agree that if a question doesn't make sense, then it isn't a “real” question, and there really isn't anything to talk about. Then we can just stop feeling frustrated and perplexed, and move on with our lives. That is the precise position that the late Wittgenstein would probably have taken. He stated that words have no ultimate or “true” meaning outside of the various contexts in which we use them in daily life. Most words have many meanings, because they are used in different ways, and you can find most of the meanings in any dictionary. So, if you think of the word, “game,” you will quickly realize that it does not have one “true” or essential meaning. It can mean a sports competition, with two teams competing against each, like soccer. But you can have two teams competing in some way other than a sport. And you don't even need two teams to have a “game.” For example, some games are played by one individual, like solitaire with a deck of cards. Or you can think about the “dating game,” or refer to “game birds,” or a “game boxer.” In short, there is not some single “correct” meaning to the word, “game.” Some uses have overlapping meanings, and some uses do not overlap at all with other uses. So, there is no point in trying to figure out if “games exist,” or what the ultimate or essential meaning is of the word, “game.” Now, how do we use the word, “self,” and what does it mean in each context? You might tell your child to behave themself. This simply means that they are misbehaving and will be punished if they don't behave more politely. You do not have to tell the child that their “self” also has to behave better, because that would be meaningless. We already told the child to change their behavior. You could ask friends, as I did this morning, if they are planning to join me on the Sunday hike. Two of them confirmed and said that “they” would join me today on our hike. I did have to ask them if they would be bringing their “selves,” because I just do not know what that would mean! They already told me they're coming to the hike. (They did come and we had a lot of fun.) In my extremely challenging freshman English class at Amherst College, we had to write two or three papers per week on odd topics. The teachers were relentlessly critical in their feedback, and would nearly always point out that we sounded incredibly phony and need to find our true voices, which came from our real selves, as opposed to the false fronts we often used to try to impress people. Almost every student got dumped on constantly! The professors weren't referring to some metaphysical “true selves.” They were just referring to the fact that our writing didn't sound natural, compelling, or vulnerable, and so forth. Our writing was, for the most part, an enormous turn-off. Most of us never could figure out quite what that class was all about, but it was useful as I became more sensitive to the “tone” or “voice” in any writing. I would have to concede that it was a sobering but helpful class. But they were not referring to some mystical “true self” we had to find. They just wanted us to stop writing in such a sucky way! So here is my point, which you might “not get.” When you keep the word, “self,” in the context of everyday life, it is obvious what it means, and it never refers to some metaphysical “thing” that we could “have” or “not have.” It is just a vague, abstract concept that is devoid of meaning when it's all by itself. A “self,” just like “free will,” is not some “thing” that we might, or might not, have. The question, “Does the self exist,” according to Wittgenstein (or his big fan David) has no meaning and so we can just ignore it. It's not a real question. It is, as Wittgenstein was fond of saying, “language that's out of gear.” Now, does this discussion have anything to do with emotional problems, or TEAM therapy? It absolutely does. That's because nearly all depression results from some version of “I'm not good enough,” including: I'm inferior. I'm a loser. I'm a “hopeless case.” I'm a failure. I'm unlovable. I'm a bad parent. I'm defective. And so forth. If you buy into these “self” condemning proclamations, thinking that they mean something, you'll probably feel depressed, ashamed, inadequate, hopeless, and more. As you can probably see, all these self-critical thoughts contain tons of cognitive distortions, like All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Labeling, Mental Filtering, Emotional Reasoning, Self-Blame, Hidden Shoulds, and more And to put it in a nutshell, they ALL involve the belief that you have a “self” that's broken, or simply not “good enough.” And all of those statements are meaningless. My goal in therapy is NOT to persuade you that you ARE worthwhile, or “a winner,” or a “good” parent, but rather to show you how to let go of these meaningless but painful ways of belittling yourself. I might use techniques like Empathy, Positive Reframing, Explain the Distortions, Let's Define Terms, Be Specific, the Double Standard Technique, the Externalization of Voices, the Downward Arrow, and many more. That's because the VERY moment you suddenly “see” that these kinds of statements are both untrue and unfair, and you stop believing them, your feelings will instantly change. So, you could say that TEAM really IS a “Wittgensteinian” therapy. And when people ask me how to develop better self-esteem, I would not try to get them to discover how to have some magical and wonderful “thing” called self-esteem, because that concept is just as nonsensical as the concept of a “self.” You might say that “self-esteem,” if you want to use the term, is more about what you DO. And there are two things you can do if you want to change the way you feel. First, you can stop beating up on yourself with hostile criticisms like the bulleted statements listed above, and talk to yourself in the same encouraging way you might talk to a dear friend or loved one who was hurting. And second, you can treat yourself in a loving way, in just the same way you might treat your best friend who was coming for a visit. In other words, you can do nice things for yourself. The day my first book, “Feeling Good,” was finally published, my editor called me with some bad news. She told me that the publisher, William Morrow and Company, loses money on 9 out of 10 of the books they publish, so they decide which ones are most likely to sell, and those are the only ones they'll promote. The rest of the books go on a “loser list,” and the company does little or nothing to promote them. She said my book was #1 on their “loser list,” since the president of the company felt it had no commercial potential, and that very few people would be interest in a long book on depression. She added that the one thing they did do was to send my book to ten popular magazines for first serial rights. That means they get to publish an excerpt from your book as an article, so that stirs up some media interest in your book. Sadly, she said that all ten had turned them down. She said that I'd have to be in charge of any further marketing of my book, so I asked what I should do. She said to call all ten magazines right away and persuade them to change their minds. In a panic, I called them all, including Ladies' Home Journal, Reader's Digest, and on and on. Every magazine said the same thing—they did not want my book, had turned it down, had zero interest in it, and to please top calling since authors shouldn't call them and they considered it a form of phone harassment since they'd already made a decision. Yikes! No fun! When I jogged home from the train station that night, I shouted, “You're a loser, you're a failure.” That didn't sound so good so then I shouted, “No, you're not! You'll figure out how to make it happen! Just keep plugging away.” That sounded a lot more loving, so when I got home, I told my wife that the book at just been published and that I'd been turned down by all ten magazines for serial rights, and the publisher decided not to spend any money on marketing or advertising, so we needed to go out and celebrate. She why we would celebrate? I said, “You don't need to celebrate when you win, because you already feel great. But when you lose, that's when you need to celebrate, because you're feeling down. So, tonight we'll celebrate!” We went out for a fancy dinner and celebrated and had fun. And the rest, they say, is history. I just kept trying and getting turned down by newspapers, radio stations, television programs, and more. But eventually, the tide started to turn. To date, Feeling Good has sold more than 5 million copies and it achieved best-seller status. And the reason was that researchers discovered that the book actually had antidepressant properties, so excitement about it spread by word of mouth. I am hopeful that the new Feeling Great App will help even more people. Fabrice made some interesting and wise comments on the notion of the “self.” He said that the idea that we have a “self” is a sense that we nearly all have. Some people feel like the “self” that is located somewhere behind the eyes or in the middle of the head. But, he emphasizes, there is no such “thing” as a “self.” He has quoted someone who has “said it all,” but the statement only makes sense IF you “get it!” Here's the quote: “No Self? No Problem!” This is actually the title of a book by Chris Niebauer, PhD, and the subtitle is How Neuropsychology Is Catching Up to Buddhism. If you want to check it out, here's a link to it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/No-Self-Problem-Neuropsychology-Catching/dp/1938289978 Fabrice emphasized that the concept of “self” is “nebulous.” He asked, “Is there a ‘David'?” He explained: You wouldn't be able to prove this in court. Well, you could show ID, but that would not be proof. Where does the information on the ID come from? Birth certificate? Who wrote the information on the birth certificate? Probably some doctor back in 1942. And where did he get that information from? Probably some caregiver said “Write ‘David' here.” Was that from a credible source? Not at all. That info was made up on the spot! Now, you can say that there's a “sense” of a David going around, and that there are some patterns that show signs of “David-ness,” but there is no “David.” Matt added that your body is not your “self.” When you break your arm, you don't say that you have broken a part of your “self.” You just say, “I broke my arm.” Rhonda raised the question of whether the “self” is just the same as “consciousness” or “awareness.” Someone in our group added that the “self” is what we DO, and not what we ARE. And, of course, what we are doing is constantly changing from moment to moment. My understanding of all of this is that once you let go of the notion that you have a “self,” you will no longer worry about whether or not you are “good enough” or “special,” or whoever. You can focus instead on living your life and solving the problems of daily living and appreciating the world around you. If you screw up, you can focus on what specific error you made, rather than obsessing about your inferior or defective “self.” You can actually welcome failure as just another teacher, so you can grow and learn, and simply accept your screw ups, or both. In fact, two of the most popular TEAM techniques for challenging the distorted thoughts in bullets above are called “Let's Define Terms” and “Be Specific.” These techniques are right out of Wittgenstein's playbook, and they are prominently featured in the “Learn” section of the new Feeling Great App. If you're feeling depressed, and thinking of yourself as a “loser” or as being “inferior” or even “worthless,” the goal is NOT to “become a ‘winner,” or more ‘worthwhile,' but rather to give up these notions as nonsensical. But once again, many people cannot “get it,” or “see it,” and that's where a caring and skillful therapist can help. Some people wrongly think that letting go of the notion that you could be “worthwhile” would mean a huge loss of something precious. Many people who don't yet “see” what we're trying to say are terrified of the “Great Death” because they think that giving up the notion that you have a “self” means giving up all hope for improvement, for joy, for intimacy, and so forth. But to my way of thinking, the truth is just the opposite. When your “self” dies, you and your world suddenly wake up and come to life. When you accept yourself and your world, exactly as they are right now, everything suddenly changes. Of course, that's a paradox. I believe that leading our patients to the “Great Death” of the “self” is like giving them the understanding and courage they need to throw some garbage in the trash instead of carrying the garbage around with them all the time! I hope some of this makes a little sense, but if not, don't worry about. Sometimes, it takes a little time before you suddenly “see it!” Thanks for listening today. We love all of you! Rhonda, Fabrice, Matt, and David

Caroline Strawson, trauma therapist and coach, discusses narcissistic abuse and the importance of healing from it. She explains that narcissistic abuse is often misunderstood and overlooked because it happens behind closed doors.   Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction: Caroline Strawson and Narcissistic Abuse 06:02 Understanding Narcissism: A Spectrum Perspective 09:05 Behavioral Patterns in Narcissistic Relationships 11:28 Self-Blame and Projection in Narcissistic Abuse 15:14 Moving Forward: Creating Safety and an Exit Strategy 24:46 Healing and Post-Traumatic Growth   Resources & Links:  Drop Us A Review On The Podcast + Send Us A Screenshot & We'll Send You Niyc's Proven Unstoppable Success Business Blueprint Completely FREE (value $5,000)  Grab Carolines book "How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse" now:  https://carolinestrawson.showit.site/pre-order  Follow: Niyc Pidgeon @niycpidgeon Caroline Strawson @carolinestrawson Key Takeaways: Narcissistic abuse is often misunderstood and overlooked, but it is a form of domestic abuse that happens behind closed doors. Narcissism is not a black and white concept, but rather a spectrum. It is important to understand narcissism through a trauma-informed and internal family systems lens. Those who experience narcissistic abuse often have core emotional wounds and protector parts that come up to distract and soothe them. Healing from narcissistic abuse is a lifelong journey that involves building capacity in the nervous system, regulating emotions, and re-parenting the wounded inner child. Community support and validation are crucial for healing from narcissistic abuse.  

There's a new way to aid our mental health in midlife and beyond and it's called Emotional Brain Training. Very interesting concepts we'll cover in today's episode that go beyond the conventional talk therapy and my guest today wrote the book on this topic. Dr. Laurel Mellin is is a health psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and founder of Emotional Brain Training. She developed EBT during her 40 years as a professor in the School of Medicine at the University of California, San Francisco. Her work has received awards from the American Medical Association and the US Department of Consumer Affairs. In this episode, we discuss what is EBT, the role of shame and self-blame, the survival circuit, and much more!   Time Stamps:   (1:28) Dr. Mellin's Bio (2:12) What is EBT? (12:14) Shame and Self-Blame (16:28) What is a Survival Circuit? (23:03) The EBT Difference (27:58) Flashing Back to My Childhood Narrative (32:20) Going Too Far? (35:28) Getting This Information Out (38:28) Where To Find Dr. Mellin -------------------- Dr. Mellin's Website: https://www.ebtconnect.net Book: 1-2-3 Joy! https://a.co/d/hup06Ui Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlaurelmellin/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurelmellin/ -------------------- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolcovinofitness/ -------------------- My YouTube Channel: http://youtube.com/@carolcovinofitness -------------------- Finding Purpose in the Pause Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BZQKKZC8

"We can control the things that we believe we can't control. We just need to dig deep and find where we have that belief from and then transform it." - Karoline Fischer While many may equate success with outward achievements such as professional accolades and financial prosperity, the reality is that our internal narratives—many rooted in childhood experiences—play a pivotal role in shaping our behaviors and actions. As we navigate the complexities of life, it becomes essential to recognize the profound impact of subconscious beliefs and traumas on our ability to manifest our best selves. With hypnotherapy emerging as a powerful tool to access and transform these deeply embedded patterns, we delve into its potential to unlock personal growth and empowerment. In this episode of FILWF, host Sherry Shaban with Karoline Fischer discuss hypnotherapy, the subconscious mind, and overcoming trauma. Karoline's unique intersection as a medical doctor and hypnotherapist provides an enriching perspective on the power of addressing issues rooted in subconscious beliefs and past experiences. Karoline takes us through a deep exploration of how trauma impacts behavior and may manifest as challenges in diet, discipline, and life choices, despite seemingly unrelated circumstances. Karoline discusses the concept of the "inner child" and the significance of understanding and resolving past traumas to release emotional blocks and move towards the highest version of oneself. The episode also brings to light the current mental health strategies, highlighting the importance of empowering individuals as opposed to fostering dependence on therapy. Topics Covered: 0:03 - From Medicine to Hypnotherapy: A Doctor's Journey 3:17 - Exploring the Subconscious Mind in Health and Discipline 5:06 - Trauma, Self-Blame, and Overweight as Protection 6:07 - Challenging Subconscious Beliefs and Personal Growth 10:10 - Subjectivity and Identity Shaped by Childhood Experiences 11:27 - Healing the Past Through Inner Child Work 13:49 - Breaking Associations Between Smoking and Safety 14:30 - Debunking Self-Control Myths in Personal Struggles 16:21 - Embracing Emotional Pain and Overcoming Life's Traumas 17:33 - Emotional Management and the Importance of Support 20:45 - Reflecting on Trauma, Parenting, and Mental Health Strategies 23:25 - Challenging Psychiatry's Approach to Trauma and Medication 26:08 - Empowerment in Choosing the Right Therapist for Trauma 27:53 - Distinguishing Hypnotherapy From Stage Hypnosis 28:40 - Empowerment in Therapy and Mental Health Collaboration 31:06 - Empowering Clients Towards Autonomy and Independence 32:21 - Connecting With Hypnotherapist Karoline Fischer Key Takeaways: How to overcoming self sabotage and limiting beliefs Why inner child work is crucial in addressing how past emotions and beliefs influence present behavior and choices Debunking Self-Control Myths in Personal Struggles Trauma, Self-Blame, and Overweight as Protection Connect with Karoline Fischer: Website Instagram LinkedIn Facebook Connect with Sherry Shaban: ⁠Website⁠ ⁠Facebook⁠ ⁠Instagram⁠ ⁠TikTok⁠ ⁠LinkedIn⁠ YouTube If you're struggling with self-sabotaging behavior and other non-serving habits that have been keeping you from hitting your health goals, I'd like to invite you to join me in Transformation in Paradise: Metamorphosis Greece this October 12–19, 2024, in Lefkada. RESERVE YOUR SPOT NOW! Visit www.tranformationinparadiseretreat.com for more details. If this sounds like something you'd like to learn more about, email me at sherry@sherryshaban.com and let's get in touch to go over all the details and answer your questions to determine if this retreat is the right fit for you. Keep it up, Athletes! Sherry

If you find yourself asking “Why Me?” “What did I do to Deserve This?” This Episode is for you. Follow Heather's Socials: Instagram: HeatherJose LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/heather-jose-a4085219 Youtube: @ImStillHere1298 In this empowering episode, Heather shares profound insights gained from her remarkable 25-year journey as a metastatic breast cancer survivor. Join us as we delve into essential topics like cancer survivorship, where Heather imparts valuable mental health advice and coping strategies for cancer patients. From navigating hospitals to post-treatment tips, Heather's candid and compassionate narrative serves as a beacon of strength. Tune in for an intimate exploration of coping mechanisms, including Heather's personal journey insights, as she imparts wisdom on resilience, hope, and living life to the fullest despite the challenges of metastatic breast cancer. If you or a loved one is seeking authentic guidance, this episode provides a wealth of information, ensuring that no one faces this journey alone. #MetastaticBreastCancer #Deconstruct #Deconstruction #CancerSurvivor #ThrivingWithCancer #MentalHealthMatters #NutritionForWellness #MedicalAdvancements #MindfulnessJourney #ResiliencePodcast #PatientAdvocacy #TreatmentInsights #SurvivorStories #PodcastHope #CommunitySupport #EmpowermentPodcast #LivingBeyondDiagnosis #PositiveMindset #WellnessWednesday #CancerAwareness

Ever notice how when you've made a mistake or failed at something, your immediate reaction is to see yourself as dumb, stupid or a complete loser? In this podcast, find out how you can quit hurting yourself with self-blame and deal constructively with the mistakes and failures we all fall into!  Listen to all Up! Podcasts here.

So often our focus here is on things that we can do as individuals to improve our lives and those of people around us, but there are some things that cannot be fixed by the individual. Regardless, society tells us that we are responsible for massive global crises like climate change, marginalised people are responsible for their own oppression and people living in poverty just need to work harder. Whilst many of us rationally know these things are not true, we struggle to let go of systemic shame. Social psychologist Dr Devon Price is on a mission to help us with this very unhelpful feeling & he's the author of Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power. Want to become a podcast sponsor, got some feedback for me or just fancy a chat? Email me - thatshelpful@edstott.com CONNECT WITH US Connect with ⁠That's Helpful on Instagram. Find Devon on Instagram⁠ & via his Substack. BOOKS Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power TIMESTAMPS 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:00 - Devon's own experience with shame 00:03:32 - Personal shame Vs. Systemic shame 00:06:00 - How systemic shame manifests 00:08:15 - Signs that we might be dealing with systemic shame 00:10:21 - The behaviours we display when we're dealing with this shame 00:13:11 - How did we get here? 00:16:15 - How guilt fuels this sense of shame 00:18:00 - Shame as a distraction 00:19:15 - Systemic shame is not an effective tool for change 00:23:48 - The alternative to systemic shame 00:26:58 - How to ease shame on a personal level 00:30:46 - Letting go of perfectionism  

Featured Photo is Dr. Amy Huberman The Amy Story, Part 2: The Joys of Doing the Laundry! Amy and her exuberant son, Sasha, and wife, Alena Last week you heard Part 1 of the Amy session, which included T = Testing, E = Empathy, and A = Assessment of Resistance. Today, you will hear Part 2 of Amy's exciting journey from perfectionism to JOY. M = Methods We used a variety of Methods to help Amy challenge her negative thoughts, starting with the first, “I'm failing my patients.” We started with Identify and Explain the Distortions, then went to the Double Standard Technique, and ended up with the Externalization of Voices. As a reminder, you can see Amy's  Daily Mood Log at the start of her session here.. As an exercise, see how many distortions, or thinking errors, you can find in her first Negative Thought, “I'm failing my patients,“ using the list of cognitive distortions on the bottom of her Daily Mood Log. You'll find the list of the ten cognitive distortions if you click here.  After you've identified each distortion, see if you can explain two things about it: Why is this distortion in Amy's thought unrealistic and misleading? Why might it be incredibly unfair and hurtful? You'll find my list of the distortions in this thought at the end of the show notes. But don't look until you've made your list! These techniques we used were effective , as you'll hear on the podcast, especially the Externalization of Voices. You'll hear us doing role-reversals with Amy, and the method that “won the day” was the CAT, or Counter-Attack Technique, combined with the Acceptance Paradox. The Acceptance Paradox involves finding truth in a negative thought with a sense of peace or even humor. The CAT involves confronting the hostile voice in your head and tell it to go fly a kite, or other gentle but firm message You'll enjoy seeing some striking changes in Amy, as her tears and feelings of intense self-doubt are suddenly transformed into joy and laughter. Those changes created strong feelings of joy for Jill and me as well. We both have incredibly fondness and admiration for Amy, and feel great joy as well when she feels joy. Here are Amy's final scores at the end of the session. Emotions % Now % Goal % After Sad, blue, depressed, down, unhappy 80 25 0 Anxious, worried, panicky, nervous, frightened 80 20 0 Guilty, remorseful, bad, ashamed 90 5 0 Worthless, inadequate, defective, incompetent 100 15 5 Lonely, unloved, unwanted, rejected, alone       Embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, self-conscious       Hopeless, discouraged, pessimistic, despairing 90 5 0 Frustrated, stuck, thwarted, defeated 80 5 5 Angry, mad, resentful, annoyed, irritated, upset, furious       Other         The Joyous Dr. Amy! Sudden and dramatic change is pretty trippy, but it isn't much good if it doesn't last. And it won't! Negative thoughts and feelings will always return, because no one can be happy all the time. That's why some relapse prevention training and ongoing practice and refinement of what you've learned can be vitally important. In our follow-up session with Amy one week later she said she'd felt way better during the week, but did, in fact, have some relapses and had to challenge her negative thoughts again. She'd been helped a lot by the idea that it was okay to fail, to seek consultation, and learn, and that failing with patients gave us endless opportunities to learn and grow as therapists. And it was also okay not to have to listen so intently to the attempts of the negative self to put her down. In fact, our misery almost never results from our failures, but from telling ourselves that we “shouldn't” ever fail, and from punishing ourselves mercilessly when we do. One of her most exciting statements in our follow-up session was that she discovered that even something as humble as putting the dirty clothes into the washing machine could be a joyous experience without that negative voice in her brain constantly hollering at her that she wasn't good enough! Teaching points It was hard, at first, for Amy to “see” how distorted and unfair her negative thoughts were. She is an extremely intelligent, accomplished, and beloved colleague, and yet most of us cannot “see” or really “grasp” that we can be pretty mean to when we're feeling down and anxious. I have often said that feeling anxious and depressed is a lot like being in a deep hypnotic trance, telling yourself and believing things that just aren't true. For example, Amy is doing beautiful work with the great majority of her patients, and is doing the exact same thing with the patients who are responding beautifully as she is with the two who are stuck. So, when she tells herself she's a failure, she's clearly involved in All-or-Nothing Thinking. In other words, she's thinking that if she's not perfect, she's a complete failure and a fraud. She also seems to have many Hidden Shoulds (e.g. I SHOULD be able to help every single patient quickly) and Mental Filtering (focusing only on the negatives) and Discounting the Positive (ignoring the positives, as if they didn't count.) The techniques that were the most helpful for Amy were Positive Reframing: that's where we pointed out the positive aspects of Amy's Negative Thoughts and feelings. The Externalization of Voices with Self-Defense, the Acceptance Paradox, and the CAT. Be Specific: Amy was Labeling herself as a “fraud” and a “failure,” and she was Overgeneralizing from two patients to her entire self and career. Jill emphasized Be Specific. In other words, focus on and accept what's real. What's real is that Amy has been valiantly struggling to help two patients who are stuck. She can just accept that, and get some consultation and guidance from a colleague, which would probably help her get unstuck. So, instead of labelling yourself as “a failure” and “a fraud,” which are just mean, vague words, you can tell yourself that you have a specific problem—in Amy's case, getting stuck with two very anxious patients. Then you can focus on getting some help in solving that specific problem—for example, by seeking consultation from a colleague. Jill said that's what she does when she gets stuck. I used to do that every week, especially when I was first learning cognitive therapy. Getting stuck, then, can simply be