Football Ranters – The Football Ranter and The Danchise

We know the question on all of your minds, Lunatics — you want to know just what horrible, terrible, awful thing Darin Gantt wrote this week. Well, you have come to the right place, because this week we continue our new segment that answers that very question. Oh, and there’s some football stuff too, culminating in our brilliant and almost … Read more about this episode...

It’s time for turkey, and the Football Ranters have plenty in store for you this week to stave off the food coma. On top of the traditional fare — Yardline News, HOUSE and You F*cking Suck — we also unwrap an early holiday gift for you listeners, in the form of a brand new segment! All that, plus some delictable … Read more about this episode...

Come on a confusing journey through the space-time continuum as Ranter and The Danchise attempt to make sense of an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that transcends the usual boundaries of our universe. Once that has thoroughly confused you, listen up for the latest on Tiki Barber’s whereabouts, Terrell Suggs’ weekend plans and why you should never give Hope Solo’s brother a … Read more about this episode...

After a brief Sandy-related hiatus, The Football Ranters are back! Now that every Doug Martin owner’s hangover has come and gone, we can get town to business and discuss the best of Week 9, from Jerry Jones’ lockout tantrum to Marcus Vick’s Twitter tantrum and all the tantrums in between. Find out who f*cking sucks this week, plus some Incomplete … Read more about this episode...

Another week, another Seattle upset, as Tawmmy Brady goes down swinging in CenturyLink. But the Football Ranters don’t care so much about that. We’d rather bow down and pay homage to the epic troll job that Richard Sherman dished out in Brady’s direction after the game. Speaking of trolls, we’ve got plenty of that in this week’s edition of Yardline … Read more about this episode...

From a humdrum Week 4, we move directly into a Week 5 that featured one of the biggest upsets to date in this young season, as the Colts dropped Godgers and the mighty Packers. If that wasn’t hurtful enough, we’ve got plenty of Jets stupidity to impale ourselves upon, as well. Other storylines include repeat offenders in You F*cking Suck … Read more about this episode...

The entire universe is on fire following the Snowjob in Seattle, and the collective Google search queries for terms like “simultaneous possession,” “offensive pass interference,” “drunken officiating” and “Golden Tate” broke the Internet. It’s a traveshamockery, and we just wouldn’t be the Football Ranters if we didn’t rant about it to no end — so we do in this week’s … Read more about this episode...

Two weeks gone, and we still know next to nothing about just WTF IS GOING ON. The Chargers and Cardinals are undefeated, while the Saints are winless and the Green Bay offense looks borderline pedestrian. Up is down, down is up — it’s just like the first two weeks of every NFL season ever, and we’re loving every minute of … Read more about this episode...

One week of football is in the books, Lunatics, and it was so glorious that The Danchise still can’t quite shake his NFL hangover symptoms. Ranter, meanwhile, has some choice words for a couple of QBs who may be getting a little too big for their britches. Follow along with your fearless hosts as they cover the biggest Week 1 … Read more about this episode...

The long, hard road has come to an end at last, Lunatics: real NFL football starts in just a few short hours. Before you hunker down for the next 4 months of speed draws and corner blitzes, listen up to this week’s episode. We bring our Stupidly Bold Predictions for the 2012 season, including the fates of the Jets, Patriots … Read more about this episode...

Holy sweet fancy Moses, it’s opening week, Lunatics. Your patience will finally pay off when the Cowboys visit the Giants on Wednesday night for real, honest-to-goodness football. But before that, we’ve got the return of your real, honest-to-goodness favorite segments: Fake Injury Report, Incomplete Headlines and You F*cking Suck. Plus, we’ll weigh in on the last bits of news to … Read more about this episode...

With the Cowboys’ and Giants’ season opening tilt just mere days away, fantasy draft season is in full swing. Fact: more fantasy football drafts will be held this week than during any other week in human history. Fact: there are more fantasy football managers in the United States than there are stalks of corn in Iowa. Fact: I made those … Read more about this episode...

