Moonies Never Say Die Hard!

Male striptease—is there anything it can't make better? From helping unemployed steelworkers in "The Full Monty" make some crucial money and save themselves to helping a family in this week's "Kevin and Ces Annual Holiday Movie Quadruple Feature Podcast" feature make some crucial money and save their performance venue, male stripping has been the backbone of our economy and our nation. Well, two nations, England and the USA. Well, probably several more nations. Okay, this is getting unwieldy. Anyway, join us as we question the business practice of a 365 day-a-year Broadway Christmas show and inadvertently celebrate Rex Manning Day with the yuletide revue "The Merry Gentlemen."

It's a Pentatonix Christmas movie as Pentatonix plays Pentatonix singing Pentatonix Christmas songs while helping two Pentatonix fans find true Pentatonix love at a Pentatonix show during this most cherished Pentatonix holiday season in a charming film about the importance of securing concert tickets as quickly as possible.

Did you ever watch Frosty, the Grinch or Heat Miser and think "I'd do him"? Well, then Netflix—and the Kevin and Ces Annual Holiday Movie Quadruple Feature Podcast—bring you the perfect tepid mug of cocoa with this year's streaming smash, "Hot Frosty." Yes, when a young widow places a used scarf on a six-pack snowman, the sexy Faulknerian man-child of her dreams comes to life. Throw in seasonal shenanigans, holiday hi-jinks, part of the cast of "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," and inadvertent simulated sex with—not in—a car, and you have the makings of a Christmas classic your family can listen to Kevin and Ces talk about year after year (but mostly this one). Here's hoping you all find your own Frosty this season. Enjoy! 

It's been a hell of a season two—David's brother, Maddie's parents, Agnes almost certainly still keeping a baby that doesn't belong to her. Casinos in Buenos Aires, flashbacks to the 1940s, trips to the, um, mall. Whoopi Goldberg! Orson Welles! Cousin Larry from "Perfect Strangers"! Magical leprechauns, massive Rolodexes, multiple fourth-wall breaks. Funerals, faked funerals, funerals for a fake spouse, funeral car chase. SO MANY BIG-FINISH CHASE SEQUENCES. And now we close out the season with not only another big-finish—TWO episode recaps that each include their own chase—but also our podcast's own big BREAKING NEWS that you can only get here before reading it in the "Moonlighting" paper of choice, the Los Angeles Tribune, or scoring it like hot gossip at the next California Investigator's Annual Banquet and Ball. So put on your most satin sleepwear, sit on your biggest whitest couch, look up at a portrait of Maddie (or yourself if you bought one with office funds), and reflect with us on the wonderful times we've had together before we get an offer from Lou LaSalle we simply can't refuse. As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.

When an escort's mob-connected client mumbles upcoming hits in his sleep, she tells David, who in turn uses the intel to catch the killers. Or stop them before they commit the crime, which is sort of like the first draft of “Minority Report” minus eye-replacement surgery. Soon David is the toast of the town, beloved by the police, the mayor, and the entire city of LA. In fact, the only person who isn't happy is Maddie, who feels having sources and employing data is cheating when it comes to detective work. Oh, will these two ever get along? Well, briefly, until Maddie punches David so hard he goes through a wall. It all comes together in an episode that will having you asking “What?” saying “But…” and knowing that using Pet Shop Boys' “West End Girls” must have been pretty pricey in the mid-1980s.As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

David is on the lam! When an elderly man frames David for his murder (to avoid his death being labeled a suicide and invalidate his life insurance because, uh, comedy), David does what every fugitive from the law would do if they were nine-years-old. He hides at his friend's house. Then he hides at his friend's place of work. Then he probably hides in a toy store or wherever they sell candy. Near his friend. Can Maddie prove David's innocence before her partner gradually, inadvertently makes it out of his own zip code? Kevin, Ces, and yet another notoriously ineffectual “Moonlighting” homicide detective are on the case! As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

As the great John Mayer said, “Fathers be good to your daughters. Daughters .” Maddie learns this first hand as she is faced with the question of whether her father and her mother's husband are the same person. Corporeally? The answer is yes. More morally? That answer is no. Poppa Hayes is having an affair. The mother suspects it. Maddie denies it. And David—in a surprisingly mature and confusingly good way—finds it out. So down some champagne and discover if being a “good man” is enough to keep a family whole in “Every Daughter's Father Is A Virgin.”As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Revenge is a dish best served cold—and lifeless—when a magician swears to kill his wife from beyond the grave, which is either a remarkable feat or stunning case of poor time management. But when the magician dies mid-act, his wife hires Maddie and David to watch over his corpse until it's cremated, to ensure he can't fulfill his promise. Does the body escape? Well, let's just say the Blue Moon Agency wouldn't be invited back to the Detective Ball if it weren't for a stunning third-act, tertiary character reveal as we dissect “In God We Strongly Suspect.”As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Weary of a life of jelly donuts and Vanna White, Agnes longs for some excitement, some romance, and maybe, just maybe, a cruller instead. Little does she know Maddie's ticket to the Private Investigators' Ball (a Detective Prom minus the DJ playing "Forever Young") gives her all that and more as she is literally swept off her feet in a classic Hitchcock tale of mistaken identity, complete with attractive mysterious strangers, pursuing bad guys, dead bodies, prolonged applauded PDA, hot bowling AND laundry action, and our favorite supporting character since Liam in "A Christmas Frequency." Just how long can Agnes hold her breath? Find out in "North by North DiPesto."As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

