Billow Waggle Dangle

BWD #65 - Race Relations Pt.1 (PLAY EPISODE) In part one of this episode, Gavin and Thomas share stories about growing up the minority in their town (Gavin in Georgia and Thomas in Indiana), and what kind of fun that generates (HINT: One of them got laid in high school). We also talk about the current trend of crucifying idiots by immortalizing their bad decision on the internet and effectively ruining their lives.

BWD #65: Interview With a Drug Dealer (PLAY EPISODE) In this episode I interview my drug dealing friend Juan Gravenstein (a WWE-themed pseudonym). He shares what it’s like to have a gun held to your head; being pulled over by cops when you have illegal drugs and thousands of dollars in the car; his current, and previously much larger growing operations; and why hallucinogens will save your marriage.

BWD #63: How Not To Seduce Women (PLAY EPISODE) In part 2 of Luke and Gabby’s episode, we talk about how, when it comes to dating, women don’t know rejection like men do AND WE’LL TELL YOU WHY; Ian talks about getting humiliated by a chica on the prowl in Barcelona; and Luke talks more about the amazing weirdness of Burning Man.

BWD #62: I’d Fuck Data (PLAY EPISODE) Luke Walker returns with his equally insane, though much more Brazilian, friend Gabby to talk about: Gabby is subjuected to the new guest speed quiz and tells us all about the highs and lows of living in Brazil Luke just got back from Burning Man and shares what the hell THAT’S like The Star Trek: TNG Who Would You Fuck quiz Why isn’t the holodeck always slick with sex liquids? True love, romance novels, and as always, we dissect Luke’s women problems

BWD #61: Film Title Improv! (PLAY EPISODE) On today’s episode stand-up comedians Kevin Clarke and Travis Vogt star in Film Title Improv, a game in which we make up ridiculous film titles such as “Soylent Peen”, "President Dinosaur" and "Tell Them Sass Macklemore Sent Me", and then improv what these fantastic ideas might be sound like. WAIT! Don’t you move a muscle. Are you imagining how great it’s going to be? Yes? Good. NOW TIMES THAT BY TEN. You’re welcome.  Check out Kevin and Travis’ many, many hilarious videos on their Funny or Die page. You can also check them out on Wonder and Risk, where Kevin reviews bizarre movies and Travis teaches children lies about animals with his Kritter Korner column.  Check out one of my favorites, The Celebrity Shorthand Index. How will you know how to abbreviate celebrities’ names otherwise?

BWD #60: Rube Goldberg Suicide Machine (PLAY EPISODE) Kevin Clarke and Travis Vogt, stand-up comedians and recipients of a lifetime supply of BBQ Hot Pockets, visit the podcast to jabber about: Travis tells the harrowing story of getting stuck in a ketamine den after trying to borrow a quart of milk from his neighbor Suicide machines that can kill AND prank you Trainspotting 2: Plague of Babies Star Trek: The Next Generation and how the space-future is super space-racist Reel-to-reel gay porn and crossing boners Stay tuned for next week’s episode starring Kevin and Travis in Film Title Improv, a game in which we make up film titles like Soylent Peen, President Dinosaur, Tell Them Sass Macklemore Sent Me, and then improv what those horrible, horrible movies might be like.  Check out Kevin and Travis’ many, many hilarious videos on their Funny or Die page. You can also check them out on Wonder and Risk, where Kevin reviews bizarre movies and Travis teaches children lies about animals with his Kritter Korner column.  Check out one of my favorites, The Celebrity Shorthand Index. How will you know how to abbreviate celebrities’ names otherwise?

BWD #59: Booze and Botched Circumcisions (Pt.2) (PLAY EPISODE) On part two of this episode, Gavin, Thomas and I talk about France’s ban on face coverings and the subsequent partying in the streets by French Muslims (pic related - her hair looks great!), as well as the turgid rise and fall of Anthony Weiner. If you like Gavin, or are just a fan of neat stuff, check out his column Beer and a Shot over at Grungecake.com. He writes about rap, racism and Twinkies.