an opportunity for growth and learning cool new tools. If we never got stuck, we'd never learn anything new! The very moment Amy stopped believing her negative thoughts, her feelings instantly and dramatically changed. That change happened suddenly, over the course of about 30 seconds, and you can SEE it in her face and hear it in her voice. But it won't last forever! Jill pointed out that the belief at the root of Amy's problem was Perfectionism, and the idea that “I should know exactly what to do with all of my patients.” That may be a pleasant fantasy, and it might even motivate us to work hard and achieve, but it's also a recipe for misery! Follow-up Rapid recovery is great, but will it stick? You will hear excerpts from our brief follow-up session one week later for Relapse Prevention Training. The idea is that none of us can feel happy forever, and negative thoughts will creep back into our minds sooner or later. However, you can anticipate this and prepare for it by challenging your negative thoughts with the same techniques that helped you the first time you improved. That's because the details will usually be different every time you're upset, but the pattern of self-critical negative thoughts will usually be the same. And this DID happen to Amy, just as it will happen to you. But this was an opportunity for her to deepen her understanding of perfectionism and to refine and enhance her ability to respond to her negative thoughts. During the weeks following the recording of this podcast, Amy found that she experienced some resistance to using the counterattack technique. She began to feel like she was relating to her perfectionism as an enemy and attacking it—and in doing so, was discounting all the good in it, including the values that came shining through during the Positive Reframing. She found that a better fit for her, instead of the counterattack, was to disarm her perfectionistic thoughts by seeing the truth in them. In fact, you could view this as yet another form of acceptance. When she did this, the perfectionistic voice in her head naturally backed down and gave her the space to do what matters to her unencumbered by self-criticism. I thought it was cool when she described experiencing waves of joy while doing the laundry—an activity that had always felt like a chore to her before, when it was accompanied by thoughts like “I should have finished this laundry days ago.”   She discovered that without beating up on herself, something as humble as doing the laundry could be incredibly rewarding! After our follow-up meeting, I got a lovely email from Amy about the joys of giving up the need for perfection, and sent this follow-up reply to Amy: Thank you, Amy, you are the BEST! I did a four-day intensive in San Antonio years ago with a small group of about 25 therapists. As you know, I always BS and say “As the Buddha so often said . . . “ followed by something goofy or quasi-mystical or whatever, and most people seem to kind of like that and see it as fun or humorous or whatever. Well, I was doing that at the workshop, and at one of the breaks a woman approached me and said she was interested in my Buddhist remarks because she had been raised as a Buddhist in an Asian country where Buddhism is prominent. I panicked and thought I'd been found out and exposed as a fraud. She went on to say that their family gave up Buddhism, however, and she was sad. I asked why they gave up Buddhism, and she explained that her mother suffered from severe depression, and the Buddhists taught that's because you think you “need” things, and if you're a good Buddhist you won't think that way and you won't ever suffer. Since she suffered, she felt like a failure as a Buddhist, so the family gave up Buddhism. I told her that she might not be aware that there are actually two schools of Buddhism. There's low-level Buddhism and high-level Buddhism. In low-level Buddhism, you're not allowed to want or need anything, and you're not allowed to suffer. That's sounds like that was the school of Buddhism your family was raised in. But there's another type of high-level Buddhism. In high level Buddhism you're allowed to suffer and struggle, and screw up, and fail, and all sorts of stuff. She got animated and said, “I didn't know that. Thank you so much. You've restored my faith in Buddhism, and I can't wait to tell my mother!” Aside from my being elderly and half-demented, I hope that makes some sense in light of our work together with Jill! So, if you need any translation or explanation, Amy, I'm inviting you to join the high-level Buddhist therapist group where you're allowed to screw up with some of your patients, or even many! Warmly, david Subsequent Follow-Up I forgot to tell you what happened to Amy's two “stuck patients.” Well, she got some consultation about why these patients might be stuck, which is nearly always an Agenda Setting problem—the therapist is working harder than the patient due to the need to “help,” and this plays into the patient's ambivalence. This struck a chord, and Amy was very excited to see her patients again, and both suddenly got “unstuck,” although in somewhat different ways. And that is why I call it the Acceptance Paradox. The moment YOU change, and accept yourself, your world will also change! Or, to put it differently. We often see the world as “different” or as “other,” thinking we are separated. The Buddhists see the world as “one,” and that is certainly true in therapy as well. Answers to the Quiz Question David's list of Distortions in Amy's Negative Thought: “I'm failing my patients.” 1.     All-or-Nothing Thinking. This is not realistic because Amy is not stuck with all of her patients. And even though she's still far short of her hopes for these two patients, they may feel they are getting lots of TLC and support from Amy. 2.     Overgeneralization. This is misleading because she's overgeneralizing from her two failures to her “self,” and labeling herself as “a fraud and a failure.” She also overgeneralizing to the future, thinking things will never change or improve so she should get a new career. 3.     Mental Filtering. She only focusing on the two patients who are stuck. 4.     Discounting the Positive. She's overlooking the fact that she's going excellent work with a great many people, and has tremendous integrity, skill, and commitment to her patients. 5.     Magnification and Minimization. She's kind of blowing things out of proportion, although it's always good to focus on patients who aren't yes improving. 6.     Emotional Reasoning, She FEELS like a failure so thinks she IS a failure. 7.     Hidden Should Statement. She thinks she SHOULD be perfect! 8.     Labeling. Same as Overgeneralization. See above. 9.     Self-Blame. She's blaming herself instead of loving herself and focusing on getting she help she needs and deserves! Thanks for listening today! Rhonda, Amy, and David  

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Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/hypnosis-and-relaxation-sound-therapy9715/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Today's episode is incredibly insightful! As Brandy works with our wonderful volunteer, Lori, it brings attention to an often overlooked aspect of mind-body healing - the awareness of what resides in the subconscious mind. If you find yourself stuck in this area, I highly recommend listening to this episode. Not only will it provide clarity on your subconscious programming, but it will also reveal the necessary changes required to achieve tangible results! Additional links and resources:  Email contact: support@brandygillmore.com Website: https://brandygillmore.com Free Self-Healing Training: https://brandygillmore.com/healing Facebook: https://facebook.com/brandy.gillmore/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/brandygillmore/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/BrandyGillmore TEDx Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dEbqRYqY_0 Topics: self-blame, guilt, relationships, emotional patterns, self-healing

Navigating Narcissistic Relationships and Healing After DivorceSeth and Pete welcome Dr. Justine Weber, a psychologist who helps people recover from narcissistic abuse. They discuss how to identify narcissistic behaviors, cope with divorce from a narcissist, and heal after leaving the relationship.The conversation focuses on rebuilding your sense of self and reality after narcissistic conditioning. Justine offers insights into childhood attachment styles and trauma responses that can lead people to end up with narcissistic partners.Questions we answer in this episode:How do you detach from a narcissist's distortions of reality?What strategies help rebuild your confidence during and after divorce?How can you take back power after years of narcissistic control?Key Takeaways:Forgiving yourself is critical to overcoming narcissistic abuse.Documenting the truth can counteract gaslighting.Stay focused on your priorities rather than trying to control everything.Overall, this episode explores thoughtful strategies for healing and reclaiming your life after leaving a narcissistic relationship. Justine offers compassionate guidance to help anyone struggling with these issues.Links & NotesFind Dr. Justine Weber on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, or Her WebsiteBuy Dr. Weber's New Book!Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Meet Dr. Justine Weber (01:10) - The Book (and Its Title) (03:41) - Reclaiming Agency (08:56) - Self-Blame (11:01) - Rejection Sensitivity (12:24) - Basis of Understanding (13:50) - Breaking Free (16:58) - Intervention (19:57) - In Divorce (22:50) - Tracking Details (24:53) - Rewiring (30:50) - High Conflict Divorce? (34:44) - Kids (43:25) - Justine's Book Establishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.

Featured photo is Mina as a child (more pics below!) 374 Anger, Part 2 You Have Always Hated Me! In the Anger Part 1 podcast (371 on November 20), Rhonda, Matt and David discussed the fact that when you're feeling angry, there's always an inner dialogue—this is what you're saying to yourself, the way you're thinking about the situation—and an outer dialogue—this is what you're saying to the other person. In Part 1, we focused on the inner dialogue and described the cognitive distortions that nearly always fill your mind with anger-provoking inner chatter about the ‘awfulness” of the person you're mad at. Those distortions include All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Labeling, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Mind-Reading, Fortune Telling, Emotional Reasoning, Other-Directed Should Statements, and Other-Blame. That's a lot—in fact, all but Self-Blame. And sometimes, when you're ticked off, you might also be blaming yourself, and feel mad at yourself at the same time. Matt suggested I add these comments on Self-Blame or it's absence:: Another possible addition would be when you identify the absence of Self Blame when we're angry. For me, it's been easier to think of that as a positive distortion, because you are blind to, or ignoring, your own role in the problem. In other words, when I'm blaming someone else, it's me thinking my poop smells great and tit's all the other person's fault.. I've wondered if we fool ourselves like this because of the desire to have a special and perfect “self,” which we then defend. Because nobody's perfect, our "ideal self," as opposed to our "real self," is just a pleasant, but potentially destructive, fantasy. Still, we try to preserve and project the fantasy that we are free of blame and the innocent victim of the other person's "badness," , and we imagine there we have a perfect “self” to defend. Or, as you've said, at times, David, “anger is often just a protective shell to hide and protect our more tender and genuine feelings.” We also discussed the addictive aspect of anger, since you probably feel morally superior to the “bad” person you're ticked off at when you're mad, and this makes it fairly unappealing to change the way you're thinking and feeling. Your anger also protects you from the risk of being vulnerable and open and genuine. Today we discuss the Outer Dialogue, and how to express angry feelings to another person, as well as how to respond to their expressions of anger. The main concept is that you can express anger in a healthy way, by sharing your anger respectfully, or you can act out your anger aggressively, by attacking the other person. That's a critically important decision! Toward the start of today's podcast, Rhonda, Matt and David listed some of the distinctions between healthy and unhealthy anger. The following is just a partial list of some of the differences:   Healthy Anger Unhealthy Anger You treat the other person with respect, even if you're angry. You want to put the other person down. Your goal is to get closer to the other person. You want to get revenge or hurt or humiliate the other person. You hope to improve the relationship. You want to reject or distance yourself from the other person. You want to understand the other person's mindset and find the truth in what they're saying, even if it sounds ‘off' or ‘disturbing' or offensive. You want to prove that the other person is ‘wrong' and persuade them that you are ‘right'. You want to understand and accept the other person. You insist on trying to change the other person. You express yourself thoughtfully. You express yourself impulsively. You come from a mindset of humility, curiosity, and flexibility. You come from a position of moral superiority, judgement, and rigidity. You are patient. You are pushy and demanding. Optimism that things can improve and that there's a great potential for a more meaningful and loving connection. Hopelessness and feelings of certainty that things cannot improve. Open to what I've done wrong and how I've hurt you. Focus on what you've done wrong and how you've hurt me. I-Thou mindset. I-It mindset. You're vulnerable and open to your hurt feelings. You put up a wall of toughness and try to hide your vulnerable true feelings.. You look for positive motives, if possible, and don't assume that you actually understand how the other person is thinking and feeling.. You attribute malignant motives to the other person and imagine that you can read their mind and know exactly why they feel the way they do. You accept and comprehend the idea that you can feel intensely angry with someone and love them at the same time.. You may believe that anger and love are dichotomies, and that conflict and anger, in some way, are the ‘opposite' of love or respect.. To bring some dynamics and personality to today's podcast, Mina, who's made a number of noteworthy appearances on the podcast, agreed to describe what she learned on a recent Sunday hike. (I've started up my Sunday hikes again, but in a small way now that the pandemic has subsided, at least for the time being. I'm struggling with low back pain when walking and that severely limits how far I can go.) Mina began by explaining that when she was talking to her mom on the phone. Her mom described a conflict with woman friend who seemed angry with Mina's mom. Mina said, “I can see why that woman got angry with you.“ Mina explained that her mother, who is “conflict phobic,” paradoxically ends up with conflicts with a lot of people. However, Mina's mother sounded hurt by Mina's comment, and said, “You've always hated me since you were a little girl! You always looked at me hatefully!” Here are some of Mina's "angry" childhood photos:   Mina explained how she felt when her mom said, "You've always hated me.” My jaw dropped when she said that! It was such a shock. I've always felt like she was my best friend! . . . I hate feeling angry. It makes me every bit as uncomfortable as anxiety. If I express my anger, it goes away, and I feel better. But I don't usually express it, and then it comes back disguised as weird neurologic symptoms. And that, of course, is the Hidden Emotion phenomenon that is so common in people who struggle with anxiety. When you try to squash or hide negative feelings your think you're not “supposed' to have, they often resurface in disguised form, as phobias, panic, OCD symptoms, chronic worrying, or any type of anxiety, including, as in Mina's case Health Anxiety—that's where you become convinced you have some serious neurologic or medical problem, like Multiple Sclerosis. Matt suggested that I might remind folks of my concept that “anger allays get expressed, one way or the other.” He's found this idea to be both true and incredibly helpful for “us nice folks who think we can get away without expressing our anger, thinking we can avoid conflicts, entirely. This always backfires, in my experience!” On the recent Sunday hike, Mina practiced how to talk with her mom, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. After that, she used what she'd practiced on the hike to talk to her mom about their relationship, and then got an “I love you” message from her mom the next morning. This made Mina very happy, but because she had a full day of back to back appointments, Mina decided to spend time crafting a thoughtful reply at the end of the day, when she had a little free time. But when she went back to her computer at the end of the day to send a message to her mom, she discovered that her mother had deleted the loving message she sent early in the day, and Mina felt hurt. When Mina asked her mom about it, her mom said that deleting the message was just an error due to ‘old age.” However, Mina did not really buy this, and thought her mom probably felt hurt and angry because Mina had not responded sooner. In the podcast, we practiced responding to mom using the role-play exercise I developed years ago. Essentially, one person plays the role of Mina's mom, and says something challenging or critical. Mina plays herself and responds as skillfully as possible with the Five Secrets, acknowledging the other person's anger and expressing her own feelings as well. We practiced responding to mom's statement, “You've always hated me.” Matt played the role of mom and Mina gave a beautiful Five Secrets response. You'll enjoy hearing her response, and Matt's and Rhonda's helpful feedback, when you listen to the podcast. Then Mina asked for help responding to another statement from her mom, who had also said: All of the kids your age are angry, because you were neglected a lot of the time because of the war in Iran, and your dad and I were busy doing what we had to do to survive and avoid being arrested. All of my Iranian friends with children your age are experiencing the same thing. Matt and Rhonda did more role plays with Mina, followed by excellent feedback on Mina's Five Secrets response. Again, I think you'll enjoy the role-playing and fine tuning when you listen to the podcast. One of the obvious take-home messages from today's podcast is to use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication when you're feeling angry and talking to someone who's angry with you as week, As a reminder, these are the Five Secrets. LINK TO 5 SECRETS And to make it simple, you can think of talking with your EAR: E = Empathy (listening with the Disarming Technique, Thought and Feeling Empathy, and Inquiry) A = Assertiveness (sharing your feelings openly with “I Feel” Statements) R = Respect (showing warmth and caring with Stroking) However, here's the rub: People who are angry will usually NOT want to do this! When you're ticked of, you will almost always have a huge preference for expressing yourself with the Unhealthy Anger described above. Matt urged me to publish my list of 36 reasons why this intense resistance to healthy communication. LINK HERE for the LIST 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to Empathize 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to Share your Feelings 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to Treat the Other Person with Respect. So, as you can see, there's a lot more to skillful communication of anger than just learning the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, although that definitely requires tremendous dedication and practice. But motivation is the most important key to success or failure. When you're upset with someone, you can ask yourself, “Do I want to communicate in a loving, or in a hostile way?” The reward of love are enormous, but the seduction of hostility and lashing out is at least as powerful! This battle between the light and the dark is not new, but has been blazing for tens of thousands of years. And, of course, the decision will be yours. Thanks for listening today, Mina, Rhonda, Matt, and David

Subscriber-only episodeToday we are getting into the intricate web of self-blame that survivors of emotional abuse often find themselves entangled in. Join me as we unravel the common phrases and beliefs survivors of emotional and narcissistic abuse have while exploring the roots of self-blame and the insidious impact of emotional manipulation.Let me help you illuminate the path toward healing, helping you rewrite your narrative from victim to survivor. Tune in to learn how to break free from the chains of self-blame, embracing self-compassion and reclaiming your innate worth. Don't miss this essential episode designed to inspire, uplift, and guide you on your journey from self-blame to self-love.Subscribe to this Premium Content here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2018085/supportTo work with Allison in her 1:1 Coaching Program, schedule a FREE Consultationhttps://app.squarespacescheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=25254715To send a DM, visit Allison's profiles on Instagram and Facebookhttps://www.instagram.com/allisonkdagney/https://www.facebook.com/allisonkdagney/To learn more about Rapid Reprogramming for Subconscious Healing visit the websitewww.whentearsleavescars.com

My guest today is author and performer Colin Campbell. In 2019, Colin and his family were driving near Joshua Tree when their vehicle was T-boned by a drunk and high driver. Colin and his wife were in the front seat, and their two teenage children were in the backseat. His 17-year-old daughter, Ruby, and 14-year-old son, Hart, were killed in the crash. From the excruciating grief and suffering, Colin wrote his latest book, "Finding The Words," and his one-man shitshow. He looks directly in the face of rage, grief, denial, and trying to live when living does not make sense. This book shines a bright light on all corners of what people may experience through deep grief. It is not only a way for people to feel understood or seen but for supporting friends and family to know how better to support the people grieving. Each situation is personal, and there is no perfect science, but Colin does a beautiful and thorough job addressing many of the scenarios people may encounter. He shares some of the things they did, like keeping a “hate us” journal and writing an email before you head back to work on some ground rules. Colin addresses dealing with “firsts” and holidays. He shares that you are never out of the woods but can find ways to keep living and maintaining relationships while still honoring those that you have lost. Colin speaks of his and Gail's journey of fostering and adopting children. His courage and humor are both inspiring and shocking. His work is stunning. The dedication and love he and Gail have for Ruby and Hart shine eternal. Sponsors: Beam.com/GABBY and use code CYBER for up to 50% CozyEarth.com and use code GABBYREECE for up to 35% off site wide Vionicshoes.com and  use code GABBY at checkout for 15% off your entire order Maui Nui- Go to mauinuivenison.com/GABBY to get 20% off your first order Connect with Colin: Instagram: @colincampbellwriter Website: www.colincampbellauthor.com Book: Finding The Words Ruby and Hart Foundation: www.calfund.org Connect with Gabby @gabbyreece | Linktree For the full show notes visit gabriellereece.com/podcast The Gabby Reece Show talks to top experts with the goal of extracting the best information you will need to navigate the universe of health, fitness, relationships, parenting, and business. Gabby keeps it simple but gets to the heart of the conversation with the hopes of providing you with realistic takeaways. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When some children make mistakes or get overwhelmed, they jump quickly to self criticism and even self hate: “I'm terrible! I suck! You don't love me!” What does this mean? Is it a red flag? And how should parents react? In this recast of a popular Season 4 episode, Lynn discusses the traps to avoid and the family skills to promote when this dramatic pattern takes hold.  Referenced in this episode: Past Episode: Helping Kids With Shame & Self-Harm NEW! WE'RE MAKING PLAYLISTS OF OUR EPISODES TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES ON SPECIFIC TOPICS. Here is our first: Parents of Anxious Kids, Start Here For those brand new to the podcast, we suggest starting with this playlist featuring Lynn Lyons and the 7-part anxiety disruptor series as well as a 3-part series on the skills most helpful in managing anxious kids: flexibility, problem solving, and autonomy. Consult our Spotify profile for the most up-to-date selection. WIN A COPY OF THE ANXIETY AUDIT COURSE! We will select two listeners who complete our listener survey. We hope it is you! FOLLOW US Join the Facebook group to get news on the upcoming courses for parents, teens, and kids. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram. Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube. VISIT OUR SPONSORS FOR SPECIAL OFFERS JUST FOR YOU Get $100 off of your first month with a licensed therapist at Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com and use code FLUSTER. Download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Go to Zocdoc.com/FLUSTER and then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. Go to ThriveMarket.com/flusterclux for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!  Right now, listeners can subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%! Go to earthbreeze.com/flusterclux to get started. Visit Graduate-debt-free.com and take the first step to securing a debt free education by picking up your copy of David F. Shutler's new book: Graduate Debt Free: Escaping the Student Loan Matrix. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Listen to Michaela answer questions from a recent live workshop on topics such as breaking through glass ceilings, healing energetic injury, and dealing with self blame. 00:00 - Losing touch with my heart when working with trauma 01:34 - Forcing trauma to open 03:30 - Breaking through developmental ceilings 05:50 - Working with the body's energy systems 11:31 - Healing energetic injury 16:13 - Self blame and self importance For workshops, teacher training and courses: https://www.michaelaboehm.com To order Michaela's book "The Wild Woman's Way" : https://amzn.to/2BQ5WpY Music ‘Deva Dasi' by Steve James at https://www.guruviking.com

Are you caught in the exhausting cycle of self-blame, wondering about its impact on your mental and physical health? Does an unforgiving inner critic cast a shadow over your peace and happiness, blocking you from healing? Perhaps it's so deeply ingrained, you're not even aware of its presence. Today's episode continues with the second part of our transformative session with our wonderful volunteer, Barbara. As you may recall, Barbara has been wrestling with chronic pain, and multiple health issues as well as other struggles and challenges. Her strength and self-awareness are truly inspiring and may resonate with you, as you realize you're not alone in facing these challenges. In this episode, Brandy shares vital insights that pave the way not only for Barbara's healing journey but also for any listener seeking to break down their own barriers of self-blame and silence their inner critic. Whether you're struggling with feelings of guilt, harboring a harsh inner critic, or just seeking optimal health and happiness, this episode will empower you to usher in a new era of self-acceptance and emotional liberation that can also improve your physical health. Tune in to start your journey towards overcoming self-blame and healing your inner critic and transform your health. Come join us! Additional links and resources:  Email contact: support@brandygillmore.com Website: https://brandygillmore.com Free Training: https://brandygillmore.com/healing Healing Course: https://brandook.com/brandy.gillmore/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/brandygillmore/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/BrandyGillmore TEDx Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dEbqRYqY_0 Topics: self-blame, defensiveness, emotional patterns, inner critic, self-healing, chronic pain, guilt, emotional healing, self-help