It’s the last of the division previews, as the NFL season is finally, mercifully, at long last, almost under way. Ranter and The Danchise will hypothesize, prognosticate and opine on the upcoming success — or lack thereof — of the Jets, Bills, Dolphins, Patriots, Giants, Eagles, Cowboys and Redskins. You’ll find out which of these teams are for real, which … Read more about this episode...

In our ongoing series of Hollywood-themed division previews, this week the Ranters head north to tell you what movies best represent the AFC & NFC North divisions. Last year, these divisions yielded a total of 5 (!) playoff teams. Will they hold the same power in 2012? Will the Packers dominate again as they have over the past two seasons? … Read more about this episode...

The Football Ranters continue their Hollywood-themed season previews this week, prognosticating on the prospects of the eight teams making up the AFC and NFC South Divisions. Will the Saints rebound from scandal to regain their glory, or will the Falcons take the division crown? In the AFC, will the Texans continue to build on their success from a year ago? … Read more about this episode...

With training camps opening up and the preseason bearing down on us faster than Bryant McKinnie swallowing a cheeseburger, it’s time for Ranter and The Danchise to put on their prognostication hats. This week, we start season previews by dishing out predictions for the Rams, Cardinals, Seahawks, 49ers, Broncos, Raiders, Chargers and Chiefs. For a fun twist, we tie each … Read more about this episode...

It’s all about the law this week, as NFL stars have been getting arrested right and left, from Dallas to Seattle. We’ll fill you in on the sheer stupidity and minor tragedy surrounding the arrests of Dez Bryant, Marshawn Lynch, Kenny Britt and others. Plus, we hear from you listeners in a round of Lunatic Mail, while The Danchise stares … Read more about this episode...

In the collective quest to humiliate, degrade and demoralize a single fan base as much as possible, the Cleveland Browns have outdone their brethren once again, this time by blowing a 2013 second round pick on unproven Baylor/Utah-ish wideout Josh Gordon. Ranter and The Danchise have more than a few thoughts on that, just as they do on Breesus’ new … Read more about this episode...

Ron Jaworski’s 2012 QB rankings are not quite done, but since those remaining seem pretty predictable, your snuggly hosts set aside this episode (almost) solely for tearing them to shreds. Listen in to find out exactly why we think these NFL quarterback rankings are a complete traveshamockery (NO KORDELL STEWART? WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THIS?). Plus, find out what has … Read more about this episode...

Another week goes by and without fail, there’s plenty of ridiculous NFL news to go around. A couple of NFC East tight ends behaving stupidly, a couple of washed up quarterbacks pretending they’re not washed up, Tim Tebow showing his claws and of course, Joe Buck doing the thing he does best: sucking. Sucking really hard. On the plus side, … Read more about this episode...

Nothing seems to make any sense this week, from Percy Harvin’s non-holdout to a certain pair of ESPN analysts’ predictions about the NFC North. The Ranter and The Danchise are on the case to solve the mystery, but only is they can keep their sanity all the while. We’ll also check in on who ol’ Kim Kardashian has her eye … Read more about this episode...

The Danchise returns celebrate 50 weeks of he and Ranter not killing one another: it’s the 50th episode of The Football Ranters podcast! This week, find out why Bill Belichick is probably a time traveler, how awesome Joe Flacco is at parenting and just how “Call of Duty” can destroy your budding NFL career. Are you curious about just where … Read more about this episode...

With The Danchise on a soul searching sabbatical, the Football Ranter has no choice but to do something he has never done before: try. He welcomes in a special guest host to tackle some of the lesser-seen business and financial aspects of the game from a player’s point of view. He also welcomes a visitor from Draft Sharks, one … Read more about this episode...

Football season means prediction season, and everyone from casual homer fans to Nevada bookmakers is trying to make some accurate predictions about the upcoming NFL season. As it happens, the first of those bookmakers released projected win totals last week, and here to critique some of the more confusing ones are The Football Ranters. We’ve also got plenty of Yardline … Read more about this episode...

Lunatics, if you’re anything like us, you’ve already started envisioning your dominant fantasy football season, including how you’re going to construct the perfect roster. Need to know which rookies to factor into that mix, and which to avoid like Santonio Holmes avoids drug tests? The Danchise has you covered this week as we all return to his fantasy corner. Plus, … Read more about this episode...

We’re fully in the thick of it now, Lunatics: three long, football-less months. The weather may be warming up, but in our hearts there’s nothing but grey dreariness. But, to snap you out of that funk, the Football Ranters have scoured the far recesses of the Earth — or at least, the Internet — to bring you every bit of … Read more about this episode...

This episode’s lofty title is in honor of Peter King, who has once again drawn the ire of the Football Ranter this week, for — as usual — being a completely out of touch asshat. After dealing with King and his buddy Mr. Roethlisberger, the Ranters turn their attention to the untimely suicide of Junior Seau, and whether there is … Read more about this episode...

Roll out the red carpet and cue the wrap up music, it’s time for the 1st Annual Ranties Awards! The 2012 NFL Draft is in the books, but now find out who is taking home the real prize: a completely imaginary and in no way tangible award based on the subjective opinion of a couple guys who talk about football … Read more about this episode...

The draft is here! The draft is here! Well, close enough, anyway. In honor of the most awesome offseason event the NFL can reasonably offer us, Ranter and The Danchise look back over the draft history of every team. We decide who is the best, who sucks the most and who will be next for each and every team in … Read more about this episode...

With the NFL Draft just about a week away, the Football Ranters are ready to send off this year’s draft class, high school yearbook style. Find out which classmate you would most want to hang out with and who to stay far away from after graduation. We also got a healthy dose of listener mail this week, which we will … Read more about this episode...

What happens around the Football Ranters when nothing happens in the NFL? Well, we do what anyone would do: we get drunk and do a mock draft. The results are stupefying, as listeners of this week’s episode will quickly discover. There’s more than just that tomfoolery, however– we delve into some more prospect scouting reports, learn who was BUSTED this … Read more about this episode...

This past week was so slow for the NFL, a handful of current and former players had nothing to do but smoke weed and break into houses– ALLEGEDLY. Never fear, though, as the Football Ranters are never afraid to scrape up the very dregs from the bottom of the barrel to pique your interest in football. Through the most trying … Read more about this episode...

The mighty wrath of Goodell has reared its ugly head once again, casting out Gregg Williams to a potential lifetime of exile, in much the same way Elway has exiled Tebow to the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah of NYC. Your hosts have plenty to say about these pieces of league-shaking news, plus a healthy dose of incomplete headlines, two … Read more about this episode...

It’s official: Peyton Manning is a Bronco, and so ends the biggest story of this offseason. Your hosts find more questions than answers in this turn of events, and break down each of those questions one by one. After discussing all things Godfather, Ranter and The Danchise turn their attention to grading the freshest crop of free agent signings and … Read more about this episode...

Free agency time is here once more, and the spending spree has begun. The Ranters grade the big moves from Tuesday afternoon, as well as breaking down the two recent blockbuster trades. Listeners can looking forward to hearing answers to the tough questions: Did the Redskins overpay for RGIII? Can the Browns be good this year? And just who does … Read more about this episode...

Bounties, bounties everywhere, but not a leg to break. Both the Ranter and The Danchise are up in arms about Bountygate this week, a scandal that has not only shamed New Orleans, but also threatens to impact the NFL cities of Buffalo, Washington, Nashville, Jacksonville and St. Louis. Yes, we hate Gregg Williams plenty, but that’s not all. We also … Read more about this episode...

Like methadone to a heroin addict, so is the scouting combine to the fan’s raging football habit in the absence of an NFL season. This week, your fearless co-hosts mainline a syringe of 40 times and bench press reps to stem the tide of nausea and violent shakes that accompany your withdrawal symptoms. The Ranter tracks the biggest risers and … Read more about this episode...

The hosts make every attempt to help football fans keep it together without their precious intravenous hits of that sweet, sweet pigskin. A startling amount of sanity carries the day as your two loyal hosts discuss Brandon Carr’s price tag, only to give way to unbridled discord when it comes to injecting new life into the Jacksonville Jaguars. We revisit … Read more about this episode...