A client—who boasts he has an American Express card, has read Playboy, and has told all the right lies to woo women—asks the Blue Moon Detective Agency to find him the perfect wife, thereby hiring the two most ill-equipped people in matters of relationships to secure him romantic bliss. Within moments Maddie and David are disagreeing on what a "perfect" partner means, each choosing someone who fits their particular tastes, levels of maturity, and idea of 80s hot. But it turns out their client doesn't want someone. They just want some body. And so soon we're flying off to Connecticut, crashing funerals, and racing wheelchairs in an episode that proves the ideal person is out there so long as you don't feel like you have to kill everybody.As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

It's the holidays when Agnes gets the Christmas miracle of someone else's baby left under her tree. Well, hastily dropped in her clothes hamper. It's also a first draft of "Home Alone" when Maddie, David, and Agnes fight off criminals with toys. And it's also a season for good cheer with the arrival of Detective John Munch! Well, Richard Belzer, playing an entirely different character, thereby denying the show's entry into the expansive Munch Television Universe (MTU). It all comes together with Three Judicial Kings, a fourth-wall break, and every single person who's ever worked on "Moonlighting."As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Ever wanted to be your own boss? How about not be a boss at all? Both paths are taken when Maddie sells the Blue Moon Detective Agency and David starts his own investigation service. But will the former duo patch up their differences in time to find a Rolodex—A DOUBLE Rolodex—containing the only record of high-level professional and personal contacts belonging to the boss of "Cousin Larry" himself, Mark Linn-Baker, before David prank-calls Gorbachev? Join Kevin and Ces for a fast, fun-filled episode as we travel back to a time when a lost index card could mean financial ruin and people could have easily Xeroxed pertinent business information but apparently didn't.As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

It's murder on the art studio floor when a mysterious painting of Maddie—complete with two hideous vases—results in the death of two brothers, the disappearance of the Blue Moon Detective Agency's slim profit margin, and the conclusion that if an artwork is about you then you can legally take it home, free of charge, no matter its crucial role in an ongoing police investigation. So pull up a chair, break out your copy of "Janson's History of Art," stay for the spectacular corpse outlines, and come to the realization David never shuts the hell up as we unveil "Portrait of Maddie."As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

It's not "Singin' in the Rain" but it's also not the movie version of "Cats." It's Jennifer Lopez's magical, musical magnum opus film fantasia "This is Me...Now" and we're here to hold your hand and heart through it all. Fear not—"This is Me...Now" has everything you could ever want in a rhythmic, self-reflecting, romantic experience: Steampunk cardiovascular operations defying all standards of OSHA, curiously understaffed "Zodiacal Council," gigantic hummingbirds, countless cameos, numerous therapy sessions, and Ben Affleck in prosthetics. So join Kev and Ces as they count out their rose petals and embrace the J.Love of J.Lo in this very special episode of "Moonies Never Say Die Hard."As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Had a lovely Valentine's Day? Well forget it all! Because according to this week's "Moonlighting" episode it's St. Patrick's Day when a leprechaun (pause for a moment to allow for your Lucky Charms joke) asks Maddie and David to protect her from people after her pot of gold (pause for a moment to allow for you to ask "No, seriously. What's this week's episode about?") Is their client an actual leprechaun who may have killed a man with an ancient Irish curse said entirely in English? Is there really a pot of gold buried under a municipal rainbow in Los Angeles? Was it really that easy to enter an airport and ride the suitcase conveyor belt in 1985? This magic and curious child rearing never stops in this week's Moonies Never Say Die Hard.As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

