Thanks For Sharing

In this episode, Jackie talks about the vulnerable moments that we share.  Where we show up for people, celebrate with people, grieve with people and let others know they are not alone.  

This episode follows the verdict rendered in the Depp v Heard defamation lawsuit.  While the outcome of this case has been decided by a jury, there is much for us to learn as we look at how public verdicts are rendered and the fallout that happens when the public gets it wrong.  

This episode was prompted by the ongoing discussion playing out currently through a celebrity defamation lawsuit.  Nobody watching or listening is able to provide accurate diagnostic information, which makes it even more important to shape the conversation about how this court proceeding is being viewed and talked about.  When issues regarding domestic violence make it into the spotlight, often the reactions and discussion can impede future victims of domestic violence from coming forward and seeking help and safety.  This episode is an attempt to bring proper attention to the issue of domestic violence and provide a deeper discussion about the underlying issues for those in situations of domestic violence.  There are also current statistics about DV in the show notes for those interested. https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS  

In this episode, Jackie talks about the most recent of a long stream of gun violence and innocent lives lost.  This is a disturbing issue in the United States with seemingly no end in sight.  Jackie talks about the importance of understanding our grievance stories and how this understanding can lead to meaningful conversations and prompt a robust national conversation focused on change and progress.    

In this episode, Jackie talks about a model of change that breaks down the process of change into four steps.  Which can be helpful when undertaking an overwhelming task like change.  In addition to understanding there are models for change, it can also be helpful to know there are also expected obstacles universal to those who undertake such a task.  Knowing what these obstacles are can help us recognize them when they appear and be intentional when navigating the obstacle.   

These are two terms that are often used in therapy and that are often used by the general public.  But what do they actually mean?  What is the difference between being trauma-informed and doing trauma work?  In this episode, we talk about the difference and the importance of being trauma-informed, both as the client and the clinician, before moving into doing trauma work.    

In this episode, Jackie talks about a local controversy that arose in SLC related to a description of a college course taught at a liberal arts college located in SLC.  Situations such as this can escalate emotions and quickly spread fear and disinformation.  Or it can cause us to pause, take a step back, listen, ask questions, and use critical thinking skills to sort through the emotional information that is coming our way.  

In this episode, Jackie talks about the first six of twelve of the dimensions of courtship as outlined by Dr. Patrick Carnes.  We do not spend enough time talking about how healthy relationships come about.  Is it by chance? Is it luck? Do some people know a secret that so many others do not know? Healthy relationships don't happen by chance or by luck.  And if your history of relationships doesn't trend in the right direction, there are things we can change and practice in order to be a part of healthy relationships that grow and evolve over time.    

In this episode, Jackie wraps up discussing the book The Tao of Fully Feeling. This is where the dots are connected and we begin to see the path forward for ourselves.  A path that involves forgiving ourselves for our part in carrying the dysfunction forward.  We can now begin to see how our relationships can be different.  How we can make amends, we can take responsibility for our actions, without taking more responsibility than is ours, and how we can take this forward into our lives and our relationships.  

In this episode, Jackie continues to work through the book The Tao of Fully Feeling.  The author has reminded us throughout the book of our society's need to rush forgiveness as a bypass for feeling and operating in reality.  In this episode, we look at extenuating circumstances that our parents may have been dealing with.  We aren't exploring these circumstances as a way of "letting them off the hook" because that would mean the shame resides with us.  It is a way of taking a step back from what we experienced and getting a larger view of what life was like for our parents.  This can actually help reduce shame as it begins to dawn on us that this was never about us.  It wasn't about us being too much, or not enough or us just being a child. 

In this episode, Jackie continues her discussion of The Tao of Fully Feeling.  In this episode, we start looking at what we can do.  Once we have become more aware of our dysfunctional childhood and our maladaptive coping skills, once we have grieved the loss and expressed what was repressed, where do we go next? In this episode, we look at how we can reparent our inner child.  Offering him/her what they were denied.  What their hearts longed for and what is long past due.   

In this continuing discussion about the book The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker, we talk about blame as part of the grieving process.  And how blame is not the stigmatized emotion that we are taught to banish and opt for self-responsibility.  Instead, it is an organic, natural part of ourselves that leads to self-protection, healthy boundaries, and ultimately true forgiveness to our parents for the abuse and neglect from our childhood.

There are four key ways that children protect themselves from being overwhelmed by the emotional pain of prolonged abuse and neglect.  We call these defense mechanisms, and they typically have an expiration date.  They can be effective in protecting children through traumatic childhoods, but at some time they will stop working.  At this point, we can develop new, advanced defense mechanisms or we can face the trauma and explore how it is impacting our adult lives.  

In this episode, Jackie talks about chapter 5 in The Tao of Fully Feeling.  Often when we think of grieving, we think of being sad, maybe crying.  Or we think of the stages of grief developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  In this chapter, author Pete Walker expands on essentials to grieving as we explore childhood trauma.  

In this bonus episode, Jackie talks about how the learnings from Pete Walker's book The Tao of Fully Feeling may have messages for the current strife and social fears we are experiencing in our world today.   

In this episode Jackie continues her series discussing the book The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker. In this episode we cover chapter 2 & 3 from the book and talk about the Fundamental Dynamics of Emotional Nature and the Gifts of Grieving. 

In this episode, Jackie talks about the introduction, and chapters one and two of Pete Walker's book The Tao of Fully Feeling.  This is the first book of our TFS Bookclub.  In this episode, we cover how we lose our ability to fully feel.  What the cost is to us and how we cope when we cannot fully feel.  We also talk about how starting to feel will connect us with grief and loss. Two ways we avoid feeling and grieving are to rush forgiveness or to become perfect.    

In this episode Jackie answers a question from a friend and one that many people have when they start therapy and are in the process of doing their own work.  It is a valid question when there are painful and traumatic things we have experienced in the past.  Why go there if there isnt a good reason? Well, there is a good reason.  The past never stays put in past.  We arrive in adulthood with unfinished business and not knowing or understanding how to connect with our own personal power and what to do with it.  

In this episode, I am honored to have special guest Mark Nepo talking about Heartwork: being a spirit in the world. Beloved as a poet, teacher, and storyteller, Mark Nepo, the New York Times bestselling author of The Book of Awakening, has been called "one of the finest spiritual guides of our time," "a consummate storyteller," and an"eloquent spiritual teacher."  His many books have been translated into more than twenty languages.  In his upcoming talk presented by The Jung Society of Utah, Mark will explore the heartwork required to inhabit our lives by engaging our ongoing relationships to self, other, work, community, and Source. The integrity of our heartwork depends on integrating who we are with what we do. Regardless of the service we're called to, the central questions have always been: How will we inhabit our time on Earth? How can we live fully in the face of death? And how can we love fully in the face of life? This of course leads to other questions: How will we know and be known? How do we hold each other as we tumble along in the story of our lives? How will we care for each other in the face of crisis?  Given the hardships of living through the pandemic, we are called to renew our covenant with life and each other in order to survive the storms of our day and to leave the world more authentic and loving than we found it.   Tickets for the SLC event are availble online at https://my.arttix.org/27979/27980  or by calling 801-355-ARTS or 888-451-ARTS.   You can register for Mark's upcoming webinar The Gift of Relationship: helping each other stay awake at:  live.marknepo.com

In this episode Jackie asked two of her colleagues, Rachel Allen and Amy Smith, both previous guests on the podcast to join her talking about Christmas songs through the therapy lens.  Therapy can put things into perspective or make us questions things we previously haven't questioned, whether you are a client of therapy or a therapist.  We had some fun talking about Christmas songs whose time has come and gone or songs that just hit wrong.  We also talk about some of our favorite Christmas songs. 

This week Jackie talks about her experience as both a participant and a facilitator in GLI (group leadership intensive).  So many of us live our lives in our own bodies without giving ourselves the opportunity to actually see ourselves and to know how others experience us.  It is a gift, that we typically will shy away from, to be present with others and ourselves in the struggle...and yet there is so much to be learned when we can give ourselves this gift.  And be open to receiving feedback from others as part of this gift.  It is an opportunity for the unfinished business within us to manifest in a way that we can face and acknowledge while also finding a way forward.  

We all make choices every single day—some big, some small. Some are choices related to time and money. Others are related to the life roles we each prioritize. There are a billion things we could do, but we must make choices with our limited time. Is there a difference between making a decision and a choice? How does trauma impact the ability to make "good" choices?   

In this episode Jackie wraps up the series on the Twelve Principles by Dr. Patrick Carnes.  Generativity is principle twelve.   Generativity refers to "making your mark" on the world by caring for others as well as creating and accomplishing things that make the world a better place. It's leaving the community, culture, and world better than you found it. This principle aligns with step twelve, which is all about having had a spiritual awakening,  By practicing the twelfth step along with the twelvth principle we are set to make the world, our communities, our families, and our friendships more meaningful and more purposeful.

Life is messy.  It has always been messy.  Life is full of loose ends, uncertainty, confusion, and frustration.  Yet nothing is wasted or random or pointless.  Everything that happens is nourishing compost for our spiritual and emotional growth. It is in the midst of the messiness of life that we often find meaning or, sometimes, that meaning finds us.   

Recovery teaches us, and sometimes forces us to trust.  We learn to trust others. We learn to trust ourselves.  We learn to trust an ongoing process of renewal.  We give ourselves over to uncertainty, free fall and the care of a Higher Power. Trust is active, not passive.  It emboldens us to speak up, to take a stand, to make decisions, and to move forward into a future we can neither foresee nor control. It prompts us to take one leap of faith after another.  There's no one more important to trust than yourself. How can we learn to trust ourselves and practice the principle of trust, when that hasn't been our experience of ourselves, relationships or the world? --

Merriam Webster defines responsiveness like this: reacting in a desired or positive way; quick to respond. We all probably think about speed when we think about responsiveness, too, but how many of us take the time to make sure our responses are positive? That we are responding in a timely and reliable way? Responsiveness is more than just a way to communicate.  It becomes a way of being with ourselves, with others and with the world. 

In this episode Jackie talks about how commitment plays a role in our recovery as well as in our relationships.  When we make a commitment, we are saying that we will do all we can to make it happen.  There are factors that get in the way of us keeping our commitments.  As we work to deepen our recovery, our ability to make commitments becomes an important part of our recovery.  How we commit to ourselves and to others is a deciding factor in our success.  

There is no courage without risk. When we act courageously, we put ourselves on the line for a greater good and make ourselves vulnerable to loss.  In recovery, our approach to risk changes completely.  We learn to consider our risks instead of following our impulses. We consult our inner observer, then consciously choose which risks to take. One day at a time, we become both more courageous and more discerning. 

We all know the importance of telling the truth.  Generally, we have been told how important honesty is from a young age.  It is usually stated in a direct, simple way that makes it seem like being honest is easy. We aren’t always told how to live an honest life or that it is harder than it sounds. In this episode, Jackie talks about how to practice living a life of honesty and why it is such an important principle in recovery.

In this episode, Jackie assembles her fellow female colleagues at Healing Paths for a book club.  They are talking about the book Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski.  This will be a 3 part series talking about each of the three sections of the book and how it is important information and applicable if you are a woman or if you know a woman.    

Before we began recovery, many of us had little experience of being part of a healthy family, of fitting into a functional community, or of living in a climate of trust. Often, from a very young age, we were denied the opportunity to bond with other people. These experiences carry with us into our adult relationships and cause us to close off or isolate.  The process of opening and bonding is a powerful step in our healing journey.  

In this episode, Jackie talks about the important role that responsibility plays in recovery and in our personal healing journey.  In recovery, we stop hiding from ourselves.  We understand the importance of examining our life, and we accept responsibility for everything in it.  We realize that a deeply painful past does not let u off the hook.  Nothing lets us off the hook.  We are always responsible for what we do and what we decide and the impact that has. 

Across world religions and throughout the history of human experience with the Divine, we find certain universally recognized strategies to nourishing spirituality.  While each person experience is unique, there are ways of approaching life that maximize our availability to spiritual presence. In this episode Jackie talks about some of the things we can do to increase our spiritual practice and to connect to something Higher around us.  Perhaps the real challenge in life is learning to love and to let.  

Each of us has the capacity to pay attention to our senses, emotions, impulses, thoughts, and actions.  We also have the capacity to observe the world around us: its beauty, its danger, its design. When we make an internal commitment to reality, we naturally want to become more aware.  Change can come about dramatically by paying attention and having the awareness of what goes on inside and outside us.   

In this episode, Jackie talks about principle one which is acceptance. A common struggle felt by most individuals who enter a recovery program or start a process of personal healing is learning how to reframe their life and give it harmony and balance. We have to learn how to dialogue with ourselves about past and present events in a way that brings freedom and meaning.  We have to wrestle with what is real and we have to make the choice to accept what is.     