The Ranter opens by giving Atlanta wide receiver Roddy White a free lesson in economics, then goes through the headlines with the Danchise and makes the worst joke in show history. Fortunately, the pair pick things up by showing everyone how to make a terrible team a contender just by adding Jason Campbell. The Danchise then finds the best endorsement … Read more about this episode...

As great as the Super Bowl was, it’s left your faithful hosts in a state of depression, as even the Ranter himself has trouble mustering his trademark venom. Still, both he and The Danchise fight off the blues (and maybe pop some amphetamines) long enough to argue about Ahmad Bradshaw, giggle at Rob Gronkowski and tackle Tom Coughlin’s Hall of … Read more about this episode...

Even The Football Ranters are in a good mood this week, as the most magical week in the manic sports year is finally upon us: Super Bowl Sunday. Fear not, though, it’s not all sunshine and smiles from your curmudgeonly hosts, as Ranter hates the bye week and The Danchise is flat out bored. Listen in for our Super Bowl … Read more about this episode...

Fresh off two of the most exciting games of the year, both hosts have plenty of hate to mete out for some offending conference championship goats. The font of pre-Super Bowl buzz makes for a deluxe edition of Incomplete Headlines, and we discuss Peyton Manning’s latest media tantrum. Find out if you despise the Pro Bowl as much as the … Read more about this episode...

Two NFC heavyweights went down hard last week, and that crazy coaching carousel just won’t stop spinning. The Football Ranter and The Danchise offer their unique takes on these situations, as well as offering headline editing assistance, piling on Jacoby Jones and exacting another helping of hate for Scott Pioli. Stick around both host’s picks and predictions for the upcoming … Read more about this episode...

Wild card weekend lived up to its billing in more ways than one, as the Ranter goes off on the weekend’s officiating crews. Meanwhile the Danchise takes us all through another spin on the NFL coaching carousel and doles out some hate to Detroit cornerback Aaron Berry. Finally the pair previews the divisional round and locks in their predictions. now … Read more about this episode...

With the dawn of a New Year comes the dawn of the NFL’s second season. It also marks the the Ranter’s return from his Caribbean exile, just in time to share his true feelings about Mike Tomlin, Raheem Morris and Steve Spagnuolo. There’s plenty of hate to go around for old friends of the program like Santonio Holmes, as well. … Read more about this episode...

Week 16 Recap … Read more about this episode...

The Ranter makes it clear he’s no fan of Peter King, then he and the Danchise talk playoff implications for teams on the bubble. The pair also introduce two new segments, “To Be or Not to Be” and “Sign/Franchise/Cut” before moving into their week 16 predictions. Accompanying videos and commentary are posted to our website starting on Thursday. … Read more about this episode...

There’s way more Tebow than The Danchise’s sanity can handle this week, but there’s also plenty of Ranter hate for Scott Pioli and Todd Haley. Both hosts share their thoughts on the close and controversial finishes around the league, at least until The Danchise nearly ends The Ranter’s incessant yammering with a James Harrison-style helmet-to-helmet shot. Don’t miss a moment … Read more about this episode...

Jason Garrett, Fred Davis and Trent Williams are among those in the crosshairs of the Ranters this week. Listen up as they get what’s coming to them for their idiocy, while the hosts continue to drool all over Aaron “Godgers” Rodgers. All that, plus what’s up with the Lions, why no one wants Donovan McNabb and who to enlist on … Read more about this episode...

Ranter doles out some punishment this week as Norv Turner ends up in the Ranter’s doghouse for giving up on his team. Meanwhile, the Danchise dishes out some hate on Jack Del Rio and Ndamukong Suh, then walks us through the often terrifying terrain of late-season waiver pickups in his “fantasy corner.” Accompanying videos and commentary are posted to our … Read more about this episode...

Ranter is miffed to discover that The Danchise doesn’t have a sister, and completely incensed over the NFL’s rules regarding possession in the end zone. Twitter skirmishes involving John Elway and Josh Scobee make waves, Raheem Morris makes excuses and Joe Bucks makes viewers want to cry. Listen in for the low down on all that, plus The Danchise’s Fantasy … Read more about this episode...