It's a sunny day for film noir in LA when David's ex—and "China Beach" star—Dana Delany comes waltzing into the Blue Moon Agency. David's heart goes pitter-patter but his ex has murder on her mind. And she's about to get away with it, too, thanks to the laziest police detective in investigative history. Will Maddie be able to put two and two together even when the detective wants to clock out by four, presumably to go home and watch "The Jetsons"? Tune into Season Two, Episode Six—"Knowing Her"— and you'll know how to sabotage your own balcony railing. And don't forget—it's Super Bowl weekend! So make sure to place your order with our sponsor Zini's Italian Restaurant, where their eggplant mascots can be your own disconcerting halftime show. As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Can David Addison act like an adult for one whole week? How about the rest of the afternoon? How about until the end of this sentence? When Maddie bets he can't, David's maturity keeps limbo-ing lower now until he mistakes being a grown-up with being eternally glum (which really makes up only 80% of aging). But will it be enough for Maddie and David to solve a kidnapping that turns into another kidnapping that turns into modern day viewers wondering what do kidnappers now use for ransom notes when they no longer subscribe to print media for the cut-out letters. Meanwhile, Kevin and Ces—no strangers to losing bets on being mature individuals—deal with a mystery of their own that threatens the very foundation of their already tenuous sponsor contract. So let's see if we can all act like adults and enjoy "My Fair David."As always, this episode is brought to you by Zini's Italian Restaurant.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Orson Welles introduces a fun film noir ("fun noir"?) episode of double-crossing and double-telling as Maddie and David find themselves in black & white (and singing "Blue Moon") reliving the infamous 1940s "Florida Cove Jazz Club Murder." Meanwhile, back in full-color and complete shock, podcast hosts Kevin and Ces face their own possible tale of foul play as they suspect their sponsor Zini's of having something to do with the mysterious disappearance of restaurant mascot Meggplant the Eggplant. Can true love and true crime co-exist? Can we continue to collect ad revenue even when we just implicated our own sponsor in a potential homicide? Let's crack this case, gumshoes!  Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

How far would you go for revenge? For Maddie she's willing to gamble it all when she learns her crooked ex-accountant used the fortune he stole from her to open a casino in Buenos Aires. That's because she needs to look the man straight in the eyes and tell him off. David, however, needs Maddie to see this might only hurt—and cost—her so much more. But together they try to take the casino for all it's worth as they run the tables and are followed everywhere by a growing, cheering crowd (perhaps even to the bathroom) in an episode that will remind you what an office desk job was like before the Internet (cover that desk with magazines for luddite scrolling!) and have you doing all your workday tasks to the tune of "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy," Make sure to choose which one plant gets the water, Moonies! Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

No, you're not seeing double. You're seeing quadruple! It's slapstick film noir in "Moonlighting" as a real-life case of acid scarring becomes a really curious episode of excessive carpet shampooing. Double-crossing, false identities, silhouetted figures, fooled private eyes, 1940s fashion, and 1980s fight clubs all come together to make this the most bewildering case of Sam Spade's—we mean Maddie and David's—career. Don't believe us? Then check out the latest issue of "The National Pit," David's favorite tabloid about extraterrestrials and sex orgies on Long Island. Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

David's brother (dear God, there's another Addison) just rolled into town talking big, spending big, and dealing with one small problem that the $100,000 that fell into his lap (or, inexplicably, his car engine) belongs to a murderous drug dealer who is really bad at murdering but really fortunate that the police seemed to have given up pursuing him. Will David reconcile with his brother? Will Maddie ever tell us who she was talking to on the phone at that bar? Will we ever have a scene greater than the one in which Agnes tells David off? The answers are yes, no, and how could anyone ever top that scene? And yet we still have so many more questions (that in part involve how easy is it to purchase a crossbow at the mall) because even though we saw this episode we don't know how this episode could end this way. Welcome to Season Two of Moonies Never Say Die Hard! Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Welcome to “A Cowboy Christmas Romance”—exclaimed as the first Lifetime Christmas movie with a sex scene—and wow…it certainly has a cowboy. Cowfolk. On a ranch. With horsies. And maybe a midnight centaur. And do you like Christmas songs? What about just song-songs? THIS MOVIE HAS SO MANY SONGS! It's as if a Lifetime exec said “We need the ultimate Christmas soundtrack for this Christmas movie, but let's not get so hung up on the whole Christmas angle when they can sing about whether or not the grass is always greener on the other side. In Tubac, Arizona.” So join Kevin and Ces as they await Noel nookie in our last holiday movie podcast of the season, “A Cowboy Christmas Romance.”Brought to you by our new sponsor Zini's Italian Restaurant: “Zini's—Come for the eggplant. Stay for the—well don't stay because we have another party coming in 12 minutes.”"Christmas Rap" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Every December 12th since they were kids, Sarah and her best friend Nick build a "Snow Beau," a snowman that embodies everything Sarah wants in a boyfriend. But this year thanks to a magic hat—we mean scarf—the "Snow Beau" Cole actually comes to life. And he's actually pretty damn awesome. And thankfully wearing pants, so no need for blurring like that original airing of "Frosty." But of course with a new romance comes new questions—Where does a snowman get the money to take someone out on dates? How exactly is this relationship going to work once chaste Hallmark-level kissing isn't enough? And why won't ANYONE let Sarah venture outside her hometown? Not even for a day trip to Minneapolis! Come for the romance. Stay for the lingering questions about said romance. Leave because Sarah cannot. Ever. Happy Holidays!Brought to you by our new sponsor Zini's Italian Restaurant: “Zini's—When you're here you have about 20 minutes because we only have the one table.”"Christmas Rap" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Love is on the air in “A Christmas Frequency” when radio producer Kenzie—who always wears a “K” necklace lest she forget how to start her signature—tries to set up her recently separated morning show host—Denise Richard's Dr. Christmas Jones, we mean Brooke—with a series of live broadcast blind dates to lift both her boss's holiday spirits and the shows plummeting ratings. But then Kenzie meets Ben—a man who long ago realized if he stopped smiling the Earth would explode—only to find out he's also one of Brooke's potential station-mandated beaus! Watch for the romantic misunderstandings. Look for Liam, a man who answers the question “What if Ralph Wiggum were 35 and British?” Keep an eye out for the fact EVERY SQUARE MILLIMETER OF EVERY SCENE IS FILLED WITH EVERY CONCEIVABLE CHRISTMAS DECORATION EVER. Then find your date for the big Christmas soirée! Brought to you by our new sponsor Zini's Italian Restaurant: “Zini's—When you're here you have about 20 minutes because we only have the one table.”"Christmas Rap" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Each Christmas Jackie sends a newsletter to apparently every “Earth Dweller” touting her family as the best EVER! with such accomplishments as a pre-teen Harvard student and a husband who gets trophies for kicking pre-teens in the face. And every year newsletter recipient Charlotte wishes she could prove Jackie's wonderful life is a lie built on clip art and discount dreams. But when an adorable tyke and the Christmas miracle of no one texting anyone EVER! bring their two families together…Charlotte loses her goddamn mind as accusations fly, boundaries disappear, vacuum cleaners explode, Cheetos are repelled, and no one EVER! takes off their snow boots when they go inside."Christmas Rap" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

