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44 episodes with mormon bishop
4 episodes with mormon bishop
2 episodes with mormon bishop
3 episodes with mormon bishop
2 episodes with mormon bishop
2 episodes with mormon bishop
2 episodes with mormon bishop
1. The question Carson's sister asked that made him radically reimagine his life. 2. Why Carson is having the best sex of his life. 3. How Carson received sign-off from his Mormon Bishop for his first queer date. 4. The accident that left Carson paralyzed from the chest down at 23. 5. How ableism hurts us all. About Carson: Carson Tueller is a coach, speaker and activist whose work provides people with the tools they need to live authentic, fulfilling, and powerful lives. He identifies as queer and disabled. Carson grew up as a Mormon in a military family moving around a lot before settling in Utah. His own journey into powerful living began in 2013 when, in the same year, he came out, and was then injured in an accident that paralyzed him from the chest down. Since then, Carson has brought his work to international nonprofits and presidential campaigns – and when he isn't coaching or speaking, Carson can be found at the gym, reading non-fiction, or playing Pokemon with his niece and nephews. TW: @carson_tueller IG: @carson_tueller #disabilitypride #disabilitypridemonth To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
You've never heard this story before, I can almost guarantee it. This murder took place in my hometown of Cedar City, Utah in the mid 1980s when I was a teenager. My father was the victim's Mormon Bishop at the time and this case has always haunted him. This is a terrible story about a very naive young college student who got into a car with two monsters who did the unthinkable to her.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Join us today as we interview Tennessee Mormon Bishop Nathan Hinckley as he shares with us: His recent LDS faith deconstruction How he shared his thoughts on the internet, leading to an invitation to meet with is LDS Stake President The surprising outcome of their "confrontation." We will be hosting a Tennessee meet-up on 5/24/24 thru 5/26/2024. It will be super casual. Show Notes YouTube Link Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon PayPal Venmo Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord
In this episode I remember my painful and at times rather humorous psychological journey surviving child abuse. I started life as a happy and very flamboyant little boy who enjoyed playing dress up with his mummy's cloths once in a while. When I turned 12 my Mormon Bishop commanded the men in my life to fulfill their spiritual duty and beat the queer out of me. I bribed myself to survive by promising myself I would never forget how I was feeling and what I was thinking. I swore someday I would write it all down so children in my future world would never have to endure such pain. Sadly, many children, including Mormon children, are still suffering as I once did. I pray this podcast will help them.Dedicated to Justin, the man I love. If I ever grow up, I want to be a joyful old man who never stops fighting for equality for ALL. Justin's relentless joy gives me the inspiration and determination to never stop.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations
Rhett Hintze, a Stake President in the LDS (Mormon) Church has been charged with failure to report or refer allegations that were made against Shawn Cory Gooden, a Mormon Bishop and Boy Scout leader, who was accused of sexually abusing victims in the 1990's and 2000's. https://dailyvoice.com/pennsylvania/dauphin/mormon-ex-scout-leader-sentenced-for-raping-children-in-va-new-charges-in-pa/ https://www.nydailynews.com/2024/01/31/pennsylvania-mormon-leader-charged-not-reporting-sexual-abuse/ https://www.abc27.com/local-news/harrisburg-lobbyist-lds-church-leader-charged-with-not-reporting-child-rape-allegations/ https://www.deseret.com/faith/2024/2/1/24057665/church-calls-charge-against-latter-day-saint-stake-president-misguided? Abuse bill in Utah? https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2024/02/07/another-utah-bill-allowing-clergy/?fbclid=IwAR3WdYXi_T7rO1UMYFKBHha2xvDrg28N65QpdKZ4pEtgBBSfoIPduDip6Zo James Craig update https://denvergazette.com/news/james-craig-poison-death-first-degree-murder-angela-craig/article_1db498cc-bfc3-11ee-a082-ab65628a0b4a.html?fbclid=IwAR1A-MrwlVvbqDSDnr78ApSXjhnTSeoE4sQawBiGK8RYffGG2uEtZCRQCfo Athlete endangered in Utah https://www.axios.com/local/salt-lake-city/2024/02/08/utah-school-board-natalie-cline-gender-basketball-threats?fbclid=IwAR0fE-S9CYkwkbeuEersg315x2Z8k-imzc8He9FQuSMJjmqEXcbZkRuNeio David McConkie update https://www.axios.com/local/salt-lake-city/2024/02/08/utah-school-board-natalie-cline-gender-basketball-threats?fbclid=IwAR0fE-S9CYkwkbeuEersg315x2Z8k-imzc8He9FQuSMJjmqEXcbZkRuNeio *Social Media Links* Facebook: www.facebook.com/truecrimesquad Facebook Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/215774426330767 Website: https://www.truecrimesquad.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@truecrimesquad Our Latest Video: https://youtu.be/wRXWQvUWxh0 Check Out Some of Our Previous Uploads! Patriot Front in Coeur d'Alene, Mark Middleton, Baby Holly https://youtu.be/Fz7vTzUiKIw Shasta Groene, The VHS Bandit, Nancy Brophy found guilty https://youtu.be/Bhu1Do0J_bQ The Girl Scout Murders, Diane Lynn Dahn, Heather Marie Underwood https://youtu.be/UdQrQ7yjtpE True Crime Paranormal on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5gIPqBHJLftbXdRgs1Bqm1 True Crime Paranormal on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/true-crime-paranormal/id1525438711?ls=1 Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd85RJRW6kn51aM2un6ButA/join
A few weeks ago, Mormon Bishop Nick Jones (Mississippi) took the LDS church by storm by resigning his position as bishop from the pulpit (with the video being subsequently shared on TikTok and YouTube). Please join us for Nick and Amanda's (his wife's) story. We welcome your questions and comments. Nick's resignation video Episode Show Notes YouTube Link Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon PayPal Venmo Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord
Dive into the latest happenings in the world of Mormonism with this engaging news show! Explore the heartfelt story of a Mormon Bishop resigning from the pulpit, offering viewers a glimpse into the personal struggles faced by religious leaders on the local level. The hosts, one a former Bishop himself, provide thoughtful perspective on the challenges Bishops encounter when asked to go against their own conscience. The episode also includes Utah's Mormon politicians, and a special report from the Widow's Mite on new stats from Australia on child ab*se rates within Mormonism. The Widow's Mite Report Show Notes Youtube link Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon PayPal Venmo Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord
Chelsea Goodrich endured years of CSA from her Mormon Bishop father John Goodrich. Chelsea and her mother Lorraine went to the Mormon/LDS church for help in prosecuting him, but they let her down at every turn, despite making it seem they wouldn't. What seemed like a good faith payment for Lorraine's rapidly deteriorating health due to all the stress, ended up being disguised as a gag order given by the LDS church. This is a layered and complicated case that has been frequently misrepresented in the news. Now, Chelsea and Lorraine take back the narrative. Find the first episode with Chelsea hereAp article, Reveal News podcastTo hear more about the litigation, watch our next episode (releasing soon) with Chelsea and her mother.Ex Mormon lawyer, Kolby Reddish, breaks down the caseFind Chelsea on Social mediaIG @resilientwellnessllcWhat happened at the meeting with Paul?The empty promises concerning Bishop Miller testifyingHas there been any recent contact with Bishop Miller?Lorraine is denied character statements by other LDS membersChelsea asked if she could speak with her bishop for healing traumaPaul seemingly lied to Chelsea about the Prosecutor not needing Bishop Miller's testimonyPaul offered them a large sum of money unexpectedly, on behalf of the LDS churchFoul play...the criminal charges were droppedWhat were the contents of the contract?The prosecutor knew he was guilty and dropped charges anywayTW: R@pe- another survivor of John GoodrichThe Prosecutor made false statements to the media about LorraineTW: CSA & r@peMormon prosecutor tries to defend perpetrator when he finds out he's also mormonChelsea's dad threatens her when he finds out she will testify against himThe Idaho dental association, allowed John to keep his licenseChelsea's sister LIVED with her dad with a NEW BABY!How they are both doing nowHave the left the LDS faith?Their consciousness side of the storyOur C2C vacation where we can meet you in real life and go on adventures together has 7 spots left! Click here to go to the official booking pageOur Merch! Patreon: Patreon.com/cultstoconsciousnessVenmo @sheliseannAny donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcastWebsite CultsToConsciousness.comFind Shelise on Social media!Instagram @cultstoconsciousnessHost Instagram @sheliseannTikTok @cults.to.consciousnessTwitter @cultstoconTheme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**
After years of committing CSA with his own daughter, Mormon bishop John Goodrich confessed his sins to a higher authority called the Stake President. However, the information was never passed to his wife, Chelsea's mother, or the authorities, and the CSA continued. Years later, Chelsea confided in her mother about what had happened in her childhood which led to a series of more unfortunate events. We go into depth about her hardships and confusion after deconstructing these traumatizing events which led to a court case against her father. Would the LDS church step up and help defend Chelsea Goodrich? Ap article, Reveal News podcastTo hear more about the litigation, watch our next episode (releasing soon) with Chelsea and her mother.Ex Mormon lawyer, Kolby Reddish, breaks down the caseFind Chelsea on Social mediaIG @resilientwellnessllcOur C2C vacation where we can meet you in real life and go on adventures together has 9 spots left! Click here to go to the official booking page Why Chelsea is speaking up now, and did she have an NDA with the church?TW: CSA - Chelsea's upbringing with her dad as a BishopThe hotel incidentChelsea's family was called out at General Conference for being the model Mormon familyChelsea was gr**medTW: Shelise opens up about her own past with CSAChelsea struggled with datingChelsea was experiencing somatic flashbacksWhen Chelsea first tells her motherWhy Chelsea wants to tell her storyChelsea's mom confronted her dadThe Bishop that Chelsea's father confessed to revealed more to details to ChelseaChelsea's dad confesses to the Stake PresidentThe Stake President's unbelievable responseIt took 4 months for Chelsea's dad to be excommunicatedChelsea's dad turned their community and friends against her and momDivorce attorney advises Chelsea's mom to leave the townChelsea moves in with her mom and grandmaChelsea's father didn't want the divorce to be on the grounds of his ab*seTW: CSA thoughtsChelsea and her mother decided to turn him inThe criminal trialTalking to the Head of Risk Management at the church to get answersOur Merch! Patreon: Patreon.com/cultstoconsciousnessVenmo @sheliseannAny donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcastWebsite CultsToConsciousness.comFind Shelise on Social media!Instagram @cultstoconsciousnessHost Instagram @sheliseannTikTok @cults.to.consciousnessTwitter @cultstoconTheme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**
Born and raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Katie's home life was less than perfect. However, her parents remained very loyal to the teachings and the gospel of the LDS Church. After years of SA from an older brother, Katie's sister reported it to the Bishop during a confession. The Bishop advised to keep it a secret from everyone, including her parents, as the shame the perpetrator would have faced being forced to come home early from his LDS mission would have been, in his opinion, too great. Due to this negligence more CSA circulated through their immediate family amongst the siblings, including Katie. Click here to watch the episode on YouTube Please consider donating to the fundraiser for "Darkness to Light". You can do so directly through the video by clicking donate.Darkness to Light Website: https://www.d2l.org/YouTube: @Darkness2Light Find Katie on Social: IG @k.wallace.arttiktok: @hope.in.outer.darkness It's official! Our C2C vacation where we can meet you in real life and go on adventures together is now launced! Click here to go to the official booking pageDisclaimer & reasoning for trigger word abbreviationsKatie participated in Trek!Katie's intense Mormon upbringing with authoritarian parentsTW: mentions of CA (mental, physical, neglect)Katie's mother was overwhelmed, depressed and strugglingTW: CA & CSA How her brothers hurt her growing upWhen her sister got counseling and the CSA was reported to her bishopTW: CSA When Katie decided to report her own CSAOnce Katie's parents knew, they held the LDS church accountableCan we blame the entire LDS church for this?Perpetrator walks free + victim blaming in the LDS churchHow the LDS teachings can lead to CSADid the LDS church do better after Katie's family's case?Is the "hotline" for bishops actually helping?Katie is working to help survivors on a legal level in Colorado!Fundraiser for "Darkness to Light" non-profit, who helps prevent CSATW: Suic*de ideation- The aftermath and how she's doing nowKatie is pursuing a degree in psychology and art therapy!Our Merch! Patreon: Patreon.com/cultstoconsciousnessVenmo @sheliseannAny donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcastWebsite CultsToConsciousness.comFind Shelise on Social media!Instagram @cultstoconsciousnessHost Instagram @sheliseannTikTok @cults.to.consciousnessTwitter @cultstoconTheme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**
Fair warning, this episode is full of feminine rage. Because if anything warrants ranting and raging, it's Mormon bishop stories. We focus today on the sex-related stuff- inappropriate worthiness interviews, creepy modesty callouts and a whole lot of sex-shaming. Because if Mormon bishops have one thing, it's the audacity. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/hayley-rawle/support
Paul Adams reported to his Mormon Bishop that he was molesting his daughter in 2010. The story that unfolds from this event will make you sick and angry. The Mormon Church protects pedophiles and not children. https://www.firstpost.com/world/us-arizona-court-upholds-clergy-privilege-in-mormon-child-abuse-case-12441692.html https://www.independent.co.uk/news/paul-adams-ap-mormon-new-zealand-arizona-b2250383.html https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/arizona/2022/08/04/mormon-church-sexual-abuse-help-line-paul-adams/10234183002/ WTF News- Xuming Li has been charged for injecting chemical agents into his neighbors apartment https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/27/us/florida-neighbor-chemical-agent.html DNA For the Win- Patrick Gilham killed Roxanne Wood https://www.cbsnews.com/news/roxanne-wood-murder-patrick-wayne-gilham-dna-detective-helped-solve-michigan-cold-case/ *Social Media Links* Facebook: www.facebook.com/truecrimesquad Facebook Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/215774426330767 Website: https://www.truecrimesquad.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@truecrimesquad Our Latest Video: https://youtu.be/wRXWQvUWxh0 Check Out Some of Our Previous Uploads! Patriot Front in Coeur d'Alene, Mark Middleton, Baby Holly https://youtu.be/Fz7vTzUiKIw Shasta Groene, The VHS Bandit, Nancy Brophy found guilty https://youtu.be/Bhu1Do0J_bQ The Girl Scout Murders, Diane Lynn Dahn, Heather Marie Underwood https://youtu.be/UdQrQ7yjtpE True Crime Paranormal on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5gIPqBHJLftbXdRgs1Bqm1 True Crime Paranormal on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/true-crime-paranormal/id1525438711?ls=1 Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd85RJRW6kn51aM2un6ButA/join
At the age of 12 I was an effeminate spoiled child born into a prominent Mormon family. Using the voice of the terrified, confused child I was, I describe what it felt like when my Mormon Bishop commanded my Scout Master and older brother to "beat the queer out of me."Grown men were suddenly beating me and calling me a "faggot," but I still had no idea what that was. After 5 years of violent child abuse I finally found my unique way to say "fuck you" to the Mormon God.Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/i-woke-up-this-gay/donations
Tina's upbringing in the Mormon Church seemed uneventful until she had a troubling temple experience that made her question whether it was a cult. Zane, initially attracted to Tina's spirituality, went through his own faith crisis after reading anti-Mormon literature but eventually had a "spiritual experience" reaffirming his belief in the church. Their story takes a dramatic turn when Tina starts losing her testimony, leading to emotional turmoil within their marriage, especially since Zane is called to be a bishop. The couple navigates the complexities of a non-believing bishop leading a congregation and the challenges of facing their doubts and fears while remaining true to themselves and their family. Note: The airing of this episode was delayed at the request of the Beards until they felt more comfortable in their circumstances for it to become public. Episode Show Notes YouTube Link Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon PayPal Venmo Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord
Discover the captivating story of Bill and Amanda Reel as they share their extraordinary journey through Mormonism, exploring Bill's transformation from a troubled youth seeking fatherly guidance to a dedicated bishop caught in a web of doubt and awakening. Unveil the challenges faced by this couple within the Mormon patriarchy, their relentless pursuit for truth, and how their experiences ultimately led them on a path of self-discovery and personal growth. Join us as we delve into the untold chapters of their lives, exposing the complexities and contradictions of faith, family, and the power of questioning within a religious institution. Donate to Mormon Discussions Mormon Discussions Podcast Website Mormon Discussion Inc. - YouTube MormonDiscussion (@mormondiscussion) | TikTok Mormon Discussions | Facebook Episode Show Notes YouTube Link Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord
Today we break new ground on Mormon Stories Podcast - we are interviewing a currently serving Mormon bishop who no longer believes in the core truth claims of the Mormon church (e.g. that it is the "one true church," that the Book of Mormon is historical, that Joseph Smith as a prophet in the way we are taught, in paying tithing, etc). Join us now as we learn about how he became a Mormon bishop, how he lost his literal Mormon faith as bishop, why he chose to "come out" on Mormon Stories Podcast while serving as bishop, and what he thinks the consequences will be for his actions. Episode Show Notes YouTube Link Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord
What happens when a former Mormon bishop can no longer stay closeted and hidden? He grabs the door-handle, walks through that door and into a world he's avoided his whole life. Richard Mitchell was a very active, stalwart Latter-day Saint. He married a woman, had children, served in the church (including as Bishop) and tried to use the promises of Mormonism to “change” his sexual orientation. But was the “Mormon Message” sustainable for him? In this three-episode series, Richard shares a candid look into his journey through church leadership, marriage and divorce, navigating life outside of social and religious expectations, and so much more! Part Two of the series is Richard's husband Josh and Part Three will be the couple sharing their stories as married men (including some juicy details about their wedding!) #LatterGayStories #MormonBishop #ComingOut
“She's going through my bag.” I thought to myself– the warm running shower over the back of my neck returning me fully to my body; It had taken something like an hour to return to myself– still within and yet so far out of my body, that the twisting and turning cosmic purple light of my natural aura became all of me, as, whisked away through space and time, pushed and pulled through all of the trauma I had endured certainly over the last few years alone, but the entirety of my lifetime–it had all been part of something bigger and greater than I could have known–supposedly all in my control, and yet seemingly not-so at all. I could feel her in the other room, checking my bag–she would find the sage that I had meant to burn in the bathroom during my shower, and yet had been in such a state that I only grabbed my clothes, unwilling to go to the gym: my honesty had again betrayed my own safety–earlier, my roommate asking where I had gone in the late night/early morning before, and my response, which was honest, only confirmed why I had come to the conclusion not once but many times that honesty will only ever hurt you —I had learned well and under the excruciating pain of reality that any vampire, vulture, or entity alone would take honesty as weakness, only to be used against you; I had reached the tipping point in being taken advantage of—I was hungry, owed money, and out of sorts—my new roommate was off in a number of ways, but I was no longer willing to be subjected to whatever experiment at wlll—I had for years been a test rat, my suicidal tendencies, notions, and ideations often vilified, but justifiable nonetheless. ‘I tell the truth!” , the words of Bibi Bourelly, of course one of many of Sonny's suspected lovers, rang in my ears sometimes, as I teetered on the grounds of morality in the under relms of poverty, where people as often as ever lied, stole, or otherwise continually broke more codes and societal expectations in order to get by, or even get ahead – “It's deep, but it ain't that deep.”--more words apparently by the “wise” Bibi, one of the handful of the always-priviliaged, raised-rich spoiled brats Sonny kept in his arsenal, himself a mere tool of the psychological torture which I was certain would eventually end my life, but certainly had halted my affinity for any career or ambition in music whatsoever anyway–not that I cared much for anything. I understood now that I was being controlled and manipulated at nearly every corner–sorted into the overall trash pile of other miserable and useless slaves and subhuman beings marked unfit, and of course–after whatever had happened with my former roommate, now had an increasingly irritating annoyance of the pestering new roommate, who was otherwise nice and sweet, but of course to the point of suspicion. I had left my body long enough to think about anything and everything that night—and after the amount of wrong that I had endured, the meltdown bad been a longtime coming. I had been discarded as trash, thrown to the wolves, and completely abandoned by anyone and everyone but God itself, all other forms of love a sheer illusion—another form of attachment I had only learned to sever under the cruel injustice and inequality of the world. My body was merely a shell—all else formed around it a paradox. My roommate often at random brought up events or subjects from my own past that I wished not to talk about, at first altering me to the notion that she may be some kind of therapist or psychologist–maybe even military. She claimed to be Japanese and also have lived in Germany for 20 years–sad herself to have been in the Homeless system for over four years, and “trapped” in the united states unable to work due to a lack of social security number; There were many things about her story I found off or strange and very odd–and so I knew never to trust her or anyone else for that matter– but it was the fact that she had brought up Shamanism first and foremost without me having so much as a word about anything, of course, coupled with the oddity that she would grind her teeth throughout the night as did my estranged ex husband and former roommate: a disease which I learned only affected 10-30% of the population in total: I suspected of course for the entire program to be some covert operation: The State was in fact, the same regime responsible for, just after the death of my son, fueled by lack of sleep from grief – tied me to a bed (though I had bee cooperative and non-violent) overdosed me involuntarily with a strange medication and allowed me to urinate myself, then lay for hours soaked in urine–and only after days of psychological abuse and torture, forcing me to talk to a Mormon Bishop, and sedating me with heavy doses of lithium— which deemed me unable to talk, move, or speak for several days–and caused me excruciating migraines—all for the sake of psychological experimentation. Of course, this was still The United States of America, a Globalist Republic– and of course, I was still a black woman–the most demonized, traumatized, criminalized existence on the face of the earth. My new roommate had talked openly for days about being attacked by some kind of spirit or demon, which forced her to gain weight; a demonic type force that supposedly sat in her stomach for and implanted certain thoughts in the form of voice in her head– at the same time, she had been increasingly adamant that I never burn sage or palo santo–she had already proven herself to be a snitch, as in the early morning hours of my first morning as her roomate, the Operations team flooded in, opened my drawer, and of course confiscated my $8 sage stick, luckily overlooking the palo santo–she of course pretended not to have narced, but over the coming days would allow it to slip that she had indeed told the Operations team of the sage, which caused them to follow up and confiscate it. I found Sage to be crucial to my protection and part of my religious sanctity: That anyhow, I had been made to eventually kill myself or fall prey to the system which would in any other way ensure that I was made to become ill by way of poor nutrition– The system failed to provide vegan or even vegetarian meals, and of course the same system made sure that my food benefits were handed out irregularly–I often had no money to eat at all, and just as well drifted into the memory of one of my last conversations with the host of the air bnb I had stayed at, who also seemed to have been on some kind of agenda–he had also constantly brought up things that I didn't want to talk about, consistently forcing conversations about race relations, the race war, how oppressed black people are, The White Supremacy, and other nightmarish perception-altering and overall negative assertions, leaving me with this: “I had to steal food!”, he said, claiming having once been homeless himself–a story I neither wanted to hear or honestly belied. It had been long since I could trust anyone besides myself, but especially a man–not that color had much to do with it, besides of course my constantly being reminded that I was stuck black. ‘All the more reason not to care.' I thought, my apathy becoming an overriding factor. I was starving–and though not quite in the actual stages of starvation, which I had staved off by eating genetically modified fruit over the last couple of days– which didn't appear to have any nutritional value at all and certainly didn't give my body any energy I could use, especially not to take the grueling one-hour ride to the dirty, overrun gym–which at least had a sauna and was 24 hours–but useless, as the sauna was closed during the overnight hours when I wanted to go, escaping my new roomates controlling habits, forceful talks equipped with code words and subliminal messages, the pesterance of being unable to cleanse the room with sage, and, of course — her almost nightmarish sensitivity to everything, which included light, the music in my headphones being too loud (so much so that I could hear the city noise over anything I could in my headphones, and of course made it impossible to work in ableton, as everything I did as she tried to sleep was “too loud”--even writing was forbidden, as I one had had been typing away at the 7th season's script and she asked that I not type at al– nor could I use my mixer, as the button pressing was “too loud”, and while most of my musical inspiration came at night, I could see that for whatever purpose, this person was being used to manipulate and control me once more- No burning sage, no making mixtapes, no typing… “You have the whole day when I am gone, you can do whatever you want.”, she said As if I myself didn't have things to do during the day–just getting to and from the gym taking stretches of precious time alone–of course met with another method of psychological torture– the constant drilling, hammering, and knocking about in the room directly above mine–which sometimes of course felt like being opened from the inside out, my synestesia poking holes in my sanity-and while that should have been enough of an excuse to spend all of my days at the gym–the gym itself had become a way for the system to control and manipulate my mind, for even as my body grew stronger, my mind grew weak and muddled being followed around by little white girls swinging their hair in my face, people coughing all around, and trash everywhere I had fallen into a heap of despair, as the combination of the date alone, the research I had been doing, the work I wasn't getting done, the money I wasn't making, and the lack of nutrition set in–the night shift operations refusing to allow me to use the can opener, after I had left it atop the microwave and not “put it in his hands”-- a classic misogynistic, controlling black man, he always gave the residents a terrible attitude, but I had no reason myself to dislike him before this moment. “I don't have to let you use the can opener.” He said. My only food for days had come from the food bank, besies the free GMO-fruit the shelter sometimes handed out, which had been making me sick and lethargic; of course, because it had come from a food bank, they required a can-opener–as the luxury of a pop-top had rarely been afforded with such off-brand food, I might have