The Love and Respect Podcast: Relationships | Marriage | Theology | Psychology

We can say "thanks" but not be grateful. We can mouth words but our hearts are elsewhere. We are fixated on ourselves. We have probably all seen this in ourselves. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:2 that people can be "lovers of self... ungrateful." We can even sing a song of thanks while in a worship service at church but inwardly dwell on the hurt and offense we feel toward someone who wronged us the day before. Join Emerson and Jonathan in part 2 this week and continuing the conversation about gratefulness but focusing on the intangible. 

We can say "thanks" but not be grateful. We can mouth words but our hearts are elsewhere. We are fixated on ourselves. We have probably all seen this in ourselves. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:2 that people can be "lovers of self... ungrateful." We can even sing a song of thanks while in a worship service at church but inwardly dwell on the hurt and offense we feel toward someone who wronged us the day before. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week in this two part series which starts with how we can be grateful for the tangible things in our lives. 

Emerson and Jonathan continue this important topic in part 2 this week, including adding a third component of apathy. What is the Issue? Children need to honor parents and show this in their respectful attitude and obedient actions.  However, many parents do not always feel respected nor obeyed so they seek methods that will motivate the child to be respectful and obedient. How do we deal with this Issue? There are right ways of dealing with this and wrong ways. 

What is the Issue? Children need to honor parents and show this in their respectful attitude and obedient actions.  However, many parents do not always feel respected nor obeyed so they seek methods that will motivate the child to be respectful and obedient. How do we deal with this Issue? There are right ways of dealing with this and wrong ways. Join Emerson and Jonathan in Part I this week as they explore this topic.

Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss 8 ways to prevent and get off the Crazy Cycle (see Episode 1 for a deeper explanation of the Crazy Cycle. Examples include what to do when you see the spirit of your spouse deflate, accepting some trouble as normal, and trusting in each other's goodwill. 

Join Emerson and Jonathan for Part III of this three part series. Why is marital paradise lost? Why do couples feel they have left Eden and live in a jungle of sorts?  Since Scripture indicates couples will have trouble in this life why are husbands and wives unprepared?  The answer is simple: they do not anticipate and accept the four seasons.  In one way or another all couples will go through the four seasons.  Those who go through them without defeat do so because they anticipate and accept the process. 

Join Emerson and Jonathan for Part II of this three part series. Why is marital paradise lost? Why do couples feel they have left Eden and live in a jungle of sorts?  Since Scripture indicates couples will have trouble in this life why are husbands and wives unprepared?  The answer is simple: they do not anticipate and accept the four seasons.  In one way or another all couples will go through the four seasons.  Those who go through them without defeat do so because they anticipate and accept the process. 

Why is marital paradise lost?  Why do couples feel they have left Eden and live in a jungle of sorts?  Since Scripture indicates couples will have trouble in this life why are husbands and wives unprepared?  The answer is simple: they do not anticipate and accept the four seasons.  In one way or another all couples will go through the four seasons.  Those who go through them without defeat do so because they anticipate and accept the process. Join Emerson and Jonathan for Part I of this series.

**Jonathan's audio sounds poor and the issue was a bad cable.  Our apologies.  Submission, mutual submission, headship, authority, responsibility, equality, and decision making. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss these very lite topics which stir up very few strong emotions in people :)

When we miscommunicate, most people readily forgive when we ask them to forgive us. After all, they themselves have misspoken and have little interest in throwing stones. This is especially so when they see us making an honest mistake. What drives people nuts is when they feel that we spoke or wrote something that was designed to hurt or offend them, and we have no intentions of owning up to it, apologizing, and correcting our error. Join Emerson and Jonathan this as they discuss this topic and some examples of what to do if we hurt someone long ago. Also check out a recent publicized example of an apology HERE.

Men and women need love and respect as human beings in the workplace. Though there are daily demands to fulfill the mission of the organization apart from these emotional attitudes toward each other, that company will perform well when the men and women get on what I call the Crazy Cycle. Without love (care) a woman reacts without respect and without respect a man reacts without love (care). But added to this craziness is the tension between managers and employees. When employees feel unloved (uncared for) they react in ways that feel disrespectful to managers and when managers feel disrespected they react in ways that feel unloving (uncaring) to employees. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this new topic.

There are two elements that are foundational to the long-term success of an organization. As odd as this may sound, they are love and respect. Said negatively and drastically, if there is hostility and contempt, the organization cannot continue to succeed if it has succeeded, at least not significantly. Put it this way, good people leave and customers sense something is wrong. Join Emerson and Jonathan as they discuss this topic of business, which does apply to other environments such as teacher and student, coach and player, etc. 