We did it! We made it through the first (admittedly brief) season of "Moonlighting" and what a fun ride it's been! And by "fun ride" we mean last week's episode on a train. Because THIS week's "Moonlighting" is just...wow. So wow. That's not to say it didn't try. It tried to be a Hitchcock thriller. It tried something resembling a narrative. It tried our patience. But we also learned no one in 1985 Los Angeles asked for IDs, all cabbies in 1985 Los Angeles were from 1945 Brooklyn, and 1985 David Addison might have been the star of a 1988 Tom Hanks film before it was even made. Plus, we reveal our very special holiday gift for all our loyal, infrequent, first-time, and even begrudging listeners. Enjoy! Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Blue Moon Detective Agency rhyming receptionist Agnes DiPesto takes centerstage—and a nice room with carpeted walls, malfunctioning bed, and a dead body—when she wins a ticket to a famous writer's murder mystery train that runs 24 hours or 6 hours straight due to Amtrak time dilation. But then Maddie and David get stuck onboard, the famous writer proves an infamous ass, and everyone has a motive to stab away. We also see another example of Maddie's super strength and once more try to fill in the blanks of David's mysterious past by concluding he's either an ex-con, a financial fraud or something so much worse. But most important of all, we get more Agnes!Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

It's 2 am and you're lonely in LA, so it's time to call the Heartbreak Hotline on 1985 AM radio. But do it soon before...aaaaand our host has been shot dead live on the air. In other news, possibly covered in our new favorite fake paper the Los Angeles Tribune, we begin to suspect Maddie has superhuman strength, start to wonder if David is the heir to the Ground Round fortune, and end our working relationship with Toby the Intern. So if you're imaginary and want a fictional job, call us now!Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

It's got lasers! It's got psychic readings! It's got two scientists struggling to put underwear on a dummy so it can be shot—by lasers! What more could you want from TV? A CEO who pays people to pretend they had sex with him—WHEN NOT DISCUSSING LASERS?! It's got that, too! "This episode has everything" say Kevin and Ces in this very synopsis blurb. Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

It's the second episode, in which a series starts to find its footing but "Moonlighting" can't decide which way to go with David Addison. We also have a special guest appearance by a young Tim Robbins (in the episode, not our podcast, because we have neither the necessary blackmail pull nor time machine) and the greatest hospital chase to ever take place in a middle school. So grab a fistful of red M&Ms and get ready to play "Turbo" with Kevin and Ces! Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

On the pilot episode of "Moonies Never Say Die Hard!" hosts Kevin and Ces discuss the pilot episode of "Moonlighting," a remarkable case of narrative symmetry that just goes to show you're in capable hands. You'll also learn about 80s automobiles, 80s computer research, 40s smuggling, and the 80s TV take on what it really meant to be punk.Theme Song: "Aerosol of my Love" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/