I Woke Up This Gay

In this episode I ask the question how do we respond to this frightening wave of transphobia mania? Many of the people who most passionately oppose our transgender community do so out of ignorance. I explain the origin of many of the most dangerous misconceptions about the trans experience and counter these misconceptions with truth and facts.Lets give the people of my adopted home, Portland Oregon, an opportunity stand up and speak out for our trans, nonbinary and drag community now when they need us most. I ask my listeners to help me organize a celebration of colorful lights, support and love for our magnificent transgender, nonbinary and drag communities.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

This is the second half of a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man.  I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents' and/or family's support: "Family doesn't end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don't have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you're not respected, or safe.  You need to put yourself first. You don't need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that's their problem, not yours.'Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

I have a conversation with Uncle Kerfuffle in this episode. Uncle Kerfuffle is a good friend who, at the age of 13, was the first in his community and school to come out as trans.We discuss his journey, his wonderfully supportive family and some of his life experiences as a trans man.  I also try to ask questions that help us learn how to talk about and better understand the trans experience.I wish every trans child had a family like Uncle Kerfuffle's. They truly are the gold standard.At the age of 19 Uncle Kerfuffle is very wise for his age and has some sage advice for those coming out as trans without their parents' and/or family's support: "Family doesn't end in blood. You can find people who will love you for you and you don't have to feel guilty for removing yourself from a place where you're not respected, or safe.  You need to put yourself first. You don't need to feel guilty for living your authentic life, especially if it makes other people uncomfortable. Because that's their problem, not yours.'Please check out Episode 28 the second half of Uncle Kerfuffle's Trans Safari.  Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

When I realized Trump had won the election I hugged my boyfriend and told him I was sorry. It felt like I had let him down. “What do we do now?" I asked.He answered, "Even in the depths of hatred we can always bring love back." Bring love back means; share safety with those who seek it. Find boundaries for those who need them and raise gratitude from the smallest of places.  If we all proudly live our lives out loud and treat everyone around us with kindness, love and respect, especially our perceived enemies. We will prove to them there is no need to fear us and absolutely no reason to hate us or hurt us.  "Once they realize that we are indeed their children, that we are indeed everywhere, every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and all." -Harvey MilkIf someone needs our help, stand up for them. If they need our wisdom, be patient and kindly show them how to bring love back.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

In this episode I recall lobbying the US Congress and the Utah State Legislature to pay for HIV meds.  Mormon homosexuals on the downlow and the tragically large population of LGBTQ+ kids living on Utah's streets were often not tested for HIV until they had full blown AIDS. They urgently needed HIV medication to stay alive, but there was no funding to pay for it. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

If I was going to be successful as a liberal lobbyist in America's most conservative state asking Mormons for money to save the lives of a bunch of people with AIDS. I needed to do a serious anthropological study of how Utah's bizarre, freakishly repressed society thinks and more importantly how they communicate.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Returning to live in Utah in my 40s was, well differnt. Trying to be true to myself in the ultra-conformist, freakishly bizarre pseudo reality of Utah was as challenging as it was lonely.  I began working as a lobbyist, asking the Utah State Legislature for money to pay for HIV medication. I studied FOX news and BYUTV to learn how to effectively communicate in America's most conservative state, oh yeah and I got run over by a Mormon soccer mom on meth. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

HE IS TALKING ABOUT YOUTrump says he will use the military and get rough with Americans who disagree with him. What will it take to get your attention? What will it take for you to understand he is talking about you.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

In this episode I compare Mormonism to Communism and it's the most fun I've ever had writing. I explain everything you always wanted to know about Mormonism, including a few secrets the Mormons would rather you didn't know.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Once I finally escaped Utah my life just blossomed. For the next 20 years one amazing opportunity after another just fell in my lap.  I was a double agent spying on the KGB for the Americans in Munich, Berlin and Moscow. Then I then moved to NYC and found my dream job in the news industry, traveling throughout Europe, Africa and Austral-Asia, but while living in Sydney it all came to an abrupt end. Suddenly, I found myself unemployed, sick with chronic fatigue as a result of my HIV medication, and self-medicating with meth.  After 9/11 as America rushed into an unjust war. I apologized to a Muslim friend for my countrymen. Then I returned to Utah to sober up and be near my family. When the USA attacked Iraq I adopted a dog and named her "Mir" the Russian word for "peace." I discovered the Bush Administration was paying for HIV medication in Africa, but not in smaller American states where people were still dying needlessly. So, I founded The Campaign2EndAIDS Utah and started lobbying for state and federal funding to pay for HIV/AIDS medication.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

