Marriage Doesn't Suck

8 pieces of advice given to us either about our relationship or on money that we ignored. Some of them we were right in ignoring them while others we were wrong. Here are the 8 things we ignored, but listen to the full episode to find out the stories behind all of them!1. Don't go to college with your high school sweetheart.2. Don't get married in your early 20s.3. You should date some more people before you "settle down."4. You should go down to one car/you shouldn't go down to one car.5. Start investing right away.6. Pay yourself rent while you live for free.7. Keep your credit card for emergencies and the rewards.8. Don't quit your job. On that last point, we recommend the book Quitter by Jon Acuff if you're thinking about quitting your job and how to do it!Finally for our date night idea, grab Codenames Duet for a fun game to play as a couple. It takes teamwork and good communication!

Tomorrow is Ashley's birthday so she's solo today to talk about her 5 favorite items. These are things that have changed the way that she views life or items that make her every day life easier, healthier, or safer. Anndddd one completely fun, indulgent item!1. About Time (her all-time favorite movie!)2. Ninja Blender3. Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist4. Trekz Titanium bone conduction headphones by Aftershokz5. FujiFilm InstaxGo wish her a happy birthday on instagram @marriagedoesntsuck or on our facebook group!

Does anything change when we get married? For many us, we probably say no. So we started to wonder, why are people still getting married? What does marriage mean to people outside of the legally binding document with the government?In this episode, we dive into a study done by the Pew Research Center that they conducted in 2019 about marriage and cohabitation in the US. Find the full study and information here: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/ We looked at our own views of the reasons we've seen why people might choose to get married and also at the study. Some of the results were surprising, while others were predictable. In this thought-provoking episode, you'll start to wonder what the reasons for marriage were for many people. Was is just out of love? Is a formal commitment still important to people? Many still choose to get married out of spiritual and religious beliefs while others may adhere to some societal pressures and statuses. Mark and Ashley talk about the reasons they cited to get married and how that's changed over the last 10 years.What we found most interesting from the study were the feelings of trust and satisfaction of married people versus people who were simply living together. AND, does marriage make any difference to a relationship in the long-run? When we're in our 60s and have been married for 40 years, will the marriage have any significance over cohabitation with our partners for 40 years?Our actionable step for you this week is to join the conversation with us on our Facebook group at Marriage Doesn't Suck. Read the full study for more information. And for your date night, get some poster board or just some plain white paper and start drawing out a blue print of your dream house. We did this a few weeks ago and it was lots of fun and very insightful in what is important to us when it comes to our home. Have fun!

Dry spells and ruts are inevitable in a relationship, but we have found seven ways that help us avoid those pitfalls and stay connected through the mundane moments of life. Here are the 7 things we do whether things are really good or we feel a little distant from each other to keep our marriage strong:1. We go to bed at the same time!2. We eat dinner together every night. 3. We keep a marriage notebook where we write letters to each other back and forth.4. We go for walks together! 5. We have a Q&A journal where we answer and discuss new questions every night.6. We have learned and speak each other's love languages. 7. We make goals and dream together. We go into so much more depth on each of these steps throughout the episode so we encourage you to dive in and find a new way to stay connected with your spouse!Check out The Couples Activity Book by Crystal Schwanke with 70 Interactive Games to Strengthen Your Relationship. This is our book recommendation AND date idea for this week! It includes several different conversations, games, and activities that can change it up from your normal routine and connect with each other in a new a different way.Also, if you're looking to start your own marriage notebook, try this one with some nice writing pens! Here's a link to the Q&A journal that we use and there are so many more options out there. Finally, check out the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman for some bonus reading this week!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion  and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

BONUS EPISODE: 5 Ways to Save Money FastToday's Friday Five is 5 things we're really into. In any given season in someone's life, there are usually a few things that occupy their thoughts and get really excited about. And those things can change quickly. This is one of Ashley favorite questions to ask someone to find out what's on their mind or what they get really excited about in the current season. What's something you're really into right now? Share with us in our facebook group!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Ashley and Mark discuss their biggest date fails. After 16 years of dates, there are bound to be some that went miserably. Hopefully they left you with a good story to share at your next dinner party. Remember, bad dates don't define your relationship, but shape the story of your lives together. This is a light-hearted episode where we get to laugh and share our experiences that didn't go quite as we had planned.Check out the movie Date Night starring Steve Carrell and Tina Fey, which our episode's quote came from. This movie can be a fun way to laugh about your own terrible dates and have a night to relax. It would mean a lot to us if you wrote a review for us and gave us a rating! Sharing a screenshot to social media would be awesome in spreading the word! Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Can your relationship sustain a child? How do we really know if we're ready for kids? Are we ever really ready? What things should we have in place before kids arrive on the scene? All of these things are the talking points of today's episode!Culture will tell you that you need to have a job, a house, and the right car before you have kids. We're here to suggest that maybe those things aren't the most important. If the bones of your relationship are strong, then the other things will fall into place. But it might not work the other way around. A solid job, your dream home, and the safest car isn't going to make you a great parent. But being on the same team with your spouse will make you a great parent. One way that we knew we were ready for kids was the emptiness that we felt when the holidays came around. We felt like something was missing. It also helped that we had been together for over 8 years and married for 2 before a baby came along. We were really solid in our relationship and felt ready to take on the challenges of parenting. A baby will stretch your relationship. Make sure it's ready to weather the storm!It would mean a lot to us if you wrote a review for us and gave us a rating! Sharing a screenshot to social media would be awesome in spreading the word! Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

BONUS EPISODE: 5 Ways to Save Money FastToday's Friday Five is 5 ways to save money fast. Earlier this week we talked about how we cut up our credit cards 4 years ago and one way that we were able to do that is by having an emergency fund. And you need cash stashed away to have that cushion. Here are some quick ideas of how you can save some of that money really fast!What's one of your favorite ways to save money? Share with us in our facebook group!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

But the rewards! Your credit score! How can you manage?! That's a terrible decision!Almost 4 years ago we cut up our credit cards and never looked back. In this episode we talk about why we said goodbye to our reward points, stopped worrying about our credit score, and started using cash. That decision accelerated us in how we were winning with money; ie, getting our of debt, growing our investments, and being able to give more generously.This was a big and tough decision for us. Ashley had used a credit card for 12 years before deciding to cut them up and she LOVED it. She was a huge defender of credit card! We paid off our card every month, never carried any debt, and enjoyed the cash rewards. To us, it seemed like a no-brainer. We were beating the credit card companies at their own game.After almost a full year into starting to enact Dave Ramsey's principles, we finally decided to go all-in and try cash instead of credit cards and it totally changed the way we handle money. We found that we spent less (even though we were being SUPER STRICT!!!), we were able to plan ahead and get our money straight at the beginning of the money rather than cleaning up any messes at the end of the month, and our wealth started growing much faster.We talk about ways we avoided emergencies, like what if your car breaks down and you don't have the money on hand to pay for it. What happens to your credit score? And why we would possibly want to give up those "free rewards."Check out Love Your Life Not Theirs by Rachel Cruze. We'd love to hear if you tried out our date night that we recommend - give your partner $1000 monopoly cash and give them a menu of choices that they can spend their money on. Back massage, $300. Charcuterie board, $200. Watching their favorite movie, $150.It would mean a lot to us if you wrote a review for us and gave us a rating! Sharing a screenshot to social media would be awesome in spreading the word! Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Different, unknown, and met expectations can be a huge source of tension and strife within a relationship. They are a symptom of poor communication. Unmet expectations are something we ALWAYS hear about when it comes to problems within a relationship.Here's a few examples: how much time each partner spends at work versus quality time as a couple or with the family. Who's going to cook and what they're going to cook. Responsibilities when it comes to children. Sex: how often and how adventurous. Who's getting up in the middle of the night with the newborn? Things around the house like cleaning up after yourself, sharing household chores, etc.We often have different expectations from each other because we grew up differently. We end up having different priorities than the other people because we're just DIFFERENT PEOPLE. And that's okay! But how can we communicate our expectations and then also meet the expectations of our partner?In this episode we talk about important things to remember when communicating your expectations. First of all, do they even know? Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself how can YOU help the situation instead of shifting it completely to the other person? We want to encourage you to meet your partner in the middle and come to a compromise. We should WANT to meet our partner's expectations. Serving them and loving them is a blessing to them and to ourselves. And it's only going to strengthen our marriages. Being able to communicate your needs and also being able to hear your partner's needs can put you on a successful path to a strong and healthy marriage!Check out What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage by Paul David Tripp. AND be sure to download our "Tell Them How You Really Feel" PDF for your next date night. This will be a great way to open the lines of communication and get on the same page when it comes to loving each other better. You can download the PDF by visiting our website.It would mean a lot to us if you wrote a review for us and gave us a rating! This is our 10th episode and any help along the way to promote and share our podcast is hugely helpful! Sharing a screenshot to social media would be awesome in spreading the word! Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

BONUS EPISODE: 5 Mistakes We Made While DatingToday's Friday Five is 5 mistakes we made while we were dating. We dated for 6 years before we got married and here are some things that we really messed up on. Thankfully over time and growing up, we've managed to rectify (most) of these mistakes and have only grown stronger because of them!What's something you wish you knew before you got married?Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Autopilot. Tunnel vision. The mundane. How often do you find yourself stuck on these instead of joyfully, playfully, intentionally loving and laughing with your partner? How often do you revisit those feelings at the beginning of your relationship and lean into them from time to time?Today's episode is all about embracing your youthfulness and keep that spark going in your marriage! Don't let committee meetings, 401k plans, and the looming meal plan steal the magic from your relationship. Let's face it, you're not ALWAYS going to have the butterflies. Things will change. The mundane will sink in. You have to feed the youthful fire. Be intentional about leaning into the playfulness. Find what makes you laugh and do more of that.Check out Love Does, by Bob Goff. It's a great, feel-good, whimsical-feeling book that'll make you want to seize the day! And after your old person date last week, this week we're recommending doing a YOUNG person date! Go to the food court and hit up the mini-golf course like the true 15 year olds you once were. Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Get ready to get intentional. It's a new year and time to upgrade your marriage! Athletes plan for the big championship game and we work all our lives to succeed in our careers, often planning for the end in mind, so why don't we do that with our relationships?Several years ago we took a course called the Family Mission Statement course where we made a plan for our family. We talked about our past, dreamt of our future, and made a plan of how to get there. In this episode we dive into importance of making a plan for your family. We discuss a little bit about how culture views family and marriage and what does that mean for us and our families?Then we dive into how to actually make the plan for your family moving forward. Remember, when we say family, this can mean for just you and your spouse or you two together with your children.Get out your pen and paper and get ready to take some notes! This is a not a microwave, one and done type of session. This is something that you're going to have to come back to time and time again. We hope that this episode gets you started on some conversations that will help you understand each other better, dream bigger, and make a workable plan on how to get there. The book we recommend, which is what much of this idea is based off of, is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen Covey. And for something fun to hopefully get you laughing, we recommend doing an old person date this week. After all, you're going to be growing old with this person, why not add that in to the mix while you are discussing this big things?!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

BONUS EPISODE: 5 GoalsToday's Friday Five is 5 goals that we made for the new year. Every year we make several goals in a few different categories. Some of the categories that we look at to direct our goals are physical/health, financial, family, marriage, mental health, and spiritual. Today we talk about 5 of those categories and give you some of OUR goals for 2021!Do you ever make goals? We'd love to hear what you're working towards this year!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Our relationship is as old as a sophomore in high school. In that time we somehow managed to find a technique that helps us instantly diffuse the tension when we're stuck in one of those hamster wheel-type arguments. Do you know those? Those arguments where no progress is being made, no one is listening and no one is hearing? Yeah, we have those too.In today's episode we give you one of our scenarios where we were never able to make traction in an argument. And how using an easy, soften-your-heart phrase diffused that tension for us and we were able to find some resolution. This phrase can help you build your relationship, deepen your bond and better understand each other. This is a time to set your pride aside, lower your weapon, and SHUT UP.This episode is great because we teach you ONE specific thing that you can do to really help your disagreements and start moving forward to a stronger marriage. It's so simple, yet so effective.This week's date idea is to go on a double date and have a game night. We're encouraging laughter and communication this week! Some games that we would recommend include Taboo and Monikers and they are both games that can build your communication skills with each other, both verbal and non-verbal!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

IN-LAWS. The family you inherited because you chose the partner you did. You didn't get to choose your family and you don't get to choose your partner's family. But somehow we need to figure out how to navigate those relationships.For the first ten minutes of the episode, we talk about our own advice for dealing with in-laws. As a recurring theme on our podcast, our first piece of advice is to be on the same team as your partner. Your partner becomes a higher priority than your parents or siblings after the wedding day. So the first person you need to go to bat for is your spouse.We recommend that when an issue does arise, each partner is responsible for discussing those issues with their own family. The husband should talk to his family and that responsibility should not land on the shoulders of the wife.It may also be helpful to remember that your partner is a sum of all the experiences of their life, including how their parents raised them, good or bad. Whether you like your in-laws or not, the experiences they provided for your partner made them who they are today and we can at least recognize that. Then we jump into questions and hard scenarios submitted by YOU our listeners and give you our advice on what WE do in those situations. We had tons of submissions and had fun going through the different scenarios. You'll notice that our advice usually stemmed back to our original three pieces of advice: married team comes first, the right person needs to talk to their own family, and remember their point of view.This week's date idea is to introduce your partner to something that you experienced as a child with your family. Our book recommendation this week is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. And finally, the actionable step is to send a note to your in-laws. You never know, it could really go a long way!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion  and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

BONUS EPISODE: 5 Fun Holiday ActivitiesToday's Friday Five is 5 fun married and/or family activities to do this week leading up to Christmas! These are all activities that we've done with each other or with our kids this month and thought we would pass them along to you!Did you do any of these activities together? If so, post a picture and tag us so we can see!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Which relationship is more important once kids enter the picture? The one with your kids or the one with your spouse? Once you become parents, it's more important than ever to keep your marriage a priority. We need to nurture and invest in our marriages for ourselves AND *FOR* our kids.Our quote for this episode is by Jim Burns, author of Creating an Intimate Marriage: "I'm convinced that a marriage of priority and integrity will be one of the best offerings you can provide for your children."We can continue to make our marriage a priority by creating boundaries with our children. They cannot dictate our time or schedule and we cannot let them monopolize the precious time we have with our partners. Think about the legacy that you can leave your children. They have a front row seat to your marriage and that is going to stay with them forever. Your children get to witness how you resolve conflict, how you speak to each other, how you love each other. Have you ever thought what your marriage will be like when your youngest child moves out of the house? What happens to that relationship if you've ignored it for a minimum of 18 years? You're probably going to be left with a stranger that you have to learn how to be alone with again. Make sure you invest the time in your marriage throughout your children's stay with you.Our actionable step for this episode is to check out the Gottman Love Decks app. They give great open-ended questions, prompts for appreciation, and new conversation topics that you can explore with your partner.A book recommendation for the ladies is "Love Unending" by Becky Thompson. This is a great read with wonderful actions to do each day to show your husband that you love him even when it feels like you're drowning in parenting and child responsibilities.We also have a giveaway this episode! We're giving away a gift card to a local restaurant near YOU so you can have a date night with your husband or wife! We love supporting small businesses and would also love to support you as you invest the time in your relationship. To enter, take a screen shot or selfie or you listening to this podcast and share it on Instagram or Facebook. Make sure you tag us so we see it! Winner will be announced on December 21st. Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

What is the conversation like about marriage while you meet at the water cooler at the office? Or with your lunch group, or your group of friends or even your family? Do you typically hear people talking positively about their marriage or spouses? Or do you find that the conversation drifts to complaints?In this episode we dive into a conversation about how we talk about our marriages or partners both in person and on social media. We dive into WHY we find it so easy to complain. And in contrast, we can find shots being fired if we ONLY post our highlight reels for social media. How do we strike that balance? And is there a toxic environment that you might be able to help shift?As in every episode, we end with an actionable step, a book recommendation (The Happiness Project by Grethchen Rubin), and a date idea. This week's date idea is to make homemade gourmet milkshakes as you discuss some of these ideas in the episode. You can grab our free PDF of our own gourmet milkshakes that we've tried at our website: http://marriagedoesntsuck.movedbyyouvideo.com/milkshakesPlease subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion  and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Welcome to our first BONUS and Friday Five Episode! Every other week we will have a Friday Five episode where it'll give you 5 quick things to invest in your marriage to give it a mini upgrade OR you'll just find out 5 fun things about us!Today's Friday Five is 5 things to ask your spouse this weekend! These are questions designed to get to know your partner a little more and deepen your relationship. At the end, we take a minute to answer these questions ourselves!Did you ask any of these questions to your husband or wife this weekend? Tell us, how did it go?!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Our culture values independence. We live in a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" society. "You can't rely on anyone but yourself." Dependence on the other hand is seen as a weakness. Something to be ashamed of. It's not a quality we often use a compliment.So how do independence and dependence work within a marriage? Can we still be independent individuals once we get married? Is there any benefit to dependence within a relationship? In this episode, we discuss some of these ideas and actually break down the pros of dependence within a marriage.PROS? Of being dependent?! Yes, you heard right! For one, you have someone to rely on. Someone to support you. It helps you feel more connected within your relationship. And, here's the big one, when you are in a healthy, dependence relationship, it actually helps you become more independent. YES, dependence can actually lead to greater independence. They work hand in hand. Find out exactly what we're talking about in our (In)Dependence podcast! Our book recommendation this week is "Love Sense" by Dr. Sue Johnson. Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

If you've been married for a couple of days, you've probably gotten into some kind of fight. Over the years there will be fights that are the short, snippy remarks throughout a mundane day. Then there are the bigger, value-based arguments that cut a little deeper and can last for days, weeks, or even years.As married couples we're not going to agree on everything. You should never go into marriage thinking that you'll never fight. Our goal with this episode is to give you some pointers to move your fighting away from battling each other towards a more productive way to fight TOGETHER towards a greater goal. Over 10 years of marriage we've taken slow and small steps to fight right in order to strengthen our marriage and not to just win an argument.In this episode we touch on some of the common pieces of advice that you hear: "Don't go to bed angry," or "listen before you speak." Then we go through some of our tried and true Marshley tips. These are some things that we do personally in our own relationship to turn surviving fights into a thriving marriage. As always, we've got an actionable step for you to do at the end of the episode along with a date idea! If you end up doing this idea, please share it with us! Our book recommendation is "From This Day Forward" by Criag & Amy Groeschel. Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

Money fights is a leading cause of divorce. Financial stress can be an incredible burden on a relationship. We get it. The two of you want different things. Maybe he bought something without discussing it with you or she's racking up the credit card debt without you ever really noticing. When you've got debt or disagree on where your money should go, things can start to crumble within the relationship.In Marriage & Money, we discuss some of the basics that have worked for us. In Ashley and Mark's marriage, finances is not something that we fight about but something that we dream about. Managing money has become a strength in our relationship and something that others have come to us for advice many times over the years. We started our marriage with $34k in debt but after working and dreaming together for many years, we are consumer debt free and making leaps and bounds on our financial goals.We want to dive deeper in future episodes about money and here's the perfect episode to get you started. Here's a general overview of how we view and handle finances within our marriage. And we answer the big question: DO YOU COMBINE FINANCES ONCE YOU'RE MARRIED?There's also a chance to win the book we recommend from this episode, The Total Money Makeover. You can enter the giveaway by subscribing to our email list on our website: https://marriagedoesntsuck.movedbyyouvideo.com OR by inviting someone to join our Facebook group, or tagging someone on Instagram!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.

We're Mark and Ashley. We're teammates, lovers, and investors in marriage. To us, marriage is exciting, rewarding, fun, inspiring, and definitely does NOT suck! We've been married for 10 years, are third generation high school sweethearts, and believe love stories can change the world! Join us on this journey as we cover topics like money, fighting, independence, parenting and faith. Come celebrate marriage with us!Please subscribe, share, and review our podcast to help others find this message. Join our facebook group to get in on more of the discussion and follow us on Instagram @marriagedoesntsuck.