In this episode Jackie introduces a twelve-part series focused on working The Twelve Principles as introduced by Dr. Patrick Carnes.  The principles are connected to the steps and prompt a question for us to consider.  Of course, these questions cannot be answered by asking a wise old sage, or an oracle or even a sponsor.  These answers are revealed to us as we live each day, work the steps and live the principles the best we can.

In this first episode of 2021, Jackie talks about the liminal space of ending and beginning.  She reads writings from the poet and author David Whyte about nostalgia and being close.  Are we in a better space when we have accomplished our goals or when we are close to what we set out to accomplish?  Close to tears, close to success, close to leaving or close to happiness?  And what is the role that we allow nostalgia to play in our lives and does it keep us from fully feeling what our body is remembering?    

In this episode Jackie takes a minute to reflect on lessons learned from one of the most collectively dark years in our recent history.  2020 was dark and hard in many personal ways as well as being difficult collectively as we all struggled with the challenges brought by COVID-19.  Many families are celebrating the holidays with an empty seat at the table and dealing with other losses brought by this year.  There is value that comes from "seeing in the dark" and many important lessons are only learned as we adjust our vision while in the dark.    

In this episode Jackie talks about reclaiming what we have lost from life and from hurt. Can we remember the parts of ourselves that are untarnished?  Who we were before you were being asked to be anything other than you? 

The holidays can be a very difficult time for people. We can try to put on a smile and try to pretend like everything is ok, when really we are only pretending.  For those, going through a difficult time or a "dark night of the soul", this time of year can be especially heavy.  This episode is for those who are facing a challenge, asking tough questions, facing difficult truths and making hard changes.  

Me and Callie's last deep dive on the wonderful cult classic!!!

In this episode Jackie talks about healing what haunts us.  Our country is facing a dark and difficult time with so many of us opposed and protesting the other.  Jackie offers a different perspective coming from a mental health professional's prospective and one who sees patterns and processes.    

In this episode, Jackie interviews Michelle Mays about healing from betrayal trauma.  Michelle founded the Center for Relational Recovery, a counseling and training center focused on providing leading-edge treatment to sex addicts, partners of sex addicts, trauma survivors, and those struggling with relationship issues.  Michelle's work is grounded in the work that all change happens in relationship and that our attachment to others is both the most meaningful and at times the most challenging parts of our lives.  

In this episode Jackie responds to a listener's questions related to trauma responses.  Knowing and understanding what yours are is an important step in managing them when they get triggered. 

In this episode Jackie talks about the line from Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karinnana "Happy Families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."  What does this mean?  And how can we learn to be happy, be relational and have connection and vulnerability in our relationships?  

We all have experiences where a situation triggers a trauma response in us.  Something from the past feels as though it is happening again in our present.  Our body responds, our thoughts and feelings follow and we are in a trauma response.  What can we do to shorten the time spent in trauma response?  How can we work our way out of our trauma response and back into our current time where we have options and resources?  

In this episode Jackie talks about the pain of betrayal trauma.  Betrayal trauma has a significant impact on both the brain and the nervous system of the betrayed partner and makes it difficult for them to return to a state of calm and safety.  Included are steps for healing betrayal trauma.

In this episode, Jackie talks about the practice of Sabbath. Of consecrating a time each week for rest, renewal, and delight.   Sabbath is more than the absence of work; it is not just a day off when we catch up on television or errands. It is the presence of something that arises when we consecrate a period of time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, or true. It is time consecrated with our attention, our mindfulness, honoring those quiet forces of grace or spirit that sustain and heal us. 

In this episode Jackie talks about Maslow's hierarchy of human needs that dictate a person's behavior.  Jackie talks about the belief window that figuratively sits in front of our face and also dictates the beliefs we have about ourselves and the world we live in.  If we are looking to change behavior, it starts with changing the beliefs that sit on this belief window.   

In this episode, Jackie talks about moving beyond sobriety into optimal recovery.  Often this is a lifelong process.  A corrective emotional experience is required for previous traumatic or dysfunctional critical events that were maladaptively processed and resulted in addiction or other coping mechanisms. 

In this episode Jackie talks about the continuum of strategies for getting what I want and need and balancing the health of the relationship.  This dynamic comes up in our romantic relationships as well as with our kids, our friends and extended family relationships.  There are strategies we can employ to get what we want or need that are relationship constructive and there are strategies that are relationship destructive.