353: The Inner Scoop on “No" Practice! The “Inner” and “Outer” Dialogues— The “Inner” and “Outer” Solutions As you know, I have created many powerful communication techniques, including the Five Secrets of Effective Communication and more. One of the additional techniques is called “No” Practice, and it's designed for people who have trouble saying “no,” or setting limits with other people. Essentially, you do a role-play with a colleague or therapist who keeps pestering you with pushy demands, and you have to practice saying “No” in a polite but firm and assertive way. Sounds simple, right? But it's not! People have many reasons for not wanting to say “No.” For example, you may be afraid of hurting the other person's feelings, or letting them down, or running the risk that they may get mad at you if you don't say, “Yes.” In addition, you may feel like you'll miss out on some special activity if you say no, so you end up way over-committed. In this session, you will meet an exceptionally compassionate and highly trained young psychiatrist named Lee, who asked for help with a problem relating to some of his patients. My co-therapist is Dr. Jill Levitt, who is the Director of Clinical Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. Lee explained how he struggles with saying “no” when patients make inappropriate requests, like pushing for a medication they're addicted to, and wanting premature discharge from the inpatient unit when they have unrecognized safety issues. Instead, he seems to get drawn into long explanations of his thinking and why he's declining the other person's requests, sometimes for half an hour, and ends up frustrated when the other person still doesn't “get it” and with himself for spending the time. People often think that therapy is easy, and that people just need encouragement, advice, or behavioral practice to change the way we interact with others. But as you will vividly see in this session, that is often not the case, and things that may seem simple or obvious can seem almost impossibly difficult to learn. Why does this happen? Why is it so difficult for people to learn new and seemingly simple verbal skills? Well, to find the answer, we have to go back to the teachings of the Buddha and Epictetus, who taught us that our negative feelings do NOT result from what's happening, but from our thoughts. What does this mean? Well, Lee is an incredibly intelligent and compassionate young psychiatrist, and he's clearly highly motivated, and yet he seems very slow in learning how to say “no.” Can his thoughts illuminate his apparent resistance to learning a new approach? During the session, Dr. Levitt reminded us of the fact that whenever you are involved in a conflict with someone, or any interaction for that matter, there are always two dialogues going on: the Inner and Outer Dialogues, and if you ignore either one of them, you may have difficulties triggering change. The Outer Dialogue involves what you say to the other person, and what they say next, and how you respond. For example, Patient says: “Doctor, I want to get discharged from the hospital.” Lee says: “No, I can't do that because you'd be in danger and without a place to live. You'd be living on the streets, and it wouldn't be safe for you.” Patient (who is in a state of psychosis) responds: “No doctor, I'll be okay, because I'm living with Michael Jackson.” Then Lee tries to explain his thinking again, and then the patient asks to be discharged from the hospital again. And this cycle repeats itself many times, over and over, for as much as an hour. And they both end up frustrated and a bit miffed. Why is it so hard for Lee to say no in a kindly way and then move on to some other activity? That's where the Inner Dialogue can be so important. It appears that Lee has two types of distortions that interfere with his ability / willingness to say “no.” Self-Directed Should Statements. Lee appears to believe that he “should” be able to explain his thinking to any patient. He wants to convey respect, responsiveness, and care when denying a request. This is, of course, an expression of his high standards, his compassion, and his desire to communicate clearly to his patients. But, as is so often the case, Lee takes this goal a little to far, think he should “always” be able to do this, regardless of how psychotic or confused or demanding a patient might be. Essentially, the healthy pursuit of excellence as a psychiatrist has gone a little too far and has arguably morphed into a self-defeating kind of medical perfectionism. Self-Directed Shoulds typically trigger feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and inadequacy. They are often accompanied by several other distortions, including All-or-Nothing Thinking, Mind-Reading, and Self-Blame, to name just a few. Other-Directed Should Statements. Lee appears to think that his patients “should” understand and acknowledge his thinking if he's being reasonable and realistic. He may also believe that if he's doing his best, then his patients “should” argue fairly and acknowledge when they understand what he tells them and “shouldn't” be manipulative, unreasonable or argumentative. Other-Directed Shoulds often trigger feelings of frustration and anger, and are often associated with All-or-Nothing Thinking, Mind-Reading, Emotional Reasoning, and Other-Blame, to name just a few. Another teaching point is that we nearly always create our own interpersonal reality, but we don't realize that because we feel like victims and see the problem as coming from outside of ourselves. Lee's urge to continue to try to “win” the arguments with patients actually forces them to keep arguing their case and trying over and over again to get their way. That's just human nature. We've all seen that people can be pretty obstinate and determined to get their way, no matter what. That's why a focus on what you can do to change will often lead to a change in other people; in contrast, repeated efforts to persuade them to change is almost never effective. By way of analogy, my wife and I have recently had a bit of a problem with our cat, SweetiePie. She was a rescue cat, and we love her to death, and do everything we can to make her happy. She loves us intensely and shows her gratitude with loud purring almost all day long when she's not asleep or out in the back yard exploring. BUT, she has been pestering us for cat candy, and has gained too much weight. Here's what happens. She jumps up on my desk, and puts her paw on my keyboard, and stands if front of the computer terminal so I can't see. So, I give her two or three pieces of cat candy on her perch next to me. She jumps up and greedily devours it. Next, she jumps back on the desk and puts her paw on the keyboard. I “explain” to her that she's eating too much candy, and try to put her back on her perch, so she swats me with her claws and draws blood if I'm not quick to pull my hand away. So, I give her a few more pieces of candy, which she devours and then goes to sleep. Similar routine with my wife. She follows her, crying like she's on the verge of death, and swatting at her ankles until she gets cat candy and / or a 30 minute lap snuggle. So, in short, we have been “forcing” her, inadvertently,  out of love, to manipulate us for cat candy. In other words, we “reward” her manipulations by giving her cat candy and love. As a result, our pour girl is gaining too much weight. Of course, the solution is simple. Melanie has agreed to give her only four pieces of cat candy per day, and I am limiting her to two pieces, just so she'll know she's still loved. And when she tries to swat me with her claws, I just explain in a kindly way that I don't like that and put her on the floor. She caught on right away and seems to have accepted the new routine. Of course, we continue to give her abundant helpings of love every day, many times a day, as the love has zero calories! So, what's the bottom line? If you're trying to learn the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, and you want to change the way you communicate with others, remember to attend to your Inner Dialogue, as well as what you are actually saying to the other person during the conflict, especially if you're getting anxious, defensive, angry, frustrated or upset. If you write down your negative thoughts, I think you'll find many similar distortions to the ones described above, and this can give you another handle on change the way you think, feel, and connect with the people you care about, as well as the ones you don't! Incidentally, the belief that we are separate from others and from our environment is the essence of evil, according to some Buddhists, and perhaps nearly all of the world's religions have had similar beliefs, though couched in different language. But what this means to me is that when we struggle with friends of loved ones, and we are locked into frustrating conflicts, we typically feel like we are “separate” from the other person who is “doing something” to us. And this perception can not only trigger anger and frustration, but sometimes even violence. As humans, we seem to have great difficulty “seeing” our own role in the conflict. And sometimes, we don't even WANT to, because the so-called “Great Death” of the self can be very painful. This is especially true when we see ourselves as morally superior to the other person who is “bad” or “to blame.” We are indebted to Lee for giving us this superb example of a problem that nearly all human beings struggle with, and also sharing his vulnerability and humanness with all of us in such an open and generous way! And we salute and thank Lee for courageously showing us the way with an intensely personal and real example. Contact info Dr. Rhonda Barovsky practices in Walnut Creek and Berkeley, California. She can be reached at rhonda@feelinggreattherapycenter.com. She is a Level 5 Certified TEAM-CBT therapist and trainer and specializes in the treatment of trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship problems. You can reach Dr. Burns at david@feelinggood.com. You can reach Jill Levitt, Ph.D. at jilllevitt@feelinggoodinstitute.com. She is the Director of Clinical Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California (www.feelinggoodinstitute.com) You can reach Lee at bananaquitting@gmail.com Group Feedback The following are a few of the comments in the feedback at the end of the Tuesday class. These are comments from the mental health professionals who observed the session with Lee. Please describe what you specifically disliked about the training? What could have been improved? Were there some things you disagreed with or did not understand? LOVED it! NOTHING Can't think of anything I only wish that we could have more time for this work with Lee. I kept feeling like I wanted to jump in and try some of these skills myself.   