Hug and a High Five

Politics: one of the hottest button issues every time families come together. Last year thanksgiving sparked extra emotions in our family and it taught us some valuable lessons about the reasons political conversations blow into such large proportions inside a family unit. We have found that those emotions don't necessarily come from the topic at hand but from a deeper place of misunderstanding. We hope you can glean some applicable advice from this story

This episode was originally recorded in the summertime - summer bod and all that. But if you're anything like me, my self-consciousness does not dwindle near the holidays. Everyone is coming together, dressing up, and eating so much food. While some of the metaphors involving bathing suits don't quite land, there is just as much to learn about loving however you look through the holiday season.

We have found that having an outside pair of eyes and ears, specifically those of a trained psychologist, continues to help both Mom and I through challenging sections of life. When things have become really rocky in our mom-daughter relationship, it is usually a sign that we each need to take a harder look at ourselves individually. Therapists help us do that. Here is our story about the first time Mom and I went through some therapy both together and individually and the way it bettered us. We also discuss the importance of having friends who act as "outside" eyes and help us take the perspective of another person. We offer gratitude to Madeline Levine, Ph.D., researcher, and author of The Price of Privilege, referenced in this episode.

Forgiveness is a tricky business. It is a vital practice, it takes practice; it includes both words and actions, and it is both an event and a process. And we're supposed to teach it to our kids?! Today we listen to a discussion Mom and I had a year and a half ago on the way she taught me to forgive and what I'm learning about forgiveness as a grow into an adult.Thanks to Julie Lythcott-Haims for her life-giving work in her new book: https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/your-turn and her book referred to in this podcast https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adultWe are also grateful for the work of Ted Tripp https://www.shepherdpress.com/products/shepherding-a-childs-heart/, who initially taught us so much about modeling forgiveness to our children as young parents.

Communication has many iterations but its principles remain the same. This week we listen back to the 2019 version of Ingrid and Vicki. Our lives were pretty different but the way we process information was much the same. We discuss the way we each make decisions and how that informs the way we talk to each other. As you listen, what can you learn about your own communication style?

Learning is often far more cyclical than it is linear - at that goes from relationships as well as timelines. This week we interview Gillian Fritszche, a director/writer/producer in the film and tv industry who also happens to be a lifelong friend to both Mom and Me. She tells her story of creating an adult relationship with her Mom and we get to learn from her experience and wisdom. There is something special, important, and celebratory about multi-generational friendship.

Everyone begins with their own point of reference: imagining the outlook of someone else based on their own experiences. So, one really helpful way to gain a more accurate picture of someone else's experience is simply to tell your own story and hear the other person's! Today Mom and I discuss what influces shaped us from college into young adulthood. Our values become evident through this conversation and that gives us a better understanding for each other. Whose persepctive can you take this week?

The transition out of childhood into co-adulthood is so so tricky. Two years ago we revealed what was difficult about communicating through college. Listening back to it, it's easy to tell that we still had a lot to learn about sharing with each other lovingly. I have no doubt we'll listen back to THIS episode in two more years and think the same thing. Progress is progress and family progress is always worth celebrating!

After three weeks of talking about parenting your kids, we ask once again, "How do you do that for your grown-up daughters??" Communication between grown-ups has unique challenges. The transition from Mom/Kid to Mom/Adult is pretty uncharted waters. This week we discuss helpful, applicable tactics for offering feedback to your mom, or to your young adult, taking into consideration the possible minefield of offense. Learning how to talk about hard things is vital for your relationship. It is very worth it. We hope you find these tips helpful!

In our last week with Nellie Harden, it's time to put these parenting tools into action! Nellie shares some practical stories for how she gives her kids the chance to hold their weight in the family and support her as much as she supports them. Relational Goals are just as effective as the goals you set for your business; it's almost like Family is just one big team project.

Week 2 with Nellie Harden! This week's lesson is on self-leadership. How often do people move out of Mom's house and look around for the next person to give them direction - but the 'next person' is you! Nellie teaches us how to cultivate self-sufficiency in our kids so that they are prepared to leave the house after 6,570 days of childhood (ages 1-18). Listen in!