Why confess our unloving and disrespectful comments? If the roles were reversed, we'd expect another to confess to us. If another was mean to us, blamed us for their unkind reactions, made light of their unkindnesses since they meant no harm, and justified or denied their personal unresolved issues contributing to their hostilities and contempt toward us, we'd be up in arms. We'd be saying, "Wow, can't you at least humbly apologize for your part?" Join Emerson and Jonathan this week for this important topic.

Some of us declare, "It's my life. I make the rules. Keep your nose out of my affairs." At one level such independence is commendable and noble. But what occurs when you say to another, "If I wish to communicate what is untrue, unkind, unnecessary, and unclear to you, I will, and it's none of your business"? No one responds to a person like that. But what if certain rules and principles are sacred? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they talk about the kindness rule and how inviting it can be in marriage and life.

In part 2 of this two part series, Emerson and Jonathan continue to discuss the topic of lying. This stems from Emerson's recent writing for a new book coming out in 2017. Throughout the 9 episodes or examples of untrue communication consider which ones you have observed and how often you think such things happen, whether with you or others. Part 2 also includes a story that continues to impact Emerson.

In this two part series, Emerson and Jonathan discuss the topic of lying. This stems from Emerson's recent writing for a new book coming out in 2017. Throughout the 9 episodes or examples of untrue communication consider which ones you have observed and how often you think such things happen, whether with you or others.

Join Emerson, Jonathan, and their first guest, Joy Eggerichs Reed, on this weeks episode as they discuss what it’s like and what we can do when we are overlooked, when we go unpicked, or our efforts go unrecognized. 

In Part II this week Emerson and Jonathan continue the discussion about some husbands habitually looking at other women and having a double standard. Knowing this double standard exists, what should a husband and wife now do about his looking at other women? Emerson and Jonathan attempt to answer this question.

Do husbands have a double standard? Emerson and Jonathan invite you to join them this week and consider one that they have observed. Some wives hear from their husbands, “I can look at women because God designed me to look at the female figure, but you must not look at men.” While the subject of pornography is an important issue this episode is not about that. Instead, this episode looks at husbands who habitually look at women around them.

In part 2 Emerson answers the question, "Where do we go from here?" continuing the discussion of the double standard that confuses some husbands and will definitely confuse young sons who will see men and women as equal but women getting a pass for having attitudes that when manifested in men are condemned as self-centered arrogance. Look at the next couple of episodes for this topic as it relates to men.

In this week's episode Emerson and Jonathan highlight a double standard that confuses some husbands and will definitely confuse our young sons who will see men and women as equal but women getting a pass for having attitudes that when manifested in men are condemned as self-centered arrogance. Stay tuned for Part II of this topic and then the same topic as it applies to men in the coming weeks. 

Part II - Rick Warren invited Emerson to speak at Saddleback Church on the topic of relationships. Presented to more than 20,000 people, listen in as Emerson focuses on these three areas: 1. What Are the Two Key Ingredients For Successful Relationships? 2. What Happens When We Innocently Overlook These Two Key Ingredients For Successful Relationships? 3. How Do We Ensure Applying These Two Key Ingredients In Order to Succeed in Relationships?

Rick Warren invited Emerson to speak at Saddleback Church on the topic of relationships. Presented to more than 20,000 people, listen in as Emerson focuses on these three areas (this is Part I of II): 1. What Are the Two Key Ingredients For Successful Relationships? 2. What Happens When We Innocently Overlook These Two Key Ingredients For Successful Relationships? 3. How Do We Ensure Applying These Two Key Ingredients In Order to Succeed in Relationships?

“God wants you to be happy.” Have you heard this platitude before? Has it perhaps been spoken to you? Maybe you’ve even heard it said in the context of someone being encouraged to divorce their spouse, because “God wants you to be happy.” However, some platitudes, though quite memorable, are not based on biblical truth. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this important topic.

Join Emerson and Jonathan this week for part 2 of My Response Is My Responsibility. In discussing this challenging but freeing topic they will look at the fact that no one can make a person disobey God, owning one’s responses, letting others off the hook and confronting others.

We possess a God given right to rule our own inner responses. No one can make us hate them. No one can force us to have contempt for them. That’s a choice we make. Others cannot make that decision for us. What brings a person to this place of freedom? How does a person discover their right to rule their inner response? It begins with subscribing to this axiom: My Response is My Responsibility. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic.