BWD #58: Booze and Botched Circumcisions (Pt.1) (PLAY EPISODE) In part one of this episode, Gavin recounts one booze-filled day that both destroyed and restored his faith in humanity while Thomas shocks and amazes us with his tales of rebuffed niceties and botched circumcisions. We also talk about the shiny dorsal fin and hairy belly of Seattle’s peeps; Zimmerman’s fiery redemption on Florida’s highways; and old guys telling Thomas to fuck off.

BWD #57: Driving While Black (Pt.2) (PLAY EPISODE) In part two of this episode, Gavin, Thomas and I use our faceholes to talk about: Detroit is now a bankrupt, Mad Max vampire pleasuredome EUR, Rome is a the Detroit of Italy The delightful experience of being in the same room with several of your ex-sensual bedding partners Dolphins are perverts, but then again, humans are too. Required reading for this episode: “Wet Goddess”, by Malcom J. Brenner The problems with unions and bad tippers How it’s probably not hard to get a blowjob in the homeless community Quote of the Episode: “I don’t think she has the vaginal musculature to project piss in such a manner.” - Gavin If you love laffy, but hate taffy, like our Facebook page.

BWD #56: Driving While Black (Pt.1) (PLAY EPISODE) In part one of this episode, Gavin and Thomas talk the talk about: George Zimmmerman shooting children Race riots Stories about getting pulled over for a DWB infraction (Driving While Black) How our genes LUST for diversity Boys prefer boobs and ketchup; men prefer asses and mustard If you think coriander is underrated, go like BWD’s Facebook page. 

BWD #55: Morgan Tells The “Dick Bulb” Story (PLAY EPISODE) New guest Morgan stops by, along with the ghost of my great-grandfather, to talk about: Working the graveyard shift at Taboo Video, a downtown Seattle porno shoppe, and the “dick bulb” story Getting punched in the face by a jealous fan at a Harry Potter book release in Puyallup The top two questions companies ask job applicants to weed out idiots: 1) If a guy offers to blow you AND pay you money, do you accept? 2) Multiple Choice. How much crack do you do? A) An excessive amount. B) A moderate amount, but I have it under control. C) None. Also featured in this episode is a new Wagglepiece Theatre entitled, “Bag of Cat Dicks”, about a young man with some ex-girlfriend and voice modulation problems. If you love maritime law and have no strong opinions about tort reform, please like our Facebook page and subscribe to us on iTunes.

BWD #54 - Gavin and Thomas Make Love in this Club (Pt.2) (PLAY EPISODE) In part 2 of this episode, Gavin, Thomas and I talk about how totally radical it is to have sex for the first time, do some Jimmy Stewart/Don Knotts impressions, and we’ve got a new Wagglepiece Theatre titled “The Tails of Clouds” in which two condescending Southern women get a French comeuppance. If you love Hitler and dead ponies, please DON'T like our Facebook page and subscribe to us on iTunes.

BWD #53 - Gavin and Thomas Make Love in this Club (Pt.1) (PLAY EPISODE) In part 1 of this episode, rapper/poet/smooth luvah Gavin and Ghanaian/future lawyer/booty dancer Thomas talk about: How to navigate dance clubs, the booties contained therein, as well as girl fights. People today have sexual ADD. CALM DOWN. Leave some freaky stuff for when you’re old and finally bored by all the normal stuff. To quote Louis C.K.: “Boys fuck things up; Girls are fucked up.” Napoleon complexes can sometimes bestow small men with superhuman powers. Remember to like our Facebook page and subscribe to us on iTunes.

BWD #52 - The Howlin’ Hobbit Sings (Pt.2) (PLAY EPISODE) In part 2 of my interview with the Howlin’ Hobbit, a 29-year Seattle busking veteran and dark master of the ukulele, we talk about how his band Snake Suspenderz got started playing in front of nude models at the Gage Academy of Art, as well as some juicy stories illustrating how odd networking can be in the music business. Listen in to the entire episode to hear Howlin’ sing “My Girlfriend’s Pussy”, a lovely song about a catWAITAMINUTE. Check out the Howlin’ Hobbit’s website to download and, if you are a purveyor of fine music, buy some of his delightful tunes. Also be sure to Like his Facebook fan page.