If you only ever listen to one of my podcasts, please let it be this one, especially young people.  We are on the cusp of losing everything old fags like me worked our entire lives to create for you, the next generations. So please listen.In this episode I recall during the tragedies of the AIDS crisis we had no choice but to fight for our rights while fighting for our very lives.Princess Diana, through one simple gesture of basic human decency, jolted the world's conscience by playing with a baby who was born with AIDS.After years of struggling alone, finally, one by one the vast majority of good and loving people came together as one united force.  We established charities to feed the sick and hold the hands of the dying, so they knew they weren't alone and were still loved and valued. This time we can't wait until the crisis is at its worst. We, the majority of good and decent people in America, must stand up now before all the laws we've worked 60+ years for are gone in one fatal fell swoop.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

In this episode I recall how my family earned the nickname "The Heathens on the Lake." We were the only no practicing Mormons on Salem Lake in Utah Valley, the sanctimonious sanctum sanctorum of Mormon religiosity. I also discuss my family's surprising reaction to my being gay. Our very religious Mormon grandparents were born in rural Utah in the late 1890s and they were fine with me being gay. My parents were born in the 1920s and they were also fine. My siblings' reactions, however, were and continue to be surprising.During WWII my dad served in the South Pacific as a tail gunner on a B-17 bomber. His plane was tasked with filming the bombing of Nagasaki at treetop level three minutes after the atomic bomb was dropped. He also took part in the battle of Okinawa and the firebombing of Tokyo. These experiences left an indelible mark on my father.Upon returning from the war dad befriended a Japanese medical student named Dan Oniki. We were very fortunate to have Dr, Oniki as our family doctor. In my favorite story about my dad, I remember how he helped the Onikis overcome the anti-Japanese sentiment that existed in Utah after the war.My dad's superpower was having the courage to be a compassionate, kind and gentle man by choice. He could move mountains with the power of his kindness, like a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through solid stone.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

In this episode I remember my painful and at times rather humorous psychological journey surviving child abuse. I started life as a happy and very flamboyant little boy who enjoyed playing dress up with his mummy's cloths once in a while. When I turned 12 my Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life to fulfill their spiritual duty and beat the queer out of me. I bribed myself to survive by promising myself I would never forget how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I swore someday I would write it all down so children in my future world would never have to endure such pain. Sadly, many children, including Mormon children, are still suffering as I once did. I pray this podcast will help them.Dedicated to Justin, the man I love. If I ever grow up, I want to be a joyful old man who never stops fighting for equality for ALL. Justin's relentless joy gives me the inspiration and determination to never stop.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

In this episode I recall the memorable and exceedingly enjoyable months I shared an apartment with the splendid, the singularly spectacular legendary superstar Candis Cayne. The Princess Diana of drag. Although they rarely get the credit for it, the drag queens were the first to start the fight for LGBTQ+ rights in America, and the last to reap the benefits. Hell, they are still fighting. While many in the LGBTQ+ community sit back and enjoy our entitled lives, the drag queens, transsexuals and nonbinary community bequeathed us, they are still fighting for respect even from within our own community. They are still fighting for proper health care and once again they are fighting for the very right to exist in places like Florida, Tennessee, Texas and Montana. They are still pushing the proverbial boulder up the hill in high heels and they still look absolutely glorious while doing it!  The drag queens and trans community are still and have always been our community's Sisyphus in Stilettos.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah's most prominent families.Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.She taught me life wasn't about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah's most prominent families.Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.She taught me life wasn't about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

The age of death and AIDS was finally over. I had always imagined a huge celebration, like when we won World War II, but there wasn't so much as a whimper. After all It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares? In the first six years of the AIDS crisis not one single dollar was spent for research, or a cure in America because It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?In the first few weeks of the AIDS crisis when there were only 2000 dead Dr. Matilda Krim pleaded with her good friend President Ronald Reagan to immediately fund research into the mysterious disease killing the gay community before it became a pandemic and spread to the wider community. Reagan declined. However, three days after the first straight person was diagnosed with HIV President Reagan declared AIDS a national emergency and poured tens of millions of dollars into finding a cure.By that time AIDS had already become a worldwide pandemic that would ultimately kill 40 million people.Imagine, how many tens of millions of lives would have been saved were it not for President Reagan an America's historical hatred of homosexuals. After all It Was Just Fags, So Who Cares?Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

At the age of 12 I was an effeminate spoiled child born into a prominent Mormon family. Using the voice of the terrified, confused child I was, I describe what it felt like when my Mormon Bishop commanded my Scout Master and older brother to "beat the queer out of me."Grown men were suddenly beating me and calling me a "faggot," but I still had no idea what that was. After 5 years of violent child abuse I finally found my unique way to say "fuck you" to the Mormon God.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Until Americans of all races are able to admit our inner most insidious racist thoughts and sit down and openly discuss them with each other we're stuck.I'm an old white man, who happens to be gay, but I've come to realize I'm an insidious racist against old white men. Imagine the existential conundrum I find myself in, I'm an insidious racist against myself.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Recently I was asked to give an address to some middle school students in Oregon City about the importance of embracing diversity. I shared with them our nation's history of hate speech, turning into discrimination and violence against the LGBTQ+ and against all marginalized communities in our society. I also told them my own personal experiences as the victim, the focus of America's hatred, discrimination and violence.When I look at this generation what I see is the miracle, a miracle I and many of my generation devoted our lives to create. They are a beautiful miracle of diversity I never thought I would live long enough to see. But this miracle is under threat from the recent increase of racist and anti-LGBTQ rhetoric and violence. I asked these middle school students to help me defend the beautiful miracle of diversity they are and remember, never forget the high cost of hatred.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Nils was a symphony in gravitas. Of all my departed friends I will always miss Nils the most. In this episode I recall our last week together on Fire Island and the discussion of our favorite novel "Damian," by Herman Hess.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

As you may have noticed I rewrote and recorded this episode about my mum, but now its twice as long as it was before. I've divided it into two episodes, 10.1 and 10.2. I put a great deal of love into rewriting these two episodes about my mum and intentionally recorded them on my birthday. When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Born Veronika Aleksandrovna Shchipnova to Russian parents in British Columbia. Mum met my father, converted to Mormonism and moved to Utah to marry the golden boy of one of Utah's most prominent families. Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things, not the least of which was to raise me to thrive in the normal, non-Mormon world.She taught me life wasn't about conformity, especially in Utah. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay. As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am.Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Early Mormons history of my polygamist Mormon Family in Cache Valley. The largely untold story of the worst Native American Massacre in our nation's history to make way for the placid Norman Rockwell community of Preston Idaho. The congressional investigation into the continued practice of polygamy in my family and the subsequent arrest of Apostle Marriner Wood Merrill. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

How do you make privileged, heterosexual, white Americans understand what it feels like to watch a man beaten to death and know there was no place to go for prevention, protection, justice, or even to report the crime, because the armed policeman who stood beside me, he saw it too, but refused to stop it because gay lives didn't matter?Racial minorities in America understand what that feels like. Our transgender friends today certainly understand what that feels like.I believe the best way to make the rest of American understand what that feels like is by telling our stories of survival.Tell us your story!Here are some of my stories...Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

I had to reluctantly leave my wonderful gay life in Berlin Germany and return to America at the same time I discovered I was HIV+. I remember the joys and sorrows of gay life in America during the AIDS crisis.I was Princess Diana's personal waiter for her dress auction at Christie's in New York and remember how the "People's Princess' changed America's view of AIDS.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

While working for Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, (RFE/RL,) I accidentally kidney punched my political hero, President Jimmy Carter, at a symposium in Kazakhstan. Upon returning to the RFE/RL offices in Munich, Germany I discovered our newly appointed Director, Kevin Klose (who would go on to run National Public Radio,) was conducting a witch hunt to "thin the radios out of all the fags."Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

We, America's gay children of the 70s and 80s, had started off with such promise and so much hope. We honestly convinced ourselves we would be the generation who gave the world gay rights. Instead, we became the generation obliterated by AIDS.When my best friend Stevie was dying of pneumonia, but his nurses were not allowed to give him oxygen, I vowed to join the struggle and became an activist.Reagan and his Press Secretary openly joked about fags dying of AIDS, as did most American's. Europe and the civilized world looked on in utter shock and disgust at America's response to AIDS. While the LGBTQ community and our few allies tried to get America to take notice, Reagan's policy was to do nothing until the first heterosexual was diagnosed with HIV. Only then was AIDS declared a national emergency and millions of dollars were finally allocated to find a cure.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Growing up in a prominent Mormon family, this episode chronicles my journey from being the victim of church ordered child abuse, to cure my homosexuality, to gay rights activist taking on the Mormon Church and my family.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

Working with the KGB on the behest of U.S. intelligence agencies, I became the FIRST OUT GAY American allowed to keep my TOP SECRET security clearance after coming out, only to be ultimately betrayed by the intensely homophobic U.S. intelligence agencies.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

As a child my beloved aunt told me I had to decide what kind of life I wanted to create for myself. I told her I wanted an interesting life and became a gay rights activist and lobbyist. "Interesting lives are hard, hard and lonely." She explained.Fifty years later she asked me "So, how was it? Do you regret your choice? Its been hard and lonely. I know. I've been watching, but I've been so proud of you, but tell me. Tell me in your own words..."Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

The untold story of the gay hero of the 1991 revolution that ended communism in Russia who was assassinated by the KGB because he was an out gay man and because Russia Doesn't Have Gay Heroes.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations

A 5-min. intro to my podcast "I woke Up This Gay"My 40 years as an LGBTQ & AIDS activist on the streets of Moscow & Berlin, the AIDS wards of NYC & Chicago & the halls of Congress & the Utah State Capital.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations