Impale Your Resolution

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We have always been told, in bars and hostels far and wide, that The Impaler and The Resolution have great conversations. Many a great quote have been forgotten due to a hangover laced with Keystone Ice and shots of Jack Daniel's, others have lingered in the air like the stench of fine coitus on a h…

The Impaler & The Resolution


    • May 29, 2019 LATEST EPISODE
    • infrequent NEW EPISODES
    • 53m AVG DURATION
    • 51 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Impale Your Resolution

    Round and Round Again

    Play Episode Listen Later May 29, 2019 56:22


    When you’ve been going like we’ve been going you forget about things. Like the fact you have been paying for podcast server space for almost 10 months but haven’t uploaded one file the entire time. Well that changes today. Join us as we dust off the rust and attempt to get back in the swing of things.

    Spoiler Alert

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 20, 2018 113:52


    Spoiler Alert, we are both in the same place at the same time so you know what that means. Still working on getting the impaler setup for ping pong podcasts but it should be fun. This one is a bit long for our standards but the conversation was good so we kept rolling with it. Enjoy!

    Resolute Final Take One

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 30, 2018 32:33


    We know it's been quite some time but hey, life is busy. So with that, we are trying something new to get some content out between travel time. This is only THe Resolution speaking his mind on this. Following this at some time will be The Impaler doing a solo podcast, and back and forth it will go until we can get together again. It was late and the extreme heat is getting to The Resolution, so keep that in mind. Enjoy!

    The Four Horsemen

    Play Episode Listen Later May 26, 2018 63:38


    Oh yes! IYR is back for your Memorial Day extravaganza, debauchery, and shenanigans. How have we been? Well, we really don't get into that (well a little). AI becoming conscious is our focus with this one. Also, welcome The Ruthless for the first time as well as The Negator.

    The Militant Centrist

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2018 49:20


    A passionate discussion about the "Gun Problem" with ideas and possible solutions.

    We All Wont Read The Same Books

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2018 39:24


    Honestly I don't remeber what we talked about in this one. It was recorded a while ago so I have no clue. It will be a suprise to me when I listen back to it. Just thought I'd be honest with you folks.

    Negator In The Dopey Land

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2018 49:50


    With The Implaer feeling the ill effects of a cold winter The Resolution decides to talk about "He who shall not be named with the Negator. Sobering moments were had.

    Everyone Gets Coal for the Socialist Christmas

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 22, 2017 36:02


    Disney, Fox, Pagans, and Millennials. Yep it must be Christmas time.

    Vigilant Constituent

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 15, 2017 36:48


    You can't win if you don't play the game. Same goes for getting our elected officials in office.

    Comrade Centrist

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 12, 2017 35:34


    Today we go off the beaten path, and then we go a little more.

    Microscopic Beliefs

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 28, 2017 40:52


    The Resolution and The Impaler put their beliefs under the microscope and find that we need both liberals and conservatives.

    The Wicked Harm the Weak

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2017 44:10


    A conversation about wicked people and the harm they do.

    Were Not That Boned

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 31, 2017 33:30


    It is that bad, only if you think it is. 

    Hand Me Down Oppression

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 6, 2017 33:02


    The Resolution plays devil's advocate while The Impaler tries to find the tit on an almond.

    Everyone Welcome Beep

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2017 47:08


    Everyone Welcome Beep. He's really a nice guy he just really wants to poop in my toilet.

    Negator in the Garden

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2017 38:08


    The Negator has found the garden of Eden. A magical place where he devours the souls of helpless cabbage patch kids every night, on his fork. Tune in find out what drove him to this life of demonic vegetable soul snatching. Song: Barrels of Whiskey Artist: The O'Reillys and the Paddyhats

    Negator in the Flood Plains

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 7, 2017 45:25


    The Negator is back to take a swipe a Harvey. Impaler is side lined since he thought he could scream away Harvey like he did the tornado. It did not go so well this time so he·s out until next week.

    Adjacent to the Future of the Past

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 2, 2017 37:45


    The future. What a funny and intangible concept yet it is happening all the time and we flow right into it like a hotdog down a hallway. I sure do hope your future is correlated with listening to this episode. Enjoy!

    Is It Safe to Laugh Again?

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 26, 2017 43:12


    Ah fresh baked sourdough bread. How is it made? What can kill it? We begin to tackle these hard-hitting questions but quickly get side tracked to bigger and better things. Like why can’t people with opposing ideologies just talk to each other? What would happen if the Eclipse lasted for 30 days during totality? What does Chuck Norris have to say about all of this? Listen in and find out.

    Constituent Nemesis

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 21, 2017 31:52


    Some people think that their countrymen are their enemies. We tend to disagree. Hear us out......

    The Fault in Our Science

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 11, 2017 39:06


    Oh, joyous Friday. It is here and new IYR is here with it. We tackle the latest superbly retarded crusade against Cracker Barrel. We try to resurrect MySpace, and The Impaler has a thing for old people...... I guess. Listen in and figure out what all this means. 

    Crazy Dave in Space

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2017 60:32


    Now that the technical difficulties have been fixed we present Crazy Dave in Space. Although we really just entered the space that is Crazy Dave. Trying to pin down this episode would be like trying to flatten a balloon without popping it, it just can’t be done. So, enjoy this general conversation that is all over the place. If you’re wondering the website we gush about at the end is shinesty.com.

    Interactive Podcast

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 28, 2017 9:27


    We goofed while talking to Crazy Dave and forgot to include him in the mix. What that means for you is that you get to be the first to experience what we are calling Interactive podcast. Now this will not work unless you have some clues on what we’re talking about. We start with ska music. Move into Dave’s cat in space, and eventually get to talking about his made up super hero and his powers. Come play along, fill in the blanks yourself, and let us know if it was entertaining for you. l

    Cure for the Itch

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 22, 2017 44:49


    So, like we said we re-visit the Johnson amendment and correct ourselves. The solar eclipse is coming so we have some fun with that as well. We give Trump some props where it’s due and we touch on our views of suicide. No music on this one due to server space constraints.

    Hashtag Not His Eggs

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 14, 2017 54:03


    On this IYR we begin on the fact that ANTIFA is now a domestic terrorist organization thanks to the great (using that term loosely) state of New Jersey. That got us to the gender spectrum (admittedly not sure how that happened) which lead us straight into pederasty and its current defense to be part of said spectrum. We also go over the repeal of the Johnson amendment, which we will be re-visiting next week because new information has come to light that we were not aware of while recording this. Music a track called Sanctuary by the band Elder.

    Copiosis Mechanism

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 7, 2017 42:31


    How do you deal with the capitalist society we live in? Some people think they need a coping mechanism to deal with going to work and paying their bills. It doesn·t sound all bad at first, but it does have its flaws. We dive in and take a look at the soc

    Loose Conversations Sink Inhibitions

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 3, 2017 47:56


    This is a really loose one where we go over some recent concerts we have either gone to or are going to. We also dive into the perspective you get being a traveling craftsmen, the situations, and social outlook you received from living like that. Some people like to celebrate Christmas in July but we are going back to our childhood and talking about some fond memories we have scaring people while working at a haunted house. It’s a new tradition, Halloween in July. We also expand on Bill Burr’s premise about taking a cruise and add in the element of CLUE the game. Prepare those resolutions, The Impaler is coming in hot.

    Intergalactic Mind Bender

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 23, 2017 46:52


    Time travel. How does it work? Is it possible? Are there set rules to abide by or can we just make them up as we go? We will probably answer none of these questions but we will still try. The Resolution has a beer bath update for everyone and he has a fee

    Impale Your Revolution

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 16, 2017 46:28


    IYR radio is back and better than ever. In this episode we start to peel back the outer layer of this (inverted commas) revolution (end inverted commas) that people are wanting so badly, and start poking hole in it like a loose shrimp in the fondue pot.

    Net Neuter-Trality

    Play Episode Listen Later May 20, 2017 44:40


    We took the show on the road for the first time. The Negator is getting married (congratulations bro) so we decided to setup shop in our hotel room and pump out some ear pleasure for you. We scratch the surface of net neutrality and somehow we ended up at flat earth and space coke.

    Vaping or Gay Porn?

    Play Episode Listen Later May 6, 2017 63:55


    Ah the illusive question...vaping or gay porn? Are you a gay porn star if you vape? If you vape does that automatically mean you like gay porn? It's these important questions that we are not answering because it doesn't really matter. It's just an inside joke that started on the second half of our time with Crazy Dave. Yes that's right two episodes in a row with Crazy Dave. So what's this episode about you ask? Well Impaler watched Escape from New York which got him thinking and expanding on his idea about segregated prisons per offenses, and making an entire self sustaining city. The Resolution is still not on board

    Inner Child Boners TM

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 23, 2017 46:19


    Doesn't reminiscing about the good old days just give your inner child a boner like it's the first time all over again? Probably not unless your weird like that. (GROSS!) We touch on the nerdy things we collected and played as kids. Crazy Dave is with us too! Cheers!

    If You Have to Force it...

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2017 79:59


    If you have to force it, you know it.....well....you know. We shine a light on alternative poop pronouns and Boston Antifa (hi Dustin, love your comedy work). The Impaler has an idea about correcting corrections. The Resolution is not fully on board. 

    Double Back Sphinctor Flip Flop Contraction

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 19, 2017 92:42


    This one starts out slow and nasty, but eventually we get going and dive into The Impaler's idea about a resource based economy and how partisan politics is not helping in the long run. Music: "Now or Never" by Benedict Arnold. 

    Churn Dem Taters

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 5, 2017 82:48


    Oh my, what twisted road of thinking got these two to name an podcast Churn Dem Taters? Well for one it doesn't make sense because you would churn milk into butter, where does the potatoes come in? Well you're gonna have to listen in to find out. If you're feeling froggy go leave a review on iTunes. Maybe give our Facebook page a like. You know you want to. Music is Chlorine & Wine by Baroness off of their album Purple. 

    Grapes Aren't Supposed to Taste Like Cotton Candy

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 18, 2017 31:49


    Why would science so this? Was the grape not good enough? Was granulated sugar and a dry texture not good enough either? We don't know and we're not afraid to say so. Here's a link to prove it. http://grapery.biz/index.php/grapes/cotton-candy Other than that we go deep into space and come out with the link between Trumps shitty diet and his tweets.

    Negator in the Holy Land

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 4, 2017 140:14


    In his gator shoes he walks through the valley of the shadow of death, and makes you take note, that your argument, though well thought out, is invalid and wrong. At least he's not like that (too much) anymore. The Resolution and The Impaler catch up with The Negator and go down tons of fun rabbit holes such as religion, the wall, college, snowflakes, and the English language. Hold on kids this one is bumpy. Music is ITAEWON FREEDOM by UV fest JYP. Go YouTube it if you want to know why we picked this song. No not the live one, the one that looks like it was shot in the 80's. Yea that one. You wont be let down.

    Return of the Impaler

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 22, 2017 114:11


    It's like de ja poo and the Impaler is back on the mic with Res Juan. No spoilers here, just listen. Music is Bizancio by Toundra.

    Floating on What Does Not Matter

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 11, 2017 34:21


    The Resolution has some stories about rooting phones, Trump's intent, and exploring Arizona. Music is by Asthma Castle: Ceased to Be off of Jesus, Mary, and Broseph EP which can be found here https://asthmacastle.bandcamp.com/

    Grumpy Resolution

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 21, 2016 33:49


    The Resolution gets grumpy about Christmas, parking at a hockey game, and Aleppo. He also found a place to float.

    Res Juan Lushan

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 11, 2016 36:27


    The Resolution discusses travel, Bisbee, dreams, and the future of IYR.

    Resistance on a Roller Coaster is Fatal

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 14, 2016 98:13


    Impaler tries to restore his faith in humanity, while the Resolution has a new idea about veterans in sport. We also cover roller coaster stuff.

    Episode 8 Grab er By The Clint-on

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 19, 2016 84:26


    Alternate views of snatch-gate, a wild idea about our criminal system, the mission of CNN & IYR, and how to get those slow ass drivers in the right lane by means of their own folly. Oh yea and we Break My Fucking Sky again with Winter. Lost Smile off of Eviscerate Soul.

    Episode 7 Debate my Fucking Kratom

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 3, 2016 61:51


    Sharks with laser beams, The walls of Mexico, a horrid stench, and a new show called Grudge Wars. Oh and some shit about the presidential debate and kratom. Music is Cyclone by Break My Fucking Sky from Russia.

    Episode 6 Kaepernick Pushes my Buttons

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 18, 2016 69:20


    Has Kaepernick rubbed you the wrong way? He sure rubbed Missouri the wrong way (or the right way) and now you can conceal carry without a permit. Listen in if you want to know what the hell I'm writing about. Music is SUMAC - "Will to Reach" off of "What One Becomes"

    Episode 5 Hashtags, Douchebags, and Bartoni Sippy Cup

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 1, 2016 68:38


    Bartoni joins The Impaler and The Resolution for a round of puns, blowin O's, spilling whiskey all over the god damn floor, and most importantly of all, #hashtags.

    Episode 004 Crazy Dave Impales Donald Trump

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 14, 2016 85:38


    Special guest Crazy Dave joins us in barely scratching the surface of the Drumpf axiom.

    Episode 003 Preachy Rants & Robot Sex Organs

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2016 72:19


    The Impaler gets a little preachy and the Resolution tried to nail down the finer points of self replicating AI robots. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/impaleyourresolutionpodcast/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ImpaleYourResolution/

    Episode 002 Untoward Religion

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 7, 2016 43:56


    Untoward - unexpected and inappropriate or inconvenient. Don't you wish you could be three different things at the same time like the word untoward? Well so does your religion, Hillary Clinton, and the rift we all have with strangers.

    Episode 1 Guns and Beer

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 6, 2016 57:06


    Greetings and salutations individual humans of earth. Yea yea ok I'll cut the bullshit. In this first episode of Impale Your Resolution we go over some ideas we have to help the gun control problem which segues brilliantly into Hillary Clinton and the Brexit. Additionally we drink some beers and discuss why Dubstep is not music.

    Mini Sode Intro

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 27, 2016 9:12


    Instead of uploading episode 1 like normal people we thought we should give you fine people some behind the scenes content before dropping the real 1st episode. So here it is where we go off the cuff about gun control, ignoring the government, and taxes.

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