Meet Nelli Harden: mom, entrepreneur, family, and parenting coach! She has a business and a podcast called the 6570 Family project and we had the honor of talking to her for a whole three episodes! This first episode introduces the concept of the proverbial "bag" of tools your child will take with them when they leave home. They're going to leave with certain skills and values - might as well be intentional about that those are! Nellie is encouraging, empowering, and such an expert. Check her out! https://www.nellieharden.com/

It is back to school season! Even if you've grown out of schooling, transitions in and out of seasons of life continue to pose relational challenges. Is it worth it re-state expectations that seem obvious to you? (always, YES). This week we reflect on how to back to school expectations changed throughout the growing-up years and we look for consistent communication skills that built the foundation for our ever-changing lives. Happy Back to School season!

Ingrid has lived a quarter-century! This year she gained a new best friend, a boyfriend, and some really valuable lessons in leadership and entrepreneurship. In this episode, we give some life updates and reflect on how far Ingrid has come since you began listening to her post-collegiate journey 3 years ago. Happy Birthday, Ingrid! Here's to year 26!

When things feel hard, it's easy to feel frustrated or even decide your situation is a lost cause. “My daughter just doesn't make time for me.” “Mom doesn't get me at all anymore; so annoying.” “I'm bored with my food or my closet or my schedule.” Creativity can be the answer! To be honest, every time we try something new or come at our situation from a new direction we are being creative! This week we wrap up our series on creativity by looking deeper at John Cleese's book “Creativity: a short and cheerful guide” - the book we've quoted all month. We hope you're as encouraged by it as we were!

Arguably the number one place we must constantly be creative is in communication with each other. My daughter doesn't look like she's comprehending what I just told her?...better try again a different way. That's creativity! And what a positive way to view all those attempts at communication we make every day. This episode is all about how to reframe rifts in communication as opportunities to be creative! Join us in reframing!

Have you ever felt pressured to be the "creative parent?" Keep your kids interested! No two meals are the same! -- In the world of mommy blogs and Pinterest, that part of Creative Living can feel pretty high stakes. Here is your sign to chill. Yes, we need to think outside the box when it comes to staying present and connected with those around us. But it's not up to you to deliver life to your child on a silver platter! Instead, it's actually to their benefit to invite them into the routines that make life sustainable. That's what we talk about today. Listen in!

Today we talk to a member of the most 'creative generation yet.' How do Gen-Z-ers think about creativity? Does social media affect your creativity? Audrey is remarkably wise at 18 years old and I found her thoughts really compelling. Her highlighted point: creativity takes courage and humility. Community, Audrey says, can facilitate better creativity. Be brave and diligent. Creativity isn't polished. It's about willingness. Listen in to other nuggets of wisdom from the next generation.

Creativity. Let our next topical series begin! Can you be creative without messing with your whole world of consistency? Today we being to brainstorm that question. Creativity is not just about art - although we do love art. Where else in our lives is creativity deceptively important: communication? recipes? gardening? Where else? join us at this beginning of our quest to understand creativity better and invite it more consistently into our lives. Also-- we'll review John Cleese's book Creativity in a couple of weeks so pick it up and join us if you'd like!

We've traveled from High School graduation all the way through those first awkward jobs post-college. What about that elusive, classic 'career?' What does that even mean? How can Mom be supportive as Daughter finds it? What if Daughter never finds it? What about Mom looking for a second career? This week we discuss personal stories to try to answer these questions. The biggest takeaway: listen to the heart of the other person. Be just as interested in them as you want them to be in you. That goes for just about everything and it certainly will help the quest for a meaningful career!

High School is long gone, those first few summer jobs are under your belt, and College is DONE! Now what? The expectations post-grad are often high and so is the stress level. In this episode we deconstruct as many of those stress points as we can — and, of course, we give tips on how to navigate the mom and daughter relationship through it. The Curmudgeon's Guide to Getting Ahead by Charles Murray

The college decision process is always a stressful one. Particularly between parent and child. In this episode we talk through our personal experience with this tricky relational transition and offer advice accordingly. If you want to skip to the pièce de rèsistance of advice go to minute 21!