BWD #51 - The Howlin’ Hobbit Sings (Pt.1) (PLAY EPISODE) The Howlin’ Hobbit, a 29-year Seattle busking veteran and dark master of the ukulele talks about busking at Pike Place Market for the better part of the last 30 years, why Sonny Bono is a jerkface, punching people in their jerk faces, the death of the English language and manners, as well as gigging in Seattle, including the fantastic Moisture Festival.  Check out the Howlin’ Hobbit’s website to download and, if you are a purveyor of fine music, buy some of his delightful tunes. Also be sure to Like his Facebook fan page.

CLASSIC BWD #50 - Prosteristas, dating transexuals and cornography (PLAY EPISODE) In this special, classic episode of BWD we talk prosteristas, curing Alzheimers, cornography, an episode of I Like Your Dog and two episodes of Wagglepiece Theatre about a clown just trying to make ends meet and two brothers that like each other a LOT. 

BWD #49: Two Large White Guys Solve Everything (PLAY EPISODE) The ghost of my great-grandfather returns to the show to shoot the shit and answer some troubling questions, such as: What’s something you’ve seen and wish you hadn’t? (Hocus Pocus with Bette Midler, and many, many things on the internet) Have you ever done a 180 on an issue you felt strongly about? (Merging on the freeway) What’s a nonsexual thing a girl has done that was a huge turn-on? (Calling you on your shit, buying you a drink, playing through a football game with a broken hand) What is one of the worst/most spiteful things you’ve ever done? (Slipping porn into cars at the mall) Two large white guys with shaved heads going to a lesbian bar? MIXED RESULTS. Being male and growing up without getting all screwed up: Harder than you’d think! Do we remember the first porno we ever saw? You betcha? You betcha.  Remember to like our Facebook page and subscribe to us on iTunes.

BWD #48: Esteemed All-Father and local shaman Craig Hanson (PLAY EPISODE) Esteemed all-father and local shaman Craig Hanson and I talk about: The unsettling ambiguity of dating and picking up girls in bars, as well as Craig’s online dating success story (he married her!) The pros and cons of having kids. Pros: They might be the next Bill Gates? Cons: They might probably be shitty. Finding porn in the woods How awful the South is Kissing dudes, and eating bugs Ian’s desire to be killed by a falling grand piano We also answer three of our listeners’ questions: Charles Hickey: If you had to choose one, would it be long and thin or short and thick? Matthew Wilson: You’re going to the moon for a year and can only bring one personal object. What do you bring? Luke Walker: If you were a mad geneticist and could alter the DNA of your child with one animal trait knowing that the child would have to attend public schools with whatever freakishness resulted, within the laws of physics and the natural world, what would it be and why? Remember to like our Facebook page and subscribe to us on iTunes.

BWD #47: Johnny Nails and Rob Nass from The Chasers star in “The Skin We’re In” (PLAY EPISODE) Johnny Nail and Rob Nass from Seattle metal band The Chasers star in a new Wagglepiece Theater entitled “The Skin We’re In”, wherein a heartwarming American family unravels, revealing their darkest secrets over a pot roast dinner and probably some Tang. We also talk about: The Chasers are filming a music video every single month for each song off their new upcoming album. Check out their new website at GoTheChasers.com, and look! I’m even in this one! The beauty of Judaism (and its women) The crushing awkwardness of meeting your celebrity idols (for Ian, Elliott Smith, and for Rob, Jerry Cantrell) Johnny’s engagement and how you too can marry a rockstar Rob explains the joys and crushing fears of having a head of hair past your ass The Chasers are playing Chop Suey 6/4, so go buy your tickets now! Remember to like our Facebook page and subscribe to us on iTunes.