considered myself blessed to have, if it weren't for the “no cans” rule at the shelter: Neither did they provide a kitchen to cook in, and so residents were expected to eat microwave TV-dinners–but of course, there were no vegan and vegetarian options, and even if there had been, I wasn't absolutely sure that I would trust by God to eat it, as the two microwaves buzzed for hours at a time to warm the food fed three-times daily to the zombie like residents, who I sometimes observed in passing on my way in or out of the shelter. “This is my only food.”, I balked. “That's not my problem!” he said. “My food stamps aren't coming regularly: I got this at the food bank and it's the only food I have.”, I explained. “SO?!” He said “You're not even supposed to have that on the premises.” “I know.” , I said. “But it's the only food I have.” The system had been so inconsistent with my food benefits that I never could expect when I would be able to eat again, or for how long–it seemed it was all a sham to force me into the mental health system. I was malnourished, lethargic, and still injured from the fight I had been in just weeks earlier. “That's not my problem.” He scoffed. “So I can't use the can opener?” I asked. He just ignored me, shrugging. On any other day, i might have just brushed it off–but on this night in particular, hunger forged a deep tear into my soul, the weight of all I had been through plummeting down into one nearly-fatal blow – the man was arrogant as always but on this particular night seemed increasingly evil. “Yo, this is fucked up! I can't survive on only bananas and you don't have any Vegan options: my food stamps don't come regularly and I can't eat! This is FUCKED UP.” Even with all I had been through, I had realized I barely blew up–though far from an actual saint, I had been gifted with at least the patience of one, really only ever doomed to explode after a buildup–and it had been months of being what seemed like strategically terrorized: my fight delayed, keeping me trapped in the United States, prone to corporate slavery and no privacy at all, my bills outweighing any income I had the ability to make, trapped inside of my too-fat, too-black body for too long, and of course, being tormented by Skrillex, trapped in the homeless system, hazed by White Supremacists, blacklisted by Insomniac, and sent into an otherwise chaotic and segregated world from which I did not come from–i had been bullied, physically attacked, made to fight, consistently followed and of course, ever-presently chronically reminded of an abusive marriage which had left me homeless, mourning and grieving two dead children, and estranged from the third–who had in the care of his father become morbidly obese, subject to neglect, and unaware of my presense–let alone the love I had for him left–the only love I really had for anything anymore–and not that it mattered; I could not afford to care for him, or myself–and had become uncomfortably numb, sober, cellibate, and brainwashed enough to have once believed that I could succeed in entertainment–though, as it turned out– I had just been another useless subject of mass manipulation, predictive programming, human experimentation, and psychological terrorism– my life, among many didn't matter. I had been deemed useless, and doomed to be discarded at the age of 30. My suspicions had been confirmed; As I had collapsed into a heap of flesh, returning to the room in hunger and fury and throwing the three cans of vegetables to the ground, tears gushed from my eyes as I considerably died in more ways than one, over and over– overcome by the years of torture I had endured from the system itself, for whatever reason, and of course, a breakdown I would have otherwise avoided entirely, had my annoying roommate not earlier reminded me “Is it the 23rd?” and it was indeed the 23rd of May, the anniversary of my son's passing – he would have been 7 or 8, but I had lost count, attempting to erase the memory of my broken, fucked up world. To think, in another world I may have had 7 or 8 year old twins and a husband–which was in fact, all that I even wanted to begin with in the first place; I had given up my dreams of being a household name–a broadway actress, a television star, a world-class musician–I had given up my own dreams long ago. I left my body entirely, curling into a huddled ball in the workchair, tucking my head between my legs and under the desk, my arms in a tight grip underneath my knees–my mind racing and soul ripping from its capsule, hovering above my body and enamored that I had become thin enough to fall into such a position, as if bracing for impact in a plane crash; and suddenly, there I was–all at once, in-and-out of body “Brace for Impact!” The plane crash, of course – and all the other scenes I had yet to write playing over and over in my head– the stories of my innermost imagination shattering and spread across the starlit sky which I became in a fuchsia purple wisp, space and time forming around me–I was neither dead nor alive, and though I could still feel my abdomen firmly pressed against my thighs, I was so far outside of and above it looking down at it, completely gone–and though I could feel myself still breathing shallow, hollow breaths, I could no longer feel the weight of the anger, the sting of the hunger, or the grip of evil around my neck. It was indeed a Holy War–constantly haunted by memories of a past I only wished to forget, followed and prodded by soldiers of an unknown force–military? CIA? I didn't know , but it was certain that I was being watched and studied, my psychic inclinations and seemingly supernatural gifts becoming exploited and exposed throughout my entire life; My roomate had initiated too many conversations that just so eerily suggested that indeed, she too, had been marked with a task– collecting information about my psyche, living habits, preferences, diet, and, of course–history–and though she seemed kind enough and did have brown eyes, i would probably never trust another human being again. She rubbed my back as I sat, still rolled into a fetal position and weeping, for the time having been unable to move; as she stroked my back and rubbed my hair, half dredlocked and th usually shaven side overgrown into a curly patch on my head, I began to feel the soothing touch of another human being for the first time in years–as I had realized only days before on the subway, squeezed so tightly between two other people during rush hour transit that I could feel them both breathing–i noticed the remarkable truth that I had not been loved or touched in so long that this, being squeezed between two breathing humans, was somewhat soothing–and as I breathed myself heavily in and out, I began to return to my miserable body, in the less-than-miserable room we shared, but not so happily that I would ever become comfortable or call it home. I needed space, but couldn't seem to speak– I returned slowly to consciousness as the tension in my back arose to it's normal pressure, as I lifted my head, my neck clicking from the injury from the fightt. “Do you want to talk about it?” I didn't, but i could barely stand to move my head, and I was, indeed “Barely Breathing”, which I noticed, and seemed to have to cry a little bit more, and a little bit harder after a brief moment thinking about Dillon Francis, and though as I had left my body for quite some time and sat scattered across in all the remains of what might have been pieces of The Festival Project I had written for him, or even in the very least which had been so inspired by–a dark crevice had opened up into a black void, which seemed to occupy the space where my soul had once been, and any of the feelings I had kept there with him–For indeed, I had returned to my body, however, part of me was long gone– and I knew I had indeed faced another spiritual death, cast somehow just in a moment into yet another, even deeper realm of the afterlife, with nothing left to do to submit to it. “I'm probably going to kill myself by summer!” , Alex said–and for some reason her words rattled around in my brain superimposed as some sort of code which probably meant: You're going to kill yourself by summer. It felt true, and though I hadn't been pressed so hard against the doors of suicide, my mind had often drifted to a place of remorse for all that had happened- perhaps I was indeed trapped in a shamanic stronghold–and though I myself had been for some time equipped with healing powers, I had been reluctant to use black or Satanic magic to fight whatever had been the cause of my consistent homelessness, isolation, financial ruin, intense hunger– and foraged bitterness towards whatever external forces that seemed to rule over every entirety of my existence; I had been pulled apart, tortured, tormented, and disfigured in such a way that I wished not to live in the greedy, materialistic money-driven world anyhow. One of the napkins I had balled up and tossed into the Whole Foods bag that my roomate had held out for me the night before had been placed in my backpack, atop the bag where I kept the sage I had replaced and had been hiding and two pieces of palo santo–I didn't care so much as what the punishment would be and had chosen religiously to keep protecting myself, and though my freedom had been threatened, “They'll take you a worse shelter!”, my roomate had yelled, after interrogating me about “smoking” in the room— and, not that I would have allowed her to know, I conceded that in the event I was moved to an even worse shelter, I would simply jump in front of a train or from somewhere high up enough that I knew death was imminent, as so many had before and did each day: there wasn't anything worth living for anyway, and I had given up the fight entirely. The Festial Project was a mockery–Skrillex had been used to terrorize me, and Dillon Francis was no different–there was nothing and no one in the world that I could trust, who would ever understand me. But, I kept waking up in my horrible, miserable body–unloved and unwell, and so at the very least, kept burning my sage, saying my prayers, and wishing something would change–though according to the book I had been reading, slaves such as myself were raised to be disposed of at the age of 30. “In that case…” I had used the modest amount of money I had earned to restart my podcast subscription, knowing that it would be on a limited basis: I wasn't making any money, and was still being followed around by demons–which the book stated, were used to control and manipulate my existence at every turn, and it seemed that the Hell that I had been in for years was entirely inescapable, anyway. I had felt that she would use my downtime as I showered and continued to return to my body to check my bags–leaving behind the balled up napkin as a passive aggressive tactic to let me know that she was aware that I had obstinately lied– But if there was one thing I had learned, is that in the Hell I had been born into and pulled through for 30 years, is that honesty will only hurt you–something someone pretty, rich, and privileged like Bibi Bourelly, Sonny Moore, or even Dillon Francis would never understand–or perhaps, for at least the latter two, being men of great influence and power–knew all-too well. Well enough, at least. ‘This means that they will be locked up in a crazy house for the rest of their life. Rather than be put in straight-jackets with other crazy people it would be better for the person to commit suicide.' ‘twice the normal dose of two kinds of lithium carbonate to put her into a lethargic stupor' ‘The programmers are very careful to have heart monitors on the victim, and to have paddles ready to revive the body. ‘ ‘Dissociation is used as a defense to protect a person from overwhelming pain and trauma. It is a natural ability of the brain. Hypnosis or hypnotic trance is a form of dissociation. There are a number of types of dissociation: amnesia, somnambulistic states, localized paralyses, anaesthesias, and hallucinations. Hypnosis can reproduce all of these dissociative states. The mind naturally hypnotizes itself under various conditions. Hypnosis is a valuable tool to move the mind to different neurophysiological states and to get the mind to different levels of the subconscious mind. Hypnosis can also play a role in working around amnesia, since both are types of dissociation. Hyperventilation helps a person induct into a hypnotic trance. Torture, depersonalization, fear and acute anxiety stimulate the body to hyperventilate. Common objects in a person's life that can be hypnotically given a programming meaning include music, tones, colors, the sight of a book or Bible, the pyramid on the back of a dollar bill, pictures of God, silk scarfs, jewelry, lights, 93 sounds, TV programs, and countless other things. The limit to this is simply the programmer's creativity. A common hypnotic device for washing away pain is running water. MK Ultra Subproject 128 Delta - This is a Greek letter shaped like a triangle which symbolizes change in calculus. It has become a favorite word to use in naming things for the occult elite. Delta teams are 4 person assassination teams which usually are secret teams. Delta Forces is an elite unit that operates under the Joint chiefs of staff that is made up of highly trained total mind-controlled slaves. Delta models are slaves whose sole purpose is assassination. Delta alters are alters within an Illuminati alter system which are programmed to be assassins. These alters are often some of the deepest in a system and in a Genie bottle or with Umbrella programming.
![[ENTER THE MULTIVERSE]](https://ivyfm.s3.amazonaws.com/i320/1184481.jpg)
“She's going through my bag.” I thought to myself– the warm running shower over the back of my neck returning me fully to my body; It had taken something like an hour to return to myself– still within and yet so far out of my body, that the twisting and turning cosmic purple light of my natural aura became all of me, as, whisked away through space and time, pushed and pulled through all of the trauma I had endured certainly over the last few years alone, but the entirety of my lifetime–it had all been part of something bigger and greater than I could have known–supposedly all in my control, and yet seemingly not-so at all. I could feel her in the other room, checking my bag–she would find the sage that I had meant to burn in the bathroom during my shower, and yet had been in such a state that I only grabbed my clothes, unwilling to go to the gym: my honesty had again betrayed my own safety–earlier, my roommate asking where I had gone in the late night/early morning before, and my response, which was honest, only confirmed why I had come to the conclusion not once but many times that honesty will only ever hurt you —I had learned well and under the excruciating pain of reality that any vampire, vulture, or entity alone would take honesty as weakness, only to be used against you; I had reached the tipping point in being taken advantage of—I was hungry, owed money, and out of sorts—my new roommate was off in a number of ways, but I was no longer willing to be subjected to whatever experiment at wlll—I had for years been a test rat, my suicidal tendencies, notions, and ideations often vilified, but justifiable nonetheless. ‘I tell the truth!” , the words of Bibi Bourelly, of course one of many of Sonny's suspected lovers, rang in my ears sometimes, as I teetered on the grounds of morality in the under relms of poverty, where people as often as ever lied, stole, or otherwise continually broke more codes and societal expectations in order to get by, or even get ahead – “It's deep, but it ain't that deep.”--more words apparently by the “wise” Bibi, one of the handful of the always-priviliaged, raised-rich spoiled brats Sonny kept in his arsenal, himself a mere tool of the psychological torture which I was certain would eventually end my life, but certainly had halted my affinity for any career or ambition in music whatsoever anyway–not that I cared much for anything. I understood now that I was being controlled and manipulated at nearly every corner–sorted into the overall trash pile of other miserable and useless slaves and subhuman beings marked unfit, and of course–after whatever had happened with my former roommate, now had an increasingly irritating annoyance of the pestering new roommate, who was otherwise nice and sweet, but of course to the point of suspicion. I had left my body long enough to think about anything and everything that night—and after the amount of wrong that I had endured, the meltdown bad been a longtime coming. I had been discarded as trash, thrown to the wolves, and completely abandoned by anyone and everyone but God itself, all other forms of love a sheer illusion—another form of attachment I had only learned to sever under the cruel injustice and inequality of the world. My body was merely a shell—all else formed around it a paradox. My roommate often at random brought up events or subjects from my own past that I wished not to talk about, at first altering me to the notion that she may be some kind of therapist or psychologist–maybe even military. She claimed to be Japanese and also have lived in Germany for 20 years–sad herself to have been in the Homeless system for over four years, and “trapped” in the united states unable to work due to a lack of social security number; There were many things about her story I found off or strange and very odd–and so I knew never to trust her or anyone else for that matter– but it was the fact that she had brought up Shamanism first and foremost without me having so much as a word about anything, of course, coupled with the oddity that she would grind her teeth throughout the night as did my estranged ex husband and former roommate: a disease which I learned only affected 10-30% of the population in total: I suspected of course for the entire program to be some covert operation: The State was in fact, the same regime responsible for, just after the death of my son, fueled by lack of sleep from grief – tied me to a bed (though I had bee cooperative and non-violent) overdosed me involuntarily with a strange medication and allowed me to urinate myself, then lay for hours soaked in urine–and only after days of psychological abuse and torture, forcing me to talk to a Mormon Bishop, and sedating me with heavy doses of lithium— which deemed me unable to talk, move, or speak for several days–and caused me excruciating migraines—all for the sake of psychological experimentation. Of course, this was still The United States of America, a Globalist Republic– and of course, I was still a black woman–the most demonized, traumatized, criminalized existence on the face of the earth. My new roommate had talked openly for days about being attacked by some kind of spirit or demon, which forced her to gain weight; a demonic type force that supposedly sat in her stomach for and implanted certain thoughts in the form of voice in her head– at the same time, she had been increasingly adamant that I never burn sage or palo santo–she had already proven herself to be a snitch, as in the early morning hours of my first morning as her roomate, the Operations team flooded in, opened my drawer, and of course confiscated my $8 sage stick, luckily overlooking the palo santo–she of course pretended not to have narced, but over the coming days would allow it to slip that she had indeed told the Operations team of the sage, which caused them to follow up and confiscate it. I found Sage to be crucial to my protection and part of my religious sanctity: That anyhow, I had been made to eventually kill myself or fall prey to the system which would in any other way ensure that I was made to become ill by way of poor nutrition– The system failed to provide vegan or even vegetarian meals, and of course the same system made sure that my food benefits were handed out irregularly–I often had no money to eat at all, and just as well drifted into the memory of one of my last conversations with the host of the air bnb I had stayed at, who also seemed to have been on some kind of agenda–he had also constantly brought up things that I didn't want to talk about, consistently forcing conversations about race relations, the race war, how oppressed black people are, The White Supremacy, and other nightmarish perception-altering and overall negative assertions, leaving me with this: “I had to steal food!”, he said, claiming having once been homeless himself–a story I neither wanted to hear or honestly belied. It had been long since I could trust anyone besides myself, but especially a man–not that color had much to do with it, besides of course my constantly being reminded that I was stuck black. ‘All the more reason not to care.' I thought, my apathy becoming an overriding factor. I was starving–and though not quite in the actual stages of starvation, which I had staved off by eating genetically modified fruit over the last couple of days– which didn't appear to have any nutritional value at all and certainly didn't give my body any energy I could use, especially not to take the grueling one-hour ride to the dirty, overrun gym–which at least had a sauna and was 24 hours–but useless, as the sauna was closed during the overnight hours when I wanted to go, escaping my new roomates controlling habits, forceful talks equipped with code words and subliminal messages, the pesterance of being unable to cleanse the room with sage, and, of course — her almost nightmarish sensitivity to everything, which included light, the music in my headphones being too loud (so much so that I could hear the city noise over anything I could in my headphones, and of course made it impossible to work in ableton, as everything I did as she tried to sleep was “too loud”--even writing was forbidden, as I one had had been typing away at the 7th season's script and she asked that I not type at al– nor could I use my mixer, as the button pressing was “too loud”, and while most of my musical inspiration came at night, I could see that for whatever purpose, this person was being used to manipulate and control me once more- No burning sage, no making mixtapes, no typing… “You have the whole day when I am gone, you can do whatever you want.”, she said As if I myself didn't have things to do during the day–just getting to and from the gym taking stretches of precious time alone–of course met with another method of psychological torture– the constant drilling, hammering, and knocking about in the room directly above mine–which sometimes of course felt like being opened from the inside out, my synestesia poking holes in my sanity-and while that should have been enough of an excuse to spend all of my days at the gym–the gym itself had become a way for the system to control and manipulate my mind, for even as my body grew stronger, my mind grew weak and muddled being followed around by little white girls swinging their hair in my face, people coughing all around, and trash everywhere I had fallen into a heap of despair, as the combination of the date alone, the research I had been doing, the work I wasn't getting done, the money I wasn't making, and the lack of nutrition set in–the night shift operations refusing to allow me to use the can opener, after I had left it atop the microwave and not “put it in his hands”-- a classic misogynistic, controlling black man, he always gave the residents a terrible attitude, but I had no reason myself to dislike him before this moment. “I don't have to let you use the can opener.” He said. My only food for days had come from the food bank, besies the free GMO-fruit the shelter sometimes handed out, which had been making me sick and lethargic; of course, because it had come from a food bank, they required a can-opener–as the luxury of a pop-top had rarely been afforded with such off-brand food, I might have considered myself blessed to have, if it weren't for the “no cans” rule at the shelter: Neither did they provide a kitchen to cook in, and so residents were expected to eat microwave TV-dinners–but of course, there were no vegan and vegetarian options, and even if there had been, I wasn't absolutely sure that I would trust by God to eat it, as the two microwaves buzzed for hours at a time to warm the food fed three-times daily to the zombie like residents, who I sometimes observed in passing on my way in or out of the shelter. “This is my only food.”, I balked. “That's not my problem!” he said. “My food stamps aren't coming regularly: I got this at the food bank and it's the only food I have.”, I explained. “SO?!” He said “You're not even supposed to have that on the premises.” “I know.” , I said. “But it's the only food I have.” The system had been so inconsistent with my food benefits that I never could expect when I would be able to eat again, or for how long–it seemed it was all a sham to force me into the mental health system. I was malnourished, lethargic, and still injured from the fight I had been in just weeks earlier. “That's not my problem.” He scoffed. “So I can't use the can opener?” I asked. He just ignored me, shrugging. On any other day, i might have just brushed it off–but on this night in particular, hunger forged a deep tear into my soul, the weight of all I had been through plummeting down into one nearly-fatal blow – the man was arrogant as always but on this particular night seemed increasingly evil. “Yo, this is fucked up! I can't survive on only bananas and you don't have any Vegan options: my food stamps don't come regularly and I can't eat! This is FUCKED UP.” Even with all I had been through, I had realized I barely blew up–though far from an actual saint, I had been gifted with at least the patience of one, really only ever doomed to explode after a buildup–and it had been months of being what seemed like strategically terrorized: my fight delayed, keeping me trapped in the United States, prone to corporate slavery and no privacy at all, my bills outweighing any income I had the ability to make, trapped inside of my too-fat, too-black body for too long, and of course, being tormented by Skrillex, trapped in the homeless system, hazed by White Supremacists, blacklisted by Insomniac, and sent into an otherwise chaotic and segregated world from which I did not come from–i had been bullied, physically attacked, made to fight, consistently followed and of course, ever-presently chronically reminded of an abusive marriage which had left me homeless, mourning and grieving two dead children, and estranged from the third–who had in the care of his father become morbidly obese, subject to neglect, and unaware of my presense–let alone the love I had for him left–the only love I really had for anything anymore–and not that it mattered; I could not afford to care for him, or myself–and had become uncomfortably numb, sober, cellibate, and brainwashed enough to have once believed that I could succeed in entertainment–though, as it turned out– I had just been another useless subject of mass manipulation, predictive programming, human experimentation, and psychological terrorism– my life, among many didn't matter. I had been deemed useless, and doomed to be discarded at the age of 30. My suspicions had been confirmed; As I had collapsed into a heap of flesh, returning to the room in hunger and fury and throwing the three cans of vegetables to the ground, tears gushed from my eyes as I considerably died in more ways than one, over and over– overcome by the years of torture I had endured from the system itself, for whatever reason, and of course, a breakdown I would have otherwise avoided entirely, had my annoying roommate not earlier reminded me “Is it the 23rd?” and it was indeed the 23rd of May, the anniversary of my son's passing – he would have been 7 or 8, but I had lost count, attempting to erase the memory of my broken, fucked up world. To think, in another world I may have had 7 or 8 year old twins and a husband–which was in fact, all that I even wanted to begin with in the first place; I had given up my dreams of being a household name–a broadway actress, a television star, a world-class musician–I had given up my own dreams long ago. I left my body entirely, curling into a huddled ball in the workchair, tucking my head between my legs and under the desk, my arms in a tight grip underneath my knees–my mind racing and soul ripping from its capsule, hovering above my body and enamored that I had become thin enough to fall into such a position, as if bracing for impact in a plane crash; and suddenly, there I was–all at once, in-and-out of body “Brace for Impact!” The plane crash, of course – and all the other scenes I had yet to write playing over and over in my head– the stories of my innermost imagination shattering and spread across the starlit sky which I became in a fuchsia purple wisp, space and time forming around me–I was neither dead nor alive, and though I could still feel my abdomen firmly pressed against my thighs, I was so far outside of and above it looking down at it, completely gone–and though I could feel myself still breathing shallow, hollow breaths, I could no longer feel the weight of the anger, the sting of the hunger, or the grip of evil around my neck. It was indeed a Holy War–constantly haunted by memories of a past I only wished to forget, followed and prodded by soldiers of an unknown force–military? CIA? I didn't know , but it was certain that I was being watched and studied, my psychic inclinations and seemingly supernatural gifts becoming exploited and exposed throughout my entire life; My roomate had initiated too many conversations that just so eerily suggested that indeed, she too, had been marked with a task– collecting information about my psyche, living habits, preferences, diet, and, of course–history–and though she seemed kind enough and did have brown eyes, i would probably never trust another human being again. She rubbed my back as I sat, still rolled into a fetal position and weeping, for the time having been unable to move; as she stroked my back and rubbed my hair, half dredlocked and th usually shaven side overgrown into a curly patch on my head, I began to feel the soothing touch of another human being for the first time in years–as I had realized only days before on the subway, squeezed so tightly between two other people during rush hour transit that I could feel them both breathing–i noticed the remarkable truth that I had not been loved or touched in so long that this, being squeezed between two breathing humans, was somewhat soothing–and as I breathed myself heavily in and out, I began to return to my miserable body, in the less-than-miserable room we shared, but not so happily that I would ever become comfortable or call it home. I needed space, but couldn't seem to speak– I returned slowly to consciousness as the tension in my back arose to it's normal pressure, as I lifted my head, my neck clicking from the injury from the fightt. “Do you want to talk about it?” I didn't, but i could barely stand to move my head, and I was, indeed “Barely Breathing”, which I noticed, and seemed to have to cry a little bit more, and a little bit harder after a brief moment thinking about Dillon Francis, and though as I had left my body for quite some time and sat scattered across in all the remains of what might have been pieces of The Festival Project I had written for him, or even in the very least which had been so inspired by–a dark crevice had opened up into a black void, which seemed to occupy the space where my soul had once been, and any of the feelings I had kept there with him–For indeed, I had returned to my body, however, part of me was long gone– and I knew I had indeed faced another spiritual death, cast somehow just in a moment into yet another, even deeper realm of the afterlife, with nothing left to do to submit to it. “I'm probably going to kill myself by summer!” , Alex said–and for some reason her words rattled around in my brain superimposed as some sort of code which probably meant: You're going to kill yourself by summer. It felt true, and though I hadn't been pressed so hard against the doors of suicide, my mind had often drifted to a place of remorse for all that had happened- perhaps I was indeed trapped in a shamanic stronghold–and though I myself had been for some time equipped with healing powers, I had been reluctant to use black or Satanic magic to fight whatever had been the cause of my consistent homelessness, isolation, financial ruin, intense hunger– and foraged bitterness towards whatever external forces that seemed to rule over every entirety of my existence; I had been pulled apart, tortured, tormented, and disfigured in such a way that I wished not to live in the greedy, materialistic money-driven world anyhow. One of the napkins I had balled up and tossed into the Whole Foods bag that my roomate had held out for me the night before had been placed in my backpack, atop the bag where I kept the sage I had replaced and had been hiding and two pieces of palo santo–I didn't care so much as what the punishment would be and had chosen religiously to keep protecting myself, and though my freedom had been threatened, “They'll take you a worse shelter!”, my roomate had yelled, after interrogating me about “smoking” in the room— and, not that I would have allowed her to know, I conceded that in the event I was moved to an even worse shelter, I would simply jump in front of a train or from somewhere high up enough that I knew death was imminent, as so many had before and did each day: there wasn't anything worth living for anyway, and I had given up the fight entirely. The Festial Project was a mockery–Skrillex had been used to terrorize me, and Dillon Francis was no different–there was nothing and no one in the world that I could trust, who would ever understand me. But, I kept waking up in my horrible, miserable body–unloved and unwell, and so at the very least, kept burning my sage, saying my prayers, and wishing something would change–though according to the book I had been reading, slaves such as myself were raised to be disposed of at the age of 30. “In that case…” I had used the modest amount of money I had earned to restart my podcast subscription, knowing that it would be on a limited basis: I wasn't making any money, and was still being followed around by demons–which the book stated, were used to control and manipulate my existence at every turn, and it seemed that the Hell that I had been in for years was entirely inescapable, anyway. I had felt that she would use my downtime as I showered and continued to return to my body to check my bags–leaving behind the balled up napkin as a passive aggressive tactic to let me know that she was aware that I had obstinately lied– But if there was one thing I had learned, is that in the Hell I had been born into and pulled through for 30 years, is that honesty will only hurt you–something someone pretty, rich, and privileged like Bibi Bourelly, Sonny Moore, or even Dillon Francis would never understand–or perhaps, for at least the latter two, being men of great influence and power–knew all-too well. Well enough, at least. ‘This means that they will be locked up in a crazy house for the rest of their life. Rather than be put in straight-jackets with other crazy people it would be better for the person to commit suicide.' ‘twice the normal dose of two kinds of lithium carbonate to put her into a lethargic stupor' ‘The programmers are very careful to have heart monitors on the victim, and to have paddles ready to revive the body. ‘ ‘Dissociation is used as a defense to protect a person from overwhelming pain and trauma. It is a natural ability of the brain. Hypnosis or hypnotic trance is a form of dissociation. There are a number of types of dissociation: amnesia, somnambulistic states, localized paralyses, anaesthesias, and hallucinations. Hypnosis can reproduce all of these dissociative states. The mind naturally hypnotizes itself under various conditions. Hypnosis is a valuable tool to move the mind to different neurophysiological states and to get the mind to different levels of the subconscious mind. Hypnosis can also play a role in working around amnesia, since both are types of dissociation. Hyperventilation helps a person induct into a hypnotic trance. Torture, depersonalization, fear and acute anxiety stimulate the body to hyperventilate. Common objects in a person's life that can be hypnotically given a programming meaning include music, tones, colors, the sight of a book or Bible, the pyramid on the back of a dollar bill, pictures of God, silk scarfs, jewelry, lights, 93 sounds, TV programs, and countless other things. The limit to this is simply the programmer's creativity. A common hypnotic device for washing away pain is running water. MK Ultra Subproject 128 Delta - This is a Greek letter shaped like a triangle which symbolizes change in calculus. It has become a favorite word to use in naming things for the occult elite. Delta teams are 4 person assassination teams which usually are secret teams. Delta Forces is an elite unit that operates under the Joint chiefs of staff that is made up of highly trained total mind-controlled slaves. Delta models are slaves whose sole purpose is assassination. Delta alters are alters within an Illuminati alter system which are programmed to be assassins. These alters are often some of the deepest in a system and in a Genie bottle or with Umbrella programming.
“She's going through my bag.” I thought to myself– the warm running shower over the back of my neck returning me fully to my body; It had taken something like an hour to return to myself– still within and yet so far out of my body, that the twisting and turning cosmic purple light of my natural aura became all of me, as, whisked away through space and time, pushed and pulled through all of the trauma I had endured certainly over the last few years alone, but the entirety of my lifetime–it had all been part of something bigger and greater than I could have known–supposedly all in my control, and yet seemingly not-so at all. I could feel her in the other room, checking my bag–she would find the sage that I had meant to burn in the bathroom during my shower, and yet had been in such a state that I only grabbed my clothes, unwilling to go to the gym: my honesty had again betrayed my own safety–earlier, my roommate asking where I had gone in the late night/early morning before, and my response, which was honest, only confirmed why I had come to the conclusion not once but many times that honesty will only ever hurt you —I had learned well and under the excruciating pain of reality that any vampire, vulture, or entity alone would take honesty as weakness, only to be used against you; I had reached the tipping point in being taken advantage of—I was hungry, owed money, and out of sorts—my new roommate was off in a number of ways, but I was no longer willing to be subjected to whatever experiment at wlll—I had for years been a test rat, my suicidal tendencies, notions, and ideations often vilified, but justifiable nonetheless. ‘I tell the truth!” , the words of Bibi Bourelly, of course one of many of Sonny's suspected lovers, rang in my ears sometimes, as I teetered on the grounds of morality in the under relms of poverty, where people as often as ever lied, stole, or otherwise continually broke more codes and societal expectations in order to get by, or even get ahead – “It's deep, but it ain't that deep.”--more words apparently by the “wise” Bibi, one of the handful of the always-priviliaged, raised-rich spoiled brats Sonny kept in his arsenal, himself a mere tool of the psychological torture which I was certain would eventually end my life, but certainly had halted my affinity for any career or ambition in music whatsoever anyway–not that I cared much for anything. I understood now that I was being controlled and manipulated at nearly every corner–sorted into the overall trash pile of other miserable and useless slaves and subhuman beings marked unfit, and of course–after whatever had happened with my former roommate, now had an increasingly irritating annoyance of the pestering new roommate, who was otherwise nice and sweet, but of course to the point of suspicion. I had left my body long enough to think about anything and everything that night—and after the amount of wrong that I had endured, the meltdown bad been a longtime coming. I had been discarded as trash, thrown to the wolves, and completely abandoned by anyone and everyone but God itself, all other forms of love a sheer illusion—another form of attachment I had only learned to sever under the cruel injustice and inequality of the world. My body was merely a shell—all else formed around it a paradox. My roommate often at random brought up events or subjects from my own past that I wished not to talk about, at first altering me to the notion that she may be some kind of therapist or psychologist–maybe even military. She claimed to be Japanese and also have lived in Germany for 20 years–sad herself to have been in the Homeless system for over four years, and “trapped” in the united states unable to work due to a lack of social security number; There were many things about her story I found off or strange and very odd–and so I knew never to trust her or anyone else for that matter– but it was the fact that she had brought up Shamanism first and foremost without me having so much as a word about anything, of course, coupled with the oddity that she would grind her teeth throughout the night as did my estranged ex husband and former roommate: a disease which I learned only affected 10-30% of the population in total: I suspected of course for the entire program to be some covert operation: The State was in fact, the same regime responsible for, just after the death of my son, fueled by lack of sleep from grief – tied me to a bed (though I had bee cooperative and non-violent) overdosed me involuntarily with a strange medication and allowed me to urinate myself, then lay for hours soaked in urine–and only after days of psychological abuse and torture, forcing me to talk to a Mormon Bishop, and sedating me with heavy doses of lithium— which deemed me unable to talk, move, or speak for several days–and caused me excruciating migraines—all for the sake of psychological experimentation. Of course, this was still The United States of America, a Globalist Republic– and of course, I was still a black woman–the most demonized, traumatized, criminalized existence on the face of the earth. My new roommate had talked openly for days about being attacked by some kind of spirit or demon, which forced her to gain weight; a demonic type force that supposedly sat in her stomach for and implanted certain thoughts in the form of voice in her head– at the same time, she had been increasingly adamant that I never burn sage or palo santo–she had already proven herself to be a snitch, as in the early morning hours of my first morning as her roomate, the Operations team flooded in, opened my drawer, and of course confiscated my $8 sage stick, luckily overlooking the palo santo–she of course pretended not to have narced, but over the coming days would allow it to slip that she had indeed told the Operations team of the sage, which caused them to follow up and confiscate it. I found Sage to be crucial to my protection and part of my religious sanctity: That anyhow, I had been made to eventually kill myself or fall prey to the system which would in any other way ensure that I was made to become ill by way of poor nutrition– The system failed to provide vegan or even vegetarian meals, and of course the same system made sure that my food benefits were handed out irregularly–I often had no money to eat at all, and just as well drifted into the memory of one of my last conversations with the host of the air bnb I had stayed at, who also seemed to have been on some kind of agenda–he had also constantly brought up things that I didn't want to talk about, consistently forcing conversations about race relations, the race war, how oppressed black people are, The White Supremacy, and other nightmarish perception-altering and overall negative assertions, leaving me with this: “I had to steal food!”, he said, claiming having once been homeless himself–a story I neither wanted to hear or honestly belied. It had been long since I could trust anyone besides myself, but especially a man–not that color had much to do with it, besides of course my constantly being reminded that I was stuck black. ‘All the more reason not to care.' I thought, my apathy becoming an overriding factor. I was starving–and though not quite in the actual stages of starvation, which I had staved off by eating genetically modified fruit over the last couple of days– which didn't appear to have any nutritional value at all and certainly didn't give my body any energy I could use, especially not to take the grueling one-hour ride to the dirty, overrun gym–which at least had a sauna and was 24 hours–but useless, as the sauna was closed during the overnight hours when I wanted to go, escaping my new roomates controlling habits, forceful talks equipped with code words and subliminal messages, the pesterance of being unable to cleanse the room with sage, and, of course — her almost nightmarish sensitivity to everything, which included light, the music in my headphones being too loud (so much so that I could hear the city noise over anything I could in my headphones, and of course made it impossible to work in ableton, as everything I did as she tried to sleep was “too loud”--even writing was forbidden, as I one had had been typing away at the 7th season's script and she asked that I not type at al– nor could I use my mixer, as the button pressing was “too loud”, and while most of my musical inspiration came at night, I could see that for whatever purpose, this person was being used to manipulate and control me once more- No burning sage, no making mixtapes, no typing… “You have the whole day when I am gone, you can do whatever you want.”, she said As if I myself didn't have things to do during the day–just getting to and from the gym taking stretches of precious time alone–of course met with another method of psychological torture– the constant drilling, hammering, and knocking about in the room directly above mine–which sometimes of course felt like being opened from the inside out, my synestesia poking holes in my sanity-and while that should have been enough of an excuse to spend all of my days at the gym–the gym itself had become a way for the system to control and manipulate my mind, for even as my body grew stronger, my mind grew weak and muddled being followed around by little white girls swinging their hair in my face, people coughing all around, and trash everywhere I had fallen into a heap of despair, as the combination of the date alone, the research I had been doing, the work I wasn't getting done, the money I wasn't making, and the lack of nutrition set in–the night shift operations refusing to allow me to use the can opener, after I had left it atop the microwave and not “put it in his hands”-- a classic misogynistic, controlling black man, he always gave the residents a terrible attitude, but I had no reason myself to dislike him before this moment. “I don't have to let you use the can opener.” He said. My only food for days had come from the food bank, besies the free GMO-fruit the shelter sometimes handed out, which had been making me sick and lethargic; of course, because it had come from a food bank, they required a can-opener–as the luxury of a pop-top had rarely been afforded with such off-brand food, I might have considered myself blessed to have, if it weren't for the “no cans” rule at the shelter: Neither did they provide a kitchen to cook in, and so residents were expected to eat microwave TV-dinners–but of course, there were no vegan and vegetarian options, and even if there had been, I wasn't absolutely sure that I would trust by God to eat it, as the two microwaves buzzed for hours at a time to warm the food fed three-times daily to the zombie like residents, who I sometimes observed in passing on my way in or out of the shelter. “This is my only food.”, I balked. “That's not my problem!” he said. “My food stamps aren't coming regularly: I got this at the food bank and it's the only food I have.”, I explained. “SO?!” He said “You're not even supposed to have that on the premises.” “I know.” , I said. “But it's the only food I have.” The system had been so inconsistent with my food benefits that I never could expect when I would be able to eat again, or for how long–it seemed it was all a sham to force me into the mental health system. I was malnourished, lethargic, and still injured from the fight I had been in just weeks earlier. “That's not my problem.” He scoffed. “So I can't use the can opener?” I asked. He just ignored me, shrugging. On any other day, i might have just brushed it off–but on this night in particular, hunger forged a deep tear into my soul, the weight of all I had been through plummeting down into one nearly-fatal blow – the man was arrogant as always but on this particular night seemed increasingly evil. “Yo, this is fucked up! I can't survive on only bananas and you don't have any Vegan options: my food stamps don't come regularly and I can't eat! This is FUCKED UP.” Even with all I had been through, I had realized I barely blew up–though far from an actual saint, I had been gifted with at least the patience of one, really only ever doomed to explode after a buildup–and it had been months of being what seemed like strategically terrorized: my fight delayed, keeping me trapped in the United States, prone to corporate slavery and no privacy at all, my bills outweighing any income I had the ability to make, trapped inside of my too-fat, too-black body for too long, and of course, being tormented by Skrillex, trapped in the homeless system, hazed by White Supremacists, blacklisted by Insomniac, and sent into an otherwise chaotic and segregated world from which I did not come from–i had been bullied, physically attacked, made to fight, consistently followed and of course, ever-presently chronically reminded of an abusive marriage which had left me homeless, mourning and grieving two dead children, and estranged from the third–who had in the care of his father become morbidly obese, subject to neglect, and unaware of my presense–let alone the love I had for him left–the only love I really had for anything anymore–and not that it mattered; I could not afford to care for him, or myself–and had become uncomfortably numb, sober, cellibate, and brainwashed enough to have once believed that I could succeed in entertainment–though, as it turned out– I had just been another useless subject of mass manipulation, predictive programming, human experimentation, and psychological terrorism– my life, among many didn't matter. I had been deemed useless, and doomed to be discarded at the age of 30. My suspicions had been confirmed; As I had collapsed into a heap of flesh, returning to the room in hunger and fury and throwing the three cans of vegetables to the ground, tears gushed from my eyes as I considerably died in more ways than one, over and over– overcome by the years of torture I had endured from the system itself, for whatever reason, and of course, a breakdown I would have otherwise avoided entirely, had my annoying roommate not earlier reminded me “Is it the 23rd?” and it was indeed the 23rd of May, the anniversary of my son's passing – he would have been 7 or 8, but I had lost count, attempting to erase the memory of my broken, fucked up world. To think, in another world I may have had 7 or 8 year old twins and a husband–which was in fact, all that I even wanted to begin with in the first place; I had given up my dreams of being a household name–a broadway actress, a television star, a world-class musician–I had given up my own dreams long ago. I left my body entirely, curling into a huddled ball in the workchair, tucking my head between my legs and under the desk, my arms in a tight grip underneath my knees–my mind racing and soul ripping from its capsule, hovering above my body and enamored that I had become thin enough to fall into such a position, as if bracing for impact in a plane crash; and suddenly, there I was–all at once, in-and-out of body “Brace for Impact!” The plane crash, of course – and all the other scenes I had yet to write playing over and over in my head– the stories of my innermost imagination shattering and spread across the starlit sky which I became in a fuchsia purple wisp, space and time forming around me–I was neither dead nor alive, and though I could still feel my abdomen firmly pressed against my thighs, I was so far outside of and above it looking down at it, completely gone–and though I could feel myself still breathing shallow, hollow breaths, I could no longer feel the weight of the anger, the sting of the hunger, or the grip of evil around my neck. It was indeed a Holy War–constantly haunted by memories of a past I only wished to forget, followed and prodded by soldiers of an unknown force–military? CIA? I didn't know , but it was certain that I was being watched and studied, my psychic inclinations and seemingly supernatural gifts becoming exploited and exposed throughout my entire life; My roomate had initiated too many conversations that just so eerily suggested that indeed, she too, had been marked with a task– collecting information about my psyche, living habits, preferences, diet, and, of course–history–and though she seemed kind enough and did have brown eyes, i would probably never trust another human being again. She rubbed my back as I sat, still rolled into a fetal position and weeping, for the time having been unable to move; as she stroked my back and rubbed my hair, half dredlocked and th usually shaven side overgrown into a curly patch on my head, I began to feel the soothing touch of another human being for the first time in years–as I had realized only days before on the subway, squeezed so tightly between two other people during rush hour transit that I could feel them both breathing–i noticed the remarkable truth that I had not been loved or touched in so long that this, being squeezed between two breathing humans, was somewhat soothing–and as I breathed myself heavily in and out, I began to return to my miserable body, in the less-than-miserable room we shared, but not so happily that I would ever become comfortable or call it home. I needed space, but couldn't seem to speak– I returned slowly to consciousness as the tension in my back arose to it's normal pressure, as I lifted my head, my neck clicking from the injury from the fightt. “Do you want to talk about it?” I didn't, but i could barely stand to move my head, and I was, indeed “Barely Breathing”, which I noticed, and seemed to have to cry a little bit more, and a little bit harder after a brief moment thinking about Dillon Francis, and though as I had left my body for quite some time and sat scattered across in all the remains of what might have been pieces of The Festival Project I had written for him, or even in the very least which had been so inspired by–a dark crevice had opened up into a black void, which seemed to occupy the space where my soul had once been, and any of the feelings I had kept there with him–For indeed, I had returned to my body, however, part of me was long gone– and I knew I had indeed faced another spiritual death, cast somehow just in a moment into yet another, even deeper realm of the afterlife, with nothing left to do to submit to it. “I'm probably going to kill myself by summer!” , Alex said–and for some reason her words rattled around in my brain superimposed as some sort of code which probably meant: You're going to kill yourself by summer. It felt true, and though I hadn't been pressed so hard against the doors of suicide, my mind had often drifted to a place of remorse for all that had happened- perhaps I was indeed trapped in a shamanic stronghold–and though I myself had been for some time equipped with healing powers, I had been reluctant to use black or Satanic magic to fight whatever had been the cause of my consistent homelessness, isolation, financial ruin, intense hunger– and foraged bitterness towards whatever external forces that seemed to rule over every entirety of my existence; I had been pulled apart, tortured, tormented, and disfigured in such a way that I wished not to live in the greedy, materialistic money-driven world anyhow. One of the napkins I had balled up and tossed into the Whole Foods bag that my roomate had held out for me the night before had been placed in my backpack, atop the bag where I kept the sage I had replaced and had been hiding and two pieces of palo santo–I didn't care so much as what the punishment would be and had chosen religiously to keep protecting myself, and though my freedom had been threatened, “They'll take you a worse shelter!”, my roomate had yelled, after interrogating me about “smoking” in the room— and, not that I would have allowed her to know, I conceded that in the event I was moved to an even worse shelter, I would simply jump in front of a train or from somewhere high up enough that I knew death was imminent, as so many had before and did each day: there wasn't anything worth living for anyway, and I had given up the fight entirely. The Festial Project was a mockery–Skrillex had been used to terrorize me, and Dillon Francis was no different–there was nothing and no one in the world that I could trust, who would ever understand me. But, I kept waking up in my horrible, miserable body–unloved and unwell, and so at the very least, kept burning my sage, saying my prayers, and wishing something would change–though according to the book I had been reading, slaves such as myself were raised to be disposed of at the age of 30. “In that case…” I had used the modest amount of money I had earned to restart my podcast subscription, knowing that it would be on a limited basis: I wasn't making any money, and was still being followed around by demons–which the book stated, were used to control and manipulate my existence at every turn, and it seemed that the Hell that I had been in for years was entirely inescapable, anyway. I had felt that she would use my downtime as I showered and continued to return to my body to check my bags–leaving behind the balled up napkin as a passive aggressive tactic to let me know that she was aware that I had obstinately lied– But if there was one thing I had learned, is that in the Hell I had been born into and pulled through for 30 years, is that honesty will only hurt you–something someone pretty, rich, and privileged like Bibi Bourelly, Sonny Moore, or even Dillon Francis would never understand–or perhaps, for at least the latter two, being men of great influence and power–knew all-too well. Well enough, at least. ‘This means that they will be locked up in a crazy house for the rest of their life. Rather than be put in straight-jackets with other crazy people it would be better for the person to commit suicide.' ‘twice the normal dose of two kinds of lithium carbonate to put her into a lethargic stupor' ‘The programmers are very careful to have heart monitors on the victim, and to have paddles ready to revive the body. ‘ ‘Dissociation is used as a defense to protect a person from overwhelming pain and trauma. It is a natural ability of the brain. Hypnosis or hypnotic trance is a form of dissociation. There are a number of types of dissociation: amnesia, somnambulistic states, localized paralyses, anaesthesias, and hallucinations. Hypnosis can reproduce all of these dissociative states. The mind naturally hypnotizes itself under various conditions. Hypnosis is a valuable tool to move the mind to different neurophysiological states and to get the mind to different levels of the subconscious mind. Hypnosis can also play a role in working around amnesia, since both are types of dissociation. Hyperventilation helps a person induct into a hypnotic trance. Torture, depersonalization, fear and acute anxiety stimulate the body to hyperventilate. Common objects in a person's life that can be hypnotically given a programming meaning include music, tones, colors, the sight of a book or Bible, the pyramid on the back of a dollar bill, pictures of God, silk scarfs, jewelry, lights, 93 sounds, TV programs, and countless other things. The limit to this is simply the programmer's creativity. A common hypnotic device for washing away pain is running water. MK Ultra Subproject 128 Delta - This is a Greek letter shaped like a triangle which symbolizes change in calculus. It has become a favorite word to use in naming things for the occult elite. Delta teams are 4 person assassination teams which usually are secret teams. Delta Forces is an elite unit that operates under the Joint chiefs of staff that is made up of highly trained total mind-controlled slaves. Delta models are slaves whose sole purpose is assassination. Delta alters are alters within an Illuminati alter system which are programmed to be assassins. These alters are often some of the deepest in a system and in a Genie bottle or with Umbrella programming.
“She's going through my bag.” I thought to myself– the warm running shower over the back of my neck returning me fully to my body; It had taken something like an hour to return to myself– still within and yet so far out of my body, that the twisting and turning cosmic purple light of my natural aura became all of me, as, whisked away through space and time, pushed and pulled through all of the trauma I had endured certainly over the last few years alone, but the entirety of my lifetime–it had all been part of something bigger and greater than I could have known–supposedly all in my control, and yet seemingly not-so at all. I could feel her in the other room, checking my bag–she would find the sage that I had meant to burn in the bathroom during my shower, and yet had been in such a state that I only grabbed my clothes, unwilling to go to the gym: my honesty had again betrayed my own safety–earlier, my roommate asking where I had gone in the late night/early morning before, and my response, which was honest, only confirmed why I had come to the conclusion not once but many times that honesty will only ever hurt you —I had learned well and under the excruciating pain of reality that any vampire, vulture, or entity alone would take honesty as weakness, only to be used against you; I had reached the tipping point in being taken advantage of—I was hungry, owed money, and out of sorts—my new roommate was off in a number of ways, but I was no longer willing to be subjected to whatever experiment at wlll—I had for years been a test rat, my suicidal tendencies, notions, and ideations often vilified, but justifiable nonetheless. ‘I tell the truth!” , the words of Bibi Bourelly, of course one of many of Sonny's suspected lovers, rang in my ears sometimes, as I teetered on the grounds of morality in the under relms of poverty, where people as often as ever lied, stole, or otherwise continually broke more codes and societal expectations in order to get by, or even get ahead – “It's deep, but it ain't that deep.”--more words apparently by the “wise” Bibi, one of the handful of the always-priviliaged, raised-rich spoiled brats Sonny kept in his arsenal, himself a mere tool of the psychological torture which I was certain would eventually end my life, but certainly had halted my affinity for any career or ambition in music whatsoever anyway–not that I cared much for anything. I understood now that I was being controlled and manipulated at nearly every corner–sorted into the overall trash pile of other miserable and useless slaves and subhuman beings marked unfit, and of course–after whatever had happened with my former roommate, now had an increasingly irritating annoyance of the pestering new roommate, who was otherwise nice and sweet, but of course to the point of suspicion. I had left my body long enough to think about anything and everything that night—and after the amount of wrong that I had endured, the meltdown bad been a longtime coming. I had been discarded as trash, thrown to the wolves, and completely abandoned by anyone and everyone but God itself, all other forms of love a sheer illusion—another form of attachment I had only learned to sever under the cruel injustice and inequality of the world. My body was merely a shell—all else formed around it a paradox. My roommate often at random brought up events or subjects from my own past that I wished not to talk about, at first altering me to the notion that she may be some kind of therapist or psychologist–maybe even military. She claimed to be Japanese and also have lived in Germany for 20 years–sad herself to have been in the Homeless system for over four years, and “trapped” in the united states unable to work due to a lack of social security number; There were many things about her story I found off or strange and very odd–and so I knew never to trust her or anyone else for that matter– but it was the fact that she had brought up Shamanism first and foremost without me having so much as a word about anything, of course, coupled with the oddity that she would grind her teeth throughout the night as did my estranged ex husband and former roommate: a disease which I learned only affected 10-30% of the population in total: I suspected of course for the entire program to be some covert operation: The State was in fact, the same regime responsible for, just after the death of my son, fueled by lack of sleep from grief – tied me to a bed (though I had bee cooperative and non-violent) overdosed me involuntarily with a strange medication and allowed me to urinate myself, then lay for hours soaked in urine–and only after days of psychological abuse and torture, forcing me to talk to a Mormon Bishop, and sedating me with heavy doses of lithium— which deemed me unable to talk, move, or speak for several days–and caused me excruciating migraines—all for the sake of psychological experimentation. Of course, this was still The United States of America, a Globalist Republic– and of course, I was still a black woman–the most demonized, traumatized, criminalized existence on the face of the earth. My new roommate had talked openly for days about being attacked by some kind of spirit or demon, which forced her to gain weight; a demonic type force that supposedly sat in her stomach for and implanted certain thoughts in the form of voice in her head– at the same time, she had been increasingly adamant that I never burn sage or palo santo–she had already proven herself to be a snitch, as in the early morning hours of my first morning as her roomate, the Operations team flooded in, opened my drawer, and of course confiscated my $8 sage stick, luckily overlooking the palo santo–she of course pretended not to have narced, but over the coming days would allow it to slip that she had indeed told the Operations team of the sage, which caused them to follow up and confiscate it. I found Sage to be crucial to my protection and part of my religious sanctity: That anyhow, I had been made to eventually kill myself or fall prey to the system which would in any other way ensure that I was made to become ill by way of poor nutrition– The system failed to provide vegan or even vegetarian meals, and of course the same system made sure that my food benefits were handed out irregularly–I often had no money to eat at all, and just as well drifted into the memory of one of my last conversations with the host of the air bnb I had stayed at, who also seemed to have been on some kind of agenda–he had also constantly brought up things that I didn't want to talk about, consistently forcing conversations about race relations, the race war, how oppressed black people are, The White Supremacy, and other nightmarish perception-altering and overall negative assertions, leaving me with this: “I had to steal food!”, he said, claiming having once been homeless himself–a story I neither wanted to hear or honestly belied. It had been long since I could trust anyone besides myself, but especially a man–not that color had much to do with it, besides of course my constantly being reminded that I was stuck black. ‘All the more reason not to care.' I thought, my apathy becoming an overriding factor. I was starving–and though not quite in the actual stages of starvation, which I had staved off by eating genetically modified fruit over the last couple of days– which didn't appear to have any nutritional value at all and certainly didn't give my body any energy I could use, especially not to take the grueling one-hour ride to the dirty, overrun gym–which at least had a sauna and was 24 hours–but useless, as the sauna was closed during the overnight hours when I wanted to go, escaping my new roomates controlling habits, forceful talks equipped with code words and subliminal messages, the pesterance of being unable to cleanse the room with sage, and, of course — her almost nightmarish sensitivity to everything, which included light, the music in my headphones being too loud (so much so that I could hear the city noise over anything I could in my headphones, and of course made it impossible to work in ableton, as everything I did as she tried to sleep was “too loud”--even writing was forbidden, as I one had had been typing away at the 7th season's script and she asked that I not type at al– nor could I use my mixer, as the button pressing was “too loud”, and while most of my musical inspiration came at night, I could see that for whatever purpose, this person was being used to manipulate and control me once more- No burning sage, no making mixtapes, no typing… “You have the whole day when I am gone, you can do whatever you want.”, she said As if I myself didn't have things to do during the day–just getting to and from the gym taking stretches of precious time alone–of course met with another method of psychological torture– the constant drilling, hammering, and knocking about in the room directly above mine–which sometimes of course felt like being opened from the inside out, my synestesia poking holes in my sanity-and while that should have been enough of an excuse to spend all of my days at the gym–the gym itself had become a way for the system to control and manipulate my mind, for even as my body grew stronger, my mind grew weak and muddled being followed around by little white girls swinging their hair in my face, people coughing all around, and trash everywhere I had fallen into a heap of despair, as the combination of the date alone, the research I had been doing, the work I wasn't getting done, the money I wasn't making, and the lack of nutrition set in–the night shift operations refusing to allow me to use the can opener, after I had left it atop the microwave and not “put it in his hands”-- a classic misogynistic, controlling black man, he always gave the residents a terrible attitude, but I had no reason myself to dislike him before this moment. “I don't have to let you use the can opener.” He said. My only food for days had come from the food bank, besies the free GMO-fruit the shelter sometimes handed out, which had been making me sick and lethargic; of course, because it had come from a food bank, they required a can-opener–as the luxury of a pop-top had rarely been afforded with such off-brand food, I might have considered myself blessed to have, if it weren't for the “no cans” rule at the shelter: Neither did they provide a kitchen to cook in, and so residents were expected to eat microwave TV-dinners–but of course, there were no vegan and vegetarian options, and even if there had been, I wasn't absolutely sure that I would trust by God to eat it, as the two microwaves buzzed for hours at a time to warm the food fed three-times daily to the zombie like residents, who I sometimes observed in passing on my way in or out of the shelter. “This is my only food.”, I balked. “That's not my problem!” he said. “My food stamps aren't coming regularly: I got this at the food bank and it's the only food I have.”, I explained. “SO?!” He said “You're not even supposed to have that on the premises.” “I know.” , I said. “But it's the only food I have.” The system had been so inconsistent with my food benefits that I never could expect when I would be able to eat again, or for how long–it seemed it was all a sham to force me into the mental health system. I was malnourished, lethargic, and still injured from the fight I had been in just weeks earlier. “That's not my problem.” He scoffed. “So I can't use the can opener?” I asked. He just ignored me, shrugging. On any other day, i might have just brushed it off–but on this night in particular, hunger forged a deep tear into my soul, the weight of all I had been through plummeting down into one nearly-fatal blow – the man was arrogant as always but on this particular night seemed increasingly evil. “Yo, this is fucked up! I can't survive on only bananas and you don't have any Vegan options: my food stamps don't come regularly and I can't eat! This is FUCKED UP.” Even with all I had been through, I had realized I barely blew up–though far from an actual saint, I had been gifted with at least the patience of one, really only ever doomed to explode after a buildup–and it had been months of being what seemed like strategically terrorized: my fight delayed, keeping me trapped in the United States, prone to corporate slavery and no privacy at all, my bills outweighing any income I had the ability to make, trapped inside of my too-fat, too-black body for too long, and of course, being tormented by Skrillex, trapped in the homeless system, hazed by White Supremacists, blacklisted by Insomniac, and sent into an otherwise chaotic and segregated world from which I did not come from–i had been bullied, physically attacked, made to fight, consistently followed and of course, ever-presently chronically reminded of an abusive marriage which had left me homeless, mourning and grieving two dead children, and estranged from the third–who had in the care of his father become morbidly obese, subject to neglect, and unaware of my presense–let alone the love I had for him left–the only love I really had for anything anymore–and not that it mattered; I could not afford to care for him, or myself–and had become uncomfortably numb, sober, cellibate, and brainwashed enough to have once believed that I could succeed in entertainment–though, as it turned out– I had just been another useless subject of mass manipulation, predictive programming, human experimentation, and psychological terrorism– my life, among many didn't matter. I had been deemed useless, and doomed to be discarded at the age of 30. My suspicions had been confirmed; As I had collapsed into a heap of flesh, returning to the room in hunger and fury and throwing the three cans of vegetables to the ground, tears gushed from my eyes as I considerably died in more ways than one, over and over– overcome by the years of torture I had endured from the system itself, for whatever reason, and of course, a breakdown I would have otherwise avoided entirely, had my annoying roommate not earlier reminded me “Is it the 23rd?” and it was indeed the 23rd of May, the anniversary of my son's passing – he would have been 7 or 8, but I had lost count, attempting to erase the memory of my broken, fucked up world. To think, in another world I may have had 7 or 8 year old twins and a husband–which was in fact, all that I even wanted to begin with in the first place; I had given up my dreams of being a household name–a broadway actress, a television star, a world-class musician–I had given up my own dreams long ago. I left my body entirely, curling into a huddled ball in the workchair, tucking my head between my legs and under the desk, my arms in a tight grip underneath my knees–my mind racing and soul ripping from its capsule, hovering above my body and enamored that I had become thin enough to fall into such a position, as if bracing for impact in a plane crash; and suddenly, there I was–all at once, in-and-out of body “Brace for Impact!” The plane crash, of course – and all the other scenes I had yet to write playing over and over in my head– the stories of my innermost imagination shattering and spread across the starlit sky which I became in a fuchsia purple wisp, space and time forming around me–I was neither dead nor alive, and though I could still feel my abdomen firmly pressed against my thighs, I was so far outside of and above it looking down at it, completely gone–and though I could feel myself still breathing shallow, hollow breaths, I could no longer feel the weight of the anger, the sting of the hunger, or the grip of evil around my neck. It was indeed a Holy War–constantly haunted by memories of a past I only wished to forget, followed and prodded by soldiers of an unknown force–military? CIA? I didn't know , but it was certain that I was being watched and studied, my psychic inclinations and seemingly supernatural gifts becoming exploited and exposed throughout my entire life; My roomate had initiated too many conversations that just so eerily suggested that indeed, she too, had been marked with a task– collecting information about my psyche, living habits, preferences, diet, and, of course–history–and though she seemed kind enough and did have brown eyes, i would probably never trust another human being again. She rubbed my back as I sat, still rolled into a fetal position and weeping, for the time having been unable to move; as she stroked my back and rubbed my hair, half dredlocked and th usually shaven side overgrown into a curly patch on my head, I began to feel the soothing touch of another human being for the first time in years–as I had realized only days before on the subway, squeezed so tightly between two other people during rush hour transit that I could feel them both breathing–i noticed the remarkable truth that I had not been loved or touched in so long that this, being squeezed between two breathing humans, was somewhat soothing–and as I breathed myself heavily in and out, I began to return to my miserable body, in the less-than-miserable room we shared, but not so happily that I would ever become comfortable or call it home. I needed space, but couldn't seem to speak– I returned slowly to consciousness as the tension in my back arose to it's normal pressure, as I lifted my head, my neck clicking from the injury from the fightt. “Do you want to talk about it?” I didn't, but i could barely stand to move my head, and I was, indeed “Barely Breathing”, which I noticed, and seemed to have to cry a little bit more, and a little bit harder after a brief moment thinking about Dillon Francis, and though as I had left my body for quite some time and sat scattered across in all the remains of what might have been pieces of The Festival Project I had written for him, or even in the very least which had been so inspired by–a dark crevice had opened up into a black void, which seemed to occupy the space where my soul had once been, and any of the feelings I had kept there with him–For indeed, I had returned to my body, however, part of me was long gone– and I knew I had indeed faced another spiritual death, cast somehow just in a moment into yet another, even deeper realm of the afterlife, with nothing left to do to submit to it. “I'm probably going to kill myself by summer!” , Alex said–and for some reason her words rattled around in my brain superimposed as some sort of code which probably meant: You're going to kill yourself by summer. It felt true, and though I hadn't been pressed so hard against the doors of suicide, my mind had often drifted to a place of remorse for all that had happened- perhaps I was indeed trapped in a shamanic stronghold–and though I myself had been for some time equipped with healing powers, I had been reluctant to use black or Satanic magic to fight whatever had been the cause of my consistent homelessness, isolation, financial ruin, intense hunger– and foraged bitterness towards whatever external forces that seemed to rule over every entirety of my existence; I had been pulled apart, tortured, tormented, and disfigured in such a way that I wished not to live in the greedy, materialistic money-driven world anyhow. One of the napkins I had balled up and tossed into the Whole Foods bag that my roomate had held out for me the night before had been placed in my backpack, atop the bag where I kept the sage I had replaced and had been hiding and two pieces of palo santo–I didn't care so much as what the punishment would be and had chosen religiously to keep protecting myself, and though my freedom had been threatened, “They'll take you a worse shelter!”, my roomate had yelled, after interrogating me about “smoking” in the room— and, not that I would have allowed her to know, I conceded that in the event I was moved to an even worse shelter, I would simply jump in front of a train or from somewhere high up enough that I knew death was imminent, as so many had before and did each day: there wasn't anything worth living for anyway, and I had given up the fight entirely. The Festial Project was a mockery–Skrillex had been used to terrorize me, and Dillon Francis was no different–there was nothing and no one in the world that I could trust, who would ever understand me. But, I kept waking up in my horrible, miserable body–unloved and unwell, and so at the very least, kept burning my sage, saying my prayers, and wishing something would change–though according to the book I had been reading, slaves such as myself were raised to be disposed of at the age of 30. “In that case…” I had used the modest amount of money I had earned to restart my podcast subscription, knowing that it would be on a limited basis: I wasn't making any money, and was still being followed around by demons–which the book stated, were used to control and manipulate my existence at every turn, and it seemed that the Hell that I had been in for years was entirely inescapable, anyway. I had felt that she would use my downtime as I showered and continued to return to my body to check my bags–leaving behind the balled up napkin as a passive aggressive tactic to let me know that she was aware that I had obstinately lied– But if there was one thing I had learned, is that in the Hell I had been born into and pulled through for 30 years, is that honesty will only hurt you–something someone pretty, rich, and privileged like Bibi Bourelly, Sonny Moore, or even Dillon Francis would never understand–or perhaps, for at least the latter two, being men of great influence and power–knew all-too well. Well enough, at least. ‘This means that they will be locked up in a crazy house for the rest of their life. Rather than be put in straight-jackets with other crazy people it would be better for the person to commit suicide.' ‘twice the normal dose of two kinds of lithium carbonate to put her into a lethargic stupor' ‘The programmers are very careful to have heart monitors on the victim, and to have paddles ready to revive the body. ‘ ‘Dissociation is used as a defense to protect a person from overwhelming pain and trauma. It is a natural ability of the brain. Hypnosis or hypnotic trance is a form of dissociation. There are a number of types of dissociation: amnesia, somnambulistic states, localized paralyses, anaesthesias, and hallucinations. Hypnosis can reproduce all of these dissociative states. The mind naturally hypnotizes itself under various conditions. Hypnosis is a valuable tool to move the mind to different neurophysiological states and to get the mind to different levels of the subconscious mind. Hypnosis can also play a role in working around amnesia, since both are types of dissociation. Hyperventilation helps a person induct into a hypnotic trance. Torture, depersonalization, fear and acute anxiety stimulate the body to hyperventilate. Common objects in a person's life that can be hypnotically given a programming meaning include music, tones, colors, the sight of a book or Bible, the pyramid on the back of a dollar bill, pictures of God, silk scarfs, jewelry, lights, 93 sounds, TV programs, and countless other things. The limit to this is simply the programmer's creativity. A common hypnotic device for washing away pain is running water. MK Ultra Subproject 128 Delta - This is a Greek letter shaped like a triangle which symbolizes change in calculus. It has become a favorite word to use in naming things for the occult elite. Delta teams are 4 person assassination teams which usually are secret teams. Delta Forces is an elite unit that operates under the Joint chiefs of staff that is made up of highly trained total mind-controlled slaves. Delta models are slaves whose sole purpose is assassination. Delta alters are alters within an Illuminati alter system which are programmed to be assassins. These alters are often some of the deepest in a system and in a Genie bottle or with Umbrella programming.
Another mind bending session with three individuals on the flipside. In the first section, Jennifer's dad Jim stops by. A Mormon Bishop, he's stopped by in the past to show his daughter some amazing things. We took a visit to her Akashic Library some years ago, as well as introduced us to a classroom on the flipside where the subject was "astrophysics" - but the class was in deep space. At first he warned Jennifer not to be "freaked out" by his teacher - who appeared in a cloak with 8 arms. Because of my extensive travels in India and Tibet, I suspected she might be someone that people there were aware of, and after looking it up, we returned to his class so I could ask the question, "Do people in India refer to you as something?" and Jennifer said "Ma." (As in Ma Durga). We've spoken to her a number of times, but in this session, Jim says he's taking another class as well, a class about "the energy of love." And as an example, he talks about visiting another galaxy, and "viewing it through the lens of love" - the idea that we can view other galaxies or planets with "unconditional love" is the key to understanding or comprehending those realms. Mind bending. But when I asked about the teacher, he self identified as "Five" someone we've interviewed before on this podcast. (Search the word "five" and you'll hear other podcasts with him.) It's equally mind bending, because I initially met him (as noted in the podcast) during a hypnotherapy session reported in the book IT'S A WONDERFUL AFTERLIFE. I was filming so I wasn't doing the interview. But then another trip to an Akashic library as reported in ARCHITECTURE OF THE AFTERLIFE, I was conversing with a Harvard graduate, whose guide ("Trixie") was asked "is there anything else we should look at?" she said "Yes, she's saying she wants to visit the Akashic library" and there, introduced us to the SAME LIBRARIAN. Mind bending as I say - when I asked him some questions, he said "You've already asked these questions" - and then reminded me that I was in the room when the hypnotherapist Scott was asking them (not me). Then he's shown up a few other times, in our podcast as well. When asked about his role, I would be remiss not to mention that he's self identified as the "head librarian" - meaning, he's in charge of all the Akashic records (even though others may see their guides, teachers, classmates in their own library, he's identifying himself as the "head librarian" for this part of the Universe and all the beings in it. Like I say - mind bending. No other way to put it. Then after a discussion about quantum mechanics as well as what he meant by saying "God is beyond the capacity of the human brain to comprehend, it's not physically possible, but that we can experience God by opening our heart to everyone and all things." Finally a visit from the Oscar nominated screenwriter of "Greystoke" Robert Towne's dog Hira, (Robert's pseudonym) who has been a frequent guest on the podcast. He talks again about how animals are aware of how incarnation works, but humans are not. How animals seek out and "find their humans" through a lot of hard work and manipulation. Again - not an opinion, theory or belief. Just reporting. For more details: see DivineCouncils.com - for the book with a variety of people accessing this information without hypnosis, see GreatestStoryNever.com for links about the latest book which has a number of interviews with the alpha and omega, or watch the film HackingTheAfterlifeFilm.com - to see Jennifer in action talking to the flipside (as well as research). Thanks for tuning in!
Letters from a Mormon Apostate; Letter to a Mormon Bishop (with co-host Earl Erskine)
Youtube Link For the first time ever, a sitting Mormon Bishop joins us to discuss the current situation with the Church's activity rates and its misleading membership statistics. Get ready for an insightful episode! Episode Show Notes Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon Our Platforms: Youtube Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormonstoriespodcast Join the Discord
When disturbing events disrupt the comfortable flow of Kolby's life, he starts to see the cracks in his faith and uses his abilities as a lawyer to take a real critical look at its truth claims. After further examination, he recounts how his shelf had been slowly getting heavier and heavier starting from a very young age. Click here to watch on YouTubeMake sure to check out part 2! (clickable chapter markers on YouTube)Mormon Stories Interview Update5-7 years old, testing his faith by walking on waterAsking for the ministering of Angels age 12-13Making non-Mormon friendsTeaching about the racial priesthood ban on his missionWhy not investigate why friends had lost their faith?Unable to accept Adam & Eve as literal peopleReconsidering Abraham & Isaac through the perspective of a fatherThe Gospel of lyingActually understanding the LGBTQ+ experienceUsing the Scientific method to have a better lifeConnect with KolbyAs mentioned in the episode:Speaking Out When a Mormon Bishop Abuses Children - Kolby & Cami Reddish - 1550How a Mormon Bishop's Sexual Abuse Affected our Faith - Kolby & Cami Reddish - 1551Radio Free Mormon 259: Mormonism and the Rules of EvidenceRadio Free Mormon: 260: Mormonism and the Rules of Evidence, Part 2Radio Free Mormon: 262: Mormonism and the Rules of Evidence, Part 3Support ShelisePatreon: Patreon.com/cultstoconsciousnessVenmo @sheliseannAny donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcastFind Shelise on Social media!Instagram @cultstoconsciousnessHost Instagram @sheliseannTikTok @cults.to.consciousnessTwitter @cultstoconTheme Song Produced and Composed by Christian Guevara**Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. Lastly, the opinions of our guests do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the host.**
After thousands of hours of leadership training and tens of thousands of hours of committed service Jed and I independently left the Mormon religion. In this conversation, we evaluate how well/poorly we handled our exits. We both stumbled through uncharted waters, weighed down by guilt and shame. Disoriented and angry, we made many mistakes and damaged relationships with good people. LISTEN to Jed's original episode "#112: Jed-- Deconstructing the House of Cards" or See his complete SHOW NOTES for this episode. "There's definitely no section of the handbook on how to leave the church. Everything is designed to keep you in. You're supposed to doubt your doubts, not question church policy. There was no soft landing getting out when it doesn't work anymore. So, yeah, you feel very isolated and alone."Jed was a Mormon Bishop when he began asking hard questions about the religion he'd dedicated himself to his entire life.This episode doesn't get into details about why we left organized religion. Instead, it focuses more on how we navigated that transition, in a word - poorly. But that's the whole point. Our lives are filled with transitions. Physically moving from one community to another. Mentally moving from one belief to another. Seeing the world through a broader or different perspective. Emotionally shifting between relationships. Changes of professions. We are constantly re-inventing ourselves in the search for authenticity. These transitions are often confusing, emotionally draining, and almost always messy. Understanding that chaos can help us through our next shift. It can also help us find the grace and the space for helping others through their difficult transitions.Support the show Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-Star review and rating here! Financial contributions greatly appreciated! Join the conversation online at our Facebook Community Page with many of our listeners and guests. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, or TikTok. Email us at Brian@StrangersYouKnowPodcast.com
===== Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon Pick “Mormon Stories” as your charity on Amazon Smile or through the Amazon App Our Platforms: Mormon Stories Blog Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com Mormon Stories Podcast PO Box 171085 Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormstories Join the Discord
Evan Smith rose through the ranks of Mormon leadership ultimately becoming a Stake Presidency member. While serving as an LDS Bishop, Evan struggled with the Church's positions on LGBTQ+ issues and later found out that his son Weston was gay. Even after coming out, Weston decided to serve an LDS Mission as an openly gay man, leading him to high levels of depression and heartbreaking experiences during and after coming back early from his mission. Evan became an advocate for LGBTQ people in the Church. His position as a Stake Presidency Counselor led him to a few confrontations/discussions with General Authorities and a later meeting at Church Headquarters where they discussed Evan's progressive beliefs on LGBTQ matters. Join John and Gerardo as they interview Evan and his son Weston about their fascinating Mormon Story. This is part 1 of a 3-part story. Episode Show Notes ===== Mormon Stories Thanks Our Generous Donors! Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today: One-time or recurring donation through Donorbox Support us on Patreon Pick “Mormon Stories” as your charity on Amazon Smile or through the Amazon App Our Platforms: Mormon Stories Blog Patreon Spotify Apple Podcasts Contact us: MormonStories@gmail.com Mormon Stories Podcast PO Box 171085 Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Social Media: Insta: @mormstories Tiktok: @mormstories Join the Discord
TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of Sexual Assault, Rape, Child Abuse When a father of a 5-year-old girl who was in counseling with his Mormon Bishop admitted to abusing his daughter, the Bishop followed the guidance of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and called a so-called "helpline" and he was advised by Church Lawyers to tell no one. The man continued to abuse his daughter for 7 more years and went on to assault her newborn sister. The AP has done a deep investigation into the Mormon Church's mishandling of child abuse and their article from last week has spread like wildfire. The LDS Church has put its PR department and news media outlets on high alert and they issued an official response and at least two articles trying to respond to the egregious revelations by the Associated Press. Join John, Gerardo, and Utah criminal defense attorney Brenton Erickson as they do a deep dive into the AP article and analyze whether the Church adequately explained the alarming allegations in the article. ________ WE ARE 100% DONOR FUNDED! Thank you for your donations! Monthly Donor: Monthly Donor or https://donorbox.org/mormon-stories One Time Donation: One Time Donation or https://donorbox.org/mormon-stories Amazon Purchases: ONLINE: Follow the link below and choose "Mormon Stories". Amazon will do the rest at no cost to you. Amazon Donates When You Purchase Items APP: Enable Amazon Smile in your app by following link below: Amazon Donates When You Purchase On The App ————— Like & Share our Podcasts! Social Media/Information Links: MSP on Spotify Apple Podcasts MSP Blog Instagram Patreon TikTok Discord Contact Us! MormonStories@gmail.com Mormon Stories Podcast PO Box 171085 Salt Lake City, UT 84117 #LDS #Mormon #PostMormon #ExMormon #MormonStories #Religion #Education #Truth #History #JosephSmith #ChurchofJesusChristofLatterDaySaints #HighDemandReligion #Cult #Patriarchy #WomensRights Show Notes: AP: Seven years of sex abuse: How Mormon officials let it happen AP: How Mormon church 'help line' hid child sex abuse Church Offers Statement on Help Line and Abuse (Response to AP) Deseret News Opinion: Perspective: I survived abuse. I worked for the church's help line. The AP story broke my heart Church responds to AP story on abuse of a child and reporting hotline Spotlight Movie MormonLeaks 1999 Protocol for Abuse Helpline [PDF] Are Publicized Abuse Cases Exceptional or Representative of Our Faith?
Brad Daw is a active bishop of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints that patricipated in an Ayahuasca Ceremony in Costa Rica and has become an advocate for plant medicines. Brad is also a Brad Daw a former member of the Utah House of Representatives that served from 2004 to 2013 and again from 2015 to 2021.
1. The question Carson's sister asked that made him radically reimagine his life. 2. Why Carson is having the best sex of his life. 3. How Carson received sign-off from his Mormon Bishop for his first queer date. 4. The accident that left Carson paralyzed from the chest down at 23. 5. How ableism hurts us all. About Carson: Carson Tueller is a coach, speaker and activist whose work provides people with the tools they need to live authentic, fulfilling, and powerful lives. He identifies as queer and disabled. Carson grew up as a Mormon in a military family moving around a lot before settling in Utah. His own journey into powerful living began in 2013 when, in the same year, he came out, and was then injured in an accident that paralyzed him from the chest down. Since then, Carson has brought his work to international nonprofits and presidential campaigns – and when he isn't coaching or speaking, Carson can be found at the gym, reading non-fiction, or playing Pokemon with his niece and nephews. TW: @carson_tueller IG: @carson_tueller #disabilitypride #disabilitypridemonth To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Called as an LDS/Mormon Bishop in the U.K. at just 23 years old, we will explore the effect such a calling has on someone so young. Join John Dehlin and Nemo the Mormon as they take time to get to know the man behind “Priesthood Dispatches”! PD is a man of many stories, and we can't wait to explore them with you all! If you or anyone you know is affected by abuse, please reach out to the numbers below: For help in the UK 08088 010818 For help in the USA 800.656.HOPE Show Notes: Nemo's Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/NEMOTHEMORMON/ Priesthood Dispatches: https://youtube.com/channel/UCx5yNRufseSR_JxYC8GJ2iA ————— We are 100% donor funded! Please click HERE to donate and keep this content coming! Click here to donate monthly: $10 $25 $50 ————— MSP on Spotify MSP on Apple Podcasts MSP Blog Instagram Patreon TikTok Discord Contact Us! *MormonStories@gmail.com *PO Box 171085 Salt Lake City, UT 84117
In this week's episode, Nicole tells us about a man who is a doctor and a lawyer and a Mormon Bishop! If that's too much much to remember, it's okay, he won't miss a chance to remind you. Later, Eden tells us about the craziest epitaph ever and a cryptid creature Mormons can't get enough of. These are the stories of Dr (and lawyer…and bishop) Martin MacNeill, the grave of Lillie Gray, and the Bear Lake Monster!
After an epic retelling of their time trying to protect the children in their Idaho home ward, Cami and Kolby give us a look into how that ordeal changed their faith in the Mormon church in this epic second part of their interview. ————— We are 100% donor funded! Please click HERE to donate and keep this content coming! Click here to donate monthly: $10 $25 $50 ————— MSP on Spotify MSP on Apple Podcasts MSP Blog Instagram Patreon TikTok Discord Contact Us! *MormonStories@gmail.com *PO Box 171085 Salt Lake City, UT 84117
Joining us on the podcast today are Kolby and Cami, a married couple from Idaho whose life and faith were shaken when their bishop was convicted and sent to prison for sexually abusing children. We discuss the moves the local leadership made that shocked them, including praising the former bishop in front of his victims to the entire ward congregation. This is one of the most important stories that highlight the LDS culture of conforming to authority vs following one's conscience and the fallout of doing the latter. We applaud Kolby and Cami (and other members of their Idaho stake) for trying to protect children and telling this story today. In part two we'll be discussing how these events affected their faith in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as a whole. ————— We are 100% donor funded! Please click HERE to donate and keep this content coming! Click here to donate monthly: $10 $25 $50 ————— MSP on Spotify MSP on Apple Podcasts MSP Blog Instagram Patreon TikTok Discord Contact Us! *MormonStories@gmail.com *PO Box 171085 Salt Lake City, UT 84117
I sit down with my favorite NeverMo (never Mormon), my boyfriend Toby. I grew up in the LDS church, and he grew up doing unmentionable things in the back of his girlfriend's car in an LDS church parking lot. We get into all the extras that can come along with dating someone of a different faith. Toby learns what a “Fireside” is and that he can never become a Mormon Bishop with two earrings and a funky beard. Jesus McConaughey even makes an appearance. Get on in here and give us a listen. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/sharingreleasesshame/message
Meet the Mormons Official Movie Watch this movie free at- https://youtu.be/iS6PZh6tCC0 870,280 views The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 1.76M subscribers The Meet the Mormons movie examines the very diverse lives of six devout members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). Filmed across the globe, Meet the Mormons takes viewers on a journey into the day-to-day realities of individuals living in the U.S., Costa Rica, Nepal and beyond. From their individual passions to their daily struggles, each story paints a picture as rich and unique as the next while challenging the stereotypes that surround the Mormon faith. The official, full-length version of the movie will only be available on YouTube for a limited time. Learn more about Meet the Mormons at meetthemormons.com. Meet the Mormons is also available on Netflix worldwide. This is the official Meet the Mormons movie. To buy a personal copy visit Walmart (http://goo.gl/jtziC9), Deseret Book (https://deseretbook.com/p/meet-mormon...) or Amazon (http://goo.gl/3yh2vf) . Meet the Mormons is available on YouTube in 29 languages or dialects! Watch in Spanish (Neutral): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rSf7... Watch in Portuguese (Brazilian): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okdV-... Watch in French: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LTgp... Watch in Italian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ciaeh... Watch in German: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRh84... Watch in Japanese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKGEo... Watch in Korean: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4jgK... Watch in Russian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdIz3... Watch in Spanish (Euro): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu56B... Watch in Spanish (Mexican): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szf3m... Watch in Portuguese (Euro): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykBP2... Watch in Armenian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBc-A... Watch in Bulgarian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq5jF... Watch in Estonian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5gS5... Watch in Hungarian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMQeR... Watch in Latvian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUvPr... Watch in Lithuanian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn7I6... Watch in Romanian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA2sv... Watch in Danish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Dutch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Finnish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Icelandic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Mandarin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5uoG... Watch in Cantonese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5P84... Watch in Norwegian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Polish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Swedish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... More about the unique the stories covered in the Meet the Mormons full movie: Meet the Humanitarian - After leaving his village to receive a degree in Engineering, Bishnu Adhikari returned to his home in Nepal with a newfound faith and a determination to help improve the living conditions of the area. Bishnu now travels to remote villages in the Himalayan Mountains to build roads, schools and water systems, all while living with his faith and respecting his culture and his family's expectations. Meet the Coach - As Head Football Coach of the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, Ken Niumatalolo balances the pressures of his high-stress job by putting his family and faith first. In the competitive, high-stakes world of college football, he made the shocking decision to cancel staff meetings on Sundays, traditionally seen as critical to the team's success, to instead honor the Sabbath day. Meet the Fighter - With her husband's help, extreme sports enthusiast Carolina Muñoz Marin has fought her way to the top of women's amateur kickboxing in Costa Rica, challenging the traditional stereotypes of a Mormon woman. In between family time and training for competitions, Carolina and her husband run a charity to help those in Costa Rica who are less fortunate. Meet the Bishop - Jermaine Sullivan works full-time as an academic counselor to 200 students in order to support his wife and three kids. He also volunteers full-time as a Bishop of a Mormon church in Atlanta, Georgia. He leads his diverse congregation with youthful exuberance while shattering stereotypes of what it means to be a Mormon Bishop. Meet the Mom - Dawn Armstrong, a struggling single mother, had hit rock bottom and lost all hope. Then she met some Mormon missionaries who helped her and her son get back on their feet and start a new life. Her son is now older and ready to fulfill his two-year voluntary missionary work. As she helps him prepare to leave home for the first time ever, she also prepares to say goodbye. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Meet the Mormons Official Movie Watch this movie free at- https://youtu.be/iS6PZh6tCC0 870,280 views The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 1.76M subscribers The Meet the Mormons movie examines the very diverse lives of six devout members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). Filmed across the globe, Meet the Mormons takes viewers on a journey into the day-to-day realities of individuals living in the U.S., Costa Rica, Nepal and beyond. From their individual passions to their daily struggles, each story paints a picture as rich and unique as the next while challenging the stereotypes that surround the Mormon faith. The official, full-length version of the movie will only be available on YouTube for a limited time. Learn more about Meet the Mormons at meetthemormons.com. Meet the Mormons is also available on Netflix worldwide. This is the official Meet the Mormons movie. To buy a personal copy visit Walmart (http://goo.gl/jtziC9), Deseret Book (https://deseretbook.com/p/meet-mormon...) or Amazon (http://goo.gl/3yh2vf) . Meet the Mormons is available on YouTube in 29 languages or dialects! Watch in Spanish (Neutral): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rSf7... Watch in Portuguese (Brazilian): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okdV-... Watch in French: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LTgp... Watch in Italian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ciaeh... Watch in German: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRh84... Watch in Japanese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKGEo... Watch in Korean: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4jgK... Watch in Russian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdIz3... Watch in Spanish (Euro): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu56B... Watch in Spanish (Mexican): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szf3m... Watch in Portuguese (Euro): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykBP2... Watch in Armenian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBc-A... Watch in Bulgarian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq5jF... Watch in Estonian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5gS5... Watch in Hungarian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMQeR... Watch in Latvian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUvPr... Watch in Lithuanian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn7I6... Watch in Romanian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA2sv... Watch in Danish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Dutch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Finnish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Icelandic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Mandarin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5uoG... Watch in Cantonese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5P84... Watch in Norwegian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Polish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... Watch in Swedish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmJar... More about the unique the stories covered in the Meet the Mormons full movie: Meet the Humanitarian - After leaving his village to receive a degree in Engineering, Bishnu Adhikari returned to his home in Nepal with a newfound faith and a determination to help improve the living conditions of the area. Bishnu now travels to remote villages in the Himalayan Mountains to build roads, schools and water systems, all while living with his faith and respecting his culture and his family's expectations. Meet the Coach - As Head Football Coach of the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, Ken Niumatalolo balances the pressures of his high-stress job by putting his family and faith first. In the competitive, high-stakes world of college football, he made the shocking decision to cancel staff meetings on Sundays, traditionally seen as critical to the team's success, to instead honor the Sabbath day. Meet the Fighter - With her husband's help, extreme sports enthusiast Carolina Muñoz Marin has fought her way to the top of women's amateur kickboxing in Costa Rica, challenging the traditional stereotypes of a Mormon woman. In between family time and training for competitions, Carolina and her husband run a charity to help those in Costa Rica who are less fortunate. Meet the Bishop - Jermaine Sullivan works full-time as an academic counselor to 200 students in order to support his wife and three kids. He also volunteers full-time as a Bishop of a Mormon church in Atlanta, Georgia. He leads his diverse congregation with youthful exuberance while shattering stereotypes of what it means to be a Mormon Bishop. Meet the Mom - Dawn Armstrong, a struggling single mother, had hit rock bottom and lost all hope. Then she met some Mormon missionaries who helped her and her son get back on their feet and start a new life. Her son is now older and ready to fulfill his two-year voluntary missionary work. As she helps him prepare to leave home for the first time ever, she also prepares to say goodbye. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
What happens when a Mormon bishop falls in love with a member of his congregation? How could this happen? What situation would make a divorced single mother returning to Mormon church activity fall in love with her married bishop? In what ways does the calling of Mormon bishop, including both excessive time demands on the Bishop and the practice of one-on-one "worthiness" interviews with single women, put excessive strain on bishops, their marriages, and their families - making infidelity more likely? Should divorced single women (or anyone for that matter) seek life counseling from a Mormon bishop? Are bishops trained and qualified to do life counseling? How could a bishop and a divorced single mother come to believe that they were both engaged in a God-approved polygamous relationship? Does a story like this help us better understand the Chad Daybell / Lori Vallow story, or the Joseph Smith story? What happens when a Mormon bishop loses his faith, while he is serving as bishop? What type of pressure does that put on the bishop, his wife, and their family? What is it like to be viewed as "the mistress" in a public relationship that is viewed as scandalous (i.e., a Mormon bishops falls in love with a ward member, loses his faith, asks to be released, and the entire ward/stake knows)? What happens when a Mormon stake president is forced to release a Mormon bishop early? What types of pressure does this situation put on the stake president, the ward, the bishop, and the bishop's family? How does the Mormon church handle such situations? If you happen to fall in love with someone who isn't your spouse mid-life, how do you decide whether to stay in the struggling or failed marriage to improve it vs. leave the marriage to seek greater joy/fulfillment? Is there ever a time to "cut your losses" in a marriage and move on, or should most/all marriages be preserved at virtually all cost? Can 2nd marriages work, with all the complexities of divorce, ex-spouses, step-children, etc.? Or are they generally doomed to fail? How in the world do you ever heal from a lifetime of trauma as a Mormon? Is healing and growth possible? If so, what are some resources that can be helpful? Today's epic two-part Mormon stories interview with Matthew and Elizabeth explores all of these questions, and much, much more. Buckle in for a 7+ hour in-depth interview. I promise you that you will not be disappointed with these two strong, vulnerable, inspiring humans.