Happy Father's Day!! Dad is our guest! Rick (Dad) shares what he has learned about being a dad past the classic 'dad-of-young-girls' stage. How did Dad learn to love his daughters and celebrate them well while still letting them fly the coup? How do Mom and Dad collaborate (and work through arguments) on parenting? Dad spills all the beans. Listen in!

One of the first big milestones in young adulthood is that first Job Search! As usual, it starts to easily intertwine with parental relationship. How did Mom feel when I looked for my first job? What did we fight about? What have we learned? (You're in luck, we answer ALL those questions in this week's episode -- and more!)

Do PTA Moms fight because they're respective kids aren't getting along? Or do kids fight because they've seen their moms be cold with each other? Chicken or the egg? Either way, we all know emotions run high in the PTA. Listen in to hear our stories about how to be discerning and kind.

What do you do when your daughter starts gossiping? She's sharing with you. It feels good to be included in her life. How do you enjoy this openness without getting too whipped up inside her world of opinions? Or, maybe she's the target of someone else's gossip. How do you wrangle your Mama-bear rage enough to comfort her and find a diplomatic solution? This week, we answer all those questions. We also reference our Bullying Episode: https://www.himompodcast.com/listen-chronologically/episode/a3b56b83/bullying

The mom-daughter relationship never stops. So many Moms who are sending their daughters into adulthood are also finding that they must become caretakers to their own Moms. You become sort of "in-between." Today a listener, Nicola, shares her experience living with her elderly mother. Need some honesty, clever advice, and heartwarming anecdotes? THIS is the episode for you.

Special Thanks to Brittany for making this episode possible! After a year of living back at her parents' house through the pandemic, she shares with us some of her advice. How DO you live with your mom once you're an adult? How do you draw boundaries? How to you find joyful connections? We learned so much from Brittany's wisdom, listen in!

Happy Mother's Day! This year we are specifically blessing many different types of Moms. You all define what it means to be Mom so beautifully. We reference some of our favorite characters as a guide for different types of Moms - none of them are perfect. Just like none of us are perfect. But we can still identify with them. Here's a list- Marmee (Little Women), Ma Ingalls (Little House on the Prairie), Fran Fine (The Nanny), Mama (All of a Kind Family), Mother (Ramona and Beezus), Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Mary Jackson (Hidden Figures), Rainbow Johnson (Blackish) and Mrs. Brown (Paddington).

Ingrid dyed her hair and all of a usdden she didn't know who she was anymore - well, maybe it wasn't quite that extreme, but it was close. Today we talk about how much we rely on our physical appearance to communicate for us. And how do we learn to trust the history of our relationships when we aren't feeling confident in ourselves? Have you ever felt totally misrepresented by your physical appearance? Tell us the story: talk@himompodcast.com

You've raised your daughter to respect their authority figures, especially you. But now that she's grown up, what do you do when you'd still like to ask something of her? What is the difference between respect and obey? We just went through this in our own lives last week. So we debriefed it on the pod to share our conversation with you. It's blunt but it's helpful. For us anyway, hopefully for you too! Ross Green book: Raising Human Beings https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Human-Beings-Collaborative-Partnership/dp/1476723761

Every. Single. Mom. has asked this question. First off, hear us loud and clear- the answer is YES! You are doing plenty right. Now let's talk about why we start to feel this way through parenting and what we can do to encourage ourselves and each other. Take it from this grown-up daughter, we appreciate you and love you even when we don't know how to show it.

What sustained us through this year of Pandemic? What have we learned? What do we wish to take into our future? Mom and I found many ‘helpers’ this year. Here’s a shortlist of references:David Kessler’s Sixth Stage of Grief https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Meaning-Sixth-Stage-Grief/dp/1501192736Harry Potter and the Sacred Texthttps://instagram.com/hpsacredtext?igshid=1bxn8cjbt8h6jJohn Green’s podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-anthropocene-reviewed/id1342003491Burnout, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/BurnoutEmily-Nagoski-PhD/1129246645?ean=9781984817075Hank Green’s Covid Processing Charthttps://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/1sQZpOTr1LGxvkLIwMboqleBXY77ego51?usp=sharing

Faith Series Part 3. In this episode, we discover just how important Patience is to both faith and relationship. We share some vulnerable stories from our own past arguments and insecurities and we learn from them. Here we also quote Beth Moorehttps://www.instagram.com/bethmoorelpm/Fuller Youth Institute https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/search?q=§ion=all&category=emerging-adulthoodAnd Erickson’s Stages of Development https://www.pinterest.com/pin/9148005484425908/visual-search/

Faith Series Part Two! Tweens and Teens. After the wonder-filled childhood years it can be a rude awakening with the tweenagers begin to grapple with the more complex world around them. It can also be hard to know how to keep their trust as they question - and as you question. Today we explore the freedom that comes from admitting you don't have all the answers. Woof. Come be courageous with us, take a listen.

Deep stuff about how faith and parenting inform each other today. Tell us what you thought about it by rating us on iTunes, please! According to our conversation, we really ought to rename this episode "Directing the Faith Your Child Naturally Has" or alternatively "Your Child Instilling Faith In You." We reference Tedd Trip's program Shepherding A Child's Heart https://shepherdingtheheart.org/ and Dr. Justin Barrett's book Born Believers https://www.amazon.com/Born-Believers-Science-Childrens-Religious/dp/1439196540

How does it feel to rebuild the bridges that are burned in the college years? It's natural for teenagers to be hyper-critical of their parents. And it's just as usual for the parent to just feel punched in the gut by that lack of gratitude and understanding. How do you come back from that? We talk about how we are doing it in this episode! - plus, circle back to episode 20 which we reference as a guide from a grandmother looking over multiple generations of her parenting.

Early spring is the time to start looking ahead to next year's school year! Crazy right? School poses specific challenges and opportunities at every age. Today we talk about school for kindergarteners, the school of life as an adult, and everything in between. It turns out, those things that helped you get ready when you were 5 still apply. We reference John Medina's book Brain Rules in the ep.Follow us on Instagram for more highlights from this week's conversation! https://www.instagram.com/himompodcast/

Hi Listeners! Big new - we are changing the name of our podcast! It'll be the same Ingrid and Vicki conversations like always, we just want to focus in a little more specifically on Mom/Daughter content. Our new name is...Hi Mom, Let's Talk!Doesn't that just make a lot more sense for us? Next Week our logo will be changing on all platforms! Head over to instagram right now to see what our new artwork looks like; and look for us in your feed next Wednesday, March 3 - new and improved!Instagram: himompodcasthttps://www.instagram.com/p/CLr9E2KA5L_/

OoofPossibly the number 1 elephant in the family room is drastically differing political beliefs. It's messy. It often instigates arguments. Why does it get everyone heated so fast?Recently, a political argument in our own family led us to explore just what is behind these raw emotions and easy-to-pick fights? In many places, politics may actually be the side effect to a deeper issue. Listen to us discover that in this episode!

In a holiday season that will forever be marked by smaller gatherings and hours-long zoom calls, verbal communication is all we've got. Every year we tackle the cocktail of emotions that come with gathering as a family for various holiday celebrations, but this year is even more unique.In this episode we tell stories of communication gone wrong. And then we analyze it. What can we learn from past experience? Can I extend grace to myself and those who know how best to push my buttons? How does that translate to Zoom Calls?Join us. And SHARE with us, if you'd like! What is your main strategy for prepping for the holidays? Email: hugandahighfive@gmail.com

Have you ever looked back and just laughed at who you thought you'd become - because who you are now is just wildly different, and of course more authentic to you? I did recently. And then I realized how much the movies and tv shows played into that expectation.Today we look at the media that gave us false expectations about ourselves or our future; and the shows that are remarkably accurate to life. What were your favorite movies growing up? How did they shape you?

Ready, set, READ! Do you remember your journey to becoming a reader? For many people, this journey is rocky and arduous. Today Ingrid and Vicki talk about their work helping young learners become readers, a particular passion of theirs’. Vicki has worked as a learning specialist for years, including helping Ingrid move past her dyslexia when she was in kindergarten and first grade. This brainiac episode dives into the neuroscience of literacy and the explicit, strategic steps people walk through to become proficient readers. Special thanks to mentors on this journey:Jill Stowell, Vicki’s inspiration and original guide into diverse learning:https://stowellcenter.com/https://www.learningrx.com/ & https://www.pacelearningskills.com/ for the continuing education and excellent programs.

"Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again" --- Did you know someone had to TEACH you this skill? Resilience doesn't always come naturally. Turns out, in the classroom, at home, with your young daughter, with the kids you babysit; it is important to practice Trying Again. In this episode, we discuss tips for communicating with your young child. How to set expectations and how to stay encouraged when things get hard.Below are all the resources we mention in the podcast!Carol S Dweck's book mindset: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40745.MindsetMaslow's Hierarchy of Needs:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/our-hierarchy-needsDr. Ross Green - Lives in the Balancehttps://www.livesinthebalance.org/

What song do you wake up singing? What songs from childhood do you still sing? How do you acquire new music, and how have your musical tastes shifted through the years?Ingrid and Vicki consider all these questions on this episode, Music Through Our Lives.

This week, we chronicle our favorite foods to eat - for every occasion.What to do when guests invite themselves to dinner (in a non-pandemic situation)?!How can dinner time become an intentional parenting moment?How do we get out of these quarantine slumps?It's not like we're here with all the answers, but maybe our ideas will give you some new ones!

“The consent that isn’t enthusiastic, or the emotional erosion is what really hit home with me as something that we need to continue to label as harassment.” Have you ever had someone speak over you? Or someone not take your opinion at face value? Have you been faced with a person who brings up a subject over and over to argue their own point?In this episode, Ingrid and Vicki discuss interpersonal boundary erosion that can lead to harassment. This topic was prompted by a video training Vicki took regarding interpersonal violence.

"How did you get up the courage to say "Yes" to Dad for what you knew would be the rest of your life?" Ingrid asks Vicki questions about dating and marriage after she notices young women like her spouting cliches that feel insincere. "It just feels different." "You guys were meant for each other." ...How does that actually play out in a way that makes marriage feel like the exciting, natural next step. This is also one of our first conversations on the subject while Ingrid is single. (turns out, this is way easier to talk about when there isn't questions about ulterior motives or reading into current relationships) We just get to talk it out!

Life has been pretty routine for five months in our lives during quarantine. However, this episode we have a fun, new development to share. An in-person, onsite commercial shoot for a healthcare company came Ingrid’s way. Hear what surprised her on this first-of -it’s-kind event for Ingrid.

"Does this shirt make me look?..."Who knows how to push our insecurity buttons more than anyone else: our family. oof. This week we discuss how our relationship has affected the way we think about ourselves. Turns out weight changes with hormones. Living in LA raises the "prettiness pressure"...or does it? Maybe it's less about our outside pressures after all. The main question is: How can we be uplifting in a relationship that often makes body confidence worse? For more info and encouragement-BMI isn't a real measurement with Wholly Healedhttps://www.whollyhealed.com/holistic-care-for-whole-humans/2017/09/26/6-health-myths-you-believe-that-are-slowly-killing-you-part-2?rq=bmiChange your mindset with Dr. Dan Siegelhttps://www.drdansiegel.com/about/mindsight/

This book by Gayle Tzemach Lemmon is an inspiring and challenging true story. We discuss oppression and privilege quite a bit. These kinds of conversations show differences in our beliefs and open space for healthy discussion. That's pretty difficult for mother-daughter sometimes. We don't get everything right here. How do you feel about each of our perspectives? What did we get wrong? Where are we at least on the right track? Honestly we'd love to hear from you. hugandahighfivepodcast@gmail.com