Please describe what you specifically liked about the training? What was the most helpful? Were there some things you learned? I liked the externalization of resistance and would've like to see more with that or maybe even a “rules & roles” regarding patient/doctor relationships. I really liked Lee's work. I also struggle with saying no, and I liked all of the role reversals and honest feedback from everyone involved. I found Jill's insight at the end of the session regarding the conceptualization of the problem, particularly the internal versus external solution (during the “no” practice), to be quite valuable. It was clear that Lee was facing conflicting desires - the need to act in the best interests of his clients while also seeking acceptance and approval. Taking the time to delve deeper into those internal factors may have further strengthened the effectiveness of the external solution (the “no” practice). Was helpful to see the miracle cure/goal clarified, as well as the 'acid test'. Good to see the model in action! I just enjoyed Lee's honesty , caring and professionalism. He brought up an issue that has been close to my heart as I worked with schizophrenic patients in clinic and day hospitalization settings and have experienced EXACTELY what Lee described. You feel between the devil and the deep blue sea when the medical staff conveniently toss responsibility to the less professional staff and when those in the trenches need to be there for the patients by saying NO. I LOVED David's comment about being disrespectful to patients with schizophrenia by going on and on with lofty brainy arguments while the loving thing to do is to be empathic stroking and firm. From my experience when I am real with my patients, they feel the best. Thank you, Lee, David and Jill. This was beautiful , heartwarming, and I am so touched to belong in this group. David and Jill's exquisite empathy, the Positive Reframe, and the NO practice. EVERYTHING!!! This was truly incredible! David and Jill are an unbeatable tag "TEAM!" Jill's warmth and empathy and teasing out the variables of Lee's story that were not always apparently obvious. Lee's vulnerability and seeing his depth and caring as a Psychiatrist was heartening and impressive. It helped me understand the flow of TEAM CBT and how things fit together better by seeing a live session from the beginning. I LOVED that Dr. Burns and Jill had to go down several different avenues to see what would work best. This closely reflects my own experience of therapy with my patients. Seeing them struggle a little made me feel even more sure that TEAM is the only approach that makes sense and cures people. This was a really wonderful session. I appreciate Lee volunteering, sharing with us his work challenges, and allowing us to see his kind and caring personality. I loved the masterful work of Jill and David. It seems to me that practicing responding to his patients with the use of the 5 secrets was imperative and I was amazed to see how that helped dropping down the feelings on the DML before we got to work on the Negative Thoughts. Once again, TEAM works like a charm! That this was a powerful real life issue that Lee shared. I enjoyed the empathy and how that led to sorting out conceptualization and miracle cure. David and Jill's combined efforts to go in many directions to help Lee see where he is stuck. I struggle in exactly the way Lee does in these sorts of situations, and it was so helpful and inspiring to me to see him do this work. Thank you, Lee! I was deeply moved by your deep caring for your patients and values around wanting your patients to have agency and understanding when there's so little in their world that they can control. I wish every psychiatrist had more Lee in him/her/them! I appreciate that Lee opened up himself in the group and I could observe the personal work of David and Jill, the amazing masters of TEAM-CBT. I admire Lee's compassion and warm heart toward his patients and I owed a lot to Lee who has very high standards to make things clear, just as he has done in his teaching in our Newbie group. And I think his sadness and anger might be an expression of his passion toward justice and dignity of his hospitalized patients. Appreciated Lee sharing with the group and doing personal work on a challenging problem. Liked when Jill brought up the internal versus external solution and then the session switched gears to work on the negative thoughts that made it so difficult for Lee to say no. Really enjoy the personal work, and getting to see the TEAM process unfold in skillful hands. I appreciate that you gave Lee time to explain his points, and that he was able to be truthful and disagree at times, and then you asked why and he explained further. This led to a more nuanced exploration and conceptualization of his issues and goals. I liked the focusing of a major part of the problem of "saying no" to a relationship / Five Secrets issue...resulting from internal and external shoulds. I appreciated the comparison with parent/child discipline, and not getting sucked into arguments. I also appreciate that you were able to pinpoint the problems around trying to get desperate, even schizophrenic patients, to understand one's point of view. It was great seeing the modeling of how to respond to some of these difficult patient situations. And how to clearly define the agenda when a patient is unclear about their goals. Also, so admiring of Lee. I liked how Jill and David navigated figuring out what Lee wanted to work on (when they came up with the three options). Issues that have "internal" and "external" components to them are difficult for me, and I often get confused. Seeing Jill and David work that out helps me wrap my head around how to go about it, thanks. Please describe what you learned in today's group. I appreciate Lee's vulnerability and I have so much respect for how he cares for his patients. I appreciated seeing the multiple role-playing attempts and was bummed when we ran out of time. I have so much admiration for Lee and feel for how much he's struggling. Personal work, externalization of voices, magic dial, Daily Mood Log (DML), 5 secrets, etc. How Five Secrets and No practice fit within the DML work That they could have started on the internal work of negative thoughts or the external work of "NO practice" TEAM at it's best! I observed NO practice and would like to learn more specifically about it ... Seeing the TEAM model unfold step by step in real time is always an incredibly valuable learning experience. Hearing Jill entertain potential directions to go in (i.e. crushing negative thoughts vs. No practice.) Learning challenging scenarios in context of "NO" practice was really awesome! Just magnificent overall! THANK YOU!!! Always feel so privileged to be part of this uniquely wonderful community of like-minded professionals! We are so lucky! I don't have to be smooth and have all the right answers immediately. This process is highly collaborative. How to employ the team model especially conceptualization and role play with NO practice and Five Secrets practice. How dealing with severely mentally ill pts can be so difficult. There's a sixth secret in effective communication: the willingness to use one's power in a kindly way to give the shot and get it over with. It's so helpful to me to add this secret to my armamentarium! Positive reframing and No practice, along with Externalization of Voices and Externalization of Resistance. I learned something about Lee, and about the difficulties of psychiatric hospital work for doctors! Also, seeing the process unfold skillfully, teasing out the problem to work on, Externalization of Resistance, Positive Reframing, Externalization of Voices, No/5 Secrets Practice, etc. How to be clear on agenda setting when patients are unclear on their goals. I was reminded about how to ask about a client's goal in order to guide agenda-setting. It was nice seeing the five secrets role-play / no practice. I've been inspired to start practicing daily like David said he did. Can never get enough of that!