What happens when a Mormon bishop falls in love with a member of his congregation? How could this happen? What situation would make a divorced single mother returning to Mormon church activity fall in love with her married bishop? In what ways does the calling of Mormon bishop, including both excessive time demands on the Bishop and the practice of one-on-one "worthiness" interviews with single women, put excessive strain on bishops, their marriages, and their families - making infidelity more likely? Should divorced single women (or anyone for that matter) seek life counseling from a Mormon bishop? Are bishops trained and qualified to do life counseling? How could a bishop and a divorced single mother come to believe that they were both engaged in a God-approved polygamous relationship? Does a story like this help us better understand the Chad Daybell / Lori Vallow story, or the Joseph Smith story? What happens when a Mormon bishop loses his faith, while he is serving as bishop? What type of pressure does that put on the bishop, his wife, and their family? What is it like to be viewed as "the mistress" in a public relationship that is viewed as scandalous (i.e., a Mormon bishops falls in love with a ward member, loses his faith, asks to be released, and the entire ward/stake knows)? What happens when a Mormon stake president is forced to release a Mormon bishop early? What types of pressure does this situation put on the stake president, the ward, the bishop, and the bishop's family? How does the Mormon church handle such situations? If you happen to fall in love with someone who isn't your spouse mid-life, how do you decide whether to stay in the struggling or failed marriage to improve it vs. leave the marriage to seek greater joy/fulfillment? Is there ever a time to "cut your losses" in a marriage and move on, or should most/all marriages be preserved at virtually all cost? Can 2nd marriages work, with all the complexities of divorce, ex-spouses, step-children, etc.? Or are they generally doomed to fail? How in the world do you ever heal from a lifetime of trauma as a Mormon? Is healing and growth possible? If so, what are some resources that can be helpful? Today's epic two-part Mormon stories interview with Matthew and Elizabeth explores all of these questions, and much, much more. Buckle in for a 7+ hour in-depth interview. I promise you that you will not be disappointed with these two strong, vulnerable, inspiring humans.
This is an exploration into incarnation. Not in reincarnation - but the process of incarnation. How does it occur? We have a chat with Jennifer's father, a Mormon Bishop on the flipside. He discusses the process of a "drop of light" coming to incarnate in the guise of a human. When asked if anyone else wanted to speak on the topic, Elvis came forward to observe that music is the same kind of frequency that the drop of essence is described as - another bit of the overall light that is part of incarnation. A discussion of past lives ensues - and how everyone brings an amalgamation of all their lives to the current lifetime, which may include music, art and other energies. It sounds esoteric and it is - but it is based on the flipside research. Thanks for tuning in.
We're back with the Saints Unscripted Podcast, hosted by Jake Watson, one of our videographers and one of the best people you'll meet (even if it's just virtually!). Jake's series comes out weekly, with the first series addressing, "Navigating a Faith Crisis." Jake sits down with Richard Ostler, long-time member of the Church and well-known author and advocate for LGBTQ conversations, as well as faith crisis conversations. (Find more of his projects in the links below!) Richard Ostler talks about his personal faith crisis and how, as a bishop, he was forced to navigate difficult questions as they pertained to both his life and the life of those he was serving. From his own faith crisis, he was able to develop a loving relationship with those struggling in their faith and with those who were trying to navigate the LGBTQ experience in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known as the Mormon Church) which is difficult for many. Follow Richard Ostler: Podcasts, Stories, Events, etc: https://www.listenlearnandlove.org/Listen, Learn, and Love Book: https://www.amazon.com/Listen-Learn-Love-Embracing-Latter-day/dp/1462135773
David Salisbury grew up Mormon in the surf and music world of Southern California in the 1960’s. His story is one shared by many during that carefree period of life which was centered around part time jobs, church, dating and school. Oh yeah, there was that music thing too, listening to and performing as a drummer/ percussionist. After a Mormon mission to South America, college, and marriage; David made work related moves from Utah, to Florida, back to Utah and then to Virginia. He recently returned to Utah where he currently teaches educational psychology in a political science class at Dixie State University.Listen as this former Mormon Bishop talks about the twists and turns life takes and how he believes the future lies in trying to make a better world through intelligent conversation, rather than political, social, or religious battles.
Dennis connects via Zoom with Neon Trees frontman Tyler Glenn to talk about the band's terrific new album I Can Feel You Forgetting Me. Tyler talks about the inspiration for the record, his songwriting process, the delicious retro sound of the record and what it’s like to drop a new album when no one can leave the house. Tyler and Dennis also talk about their shared background in the Mormon church. Tyler recalls the crisis of faith that inspired his 2016 solo album Excommunication, the church's "Word of Wisdom" which forbids drugs and alcohol, hearing from young LGBT mormons who he's inspired and how the church felt about his creative ambitions. Tyler also recalls visiting Capital Hill early in 2020 to talk to congress about the evils of conversion therapy and how he met Utah Senator Mitt Romney on the same day that Romney spoke on the floor against Trump. Other topics include: appearing on Broadway in Kinky Boots, the Mormon Bishop who told him his goth hairdo was a distraction in church, how Joey Fatone is the hottest guy N'Sync, coming out about his first tattoo, falling off the stage and breaking his front teeth during a concert, the first time he heard one of his songs on the radio and of course, the Osmonds. https://www.neontrees.com/
Every once in a while we have an epic, multi-part Mormon Stories Podcast episode about a family who experiences a faith crisis together -- wherein multiple family members (including some of the children) participate in the re-telling of the story. This is one of those episodes.Sam and Sara Pinson were living the Mormon dream: raised in the LDS Church, married in the LDS temple, etc. Sam obtained his “dream job” working 5 years for Microsoft, and later left Microsoft to start his own business. The Pinson dream culminated in Sam and Sara moving to Ammon (Idaho Falls), Idaho, wherein Sam was called as a Mormon bishop. Everything seemed perfect - except it wasn’t. Their teenage daughter, Olivia, was questioning both the church, and her sexuality. Their son, Sam Jr., was suffering with Scrupulosity (religious OCD) And both Sam and Sara were beginning to question their Mormon faith while Sam was serving as bishop. Today’s episode tells the story of how a devout Mormon family in Ammon, Idaho, led by a Mormon Bishop, can end up losing their faith in Mormonism in 2020. It also includes a full recounting of how Sam began to speak openly about his struggles with the church after losing his faith - leading to threats and ultimately a disciplinary council/excommunication. And yes, Sam recorded and is now sharing here the full audio of his excommunication (Part 6).Sam’s wife Sara, along with two of their brilliant children - Olivia and Sam Jr. - also participate in this super-thoughtful story/discussion. You will not be disappointed in this episode. HUGE thanks to Sam Sr., Sara, Olivia, and Sam Jr. for their willingness to join us on Mormon Stories Podcast and tell their epic story.
Every once in a while we have an epic, multi-part Mormon Stories Podcast episode about a family who experiences a faith crisis together -- wherein multiple family members (including some of the children) participate in the re-telling of the story. This is one of those episodes.Sam and Sara Pinson were living the Mormon dream: raised in the LDS Church, married in the LDS temple, etc. Sam obtained his “dream job” working 5 years for Microsoft, and later left Microsoft to start his own business. The Pinson dream culminated in Sam and Sara moving to Ammon (Idaho Falls), Idaho, wherein Sam was called as a Mormon bishop. Everything seemed perfect - except it wasn’t. Their teenage daughter, Olivia, was questioning both the church, and her sexuality. Their son, Sam Jr., was suffering with Scrupulosity (religious OCD) And both Sam and Sara were beginning to question their Mormon faith while Sam was serving as bishop. Today’s episode tells the story of how a devout Mormon family in Ammon, Idaho, led by a Mormon Bishop, can end up losing their faith in Mormonism in 2020. It also includes a full recounting of how Sam began to speak openly about his struggles with the church after losing his faith - leading to threats and ultimately a disciplinary council/excommunication. And yes, Sam recorded and is now sharing here the full audio of his excommunication (Part 6).Sam’s wife Sara, along with two of their brilliant children - Olivia and Sam Jr. - also participate in this super-thoughtful story/discussion. You will not be disappointed in this episode. HUGE thanks to Sam Sr., Sara, Olivia, and Sam Jr. for their willingness to join us on Mormon Stories Podcast and tell their epic story.
Every once in a while we have an epic, multi-part Mormon Stories Podcast episode about a family who experiences a faith crisis together -- wherein multiple family members (including some of the children) participate in the re-telling of the story. This is one of those episodes.Sam and Sara Pinson were living the Mormon dream: raised in the LDS Church, married in the LDS temple, etc. Sam obtained his “dream job” working 5 years for Microsoft, and later left Microsoft to start his own business. The Pinson dream culminated in Sam and Sara moving to Ammon (Idaho Falls), Idaho, wherein Sam was called as a Mormon bishop. Everything seemed perfect - except it wasn’t. Their teenage daughter, Olivia, was questioning both the church, and her sexuality. Their son, Sam Jr., was suffering with Scrupulosity (religious OCD) And both Sam and Sara were beginning to question their Mormon faith while Sam was serving as bishop. Today’s episode tells the story of how a devout Mormon family in Ammon, Idaho, led by a Mormon Bishop, can end up losing their faith in Mormonism in 2020. It also includes a full recounting of how Sam began to speak openly about his struggles with the church after losing his faith - leading to threats and ultimately a disciplinary council/excommunication. And yes, Sam recorded and is now sharing here the full audio of his excommunication (Part 6).Sam’s wife Sara, along with two of their brilliant children - Olivia and Sam Jr. - also participate in this super-thoughtful story/discussion. You will not be disappointed in this episode. HUGE thanks to Sam Sr., Sara, Olivia, and Sam Jr. for their willingness to join us on Mormon Stories Podcast and tell their epic story.
Every once in a while we have an epic, multi-part Mormon Stories Podcast episode about a family who experiences a faith crisis together -- wherein multiple family members (including some of the children) participate in the re-telling of the story. This is one of those episodes.Sam and Sara Pinson were living the Mormon dream: raised in the LDS Church, married in the LDS temple, etc. Sam obtained his “dream job” working 5 years for Microsoft, and later left Microsoft to start his own business. The Pinson dream culminated in Sam and Sara moving to Ammon (Idaho Falls), Idaho, wherein Sam was called as a Mormon bishop. Everything seemed perfect - except it wasn’t. Their teenage daughter, Olivia, was questioning both the church, and her sexuality. Their son, Sam Jr., was suffering with Scrupulosity (religious OCD) And both Sam and Sara were beginning to question their Mormon faith while Sam was serving as bishop. Today’s episode tells the story of how a devout Mormon family in Ammon, Idaho, led by a Mormon Bishop, can end up losing their faith in Mormonism in 2020. It also includes a full recounting of how Sam began to speak openly about his struggles with the church after losing his faith - leading to threats and ultimately a disciplinary council/excommunication. And yes, Sam recorded and is now sharing here the full audio of his excommunication (Part 6).Sam’s wife Sara, along with two of their brilliant children - Olivia and Sam Jr. - also participate in this super-thoughtful story/discussion. You will not be disappointed in this episode. HUGE thanks to Sam Sr., Sara, Olivia, and Sam Jr. for their willingness to join us on Mormon Stories Podcast and tell their epic story.
Every once in a while we have an epic, multi-part Mormon Stories Podcast episode about a family who experiences a faith crisis together -- wherein multiple family members (including some of the children) participate in the re-telling of the story. This is one of those episodes.Sam and Sara Pinson were living the Mormon dream: raised in the LDS Church, married in the LDS temple, etc. Sam obtained his “dream job” working 5 years for Microsoft, and later left Microsoft to start his own business. The Pinson dream culminated in Sam and Sara moving to Ammon (Idaho Falls), Idaho, wherein Sam was called as a Mormon bishop. Everything seemed perfect - except it wasn’t. Their teenage daughter, Olivia, was questioning both the church, and her sexuality. Their son, Sam Jr., was suffering with Scrupulosity (religious OCD) And both Sam and Sara were beginning to question their Mormon faith while Sam was serving as bishop. Today’s episode tells the story of how a devout Mormon family in Ammon, Idaho, led by a Mormon Bishop, can end up losing their faith in Mormonism in 2020. It also includes a full recounting of how Sam began to speak openly about his struggles with the church after losing his faith - leading to threats and ultimately a disciplinary council/excommunication. And yes, Sam recorded and is now sharing here the full audio of his excommunication (Part 6).Sam’s wife Sara, along with two of their brilliant children - Olivia and Sam Jr. - also participate in this super-thoughtful story/discussion. You will not be disappointed in this episode. HUGE thanks to Sam Sr., Sara, Olivia, and Sam Jr. for their willingness to join us on Mormon Stories Podcast and tell their epic story.
Every once in a while we have an epic, multi-part Mormon Stories Podcast episode about a family who experiences a faith crisis together -- wherein multiple family members (including some of the children) participate in the re-telling of the story. This is one of those episodes.Sam and Sara Pinson were living the Mormon dream: raised in the LDS Church, married in the LDS temple, etc. Sam obtained his “dream job” working 5 years for Microsoft, and later left Microsoft to start his own business. The Pinson dream culminated in Sam and Sara moving to Ammon (Idaho Falls), Idaho, wherein Sam was called as a Mormon bishop. Everything seemed perfect - except it wasn’t. Their teenage daughter, Olivia, was questioning both the church, and her sexuality. Their son, Sam Jr., was suffering with Scrupulosity (religious OCD) And both Sam and Sara were beginning to question their Mormon faith while Sam was serving as bishop. Today’s episode tells the story of how a devout Mormon family in Ammon, Idaho, led by a Mormon Bishop, can end up losing their faith in Mormonism in 2020. It also includes a full recounting of how Sam began to speak openly about his struggles with the church after losing his faith - leading to threats and ultimately a disciplinary council/excommunication. And yes, Sam recorded and is now sharing here the full audio of his excommunication (Part 6).Sam’s wife Sara, along with two of their brilliant children - Olivia and Sam Jr. - also participate in this super-thoughtful story/discussion. You will not be disappointed in this episode. HUGE thanks to Sam Sr., Sara, Olivia, and Sam Jr. for their willingness to join us on Mormon Stories Podcast and tell their epic story.
Every once in a while we have an epic, multi-part Mormon Stories Podcast episode about a family who experiences a faith crisis together -- wherein multiple family members (including some of the children) participate in the re-telling of the story. This is one of those episodes.Sam and Sara Pinson were living the Mormon dream: raised in the LDS Church, married in the LDS temple, etc. Sam obtained his “dream job” working 5 years for Microsoft, and later left Microsoft to start his own business. The Pinson dream culminated in Sam and Sara moving to Ammon (Idaho Falls), Idaho, wherein Sam was called as a Mormon bishop. Everything seemed perfect - except it wasn’t. Their teenage daughter, Olivia, was questioning both the church, and her sexuality. Their son, Sam Jr., was suffering with Scrupulosity (religious OCD) And both Sam and Sara were beginning to question their Mormon faith while Sam was serving as bishop. Today’s episode tells the story of how a devout Mormon family in Ammon, Idaho, led by a Mormon Bishop, can end up losing their faith in Mormonism in 2020. It also includes a full recounting of how Sam began to speak openly about his struggles with the church after losing his faith - leading to threats and ultimately a disciplinary council/excommunication. And yes, Sam recorded and is now sharing here the full audio of his excommunication (Part 6).Sam’s wife Sara, along with two of their brilliant children - Olivia and Sam Jr. - also participate in this super-thoughtful story/discussion. You will not be disappointed in this episode. HUGE thanks to Sam Sr., Sara, Olivia, and Sam Jr. for their willingness to join us on Mormon Stories Podcast and tell their epic story.
In this episode, we talk with David, the Han Solo actor for our General Conference Star Wars parody! David is currently serving as a Bishop in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known as the Mormon Church). Bishops are called to serve in their ward boundaries (a 'ward' is just a group of people comprised in a geographic location). Bishops have (but are not limited to) the following duties: Preside over services, President of the priest quorum, Judge in Israel, Provide temporally for the members of the ward, Serve as the presiding high priest for the ward, Organize and manage the other organizations in the ward David (Bishop Grant, as some might call him) answers some difficult questions about what it's like to be a bishop and what goes through his head under certain occasions. Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/saintsunscripted
The saying goes "To the left of me, lazy. To the right of me, crazy.". It's human nature to think that we know the right way things ought to be done. This is true for us as IT folks and may even be true in our religious life. However, religion has A LOT to say about how, when, and why you might offer "correction", and that may inform the ways in which we offer advice to our wayward IT bretheren. In this episode Josh, Doug, and Leon explore the ways in which our religious sensibilities can inform the way we help our colleagues to stay on the straight and narrow. Listen or read the transcript below. Kate: 00:00 Welcome to our podcast where we talk about the interesting, frustrating and inspiring experience we have as people with strongly held religious views working in corporate IT. We are not here to preach or teach you our religion or lack thereof. We're here to explore ways we make our careers as IT professionals mesh or at least not conflict with our religious life. This is Technically Religious Leon: 00:25 As the saying goes "To the left of me, lazy to the right of me, crazy" It's human nature to think that we know the right way that things ought to be done. This is true for us as IT folks and may even be true in our religious life. However, religion has a lot to say about how when and why you might offer correction and that may inform the ways in which we offer advice to our wayward IT brethren. I'm Leon Adato and the other voices you're going to hear on this episode are my partners in podcast crime, Josh Biggley, Josh: 00:55 Hi-di-ho, neighbor! Leon: 00:57 And Doug Johnson. Doug: 00:58 Hi, dee-ho? Leon: 01:02 Right! Now he's a resident Canadian. He's got to do that. It's like a thing. Josh: 01:06 It's true. I just want to point out before we jump in that we also have, um, IT Sistren? I don't know what the word is for that. Leon: 01:13 Yeah, no, that's true. IT, yeah. Folks, Doug: 01:16 Sistern! Leon: 01:18 No, we're not doing that. It folks. F. O. L. X. Yes, you're right. Um, Josh: 01:23 So F O L. X. Great. And now we're talking in l33t speak. This is fantastic. Leon: 01:28 No, it's, it's good. It's a thing. Doug: 01:29 Totally woke. Leon: 01:29 All right, before we dive into the actual topic, I'd like to give everyone a chance for some shameless self promotion. Josh, why don't you kick it off? Josh: 01:37 I'm Josh Biggley. I am a senior engineer of enterprise monitoring. You can find me on the Twitters at uh, at @jbiggley. I've also started up a new Twitter handle called, uh, uh, what's it called? Wait, uh, @DataGeekCA because I was, I was shamed for not having a Data Geek Canada, uh, tag. So now I do. Um, if you want, you can go to www.faithtransitions.ca and follow along with my faith transitions community, uh, for religious observance? Currently Post-Mormon transitioning into ex-Mormon. New Speaker: 02:12 Great. How about you Doug? Doug: 02:13 I'm the CTO of WaveRFID. We do inventory software as a service using a radio-frequency identifier tags to go ahead and track glasses and things in medical offices. I'm not on social media at all anymore. I just was spending way too much time on it and I decided to bail. But you can find out about our company at www.waveRFID.net and uh, I'm basically in evangelical Christian. Leon: 02:39 Great. And for those people who are scribbling down this stuff, you know that we're going to have show notes usually a day after the podcast drops so you can stop scribbling and keep listening. Um, I'm Leon Adato. I am a Head Geek at SolarWinds. Yes, that's actually my job title. It's the best one on earth. You can find me on Twitter or the Twitters, as we say at Leon Adato. You can also read my pontifications on all things technical and sometimes nontechnical at www.adatosystems.com and I identify as Orthodox Jewish sometimes to the chagrin of my Rabbi who often finds the things that I say challenging for him to have to answer for. Um, which is kind of where we are. We're talking about people sort of going off the rails and doing bad things and what we do about it or can do about it. And what I want to do is I want to first define it like any good IT person. I want to define what we're talking about. So we're not talking about really bad things, we're not talking about things that would get you into an orange jumpsuit or have you do hard time. But what are the things that we're talking about? Josh: 03:44 Oh, I'm going to do a really bad thing right now and I'm going to tell you that I found your next job. Leon: 03:49 Okay. Josh: 03:49 I was in New York city recently and I had a chance to talk with the lead Site Reliability Engineer for Marvel. Leon: 03:59 Josh: 04:01 Yes. Leon: 04:01 Josh: 04:01 For Marvel. Leon: 04:01 Okay. Josh: 04:05 This, this. If Leon ever gets fired... Doug: 04:10 This is not as rare as you might think. Leon: 04:13 Right!?! Josh: 04:15 I mean that's why I was looking out for him. Uh, Leon: 04:19 It's a thing, right? Josh: 04:20 It is a thing. Okay. So that's not a bad thing. I mean looking out for your, your fellow, um, your, your friends, uh, your colleagues and helping them find a role. Um, that's a good thing. I think you should do, you know, um, much to the chagrin of Charity Majors you should not test in prod. Leon: 04:39 Okay. Right. Yeah. People. Okay. So again, testing, testing in prod when there is a process for testing in prod I think is different than people who just try to sneak stuff in without a change control, without telling anybody they're just going to do it and hope that they, that nobody notices. That's the problem. Doug: 05:00 My dev team almost tried to do that a week ago. We, we release about once every couple of weeks and we were all set to release and there was, it was Thursday we were going to be releasing that weekend cause we released it on the weekend so we don't mess up any of our clients. And, um, there was just this one little thing that, that, uh, the product owner wanted and they said, Oh, well we can just go ahead and do that and get it done. I said, no, no, we'll do it in the next release. No, cause they're like a bunch of cowboys, you know, it's like, Oh yeah, we can just put it in and fix it. It's like, no! Bad! Fortunately, I'm CTO, so I can say "Bad. No." Leon: 05:37 Right. Okay. So that's a bad thing that people do. So there's other things though, but whether it's IT or religious or whatever, I, so one thing that I see in the Orthodox community, people who, uh, make religious decisions for other people when they really don't have the credibility to do it. Like they might have a position in the synagogue, maybe they lead really well or they're just always there and present and they feel like that gives them the right to, um, say "You ought to do blah, blah." Or "Here I can tell you how to do this thing." Um, and that's honestly, that's the job of the rabbi. That's why the rabbis there. Um, so I think that that's, that's another one of those bad things that that fits within the framework of what we're talking. Doug: 06:22 It happens with Bible instructors in Christianity, the guys who are teaching the classes and that kind of stuff, people look to them for guidance where really you should be going. The kinds of things that they talking about. You should be going to the elders or the, the, uh, pastors. Okay. Josh: 06:37 So the great irony, in Mormonism, at least at the local level, they practice lay ministry. That means that you are literally asking your plumber or your accountant for marriage advice because there is no training for clergy. Leon: 06:59 I can see that being problematic. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to trigger the post-Mormon here. I just, you know, Josh: 07:06 Too late. I'm already triggered. Doug: 07:08 Although I could, I could see the examples that the plumber would use for marriage counseling, ALL: 07:14 Doug: 07:14 Just saying. Leon: 07:14 Oh my God! . Josh: 07:15 This have anything to do with the melons? Leon: 07:19 Okay, wait, the melons are later. Don't spoil the melons. Doug: 07:25 I'm sorry. Leon: 07:27 So what are some other things moving along... Doug: 07:31 In IT, for instance, one of the things that is, uh, people who are architects for instance, tend to go ahead and just say, well, this is the only way we're, this is the way we're gonna do it no matter what. Whereas in Agile, it's supposed to be the team come suit decision. But if you've got somebody who is got strong opinions and is in a position of I'm going to put power in quotes, or even if they just have a strong personality, they can go ahead and cut the discussion short, um, way too soon. Leon: 08:04 Right. That's a bad thing. Okay. Josh: 08:06 Yeah. And I think that, that, that ties in nicely with the, the religious context of thinking that you are better than somebody else, that, that holier than thou thing. I mean, um, some, uh, some people that we meet in our careers really do think that they are gods and that what they say is they can't go wrong. And unfortunately we run into those people in our religious observance, hell, we run into those people in, you know, in our coaching experiences. In our, you know, when you're out talking, you know, geek stuff with just, they're everywhere. Don't, don't be that person. Doug: 08:47 All right. Right. On the flip side of that though, the more I learn about God, the worse I realize I am. Josh: 08:53 Yes. That is, that is true. No, no, no. I mean [inaudible] Doug: 08:56 I'm holier than nobody at this point! Leon: 09:00 Oh, so look who's nobody now, uh-huh. There's a joke that goes along with that. I'll post it in the show notes. Um, okay. And one thing that's worth mentioning just to wrap this up, the kinds of stuff that we're talking about, again, the kinds of things that we notice in our daily lives that cause us to want to issue a correction are just the low level office type cheating that you see people cheating on their time sheet, fudging on their expense reports, taking credit for work they didn't do. Doug: 09:27 Those are bad things? Leon: 09:27 Things those are, yeah, yeah, they're, they're bad. Um, those are things that, those are things that again, don't get me off track man, that really are, are meant. Those are the things that we can find difficult to avoid the impulse to want to just call them on the carpet and tell them that this is a problem. Meanwhile, there's a question about whether or not we should call whether or not we should avoid the impulse, whether that's in fact the the moment to do it. Um, but I, before we get there, I, I want to do a little bit of psychoanalysis, a little bit of sort of sociological, uh, digging. Why do these hah, don't people know better? I mean, come on. You know, these are not new concepts. We've all been on both the receiving, we've been on the receiving end of these people should know better. Why does this, why do you think these things keep happening? Josh: 10:21 So I had this conversation a couple of months ago with my friend and colleague, Zack Mutchler and Zack is a former Marine or is a Marine. I don't know how Marines refer to themselves once they aren't active anymore. Um, but he said this to me, he said, Josh, all Marines are soldiers. That's it. It doesn't make them good people. They're not any more trustworthy than anybody else. They're just Marines. Now, he did say that Marines are generally on the battlefield exemplary, but he said, stop, stop putting expectations of how you think people should behave just because they wear a particular label. And I thought, well, I mean that's interesting and maybe it's my expectations of people that are really falling down. And that is in both a religious context as well as the IT context. Like when I look at a fellow senior engineer, I have an expectation that they are going to function at a rather high level, but I'm a senior engineer after 20 years in the IT industry, someone else might be a senior engineer after six we might have the same technical knowledge, but certainly not the same context. Maybe not the same emotional maturity. Um, same business acumen. So, perhaps it's me who's,... my expectations are incorrect? Leon: 11:55 Interesting. Right? So, so just because people come from a particular community or ascribe to a particular philosophy or faith or whatever, doesn't mean that they naturally and automatically have all the traits that that group proclaims as being important or good. Josh: 12:16 Yes. You are not just a good engineer because you like Linux. Leon: 12:20 Um, okay, fine. All right. [Laughter] Took me a minute to swallow that one, but all right, so stipulated. I will take that one. Um, yeah, and I think that also says a lot about the nature of how we are all at our heart learners from, from the day we're born. We are learning. So you know, I am learning how to be, how to become a better engineer, Linux sysadmin, Jew, whatever it is, you don't automatically get like all the prizes. Um, so I can, I, I can see that, but I can also see how sometimes we want to, we want to give those traits because in some respects we need it. I need you to be that good. I need you to be that trustworthy right now and the, because you come from this group where you co you have this as part of your background that that's what I'm, I'm projecting on you, but now I need this and when you don't have it, I'm let down. And that's where the frustration can come. I also like the idea that, uh, you know, people, like you said, people are just people or as I put it a little bit more crassly Judaism has not in fact found the cure for the common asshole. Yeah. Josh: 13:34 Oh, well that's it, no, I'm going to, I'm not going to be Jewish anymore. Leon: 13:39 Okay. I just said we haven't found the cure we were looking for the cure. Yeah. No religion, no ethical point of view. No, uh, spin class. No CrossFit cult has found the, has found it. Doug: 13:56 No, I mean most people are just, I mean at most people are selfish, but I mean a lot of what we do, a lot of what religions about a lot of becoming an adult is burying some of that selfishness or at least disguising. And so that people can't tell that we're as selfish as we are. But I mean, a lot of this stuff just comes from trying to give myself a leg up over somebody else. I mean the, the whole, uh, "woke" thing now with everybody's saying, you know, you've got white privilege and therefore you should decry it and all that kind of stuff. And I'm going, nobody gives up their privilege. Right? If you were in a country that was predominantly African and Whites were, uh, the ones that were being beaten on you, would, nobody in that country would give up their black privilege. It's just not gonna happen. We can try and we can try and improve on that. We can be conscious of it. We can become better human beings, um, and, and try and make things more open for the whole world. But the reality is our bent is to go ahead and take care of ourselves, our kids, our family, our tribe first. And a lot of the stuff that comes to that is because of that. Leon: 15:13 Well, well that's, that's certainly part of the biological imperative. I also think that when we talk about privilege specifically, it's not so much give up your privilege as A) acknowledge it. Don't just say that, Hey, it all is mine and you can be yours too. Like, no, sometimes there are really strong societal factors that block it, but also, um, I won't say, nobody's saying give up the white privilege. What I am saying is that, um, to acknowledge and then use the privilege to create a more just and a more equal environment moving forward, which sounds like giving up privilege, but it is the same thing as saying, well if I, if I have this one candle and I light more candles, I'm not actually giving up light. Like, it doesn't diminish it. And that's the same thing. You know, when you use your privilege to open up the space for other people, you aren't in fact losing anything. Doug: 16:10 Right. But I think I, you know, it's not, I don't think it is most people's bent to do that. We have to work at that. That's why that's why we're doing this show. I mean the reality is it's stuff that we think about. It's because we are working on it as you said, cause we're learners. Um, not everybody is. Some people are just perfectly happy to just take everything that they can possibly get and just kind of crank on the lawn. There's a lot of people like that. Josh: 16:37 I think there's a lot of, a lot of people in the world too who are generally good people and for me this is, this is the hardest one where you find people that do mostly good things and then they justify doing that one bad thing. And I don't mean I do mostly good things and then one day I suddenly decide that I'm going to, I'm going a pocket a candy bar while I'm in the store. I mean, I do mostly good things and then one day I do a really despicable, awful thing. When that happens, whether by choice or circumstance, which leads you to a choice. That's a really a really challenging thing to be the person who decides to do that bad thing. And when we look from the outside and say, Oh that, I can't believe that Josh did that horrible thing. Inside I'm saying, yeah, but it was, it was just a little thing. Context. Justin Trudeau is the prime minister in Canada. We are currently in the midst of an election and it has come to light that Justin Trudeau, uh, dressed in black face a number of times, not once, not twice, not three times, but he doesn't remember how many times it occurred. And to him, he's saying, well, that was me then. This is me now. And on the outside we're saying, Oh my goodness. Now, um, I'm not going to tell you where I weigh in on that debate because I don't think it matters. It's, at least in Justin's mind it sounds like he saying, but I mostly do good things, but I did one bad thing. Leon: 18:29 So there's an interesting concept, uh, from the Jewish standpoint about free will and without going too deeply into it. And for those people who want to look it up and put in the show notes, rabbi Akiva Tatz has some interesting thoughts on this, but the, uh, the free will is you don't express your free will when you put on your socks in the morning or where you pick your cereal. That's not freewill. That's habit. Even if you pick Lucky Charms instead of frosted flakes or whatever, that's still not freewill. Freewill exists in a very particular point in our lives where we make a decision that challenges us in some way. So when you woke up in the morning you had to think really hard and make a really extended effort not to go out on the street and knock over an old lady and steal her purse. Right. Josh: 19:16 I did! Leon: 19:18 Okay. That's probably not okay. That's probably not where we're at, but there are people who wake up and that is a challenging question. Not because they're bad people, but you know because there's a circumstance because there's a context because of whatever and the decision not to go rob somebody is a very challenging one. That is the point at which their free will is operating. Saying that their free will allows them to go to their place of worship and pray about, that is light years ahead in the same that for me going to a Yeshiva like my boys do and learning all day is beyond my skills and capabilities. And to put that standard on me is, is unfair where I am at personally with my line of freewill, that's the battleground. That is that line and it moves back and forth. So what you're talking about, Josh is somebody for whom that battleground was in a particular place at a particular time and that battleground has shifted. And so that saying that's not who I am right now is in fact true, but at the same time it is who you were and there's a level of responsibility that we bear for that. Now what that is is also an interesting conversation both religiously and also, you know, in tech and things like that. You know, I am somebody who, uh, did not and purposely did not declare variables before using them. Doug: 20:47 I'm not even going to go there. Yes, I know. I've known that. I've known this about Leon for decades. Leon: 20:53 Yes, yes. It was something I proudly, I did proudly. And, uh, that is no longer the point at which I struggle. So there's, but there, yeah, Josh has a look on his face for those people listening. Josh has look, like he doesn't even know who I am anymore. He's not even sure we can be friends. Josh: 21:12 In fact, I was thinking that very thing. I don't know if we can be friends anymore, Leon. Leon: 21:16 But again, my point is, is that, um, but, but just to, to pull it back around again, you know, why do people do these bad things? So in some cases, this is the point at which their struggle is at, this happens to be their struggle point and, and they're going to go back and forth and they're going to work really hard at it and, and hopefully they make progress in the correct and the good right direction about it. That's one thing. Why else? Again, I'm going to get us back on track. Why else do people, uh, you know, fall into these traps? Doug: 21:47 Peer pressure. I mean, everybody else around you is doing it. Um, in fact, that that can even happen in religious communities. The whole, um, you can have situations where, um, in Christianity we're supposed to reach out to people regardless of their sin, because the whole point is to save people from their sin. And yet there are certain people who if they show up in the church, um, you know, they're going to be, they will be shunned by the people who are there, even though this is a person who you can, should actually be meeting where they are. Um, you know, there, I mean there's, there's, there are specific churches that reach out to people who were on drugs or to the homeless or to all these that other churches would have nothing to do with. And that should, and is that wrong? Well, it's not wrong if you look at everybody else in your church, and that's what people are doing, they're going, well, you know, yeah, we'll, we'll go down and help the homeless as long as we drive to where they are and they don't come to our church. Leon: 22:52 Right, right. Josh: 22:53 So back in 2013, uh, uh, uh, a Mormon Bishop, uh, named David Musselman, um, he dressed up as a, as a homeless man and walked into his congregation and he was, aghast at the response that he got from his congregants. Um, I mean for some people he, you know, he got, he got great responses from, you know, uh, offers, uh, food, um, offers of assistance. But he also had, he also had people who wanted him to leave because he didn't fit, um, he didn't fit that, that model. He wasn't wearing a suit and he wasn't clean. Yeah. The hub, that pressure to conform is real. Leon: 23:50 So I've seen that. I've seen that in communities where, uh, it's not even the, the individual. The thing is we don't want to become the synagogue where those people come. Where, you know, we don't want to be known as the synagogue for, for those kinds of people. And "those kinds of people" is an interesting mix. But you know, so we will do things which subtly let those people know this isn't their place, you know, and it can be everything from not calling page numbers, like just not calling page numbers. If you don't know where you are, probably not your place, you know, those kinds of things. Josh: 24:30 I would suggest that our listeners go out and I would love to see some vigorous debate on the Stanford Prison Experiment and the Milgram Experiment at Yale University. Um, the latter of which involved, uh, someone in authority telling, uh, telling a volunteer to shock an individual in another room. Uh, I mean there's, there's, there will be volumes written on these two particular experiments, but I think they tie in nicely to that pressure to conform. Leon: 25:02 Okay, great. Um, okay, so moving along, uh, now that we have a sense or we've explored a little bit why people do do that, what does religion specifically say about how we should address these kinds of things? Again, we see it happening, it bothers us, and now we have an urge to go do something about it, to address that person or to to act in some way. What does our religious, uh, framework tell us about what we ought to be doing? Josh: 25:35 I mean, Jesus went into the temple with a cat o' nine tails and turned over the tables of the money changers and kicked them all out. Isn't that how we respond? This is why I work remote. I'm just going to point that out. [Laughter] Doug: 25:48 So if you're the Messiah, I think you can get away with stuff like that. How's that? Josh: 25:52 Okay. Leon: 25:55 I got, I got nothing. Doug: 25:57 It's different rules. But uh, in Christianity, um, in Matthew 18, basically it says, if your brother sins against you, you should go to him. And if you can win him back, you know, you go to him privately and if you can win him back, then you've won your brother. If he refuses to hear you, then you go back with two or three others so that all of the facts can be, you know, in public. And if he still refuses, then you take him before the church and if he still refuses to go ahead and repent, then you basically, you treat him like a tax collector and a, Oh, I forgot what the other word is. But in any case, but you don't kick him out of the church, but he's no longer one of your brothers. You don't treat him that way. Josh: 26:42 So Christianity sounds like the Mob. Doug: 26:44 Well it is to a certain extent except that you know, it is your brother has sinned against you. So this is, yeah. Leon: 26:52 Right. Okay. So, and that was the point I was going to bring up is that this is where you're saying somebody has wronged you in some way and so you of course have, I'm going to say the right, but you, you have the, the option of saying, Hey, this really bothers me and I need you to do something about it. You know, and the person you know has to, has to face up to it. That's interesting. What's interesting about this is that, uh, in the Jewish tradition, the focus that you just described is actually the opposite, the opposite way about what repentance is. That if you have something you need to repent for, there's this process. And the first thing is first of all, acknowledge to yourself that you did something wrong. And the second thing is to apologize to tell the person that you have wronged that you know you've done this. The third thing is to compensate. And so if possible, you know, to repair the thing that was broken or to pay for a replacement, whatever it is, can compensate. But then there's a fourth step and repentance is not complete until the fourth step occurs. And that's when given the opportunity to make the same mistake, the same sin again, you don't. And that until that occurs, you have not really fully repented. And there's a whole sense of, you know, waiting for this moment to come where it's like, Oh, this is just like the last time, except now I'm going to be doing, I'm going to do it differently. And that's what proves it. So to go back, Josh, to your point about the person who was dressing up in blackface, if given the opportunity to dress up that way, again, if they chose not to, that might be again, assuming all the other stuff had been done, you know, and it was sincere and all that stuff. But it's interesting that those are two sides of the same coin, right? One is when you have been wronged, what do you ask the other person to do? And hopefully they will take the lead and go ahead and on the other side, if you've done wrong, now you've got this, this problem, this feeling and I need to do something with it. I needed to act. So how do I do that? So having said that, the, the process for rebuke, the process for giving somebody a, you know, a correction in Judaism is again, like most things pretty, uh, pretty well organized. And it says first of all that if you see someone, if you see a friend walking a bad path, so it's not about someone doing something to you, you see them walking a bad path, um, then it is a commandment. It's a mitzvah. But that means commandment to return them to the good. If you don't, you are liable for the punishment of the sins your friend committed. Basically by failing to do something, by failing to act, you are ha you have ownership of the bad stuff they do because you could have stopped him. However, there's a whole series of buts that go along this. You have to get this rebuke privately and gently, okay, not publicly, not out. You know, and you have to do it for the person's good. That means that you have to make sure that in your heart there is no ounce of glee. There's no ounce of excitement that Oh, I finally give to give him what for and whatever that you have to be able to do it for their good and their good only. That you have to do it with love and you have to know for a fact that the person you're doing this to, you're giving this rebuke is going to hear it in the spirit that you mean it. And if any of those conditions is not true, then you are commanded not to say a word. Ever. Because you are going to do more harm than good. And I find that deeply interesting that you know, it starts off by saying, Hey, if you see him doing something wrong, it is your commandment is your obligation to fix it or else it's on you. Like they go and do something bad now your libel, but you've got to have this whole relationship. And if you don't have this whole relationship back off, be quiet. And, and the reason why I like that is because the implication it has in it in our technical lives, right? And when we started putting together this, this episode, I was thinking about code review, I was thinking about when I'm picking a Doug's code and like, Hey, Hey, there's this, you know how you could do that better? Hey that active directory design. Yeah, no, we could, you know what gives you any right to butt your nose into somebody else's design or on the other hand you see bad code. If you see something, say something like, which is it? Doug: 31:27 Well it comes down to a lot of what you were talking about. Do you have, um, do you have a stake in the game? Okay. If you're on the team that's making this code and it's all our code and code reviews are part of what we do, which they should be because we're a team, please. Okay. Then the reality is it is my job. It is my commandment to go ahead and do a code review to help you to improve your code, to make our code better. However, if I'm just wandering by some other team and I look over and I see their code, I, you know, I'm just a jerk. If I jumped in, Josh: 32:14 This feels to me like the backfire effect. So I'm, I'm just going to read the quote because I think the quote to me does a better job at explaining it than, than I ever could. "The backfire effect as claim to be that when in the face of contradictory evidence established beliefs do not change but actually get stronger." And so I thought, wa what? What does that mean? Like when someone lays evidence in front of you and says, Josh, the earth is not flat and I aren't, am I going to be like, Oh, Oh yeah, you're right. Or am I just going to dig in? And all joking aside, this is fundamentally the challenge I had with Mormonism. Now remember I was a practicing Mormon for 41 years, very devout, very, I'll even use the term Orthodox in my views. And when people would present contradictory information to me, I would go through a period of cognitive dissonance and then would realign the things that I thought I knew or was presented with now, uh, with the things that I did know, and I would just dig in stronger that that backfire effect is very real. And I remember a very specific case where I was in Las Vegas, had a couple stop myself and my companion when we were missionaries and invite us over. They said, Hey, we want to share some information with you. You know, we had a great discussion and we said, do you have any questions? And then they drop some questions on me that at 19 years old I had never heard in my entire life, but my, my response was to just dig in. So I mean, how, how do we prevent this backfire effect in our careers because it, if it happens, it is downright toxic. So how do we stop this backfire effect in our career? Leon: 34:17 One point that was clarified in that definition, um, is that this the backfire effect doesn't occur when you say your right blinker is broken. You know, it doesn't occur when you say, you know, we're out of Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms will be fine or whatever. It only occurs when you are, um, providing contradictory evidence to somebody's deepest held beliefs to the things that they feel are central or core to who they are. So, you know, to take some hot button issues, tabs versus spaces, you know, Doug is making...[laughter] Doug: 34:57 Don't go there! Leon: 35:06 You know how to pronounce the Graphics Interchange Format, abbreviation. Josh: 35:10 Um, you obviously do not know how I feel about Lucky Charms cause you brought that up at the beginning and we come to the flippant thing and I just... Leon: 35:22 Right, I've lost you. Right? Again, you're digging in like now it's like honey, buy 10 more boxes! Right? So it's, it is when we challenged somebody's deepest held beliefs, which means that we have an obligation when we are offering correction, whether it's in our religious, moral, ethical communities or in our it communities to understand other people's motivations that, you know, are you just saying, you know, I really think that a for loop is going to work better here. You know, or does this person for whatever reason, have a deeply held belief that you know, case, you know, that the switch construct is really fundamentally better in some way. Josh: 35:58 I mean, data doesn't lie. I would say run them head to head. I mean that's just me, right? I, I, I have, I've built my entire career off of being wrong or more correctly. I have built my entire career off of not knowing. My, my second job in IT was given to me because I said, I don't know. Um, I mean for, for me, it, there are a few times that this Backfire Effect has, has gripped me and made me into a monster. But by and large, I I think as IT professionals, we need to be open to being taught more often than we need to then we need to teach. Doug: 36:42 Although one should point out that a Canadian monster is like, you know, still a fluffy puppy. Leon: 36:47 It's still the stay Puft marshmallow man that is literally the, you know, the embodiment of the Canadian Monster. Josh: 36:54 Snuffaluffagus? That's the Canadian monster. Leon: 36:54 Rampaging Snuffaluffagus. Right. So, uh, yeah, but again, I think that Josh, your point is well taken that, that we as it professionals need to remember to be flexible to remember that we are lifelong learners. At the same time, what we're talking about is when we ourselves are confronting somebody else who may not have come to terms with that. And when we see that we are challenging, again, not their belief in which, you know, code editor they should use, although that can be a religious war also. Um, I'm just picking them today when they're, you know, it's, I'll just be generic when, when it's not when we're picking something trivial or minor, but rather when we're picking something that is a foundational belief that that Backfire Effect comes to being that we need to possibly use all the structures that we just talked about, about who's the person to deliver that message and how that message can be delivered so that the person can hear it in the right way that it's meant and that they can grow and improve. Doug: 38:02 As a senior dev. A lot of the work that I've had to do on teams is basically to coach junior devs. And the hardest part of that is that they're just so darn enthusiastic. Um, there they just be a little more jaded. Well, I mean the PR and the thing, I had one guy that just would not code out. It was crap code, but boy, he'd get it out fast. And so, you know, the trick then was to go ahead and help him, him to improve, to give him reasons why there are better ways to go ahead and do this. Speed is not the only thing that you worry about. And, but without breaking his little spirit, you know, and it's just, you know, it's the, it's exactly the, you know, there are steps that you go through where you're just saying, okay, how am I going to phrase this in a way that is not critical, but they can see that there's a room for improvement that they can then possibly grab hold of it. And so, you know, your goal then is as a coach to go ahead and help them become a better developer without having them hate you. In the meantime. Destiny: 39:06 Thanks for making time for us this week to hear more of Technically Religious visit our website, TechnicallyReligious.com where you can find our other episodes, leave us ideas for future discussions, and connect to us on social media Josh: 39:19 In the Bible, Matthew records by their fruits, you shall know them. Doug: 39:23 So ironically, we're not supposed to be judges, but we're supposed to be fruit inspectors?!? Josh: 39:29 Doug, are you looking at my melons? Leon: 39:32 [Laughter] I cannot be having this conversation.
Should the Mormon Church Conduct Worthiness Interviews for 8-11 Year Old Children? Earlier this week The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released a marketing research survey inquiring from members about the idea of lowering the age of youth interviews with clergy from age 12 to eight. Today we have assembled an all-star panel to discuss whether or not this is a good idea. Panelists include: - Natasha Helfer Parker (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Sex Therapist) - Roger Hendrix (former Mormon Bishop, Stake Presidency Member, Mission President, and CES Director) - Sam Young (founder of Protect LDS Children and Protect All Children) - Joelle Casteix ( leading global expert, advocate and spokesperson for survivors of child sexual assault and institutional cover-up. Joelle has considerable experience fighting the Mormon church in state legislatures in support of sexual abuse victims )
Join us now on Mormon Stories Podcast as we interview Jared, Gwen, and Madison Lusk. This episode is a continuation in our series highlight former Mormon bishops and their families who have experienced a faith crisis. Jared is set to be excommunicated on June 30th, 2019 for apostasy (details below). The Lusks live in Farmington, New Mexico. Jared and Gwen were raised as devout Mormons, married in the Jordan River temple, had 6 children, and established a successful dental practice in Farmington, NM. Jared and Gwen devoted their lives to the Mormon church for 45+ years, including Jared serving as bishop from 2008-2013, and Gwen serving in multiple callings. Jared’s faith crisis was triggered in 2015 when he began reading the LDS Gospel Topics Essays. Jared and Gwen experienced a mixed faith marriage for a few years. In April of 2018, while being released from a stake calling, Jared shared with his stake president and one of the counselors details regarding his faith crisis. The stake president immediately took Jared’s temple recommend away, and then released Gwen from her calling and took her temple recommend away a few weeks later. Madison (18) resigned from the church in April, 2019. After Jared began expressing public support for Sam Young and the Protect LDS Children movement, along with expressing public feelings about the church’s truth claims, Jared was summoned to a disciplinary council. Jared faces excommunication on June 30th, 2019 at 6pm at the Farmington, NM stake center. This is their story.
Join us now on Mormon Stories Podcast as we interview Jared, Gwen, and Madison Lusk. This episode is a continuation in our series highlight former Mormon bishops and their families who have experienced a faith crisis. Jared is set to be excommunicated on June 30th, 2019 for apostasy (details below). The Lusks live in Farmington, New Mexico. Jared and Gwen were raised as devout Mormons, married in the Jordan River temple, had 6 children, and established a successful dental practice in Farmington, NM. Jared and Gwen devoted their lives to the Mormon church for 45+ years, including Jared serving as bishop from 2008-2013, and Gwen serving in multiple callings. Jared’s faith crisis was triggered in 2015 when he began reading the LDS Gospel Topics Essays. Jared and Gwen experienced a mixed faith marriage for a few years. In April of 2018, while being released from a stake calling, Jared shared with his stake president and one of the counselors details regarding his faith crisis. The stake president immediately took Jared’s temple recommend away, and then released Gwen from her calling and took her temple recommend away a few weeks later. Madison (18) resigned from the church in April, 2019. After Jared began expressing public support for Sam Young and the Protect LDS Children movement, along with expressing public feelings about the church’s truth claims, Jared was summoned to a disciplinary council. Jared faces excommunication on June 30th, 2019 at 6pm at the Farmington, NM stake center. This is their story.
Join us now on Mormon Stories Podcast as we interview Jared, Gwen, and Madison Lusk. This episode is a continuation in our series highlight former Mormon bishops and their families who have experienced a faith crisis. Jared is set to be excommunicated on June 30th, 2019 for apostasy (details below). The Lusks live in Farmington, New Mexico. Jared and Gwen were raised as devout Mormons, married in the Jordan River temple, had 6 children, and established a successful dental practice in Farmington, NM. Jared and Gwen devoted their lives to the Mormon church for 45+ years, including Jared serving as bishop from 2008-2013, and Gwen serving in multiple callings. Jared’s faith crisis was triggered in 2015 when he began reading the LDS Gospel Topics Essays. Jared and Gwen experienced a mixed faith marriage for a few years. In April of 2018, while being released from a stake calling, Jared shared with his stake president and one of the counselors details regarding his faith crisis. The stake president immediately took Jared’s temple recommend away, and then released Gwen from her calling and took her temple recommend away a few weeks later. Madison (18) resigned from the church in April, 2019. After Jared began expressing public support for Sam Young and the Protect LDS Children movement, along with expressing public feelings about the church’s truth claims, Jared was summoned to a disciplinary council. Jared faces excommunication on June 30th, 2019 at 6pm at the Farmington, NM stake center. This is their story.
Join us now on Mormon Stories Podcast as we interview Jared, Gwen, and Madison Lusk. This episode is a continuation in our series highlight former Mormon bishops and their families who have experienced a faith crisis. Jared is set to be excommunicated on June 30th, 2019 for apostasy (details below). The Lusks live in Farmington, New Mexico. Jared and Gwen were raised as devout Mormons, married in the Jordan River temple, had 6 children, and established a successful dental practice in Farmington, NM. Jared and Gwen devoted their lives to the Mormon church for 45+ years, including Jared serving as bishop from 2008-2013, and Gwen serving in multiple callings. Jared’s faith crisis was triggered in 2015 when he began reading the LDS Gospel Topics Essays. Jared and Gwen experienced a mixed faith marriage for a few years. In April of 2018, while being released from a stake calling, Jared shared with his stake president and one of the counselors details regarding his faith crisis. The stake president immediately took Jared’s temple recommend away, and then released Gwen from her calling and took her temple recommend away a few weeks later. Madison (18) resigned from the church in April, 2019. After Jared began expressing public support for Sam Young and the Protect LDS Children movement, along with expressing public feelings about the church’s truth claims, Jared was summoned to a disciplinary council. Jared faces excommunication on June 30th, 2019 at 6pm at the Farmington, NM stake center. This is their story.
Join us now on Mormon Stories Podcast as we interview Jared, Gwen, and Madison Lusk. This episode is a continuation in our series highlight former Mormon bishops and their families who have experienced a faith crisis. Jared is set to be excommunicated on June 30th, 2019 for apostasy (details below). The Lusks live in Farmington, New Mexico. Jared and Gwen were raised as devout Mormons, married in the Jordan River temple, had 6 children, and established a successful dental practice in Farmington, NM. Jared and Gwen devoted their lives to the Mormon church for 45+ years, including Jared serving as bishop from 2008-2013, and Gwen serving in multiple callings. Jared’s faith crisis was triggered in 2015 when he began reading the LDS Gospel Topics Essays. Jared and Gwen experienced a mixed faith marriage for a few years. In April of 2018, while being released from a stake calling, Jared shared with his stake president and one of the counselors details regarding his faith crisis. The stake president immediately took Jared’s temple recommend away, and then released Gwen from her calling and took her temple recommend away a few weeks later. Madison (18) resigned from the church in April, 2019. After Jared began expressing public support for Sam Young and the Protect LDS Children movement, along with expressing public feelings about the church’s truth claims, Jared was summoned to a disciplinary council. Jared faces excommunication on June 30th, 2019 at 6pm at the Farmington, NM stake center. This is their story.
Join us now on Mormon Stories Podcast as we interview Jared, Gwen, and Madison Lusk. This episode is a continuation in our series highlight former Mormon bishops and their families who have experienced a faith crisis. Jared is set to be excommunicated on June 30th, 2019 for apostasy (details below). The Lusks live in Farmington, New Mexico. Jared and Gwen were raised as devout Mormons, married in the Jordan River temple, had 6 children, and established a successful dental practice in Farmington, NM. Jared and Gwen devoted their lives to the Mormon church for 45+ years, including Jared serving as bishop from 2008-2013, and Gwen serving in multiple callings. Jared’s faith crisis was triggered in 2015 when he began reading the LDS Gospel Topics Essays. Jared and Gwen experienced a mixed faith marriage for a few years. In April of 2018, while being released from a stake calling, Jared shared with his stake president and one of the counselors details regarding his faith crisis. The stake president immediately took Jared’s temple recommend away, and then released Gwen from her calling and took her temple recommend away a few weeks later. Madison (18) resigned from the church in April, 2019. After Jared began expressing public support for Sam Young and the Protect LDS Children movement, along with expressing public feelings about the church’s truth claims, Jared was summoned to a disciplinary council. Jared faces excommunication on June 30th, 2019 at 6pm at the Farmington, NM stake center. This is their story.
Join us now on Mormon Stories Podcast as we interview Tonya Guest. Tonya will be sharing with us her story, which includes experiencing a Mormon faith crisis, expressing a public statement on social media - specifically regarding issues of women and the church - and then having her bishop question and shame her publicly for what she shared. We will also be discussing Tonya’s attempts to discuss the issue with her stake president, and we will read stories/experiences from others with similar experiences.
On this episode of Mormon Stories Podcast, we travel to Davis, California to visit with the Purves family as they share their unique experience with a Mormon Faith Crisis. In this interview we cover: The goodness that Mormonism brought Scott and Joanna as youth, including a nurturing community and a sense of purpose Scott and Joanna's decision to raise their family in Mormonism, culminating in the calling of Scott as Bishop The rewards and challenges of serving as a Bishop, and how the demanding service impacted Joanna and the rest of the family What made a Mormon Bishop question and then lose his testimony? What happens when a Mormon Bishop's daughter comes out as lesbian and how does the family handle that? How does the Purves family rebuild and regroup to find joy and fulfillment outside of Mormon orthodoxy? And so much more... Join us as this amazing and loving family becomes both strong and vulnerable to share the joys and challenges of their Mormon Faith Crisis!
On this episode of Mormon Stories Podcast, we travel to Davis, California to visit with the Purves family as they share their unique experience with a Mormon Faith Crisis. In this interview we cover: The goodness that Mormonism brought Scott and Joanna as youth, including a nurturing community and a sense of purpose Scott and Joanna's decision to raise their family in Mormonism, culminating in the calling of Scott as Bishop The rewards and challenges of serving as a Bishop, and how the demanding service impacted Joanna and the rest of the family What made a Mormon Bishop question and then lose his testimony? What happens when a Mormon Bishop's daughter comes out as lesbian and how does the family handle that? How does the Purves family rebuild and regroup to find joy and fulfillment outside of Mormon orthodoxy? And so much more... Join us as this amazing and loving family becomes both strong and vulnerable to share the joys and challenges of their Mormon Faith Crisis!
On this episode of Mormon Stories Podcast, we travel to Davis, California to visit with the Purves family as they share their unique experience with a Mormon Faith Crisis. In this interview we cover: The goodness that Mormonism brought Scott and Joanna as youth, including a nurturing community and a sense of purpose Scott and Joanna's decision to raise their family in Mormonism, culminating in the calling of Scott as Bishop The rewards and challenges of serving as a Bishop, and how the demanding service impacted Joanna and the rest of the family What made a Mormon Bishop question and then lose his testimony? What happens when a Mormon Bishop's daughter comes out as lesbian and how does the family handle that? How does the Purves family rebuild and regroup to find joy and fulfillment outside of Mormon orthodoxy? And so much more... Join us as this amazing and loving family becomes both strong and vulnerable to share the joys and challenges of their Mormon Faith Crisis!
On this episode of Mormon Stories Podcast, we travel to Davis, California to visit with the Purves family as they share their unique experience with a Mormon Faith Crisis. In this interview we cover: The goodness that Mormonism brought Scott and Joanna as youth, including a nurturing community and a sense of purpose Scott and Joanna's decision to raise their family in Mormonism, culminating in the calling of Scott as Bishop The rewards and challenges of serving as a Bishop, and how the demanding service impacted Joanna and the rest of the family What made a Mormon Bishop question and then lose his testimony? What happens when a Mormon Bishop's daughter comes out as lesbian and how does the family handle that? How does the Purves family rebuild and regroup to find joy and fulfillment outside of Mormon orthodoxy? And so much more... Join us as this amazing and loving family becomes both strong and vulnerable to share the joys and challenges of their Mormon Faith Crisis!
On December 2, 2018, Mormon Bishop and podcaster Bill Reel was excommunicated from the Mormon church for apostasy. In this Mormon Stories Podcast episode we speak with Bill about the disciplinary council. We will play the recording of his disciplinary council defense, and allow Bill to offer a play-by-play commentary. We will conclude by discussing Bill's reactions to the verdict, and talk about what comes next for Bill and Mormon Discussions. Hat tip to Miles Germer for editing the disciplinary council audio.
On December 2, 2018, Mormon Bishop and podcaster Bill Reel was excommunicated from the Mormon church for apostasy. In this Mormon Stories Podcast episode we speak with Bill about the disciplinary council. We will play the recording of his disciplinary council defense, and allow Bill to offer a play-by-play commentary. We will conclude by discussing Bill's reactions to the verdict, and talk about what comes next for Bill and Mormon Discussions. Hat tip to Miles Germer for editing the disciplinary council audio.
On December 2, 2018, Mormon Bishop and podcaster Bill Reel was excommunicated from the Mormon church for apostasy. In this Mormon Stories Podcast episode we speak with Bill about the disciplinary council. We will play the recording of his disciplinary council defense, and allow Bill to offer a play-by-play commentary. We will conclude by discussing Bill's reactions to the verdict, and talk about what comes next for Bill and Mormon Discussions. Hat tip to Miles Germer for editing the disciplinary council audio.
On December 2, 2018, Mormon Bishop and podcaster Bill Reel was excommunicated from the Mormon church for apostasy. In this Mormon Stories Podcast episode we speak with Bill about the disciplinary council. We will play the recording of his disciplinary council defense, and allow Bill to offer a play-by-play commentary. We will conclude by discussing Bill's reactions to the verdict, and talk about what comes next for Bill and Mormon Discussions. Hat tip to Miles Germer for editing the disciplinary council audio.
Guest Bio:Richard Ostler is a Utah Native that currently resides in South Salt Lake City. Richard attended both BYU and the University of Utah with a focus on Business Managment. Richard currently resides with his wife and their 6 children.Richard has become very popular via Social Media recently because of his different outlook on life-based on different theories than a lot of his peers that are of the same religion. Richard or better known by his Social Media following as "Papa Ostler" is an active LDS member and a former Singles Ward Bishop. During his time as an LDS Bishop, he realized that a lot of the members in his ward were leaning one way versus the other. That is when Richard decided to take things into his own matters by learning more about the other side and being a great person. Richard now is known as a loving Mormon who is very accepting of all ways of life and communities. His goal is to be able to teach people why he thinks the way he does and what truly drives him to be a loving person.
In this gripping interview on Mormon Stories, we interview Jen and Todd who share their personal experiences when bringing issues of abuse to the attention of Mormon Bishops. Throughout her life, Jen suffered through periods of abuse that greatly impacted her physical, emotional, and spiritual health, including severe bouts of anorexia. In this interview, we learn of the failures to deliver the help Jen needed from some Mormon bishops, but also the success of another Mormon bishop, Todd. We learn how Todd helped Jen during her darkest time, and what tools Jen used to begin living her best life. __________________________ Part 1: Jen shares her abuse story and the impact it had on her life Part 2: The abuse continues into her marriage, and Jen details her unsupportive experiences with Mormon Bishops Part 3: Jen finally has a positive experience with a Mormon Bishop, Todd. We also explore Todd's experience losing his faith __________________________
In this gripping interview on Mormon Stories, we interview Jen and Todd who share their personal experiences when bringing issues of abuse to the attention of Mormon Bishops. Throughout her life, Jen suffered through periods of abuse that greatly impacted her physical, emotional, and spiritual health, including severe bouts of anorexia. In this interview, we learn of the failures to deliver the help Jen needed from some Mormon bishops, but also the success of another Mormon bishop, Todd. We learn how Todd helped Jen during her darkest time, and what tools Jen used to begin living her best life. __________________________ Part 1: Jen shares her abuse story and the impact it had on her life Part 2: The abuse continues into her marriage, and Jen details her unsupportive experiences with Mormon Bishops Part 3: Jen finally has a positive experience with a Mormon Bishop, Todd. We also explore Todd's experience losing his faith __________________________
In this gripping interview on Mormon Stories, we interview Jen and Todd who share their personal experiences when bringing issues of abuse to the attention of Mormon Bishops. Throughout her life, Jen suffered through periods of abuse that greatly impacted her physical, emotional, and spiritual health, including severe bouts of anorexia. In this interview, we learn of the failures to deliver the help Jen needed from some Mormon bishops, but also the success of another Mormon bishop, Todd. We learn how Todd helped Jen during her darkest time, and what tools Jen used to begin living her best life. __________________________ Part 1: Jen shares her abuse story and the impact it had on her life Part 2: The abuse continues into her marriage, and Jen details her unsupportive experiences with Mormon Bishops Part 3: Jen finally has a positive experience with a Mormon Bishop, Todd. We also explore Todd's experience losing his faith __________________________
From the outside, the MacNeills were the ideal Mormon family. They lived in a gated community in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Martin MacNeill was a doctor, lawyer, and Mormon Bishop; his homemaker wife Michele was a former fashion model and beauty queen. The couple had four natural children: Rachel, Vanessa, Alexis and Damian, and four girls […]
From the outside, the MacNeills were the ideal Mormon family. They lived in a gated community in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Martin MacNeill was a doctor, lawyer, and Mormon Bishop; his homemaker wife Michele was a former fashion model and beauty queen. The couple had four natural children: Rachel, Vanessa, Alexis and Damian, and four girls […]
From the outside, the MacNeills were the ideal Mormon family. They lived in a gated community in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Martin MacNeill was a doctor, lawyer, and Mormon Bishop; his homemaker wife Michele was a former fashion model and beauty queen. The couple had four natural children: Rachel, Vanessa, Alexis and Damian, and four girls […]
In our third sit-down with former Mormon Bishop and podcaster Bill Reel, we discuss: His early years as a convert to the Mormon church. His original motives for starting his podcast, Mormon Discussion. The most significant contributing factors to his Mormon faith transition. His evolution as a podcaster, which includes becoming increasingly frustrated with, and critical of the LDS church, its policies, and its leadership. His current Mormon beliefs and non-beliefs. His motives for remaining active in the LDS church. His responses to recent criticisms of his positions. His perspective on the possible threat of excommunication.
In our third sit-down with former Mormon Bishop and podcaster Bill Reel, we discuss: His early years as a convert to the Mormon church. His original motives for starting his podcast, Mormon Discussion. The most significant contributing factors to his Mormon faith transition. His evolution as a podcaster, which includes becoming increasingly frustrated with, and critical of the LDS church, its policies, and its leadership. His current Mormon beliefs and non-beliefs. His motives for remaining active in the LDS church. His responses to recent criticisms of his positions. His perspective on the possible threat of excommunication.
This episode is part 1 of a 2 part series. Today Dr. Money and Bill Reel discuss where he currently stands with his faith journey, healthy and practical ways to journey, and the backfire effect. Bill Reel experienced a faith journey while serving as a Mormon Bishop in his early 30's and currently podcasts at http://mormondiscussionpodcast.org where he discusses how to let go of "a MORMONISM that is unrealistic, too simplistic, and too black and white", and develop a "renewed faith. A beautiful and expansive faith". Also, hope you enjoy the new bumper music by Josh Vietti. You can check him out at http://joshvietti.com. If you find this content useful a one-time or recurring donation will go a long way to help us help others. Visit http://hmjfoundation.org/donate. Thank you.
A title like The Sugar Bean Sisters may conjure up images of sweet Southern belles, mint julips, or quaint sibling rivalries that end in hugs, forgiveness and tears. Perhaps it invokes memories of the female singing groups of by-gone days like the Andrews Sisters Wrong. Faye Clementine and Willie Mae Nettles are living out their lives in their ramshackle family home in swamp-side Sugar Bean, Florida. Once a happy family of five, they’re down to two after Mama’s passing, Papa’s hanging (by mob after accidentally poisoning 14 beauty pageant contestants,) and third sister Robinelle’s unfortunate consumption by ‘gator. Willie Mae pines for the local Mormon Bishop and the bright lights of Salt Lake City. Faye longs for the return of an alien spaceship that landed in their corn field twenty-five years ago, and hopes it will whisk her away to some distant planet. Their mundane existence is interrupted by the arrival of Miss Videllia Sparks, a “dancer” out of New Orleans stranded by car trouble. Then things start to get weird. A hidden grapefruit fortune, Eva Gabor wigs, sandwiches, Jack Daniels, snakes, the Weekly World News, voodoo curses, Disney World, ghosts, a Reptile Woman and spontaneous human combustion all come to play over this bizarre play’s two hour running time. Need I say this show has some twists and turns to it? Director Denise Elia-Yen has gathered a tight ensemble of performers, including Lydia Revelos, Larry Williams and Sharon Griffith, but make no bones about it, Mesdames Mary Gannon Graham and mollie boice rule the Sugar Bean roost as the strangest pair of sisters since Blanche and ‘Baby’ Jane Hudson from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? The humor, as that reference may indicate, is often macabre as the show begins by taking you one on one journey and by intermission veers to another. The humor, though plentiful, gets darker and darker as the evening progresses. All this weirdness takes place on finely detailed, over-stuffed, multi-level set by Eddy Hansen and Elizabeth Bazzano that is as much a character in this piece as any of the performers. It may be the most interesting set I’ve seen in the Condiotti space. Adding to the swampy ambience are some nice projections by Patrick Taber and a terrific sound design by Jessica Johnson. It’s tough to categorize the Spreckels Theatre Company’s production of The Sugar Bean Sisters. Nathan Sanders’s script is a southern gothic theatrical stew - part family drama, part jet-black comedy, and part supernatural fantasy. At heart, it’s a comedy of desperation. It’s the oddest play I’ve seen in while, and I just saw a play about Jeffrey Dahmer. It’s campy, creepy and often very funny. There’s certainly nothing else like it on stage right now in this area. By all means, head on out to the Spreckels Performing Arts Center, if ya like. But DON’T sit in Momma’s chair. It just ain’t done… The Sugar Bean Sisters plays at the Spreckels Performing Arts Center in Rohnert Park through April 9. For more information, go to spreckelsonline.com
Summer 2013 traditionally and officially begins at the grand conclusion of Coney Island’s Infamous Mermaid Parade, set to bedazzle the crowds on June 22 this year. Coney Island expert James Taylor drops by and tells us that the R-rated parade is the best thing outside of Mardis Gras and should not be missed. Jodi Pliszka explains how the once favored medical procedures using leeches are once again being used – to great success. Additional, amazing, unbelievable and bizarre stories on the May 27, Memorial Day edition of Ripley Radio, the official radio station of Ripley’s Believe It or Not! include: James Taylor provides a brief overview of what Coney Island has had to do to prepare for its 2013 Summer Season, after taking a hard hit from Superstorm Sandy last fall; Chad Lewis tells us how cool it is to sleep in a tee-pee at Wig Wam Village, those funky roadside motels created in the shape of tee-pees. He says there are only three of the original Wig Wam motels still in business; TV reporter Noah Bond reports on a Mormon Bishop who went to the defense of his neighbor who was being robbed. He charged the thief with a sharp sword, while yelling out martial arts screams. The intruder fled and the bishop is a hero; and country crooner Garth Brooks belts out a not-so-country version of Shameless, our musical egress this week.
Bill Reel is currently serving as Bishop of the Sandusky ward of the Cleveland Ohio Stake. In this interview we begin by discussing Bishop Reel’s conversion to the church AFTER reading Fawn Brodie’s"No Man Knows my History", and his avid pursuit of Mormon apologetics after his baptism. We also discuss in depth his calling as bishop, including his job to counsel youth and women on sexual matters, masturbation, and homosexuality. Since Bishop Reel is a listener of the podcast, we discuss his perception and frustration of an increasing trend towards negativity on Mormon Stories. We also discuss the future direction of Mormon Stories, and Bishop Reel offers his advice for members in doubt.
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