Though God commands the husband to love and a wife to respect, a strange twist might take place. A wife puts on respect for one reason: to get her husband to be loving. A husband puts on love solely to get his wife to respect him. One pastor wrote Emerson and shared his concerns fearing this very thing: that husbands and wives will manipulate each other when applying love and respect based on Ephesians 5:33.  Join Emerson and Jonathan this weeks as they discuss this topic. 

Join Emerson and Jonathan in Part 2 of this series as they examine four reasons someone might hate or be mad at God: Cursing when suffering, Hostile when disobeying, Hating when proven guilty, Raging when foolish. Does the Bible teach that people who claim to believe in God can hate God? Jesus said, “He who hates Me hates My Father also” (John 15:23). So according to Jesus, yes, people can hate God the Father. And for those of us who believe Jesus is God’s Son, people can hate the Son of God. The apostle Paul tells us that there will be “haters of God” (Romans 1:30). People who believe in God can hate God. You cannot hate someone you do not believe exists.  Don't forget to sign up for our Podcast 100 giveaway HERE. 

Does the Bible teach that people who claim to believe in God can hate God? Jesus said, “He who hates Me hates My Father also” (John 15:23). So according to Jesus, yes, people can hate God the Father. And for those of us who believe Jesus is God’s Son, people can hate the Son of God. The apostle Paul tells us that there will be “haters of God” (Romans 1:30). People who believe in God can hate God. You cannot hate someone you do not believe exists. Join Emerson and Jonathan over the next two episodes as they examine four reasons someone might hate God: Cursing when suffering, Hostile when disobeying, Hating when proven guilty, Raging when foolish.

We can feel stupid and wrong in our marriage. When we feel stupid and wrong in the marriage, we can draw conclusions about ourselves that are untrue in the eyes of God and react in ways that won’t remedy the pain, such as believing the lie (s) about ourselves or considering divorce. Our spouse will affect us emotionally but negative words cannot determine who God made us to be. We can begin to realize inner wisdom and the rightness about how we are living, even if a spouse refuses to acknowledge it. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic.

Are you in or have you come through a marital crisis? You could be the innocent victim with a wounded heart who experienced shock or the remorseful offender with a contrite heart who experienced shame. There could have been any number of reasons for the crisis. Typically, though, a crisis falls under one or more of what Emerson refers to as the six A’s: adultery, abandonment, abuse, addiction, adversity, and apathy. Your situation may involve something outside of those, but join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic and email Emerson regarding how you are making it through or made it through the crisis at story@loveandrespect.com, including if you are listening to this months or years after it was posted. There is an attached document in the show notes available for download to guide your thinking and email.  Email Crisis Guide

Some people live in fear that as they seek to apply the Love and Respect message their spouse will not respond in like manner, and then when that happens it confirms their fears. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this important topic.

Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss Emerson's most recent book, Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, a book that Emerson sees as an encyclopedia of information that a mom can turn to during various moments of conflict with her son. In this episode three topics are discussed: The Message of Respect is unique compared to the message of love; The Outcome of Respect is unique according to mothers; and The Thirst for Respect is unique in boys compared to girls.

This week Emerson and Jonathan look at the behavior of a husband who bullies. There are many things that hurt and frustrate wives but there is a type of female who emails Emerson with this complaint: "I must stuff my feelings, keep my mouth shut, and do as he says." While some wives who write this type of email may be overreacting or misrepresenting the facts, despotic husbands exist who roar commands at their good willed wives. Their excessive and unloving decrees leave their wives feeling hurt, frustrated, confused, and worthless. Join Emerson and Jonathan as they discuss this topic.

In this week's episode Emerson and Jonathan look at a specific example of a husband and wife disagreeing on how they should approach their son, where the husband is reporting significant frustration. Taking the position that mothers and wives are never mean-spirited in such situations but that they truly care, Emerson discusses how her fears and care have unintended consequences toward the good willed husband.

Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss 19 simple, yet sometimes difficult to do, principles from the Love and Respect message. From monitoring your thoughts and feelings in interactions with your spouse, to what to say and do, practicing a few of these can improve your marriage.  

Some husbands are hyper-sensitive to anything that strikes them as disrespectful. They overreact to their good willed wives who do not intend any such disrespect. Sadly, these men read disrespect into her every question, concern, or disagreement. Some husbands are just sensitive to undeserving disrespect. Though they humbly appeal to their wives to halt the rudeness toward them as men, husbands and fathers, these women claim the husbands are overly sensitive. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this important issue.  See episode 088 to hear this topic as it pertains to wives.

Typically speaking, most husbands are assured of their wives love. Women are virtuous and excellent caregivers. Because of a wife’s loving and nurturing nature few men have an undercurrent of curiosity and insecurity about a wife’s love. Women love to love, and men know this.  However, with many wives there is an undercurrent of curiosity and insecurity that they possess in their souls that their husbands do not possess: “Does he really love me as much as I love him?” Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic. Husbands: If you use this information against your wife, claiming she is hyper-sensitive, and you say it in an unloving way, then you are in the fact the insensitive one.

In Part 3 of this series on dating Emerson looks back briefly at becoming a mature person and looking for a mature person but that for Christians a third component is needed, Doing God's Will As a Couple.  When we do not have a purpose beyond ourselves, we end up focusing only on ourselves.  When we do not think of something bigger than ourselves, we will only think of ourselves. When nothing is more important than ourselves, than we alone are important. However, when we fight for something bigger than ourselves, we fight with each other less! That may not be the most noble of reasons to follow Christ but it certainly leads to marital satisfaction!

Emerson and Jonathan continue this three part series on what leads to a successful marriage. In Part 1 they looked at being a mature person.  In Part 2 they look at finding a mature person. This three part series is perfect for anyone who is dating or unmarried, but also for anyone who knows someone that is. Additionally, do you have children or plan on having children? This can help you in your conversations with them about marriage.

This three part series is perfect for anyone who is dating or unmarried, but also for anyone who knows someone that is. Additionally, do you have children or plan on having children? This can help you in your conversations with them about marriage. In thinking about his own daughter's upcoming marriage Emerson composed his thoughts on preparing for marriage, which includes being a mature person, looking for a mature person, and being motivated by Christ's mission as a couple. 

Does God intend to direct our steps to one and only one person that He designed from eternity past to be our soul-mate? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss the topic of a soul-mate. Whether you are a person looking to get married or have been married for many years but think you married the wrong person, this episode will provide insight.

Drawing upon principles of the Crazy Cycle Emerson responds separately to a wife and to a husband about two different issues.  He helps them understand that they need to approach their spouse with love and respect, which is an issue, while still addressing the topic at hand. This episode will help listeners discern what really is the issue when an issue is being discussed.

A husband wrote, “My wife and I have been married for almost two years. . . . Our disagreements are centered on her emotional outbursts and my lack of emotion. . . .  I do love the emotion my wife has and I know God has us together to love and respect each other as we seek to glorify him, but I struggle when my wife justifies some behavior as her uncontrollable emotional reaction. I am not looking for something to condemn her with, instead I would like your viewpoint on how one best handles this type of ongoing disagreement.” Emerson responds in this week's episode.

Over the years Emerson has received hundred of emails regarding affairs, often from the betrayed spouse asking what they should do.  Both Emerson and Jonathan have also listened to countless stories of infidelity as they counsel individuals and couples. Join them this week as they explore a response Emerson wrote to a man who wondered if he was handling things correctly following an affair.  This message is applicable for husband and wife, both the betrayed and the betrayer.  

In this week's episode Emerson and Jonathan discuss a number of issues pertaining to playing the lotto and money.  Here are some of the topics: two types of people who buy lotto tickets; the addicted poor; lovers of money or lovers of God; wandering from the faith; and what are people's true beliefs.

Is it true that what is wanted in a person is for this individual to be friendly, generous, and considerate? Yes. Proverbs 19:22 states, "What is desirable in a man is his kindness." Why is this a desirable trait? People know they will respond to a kind individual. Kindness motivates people to act. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss the topic of kindness.

From third grade to eighth grade Emerson was overweight. He wore Husky pants. His legs rubbed together when he ran. His belly hung over the front of his pants. Sometimes people called him “fatty.” He would often cry. The Bible says, "Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” (1 Timothy 4:7–8). Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they talk about being resolute in the new year. 

Over time, two people can hurt, frustrate, confuse, and anger the other. She feels that her differing opinion and convictions do not matter to him as much as his own ideas matter. Or, he feels that his differing outlook and beliefs have little importance to her compared to how she feels about her views. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss how individuals begin to feel that their ideas do not matter and that they do not matter on the heels of another disagreement, but how they must guard against the 9 Ways to Fuel Disagreements Into a Feud.

Some of us need a filter on our speech when we communicate. When we lack a filter we undermine our effectiveness in communicating with people. With whom we communicate falls into three groups: family and friends, coworkers and neighbors, or acquaintances and strangers. This filter consists of asking three questions before communicating: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss an important topic.

Though a person appears to be unloving and disrespectful, to the point where I even feel unloved and disrespected, could I have actually misinterpreted the appearance? When I feel offended by another, does that mean the other person is automatically an offensive person, or could I feel offended by something that in fact is inoffensive? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic.